00;00;00;00 – 00;00;31;05
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;05 – 00;00;56;05
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Oh, yay, I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;56;07 – 00;01;19;10
Unknown
What about our relationship? Makes you think you can show me pictures like that three seconds before we’re about to start a podcast and have me not have a reaction to it? That’s my favorite part about our relationship. I can’t because you’re a provoker. I just texted, you know the picture. Stop it. The documentary. Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay.
00;01;19;12 – 00;01;33;09
Unknown
Hi. I threw you off. Yeah. Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it be vu. Hi, everybody. It’s fine to just go right onto what we were going to talk about. Oh, yeah? Right. Why don’t you tell us what you were going to talk about today? You don’t know the problem. Yeah, we are going to talk about Scotland.
00;01;33;11 – 00;01;48;21
Unknown
But listen, I got to start with this, okay? I’ve been seeing this meme go around, and I know everyone has been seeing this meme. The Mimi, Mimi, Mimi going around that I know everyone else has been seeing going around. And it’s actually been from quite a while ago. I probably. You’re probably going to be like, oh yeah, I saw that a million years ago.
00;01;48;23 – 00;02;08;00
Unknown
It’s the one where they’re like, rather than buying the person Starbucks behind you, why don’t you put money in a kid’s account in the school? Oh yeah. And pay for the school lunch and pay for the school lunch. And then the next sentence says, because the person behind you can obviously pay for their Starbucks. I got such a reaction to that.
00;02;08;00 – 00;02;32;08
Unknown
Aren’t all school lunches constantly. I love that that’s and that’s they are my school. I love that that’s your response to that. But yet you come at me with me. In Q&A, you get Q&A, they’re free up my school, my detailed, literal response to what I was talking about. Yeah that’s right. Oh, oh, you can see now I forgot I you know what, Mae?
00;02;32;08 – 00;02;59;20
Unknown
Mae? I’m talking about Scott. Yeah. Anyone have a reaction to that? Okay. About about the people behind you. Could probably pay for when when you read that. Mae. Mae, is there any part of you that gets angry? I mean, what are you. I just I’m confused. At what? What are you mad about? A couple things that the that it’s assuming that people behind you can pay for their Starbucks.
00;02;59;23 – 00;03;26;04
Unknown
Know a couple things. Let me see. The first one is, do we really have to be judging empathic acts? There’s really not enough empathy to go around. Why do we need to shame people who were trying to do something nice by buying the person’s Starbucks behind them from now feeling like the minute that you’ve done that, that you actually haven’t done enough of a charitable act, you stupid asshole.
00;03;26;06 – 00;03;54;00
Unknown
Are you charity by one, right? Because we are even judging empathy at this point. That gets me really mad. Number one. Okay, my other thought was why do we have to give in alternative empathic acts and why? Why couldn’t I refute that and say, well, why would you give the kids lunch at the school district when there’s free lunch programs for those who don’t qualify?
00;03;54;00 – 00;04;19;05
Unknown
Why aren’t you giving to the dog at the dog shelter who are going to be euthanized because no one loves them enough? Yeah, it’s like it just keeps going, that it keeps going, going and going. Like, I just can’t stand this. True. This show is better than your empathy. You’re judging empathy. Who are you? Yeah, you’re judging an empathic act.
00;04;19;11 – 00;04;42;16
Unknown
I thought it was a beautiful thing that people did, and sometimes continue to do to buy the coffee for the person behind them. You know, sometimes you get really stuck, like it’s a van behind you, and it’s 16 people and they all are at a breakfast and you’re like, oh, that didn’t go well. So it’s funny. It’s funny you say that because best Coffee yesterday I went through the drive through and got it, and she was taking a really long time to, to take my payment.
00;04;42;18 – 00;04;59;27
Unknown
And she’s like, so we have a semi problem. I’m like, what? She’s like the somehow the computer glitched in the car in front of you, paid for your drink, so you have to pay for his. And it was only like a dollar that I had to pay for his. It was a really weird score, right? I have so many feelings about that.
00;04;59;28 – 00;05;15;05
Unknown
Right? I don’t need to pay for the car in front of me or behind me first. Your first thing I thought is, well, I said, how much is it? And she goes, well, you lucked out. His was only a dollar. Yeah, but that doesn’t. That’s not how it works, is you have a computer glitch. Doesn’t mean I’m paying someone else’s in front of me.
00;05;15;05 – 00;05;34;27
Unknown
Pay for mine. Right. And why did why didn’t he ask any questions? That means that mine’s free and you’re out of dollars. You see? I’m sorry. My bad. Empathy. It’s funny you brought that up because I just have I I’m like, so weird, but I struggle every time I see that. And it starts with rather than buying the person Starbucks behind you.
00;05;35;00 – 00;05;55;00
Unknown
And I want like, stop there if you want to buy the person the Starbucks behind you more, more power to you and then see. So so what if what if it’s not Starbucks? What if it’s something else? What if it’s Burger King meal? What if it’s, you know, like, does it does it matter? Are we we’re using Starbucks because it’s this, like, elitist coffee shop.
00;05;55;00 – 00;06;16;24
Unknown
Like we’re we’re also implying that, like, the person behind you obviously can pay for their Starbucks, you know? But yeah, instead of buying the Sephora gift for someone buying, you know, it’s like Buck, right? Right. I mean, people listen to me. I don’t know what world you’re living in, but any world for me that has people doing empathic acts, I’m all there for it.
00;06;16;24 – 00;06;38;21
Unknown
I don’t care what it is about just holding you. You want to buy my Bentley? Great. That’s fantastic. Oh, did I door open? Did I tell you how I got into this big fight with someone? Because, that was about holding the door open for someone. No. Yeah. It turned into this whole, like, thing against chivalry and how how men treat women.
00;06;38;21 – 00;06;57;09
Unknown
And I was like, I, I’m just holding the door open for someone. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a woman or a guy or I’m, I’m just being kind. Well, that reminds me of when the guy said when I was putting the windshield wiper fluid in and he’s like do you want help. And I’m like I don’t know what he said, but I’m like I’m fine.
00;06;57;12 – 00;07;14;18
Unknown
But I was also in the ghetto. Yeah, a little different. Like yeah. But the girls at the coffee being busy being are always like, oh my God, I died when Rebecca was talking about being in Brighton as they got up. Oh no no no no I cannot somebody cannot know, but I can I can hear you Scott.
00;07;14;18 – 00;07;32;25
Unknown
Because if, if what did a woman have that reaction. No, it was a guy. Well it was a guy who’s now a woman. If that makes a difference, it does. A guy who’s now a woman was the part, was the person, but he is a guy. He was she was a guy at the time that this, argument took place.
00;07;32;28 – 00;07;53;25
Unknown
Oh. And what was the argument? You know, hold the door for me. I can do it myself. Yeah, it was it was some kind of long, you know, drawn out, opinion about chivalry and and the idea of chivalry and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, okay, you’re reading way too far into this.
00;07;53;25 – 00;08;10;28
Unknown
I’m just holding the door for someone. I expect the door to be held. I held it held. I expect that door to be. Hold it for me. I want that doors not hold the door for my my husband. Yet I want my husband to open my door out of my car. You better hold it for you. Better hold that door for me for a long time.
00;08;11;01 – 00;08;39;14
Unknown
Hold it, hold it, it. Yeah, that’s just kindness, right? But there’s this whole discussion about that goes back to, to men and women. And here we go. You know, just like, really just like the, the washer fluid thing. It’s it it doesn’t have to go there but it just does. Now if I wasn’t in the ghetto and that guy said he wasn’t in the ghetto, she was not in fact in the ghetto.
00;08;39;14 – 00;08;56;08
Unknown
And that guy said to me do you want some help. Sure do. I don’t I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to put my hand in that nasty. So that was it was the location. Look. Oh, really? 100% location, location, location, 100%. If I was at the Starbucks here and some guy. Yeah, if I was, I’m not certain.
00;08;56;08 – 00;09;15;15
Unknown
Some guy’s like, would you like me to just. Yes, I would really respect. Yes I would. Please, please do that. Please pull up with your Escalade and help me. Yes. Right. Yeah. So not in Webster, but I am all okay. Damsel in distress all day long. Oh, just not when we’re in Brighton. No, no, no, not when we’re the ghetto.
00;09;15;19 – 00;09;34;23
Unknown
You know, like, oh, I can’t do this. So you do it. Mark and I, for his birthday, we went to a Red wing scheme, and it was expected to sprinkle during the Red wings game. And I had gotten us really nice seats because, I mean, I think it’s like ten hours, nearly $12. And they were really on the first base side and they were really, really nice seats.
00;09;34;25 – 00;09;58;10
Unknown
And so the usher walked us to our seats and then took a towel and wiped our seats off for us. And I’m like, that is so nice. Do they only do this in like this? $12 section? No, that is the nicest thing. All the other half. That is so nice. But I couldn’t let it go the entire game.
00;09;58;10 – 00;10;18;17
Unknown
Oh, my whole game. I said I need to go and thank that man. I said Mark. So Mark was holding on because you can’t bring a bag into the Red wings game anymore. Like you can’t even bring like your Lulu, you know, fanny pack thing. It has to be clear or whatever. Well, I didn’t have that. So I had given Mark my wallet to to keep.
00;10;18;17 – 00;10;37;07
Unknown
So he was holding on to it. I said, could you please give me $3? And he’s like, for what? I said, I’m going to tip the man who did our seats. He’s like, you don’t need to do that. That’s part of his job. And I said, thank you for your opinion. May I please have $3? Right. So happens all the time with us.
00;10;37;09 – 00;10;51;15
Unknown
So I take the $3. He goes, no, the $3. I go up to the man, I walk up to him. Now I have it all like that covered. You know, when you hand it to them, because you have to hand it to them in a certain way, you can just say like, here’s my $3. But I need to.
00;10;51;15 – 00;11;10;05
Unknown
I need you all to here. It’s like, this was big. This is Aaron’s bracelet. It has to be $3 because it’s $1 per seat plus a tip. That’s right. I had this $2. Didn’t feel right enough. Right? But $3. I felt better. I know, I know, but I’ve done it on the spot. When he did it, $2 would have been enough.
00;11;10;05 – 00;11;38;19
Unknown
Now it’s been a long gated. Now I need to go to $3. I mean, it’s five bucks. Oh, wow. Excuse me. I’ll wipe your seat any day. Oh, and you want me to come in there and put your seat down? Come on, I’ll wipe your seat. I want them. Bring their seat over here. Wipe it. So, anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to go and, like.
00;11;38;21 – 00;11;59;14
Unknown
Like we’re doing a drug deal, right? So I go up to the man and I stick my hand out, and he said, what’s this? And? And I hand it to him. And I said, I very much appreciate you wiping down my seat. He’s like, oh, ma’am, that’s a part of my job. And I said, being kind is not is not a standard thing that women receive these days.
00;11;59;14 – 00;12;17;19
Unknown
And I want you to know that I know that chivalry is not dead. And I very much appreciate you taking the time to wipe down my seat. He said, you’re very welcome. Then he gave me a hug. Now I’m hugging the usher and then a walk away. And Mark’s like, well, that that escalated. And I said, well, this is what we do.
00;12;17;26 – 00;12;41;03
Unknown
This is just what you do to appreciate. But that, to me was an act of chivalry in my mind. Like maybe he’s doing that for everyone. And he really was. He was doing it for every man that would go and sit down and, you know, it was not that big a thing. But for me, it’s that level of thoughtfulness that I greatly appreciate value and expect in my interactions with most humans, but particularly men.
00;12;41;05 – 00;13;04;13
Unknown
Now, maybe that makes me not as feminist as I might think that I am, right, because I certainly can wipe my my own seat at a baseball game if I need to. Course you can. But there’s a part of me that, like, really appreciated the fact that he was a man and that he was making sure that myself and Mark were both going to be comfortable in this environment and not have to sit on a wet seat.
00;13;04;13 – 00;13;21;24
Unknown
I would expect a woman, I sure did the same thing. Sure. Yeah, I would have appreciated that as well. That’s the freaking Lily. So that’s how that man made three extra dollars. I’m good for him, man. I’m sure he went home. He said, you don’t have to do this. And again, just like I say to Mark, thank you again for your opinion on what I do and do not have to do me any man.
00;13;21;25 – 00;13;37;17
Unknown
I mean, I know I can put your hand on him handing a dime back, but but I do think that that kind of thing is important. It’s important to hold doors for people. It’s important to, you know, move out of the way. You know what I hate what you’re going to. You’re going to lose your show. Here we go.
00;13;37;17 – 00;14;00;18
Unknown
Here. You better pay up. You’re going to get me fired up. What? Let’s talk about elevators. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Peter, stop. Well, it’s 11 in the elevator. Stop it up when I’m. Go. Listen to me. There are elevators, and and there are subway like subway trains. Your answers about what you do in an elevator.
00;14;00;18 – 00;14;20;23
Unknown
I know you need to wait for people to come out of that elevator before you barge your large ass in there. That’s true. I know you don’t. Wait. That thing ain’t leaving without you on it. You’re. How about in line? How about when there isn’t a line? But there is. Like you know who gets there first? Who gets their second?
00;14;20;23 – 00;14;36;10
Unknown
Like you don’t. Yeah. Oh. Like that. People who just like a stroller who’s like, oh, you got to get in there. I gotta get in there. I’m sorry. You got here 15 minutes after me right now. I know, I know, I feel like we could have our own show about just on, like, what’s right and rules. Yeah, yeah.
00;14;36;15 – 00;14;58;10
Unknown
Of socialization. Oh, yeah. You do that is this does mom the power of empathy. Oh, listen. Well, that’s one of them for sure. It’s real clear. My favorite. No, I, I got to tell people, you know that cat meme, the one that just like, looks the one. Oh, yeah. The one with the girl who’s going like this. No, just just the the black cat with its ears back.
00;14;58;10 – 00;15;15;23
Unknown
Just giving you the death stare. Oh, that is your face. When people when people do things in public because there’s, like, a 50% chance she’s going to say something. It depends on her mood. But when she’s ripe, it is that cat meme. It’s like, I can’t, I know. And then I look at you and I’m like, I see you.
00;15;15;23 – 00;15;39;18
Unknown
And then we get, no, I’m like, you want to talk about what you say is, do not you do not. We’re not we’re not talking about it right now. We’re not talking about oh, it’s very similar to this discussion with the elevator is when I’m out in traffic and I’m waiting in line behind other cars, and there’s a road, or there’s a driveway next to it next to me, and I stop so I don’t block the driveway.
00;15;39;20 – 00;15;59;25
Unknown
Right. And then the cars move up and there’s enough space for me to go. So I pull up, pull up. But the asshole behind me blocks the driveway that I just spent all this time not blocking. Yep, I know again rules. And I call and this is Olivia. It’s true. I know it’s such bullshit. And I am so aware of my children.
00;15;59;25 – 00;16;21;24
Unknown
I’m like, do not do if you if I’m not raising you to be those people. Oh my God. Carter and I had such a beautiful moment at Ollie’s Outlet. I don’t know if that sentence has ever been spoken for, but it is right now. Okay. Oh my gosh. So I bought one of those. Yeah. Like that’s good. So here’s a good.
00;16;21;25 – 00;16;41;18
Unknown
So I bought one of those you know like the little holders that you put together that you put your cushions in your outdoor. Oh yeah. And then I bought one of those at Ollie’s Outlet. Okay. And Carter was making fun of me because we walk around the store and he likes to go to the toy section or whatever, and I’m like, buddy, I need you to go get me a cart because I need this.
00;16;41;18 – 00;16;56;26
Unknown
He’s like, you don’t need that, mom. And I’m like, I do. I’ve been looking for it. This is a really good price. And he goes, he gets it for me. He’s making fun of me. Like the whole time we’re having the best time. Well, we go out and we get this thing in the trunk, Along with our other purchases.
00;16;56;28 – 00;17;17;24
Unknown
And then I say, buddy, would you mind bringing the cart back? And he said, well, we don’t have to bring it back. We can just leave it here in the parking lot, okay? Like I like I do real, real. Oh, there it is. There it is. Right. I’m like, here is a teachable moment. And I and I said, because he’s never he’s never done that before.
00;17;17;24 – 00;17;41;22
Unknown
He’s never this is this is a crucial moment for me. It’s this like major parenting moment where I’m like, okay, here it comes. And I say, oh, great, great. Thanks for saying that, buddy. Absolutely. This is what we don’t do. Let’s talk about why we don’t do that. Oh my gosh. And he goes, okay. And I said, if we don’t put that cart back, who has to do it?
00;17;41;24 – 00;18;01;10
Unknown
He’s like one of the people who worked here. And I said, and is that fair to them to have to put back our cart that we used, that they did not use and that they’re going to have to come out sometime during the day and pick up after us? He’s like, oh, I didn’t think of it like that.
00;18;01;10 – 00;18;24;26
Unknown
No, that’s not fair. That’s not fair. And I said, I said, yes. So that’s why we’re going to bring it back. And he says, well, mom, there’s carts all over the parking lot. I said, wow, you’re right. What does that mean? He said that people are lazy. I said, that’s right. And then what does he say next time I got it?
00;18;24;26 – 00;18;42;26
Unknown
I love them so much. Or maybe they were on their way to somewhere important. Like the airport, and they didn’t have time to push it back. Of course, of course. He’s giving people the benefit of the doubt. So I say it’s very possible. But I don’t think all of these people were headed to the airport and didn’t have time.
00;18;42;26 – 00;19;02;15
Unknown
And also, they should have thought about that before because we shouldn’t be cutting it that close to go to the airport. He’s the guy. A good point, he said, why don’t we pick up everyone’s cart and bring it back? And I’m like, oh yes, yes. Now do I want to pick up these people’s carts? No, I do not.
00;19;02;15 – 00;19;24;28
Unknown
But you know that a lesson is a lesson for me. I said, I think that’s wonderful, but I do think that we should do that. So he and I go through the entire parking lot and we get every single one of these carts. I’m not kidding. There was at least 11 carts that were in the alleys parking lot and Henrietta, and we push them all back.
00;19;24;28 – 00;19;45;22
Unknown
He’s doing his I’m doing mine. And then there’s this one area over here where there’s three carts that are in our row. Now, at this point, he and I are both done with cart pickup duty. You can tell we’re both done with it. And I think to myself, he’s going to point out those three carts. He’s going to say, mom, there’s three more over here, and I don’t really want to do those.
00;19;45;24 – 00;20;04;15
Unknown
So I’m going to use this as a great boundary setting moment. So sure as shit he goes, do you see these over here, mom, there’s there’s three left. And I said, there are Carter. And do you think that we’ve done more than our fair share of cart picking up today? And he said yes. And I said, I do too, so we can leave those out here.
00;20;04;15 – 00;20;24;06
Unknown
And then maybe someone else who thinks like we do, we’ll pick those carts up. But I think we’ve done enough for today. I think we’ve done our good deed gets in the car. It was such a beautiful moment. I don’t want to be able to justify anything in the future. I feel like I need I can sit gold start that.
00;20;24;09 – 00;20;51;09
Unknown
We gold start it. It was this really beautiful moment of entitlement that switched to thinking about other people’s feelings, that moved into action, that then set a boundary call because of the carts at Adam Ali’s outlet. And here’s what I did with my daughter Sawyer. Not here. So we empty. We have to do the cart into the car.
00;20;51;11 – 00;21;09;28
Unknown
And then I turn to her and I go, it’s time to play Uber. She’s like, okay, I go, you bring the cart back and I’ll pick your ass up. So she brings the cart back. She has to wait there. I drive around, I roll down the window, I’m like, what’s your pin? Then she gets in the back. I’m like, do you want the Aaron or the music?
00;21;09;28 – 00;21;28;15
Unknown
Anything. Where are we going? The no, it’s great. Then we play. We play Uber on the way home. That’s good. I you’re teaching her how to handle Uber when she does get old enough to use an Uber, and she’s going to be asking for that damn pin too. What’s your pin? My name is not good enough. Yeah, these are all important lessons.
00;21;28;22 – 00;21;47;26
Unknown
But to be fair, we only shop at Aldi, which means you need to get your quarterback. Yeah, you gotta create your own quarterback. Otherwise you’d be leaving that car right in the damn parking lot like everyone else. Well, there’s other. I never do that. Well, if you never get the car because you’re a decent human, I go. I always park next to the car, turn this thing.
00;21;47;28 – 00;22;06;09
Unknown
Yeah, so that I could just pop it right in there. But if for some reason I decide to park closer, I’ll return the cart right to the. Yeah. Oh, my God, I have I have John Halligan in the back of my head every time I go to Wegmans. If I am parked closer to the store than I am parked closer to you, bring it back to the you bring it back into the store.
00;22;06;09 – 00;22;26;05
Unknown
Yeah, because I hear him so clearly saying to me, why would I bring it to the corral to make work for someone else when I’m just closer to the store to bring it in now? Literal me. It feels weird. I’m all done with the store. I’ve done what I needed to do with the story. I don’t need to go back into the store to return my cart, so it’s actually takes me out of my routine a little bit to go back in and drop my cart off.
00;22;26;05 – 00;22;49;02
Unknown
But I still do it because, John, how good the John Halligan is on my shoulder. Here’s a here’s a scenario. Tell me how you feel about this. Okay. After you go through the airport security with the buckets. Yeah. There’s a clear answer here. Two folks, listen to me. There is a clear answer here. You go through and you put all your stuff in those buckets.
00;22;49;02 – 00;23;09;16
Unknown
It goes through and you are welcome to wait behind. You do not need to wait right next to the conveyor belt. I promise you, your stuff is coming out. I promise you that no one’s trying to steal your bookbag, right? You’re fired. So you wait back and you wait until you see your stuff come through. As soon as it starts to come through on the conveyor belt.
00;23;09;16 – 00;23;32;07
Unknown
Still not the time to rock up to it. Why? Because it needs to come further down the conveyor belt. The minute that you have your hands on your shit, don’t you dare start putting your damn shoes on next to the frickin conveyor belt. I swear to God. What about rehab all about one day, like you are running, you are running somewhere.
00;23;32;09 – 00;23;52;11
Unknown
You grab it all, and then you make sure that that gray bin makes it back into the pile. It is not someone else’s job to pick your bin up. And that is not your bin. Put your bin. Put your bin back in the bin area. Okay. Thank you for joining us on Grind My Gears. You know what really grinds my gears.
00;23;52;13 – 00;24;12;04
Unknown
Oh my god I’m sorry. Yeah I’m not done yet. I’m still not done. So you’re going to be taking all of those items. I don’t care if it looks like you are running from someone’s house after having done a heist. I don’t care. You take all of that and you’re the same way over way over to the designated designated area where people sit down.
00;24;12;04 – 00;24;31;20
Unknown
You drop all your stuff like you’re completely exasperated, and that’s where you put your shoes on. If you are putting your shoes on by the conveyor belt, we have a problem. You are now failing to recognize that other people need to get their share. You are failing to recognize that you are not the only person. There are other people here that are in this area and that that is the tiniest space possible.
00;24;31;20 – 00;24;55;00
Unknown
This is not the time or place to be putting your shoes on. Yep, this could be an entire damn show. I know this is where Ali sick lady hey, started me an Instagram page called Authority on Nothing where all I was going to do was tell you the four about how to run your life. Yeah, on things that I’m not the authority to talk about, but I’m just very clear that I have the answer for you.
00;24;55;00 – 00;25;11;14
Unknown
But that’s just normal. We should do one of these every show. I me, gets me all sorts of fired up. Oh, yeah. Now I hear, you know, we do this, but I got a new card today. Oh, God. You picked a new one. What is that? What’s a red panda? A red panda I love red panda is the Knight of Wands.
00;25;11;17 – 00;25;32;26
Unknown
Oh, I love this. We’ve never had him before. The red panda. Look at him. He has. He has a wand and he has. Look at that cheerleader yellow. Even that cheerleader yelling thing. What’s a cone? Yeah, dude. True. Yeah. You didn’t even, find it for you. No, I didn’t. The Nine of wands. Her Knight of Wands ain’t.
00;25;32;29 – 00;25;53;20
Unknown
Knight of wands. Look at him. Stop it, I know, what’s that? What’s on his head? He’s a knight. One of those, metal things. Oh. She’s nice. Remember when it looks like a blanket? It’s what we put on when we did the, At that one, we’re like, no, not that one. The black. What is the thing when you get locked down?
00;25;53;22 – 00;26;09;22
Unknown
What is that called? Escape room. Escape room? Yes. When we did the escape room for your birthday. Yeah. And we warned everybody at the, with their life. We said, you fuck this up, we’ll never, ever. Yeah. Go out with you again. Little props to Bobby, though, for Bobby. Bobby? Bobby didn’t kill it. Bobby did. We put those those night hats on.
00;26;09;23 – 00;26;40;09
Unknown
That’s right. Anyone hear that invasive crash? Yes. The Knight of Wands has just burst into your life like the Kool-Aid man and begun shouting into a megaphone. Yeah. What announcement is so important? It warrants shouting and a megaphone. An exciting change. That’s entering your life so swiftly, you’ll have no choice but to dive in headfirst. It might be wise to include a little book, a little look before that leap, or at minimum, a cursory glance.
00;26;40;11 – 00;27;05;03
Unknown
Impulsiveness. Rebecca is fun and adventurous, but not if it leads to unforeseen consequences. In other words, enjoy the jump, but pack a parachute. I throw my arms around new exploits and ride them wherever they take me, while also wearing an appropriate regulation safety harness.
00;27;05;06 – 00;27;22;24
Unknown
So your did just get to be a safety at school. Oh she’s in her sister’s flight. That’s right. She has to wear her safety belt. I go what do you get to do. She’s like boss people around like that’s my girl. That’s good. That’s right my girl. That’s right. Maybe that. Maybe this card’s for her. Maybe. Scott, we have these, like, new things that happen now.
00;27;22;24 – 00;27;43;27
Unknown
It’s basically called Scott’s empathy problem. Apparently you have a lot of empathy problems because we have not supposed to talk about it, but you really feel a lot of our time, which we greatly appreciate, because apparently there’s not enough to talk about when it comes down. But I can do to help, you know. Yeah. Right. So it was previously Aaron’s empathy problems where I would talk about stupid things that would happen during the day that I would have empathy about.
00;27;43;27 – 00;28;02;27
Unknown
Scott’s empathy problems are actually real, very real things that come up, I love that. So Scott had an empathy problem a couple of weeks ago. And the gist of the empathy problem. I’m going to read this, I forgot, I’m sorry, I forgot to light up. Oh a smell. This is the empathy problem that’s been said resolved. Yes.
00;28;02;27 – 00;28;22;22
Unknown
Okay. Right. Yes, it’s been resolved. It’s been fully resolved. We can’t wait to hear that amicably and gratefully and happily c o c okay, because there was a little bit of a suspense there. Yeah, well, for some of you who didn’t know how it was going to end, but I was very clear how it was going to end.
00;28;22;28 – 00;29;02;14
Unknown
And I told Scott how it was going to end. Oh, you managed it. It ended that way. And then I said, C that’s great. That’s great. Yes. Surprise! Wow, I’m so surprised. So, the comment that you had said Scott was, how can someone disallow someone else from having power over them? And I think the gist associated with this is when going into some type of conversation or situation with someone else that you have convinced yourself or you feel you are.
00;29;02;17 – 00;29;41;19
Unknown
I don’t want to say inferior to because I wouldn’t say that in this situation. Scott, you felt inferior to this person, but you did feel that this person was using some skills that they had in conversation to throw their weight around, to essentially make you feel more uncomfortable, to not be able to be your best self. And a lot of what you were struggling in this situation was related to taking some of your power away by that person being more assertive or clear or steadfast in what their response was.
00;29;41;25 – 00;30;05;22
Unknown
But would you say that was accurate? Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, if you imagine that there’s a confrontation between two people and it’s clear that one of those people is not good at confrontations, and the other one is and the one that is takes advantage of that situation and says, wow, clearly you’re not good at confrontations. So now I’m going to own this situation.
00;30;05;24 – 00;30;30;12
Unknown
Yep. Yep. And that was this whole thing is, is, was based on my perception at the time, which was so clouded by stress. Oh I love that you just said that Scott. Oh it’s beautiful. I felt that through my whole soul graduating to the oftentimes that’s the crux of everybody’s perception. Yes. That is where it always stems from.
00;30;30;12 – 00;30;46;11
Unknown
And it was so clear. So Scott had sent me a very long text message, which I promise to get to. And if any of you who have ever texted me know it sometimes takes me a really long time to get back on text messages, especially the ones that I, you know, are going to take a mental energy because I want to give it the time and attention it deserves.
00;30;46;13 – 00;31;16;07
Unknown
And then if I don’t have the time and attention, I’m like, I’ll get back to it, I’ll get back to it, I’ll get back to it. So Scott had written me a really long message that was essentially giving me some insight into this, and it was very clear for me in that initial message, Scott, that you were projecting feelings of fear associated with how this person was responding to you based in your own state of mind, your own experiences that you were having.
00;31;16;11 – 00;31;44;11
Unknown
Probably also some past experiences with people who presented in a similar way. Yeah, we call that transference. And that it was not necessarily about this person whom whom I have never had met, but more about your concern associated with who this this person would be. And that was ultimately what you came around to at the end, that that wasn’t really who she was.
00;31;44;11 – 00;32;15;11
Unknown
It was more about your fears of who she was based in those things that were happening for you. Oh, yeah. Totally. So it was not. Yeah. She how did that reconciliation conversation go? Because you were worried about that. I remember you were there for sleep. I couldn’t sleep for like a week. Yeah. And the day that it was happening I was like my mouth was dry I was just yeah I was looking at the clock going oh my God this is going to happen.
00;32;15;13 – 00;32;33;12
Unknown
Quick question before you get to that point. Yeah. The part that made you feel that way sounds like it was because she was, what I like to say, a flame in a windless place. Don’t get me started with frickin analogies again. I can’t I can’t have you go down the freaking path again. So anyway, she was pretty steadfast in that moment.
00;32;33;12 – 00;33;00;10
Unknown
You were coming at her, maybe from a place of chaos. This has to be fixed. This is a problem. We need to talk about this. Right. And she met your anxious response with clear, distinct clarity. And that difference is part of what made you uncomfortable, because she was very steadfast in the moment about almost like saying it seems like you’re frazzled right now.
00;33;00;13 – 00;33;30;00
Unknown
It seems like we have to take care of this situation. Now’s not the time to take care of the situation. She hit you with short sentences for emphasis and there was something about that that seemed like it really took you off guard. Is that a fair assessment? Yeah, I think so. And then what was it about that? So I think for our listeners, it’s helpful to understand what was it about that clear, distinctive response that had you more in a tizzy than maybe you were even before?
00;33;30;03 – 00;33;59;09
Unknown
I think, because at the time I saw that as cockiness. I saw that as some sort of, acting superior to me as though, well, I’m clearly better in this situation than you are. So I’m going to, you know, portray that and be superior. But it really wasn’t it wasn’t that at all. But there were so many things going on at that one particular time that there was no way I could possibly see what was really happening.
00;33;59;09 – 00;34;33;09
Unknown
Like. Absolutely. Have you ever had that experience? You meaning seeing people’s straightforwardness, courteous and short sentences for emphasis as ego cockiness, and you’re trying to explain that you’re better than me. Yes, but but but in different ways. But I’ve also witnessed it. I’ve witnessed it as the person who’s just the bystander, and watched it happen in your response when that happens is to feel what, similarly to Scott, it’s hard because I can see both sides.
00;34;33;09 – 00;34;52;13
Unknown
Yeah, I can see both sides so easily because a I’m, I’m like Scott, where it’s really hard for me to confront people and it’s really hard to, especially when you’re in that moment of distress or this needs to be fixed. And I, you know, I’m trying my best and too many things are happening can come across is scrambled and whatever.
00;34;52;13 – 00;35;18;14
Unknown
And then bombarding what appears to be somebody else in whatever capacity it may be, the person just not seeing you, you know. And trying to what what’s the word like. Not not sugarcoat it. That’s not the right word. Like smooth it over and be like oh yeah yeah yeah. No problem, no problem. Right. Like you’re hoping that’s what you get.
00;35;18;14 – 00;35;37;07
Unknown
But when that doesn’t happen, it appears to be potentially. Yeah. Who the hell are you when they don’t meet you where you’re at. Right. Right. They don’t mean or they don’t give you what you’re looking for. Yeah, right. Right. Then also, sometimes it’s holding up a mirror, right? But at the same time you’re just trying to solve that immediate.
00;35;37;07 – 00;36;03;22
Unknown
And I think one of you said it, The whole situation would have been handled differently if it was a different time and place. Yeah, it just would have been different factors. Yeah. Right. Which is why those kinds of things are really important. Because you just never know. So never know the things I kept saying to Scott, because I was really over identifying with this woman that I had never met, was I would have responded exactly in the same way.
00;36;03;24 – 00;36;41;26
Unknown
I would have met your frazzled ness with clear, short, sweet statements, and I would have very much. You made eye contact in a lot of that is through trying to bring the situation down into a reasonable, more logical place. Because when we are all in our high level emotional state, work doesn’t get done there as well. But just like in that video, many people will see that clear, distinct.
00;36;41;29 – 00;37;00;10
Unknown
And I also will call out what’s happening in that moment. You appear frazzled right now, and I see that and I hear that and all. So here’s what we’re going to do about it. They will see that as arrogance, as ego as you think you’re better than me, you know, see if if that I wouldn’t have seen it that way.
00;37;00;10 – 00;37;23;06
Unknown
I don’t believe I would have seen from me at that, from anyone. If, if, if they were that clear about the situation said, I can see that you are upset right now, and I would like to figure out how we can rectify this would be one situation instead of the obviously you’re not good in confrontation. That’s that’s condescending in my mind.
00;37;23;09 – 00;37;50;29
Unknown
Was that what was said? Yeah. Well. Oh, I was just going to ask what was that? That was like a and I actually and I responded with G. What gave that I, what gave that away. Right. To be fair that was the intent of that statement. Right. The intent of that statement was to call out weakness that you might have and to be like, let me get you in your place over here so that I don’t have to experience that anymore.
00;37;50;29 – 00;38;05;28
Unknown
So intent makes a huge difference on where that’s coming from, because I can imagine myself saying, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Okay, listen, we’re going to get this all figured out. It sounds like you’re in a place right now that is not the best place, and it’s completely okay. What can I do in this moment to remedy this situation for you?
00;38;05;28 – 00;38;31;11
Unknown
And if I can do it, I will do it. And then I would like to follow up with the conversation later about what we could do this different. That was awesome. Yeah, a very different scenario. Right, right. But but but when when the response is sort of a, cocky, you know, intent to, to put you in your place, kind of place, I don’t, I don’t know anyone is kind of like telling someone to calm down.
00;38;31;13 – 00;38;49;01
Unknown
Right. You know, anyone who responds with like, oh my God. Yeah. Thank you, I didn’t know. Yeah, I didn’t know. That’s what I was supposed to do. And imagine that. All right. So imagine you have, a do not disturb sign on your door. Right. And someone knocks on your door and you have to go. Actually, the person doesn’t knock on your door.
00;38;49;01 – 00;39;07;21
Unknown
You hear them shouting or yelling or talking outside of your door. So you have to come out and say hi. I have a do not disturb sign on my door. When? Just before that, the person said, I’m really sorry. I know you have a do not disturb sign on your door, but here’s the here’s the problem.
00;39;07;23 – 00;39;24;12
Unknown
And they answer with, yeah, I have that. There’s a reason why that Do Not Disturb sign is on there. And it’s like, yeah, I know it’s there, I know it’s there. And the last thing I ever wanted to do verbatim, the last thing I wanted to do was disturb you at your work. But here’s my situation.
00;39;24;14 – 00;39;45;07
Unknown
Yeah. Right. Right. Okay. That’s a tough, that’s, that’s fair. Fair. So what I’m hearing there is that you were reading the situation correctly through your lens. She was reading it through her lens. You both were activated for very different reasons. But I’m curious how you then got to the point. So I know you were really nervous. So so let me just state that say this.
00;39;45;14 – 00;40;11;23
Unknown
I was saying to him, I see myself probably doing something similar. Well, now we know it would have been similar in terms of its directness, but not in terms of its approach, which makes you’re the one. You’re the opposite of Scott. You’re not Scott. You’re responding to Scott, right? Got it. And then the second part that I said in my response to Scott was I was feeling in the messages then he was sending me that there was a lot of angst, anger, fear and frustration coming about.
00;40;11;23 – 00;40;42;18
Unknown
And I know Scott well enough at this point to know that that’s not going to lead to the outcome that Scott wants. If anything, it’s going to lead to continue angst and separation because this situation isn’t going to have an end. So one of the things I remember saying to you, Scott, and I’m curious if this had an impact on you, was I said, I have a little bit of a different perspective on what’s going on right now, and I’m hoping that you can hear this from someone, me, from someone that you trust has your best interest.
00;40;42;18 – 00;41;05;01
Unknown
Yeah. And that part for me was intentional because I wanted you to think to yourself, okay, I can settle into the fact that I know Aaron is coming from a place that has me at the center of it, and would not be just giving me these alternate points of view if they didn’t have some validity in how it related to me.
00;41;05;01 – 00;41;36;27
Unknown
Is that how that landed? Scott? Yeah. Oh, perfect. Perfect, because that was intentional on my part. Was, I see you and I just want, you know, I hope you can hear this from someone that you trust. So now fast forward. You have dry mouth. You’re not sleeping. You’re nervous as all get out because again, you are walking into this situation in a one down position because you’re already feeling like she’s better, quote unquote, at conflict or directness or calling something out.
00;41;36;29 – 00;41;52;29
Unknown
And I can’t remember exactly what I said to you, Scott, but something was pretend you’re going in there and talking to me and I would start it off on a light note. Hey, it’s really nice to meet you for the first time, in a way where we’re both not in chaos right now, right? My. I’m Scott. Yeah, right.
00;41;52;29 – 00;42;16;11
Unknown
Like a light in the mood a little bit. So tell us about that interaction. The after interaction. Sorry, I was, I was reading your text. I was trying to find the the, Oh, I lost that section that you were talking about. So, what, you want me to describe the the meeting that we had afterwards to to resolve it?
00;42;16;11 – 00;42;36;24
Unknown
Yeah. So I have a question. Where was it? Where did you meet it? In my office. Here. Oh, she on your surface? Yeah. She. Yeah, she came down, and and I had Kelly here. My wife. Oh, really? She’s also my partner in this business, and, she she wanted to come, and I said, well, I don’t want you.
00;42;36;27 – 00;42;54;07
Unknown
I don’t want it to look like I got to bring my wife into to to fight my battles. And she said, well, we’re partners in this, so this is about the business, so I need to be here. I was like, all right, I guess that makes sense. And now Kelly was already coming in hot too. So it could have been good or it could have been bad.
00;42;54;07 – 00;43;31;03
Unknown
Right. Because she was very protective of you and she. Oh yeah. She was ready to fight fire with fire if, if it, if mean to that that came to that. But she definitely wouldn’t approach it that way. Okay. And so the woman came down and it was immediately fine. Like, she was immediately, disarming. We were we shook hands and I said, and we both said something to the effect of, it’s nice to meet you in a, in a normal situation outside of the chaos.
00;43;31;05 – 00;43;49;03
Unknown
And and Kelly did have to, to jump in and say I just need to like after we had kind of a mutual laugh. She was like I just have to tell you how upset Scott’s been about this for the last two weeks. Like, this is the only thing that’s been on his mind. He’s been separating over it.
00;43;49;03 – 00;44;10;28
Unknown
And, you know, it’s just terrible that it happened. And feels bad about it and all this kind of stuff. And I actually, I was kind of like, all right, back up and all of that, but, you know, but it but but it was true. She wasn’t, you know, she was being honest. It was it was something that really was bothering me for a long time.
00;44;11;00 – 00;44;32;20
Unknown
And we, you know, we got it sorted out and it was something that I even I said immediately after it happened, I took steps in my space here to fix what the problem was. The sound in the sound sound transference from her room to mine. I, I went to the store and I bought all this stuff, and I, you know.
00;44;32;20 – 00;44;47;14
Unknown
But the problem is, is that I just paid a lot of money to have the ceilings done in here. So this problem should not have actually happened at all. And it was a surprise to me that it did because this was the first time that anyone’s been in that space up there for like almost two years.
00;44;47;16 – 00;45;06;03
Unknown
So it never got a chance to be tested. So when it did get tested I was in the midst of one of the biggest right gigs that I there’s a lot of factors going on. There’s a lot of things you know and I was like what was her response? How how did you fight? Not like physically?
00;45;06;06 – 00;45;33;25
Unknown
Her response. But what was your take away from how she handled the situation or what what was the overall feel of what she was saying in response? And for our meeting? Yeah, for the for the resolution meeting. No, she was she, she said I, I want to make sure that that we’re both on the same footing, like we’re on even footing.
00;45;33;25 – 00;45;59;28
Unknown
Like, I want to make sure that I can do everything that I can so that I’m not affecting your business. You want to be good neighbors and and. Yeah. And I wanted to really. It was really from that approach. It was, she approached it very humbly and, and, you know, I was I was instantly relieved in the first two minutes of our conversation to know that everything was going to be okay.
00;46;00;03 – 00;46;18;00
Unknown
Because she came in and she was just like, you know, hi. And, you know, well, I was afraid she’s going to come in and. Yeah, sit down. Yeah. But that, that, you know, that wasn’t the case. And, and she said, you know, everybody says how you such a nice guy. And I was I saw a different side of you at that moment.
00;46;18;00 – 00;46;40;09
Unknown
And I was like, it’s interesting that you say that because I, in my recollection, didn’t think I was being nasty or angry or anything like that. I was just frazzled and I was nervous, and I was upset that I had to interrupt you. Right. There’s so many component, but how many times has that happened here on the podcast or.
00;46;40;09 – 00;47;04;15
Unknown
I’ve said that, Scott are you mad? Scotty angry Scott, what’s going on? And you’re like, I’m never mad at you guys. It’s always, oh, I’m frustrated because the equipment’s not working or the video’s not correct, or I’m not going to be at my best. But I do think it’s very common for people to read angst and nervousness as you’re annoyed or disappointed or frustrated by how something is going.
00;47;04;15 – 00;47;35;02
Unknown
Just brings up for me this concept of we’re only able to perceive, to perceive what is coming at us from the intensity of what we’re receiving in the moment, as well as our past experiences of others who have reacted in a similar way. Right? Like we’re only ever operating off of that. That’s a really good point, because I’m the type of person who I can get triggered really easily about one thing, but then it’s to everything.
00;47;35;02 – 00;47;51;24
Unknown
So like in my family, if I have one thing that happened at work and I can’t let it go, I immediately bring it. I mean, I work from home, so I’m still home. I go upstairs, I take it out in the dishes, I start screaming. When you’re when you ask me a stupid question I have time for, I’m like, just, just stop it, you know?
00;47;51;24 – 00;48;22;07
Unknown
And they didn’t do anything. Yeah, absolutely. Not such a great point. Your family handles your responsiveness. My family specifically. Yes. Yeah. Handles your responsiveness. If if I was your child and or if poor Carter was your child and you responded the way you typically do, which is very normal and, and it just it’s again it’s explosive responsive. Right.
00;48;22;09 – 00;48;49;07
Unknown
It would be earth shattering for the entire day. Oh my god. Right. Your kids let that shit roll right off their back. Like and nothing has ever happened. And it’s always amazed me specifically Sawyer who has a tendency to be very more sensitive. Very sensitive. Right. And you’ll be like I said cut out to the boss.
00;48;49;07 – 00;49;12;21
Unknown
How many times do I have to tell you you’re gonna miss the button? Then I’m not taking you to school, and you’re going to have to sit right here all day, like, just right. And then she’s like, mom, I’m going. Bing! Carter would be, like, just devastated, right? He might fight back with a bit of fire. The one time you were at my house, we were all sitting outside and we don’t eat til frickin 10 p.m..
00;49;12;21 – 00;49;26;09
Unknown
Yeah. And he comes out and he says to Aaron, mom, when are we going to eat? And I looked at him and I go, we’re going to eat when the food’s on the table. Oh go play. Yeah. He still he still probably is having psychological trauma. So I see it like that. What do you mean? No one’s ever shocked.
00;49;26;09 – 00;49;51;04
Unknown
Don’t ask me when we’re gonna eat. We eat when the food’s on the table. But do you remember the look? He gave me it for me. And then he walked away, and I’m like, that’s right. Right. I’ll call. I’ll call you when it’s time to eat. He was like, but again, these are our best therapy this week. But but I, I forget that these are established things in my household like my daughters know we aren’t stop in the series that she’s snack queen right.
00;49;51;06 – 00;50;11;03
Unknown
She also knows and my family we don’t stop. We don’t eat. We don’t like if we’re on a road trip or, you know, if it’s dinner time around, soccer practice or whatever, like quote unquote dinner time, like normal people eat. They know. Don’t ask mom or dad. Don’t say I’m hungry because we’ll give you the look like not my problem, right.
00;50;11;05 – 00;50;29;10
Unknown
She has, team snacks. Yeah. In her purse. In her. I mean, she’s always prepared, right? Because she knows where she’s stopping. There’s also where in the pants. She knows you’re not going to stop. Go to the bathroom. I’m dying because we went to Boston over the weekend. Six hour trip. At one point, I’m feeling a little, like, under my seat.
00;50;29;13 – 00;50;42;20
Unknown
And I turn around and I look at her and she just goes. I go, you gotta go to the bathroom, don’t you? She’s like, I really do. Yeah, I really did. She was giving it back. No. I look at Philip, I go, we gotta stop. He’s like, we’re not stopping. I go, yeah, we are. I’m the only one who can really get him to stop.
00;50;42;21 – 00;51;05;06
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, we’re timed in, out, in, out I know, geez. But I’m. Oh, yeah, it’s military. I’m telling you. Like, their family is so good. Yeah. Equipped to be able to handle your very much. Your very much. Your responses very much. Same with my kid. The same way. So talk about family dynamics. My kid will say why are you being so strict right now?
00;51;05;06 – 00;51;25;10
Unknown
Oh, no. And I’ll say, well, hang on a minute. Let me think about that. And then I’ll literally take a minute to figure it out. And if it’s from work, I’ll say it’s from work. If it’s right. Lately it’s been because I noticed myself saying things over and over and over to you, and I’m getting frustrated that it’s just not happening.
00;51;25;12 – 00;51;41;14
Unknown
And he’ll and he will now say, I can understand that. And can you tell me one more time the things that I need to do? And I will tell him, and he’ll find his own little strategy of what he needs to do, and then he will go up and do it because he doesn’t want me to use the strict voice.
00;51;41;17 – 00;52;13;13
Unknown
And he will say out loud, why are you being so strict? Why are you being so, you know, direct, right? Because that’s our little cue for I don’t like that your personality shift is off, right? So it’s so fascinating to me that the dynamics upon which is in our family is, is so, like, representative of the little personalities that you have there and then how you’ve conditioned them to be in those in those situations.
00;52;13;18 – 00;52;33;17
Unknown
Right, right. But again, it’s because it’s been it’s been so long. But if you if you don’t know that right, it can come across as x, y and Z. Right. You know, I it’s funny. It’s even even Philip will give me a look like if I’m, if I have a reaction that’s not a normal reaction. I feel they’ll give me a look.
00;52;33;17 – 00;52;48;14
Unknown
And Taylor. Taylor won’t even look up from her phone. She’s like, mom had a bad day at work, Yeah. They just they just know the idiosyncrasies and folk go, oh, okay. And I’ll be like, sorry, sorry. You caught me off guard. I was trying to wrap this up so I can put it to bed. Yeah. You know, because.
00;52;48;14 – 00;53;07;17
Unknown
And I’m also not good. I’m good at multitasking, but I’m not good at that. So if I get derailed when I’m trying to finish something that I need to finish, then I get angry and and thrown off and I’m like, you can’t. You can’t, just give up. But I’ve I’ve had little things find ways of communicating that because I’m very much a zone worker as well when I am in the zone.
00;53;07;17 – 00;53;22;24
Unknown
Right. You cannot talk to me about something else because it’s going to come across as you are highly annoying, right? I need you to figure your own stuff out right now. Right in this moment. Give me give me a couple of minutes. And then for me, it’s harder to transition. Yeah. So, you know, I will have finished the thing that I needed to do.
00;53;22;24 – 00;53;42;05
Unknown
And now I need 30 minutes to decompress on my own while I’m doing dishes or, you know, doing whatever. But we regulate. Yeah. We regulate. Right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. It’s really interesting. Just communication styles in general. Then you take let’s pretend Sawyer and Carter don’t know each other. They happen to meet each other in college. Then you put these two together and they decide that they want to date.
00;53;42;10 – 00;54;03;03
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, this is how you can see a alive and well how that family conditioning and those expectations of what have happened. What the heck would that look like now if they didn’t know each other. Right. And they come together for the very first time and Sawyer is used to write direct, clear, sarcastic, right? Motivational, right, right.
00;54;03;05 – 00;54;23;14
Unknown
And Carter is used to, I’ve noticed your feelings have changed. Could we talk about that? I know, right? How if we don’t talk about that or engage with that before we are in relationships with other people? Well good night, Irene. I know they are not in a good place. No, it’s right, it’s so true. Right. So about that.
00;54;23;16 – 00;54;39;16
Unknown
Nobody talks about that. Nobody talks about that. And that’s the other thing. Like when I yell at you, it’s not because you’re in trouble or I’m angry or whatever, I’m. That’s just my reaction, right? Like, my kids don’t look at me and think I’m in trouble. My mom’s yelling, right? And they’re like, what’s talking to me? Right? They’re just, oh yeah, mom spouting off.
00;54;39;16 – 00;54;58;20
Unknown
She’s mad again. Whereas when I raise my voice and I’m yelling, right, everyone in that house is real clear. There’s an issue. Yes, because that is never my go to right? Right. And then they’re all listening and then they’re like, oh shit, we pissed mom off, like real bad, right? Right, right. Whereas yours is this just standards? Par for the course.
00;54;58;20 – 00;55;16;00
Unknown
In fact, when you are being nice, people are like, what’s up? What’s going on? Even this morning I’m trying to get my coffee because I knew I had to be here. And I’m like, you know, I don’t go in, Sawyer, wake up. I’m like, straight up, yeah, you need to get up now. Yeah. And she’s like, I’m working on it.
00;55;16;00 – 00;55;37;05
Unknown
I’m like, just communicate. Just communicate. But again, yelling I’m not yelling at her. I’m yelling so she can hear me because I’m too lazy to walk down the hall. Yeah. Busy. So let’s see. Yeah. Classic busy. And there’s me walking into Carter’s room. Rubbing is back. No. Good night sweetheart. No time to go. No, do do do do.
00;55;37;07 – 00;55;56;18
Unknown
I love it. Oh my God. So Scott had this empathy problem. Scott, your empathy problem got relatively figured out. You felt really good about it at the end of the day. Oh, yeah. Totally love that. I love that, actually. We’re we’re working on, you know, trying to sort out with the Syrian people to get more work done and great, try to figure that whole thing out.
00;55;56;18 – 00;56;20;12
Unknown
So at their expense, hopefully. Yeah. Better be right. That’s right. Yeah. If it’s not, it won’t be at my expense. So if it’s not at their expense, it won’t get done. Well, yeah. True. Right. So here we are with our final affirmation card, which I think, of course, just like, like usual is very fitting. Okay, I know that I am the only one who determines how my story unfolds.
00;56;20;15 – 00;56;47;08
Unknown
I, the main character. You’re the man, you’re the man, you’re the man, you’re the mighty man character. And my character, I think I love that. Have a good day. I, I loved that me too is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you.
00;56;47;10 – 00;57;09;08
Unknown
I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;05 – 00;00;56;05
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Oh, yay, I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;56;07 – 00;01;19;10
Unknown
What about our relationship? Makes you think you can show me pictures like that three seconds before we’re about to start a podcast and have me not have a reaction to it? That’s my favorite part about our relationship. I can’t because you’re a provoker. I just texted, you know the picture. Stop it. The documentary. Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay.
00;01;19;12 – 00;01;33;09
Unknown
Hi. I threw you off. Yeah. Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it be vu. Hi, everybody. It’s fine to just go right onto what we were going to talk about. Oh, yeah? Right. Why don’t you tell us what you were going to talk about today? You don’t know the problem. Yeah, we are going to talk about Scotland.
00;01;33;11 – 00;01;48;21
Unknown
But listen, I got to start with this, okay? I’ve been seeing this meme go around, and I know everyone has been seeing this meme. The Mimi, Mimi, Mimi going around that I know everyone else has been seeing going around. And it’s actually been from quite a while ago. I probably. You’re probably going to be like, oh yeah, I saw that a million years ago.
00;01;48;23 – 00;02;08;00
Unknown
It’s the one where they’re like, rather than buying the person Starbucks behind you, why don’t you put money in a kid’s account in the school? Oh yeah. And pay for the school lunch and pay for the school lunch. And then the next sentence says, because the person behind you can obviously pay for their Starbucks. I got such a reaction to that.
00;02;08;00 – 00;02;32;08
Unknown
Aren’t all school lunches constantly. I love that that’s and that’s they are my school. I love that that’s your response to that. But yet you come at me with me. In Q&A, you get Q&A, they’re free up my school, my detailed, literal response to what I was talking about. Yeah that’s right. Oh, oh, you can see now I forgot I you know what, Mae?
00;02;32;08 – 00;02;59;20
Unknown
Mae? I’m talking about Scott. Yeah. Anyone have a reaction to that? Okay. About about the people behind you. Could probably pay for when when you read that. Mae. Mae, is there any part of you that gets angry? I mean, what are you. I just I’m confused. At what? What are you mad about? A couple things that the that it’s assuming that people behind you can pay for their Starbucks.
00;02;59;23 – 00;03;26;04
Unknown
Know a couple things. Let me see. The first one is, do we really have to be judging empathic acts? There’s really not enough empathy to go around. Why do we need to shame people who were trying to do something nice by buying the person’s Starbucks behind them from now feeling like the minute that you’ve done that, that you actually haven’t done enough of a charitable act, you stupid asshole.
00;03;26;06 – 00;03;54;00
Unknown
Are you charity by one, right? Because we are even judging empathy at this point. That gets me really mad. Number one. Okay, my other thought was why do we have to give in alternative empathic acts and why? Why couldn’t I refute that and say, well, why would you give the kids lunch at the school district when there’s free lunch programs for those who don’t qualify?
00;03;54;00 – 00;04;19;05
Unknown
Why aren’t you giving to the dog at the dog shelter who are going to be euthanized because no one loves them enough? Yeah, it’s like it just keeps going, that it keeps going, going and going. Like, I just can’t stand this. True. This show is better than your empathy. You’re judging empathy. Who are you? Yeah, you’re judging an empathic act.
00;04;19;11 – 00;04;42;16
Unknown
I thought it was a beautiful thing that people did, and sometimes continue to do to buy the coffee for the person behind them. You know, sometimes you get really stuck, like it’s a van behind you, and it’s 16 people and they all are at a breakfast and you’re like, oh, that didn’t go well. So it’s funny. It’s funny you say that because best Coffee yesterday I went through the drive through and got it, and she was taking a really long time to, to take my payment.
00;04;42;18 – 00;04;59;27
Unknown
And she’s like, so we have a semi problem. I’m like, what? She’s like the somehow the computer glitched in the car in front of you, paid for your drink, so you have to pay for his. And it was only like a dollar that I had to pay for his. It was a really weird score, right? I have so many feelings about that.
00;04;59;28 – 00;05;15;05
Unknown
Right? I don’t need to pay for the car in front of me or behind me first. Your first thing I thought is, well, I said, how much is it? And she goes, well, you lucked out. His was only a dollar. Yeah, but that doesn’t. That’s not how it works, is you have a computer glitch. Doesn’t mean I’m paying someone else’s in front of me.
00;05;15;05 – 00;05;34;27
Unknown
Pay for mine. Right. And why did why didn’t he ask any questions? That means that mine’s free and you’re out of dollars. You see? I’m sorry. My bad. Empathy. It’s funny you brought that up because I just have I I’m like, so weird, but I struggle every time I see that. And it starts with rather than buying the person Starbucks behind you.
00;05;35;00 – 00;05;55;00
Unknown
And I want like, stop there if you want to buy the person the Starbucks behind you more, more power to you and then see. So so what if what if it’s not Starbucks? What if it’s something else? What if it’s Burger King meal? What if it’s, you know, like, does it does it matter? Are we we’re using Starbucks because it’s this, like, elitist coffee shop.
00;05;55;00 – 00;06;16;24
Unknown
Like we’re we’re also implying that, like, the person behind you obviously can pay for their Starbucks, you know? But yeah, instead of buying the Sephora gift for someone buying, you know, it’s like Buck, right? Right. I mean, people listen to me. I don’t know what world you’re living in, but any world for me that has people doing empathic acts, I’m all there for it.
00;06;16;24 – 00;06;38;21
Unknown
I don’t care what it is about just holding you. You want to buy my Bentley? Great. That’s fantastic. Oh, did I door open? Did I tell you how I got into this big fight with someone? Because, that was about holding the door open for someone. No. Yeah. It turned into this whole, like, thing against chivalry and how how men treat women.
00;06;38;21 – 00;06;57;09
Unknown
And I was like, I, I’m just holding the door open for someone. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a woman or a guy or I’m, I’m just being kind. Well, that reminds me of when the guy said when I was putting the windshield wiper fluid in and he’s like do you want help. And I’m like I don’t know what he said, but I’m like I’m fine.
00;06;57;12 – 00;07;14;18
Unknown
But I was also in the ghetto. Yeah, a little different. Like yeah. But the girls at the coffee being busy being are always like, oh my God, I died when Rebecca was talking about being in Brighton as they got up. Oh no no no no I cannot somebody cannot know, but I can I can hear you Scott.
00;07;14;18 – 00;07;32;25
Unknown
Because if, if what did a woman have that reaction. No, it was a guy. Well it was a guy who’s now a woman. If that makes a difference, it does. A guy who’s now a woman was the part, was the person, but he is a guy. He was she was a guy at the time that this, argument took place.
00;07;32;28 – 00;07;53;25
Unknown
Oh. And what was the argument? You know, hold the door for me. I can do it myself. Yeah, it was it was some kind of long, you know, drawn out, opinion about chivalry and and the idea of chivalry and all this kind of stuff. And I was like, okay, you’re reading way too far into this.
00;07;53;25 – 00;08;10;28
Unknown
I’m just holding the door for someone. I expect the door to be held. I held it held. I expect that door to be. Hold it for me. I want that doors not hold the door for my my husband. Yet I want my husband to open my door out of my car. You better hold it for you. Better hold that door for me for a long time.
00;08;11;01 – 00;08;39;14
Unknown
Hold it, hold it, it. Yeah, that’s just kindness, right? But there’s this whole discussion about that goes back to, to men and women. And here we go. You know, just like, really just like the, the washer fluid thing. It’s it it doesn’t have to go there but it just does. Now if I wasn’t in the ghetto and that guy said he wasn’t in the ghetto, she was not in fact in the ghetto.
00;08;39;14 – 00;08;56;08
Unknown
And that guy said to me do you want some help. Sure do. I don’t I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to put my hand in that nasty. So that was it was the location. Look. Oh, really? 100% location, location, location, 100%. If I was at the Starbucks here and some guy. Yeah, if I was, I’m not certain.
00;08;56;08 – 00;09;15;15
Unknown
Some guy’s like, would you like me to just. Yes, I would really respect. Yes I would. Please, please do that. Please pull up with your Escalade and help me. Yes. Right. Yeah. So not in Webster, but I am all okay. Damsel in distress all day long. Oh, just not when we’re in Brighton. No, no, no, not when we’re the ghetto.
00;09;15;19 – 00;09;34;23
Unknown
You know, like, oh, I can’t do this. So you do it. Mark and I, for his birthday, we went to a Red wing scheme, and it was expected to sprinkle during the Red wings game. And I had gotten us really nice seats because, I mean, I think it’s like ten hours, nearly $12. And they were really on the first base side and they were really, really nice seats.
00;09;34;25 – 00;09;58;10
Unknown
And so the usher walked us to our seats and then took a towel and wiped our seats off for us. And I’m like, that is so nice. Do they only do this in like this? $12 section? No, that is the nicest thing. All the other half. That is so nice. But I couldn’t let it go the entire game.
00;09;58;10 – 00;10;18;17
Unknown
Oh, my whole game. I said I need to go and thank that man. I said Mark. So Mark was holding on because you can’t bring a bag into the Red wings game anymore. Like you can’t even bring like your Lulu, you know, fanny pack thing. It has to be clear or whatever. Well, I didn’t have that. So I had given Mark my wallet to to keep.
00;10;18;17 – 00;10;37;07
Unknown
So he was holding on to it. I said, could you please give me $3? And he’s like, for what? I said, I’m going to tip the man who did our seats. He’s like, you don’t need to do that. That’s part of his job. And I said, thank you for your opinion. May I please have $3? Right. So happens all the time with us.
00;10;37;09 – 00;10;51;15
Unknown
So I take the $3. He goes, no, the $3. I go up to the man, I walk up to him. Now I have it all like that covered. You know, when you hand it to them, because you have to hand it to them in a certain way, you can just say like, here’s my $3. But I need to.
00;10;51;15 – 00;11;10;05
Unknown
I need you all to here. It’s like, this was big. This is Aaron’s bracelet. It has to be $3 because it’s $1 per seat plus a tip. That’s right. I had this $2. Didn’t feel right enough. Right? But $3. I felt better. I know, I know, but I’ve done it on the spot. When he did it, $2 would have been enough.
00;11;10;05 – 00;11;38;19
Unknown
Now it’s been a long gated. Now I need to go to $3. I mean, it’s five bucks. Oh, wow. Excuse me. I’ll wipe your seat any day. Oh, and you want me to come in there and put your seat down? Come on, I’ll wipe your seat. I want them. Bring their seat over here. Wipe it. So, anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to go and, like.
00;11;38;21 – 00;11;59;14
Unknown
Like we’re doing a drug deal, right? So I go up to the man and I stick my hand out, and he said, what’s this? And? And I hand it to him. And I said, I very much appreciate you wiping down my seat. He’s like, oh, ma’am, that’s a part of my job. And I said, being kind is not is not a standard thing that women receive these days.
00;11;59;14 – 00;12;17;19
Unknown
And I want you to know that I know that chivalry is not dead. And I very much appreciate you taking the time to wipe down my seat. He said, you’re very welcome. Then he gave me a hug. Now I’m hugging the usher and then a walk away. And Mark’s like, well, that that escalated. And I said, well, this is what we do.
00;12;17;26 – 00;12;41;03
Unknown
This is just what you do to appreciate. But that, to me was an act of chivalry in my mind. Like maybe he’s doing that for everyone. And he really was. He was doing it for every man that would go and sit down and, you know, it was not that big a thing. But for me, it’s that level of thoughtfulness that I greatly appreciate value and expect in my interactions with most humans, but particularly men.
00;12;41;05 – 00;13;04;13
Unknown
Now, maybe that makes me not as feminist as I might think that I am, right, because I certainly can wipe my my own seat at a baseball game if I need to. Course you can. But there’s a part of me that, like, really appreciated the fact that he was a man and that he was making sure that myself and Mark were both going to be comfortable in this environment and not have to sit on a wet seat.
00;13;04;13 – 00;13;21;24
Unknown
I would expect a woman, I sure did the same thing. Sure. Yeah, I would have appreciated that as well. That’s the freaking Lily. So that’s how that man made three extra dollars. I’m good for him, man. I’m sure he went home. He said, you don’t have to do this. And again, just like I say to Mark, thank you again for your opinion on what I do and do not have to do me any man.
00;13;21;25 – 00;13;37;17
Unknown
I mean, I know I can put your hand on him handing a dime back, but but I do think that that kind of thing is important. It’s important to hold doors for people. It’s important to, you know, move out of the way. You know what I hate what you’re going to. You’re going to lose your show. Here we go.
00;13;37;17 – 00;14;00;18
Unknown
Here. You better pay up. You’re going to get me fired up. What? Let’s talk about elevators. Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Peter, stop. Well, it’s 11 in the elevator. Stop it up when I’m. Go. Listen to me. There are elevators, and and there are subway like subway trains. Your answers about what you do in an elevator.
00;14;00;18 – 00;14;20;23
Unknown
I know you need to wait for people to come out of that elevator before you barge your large ass in there. That’s true. I know you don’t. Wait. That thing ain’t leaving without you on it. You’re. How about in line? How about when there isn’t a line? But there is. Like you know who gets there first? Who gets their second?
00;14;20;23 – 00;14;36;10
Unknown
Like you don’t. Yeah. Oh. Like that. People who just like a stroller who’s like, oh, you got to get in there. I gotta get in there. I’m sorry. You got here 15 minutes after me right now. I know, I know, I feel like we could have our own show about just on, like, what’s right and rules. Yeah, yeah.
00;14;36;15 – 00;14;58;10
Unknown
Of socialization. Oh, yeah. You do that is this does mom the power of empathy. Oh, listen. Well, that’s one of them for sure. It’s real clear. My favorite. No, I, I got to tell people, you know that cat meme, the one that just like, looks the one. Oh, yeah. The one with the girl who’s going like this. No, just just the the black cat with its ears back.
00;14;58;10 – 00;15;15;23
Unknown
Just giving you the death stare. Oh, that is your face. When people when people do things in public because there’s, like, a 50% chance she’s going to say something. It depends on her mood. But when she’s ripe, it is that cat meme. It’s like, I can’t, I know. And then I look at you and I’m like, I see you.
00;15;15;23 – 00;15;39;18
Unknown
And then we get, no, I’m like, you want to talk about what you say is, do not you do not. We’re not we’re not talking about it right now. We’re not talking about oh, it’s very similar to this discussion with the elevator is when I’m out in traffic and I’m waiting in line behind other cars, and there’s a road, or there’s a driveway next to it next to me, and I stop so I don’t block the driveway.
00;15;39;20 – 00;15;59;25
Unknown
Right. And then the cars move up and there’s enough space for me to go. So I pull up, pull up. But the asshole behind me blocks the driveway that I just spent all this time not blocking. Yep, I know again rules. And I call and this is Olivia. It’s true. I know it’s such bullshit. And I am so aware of my children.
00;15;59;25 – 00;16;21;24
Unknown
I’m like, do not do if you if I’m not raising you to be those people. Oh my God. Carter and I had such a beautiful moment at Ollie’s Outlet. I don’t know if that sentence has ever been spoken for, but it is right now. Okay. Oh my gosh. So I bought one of those. Yeah. Like that’s good. So here’s a good.
00;16;21;25 – 00;16;41;18
Unknown
So I bought one of those you know like the little holders that you put together that you put your cushions in your outdoor. Oh yeah. And then I bought one of those at Ollie’s Outlet. Okay. And Carter was making fun of me because we walk around the store and he likes to go to the toy section or whatever, and I’m like, buddy, I need you to go get me a cart because I need this.
00;16;41;18 – 00;16;56;26
Unknown
He’s like, you don’t need that, mom. And I’m like, I do. I’ve been looking for it. This is a really good price. And he goes, he gets it for me. He’s making fun of me. Like the whole time we’re having the best time. Well, we go out and we get this thing in the trunk, Along with our other purchases.
00;16;56;28 – 00;17;17;24
Unknown
And then I say, buddy, would you mind bringing the cart back? And he said, well, we don’t have to bring it back. We can just leave it here in the parking lot, okay? Like I like I do real, real. Oh, there it is. There it is. Right. I’m like, here is a teachable moment. And I and I said, because he’s never he’s never done that before.
00;17;17;24 – 00;17;41;22
Unknown
He’s never this is this is a crucial moment for me. It’s this like major parenting moment where I’m like, okay, here it comes. And I say, oh, great, great. Thanks for saying that, buddy. Absolutely. This is what we don’t do. Let’s talk about why we don’t do that. Oh my gosh. And he goes, okay. And I said, if we don’t put that cart back, who has to do it?
00;17;41;24 – 00;18;01;10
Unknown
He’s like one of the people who worked here. And I said, and is that fair to them to have to put back our cart that we used, that they did not use and that they’re going to have to come out sometime during the day and pick up after us? He’s like, oh, I didn’t think of it like that.
00;18;01;10 – 00;18;24;26
Unknown
No, that’s not fair. That’s not fair. And I said, I said, yes. So that’s why we’re going to bring it back. And he says, well, mom, there’s carts all over the parking lot. I said, wow, you’re right. What does that mean? He said that people are lazy. I said, that’s right. And then what does he say next time I got it?
00;18;24;26 – 00;18;42;26
Unknown
I love them so much. Or maybe they were on their way to somewhere important. Like the airport, and they didn’t have time to push it back. Of course, of course. He’s giving people the benefit of the doubt. So I say it’s very possible. But I don’t think all of these people were headed to the airport and didn’t have time.
00;18;42;26 – 00;19;02;15
Unknown
And also, they should have thought about that before because we shouldn’t be cutting it that close to go to the airport. He’s the guy. A good point, he said, why don’t we pick up everyone’s cart and bring it back? And I’m like, oh yes, yes. Now do I want to pick up these people’s carts? No, I do not.
00;19;02;15 – 00;19;24;28
Unknown
But you know that a lesson is a lesson for me. I said, I think that’s wonderful, but I do think that we should do that. So he and I go through the entire parking lot and we get every single one of these carts. I’m not kidding. There was at least 11 carts that were in the alleys parking lot and Henrietta, and we push them all back.
00;19;24;28 – 00;19;45;22
Unknown
He’s doing his I’m doing mine. And then there’s this one area over here where there’s three carts that are in our row. Now, at this point, he and I are both done with cart pickup duty. You can tell we’re both done with it. And I think to myself, he’s going to point out those three carts. He’s going to say, mom, there’s three more over here, and I don’t really want to do those.
00;19;45;24 – 00;20;04;15
Unknown
So I’m going to use this as a great boundary setting moment. So sure as shit he goes, do you see these over here, mom, there’s there’s three left. And I said, there are Carter. And do you think that we’ve done more than our fair share of cart picking up today? And he said yes. And I said, I do too, so we can leave those out here.
00;20;04;15 – 00;20;24;06
Unknown
And then maybe someone else who thinks like we do, we’ll pick those carts up. But I think we’ve done enough for today. I think we’ve done our good deed gets in the car. It was such a beautiful moment. I don’t want to be able to justify anything in the future. I feel like I need I can sit gold start that.
00;20;24;09 – 00;20;51;09
Unknown
We gold start it. It was this really beautiful moment of entitlement that switched to thinking about other people’s feelings, that moved into action, that then set a boundary call because of the carts at Adam Ali’s outlet. And here’s what I did with my daughter Sawyer. Not here. So we empty. We have to do the cart into the car.
00;20;51;11 – 00;21;09;28
Unknown
And then I turn to her and I go, it’s time to play Uber. She’s like, okay, I go, you bring the cart back and I’ll pick your ass up. So she brings the cart back. She has to wait there. I drive around, I roll down the window, I’m like, what’s your pin? Then she gets in the back. I’m like, do you want the Aaron or the music?
00;21;09;28 – 00;21;28;15
Unknown
Anything. Where are we going? The no, it’s great. Then we play. We play Uber on the way home. That’s good. I you’re teaching her how to handle Uber when she does get old enough to use an Uber, and she’s going to be asking for that damn pin too. What’s your pin? My name is not good enough. Yeah, these are all important lessons.
00;21;28;22 – 00;21;47;26
Unknown
But to be fair, we only shop at Aldi, which means you need to get your quarterback. Yeah, you gotta create your own quarterback. Otherwise you’d be leaving that car right in the damn parking lot like everyone else. Well, there’s other. I never do that. Well, if you never get the car because you’re a decent human, I go. I always park next to the car, turn this thing.
00;21;47;28 – 00;22;06;09
Unknown
Yeah, so that I could just pop it right in there. But if for some reason I decide to park closer, I’ll return the cart right to the. Yeah. Oh, my God, I have I have John Halligan in the back of my head every time I go to Wegmans. If I am parked closer to the store than I am parked closer to you, bring it back to the you bring it back into the store.
00;22;06;09 – 00;22;26;05
Unknown
Yeah, because I hear him so clearly saying to me, why would I bring it to the corral to make work for someone else when I’m just closer to the store to bring it in now? Literal me. It feels weird. I’m all done with the store. I’ve done what I needed to do with the story. I don’t need to go back into the store to return my cart, so it’s actually takes me out of my routine a little bit to go back in and drop my cart off.
00;22;26;05 – 00;22;49;02
Unknown
But I still do it because, John, how good the John Halligan is on my shoulder. Here’s a here’s a scenario. Tell me how you feel about this. Okay. After you go through the airport security with the buckets. Yeah. There’s a clear answer here. Two folks, listen to me. There is a clear answer here. You go through and you put all your stuff in those buckets.
00;22;49;02 – 00;23;09;16
Unknown
It goes through and you are welcome to wait behind. You do not need to wait right next to the conveyor belt. I promise you, your stuff is coming out. I promise you that no one’s trying to steal your bookbag, right? You’re fired. So you wait back and you wait until you see your stuff come through. As soon as it starts to come through on the conveyor belt.
00;23;09;16 – 00;23;32;07
Unknown
Still not the time to rock up to it. Why? Because it needs to come further down the conveyor belt. The minute that you have your hands on your shit, don’t you dare start putting your damn shoes on next to the frickin conveyor belt. I swear to God. What about rehab all about one day, like you are running, you are running somewhere.
00;23;32;09 – 00;23;52;11
Unknown
You grab it all, and then you make sure that that gray bin makes it back into the pile. It is not someone else’s job to pick your bin up. And that is not your bin. Put your bin. Put your bin back in the bin area. Okay. Thank you for joining us on Grind My Gears. You know what really grinds my gears.
00;23;52;13 – 00;24;12;04
Unknown
Oh my god I’m sorry. Yeah I’m not done yet. I’m still not done. So you’re going to be taking all of those items. I don’t care if it looks like you are running from someone’s house after having done a heist. I don’t care. You take all of that and you’re the same way over way over to the designated designated area where people sit down.
00;24;12;04 – 00;24;31;20
Unknown
You drop all your stuff like you’re completely exasperated, and that’s where you put your shoes on. If you are putting your shoes on by the conveyor belt, we have a problem. You are now failing to recognize that other people need to get their share. You are failing to recognize that you are not the only person. There are other people here that are in this area and that that is the tiniest space possible.
00;24;31;20 – 00;24;55;00
Unknown
This is not the time or place to be putting your shoes on. Yep, this could be an entire damn show. I know this is where Ali sick lady hey, started me an Instagram page called Authority on Nothing where all I was going to do was tell you the four about how to run your life. Yeah, on things that I’m not the authority to talk about, but I’m just very clear that I have the answer for you.
00;24;55;00 – 00;25;11;14
Unknown
But that’s just normal. We should do one of these every show. I me, gets me all sorts of fired up. Oh, yeah. Now I hear, you know, we do this, but I got a new card today. Oh, God. You picked a new one. What is that? What’s a red panda? A red panda I love red panda is the Knight of Wands.
00;25;11;17 – 00;25;32;26
Unknown
Oh, I love this. We’ve never had him before. The red panda. Look at him. He has. He has a wand and he has. Look at that cheerleader yellow. Even that cheerleader yelling thing. What’s a cone? Yeah, dude. True. Yeah. You didn’t even, find it for you. No, I didn’t. The Nine of wands. Her Knight of Wands ain’t.
00;25;32;29 – 00;25;53;20
Unknown
Knight of wands. Look at him. Stop it, I know, what’s that? What’s on his head? He’s a knight. One of those, metal things. Oh. She’s nice. Remember when it looks like a blanket? It’s what we put on when we did the, At that one, we’re like, no, not that one. The black. What is the thing when you get locked down?
00;25;53;22 – 00;26;09;22
Unknown
What is that called? Escape room. Escape room? Yes. When we did the escape room for your birthday. Yeah. And we warned everybody at the, with their life. We said, you fuck this up, we’ll never, ever. Yeah. Go out with you again. Little props to Bobby, though, for Bobby. Bobby? Bobby didn’t kill it. Bobby did. We put those those night hats on.
00;26;09;23 – 00;26;40;09
Unknown
That’s right. Anyone hear that invasive crash? Yes. The Knight of Wands has just burst into your life like the Kool-Aid man and begun shouting into a megaphone. Yeah. What announcement is so important? It warrants shouting and a megaphone. An exciting change. That’s entering your life so swiftly, you’ll have no choice but to dive in headfirst. It might be wise to include a little book, a little look before that leap, or at minimum, a cursory glance.
00;26;40;11 – 00;27;05;03
Unknown
Impulsiveness. Rebecca is fun and adventurous, but not if it leads to unforeseen consequences. In other words, enjoy the jump, but pack a parachute. I throw my arms around new exploits and ride them wherever they take me, while also wearing an appropriate regulation safety harness.
00;27;05;06 – 00;27;22;24
Unknown
So your did just get to be a safety at school. Oh she’s in her sister’s flight. That’s right. She has to wear her safety belt. I go what do you get to do. She’s like boss people around like that’s my girl. That’s good. That’s right my girl. That’s right. Maybe that. Maybe this card’s for her. Maybe. Scott, we have these, like, new things that happen now.
00;27;22;24 – 00;27;43;27
Unknown
It’s basically called Scott’s empathy problem. Apparently you have a lot of empathy problems because we have not supposed to talk about it, but you really feel a lot of our time, which we greatly appreciate, because apparently there’s not enough to talk about when it comes down. But I can do to help, you know. Yeah. Right. So it was previously Aaron’s empathy problems where I would talk about stupid things that would happen during the day that I would have empathy about.
00;27;43;27 – 00;28;02;27
Unknown
Scott’s empathy problems are actually real, very real things that come up, I love that. So Scott had an empathy problem a couple of weeks ago. And the gist of the empathy problem. I’m going to read this, I forgot, I’m sorry, I forgot to light up. Oh a smell. This is the empathy problem that’s been said resolved. Yes.
00;28;02;27 – 00;28;22;22
Unknown
Okay. Right. Yes, it’s been resolved. It’s been fully resolved. We can’t wait to hear that amicably and gratefully and happily c o c okay, because there was a little bit of a suspense there. Yeah, well, for some of you who didn’t know how it was going to end, but I was very clear how it was going to end.
00;28;22;28 – 00;29;02;14
Unknown
And I told Scott how it was going to end. Oh, you managed it. It ended that way. And then I said, C that’s great. That’s great. Yes. Surprise! Wow, I’m so surprised. So, the comment that you had said Scott was, how can someone disallow someone else from having power over them? And I think the gist associated with this is when going into some type of conversation or situation with someone else that you have convinced yourself or you feel you are.
00;29;02;17 – 00;29;41;19
Unknown
I don’t want to say inferior to because I wouldn’t say that in this situation. Scott, you felt inferior to this person, but you did feel that this person was using some skills that they had in conversation to throw their weight around, to essentially make you feel more uncomfortable, to not be able to be your best self. And a lot of what you were struggling in this situation was related to taking some of your power away by that person being more assertive or clear or steadfast in what their response was.
00;29;41;25 – 00;30;05;22
Unknown
But would you say that was accurate? Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, if you imagine that there’s a confrontation between two people and it’s clear that one of those people is not good at confrontations, and the other one is and the one that is takes advantage of that situation and says, wow, clearly you’re not good at confrontations. So now I’m going to own this situation.
00;30;05;24 – 00;30;30;12
Unknown
Yep. Yep. And that was this whole thing is, is, was based on my perception at the time, which was so clouded by stress. Oh I love that you just said that Scott. Oh it’s beautiful. I felt that through my whole soul graduating to the oftentimes that’s the crux of everybody’s perception. Yes. That is where it always stems from.
00;30;30;12 – 00;30;46;11
Unknown
And it was so clear. So Scott had sent me a very long text message, which I promise to get to. And if any of you who have ever texted me know it sometimes takes me a really long time to get back on text messages, especially the ones that I, you know, are going to take a mental energy because I want to give it the time and attention it deserves.
00;30;46;13 – 00;31;16;07
Unknown
And then if I don’t have the time and attention, I’m like, I’ll get back to it, I’ll get back to it, I’ll get back to it. So Scott had written me a really long message that was essentially giving me some insight into this, and it was very clear for me in that initial message, Scott, that you were projecting feelings of fear associated with how this person was responding to you based in your own state of mind, your own experiences that you were having.
00;31;16;11 – 00;31;44;11
Unknown
Probably also some past experiences with people who presented in a similar way. Yeah, we call that transference. And that it was not necessarily about this person whom whom I have never had met, but more about your concern associated with who this this person would be. And that was ultimately what you came around to at the end, that that wasn’t really who she was.
00;31;44;11 – 00;32;15;11
Unknown
It was more about your fears of who she was based in those things that were happening for you. Oh, yeah. Totally. So it was not. Yeah. She how did that reconciliation conversation go? Because you were worried about that. I remember you were there for sleep. I couldn’t sleep for like a week. Yeah. And the day that it was happening I was like my mouth was dry I was just yeah I was looking at the clock going oh my God this is going to happen.
00;32;15;13 – 00;32;33;12
Unknown
Quick question before you get to that point. Yeah. The part that made you feel that way sounds like it was because she was, what I like to say, a flame in a windless place. Don’t get me started with frickin analogies again. I can’t I can’t have you go down the freaking path again. So anyway, she was pretty steadfast in that moment.
00;32;33;12 – 00;33;00;10
Unknown
You were coming at her, maybe from a place of chaos. This has to be fixed. This is a problem. We need to talk about this. Right. And she met your anxious response with clear, distinct clarity. And that difference is part of what made you uncomfortable, because she was very steadfast in the moment about almost like saying it seems like you’re frazzled right now.
00;33;00;13 – 00;33;30;00
Unknown
It seems like we have to take care of this situation. Now’s not the time to take care of the situation. She hit you with short sentences for emphasis and there was something about that that seemed like it really took you off guard. Is that a fair assessment? Yeah, I think so. And then what was it about that? So I think for our listeners, it’s helpful to understand what was it about that clear, distinctive response that had you more in a tizzy than maybe you were even before?
00;33;30;03 – 00;33;59;09
Unknown
I think, because at the time I saw that as cockiness. I saw that as some sort of, acting superior to me as though, well, I’m clearly better in this situation than you are. So I’m going to, you know, portray that and be superior. But it really wasn’t it wasn’t that at all. But there were so many things going on at that one particular time that there was no way I could possibly see what was really happening.
00;33;59;09 – 00;34;33;09
Unknown
Like. Absolutely. Have you ever had that experience? You meaning seeing people’s straightforwardness, courteous and short sentences for emphasis as ego cockiness, and you’re trying to explain that you’re better than me. Yes, but but but in different ways. But I’ve also witnessed it. I’ve witnessed it as the person who’s just the bystander, and watched it happen in your response when that happens is to feel what, similarly to Scott, it’s hard because I can see both sides.
00;34;33;09 – 00;34;52;13
Unknown
Yeah, I can see both sides so easily because a I’m, I’m like Scott, where it’s really hard for me to confront people and it’s really hard to, especially when you’re in that moment of distress or this needs to be fixed. And I, you know, I’m trying my best and too many things are happening can come across is scrambled and whatever.
00;34;52;13 – 00;35;18;14
Unknown
And then bombarding what appears to be somebody else in whatever capacity it may be, the person just not seeing you, you know. And trying to what what’s the word like. Not not sugarcoat it. That’s not the right word. Like smooth it over and be like oh yeah yeah yeah. No problem, no problem. Right. Like you’re hoping that’s what you get.
00;35;18;14 – 00;35;37;07
Unknown
But when that doesn’t happen, it appears to be potentially. Yeah. Who the hell are you when they don’t meet you where you’re at. Right. Right. They don’t mean or they don’t give you what you’re looking for. Yeah, right. Right. Then also, sometimes it’s holding up a mirror, right? But at the same time you’re just trying to solve that immediate.
00;35;37;07 – 00;36;03;22
Unknown
And I think one of you said it, The whole situation would have been handled differently if it was a different time and place. Yeah, it just would have been different factors. Yeah. Right. Which is why those kinds of things are really important. Because you just never know. So never know the things I kept saying to Scott, because I was really over identifying with this woman that I had never met, was I would have responded exactly in the same way.
00;36;03;24 – 00;36;41;26
Unknown
I would have met your frazzled ness with clear, short, sweet statements, and I would have very much. You made eye contact in a lot of that is through trying to bring the situation down into a reasonable, more logical place. Because when we are all in our high level emotional state, work doesn’t get done there as well. But just like in that video, many people will see that clear, distinct.
00;36;41;29 – 00;37;00;10
Unknown
And I also will call out what’s happening in that moment. You appear frazzled right now, and I see that and I hear that and all. So here’s what we’re going to do about it. They will see that as arrogance, as ego as you think you’re better than me, you know, see if if that I wouldn’t have seen it that way.
00;37;00;10 – 00;37;23;06
Unknown
I don’t believe I would have seen from me at that, from anyone. If, if, if they were that clear about the situation said, I can see that you are upset right now, and I would like to figure out how we can rectify this would be one situation instead of the obviously you’re not good in confrontation. That’s that’s condescending in my mind.
00;37;23;09 – 00;37;50;29
Unknown
Was that what was said? Yeah. Well. Oh, I was just going to ask what was that? That was like a and I actually and I responded with G. What gave that I, what gave that away. Right. To be fair that was the intent of that statement. Right. The intent of that statement was to call out weakness that you might have and to be like, let me get you in your place over here so that I don’t have to experience that anymore.
00;37;50;29 – 00;38;05;28
Unknown
So intent makes a huge difference on where that’s coming from, because I can imagine myself saying, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Okay, listen, we’re going to get this all figured out. It sounds like you’re in a place right now that is not the best place, and it’s completely okay. What can I do in this moment to remedy this situation for you?
00;38;05;28 – 00;38;31;11
Unknown
And if I can do it, I will do it. And then I would like to follow up with the conversation later about what we could do this different. That was awesome. Yeah, a very different scenario. Right, right. But but but when when the response is sort of a, cocky, you know, intent to, to put you in your place, kind of place, I don’t, I don’t know anyone is kind of like telling someone to calm down.
00;38;31;13 – 00;38;49;01
Unknown
Right. You know, anyone who responds with like, oh my God. Yeah. Thank you, I didn’t know. Yeah, I didn’t know. That’s what I was supposed to do. And imagine that. All right. So imagine you have, a do not disturb sign on your door. Right. And someone knocks on your door and you have to go. Actually, the person doesn’t knock on your door.
00;38;49;01 – 00;39;07;21
Unknown
You hear them shouting or yelling or talking outside of your door. So you have to come out and say hi. I have a do not disturb sign on my door. When? Just before that, the person said, I’m really sorry. I know you have a do not disturb sign on your door, but here’s the here’s the problem.
00;39;07;23 – 00;39;24;12
Unknown
And they answer with, yeah, I have that. There’s a reason why that Do Not Disturb sign is on there. And it’s like, yeah, I know it’s there, I know it’s there. And the last thing I ever wanted to do verbatim, the last thing I wanted to do was disturb you at your work. But here’s my situation.
00;39;24;14 – 00;39;45;07
Unknown
Yeah. Right. Right. Okay. That’s a tough, that’s, that’s fair. Fair. So what I’m hearing there is that you were reading the situation correctly through your lens. She was reading it through her lens. You both were activated for very different reasons. But I’m curious how you then got to the point. So I know you were really nervous. So so let me just state that say this.
00;39;45;14 – 00;40;11;23
Unknown
I was saying to him, I see myself probably doing something similar. Well, now we know it would have been similar in terms of its directness, but not in terms of its approach, which makes you’re the one. You’re the opposite of Scott. You’re not Scott. You’re responding to Scott, right? Got it. And then the second part that I said in my response to Scott was I was feeling in the messages then he was sending me that there was a lot of angst, anger, fear and frustration coming about.
00;40;11;23 – 00;40;42;18
Unknown
And I know Scott well enough at this point to know that that’s not going to lead to the outcome that Scott wants. If anything, it’s going to lead to continue angst and separation because this situation isn’t going to have an end. So one of the things I remember saying to you, Scott, and I’m curious if this had an impact on you, was I said, I have a little bit of a different perspective on what’s going on right now, and I’m hoping that you can hear this from someone, me, from someone that you trust has your best interest.
00;40;42;18 – 00;41;05;01
Unknown
Yeah. And that part for me was intentional because I wanted you to think to yourself, okay, I can settle into the fact that I know Aaron is coming from a place that has me at the center of it, and would not be just giving me these alternate points of view if they didn’t have some validity in how it related to me.
00;41;05;01 – 00;41;36;27
Unknown
Is that how that landed? Scott? Yeah. Oh, perfect. Perfect, because that was intentional on my part. Was, I see you and I just want, you know, I hope you can hear this from someone that you trust. So now fast forward. You have dry mouth. You’re not sleeping. You’re nervous as all get out because again, you are walking into this situation in a one down position because you’re already feeling like she’s better, quote unquote, at conflict or directness or calling something out.
00;41;36;29 – 00;41;52;29
Unknown
And I can’t remember exactly what I said to you, Scott, but something was pretend you’re going in there and talking to me and I would start it off on a light note. Hey, it’s really nice to meet you for the first time, in a way where we’re both not in chaos right now, right? My. I’m Scott. Yeah, right.
00;41;52;29 – 00;42;16;11
Unknown
Like a light in the mood a little bit. So tell us about that interaction. The after interaction. Sorry, I was, I was reading your text. I was trying to find the the, Oh, I lost that section that you were talking about. So, what, you want me to describe the the meeting that we had afterwards to to resolve it?
00;42;16;11 – 00;42;36;24
Unknown
Yeah. So I have a question. Where was it? Where did you meet it? In my office. Here. Oh, she on your surface? Yeah. She. Yeah, she came down, and and I had Kelly here. My wife. Oh, really? She’s also my partner in this business, and, she she wanted to come, and I said, well, I don’t want you.
00;42;36;27 – 00;42;54;07
Unknown
I don’t want it to look like I got to bring my wife into to to fight my battles. And she said, well, we’re partners in this, so this is about the business, so I need to be here. I was like, all right, I guess that makes sense. And now Kelly was already coming in hot too. So it could have been good or it could have been bad.
00;42;54;07 – 00;43;31;03
Unknown
Right. Because she was very protective of you and she. Oh yeah. She was ready to fight fire with fire if, if it, if mean to that that came to that. But she definitely wouldn’t approach it that way. Okay. And so the woman came down and it was immediately fine. Like, she was immediately, disarming. We were we shook hands and I said, and we both said something to the effect of, it’s nice to meet you in a, in a normal situation outside of the chaos.
00;43;31;05 – 00;43;49;03
Unknown
And and Kelly did have to, to jump in and say I just need to like after we had kind of a mutual laugh. She was like I just have to tell you how upset Scott’s been about this for the last two weeks. Like, this is the only thing that’s been on his mind. He’s been separating over it.
00;43;49;03 – 00;44;10;28
Unknown
And, you know, it’s just terrible that it happened. And feels bad about it and all this kind of stuff. And I actually, I was kind of like, all right, back up and all of that, but, you know, but it but but it was true. She wasn’t, you know, she was being honest. It was it was something that really was bothering me for a long time.
00;44;11;00 – 00;44;32;20
Unknown
And we, you know, we got it sorted out and it was something that I even I said immediately after it happened, I took steps in my space here to fix what the problem was. The sound in the sound sound transference from her room to mine. I, I went to the store and I bought all this stuff, and I, you know.
00;44;32;20 – 00;44;47;14
Unknown
But the problem is, is that I just paid a lot of money to have the ceilings done in here. So this problem should not have actually happened at all. And it was a surprise to me that it did because this was the first time that anyone’s been in that space up there for like almost two years.
00;44;47;16 – 00;45;06;03
Unknown
So it never got a chance to be tested. So when it did get tested I was in the midst of one of the biggest right gigs that I there’s a lot of factors going on. There’s a lot of things you know and I was like what was her response? How how did you fight? Not like physically?
00;45;06;06 – 00;45;33;25
Unknown
Her response. But what was your take away from how she handled the situation or what what was the overall feel of what she was saying in response? And for our meeting? Yeah, for the for the resolution meeting. No, she was she, she said I, I want to make sure that that we’re both on the same footing, like we’re on even footing.
00;45;33;25 – 00;45;59;28
Unknown
Like, I want to make sure that I can do everything that I can so that I’m not affecting your business. You want to be good neighbors and and. Yeah. And I wanted to really. It was really from that approach. It was, she approached it very humbly and, and, you know, I was I was instantly relieved in the first two minutes of our conversation to know that everything was going to be okay.
00;46;00;03 – 00;46;18;00
Unknown
Because she came in and she was just like, you know, hi. And, you know, well, I was afraid she’s going to come in and. Yeah, sit down. Yeah. But that, that, you know, that wasn’t the case. And, and she said, you know, everybody says how you such a nice guy. And I was I saw a different side of you at that moment.
00;46;18;00 – 00;46;40;09
Unknown
And I was like, it’s interesting that you say that because I, in my recollection, didn’t think I was being nasty or angry or anything like that. I was just frazzled and I was nervous, and I was upset that I had to interrupt you. Right. There’s so many component, but how many times has that happened here on the podcast or.
00;46;40;09 – 00;47;04;15
Unknown
I’ve said that, Scott are you mad? Scotty angry Scott, what’s going on? And you’re like, I’m never mad at you guys. It’s always, oh, I’m frustrated because the equipment’s not working or the video’s not correct, or I’m not going to be at my best. But I do think it’s very common for people to read angst and nervousness as you’re annoyed or disappointed or frustrated by how something is going.
00;47;04;15 – 00;47;35;02
Unknown
Just brings up for me this concept of we’re only able to perceive, to perceive what is coming at us from the intensity of what we’re receiving in the moment, as well as our past experiences of others who have reacted in a similar way. Right? Like we’re only ever operating off of that. That’s a really good point, because I’m the type of person who I can get triggered really easily about one thing, but then it’s to everything.
00;47;35;02 – 00;47;51;24
Unknown
So like in my family, if I have one thing that happened at work and I can’t let it go, I immediately bring it. I mean, I work from home, so I’m still home. I go upstairs, I take it out in the dishes, I start screaming. When you’re when you ask me a stupid question I have time for, I’m like, just, just stop it, you know?
00;47;51;24 – 00;48;22;07
Unknown
And they didn’t do anything. Yeah, absolutely. Not such a great point. Your family handles your responsiveness. My family specifically. Yes. Yeah. Handles your responsiveness. If if I was your child and or if poor Carter was your child and you responded the way you typically do, which is very normal and, and it just it’s again it’s explosive responsive. Right.
00;48;22;09 – 00;48;49;07
Unknown
It would be earth shattering for the entire day. Oh my god. Right. Your kids let that shit roll right off their back. Like and nothing has ever happened. And it’s always amazed me specifically Sawyer who has a tendency to be very more sensitive. Very sensitive. Right. And you’ll be like I said cut out to the boss.
00;48;49;07 – 00;49;12;21
Unknown
How many times do I have to tell you you’re gonna miss the button? Then I’m not taking you to school, and you’re going to have to sit right here all day, like, just right. And then she’s like, mom, I’m going. Bing! Carter would be, like, just devastated, right? He might fight back with a bit of fire. The one time you were at my house, we were all sitting outside and we don’t eat til frickin 10 p.m..
00;49;12;21 – 00;49;26;09
Unknown
Yeah. And he comes out and he says to Aaron, mom, when are we going to eat? And I looked at him and I go, we’re going to eat when the food’s on the table. Oh go play. Yeah. He still he still probably is having psychological trauma. So I see it like that. What do you mean? No one’s ever shocked.
00;49;26;09 – 00;49;51;04
Unknown
Don’t ask me when we’re gonna eat. We eat when the food’s on the table. But do you remember the look? He gave me it for me. And then he walked away, and I’m like, that’s right. Right. I’ll call. I’ll call you when it’s time to eat. He was like, but again, these are our best therapy this week. But but I, I forget that these are established things in my household like my daughters know we aren’t stop in the series that she’s snack queen right.
00;49;51;06 – 00;50;11;03
Unknown
She also knows and my family we don’t stop. We don’t eat. We don’t like if we’re on a road trip or, you know, if it’s dinner time around, soccer practice or whatever, like quote unquote dinner time, like normal people eat. They know. Don’t ask mom or dad. Don’t say I’m hungry because we’ll give you the look like not my problem, right.
00;50;11;05 – 00;50;29;10
Unknown
She has, team snacks. Yeah. In her purse. In her. I mean, she’s always prepared, right? Because she knows where she’s stopping. There’s also where in the pants. She knows you’re not going to stop. Go to the bathroom. I’m dying because we went to Boston over the weekend. Six hour trip. At one point, I’m feeling a little, like, under my seat.
00;50;29;13 – 00;50;42;20
Unknown
And I turn around and I look at her and she just goes. I go, you gotta go to the bathroom, don’t you? She’s like, I really do. Yeah, I really did. She was giving it back. No. I look at Philip, I go, we gotta stop. He’s like, we’re not stopping. I go, yeah, we are. I’m the only one who can really get him to stop.
00;50;42;21 – 00;51;05;06
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, we’re timed in, out, in, out I know, geez. But I’m. Oh, yeah, it’s military. I’m telling you. Like, their family is so good. Yeah. Equipped to be able to handle your very much. Your very much. Your responses very much. Same with my kid. The same way. So talk about family dynamics. My kid will say why are you being so strict right now?
00;51;05;06 – 00;51;25;10
Unknown
Oh, no. And I’ll say, well, hang on a minute. Let me think about that. And then I’ll literally take a minute to figure it out. And if it’s from work, I’ll say it’s from work. If it’s right. Lately it’s been because I noticed myself saying things over and over and over to you, and I’m getting frustrated that it’s just not happening.
00;51;25;12 – 00;51;41;14
Unknown
And he’ll and he will now say, I can understand that. And can you tell me one more time the things that I need to do? And I will tell him, and he’ll find his own little strategy of what he needs to do, and then he will go up and do it because he doesn’t want me to use the strict voice.
00;51;41;17 – 00;52;13;13
Unknown
And he will say out loud, why are you being so strict? Why are you being so, you know, direct, right? Because that’s our little cue for I don’t like that your personality shift is off, right? So it’s so fascinating to me that the dynamics upon which is in our family is, is so, like, representative of the little personalities that you have there and then how you’ve conditioned them to be in those in those situations.
00;52;13;18 – 00;52;33;17
Unknown
Right, right. But again, it’s because it’s been it’s been so long. But if you if you don’t know that right, it can come across as x, y and Z. Right. You know, I it’s funny. It’s even even Philip will give me a look like if I’m, if I have a reaction that’s not a normal reaction. I feel they’ll give me a look.
00;52;33;17 – 00;52;48;14
Unknown
And Taylor. Taylor won’t even look up from her phone. She’s like, mom had a bad day at work, Yeah. They just they just know the idiosyncrasies and folk go, oh, okay. And I’ll be like, sorry, sorry. You caught me off guard. I was trying to wrap this up so I can put it to bed. Yeah. You know, because.
00;52;48;14 – 00;53;07;17
Unknown
And I’m also not good. I’m good at multitasking, but I’m not good at that. So if I get derailed when I’m trying to finish something that I need to finish, then I get angry and and thrown off and I’m like, you can’t. You can’t, just give up. But I’ve I’ve had little things find ways of communicating that because I’m very much a zone worker as well when I am in the zone.
00;53;07;17 – 00;53;22;24
Unknown
Right. You cannot talk to me about something else because it’s going to come across as you are highly annoying, right? I need you to figure your own stuff out right now. Right in this moment. Give me give me a couple of minutes. And then for me, it’s harder to transition. Yeah. So, you know, I will have finished the thing that I needed to do.
00;53;22;24 – 00;53;42;05
Unknown
And now I need 30 minutes to decompress on my own while I’m doing dishes or, you know, doing whatever. But we regulate. Yeah. We regulate. Right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. It’s really interesting. Just communication styles in general. Then you take let’s pretend Sawyer and Carter don’t know each other. They happen to meet each other in college. Then you put these two together and they decide that they want to date.
00;53;42;10 – 00;54;03;03
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, this is how you can see a alive and well how that family conditioning and those expectations of what have happened. What the heck would that look like now if they didn’t know each other. Right. And they come together for the very first time and Sawyer is used to write direct, clear, sarcastic, right? Motivational, right, right.
00;54;03;05 – 00;54;23;14
Unknown
And Carter is used to, I’ve noticed your feelings have changed. Could we talk about that? I know, right? How if we don’t talk about that or engage with that before we are in relationships with other people? Well good night, Irene. I know they are not in a good place. No, it’s right, it’s so true. Right. So about that.
00;54;23;16 – 00;54;39;16
Unknown
Nobody talks about that. Nobody talks about that. And that’s the other thing. Like when I yell at you, it’s not because you’re in trouble or I’m angry or whatever, I’m. That’s just my reaction, right? Like, my kids don’t look at me and think I’m in trouble. My mom’s yelling, right? And they’re like, what’s talking to me? Right? They’re just, oh yeah, mom spouting off.
00;54;39;16 – 00;54;58;20
Unknown
She’s mad again. Whereas when I raise my voice and I’m yelling, right, everyone in that house is real clear. There’s an issue. Yes, because that is never my go to right? Right. And then they’re all listening and then they’re like, oh shit, we pissed mom off, like real bad, right? Right, right. Whereas yours is this just standards? Par for the course.
00;54;58;20 – 00;55;16;00
Unknown
In fact, when you are being nice, people are like, what’s up? What’s going on? Even this morning I’m trying to get my coffee because I knew I had to be here. And I’m like, you know, I don’t go in, Sawyer, wake up. I’m like, straight up, yeah, you need to get up now. Yeah. And she’s like, I’m working on it.
00;55;16;00 – 00;55;37;05
Unknown
I’m like, just communicate. Just communicate. But again, yelling I’m not yelling at her. I’m yelling so she can hear me because I’m too lazy to walk down the hall. Yeah. Busy. So let’s see. Yeah. Classic busy. And there’s me walking into Carter’s room. Rubbing is back. No. Good night sweetheart. No time to go. No, do do do do.
00;55;37;07 – 00;55;56;18
Unknown
I love it. Oh my God. So Scott had this empathy problem. Scott, your empathy problem got relatively figured out. You felt really good about it at the end of the day. Oh, yeah. Totally love that. I love that, actually. We’re we’re working on, you know, trying to sort out with the Syrian people to get more work done and great, try to figure that whole thing out.
00;55;56;18 – 00;56;20;12
Unknown
So at their expense, hopefully. Yeah. Better be right. That’s right. Yeah. If it’s not, it won’t be at my expense. So if it’s not at their expense, it won’t get done. Well, yeah. True. Right. So here we are with our final affirmation card, which I think, of course, just like, like usual is very fitting. Okay, I know that I am the only one who determines how my story unfolds.
00;56;20;15 – 00;56;47;08
Unknown
I, the main character. You’re the man, you’re the man, you’re the man, you’re the mighty man character. And my character, I think I love that. Have a good day. I, I loved that me too is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you.
00;56;47;10 – 00;57;09;08
Unknown
I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
