Erin [00:00:00]: So people get stuck in comparing themselves to others all of the time. This concept of keeping up with the Joneses. Right. I do think that it’s more common when you talk about it within comparison groups.
Rebecca [00:00:11]: I agree.
Erin [00:00:11]: I don’t find myself, you know, comparing myself to the 20, the. The 25 year olds that are going out partying all the time. Because I’m past that point in a life. Right?
Rebecca [00:00:20]: That’s right.
Erin [00:00:20]: Or I don’t find myself comparing myself to my parents and what they’re able to achieve because I feel like I’m like, yeah, you’ve all earned that. You paid your dues. Right. But there’s something interesting. I don’t know why it’s specific to media. To me, maybe that’s where it’s just most loud and proud in your face. But I think that it’s human nature to compare and to want to know where you are on the continuum of others who are in your space. Have you ever gone on Facebook and noticed that someone who you’re close with or who you know, who you’re friends with, who your acquaintances with has gone on this vacation? In my mind it’s to Disney. I don’t know why it’s to Disney, but in my mind it’s to Disney. And they look like they’ve had the most amazing time ever. And you’re looking at their pictures and you’re so thankful that they had that experience. And then it hits you this feeling of like, how the hell do they get to go to Disney? Where did they get the money to go on that trip? I bet they put that on a credit card. Right? It escalated quickly. It escalated quickly. It escalated quickly. Now listen, I say that because it’s not necessarily my personal experience.
Rebecca [00:01:51]: It sounds like an evil.
Erin [00:01:52]: But that’s 26% interest on that trip. Good luck paying that off. But I bring that up not because.
Rebecca [00:02:02]: They saved for six years. They had an inheritance.
Erin [00:02:05]: I was going to say the inheritance. The inheritance, you know, your parents paid for that. You know, I say that not necessarily because it’s my experience, but that’s what we’re going to get at today. The comparison trap. We’re going to hit you with. What is the comparison trap? How does the comparison trap play out in people’s lives? And then what the heck do we do about it? And that last part you’re taking the lead on because. Because you and I have had many conversations about how this comparison trap just doesn’t connect with you at the same level that it does for other people.
Rebecca [00:02:37]: Totally. Yeah.
Erin [00:02:38]: So let’s get into it, okay? Start us with some hippie boo.
Rebecca [00:02:41]: The hippie boo.
Erin [00:02:42]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:02:42]: All right. Knight of Cups, meaning proposals. A romantic, idealistic man has a proposal for you. Charming and magentic, he tells you a great story. But his ideals, schemes, or love or love offers stand true. He may not seek to deceive you, but he’s not a realist. More comfortable with fantasy than practicality. His words may be captivating, but meaningless in the real world. You cannot trust him to be consistent.
Erin [00:03:10]: What were they? What were the creep eyes for? Because he’s deceiving.
Rebecca [00:03:14]: He’s a little snake.
Erin [00:03:15]: Oh, okay.
Rebecca [00:03:16]: So you.
Scott [00:03:17]: I thought he was a fish.
Erin [00:03:18]: It’s really sad.
Rebecca [00:03:21]: How apropos is this serpent? Do you like how I. Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:03:23]: Gotta throw that in. Everybody’s gotta throw in apropos.
Rebecca [00:03:26]: But think about that. And we’re talking about comparisons. Yes. Okay, so judge by actions rather than words. It’s worth testing this person’s intentions before you go along with his phobials.
Scott [00:03:41]: Phobials? He had them removed at a certain.
Speaker D [00:03:43]: Time in his life.
Rebecca [00:03:45]: What do you.
Erin [00:03:46]: How do you say it?
Rebecca [00:03:47]: Phobials.
Scott [00:03:47]: Foibles.
Rebecca [00:03:48]: Foibles.
Scott [00:03:49]: Foi.
Erin [00:03:50]: Watch out for his phobials. His foibles. His phobials were contagious.
Rebecca [00:03:57]: I even tried. I even spelled it for you and tried to get. Whatever. Anyway, this is very important for this.
Erin [00:04:02]: I’m sorry. There’s something about the way that you read those that I don’t connect with at all. I think it’s your cadence.
Rebecca [00:04:09]: It’s.
Erin [00:04:10]: It’s. It’s like so choppy that I am so confused. We get to the end and I’m like, I know we’re supposed to create some meaning out of that, but I have no clue what she just said.
Scott [00:04:21]: We need to get. We need to get Rebecca some voiceover.
Erin [00:04:24]: Yeah, I think, like, we need. We need to get a voice over person to read the tarot card and then just insert it into the podcast.
Scott [00:04:32]: No, that would not be good.
Rebecca [00:04:34]: Why?
Erin [00:04:35]: It, like, goes like this.
Scott [00:04:37]: Responsibility.
Erin [00:04:39]: He’s all set. He’s all set. All right, well, it sounds like that’s right on cue for our comparison trip conversation. Why don’t. Since you just read it, why don’t you give us your takeaway of how that relates to comparison?
Rebecca [00:04:53]: Because it’s a proposal. It’s not necessarily true. Okay, people, you just said on social media. You just said people posted their claims may be deceiving. Correct. Well, you specifically mentioned social media.
Erin [00:05:07]: Yes. Right.
Rebecca [00:05:08]: You specifically said people present their lives a specific way. And therefore we as humans compare ourselves. Therefore.
Erin [00:05:19]: Yep.
Rebecca [00:05:20]: It’s a mind fuck.
Erin [00:05:21]: Yep.
Rebecca [00:05:22]: So, yep, that’s what we’re talking about today.
Erin [00:05:25]: That’s a great card.
Rebecca [00:05:25]: Now all of a sudden.
Erin [00:05:26]: You really nailed it. You really nailed it.
Rebecca [00:05:28]: I think it’s your neurodivergence is the problem. Anyway, go ahead.
Erin [00:05:31]: So people get stuck in comparing themselves to others all of the time. This concept of keeping up with the Joneses. Right. I do think that it’s more common when you talk about it within comparison groups.
Rebecca [00:05:43]: I agree.
Erin [00:05:43]: I don’t find myself, you know, comparing myself to the 20, the, the 25 year olds that are going out partying all the time because I’m past that point and that’ Life. Right.
Rebecca [00:05:51]: That’s right.
Erin [00:05:52]: Or I don’t find myself comparing myself to my parents and what they’re able to achieve because I feel like I’m like, yeah, you’ve all earned that. You paid your dues. Right. But there’s something interesting. I don’t know why it’s specific to social media. To me, maybe that’s where it’s just most loud and proud in your face. But I think that it’s human nature to compare and to want to know where you are on the continuum of others who are in your space.
Rebecca [00:06:16]: Mm.
Erin [00:06:17]: So one example would be if you see the data that comes out on such and such a magazine that says the average person between the age of 35 and 45 has. I’m making this up because I do not know if this is true, has $25,000 in their bank account. If you’re sitting there and you’re someone who has $3,000 in your bank account, you’re immediately like, I am doing something wrong, something’s not going well. But if you’re sitting there and you have 85,000 in your bank account, you are like slums. They should save more. Right. And so I just think there’s this first, this normalcy associated with comparison. And the normalcy then gets transitioned in my mind into self doubt, disappointment, anger. Maybe it’s ego, maybe it’s feeling better, I guess, depending on where you are in that comparison slide. But I do think that there’s something very normal about wanting to get a read on where you are compared to everyone else.
Rebecca [00:07:27]: Would you agree, in the grand scheme, like an average human being? Yes, I do. Although I just had an epiphany when you said what you said, love it, because we’ve had this conversation over many, many, many years. And the way you Just outlined that. The epiphany for me and why you think the way you think is because you’re a researcher at heart and I’m not. And that makes so much sense now on why your brain would think the way that it does.
Erin [00:08:01]: Say more about that.
Rebecca [00:08:02]: I don’t think for you it is ego. I think for you it’s just a research component. And that makes so much sense because when you’re a researcher at heart, you would absolutely compare data. And that makes sense when you’re comparing data because it is apples to apples. When you’re in a specific age range, when you’re in a specific socioeconomical status, when you’re comparing apples to apples, there should be a median. Therefore, if you don’t fall within that median, you’re either above average, below average, or average. Where that is 100% not how I think.
Erin [00:08:41]: And research controls for variable.
Rebecca [00:08:43]: Correct.
Erin [00:08:43]: Right. And so it’s not the case that, oh, you had a sick loved one and then had to spend $100,000 treatment.
Rebecca [00:08:51]: Correct. Or you don’t take account of that. That is not an accountable factor. Where I don’t when. And again, we’re going to get into this a little bit later in the episode. But that’s not how I don’t fall into the comparison trap like you might. And then therefore, and I’m not a data oriented person, I don’t, I don’t research the car seat, I don’t research the stroller, I don’t research the house. I just, I look at it. Is it pretty? That makes me happy. I’m gonna buy it.
Erin [00:09:18]: Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:09:19]: Do you know what I mean?
Erin [00:09:19]: Yeah, I do. And I very much resonate with the, the research side of what you’re talking about.
Rebecca [00:09:24]: Exactly. Exactly.
Erin [00:09:25]: Like, my dad’s favorite gift for Christmas is Consumer Reports magazine. Yeah. And he will come right in because I’ll say, what do you, what Internet, you know, extender do you think we should get like, it’s sky. Right, right, right.
Rebecca [00:09:38]: Exactly. Exactly. I, I’m not researching the car. Yeah. I’m like, oh my God, that’s so pretty. And it’s in my price range. I don’t give a if it’s going to crash and burn. I don’t care. Do you know what I mean?
Erin [00:09:50]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:09:50]: So there’s, there’s, I don’t care if it’s going to make somebody jealous. In fact, if somebody’s like, wow, she clearly is on in, in poor town because she can’t afford something. I don’t care.
Erin [00:10:06]: You don’t care. We always say, you’ll drive around some crazy lemon. If it means that I can get, you know, if it looks pretty or.
Rebecca [00:10:14]: If it’s pretty and it makes me feel happy. Yes.
Erin [00:10:16]: Now, I don’t necessarily fall into the comparison trap to the same degree that other people do. Right. So I think that’s fair to say too. Yes, I know the research or I do the researcher. I’m interested in the comparisons. But that’s more to appease my curiosity. If you’re going to tell me again, this is made up, this is a made up stat. That 25 grand is what’s in most people’s bank accounts between 35 and 45. I’m going to use that as a comparison point and I’m going to say, how am I doing in comparison to that? Right. But also because of my curiosity, I’m going to say what other factors might go into this? Well, I might, if I don’t have that in my bank account, I might be like, well, I’m also maxing out my contribution to 401k. Or I’m also, I’m also, I’m also right. So I can see the different variables. But when we were talking about what we were gonna talk about today, there are two areas of my life when I really had to sit and think, what is it about comparison? And are there any places that I compare.
Rebecca [00:11:13]: In your personal life?
Erin [00:11:13]: In my personal life, two things came up for me and I wanna tell you I exhausted a lot of different options over the time we first started talking about this. To the time that we’re actually doing this session. I thought, is it vacations? Is it money in people’s banks accounts? Is it the size of someone’ Is it the car that they drive? I went through every single thing that could possibly be a comparison point right now, today. Yes.
Rebecca [00:11:38]: You didn’t go back in time? Because I would say back in time there were things that we’ve discussed over the years.
Erin [00:11:45]: Sure. But I think that that was very present in that point in the moment. Right?
Rebecca [00:11:49]: Yeah. You’re talking about right now, present day, today, what’s going on for you?
Erin [00:11:54]: And so why I think it’s important to frame it in this way is that the, the part B of this part of the conversation is why, what is it about these two things I’m about to present that have that comparison feel to it. And I have some thoughts on this and I know you do as well. So I would love it for our listeners to also be thinking, when you think about the Things that you compare yourself to or your family to, or your experience to think about what those are as I’m sharing mine, and then why? What is the why behind why? Those are your comparison points. Number one, for me, my entrepreneurial journey. My comparison with entrepreneurial journey is associated with the fact that I genuinely thought, if you have a good idea, good people who are behind you, and if you have the money to support it, you’re just going to knock it out of the park. And within one year, you’re going to have a thriving business that you’re going to turn around and sell for multiple millions of dollars. And then you’re just going to go to Aruba for a couple weeks. Right?
Rebecca [00:13:08]: A couple weeks.
Erin [00:13:09]: A couple weeks, yep. And there are certain companies that fall into that category and we talked about it in terms of when I was in my incubator program. And they’re called unicorns. And they’re called unicorns for a reason. Because they are very few and far between. They basically do not exist. It is this perfect trifecta that doesn’t have as much to do with your planned organization of how it’s going to happen. It just happened to be like when you’re at the casino and you hit $30,000 jackpot and you were like, wow, that was right place, right time. Right. But the number of unicorns that people will talk about is so few and far between. I use Google as an example or Amazon as an example. That were not unicorns. They might be massive, multi billion dollar operations at this point, but they didn’t start that way, they grew that way.
Rebecca [00:14:02]: Yeah, right. We don’t hear about periods.
Erin [00:14:04]: We hear about the mystical unicorns that are around. And that’s what you should be doing.
Rebecca [00:14:08]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:14:08]: So from a comparison standpoint, and this is getting a little bit into what I think, my why is I didn’t have a lot of experience being someone who ran a business. So my own insecurities would come up and I would look at other people who were running businesses who got to leave their jobs, who got to live on the salary associated with their business.
Rebecca [00:14:32]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:33]: Who were doing it.
Rebecca [00:14:34]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:34]: And I would think to myself, when I started my business way back in 2014.
Rebecca [00:14:39]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:40]: And then in 2018 is really when we were like, okay, this is the thing. Like, we really need to do this. Right. From that point, I would say 2018 on my comparison points that I would have would be other entrepreneurs, specifically people that were around my age, people who I would think were growing faster, scaling faster, had more Money invested, had the better connections that they needed to have. Their social media platform was better. So the comparisons would come out for me in terms of how successful they were being in their entrepreneurial journey. True to your little hippie vu card here, that might not have been the story or the case whatsoever. Right.
Rebecca [00:15:22]: Reality.
Erin [00:15:23]: You’re gonna use the phrase lipstick on a pig a couple times in this episode. Right.
Rebecca [00:15:26]: That could have been the story you were telling yourself in your head.
Erin [00:15:29]: Sure, absolutely. Which I think gets at this middle part of how does it really impact your life? But that was one area that I found myself doing some comparisons now that I find myself at the place in my entrepreneurial journey where I feel solid, stable, I can live off of income associated with my business. We are growing, we are scaling. You know, we are in a really great place. I noticed that those comparisons happen less and I start to be someone who thinks more strategically as opposed to more comparison wise.
Rebecca [00:16:05]: Yeah.
Erin [00:16:05]: So that was the first thing I came up with.
Rebecca [00:16:07]: Okay.
Erin [00:16:08]: The second thing I came up with is my kiddo struggles in some areas that other people’s kiddos don’t. So whether it’s his sensory needs, whether it’s his adhd, which you know a ton about, but that was brand new for me. I had no clue what that was supposed to be.
Rebecca [00:16:24]: Well, sure. When you don’t experience something you can’t fathom, when you don’t personally experience something, it’s very difficult to fathom or grasp anything.
Erin [00:16:33]: Yeah, yeah, right, right. Or if he learns a different way than some other kiddos. Right. And so sometimes comparison will come out for me with other people and their children who may have an easier time making a sports team, may have an easier time going to sleepovers with other kids or having the friend base in order to ask them, do you want to come over for a sleepover? Maybe it’s a comparison around, gosh, my poor kid has to to read so much extra during the course of the night compared to another kid who might just get it from the very beginning. Right. Like, he needs to learn it in a couple of different ways. And so I do notice that there are also times. And that for me, doesn’t feel like the same level of insecurity as it would have with entrepreneurship. That for me, seems to have stemmed from this sense of, I don’t know if it’s loss or fear or concern that life’s going to be harder for my kiddo than it might be for others. And so I would notice in places where I was doing that comparison that I would feel, yeah, that might be tough, that you have to go through, fill in the blank. But then the comparison would be. But you don’t know what it’s like at my house if we’re having a massive meltdown because we can’t transition from going from VR to going to basketball practice easily. Right? So that comparison also has happened for me, but in a different way than entrepreneurship has. So those are the two examples that I came up with from a personal story comparison. Do you have any examples?
Rebecca [00:18:20]: You know, we talked about this, and we. And we’ve. I’ve shared that. We talked about this for many, many years. And, you know, when I share things like this, I don’t mean to come across as an elitist or someone who’s got my shit figured out or any of that. And sometimes I feel that way on this podcast. But at the end of the day, I’m really just a simpleton. I’m really just. I live my life very, very, very simply, and I really don’t find myself stuck in the comparison trap a lot.
Erin [00:18:57]: I would say you are the person who others are comparing themselves to more so than the one who’s looking at others. And I know that surprises you and that throws you off. It really does, because it’s gonna surprise our listeners, too.
Rebecca [00:19:12]: You’re the one. When you said that to me 20 years ago when I first met you, I know. You said to me when we first met again, you’re the deep diver. I’ve never shared any personal stories. You come to me and we have the surface level relationship, and then all of a sudden we go deep in, right? And you’re like, let me get to know you. And I showed you past boyfriends, and you’re like, what? I showed you all these things, and you would say things to me, and I would be like, what are you talking about?
Erin [00:19:41]: The things I would say to you were things like, oh, you don’t know that you’re pretty.
Rebecca [00:19:46]: Right?
Erin [00:19:46]: And you would say, no, I don’t think I’m ugly, but I don’t think I’m some crazy knockout. I’m like, oh, except other people don’t.
Rebecca [00:19:57]: See you that way either.
Erin [00:19:59]: You’re like, what are you talking about?
Rebecca [00:20:01]: Correct. And I still don’t feel that way. No, I don’t feel that way at all.
Erin [00:20:04]: But do you think one person who doesn’t know you would ever say any of that about you? I think they. I think they would say the opposite.
Rebecca [00:20:12]: I don’t know, because I don’t have those conversations. Nobody People don’t come up to me and say things like that.
Erin [00:20:16]: Yeah, but that’s because you’re the comparison at the top. They’re not going to come up to you and be like, hey, bitch, I. I can’t stand that you can wear those chunky ass heels and still look like a million bucks.
Rebecca [00:20:32]: That’s. That’s. That’s the ironic part, Aaron. When we’re out in public, I’ll be wearing the most basic. You guys, those $3 stupid sandals from black Old Navy flops.
Erin [00:20:43]: It’s black flip flops from Old Navy that are $3.
Rebecca [00:20:46]: And these people will come up to me and be like, this happened.
Erin [00:20:48]: This is a true story.
Rebecca [00:20:49]: What did they say?
Erin [00:20:50]: Florida. Oh, my God. I love your. I love your sandals so much. This is me.
Rebecca [00:20:56]: She. She gives me the dirtiest. Like, or. Or my $2 press on nails. The red press on nails from the dollar store.
Erin [00:21:03]: Oh, my gosh. Where do you get your nails done? Those are so great. Or again, lipstick on a pig. You guys, it’s complete lipstick on a pig. People will come over to your house and they will be like, oh, my gosh, I love how you’ve decorated this. This is so amazing. Now, you and I both know half that shit’s from the Goodwill and the other half you picked out of the damn trash while you were driving down the road.
Rebecca [00:21:22]: Hundred percent. Or my husband will bring. Because he. He is. He works for the highway department and he picks up the spring cleanup.
Erin [00:21:30]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:21:30]: People’s shit at the end of the driveway.
Erin [00:21:32]: Right.
Rebecca [00:21:32]: He’ll come home with a car full of shit that was garbage. And that’s. That’s my lawn furniture. It’s all people’s garbage.
Erin [00:21:40]: But, but, but. So again, we’re talking about comparison.
Scott [00:21:44]: Correct?
Erin [00:21:44]: So you would not know these. Would not know, Right. That Rebecca found this ridiculous piece of outdoor furniture on the side of the road that she told her husband to throw in the back of the truck.
Rebecca [00:21:56]: Right.
Erin [00:21:56]: And then brought it home and she grabbed herself a 3.99 can of outdoor spray paint.
Rebecca [00:22:03]: Actually, not even that. Not even that. I went to your house and you were getting rid of, and I said, is this garbage? And I took it and went home and used it. Right?
Erin [00:22:10]: Yeah, but then you’re gonna turn whatever this is into something amazing that looks nice. But a majority of the people who are going to look at Rebecca and Rebecca’s life and whatever, very much feel that she’s this.
Rebecca [00:22:24]: Right.
Erin [00:22:24]: Elitist, full of herself.
Rebecca [00:22:26]: Right?
Erin [00:22:27]: Always have all. All together. Your life doesn’t suck. There’s nothing you’re doing wrong.
Rebecca [00:22:32]: Right.
Erin [00:22:33]: You know, everything is all put together beautifully for you.
Rebecca [00:22:36]: Exactly right. And we joke that when I walk around with Aaron, Aaron has a PhD, right. And we joke that people assume I’m the hairdresser.
Erin [00:22:44]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:22:44]: And you know, even with my old jobs, I, I was a wish granter and I would be the one checking in people at events and things like that. And I have a master’s degree, I’m highly educated, I have a lot to offer. I, you know, all of these things. But the way I present myself is very, a very specific way. So anyway, here nor there. So I just feel very confident. I’m a simpleton, those kinds of things. And at the end of the day, I’m just this person who really loves my choices in life. I feel very comfortable and live in my lane and I don’t compare myself to people. I really enjoy other people. I look at everybody and feel very grateful to be around other people. And I feel very honored to be in other people’s presence. And I accept people where they’re at all the time and people genuinely treat me different very often. And I don’t understand. And so Erin and I have had these conversations a lot and so she’s told me this. And so at the end of the day, I just continue to follow my own value system. And reality is I always knew that I wanted to be a mom first. And that meant for me that I couldn’t climb the corporate ladder. Because I knew with the corporate ladder, for me in the career path that I wanted would mean that I couldn’t be the mom I wanted to be. So I knew that I wasn’t going to make a lot of money. So that meant I needed to choose a home that I would probably need to have a lower mortgage. So that was going to be an older home. And I knew that it was going to be something that I would be in for many, many years. I’ve lived in the same home for 15 years. I have this same stove from 1950. You wouldn’t know that because I spray painted it with grill paint and it’s beautiful. I have the same cupboards from 1950, but Aaron painted them when I knew it 15 years ago when I was pregnant.
Erin [00:24:45]: Aaron also, I don’t think we spent enough time on the cupboards talking about my role in those cupboards.
Rebecca [00:24:51]: My bathroom is terracotta. Terracotta tiles with a mint green tub.
Erin [00:24:56]: It was gonna be a mint green toilet if I didn’t break it.
Rebecca [00:24:58]: When you first moved in Definitely broke it. I think it was on purpose so I could get a new one.
Erin [00:25:02]: You’re welcome.
Rebecca [00:25:03]: But if she didn’t break it, we still have that toilet.
Erin [00:25:05]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:25:06]: Because I’m. I’m not going to invest in things just to replace them so that I can have something new. That’s not who we are as a family. Because I would rather put that money into the Disney vacation to make memories with my kids or give them the sports experience that they want versus live in this brand new home that I know I can’t afford because I’m not. I’m not making the money in my corporate job. You know what I mean? And that’s okay. I’m okay with that. I’m not at home crying and being like, I wish I had this. I wish I had that. Because the reality is I could do it. I have the education, I have the brains, I have the smarts. I have all of that in my arsenal.
Erin [00:25:47]: Right.
Rebecca [00:25:47]: I just don’t want.
Erin [00:25:48]: It just wasn’t your choice.
Rebecca [00:25:49]: I don’t want it. And therefore, why am I gonna torture myself comparing myself to the other people online when that’s not what I want?
Erin [00:25:59]: I don’t want that. So there’s a connection between. You’re at peace and at one with your values.
Rebecca [00:26:06]: Yes.
Erin [00:26:06]: And so that replaces the desire to compare.
Rebecca [00:26:11]: Yes.
Erin [00:26:11]: Because you have what you want and what you need and you build it exactly from where you’re at.
Rebecca [00:26:17]: And I want pretty things and pretty thing. I can make anything pretty. And I live in a beautiful home. Look at my Instagram. It’s beautiful to me. Other people may say, it’s girl. My entire home’s pink and white. People may say, oh, my God, your husband wears. Yeah, he loves it. It’s beautiful to me.
Erin [00:26:34]: Right.
Rebecca [00:26:35]: It’s what makes me happy. Other people may hate it. That’s completely fine.
Erin [00:26:39]: So I think that that touches upon the comparison associated with wanting, lusting for what other people have. But I don’t necessarily think that that was the case in my entrepreneurial slash my kiddos experience. That feels to me like a little bit of a different type of comparison trap.
Rebecca [00:26:57]: Yeah.
Erin [00:26:57]: That people fall in.
Rebecca [00:26:58]: Yeah.
Erin [00:26:58]: So maybe some of that is true in the entrepreneurial. Like, I want to be there. I want to. But I think it was much more about self doubt.
Rebecca [00:27:06]: Sure.
Erin [00:27:06]: Self fear that I wasn’t gonna be able to get there.
Rebecca [00:27:10]: Yeah.
Erin [00:27:10]: And so it was envy or it was. It was even more personal than that. It was more just again, this self doubt of, do you know how to make it at that place you’ve heard me talk very, very many times about how my end goal is to go be a keynote speaker at some college graduation. And I’m gonna get up there and I’m gonna talk about how I didn’t have any of the skills that I thought I needed in order to do this job. And then I went and sold my company for whatever gazillions of dollars.
Rebecca [00:27:40]: Yeah.
Erin [00:27:41]: But my story isn’t gonna be about why I’m so great and why you should wanna be like me. It’s instead gonna be why I’m every single one of you and what I had to go through in order to get there.
Rebecca [00:27:51]: And you can too do this.
Erin [00:27:53]: Anyone can do this. Right. It takes some fine tuning.
Rebecca [00:27:56]: And. And keep in mind, I’m your biggest cheerleader. Right.
Erin [00:27:59]: I know.
Rebecca [00:28:00]: I’m not saying your goals should be my goals.
Erin [00:28:02]: Right.
Rebecca [00:28:02]: And you’re not saying my goals should be your goals.
Erin [00:28:04]: Right?
Rebecca [00:28:04]: Right.
Erin [00:28:05]: Oh, yeah. You’re very good about making sure that my goals and me approaching my goals are aligned with what I want. If it’s not aligned with what you would have done. Right?
Rebecca [00:28:16]: Absolutely. Absolutely. And so I think. I think this is a big. That’s a big topic comparison. Chop is a huge topic that we can probably have 16 episodes on.
Erin [00:28:25]: Yeah, it’s true. So what the heck do you do about it? I mean, we, you know, you know all the answers. I wish I did.
Rebecca [00:28:32]: I wish I did. I think. I think. I think you hit on two things. Ego and. What was the thing you just said? You said ego and self doubt. Self doubt. I think those two things play a heavy role in it. And so I think if we. When the minute you’re feeling yourself getting caught in that trap, you check yourself and you say, is this my ego or my self doubt?
Erin [00:28:51]: And it’s.
Rebecca [00:28:52]: Maybe it’s a combination of both. And then you go back to your values.
Erin [00:28:56]: So you’re saying self awareness first.
Rebecca [00:28:58]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:58]: You’re saying having some awareness of the fact of how am I feeling in this moment and why am I noticing this comparison come up. And maybe it’s something outside of ego or self worth. I don’t know. Actually, let us know in the Facebook group. Leave us a voicemail. Tell us what it is that. So that I’d love to know what else are the things that are leading to comparison traps. Right.
Rebecca [00:29:18]: And maybe it’s your values changing. Because I think values change too.
Erin [00:29:23]: Well, there’s a fine line, I think, between aspiring to be or live the way that someone else does, because you get that. But I also get that. Right. So I’ll go give a keynote speech, and people will come up to me and say, oh, my gosh, how do you do it? I just love what you’re doing. I love this. I love that. Right? So in some ways, I’m in this interesting point of wanting to be vulnerable and open, which I think is really important when we talk about what to actually do about it. Own it, acknowledge it, be aware of what it is that’s actually going on for you.
Rebecca [00:29:54]: Totally.
Erin [00:29:54]: And then figure out how. Do you want to be in presence with that comparison? Are you happy there? Do you want to change something about your life? Do you want to redo your budget so that you can be more aligned with what it is that you actually want to have? Do you need to relook at your values? Right. As with so many things in this podcast, it’s the self awareness and the values alignment that seem to keep coming up over and over and over again.
Rebecca [00:30:23]: Or is it people pleasing? It could also be people pleasing, which is interesting because we talk about that in our next episode.
Erin [00:30:33]: We do. We do. What’s our next episode?
Rebecca [00:30:36]: You tell me.
Erin [00:30:37]: I don’t know. Let me look at my damn notes. I don’t know. What does Joe think our next episode should be?
Rebecca [00:30:43]: It’s actually City and People, please.
Erin [00:30:47]: Everyone, this is Joe. Everyone.
Rebecca [00:30:49]: Got to see Joe.
Erin [00:30:50]: Got to see Joe. Got to see Joe. Hey, Joe.
Rebecca [00:30:54]: Everybody, meet Joe.
Erin [00:30:55]: Guys, this is Joe. Joe is the man behind our new format. Our new sort of like, he keeps us on track. He keeps us on track. We give him a hard time, and he’s still here, so you’re absolutely right. What is it, Joe? It’s authenticity and people pleasing.
Rebecca [00:31:10]: That’s right.
Scott [00:31:10]: And I think we’ve got a special interview for it.
Erin [00:31:12]: We do. Oh, we sure do. And you know who it is? It’s this man that I found on Instagram named Chris Barthelmy. And all of a sudden, I’m doing my scrolling like you do your little doomsday scrolling, right? And I go to this true. It says true north. And this man says something that pierces every part of my soul. And so what do I do? Whatever your normal person would do. I reached out to him on Instagram, everyone. Best friends forever. Why not, right? And so you’re going to hear from Chris Barthelmy from Instagram. True North. I can’t wait for you to hear that episode. People pleasing versus authenticity. Be with us for our next episode. You do not want to miss it. I’m telling you, life changing. Yeah, absolute life changing. So, until next time, keep feeling, keep.
Rebecca [00:32:05]: Questioning, and keep spreading more love.
Rebecca [00:00:11]: I agree.
Erin [00:00:11]: I don’t find myself, you know, comparing myself to the 20, the. The 25 year olds that are going out partying all the time. Because I’m past that point in a life. Right?
Rebecca [00:00:20]: That’s right.
Erin [00:00:20]: Or I don’t find myself comparing myself to my parents and what they’re able to achieve because I feel like I’m like, yeah, you’ve all earned that. You paid your dues. Right. But there’s something interesting. I don’t know why it’s specific to media. To me, maybe that’s where it’s just most loud and proud in your face. But I think that it’s human nature to compare and to want to know where you are on the continuum of others who are in your space. Have you ever gone on Facebook and noticed that someone who you’re close with or who you know, who you’re friends with, who your acquaintances with has gone on this vacation? In my mind it’s to Disney. I don’t know why it’s to Disney, but in my mind it’s to Disney. And they look like they’ve had the most amazing time ever. And you’re looking at their pictures and you’re so thankful that they had that experience. And then it hits you this feeling of like, how the hell do they get to go to Disney? Where did they get the money to go on that trip? I bet they put that on a credit card. Right? It escalated quickly. It escalated quickly. It escalated quickly. Now listen, I say that because it’s not necessarily my personal experience.
Rebecca [00:01:51]: It sounds like an evil.
Erin [00:01:52]: But that’s 26% interest on that trip. Good luck paying that off. But I bring that up not because.
Rebecca [00:02:02]: They saved for six years. They had an inheritance.
Erin [00:02:05]: I was going to say the inheritance. The inheritance, you know, your parents paid for that. You know, I say that not necessarily because it’s my experience, but that’s what we’re going to get at today. The comparison trap. We’re going to hit you with. What is the comparison trap? How does the comparison trap play out in people’s lives? And then what the heck do we do about it? And that last part you’re taking the lead on because. Because you and I have had many conversations about how this comparison trap just doesn’t connect with you at the same level that it does for other people.
Rebecca [00:02:37]: Totally. Yeah.
Erin [00:02:38]: So let’s get into it, okay? Start us with some hippie boo.
Rebecca [00:02:41]: The hippie boo.
Erin [00:02:42]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:02:42]: All right. Knight of Cups, meaning proposals. A romantic, idealistic man has a proposal for you. Charming and magentic, he tells you a great story. But his ideals, schemes, or love or love offers stand true. He may not seek to deceive you, but he’s not a realist. More comfortable with fantasy than practicality. His words may be captivating, but meaningless in the real world. You cannot trust him to be consistent.
Erin [00:03:10]: What were they? What were the creep eyes for? Because he’s deceiving.
Rebecca [00:03:14]: He’s a little snake.
Erin [00:03:15]: Oh, okay.
Rebecca [00:03:16]: So you.
Scott [00:03:17]: I thought he was a fish.
Erin [00:03:18]: It’s really sad.
Rebecca [00:03:21]: How apropos is this serpent? Do you like how I. Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:03:23]: Gotta throw that in. Everybody’s gotta throw in apropos.
Rebecca [00:03:26]: But think about that. And we’re talking about comparisons. Yes. Okay, so judge by actions rather than words. It’s worth testing this person’s intentions before you go along with his phobials.
Scott [00:03:41]: Phobials? He had them removed at a certain.
Speaker D [00:03:43]: Time in his life.
Rebecca [00:03:45]: What do you.
Erin [00:03:46]: How do you say it?
Rebecca [00:03:47]: Phobials.
Scott [00:03:47]: Foibles.
Rebecca [00:03:48]: Foibles.
Scott [00:03:49]: Foi.
Erin [00:03:50]: Watch out for his phobials. His foibles. His phobials were contagious.
Rebecca [00:03:57]: I even tried. I even spelled it for you and tried to get. Whatever. Anyway, this is very important for this.
Erin [00:04:02]: I’m sorry. There’s something about the way that you read those that I don’t connect with at all. I think it’s your cadence.
Rebecca [00:04:09]: It’s.
Erin [00:04:10]: It’s. It’s like so choppy that I am so confused. We get to the end and I’m like, I know we’re supposed to create some meaning out of that, but I have no clue what she just said.
Scott [00:04:21]: We need to get. We need to get Rebecca some voiceover.
Erin [00:04:24]: Yeah, I think, like, we need. We need to get a voice over person to read the tarot card and then just insert it into the podcast.
Scott [00:04:32]: No, that would not be good.
Rebecca [00:04:34]: Why?
Erin [00:04:35]: It, like, goes like this.
Scott [00:04:37]: Responsibility.
Erin [00:04:39]: He’s all set. He’s all set. All right, well, it sounds like that’s right on cue for our comparison trip conversation. Why don’t. Since you just read it, why don’t you give us your takeaway of how that relates to comparison?
Rebecca [00:04:53]: Because it’s a proposal. It’s not necessarily true. Okay, people, you just said on social media. You just said people posted their claims may be deceiving. Correct. Well, you specifically mentioned social media.
Erin [00:05:07]: Yes. Right.
Rebecca [00:05:08]: You specifically said people present their lives a specific way. And therefore we as humans compare ourselves. Therefore.
Erin [00:05:19]: Yep.
Rebecca [00:05:20]: It’s a mind fuck.
Erin [00:05:21]: Yep.
Rebecca [00:05:22]: So, yep, that’s what we’re talking about today.
Erin [00:05:25]: That’s a great card.
Rebecca [00:05:25]: Now all of a sudden.
Erin [00:05:26]: You really nailed it. You really nailed it.
Rebecca [00:05:28]: I think it’s your neurodivergence is the problem. Anyway, go ahead.
Erin [00:05:31]: So people get stuck in comparing themselves to others all of the time. This concept of keeping up with the Joneses. Right. I do think that it’s more common when you talk about it within comparison groups.
Rebecca [00:05:43]: I agree.
Erin [00:05:43]: I don’t find myself, you know, comparing myself to the 20, the, the 25 year olds that are going out partying all the time because I’m past that point and that’ Life. Right.
Rebecca [00:05:51]: That’s right.
Erin [00:05:52]: Or I don’t find myself comparing myself to my parents and what they’re able to achieve because I feel like I’m like, yeah, you’ve all earned that. You paid your dues. Right. But there’s something interesting. I don’t know why it’s specific to social media. To me, maybe that’s where it’s just most loud and proud in your face. But I think that it’s human nature to compare and to want to know where you are on the continuum of others who are in your space.
Rebecca [00:06:16]: Mm.
Erin [00:06:17]: So one example would be if you see the data that comes out on such and such a magazine that says the average person between the age of 35 and 45 has. I’m making this up because I do not know if this is true, has $25,000 in their bank account. If you’re sitting there and you’re someone who has $3,000 in your bank account, you’re immediately like, I am doing something wrong, something’s not going well. But if you’re sitting there and you have 85,000 in your bank account, you are like slums. They should save more. Right. And so I just think there’s this first, this normalcy associated with comparison. And the normalcy then gets transitioned in my mind into self doubt, disappointment, anger. Maybe it’s ego, maybe it’s feeling better, I guess, depending on where you are in that comparison slide. But I do think that there’s something very normal about wanting to get a read on where you are compared to everyone else.
Rebecca [00:07:27]: Would you agree, in the grand scheme, like an average human being? Yes, I do. Although I just had an epiphany when you said what you said, love it, because we’ve had this conversation over many, many, many years. And the way you Just outlined that. The epiphany for me and why you think the way you think is because you’re a researcher at heart and I’m not. And that makes so much sense now on why your brain would think the way that it does.
Erin [00:08:01]: Say more about that.
Rebecca [00:08:02]: I don’t think for you it is ego. I think for you it’s just a research component. And that makes so much sense because when you’re a researcher at heart, you would absolutely compare data. And that makes sense when you’re comparing data because it is apples to apples. When you’re in a specific age range, when you’re in a specific socioeconomical status, when you’re comparing apples to apples, there should be a median. Therefore, if you don’t fall within that median, you’re either above average, below average, or average. Where that is 100% not how I think.
Erin [00:08:41]: And research controls for variable.
Rebecca [00:08:43]: Correct.
Erin [00:08:43]: Right. And so it’s not the case that, oh, you had a sick loved one and then had to spend $100,000 treatment.
Rebecca [00:08:51]: Correct. Or you don’t take account of that. That is not an accountable factor. Where I don’t when. And again, we’re going to get into this a little bit later in the episode. But that’s not how I don’t fall into the comparison trap like you might. And then therefore, and I’m not a data oriented person, I don’t, I don’t research the car seat, I don’t research the stroller, I don’t research the house. I just, I look at it. Is it pretty? That makes me happy. I’m gonna buy it.
Erin [00:09:18]: Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:09:19]: Do you know what I mean?
Erin [00:09:19]: Yeah, I do. And I very much resonate with the, the research side of what you’re talking about.
Rebecca [00:09:24]: Exactly. Exactly.
Erin [00:09:25]: Like, my dad’s favorite gift for Christmas is Consumer Reports magazine. Yeah. And he will come right in because I’ll say, what do you, what Internet, you know, extender do you think we should get like, it’s sky. Right, right, right.
Rebecca [00:09:38]: Exactly. Exactly. I, I’m not researching the car. Yeah. I’m like, oh my God, that’s so pretty. And it’s in my price range. I don’t give a if it’s going to crash and burn. I don’t care. Do you know what I mean?
Erin [00:09:50]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:09:50]: So there’s, there’s, I don’t care if it’s going to make somebody jealous. In fact, if somebody’s like, wow, she clearly is on in, in poor town because she can’t afford something. I don’t care.
Erin [00:10:06]: You don’t care. We always say, you’ll drive around some crazy lemon. If it means that I can get, you know, if it looks pretty or.
Rebecca [00:10:14]: If it’s pretty and it makes me feel happy. Yes.
Erin [00:10:16]: Now, I don’t necessarily fall into the comparison trap to the same degree that other people do. Right. So I think that’s fair to say too. Yes, I know the research or I do the researcher. I’m interested in the comparisons. But that’s more to appease my curiosity. If you’re going to tell me again, this is made up, this is a made up stat. That 25 grand is what’s in most people’s bank accounts between 35 and 45. I’m going to use that as a comparison point and I’m going to say, how am I doing in comparison to that? Right. But also because of my curiosity, I’m going to say what other factors might go into this? Well, I might, if I don’t have that in my bank account, I might be like, well, I’m also maxing out my contribution to 401k. Or I’m also, I’m also, I’m also right. So I can see the different variables. But when we were talking about what we were gonna talk about today, there are two areas of my life when I really had to sit and think, what is it about comparison? And are there any places that I compare.
Rebecca [00:11:13]: In your personal life?
Erin [00:11:13]: In my personal life, two things came up for me and I wanna tell you I exhausted a lot of different options over the time we first started talking about this. To the time that we’re actually doing this session. I thought, is it vacations? Is it money in people’s banks accounts? Is it the size of someone’ Is it the car that they drive? I went through every single thing that could possibly be a comparison point right now, today. Yes.
Rebecca [00:11:38]: You didn’t go back in time? Because I would say back in time there were things that we’ve discussed over the years.
Erin [00:11:45]: Sure. But I think that that was very present in that point in the moment. Right?
Rebecca [00:11:49]: Yeah. You’re talking about right now, present day, today, what’s going on for you?
Erin [00:11:54]: And so why I think it’s important to frame it in this way is that the, the part B of this part of the conversation is why, what is it about these two things I’m about to present that have that comparison feel to it. And I have some thoughts on this and I know you do as well. So I would love it for our listeners to also be thinking, when you think about the Things that you compare yourself to or your family to, or your experience to think about what those are as I’m sharing mine, and then why? What is the why behind why? Those are your comparison points. Number one, for me, my entrepreneurial journey. My comparison with entrepreneurial journey is associated with the fact that I genuinely thought, if you have a good idea, good people who are behind you, and if you have the money to support it, you’re just going to knock it out of the park. And within one year, you’re going to have a thriving business that you’re going to turn around and sell for multiple millions of dollars. And then you’re just going to go to Aruba for a couple weeks. Right?
Rebecca [00:13:08]: A couple weeks.
Erin [00:13:09]: A couple weeks, yep. And there are certain companies that fall into that category and we talked about it in terms of when I was in my incubator program. And they’re called unicorns. And they’re called unicorns for a reason. Because they are very few and far between. They basically do not exist. It is this perfect trifecta that doesn’t have as much to do with your planned organization of how it’s going to happen. It just happened to be like when you’re at the casino and you hit $30,000 jackpot and you were like, wow, that was right place, right time. Right. But the number of unicorns that people will talk about is so few and far between. I use Google as an example or Amazon as an example. That were not unicorns. They might be massive, multi billion dollar operations at this point, but they didn’t start that way, they grew that way.
Rebecca [00:14:02]: Yeah, right. We don’t hear about periods.
Erin [00:14:04]: We hear about the mystical unicorns that are around. And that’s what you should be doing.
Rebecca [00:14:08]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:14:08]: So from a comparison standpoint, and this is getting a little bit into what I think, my why is I didn’t have a lot of experience being someone who ran a business. So my own insecurities would come up and I would look at other people who were running businesses who got to leave their jobs, who got to live on the salary associated with their business.
Rebecca [00:14:32]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:33]: Who were doing it.
Rebecca [00:14:34]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:34]: And I would think to myself, when I started my business way back in 2014.
Rebecca [00:14:39]: Yeah.
Erin [00:14:40]: And then in 2018 is really when we were like, okay, this is the thing. Like, we really need to do this. Right. From that point, I would say 2018 on my comparison points that I would have would be other entrepreneurs, specifically people that were around my age, people who I would think were growing faster, scaling faster, had more Money invested, had the better connections that they needed to have. Their social media platform was better. So the comparisons would come out for me in terms of how successful they were being in their entrepreneurial journey. True to your little hippie vu card here, that might not have been the story or the case whatsoever. Right.
Rebecca [00:15:22]: Reality.
Erin [00:15:23]: You’re gonna use the phrase lipstick on a pig a couple times in this episode. Right.
Rebecca [00:15:26]: That could have been the story you were telling yourself in your head.
Erin [00:15:29]: Sure, absolutely. Which I think gets at this middle part of how does it really impact your life? But that was one area that I found myself doing some comparisons now that I find myself at the place in my entrepreneurial journey where I feel solid, stable, I can live off of income associated with my business. We are growing, we are scaling. You know, we are in a really great place. I noticed that those comparisons happen less and I start to be someone who thinks more strategically as opposed to more comparison wise.
Rebecca [00:16:05]: Yeah.
Erin [00:16:05]: So that was the first thing I came up with.
Rebecca [00:16:07]: Okay.
Erin [00:16:08]: The second thing I came up with is my kiddo struggles in some areas that other people’s kiddos don’t. So whether it’s his sensory needs, whether it’s his adhd, which you know a ton about, but that was brand new for me. I had no clue what that was supposed to be.
Rebecca [00:16:24]: Well, sure. When you don’t experience something you can’t fathom, when you don’t personally experience something, it’s very difficult to fathom or grasp anything.
Erin [00:16:33]: Yeah, yeah, right, right. Or if he learns a different way than some other kiddos. Right. And so sometimes comparison will come out for me with other people and their children who may have an easier time making a sports team, may have an easier time going to sleepovers with other kids or having the friend base in order to ask them, do you want to come over for a sleepover? Maybe it’s a comparison around, gosh, my poor kid has to to read so much extra during the course of the night compared to another kid who might just get it from the very beginning. Right. Like, he needs to learn it in a couple of different ways. And so I do notice that there are also times. And that for me, doesn’t feel like the same level of insecurity as it would have with entrepreneurship. That for me, seems to have stemmed from this sense of, I don’t know if it’s loss or fear or concern that life’s going to be harder for my kiddo than it might be for others. And so I would notice in places where I was doing that comparison that I would feel, yeah, that might be tough, that you have to go through, fill in the blank. But then the comparison would be. But you don’t know what it’s like at my house if we’re having a massive meltdown because we can’t transition from going from VR to going to basketball practice easily. Right? So that comparison also has happened for me, but in a different way than entrepreneurship has. So those are the two examples that I came up with from a personal story comparison. Do you have any examples?
Rebecca [00:18:20]: You know, we talked about this, and we. And we’ve. I’ve shared that. We talked about this for many, many years. And, you know, when I share things like this, I don’t mean to come across as an elitist or someone who’s got my shit figured out or any of that. And sometimes I feel that way on this podcast. But at the end of the day, I’m really just a simpleton. I’m really just. I live my life very, very, very simply, and I really don’t find myself stuck in the comparison trap a lot.
Erin [00:18:57]: I would say you are the person who others are comparing themselves to more so than the one who’s looking at others. And I know that surprises you and that throws you off. It really does, because it’s gonna surprise our listeners, too.
Rebecca [00:19:12]: You’re the one. When you said that to me 20 years ago when I first met you, I know. You said to me when we first met again, you’re the deep diver. I’ve never shared any personal stories. You come to me and we have the surface level relationship, and then all of a sudden we go deep in, right? And you’re like, let me get to know you. And I showed you past boyfriends, and you’re like, what? I showed you all these things, and you would say things to me, and I would be like, what are you talking about?
Erin [00:19:41]: The things I would say to you were things like, oh, you don’t know that you’re pretty.
Rebecca [00:19:46]: Right?
Erin [00:19:46]: And you would say, no, I don’t think I’m ugly, but I don’t think I’m some crazy knockout. I’m like, oh, except other people don’t.
Rebecca [00:19:57]: See you that way either.
Erin [00:19:59]: You’re like, what are you talking about?
Rebecca [00:20:01]: Correct. And I still don’t feel that way. No, I don’t feel that way at all.
Erin [00:20:04]: But do you think one person who doesn’t know you would ever say any of that about you? I think they. I think they would say the opposite.
Rebecca [00:20:12]: I don’t know, because I don’t have those conversations. Nobody People don’t come up to me and say things like that.
Erin [00:20:16]: Yeah, but that’s because you’re the comparison at the top. They’re not going to come up to you and be like, hey, bitch, I. I can’t stand that you can wear those chunky ass heels and still look like a million bucks.
Rebecca [00:20:32]: That’s. That’s. That’s the ironic part, Aaron. When we’re out in public, I’ll be wearing the most basic. You guys, those $3 stupid sandals from black Old Navy flops.
Erin [00:20:43]: It’s black flip flops from Old Navy that are $3.
Rebecca [00:20:46]: And these people will come up to me and be like, this happened.
Erin [00:20:48]: This is a true story.
Rebecca [00:20:49]: What did they say?
Erin [00:20:50]: Florida. Oh, my God. I love your. I love your sandals so much. This is me.
Rebecca [00:20:56]: She. She gives me the dirtiest. Like, or. Or my $2 press on nails. The red press on nails from the dollar store.
Erin [00:21:03]: Oh, my gosh. Where do you get your nails done? Those are so great. Or again, lipstick on a pig. You guys, it’s complete lipstick on a pig. People will come over to your house and they will be like, oh, my gosh, I love how you’ve decorated this. This is so amazing. Now, you and I both know half that shit’s from the Goodwill and the other half you picked out of the damn trash while you were driving down the road.
Rebecca [00:21:22]: Hundred percent. Or my husband will bring. Because he. He is. He works for the highway department and he picks up the spring cleanup.
Erin [00:21:30]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:21:30]: People’s shit at the end of the driveway.
Erin [00:21:32]: Right.
Rebecca [00:21:32]: He’ll come home with a car full of shit that was garbage. And that’s. That’s my lawn furniture. It’s all people’s garbage.
Erin [00:21:40]: But, but, but. So again, we’re talking about comparison.
Scott [00:21:44]: Correct?
Erin [00:21:44]: So you would not know these. Would not know, Right. That Rebecca found this ridiculous piece of outdoor furniture on the side of the road that she told her husband to throw in the back of the truck.
Rebecca [00:21:56]: Right.
Erin [00:21:56]: And then brought it home and she grabbed herself a 3.99 can of outdoor spray paint.
Rebecca [00:22:03]: Actually, not even that. Not even that. I went to your house and you were getting rid of, and I said, is this garbage? And I took it and went home and used it. Right?
Erin [00:22:10]: Yeah, but then you’re gonna turn whatever this is into something amazing that looks nice. But a majority of the people who are going to look at Rebecca and Rebecca’s life and whatever, very much feel that she’s this.
Rebecca [00:22:24]: Right.
Erin [00:22:24]: Elitist, full of herself.
Rebecca [00:22:26]: Right?
Erin [00:22:27]: Always have all. All together. Your life doesn’t suck. There’s nothing you’re doing wrong.
Rebecca [00:22:32]: Right.
Erin [00:22:33]: You know, everything is all put together beautifully for you.
Rebecca [00:22:36]: Exactly right. And we joke that when I walk around with Aaron, Aaron has a PhD, right. And we joke that people assume I’m the hairdresser.
Erin [00:22:44]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:22:44]: And you know, even with my old jobs, I, I was a wish granter and I would be the one checking in people at events and things like that. And I have a master’s degree, I’m highly educated, I have a lot to offer. I, you know, all of these things. But the way I present myself is very, a very specific way. So anyway, here nor there. So I just feel very confident. I’m a simpleton, those kinds of things. And at the end of the day, I’m just this person who really loves my choices in life. I feel very comfortable and live in my lane and I don’t compare myself to people. I really enjoy other people. I look at everybody and feel very grateful to be around other people. And I feel very honored to be in other people’s presence. And I accept people where they’re at all the time and people genuinely treat me different very often. And I don’t understand. And so Erin and I have had these conversations a lot and so she’s told me this. And so at the end of the day, I just continue to follow my own value system. And reality is I always knew that I wanted to be a mom first. And that meant for me that I couldn’t climb the corporate ladder. Because I knew with the corporate ladder, for me in the career path that I wanted would mean that I couldn’t be the mom I wanted to be. So I knew that I wasn’t going to make a lot of money. So that meant I needed to choose a home that I would probably need to have a lower mortgage. So that was going to be an older home. And I knew that it was going to be something that I would be in for many, many years. I’ve lived in the same home for 15 years. I have this same stove from 1950. You wouldn’t know that because I spray painted it with grill paint and it’s beautiful. I have the same cupboards from 1950, but Aaron painted them when I knew it 15 years ago when I was pregnant.
Erin [00:24:45]: Aaron also, I don’t think we spent enough time on the cupboards talking about my role in those cupboards.
Rebecca [00:24:51]: My bathroom is terracotta. Terracotta tiles with a mint green tub.
Erin [00:24:56]: It was gonna be a mint green toilet if I didn’t break it.
Rebecca [00:24:58]: When you first moved in Definitely broke it. I think it was on purpose so I could get a new one.
Erin [00:25:02]: You’re welcome.
Rebecca [00:25:03]: But if she didn’t break it, we still have that toilet.
Erin [00:25:05]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:25:06]: Because I’m. I’m not going to invest in things just to replace them so that I can have something new. That’s not who we are as a family. Because I would rather put that money into the Disney vacation to make memories with my kids or give them the sports experience that they want versus live in this brand new home that I know I can’t afford because I’m not. I’m not making the money in my corporate job. You know what I mean? And that’s okay. I’m okay with that. I’m not at home crying and being like, I wish I had this. I wish I had that. Because the reality is I could do it. I have the education, I have the brains, I have the smarts. I have all of that in my arsenal.
Erin [00:25:47]: Right.
Rebecca [00:25:47]: I just don’t want.
Erin [00:25:48]: It just wasn’t your choice.
Rebecca [00:25:49]: I don’t want it. And therefore, why am I gonna torture myself comparing myself to the other people online when that’s not what I want?
Erin [00:25:59]: I don’t want that. So there’s a connection between. You’re at peace and at one with your values.
Rebecca [00:26:06]: Yes.
Erin [00:26:06]: And so that replaces the desire to compare.
Rebecca [00:26:11]: Yes.
Erin [00:26:11]: Because you have what you want and what you need and you build it exactly from where you’re at.
Rebecca [00:26:17]: And I want pretty things and pretty thing. I can make anything pretty. And I live in a beautiful home. Look at my Instagram. It’s beautiful to me. Other people may say, it’s girl. My entire home’s pink and white. People may say, oh, my God, your husband wears. Yeah, he loves it. It’s beautiful to me.
Erin [00:26:34]: Right.
Rebecca [00:26:35]: It’s what makes me happy. Other people may hate it. That’s completely fine.
Erin [00:26:39]: So I think that that touches upon the comparison associated with wanting, lusting for what other people have. But I don’t necessarily think that that was the case in my entrepreneurial slash my kiddos experience. That feels to me like a little bit of a different type of comparison trap.
Rebecca [00:26:57]: Yeah.
Erin [00:26:57]: That people fall in.
Rebecca [00:26:58]: Yeah.
Erin [00:26:58]: So maybe some of that is true in the entrepreneurial. Like, I want to be there. I want to. But I think it was much more about self doubt.
Rebecca [00:27:06]: Sure.
Erin [00:27:06]: Self fear that I wasn’t gonna be able to get there.
Rebecca [00:27:10]: Yeah.
Erin [00:27:10]: And so it was envy or it was. It was even more personal than that. It was more just again, this self doubt of, do you know how to make it at that place you’ve heard me talk very, very many times about how my end goal is to go be a keynote speaker at some college graduation. And I’m gonna get up there and I’m gonna talk about how I didn’t have any of the skills that I thought I needed in order to do this job. And then I went and sold my company for whatever gazillions of dollars.
Rebecca [00:27:40]: Yeah.
Erin [00:27:41]: But my story isn’t gonna be about why I’m so great and why you should wanna be like me. It’s instead gonna be why I’m every single one of you and what I had to go through in order to get there.
Rebecca [00:27:51]: And you can too do this.
Erin [00:27:53]: Anyone can do this. Right. It takes some fine tuning.
Rebecca [00:27:56]: And. And keep in mind, I’m your biggest cheerleader. Right.
Erin [00:27:59]: I know.
Rebecca [00:28:00]: I’m not saying your goals should be my goals.
Erin [00:28:02]: Right.
Rebecca [00:28:02]: And you’re not saying my goals should be your goals.
Erin [00:28:04]: Right?
Rebecca [00:28:04]: Right.
Erin [00:28:05]: Oh, yeah. You’re very good about making sure that my goals and me approaching my goals are aligned with what I want. If it’s not aligned with what you would have done. Right?
Rebecca [00:28:16]: Absolutely. Absolutely. And so I think. I think this is a big. That’s a big topic comparison. Chop is a huge topic that we can probably have 16 episodes on.
Erin [00:28:25]: Yeah, it’s true. So what the heck do you do about it? I mean, we, you know, you know all the answers. I wish I did.
Rebecca [00:28:32]: I wish I did. I think. I think. I think you hit on two things. Ego and. What was the thing you just said? You said ego and self doubt. Self doubt. I think those two things play a heavy role in it. And so I think if we. When the minute you’re feeling yourself getting caught in that trap, you check yourself and you say, is this my ego or my self doubt?
Erin [00:28:51]: And it’s.
Rebecca [00:28:52]: Maybe it’s a combination of both. And then you go back to your values.
Erin [00:28:56]: So you’re saying self awareness first.
Rebecca [00:28:58]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:58]: You’re saying having some awareness of the fact of how am I feeling in this moment and why am I noticing this comparison come up. And maybe it’s something outside of ego or self worth. I don’t know. Actually, let us know in the Facebook group. Leave us a voicemail. Tell us what it is that. So that I’d love to know what else are the things that are leading to comparison traps. Right.
Rebecca [00:29:18]: And maybe it’s your values changing. Because I think values change too.
Erin [00:29:23]: Well, there’s a fine line, I think, between aspiring to be or live the way that someone else does, because you get that. But I also get that. Right. So I’ll go give a keynote speech, and people will come up to me and say, oh, my gosh, how do you do it? I just love what you’re doing. I love this. I love that. Right? So in some ways, I’m in this interesting point of wanting to be vulnerable and open, which I think is really important when we talk about what to actually do about it. Own it, acknowledge it, be aware of what it is that’s actually going on for you.
Rebecca [00:29:54]: Totally.
Erin [00:29:54]: And then figure out how. Do you want to be in presence with that comparison? Are you happy there? Do you want to change something about your life? Do you want to redo your budget so that you can be more aligned with what it is that you actually want to have? Do you need to relook at your values? Right. As with so many things in this podcast, it’s the self awareness and the values alignment that seem to keep coming up over and over and over again.
Rebecca [00:30:23]: Or is it people pleasing? It could also be people pleasing, which is interesting because we talk about that in our next episode.
Erin [00:30:33]: We do. We do. What’s our next episode?
Rebecca [00:30:36]: You tell me.
Erin [00:30:37]: I don’t know. Let me look at my damn notes. I don’t know. What does Joe think our next episode should be?
Rebecca [00:30:43]: It’s actually City and People, please.
Erin [00:30:47]: Everyone, this is Joe. Everyone.
Rebecca [00:30:49]: Got to see Joe.
Erin [00:30:50]: Got to see Joe. Got to see Joe. Hey, Joe.
Rebecca [00:30:54]: Everybody, meet Joe.
Erin [00:30:55]: Guys, this is Joe. Joe is the man behind our new format. Our new sort of like, he keeps us on track. He keeps us on track. We give him a hard time, and he’s still here, so you’re absolutely right. What is it, Joe? It’s authenticity and people pleasing.
Rebecca [00:31:10]: That’s right.
Scott [00:31:10]: And I think we’ve got a special interview for it.
Erin [00:31:12]: We do. Oh, we sure do. And you know who it is? It’s this man that I found on Instagram named Chris Barthelmy. And all of a sudden, I’m doing my scrolling like you do your little doomsday scrolling, right? And I go to this true. It says true north. And this man says something that pierces every part of my soul. And so what do I do? Whatever your normal person would do. I reached out to him on Instagram, everyone. Best friends forever. Why not, right? And so you’re going to hear from Chris Barthelmy from Instagram. True North. I can’t wait for you to hear that episode. People pleasing versus authenticity. Be with us for our next episode. You do not want to miss it. I’m telling you, life changing. Yeah, absolute life changing. So, until next time, keep feeling, keep.
Rebecca [00:32:05]: Questioning, and keep spreading more love.
