00;00;08;22 – 00;00;31;05
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;06 – 00;00;56;01
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay. Are you sitting with greatness today?
00;00;56;06 – 00;01;29;27
Unknown
Yeah. You are. You. Greatness. Oh. You’re famous. Yeah, I’m basically famous. I know, and, I know I don’t really, because you told me to post these in certain areas. I don’t know. No, I was just a CEO. See? No, I’m just an SEO mastermind. I mean, here, you friggin nail that. So I don’t I don’t know if this Rock Fox facility can handle the level of ego.
00;01;30;00 – 00;01;44;23
Unknown
Sure. The level. We need a higher ceiling. But, yeah, you’re dealing. But you zoom out to get that head on. That was genius. Oh.
00;01;44;26 – 00;02;07;17
Unknown
What do you call it? The level of stardom that is here today. I mean, you basically viral. Yeah, it went viral, Scott. I went I went viral, and here’s what’s fascinating. Isn’t penicillin for that? Oh, I went viral by just by telling the truth. I mean, that’s usually how it works. So two moms. I think that’s what happened to Donald Trump.
00;02;07;19 – 00;02;34;09
Unknown
Listen, two days ago, I was at 10,000 real views on the Instagram. Yeah. And then one day later, I got the message and said it was over 25,000. Look at you. 25,000 real views. You don’t seem impressed. I don’t know anything about that. I think it’s great. I don’t either. I wrote to you so that I had deciding I had to be like.
00;02;34;11 – 00;02;49;27
Unknown
Except I will say what the posted, I posted what you told me to post on the that one group. And so now my thing is like ding ding ding. Because all these people commenting on it because they love it. Oh you’re commenting. Oh I should go and look at that. Oh, now in a good way. It’s a mixed mixed bag.
00;02;50;00 – 00;03;13;16
Unknown
Oh, boy. I won’t write that then. How about you? Oh, about the topic. Yeah, yeah. Oh, girl. No no no no. It’s not personal. It’s mixed. This mixed bag on your thoughts. But it’s speech gets group. Yeah. So I think you have to keep it in context. Yeah. Of. Where people are coming from when they make their comments.
00;03;13;18 – 00;03;36;19
Unknown
So yeah it’s the topic not you. Ex-patriots expatriate. Yeah. I’m like a student affairs. Oh yeah. I was like I just living abroad I don’t get it. No no no no. I just won’t read them. I just decided not to read them. That’s fine. Yeah. Yeah. But. So I didn’t know what to do because people have been messaging me out of the woodwork.
00;03;36;20 – 00;03;57;18
Unknown
Yeah. It’s crazy. I think it’s awesome. People are like, yeah, I sent you that one where she was like, please excuse my stalking that I have done of you. I have now followed the podcast. I followed you on YouTube, I have followed you on whatever works. But I have. Yeah. She’s like, I have, friend requested you on Facebook, which is fascinating.
00;03;57;19 – 00;04;15;04
Unknown
You went to high school with her or not? Or, you know, about this woman in my life. Oh, you don’t know her. You never met her. Oh, I thought, okay, I want to collaborate with you. Could we do a Q&A session? Right? I mean, I don’t know, it depends. Like, I got to interview you right here. How you recommend if you’re worthy of being in her presence.
00;04;15;07 – 00;04;38;19
Unknown
I was gonna ask you two questions. Let’s see how he answered them. And they have nothing to do with anything you’re interested in. And if you can’t hang you out. He’s just so crazy, though. So we’re getting that. And then I’m no joke. I have had 26 friend caucus requests on Facebook. We’re not accepting any of them because my Facebook is private by my sacred place.
00;04;38;20 – 00;04;59;19
Unknown
But that’s where. So you can go to Instagram and you can follow me on Instagram. If you’d like to. We can be friends on Instagram. But we can’t be friends on Facebook like my family’s on Facebook. Oh no, oh no. So it’s a clear line for me. It’s clear. See? See? Clear boundaries. Which is also interesting because when you said to me, can you find and post this one?
00;04;59;24 – 00;05;14;27
Unknown
I went right to Facebook and then I started looking. And then my surface is crappy. And then I said to you, I’m like, can you just send me the exact one you want? Yeah. And it was from Instagram. It wouldn’t even occurred to me to go to Instagram, frankly, because I didn’t know you were on Instagram. Okay. Fair.
00;05;14;29 – 00;05;39;01
Unknown
I just got on Instagram. Yeah, right. But I don’t use Instagram for business stuff. My, that’s my personal family things. Where again, you’re an SEO. SEO. Oh yeah. SEO SEO expert expert. Yeah. Yeah, I’m SEO expert now, so apparently the the gram is where it’s at. Do they even call it that anymore? What’s the gram? It’s an Instagram.
00;05;39;01 – 00;06;07;17
Unknown
All they 100% don’t call it that. I think they did a long time ago when it was cool. I don’t think the gram is cool like a dime bag, so it’s not okay. Also, this is not cool. So my friends are busy being. The coffee shop. They’re mad at you. No absolutely not. Oh okay. So the other day I was talking to them and I said to this one gentleman who works there, I’m like, well, just hit me up on the DMs.
00;06;07;19 – 00;06;25;22
Unknown
I, you know, slide into my deal. You don’t say that. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. That’s like a sexual again, expert on the sex so that, oh, they all start laughing right. So then I’m confused because why they’re laughing. I was like, why are you laughing at me? And they’re like, okay, because I’ve not ever heard anyone say that.
00;06;25;22 – 00;06;46;15
Unknown
I said, oh shit, this is an old thing. This is an old thing. I’m like, what do you mean? You’ve never heard anyone say what they’re like, slide into my DMs or like, hit me up, I’m a DM. And then I’m like, well, what? What should I say instead? And they’re like, you just say, hit me up. I’m like, well, how are you supposed to know where to hit me up?
00;06;46;17 – 00;07;01;19
Unknown
And they said, well, we’ll be able to find you. Like, we’ll know we can hit you up on Facebook. We can. They don’t use Facebook, you know that. We can hit you up on Instagram. We will find you. We know your name. We will find you. You don’t have to tell us where to hit you up on the DL.
00;07;01;20 – 00;07;23;02
Unknown
In fact, nobody even changes phone numbers anymore, right? You just. My daughter’s like, I’m friends with. Or how does she say she’s like, they snapped me. Yeah, that’s what the f. Absolutely not. We’re not doing that. They snap to me. Yeah. That chat you you your handle is your define is your new phone number. Oh. Do you know what a handle is hit.
00;07;23;04 – 00;07;51;28
Unknown
Yeah. Like at. Yeah. 647. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay. So that’s that’s your friend. That’s your friend that you always send me screenshots of her. Sorry kid. Again. Yeah. It’s someone who always shows my stories. It’s like, hey, guys, new post. Yeah. Look, I’ve got my labia tattooed. Oh. Yeah. So yeah, that’s like. That’s like a thing.
00;07;51;28 – 00;08;12;02
Unknown
Now it’s weird. So anyway, I apparently this video that I did went viral. It has over 25,000 views on it. And so that is awesome. But I had to make sure I was doing all of the right things. So of course I’m talking to lady A and I’m like, what am I supposed to be doing? I need people to know about the podcast.
00;08;12;02 – 00;08;32;24
Unknown
And when people are looking me up, I them to know that they’re associated with all those things. I think her feedback to me was just let it go viral. I’m like, oh, I’m sorry, do you know who you’re talking to? What does that mean? Just like, what’s going to happen? I can’t just let it happen. I got to make sure that I’m I’m specifically poised to be at wherever I’m supposed to be for the next day.
00;08;32;25 – 00;08;58;16
Unknown
You are in charge of everything. So I would be like, If you would make a real to go viral to begin with? No, no. So then I just I’m keeping making these reels so people can follow me on at Aaron Halligan Avery, which is my insta handle. Like that. And when they get there, then they find out about my business and then they find out about the podcast.
00;08;58;16 – 00;09;26;11
Unknown
Great. So we’ve had an increase in subscribers to the podcast, an increase in subscribers to our YouTube channel, an increase in subscribers to my Instagram, an increase in friend requests to my Facebook page, which I’m going to to just leave them there. I’m not going to deny them because I don’t want anyone feelings to get hurt if they do get notified, but I am going to write to them each individually with a message that says, thank you so much for friending me on Facebook.
00;09;26;13 – 00;09;46;07
Unknown
I appreciate that you have a lot of time on your hands. I do not accept friend requests on my personal Facebook, but I would love for you to join me in any one of these places, and I’m going to include the links to all of these other things where they can have access. That’s called setting boundaries. That’s called traffic.
00;09;46;10 – 00;10;09;25
Unknown
We could just ignore them, which is why would we do that? Why not? You don’t care about subscribers. You don’t care what number of people you want to just let people hang out in the breeze. You’re talking about Facebook. They’ll find you an Instagram. Yeah. So, no thank you. Scott. No. What? She. What? So. Well, what Aaron’s trying to do is achieve the goal.
00;10;09;26 – 00;10;27;22
Unknown
Yes, I will show. Thank you. Yes. No. Thank you I know, just leave. I’m there. I just leave him there. It doesn’t matter what I hear. You don’t want. They’ll find you. That’s what I said when I opened up my studio app. People will find me. Yeah, they’ll just find me. I need to advertise now. Yeah, okay. I think you’ve done a great job for about.
00;10;27;25 – 00;10;48;14
Unknown
I’m really not about to reply. Good. Yeah. You know. Yeah. You know who does that Ashton Kutcher. You know that’s that’s. We’re not quite at that level yet. I set up an automatic reply on the rock box, either Facebook or Instagram. They’re connected. Yeah. And now I cannot figure out how to turn it off or change it. Okay.
00;10;48;16 – 00;11;09;21
Unknown
So don’t go down that road. Yeah. You probably didn’t just Google that. Yeah. Probably. Right. I mean, we’re at like I don’t know, 29 friend requests. It’s not like so blowing up over here that I, you don’t know what’s happened. You need to start another page because that you’re going to reach that $5,000 or 5000 friend limit.
00;11;09;24 – 00;11;24;01
Unknown
And you have to be it have to be Aaron. To your in to Aaron to. Yeah. Well, Rebecca will run that one. Jesus. Take the wheel. Not a chance. Do you love that? She’s just like yeah. Okay, so all these people are coming in. That’s great. Yeah. Nobody cares. It doesn’t really matter. And I’m like, I’m sorry.
00;11;24;01 – 00;11;43;08
Unknown
I’m using it now. I didn’t matter. I was just saying, leave them there. I’m saying just ignore it. Feels like a lot of time. Yeah. Hey, welcome to hacking a of time. Remember, when you’re just stealing that shit, when you’re more than just the talent, this is what happens. You actually have to fuel the business. What’s of me?
00;11;43;10 – 00;12;09;15
Unknown
I wonder why. I wonder why not one person, my friends, is what we call writing coattails. If you’ve ever needed an example of riding coattails into stardom, this right here is that. And when we get there and she’s there and her hair heals and her fur coat and her, you know, whatever sunglasses, and she looks like she’s been a part of this journey for the entire time.
00;12;09;15 – 00;12;32;03
Unknown
I want everyone to go back to this episode, not just this one here. I love them every. We are nice. I just saw that this this is a Scott and Aaron made venture 100%. Rebecca showed up 15 minutes late, 100%. Today is 15 minutes early. That’s what I just Anthony I I’ve only come here 62 times and took the 15 minutes early.
00;12;32;03 – 00;12;48;00
Unknown
To where in the parking lot. You were out there in the parking lot? Yes. Because we were on the phone talking. Are you kidding me? Now, when I’m looking at my watch, I’m like, all right, well, it’s 9060 because she was like, happened to the 9:00. She was late. And so I, we were talking on the phone one time.
00;12;48;00 – 00;13;06;05
Unknown
The one time you could have saved face right in my eyes and oh, in your eyes. Yeah. It still doesn’t do it. I was in the parking lot. No. Yeah. I love that. I left at 815 this morning. I even texted you guys this morning at 720. Just a reminder. Oh, that was my favorite. I almost wrote back.
00;13;06;05 – 00;13;26;19
Unknown
Is this for me or for you? I mean, the reminder about when we started. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it from either. YouTube. So whatever. Okay. Yeah, because Scott Scott’s the first one to be like, oh, you know what? I didn’t know that it was such a such a time. Oh, you know why I did have to get approval prior approval for to come in 30 minutes early?
00;13;26;21 – 00;13;47;19
Unknown
Because the time. Scott. Yes. You were kind enough to ask. I did ask, and I wouldn’t say that’s prior approval. That’s what it is. Scott, are you available to take us at 9 a.m.? That’s a prior approval. Yeah. Okay. Technically we didn’t just show up and say we’re here. It’s more of a, like, can you shift the whole time?
00;13;47;19 – 00;14;08;15
Unknown
Yeah, that’s not prior approval. That’s what that is. I get the I guess you’re definition. Yeah. You didn’t just I didn’t just show up and then ask for forgiveness for Scott. She also didn’t care that my video reached 25,000 views I did too. She’s just damn straight up. You’re talking to Scott. I said, you said Scott. I’m looking at Scott.
00;14;08;15 – 00;14;25;28
Unknown
Listen to me. No, you. You’re completely fine. Like I don’t care. See you. This is what it says. I see you whatever that this is what it says to you was coming in a little hot. I understand that that didn’t feel great. She’s in. She’s in a mode right now that we just let her be where she is.
00;14;26;01 – 00;14;42;18
Unknown
You said, I want you to know. And then you sent me a picture with fire, and you said thank you. And then you sent me the woman screenshots with their that and you said, see with a heart. And I said, stop it. You are to start painting with love. It’s incredible and I’m super proud of you. And then I made some other comments about some of those things.
00;14;42;21 – 00;15;06;07
Unknown
Yeah, it’s absolutely right. I was not talking about that text message exchange. I was talking about what I came in today and your lackluster enthusiasm about because I already praised the other day. We’re not done. I see, I see it was annoyance over the fact that we’ve already praised and now won’t be exciting. I just listen, I, along with here it comes, Scott okay, okay.
00;15;06;08 – 00;15;22;12
Unknown
So anyway, Scott, I see you. I’m sorry that she’s coming in a little hot. We will get her together here. It’s fine. Any attitude that any of the listeners might be hearing right now? You’re correct. You’re correctly assessing the situation. She will get with it. This is one of those times. You just need to give her a moment.
00;15;22;14 – 00;15;46;22
Unknown
Okay? It’s more coffee. It’s fine. No, she isn’t any more coffee. It’s probably all caffeinated. Maybe the caffeine leaves as part of the fact that it’s two days off. These eight days old and a half life, maybe the caffeine disappears. It’s like evaporates. Yeah. So something else I wanted to talk about today is, What what is happening with children’s sports?
00;15;46;24 – 00;16;14;02
Unknown
I, I went to a basketball tournament this past weekend for Carter, and at one point, this kid went up to grab the basketball, got the basketball. The other kid who was guarding him was annoyed that he got the basketball, turned around and took his elbow and went boom. Shoved it right into his eye. It was intentional. It was out of anger.
00;16;14;03 – 00;16;37;16
Unknown
You can’t do that. You got to do it when the refs are not looking. It was because if you do it in front of the refs, you get called on purpose. Yeah, every one in the in the crowd went like this. And then there I am. I hope they threw that little punk out of the game. I doubt it stood right up and I yelled, come on, is this now?
00;16;37;16 – 00;16;58;22
Unknown
If you did that at my kid’s soccer games, you would get fined $75. I don’t care, I will pay $4,000. You’re not. That’s bullshit. You’re not allowed to. So I said, look, Carter, I need to be very clear. Had that happen to you, had you been the one that got eyeballed with the, with the elbow that. Oh I would have run on that for God.
00;16;58;22 – 00;17;25;10
Unknown
I would have gotten on that little kid’s face. I would have asked him for the most embarrassing wear. His anger management seems to be lacking his mother who just so we’re clear, she. If she was a cheerleader, she’s the base, okay? She’s the base of the pyramid, a big girl. Okay, so you didn’t. You just spit. You got.
00;17;25;13 – 00;17;43;06
Unknown
Oh, my God, you can’t listen to me. You can’t listen to me. I said I’m saying all of them. I would have said it there, too. Turns out that that’s his mom. Okay, so I said to Carter after the game, I need you to be really clear. Had that happen to you, I would have run out on that court.
00;17;43;06 – 00;18;01;06
Unknown
I would have had a comment for that kid. Then his mom, who’s the cheerleader base, would have run out on that court, and I would have had words with her, including, what is this hood ball? We’re playing hood ball over here. Oh, the hell is going on? What are you teaching your kid? You’re teaching him how to take cheap shots.
00;18;01;09 – 00;18;32;23
Unknown
Good for you. What, is he, in third grade? Congratulations. Your nine year old is officially an asshole. And you know where he gets it? It gets. He gets it from you. Get out of my face! This is what would have happened. Do you see that? Empathy is out the window at this point? Number two, I say to Carter, had you been the one to elbow that kid, I also would have gone out on the court and I would have said, get on the bench, get on the bench, and I would have turned to your coach, and I would have said, he’s done for the rest of the game.
00;18;32;23 – 00;18;54;10
Unknown
You put him in there and we’re going to have a problem. Then the coach would say, please don’t come back. Sorry ma’am, I’m sorry, ma’am. And I’m going to say, don’t talk to me. Pissed. You can tell she’s new to sports. People piss. Meanwhile, now Carter is mortified. Carter said to me Carter was on the bike. Never was on the bench during this whole thing.
00;18;54;10 – 00;19;16;14
Unknown
Okay, so it was totally fine. I just needed everyone to know I was the mom who was standing up yelling, what is happening here? Did they? What is going on? Is the kid. So then the refs all got together. The refs had this little powwow about what to do with this kid, and I’m watching like a hawk because if it’s not handled appropriately, I’m going to go like mediate it.
00;19;16;17 – 00;19;36;26
Unknown
And I am I’m making sure that what is happening is happening. They call the coaches over. They start to have a conversation with the coaches. I’m standing there, I got my hand on my GM happening, my elbow to the eye. Are you kidding me? I was a kid bleeding or the kid was bawling his eyes out on the ground.
00;19;36;28 – 00;19;58;18
Unknown
Oh yeah. Asshole. My God, Kadhim Long, you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole. He intentionally. Why don’t I elbow you in the eye and we see how you are? But then why are we having the conversation? How will I wonder? Why is there a conversation on what to do? Because it wasn’t intentional. Pull them off the court. No. They are having a conversation about it.
00;19;58;18 – 00;20;29;18
Unknown
They then decide that this kid, so long as he acknowledges, well, his dad must have been on the on the thing too, because his dad starts a reaming him a new asshole. What the hell are you doing? Your brain starts yelling at him, so they tell him that he has to sit on the bench and that if he does come back into the game, that, he needs to he needs to go over to that kid whether kid’s on the bench or wherever, and he needs to apologize to that kid for his inability to be able to control his emotions before he’s allowed to go back into the game.
00;20;29;20 – 00;20;45;13
Unknown
Good. Then I thought that that was an appropriate solution. So I sat myself back down. I thought it was probably fine. And it was. He went in, he gave the kid a hug. He said, I apologize. I did not mean to to do that. The kid said, it’s all right. And then they moved on and it was totally fine.
00;20;45;14 – 00;21;12;22
Unknown
How old are these kids? 39. Oh, okay. At this moment, Mark gets up and walks to the complete opposite side of the court. He can’t sit next to me. Yeah, because he is so embarrassed at this moment that I’m having these opinions that I’m having and I don’t care because, it’s inappropriate. And I am an athlete. I’ve been an athlete my entire life.
00;21;12;25 – 00;21;37;06
Unknown
I have been red carded out of lacrosse games. I have been yellow carded out of games. I understand the need to have to get physical. I do not understand when you are in an environment that you’ve decided to take it upon yourself, because you can’t control your own emotions, that you’re now going to physically harm another person that has nothing to do with the action of what’s happening in that game.
00;21;37;13 – 00;21;55;27
Unknown
But that’s why there shouldn’t have been a conversation. He should have been pulled off. Well, they did pull him off, right? But we had to have a whole powwow about what was going to happen, probably because they’re nine. And this stuff doesn’t usually happen in the nine year old games. Does it happen in the high school games? I’m sure it happens all the time in high school games, but this guy does.
00;21;55;27 – 00;22;12;20
Unknown
A guy, you know, that kid’s going to end up going to prison. But see, I disagree because my kids have been doing this since they were six and seven, and that happens all the time. They’ve been what, hitting people in the eye with their elbows? Absolutely. Some girl, some girl over the weekend when the ref wasn’t looking, shoved one of our girls into the into the ground.
00;22;12;27 – 00;22;29;23
Unknown
And people’s response to that is what? You’re not allowed to say anything you can say absolutely nothing. As parents, you just you could say whatever you want. You just need to be prepared for the consequence. $5 fine or get kicked out or whatever. Right? But I mean, everybody just sits there. Of course they’re angry, but they can’t see anything.
00;22;29;23 – 00;23;01;18
Unknown
And then what they’re hoping is that the that the, the ref is appropriate and, and pulls them out and says you’re out. Whatever, whatever. You’re hoping that all goes down. But guess what? These refs are 16. They don’t care. They do not care. They were there. Young kids not calling things correctly. Well, I’m sorry, you’re all going to have to read about me on the news because I’m not going to sit there while my kid is behind the scenes getting beat because someone else’s kid.
00;23;01;18 – 00;23;21;23
Unknown
But that’s where you handle their shit. That’s where we, the wrestling community, needs to come together and really be mindful of those kinds of things and not look the other way or not, you know, let things go. Because what happens is they start testing and see how far they can get. And when the ref doesn’t call anything, then it gets worse and it just escalates.
00;23;21;23 – 00;23;44;18
Unknown
Sure, he escalates so badly, but I mean, and at the end of the day, I don’t know anything about basketball. But everybody says in soccer it’s technically a contact sports. They need to be prepared for all of that intervention or not. No, no. You know, I mean, I don’t know shit about soccer. I just know that. No, you know, but you need to be prepared for that when you’re on the court or when you’re in the field.
00;23;44;20 – 00;24;01;08
Unknown
Absolute. What else is interesting is once you hit a certain age in soccer, if someone gets hurt, the game don’t stop because they use it as a tactic. So they’ll go down and they’ll whine and cry when they’re not really hurt because the clock doesn’t stop, you know what I mean? So like then it’s like, oh, is that real?
00;24;01;08 – 00;24;20;25
Unknown
Is that not real? Like, yeah, well, let’s just be clear here that I have zero empathy for the kid and his mom, who decided to take an elbow to another player’s face. I wish it had been taken out exactly the same way. If it was the opposite and it was someone on on my team and the coach, wouldn’t they needed to take Carter out?
00;24;20;26 – 00;24;36;26
Unknown
Had it been Carter, it never would be Carter. In fact, I’d like Carter to be a little more aggressive on the court. He’s just a big time team player, which is really great, but I would like him to be a little more aggressive. He’ll get there, but if he ever gets to that point, he will sit his ass on that bench.
00;24;36;28 – 00;24;58;00
Unknown
You can’t intentionally there’s a there’s an integrity issue here. And I get that. It’s high emotion. I get that people are in that place. But again, just like when we were talking about the Sandra Dawley situation, your internal character is showing at all times, right? No matter what. Right. But that’s why the coaches, everybody said you just pulled that you shouldn’t have been allowed to go back in.
00;24;58;02 – 00;25;13;15
Unknown
That should have been you sit the bench will have the conversation afterwards. Gets to is that gets to the very end. What does this mom do? Pat I’m right on the mark, of course. Job with that, buddy. Yeah. All right. Why don’t you go back to cheerleading? But.
00;25;13;18 – 00;25;30;08
Unknown
The part I was having a reaction about was we can’t. We can’t stop a game and have a powwow like, you need to have these rules set in place before the game even starts. You’re not. There has to be a code of conduct, right? You’re not allowed to do that kind of stuff. And here are the consequences. We’ll deal with the emotion component afterwards.
00;25;30;14 – 00;25;50;11
Unknown
But you don’t get to intentionally hit somebody tonight and then go say sorry and go back it. Oh I agree with that. That should not have happened. I agree with that. I just think that they haven’t, they weren’t prepared for any of that. The amount of audible gasps from the audience when it happened was incredible. It was in unison.
00;25;50;14 – 00;26;11;08
Unknown
It was like oh my gosh. It was it was a very intense. I’m not talking like, oops. I just kind of. It’s like he intentionally would have punched the kid in a sucker punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that’s it was that level. And so I don’t think that they’re prepared for that. I don’t think any of them were prepared that some nine year old was going to turn, or an eight year old even was going to turn and hit this other kid.
00;26;11;11 – 00;26;36;12
Unknown
But here’s the question. It was egregious enough that it made the entire but what would have been gas? What would happen, I don’t know, sports? What would happen in an NBA game if that happen when they be kicked out? Well, I think the term Scott is technical foul, which means you get three shots at the basket. That’s it instead of two because you hurt someone so badly or intentionally.
00;26;36;12 – 00;26;57;22
Unknown
It’s not just a foul like you’re going there’s nobody there at the key. In the key. They’re there by themselves at the foul line. When they do that it’s just that oh there’s a person who intentionally hurt them. Doesn’t have to come off and be out for the pens. What number. Foul it is. So you can’t. So it’s based on the basketball game I don’t know what the number is but you can’t be in a basketball game and foul someone.
00;26;57;22 – 00;27;15;04
Unknown
Let’s say it was four times right. And on the fifth time you’re basically you’re too much of a threat in this game. You can’t keep your shit together. Okay. So now you’re out for good. Okay. I have not seen that in a professional basketball game in a long time, that it’s gotten to the point where someone can’t has over fouled someone.
00;27;15;09 – 00;27;32;25
Unknown
So. So in hockey same conversation. Say they have to sit in the penalty box right. For a certain time frame. Whatever. So so there are rules if you were to like. But I don’t know if someone literally has to like break a leg. That’s what I’m wondering. Like at that level, what happens is that just a technical foul?
00;27;32;28 – 00;27;50;19
Unknown
I think it depends on the intention behind it. So, like, Taylor’s broken, someone’s hand by kicking the ball into the goal, but that was not intent. She was scoring a goal. It was an accident based on what happened. Yeah. So she wasn’t like now she went up in the. Oh yeah. She’s whatever. I’m sure she felt terrible. Of course you know.
00;27;50;21 – 00;28;09;25
Unknown
Of course she did. But everybody felt it right. The intention is what matters I completely agree. So that’s why I feel like there should be an automatic. But I don’t know what the answer is in the NBA, if I don’t even intentionally harm someone to the point where they are physically injured, or what if it is a game injuring career injuring, you can get thrown out?
00;28;09;25 – 00;28;33;00
Unknown
Absolutely. You can get arrested from the game. Yep. That’s the word. Yeah. Ejected from the game from the game. And they can eject parents and they can eject. They can eject whatever they want or fine them or whatever. But in my yeah, what was really interesting though to me about that was I’m an incredibly empathic person. I just talked about taking, you know, responding to people on Facebook to make sure that they still feel seen.
00;28;33;00 – 00;28;51;14
Unknown
Right. If I felt none of that, I felt zero amount of that because it was just this other part comes in that is just so clear cut about what needs to happen here and what’s appropriate behavior and what should have happened and and how that was supposed to be. But in that moment, it’s like a switch turns on.
00;28;51;18 – 00;29;11;23
Unknown
I don’t care at all what anyone else feels about that. I have the answer. I’m going to tell you how to manage that situation, but isn’t that fascinating? I wonder if that’s a defense mechanism or if that’s like, I just feel so empathic for that kid that got no, that’s it right there mediately run to like it’s a justice thing for me, right?
00;29;11;26 – 00;29;32;13
Unknown
No you were you were more that’s that’s it. You want to make sure that the kid who got hurt is seen and intended to. You’ll deal with the consequences of the perpetrator, later. Because that’s that’s their emotions don’t matter. The purpose. They don’t matter right now. Which is why, again, they should have been pulled off immediately. Unacceptable.
00;29;32;14 – 00;29;58;16
Unknown
That’s a it’s a lesson two for everybody else. You don’t get to do that at all. But then after the fact, after my emotions settle down, then I start to be like, okay, I can understand in this context, you know, he’s high emotional. It’s highly emotional. What’s happening in this game. Right? He probably was having a reaction to the fact that this kid was defending him incredibly hard.
00;29;58;16 – 00;30;16;28
Unknown
Right. And that can be annoying and frustrating. Sure. Yeah. He’s probably he’s only nine. Right. So whereas before I’m like, I don’t care how old you are, right? In that moment, I have now flip flopped into this place of like, I completely understand. And when he did hug him and you could tell is very sincere, he very much felt bad.
00;30;17;05 – 00;30;45;15
Unknown
So I appreciate it. So I come on really hard with this. Absolutely not. And then when I see some of that reconciliation happen, then I feel a little bit of a guilt and shame from having been at that place where I was so strongly negative in so angry. I was angry at the mom, the stuff that was happening in my head that I was going to say to that mom, if she came up to me, was next level.
00;30;45;17 – 00;31;09;11
Unknown
It was incredible and I don’t know who I am to think so. So is it. So then when you dissect it, was it an intention that that kid did that or was it a reaction? He probably didn’t intentionally say, I’m going to teach you and go and punch him or whatever. It was probably all those things you just said he was really he was really I don’t I don’t know, basketball.
00;31;09;13 – 00;31;24;09
Unknown
Yes. All these things are happening. And I had a reaction because I don’t want to be seen as yes, not as good. Yes or whatever. Yes. Or I’m annoyed because you’re on me all the time and I just just trying to make a basket and you’re always in your head, me in my face and all those things. That’s why those are two different things.
00;31;24;12 – 00;31;39;24
Unknown
Because people are all up in your shit. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because that’s the goal. I mean, when you have a physical presence, just like with soccer, when you’re physically, we always joke, right? When you take a picture of our girls next to some of the other girls, one of the moms is always like, oh, she’ll wish she drop her car keys.
00;31;39;24 – 00;31;58;10
Unknown
Coming in. Yeah, kids are eight, eight, nine done right. But they’re so big, right? And so as a parent of a kid who’s smaller now, my kid’s bigger. So. Right. You know, but I there are smaller kids. They have to work harder. Yes, they have to work harder, especially with basketball. Think about that. Yes. So yeah, you can’t be you got to you got to factor that all in.
00;31;58;13 – 00;32;20;24
Unknown
And then those people have reactions. They’re like, it’s not fair, you’re bigger or you’re whatever, whatever. But that’s really interesting reaction versus intention. And I guarantee you it was a reaction. I’m sure it was the wrong reaction. Yes. The question then is what did he feel immediately after? That’s why he that’s why he had the hug and the genuine remorse.
00;32;20;24 – 00;32;40;27
Unknown
Right. But it was intentional. What my question is why is it was it. There is. Therein lies the intention. Were you did you do it because you were told to do it? But then we have societal expectation. You mean the homage to the hugging, the hitting, the hug? No, not if you witnessed a genuine after. But he had to sit on the bench first.
00;32;40;29 – 00;32;59;22
Unknown
He was told, before you come into this game, you need to apologize. Now, maybe he wasn’t told that he had to hug, right? I think that you get a group of nine year old boys. You’re probably not going to force a hug. But think about it. In sports, there’s two opposing teams. You don’t cross that middle line. In that moment, he’s not going.
00;32;59;22 – 00;33;19;26
Unknown
It’s this is in gym class or PE or be appropriate in that moment, whether he wanted to or not. He’s not going to disrespect the rules of the coaching and whatever and go over to that. Again, this is my experience. You’re not going to cross that line. You also, when you’re on teams like that, if you’re having a bad day or a bad moment or whatever, and you need your mommy, you’re not allowed to run over to your mom.
00;33;19;28 – 00;33;38;13
Unknown
Yeah, that’s not a thing. You don’t do that. Right. So we don’t know. Yeah. We don’t. He would have done naturally in his natural if it was in his natural environment. We don’t know what he would have done right by also we don’t know. But what did he do on the field? Here’s what you can analyze. When that whole thing happened, did he just stand there boasting?
00;33;38;13 – 00;34;06;00
Unknown
No. He just stood there and then looked at this kid who was on the ground crying, and then walked over to the bench in in a. But we have to understand this in context too, right? Because my kid would do the same thing, but he has the sweetest soul on the planet. So when you understand it in the context of the fact that he’s around, the whole group and eight other nine year olds, he’s done this thing that he feels regretful of, he’s not going to be openly vulnerable to.
00;34;06;00 – 00;34;28;00
Unknown
Now, bend down and be like, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I really did something. Boy, that right. Because he’s a boy. Yeah. Because we we’ve societally conditioned boys to not be emotional or supportive. Right? I could see my kid doing that and immediately feeling massive regret and then just walking over to the bench internally being like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just did that.
00;34;28;00 – 00;34;41;19
Unknown
Oh my gosh, is he okay? I don’t know why I say that. And then I actually think Carter probably would recognize in that moment and bend down. Right. But also it also has to do with coaching. Right. So what I find interesting is.
00;34;41;21 – 00;35;09;29
Unknown
In in my younger girls games, somebody apparently when somebody gets hurt, you should take a knee, right. Oh yeah. Right. So somebody got hurt and everybody on their team not my girls team. The opposite team took a knee. And my girls team goes huddle and everybody runs and they huddle. And I’m thinking I’m like, I bet you Aaron would have a huge problem with that because they’re taking advantage of the this girl got hurt, right.
00;35;10;00 – 00;35;27;27
Unknown
Not it may not even have been our kids fault. Right. But everyone in respect, you’re supposed to take a knee and allow it all to go down and have have a moment. And my kids are taking advantage of that. Right. And regrouping and strategizing. Right. And I think it’s interesting. Right. And I think to myself, is that normal?
00;35;27;27 – 00;35;46;25
Unknown
I don’t know, I’ve never seen that. I’ve only seen that on this team. But then again, you know me, I’m a soccer, but I know nothing about it. But I find that it’s a it’s a thing in my soul that goes. That feels really weird. Yes. I but that’s my question. When it comes to kids sports, kids sports related to empathy really is what we’re talking about right now, right?
00;35;46;25 – 00;36;16;29
Unknown
Because I remember my volleyball team in high school was top ranked regionally for many, many, many years, and our coach was bad ass. And she’s a bad ass, right? There’s no other way to describe her. We worked so hard. I have never worked that hard to this day, as I did in high school volleyball. But one of the things she conditioned us to do was stand at that net with our hands up and to just talk constantly.
00;36;17;01 – 00;36;38;05
Unknown
So outside, going outside, back over here, look back, back, left hand and remember this like just just it doesn’t matter communication you’re saying yeah but it’s intimidating. Yeah. Because you got Becky Scharf who’s up there six foot two right. Who is just talking talk and talking. And then you got your outside hitter and your left side hitter or whatever that was in the 90s.
00;36;38;05 – 00;36;56;28
Unknown
Right? Right, right. That was a thing that was not done. We were the only team that was ever doing it, and it was for intimidation factor. We didn’t care what we were talking about. The goal was to out talk and out influence that was going on the other side. That’s also a confusion tactic. Absolutely right to the other team.
00;36;56;28 – 00;37;11;18
Unknown
But what does it look like, what you’re communicating. And it was probably helpful to the rest of the team to hear, okay, the back hitter is a left left handed hitter. You know, tends to go cross court, right. And then whenever they would go up. So let’s say the ball was hit goes over the other side. They do the bump set.
00;37;11;21 – 00;37;25;03
Unknown
We would yell back back back back back back back. Which meant that it was going to the back. And we’d say down the line, down the line, down the line, because we could tell by her hand direction where I was going. So again, but when you’re up there and you’re trying to hit, you’re like, what the heck? You’re all confused, right?
00;37;25;05 – 00;38;00;12
Unknown
So my question is, did these types of things always just exist? Did they always just exist in good teams, or is it the case that we’ve now transitioned into the parents who were on those teams are now the kids are now just parents or the coaches of the kids who are on these teams. It’s a good question. And let me add to that many a coach from my old high school got the hell out of there because parents were having so many reactions and feelings towards what was happening in the environment that they weren’t okay with, were referring to it as hazing.
00;38;00;17 – 00;38;23;05
Unknown
Oh, so you’re saying you’re not giving my kid enough playing time? Some were saying you’re not coaching this team correctly. Now I can’t remember at all. My parents never daring to say one thing to any of my coaches. And it seems like there’s been this transitional shift into people having a lot of thoughts and feelings and opinions, and it’s fairness.
00;38;23;05 – 00;38;43;27
Unknown
And like, everyone is sort of fighting for their own right to be heard. And then it, you know, coaches aren’t necessarily able to enact all of those things, but they also weren’t able to maybe discipline the kids like they would want to because, you know, we used to run stairs for five minutes, which is atrocious. It’s absolutely atrocious.
00;38;43;29 – 00;39;06;25
Unknown
And then people would throw up on the stairs and she would be like, do it again. Run around it. Yeah. If we did that now, I, you know, I think you’d have a complaint in the athletic director. So I think that’s interesting. You say that because I, I find it such a just juxtaposition between let’s just use elementary school and sports.
00;39;07;01 – 00;39;26;11
Unknown
Right. So I always worry. I’m like, so when you’re in gym class and you’re playing soccer, you can’t play like you play because you’re going to get some chance, going to get a ball to the face, right? Or you’re going to get in trouble because you’re, you’re I’m going to use professionally trained. You’re trained to do certain things right.
00;39;26;13 – 00;39;46;11
Unknown
Gym is a physical exercise. Learn a skill, okay. So just bring it in. Right. Like right. But that’s so confusing for kids. I remember and remember them in rec soccer. And the coaches would be like, you need to be more aggressive. And I’m like, they hear all day long, you need to play together and be nice. And then you get on the field and you’re supposed to transition.
00;39;46;11 – 00;40;06;02
Unknown
Yeah, right. So my younger kid team did a whole like, alter ego session where they learned about professional athletes who can transition and can do this and can do that. And so they almost like, came up with these alter egos so that when they step onto the field, they embody that. But then when they step off, they’re back to their loving selves.
00;40;06;08 – 00;40;23;19
Unknown
So like if you’re if you’re having a hard time like someone like Carter, like he, he may, he may worry that if he’s too aggressive, he’s going to hurt someone’s feelings. Well, if you teach him to separate that. Yeah, but that’s not done. Right. And so I find that, again, I’m. I’m not your sports. I’m not right.
00;40;23;19 – 00;40;37;26
Unknown
So never in my mind. But I’m very clear that I’m watching these little kids who were told you got to be kind and make sure you pass it to everybody, but that’s not what you do on the field, because if you pass it to everybody, you’re going to lose. And then all of sports that’s right is to win.
00;40;37;27 – 00;40;53;26
Unknown
To win. I know we need to win. If you want to just pass it around, then go, go do it over there. Well is the goal of sports to win? Maybe not for everyone, right? Right. So now we don’t even have a unified mission or goal. So maybe at the professional levels that you guys are playing at, absolutely.
00;40;53;26 – 00;41;16;02
Unknown
You’re not spending all this money and traveling to Boston for an entire weekend. We’re not we’re not professionals. All right. Well, we are we are travel team. We are looking for a higher, yes, higher competitive experience. But we’re choosing to do that now with my I chose to be in the league. That was more right. Inclusive.
00;41;16;04 – 00;41;36;00
Unknown
Yes. Right then. Then as long as that’s my mindset then that’s beautiful. Right? But the challenge is whenever and everyone does not have the same mission, even at all of those same levels, yes, that can be challenging. So if I’m at the Y, which is an all inclusive environment and great, and my goal is that my kids constantly on a winning team, yes.
00;41;36;00 – 00;41;51;00
Unknown
But everyone else’s goal is that maybe my kid learns how to dribble a little bit better than he did, or we have a little more pressing here or whatever. Yeah, but now take that to your level where you’re on travel, soccer leagues, where you’re paying a lot of money to go and do this. We’re not paying money to lose.
00;41;51;00 – 00;42;19;02
Unknown
Right. And most of the time, winning is the side effect of what we’re hoping is going to happen. But we also want good team communication. We want to teach these girls confidence. We want to teach them that it’s okay to be aggressive and to be able to come off the field and not continue to be aggressive. Right. There’s so many lessons in sports and there’s ways to do that, and there’s ways to be aggressive and there’s ways to exert yourself that are not offensive and then are not breaking the rules.
00;42;19;05 – 00;42;39;15
Unknown
You know, we don’t we’re not teaching kids to break the rules. That is not that’s not okay. Well, we are though sometimes there are a lot of help. Not but there is a lot of sports where you’re teaching. A great example would be a, what do you call it, Scott? It’s not the technical foul. You pull the, in basketball.
00;42;39;16 – 00;43;01;26
Unknown
Yeah. In basketball you pull a charge. And so what that means is if you’re coming in and you’re bouncing that ball and you are going to shoot that basket, and you just brush me in the tiniest way, I’m trained to know how to fall. Yeah. To look like you just. Oh, right. That’s what I charge. Okay. So that’s what I mean about the girls faking to get hurt.
00;43;01;26 – 00;43;24;12
Unknown
Yes. And then they run the clock out when we’re about to score. Right. So. Yeah. So those, those types of examples. Yeah. Right. So how do you take these poor kiddos. Right. Like they’re just trying to figure out the pragmatics associated with how you socially engage on the playground. And now put them in all of these different environments where you’re like lying is bad, right?
00;43;24;12 – 00;43;50;05
Unknown
But did you just pull that charge? You should pull the charge. She should have fallen down and pretended like you got hit really bad, because that’s going to give us a free shot on goal. Right? And so then you have situations with kids who are neurodivergent and like my kid is a very literal. Right. So he’s so nice on the court because he thinks that I’m going to be mad if all of a sudden he becomes aggressive and goes for a jump ball.
00;43;50;07 – 00;44;06;14
Unknown
So I have to say to him, well it’s okay to go for jump balls, right. But I also need to say to him it’s also okay to steal the ball from someone, right. It’s also okay. Right. And then no, no wonder this poor kid is like so I can steal the ball from someone. Here’s here’s a great example.
00;44;06;14 – 00;44;35;22
Unknown
I can steal a ball from someone at my RC league, right? But I can’t at the YMCA, and I can’t gym and I can’t on the play. That’s right. And I can’t steal right? Sherri’s toy, whatever. But I cannot steal the ball. Mixed messages. And we’re expecting them to navigate these social environments in ways that it’s so clear to us from an experiential standpoint, yes, but they are confused.
00;44;35;22 – 00;44;52;19
Unknown
Yes. And nervous. Yes. And right. And then when they do something that they’re not supposed to do right, we yell at them for it. Right? And then that phrase that starts that confused. Right. Or then we praise them, we’re like, that’s right, get aggressive. Get in there. Don’t let her touch you. Don’t give it back right. Give it back to her.
00;44;52;19 – 00;45;08;09
Unknown
Get on that. That’s right. So fast. I know I’ve been watching that for years, and I just think that’s got to be so mean. And I always equated it to the fact that I never played sports. So in dance class, you want to be as unified as possible. You want to look at same. You want to be in the same line.
00;45;08;09 – 00;45;24;16
Unknown
You don’t want to stand out. You want to be a, you know, and then in sports, it’s like you want to show you want to be the team player, but you also want to excel in your specialty skill so that you can have be that one component of the cog, right? Like everybody needs to have their certain things.
00;45;24;19 – 00;45;46;01
Unknown
It’s so hard. But especially when these kids are younger and younger, even you said it, you’re like, I didn’t do any of these kinds of real competitions in high school. Gosh, my kids are freaking. We’ve been traveling since seven years old. Carter’s on this new Ark League, and I swear to God, these kids have been playing since they were five years old, probably even at a normal level of development.
00;45;46;01 – 00;46;06;16
Unknown
For a kid who’s played in maybe four tournaments ever in his life. He just started playing less than a year ago. But these kids are backs on the ball behind their back, bouncing the ball in between their legs, doing, you know, layups with both hands. It’s it’s it’s crazy incredible. We went to Boston. That’s over this past weekend with my youngest team.
00;46;06;16 – 00;46;35;08
Unknown
And we played. We made the championships and we played the number two team in Connecticut. Wow. And the whole state. One of the dads goes that’s a small state! Hahaha. And we should have won. We should have won. We? There’s a lot going on. A lot of people in Connecticut. Yeah, yeah. But isn’t that interesting? Like, yeah, that’s, that’s the level of competitiveness that we’re, we’re looking to find.
00;46;35;09 – 00;46;54;27
Unknown
Right. And our team is willing to go to Boston on a holiday weekend. Yeah. Fork out that money. Yeah. Just to play a game I know, I know. Isn’t that nuts I know. And not only that, but it was a situation where we don’t even know how long we’re going to stay. We stay according to how you win.
00;46;55;00 – 00;47;09;13
Unknown
Right? So, like, every night we’d call the hotel and be like, we gotta extend a reservation, right? We got to extend our reservation right? We got and and so, you know, that’s right. And then, you know, you drive all we’re in the car the whole freaking weekend. I mean, it was a lot of fun. We had a great we made some great memories.
00;47;09;13 – 00;47;28;15
Unknown
The girls will have a lot of. But she’s done. Yeah. No. Here’s the moral of this story. My kids now in chess club, you know, that can be intense. We’re all done. That can be intense. Chess is totally a game of, holy nation. Yes. My God. All right. Hit us with a hippie voodoo card to take us out.
00;47;28;15 – 00;47;47;28
Unknown
While it’s funny, what do we got today? Balance. Oh, great. That’s balance. That balance. This is right up around here. It’s like everything. Let’s be fair. Did you see the thing I posted on? Facebook about the sports moms now? Yes I think is it in the More Love group? It’s in the More Love group. And they said something like, oh, I’m except for.
00;47;48;00 – 00;48;09;22
Unknown
Yeah, all of them, except for Aaron Hallock and Avery. It’s like, we’re here to have a good game. We’re here. Everyone just be your best. Everyone, you’re doing a really great job, right? And you’re like, there’s no one. There’s no I don’t say it. For Aaron Halligan. It seems like it’s exactly that. We’re here to have a good time and I’ll get along.
00;48;09;22 – 00;48;31;04
Unknown
Says no sports mom ever. I said, I like it, Avery, which is really funny because I posted that last week. See, that’s how you know that’s not what you can protect everything. So anyway, we’ve we’ve done this balance card is called justice okay. And a decision will be made. And provided you have acted fairly in the past and it will go in your favor and can relate to a legal claim, a decision at work or a relationship or a family matter.
00;48;31;11 – 00;48;46;16
Unknown
When justice appears, you can expect to find out the truth of the situation and through this you will find healing and closure. The card can also reveal that you may need to make a decision. Weighing up your options to find fair and balanced way forward to justice is restorative, so the card suggests you will feel vindicated and stronger within yourself.
00;48;46;18 – 00;49;03;06
Unknown
In addition, an additional meaning is that your spirit guides and angels are supporting you in your life’s path. Which is also funny because you’ve been talking about this. I know this basketball thing and you’re like, you know, I really got to sit back and think, you know, what’s what’s the most appropriate? And then at the end of the day, it comes down to your kid, I know, what does your kid want?
00;49;03;06 – 00;49;23;14
Unknown
Where do they feel the most, fulfilled? It’s about it’s about. And it is about fun at the end of the day. And if and if it’s not fun for them, when people are getting hurt or there’s constant competition, then that’s not where they belong. I know balance is hard. It is hard. Hard because he could also love basketball and not be great at basketball.
00;49;23;14 – 00;49;39;08
Unknown
He could also be great at taekwondo and not want to do it anymore. Right? Well, look at Taylor. I know he’s an outstanding dancer and doesn’t want to do it. And it breaks my heart and I’m like, you’re so good. I know you’re so talented. Here’s our affirmation card. I know that I can manifest all that my heart desires.
00;49;39;08 – 00;50;05;28
Unknown
I am ready to receive. Stop it. I’m ready to receive. Stop. And I’ll go to the eyeballs I loved that. Me too is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more.
00;50;05;28 – 00;50;11;09
Unknown
Love the power of empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;06 – 00;00;56;01
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay. Are you sitting with greatness today?
00;00;56;06 – 00;01;29;27
Unknown
Yeah. You are. You. Greatness. Oh. You’re famous. Yeah, I’m basically famous. I know, and, I know I don’t really, because you told me to post these in certain areas. I don’t know. No, I was just a CEO. See? No, I’m just an SEO mastermind. I mean, here, you friggin nail that. So I don’t I don’t know if this Rock Fox facility can handle the level of ego.
00;01;30;00 – 00;01;44;23
Unknown
Sure. The level. We need a higher ceiling. But, yeah, you’re dealing. But you zoom out to get that head on. That was genius. Oh.
00;01;44;26 – 00;02;07;17
Unknown
What do you call it? The level of stardom that is here today. I mean, you basically viral. Yeah, it went viral, Scott. I went I went viral, and here’s what’s fascinating. Isn’t penicillin for that? Oh, I went viral by just by telling the truth. I mean, that’s usually how it works. So two moms. I think that’s what happened to Donald Trump.
00;02;07;19 – 00;02;34;09
Unknown
Listen, two days ago, I was at 10,000 real views on the Instagram. Yeah. And then one day later, I got the message and said it was over 25,000. Look at you. 25,000 real views. You don’t seem impressed. I don’t know anything about that. I think it’s great. I don’t either. I wrote to you so that I had deciding I had to be like.
00;02;34;11 – 00;02;49;27
Unknown
Except I will say what the posted, I posted what you told me to post on the that one group. And so now my thing is like ding ding ding. Because all these people commenting on it because they love it. Oh you’re commenting. Oh I should go and look at that. Oh, now in a good way. It’s a mixed mixed bag.
00;02;50;00 – 00;03;13;16
Unknown
Oh, boy. I won’t write that then. How about you? Oh, about the topic. Yeah, yeah. Oh, girl. No no no no. It’s not personal. It’s mixed. This mixed bag on your thoughts. But it’s speech gets group. Yeah. So I think you have to keep it in context. Yeah. Of. Where people are coming from when they make their comments.
00;03;13;18 – 00;03;36;19
Unknown
So yeah it’s the topic not you. Ex-patriots expatriate. Yeah. I’m like a student affairs. Oh yeah. I was like I just living abroad I don’t get it. No no no no. I just won’t read them. I just decided not to read them. That’s fine. Yeah. Yeah. But. So I didn’t know what to do because people have been messaging me out of the woodwork.
00;03;36;20 – 00;03;57;18
Unknown
Yeah. It’s crazy. I think it’s awesome. People are like, yeah, I sent you that one where she was like, please excuse my stalking that I have done of you. I have now followed the podcast. I followed you on YouTube, I have followed you on whatever works. But I have. Yeah. She’s like, I have, friend requested you on Facebook, which is fascinating.
00;03;57;19 – 00;04;15;04
Unknown
You went to high school with her or not? Or, you know, about this woman in my life. Oh, you don’t know her. You never met her. Oh, I thought, okay, I want to collaborate with you. Could we do a Q&A session? Right? I mean, I don’t know, it depends. Like, I got to interview you right here. How you recommend if you’re worthy of being in her presence.
00;04;15;07 – 00;04;38;19
Unknown
I was gonna ask you two questions. Let’s see how he answered them. And they have nothing to do with anything you’re interested in. And if you can’t hang you out. He’s just so crazy, though. So we’re getting that. And then I’m no joke. I have had 26 friend caucus requests on Facebook. We’re not accepting any of them because my Facebook is private by my sacred place.
00;04;38;20 – 00;04;59;19
Unknown
But that’s where. So you can go to Instagram and you can follow me on Instagram. If you’d like to. We can be friends on Instagram. But we can’t be friends on Facebook like my family’s on Facebook. Oh no, oh no. So it’s a clear line for me. It’s clear. See? See? Clear boundaries. Which is also interesting because when you said to me, can you find and post this one?
00;04;59;24 – 00;05;14;27
Unknown
I went right to Facebook and then I started looking. And then my surface is crappy. And then I said to you, I’m like, can you just send me the exact one you want? Yeah. And it was from Instagram. It wouldn’t even occurred to me to go to Instagram, frankly, because I didn’t know you were on Instagram. Okay. Fair.
00;05;14;29 – 00;05;39;01
Unknown
I just got on Instagram. Yeah, right. But I don’t use Instagram for business stuff. My, that’s my personal family things. Where again, you’re an SEO. SEO. Oh yeah. SEO SEO expert expert. Yeah. Yeah, I’m SEO expert now, so apparently the the gram is where it’s at. Do they even call it that anymore? What’s the gram? It’s an Instagram.
00;05;39;01 – 00;06;07;17
Unknown
All they 100% don’t call it that. I think they did a long time ago when it was cool. I don’t think the gram is cool like a dime bag, so it’s not okay. Also, this is not cool. So my friends are busy being. The coffee shop. They’re mad at you. No absolutely not. Oh okay. So the other day I was talking to them and I said to this one gentleman who works there, I’m like, well, just hit me up on the DMs.
00;06;07;19 – 00;06;25;22
Unknown
I, you know, slide into my deal. You don’t say that. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. That’s like a sexual again, expert on the sex so that, oh, they all start laughing right. So then I’m confused because why they’re laughing. I was like, why are you laughing at me? And they’re like, okay, because I’ve not ever heard anyone say that.
00;06;25;22 – 00;06;46;15
Unknown
I said, oh shit, this is an old thing. This is an old thing. I’m like, what do you mean? You’ve never heard anyone say what they’re like, slide into my DMs or like, hit me up, I’m a DM. And then I’m like, well, what? What should I say instead? And they’re like, you just say, hit me up. I’m like, well, how are you supposed to know where to hit me up?
00;06;46;17 – 00;07;01;19
Unknown
And they said, well, we’ll be able to find you. Like, we’ll know we can hit you up on Facebook. We can. They don’t use Facebook, you know that. We can hit you up on Instagram. We will find you. We know your name. We will find you. You don’t have to tell us where to hit you up on the DL.
00;07;01;20 – 00;07;23;02
Unknown
In fact, nobody even changes phone numbers anymore, right? You just. My daughter’s like, I’m friends with. Or how does she say she’s like, they snapped me. Yeah, that’s what the f. Absolutely not. We’re not doing that. They snap to me. Yeah. That chat you you your handle is your define is your new phone number. Oh. Do you know what a handle is hit.
00;07;23;04 – 00;07;51;28
Unknown
Yeah. Like at. Yeah. 647. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay. So that’s that’s your friend. That’s your friend that you always send me screenshots of her. Sorry kid. Again. Yeah. It’s someone who always shows my stories. It’s like, hey, guys, new post. Yeah. Look, I’ve got my labia tattooed. Oh. Yeah. So yeah, that’s like. That’s like a thing.
00;07;51;28 – 00;08;12;02
Unknown
Now it’s weird. So anyway, I apparently this video that I did went viral. It has over 25,000 views on it. And so that is awesome. But I had to make sure I was doing all of the right things. So of course I’m talking to lady A and I’m like, what am I supposed to be doing? I need people to know about the podcast.
00;08;12;02 – 00;08;32;24
Unknown
And when people are looking me up, I them to know that they’re associated with all those things. I think her feedback to me was just let it go viral. I’m like, oh, I’m sorry, do you know who you’re talking to? What does that mean? Just like, what’s going to happen? I can’t just let it happen. I got to make sure that I’m I’m specifically poised to be at wherever I’m supposed to be for the next day.
00;08;32;25 – 00;08;58;16
Unknown
You are in charge of everything. So I would be like, If you would make a real to go viral to begin with? No, no. So then I just I’m keeping making these reels so people can follow me on at Aaron Halligan Avery, which is my insta handle. Like that. And when they get there, then they find out about my business and then they find out about the podcast.
00;08;58;16 – 00;09;26;11
Unknown
Great. So we’ve had an increase in subscribers to the podcast, an increase in subscribers to our YouTube channel, an increase in subscribers to my Instagram, an increase in friend requests to my Facebook page, which I’m going to to just leave them there. I’m not going to deny them because I don’t want anyone feelings to get hurt if they do get notified, but I am going to write to them each individually with a message that says, thank you so much for friending me on Facebook.
00;09;26;13 – 00;09;46;07
Unknown
I appreciate that you have a lot of time on your hands. I do not accept friend requests on my personal Facebook, but I would love for you to join me in any one of these places, and I’m going to include the links to all of these other things where they can have access. That’s called setting boundaries. That’s called traffic.
00;09;46;10 – 00;10;09;25
Unknown
We could just ignore them, which is why would we do that? Why not? You don’t care about subscribers. You don’t care what number of people you want to just let people hang out in the breeze. You’re talking about Facebook. They’ll find you an Instagram. Yeah. So, no thank you. Scott. No. What? She. What? So. Well, what Aaron’s trying to do is achieve the goal.
00;10;09;26 – 00;10;27;22
Unknown
Yes, I will show. Thank you. Yes. No. Thank you I know, just leave. I’m there. I just leave him there. It doesn’t matter what I hear. You don’t want. They’ll find you. That’s what I said when I opened up my studio app. People will find me. Yeah, they’ll just find me. I need to advertise now. Yeah, okay. I think you’ve done a great job for about.
00;10;27;25 – 00;10;48;14
Unknown
I’m really not about to reply. Good. Yeah. You know. Yeah. You know who does that Ashton Kutcher. You know that’s that’s. We’re not quite at that level yet. I set up an automatic reply on the rock box, either Facebook or Instagram. They’re connected. Yeah. And now I cannot figure out how to turn it off or change it. Okay.
00;10;48;16 – 00;11;09;21
Unknown
So don’t go down that road. Yeah. You probably didn’t just Google that. Yeah. Probably. Right. I mean, we’re at like I don’t know, 29 friend requests. It’s not like so blowing up over here that I, you don’t know what’s happened. You need to start another page because that you’re going to reach that $5,000 or 5000 friend limit.
00;11;09;24 – 00;11;24;01
Unknown
And you have to be it have to be Aaron. To your in to Aaron to. Yeah. Well, Rebecca will run that one. Jesus. Take the wheel. Not a chance. Do you love that? She’s just like yeah. Okay, so all these people are coming in. That’s great. Yeah. Nobody cares. It doesn’t really matter. And I’m like, I’m sorry.
00;11;24;01 – 00;11;43;08
Unknown
I’m using it now. I didn’t matter. I was just saying, leave them there. I’m saying just ignore it. Feels like a lot of time. Yeah. Hey, welcome to hacking a of time. Remember, when you’re just stealing that shit, when you’re more than just the talent, this is what happens. You actually have to fuel the business. What’s of me?
00;11;43;10 – 00;12;09;15
Unknown
I wonder why. I wonder why not one person, my friends, is what we call writing coattails. If you’ve ever needed an example of riding coattails into stardom, this right here is that. And when we get there and she’s there and her hair heals and her fur coat and her, you know, whatever sunglasses, and she looks like she’s been a part of this journey for the entire time.
00;12;09;15 – 00;12;32;03
Unknown
I want everyone to go back to this episode, not just this one here. I love them every. We are nice. I just saw that this this is a Scott and Aaron made venture 100%. Rebecca showed up 15 minutes late, 100%. Today is 15 minutes early. That’s what I just Anthony I I’ve only come here 62 times and took the 15 minutes early.
00;12;32;03 – 00;12;48;00
Unknown
To where in the parking lot. You were out there in the parking lot? Yes. Because we were on the phone talking. Are you kidding me? Now, when I’m looking at my watch, I’m like, all right, well, it’s 9060 because she was like, happened to the 9:00. She was late. And so I, we were talking on the phone one time.
00;12;48;00 – 00;13;06;05
Unknown
The one time you could have saved face right in my eyes and oh, in your eyes. Yeah. It still doesn’t do it. I was in the parking lot. No. Yeah. I love that. I left at 815 this morning. I even texted you guys this morning at 720. Just a reminder. Oh, that was my favorite. I almost wrote back.
00;13;06;05 – 00;13;26;19
Unknown
Is this for me or for you? I mean, the reminder about when we started. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it from either. YouTube. So whatever. Okay. Yeah, because Scott Scott’s the first one to be like, oh, you know what? I didn’t know that it was such a such a time. Oh, you know why I did have to get approval prior approval for to come in 30 minutes early?
00;13;26;21 – 00;13;47;19
Unknown
Because the time. Scott. Yes. You were kind enough to ask. I did ask, and I wouldn’t say that’s prior approval. That’s what it is. Scott, are you available to take us at 9 a.m.? That’s a prior approval. Yeah. Okay. Technically we didn’t just show up and say we’re here. It’s more of a, like, can you shift the whole time?
00;13;47;19 – 00;14;08;15
Unknown
Yeah, that’s not prior approval. That’s what that is. I get the I guess you’re definition. Yeah. You didn’t just I didn’t just show up and then ask for forgiveness for Scott. She also didn’t care that my video reached 25,000 views I did too. She’s just damn straight up. You’re talking to Scott. I said, you said Scott. I’m looking at Scott.
00;14;08;15 – 00;14;25;28
Unknown
Listen to me. No, you. You’re completely fine. Like I don’t care. See you. This is what it says. I see you whatever that this is what it says to you was coming in a little hot. I understand that that didn’t feel great. She’s in. She’s in a mode right now that we just let her be where she is.
00;14;26;01 – 00;14;42;18
Unknown
You said, I want you to know. And then you sent me a picture with fire, and you said thank you. And then you sent me the woman screenshots with their that and you said, see with a heart. And I said, stop it. You are to start painting with love. It’s incredible and I’m super proud of you. And then I made some other comments about some of those things.
00;14;42;21 – 00;15;06;07
Unknown
Yeah, it’s absolutely right. I was not talking about that text message exchange. I was talking about what I came in today and your lackluster enthusiasm about because I already praised the other day. We’re not done. I see, I see it was annoyance over the fact that we’ve already praised and now won’t be exciting. I just listen, I, along with here it comes, Scott okay, okay.
00;15;06;08 – 00;15;22;12
Unknown
So anyway, Scott, I see you. I’m sorry that she’s coming in a little hot. We will get her together here. It’s fine. Any attitude that any of the listeners might be hearing right now? You’re correct. You’re correctly assessing the situation. She will get with it. This is one of those times. You just need to give her a moment.
00;15;22;14 – 00;15;46;22
Unknown
Okay? It’s more coffee. It’s fine. No, she isn’t any more coffee. It’s probably all caffeinated. Maybe the caffeine leaves as part of the fact that it’s two days off. These eight days old and a half life, maybe the caffeine disappears. It’s like evaporates. Yeah. So something else I wanted to talk about today is, What what is happening with children’s sports?
00;15;46;24 – 00;16;14;02
Unknown
I, I went to a basketball tournament this past weekend for Carter, and at one point, this kid went up to grab the basketball, got the basketball. The other kid who was guarding him was annoyed that he got the basketball, turned around and took his elbow and went boom. Shoved it right into his eye. It was intentional. It was out of anger.
00;16;14;03 – 00;16;37;16
Unknown
You can’t do that. You got to do it when the refs are not looking. It was because if you do it in front of the refs, you get called on purpose. Yeah, every one in the in the crowd went like this. And then there I am. I hope they threw that little punk out of the game. I doubt it stood right up and I yelled, come on, is this now?
00;16;37;16 – 00;16;58;22
Unknown
If you did that at my kid’s soccer games, you would get fined $75. I don’t care, I will pay $4,000. You’re not. That’s bullshit. You’re not allowed to. So I said, look, Carter, I need to be very clear. Had that happen to you, had you been the one that got eyeballed with the, with the elbow that. Oh I would have run on that for God.
00;16;58;22 – 00;17;25;10
Unknown
I would have gotten on that little kid’s face. I would have asked him for the most embarrassing wear. His anger management seems to be lacking his mother who just so we’re clear, she. If she was a cheerleader, she’s the base, okay? She’s the base of the pyramid, a big girl. Okay, so you didn’t. You just spit. You got.
00;17;25;13 – 00;17;43;06
Unknown
Oh, my God, you can’t listen to me. You can’t listen to me. I said I’m saying all of them. I would have said it there, too. Turns out that that’s his mom. Okay, so I said to Carter after the game, I need you to be really clear. Had that happen to you, I would have run out on that court.
00;17;43;06 – 00;18;01;06
Unknown
I would have had a comment for that kid. Then his mom, who’s the cheerleader base, would have run out on that court, and I would have had words with her, including, what is this hood ball? We’re playing hood ball over here. Oh, the hell is going on? What are you teaching your kid? You’re teaching him how to take cheap shots.
00;18;01;09 – 00;18;32;23
Unknown
Good for you. What, is he, in third grade? Congratulations. Your nine year old is officially an asshole. And you know where he gets it? It gets. He gets it from you. Get out of my face! This is what would have happened. Do you see that? Empathy is out the window at this point? Number two, I say to Carter, had you been the one to elbow that kid, I also would have gone out on the court and I would have said, get on the bench, get on the bench, and I would have turned to your coach, and I would have said, he’s done for the rest of the game.
00;18;32;23 – 00;18;54;10
Unknown
You put him in there and we’re going to have a problem. Then the coach would say, please don’t come back. Sorry ma’am, I’m sorry, ma’am. And I’m going to say, don’t talk to me. Pissed. You can tell she’s new to sports. People piss. Meanwhile, now Carter is mortified. Carter said to me Carter was on the bike. Never was on the bench during this whole thing.
00;18;54;10 – 00;19;16;14
Unknown
Okay, so it was totally fine. I just needed everyone to know I was the mom who was standing up yelling, what is happening here? Did they? What is going on? Is the kid. So then the refs all got together. The refs had this little powwow about what to do with this kid, and I’m watching like a hawk because if it’s not handled appropriately, I’m going to go like mediate it.
00;19;16;17 – 00;19;36;26
Unknown
And I am I’m making sure that what is happening is happening. They call the coaches over. They start to have a conversation with the coaches. I’m standing there, I got my hand on my GM happening, my elbow to the eye. Are you kidding me? I was a kid bleeding or the kid was bawling his eyes out on the ground.
00;19;36;28 – 00;19;58;18
Unknown
Oh yeah. Asshole. My God, Kadhim Long, you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole. He intentionally. Why don’t I elbow you in the eye and we see how you are? But then why are we having the conversation? How will I wonder? Why is there a conversation on what to do? Because it wasn’t intentional. Pull them off the court. No. They are having a conversation about it.
00;19;58;18 – 00;20;29;18
Unknown
They then decide that this kid, so long as he acknowledges, well, his dad must have been on the on the thing too, because his dad starts a reaming him a new asshole. What the hell are you doing? Your brain starts yelling at him, so they tell him that he has to sit on the bench and that if he does come back into the game, that, he needs to he needs to go over to that kid whether kid’s on the bench or wherever, and he needs to apologize to that kid for his inability to be able to control his emotions before he’s allowed to go back into the game.
00;20;29;20 – 00;20;45;13
Unknown
Good. Then I thought that that was an appropriate solution. So I sat myself back down. I thought it was probably fine. And it was. He went in, he gave the kid a hug. He said, I apologize. I did not mean to to do that. The kid said, it’s all right. And then they moved on and it was totally fine.
00;20;45;14 – 00;21;12;22
Unknown
How old are these kids? 39. Oh, okay. At this moment, Mark gets up and walks to the complete opposite side of the court. He can’t sit next to me. Yeah, because he is so embarrassed at this moment that I’m having these opinions that I’m having and I don’t care because, it’s inappropriate. And I am an athlete. I’ve been an athlete my entire life.
00;21;12;25 – 00;21;37;06
Unknown
I have been red carded out of lacrosse games. I have been yellow carded out of games. I understand the need to have to get physical. I do not understand when you are in an environment that you’ve decided to take it upon yourself, because you can’t control your own emotions, that you’re now going to physically harm another person that has nothing to do with the action of what’s happening in that game.
00;21;37;13 – 00;21;55;27
Unknown
But that’s why there shouldn’t have been a conversation. He should have been pulled off. Well, they did pull him off, right? But we had to have a whole powwow about what was going to happen, probably because they’re nine. And this stuff doesn’t usually happen in the nine year old games. Does it happen in the high school games? I’m sure it happens all the time in high school games, but this guy does.
00;21;55;27 – 00;22;12;20
Unknown
A guy, you know, that kid’s going to end up going to prison. But see, I disagree because my kids have been doing this since they were six and seven, and that happens all the time. They’ve been what, hitting people in the eye with their elbows? Absolutely. Some girl, some girl over the weekend when the ref wasn’t looking, shoved one of our girls into the into the ground.
00;22;12;27 – 00;22;29;23
Unknown
And people’s response to that is what? You’re not allowed to say anything you can say absolutely nothing. As parents, you just you could say whatever you want. You just need to be prepared for the consequence. $5 fine or get kicked out or whatever. Right? But I mean, everybody just sits there. Of course they’re angry, but they can’t see anything.
00;22;29;23 – 00;23;01;18
Unknown
And then what they’re hoping is that the that the, the ref is appropriate and, and pulls them out and says you’re out. Whatever, whatever. You’re hoping that all goes down. But guess what? These refs are 16. They don’t care. They do not care. They were there. Young kids not calling things correctly. Well, I’m sorry, you’re all going to have to read about me on the news because I’m not going to sit there while my kid is behind the scenes getting beat because someone else’s kid.
00;23;01;18 – 00;23;21;23
Unknown
But that’s where you handle their shit. That’s where we, the wrestling community, needs to come together and really be mindful of those kinds of things and not look the other way or not, you know, let things go. Because what happens is they start testing and see how far they can get. And when the ref doesn’t call anything, then it gets worse and it just escalates.
00;23;21;23 – 00;23;44;18
Unknown
Sure, he escalates so badly, but I mean, and at the end of the day, I don’t know anything about basketball. But everybody says in soccer it’s technically a contact sports. They need to be prepared for all of that intervention or not. No, no. You know, I mean, I don’t know shit about soccer. I just know that. No, you know, but you need to be prepared for that when you’re on the court or when you’re in the field.
00;23;44;20 – 00;24;01;08
Unknown
Absolute. What else is interesting is once you hit a certain age in soccer, if someone gets hurt, the game don’t stop because they use it as a tactic. So they’ll go down and they’ll whine and cry when they’re not really hurt because the clock doesn’t stop, you know what I mean? So like then it’s like, oh, is that real?
00;24;01;08 – 00;24;20;25
Unknown
Is that not real? Like, yeah, well, let’s just be clear here that I have zero empathy for the kid and his mom, who decided to take an elbow to another player’s face. I wish it had been taken out exactly the same way. If it was the opposite and it was someone on on my team and the coach, wouldn’t they needed to take Carter out?
00;24;20;26 – 00;24;36;26
Unknown
Had it been Carter, it never would be Carter. In fact, I’d like Carter to be a little more aggressive on the court. He’s just a big time team player, which is really great, but I would like him to be a little more aggressive. He’ll get there, but if he ever gets to that point, he will sit his ass on that bench.
00;24;36;28 – 00;24;58;00
Unknown
You can’t intentionally there’s a there’s an integrity issue here. And I get that. It’s high emotion. I get that people are in that place. But again, just like when we were talking about the Sandra Dawley situation, your internal character is showing at all times, right? No matter what. Right. But that’s why the coaches, everybody said you just pulled that you shouldn’t have been allowed to go back in.
00;24;58;02 – 00;25;13;15
Unknown
That should have been you sit the bench will have the conversation afterwards. Gets to is that gets to the very end. What does this mom do? Pat I’m right on the mark, of course. Job with that, buddy. Yeah. All right. Why don’t you go back to cheerleading? But.
00;25;13;18 – 00;25;30;08
Unknown
The part I was having a reaction about was we can’t. We can’t stop a game and have a powwow like, you need to have these rules set in place before the game even starts. You’re not. There has to be a code of conduct, right? You’re not allowed to do that kind of stuff. And here are the consequences. We’ll deal with the emotion component afterwards.
00;25;30;14 – 00;25;50;11
Unknown
But you don’t get to intentionally hit somebody tonight and then go say sorry and go back it. Oh I agree with that. That should not have happened. I agree with that. I just think that they haven’t, they weren’t prepared for any of that. The amount of audible gasps from the audience when it happened was incredible. It was in unison.
00;25;50;14 – 00;26;11;08
Unknown
It was like oh my gosh. It was it was a very intense. I’m not talking like, oops. I just kind of. It’s like he intentionally would have punched the kid in a sucker punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that’s it was that level. And so I don’t think that they’re prepared for that. I don’t think any of them were prepared that some nine year old was going to turn, or an eight year old even was going to turn and hit this other kid.
00;26;11;11 – 00;26;36;12
Unknown
But here’s the question. It was egregious enough that it made the entire but what would have been gas? What would happen, I don’t know, sports? What would happen in an NBA game if that happen when they be kicked out? Well, I think the term Scott is technical foul, which means you get three shots at the basket. That’s it instead of two because you hurt someone so badly or intentionally.
00;26;36;12 – 00;26;57;22
Unknown
It’s not just a foul like you’re going there’s nobody there at the key. In the key. They’re there by themselves at the foul line. When they do that it’s just that oh there’s a person who intentionally hurt them. Doesn’t have to come off and be out for the pens. What number. Foul it is. So you can’t. So it’s based on the basketball game I don’t know what the number is but you can’t be in a basketball game and foul someone.
00;26;57;22 – 00;27;15;04
Unknown
Let’s say it was four times right. And on the fifth time you’re basically you’re too much of a threat in this game. You can’t keep your shit together. Okay. So now you’re out for good. Okay. I have not seen that in a professional basketball game in a long time, that it’s gotten to the point where someone can’t has over fouled someone.
00;27;15;09 – 00;27;32;25
Unknown
So. So in hockey same conversation. Say they have to sit in the penalty box right. For a certain time frame. Whatever. So so there are rules if you were to like. But I don’t know if someone literally has to like break a leg. That’s what I’m wondering. Like at that level, what happens is that just a technical foul?
00;27;32;28 – 00;27;50;19
Unknown
I think it depends on the intention behind it. So, like, Taylor’s broken, someone’s hand by kicking the ball into the goal, but that was not intent. She was scoring a goal. It was an accident based on what happened. Yeah. So she wasn’t like now she went up in the. Oh yeah. She’s whatever. I’m sure she felt terrible. Of course you know.
00;27;50;21 – 00;28;09;25
Unknown
Of course she did. But everybody felt it right. The intention is what matters I completely agree. So that’s why I feel like there should be an automatic. But I don’t know what the answer is in the NBA, if I don’t even intentionally harm someone to the point where they are physically injured, or what if it is a game injuring career injuring, you can get thrown out?
00;28;09;25 – 00;28;33;00
Unknown
Absolutely. You can get arrested from the game. Yep. That’s the word. Yeah. Ejected from the game from the game. And they can eject parents and they can eject. They can eject whatever they want or fine them or whatever. But in my yeah, what was really interesting though to me about that was I’m an incredibly empathic person. I just talked about taking, you know, responding to people on Facebook to make sure that they still feel seen.
00;28;33;00 – 00;28;51;14
Unknown
Right. If I felt none of that, I felt zero amount of that because it was just this other part comes in that is just so clear cut about what needs to happen here and what’s appropriate behavior and what should have happened and and how that was supposed to be. But in that moment, it’s like a switch turns on.
00;28;51;18 – 00;29;11;23
Unknown
I don’t care at all what anyone else feels about that. I have the answer. I’m going to tell you how to manage that situation, but isn’t that fascinating? I wonder if that’s a defense mechanism or if that’s like, I just feel so empathic for that kid that got no, that’s it right there mediately run to like it’s a justice thing for me, right?
00;29;11;26 – 00;29;32;13
Unknown
No you were you were more that’s that’s it. You want to make sure that the kid who got hurt is seen and intended to. You’ll deal with the consequences of the perpetrator, later. Because that’s that’s their emotions don’t matter. The purpose. They don’t matter right now. Which is why, again, they should have been pulled off immediately. Unacceptable.
00;29;32;14 – 00;29;58;16
Unknown
That’s a it’s a lesson two for everybody else. You don’t get to do that at all. But then after the fact, after my emotions settle down, then I start to be like, okay, I can understand in this context, you know, he’s high emotional. It’s highly emotional. What’s happening in this game. Right? He probably was having a reaction to the fact that this kid was defending him incredibly hard.
00;29;58;16 – 00;30;16;28
Unknown
Right. And that can be annoying and frustrating. Sure. Yeah. He’s probably he’s only nine. Right. So whereas before I’m like, I don’t care how old you are, right? In that moment, I have now flip flopped into this place of like, I completely understand. And when he did hug him and you could tell is very sincere, he very much felt bad.
00;30;17;05 – 00;30;45;15
Unknown
So I appreciate it. So I come on really hard with this. Absolutely not. And then when I see some of that reconciliation happen, then I feel a little bit of a guilt and shame from having been at that place where I was so strongly negative in so angry. I was angry at the mom, the stuff that was happening in my head that I was going to say to that mom, if she came up to me, was next level.
00;30;45;17 – 00;31;09;11
Unknown
It was incredible and I don’t know who I am to think so. So is it. So then when you dissect it, was it an intention that that kid did that or was it a reaction? He probably didn’t intentionally say, I’m going to teach you and go and punch him or whatever. It was probably all those things you just said he was really he was really I don’t I don’t know, basketball.
00;31;09;13 – 00;31;24;09
Unknown
Yes. All these things are happening. And I had a reaction because I don’t want to be seen as yes, not as good. Yes or whatever. Yes. Or I’m annoyed because you’re on me all the time and I just just trying to make a basket and you’re always in your head, me in my face and all those things. That’s why those are two different things.
00;31;24;12 – 00;31;39;24
Unknown
Because people are all up in your shit. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because that’s the goal. I mean, when you have a physical presence, just like with soccer, when you’re physically, we always joke, right? When you take a picture of our girls next to some of the other girls, one of the moms is always like, oh, she’ll wish she drop her car keys.
00;31;39;24 – 00;31;58;10
Unknown
Coming in. Yeah, kids are eight, eight, nine done right. But they’re so big, right? And so as a parent of a kid who’s smaller now, my kid’s bigger. So. Right. You know, but I there are smaller kids. They have to work harder. Yes, they have to work harder, especially with basketball. Think about that. Yes. So yeah, you can’t be you got to you got to factor that all in.
00;31;58;13 – 00;32;20;24
Unknown
And then those people have reactions. They’re like, it’s not fair, you’re bigger or you’re whatever, whatever. But that’s really interesting reaction versus intention. And I guarantee you it was a reaction. I’m sure it was the wrong reaction. Yes. The question then is what did he feel immediately after? That’s why he that’s why he had the hug and the genuine remorse.
00;32;20;24 – 00;32;40;27
Unknown
Right. But it was intentional. What my question is why is it was it. There is. Therein lies the intention. Were you did you do it because you were told to do it? But then we have societal expectation. You mean the homage to the hugging, the hitting, the hug? No, not if you witnessed a genuine after. But he had to sit on the bench first.
00;32;40;29 – 00;32;59;22
Unknown
He was told, before you come into this game, you need to apologize. Now, maybe he wasn’t told that he had to hug, right? I think that you get a group of nine year old boys. You’re probably not going to force a hug. But think about it. In sports, there’s two opposing teams. You don’t cross that middle line. In that moment, he’s not going.
00;32;59;22 – 00;33;19;26
Unknown
It’s this is in gym class or PE or be appropriate in that moment, whether he wanted to or not. He’s not going to disrespect the rules of the coaching and whatever and go over to that. Again, this is my experience. You’re not going to cross that line. You also, when you’re on teams like that, if you’re having a bad day or a bad moment or whatever, and you need your mommy, you’re not allowed to run over to your mom.
00;33;19;28 – 00;33;38;13
Unknown
Yeah, that’s not a thing. You don’t do that. Right. So we don’t know. Yeah. We don’t. He would have done naturally in his natural if it was in his natural environment. We don’t know what he would have done right by also we don’t know. But what did he do on the field? Here’s what you can analyze. When that whole thing happened, did he just stand there boasting?
00;33;38;13 – 00;34;06;00
Unknown
No. He just stood there and then looked at this kid who was on the ground crying, and then walked over to the bench in in a. But we have to understand this in context too, right? Because my kid would do the same thing, but he has the sweetest soul on the planet. So when you understand it in the context of the fact that he’s around, the whole group and eight other nine year olds, he’s done this thing that he feels regretful of, he’s not going to be openly vulnerable to.
00;34;06;00 – 00;34;28;00
Unknown
Now, bend down and be like, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I really did something. Boy, that right. Because he’s a boy. Yeah. Because we we’ve societally conditioned boys to not be emotional or supportive. Right? I could see my kid doing that and immediately feeling massive regret and then just walking over to the bench internally being like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just did that.
00;34;28;00 – 00;34;41;19
Unknown
Oh my gosh, is he okay? I don’t know why I say that. And then I actually think Carter probably would recognize in that moment and bend down. Right. But also it also has to do with coaching. Right. So what I find interesting is.
00;34;41;21 – 00;35;09;29
Unknown
In in my younger girls games, somebody apparently when somebody gets hurt, you should take a knee, right. Oh yeah. Right. So somebody got hurt and everybody on their team not my girls team. The opposite team took a knee. And my girls team goes huddle and everybody runs and they huddle. And I’m thinking I’m like, I bet you Aaron would have a huge problem with that because they’re taking advantage of the this girl got hurt, right.
00;35;10;00 – 00;35;27;27
Unknown
Not it may not even have been our kids fault. Right. But everyone in respect, you’re supposed to take a knee and allow it all to go down and have have a moment. And my kids are taking advantage of that. Right. And regrouping and strategizing. Right. And I think it’s interesting. Right. And I think to myself, is that normal?
00;35;27;27 – 00;35;46;25
Unknown
I don’t know, I’ve never seen that. I’ve only seen that on this team. But then again, you know me, I’m a soccer, but I know nothing about it. But I find that it’s a it’s a thing in my soul that goes. That feels really weird. Yes. I but that’s my question. When it comes to kids sports, kids sports related to empathy really is what we’re talking about right now, right?
00;35;46;25 – 00;36;16;29
Unknown
Because I remember my volleyball team in high school was top ranked regionally for many, many, many years, and our coach was bad ass. And she’s a bad ass, right? There’s no other way to describe her. We worked so hard. I have never worked that hard to this day, as I did in high school volleyball. But one of the things she conditioned us to do was stand at that net with our hands up and to just talk constantly.
00;36;17;01 – 00;36;38;05
Unknown
So outside, going outside, back over here, look back, back, left hand and remember this like just just it doesn’t matter communication you’re saying yeah but it’s intimidating. Yeah. Because you got Becky Scharf who’s up there six foot two right. Who is just talking talk and talking. And then you got your outside hitter and your left side hitter or whatever that was in the 90s.
00;36;38;05 – 00;36;56;28
Unknown
Right? Right, right. That was a thing that was not done. We were the only team that was ever doing it, and it was for intimidation factor. We didn’t care what we were talking about. The goal was to out talk and out influence that was going on the other side. That’s also a confusion tactic. Absolutely right to the other team.
00;36;56;28 – 00;37;11;18
Unknown
But what does it look like, what you’re communicating. And it was probably helpful to the rest of the team to hear, okay, the back hitter is a left left handed hitter. You know, tends to go cross court, right. And then whenever they would go up. So let’s say the ball was hit goes over the other side. They do the bump set.
00;37;11;21 – 00;37;25;03
Unknown
We would yell back back back back back back back. Which meant that it was going to the back. And we’d say down the line, down the line, down the line, because we could tell by her hand direction where I was going. So again, but when you’re up there and you’re trying to hit, you’re like, what the heck? You’re all confused, right?
00;37;25;05 – 00;38;00;12
Unknown
So my question is, did these types of things always just exist? Did they always just exist in good teams, or is it the case that we’ve now transitioned into the parents who were on those teams are now the kids are now just parents or the coaches of the kids who are on these teams. It’s a good question. And let me add to that many a coach from my old high school got the hell out of there because parents were having so many reactions and feelings towards what was happening in the environment that they weren’t okay with, were referring to it as hazing.
00;38;00;17 – 00;38;23;05
Unknown
Oh, so you’re saying you’re not giving my kid enough playing time? Some were saying you’re not coaching this team correctly. Now I can’t remember at all. My parents never daring to say one thing to any of my coaches. And it seems like there’s been this transitional shift into people having a lot of thoughts and feelings and opinions, and it’s fairness.
00;38;23;05 – 00;38;43;27
Unknown
And like, everyone is sort of fighting for their own right to be heard. And then it, you know, coaches aren’t necessarily able to enact all of those things, but they also weren’t able to maybe discipline the kids like they would want to because, you know, we used to run stairs for five minutes, which is atrocious. It’s absolutely atrocious.
00;38;43;29 – 00;39;06;25
Unknown
And then people would throw up on the stairs and she would be like, do it again. Run around it. Yeah. If we did that now, I, you know, I think you’d have a complaint in the athletic director. So I think that’s interesting. You say that because I, I find it such a just juxtaposition between let’s just use elementary school and sports.
00;39;07;01 – 00;39;26;11
Unknown
Right. So I always worry. I’m like, so when you’re in gym class and you’re playing soccer, you can’t play like you play because you’re going to get some chance, going to get a ball to the face, right? Or you’re going to get in trouble because you’re, you’re I’m going to use professionally trained. You’re trained to do certain things right.
00;39;26;13 – 00;39;46;11
Unknown
Gym is a physical exercise. Learn a skill, okay. So just bring it in. Right. Like right. But that’s so confusing for kids. I remember and remember them in rec soccer. And the coaches would be like, you need to be more aggressive. And I’m like, they hear all day long, you need to play together and be nice. And then you get on the field and you’re supposed to transition.
00;39;46;11 – 00;40;06;02
Unknown
Yeah, right. So my younger kid team did a whole like, alter ego session where they learned about professional athletes who can transition and can do this and can do that. And so they almost like, came up with these alter egos so that when they step onto the field, they embody that. But then when they step off, they’re back to their loving selves.
00;40;06;08 – 00;40;23;19
Unknown
So like if you’re if you’re having a hard time like someone like Carter, like he, he may, he may worry that if he’s too aggressive, he’s going to hurt someone’s feelings. Well, if you teach him to separate that. Yeah, but that’s not done. Right. And so I find that, again, I’m. I’m not your sports. I’m not right.
00;40;23;19 – 00;40;37;26
Unknown
So never in my mind. But I’m very clear that I’m watching these little kids who were told you got to be kind and make sure you pass it to everybody, but that’s not what you do on the field, because if you pass it to everybody, you’re going to lose. And then all of sports that’s right is to win.
00;40;37;27 – 00;40;53;26
Unknown
To win. I know we need to win. If you want to just pass it around, then go, go do it over there. Well is the goal of sports to win? Maybe not for everyone, right? Right. So now we don’t even have a unified mission or goal. So maybe at the professional levels that you guys are playing at, absolutely.
00;40;53;26 – 00;41;16;02
Unknown
You’re not spending all this money and traveling to Boston for an entire weekend. We’re not we’re not professionals. All right. Well, we are we are travel team. We are looking for a higher, yes, higher competitive experience. But we’re choosing to do that now with my I chose to be in the league. That was more right. Inclusive.
00;41;16;04 – 00;41;36;00
Unknown
Yes. Right then. Then as long as that’s my mindset then that’s beautiful. Right? But the challenge is whenever and everyone does not have the same mission, even at all of those same levels, yes, that can be challenging. So if I’m at the Y, which is an all inclusive environment and great, and my goal is that my kids constantly on a winning team, yes.
00;41;36;00 – 00;41;51;00
Unknown
But everyone else’s goal is that maybe my kid learns how to dribble a little bit better than he did, or we have a little more pressing here or whatever. Yeah, but now take that to your level where you’re on travel, soccer leagues, where you’re paying a lot of money to go and do this. We’re not paying money to lose.
00;41;51;00 – 00;42;19;02
Unknown
Right. And most of the time, winning is the side effect of what we’re hoping is going to happen. But we also want good team communication. We want to teach these girls confidence. We want to teach them that it’s okay to be aggressive and to be able to come off the field and not continue to be aggressive. Right. There’s so many lessons in sports and there’s ways to do that, and there’s ways to be aggressive and there’s ways to exert yourself that are not offensive and then are not breaking the rules.
00;42;19;05 – 00;42;39;15
Unknown
You know, we don’t we’re not teaching kids to break the rules. That is not that’s not okay. Well, we are though sometimes there are a lot of help. Not but there is a lot of sports where you’re teaching. A great example would be a, what do you call it, Scott? It’s not the technical foul. You pull the, in basketball.
00;42;39;16 – 00;43;01;26
Unknown
Yeah. In basketball you pull a charge. And so what that means is if you’re coming in and you’re bouncing that ball and you are going to shoot that basket, and you just brush me in the tiniest way, I’m trained to know how to fall. Yeah. To look like you just. Oh, right. That’s what I charge. Okay. So that’s what I mean about the girls faking to get hurt.
00;43;01;26 – 00;43;24;12
Unknown
Yes. And then they run the clock out when we’re about to score. Right. So. Yeah. So those, those types of examples. Yeah. Right. So how do you take these poor kiddos. Right. Like they’re just trying to figure out the pragmatics associated with how you socially engage on the playground. And now put them in all of these different environments where you’re like lying is bad, right?
00;43;24;12 – 00;43;50;05
Unknown
But did you just pull that charge? You should pull the charge. She should have fallen down and pretended like you got hit really bad, because that’s going to give us a free shot on goal. Right? And so then you have situations with kids who are neurodivergent and like my kid is a very literal. Right. So he’s so nice on the court because he thinks that I’m going to be mad if all of a sudden he becomes aggressive and goes for a jump ball.
00;43;50;07 – 00;44;06;14
Unknown
So I have to say to him, well it’s okay to go for jump balls, right. But I also need to say to him it’s also okay to steal the ball from someone, right. It’s also okay. Right. And then no, no wonder this poor kid is like so I can steal the ball from someone. Here’s here’s a great example.
00;44;06;14 – 00;44;35;22
Unknown
I can steal a ball from someone at my RC league, right? But I can’t at the YMCA, and I can’t gym and I can’t on the play. That’s right. And I can’t steal right? Sherri’s toy, whatever. But I cannot steal the ball. Mixed messages. And we’re expecting them to navigate these social environments in ways that it’s so clear to us from an experiential standpoint, yes, but they are confused.
00;44;35;22 – 00;44;52;19
Unknown
Yes. And nervous. Yes. And right. And then when they do something that they’re not supposed to do right, we yell at them for it. Right? And then that phrase that starts that confused. Right. Or then we praise them, we’re like, that’s right, get aggressive. Get in there. Don’t let her touch you. Don’t give it back right. Give it back to her.
00;44;52;19 – 00;45;08;09
Unknown
Get on that. That’s right. So fast. I know I’ve been watching that for years, and I just think that’s got to be so mean. And I always equated it to the fact that I never played sports. So in dance class, you want to be as unified as possible. You want to look at same. You want to be in the same line.
00;45;08;09 – 00;45;24;16
Unknown
You don’t want to stand out. You want to be a, you know, and then in sports, it’s like you want to show you want to be the team player, but you also want to excel in your specialty skill so that you can have be that one component of the cog, right? Like everybody needs to have their certain things.
00;45;24;19 – 00;45;46;01
Unknown
It’s so hard. But especially when these kids are younger and younger, even you said it, you’re like, I didn’t do any of these kinds of real competitions in high school. Gosh, my kids are freaking. We’ve been traveling since seven years old. Carter’s on this new Ark League, and I swear to God, these kids have been playing since they were five years old, probably even at a normal level of development.
00;45;46;01 – 00;46;06;16
Unknown
For a kid who’s played in maybe four tournaments ever in his life. He just started playing less than a year ago. But these kids are backs on the ball behind their back, bouncing the ball in between their legs, doing, you know, layups with both hands. It’s it’s it’s crazy incredible. We went to Boston. That’s over this past weekend with my youngest team.
00;46;06;16 – 00;46;35;08
Unknown
And we played. We made the championships and we played the number two team in Connecticut. Wow. And the whole state. One of the dads goes that’s a small state! Hahaha. And we should have won. We should have won. We? There’s a lot going on. A lot of people in Connecticut. Yeah, yeah. But isn’t that interesting? Like, yeah, that’s, that’s the level of competitiveness that we’re, we’re looking to find.
00;46;35;09 – 00;46;54;27
Unknown
Right. And our team is willing to go to Boston on a holiday weekend. Yeah. Fork out that money. Yeah. Just to play a game I know, I know. Isn’t that nuts I know. And not only that, but it was a situation where we don’t even know how long we’re going to stay. We stay according to how you win.
00;46;55;00 – 00;47;09;13
Unknown
Right? So, like, every night we’d call the hotel and be like, we gotta extend a reservation, right? We got to extend our reservation right? We got and and so, you know, that’s right. And then, you know, you drive all we’re in the car the whole freaking weekend. I mean, it was a lot of fun. We had a great we made some great memories.
00;47;09;13 – 00;47;28;15
Unknown
The girls will have a lot of. But she’s done. Yeah. No. Here’s the moral of this story. My kids now in chess club, you know, that can be intense. We’re all done. That can be intense. Chess is totally a game of, holy nation. Yes. My God. All right. Hit us with a hippie voodoo card to take us out.
00;47;28;15 – 00;47;47;28
Unknown
While it’s funny, what do we got today? Balance. Oh, great. That’s balance. That balance. This is right up around here. It’s like everything. Let’s be fair. Did you see the thing I posted on? Facebook about the sports moms now? Yes I think is it in the More Love group? It’s in the More Love group. And they said something like, oh, I’m except for.
00;47;48;00 – 00;48;09;22
Unknown
Yeah, all of them, except for Aaron Hallock and Avery. It’s like, we’re here to have a good game. We’re here. Everyone just be your best. Everyone, you’re doing a really great job, right? And you’re like, there’s no one. There’s no I don’t say it. For Aaron Halligan. It seems like it’s exactly that. We’re here to have a good time and I’ll get along.
00;48;09;22 – 00;48;31;04
Unknown
Says no sports mom ever. I said, I like it, Avery, which is really funny because I posted that last week. See, that’s how you know that’s not what you can protect everything. So anyway, we’ve we’ve done this balance card is called justice okay. And a decision will be made. And provided you have acted fairly in the past and it will go in your favor and can relate to a legal claim, a decision at work or a relationship or a family matter.
00;48;31;11 – 00;48;46;16
Unknown
When justice appears, you can expect to find out the truth of the situation and through this you will find healing and closure. The card can also reveal that you may need to make a decision. Weighing up your options to find fair and balanced way forward to justice is restorative, so the card suggests you will feel vindicated and stronger within yourself.
00;48;46;18 – 00;49;03;06
Unknown
In addition, an additional meaning is that your spirit guides and angels are supporting you in your life’s path. Which is also funny because you’ve been talking about this. I know this basketball thing and you’re like, you know, I really got to sit back and think, you know, what’s what’s the most appropriate? And then at the end of the day, it comes down to your kid, I know, what does your kid want?
00;49;03;06 – 00;49;23;14
Unknown
Where do they feel the most, fulfilled? It’s about it’s about. And it is about fun at the end of the day. And if and if it’s not fun for them, when people are getting hurt or there’s constant competition, then that’s not where they belong. I know balance is hard. It is hard. Hard because he could also love basketball and not be great at basketball.
00;49;23;14 – 00;49;39;08
Unknown
He could also be great at taekwondo and not want to do it anymore. Right? Well, look at Taylor. I know he’s an outstanding dancer and doesn’t want to do it. And it breaks my heart and I’m like, you’re so good. I know you’re so talented. Here’s our affirmation card. I know that I can manifest all that my heart desires.
00;49;39;08 – 00;50;05;28
Unknown
I am ready to receive. Stop it. I’m ready to receive. Stop. And I’ll go to the eyeballs I loved that. Me too is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more.
00;50;05;28 – 00;50;11;09
Unknown
Love the power of empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
