00;00;00;00 – 00;00;22;08
Unknown
Hey. Oh. I’m sorry. Are you disappointed that you’re not seeing Aaron in this chair? Well. Too bad. It’s me. Scott. I’ve escaped from the bubble. The girls are off this week, so Joe and I figured we would cobble together some, some of the best of more love. So here’s what’s on deck. We’re going to start with that time that Aaron and Rebecca almost got on a reality show.
00;00;22;13 – 00;00;41;10
Unknown
The reality show is called The Blocks, and it’s produced by Wes Bergman, who’s currently on the House of villains. They’re going to talk about a little behind the scenes there. Is it a scam? Is it not a scam? Is reality TV show actually real or is it not real? You be the judge. Next up, we’re shifting gears.
00;00;41;10 – 00;01;00;09
Unknown
We’re going to talk about the role that fear plays in politics. How apropos being we just had an election and everything. If this is a deep dive into what people are really feeling, how to bridge the gap between our divides, because as we all know, there’s a lot of division in this country, so it’s an important conversation.
00;01;00;16 – 00;01;20;10
Unknown
And then finally, we’re going to close up with an interview with Erin’s bestie, Nina Pearson. She’s going to talk about imposter syndrome in the workplace, how it’s really it’s more than just a habit. It’s actually a survival technique for a lot of people. I’m very familiar with imposter syndrome, and it’s a great conversation. A lot of key takeaways.
00;01;20;11 – 00;01;34;27
Unknown
We will be back next week with a new episode of More Love until then, sit back, relax and enjoy. We’ll see you.
00;01;35;00 – 00;01;57;13
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;01;57;14 – 00;02;25;13
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what our life, our life is. Best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;02;25;15 – 00;02;53;08
Unknown
Okay, so this is where the part about empathy with boundaries starts to come in. So I get this response from Ruth. And then let me tell you, I sent the first one. August 27th at 8:55 a.m.. She wrote a response. August 27th at 8:05 p.m.. Okay, so okay, so got right back to right. 12 hours. Well, so I mean whatever day, right.
00;02;53;08 – 00;03;19;24
Unknown
Same day. That’s that’s pretty fast in my mind. Here’s the response. Hi, Erin. I spoke to Cassie about your question. Still don’t know who Kassius, but glad we talked to her about your concerns today. She is Wes’s coach of beta blocks and helps produce and direct this entire event was founded this company 14 years ago and has a masters in Entrepreneurial Ship Education.
00;03;19;26 – 00;03;47;09
Unknown
Side note please tell me where that’s from. Listen, please tell me where that degree is from. I would like to maybe just do a quick class check on entrepreneurs ship education class A Thursday. Yeah, it’s Trump University. She has written and developed all of his curriculum, his company services and this show. Exclamation point. We don’t allow cast members to stay off property or make amendments to the contract.
00;03;47;09 – 00;04;10;02
Unknown
So unfortunately, if that’s going to be an issue, we will have to rescind the invitation for you to attend. Also, we’re filmed at the Osage eight times this year. It had an overall positive experience every time. The Osage location we are staying at is rated an 8.5 out of ten, and we have never experienced anything like you’re calling out.
00;04;10;04 – 00;04;31;06
Unknown
I understand problems like the ones you’ve listed below can happen in any hotel or resort or any major city, unfortunately, and I’m not saying they did not, but we have not encountered anything like that. Respectfully, we thank you for your interest in our program, but we feel we should decline your invitation due to your request to amend our contract.
00;04;31;08 – 00;04;58;21
Unknown
Stay somewhere else, as well as your concern about what qualifies West and the coaches he brings in to educate and mentor you. I mean, asking questions. You’re out. Thanks for your questions and concerns. We wish you success in your business always. Hey, I get that. I get that email while I fall into target and do do do do do do do I hear the sucker right on the horn?
00;04;58;23 – 00;05;19;17
Unknown
I go, well, we’re out for it’s Jarrett. And she’s like, what are you talking about? Like, bro, we’re on the blocks or out of the blocks now. Her first concern oh no, I just sent this email. My boss is here to see my boss. I can’t go redneck that I gotta go take that back. Oh, right. Right. But she can tell in that moment.
00;05;19;17 – 00;05;41;15
Unknown
That’s not the time to say it, because I am, I am, I am both. I’m sad for a minute. I’m confused for a minute, and then I get angry. Right? So my sadness was, oh my God, I was so excited about this. Maybe there’s a way this can still be salvage salvaged. I want to say that was, six seconds.
00;05;41;18 – 00;06;03;25
Unknown
Okay, okay, okay. Then shortly after that, I felt the shame and guilt of being neurodivergent and, like, maybe my email was too pointed. So maybe I was. Maybe I can sometimes have a tendency to come off as like, here’s the question, here’s the question. Here’s the question. Like, I’m not going to spend some flowery language making sure I’m like, what qualifies West?
00;06;03;29 – 00;06;26;27
Unknown
What qualifies the business coach? Maybe she read it right in that way. I end up saying that out loud to Rebecca, and her first response is, oh hell no. It ran. No, that is not what’s happening. It right here. That is not what’s going on. Your email was completely appropriate. And so that one was about, four seconds and then the anger hit.
00;06;26;29 – 00;06;43;08
Unknown
And here I am. No I specifically said she goes I’m gonna write Ruth off. And I said you’re not doing anything tonight. I said you listen to me, you’re doing absolutely nothing. In fact if you do choose to write it you’re not going to send it. We’re going to we’re going to talk through it tomorrow morning and you say, okay, okay, okay.
00;06;43;10 – 00;06;58;04
Unknown
And you say, I gotta go because I gotta get my I had to do something my whatever in the, in the crock pot or something, I don’t know, I had to do something right and to do something I don’t know, I probably would have made dinner. You did do a good job talking me through. No, no, this is not, you know.
00;06;58;04 – 00;07;21;15
Unknown
You know, I think we dodged a bullet here. I think maybe this, you know, wasn’t the best opportunity for us. You know, I start to do my own internalizing, so I start to say, you know, this is when when someone’s asking reasonable questions. If you can’t give reasonable answers back, it’s because you a sham. That’s the only reason you can’t give these reasons back.
00;07;21;16 – 00;07;46;17
Unknown
Right? So she processes this with me. And of course I mentally write the email in target. I’m surprised you weren’t voice knowing. I know yelling while I’m walking down the freezer section, getting whatever you’re getting, grabbing some pierogies, throwing them in the carton like so. Ruth, you all right? So I’m mentally right in this whole thing, and I get it, I got it, I am, so I’m fired up.
00;07;46;17 – 00;08;06;11
Unknown
I am so ready. I get home, I text Mark, I say, I’m in the garage. Can you please get the stuff out of the trunk? I got go write an email. And at this point I had said, we’re off. We’re off the blocks. He’s like, what do you mean? Because he’s all excited? So he comes out into the garage and I said, I gotta go write an email.
00;08;06;11 – 00;08;23;11
Unknown
He’s like, what is going on? And I said, I will tell you in a minute, I just need to write this email because it’s fire right now. It is so good. And I need to make sure that I that I have it and I just send it. Then I’ll come out and hope you get whatever notice she says, send it.
00;08;23;13 – 00;08;44;01
Unknown
I said, don’t do anything until you read it to me. So that was what did I say? It was only I said it. It doesn’t look so. Ruth sends that at 8:05 a.m. 856 he sends she sends an email. This is what I when I say you wait. You’re you’re ready for this. Scott, this is. But I don’t see it till the next morning, so.
00;08;44;04 – 00;09;06;14
Unknown
But I back Rebecca into it. Right. The lawyer into it. My financial advisor into it. Ryan troop into it because I told him we were going to build the blocks. So I made sure everyone has their up in the morning to this email. This is what I wake up to. Hi Ruth, thank you for your passive aggressive email.
00;09;06;16 – 00;09;33;00
Unknown
I. It confirm for me what I already suspected that the blocks is a low rate reality TV show that lacks the funding and expertise to be successful and preys on unsuspecting, new to be entrepreneur entrepreneurs looking for their chance to get on TV. If you had a successful program, you and Cassie would have read my email as a way of seeking clarity about my company’s financial investment in this opportunity.
00;09;33;00 – 00;09;59;09
Unknown
Instead, you got defensive. Your seemingly shocked response to me asking questions about your contract, parentheses, questions you encouraged in your initial email is also telltale. As such, I suggest that you amend your welcome email to incoming participate. It’s below to read as follows. Quote I’m writing to make sure you are welcome and encouraged to email me with questions, concerns, and questions and comments.
00;09;59;12 – 00;10;29;03
Unknown
I’m aware that this is an unusual opportunity. It’s not an expensive and is a notable investment in time. So please, please, please write me with bullet points about anything I can help you gain clarity on so we can get your homework done as soon as feasible, and then move on to the next one. Steps. Please note, however, if you do send me comments, questions or concerns, we will swiftly decline your invitation to participate because we do not like entrepreneurs getting too close to the truth of what we’re truly offering here.
00;10;29;05 – 00;10;52;05
Unknown
And quote, I love it. Oh, and you might also consider amending the last two page numbers on your contract. 13 of 12 and 14 of 12 are impossibilities. Good day. And no really. Best of luck to you, Aaron. Oh, God. Thank you. Oh my God. So I wake up to this and I wish I could hear, like or read that, but I can never get her response.
00;10;52;05 – 00;11;32;13
Unknown
Guys, I know you’re surprised. Keep dying and not fire. Absolute fire. I never got a response. I then swiftly removed my name and email address from anything associated with this hack job, quote unquote reality TV show, because now I’m like, I don’t want to touch this with a ten foot pole. Y’all are scammers not okay? Yeah, I know, and it’s funny because as soon as she had called me and said our offer was rescinded, I then replied to my boss with huge update.
00;11;32;13 – 00;11;47;23
Unknown
It’s not in the in the subject. And I said, so we sent, we got the contract and we ask some questions and they, it’s just not going to work out something like that. And he writes back, oh, that’s too bad.
00;11;47;26 – 00;12;17;16
Unknown
This incredibly long, flowery, well, he’s just like, okay, thanks for letting me know. All right. That’s right. I hate the empath here, but trying to see both sides. I really am curious about getting to the bottom base of why people feel the way that they fear. Where does that fear come? In both sides and both sides? Because honestly, I’m not, so crazy democratic or so crazy of Republican.
00;12;17;19 – 00;12;38;18
Unknown
Right? I’m just going to surprise a whole lot of people that I happen to be quite middle, you know, in on certain issues tend to lean one way or the other, as are most people on the issue. Yeah, that’s how they force it. But the ones that are right, or, you know, if you identify with anything that is democratic, you’re immediately called a snowflake, right?
00;12;38;18 – 00;13;04;23
Unknown
And I’m like, well, this is target. Yeah. No, I know, yeah I know, but what I am but I do think at the end of the day for me is I am and can hang with a lot of people who have very different political beliefs or thoughts or feelings than I do, so long as we can have an open conversation that is leading toward an educational outcome, right?
00;13;04;23 – 00;13;30;10
Unknown
Interested in wanting to debate certain things, or why you’re right or why I’m wrong? I just think people’s capacity to be able to have those conversations is quite limited, and that’s why I can’t. I think it’s limited because they want an answer and they want it to be their way. So for me, what I’m hearing is you would like to have a conversation and everybody just there will be no different anything.
00;13;30;10 – 00;13;58;10
Unknown
It’s just to have a conversation. But it all goes back to all of this circles, back to where people get their information. Sure. When someone says, well, the the economy is going crazy right now. And Biden, you know, the Biden administration did this and they added 350,000 new jobs. And then someone else says, well, that’s actually not true because these jobs are all part time jobs and they’re not, you know, and so they’ll take out jobs, a job.
00;13;58;12 – 00;14;12;29
Unknown
Well, yeah, but full time job and a part time job. It’s, it’s it’s kind of a funky area. What would you rather have. Well, I’m not asking you. You get two part time jobs, makes a full time job. What’s the fucking problem? That’s not true. Because two part time jobs doesn’t give you the benefits of one full time job.
00;14;13;00 – 00;14;30;19
Unknown
Okay, fine. Get married and get some benefits. I don’t want to tell you. No, but you know what I mean. You know what I mean. Like, partner, I can take one fact. Not me personally, but someone can say this, and I can say, well, where’d you. Where’d you hear that? Oh, I heard that on Fox News. Well, then you’re a fucking bull.
00;14;30;19 – 00;15;02;12
Unknown
You know, you’re bull shit. I heard that on, MSNBC. Oh, well, you know what I mean. That’s. Where do you get. Really? Where do you know the information is coming from? Where do you know that? It’s right. Where is that information? Because that’s what backs everybody’s argument, is a story that comes out from some source. Look at Alex Jones Alex Jones was going after those Sandy hook people saying it was all a crisis you know action crisis actors.
00;15;02;18 – 00;15;31;01
Unknown
And none of those kids were killed. You never heard of that. He was just he just because I never saw any of this, he was forced to pay, like, billions of dollars in restitution because they were harassing these families who lost their children in this in this school shooting. And he and all of his, conspiracy theorists were saying that it was a false flag, and they were just doing that to try to institute gun reform and all this kind of stuff, like crazy stuff.
00;15;31;04 – 00;15;46;25
Unknown
But that’s what I mean. The even if you you could sit there and have a conversation to your blue in the face, I and, and we could all sit there and be like, yeah, I hear what you’re saying. Still doesn’t change my mind. Still doesn’t change how I don’t feel. I want to hear as much as I want to try and understand where it’s coming from.
00;15;46;28 – 00;16;13;00
Unknown
But even if you do understand, that’s a slippery slope. I’m curious about that. I’m curious about where that’s coming from, because I don’t believe that change happens or that movement happens until you understand the core of why someone is pushing out whatever it is that they’re pushing out. So once you understand the core, then what? Then I determine whether or not there’s potential movement or if we deal with that core.
00;16;13;00 – 00;16;35;02
Unknown
Let’s say it’s coming from a place of fear and we manage that a little bit. Do we start to see a change in the portrayal of what someone is saying? It’s definitely from a place of fear. Oh, is this because people fear gay and lesbian and trans people? People fear immigrants from another country. People fear people who aren’t like them.
00;16;35;04 – 00;16;59;02
Unknown
And ten years from. If fear is a complex emotion, fear is not just fear. Right? Where does this come from exactly? It comes from learned things that happened in their past or what they were told, or what they saw or experience that they had. But I, I don’t want to sit around a fire and just have conversations for conversations sake.
00;16;59;05 – 00;17;18;28
Unknown
Right. But I do think that there are there is benefit in having conversations about what makes you tick, what makes you think this way? You know, I could sit with Phillip all day and be like, tell me a little bit more about why you’re thinking the way you’re thinking about these kind of things. That helps me understand him, that helps me understand his level of functioning, that helps me understand all of that.
00;17;19;04 – 00;17;51;06
Unknown
But how how do you do that and get to the point when, if if you hear something that you believe is not correct or that maybe you know is not correct, for instance, Pizzagate, there were people who were adamant that, that there was a pizza shop in Washington, DC, that the Democrats were were running a child prostitution ring from there to the point where a guy showed up with an AR 15 to try to liberate all the prisoners.
00;17;51;08 – 00;18;16;18
Unknown
And were there any. No, it was a pizza place. But that was that was that was something that went like on Reddit and all these other things that all these conspiracy theorists authentically believed was true. And so when you get to the point where you’re like, all right, so now you’ve explained that to me. Now I’m here to tell you that that’s not true, or like, how do you how do you work that?
00;18;16;22 – 00;18;41;24
Unknown
I don’t focus on the details of what it is that they’re telling me. I guess that a focus on the basis of why they believe what it is that they believe, and will give it valid time and effort to determine whether or not what they are believing is sound and reasonable. I might even look into some things myself to and the Pizzagate situation.
00;18;41;24 – 00;19;03;10
Unknown
I might be like, interesting. Where are they coming from with this? And where is this? Right? I look at some of the sources. I look at some of the stuff that was being provided to me. Right. I’m not going down the rabbit hole of Pizzagate because my my gut instinct says, and I don’t know anything about that case, but my gut instinct says this feels a little far fetched, and it also feels like it would have been caught a whole lot earlier than this.
00;19;03;15 – 00;19;27;00
Unknown
And someone going in with an AR 15, that’s just my my baseline is not to jump in and be like, I’m the pizza shop, you know, be skeptical. I don’t get engage in these kind of conversations with with people who are diametrically opposed because I don’t I don’t do the research I don’t have. There’s no way to come back and have an intelligent conversation because people win.
00;19;27;01 – 00;19;41;13
Unknown
Yeah, a lot of people will have articles and articles and articles, and you can’t refute them unless you take a week to go back and find out who wrote the article, where it came from, you know, all that stuff. And it’s like, I don’t have the time. I don’t have the patience. But I think my question is, why do you care who?
00;19;41;14 – 00;19;57;04
Unknown
Here’s who I would why, why would you want to even entertain? I mean, I, I like to entertain the conversation and just let them talk to talk because they really just like to hear themselves talk. Here’s here’s my stake in the game. I have a trans son. I have a trans son who’s on the autism spectrum.
00;19;57;07 – 00;20;24;27
Unknown
And certain philosophies based on that I’ve heard from people on the right make me afraid for his future. And for that of the people that he cares about. And so that’s my stake in the game. That’s for that subject specifically. But it all but a lot of it kind of comes together in the same idea of okay I have friends who you know are from other countries and, and are Mexican.
00;20;24;29 – 00;20;43;29
Unknown
And I fear for them. What are the you know, that one guy said, and I’ve seen this meme before where it’s like, you know, people who speak with a with a foreign accent are brave. Because they’re actually outwardly showing that they’re not from here. Depends on where you are of course. But you know what I mean.
00;20;43;29 – 00;21;09;18
Unknown
Like so that, that kind of stuff and I hope that all the rhetoric is wrong. I hope that all of the fear that I have, based on what people believe about trans people, I hope that that’s all bullshit and that they’re like, no, we don’t. We can do they can do whatever they want, you know? But I don’t based on what I see people sharing, I don’t think that’s the case.
00;21;09;20 – 00;21;35;13
Unknown
But it took my parents a long time to accept my son. Sure. And I still have to go. No, that’s not his name. He. I have to correct them. And I understand it was hard for me to, And people would respond to that with the, you know, I don’t pay attention politics because I, you know, just don’t want to be involved in it as well.
00;21;35;18 – 00;21;54;18
Unknown
Congratulations on your privilege that you’re in a privileged stance of not having to participate because you don’t feel that any of the issues that are coming up right now affect you. And they do, and they affect your daughters and they affect, you know, other things that are going on. But it’s okay to also say I’m incredibly overwhelmed by what’s going on right now.
00;21;54;18 – 00;22;14;01
Unknown
I don’t feel educated about the subject. I don’t feel connected enough to it in order to put my time, effort and energy in it and to say that from a feeling oriented place, instead of just saying, oh, whatever, nobody cares about politics. That’s where things get misinterpreted, right? Yeah, tons of people care about politics. People you care about who care about politics.
00;22;14;07 – 00;22;34;03
Unknown
There’s people who care about politics that are out there, literally in Albany, holding up their little sign signs, right? That are there’s people who care. And in the general sense, we can’t even agree on which side of those coins is okay. You can’t even say you don’t want to participate in politics right now without being criticized. Oh, these people will come at you from that standpoint.
00;22;34;03 – 00;23;03;04
Unknown
People kill. People can’t breathe anymore without being judged or whatever. So then it becomes a all right, whatever. Like it’s just disengage because it’s you’re not you’re damned if you do, you’re damned if you don’t. Right. So and that is a very normal. Yes. Yeah. Overwhelm. Oh sure. We are seeing that at such a almost apathetic place in this country because people were already exhausted and now are just there.
00;23;03;04 – 00;23;38;16
Unknown
They’re done. They’re all done. And so you and who are the best people in the world to prey on the weak? Sure. And the vulnerable. Right. And so I don’t I wish I knew how to fix it or how like just individually at one little place, you take a step to try and feel a little bit less of that burden every day, because we all need it, because we’re all not okay right now and coming into this election year.
00;23;38;18 – 00;24;03;01
Unknown
And it’s a couple of months away. I mean, it’s not it’s not it’s not great. It’s really not great. And I wish from a human suffering standpoint that we weren’t about to go into what we’re about to experience. I wish that for all of us, because everyone’s impacted when everyone’s not okay. You said, I’ve been working a lot on myself and I’ve been really trying to focus on how do I make myself a better person.
00;24;03;04 – 00;24;32;08
Unknown
And now I have a bunch of people who are validating that confidence in me and saying good things to me about, wow, you’re really great at this. Are you’re really smart. You’re really all of these things and that you’re struggling a bit to accept that. Is that what you were saying? Like your struggle is struggling to know? Is it is it that you’re wondering if it’s authentic, or is it that you are struggling personally to hear it and believe it to be true?
00;24;32;11 – 00;24;48;08
Unknown
So I think that it it’s it’s hard to hear it and believe it to be true. And then like I started to be like, you know what? I am good at this. I am good at my job. I am, you know, maybe they you know, they are right. And so it’s gotten a little bit easier to accept that and to take that.
00;24;48;15 – 00;25;06;14
Unknown
But now it’s just like all the time I’m like, okay, well, that doesn’t seem real to me. So am I just being duped? Do you really think that I’m good at that now? I’m believing that I’m good at something, but I’m really not because you’re just saying that to get me to do more things like. So now you know what?
00;25;06;17 – 00;25;28;05
Unknown
You know what it feels like to me. It’s inner child, your inner child. Something happened to you when you were a little excited. There’s a lot that haven’t haven’t you know what you want to be like. Think about that. Something happened to you when you were little, that you were probably praised or scolded or told you’re not good enough, you know what I mean?
00;25;28;05 – 00;25;47;13
Unknown
And then almost like gaslighting. And so that stuck with you because I mean this is I struggle with the same thing. I totally, totally I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did. So then. So that’s why it’s so hard to believe it because I’ve been knocked down so many times and then now okay.
00;25;47;13 – 00;26;09;04
Unknown
And I’m starting to believe it and see it. And then now it’s just like, wait a minute. Yeah. It doesn’t seem like it’s possibly for you if you really believe that and you see everything that I’m doing, then why are you continuing to keep doing that to me? Does it matter who says it to you if it’s your supervisor versus if it’s a direct colleague versus if it’s me.
00;26;09;07 – 00;26;32;10
Unknown
No it doesn’t matter. Yeah. That’s fascinating. I don’t experience that at all. I’ve never experienced that I don’t think ever my life. Oh it’s really weird. It’s really fascinating. So for me it comes down to do I value the person who’s giving me the feedback. And it is very rare for me to value you enough to give me that feedback.
00;26;32;13 – 00;26;53;08
Unknown
So it’s such a small group of people, but once you’re in that very small inner circle, you’re both in that inner circle. I will value your feedback because I’ve trusted that your intentions are in the right place, that you. It’s not from her. It’s not after you still try to prove to us that you’re still right. Oh, yeah.
00;26;53;08 – 00;27;09;23
Unknown
First you do that. Yeah. Then we keep going in with. No you’re not. No you don’t. You both placate me and and I accept that. And that’s what I want you to do. Right. Well, because we know you, we need to try a little bit harder than you do. You are real quick to turn the switch off and be like, oh, your abs.
00;27;09;26 – 00;27;24;12
Unknown
You know what? I didn’t think of it that way. You’re absolutely right. That was after three minutes. Nina is still like, no, I really do think. And then you’ll just sit there and you’ll drink your wine and you’ll not at Nina, and you’ll be like, it’s going to be a lot better for you, Nina. If you’re just like, I just haven’t thought about it that interesting.
00;27;24;12 – 00;27;45;03
Unknown
Yeah, I really value that opinion and just bow out. Right. So yeah, there’s certain times, but but we I do feel comfortable in our relationship to have those conversations to be like, well, I don’t understand that or that doesn’t make sense to me or this is how I see it or stuff like that. Yeah, absolutely. But when it comes to the giving of feedback, so this would be a great example.
00;27;45;06 – 00;28;05;00
Unknown
I talked about this on the last show. I don’t care just because you’re my supervisor that you have feedback for me. I couldn’t give a shit. I don’t based on the title now. Bob yeah, I by Bob by Bob. Bob, you could be the president of the institution, I don’t care. You could be like, you know what? I really don’t like how you’re.
00;28;05;00 – 00;28;33;02
Unknown
And I’d be like, great. I don’t like how you look. But I tell you, there’s a lot of things I don’t like. I didn’t know we were playing an I don’t like game, you know, so it takes I want to get to that point. Right. Well, that’s that’s the part that’s confusing for me is why are we giving everyone equal validity to be able to impact our own sense of self when those people have not yet earned the right to be there?
00;28;33;09 – 00;29;08;00
Unknown
Why? Just because we have a supervisor who says you’re doing a really great job, do we immediately think, oh, I got him? So I so, you know, have we won the approval of my supervisor? And why are we also when a coworker says, girl, you doing too much like I don’t, you’re really showing me up. Why are we like, maybe I am showing them up because in my scenarios, I don’t care that the supervisor told me I was doing a good job, and I don’t care that the you know, person below me thinks that you know I’m doing too much.
00;29;08;00 – 00;29;29;00
Unknown
I’m focusing on what I’m doing and what my intent is. And you both have such a strong self conviction. I’m trying to figure out why you’re not leaning more into that sense of self. It’s not safe to lean into your own sense of self. Correct? Because.
00;29;29;03 – 00;29;59;00
Unknown
Because authority is authority. Regardless of how intelligent, smart you are, a title means something. That’s just the way it is. That’s that. In my experience, that’s a very difficult to reprogram in my brain. In my case, I think that I’ve always I had one of my coworkers come to me two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and he’s like, were you a middle child?
00;29;59;03 – 00;30;20;09
Unknown
And I said, no, are you sure you’re not a middle child? I’m like, yeah, I have a brother who’s younger than me. And he said, I said, why are you asking? He said, because you always have to try to make things right. You always have to make sure everything goes okay and everybody’s happy. And that’s the middle child thing.
00;30;20;13 – 00;30;35;20
Unknown
And I said, no. And he goes, yeah, it’s definitely a male child thing. Are you sure? Now I’m like, dude, I’m not a middle child. I said, it’s called survival of the fittest. And this is what I had to do to make sure that I was that’s what I had to do to survive in the be safe. Yeah.
00;30;35;22 – 00;30;56;17
Unknown
And so that’s I think where I am still today is that it’s just I’m a people pleaser. And as long as everything is okay and everybody’s happy and I’m then I’m okay, right? But what about when they’re not? Then I need to make it okay. Right. We need to we need we’re the fixer. We need to we need to do something different to make it okay.
00;30;56;21 – 00;31;17;15
Unknown
Because at the end of the day, it’s our fault regardless. And I don’t know how to get time. I did not I don’t know how to not do that anymore. Agreed. I don’t exactly not do what I did. How did not be such the fixer. Yeah. Is it ever possibly the case that it wasn’t, you know, so everyone else, everyone has this internal child, right?
00;31;17;15 – 00;31;37;08
Unknown
This internal trauma, these internal things that have happened to them. But that must not be true for other people. Is that what you’re thinking? They don’t have their own internal trauma. And I think I think about it all that is impacting you. It’s not you know, if I, if I come in here one day and I’m all ranting and raving about something and you’re like, wow, Aaron’s really out of sorts right now.
00;31;37;08 – 00;31;57;17
Unknown
It’s not because I just got in an argument with some other, you know, driver on the street. I give you 100%. I don’t know if it’s I don’t know in my mind. I don’t know if it’s I think that it’s always because of me, but I always want to make things right because I always want people to be okay.
00;31;57;17 – 00;32;15;14
Unknown
Right. So but but that question to burdened with everything that’s going on. And plus if they’re happy then I’m in a good spot. So I’m, I’m okay, I’m safe. So I’m going to make your life as easy as I can, and I’m going to do whatever it takes for me to fix the problem. Exactly. You said I’m safe.
00;32;15;16 – 00;32;46;14
Unknown
You’ve said I’m safe before, so we’re safe when the illusion of comfort is present, I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
00;32;46;20 – 00;32;59;10
Unknown
See you next time.
Unknown
Hey. Oh. I’m sorry. Are you disappointed that you’re not seeing Aaron in this chair? Well. Too bad. It’s me. Scott. I’ve escaped from the bubble. The girls are off this week, so Joe and I figured we would cobble together some, some of the best of more love. So here’s what’s on deck. We’re going to start with that time that Aaron and Rebecca almost got on a reality show.
00;00;22;13 – 00;00;41;10
Unknown
The reality show is called The Blocks, and it’s produced by Wes Bergman, who’s currently on the House of villains. They’re going to talk about a little behind the scenes there. Is it a scam? Is it not a scam? Is reality TV show actually real or is it not real? You be the judge. Next up, we’re shifting gears.
00;00;41;10 – 00;01;00;09
Unknown
We’re going to talk about the role that fear plays in politics. How apropos being we just had an election and everything. If this is a deep dive into what people are really feeling, how to bridge the gap between our divides, because as we all know, there’s a lot of division in this country, so it’s an important conversation.
00;01;00;16 – 00;01;20;10
Unknown
And then finally, we’re going to close up with an interview with Erin’s bestie, Nina Pearson. She’s going to talk about imposter syndrome in the workplace, how it’s really it’s more than just a habit. It’s actually a survival technique for a lot of people. I’m very familiar with imposter syndrome, and it’s a great conversation. A lot of key takeaways.
00;01;20;11 – 00;01;34;27
Unknown
We will be back next week with a new episode of More Love until then, sit back, relax and enjoy. We’ll see you.
00;01;35;00 – 00;01;57;13
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;01;57;14 – 00;02;25;13
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what our life, our life is. Best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;02;25;15 – 00;02;53;08
Unknown
Okay, so this is where the part about empathy with boundaries starts to come in. So I get this response from Ruth. And then let me tell you, I sent the first one. August 27th at 8:55 a.m.. She wrote a response. August 27th at 8:05 p.m.. Okay, so okay, so got right back to right. 12 hours. Well, so I mean whatever day, right.
00;02;53;08 – 00;03;19;24
Unknown
Same day. That’s that’s pretty fast in my mind. Here’s the response. Hi, Erin. I spoke to Cassie about your question. Still don’t know who Kassius, but glad we talked to her about your concerns today. She is Wes’s coach of beta blocks and helps produce and direct this entire event was founded this company 14 years ago and has a masters in Entrepreneurial Ship Education.
00;03;19;26 – 00;03;47;09
Unknown
Side note please tell me where that’s from. Listen, please tell me where that degree is from. I would like to maybe just do a quick class check on entrepreneurs ship education class A Thursday. Yeah, it’s Trump University. She has written and developed all of his curriculum, his company services and this show. Exclamation point. We don’t allow cast members to stay off property or make amendments to the contract.
00;03;47;09 – 00;04;10;02
Unknown
So unfortunately, if that’s going to be an issue, we will have to rescind the invitation for you to attend. Also, we’re filmed at the Osage eight times this year. It had an overall positive experience every time. The Osage location we are staying at is rated an 8.5 out of ten, and we have never experienced anything like you’re calling out.
00;04;10;04 – 00;04;31;06
Unknown
I understand problems like the ones you’ve listed below can happen in any hotel or resort or any major city, unfortunately, and I’m not saying they did not, but we have not encountered anything like that. Respectfully, we thank you for your interest in our program, but we feel we should decline your invitation due to your request to amend our contract.
00;04;31;08 – 00;04;58;21
Unknown
Stay somewhere else, as well as your concern about what qualifies West and the coaches he brings in to educate and mentor you. I mean, asking questions. You’re out. Thanks for your questions and concerns. We wish you success in your business always. Hey, I get that. I get that email while I fall into target and do do do do do do do I hear the sucker right on the horn?
00;04;58;23 – 00;05;19;17
Unknown
I go, well, we’re out for it’s Jarrett. And she’s like, what are you talking about? Like, bro, we’re on the blocks or out of the blocks now. Her first concern oh no, I just sent this email. My boss is here to see my boss. I can’t go redneck that I gotta go take that back. Oh, right. Right. But she can tell in that moment.
00;05;19;17 – 00;05;41;15
Unknown
That’s not the time to say it, because I am, I am, I am both. I’m sad for a minute. I’m confused for a minute, and then I get angry. Right? So my sadness was, oh my God, I was so excited about this. Maybe there’s a way this can still be salvage salvaged. I want to say that was, six seconds.
00;05;41;18 – 00;06;03;25
Unknown
Okay, okay, okay. Then shortly after that, I felt the shame and guilt of being neurodivergent and, like, maybe my email was too pointed. So maybe I was. Maybe I can sometimes have a tendency to come off as like, here’s the question, here’s the question. Here’s the question. Like, I’m not going to spend some flowery language making sure I’m like, what qualifies West?
00;06;03;29 – 00;06;26;27
Unknown
What qualifies the business coach? Maybe she read it right in that way. I end up saying that out loud to Rebecca, and her first response is, oh hell no. It ran. No, that is not what’s happening. It right here. That is not what’s going on. Your email was completely appropriate. And so that one was about, four seconds and then the anger hit.
00;06;26;29 – 00;06;43;08
Unknown
And here I am. No I specifically said she goes I’m gonna write Ruth off. And I said you’re not doing anything tonight. I said you listen to me, you’re doing absolutely nothing. In fact if you do choose to write it you’re not going to send it. We’re going to we’re going to talk through it tomorrow morning and you say, okay, okay, okay.
00;06;43;10 – 00;06;58;04
Unknown
And you say, I gotta go because I gotta get my I had to do something my whatever in the, in the crock pot or something, I don’t know, I had to do something right and to do something I don’t know, I probably would have made dinner. You did do a good job talking me through. No, no, this is not, you know.
00;06;58;04 – 00;07;21;15
Unknown
You know, I think we dodged a bullet here. I think maybe this, you know, wasn’t the best opportunity for us. You know, I start to do my own internalizing, so I start to say, you know, this is when when someone’s asking reasonable questions. If you can’t give reasonable answers back, it’s because you a sham. That’s the only reason you can’t give these reasons back.
00;07;21;16 – 00;07;46;17
Unknown
Right? So she processes this with me. And of course I mentally write the email in target. I’m surprised you weren’t voice knowing. I know yelling while I’m walking down the freezer section, getting whatever you’re getting, grabbing some pierogies, throwing them in the carton like so. Ruth, you all right? So I’m mentally right in this whole thing, and I get it, I got it, I am, so I’m fired up.
00;07;46;17 – 00;08;06;11
Unknown
I am so ready. I get home, I text Mark, I say, I’m in the garage. Can you please get the stuff out of the trunk? I got go write an email. And at this point I had said, we’re off. We’re off the blocks. He’s like, what do you mean? Because he’s all excited? So he comes out into the garage and I said, I gotta go write an email.
00;08;06;11 – 00;08;23;11
Unknown
He’s like, what is going on? And I said, I will tell you in a minute, I just need to write this email because it’s fire right now. It is so good. And I need to make sure that I that I have it and I just send it. Then I’ll come out and hope you get whatever notice she says, send it.
00;08;23;13 – 00;08;44;01
Unknown
I said, don’t do anything until you read it to me. So that was what did I say? It was only I said it. It doesn’t look so. Ruth sends that at 8:05 a.m. 856 he sends she sends an email. This is what I when I say you wait. You’re you’re ready for this. Scott, this is. But I don’t see it till the next morning, so.
00;08;44;04 – 00;09;06;14
Unknown
But I back Rebecca into it. Right. The lawyer into it. My financial advisor into it. Ryan troop into it because I told him we were going to build the blocks. So I made sure everyone has their up in the morning to this email. This is what I wake up to. Hi Ruth, thank you for your passive aggressive email.
00;09;06;16 – 00;09;33;00
Unknown
I. It confirm for me what I already suspected that the blocks is a low rate reality TV show that lacks the funding and expertise to be successful and preys on unsuspecting, new to be entrepreneur entrepreneurs looking for their chance to get on TV. If you had a successful program, you and Cassie would have read my email as a way of seeking clarity about my company’s financial investment in this opportunity.
00;09;33;00 – 00;09;59;09
Unknown
Instead, you got defensive. Your seemingly shocked response to me asking questions about your contract, parentheses, questions you encouraged in your initial email is also telltale. As such, I suggest that you amend your welcome email to incoming participate. It’s below to read as follows. Quote I’m writing to make sure you are welcome and encouraged to email me with questions, concerns, and questions and comments.
00;09;59;12 – 00;10;29;03
Unknown
I’m aware that this is an unusual opportunity. It’s not an expensive and is a notable investment in time. So please, please, please write me with bullet points about anything I can help you gain clarity on so we can get your homework done as soon as feasible, and then move on to the next one. Steps. Please note, however, if you do send me comments, questions or concerns, we will swiftly decline your invitation to participate because we do not like entrepreneurs getting too close to the truth of what we’re truly offering here.
00;10;29;05 – 00;10;52;05
Unknown
And quote, I love it. Oh, and you might also consider amending the last two page numbers on your contract. 13 of 12 and 14 of 12 are impossibilities. Good day. And no really. Best of luck to you, Aaron. Oh, God. Thank you. Oh my God. So I wake up to this and I wish I could hear, like or read that, but I can never get her response.
00;10;52;05 – 00;11;32;13
Unknown
Guys, I know you’re surprised. Keep dying and not fire. Absolute fire. I never got a response. I then swiftly removed my name and email address from anything associated with this hack job, quote unquote reality TV show, because now I’m like, I don’t want to touch this with a ten foot pole. Y’all are scammers not okay? Yeah, I know, and it’s funny because as soon as she had called me and said our offer was rescinded, I then replied to my boss with huge update.
00;11;32;13 – 00;11;47;23
Unknown
It’s not in the in the subject. And I said, so we sent, we got the contract and we ask some questions and they, it’s just not going to work out something like that. And he writes back, oh, that’s too bad.
00;11;47;26 – 00;12;17;16
Unknown
This incredibly long, flowery, well, he’s just like, okay, thanks for letting me know. All right. That’s right. I hate the empath here, but trying to see both sides. I really am curious about getting to the bottom base of why people feel the way that they fear. Where does that fear come? In both sides and both sides? Because honestly, I’m not, so crazy democratic or so crazy of Republican.
00;12;17;19 – 00;12;38;18
Unknown
Right? I’m just going to surprise a whole lot of people that I happen to be quite middle, you know, in on certain issues tend to lean one way or the other, as are most people on the issue. Yeah, that’s how they force it. But the ones that are right, or, you know, if you identify with anything that is democratic, you’re immediately called a snowflake, right?
00;12;38;18 – 00;13;04;23
Unknown
And I’m like, well, this is target. Yeah. No, I know, yeah I know, but what I am but I do think at the end of the day for me is I am and can hang with a lot of people who have very different political beliefs or thoughts or feelings than I do, so long as we can have an open conversation that is leading toward an educational outcome, right?
00;13;04;23 – 00;13;30;10
Unknown
Interested in wanting to debate certain things, or why you’re right or why I’m wrong? I just think people’s capacity to be able to have those conversations is quite limited, and that’s why I can’t. I think it’s limited because they want an answer and they want it to be their way. So for me, what I’m hearing is you would like to have a conversation and everybody just there will be no different anything.
00;13;30;10 – 00;13;58;10
Unknown
It’s just to have a conversation. But it all goes back to all of this circles, back to where people get their information. Sure. When someone says, well, the the economy is going crazy right now. And Biden, you know, the Biden administration did this and they added 350,000 new jobs. And then someone else says, well, that’s actually not true because these jobs are all part time jobs and they’re not, you know, and so they’ll take out jobs, a job.
00;13;58;12 – 00;14;12;29
Unknown
Well, yeah, but full time job and a part time job. It’s, it’s it’s kind of a funky area. What would you rather have. Well, I’m not asking you. You get two part time jobs, makes a full time job. What’s the fucking problem? That’s not true. Because two part time jobs doesn’t give you the benefits of one full time job.
00;14;13;00 – 00;14;30;19
Unknown
Okay, fine. Get married and get some benefits. I don’t want to tell you. No, but you know what I mean. You know what I mean. Like, partner, I can take one fact. Not me personally, but someone can say this, and I can say, well, where’d you. Where’d you hear that? Oh, I heard that on Fox News. Well, then you’re a fucking bull.
00;14;30;19 – 00;15;02;12
Unknown
You know, you’re bull shit. I heard that on, MSNBC. Oh, well, you know what I mean. That’s. Where do you get. Really? Where do you know the information is coming from? Where do you know that? It’s right. Where is that information? Because that’s what backs everybody’s argument, is a story that comes out from some source. Look at Alex Jones Alex Jones was going after those Sandy hook people saying it was all a crisis you know action crisis actors.
00;15;02;18 – 00;15;31;01
Unknown
And none of those kids were killed. You never heard of that. He was just he just because I never saw any of this, he was forced to pay, like, billions of dollars in restitution because they were harassing these families who lost their children in this in this school shooting. And he and all of his, conspiracy theorists were saying that it was a false flag, and they were just doing that to try to institute gun reform and all this kind of stuff, like crazy stuff.
00;15;31;04 – 00;15;46;25
Unknown
But that’s what I mean. The even if you you could sit there and have a conversation to your blue in the face, I and, and we could all sit there and be like, yeah, I hear what you’re saying. Still doesn’t change my mind. Still doesn’t change how I don’t feel. I want to hear as much as I want to try and understand where it’s coming from.
00;15;46;28 – 00;16;13;00
Unknown
But even if you do understand, that’s a slippery slope. I’m curious about that. I’m curious about where that’s coming from, because I don’t believe that change happens or that movement happens until you understand the core of why someone is pushing out whatever it is that they’re pushing out. So once you understand the core, then what? Then I determine whether or not there’s potential movement or if we deal with that core.
00;16;13;00 – 00;16;35;02
Unknown
Let’s say it’s coming from a place of fear and we manage that a little bit. Do we start to see a change in the portrayal of what someone is saying? It’s definitely from a place of fear. Oh, is this because people fear gay and lesbian and trans people? People fear immigrants from another country. People fear people who aren’t like them.
00;16;35;04 – 00;16;59;02
Unknown
And ten years from. If fear is a complex emotion, fear is not just fear. Right? Where does this come from exactly? It comes from learned things that happened in their past or what they were told, or what they saw or experience that they had. But I, I don’t want to sit around a fire and just have conversations for conversations sake.
00;16;59;05 – 00;17;18;28
Unknown
Right. But I do think that there are there is benefit in having conversations about what makes you tick, what makes you think this way? You know, I could sit with Phillip all day and be like, tell me a little bit more about why you’re thinking the way you’re thinking about these kind of things. That helps me understand him, that helps me understand his level of functioning, that helps me understand all of that.
00;17;19;04 – 00;17;51;06
Unknown
But how how do you do that and get to the point when, if if you hear something that you believe is not correct or that maybe you know is not correct, for instance, Pizzagate, there were people who were adamant that, that there was a pizza shop in Washington, DC, that the Democrats were were running a child prostitution ring from there to the point where a guy showed up with an AR 15 to try to liberate all the prisoners.
00;17;51;08 – 00;18;16;18
Unknown
And were there any. No, it was a pizza place. But that was that was that was something that went like on Reddit and all these other things that all these conspiracy theorists authentically believed was true. And so when you get to the point where you’re like, all right, so now you’ve explained that to me. Now I’m here to tell you that that’s not true, or like, how do you how do you work that?
00;18;16;22 – 00;18;41;24
Unknown
I don’t focus on the details of what it is that they’re telling me. I guess that a focus on the basis of why they believe what it is that they believe, and will give it valid time and effort to determine whether or not what they are believing is sound and reasonable. I might even look into some things myself to and the Pizzagate situation.
00;18;41;24 – 00;19;03;10
Unknown
I might be like, interesting. Where are they coming from with this? And where is this? Right? I look at some of the sources. I look at some of the stuff that was being provided to me. Right. I’m not going down the rabbit hole of Pizzagate because my my gut instinct says, and I don’t know anything about that case, but my gut instinct says this feels a little far fetched, and it also feels like it would have been caught a whole lot earlier than this.
00;19;03;15 – 00;19;27;00
Unknown
And someone going in with an AR 15, that’s just my my baseline is not to jump in and be like, I’m the pizza shop, you know, be skeptical. I don’t get engage in these kind of conversations with with people who are diametrically opposed because I don’t I don’t do the research I don’t have. There’s no way to come back and have an intelligent conversation because people win.
00;19;27;01 – 00;19;41;13
Unknown
Yeah, a lot of people will have articles and articles and articles, and you can’t refute them unless you take a week to go back and find out who wrote the article, where it came from, you know, all that stuff. And it’s like, I don’t have the time. I don’t have the patience. But I think my question is, why do you care who?
00;19;41;14 – 00;19;57;04
Unknown
Here’s who I would why, why would you want to even entertain? I mean, I, I like to entertain the conversation and just let them talk to talk because they really just like to hear themselves talk. Here’s here’s my stake in the game. I have a trans son. I have a trans son who’s on the autism spectrum.
00;19;57;07 – 00;20;24;27
Unknown
And certain philosophies based on that I’ve heard from people on the right make me afraid for his future. And for that of the people that he cares about. And so that’s my stake in the game. That’s for that subject specifically. But it all but a lot of it kind of comes together in the same idea of okay I have friends who you know are from other countries and, and are Mexican.
00;20;24;29 – 00;20;43;29
Unknown
And I fear for them. What are the you know, that one guy said, and I’ve seen this meme before where it’s like, you know, people who speak with a with a foreign accent are brave. Because they’re actually outwardly showing that they’re not from here. Depends on where you are of course. But you know what I mean.
00;20;43;29 – 00;21;09;18
Unknown
Like so that, that kind of stuff and I hope that all the rhetoric is wrong. I hope that all of the fear that I have, based on what people believe about trans people, I hope that that’s all bullshit and that they’re like, no, we don’t. We can do they can do whatever they want, you know? But I don’t based on what I see people sharing, I don’t think that’s the case.
00;21;09;20 – 00;21;35;13
Unknown
But it took my parents a long time to accept my son. Sure. And I still have to go. No, that’s not his name. He. I have to correct them. And I understand it was hard for me to, And people would respond to that with the, you know, I don’t pay attention politics because I, you know, just don’t want to be involved in it as well.
00;21;35;18 – 00;21;54;18
Unknown
Congratulations on your privilege that you’re in a privileged stance of not having to participate because you don’t feel that any of the issues that are coming up right now affect you. And they do, and they affect your daughters and they affect, you know, other things that are going on. But it’s okay to also say I’m incredibly overwhelmed by what’s going on right now.
00;21;54;18 – 00;22;14;01
Unknown
I don’t feel educated about the subject. I don’t feel connected enough to it in order to put my time, effort and energy in it and to say that from a feeling oriented place, instead of just saying, oh, whatever, nobody cares about politics. That’s where things get misinterpreted, right? Yeah, tons of people care about politics. People you care about who care about politics.
00;22;14;07 – 00;22;34;03
Unknown
There’s people who care about politics that are out there, literally in Albany, holding up their little sign signs, right? That are there’s people who care. And in the general sense, we can’t even agree on which side of those coins is okay. You can’t even say you don’t want to participate in politics right now without being criticized. Oh, these people will come at you from that standpoint.
00;22;34;03 – 00;23;03;04
Unknown
People kill. People can’t breathe anymore without being judged or whatever. So then it becomes a all right, whatever. Like it’s just disengage because it’s you’re not you’re damned if you do, you’re damned if you don’t. Right. So and that is a very normal. Yes. Yeah. Overwhelm. Oh sure. We are seeing that at such a almost apathetic place in this country because people were already exhausted and now are just there.
00;23;03;04 – 00;23;38;16
Unknown
They’re done. They’re all done. And so you and who are the best people in the world to prey on the weak? Sure. And the vulnerable. Right. And so I don’t I wish I knew how to fix it or how like just individually at one little place, you take a step to try and feel a little bit less of that burden every day, because we all need it, because we’re all not okay right now and coming into this election year.
00;23;38;18 – 00;24;03;01
Unknown
And it’s a couple of months away. I mean, it’s not it’s not it’s not great. It’s really not great. And I wish from a human suffering standpoint that we weren’t about to go into what we’re about to experience. I wish that for all of us, because everyone’s impacted when everyone’s not okay. You said, I’ve been working a lot on myself and I’ve been really trying to focus on how do I make myself a better person.
00;24;03;04 – 00;24;32;08
Unknown
And now I have a bunch of people who are validating that confidence in me and saying good things to me about, wow, you’re really great at this. Are you’re really smart. You’re really all of these things and that you’re struggling a bit to accept that. Is that what you were saying? Like your struggle is struggling to know? Is it is it that you’re wondering if it’s authentic, or is it that you are struggling personally to hear it and believe it to be true?
00;24;32;11 – 00;24;48;08
Unknown
So I think that it it’s it’s hard to hear it and believe it to be true. And then like I started to be like, you know what? I am good at this. I am good at my job. I am, you know, maybe they you know, they are right. And so it’s gotten a little bit easier to accept that and to take that.
00;24;48;15 – 00;25;06;14
Unknown
But now it’s just like all the time I’m like, okay, well, that doesn’t seem real to me. So am I just being duped? Do you really think that I’m good at that now? I’m believing that I’m good at something, but I’m really not because you’re just saying that to get me to do more things like. So now you know what?
00;25;06;17 – 00;25;28;05
Unknown
You know what it feels like to me. It’s inner child, your inner child. Something happened to you when you were a little excited. There’s a lot that haven’t haven’t you know what you want to be like. Think about that. Something happened to you when you were little, that you were probably praised or scolded or told you’re not good enough, you know what I mean?
00;25;28;05 – 00;25;47;13
Unknown
And then almost like gaslighting. And so that stuck with you because I mean this is I struggle with the same thing. I totally, totally I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did. So then. So that’s why it’s so hard to believe it because I’ve been knocked down so many times and then now okay.
00;25;47;13 – 00;26;09;04
Unknown
And I’m starting to believe it and see it. And then now it’s just like, wait a minute. Yeah. It doesn’t seem like it’s possibly for you if you really believe that and you see everything that I’m doing, then why are you continuing to keep doing that to me? Does it matter who says it to you if it’s your supervisor versus if it’s a direct colleague versus if it’s me.
00;26;09;07 – 00;26;32;10
Unknown
No it doesn’t matter. Yeah. That’s fascinating. I don’t experience that at all. I’ve never experienced that I don’t think ever my life. Oh it’s really weird. It’s really fascinating. So for me it comes down to do I value the person who’s giving me the feedback. And it is very rare for me to value you enough to give me that feedback.
00;26;32;13 – 00;26;53;08
Unknown
So it’s such a small group of people, but once you’re in that very small inner circle, you’re both in that inner circle. I will value your feedback because I’ve trusted that your intentions are in the right place, that you. It’s not from her. It’s not after you still try to prove to us that you’re still right. Oh, yeah.
00;26;53;08 – 00;27;09;23
Unknown
First you do that. Yeah. Then we keep going in with. No you’re not. No you don’t. You both placate me and and I accept that. And that’s what I want you to do. Right. Well, because we know you, we need to try a little bit harder than you do. You are real quick to turn the switch off and be like, oh, your abs.
00;27;09;26 – 00;27;24;12
Unknown
You know what? I didn’t think of it that way. You’re absolutely right. That was after three minutes. Nina is still like, no, I really do think. And then you’ll just sit there and you’ll drink your wine and you’ll not at Nina, and you’ll be like, it’s going to be a lot better for you, Nina. If you’re just like, I just haven’t thought about it that interesting.
00;27;24;12 – 00;27;45;03
Unknown
Yeah, I really value that opinion and just bow out. Right. So yeah, there’s certain times, but but we I do feel comfortable in our relationship to have those conversations to be like, well, I don’t understand that or that doesn’t make sense to me or this is how I see it or stuff like that. Yeah, absolutely. But when it comes to the giving of feedback, so this would be a great example.
00;27;45;06 – 00;28;05;00
Unknown
I talked about this on the last show. I don’t care just because you’re my supervisor that you have feedback for me. I couldn’t give a shit. I don’t based on the title now. Bob yeah, I by Bob by Bob. Bob, you could be the president of the institution, I don’t care. You could be like, you know what? I really don’t like how you’re.
00;28;05;00 – 00;28;33;02
Unknown
And I’d be like, great. I don’t like how you look. But I tell you, there’s a lot of things I don’t like. I didn’t know we were playing an I don’t like game, you know, so it takes I want to get to that point. Right. Well, that’s that’s the part that’s confusing for me is why are we giving everyone equal validity to be able to impact our own sense of self when those people have not yet earned the right to be there?
00;28;33;09 – 00;29;08;00
Unknown
Why? Just because we have a supervisor who says you’re doing a really great job, do we immediately think, oh, I got him? So I so, you know, have we won the approval of my supervisor? And why are we also when a coworker says, girl, you doing too much like I don’t, you’re really showing me up. Why are we like, maybe I am showing them up because in my scenarios, I don’t care that the supervisor told me I was doing a good job, and I don’t care that the you know, person below me thinks that you know I’m doing too much.
00;29;08;00 – 00;29;29;00
Unknown
I’m focusing on what I’m doing and what my intent is. And you both have such a strong self conviction. I’m trying to figure out why you’re not leaning more into that sense of self. It’s not safe to lean into your own sense of self. Correct? Because.
00;29;29;03 – 00;29;59;00
Unknown
Because authority is authority. Regardless of how intelligent, smart you are, a title means something. That’s just the way it is. That’s that. In my experience, that’s a very difficult to reprogram in my brain. In my case, I think that I’ve always I had one of my coworkers come to me two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and he’s like, were you a middle child?
00;29;59;03 – 00;30;20;09
Unknown
And I said, no, are you sure you’re not a middle child? I’m like, yeah, I have a brother who’s younger than me. And he said, I said, why are you asking? He said, because you always have to try to make things right. You always have to make sure everything goes okay and everybody’s happy. And that’s the middle child thing.
00;30;20;13 – 00;30;35;20
Unknown
And I said, no. And he goes, yeah, it’s definitely a male child thing. Are you sure? Now I’m like, dude, I’m not a middle child. I said, it’s called survival of the fittest. And this is what I had to do to make sure that I was that’s what I had to do to survive in the be safe. Yeah.
00;30;35;22 – 00;30;56;17
Unknown
And so that’s I think where I am still today is that it’s just I’m a people pleaser. And as long as everything is okay and everybody’s happy and I’m then I’m okay, right? But what about when they’re not? Then I need to make it okay. Right. We need to we need we’re the fixer. We need to we need to do something different to make it okay.
00;30;56;21 – 00;31;17;15
Unknown
Because at the end of the day, it’s our fault regardless. And I don’t know how to get time. I did not I don’t know how to not do that anymore. Agreed. I don’t exactly not do what I did. How did not be such the fixer. Yeah. Is it ever possibly the case that it wasn’t, you know, so everyone else, everyone has this internal child, right?
00;31;17;15 – 00;31;37;08
Unknown
This internal trauma, these internal things that have happened to them. But that must not be true for other people. Is that what you’re thinking? They don’t have their own internal trauma. And I think I think about it all that is impacting you. It’s not you know, if I, if I come in here one day and I’m all ranting and raving about something and you’re like, wow, Aaron’s really out of sorts right now.
00;31;37;08 – 00;31;57;17
Unknown
It’s not because I just got in an argument with some other, you know, driver on the street. I give you 100%. I don’t know if it’s I don’t know in my mind. I don’t know if it’s I think that it’s always because of me, but I always want to make things right because I always want people to be okay.
00;31;57;17 – 00;32;15;14
Unknown
Right. So but but that question to burdened with everything that’s going on. And plus if they’re happy then I’m in a good spot. So I’m, I’m okay, I’m safe. So I’m going to make your life as easy as I can, and I’m going to do whatever it takes for me to fix the problem. Exactly. You said I’m safe.
00;32;15;16 – 00;32;46;14
Unknown
You’ve said I’m safe before, so we’re safe when the illusion of comfort is present, I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
00;32;46;20 – 00;32;59;10
Unknown
See you next time.
