Erin [00:00:00]: And so instead of addressing Rebecca and saying, excuse me, I did not hear from you about my text message, I contacted Scott and I said, hey, Scott, if you could please put together three sound bites for me for Monday’s episode. The first is the saddest of sad music you’ve ever heard so people can really feel bad for me. And then I. I would like crickets. Just crickets.
Rebecca [00:00:31]: What did I say to you this morning?
Erin [00:00:32]: Some type of clunk, car wreck noise about how well that beautiful pose landed.
Rebecca [00:00:39]: So all landed really well. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:00:43]: Sure it did.
Rebecca [00:00:44]: When I read it this morning, I was crying. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:00:56]: Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
Rebecca [00:01:16]: Hey, bestie.
Erin [00:01:17]: Hi, love.
Rebecca [00:01:18]: What are you doing?
Erin [00:01:19]: Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast.
Rebecca [00:01:21]: A podcast about what?
Erin [00:01:24]: Life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters.
Rebecca [00:01:28]: Ah.
Erin [00:01:28]: Yay.
Rebecca [00:01:29]: I love us. And I can’t wait to share our.
Erin [00:01:31]: Stories with the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves.
Rebecca [00:01:38]: Oh, man. Okay.
Erin [00:01:45]: So it’s Thanksgiving morning and I wake up from my slumber and I put my hands over my head and I stretch. And I think, today is the day to be thankful. What can I be thankful for today? And how can I show my gratitude? The first thing I do is pick up my phone and I go to Rebecca’s text messages.
Rebecca [00:02:13]: Stop it.
Erin [00:02:13]: And I scroll through and I see the most ridiculous shit that she sent to me over the last however many weeks. From neurodivergent reels to random shit about best friendship and how we’re gonna sell our bodies for money. And I think, God, I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful to have her. And so on Thursday, Thanksgiving morning at 9:39am, I say, I am thankful for you every single day.
Rebecca [00:02:45]: Don’t read it for the ways that.
Erin [00:02:48]: You get me, for the hilarity that happens when we are together that I don’t have to say anything. And you always know. You are without a doubt my once in a lifetime soulmate. And I am so happy my soul sought you out so early in life. I hope today that you have a moment to sit on Big Bertha that is not a relative. That is her couch. Glass of Wine in hand. Oh, wait, my music stopped. Let me start that again.
Scott [00:03:20]: We both pressed it at the same time.
Erin [00:03:22]: Oh, okay. It’s really gotta add to the effect. I hope that you today you have a moment to sit on Big Bertha, glass of wine in hand, and look around at all that you have created. Peace, happiness, confidence, boundaries, good food, inner quiet. Everything in that house that’s good is because of you. Even when no one else sees it, even when you wonder if it’s true. The person that you are at your core is someone few will know. But those who do, life will never be the same. I’m one of them. Thankful for you and thankful for the life we’ve created. We’re just getting started. And then I sent some hearts and I sent our secret emoji. Okay. And it was a beautiful moment for me. I woke up, I started my day. That’s how I wanted Rebecca to feel. I just imagined her reading that and just feeling so loved.
Rebecca [00:04:26]: I did.
Erin [00:04:27]: And then that.
Rebecca [00:04:27]: I felt great. I did.
Erin [00:04:36]: Wait, let me just keep pushing it for the number of days that there was no response. So Thursday. Thank you. Friday. Thank you. Saturday. Oh, I’m sorry. Sunday. All morning on Monday.
Rebecca [00:04:58]: All morning. Okay, you mean from 6:00am to 7:30?
Erin [00:05:02]: And so that. That’s. That’s what.
Rebecca [00:05:12]: Stop it.
Erin [00:05:12]: That’s what true friendship is, folks. That’s what true friendship is, is absolutely just bearing your soul with love and gratitude for your soulmate, best friend. And.
Scott [00:05:32]: I love this one, though.
Erin [00:05:36]: And so instead of addressing Rebecca and saying, excuse me, I did not hear from you about my text message. I contacted Scott and I said, hey, Scott, if you could please put together three sound bites for me for Monday’s episode. The first is the saddest of sad music you’ve ever heard. So people can really feel bad for me. And then I would like crickets. Just crickets.
Rebecca [00:06:07]: What did I say to you this morning?
Erin [00:06:09]: Some type of clunk, car wreck noise about how well that beautiful pose landed? So all.
Rebecca [00:06:19]: I want to talk about it.
Erin [00:06:20]: Sure it did.
Rebecca [00:06:20]: When I read it this morning, I was crying. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:06:24]: Sure did.
Rebecca [00:06:24]: I wrote back to you this morning.
Erin [00:06:29]: So. So anyway, the applications are now open for my best friend slot. I do a lot of things to really.
Scott [00:06:39]: Does it have to be a female or.
Erin [00:06:41]: No, it does not. All you need is really just to respond to heartfelt messages that I send. I just bear my soul. All you need to not do is that. So applications are open. You know, the bar is not super high, folks.
Rebecca [00:06:58]: Just so everybody knows, it was not. I was not ignoring her. I chose not to engage in my phone. You’re an ass. Here it is. Such an ass. I chose to be present this weekend with my family.
Erin [00:07:11]: Folks, listen to me. Were there times this weekend when I opened up my Facebook and saw that Rebecca had posted pictures of her and her family?
Rebecca [00:07:23]: That was on my computer.
Erin [00:07:24]: Out Christmas shopping was not Christmas.
Rebecca [00:07:26]: That was on my computer. Cuz I ordered. Other times I didn’t use my phone.
Erin [00:07:31]: We have the entire tree up with all these beautiful lights on it. Does Rebecca get text messages to her computer as well? No, I didn’t.
Rebecca [00:07:41]: It was on my laptop. Broken.
Erin [00:07:43]: This is the difference between.
Rebecca [00:07:47]: Such an ass.
Erin [00:07:48]: It’s fine. So these things happen in Soulmate partnership. And for any of you who were like, wow, I wonder if Rebecca and Aaron ever face any strife, yeah, this would be an example of a time where I bared my soul. And it’s fine because I’m reading a new book, which is what we’re going to talk about today that helped me get through these events.
Rebecca [00:08:15]: Did I last minute plan us a super fun Florida trip?
Erin [00:08:21]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:08:22]: Two weeks ago.
Erin [00:08:22]: Yes. Yes.
Rebecca [00:08:24]: Did we do all the things?
Erin [00:08:26]: Yes, but yes, we did. And so maybe this is her way of trying to make up for. The.
Rebecca [00:08:35]: Girl was tired, but. Girl was tired.
Erin [00:08:38]: But I had to go to some conferences last week. Two, two, two weeks ago. And about three or four weeks ago, I had randomly texted Rebecca out of the blue and said, you know what I need in my life? I need to go back to Epcot and I need to eat around the world. That’s what I need to do. That was so much fun. No kids, just the two of us eating and drinking around the world.
Rebecca [00:09:05]: Eating and walking.
Erin [00:09:06]: So what happened?
Rebecca [00:09:07]: I said I sat for a minute after I got the text. Probably didn’t respond for a couple days.
Erin [00:09:12]: No, no.
Rebecca [00:09:13]: Then I thought, wait a minute, I think she’s going to Florida in two weeks.
Erin [00:09:19]: So all of a sudden I calculate.
Rebecca [00:09:22]: All the things that could be possibilities and then I call her and say, listen, here’s what we’re doing.
Erin [00:09:28]: You said, give me your. All your info.
Rebecca [00:09:31]: And you’re like, why?
Erin [00:09:32]: I go, don’t you worry about it doesn’t matter. Send me your hotel info, send me your flight info, send me all your info.
Rebecca [00:09:39]: All of it.
Erin [00:09:40]: I do ask why. She doesn’t care.
Rebecca [00:09:42]: Don’t care. No.
Erin [00:09:43]: Next thing I know, we’re going to Disney. We booked. We’re supposed to be leaving on Wednesday. We ain’t leaving Wednesday. No. We leaving Friday.
Rebecca [00:09:51]: We leaving Friday.
Erin [00:09:52]: We leaving Friday.
Rebecca [00:09:53]: Did we almost get murdered? Yeah.
Erin [00:09:55]: So she takes it upon herself to book us a full day at Disney. When I say full day, folks.
Rebecca [00:10:03]: Oh, we’re going.
Erin [00:10:04]: We are up at 9 o’clock in the morning on that tram on our way to Epcot. And she doesn’t want to stay one minute past 4:00 because we got to go to the car to change our clothes.
Rebecca [00:10:15]: Did I plan two separate outfits for one day? Sure did.
Erin [00:10:19]: Just change our clothes to then go to Mickey’s Christmas party.
Rebecca [00:10:21]: That’s right.
Erin [00:10:22]: That evening. That’s right. But the night before. So this would be Wednesday night. We usually stay at this one hotel. I don’t know how it always finds us, but we always stay at us.
Rebecca [00:10:36]: It’s always the cheapest.
Erin [00:10:36]: It’s the cheapest. But it’s a good hotel. And it’s right behind this gigantic mermaid stand, like one of those shop stands that has all the mermaids in it. And we always stay there. So we’re driving. We have to drive about two and a half hours from where we’re at at the conference site to where it is that we’re. Sawyer calls no less than 37 times while we’re on our way there. I had to do a full on meditation for her while I was driving.
Rebecca [00:11:07]: Multiple times. Multiple times. Full on meditation. Two days prior. Which now has become a thing.
Erin [00:11:13]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:11:14]: And so anytime she’s feeling a little overwhelmed. Can I talk to you, Aaron, real quick? And that. That’s become a new thing.
Erin [00:11:20]: We just do a nice little progressive muscle relaxation.
Rebecca [00:11:23]: Were we deep in conversation about all the things in our two hour.
Erin [00:11:28]: And halfway through the de. In conversation, Rebecca goes, I’m just curious. Do you ever run out of things to talk about with other people? Because we’ve been talking all freaking week at this conference. And then we’re driving in the car and we’re not stopping. We’re just talking. Talking.
Rebecca [00:11:43]: Talking to the point of at night. She has to say to me, we’re all done. She has to do a formal cutoff.
Erin [00:11:50]: I said, are you still talking? Are you still. I can’t do it anymore. I am officially going to bed.
Rebecca [00:11:58]: Okay. I’m like, really? One more thing.
Erin [00:12:01]: Wednesday night, we’re driving and of course we got to do Escape Room. You know, we’re in the area. And then we went to Carrabba’s. Our freaking waitress would not stop talking at one point.
Rebecca [00:12:12]: I had to give her the look.
Erin [00:12:13]: Yeah, Rebecca.
Rebecca [00:12:14]: Aaron’s like, if I wanted to eat with this girl, all it is, I would invite you to the table.
Erin [00:12:18]: Sit down.
Rebecca [00:12:19]: She.
Erin [00:12:20]: Stop talking.
Rebecca [00:12:21]: Read the room, lady.
Erin [00:12:23]: Read the room. I just want to eat my damn ragu. Okay. Which, by the way, stop talking.
Rebecca [00:12:30]: I recreated when I came home.
Erin [00:12:32]: Oh, you did?
Rebecca [00:12:32]: It was not.
Erin [00:12:33]: Oh, it wasn’t good, wasn’t it? Oh, so we did our escape room.
Rebecca [00:12:38]: We.
Erin [00:12:39]: We got out of the escape room.
Rebecca [00:12:40]: Only because I threatened the man’s balls.
Erin [00:12:43]: Right.
Rebecca [00:12:43]: I was very clear.
Erin [00:12:44]: This was a good one. This was a very good one.
Rebecca [00:12:46]: I said to the man, you listen to me. There’s no one. There’s no one coming to this.
Erin [00:12:50]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:12:51]: It’s like 10 o’clock at night.
Erin [00:12:52]: Yeah. If we’re close, you don’t call us. I said that you don’t call us.
Rebecca [00:12:55]: We are two moms who need this. We need this win. And he goes, what? And I go, I’m. I’m not joking. And we have unlimited. We have unlimited help.
Erin [00:13:05]: Yeah, Help.
Rebecca [00:13:06]: Unlimited help. Part of the problem was I couldn’t understand his accent.
Erin [00:13:10]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:13:10]: So when he did provide the help, I couldn’t understand it. So I had to ask multiple times.
Erin [00:13:15]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:13:15]: It was very difficult.
Erin [00:13:16]: Yeah.
Scott [00:13:16]: What kind of accent did he have?
Erin [00:13:20]: Erin?
Rebecca [00:13:21]: Can’t do it. She only has one accent. But I don’t know, Russian, kind of.
Erin [00:13:26]: I mean, I’m good at Russian. Yeah. I’m good at Russian.
Rebecca [00:13:28]: Everything. Everything else is just more like Russian. But he.
Scott [00:13:32]: Let’s get Moose and Squirrel.
Rebecca [00:13:33]: He got. He got the memo. He got the memo. He. He helped us. And then did we make him compliment us multiple times?
Erin [00:13:42]: She did what she does with you, Scott. He comes in, goes to talk to us about the event. She goes, tell us what we both know really well.
Rebecca [00:13:49]: He goes, you know, I’m really impressed with you too, because you actually communicate. I go, oh, really? Tell us all the things we did good.
Erin [00:13:53]: Tell us all the things we did good. And tell us why other people didn’ good and why they don’t talk to each other.
Rebecca [00:13:57]: He was like, what? I. I’m not joking.
Erin [00:13:59]: Can you please, like, this is the best thing for a first date. And I said, you know what? That’s what I’m doing from now on. I said, if my marriage doesn’t work out, I’m going to be like, you escape room.
Rebecca [00:14:09]: Now let’s try it with me. With me observing the corner.
Erin [00:14:13]: Yeah. Oh, yeah, Right. Rebecca’s watching the whole time. Right.
Rebecca [00:14:17]: I’m like, nope. That we get to the end.
Erin [00:14:18]: And I’m like, I’m sorry. Very nice. Knowing you will not be going for dinner tonight.
Scott [00:14:22]: Another guy in college, and the women did say that his apartment was a lot like escape room. I don’t think he’s still out in public.
Rebecca [00:14:29]: Oh, no, we don’t. We don’t want. No, we don’t want that.
Scott [00:14:31]: I think he’s in jail.
Erin [00:14:32]: No, we’re not going to his damn apartment. No, no, no.
Scott [00:14:34]: It was a basement escape room. Is that. Okay, Maybe like a windowless van escape room. Is that good?
Rebecca [00:14:40]: Creepy. Oh, my God.
Erin [00:14:42]: We’d still get out of it, though, let’s be honest.
Rebecca [00:14:44]: Oh, my God.
Scott [00:14:45]: All you have to do is start talking.
Erin [00:14:46]: Yeah, that starts. Absolutely. We wouldn’t stop. I know. It was awesome. When I moved the candle. Remember when I moved the candle?
Rebecca [00:14:53]: I’m very aware, very aware.
Erin [00:14:55]: One little candle, and I picked this candle right out, and I moved it to the other candle holder, and this door popped out.
Rebecca [00:15:01]: I was like that. She goes, you are awesome. You are so awesome. I’m like, yes. Yep. I know, I know, I know. You really nailed this one.
Erin [00:15:10]: You really. I really did my best.
Rebecca [00:15:12]: You really. I mean, thanks. This was very good. You were definitely the leader.
Erin [00:15:15]: But what Rebecca did not do well was that that night, after we’re real tired and we’re ready to go to bed, she brings us to the hotel. Motel.
Rebecca [00:15:25]: The motel next door. Next door to the one we normally.
Erin [00:15:29]: One street over from the place that we go.
Rebecca [00:15:32]: I’m like, it’s fine.
Erin [00:15:33]: She’s like, it’s gonna be totally fine. It looks. It looks okay. When we go in, there’s cute little wreaths on the. On the wall.
Rebecca [00:15:38]: I mean, it.
Erin [00:15:39]: Totally fine. And we go in, and then we take the. We take the elevator to the third floor. We get off the elevator and we’re outside.
Rebecca [00:15:48]: We’re outside. We’re outside.
Erin [00:15:50]: Why are we outside? I’m not sure why we’re outside. Then we’re walking all around the perimeter of the outside, and we’re walking past all of these people’s rooms, and these.
Scott [00:16:01]: Doors are propped open. People smoking meth in the.
Erin [00:16:03]: Pretty much.
Rebecca [00:16:04]: No, but there were some. There were some questionable people coming out of some room. Rooms. Remember those?
Erin [00:16:09]: For those people that were still in their rooms with their curtains wide open. Yeah, it was like, I’m not sure what’s happening here. Why are you so where we are on the third floor, and we’re walking around, walking around. All of a sudden, I see over here. It looks like a freaking railroad or airport Runway.
Rebecca [00:16:25]: Yeah, it was very weird.
Erin [00:16:26]: It was like, oh, I Don’t even know how to explain it. It was all these lights that are like Christmas lights, but they’re on the ground.
Rebecca [00:16:33]: And they kind of looked like the outline of a mini golf course, but it was in a rando parking lot with buildings, and they were all lit up. And I’m like.
Erin [00:16:42]: I said, what the heck is this?
Scott [00:16:42]: Is it a go kart raceway or something?
Erin [00:16:44]: What is this?
Rebecca [00:16:45]: I don’t know.
Erin [00:16:45]: Why is this here? And she’s like, look, we’re in our room. We videotaped it. Well, we’ll show it. And I’m like, what the. So we. We open this door, and I am hit with a smell that is a combination of Clorox. Clorox. Bleach meets cigarette smoke meets old dusty towels.
Rebecca [00:17:11]: Yeah.
Erin [00:17:12]: And.
Rebecca [00:17:13]: Oh, what about the noise?
Erin [00:17:15]: There’s a noise coming from the refrigerator that’s like. Like that loud.
Rebecca [00:17:26]: Yeah, it was pretty bad.
Erin [00:17:27]: And I walk in.
Scott [00:17:28]: I’ve heard that noise before.
Erin [00:17:30]: Y’all know me well enough. You all absolutely know me well enough. That this point, I walk into this room in this. I do this.
Rebecca [00:17:40]: I know. And I go. I’ll turn. I’ll unplug the machine. I know. I know what’s about to go down. I know. I know. And I said, I’ll unplug the.
Erin [00:17:48]: And I’m looking around.
Rebecca [00:17:50]: I can’t move. I can’t. Everything’s bolted to the ground. I can’t move it.
Scott [00:17:52]: What was it? What was it that was making the noise?
Rebecca [00:17:55]: It was the refrigerator. It was the refrigerator that was, like, on its way out. Pretty sure it was warm.
Erin [00:18:00]: Mini bar?
Rebecca [00:18:01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mini fridge.
Erin [00:18:03]: So I walk in, and she decides at this moment that she’s gonna pretend that this is the best place we’ve ever stayed in our lives.
Rebecca [00:18:10]: Well, this is fine. We’re only gonna be here for 10 minutes. Cause we’re getting up early.
Erin [00:18:14]: Sleep here real quick. So she’s now flopped herself just, like, the front part of herself on the bed. So she’s, like, leaning over the bed like this. So I walk past her bed, and I’m doing around.
Rebecca [00:18:26]: Did you know what I was doing?
Erin [00:18:27]: Praying?
Rebecca [00:18:28]: No, I was looking up prices of other hotels. Cause I knew she was gonna be like.
Erin [00:18:34]: So I walk past where she’s at on that bed, and I turn around, and I just look at her like this. And she’s like, what? I said, you know what? And she’s like, I’m looking them up right now. I said, fantastic. Thank you. Because let’s be really effing Clear. There’s no way Mama’s staying in this hotel. I’m sorry. Motel.
Rebecca [00:19:01]: Motel on the third.
Erin [00:19:02]: I said to her, this is where domestic violence happens, and this is where people get murdered and people show up with their guns and they want to break in the door. Or if you are, like, have just escaped prison and you need to go somewhere, you’re going to a place like.
Scott [00:19:17]: This should probably stay away from the places that charge by the hour as well.
Rebecca [00:19:21]: That was not one of these.
Erin [00:19:22]: Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Rebecca [00:19:24]: I mean, it was pretty cheap.
Scott [00:19:25]: You have to ask for the special rates.
Erin [00:19:28]: So I literally just walked out. And Rebecca’s like, okay, all right, I guess we’re leaving. I said, I do not care how much the next place costs, so wipe. Swipe. We are all done. We’re out. And I said, what is the name of the place where we always stay?
Rebecca [00:19:45]: So I looked it up.
Erin [00:19:46]: So she looks it up. I call. I say, hi, there. What availability do you have tonight? Like, right now? And he’s like, oh, we got this room.
Rebecca [00:19:57]: Swipe, swipe.
Erin [00:19:58]: Great.
Rebecca [00:19:58]: Swipe.
Erin [00:19:59]: Swipe all the way over there in five minutes, sir. We walk over. There we are again right back. Same hotel that we always go to.
Rebecca [00:20:07]: Lake Home. Yeah, we walk. I think we stayed there five times.
Erin [00:20:10]: Oh, yeah. Walked right back in. I say, hi, there. This is great. He puts us on the first floor. I walk into that room, and I said, this ain’t it. Nope, nope. The. The juju is off. It’s not good in this room. So she’s trying to convince me to call the motel people to tell them that we left and that we want our money back. And she says, if you call that person, I’ll call the front desk and tell them we need a room change. So then she determines that she can get the motel money back online by just contacting.
Rebecca [00:20:41]: I’m not sure if that ever happened. I did it three different times. No, I did it three different times.
Erin [00:20:46]: And so we call the front desk, and he’s like, is there anything wrong with the room? And we said, no, it just doesn’t feel right.
Rebecca [00:20:52]: He’s like, oh, okay.
Erin [00:20:53]: Oh, all right. He’s like, what floor did you want to be on? I’m like, how many floors you got? He’s like, four. I said, four, please. And so we then moved up to the fourth floor. We walk in, and at the same time go, oh, okay, there it is.
Rebecca [00:21:06]: Time to relax.
Erin [00:21:07]: There it is.
Rebecca [00:21:08]: There it is.
Erin [00:21:09]: That’s a good time. That’s the story about how Rebecca almost basically had us stay at a motel. What you got? What you got? Voodoo wise for us.
Rebecca [00:21:21]: Ironically, it’s the eight of wands, which is traveling.
Erin [00:21:24]: Oh.
Rebecca [00:21:26]: It says all aspects of your life, from love to family work to creative projects, speed up under the influence of this eight. Delays are done. Yeah, that’s right. Delays are done. As decisions are made, words turn into actions, projects and travel plans fire up and you find yourself fielding more calls, calls, emails and social engagement engagements and meetings than ever before. This isn’t, this is exciting, if not a bewildering time. When everything happens all at once, you will be in constant demand. Well, it is the holidays, a lot of emails. Well, you’re on a committee right now. Constant demand.
Erin [00:22:10]: I know. So overdid it.
Rebecca [00:22:12]: That’s kind of like traveling.
Erin [00:22:13]: Maybe that’s what we can talk about today.
Rebecca [00:22:15]: Over commitment.
Erin [00:22:16]: Over commitment.
Rebecca [00:22:17]: Because you feel guilty.
Erin [00:22:19]: I gotta tell you, one of my soft spots, you guys, is when people come to me and they say we don’t have anyone else who’s able to do this and it would be really great if you could help us out.
Rebecca [00:22:28]: Because everybody else said no and had.
Erin [00:22:31]: The boundaries and this experience and this experience and it would just be, be really helpful. Whenever I hear any type of desperation in your voice that you need something and that you will not be okay if you don’t, I don’t have it. It’s a sure fire way to make sure that I’m in it to win it. I don’t want to be in it to win it. And every part of my gut says, nope, you don’t need to take this on. Nope, you don’t need to do this. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Right. But I’m realizing that that’s one of my weak spots. And as you guys know, I’m in somatic yoga therapy. So I was trying to work on that at my last somatic yoga therapy appointment and it went okay. But there is this innate need that I have when people are really under the gun and need something that I feel like I have to step in and I have to fix it. And I don’t know where that comes from or why or what sort of connection to empathy that has. But the more dire you are or the more you’re in a place where you’re not going to be okay, I just have to step in and I have to take care of that. And that becomes a hook for me to get me into doing things that I really don’t want to do. It’s like I’m not okay if people aren’t going to be okay. And in this yoga therapy session, what we were working on was trying to help myself figure out that I am not the end all, be all for everyone. And that what happens when they have to find other alternatives outside of me? And is that a part of their learning process or about something that works better or worse for them? Will the show continue to go on if I’m not a part of it? And then I remembered Marcia Betlam. Remember Marcia?
Rebecca [00:24:19]: Oh, yeah.
Erin [00:24:20]: And one time, this was in 2008, probably after I shit my pants from the colonoscopy. Probably shortly after that.
Rebecca [00:24:27]: Yep.
Erin [00:24:28]: The colonoscopy of 2008. I was working at a methadone maintenance clinic that started at 6:00 in the morning. Morning. So working with people who abuse heroin. I was a resident director. I. So we were working basically overnights. Yeah. For. For the building. I was finishing my master’s degree. So I was in my. Doing my thesis and taking like one of my last classes. I had a relationship at the time. I can’t remember what else, but let’s just say I was pulling over on the side of the road every single day to throw up. Because that was when I was first diagnosed with migraines. I was starting to feel super depressed. I was just stretched beyond way too much. And Marcia Betlam, who at the time, she must have been what, 65, probably years old, maybe came over.
Rebecca [00:25:27]: She was our co worker.
Erin [00:25:28]: Yep. She was one of our colleagues. She was a resident director as well. And I sat down at the time on my white leather couch and she came over and she said, what is it about you that makes you think the world’s not gonna revolve unless you’re a part of Ooh, ooh. And I was like, oh, my God.
Rebecca [00:25:46]: Nobody’S ever said that to you before.
Erin [00:25:47]: No one had ever said that to me before. No one had ever said it that clearly before.
Rebecca [00:25:52]: Oh, yeah, she’s very clear.
Erin [00:25:53]: You are going to kill yourself. She’s like, you are on the brink at this point. So she gave me a card that I still have today that says, it just doesn’t matter. And it was this laminated card. And at the time we had like the journal, like the agendas that you would write in.
Rebecca [00:26:16]: Oh, yeah, like a planner, whatever.
Erin [00:26:18]: Like, it would be real, real agendas. And I would put that on every single week. Remember? It just doesn’t matter. And now that I think about it, remember recently when I was starting on my Prozac journey, I was like nobody cares. Nobody cares. That’s sort of my way of saying, remember, it just doesn’t matter. But it was a nice reminder to me to put it in perspective. And I still to this day remember saying, what is it about you that thinks that the world is going to stop revolving if you’re not a part of it? And it was this thing that put me in perspective of you’re really not that important. And I mean that in the sweetest, kindest way possible. You can let yourself off the hook because you really, the world is going to be okay even if you’re not a part of it, even if you’re not here, things will continue to go on. Yes, it’s better because you’re here. Yes, it’s better because you’re supporting all these people. But I needed to like touch base with that again recently as I noticed that my schedule is starting to get less full, which is a good thing. More full with things that I wanna be doing. Like I signed up for kickboxing, which I was been excited about. I signed up for my yoga therapy. I go to Carter’s basketball three times a week. Like things that I really want to be doing instead of work related things but yet I constantly still feel this little plug back of ooh, you need to be connected to that. You’re gonna be insignificant if you don’t do that. You need to be on that review committee. You need to, you need to, you need to. So it’s a nice little reminder for me that really it just doesn’t matter and that it’s fine.
Rebecca [00:27:52]: So you really need to dig deep and figure out where that flicker and that voice is coming from. Because that 16 years later is still a major component of your decision making, your internal battle, your physical ailments, all those things.
Erin [00:28:12]: Yep. And I need to recognize first that what my weak triggers are, it’s when I have the time or I have the illusion of time and when someone comes to me in desperate need, those two things are a really bad combination for me.
Rebecca [00:28:31]: So remember years ago, I think it was years ago when I dragged you to something, I’m sure it was multiple things and you listened to the presentation from one of the guys in my community. The One Thing. And for those of you who aren’t aware, there’s a book called the One Thing. Jeff woods is a part of it. He’s a part of our community. He’s a really cool guy, great inner, great speaker, great presentator, all those kinds of things. And he I believe co authored this book called the one thing. And when I was working for the charity, this was something we embodied for a year. And we all read the book together. And then we designed this almost like not a to do list, but almost like a hit list of our goals for each individual department and how we were going to align to the one overarching goal that the whole organization wanted to attain. And then anytime something came up, we literally had this. We had to print it out and we had to show where it was in our office. And we had to, when it came time to decision making or being a part of a project or anybody who asked us for any time or energy, we had to prove how it went up our upline and how it made an impact. And if we couldn’t prove that you couldn’t do it, the answer was absolutely not, no matter what. And it became rhythm. It was really hard to do that in the beginning. And that’s how our staff meetings were opened. It was like, okay, what’s up? Everybody had to show their screen and show their goals for the week, show their meetings. We had to show our calendar. We had to show everything. And then accountability. Our boss would say, cancel that, Cancel that. You’re not doing that. Absolutely not. Why is there not more time on this? Because reality is you can’t do everything. And if you are supposed to do nothing until that one thing is done, and if that one thing takes six weeks, the answer is no to everything else. Everything interesting, it doesn’t matter. And that’s a hard concept for most people because everybody thinks, well, it’s on the list, it has to get done. No, it doesn’t. There’s a difference between important and urgent, Urgent and important, urgent and not important, and then not important to not urgent. There’s the quadrants. We also went through this the other day. There’s this quadrant. I don’t know what it’s called, but you have to be able to put things into those categories and that’s how the decisions are made.
Erin [00:31:08]: I might benefit from having that quadrant literally on my desk.
Rebecca [00:31:11]: Yes, I’ll send it to you.
Erin [00:31:13]: I would also benefit.
Rebecca [00:31:14]: It’s called the Eisenhower Project or something like that.
Erin [00:31:16]: Oh, you know what I’m talking about. Yeah, yeah. I would also benefit. And I would love for our listeners to weigh in on this. This. What words have you used when you are needing to say no to something and you feel bad about it or guilty about it or you normally would say yes to this thing, but for whatever reason you’re trying to set a boundary? I would really Benefit from some concrete wording that people use when they say no to something without also being a raging. Who’s like, nope, not gonna do it. Right.
Rebecca [00:31:47]: Yeah, like, that’s a good question.
Erin [00:31:49]: How can. How can you still decline something but someone know that they still. You care about their experience? And Darnell. I’m hoping Darnell will weigh in on this because when we were at the conference, he and I were talking a bit about this, and something that he gave in terms of how he responds was really beneficial. It was really thoughtful for me. So I would love it if our listeners would weigh in on your Facebook page or could send an email to us atthemorelovepodcast.com. what are the ways in which you politely decline participating in something? And I would love to read those on a future show or an ask. Just.
Rebecca [00:32:28]: Just an ask that you just can’t. Yeah, you just can’t.
Erin [00:32:31]: Right. But in such way, this still feels authentic to you and not, you know, rude or inconsiderate.
Rebecca [00:32:37]: It’s the boundaries. Right.
Erin [00:32:38]: But it sets a reasonable boundary, and I’d love to read those on. On future shows.
Rebecca [00:32:42]: Love it.
Erin [00:32:43]: Now, the last thing I’ll say is, please don’t do this about my request because I can’t handle it because it’s been too much lately. So please do send me emails.
Rebecca [00:32:57]: Please, I gotta pull something. Pull something real good.
Erin [00:33:01]: I can’t handle it twice. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Please, please, please send them to us. Thank you. Have a good day.
Rebecca [00:33:18]: I loved that.
Erin [00:33:19]: Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing?
Rebecca [00:33:22]: Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
Erin [00:33:26]: That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you.
Rebecca [00:33:32]: I love you too.
Erin [00:33:33]: And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more. Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcast gas.
Rebecca [00:33:41]: See you next time.
Rebecca [00:00:31]: What did I say to you this morning?
Erin [00:00:32]: Some type of clunk, car wreck noise about how well that beautiful pose landed.
Rebecca [00:00:39]: So all landed really well. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:00:43]: Sure it did.
Rebecca [00:00:44]: When I read it this morning, I was crying. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:00:56]: Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
Rebecca [00:01:16]: Hey, bestie.
Erin [00:01:17]: Hi, love.
Rebecca [00:01:18]: What are you doing?
Erin [00:01:19]: Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast.
Rebecca [00:01:21]: A podcast about what?
Erin [00:01:24]: Life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters.
Rebecca [00:01:28]: Ah.
Erin [00:01:28]: Yay.
Rebecca [00:01:29]: I love us. And I can’t wait to share our.
Erin [00:01:31]: Stories with the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves.
Rebecca [00:01:38]: Oh, man. Okay.
Erin [00:01:45]: So it’s Thanksgiving morning and I wake up from my slumber and I put my hands over my head and I stretch. And I think, today is the day to be thankful. What can I be thankful for today? And how can I show my gratitude? The first thing I do is pick up my phone and I go to Rebecca’s text messages.
Rebecca [00:02:13]: Stop it.
Erin [00:02:13]: And I scroll through and I see the most ridiculous shit that she sent to me over the last however many weeks. From neurodivergent reels to random shit about best friendship and how we’re gonna sell our bodies for money. And I think, God, I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful to have her. And so on Thursday, Thanksgiving morning at 9:39am, I say, I am thankful for you every single day.
Rebecca [00:02:45]: Don’t read it for the ways that.
Erin [00:02:48]: You get me, for the hilarity that happens when we are together that I don’t have to say anything. And you always know. You are without a doubt my once in a lifetime soulmate. And I am so happy my soul sought you out so early in life. I hope today that you have a moment to sit on Big Bertha that is not a relative. That is her couch. Glass of Wine in hand. Oh, wait, my music stopped. Let me start that again.
Scott [00:03:20]: We both pressed it at the same time.
Erin [00:03:22]: Oh, okay. It’s really gotta add to the effect. I hope that you today you have a moment to sit on Big Bertha, glass of wine in hand, and look around at all that you have created. Peace, happiness, confidence, boundaries, good food, inner quiet. Everything in that house that’s good is because of you. Even when no one else sees it, even when you wonder if it’s true. The person that you are at your core is someone few will know. But those who do, life will never be the same. I’m one of them. Thankful for you and thankful for the life we’ve created. We’re just getting started. And then I sent some hearts and I sent our secret emoji. Okay. And it was a beautiful moment for me. I woke up, I started my day. That’s how I wanted Rebecca to feel. I just imagined her reading that and just feeling so loved.
Rebecca [00:04:26]: I did.
Erin [00:04:27]: And then that.
Rebecca [00:04:27]: I felt great. I did.
Erin [00:04:36]: Wait, let me just keep pushing it for the number of days that there was no response. So Thursday. Thank you. Friday. Thank you. Saturday. Oh, I’m sorry. Sunday. All morning on Monday.
Rebecca [00:04:58]: All morning. Okay, you mean from 6:00am to 7:30?
Erin [00:05:02]: And so that. That’s. That’s what.
Rebecca [00:05:12]: Stop it.
Erin [00:05:12]: That’s what true friendship is, folks. That’s what true friendship is, is absolutely just bearing your soul with love and gratitude for your soulmate, best friend. And.
Scott [00:05:32]: I love this one, though.
Erin [00:05:36]: And so instead of addressing Rebecca and saying, excuse me, I did not hear from you about my text message. I contacted Scott and I said, hey, Scott, if you could please put together three sound bites for me for Monday’s episode. The first is the saddest of sad music you’ve ever heard. So people can really feel bad for me. And then I would like crickets. Just crickets.
Rebecca [00:06:07]: What did I say to you this morning?
Erin [00:06:09]: Some type of clunk, car wreck noise about how well that beautiful pose landed? So all.
Rebecca [00:06:19]: I want to talk about it.
Erin [00:06:20]: Sure it did.
Rebecca [00:06:20]: When I read it this morning, I was crying. I don’t want to talk about it.
Erin [00:06:24]: Sure did.
Rebecca [00:06:24]: I wrote back to you this morning.
Erin [00:06:29]: So. So anyway, the applications are now open for my best friend slot. I do a lot of things to really.
Scott [00:06:39]: Does it have to be a female or.
Erin [00:06:41]: No, it does not. All you need is really just to respond to heartfelt messages that I send. I just bear my soul. All you need to not do is that. So applications are open. You know, the bar is not super high, folks.
Rebecca [00:06:58]: Just so everybody knows, it was not. I was not ignoring her. I chose not to engage in my phone. You’re an ass. Here it is. Such an ass. I chose to be present this weekend with my family.
Erin [00:07:11]: Folks, listen to me. Were there times this weekend when I opened up my Facebook and saw that Rebecca had posted pictures of her and her family?
Rebecca [00:07:23]: That was on my computer.
Erin [00:07:24]: Out Christmas shopping was not Christmas.
Rebecca [00:07:26]: That was on my computer. Cuz I ordered. Other times I didn’t use my phone.
Erin [00:07:31]: We have the entire tree up with all these beautiful lights on it. Does Rebecca get text messages to her computer as well? No, I didn’t.
Rebecca [00:07:41]: It was on my laptop. Broken.
Erin [00:07:43]: This is the difference between.
Rebecca [00:07:47]: Such an ass.
Erin [00:07:48]: It’s fine. So these things happen in Soulmate partnership. And for any of you who were like, wow, I wonder if Rebecca and Aaron ever face any strife, yeah, this would be an example of a time where I bared my soul. And it’s fine because I’m reading a new book, which is what we’re going to talk about today that helped me get through these events.
Rebecca [00:08:15]: Did I last minute plan us a super fun Florida trip?
Erin [00:08:21]: Yes.
Rebecca [00:08:22]: Two weeks ago.
Erin [00:08:22]: Yes. Yes.
Rebecca [00:08:24]: Did we do all the things?
Erin [00:08:26]: Yes, but yes, we did. And so maybe this is her way of trying to make up for. The.
Rebecca [00:08:35]: Girl was tired, but. Girl was tired.
Erin [00:08:38]: But I had to go to some conferences last week. Two, two, two weeks ago. And about three or four weeks ago, I had randomly texted Rebecca out of the blue and said, you know what I need in my life? I need to go back to Epcot and I need to eat around the world. That’s what I need to do. That was so much fun. No kids, just the two of us eating and drinking around the world.
Rebecca [00:09:05]: Eating and walking.
Erin [00:09:06]: So what happened?
Rebecca [00:09:07]: I said I sat for a minute after I got the text. Probably didn’t respond for a couple days.
Erin [00:09:12]: No, no.
Rebecca [00:09:13]: Then I thought, wait a minute, I think she’s going to Florida in two weeks.
Erin [00:09:19]: So all of a sudden I calculate.
Rebecca [00:09:22]: All the things that could be possibilities and then I call her and say, listen, here’s what we’re doing.
Erin [00:09:28]: You said, give me your. All your info.
Rebecca [00:09:31]: And you’re like, why?
Erin [00:09:32]: I go, don’t you worry about it doesn’t matter. Send me your hotel info, send me your flight info, send me all your info.
Rebecca [00:09:39]: All of it.
Erin [00:09:40]: I do ask why. She doesn’t care.
Rebecca [00:09:42]: Don’t care. No.
Erin [00:09:43]: Next thing I know, we’re going to Disney. We booked. We’re supposed to be leaving on Wednesday. We ain’t leaving Wednesday. No. We leaving Friday.
Rebecca [00:09:51]: We leaving Friday.
Erin [00:09:52]: We leaving Friday.
Rebecca [00:09:53]: Did we almost get murdered? Yeah.
Erin [00:09:55]: So she takes it upon herself to book us a full day at Disney. When I say full day, folks.
Rebecca [00:10:03]: Oh, we’re going.
Erin [00:10:04]: We are up at 9 o’clock in the morning on that tram on our way to Epcot. And she doesn’t want to stay one minute past 4:00 because we got to go to the car to change our clothes.
Rebecca [00:10:15]: Did I plan two separate outfits for one day? Sure did.
Erin [00:10:19]: Just change our clothes to then go to Mickey’s Christmas party.
Rebecca [00:10:21]: That’s right.
Erin [00:10:22]: That evening. That’s right. But the night before. So this would be Wednesday night. We usually stay at this one hotel. I don’t know how it always finds us, but we always stay at us.
Rebecca [00:10:36]: It’s always the cheapest.
Erin [00:10:36]: It’s the cheapest. But it’s a good hotel. And it’s right behind this gigantic mermaid stand, like one of those shop stands that has all the mermaids in it. And we always stay there. So we’re driving. We have to drive about two and a half hours from where we’re at at the conference site to where it is that we’re. Sawyer calls no less than 37 times while we’re on our way there. I had to do a full on meditation for her while I was driving.
Rebecca [00:11:07]: Multiple times. Multiple times. Full on meditation. Two days prior. Which now has become a thing.
Erin [00:11:13]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:11:14]: And so anytime she’s feeling a little overwhelmed. Can I talk to you, Aaron, real quick? And that. That’s become a new thing.
Erin [00:11:20]: We just do a nice little progressive muscle relaxation.
Rebecca [00:11:23]: Were we deep in conversation about all the things in our two hour.
Erin [00:11:28]: And halfway through the de. In conversation, Rebecca goes, I’m just curious. Do you ever run out of things to talk about with other people? Because we’ve been talking all freaking week at this conference. And then we’re driving in the car and we’re not stopping. We’re just talking. Talking.
Rebecca [00:11:43]: Talking to the point of at night. She has to say to me, we’re all done. She has to do a formal cutoff.
Erin [00:11:50]: I said, are you still talking? Are you still. I can’t do it anymore. I am officially going to bed.
Rebecca [00:11:58]: Okay. I’m like, really? One more thing.
Erin [00:12:01]: Wednesday night, we’re driving and of course we got to do Escape Room. You know, we’re in the area. And then we went to Carrabba’s. Our freaking waitress would not stop talking at one point.
Rebecca [00:12:12]: I had to give her the look.
Erin [00:12:13]: Yeah, Rebecca.
Rebecca [00:12:14]: Aaron’s like, if I wanted to eat with this girl, all it is, I would invite you to the table.
Erin [00:12:18]: Sit down.
Rebecca [00:12:19]: She.
Erin [00:12:20]: Stop talking.
Rebecca [00:12:21]: Read the room, lady.
Erin [00:12:23]: Read the room. I just want to eat my damn ragu. Okay. Which, by the way, stop talking.
Rebecca [00:12:30]: I recreated when I came home.
Erin [00:12:32]: Oh, you did?
Rebecca [00:12:32]: It was not.
Erin [00:12:33]: Oh, it wasn’t good, wasn’t it? Oh, so we did our escape room.
Rebecca [00:12:38]: We.
Erin [00:12:39]: We got out of the escape room.
Rebecca [00:12:40]: Only because I threatened the man’s balls.
Erin [00:12:43]: Right.
Rebecca [00:12:43]: I was very clear.
Erin [00:12:44]: This was a good one. This was a very good one.
Rebecca [00:12:46]: I said to the man, you listen to me. There’s no one. There’s no one coming to this.
Erin [00:12:50]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:12:51]: It’s like 10 o’clock at night.
Erin [00:12:52]: Yeah. If we’re close, you don’t call us. I said that you don’t call us.
Rebecca [00:12:55]: We are two moms who need this. We need this win. And he goes, what? And I go, I’m. I’m not joking. And we have unlimited. We have unlimited help.
Erin [00:13:05]: Yeah, Help.
Rebecca [00:13:06]: Unlimited help. Part of the problem was I couldn’t understand his accent.
Erin [00:13:10]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:13:10]: So when he did provide the help, I couldn’t understand it. So I had to ask multiple times.
Erin [00:13:15]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:13:15]: It was very difficult.
Erin [00:13:16]: Yeah.
Scott [00:13:16]: What kind of accent did he have?
Erin [00:13:20]: Erin?
Rebecca [00:13:21]: Can’t do it. She only has one accent. But I don’t know, Russian, kind of.
Erin [00:13:26]: I mean, I’m good at Russian. Yeah. I’m good at Russian.
Rebecca [00:13:28]: Everything. Everything else is just more like Russian. But he.
Scott [00:13:32]: Let’s get Moose and Squirrel.
Rebecca [00:13:33]: He got. He got the memo. He got the memo. He. He helped us. And then did we make him compliment us multiple times?
Erin [00:13:42]: She did what she does with you, Scott. He comes in, goes to talk to us about the event. She goes, tell us what we both know really well.
Rebecca [00:13:49]: He goes, you know, I’m really impressed with you too, because you actually communicate. I go, oh, really? Tell us all the things we did good.
Erin [00:13:53]: Tell us all the things we did good. And tell us why other people didn’ good and why they don’t talk to each other.
Rebecca [00:13:57]: He was like, what? I. I’m not joking.
Erin [00:13:59]: Can you please, like, this is the best thing for a first date. And I said, you know what? That’s what I’m doing from now on. I said, if my marriage doesn’t work out, I’m going to be like, you escape room.
Rebecca [00:14:09]: Now let’s try it with me. With me observing the corner.
Erin [00:14:13]: Yeah. Oh, yeah, Right. Rebecca’s watching the whole time. Right.
Rebecca [00:14:17]: I’m like, nope. That we get to the end.
Erin [00:14:18]: And I’m like, I’m sorry. Very nice. Knowing you will not be going for dinner tonight.
Scott [00:14:22]: Another guy in college, and the women did say that his apartment was a lot like escape room. I don’t think he’s still out in public.
Rebecca [00:14:29]: Oh, no, we don’t. We don’t want. No, we don’t want that.
Scott [00:14:31]: I think he’s in jail.
Erin [00:14:32]: No, we’re not going to his damn apartment. No, no, no.
Scott [00:14:34]: It was a basement escape room. Is that. Okay, Maybe like a windowless van escape room. Is that good?
Rebecca [00:14:40]: Creepy. Oh, my God.
Erin [00:14:42]: We’d still get out of it, though, let’s be honest.
Rebecca [00:14:44]: Oh, my God.
Scott [00:14:45]: All you have to do is start talking.
Erin [00:14:46]: Yeah, that starts. Absolutely. We wouldn’t stop. I know. It was awesome. When I moved the candle. Remember when I moved the candle?
Rebecca [00:14:53]: I’m very aware, very aware.
Erin [00:14:55]: One little candle, and I picked this candle right out, and I moved it to the other candle holder, and this door popped out.
Rebecca [00:15:01]: I was like that. She goes, you are awesome. You are so awesome. I’m like, yes. Yep. I know, I know, I know. You really nailed this one.
Erin [00:15:10]: You really. I really did my best.
Rebecca [00:15:12]: You really. I mean, thanks. This was very good. You were definitely the leader.
Erin [00:15:15]: But what Rebecca did not do well was that that night, after we’re real tired and we’re ready to go to bed, she brings us to the hotel. Motel.
Rebecca [00:15:25]: The motel next door. Next door to the one we normally.
Erin [00:15:29]: One street over from the place that we go.
Rebecca [00:15:32]: I’m like, it’s fine.
Erin [00:15:33]: She’s like, it’s gonna be totally fine. It looks. It looks okay. When we go in, there’s cute little wreaths on the. On the wall.
Rebecca [00:15:38]: I mean, it.
Erin [00:15:39]: Totally fine. And we go in, and then we take the. We take the elevator to the third floor. We get off the elevator and we’re outside.
Rebecca [00:15:48]: We’re outside. We’re outside.
Erin [00:15:50]: Why are we outside? I’m not sure why we’re outside. Then we’re walking all around the perimeter of the outside, and we’re walking past all of these people’s rooms, and these.
Scott [00:16:01]: Doors are propped open. People smoking meth in the.
Erin [00:16:03]: Pretty much.
Rebecca [00:16:04]: No, but there were some. There were some questionable people coming out of some room. Rooms. Remember those?
Erin [00:16:09]: For those people that were still in their rooms with their curtains wide open. Yeah, it was like, I’m not sure what’s happening here. Why are you so where we are on the third floor, and we’re walking around, walking around. All of a sudden, I see over here. It looks like a freaking railroad or airport Runway.
Rebecca [00:16:25]: Yeah, it was very weird.
Erin [00:16:26]: It was like, oh, I Don’t even know how to explain it. It was all these lights that are like Christmas lights, but they’re on the ground.
Rebecca [00:16:33]: And they kind of looked like the outline of a mini golf course, but it was in a rando parking lot with buildings, and they were all lit up. And I’m like.
Erin [00:16:42]: I said, what the heck is this?
Scott [00:16:42]: Is it a go kart raceway or something?
Erin [00:16:44]: What is this?
Rebecca [00:16:45]: I don’t know.
Erin [00:16:45]: Why is this here? And she’s like, look, we’re in our room. We videotaped it. Well, we’ll show it. And I’m like, what the. So we. We open this door, and I am hit with a smell that is a combination of Clorox. Clorox. Bleach meets cigarette smoke meets old dusty towels.
Rebecca [00:17:11]: Yeah.
Erin [00:17:12]: And.
Rebecca [00:17:13]: Oh, what about the noise?
Erin [00:17:15]: There’s a noise coming from the refrigerator that’s like. Like that loud.
Rebecca [00:17:26]: Yeah, it was pretty bad.
Erin [00:17:27]: And I walk in.
Scott [00:17:28]: I’ve heard that noise before.
Erin [00:17:30]: Y’all know me well enough. You all absolutely know me well enough. That this point, I walk into this room in this. I do this.
Rebecca [00:17:40]: I know. And I go. I’ll turn. I’ll unplug the machine. I know. I know what’s about to go down. I know. I know. And I said, I’ll unplug the.
Erin [00:17:48]: And I’m looking around.
Rebecca [00:17:50]: I can’t move. I can’t. Everything’s bolted to the ground. I can’t move it.
Scott [00:17:52]: What was it? What was it that was making the noise?
Rebecca [00:17:55]: It was the refrigerator. It was the refrigerator that was, like, on its way out. Pretty sure it was warm.
Erin [00:18:00]: Mini bar?
Rebecca [00:18:01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mini fridge.
Erin [00:18:03]: So I walk in, and she decides at this moment that she’s gonna pretend that this is the best place we’ve ever stayed in our lives.
Rebecca [00:18:10]: Well, this is fine. We’re only gonna be here for 10 minutes. Cause we’re getting up early.
Erin [00:18:14]: Sleep here real quick. So she’s now flopped herself just, like, the front part of herself on the bed. So she’s, like, leaning over the bed like this. So I walk past her bed, and I’m doing around.
Rebecca [00:18:26]: Did you know what I was doing?
Erin [00:18:27]: Praying?
Rebecca [00:18:28]: No, I was looking up prices of other hotels. Cause I knew she was gonna be like.
Erin [00:18:34]: So I walk past where she’s at on that bed, and I turn around, and I just look at her like this. And she’s like, what? I said, you know what? And she’s like, I’m looking them up right now. I said, fantastic. Thank you. Because let’s be really effing Clear. There’s no way Mama’s staying in this hotel. I’m sorry. Motel.
Rebecca [00:19:01]: Motel on the third.
Erin [00:19:02]: I said to her, this is where domestic violence happens, and this is where people get murdered and people show up with their guns and they want to break in the door. Or if you are, like, have just escaped prison and you need to go somewhere, you’re going to a place like.
Scott [00:19:17]: This should probably stay away from the places that charge by the hour as well.
Rebecca [00:19:21]: That was not one of these.
Erin [00:19:22]: Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Rebecca [00:19:24]: I mean, it was pretty cheap.
Scott [00:19:25]: You have to ask for the special rates.
Erin [00:19:28]: So I literally just walked out. And Rebecca’s like, okay, all right, I guess we’re leaving. I said, I do not care how much the next place costs, so wipe. Swipe. We are all done. We’re out. And I said, what is the name of the place where we always stay?
Rebecca [00:19:45]: So I looked it up.
Erin [00:19:46]: So she looks it up. I call. I say, hi, there. What availability do you have tonight? Like, right now? And he’s like, oh, we got this room.
Rebecca [00:19:57]: Swipe, swipe.
Erin [00:19:58]: Great.
Rebecca [00:19:58]: Swipe.
Erin [00:19:59]: Swipe all the way over there in five minutes, sir. We walk over. There we are again right back. Same hotel that we always go to.
Rebecca [00:20:07]: Lake Home. Yeah, we walk. I think we stayed there five times.
Erin [00:20:10]: Oh, yeah. Walked right back in. I say, hi, there. This is great. He puts us on the first floor. I walk into that room, and I said, this ain’t it. Nope, nope. The. The juju is off. It’s not good in this room. So she’s trying to convince me to call the motel people to tell them that we left and that we want our money back. And she says, if you call that person, I’ll call the front desk and tell them we need a room change. So then she determines that she can get the motel money back online by just contacting.
Rebecca [00:20:41]: I’m not sure if that ever happened. I did it three different times. No, I did it three different times.
Erin [00:20:46]: And so we call the front desk, and he’s like, is there anything wrong with the room? And we said, no, it just doesn’t feel right.
Rebecca [00:20:52]: He’s like, oh, okay.
Erin [00:20:53]: Oh, all right. He’s like, what floor did you want to be on? I’m like, how many floors you got? He’s like, four. I said, four, please. And so we then moved up to the fourth floor. We walk in, and at the same time go, oh, okay, there it is.
Rebecca [00:21:06]: Time to relax.
Erin [00:21:07]: There it is.
Rebecca [00:21:08]: There it is.
Erin [00:21:09]: That’s a good time. That’s the story about how Rebecca almost basically had us stay at a motel. What you got? What you got? Voodoo wise for us.
Rebecca [00:21:21]: Ironically, it’s the eight of wands, which is traveling.
Erin [00:21:24]: Oh.
Rebecca [00:21:26]: It says all aspects of your life, from love to family work to creative projects, speed up under the influence of this eight. Delays are done. Yeah, that’s right. Delays are done. As decisions are made, words turn into actions, projects and travel plans fire up and you find yourself fielding more calls, calls, emails and social engagement engagements and meetings than ever before. This isn’t, this is exciting, if not a bewildering time. When everything happens all at once, you will be in constant demand. Well, it is the holidays, a lot of emails. Well, you’re on a committee right now. Constant demand.
Erin [00:22:10]: I know. So overdid it.
Rebecca [00:22:12]: That’s kind of like traveling.
Erin [00:22:13]: Maybe that’s what we can talk about today.
Rebecca [00:22:15]: Over commitment.
Erin [00:22:16]: Over commitment.
Rebecca [00:22:17]: Because you feel guilty.
Erin [00:22:19]: I gotta tell you, one of my soft spots, you guys, is when people come to me and they say we don’t have anyone else who’s able to do this and it would be really great if you could help us out.
Rebecca [00:22:28]: Because everybody else said no and had.
Erin [00:22:31]: The boundaries and this experience and this experience and it would just be, be really helpful. Whenever I hear any type of desperation in your voice that you need something and that you will not be okay if you don’t, I don’t have it. It’s a sure fire way to make sure that I’m in it to win it. I don’t want to be in it to win it. And every part of my gut says, nope, you don’t need to take this on. Nope, you don’t need to do this. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Right. But I’m realizing that that’s one of my weak spots. And as you guys know, I’m in somatic yoga therapy. So I was trying to work on that at my last somatic yoga therapy appointment and it went okay. But there is this innate need that I have when people are really under the gun and need something that I feel like I have to step in and I have to fix it. And I don’t know where that comes from or why or what sort of connection to empathy that has. But the more dire you are or the more you’re in a place where you’re not going to be okay, I just have to step in and I have to take care of that. And that becomes a hook for me to get me into doing things that I really don’t want to do. It’s like I’m not okay if people aren’t going to be okay. And in this yoga therapy session, what we were working on was trying to help myself figure out that I am not the end all, be all for everyone. And that what happens when they have to find other alternatives outside of me? And is that a part of their learning process or about something that works better or worse for them? Will the show continue to go on if I’m not a part of it? And then I remembered Marcia Betlam. Remember Marcia?
Rebecca [00:24:19]: Oh, yeah.
Erin [00:24:20]: And one time, this was in 2008, probably after I shit my pants from the colonoscopy. Probably shortly after that.
Rebecca [00:24:27]: Yep.
Erin [00:24:28]: The colonoscopy of 2008. I was working at a methadone maintenance clinic that started at 6:00 in the morning. Morning. So working with people who abuse heroin. I was a resident director. I. So we were working basically overnights. Yeah. For. For the building. I was finishing my master’s degree. So I was in my. Doing my thesis and taking like one of my last classes. I had a relationship at the time. I can’t remember what else, but let’s just say I was pulling over on the side of the road every single day to throw up. Because that was when I was first diagnosed with migraines. I was starting to feel super depressed. I was just stretched beyond way too much. And Marcia Betlam, who at the time, she must have been what, 65, probably years old, maybe came over.
Rebecca [00:25:27]: She was our co worker.
Erin [00:25:28]: Yep. She was one of our colleagues. She was a resident director as well. And I sat down at the time on my white leather couch and she came over and she said, what is it about you that makes you think the world’s not gonna revolve unless you’re a part of Ooh, ooh. And I was like, oh, my God.
Rebecca [00:25:46]: Nobody’S ever said that to you before.
Erin [00:25:47]: No one had ever said that to me before. No one had ever said it that clearly before.
Rebecca [00:25:52]: Oh, yeah, she’s very clear.
Erin [00:25:53]: You are going to kill yourself. She’s like, you are on the brink at this point. So she gave me a card that I still have today that says, it just doesn’t matter. And it was this laminated card. And at the time we had like the journal, like the agendas that you would write in.
Rebecca [00:26:16]: Oh, yeah, like a planner, whatever.
Erin [00:26:18]: Like, it would be real, real agendas. And I would put that on every single week. Remember? It just doesn’t matter. And now that I think about it, remember recently when I was starting on my Prozac journey, I was like nobody cares. Nobody cares. That’s sort of my way of saying, remember, it just doesn’t matter. But it was a nice reminder to me to put it in perspective. And I still to this day remember saying, what is it about you that thinks that the world is going to stop revolving if you’re not a part of it? And it was this thing that put me in perspective of you’re really not that important. And I mean that in the sweetest, kindest way possible. You can let yourself off the hook because you really, the world is going to be okay even if you’re not a part of it, even if you’re not here, things will continue to go on. Yes, it’s better because you’re here. Yes, it’s better because you’re supporting all these people. But I needed to like touch base with that again recently as I noticed that my schedule is starting to get less full, which is a good thing. More full with things that I wanna be doing. Like I signed up for kickboxing, which I was been excited about. I signed up for my yoga therapy. I go to Carter’s basketball three times a week. Like things that I really want to be doing instead of work related things but yet I constantly still feel this little plug back of ooh, you need to be connected to that. You’re gonna be insignificant if you don’t do that. You need to be on that review committee. You need to, you need to, you need to. So it’s a nice little reminder for me that really it just doesn’t matter and that it’s fine.
Rebecca [00:27:52]: So you really need to dig deep and figure out where that flicker and that voice is coming from. Because that 16 years later is still a major component of your decision making, your internal battle, your physical ailments, all those things.
Erin [00:28:12]: Yep. And I need to recognize first that what my weak triggers are, it’s when I have the time or I have the illusion of time and when someone comes to me in desperate need, those two things are a really bad combination for me.
Rebecca [00:28:31]: So remember years ago, I think it was years ago when I dragged you to something, I’m sure it was multiple things and you listened to the presentation from one of the guys in my community. The One Thing. And for those of you who aren’t aware, there’s a book called the One Thing. Jeff woods is a part of it. He’s a part of our community. He’s a really cool guy, great inner, great speaker, great presentator, all those kinds of things. And he I believe co authored this book called the one thing. And when I was working for the charity, this was something we embodied for a year. And we all read the book together. And then we designed this almost like not a to do list, but almost like a hit list of our goals for each individual department and how we were going to align to the one overarching goal that the whole organization wanted to attain. And then anytime something came up, we literally had this. We had to print it out and we had to show where it was in our office. And we had to, when it came time to decision making or being a part of a project or anybody who asked us for any time or energy, we had to prove how it went up our upline and how it made an impact. And if we couldn’t prove that you couldn’t do it, the answer was absolutely not, no matter what. And it became rhythm. It was really hard to do that in the beginning. And that’s how our staff meetings were opened. It was like, okay, what’s up? Everybody had to show their screen and show their goals for the week, show their meetings. We had to show our calendar. We had to show everything. And then accountability. Our boss would say, cancel that, Cancel that. You’re not doing that. Absolutely not. Why is there not more time on this? Because reality is you can’t do everything. And if you are supposed to do nothing until that one thing is done, and if that one thing takes six weeks, the answer is no to everything else. Everything interesting, it doesn’t matter. And that’s a hard concept for most people because everybody thinks, well, it’s on the list, it has to get done. No, it doesn’t. There’s a difference between important and urgent, Urgent and important, urgent and not important, and then not important to not urgent. There’s the quadrants. We also went through this the other day. There’s this quadrant. I don’t know what it’s called, but you have to be able to put things into those categories and that’s how the decisions are made.
Erin [00:31:08]: I might benefit from having that quadrant literally on my desk.
Rebecca [00:31:11]: Yes, I’ll send it to you.
Erin [00:31:13]: I would also benefit.
Rebecca [00:31:14]: It’s called the Eisenhower Project or something like that.
Erin [00:31:16]: Oh, you know what I’m talking about. Yeah, yeah. I would also benefit. And I would love for our listeners to weigh in on this. This. What words have you used when you are needing to say no to something and you feel bad about it or guilty about it or you normally would say yes to this thing, but for whatever reason you’re trying to set a boundary? I would really Benefit from some concrete wording that people use when they say no to something without also being a raging. Who’s like, nope, not gonna do it. Right.
Rebecca [00:31:47]: Yeah, like, that’s a good question.
Erin [00:31:49]: How can. How can you still decline something but someone know that they still. You care about their experience? And Darnell. I’m hoping Darnell will weigh in on this because when we were at the conference, he and I were talking a bit about this, and something that he gave in terms of how he responds was really beneficial. It was really thoughtful for me. So I would love it if our listeners would weigh in on your Facebook page or could send an email to us atthemorelovepodcast.com. what are the ways in which you politely decline participating in something? And I would love to read those on a future show or an ask. Just.
Rebecca [00:32:28]: Just an ask that you just can’t. Yeah, you just can’t.
Erin [00:32:31]: Right. But in such way, this still feels authentic to you and not, you know, rude or inconsiderate.
Rebecca [00:32:37]: It’s the boundaries. Right.
Erin [00:32:38]: But it sets a reasonable boundary, and I’d love to read those on. On future shows.
Rebecca [00:32:42]: Love it.
Erin [00:32:43]: Now, the last thing I’ll say is, please don’t do this about my request because I can’t handle it because it’s been too much lately. So please do send me emails.
Rebecca [00:32:57]: Please, I gotta pull something. Pull something real good.
Erin [00:33:01]: I can’t handle it twice. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Please, please, please send them to us. Thank you. Have a good day.
Rebecca [00:33:18]: I loved that.
Erin [00:33:19]: Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing?
Rebecca [00:33:22]: Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
Erin [00:33:26]: That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you.
Rebecca [00:33:32]: I love you too.
Erin [00:33:33]: And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more. Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcast gas.
Rebecca [00:33:41]: See you next time.
