Episode 218- Gender Roles or just Roles? Embracing Feminine Energy

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;31;10
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;11 – 00;00;58;17
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life, our life is. Best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay. Excuse me, ma’am, that’s where Rebecca usually sets up for the podcast.
00;00;58;17 – 00;01;19;14
Unknown
Who are you? Who I. Oh. Oh, it is you. Oh, wow. I haven’t talked to you in three weeks. I know it’s not good. I haven’t seen you in however long. I know. I just looked at the last podcast. I just looked down on my pants, and there’s wine all over them. Spikes is fine. It’s good. If that’s not just a little representation, I have a life to go.
00;01;19;17 – 00;01;45;15
Unknown
I got our pound for you. See, you got the ground. Got the time to bed. That’s good. I was going to have Scott come in today and sit in your seat like I know and be like, well, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! God, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to stop putting that shit on your dubs.
00;01;45;16 – 00;02;02;18
Unknown
I don’t want it near my neck. Well, there’s a lot of other parts of your body you can put. It should probably put them. You can put it on my ears. No, no, no, I smell it. You could put it right here. Like a like a you smell it like. It’s like a dirty Sanchez. Oh my God. Oh, it’s so bad.
00;02;02;19 – 00;02;31;08
Unknown
I love this so much. This is so. Course, your, hot disaster mess when you put on the grounding one. It’s like you’re anything but grounded. Whatever. The opposite of grounding is, you’re just slightly floating. This is so nice. I keep having a, Smells so bad. So good. Oh. So good. Pound pound pound. That is straight up that Christmas tree looking thing you put in your car.
00;02;31;10 – 00;02;55;10
Unknown
That. No. Yes. No, it is not. It is not. I keep having nerve pain right here in my. I don’t want to, right. I don’t want to hear it. So listen, I’m trying to relate with you. And so I have just a little bit of experience of nerve pain in my right boob, under boob, all the way back to my shoulder blade and up my neck.
00;02;55;12 – 00;03;28;03
Unknown
And, I can really relate and have a lot of sympathy for your shingles experience and the fire blaster. That is nerve pain. And I’ve only had it for like I don’t know 3 or 4 days now and I don’t like it. Imagine I imagine that experience into your ear. Constantly. That’s what I’ve been experiencing for three weeks, four weeks to the point where I literally googled can you have shingles without the rash.
00;03;28;05 – 00;03;47;14
Unknown
Apparently you can. You can. It’s just like it’s like a nerve residual thing. But mine is going, it’s the worst up here and it’s the worst in my hip and going down into my, in your buttock and my butt. Yeah. That’s that’s been months. Is that a trapped pain. I think so. I think so long as we remember from my buttocks incident.
00;03;47;18 – 00;04;13;02
Unknown
I know it’s anger, I know. No, I’m very clear. It’s anger, but I can’t, I can’t really I gotta I haven’t figured out how to release it yet. I gotta redo this text message I got from Renee this morning. What? it’s so funny. What? Okay. 8:53 a.m.. This is from Renee. Last night, on my way home from choir, I had to call the police because a man was on the corner swinging around his penis.
00;04;13;06 – 00;04;37;13
Unknown
What? I just didn’t want a kid seeing it. Just doing God’s work over here. What? So I went right back. Oh my God. What do you mean, swinging around? She’s like. I mean, his pants were down and he was swinging that puppy around to bring attention to it. The police asked if I wanted to press charges. I said, well, he’s probably mentally ill.
00;04;37;20 – 00;05;04;02
Unknown
And the police said, yes, he is. She said, I just want him to be safe. I can’t, I can’t. You. All I can imagine right now is on the corner. Someone doing the helicopter, I can’t. Oh my God. I feel bad that she had experienced that. That’s traumatizing. It is pure Rene, though. She’s like, okay. Yup, I saw that.
00;05;04;02 – 00;05;27;29
Unknown
That’s fine. Who am I here for? The kids. I want to make sure that the kids. Right. I want to make sure what I have done safe and locked. Get it up. do I get off? And take a picture of it, like, look what I just saw. That’s. You would have stopped. But the window down. Excuse me.
00;05;28;01 – 00;05;48;09
Unknown
I need to take a picture. Okay. That’s the type of threat. Oh, really? Get going over there. You’re doing a great job. Okay. And Corinna is just like. It’s about the kids. I want to make sure no kids are harmed. I mean, that’s Mary’s helicopter experience, that she is very sweet. And they’re like, would you like to press charges?
00;05;48;09 – 00;06;03;16
Unknown
Because, you know, that is indecent, indecent exposure and probably also some form of harassment, right? You can’t just expose yourself to people. You think she’s just like, he’s probably like.
00;06;03;19 – 00;06;24;23
Unknown
Yeah. If he wasn’t oh you know, then he’s more power to him. You know he’s he’s basically going to Burning Man. I mean, I mean, live your best life, buddy. Do what you gotta do. I got something else to share with us today. Has to do with this. Put some pause. Okay. Yes, I do, at some point. So, Scott, you got your paws.
00;06;24;29 – 00;06;40;16
Unknown
You got your horse, Scott. Of course. Okay, so his hand. This is my. Oh, yes. Everybody. Everybody’s got their paws. My paws as I’m water drip marks on it. Yeah, that’s that’s about 3.4 days. Yeah. Yeah.
00;06;40;18 – 00;06;59;03
Unknown
So, Kelly up the street gave me my birthday present, a couple days ago. Oh, is it April? Yeah. Say birthday in January, right? This is five years of my life that I actually miss you. Oh, no. I feel like an asshole. No, you were right on track. But Kelly, up the street, as she’s handing needs to me.
00;06;59;03 – 00;07;20;14
Unknown
She’s dying. She is cracking up. Okay. And I’m like, what? She’s like, I just get. I’ll wait for you to open the. Just like I had a lot bigger of an intention than than when it showed up. I thought, this is not going to work for what I thought. So it has to do with. Okay. I’m actually going to give you the experience of opening so that you can experience what I experienced.
00;07;20;17 – 00;07;43;14
Unknown
So this is my birthday present from Kelly of the street. Yeah. Get your face. I know, I’ve seen you put this on the cap, aren’t you? I’ve seen these online. Oh. They are. Got this many hands, daddy. Hilarious. Serious. Like they’re all in different. That one’s given the middle finger, right? That one’s just 2D. And this is the chef in the piece.
00;07;43;15 – 00;08;01;10
Unknown
Here’s the shocker. Oh, there’s the ones that you put on your fingers. Yeah, but you put them on the cap. What you do, you put them on your fingers. But she saw something on the TikTok. I saw a video of someone. This one. I know that one. Yeah. I’ll be a little fun with that one now, when it’s not fully developed.
00;08;01;17 – 00;08;20;04
Unknown
That one needs a little trim. Yeah. Let’s see. Oh, yeah. I’m serious. And so she’s like, I got these because I thought you could put them on the cat paws. Yeah. And, you know, like, he’d take little Sullivan’s paw and be like this. How many is given the the peace sign or whatever? So, then it has.
00;08;20;04 – 00;08;40;09
Unknown
I’m looking at them. I’m like, oh, yeah, that those are not going to fit. Those are. Those are supposed to fit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they’re made to finger. Look how tiny these are. Oh, you just squish it. Jesus. Paws would fit in minute. Just cram it in there. Oh! No way. Oh, yeah. This one is like. You got a fight, dude.
00;08;40;13 – 00;09;00;28
Unknown
For you. Rub it. Boom, boom. Oh, that’s did really realistic. I sure did. It sure did. Did I go to the cat show this weekend? Yes. Yes. Here’s the best part. It costs $30 to get in. And Taylor, because it’s like $10 a person. And Taylor decided at the last minute to go. But we went after dance, so we went for the last hour.
00;09;00;29 – 00;09;18;10
Unknown
Okay. Did I stand there looking for some money to pay? Yes. Did Taylor go? Mom, just walk in. Wow. Did we just walk in? Wow. Taylor was you, and you. I mean, I know, I know, I was like, what? She goes, mom. No one’s here. We’re going to be here for ten minutes. Look at the damn cat sprite.
00;09;18;12 – 00;09;36;16
Unknown
But pet a pet. what do you call that? The long haired one. Oh, yeah, they did not. I want to call it a meringue. That’s not what it is, man. That’s the big one they did. That’s a pie. Meringue pie. They did not have a hairless one. Oh, they did not. No, but it would have been funny if somebody had one of those paws, on their paws.
00;09;36;23 – 00;09;53;22
Unknown
But, yeah, I mean, these people are nuts. These people have perfume, they have hairdryers. I mean, they are like, oh, absolutely. All in cat perfume. Yeah. Like that. You want some of that don’t you. Look at that I love this. Look at this little guy. That’s the shocker. Nae nae nae. So we’re going to have a lot of fun with these.
00;09;53;24 – 00;10;10;28
Unknown
This one’s my favorite. Boom. This one. Boom boom. So these are supposed to go on the cat paws and she’s diet. She’s. You got to give me one to me. You gotta give me one to take which. There you go. The middle finger, guys. Places. Like. Are you going to try it on the cat? Yes. Which one should you give?
00;10;10;29 – 00;10;25;00
Unknown
This is a peace sign. Do you want the shock or the peace sign? Whatever you want to give me. And you know I’m going home and doing it immediately. Yeah, I know, I know, I’m not going to give you the one that, wasn’t fully formed. Thank you, thank you. Anything like that, I will give it back to you.
00;10;25;01 – 00;10;44;05
Unknown
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Is he is still. It makes everything me I like I like my hand back first. My hand. It is pretty funny. These are really hilarious. Yeah. So nailed it. So that’s fun. All right, why don’t you hit us with a card? You got a card today? They do? I wasn’t really feeling the energy, but this isn’t really.
00;10;44;05 – 00;11;09;08
Unknown
Yeah, I’m feeling a little blah, but this one’s called justice. Okay? And balance, which is also apropos. Okay. Oh, look at that little mermaid with a justice and a sword. A sword and a. What is that thing on a, like a balance? Oh, like the law firm? Yeah. Like justice. Justice signed the law firm. Oh, Pat Slagle has a tattoo of that on his.
00;11;09;08 – 00;11;29;15
Unknown
No, he does not. Yeah. Of his. Not of the mermaid, but of, the justice. I mean, good for him. He’s he just became a judge. I know, that’s amazing. I told him from now on, I call him Your Honor. Your honor, your honor. All rise. Yes, your honor comes in the house. All rise. So for the sake.
00;11;29;17 – 00;11;50;09
Unknown
For the sake of the rest of everyone in the world who doesn’t know what you’re talking about. Who’s this person? Oh, lady. A husband. I was rewatching whatever. Oh, thanks, Scott. We just assume people are with us all the time and know this stuff. Yeah, I was rewatching our podcast and the amount of times we have the exact same reaction is quite funny.
00;11;50;11 – 00;12;16;00
Unknown
It’s quite funny. Yeah. Okay, so let’s stream balance. A decision will be made and provided you have acted fairly in the past, it will go in your favor. This can relate to a legal claim, a decision at work, or a relationship or family matter. When justice appears, you can expect to find out the truth of the situation. Through this you will find healing and closure.
00;12;16;03 – 00;12;34;10
Unknown
The card can also reveal that you may need to make a decision, weighing up your options to find a fair and balanced way forward. True justice is restorative, so the card suggests that you will feel vindicated and stronger within yourself. An additional meaning is that your spirit guides and angels are supporting you in your life’s path. Numerous meanings right?
00;12;34;13 – 00;12;54;26
Unknown
So here’s the advice. Take a practical approach. If you need to make a decision, go with what is realistic rather than idealistic. Not not good at that. The solution doesn’t need to be perfect, it just has to be workable. If a decision that affects you is made by others, accept it is the best that they can do at this time.
00;12;54;28 – 00;13;18;25
Unknown
I’m telling you, I know the minute that you started talking about that, I was like, yep, now you know, this is the second time in two weeks that the legal situation has come up. I’m not going to talk about the card that I first picked. Why? What was that one? It was victory from last time, and I put it back in because I didn’t want to repeat I can’t.
00;13;18;27 – 00;13;37;04
Unknown
And then the and then the and then the universe spirit guides, whatever we’re like you’re going to hear it whether you want to or not. I don’t want to come any. Wow. I know that’s really interesting, but so this is this is interesting. So I don’t know how many people people don’t need to know all the details about this because nobody cares.
00;13;37;04 – 00;14;02;18
Unknown
But, we built a house, now three years ago. I can’t believe how fast and to say that, the ending of that buying situation was an absolute shit show with people not fulfilling their obligations, lying, just things not being done the way that they were supposed to. And for the first time in my life, I had to take legal action against someone.
00;14;02;23 – 00;14;24;23
Unknown
We’ve now been in a two year lawsuit, unlike anything my lawyer has ever seen before in her entire life. She’s like, this is incredible, right? And I’ve just been feeling the entire time. Two things need to happen. One, there needs to be a resolve to this situation in some way, shape or form. And two, the company needs to go out of business.
00;14;24;26 – 00;14;44;05
Unknown
If that’s the only thing that comes out of this. That company is never allowed to hurt other people again, or disadvantage other people or lie to other people, or just be really bad at their jobs, right, and not do what they’re supposed to do. That’s vindication for me. That’s that’s incredibly important. We’ve been saying that all along. Yeah.
00;14;44;07 – 00;15;06;09
Unknown
and so the fact we’re very close, we’ve been told in May we should be having some type of resolution or decision about this. So, for better or for worse, those two cards last week and this week, I have really I really loved the part of that card that says, if you’ve been fair to others in the past that you can expect the same in return.
00;15;06;09 – 00;15;38;25
Unknown
And I have been saying all along to anyone who will listen, I have lived my life with the utmost integrity. I’ve never tried to hurt someone. I’ve never been unfair to people intentionally. I really try to give more than I take to other people, and I just believe that I have these spirit guide angels that are around me at all times, that make sure that whatever is going to happen in my life, even though I might have hard times or difficult times that always comes back to the middle ground.
00;15;38;28 – 00;15;58;10
Unknown
It always comes back to fairness. And so I really loved that part because I’ve really embraced that. I don’t know how to live in a world where I’m over here fair and just and reasonable and kind, and other people just continue to get away with really terrible things. I just believe that that natural balance of the universe works its way out.
00;15;58;11 – 00;16;19;22
Unknown
So I loved that part in that card. Now I totally agree. And what I like too, is that I think you and I are very similar in this, that when we have hard times or we have things that happen that aren’t what we were hoping, we go through the motions of feeling it and whatnot, but then we realize we’re always good at the bigger picture.
00;16;19;29 – 00;16;42;07
Unknown
There must be a reason for this. And you know what? I’m going to wrap that up and then embrace what’s what’s next. So, I think that is really hard for people, especially when they don’t feel like life has been fair to them. And maybe that’s where you and I just always had gratitude because, I mean, our lives are far from perfect.
00;16;42;09 – 00;17;11;06
Unknown
Sure. People might. Yeah, people might not believe that because we don’t dwell or area dirty laundry or things like that. But, when you live in this positive, grateful air like aura, I don’t, I don’t know how to put it. You can shift much easier. related to that, though, I do think I’ve had a lot of really positive experiences, whether that be through privilege, whether that be through just surrounding Khufu.
00;17;11;06 – 00;17;31;10
Unknown
My parents surrounded me with the people that I’ve been surrounded with. So I have a past history of a lot of positive things happening in in a lot of ways, I think that gave me the confidence and the ability to then say, okay, this might be a bump in the road, but I thank God, knock on wood, I hope this doesn’t, you know, come, come back to me tenfold.
00;17;31;10 – 00;17;59;01
Unknown
But I don’t have a lot of examples in my life with hardship after hardship, after hardship, after hardship, right? Where you just feel like you cannot get get up from this crashing wave. Yeah. And so that at least the light is always there at the end of the tunnel. and I know for a lot of people, particularly clients I’ve worked with in the past, that light has been so dim, are not able to see because they already they grew up with the cards stacked against them.
00;17;59;06 – 00;18;21;20
Unknown
Right. Or they don’t have a lot of those positive experiences to relate upon. Well, I think that’s interesting. You say that because I have a mixture of both. you know, I have a mixture of both things. And I think that, again, it comes back from your foundation, like, like how you were raised and how, you know, the resiliency of the people around you and how you’re able to manage all of that.
00;18;21;20 – 00;18;42;20
Unknown
And you’re right, if you don’t have if you don’t have that sort of modeling, then how could you possibly you know, it’s kind of like when you’re going to find, all you know is the relationships around you. So when you go out to, you know, find your partner, you’re obviously looking to what you’ve been modeled your whole life.
00;18;42;22 – 00;19;05;06
Unknown
So it’s not a surprise when people marry their parents. Yeah, right. Yeah. Know. Because that’s that’s what you know. Yeah. it’s really interesting. And I also, I think of Kelly up the street, and I know she won’t mind me saying this, but that girl has no reason in the world to have any positive outlook and excitement about anything based on the experiences that she had growing up.
00;19;05;06 – 00;19;27;24
Unknown
And yet she’s very much like us, looking forward, positive, facing, you know, bring the best of the best, be a light for others. Right? But some people just have that spirit, right. So what is that as that personality is that spirit is that resiliency? Is that, you know, overcoming the odds is that, you know, is that refusal to give in to.
00;19;27;28 – 00;19;48;23
Unknown
Right. So it’s just a nice reminder that, yes, there are there is a lot to say about past experiences. There’s also a lot to say about personality or about, sort of the characteristics of of who you are as a person because she has 0.00. If she was the most begrudging, nasty person in the world, I’d give her a pass for it, right?
00;19;48;23 – 00;20;08;27
Unknown
You don’t because of what has happened for her, right? Yeah. but she she doesn’t write. And I think, for us, what I really like, even when we are going through the really hard time at the end of 2023, which I will say was probably one of the most difficult periods of time overall that did very much feel like a crashing wave.
00;20;08;29 – 00;20;30;28
Unknown
But even during that, I kept thinking, there’s a reason for this, right? I will understand what it is. Later on. I kept saying, wow, this is giving texture to the story. The texture is important, otherwise maybe it would be a little boring, right? And there were many times we would say during that time, wow. we we should be a little nervous right now.
00;20;30;28 – 00;20;52;01
Unknown
We should be a little, like, not in a good place. And what would be deal? Well, we’d go somewhere and go to an escape room and be like, this sounds more fun, right? I mean, we did escape some of it. Yeah. But then when push came to shove, we, you know, got down and dirty. We had a lot of, interpersonal conversations with ourselves.
00;20;52;01 – 00;21;18;15
Unknown
We came together, had a lot of conversations with each other. And at the end of the day, I mean, that was the key, right? If we didn’t have that kind of relationship, it would be much more difficult to, Process emotions, make decisions, recreate. Yeah. Opportunities. Whatever. Whatever you want to call absolutely. Because I think that’s where a lot of people fail.
00;21;18;17 – 00;21;45;24
Unknown
a lot of people fail in their, relationships with their friends, their family and their significant others. They don’t allow that time to truly. Reflect, contemplate, dream, ask questions. all the things. It was a grief process. Oh, yeah. We identified it as that really early on. I think that was help. That helped. Yeah. Right. Yeah. We were like, listen, this is grief.
00;21;46;00 – 00;22;01;16
Unknown
And so what we’re expecting when we go into this period is that there’s going to be times where we have false acceptance of what’s going on. Right? And then we’re going to come back to how much bargaining did we do. Right. We were constantly like, what could you do? Could you do this instead? What if we did this?
00;22;01;18 – 00;22;19;21
Unknown
Let’s ask them one more time if maybe this could happen, right? There were periods of depression and there there was a lot of anger in there. Right? There were so many of the grief stages, but two identify it as that. I think really helped us just acknowledge and find peace with the fact that what we’re dealing with is great.
00;22;19;22 – 00;22;40;03
Unknown
Okay. Yeah, I think that that was the other moment was that we decided that there’s so many components in our lives that are ultimately grief. And when you when you classify them as that, it’s much more easier to process and get over. I mean, the stupidest things like the eclipse. Oh my God, we can’t I can’t that there was some there was some some mini grief.
00;22;40;07 – 00;23;01;12
Unknown
I think we’ll call it there. Okay, okay. There was some mini grief, but even even disappointment or like, you know, graduating high school, you know, moving out of your house. Yes. Moving out of your house. you know, oh, so many things. Yeah. When your kids go off and you’re now empty nesters, there’s grief there, right? Right, right.
00;23;01;12 – 00;23;35;06
Unknown
It’s not always associated with traumatic bad events. And I think that was the reframe that we needed to be like, oh my gosh. Because it just puts you in a different mindset. Yeah. And the conversations and the words that are said are either said differently or taken differently. you know. Yeah, but but again, we have to because of who we are, we always talk it out and we always put it out on the table and we always frame the conversation really honestly where, with other people in our lives, well, probably not you, but at least with me, I attempt to do that.
00;23;35;06 – 00;23;53;13
Unknown
But they can’t get there, so it’s much more difficult because then it’s like, I have to manage. I have to manage both of our, yeah, emotions, expectations and whatever. And I’m always the one feeling like, yeah, here I am. I just want some relief. Right? Just want some feeling of, okay, it’s going to be okay. I want some feeling of resolve.
00;23;53;13 – 00;24;18;00
Unknown
Right. And it can’t get there because I’m already at that deep place. And you’re still over here processing what we talked about 15 minutes ago. That has nothing to do with the overall right or even ten years ago. Yeah. So, you know, like it’s just things like that where it’s so difficult and so energy, like there’s just so much energy that comes from that and, and not that it’s not a resolve.
00;24;18;00 – 00;24;35;28
Unknown
It just doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel buttoned up. It doesn’t feel it’s hard to trust. There’s also like a false sense of confidence. So there was many times that we decided on something in those conversations that was going to happen, that we had no clue if it was really going to happen, right.
00;24;35;28 – 00;24;56;00
Unknown
We walked away with a good sense of closure because we’d convinced ourselves it was going to happen. So there’s something to be said about that false sense of confidence that you get in those conversations as well. Maybe it’s a sure, sure. And then if maybe it’s real work out that way. That was still okay because we had like a part B that maybe we could have gone to or something else surfaced.
00;24;56;00 – 00;25;19;13
Unknown
And it’s like, wait a minute. Ultimately, that’s what it was supposed to be. Or, you know, whatever. yeah. Yeah, I think it’s I think it’s, it’s kind of exciting in a weird, in a weird way. But then again, I, I really like the idea of the unknown and what’s possible. You don’t know who, but I think that’s why it works.
00;25;19;13 – 00;25;35;20
Unknown
Because you’ll be like, well, what if we did whatever. And I can allow myself to dream a little bit? Yes. But then I also provide the aspect of, well, that’s really great. This is the practical way we could make that happen. The structure. Right. You provide the groundwork, the structure, you provide me. Well, did you think about this?
00;25;35;24 – 00;25;58;15
Unknown
And I’m like, you know what? Yeah. But yeah, yeah, I okay, now that you said that. But here’s how we do that. And you’re like, oh yes. Oh well that really brings up for me like this level of processing. And what do people do if they don’t have that person or those people to to process with angry? Okay.
00;25;58;15 – 00;26;16;15
Unknown
This is, this is trapped butt cheek emotion. Maybe it’s what happens. I think people get angry because they don’t feel heard. Yeah. When you when you’re trying to rewind to when we had the which was just like five minutes ago, which is the one that we realize that I processed much quicker. Oh yeah. When we actually said that out loud.
00;26;16;15 – 00;26;40;02
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I don’t think I ever framed it like that. No. Yeah, I would’ve known it the whole time. Oh, you just want to admit it? No, I’ve just known it because I’ve been like, Holy shit, she got there real quick and quick and I’m not there yet. And then finally I was like, I’m going to get there because I know I will end up at that place, so I might as well just skip forward through all this part of like having feelings about it, because ultimately I’m going to get there anyway.
00;26;40;02 – 00;27;00;05
Unknown
But but I think I think that’s where the anger comes from. So if you have two people who are having that conversation and one person is just can get there really, really fast and the other person can’t, the one person who gets there fast is like frustrated because they’re like, why can’t you see this? But they’re not taking the time to allow you to go through your process and get there when you need to get there, because they’re not seeing you.
00;27;00;10 – 00;27;17;00
Unknown
You know, I think it’s this just like ebb and flow, you, you both have to be willing to do the work. Yeah, yeah. The the person who can’t get there that fast needs to say I’ll get there, but I need to go through this. And then the person who’s like, okay, they have to trust. And then if you don’t end up getting there, it’s just more of the process.
00;27;17;00 – 00;27;37;12
Unknown
I mean, sometimes it takes ten years to leave your job. It’s fine. It’s fine. Sometimes we have to go through the process for ten years. It’s fine. It’s okay. Because at the end of the day, my relationship is not based on your choices, whether or not it is my job. You know, any choice you can do, you can have any choice you want.
00;27;37;14 – 00;27;59;08
Unknown
It’s not about that, do I? I think we as human beings filter everything through our own. Human design or whatever you want to call it. So we’re always. We’re not judging. Well, maybe is judging, but like, you can look at my life and pick apart thousands of things that you would do completely different. I could do the same for you, but that doesn’t mean you need to do it.
00;27;59;10 – 00;28;14;03
Unknown
And it does. You know, like I think I think people just get stuck in their own way. They’re like, well, that’s the way you do it. And if you don’t do it that way, I don’t want to be a part of it. Oh yeah, that’s that’s me all day. Yeah, yeah. Much more comfortable. That’s the way that we do it mode, but which is fine.
00;28;14;03 – 00;28;41;20
Unknown
But I’m fascinated by this part where where I said, so what do people do if they don’t have anyone to process with. And you said anger. And I think that that’s. Yeah, that is how many people are walking around either have seen unseen or not completely seen and are having to make big life decisions. They ask, what do you mean?
00;28;41;23 – 00;29;07;20
Unknown
I’m I sent this to you today. You sent this to me. I almost did. What is it? From the ticket to the ticket. The ticket? No. It’s masking. So it was talking about this woman, and she. She was like, identifying her personality. And she said, I find myself never being seen, never being taken care of. So I spend all my time and energy matching other people and where they’re at.
00;29;07;22 – 00;29;27;07
Unknown
And because, you know, was it me or it was me. This was your, this was your ticket to set me up to secure a ticket. Ticket. And then it said and therefore I’m highly sensitive, I’m highly emotional, I’m highly connected, I’m highly empathic, I’m highly, you know, all of these things and it they call it masking.
00;29;27;07 – 00;29;52;08
Unknown
And so now I need to go down the rabbit hole of what masking means, because I think that oftentimes women do that. Oh yeah. I don’t think it’s a mental disability or whatever. No, I think it’s just something that’s called survival. Right. Yeah. I think it’s something that we need to recognize. Oh yeah. And when you’re masking, it’s easier to mask because then you have to make difficult decisions.
00;29;52;10 – 00;30;07;04
Unknown
Right. Because if, if I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you’re not seeing me, but I really want you to be my best friend, I’m just going to fake it to make it right. Or with your relationship or whatever. You just do what you need to do because that’s the choice you’re making. Yeah. Right.
00;30;07;11 – 00;30;30;20
Unknown
But then when you’re doing that in multiple areas right. That’s and I do think this is probably true for a lot of women. That may be overstating, but I feel like I would bet the rest of my coffee on on that because we are, by and large, very deep, emotional, sensitive. We love to talk things out. We love to process things.
00;30;30;20 – 00;31;16;01
Unknown
We love to, you know, really get at the heart and the essence of what a situation entails. We will likely repeat that which has not been appropriately heard. Right. And if we are doing that with our partners, if we’re doing that with our friendships, that, you know, are not at that level of being able to process, if we’re doing that with our children, if we’re doing that with our parents, gosh, think about anyone in our lives that we’re doing that with and we’re constantly having to lessen ourselves to not get the full capacity of what it is that we need from these relationships.
00;31;16;03 – 00;32;04;01
Unknown
Then I think there is an internal position of I’m a weirdo that no one can possibly connect with. What is wrong with me, right? Or it’s this frustration or anger, like you said, that every place we go, we’re having to have our needs and feelings unfulfilled over and over and over again. I keep coming back to. I keep finding these things and the tick attacks or whatever, and the Instagrams that talk about just women in general and how many times I base I do if we went back to olden times, you know, if we went back to traditional men and women, men and women, gender roles, you know, at the end of the day,
00;32;04;01 – 00;32;27;23
Unknown
I think I really identify with tradition. And that’s probably the only thing in my life that I identify with in traditional senses. And, I think to myself, you know, I would never actually want men used to work. Women can make her kept the home. Yeah, they made it comfort, you know, they raised the children, the, you know, all of these things.
00;32;28;01 – 00;32;48;27
Unknown
Well, then the minute you start saying, well, women have rights too, and they need to go into the workplace like you’re just disrupting the foundations of our quote unquote, society, right? So then you’re always going to be at battle and conflict. I can’t be the mom I want to be while still being the businesswoman I want to be.
00;32;48;27 – 00;33;14;18
Unknown
It doesn’t work. Yeah. I don’t think you can have you can have quote unquote both. But I think you’re always going to be disappointed in one area. So the decisions that you make have to align with your your values and your priorities. So when you say things like, not being, heard or fulfilled or things like that, oftentimes I wonder, is it because we’re getting such mixed messages as women?
00;33;14;18 – 00;33;39;13
Unknown
I mean, don’t hear me, don’t hear me say I’m not a feminist, or maybe I’m not. I don’t know, I’ve never really dove into this, but, sometimes I feel like women need to get grounded in what it means to be a woman. Maybe this is because I’m involved in a men’s group, and I look at the kinds of things that they talk about and what it means to be a man, and what it means to be a powerful leader of your family and all these kinds of stuff.
00;33;39;13 – 00;34;01;04
Unknown
And then I look and I’m like, well, I don’t want to be that. I want to be the woman. I want to be really good at being a woman. Whatever that means is that it doesn’t mean a wife, whatever that means. And I feel really strongly and and I haven’t found or even seeked out a group, you know, I just keep going back to church.
00;34;01;06 – 00;34;21;03
Unknown
And when I joined a small group years ago, I went to this church and I immediately joined a small group, and it was awesome. And it wasn’t even about the Christian piece of it. It was about the fundamentals. The. And I think that’s why our relationship is so strong, because at the end of the day, our fundamentals are fairly similar, but we can have bigger conversations.
00;34;21;03 – 00;34;43;28
Unknown
And it was nice to have converse sessions that would push each other. This wasn’t like, you know, everybody has to follow the same. It was it was a lot of, well, think about this. And how does it relate to your life and you’re working and you’re not. And how does that play into and how does that play into your, conversations with your, interpersonal relationships, you know, even with your family members or whatever?
00;34;43;28 – 00;35;20;17
Unknown
And it was such a refreshing, Communal space. Space. Yes. And I don’t think because we’re also when do people get that at work? It’s just staff meetings, like at the watercooler. Like where where do you get that? If you’re spending all your quote unquote day at work? And then how many times do we come home and still work because we don’t get it done and then run into our kids activities, which you’re really your social circle is your your, kid’s friends because you’re all sitting in a parking lot waiting for them to be done.
00;35;20;19 – 00;35;46;11
Unknown
So you’re all hanging out. I mean, you’re forced to be together so you find commonalities, but it’s not the same as choosing a group with a foundational message or theme or whatever. Maybe it’s crafting. I mean, how many times is women, maybe even men? I don’t know, I do a book club because we want to have they want to read a book together and then have deep, meaningful conversations about it and what it means.
00;35;46;13 – 00;36;11;13
Unknown
I think that’s what that’s what this is. In a lot of ways our podcast and I think that more women need that, and they really need to come into their womanhood. Sometimes I feel like the message about women, women need to be more masculine. They need to be more strong. I don’t agree with that. I don’t agree with that at all.
00;36;11;15 – 00;36;30;16
Unknown
I, I hear I’m going to put my little Pas up here. Which one at the middle finger? No, no, I did consider that one. You hurt. Yeah. I’m going to put my high five up here. No, this is the I have something to say. I have something to say. Okay. This is I’m what we call we’re going to beep, take a minute and do an educational moment.
00;36;30;17 – 00;36;56;22
Unknown
Okay. So I’m asking you’re going to school me. I’m. No, I’m going to speak I’m going to speak to the listeners here for a minute. Oh, okay. Listeners. Hey there. Hey there. Listeners, I want you to know that during the course of that conversation, when Rebecca started talking about womanhood and started talking about femininity and talking about coming into their own womanhood, every feeling from my toes all the way up through the top of my head started to get activated.
00;36;56;24 – 00;37;17;21
Unknown
Oh, I noticed myself start to be like, oh hell no, let me tell you all this and that. And let me give you a couple examples. I found myself hating on men during that conversation. I found myself wanting to say, well, maybe if men made more money, I could step into my womanhood and I could actually write I.
00;37;17;23 – 00;37;35;25
Unknown
This is why I love our conversations. I don’t get to say no. I know, I just smiled at me in bed like, I know I could have just done this. Yeah, let’s just watch my face. I know, hear this, I know, I know, but this is, this is where I think this is so important because I’m still speaking with listeners here.
00;37;35;25 – 00;37;55;27
Unknown
I want you to know if you felt any one of those things, that is a completely normal and appropriate feeling. But what I want you to know that I did in this case was I said to myself, you’re listening right now, intrigue. Ask yourself what she is saying and what you can relate with what is interesting and intriguing?
00;37;55;27 – 00;38;18;07
Unknown
What is causing that fire in your soul right now with what it is that she’s saying? And then I pushed myself after I got to the angry point where I hated man and I was like, oh my God, we’re not going back to the kitchen. Like I went through this whole thing. What’s this whole thing? Okay. Yeah, I, I after I went through all of that, I this is all what’s happening.
00;38;18;07 – 00;38;36;21
Unknown
And in my body as I’m listening to this. Right. And then I’m thinking to myself, fine, what is it that you can really relate with, with what Rebecca saying right now? Push yourself to find out what you can relate with. And that is the thing that I want people to hear. One. Yeah, we’ll process that part of the conversation because I love it.
00;38;36;21 – 00;38;55;18
Unknown
It’s so awesome. What’s important here is it’s okay to have every one of those feelings. It’s okay to, in the course of a conversation, find yourself checking out because you’re like, oh God, I have such a strong emotional feeling about that. It’s okay to bring yourself back to a place where you’re like, that’s really interesting. I wonder if I could dive more into that.
00;38;55;21 – 00;39;23;27
Unknown
Yeah, every one of those feelings is completely fine and appropriate. Yeah. And you’ll notice during that, as I’m having all of that, I found myself pushing to just be like, listen harder, to listen more. What is the essence of what it is that she’s saying? And what can you relate with with what she is saying? So that’s me speaking to the listeners just in case, because I know at least one galley up the street.
00;39;24;00 – 00;39;47;05
Unknown
Oh, is she is on fire, right? Okay. Yeah, she is on fire. Okay. Which is also interesting because again, keep in mind, you also know me. I know you also know every right everything about me. Yeah. And I’m also just speaking. Yeah. Really high level. Right. And I which I, which I love. Yeah. But then there’s, there’s also as I’m listening to you the protect in fact that comes out right.
00;39;47;05 – 00;40;03;03
Unknown
Because I’m like oh people are people are going to feel a certain way. Right. Hundred, 100%. But I can hear it all day long and we can have a conversation about it. And, and at the same time I can feel okay with. Yeah. Disagreeing. Right. That doesn’t make me not want to be friends with you. It doesn’t make me not want to.
00;40;03;05 – 00;40;31;21
Unknown
Yeah. Participate in all the things solutely. Yeah. So that was my that was my moment to the listener. Now I’m back to the conversation. Because what I’m really relating with, with what you’re saying is there have been many times over the age of 32 where I have found myself really want to embrace you, asshole. Yeah, whatever. 2021 for you because you’ve been feeling it longer than random.
00;40;31;21 – 00;41;07;01
Unknown
3232 yeah. What was it about? 32 I had my kid at 32. Oh, okay. There we go. I was like, oh, this something I did? It’s 37.5. It’s okay. So when you became a mother. Yeah. Well, I think it must have been some, some place after that. Right. Within 32, 33. Okay. That I really can relate with the fact that there have been times I’ve wanted to embrace the feminine motherhood, caring, nurturing homemaker side of what it is that I wanted to do.
00;41;07;04 – 00;41;39;01
Unknown
And you want to talk about grief? I have very much felt a sense of grief associated with the fact that, I don’t feel like I can embrace those parts of myself and also, take care of the parts of me that, want that, you know, business ownership, that want that financial security, that want that right. And I know that they don’t need to be separate.
00;41;39;05 – 00;42;07;20
Unknown
Right. And I think I’ve done the best job I possibly can of trying to to make them combined in some way, shape or form. I have, I have a business based in empathy and care for other people. Right. But there have been times in grief associated with how much I would love to stay home, to go and do the grocery shopping and make wholesome meals for my family.
00;42;07;23 – 00;42;44;03
Unknown
The times that I would love to be the room mom, you know in school that those parts are so identifiable with my personality that I can really relate with what you’re talking about in terms of stepping into the caretaking, nurturing piece. I have also grieved the fact that that’s not enough for me. Yeah, I also grieved the fact that I, do not feel like a whole person emotionally when other parts of me are not also being enacted.
00;42;44;07 – 00;43;10;24
Unknown
Right. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I wish money was never an issue for anyone, anywhere. If if just like we were either nothing cost anything, or we were just so financially rich that we never had to worry about anything, right? What I would do that would fill my soul for free. I’d do consulting work for free all the time.
00;43;10;29 – 00;43;50;03
Unknown
I would do right to do that. I still. Yeah, yeah, that’s. Yeah. It’s for you. so that part I can really relate with. Yeah. also, I do feel a sense of anger and disappointment at the fact that, I can’t offload some of those historically feminine caretaking responsibilities in a way that makes me feel like they’re still going to be managed to my satisfaction managed, you know?
00;43;50;05 – 00;44;13;05
Unknown
And I’m not talking like, you know, my husband makes lunch and it’s a peanut butter sandwich as opposed to, you know, something more gourmet. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I’m talking like there are times where there are things that are just assumed that I as the mom or the woman. yes. Are going to know. Yes. What size shoes do my kids wear?
00;44;13;08 – 00;44;35;04
Unknown
What yogurt are we eating this week? You know, what brand of chicken nuggets is it that needs to be in the freezer? and so I have found myself angry about the fact that I can’t offload some of those responsibilities to then focus more on these other things that do fulfill me business ownership, creativity, doing the podcast.
00;44;35;04 – 00;45;21;07
Unknown
Right. and that anger, that disappointment has to be displaced somewhere, right? Because otherwise it just internally bubbles up and then it’s not good for anyone. And I do feel that appropriate inappropriately. I don’t know, a lot of that goes toward my significant other. A lot of that goes toward my societal expectations of men. A lot of that goes toward other places that my own internal conflict that can’t be resolved for myself then gets shoved out in these ways that in a lot of ways, it’s keep oppressing the people that we want to step up to the plate to be doing more of these things.
00;45;21;10 – 00;45;50;29
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, I think for me it just keeps coming back to society because I don’t know if you would feel this way if you weren’t bombarded with external options. Is that the right word? Like, you know, if men are raised to be a certain way, then how can you expect them to come into the home and be different?
00;45;51;02 – 00;46;10;01
Unknown
Do you know what I mean? If women are raised a certain way, how can you expect them to be different? It just depends on the external things that come in outside of your foundational family values. So, I mean, we talk all the time about your son and how you want him to be a productive, not just a productive human being, but a partner, a good partner someday.
00;46;10;01 – 00;46;36;10
Unknown
But your mom likes to care, take and almost baby him in a way like everything is handheld. Well, if he’s that’s the concept. If he’s raised to that way. Yeah. How can a potential partner down the road demean him for not doing certain things right. So but there’s displaced anger, right? So then his future partner turns to me and says, or why did you raise him like this?
00;46;36;10 – 00;47;01;10
Unknown
And you know, I’m gonna do or it wasn’t me, it was grandma, right? Or he seeks a partner who’s going to be subservient and take, take care, take for him. So again, I don’t know if that’s bad either. I think the problem is that we. Back in the day, you got married at what, like 15, 16? Like, you’re, you’re you just kind of had these roles established for you.
00;47;01;10 – 00;47;22;05
Unknown
And now some people still do get married young, but then they start to discover who they are later. So then things start to unfold, you know, like it’s there’s just all this domino and ebb and flow. It’s it’s just a lot. In addition to all of the different societal changes. Expectations. Right. There’s an desires like there’s a guy called Jimmy on relationships.
00;47;22;07 – 00;47;49;14
Unknown
He’s on he’s on all the attacks in the Instagrams and whatever else that he’s on. Yeah. And, were you the one that told me he was in a he was previously in a really bad relationship, or he was just basically get done, be an asshole to his wife. And then he turned to shit around. And now he does all of these stints where he’s trying to give the women’s perspective on, okay, you know, this is how you attended this, and I’m constantly clapping my or snapping my fingers for this guy because I’m like, oh yeah, that okay.
00;47;49;14 – 00;48;07;19
Unknown
He’s got it. Okay. Yeah. He understands it. Okay. You know, I’m really impressed or whatever. So you take the sister upbringing that, you know, we’re trying to beat out of men in some way, shape or form. Mix it with these, some of these societal changes about these other men who are coming in and being like, you should be different.
00;48;07;19 – 00;48;36;13
Unknown
You should do different, you should push yourself. Right. And all of that is sort of combining, again, for some of this displaced incongruity or again, it’s it’s it’s displacement. It’s like anger about the fact that I see Jimmy on relationship gets it. So he, he obviously changed himself. I don’t think he was raised that way. So then we turn to our partners and we’re like, can you, can you get it a little bit quicker?
00;48;36;19 – 00;49;00;02
Unknown
Right. So we’re now doing all of this in the age where men are starting to be more forward thinking, more emotionally secure. Well, that’s the question at the end of the day, do you want to evolve or do you want to remain traditional? I think that’s the that’s the foundation. Because if you do want to evolve, then, you know, this is the woke versus the non woke, right?
00;49;00;02 – 00;49;22;09
Unknown
Like I think it’s really you can’t have both you you can’t I don’t think you can have both when it comes to that you it becomes very gray and wishy washy and you just don’t know where people stand. Right. So I guess that’s the question. Well, I think about Becky, Becky Meter and Oh yeah. Her daughter. Yeah.
00;49;22;10 – 00;49;48;08
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. It has like 6 or 7 children. They homeschool, they live off the land. They, have always lived below their means, right? Like, they they’re very traditional Christian. They’re very, you know, they are people who are very, kind and honest and. Right, all of those things that you would want. But that would be an example of something that was a little more traditional.
00;49;48;15 – 00;50;06;11
Unknown
And they’re not on TikTok. They’re not watching these other that’s who they are. She’s she’s not her daughter isn’t angry every day. Correct. And mad that this is her life. Correct. Right. I think that’s the different. Right. But why I don’t know. I mean, is it because of the way she was raised? But I mean, I don’t know.
00;50;06;11 – 00;50;19;06
Unknown
So is it a is it that they’re not exposed. Is it my question. You know, it’s kind of like the Amish, right. When you when you do the Free Amish and then they go out and they learn all of these other things, and then it just evokes a whole lot of feelings that maybe they would not have had.
00;50;19;06 – 00;50;40;07
Unknown
But typically the people that from the Amish that go and do this, if there’s a name for it, I can’t remember it right now, but go, go do this shtick or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. they tend to be people who have a little fire in their soul. That’s that had curiosity and interest. That’s right. Outside of just staying with the community to begin with.
00;50;40;09 – 00;51;11;03
Unknown
But isn’t that the whole argument today? Question the government, question everything. Because just because we’ve always done it that way, or just because that’s the narrative somebody wants you to hear, believe in whatever, doesn’t mean that’s right. And I can get behind that too. I can see both sides very, very clearly. Yeah. so do you think if you had to pick one you would have picked the more traditional 100% live off the land routes kind of place.
00;51;11;05 – 00;51;33;04
Unknown
Yes, yes. And I see that for you 100%. But at the same time I was working on maternity leave like, I’m not. I’m a person who needs to do things and find ways to fulfill myself, but within balance with what makes me feel good. I don’t feel driven to make $1 million. I don’t feel driven to have a title.
00;51;33;09 – 00;51;52;12
Unknown
I just need to do something that involves adults and not just kids that I think that’s the different. But at the same time, we always whenever we go to psychics and stuff, they’re like, oh my God, she’s so feminine energy and you’re so masculine energy, right? And so maybe that’s the difference. But yeah, no, if I, if I could oh I’d be that I know barefoot in there.
00;51;52;14 – 00;52;14;29
Unknown
Yeah sure. It’s come on I, you want to come over for dinner tonight. No problem. Oh welcome to my 100 mile radius dinner. I gathered all these berries. This those flowers, our holly. You I, I know, I know, that is totally you. Yeah. Would you like to try your new buttermilk? Right. When the kids made this right in the yard today.
00;52;15;01 – 00;52;36;09
Unknown
Oh, my God, that is totally you. I know, I know, at the end of the day, that’s that’s really because you were working on maternity leave, not because you just so loved what it was that you were doing. Again, if money was not ever an issue, you would be doing fun. You know, engagement type, event planning type things for absolute free.
00;52;36;10 – 00;53;05;15
Unknown
Oh yeah. And that would be what would fulfill your all desire for adult interaction. And yeah, I’d be that person in the school. Scott PTA. What do you what do you think about, one of our out and abouts around town being that we go visit like a mormon community. You love that you look at there’s a, there’s a button that’s on your desk that you need to push right now.
00;53;05;17 – 00;53;27;08
Unknown
A button. Yeah, there’s a button. Turn it. All right. I mean, we’ve done a long time, I get it, I don’t know. That was for the Amish. The Mormons are allowed to have electricity. No, that’s. You said the Mormon. That’s Book of Mormon. Did you say. Did you. Did you mean Amish? Did you mean the Amish? You meant the Amish.
00;53;27;08 – 00;53;42;28
Unknown
You met me. I didn’t, I met Mormon, I forgot it was from the Book of Mormon. And I thought, what are you talking about? I thought we were talking about, like, a light switch, which would can be electricity, but the Mormons are allowed to. Yeah. This is this is my favorite part about the literal letter. It’s a literal all day long, you see?
00;53;42;28 – 00;54;04;03
Unknown
All day long. Oh, yeah. But then you can bring it right back around. Oh, see you in the Mormon. See what happened there? You guys are on Book of Mormon. I’m like for the for like depth down into how the Mormons don’t have electricity. But do you think that’d be a great idea to have electricity? Right. Yeah. So when I say Amish, Amish, Amish don’t write them.
00;54;04;04 – 00;54;24;16
Unknown
Springer is what it’s. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah. But yeah, you didn’t answer my question about if you think that’d be good out and about round town because I’m confused like, oh, we do go around town and investigate Mormons. I’m so confused. Oh, we’re going to we’re going to like, embrace the community. We’re going to like, learn about it, about Mormonism.
00;54;24;19 – 00;54;43;05
Unknown
I think Rebecca might be on the verge of headed there. I mean, maybe no Philip, though. I mean, I feel a pain going, she’s not going. I mean, I knew and, you know, there’s lots of different branches of Mormon. Are you talking about? no. Not fundamentalist. You know how my sister lives now. But what is it, boy?
00;54;43;11 – 00;55;06;15
Unknown
What does that play? hell. Camera. Oh, yeah. I definitely went to hell. Camera. Yeah. For sure. I thought it was the Book of Mormon. Like musical. Yeah. No, no, I got there. I’m like, this is. This is a real deal. That you were way off. Way off on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I use I did you come up with that because of the traditional thing that you were talking about.
00;55;06;19 – 00;55;25;29
Unknown
Yeah. Why you got other examples. Well no, that’s just that’s what threw me off because, Mormons aren’t necessarily like that. I think the Amish is a better. The Amish would be a better. you know, more of that old school traditional. The woman work, you know, works in the kitchen and the men is out. You know, they’re out.
00;55;25;29 – 00;55;47;27
Unknown
You know, don’t get me wrong. I’m not. I don’t want people to hear that I like that. I like the idea of people having a role in an identity and feeling really good about it. Am I gonna make my own clothes and wear a goddamn bonnet? Fuck, no. Am I gonna wear my hair extensions and my my nails 100% like I’m not?
00;55;48;00 – 00;56;06;11
Unknown
Listen, I wait, I have a question. That’s hilarious. I just had a visual image of me making my own cloth. You you you, sir, here’s your loin. Yeah. My loin. Here’s. Here’s my question. Togas. Are you okay? Let’s say that you didn’t want to be in the feminine energy. You wanted to be in the masculine energy, and you embrace that.
00;56;06;11 – 00;56;27;15
Unknown
And you were the one who was out working, making the money, doing whatever. And Philip is like, I am just tidy homemaker and I want to do all this stuff. Would you be okay if those are the roles that you both chose and wanted to play 100%, just like roles, you don’t care who’s playing which role I like.
00;56;27;15 – 00;56;48;21
Unknown
Yeah, as long as both people feel comfortable in the role. I like the idea of people owning owning things, owning responsibility owns the vehicles like that is that’s an unspoken rule. I don’t give a fuck about when the oil needs to be changed. I don’t care about a tie, I don’t. I wouldn’t even know what a bald tire was.
00;56;48;24 – 00;57;12;06
Unknown
I don’t care, that’s that’s your deal. When the car’s dirty, I don’t care like you fix it like that’s just it. I own dinner. Yeah, yeah. There’s no. Yeah. There’s no way it would get to a point where if I open the fridge and there’s no food, that’s my fault. Period. So are those masculine and feminine responsibilities? Not mine.
00;57;12;06 – 00;57;31;09
Unknown
Not necessarily. No, no, but but more traditional. No. Just you. You sit down as a family. You need to decide how you how it’s going to be okay. Yeah. Because if the car is dirty and there’s no food, they’re both my fault. There you go. If the grass is at mode, I wouldn’t know how to row. Scott, are those your roles?
00;57;31;11 – 00;57;56;01
Unknown
That’s what I do. Those are the roles you play, right? Yeah. So is the problem is the is the the blowback field that I have associated with assuming that the roles associated with cooking, cleaning and homemaking are feminine roles, maybe. And the, making money and power dynamic type roles and, you know, fixing the cars and stuff, roles are masculine roles.
00;57;56;03 – 00;58;17;18
Unknown
Is that the problem that I’m having? Maybe it’s an expectation. Like, for example, Taylor’s home suck today. It is automatic that I’m going to manage that. Now if I couldn’t I would say to Philip, hey I got a really busy day today. Are you able to do that. But it is my role to manage it. I manage all things children.
00;58;17;21 – 00;58;38;04
Unknown
Period. That’s just how it is now. Does that mean he’s not involved? Was he the one who got up twice in the night and gave her medicine without me saying anything? Absolutely. But I’m the owner of the children. The children come to me yesterday, Taylor asked me if she could go. She has a boyfriend. Oh, he came over over the weekend and brought her flowers.
00;58;38;04 – 00;58;42;16
Unknown
Oh.
00;58;42;19 – 00;59;03;21
Unknown
That’s not that damn quarterback, is it? Yes. No it’s not. Oh, God. I got to talk to her. I know, yeah I know, yeah. So he came over, brought her flowers. Was very cute. So he’s grooming. He’s grown. So she she texted me yesterday and she says can I go to Wendy’s after school? Oh, no, not Wendy’s. Nope.
00;59;03;21 – 00;59;20;29
Unknown
This has always been a hot button topic for you. You don’t want her crossing the damn street. Thank you. Yeah, she knows I’m going to be. She knows Wendy’s is a no go. Wendy’s has always been. And this is my daughter. This is my daughter. Cracks me up. Yeah. She she put together a PowerPoint presentation. She’s going to be safe crossing the street.
00;59;20;29 – 00;59;37;11
Unknown
So she’s been very sick. But this is this is the best part. She’s been very sick. And she, texts me at 8:00 in the morning. Mom, I’m not feeling good. And I go, is it the same cold symptoms? She said, yes, but I think I can make it through the rest of the day. I feel tired because I got no sleep.
00;59;37;11 – 00;59;50;27
Unknown
I said, yeah, because the cough is not the worst part. She said yes. And then we keep going through that. We get to, I go, okay, I’ll go through the medicine cabinet and see what I have, when you can take it. When you get home, I go, but you’re not going to soccer today because you’re coughing too much.
00;59;50;27 – 01;00;07;13
Unknown
She goes, great. 155 that was at 8 a.m.. 155 mom, I feel great. I’m feeling much better, surprisingly. But I would really like to go to Wendy’s with my friends. Do you think I can today? And I go, I’m glad you’re feeling better. That’s great. I’m just not comfortable with you walking to Wendy’s. You also can’t come back to campus and take the bus.
01;00;07;19 – 01;00;24;07
Unknown
I’m really sorry, but I’m not ready. She goes, well, there is a crosswalk and they stopped. Kids at school stopped caring about people going to Wendy’s because everybody does it every day. But I’ll keep you posted an updated and I’ll text you every minute of what I’m doing. I just would really appreciate it if I could go and I write while I’m in a meeting.
01;00;24;07 – 01;00;36;19
Unknown
You need to call your father. He goes, why do I need to call dad? No, you’re not calling down. She goes, why do I need to call dad? No. And I said, because I need you to ask him how he feels about it. No we don’t. And she goes, okay. Then I hear nothing. So then she calls me.
01;00;36;21 – 01;00;57;22
Unknown
Great. So then I then I hear nothing. Nothing. She’s not home. Yeah. And he walks in the door and I go, what’s going on? And he goes, I talked to her. I told her that you’re not comfortable again. We have no God. He just everybody knows. And he goes, I let her do it. And and in that moment, she’s texting me every moment of where she is, I can’t.
01;00;57;24 – 01;01;20;28
Unknown
This is hilarious. No, no, not when is that? When you realize, oh, no, it’s not Wendy’s. It’s the Wendy’s was on. I know that side of the street. I know, I know, we are forgetting that she is highly intelligent, I know responsible, capable of crossing the street. She’s not going to let some person puller across the road while a trailer tractors come out there.
01;01;20;28 – 01;01;42;00
Unknown
She ain’t playing chicken. She’s fine. I don’t trust her. Get her damn McNuggets. She’s fine. So, Taylor, call me 20 bucks. An hour ago, it fell off on her go and then she proceeded to sit next to me the rest of the night. Oh, yes, that’s right. But, you know, again, the role that’s very clear. She’s not playing both sides.
01;01;42;02 – 01;01;58;25
Unknown
She knows she needs to come to me. She knows, you know, that you’re going to say no. End of the day I am I am the decision maker. And so when I said to her, well, you should talk to your dad, she’s like, why? Yeah, right. Because it’s not. And she should want to talk to her dad because she has her dad wrapped around that.
01;01;58;27 – 01;02;18;00
Unknown
Like whatever. Go ahead. Yeah. You know, but Wendy’s. Yeah. Yeah. When you go to Bill graves while you’re at it, like, so it’s just so maybe maybe it’s not necessarily maybe I just identify more with quote unquote traditional feminine roles. Maybe that’s just my own filter. But I feel very strongly same with the job. I want to know what I’m in charge of.
01;02;18;02 – 01;02;33;22
Unknown
I don’t want to be like, what? Are you going to do it? Am I going to do it? Who’s going to do it? I feel obligated to clean up your mess like you either own it or you know. Now I don’t like. Oh he shut us right off. Scott’s like we’re all done. This is like I’m done I’m over it.
01;02;33;26 – 01;02;52;29
Unknown
No no that’s. Well on that note on that note, on that note go make me some meatloaf. Okay. She looks like we would be the perfect married couple. I know exactly what I’m doing. I go make the money, you go make the meatloaf. All right.
01;02;53;01 – 01;03;17;18
Unknown
I loved that. Me too. It isn’t. I’m putting in the movie. Yeah. We’re amazing. I said that’s fine. I’m just saying. Shut up. Wherever you are. Get back on. Yeah, I love you, too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.