Episode 234- When to Intervene with your Superpower with Special Guest KP Hunsinger

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;31;05
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;05 – 00;00;56;00
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Oh, yay, I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;56;02 – 00;01;14;27
Unknown
Did you pick a card yet? Now? God, I had to do all your errands. Oh, my God. I went to the the goodwill’s this morning to drop off my stuff because we cleaned out the garage yesterday. Oh, and these people come out. The one over in Henrietta? Yeah. Without a cart? Yeah. Why? Oh, three people don’t say hello.
00;01;14;27 – 00;01;30;13
Unknown
Nothing. Just stand there. And then. So I’m like, do I just hand these things to you? Yeah. And they are just standing there, and then all of a sudden she goes in my bag and takes out my, my bubbles and shoves them in my trunk. I go. Was that an indication you don’t take bubbles? She goes no and walks away.
00;01;30;15 – 00;01;54;12
Unknown
Wait. What happened? I’m so confused. When you go to the goodwill, you wait. Do you mean bubbles like. Like you. You were donating bubbles? Yeah. Like bubbles. You don’t have any kids on the street that might, you know, or like. Oh, I don’t talk to those fucking weirdos. No weirdos. I’m not live on my street. No, but she could have said to me, hey, we don’t take bubbles for whatever reason.
00;01;54;18 – 00;02;16;15
Unknown
Yeah. She just she, like, went through my stuff. You didn’t like that? No. Yeah. Too assertive. She wanted her to be social, like, you know something’s wrong with you. Okay? In fact, you’re in the wrong business working for the goodwill. Okay? You should be very kind and sweet and come out with your car, okay? Yeah, yeah. And if you don’t have a cart, then what?
00;02;16;17 – 00;02;31;22
Unknown
I’m not bringing that shit, okay? Yeah. That’s your job. What came out of that? What else are you gonna say? More. I know you’re not okay. I’m not here. God. I’m calling. Yeah. Good. Well, yeah. I’m sorry about every single one of the gates. One comes out in a full hazmat suit. Okay? With two cars. Yeah, it makes sense.
00;02;31;22 – 00;02;49;05
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. Henrietta. Okay. That ain’t like that. No, you didn’t like that, Henrietta. It was. It was the one. It wasn’t. It wasn’t Victor. I’m not driving it, Victor. Because you’re already here. Oh, I didn’t think about that. Well, I was going to say, how do you. Because they know you personally. Because at the victor, you know, at the victor.
00;02;49;05 – 00;03;04;20
Unknown
Good. Well, the number one, Scott, that a whole I know full on Serena’s with us. They also know me from the cell phone number two. They know that you put you randomly walked up to the front door and left your pots and pans there, and I, just like you, don’t just leave those at the front door because I didn’t know there was a drop center on the side.
00;03;04;28 – 00;03;21;19
Unknown
And that’s also the place that when I got out of the car, they were like, are you listening to a self-help? A very video or audio? Yeah. I said, no, I’m just talking to my best friend. I know, I know, she knows like, oh, I gotta roll out the goddamn red carpet at that one. I should have gone there.
00;03;21;19 – 00;03;40;05
Unknown
They probably take my bubbles just out of sympathy, and then they throw it out. That’s absolutely what they do now and then and then I thought I did donate some the toys that are at least 15 years old. Okay. And I thought to myself, I didn’t wash these, I wash them. Yeah okay. Like I as I’m driving away I’m thinking, should I have like wash these?
00;03;40;05 – 00;04;01;15
Unknown
Because if I saw that shit on a goodwill shelf full of sand, I wouldn’t buy them. Well, why? Because they have seen you dumped. Oh, shut up you. I’m just gonna put you in that at the goodwill. About 98% of the items are used. I just love that you just snorted. I love that you can start it. I know, but it feels different.
00;04;01;16 – 00;04;20;25
Unknown
It does when it’s sand. I don’t know that it fits. I just I had a past that someone had all over there. They’re crying. Remember when I found the bag I really liked? And then I opened the zipper and there is a dirty thong? Yeah. I was like, I need some tissues in in puff us before because this is not it’s not okay.
00;04;20;27 – 00;04;39;20
Unknown
But. So I think you’re sands okay on your sand toys, you know. You know what else? Well, I posted my I finally decided it’s time to part with my baby stroller. Like the one I used for my kids. Okay, I saw that the tiniest. Yeah, I know why I saw it, because you can do it. Everything. Every single thing.
00;04;39;20 – 00;04;58;09
Unknown
You’re. Because you sell so much shit, I figure someone would want it. Thank you. But what I noticed was before I priced my items. Yeah, I looked on the marketplace. I hate the show, and I look to see what other people were selling for. Okay, what I didn’t know is. Yeah, somebody posted another city. Many. And I knew I have the first version ever made.
00;04;58;12 – 00;05;18;22
Unknown
Okay. Like my youngest is ten. Yeah. My oldest is 15. About to be 15. Yeah. And I bought it when she was bought the oldest. Yeah. So what I thought was funny was somebody posted a picture of a manufactured date and I said to Phillip, I go, wow, they must have started to put manufacture dates on these, on these strollers.
00;05;18;22 – 00;05;36;25
Unknown
I wonder if ours has one. And because hers was like 2018 or something like that, and I was only good for a certain period of time. I don’t think so. I think it was just because they have different versions just to when it was like, yeah, you know, like cars, like it’s that the GT and the okay, 2100 and the whatever.
00;05;36;27 – 00;06;02;09
Unknown
Okay. Mine is the orange. Okay. I was like, I’m like, I go, I wonder if. And mine’s a great condition. I mean, this thing is you can’t destroy it. Yeah. So I finally found they have it on there. I guess one of mine was made and 1984. So it was I made on July 4th, 2010. Wow. I know something about just like that is really weird.
00;06;02;10 – 00;06;22;00
Unknown
I know, it’s so true. It’s vintage up the price stroller, so shut up. Did you write that? No, I did, I did, I did not because I figured somebody would try to get me to get it right anyway. Right. It’s very rude. Did you see this? Is that I’m sporting today? What is that, a burn? Yeah. Oh. So, you can also see here.
00;06;22;02 – 00;06;38;27
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I got you. Did you do a little spongy? I really like this part right here. Yeah. It’s just it’s just that if you were to be one pencil, I’m just the one hanging pendulum right here. you know, right here in my chest. Yeah, I know, right down to the sleeve. I tried to put some makeup on it.
00;06;38;27 – 00;06;56;25
Unknown
I tried to put some, like, green, green color corrector color. Correct. Because it’s. So it’s my whole arms. And then what I worked is hot. Just the Browns are. Yes. The Browns are all over. You know what else I want to work on? Spray tan. Tan. Yeah, yeah. I didn’t have time for that this morning, so I did.
00;06;56;25 – 00;07;13;29
Unknown
You got it in the Korean makeup remover. But or whatever you call. I got it in the car. You should have told me. Okay, I want to wipe it down with a mitt. No. Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m 20 minutes. Yeah. It’s hot blades. Yeah, yeah. Do you want really time? You got a spray tan and you’re supposed to wash it off 24 hours after.
00;07;13;29 – 00;07;28;29
Unknown
And it was legit. Six days. I never like it. Oh, look how tan I am. I said how long. I said spray tan ban on. You’re like six days. Oh yeah I got let you got let that shit marinate. You got to let it marinate. I don’t think that’s good. Right. And I got to get it right in those pores.
00;07;28;29 – 00;07;44;26
Unknown
I’m too white, man. It don’t come out. You know, I go in the shower, washes right off. Yeah. It’s not gonna to soak it in. It’s right. I picked the car today. Yeah. You ready for some hippie vu here? I’m not. Because I to be on it. You didn’t feel any of it. So what you did was you passed the cards over to me.
00;07;44;27 – 00;08;05;24
Unknown
I know, and then I said, I got this today, and I picked three, and I put one back because it wasn’t it. And here’s what we’re left with. Okay. Do it. This one is called stability. Is that for me? I don’t think so. I don’t think so. it is this guy here, this merman who’s opening a, holder of fish.
00;08;05;26 – 00;08;33;09
Unknown
What do you call this little net thing that has a bunch of fish in it? And all the fish are flying out this holder, of course. So, like the sack, it’s the. It’s the not sorry. It’s the holder of fish. It’s not the nuts. I can’t, Merman holds open a fishing net. Oh, here we go. Full of thrashing fish rather than rip the net apart to free them immediately, he holds his position, which takes strength.
00;08;33;14 – 00;08;59;22
Unknown
He controls the creature’s release into the ocean, understanding their need for freedom while protecting himself. So he is not overpowered or harmed by them. Now, what kind of merman is easy? Is he top, top bird, part of the body man and bottom fish? Or the other way around? Yes. Good. Top man, bottom fish. Wait a minute. Where are you implying that the top of him would be the fish head and the bottom would be human legs.
00;08;59;24 – 00;09;31;09
Unknown
What the fuck? It’s you. This card shows patience in the face of conflict. You standing your ground rather than being overwhelmed. What opposes you is lower than you are. This may be your own fear, guilt, or other emotions that shake your confidence, or a person who is acting in an unreasonable way by protecting these emotions, projecting these emotions on you, having compassion while keeping your personal boundaries strong, and refusing to be taken advantage of shows the strength of your character.
00;09;31;14 – 00;09;54;27
Unknown
An additional meaning of this card is literally physical strength, a return to vitality that is just awesome. Scott against the zoom this morning. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, yeah, you did it by the way. Scott. That’s right. All, everybody who has this software, nobody can get it to work. It’s down across the board. Oh, so it was it was a thing.
00;09;55;01 – 00;10;24;16
Unknown
But you did it overcame it. You overpowered the zoom I use. I use my back up because that’s your box. You go to attack, man. You want to? Yeah. That’s why you got to make fun. Make fun speaking. I’m speaking of. This is our first stop making art, make fun and enjoy your last. We can talk to you to listen to me, Scott.
00;10;24;19 – 00;10;47;18
Unknown
I joined at aboveground pool group. Oh. No way. In the basement. Shit. They posts make jaws. Oh, God, I’m an amateur compared to those people. This one person put god damn radiator in the pool. Oh, no, I’ve seen them. Yeah. I was like, I say, I call there and I go, I’m going to put together a montage of cool, cool things I’m dying for.
00;10;47;21 – 00;11;19;28
Unknown
Yeah. Anyway, okay, here’s my second, the Queen of swords for resilience. Okay. See this? Yep. Sure. To. The Queen is highly intelligent and driven. She commands respect, holds her ground, and puts her interests first. She is charming but does not suffer fools. She can see the truth in any situation. In a flash. This card often comes up in a reading to show strong women, business leaders, independent females and single parents.
00;11;20;00 – 00;11;41;27
Unknown
If she comes up as the U card in a reading, it’s time to show your strength of character. Be prepared to make strong decisions or respond to a final decision made by a woman. That’s the advice. Well, did I nail this? I am selling shit on Facebook, so it’s my decision on how much money I take. Yeah, I think that is definitely resonating with this card.
00;11;41;29 – 00;12;05;10
Unknown
It’s not the four jobs that I have or my business or all these other things are going on. It’s your Facebook Marketplace sales. Absolutely. Yeah. We have a guest today. Hey now. And so I guess thanks to Scott, I know here at Rock that there was a chance that shit wasn’t happening. I think we’re going to, like, really practice our radio skills today.
00;12;05;10 – 00;12;24;08
Unknown
If I every 30 minutes being like this episode brought 30 I three by. Yes by 3030. Then every 15 minutes this episode today is brought to you by Scott at Rock Fox, who got the zoom to work for his interview. That’s right. That’s a hell of a day back at work after a week off. Well, yeah, that’s right for the course.
00;12;24;08 – 00;12;45;29
Unknown
All right. That’s right. K p, what is up? Hello, my dear friend. Hello, hello. Are you both know each other? Yes. Okay. And I used to work together. KP and I go way back to the shrimp leg in a backpack. Right. That can’t be. She just didn’t ask for two. That needed to be the intro, because I think it does.
00;12;46;01 – 00;13;09;26
Unknown
Yeah. The shrimp leg in the back. Yeah. KP, KP will tell you about shrimp. So I get a backpack. So Eric and I used to work together, back in the days when I was a graduate assistant and, the, office we worked in had the word conflict in it, which is, in fact, the thing that I thought would come up between us to talk about, which is not that conflict somewhat, but that talking about conflict.
00;13;09;26 – 00;13;36;04
Unknown
What clarify? but we got working, together. I was a graduate assistant in the conduct office, and Aaron was doing the caring for students thing, and, it was always fun to go to Aaron’s office. one for the soft seating and two, because you never knew what was going to happen in there. and that’s right, that’s right.
00;13;36;04 – 00;13;59;12
Unknown
Keep it a real sorry. You never know. One of my one of my classmates or like or. Richard, I were in there having sharing lunchtime fun with Aaron, and she just pulls a Ziploc bag of cocktail shrimp out of them reports doesn’t surprise me, and just opens it up and pulls out the cocktail sauce. It is just a little snack.
00;13;59;14 – 00;14;20;10
Unknown
It’s it’s a little snack. If it was around 2:00, she probably pull out a peppy, peppy and have some fries. Yeah, that’s right, and I didn’t. Here I am not realizing that I’m neurodivergent, and I don’t think anything’s weird about that at all. I think I like shrimp, I like shrimp cocktail sauce. I won’t eat shrimp without cocktail sauce.
00;14;20;16 – 00;14;41;25
Unknown
And the best way to transport that was a Ziploc bag. So as I’m pulling that out of my fossil bag. Right. And the one I still have. Yeah, the one that I passed on to. Excellent. And KP and their cohort mate are sitting there looking at me and being like, is that shrimp? And I’m like, yeah, it’s probably not.
00;14;41;25 – 00;15;06;25
Unknown
Probably not even that nice. It’s fine. Couldn’t fuze like this because you’re a cocktail shrimp and then wasn’t it was it Ben or was it you. It was Ben. Finds a cocktail, a cocktail, little shrimp leg. Like the little leg. The last part. The tail in his back. That’s somehow how somehow we still don’t know how it happened.
00;15;06;25 – 00;15;34;24
Unknown
You probably flicked it. He’s taken. He’s taken like a binder out of his bag, and, it’s just this shrimp tail. Oh, just the shrimp tail. It was the eating. It was the eaten shrimp. we didn’t know where it came from. And spirits. The spirits put it in there. Just a reminder. We I know in his mouth, it’s sort of like sleight of hand where he just pulled it off the table like, yes, I know, that’s for sure.
00;15;34;26 – 00;15;59;11
Unknown
For sure, but or whatever. But I choose to believe that. Sure. What we experience. Yeah, yeah, I do, I do too, I do I mean, I pulled that shrimp tail right out. Yeah. No, that’s how it was. Basically how we know I burned forever. Yeah. Aaron showing up at a meeting later in the day. Just like pulling a shrimp tail out of her bag before she’s, like, grabbed her notebook or whatever.
00;15;59;11 – 00;16;22;18
Unknown
And everyone’s like, you know, she’s got her color coded pens and everything, and, like, a straight white tail. Sorry. I thought you might need a little snack of when people know about my color coded patterns. So I feel so thin. I feel so thin when people are like, you’re felt tap color, color coded patterns. I know, and say it’s purple or it’s teal or it’s blue.
00;16;22;22 – 00;16;41;01
Unknown
You only use one at a time because you’re neurodivergent. Yeah, I’m all out and I do. If it’s an action item, it’s in a certain color. If it’s a comment from someone else in a certain color. Oh, if it’s, Yeah, I do all my word documents like that to my boss is always like, oh, we know who took the notes today,
00;16;41;03 – 00;17;02;17
Unknown
Yeah. No, it’s very important. Yeah. No, we don’t do that. And I say we meaning CCB and I because in CP’s bio, they’re like, I’m an Aaron. I’m going to be real honest with you here. I’m an Aaron, but you’re married to a Rebecca. I am. And what’s fun about this highlighter thing is that you’re you are both representing each half of my brain.
00;17;02;19 – 00;17;37;01
Unknown
Okay? I. Yeah. Join the cube. Yeah, yeah. I love everything about everything about what I need in terms of control and in terms of, like, the thing being correct. I need to use Aaron and it’s yellow. Yeah. Oh okay. Yeah I use yellow highlighters period. Okay. but I love to pen and I will go with it’s either a blue or you know there’s a color that will be the base color for writing but highlighting yellow.
00;17;37;03 – 00;17;59;22
Unknown
But I have learned in school to remember anything in law school, which is remembering a lot of things, that I need to use different colors, like Rebecca’s method. So I have to ruin my own piece. But. So therefore I am superior once again. Oh, no, that’s not at all. And that’s not at all what was said there.
00;17;59;25 – 00;18;20;13
Unknown
No, that is not what I heard. I think it’s like I heard people say, I heard KP say if I could have it my way, I would write in blue pen and highlight in yellow all day. I mean, you can. Yeah. But it becomes hard for me to have to organize and remember what I need to do. I need to take out the pink in the orange and occasionally give it a swipe.
00;18;20;13 – 00;18;44;15
Unknown
Swipe. That’s what I heard. Yeah, I didn’t clear the preference version is I just just don’t recognize and you’ll win in line right with the highlighter. Like I know here we’re going with the highlighter. No one said right with the highlighter. Can’t see a damn thing. You’re kind of okay. So what I love about this copy is you’re an avid listener of the more I Love podcast.
00;18;44;17 – 00;19;03;15
Unknown
Thank you for that. Yes, we very much appreciate that. Wait, do you have a favorite episode? Oh, I thought she was going to say your favorite host. I’m like this all here. This is really awkward. Do you have a favorite episode or something that resonated off the top of your head? Sorry, I should have prefaced. So yeah, I a few things.
00;19;03;19 – 00;19;20;21
Unknown
Oh gosh, it’s hilarious because I remember as we were working through the technical difficulties, I was like, oh, I should come up with some things. And I came up off the top of my head with like 3 or 4 things. I’m a great, good to go. Now, you asked me and I have zero.
00;19;20;24 – 00;19;41;18
Unknown
So that. Yeah, that’s that’s a great okay. You know what it is? You’re just in awe of our fandom. Yeah, truly. Let me tell you now, because I am who I am. I’m going to tell you what your favorite episode was. Oh we’ve tested. Yeah, correct. I am just going back into my text messages here to remind you, that you said judges versus witnesses.
00;19;41;18 – 00;20;11;03
Unknown
Oh, the judges being Rebecca, the witnesses being Aaron, and the differences and how they are showing love being values. Yes, yes. There was no idea which one that is. Basically everyone’s got it’s basically everyone. So the target, the target conversation really resonated for me actually. Oh Rebecca is ready to oh we got to feel her off. She is everyone love that target one got to kind of get loving it then.
00;20;11;06 – 00;20;32;10
Unknown
You know I just want to be really honest. I haven’t seen her at the Dollar Tree. I think she got fired for not doing much. They’re not doing well. And it resonated with you because you would have gone in 100%. Yeah. Thank you, I hundred percent, so I haven’t I had a couple experiences this year that have gone very unpleasantly.
00;20;32;12 – 00;20;58;20
Unknown
and when you’re trying to intervene and help. Oh yes. Yeah. So I live in Boston, which is worth sharing because I don’t think that it’s a city known for its hospitable city. in, in the, in the general sense of sort of people just interacting with each other on the street. I think it’s a lovely city to visit and hang out.
00;20;58;23 – 00;21;10;01
Unknown
and just recognize that people are gonna yell at you and you’re just have sort of know that that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe.
00;21;10;04 – 00;21;33;19
Unknown
Well, I will not be moving to Boston, but. Yeah. Okay. And, you know, in a world where that’s just sort of like the baseline, you know, that’s that’s the little orb that I live in. and and so I’m a, you know, I’m a, I’m a student affairs person, right? I can’t just see people out there and not just be like, oh, don’t step on that.
00;21;33;20 – 00;22;01;03
Unknown
Maybe step back from that line. You know, I just, you know, I see this happening, and I just have to watch whether that’s, you know, interrupting, maybe a couple arguing on a train, you know, but if one of them puts a hand on the other one, that’s usually a line for me. I will I will step in and I will just say, hey, I just, you know, I just heard this person saying that they didn’t want you to touch them, and, and, and I see you touching them and like, you know, I’m the kind of person who will step in in that moment.
00;22;01;05 – 00;22;22;18
Unknown
yeah, I know Rebecca is like, oh, no, we can never sit next to each other if she’s dying, she’s fine. Which is hilarious, because I can go back into my text messages with my partner around, like debriefing some of these things, and he’ll say, can you just stop doing that? Oh. And the answer is no, I can’t.
00;22;22;18 – 00;22;44;21
Unknown
I saw an injustice and I have to fix it. Yeah. And it’s not even necessarily the fixed thing as much as just like, okay, there’s a there’s at least a baseline there. And maybe it’s the fact that I worked in that for so long and it broke me of like that. Like people, you can just engage in those conversations with people like out there in the world, because, I mean, I guess those are the conversations that I just on the daily.
00;22;44;23 – 00;23;06;15
Unknown
It’s like you’re in your natural habitat, right? I mean, I can understand I can understand and relate to that. Yeah. Yeah. What there are times when it’s like a total magic trick. Like I, I as a shout out Boston, we have some great beaches here if you can find them or get to them. but finding or getting to them real tough thing.
00;23;06;17 – 00;23;25;08
Unknown
But we have some really, really unique birds here as well who also like those beaches. And so a lot of our beaches have like, barriers to try and see the birds that only nest in like few beaches, whatever. So I see these birds one day on the beach playing football in the bathroom. Oh, I love those birds.
00;23;25;08 – 00;23;42;18
Unknown
And I wish we were playing football there. Right. But I can just go up to them and I can. I can be there in the moment, be like, hey, you did your mouth. Hey new right? Oh thank you, thank you. Okay. Caustic new you were there signs. Yeah. Okay. I wasn’t alone, but okay. Yeah okay. So see new right.
00;23;42;20 – 00;24;00;22
Unknown
You know we all knew it, you know. And up here. Hey, did you know that these barriers are here for a reason? They knew. Right? But I was giving them a chance to correct it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What’s like what was I said yeah. There these birds and there’s like only a few beaches where they nest and they’re nesting right now.
00;24;00;25 – 00;24;19;13
Unknown
And so having you all run around there like you could be hurting them and there’s like they’re like, these are endangered birds. They were like, really? Wow. So yeah, that’s actually why I’m here on the beach is actually to see the birds part. Partly true. but you know it. And, and then they said, okay guys, come on, come on.
00;24;19;13 – 00;24;39;15
Unknown
Wow. And then move to the other side where, you know, it can be a superpower. And that’s a win right now. So when I mean for the birds most of the time it’s not like that. Are you ever doing that. You know, approaching a bunch of crows playing football near the bird. Not a chance in hell no. At all.
00;24;39;18 – 00;24;56;19
Unknown
Never. No, I just think, oh, look at those freaking idiots. They don’t give a shit and then move on with my day. What, you don’t care about the birds? No, I do, but. Oh, I’m not interested in the conflict. I’m not interested in the conversation. I’m not interested in them having some comments. No. Yeah. That’s a, that’s that’s.
00;24;56;19 – 00;25;14;01
Unknown
And so I don’t when I say judges that’s a shorthand. And I don’t mean it in a negative way. I think a lot of times when we say judge, it would mean it in a negative way, but I don’t it’s just that sort of like, oh, that’s, that’s against the rules. Like right. Which is a judgment. And and you’re able to sort of distance yourself from their behavior.
00;25;14;06 – 00;25;33;18
Unknown
Right. And reconcile that, that wouldn’t be your behavior. And it’s also not your responsibility. Right. You’re able to make that. Both of those things and I suppose I can’t I don’t, I can’t or don’t do both of them. And, and I see Aaron’s work I think oh I think that this year I’m going to make an assumption.
00;25;33;18 – 00;25;50;22
Unknown
And both of your minds are in people like you. You think, well if I, if I say something it might make an impact. And if I don’t, it’s a missed opportunity. Yeah. And I feel a responsibility to. And then you would feel guilty and you’d be like. I could have prevented. I could have, I could have intervened.
00;25;50;22 – 00;26;12;08
Unknown
It’s, Right. And it’s never like a, like a nasty kind of confrontation or anything like, you know, it for me, it’s just that the I, the idea of interjecting with someone for any reason was interesting. So here’s the interesting. I don’t want to do it. This is what I if this is, tell me if this is the same or different, I really can’t tell.
00;26;12;10 – 00;26;38;25
Unknown
So I don’t know if I would do any of those things that keep you done. I don’t know if I was on a subway train and I saw someone say, don’t touch me, and then someone else touched them, that I would intervene in that situation. I also don’t know if I would have intervened in the birds on the beach situation, because those situations to me are different than the person who’s in distress.
00;26;38;28 – 00;27;00;16
Unknown
But so bird was in distress. I don’t care about the bird. Oh. I don’t okay, I don’t have feelings about the bird. I actually hate birds okay I love bird cages but I hate birds okay. So therefore what. I’m bother you even though they were breaking the rules. Nope. Don’t care about that either. Wow. Because I also have this strong sense of.
00;27;00;18 – 00;27;19;23
Unknown
You’re in charge of you, and I’m in charge of me. And my body is my body, and your body is your body. And it’s your job to advocate when you need to advocate. And that’s another person’s job to advocate when they need to advocate. And in the bird situation I think I would think to myself that’s inappropriate and they should not be doing that.
00;27;19;23 – 00;27;44;16
Unknown
And I wish that they would make a different decision, but it wouldn’t rise to the level for me of I need to intervene to then take that to the next level, maybe because it’s not an area I know very much about. So if they were like, tell me about the birds that are nesting right now, right? I think I would be like, I just got really involved in a conversation about birds that I don’t even like, and that doesn’t feel like a good investment of my time.
00;27;44;16 – 00;28;17;04
Unknown
And also worse. You’re now looking to me to be the guide on the birds for why I stepped in, and I don’t have a good reason. That’s a good point. Why I stopped it right now. If there’s a woman in a hospital waiting room who’s crying and praying the rosary and there’s no one else with her, I’m going to go over and sit in the chair next to this person and say, I just wanted to let you know I’m here.
00;28;17;06 – 00;28;45;08
Unknown
If you would like to talk about something or just be with you or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When target girl is smashing her head on the stall in the bathroom, that to me was a moment of distress that needed to be curtailed. and it was in my area of expertise, and I needed, I felt in that moment to go deescalate that situation.
00;28;45;11 – 00;29;16;05
Unknown
So in my mind, what’s an interesting distinction, and I don’t know if you agree with this or not, but what feels like an interesting distinction for me is it has to be in my wheelhouse. And it has to feel like I can make an impact on that situation, and it has to feel like an almost it’s uninvited, but it’s still in my wheelhouse, like I it’s uninvited, but I still have the ability to make an impact there.
00;29;16;08 – 00;29;40;05
Unknown
whereas, if it if it’s someone who’s standing too close, let’s say using a subway, you know how they have that yellow line that’s right there. And like, you should not be standing on that yellow line. Personally, I’m not going to stand on that yellow line because I’m scared to death of what happens. Right? If you get too close, if my child is standing on that yellow line, I’m going to say we won’t be standing on that yellow line.
00;29;40;05 – 00;30;05;19
Unknown
And here’s why. If some random person of sound mind body in judgment, apparently seeming of sound, mind, body and judgment is standing on that yellow line, you’re welcome to do that all day because you are responsible for your own choices. If someone who is very drunk and does not look like they’re in a great place is on that yellow line, I’m going to say, hey, do you want to just head over here?
00;30;05;19 – 00;30;31;00
Unknown
Looks like we have a nice bench over here that we could sit on. Right. So it’s the it’s it’s people who are of a sound mind, body and judgment or what I assume to be right, that I’m going to leave alone and probably not get involved in. But it is your your weak challenged, you know, understood. Asked that I need something that I might be able to provide that I think I’m going to step in.
00;30;31;02 – 00;30;37;22
Unknown
Are those things different in both of your minds?
00;30;37;25 – 00;31;07;10
Unknown
As well, I think in in part I agree and my example perhaps, of interrupting the people on the train who were arguing, who seem to have been in a romantic relationship at some point. That is in my wheelhouse, having worked in that space. And I’ve been working in, in title nine in particular in the last two years. And so investigating instances of dating and domestic violence, I recognize the signs, and I can see it unfolding in front of me and know how powerful it can be to interrupt the moment.
00;31;07;10 – 00;31;29;04
Unknown
And in fact, after I did interrupt that moment, the person who, who I stood in, who was trying to enforce boundaries and whose boundaries I sort of re articulated, perhaps because I heard her say, not speak to me, don’t touch me. And then the other person leaned over and grabbed, like a headphone out of this person’s ear.
00;31;29;04 – 00;31;48;27
Unknown
And I and I had already decided in my line, and you were talking about where that line is sort of like, where am I going to that? Me? I was like, where’s the line going to be? And I had decided moments before, my line is going to be if the, if there’s any contact, physical contact. Yeah. And so when the moment that hand hits the headphones, I was like, that’s my moment.
00;31;48;27 – 00;32;04;15
Unknown
And I’ve said, excuse me. And you know what I just heard? I heard this person ask you to leave till like to leave the line and I, you know, I think that you should do that. And you have this person’s anger to that needs. Someone must have pressed the like, call button. And we were in the front train.
00;32;04;15 – 00;32;21;07
Unknown
So the conductor came in the person, the aggressor left. and so the train continued and I went, but the person had moved to a different spot on the train, and I just waited a couple seconds and then went and sat next to them and said, hey, I just wanted to check in and I hope it was okay that I intervened.
00;32;21;07 – 00;32;47;23
Unknown
Is there anything that I can do to assist you? Do you need anything? and the person actually thanked me for intervening and said, I wondered if anyone was going to say anything. And I said, I actually worked in this for a little bit. So I sort of had decided it was time to step in. And she said, I actually worked in the space too, and I don’t I don’t need any help because I’m fully connected and I’ve got this and it’s handled and I really appreciate that you stepped in.
00;32;47;26 – 00;33;13;00
Unknown
but I was 20 people, I think. Yeah, two. But remembering. Yeah. Well, that’s what I was thinking. So I’m remembering back to the Scott situation. Was Scott talking about when we were in target? And one of the things that came up in that conversation is, aren’t you afraid that this person is going to shank you? Aren’t you afraid that this person is going to take out a gun like, aren’t you afraid, right.
00;33;13;02 – 00;33;38;00
Unknown
In a situation I’m more fearful of that person who’s the aggressor acting out in that way than I am of the person who’s in target banging their head in the bathroom. So now that distinction is much more clear to me about what you all were thinking when you were talking about that in that particular episode. because of the fear associated with how are we going to handle this situation?
00;33;38;00 – 00;34;04;28
Unknown
And I do very much have a sense of fear. I don’t believe that the world is a super stable place right now. You know, I don’t believe that people make, logical, thought out sound decisions. I think there’s a lot of reactionary behavior. I think there’s a lot of regret after the fact. I think people have a high level of anger right now compared to other periods of time.
00;34;05;01 – 00;34;31;04
Unknown
And so, my instincts are to not trust that unless, you know, even if it was a group of people, if it was a group of people in distress, in target in the bathroom, or a bunch of people were in there trying to manage the situation, I would not have gotten involved because, again, there’s way too many factors in there where someone says the wrong thing or escalates the wrong, and then before you know it, it gets too out of control.
00;34;31;06 – 00;35;05;22
Unknown
So, that makes a lot more sense to me based in this conversation than what we were talking about before. And KP, you saying that that is your wheelhouse. That is such an important distinction for me because I don’t know enough about the domestic violence or the anger or the title nine, you know, components associated with that to then get into that conversation and not feel like I am way in over my head right now in this is very unsafe or uncomfortable, or I have actually made the situation worse.
00;35;05;22 – 00;35;26;01
Unknown
Right? So that from a neurodivergent standpoint, I like to stay in my lane, but my lane is is decently wide and I feel really up and good in my lane. It’s in those other areas. Again, I don’t know anything about birds, so I can’t talk about the bird situation. No, I don’t feel comfortable in the domestic violence on the train, so I’m probably not going to manage what I leave the situation.
00;35;26;01 – 00;35;47;08
Unknown
I probably would have left and gone to a different train, which is not bystander focused. It’s actually retreat focused because I’m so uncomfortable about what’s happening, what I want that person to be in a better place. But I want someone who knows more than I do in that situation to handle that. Agreed. Those those things feel different, but where is the line for you?
00;35;47;08 – 00;36;04;11
Unknown
But so knowing that you’re knowing that you’re, knowing that there’s a button you can press to call for help. I imagine you’re both the kind of people who are going to press the button before you remove yourself, just like I would do that. Yeah, I would do that and hand it over to quote unquote trained people. Yeah.
00;36;04;13 – 00;36;22;05
Unknown
And I think that’s a great response to be there. I think that’s a great response. I wouldn’t just, you know, head in the sand, walk away now. My problem. See you later. Because I would feel bad not doing something. And like if no one else was doing anything else, I wouldn’t necessarily be the first person. But I would assess my surroundings.
00;36;22;07 – 00;36;34;17
Unknown
where’s my line? Yeah, it depends. It depends on a lot of things.
00;36;34;19 – 00;37;03;16
Unknown
Strangers. There’s a much thicker line. Okay. Meaning we’re not going there. Correct? Okay. No, people that I know on any line, like acquaintance. just somebody that I’m aware of. Whatever. I can’t think of any specific examples, but sometimes even just even just a, a basic conflict, maybe on a on a team, like on our, on our soccer team.
00;37;03;16 – 00;37;30;16
Unknown
Right. yeah. Trying to approach it from a sign or from, Outsider. I had a bird’s eye view. Like, like, don’t get down in the nitty gritty. Regardless of who what side I’m on or if I feel somebody is right or wrong, I still take the approach specifically if it’s in writing. I’m very, very clear about what I put in writing or don’t put in writing.
00;37;30;23 – 00;37;50;11
Unknown
And then when I have verbal conversations with people, I very much approach it from a bird’s eye point of view and a, well, did you think about it from this perspective or I empathize with their feelings and then maybe try to give a different point of view. but then at the same time, I still remain kind of on the outside.
00;37;50;11 – 00;38;11;11
Unknown
Like I’m not taking it on as a crusade. I’m not going to be the the ringleader. I’m not going to be even even if it was my kid, I don’t think I would be a ringleader. I’m just I’m a non I’m non-confrontational when it comes to that. So let me ask you this. Maybe that’s the point. I’m non-confrontational.
00;38;11;14 – 00;38;47;06
Unknown
You, but someone has decided they’re going to plan a joint birthday party for Sawyer and one other kid on the team, and you are watching this situation unfold. And it is, let’s say, subpar at best. At best, like we’re talking. Yeah. No foldable tables with no table cloths, mismatched chairs that we got out of the garbage. Yeah I mean we got I really got to set the stage for you here.
00;38;47;08 – 00;39;07;23
Unknown
I think it’s a shit. Yeah. We’re sitting around Donald’s like the 40 piece chicken nuggets is what we’re about. We’re bringing okay. Lunch. Okay, okay. Look how targeted this hypo is. This is just targeted. She gets. She knows these stuff. Well, she’s forced because I say you already know what I mean. I’ve already. I’m feeling it over here.
00;39;07;23 – 00;39;31;14
Unknown
It’s kind of how it’s out of a high. Okay. And this person who is. Is there a reason you specifically said it’s a joint birthday party for my child versus a team party? An end of the year teen party? Yes, because I’m transitioning. Right? Okay. I’m trying to. Because. Because I could say a birthday party for your kid.
00;39;31;18 – 00;39;47;20
Unknown
I could also say a joint team party. I could also say, front row dads event. Right? Like some someone else comes in and, you know, this person’s going to be the person doing these events, and they have all of these great ideas, right? you know where I’m going here, which is I’m trying to figure out where the line is.
00;39;47;20 – 00;40;10;09
Unknown
So KP has this specialty and a specialization in conflict management in title nine. In my area just happens to be mental health focused. None of those things resonate with you whatsoever. You actually are highly uncomfortable and have been for a very long time since we were resident directors. You were like, something’s happening in my building. I was in the to come take care of it because you don’t want anything to do with it.
00;40;10;09 – 00;40;25;25
Unknown
I was in the field dealing with it. I even had on a work trip with a student. Some kid come to my hotel room saying he was going to commit suicide. Who do I call? Eric? That’s right. And you immediately said, oh my God, that sounds so difficult. Hang on a minute. Do do do do do do do.
00;40;25;28 – 00;40;43;08
Unknown
Call me. Yes, I’m on speakerphone with this. Someone you don’t know. This kid I’ve never met before at a whole different institution, right, right. I call, I call Erin, not my boss. No, no, no, not your boss, not your boss’s boss. Not the head of the division. No, not the counseling center. I call. I’m going to call Erin.
00;40;43;11 – 00;40;59;15
Unknown
She tell me exactly what to do. Said a whole different shit. That’s right. Right. Okay. That’s fine. Maybe you should check the liability insurance on that before we did that. But it’s fine anyway, kids. Fine. This is really doing a great job. We’re doing a great job anyway. So where’s the light? I have to figure this out, though.
00;40;59;16 – 00;41;17;19
Unknown
Those are not your areas. But you know what? You’re areas. Yeah. Event planning. Yeah. Right. Or just use just the details in creating these experiences for people making sure that they. And then bringing your kid into that mix where again, we got the foldout tables with the chairs from the garbage. And that’s 40 chicken nuggets. So how do I approach that?
00;41;17;26 – 00;41;42;04
Unknown
No. My question is, is that you know, is it so are you stepping in at that point because you’re in these cases where CP’s on the train, you’re like, hey, bump, hit the button to say, we got a problem here, and I’m going to a different train in target. You’re walking past, are you doing that in the my kid’s birthday with 40 chicken nuggets situation.
00;41;42;07 – 00;42;13;00
Unknown
You just letting that roll letting that roll out. Right. Look at her face. Look at her. No. Okay. but I’m approaching. I’m treading lightly because the appreciation is there. The recognition that I am extra and and above and beyond. And most people are like it’s too much. Right. Fully recognize all of that. And at the same time appreciative.
00;42;13;00 – 00;42;37;24
Unknown
Like I’m never not appreciative. Yeah I also know it my way is not the end all okay. It’s not okay. I’m sorry. Keep those folding tables. Wow I believe I can learn things from other people okay I can listen I can digest and then I can think about a way to be like yes. And okay. Yeah, there’s a there there’s a yes and.
00;42;37;24 – 00;42;55;08
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. I also am very out of 100 times how many of those times do you think we take people’s ideas just at complete face value whenever there is an answer? Okay, you said never. I was going to say, do I take their. I was going to say they’re very they’re ideas at face value. Face value. Absolutely dad.
00;42;55;12 – 00;43;11;06
Unknown
Absolutely not saying. So I was going to say three. And it was because someone’s like, I think we should have black tablecloths. And you were like, I was between black and white. And I can see black in the setting because we’re using gold next. That would be like an example all the time. I would be like, yeah, that’s really great.
00;43;11;06 – 00;43;32;19
Unknown
Tell me more. And then I would say, would you consider, yeah, doing this as a maybe a different option or here’s what I would bring all this information. Tell me what happens when they say, oh no, actually I really like the folding tables uncovered. What do you say then I say, okay. I mean, at the end of the day, if they’re in charge, they’re in charge.
00;43;32;21 – 00;43;55;27
Unknown
Am I okay with it? Now you’re listen to me. You are not ever allowing a bare full table at your kid’s birthday party. Okay? Bring the shit in my back. I bring my bag with a bag of shit in my car. I’m fully prepared. Just in case. Just in case. When someone walks out of the room and they realize at that moment that they need a tablecloth, you’re like, oh, look at that side.
00;43;55;27 – 00;44;10;29
Unknown
Just so I bring you in. I’m like, here’s what I say. I come in when I when I see the state of the room and I’m like, you know, I just happen to have these in my garage. And I brought them with me. What do you think? Hey, that’s not true. What do you think? True. Oh, I asked about these candelabras.
00;44;10;29 – 00;44;26;21
Unknown
I just haven’t have those as well. It’s like hurt. That’s the case. Just in case. I don’t want to consider. Oh, it’s weird. I just happen to have these metal plates in the back of my trunk. Right, Aaron, you’re like. You’re unlocking my childhood trauma right now because my mom used to stage houses when people were selling their house.
00;44;26;26 – 00;44;44;02
Unknown
So they just have random furniture, just like in the car. I love that, right. Would Rebecca and I, that would be our dream life, actually. But that’s just it. But I’m trying. I’m not trying to do it as a you soccer type of thing. No it’s not, neither am I. When I go into target and I’m telling someone I’m sorry you’re banging your head against the wall.
00;44;44;02 – 00;45;09;24
Unknown
I’m not like your way of banging your head against the wall, is not it? It just seems like my is. Expertise is so superficial compared to an emotional support. I love that, and it is so not true. Well, because you have such a judgment, it is such a judgment. Well, it’s because you have helped me through the charity.
00;45;09;24 – 00;45;33;17
Unknown
Realize that your environment, everything is a moment and a and I, imprint on your life and sights, sounds, smells, all of that. And all of that has just been my natural superpower. It’s just part of part of who I am. Yeah. you know, like, people don’t necessarily come out words and compliment me on my style or things like that, but then when I’m saying something or whatever, people will be like, you can own a design business.
00;45;33;17 – 00;46;05;10
Unknown
Have you seen your house? I’m like, nobody’s ever said it’s nice, you know, like, yes, it doesn’t equate to that. Right? So, it feels superficial in the sense of its looks or it’s a feeling in that capacity versus a you convince someone not to jump off the ledge. And literally and that is that right there that tapping into the super powers that we have without the judgment associated with how we’re doing them.
00;46;05;13 – 00;46;25;02
Unknown
Yeah. And the fact that we both have these super powers and one doesn’t have to be identified as superficial compared to the other is what this entire podcast is about. So you’ve also made me think of something else, because I remember, you know, how when you’re like in higher ed or in sometimes in jobs or whatever, people are like, if you could have one superpower, what would it be?
00;46;25;02 – 00;46;45;04
Unknown
You know, and everybody’s like, oh, be invisible. Whatever. My standard answer since I was 12 have just been, I want to make things beautiful. it’s so weird. And I never felt bad about that. Yeah, yeah, I knew it had to be deeper than just make it look pretty. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Oh, but it is, right. Yeah.
00;46;45;04 – 00;47;07;21
Unknown
I use the example of your kid’s birthday party, and it’s a it’s such a key example because I know in that moment you’re activated in exactly the same way that CP’s activated on the train, and that I’m activated at target. And the response that you’re having is exactly the same. It’s this oh. Looks like this might be going off course a little bit.
00;47;07;21 – 00;47;29;10
Unknown
And how can I be a superhero helper in this moment in a way that does not diminish this person’s worth, but still makes them feel helped and supported? Yes. That is that’s a great. Yeah. The same because this mom comes in and she’s like, I got these, you know, beautiful folding tables and you know, they got paint on them.
00;47;29;16 – 00;47;51;15
Unknown
You know, you know they gets made out of. Yeah. Right. And in your mind this is this is why I say we are same soul, two bodies, two very different approaches. Because in that moment, I know I know, you are thinking to yourself, oh, God. Oh, this is 100% the best she could possibly do. And I love that for her.
00;47;51;17 – 00;48;09;22
Unknown
And it needs to be different. It needs to be different than what it is. And you will, in the same way, keep on the train in the same way that I and target go into this situation. Not saying, what is this right now? What am I you you think I would do that based on how I respond, right?
00;48;09;22 – 00;48;25;15
Unknown
I would, you know, curious what you will say. Oh my gosh, tell me a little bit like about the experience here. So what are we creating for. So we are in kid number two, right. How many people do you think that we’re going to have here. Right. What’s what’s the overall essence of what we would like to create.
00;48;25;15 – 00;48;44;08
Unknown
Right. So you know, I have a couple ideas. I just done this a couple times. Right. So there you go. Diminishing right? I’m like, hey, you know, I you know, I’m thinking to myself, I get 18 years in the mental health. I’m like, I just I’m a good listener, right. Keeps like, you know, saved many people from from serious situations.
00;48;44;10 – 00;49;03;17
Unknown
Right, right. Exactly. Diminish right. And in a way of connecting. And I just have a couple of ideas. You know, we could go in. You’re going to go with the with the dollar store or tablecloth tablecloths. Right. And you’re going to see we can get these dollar store tablecloths if that’s really the way we want to go.
00;49;03;17 – 00;49;22;06
Unknown
Or and this is a skill that you have as well. I also saw the other day that they had these really cheap, you know, whatever linen tablecloths that you can buy in bulk that are only 225 a piece instead of a dollar or five a piece, or my superpower is we use that shit and return it back to the Amazon.
00;49;22;11 – 00;49;39;04
Unknown
Yeah, that’s what we really are. In fact, don’t worry about this, I got it. You don’t own me a cent. That’s right. You don’t owe me a cent. That’s right at all. Right. And but you said one of these days the podcast is going to get so popular that you’re not going to be able to share that. I know anymore.
00;49;39;07 – 00;49;58;06
Unknown
I know, yeah, I better keep my mind off. Amazon is coming for Amazon. Haven’t stopped me coming for you. I know we’ll sponsor you long as you don’t stop returning. Amazon thousand dollar sponsorship. Talk about your life. Yeah, they’re gonna be one of the store fronts that, you know, when they send you shit and you take pictures. Yeah.
00;49;58;06 – 00;50;13;14
Unknown
Then you just send it back. Hopefully, that’s going to be my new career. my new card place. You know what? You’re so funny. You are using this as an example because that is what happened. Actually, I got a text from a mom that I love more than anything, and she’s like, let’s do a birthday party for our kids because they’re day apart.
00;50;13;17 – 00;50;37;28
Unknown
And she goes, I’m gonna bring a cookie cake. I go, great, I’ll bring drinks. And we left it at that. But my version of drinks, oh yeah, when you say drinks, we’re not talking. Those little hugs. We’re talking my version of drinks. Like I bought everybody a rainbow curly straw that was, you know, reusable. Yeah. I then carry name nametags with both the kids names on them and, strung them on with soccer ribbon.
00;50;38;01 – 00;50;58;06
Unknown
And then I got a special jug, and I made mermaid punch. I thought it was unicorn punch, and it was mermaid punch. And I bought cotton candy, and everybody got a personalized cup with a glob of cotton candy in it. And then they poured their mermaid punch over. Yeah. Now that’s my version of a drink. Exactly, exactly, exactly.
00;50;58;08 – 00;51;21;13
Unknown
Yeah, exactly. They got that with their cookie cake. And it was beautiful. And it was. It was from both moms. Correct? It was not. This is Sawyer’s contribution and somebody else’s. Are you all seeing Rebecca right now? I want to be so clear for the listeners. Here she is. This. This is such a beautiful moment. She says hard knock.
00;51;21;13 – 00;51;57;16
Unknown
Go f yourself. Knock down. I hate people, you know, person. And at the end of the day, when we say they’ve sold different bodies, this is what I am talking about. It’s creating the experience. It’s it’s it’s enacting a superpower. And so I think the message here is that just because you’re not in a mental health field, just because you’re not saving people’s lives from domestic violence, just because you’re not a firefighter does not mean that you are not a true meaning maker.
00;51;57;21 – 00;52;18;08
Unknown
And doing the same thing that KP and I are doing that everyone’s like, oh my gosh, that’s so great. I can’t believe you would do that in so many other ways of your life. And if we can tap into that, and if we can acknowledge that you are doing the same exact thing, but you just put the qualifier on it, that it doesn’t matter, do you know who it matters to?
00;52;18;10 – 00;52;43;27
Unknown
It matters to every one of those recipients that was in the Who in the Front Row Foundation. I’m getting teary eyed in the Front Row Foundation who is facing a critical health challenge. I know IT managers to every single one of those families who now has lasting memories after those children have passed on. Yeah, it matters to those kids that are at that birthday party who now are like, oh my gosh, my mom took time out to remember that mermaid punch that we did, right?
00;52;44;00 – 00;53;06;08
Unknown
It is so much bigger than that. And that matters at the cellular level as much as please don’t touch this person on the train and please stop banging your head against the target bathroom, right? We just don’t give it the same level of credibility and we frickin should. Yeah, that’s a good point because they’re so meaningful and important.
00;53;06;10 – 00;53;31;07
Unknown
roll back to those cards that you picked up at the start of this show. Yep. Strength and resilience. and also the fact that the that the truth was coming from a woman because exactly what exactly what Rebecca is talking about is this making experience, the kind of work that goes into that is decidedly coded feminine and devalued?
00;53;31;10 – 00;54;01;04
Unknown
Yeah. And I think that’s naming at least. Yeah, that’s that’s really interesting point. You Snyder us I do I appreciate that because I always bring up these things about how I love the fact that I’m super feminine and I don’t want to embrace the masculine part of me, but I also realize that that’s very imbalanced. And I think that’s part of why my energy is always unique, because I’m not calling in that component.
00;54;01;04 – 00;54;28;10
Unknown
Right? Yeah. And, I need to find more balance in that. Where you are, you’re the opposite. You’re very comfortable in your masculine and you’re pulling more in and you’re. But again, that’s why we are a great team too, because we bounce that energy off of each other. Right. so I think that’s a really interesting component because I’m not I don’t feel bad about that and I’m okay with it.
00;54;28;13 – 00;54;52;19
Unknown
Do I want to get better? Sure. But it doesn’t make me feel bad. yeah. The judgment that we place on it is personal and is entirely detrimental to what we have to offer the world. Right. And I hear this often when I think, I wish this person could see themselves the way that I see them.
00;54;52;21 – 00;55;17;06
Unknown
right. So someone I might see who is undervaluing themselves or not charging enough money for a service or whatever. And I think to myself, this person is so rock star. I just love and see so many aspects of this person. And then when they don’t see that in themselves, I struggle so much with that. Right? And maybe that comes from being a seer, right?
00;55;17;06 – 00;55;50;14
Unknown
Like I really try to see people at such an intense level. but I feel that way constantly. I wish people could tap in to the parts of themselves that are just so incredibly beautiful and meaningful and shareable and give that to the world in a way that actually lets them be seen for that. Instead of, oh, while all I am is an event coordinator, or oh, all I am is a fast food worker, or oh, all I do is, you know, work for the town, doing landscaping right now.
00;55;50;21 – 00;56;10;17
Unknown
Right now it’s so much bigger than that. It’s so much bigger than that. And the other reverse of that is we need to spend time helping people step into that light and appreciating that. So when the landscaping situation, it used to be at Great Northern Mall, out by where I lived, they had the most beautiful landscaping, always at that mall.
00;56;10;19 – 00;56;30;07
Unknown
It was incredible. It’s like the McDonald’s in Chile. Yeah. Every time I go to that drive thru, I’m like, I know you probably don’t care, but I need to tell you that I don’t mind sitting and waiting here because this landscaping, they had like a croquet set up with all these flowers. I mean, it was stunning. I’m like, what?
00;56;30;09 – 00;56;48;25
Unknown
Absolutely. But how often do you think that person gets seen for that? Right. I don’t even know who does it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So like stepping into that and finding out that’s where you can take that extra step. That’s where you can say who does your landscaping. And even if they’re like, oh, it’s so-and-so landscaping, give them a frickin call.
00;56;48;25 – 00;57;06;13
Unknown
Right. It takes three minutes or I’m sure they have an Instagram or whatever, right? Yeah. You know, something as small as that or something as small as when someone comes in and paints your walls and has great conversation with you while they’re doing it, and they’re not just some service worker who’s in your house and is like, I’m going to give you my honest feedback on this paint.
00;57;06;13 – 00;57;30;28
Unknown
Like, those are the little things that your super foul power is seen by me. And if we could just maybe take that next step and acknowledge that for someone or put that out into the universe, or just just say it right, that part is where if we could take that next step to do that, I think you would start to see these subtle changes in differences and this ripple effect of what that means.
00;57;31;03 – 00;58;00;02
Unknown
But then I then it goes back to the question that I’m always struggling with. Is it a generational thing? Are we not teaching our youths to have that sort of mindset because everybody’s so selfish, or I’m worried about where they’re coming and going that they can’t even what do you think? KP so I see I mean, when Aaron was was talking about earlier with the the people are not okay right now.
00;58;00;02 – 00;58;31;16
Unknown
I think I think in in many ways people are not okay. Right. And and for a number of reasons and we every person by virtue of being alive, has had exposure to trauma. Right. And so and we all respond in different ways and we all have different levels of processing and relationship with it and, and just all sorts of different every conversation, every empathy problem that has come up on this show has, has, has had this arc of, of sort of oh, well, this kind of makes sense.
00;58;31;16 – 00;58;57;07
Unknown
These are the base rules. We understand these to be the assigned rules. But one moment we start touching it, we start pulling on it. And when we start looking at it at different angles and asking more questions suddenly becomes more complicated, right. And and so for me, for just the baseline of understanding that we’ve all been through a lot as a society and we’re just being told to just hurry up and rub some dirt in it and move on.
00;58;57;12 – 00;59;22;07
Unknown
Right. And, and and I think when I, when I mentioned the, in my text message to Erin, this witness versus judging thing for me, I think it actually ties to boundaries where I find myself unable to draw boundaries and three boundaries with somebody until I’ve witnessed and understood sort of what’s happening in that moment. If it’s something that’s captured me so, you know, I see that moment.
00;59;22;07 – 00;59;53;22
Unknown
I can’t separate myself from that ish issue until I’ve witnessed it and understood it and processed it. And if it’s something that I would be in a position to appropriately intervene, I will, because I wouldn’t be able to I wouldn’t be able to to get it out of my mind otherwise. Right. and I, I, I respect and in many ways envy folks who are able to draw boundaries and and and and that I think it requires a certain amount of, of that being the ability to make a snap judgment.
00;59;53;22 – 01;00;14;02
Unknown
And that’s why I suggest that I use the word neutrally, that it’s just an act that said, okay, this is my boundary, this is where it is. This is what I understand the situation to be, and this is how I need to go to, to, to get doing my thing right. And so yeah, that’s, that’s my that’s where that’s leaning for me.
01;00;14;05 – 01;00;32;16
Unknown
What are we going to say. No I just the only thing that came up immediately was I am able to get there very quickly with my boundary. But it’s not for a lack of caring. It’s because if I don’t, it will be the anxiety the the hamster will. Well, dee dee dee dee dee dee dee and I can’t.
01;00;32;16 – 01;00;51;21
Unknown
I can’t go there. I can’t do it because it will deter. It would be a constant all day long scenario. I mean, this is just such a stupid small example, but I’m driving home from our lake house and with Sawyer and she’s on the phone, and all of a sudden I’m on the highway and all of a sudden, out of like a ditch came all these birds scared the shit out of me.
01;00;51;21 – 01;01;10;10
Unknown
But one little bird didn’t get up high enough, smacked into my car. Light went up above and then my rear view. I saw it crash and I on the ground pavement and I. I couldn’t rebound. So I was like, what is your problem? I couldn’t even tell her what it was because then she would have lost her shit.
01;01;10;13 – 01;01;28;25
Unknown
I mean, that’s so stupid, right? But I can’t. That’s just a dumb bird. Yeah. I can’t let it go. Yeah, let it go. I know I can’t let it go. I mean, this is a I could bring up this picture right now of what it’s like. Everybody knows my cat’s going through diabetes, right? And he’s going to be fine.
01;01;28;25 – 01;01;46;13
Unknown
But this, my sweet daughter at the lake house sends me. I couldn’t go because I had to stay home with the cat. And she sends me this picture, and it’s a cat that she’s coloring. She just sends me a text message and goes, mama, I’m making you this picture. And I said, that’s so nice. And so when I did finally showed up at the lake house, she hands it to me and I turn it over.
01;01;46;13 – 01;02;06;16
Unknown
And this is what the back says. No, no, mom, I love you so much. You can look at this picture when you want to see the cats and know that they will always love you, and they will always be in your heart. Oh wow. So she’s she’s already anticipating me having a freaking meltdown. Yeah. And not being able to function.
01;02;06;23 – 01;02;30;12
Unknown
Yeah. If anything happens to this cat, because I chose to stay home and give it a pill every day versus go on the family vacation. Yeah, right. Yeah. I can’t I know when she handed that to me, I couldn’t even acknowledge it. I’m like, I can’t do it because then she’s going to have feelings. I’m like, you need to call her and you need to call her and talk to her about this, because I can’t process this with you and D I can’t, but isn’t that interesting?
01;02;30;12 – 01;02;50;08
Unknown
So what you’re saying is you’re establishing that boundary really early because you it’s too much going to go too far down the rabbit. Because I’m not good at emotional intelligence or managing this monster like square has figured that out and realized that maybe a picture and a note would be better than telling you that way to stop it.
01;02;50;08 – 01;03;16;12
Unknown
So true. Moving on. We love this rabbit. Shot it right now. Okay, well, what you had said, about, you know, culture. And is this just where we are right now? Reminded me that I’m reading this book right now that was recommended to me. It’s called the creative act, a way of being. and it’s really a very, very good book, a creative act, a way of being by Rick Rubin.
01;03;16;15 – 01;03;50;22
Unknown
And the essence of this book is that the universe requires us to create eight constantly, and we create when we push behind us all of the expectations of what we should be doing, and instead focus on just getting in touch with the normal tune of the universe. And one of the chapters is called awareness. And to your point about why are we so different right now?
01;03;50;22 – 01;04;18;01
Unknown
You know, KP you’re talking about, you know, the world is really not okay right now. Is this a cultural thing? Are we not teaching kids? You know what the what what’s going on? When it got to the chapter on awareness and the idea that we are to need to tune in to the everyday stimuli that’s around us and to feel it, and then to have some thoughts on that stimuli, that that is what allows people to create.
01;04;18;03 – 01;04;39;24
Unknown
That is what I feel we’re missing. So he says, you don’t have to go to a cabin in the woods. You don’t have to go to a rain forest. Maybe you want cumulative think. So? You go to a place like New York City and that’s where you pull in. You know, all this information. Maybe you are someone who sits in a room with earbuds and it’s soundproof and like, that’s where you go to get your inspiration.
01;04;39;24 – 01;05;00;18
Unknown
But what we’re not doing is taking the time to just be with the flowers at the McDonald’s in gates, right in to take a moment and sit in your car and be present with it. One of his quotes, and I’m going to get this wrong was the longer you sit with the flower, the more it shows you its beauty.
01;05;00;20 – 01;05;20;18
Unknown
So you, you can look at this flower and then if you get closer to the flower and then if you allow the flower to like you look at it from a different angle or then maybe it starts to sprinkle or whatever happens, you’re learning so much more from the stimuli that you’re taking from this one tiny thing.
01;05;20;22 – 01;05;44;09
Unknown
Right. And well, everything’s more complex and you realize, yes, yeah, but now imagine that that’s everything, right? That’s everything that’s around you. Right. And so this, this interesting idea of creation, when we’re talking about how do we then get in touch with people so that they can notice these things more, or they can, you know, say more or speak up when these things happen?
01;05;44;09 – 01;06;03;26
Unknown
It first comes from this level of needing to be aware, and that means needing to put our phones down, needing to. When you wake up in the morning, take three deep breaths and without even moving any part of your body, recognize how the sun is coming in. Recognize your body temperature. Recognize you know all of those different things.
01;06;03;29 – 01;06;32;06
Unknown
And the idea is that art in every form, this is entrepreneurship, this is music. This is everything starts from awareness and if we don’t give ourself a time to be aware of these things, we will not continue to create something that does not currently exist in the universe. And so I was thinking about this book that is really, really great when you were talking about, is it a societal thing and what the heck is, why aren’t we doing these things right?
01;06;32;08 – 01;07;00;13
Unknown
So I highly recommend that book and I think everyone should read it. But my gut sense is we’re not taking time to be aware. We’re not sitting in the awareness and why you’ll know this better than anyone. It’s not frickin comfortable to be there. Not just that, but it expectations. Like, if you’re not busy, you’re not worthy. If you’re not, yeah like jewels to all the things.
01;07;00;14 – 01;07;30;21
Unknown
If you’re, you know, you you can’t. I remember one of your biggest ahas, but who knows who knows when. In the 20 years that you’ve been trying to figure your life out, one of your biggest eyes was I accomplished more by sitting and thinking or mindlessly doing activities that allowed me to create, which then was the snowball or the lead domino or whatever.
01;07;30;26 – 01;07;51;17
Unknown
And I said that was one of the biggest takeaways I learned when I transferred out of higher education was you need to build into your schedule uninterrupted think time. Yeah. And that was such a foreign concept to me. I’m like, why? Yeah, why? But but then again, when I went back and I reevaluated just my processes because y’all know I’m crazy, right?
01;07;51;17 – 01;08;12;17
Unknown
Right, right. I actually did that a lot. It just wasn’t termed like that. Yeah, right. Like I would because I’m an it wasn’t a schedule right for it kind of wise. But like I’m a researcher at heart. You know me, I’m the type of person for the most part coming to the podcast right? For the most part, if if there’s a meeting coming up or if there’s something going on, I come with my bag of tricks, right?
01;08;12;17 – 01;08;34;29
Unknown
Like I don’t want to be a non contributor to a meeting that also I got tons of feedback in my past was that came across as bragging, being superior, being whatever or whatever. And in my mind I’m like, you guys are just making excuses of why you can’t get your shit right, but you are unprepared. Correct? But in my mind, I’m like them.
01;08;35;00 – 01;08;52;25
Unknown
What the fuck is the point of a meeting just to talk again about the same thing over and over? But that’s what how it is. Yeah. We just need to talk. Nobody does anything because there’s no time to do anything. But I always said no. I had no problem. I again, I was not a leader climber or a ladder climber in higher ed.
01;08;52;28 – 01;09;06;20
Unknown
So for me it wasn’t trying to get to the next level. For me, it was, how can I make my event this year better than it was last year and get more students to want to come right? That’s all I cared about. So in my mind, that was my job. I had to research what what are the cool things like.
01;09;06;26 – 01;09;21;17
Unknown
So you’re doing the work outside of the meeting, whereas everyone else who didn’t do the work outside of the meeting for half time is now doing the creative think process in the meeting. And I’m this I’m the same way. I’m like, I don’t want to creatively think with you all, oh no, this isn’t a group. Think this is not me.
01;09;21;19 – 01;09;37;27
Unknown
This is I’m going to throw out some ideas. But none of you assholes came with anything. So now you all, you’re like, I hear you’re way back at step one where you’re like. Or you think I’m making a demand right? Right. I can hear you so prepared. Well, because I actually prepared because I said no to that committee.
01;09;37;27 – 01;09;57;00
Unknown
Because it has nothing to do with my trajectory and I don’t give a fuck. And guess what? We don’t get raises anyway, so who cares, right? You know what I did? Instead? I looked up things like, right, that’s so normal for me, but I didn’t call it that, right? It was just part of my job. But now when I think about it like that, I’m like, oh, you know, think time, think time.
01;09;57;01 – 01;10;20;29
Unknown
I will never forget that moment. And yeah, it was very important to me that I am continuing to put that time in my schedule. Yeah. Because me actually thinking about my business makes my business so much better. Oh yeah. But I am constantly in the business and not thinking about the business. That’s problem. I completely agree with you.
01;10;21;01 – 01;10;40;18
Unknown
Yeah. So necessary. Well, let me read what I mean. It read this. We loved meeting with you today. We first of all really love that you are an avid fan. thank you for your love. Yes. And we are so happy that you will listen to this episode and all the remaining episodes that we ever have ever seen.
01;10;40;21 – 01;10;58;29
Unknown
You know? You know I love you, I know, I know, I love it, I love the passages. I love that you contribute. I love that you’re like, I have a lot of thoughts on what just happened here. Like, that is the stuff that keeps us going. You didn’t I, I never really introduced myself. But for folks who don’t, they don’t know who I am.
01;10;58;29 – 01;11;32;03
Unknown
But I’m a law student. and I happened to attend an institution, that has, concern center. So, Yeah, that’s pretty cool. Well, you know, that’s a high quality institution also, you know. That’s right. That’s right. I love that, I love that, and it’s just a delight. So thank you for having me. Oh yeah. So I just want to say one thing when you, when you said that KP will text you and say, I have a lot of feelings or whatever, when I go back and read, listen to the episode, I’m like, oh, I got a lot of feelings about that.
01;11;32;03 – 01;11;55;02
Unknown
So I want to say some more things. Like, it’s so funny. I really do feel like that. But, I’ll end us with our affirmation card. And for whatever reason, minus a whole goddamn paragraph, I think that’s the card that tells you about the affirmation that that’s what it was picked. Do we really go back up laughing? I’m like, why is that in there?
01;11;55;04 – 01;12;16;22
Unknown
Why is that in there? Read it. You got to read it, Deirdre. You might. Why is it in the deck? Dear dreamer, congratulations. I’m being brave enough to reach for the stars. This is only the beginning of your journey, and we’re excited to join you as you pursue your dreams. Sometimes your creativity will flow, and sometimes you won’t know if you have what it takes.
01;12;16;26 – 01;12;36;12
Unknown
These cards will help you hold on to what you know to be true. Despite your inner what your inner critic says. Know who you are, know that you are capable, and most of all know that your dreams are worth it. Why do taking that out? Here’s your affirmation card. It’s what you do with these cards. It’s a little introductory paragraph.
01;12;36;13 – 01;12;52;04
Unknown
Here we go. You know how you said your energy was off? I keep having that effect. Thank you. It is fucking par for the course is how many times I shuffle that and I’m like, I’m just not feeling it right. Is that when you saw it, you didn’t think anything of it. You were just like this long affirmation.
01;12;52;09 – 01;13;12;14
Unknown
Exactly what I thought. Well, let’s just listen to what instruction. Here’s the real one. Here’s my. And I know that each step I take forward, each take I take toward one dream creates momentum for the next. I am moving forward. That is the 18,000th time we’ve gotten that one. Someone’s trying to tell us something that we’re stuck.
01;13;12;16 – 01;13;38;23
Unknown
We’re stuck in the mud to take a frickin step. Stop standing still, move forward. I actually like I like my little divot. I’ve made it. It’s feels really good right here. I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are.
01;13;38;25 – 01;14;02;23
Unknown
Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more. Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.