Erin [00:00:00]: And once we’ve determined what our values are, if we say that family is our first value and work is our second value and our third value is being a really good friend, then open up your calendar or open it up on your phone and ask yourself, is this where my time commitments are better aligning? And so I’m hearing you both say something very similar, which is the external opinion on what it means to have it all is nowhere near as important as necessary or as valid dating as your own internal desire to define that based in what is most important to you. And then are you living those values day in and day out?
Alexandria White [00:00:45]: Another thing that I live by is, are you living or existing?
Erin [00:01:06]: I’m going to throw a name out there for you. And some of you may not know this person, Dr. Alexandria White, but I guarantee you that over 8,000 people on the Internet as a part of the student affairs moms community have their hands in the air and say, yes, girl, I know her, I love her. She is one of the women who has founded this beautiful community on the Internet known as Student Affairs Moms. It is all things moms, relationship, higher ed life, love, everything you can possibly imagine with the most wonderful group of human beings you will ever find on the Internet. And so I am so happy to introduce you today to Dr. Alexandria White, who’s going to be with us to talk about all things mom, entrepreneur, badass woman, how do we do it all, keep it all, maintain it all, and how do we still be really tired, but still keep doing it? Because we are.
Rebecca [00:02:11]: Survive, thrive. Yeah, that’s right.
Erin [00:02:13]: Survive, thrive. What are all those words of all those little theories there?
Rebecca [00:02:17]: Oh, I love it.
Erin [00:02:18]: Yes. So we are so happy, Dr. Alexandria White, that you are with us today. Thank you for being here. Welcome.
Speaker D [00:02:28]: Been a long time coming.
Alexandria White [00:02:30]: I’m so excited. I’m so excited. I just love the energy from your listening to your podcast. Amazing energy.
Erin [00:02:40]: Thank you. Thank you so much. You know something about amazing energy, so we take that as a massive compliment. Girl, listen, I’ve been following your journey something fierce. Oh, yeah, you started when you came on before we even started the podcast, you said something. So where are you located today? And I, I take note of the word today because she’s like, right now I’m in Mississippi, which does not mean that’s where she’s going to be for the rest of the week. Like, she is all going to be all over the place. She’s even going to be in Buffalo this summer at the University of Buffalo.
Rebecca [00:03:12]: Working or speaking or what her book debut. Yes.
Alexandria White [00:03:17]: Stop.
Erin [00:03:18]: Are we going 100%.
Alexandria White [00:03:20]: Oh, great, great.
Erin [00:03:21]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:03:21]: Are we going to dinner with her?
Alexandria White [00:03:22]: Absolutely.
Erin [00:03:23]: Yeah, we’re going to take you to dinner. You got plans? Perfect.
Rebecca [00:03:27]: Let’s take her to our favorite consignment shop with the bird.
Erin [00:03:29]: Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:03:29]: She’ll love it.
Erin [00:03:30]: She’ll love that, too.
Rebecca [00:03:31]: I love it.
Erin [00:03:31]: She’ll love it. So we’re so happy to dive in with you today. Can I call you Alexandria? Do you like Alex, Dr. White? What? Do you like Alex?
Alexandria White [00:03:41]: My mother only said Alexandria I was in trouble, so. Okay.
Rebecca [00:03:45]: Okay.
Erin [00:03:45]: Okay. Got it. Yep. Alex. We’re going with Alex.
Rebecca [00:03:48]: Okay. I love that.
Erin [00:03:49]: Great. So when, when I sort of dove into your story a little bit, what was clear to me is that you are woman of strength, resilience, consistently pushing yourself to the limit and trying to define the boundaries of what you are, redefine the boundaries of what you are going to be. So I would love if you told us a little bit about yourself as a mom, as an entrepreneur, as a someone who holds a pretty high position in your organization. Like, tell us who you are. How do you identify as a person?
Alexandria White [00:04:24]: To me, at the core of me, I am just a little black girl from the south side of Chicago. I grew up in humble beginning. I have five brothers, one sister. My parents were blue collar workers. Neither one of them had a college education. Neither of my grandmothers had a college education or a high school education. So I always knew that I was a little different. And so I do a lot of things being scared and being brave at the same time. So that is my mantra for my life. I have done a lot of, I’ve been a lot of first, but a lot what comes with that is being scared. But I, I, I have to do it anyway. I want to break generational curses.
Speaker D [00:05:23]: I want to help mothers.
Alexandria White [00:05:24]: I want to see more mompreneurs and mothers. If you want to be married, if.
Speaker D [00:05:30]: You want to be single, if you want to have a kid without a.
Alexandria White [00:05:34]: Spouse or a husband or a partner, you can do that too. And show that moms really do have a superpower of being limitless, that that’s about me.
Rebecca [00:05:47]: That’s true, yes.
Erin [00:05:48]: God, I love that so much. It is so true in everything that I have read about you. Right. And, and I keep coming back. This Sam’s Community. We have to talk about this Sam’s Community. So tell us how you started the idea or the concept of building this Sam’s mom community.
Alexandria White [00:06:10]: It was so grassroots.
Speaker D [00:06:13]: I was working at an institution. I Was the only mom in the whole department.
Rebecca [00:06:19]: Really?
Alexandria White [00:06:20]: Yes. Wow. It was amazing.
Speaker D [00:06:26]: And I lived on campus, so I.
Alexandria White [00:06:28]: Worked in housing and I was the only mother in my whole division of. With other housing people. I lived on campus and I said, I, I, you know, this is higher education.
Speaker D [00:06:45]: They have to have something for mothers.
Alexandria White [00:06:47]: You know, we have something, we have something for students that are mothers I know have something for.
Speaker D [00:06:54]: So I went to all the major higher education, you know, websites, naspa, acpa, everything. And I could not find a space for mothers to talk about being in higher ed.
Alexandria White [00:07:13]: Wow. I lived on campus. I was the mother who was dragging.
Speaker D [00:07:19]: Her child to all the after hours programs.
Alexandria White [00:07:22]: That’s right.
Speaker D [00:07:23]: We’re eating the food court.
Alexandria White [00:07:25]: That’s right. Next thing. That’s how it was that how I started it Is I out of. I needed a community to talk about balancing motherhood, working in higher education.
Rebecca [00:07:41]: Wow.
Erin [00:07:42]: I love that.
Rebecca [00:07:43]: Wow. Well, you know, I share a similar story. I was living in the res hall and pregnant when I was a resident director. So I mean, I didn’t, I ended up moving out, but I didn’t full blown have the kid living there. I couldn’t, I didn’t do that. But I relate very, very strongly.
Erin [00:08:02]: Yeah. So do 8,000 other people who are a part of this community.
Rebecca [00:08:06]: Very, very much.
Erin [00:08:07]: Incredible. But here’s what’s fascinating to me about that. So you had to really strongly identify with your role as a mother and with your role as a student affairs professional to then even notice that there was a gap in those two areas. Because I was not a mother when I was in the residence halls. I was a mother later on in my student affairs journey. But I know that when I found this community, there’s something so special about the bridging together of the mom role with the really unique qualities of women who belong and are the heart of student affairs. So it’s so interesting to me that you, you, you noticed those two identities for yourself and then said, there isn’t a space for us. Let me create one. Right.
Rebecca [00:09:02]: Yeah. It’s very cool.
Alexandria White [00:09:04]: And so I.
Speaker D [00:09:06]: Well, go ahead, go ahead.
Alexandria White [00:09:07]: I just, it gives me chill. Bump chills when you say it like that. So. Yes. And it makes me emotional because it was tough days being a higher ed.
Speaker D [00:09:21]: Person, student affairs and being a mom.
Alexandria White [00:09:23]: It was some tough days.
Rebecca [00:09:26]: I mean, I remember my daughter. So quick story. Sorry to bring it back to me, but it gives me chills to think about it because when I did leave, I went to a different institution and raised my daughter, bringing her Because I went into student activities. So guess what? After hours, I was planning the activities and guess who had to come with me because I was working and I didn’t have childcare. So she had to come with me while I was in instilling the activities for the students. So she was right along with me when the concerts were going on, when the kids, when the students were, you know, at the carnivals. And I mean, she grew up right alongside doing all it. She grew up at the college.
Erin [00:10:07]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:08]: You know. Yeah, that’s what happened.
Erin [00:10:10]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:11]: And she loved it and I loved it. But it was hard. It was hard. And you know, balancing that and balancing figuring out how to still be a mom and still maintain her, not exposing her to college life as a three year old, you know, but still being a mom to her and putting her bed, being able to put her to bed as a mom, you know, things like that, that was tough. And how, how would I balance that, but still being really good at my job, you know, that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:10:48]: You say the word. Oh, no, go ahead, Alex.
Speaker D [00:10:51]: Talk about the great things sometimes of.
Alexandria White [00:10:54]: Being having our kids on campus and the RAs know them and they’re eating.
Rebecca [00:11:01]: They’Re in all the.
Alexandria White [00:11:02]: Right. I tell this story because it was so impactful. So we have some housing people.
Speaker D [00:11:09]: Your housing.
Alexandria White [00:11:10]: I lived on campus.
Speaker D [00:11:12]: That means I also was responsible for conduct.
Alexandria White [00:11:15]: Right?
Speaker D [00:11:16]: Responsible for conduct. And I was also responsible for family housing. And so I often had to sanction parents.
Alexandria White [00:11:25]: Right.
Speaker D [00:11:26]: I had to sanction parents that were.
Alexandria White [00:11:28]: Students and those parents had children and.
Speaker D [00:11:32]: Those children went to school with my daughter. My daughter was sometime the subject of.
Alexandria White [00:11:39]: Bullying because your mom got my mom in trouble. And that is when I saw the intersection of being a mom, being a professional living on campus. And that is when I said I.
Speaker D [00:11:58]: Have to have community because those children.
Alexandria White [00:12:01]: Were mad at my daughter because they knew who I was. That’s next level. Oh, yeah.
Speaker D [00:12:09]: So that was a downside.
Alexandria White [00:12:11]: That was a difficult day for. Difficult time for a child to have to bring their mother’s work to school.
Erin [00:12:22]: Yeah, that’s hard for me. It’s touching upon this topic of balance.
Rebecca [00:12:28]: Right.
Erin [00:12:29]: In this episode we want to talk about basically, how do you have it all? Should you have it all when you feel like you are doing it all? The high that you feel when you have accomplished and continue to accomplish things at such a great level and being a part of the SAMS community. For me, in the variety of topics and things that people talk about, one of my favorite parts is that it Shows the vulnerability of women who are doing and managing so much and yet still have the vulnerability, the ability to be able to say, I’m not doing okay right now. This isn’t. This isn’t really going well. Right. And so there’s a question in there somewhere, and maybe it’s, what are your opinions on how we have it all? Can we have it all? Is the goal to have it all? What are we trying to prove? Right. Like, yeah, I’ll. I’ll leave it at that. What are some of thoughts come up?
Alexandria White [00:13:54]: Can we.
Speaker D [00:13:55]: I’m sorry, I’m answering a question with a question, but can we define what is having it all?
Alexandria White [00:14:01]: Because I think it is the perspective. I think it’s socialization. Because one of the reasons why I opted to do this podcast is because of your authenticity. And so I am very authentic, approachable, vulnerable. I have no problem.
Speaker D [00:14:21]: I’m telling personal things.
Alexandria White [00:14:23]: And so according to some people, I don’t have it all. Right? I am not married.
Speaker D [00:14:29]: I have been engaged four times.
Alexandria White [00:14:31]: My friends call me the runaway fiance. I have been more successful single.
Speaker D [00:14:39]: Right.
Alexandria White [00:14:41]: And so there are people who look.
Speaker D [00:14:43]: At me, some people in my life.
Alexandria White [00:14:45]: And my family who feel that I don’t have it all because I have never been married or partnered or things like that. And so I’m always, when people ask that, Alex, you have it all, but.
Speaker D [00:14:58]: Who defines what is having it all?
Alexandria White [00:15:01]: And what does that look like? And for me, it looks like freedom. It looks like the luxury of. I’ve raised my daughter on a college campus. She is okay, you know, she, you know, we all got. Most of us have therapists.
Speaker D [00:15:22]: I haven’t been too bad.
Alexandria White [00:15:25]: And.
Speaker D [00:15:28]: That is having it all to me. But I know we are socialized to.
Alexandria White [00:15:32]: Have the house, the husband, the partner, the 2.5 kids, and the white picket fence. And so there are people that might.
Speaker D [00:15:40]: Be listening right now to say she.
Alexandria White [00:15:42]: Doesn’T have it all.
Speaker D [00:15:43]: And so it’s important for the listeners.
Alexandria White [00:15:45]: It’S important for people that are in.
Speaker D [00:15:47]: The range of my voice for you.
Alexandria White [00:15:48]: To define what is having it all. But we do. We want the. To be wonderful professionals. We want to be wonderful moms, PTO members, sorority members, the all. All the things. But it’s time for us to define what’s happening at all.
Erin [00:16:08]: So that’s where I leave the podcast. And you two just take over from here because that’s hilarious. Our singing Rebecca, full on.
Rebecca [00:16:17]: She basically just did the entire next episode.
Erin [00:16:19]: Yeah, absolutely.
Rebecca [00:16:21]: And she. And she does speak my language.
Erin [00:16:23]: Yes, she does.
Rebecca [00:16:23]: She speaks. We are soulmates.
Erin [00:16:26]: Yeah. All right. Have a great year. See you later.
Rebecca [00:16:29]: Oh, Alex.
Erin [00:16:31]: But what I hear you saying is so beautiful. It is. And Rebecca terms this in terms of values. We have to get right with what our values are and where we want to be spending our time. And then once we’ve determined what our values are, if we say that family is our first value and work is our second value and our third value is being a really good friend, then open up your calendar or open it up on your phone and ask yourself, is this where my time commitments are better aligning? And so I’m hearing you both say something very similar, which is the external opinion on what it means to have it all is nowhere near as important as necessary or as validating as your own internal desire to define that based in what is most important to you. And then are you living those values day in and day out?
Alexandria White [00:17:31]: Yeah, all of. Another thing that I live by is, are you living or existing? And my values.
Speaker D [00:17:44]: What.
Alexandria White [00:17:44]: What’s my. My value?
Rebecca [00:17:49]: This is the year of Aaron just having it slap. Are you available after the podcast? It’s like, it’s like a salmon on either side of her face.
Erin [00:17:59]: Are you living or existing? Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:18:03]: Yep.
Erin [00:18:04]: I don’t love that question.
Rebecca [00:18:05]: Right.
Erin [00:18:06]: And it’s not because I don’t like the question. It’s because I don’t love how.
Alexandria White [00:18:11]: Right.
Erin [00:18:12]: When you ask the question.
Rebecca [00:18:14]: Keep going, Alex. Keep going, keep going. Ask her some more.
Erin [00:18:17]: You’re an idiot.
Rebecca [00:18:23]: I’m really enjoying this. I bet you are.
Erin [00:18:25]: I bet you are.
Speaker D [00:18:28]: I, I.
Alexandria White [00:18:30]: When I think of people, the data.
Speaker D [00:18:34]: The stress that we are under.
Alexandria White [00:18:36]: Do you like in the book, you can.
Speaker D [00:18:39]: The stress.
Alexandria White [00:18:40]: I mean, how people worked and worked.
Speaker D [00:18:44]: And worked until someone told them they needed to leave and they were finally leaving and their water broke, and then they had to deliver their own child because they were trying to give so much to the university or the college. We had someone who had a miscarriage at a higher ed conference, and she was more concerned about the students.
Rebecca [00:19:09]: Absolutely not. I cannot.
Speaker D [00:19:12]: Where does that come from, People where.
Alexandria White [00:19:16]: That work, life, and having it all.
Speaker D [00:19:19]: Is putting us second or third or fourth down the list.
Alexandria White [00:19:24]: And it’s that values center that you have got to talk about. And this book is just the epitome of everybody telling their story and how their values were seen or are now more visible. And that’s that. That what makes me smile about this book. We told the people, this is not going to be academic. Maybe our next book is going to be academic.
Speaker D [00:19:49]: We Want you to use profanity.
Alexandria White [00:19:51]: We want.
Speaker D [00:19:52]: You can be graphic, you can use your ghost name.
Alexandria White [00:19:54]: We don’t care. We know people jobs. And that’s why this book is such a. A gem and a passion project because people were authentic. Just you all are authentic friends and professionals. So yeah, that’s what it, it means to me.
Erin [00:20:12]: Yeah, I love that. I love that. I. I couldn’t agree more. So I’m going to hold up the book so you guys can see it. The Magic of Sam’s Student Affairs Moms. I got mine on Amazon. I read it, I cried, I laughed. I related. I over identified this. This book here, every single page of it is just this beautiful compilation of what it means to be beautifully human in the identities of moms and professionals at the same time. And I, I would, I would venture to say that there’s something uniquely profound about a student affairs mom compared to a mom who works at Xerox or a mom who works at, you know, some other. Maybe Xerox is the only idea that came to my mind. But I don’t know why is Xerox even in business? Wegmans. Yeah, it doesn’t really matter.
Rebecca [00:21:12]: Walmart, Corporate.
Erin [00:21:14]: It doesn’t really matter. Versus yeah, it could be anything. It could be Starbucks. It doesn’t. Doesn’t even matter. I know.
Rebecca [00:21:21]: Xerox, Xerox, Kodak.
Erin [00:21:24]: What do they even do with Xerox? Paper? I can’t does it. Kodak, anyone?
Alexandria White [00:21:29]: Kodak.
Erin [00:21:29]: I can’t. So. But there’s something so uniquely beautiful about a student affairs moms. And it got to me with the story that you just told about the woman who had the miscarriage at the conference. There is this innate sense of giving and empathy and people pleasing and you are not enough unless you have drained yourself entirely for the lives of others. That comes from professions associated with affairs. I fell into student affairs completely randomly.
Rebecca [00:22:11]: So did I.
Erin [00:22:12]: Someone was in my counseling master’s program. She was a resident director. She lived for free. I thought I wanted to live for free. A job became open. I lived for free.
Rebecca [00:22:23]: The job became open because I got a promotion. She took my job. That’s how we became friends. Anyway, that’s exactly how it happened.
Erin [00:22:31]: So this random experience happens where I’m now in student affairs. But then the more I lived student affairs, the more I felt at odds with. I don’t want to identify as someone who lives, eats, breathes and does everything for everyone all of the time because I found that that was exhausting and I had no sense of self Left, right. And so when I go back into these spaces, I have a keynote presentation I give on burnout, where I talk about the system associated with burnout, not the person associated with burnout. And it’s in higher education environments and how higher ed, in a lot of ways, the system itself does not have safeguards in place to keep people, specifically student affairs moms, from bleeding out and from just giving and giving and giving. And my question then becomes, as a mom who’s trying to have it all, a mom in student affairs, a mom who works at Xerox, whatever, how do you find that balance? How do you find that boundary that says, I love what I’m doing and what I’m giving to others, but at the same time, I don’t want to over give to the point where I have nothing left anymore? That tiredness, how do you find that one?
Alexandria White [00:24:06]: I, yes, I work in student affairs, but I also do some consulting. And I am all about semantics. And so I, when I’m coaching or when I’m presenting, I no longer use work life balance. I actually use integration or harmony because I am promoting the calls that in.
Speaker D [00:24:30]: Student affairs you can get another job.
Alexandria White [00:24:32]: I promise you, institutions, they’re not going anywhere, but you never get a chance to have a three year old or four year old at that specific time in their life. And work life integration for me is understanding once again, those values. Work life integration for me is understanding.
Speaker D [00:24:56]: That it is okay to outsource your life.
Alexandria White [00:24:58]: And we’ll talk a little bit about that.
Speaker D [00:25:01]: Work life integration for me is understanding.
Alexandria White [00:25:04]: Who is your people. Who are my people for the outsourcing. I, I used to be the. I got it, I got it, I got it. It comes from trauma. It comes from growing up when not having things.
Speaker D [00:25:24]: And so my trauma response, of course.
Alexandria White [00:25:26]: This is from therapy, is that I have it together. Right. And so now here’s my response.
Erin [00:25:35]: Yeah, now you’re triggering. Rebecca, that’s fine. You’re just, you’re just hitting us both with the 1, 2. Does that salmon feel over there? You clown? Now she gave you the salmon.
Rebecca [00:25:46]: Okay, okay, I’m back in.
Erin [00:25:48]: Back in.
Rebecca [00:25:48]: Okay.
Alexandria White [00:25:52]: Therapy.
Speaker D [00:25:52]: So work life integration. I’m outsourced in my life. If I’m able to have someone bring food doesn’t mean that I’m any less of a mom if I have someone.
Alexandria White [00:26:03]: That I take my clothes to.
Speaker D [00:26:05]: Because I don’t want to spend all day Saturday and Sunday washing my clothes.
Erin [00:26:09]: Yeah.
Speaker D [00:26:10]: To a fluff and full service. I can, if this not in the budget I totally understand. I’m outsourcing my life. If I have to call my best friend and say, can you come and.
Alexandria White [00:26:21]: Pick up your godson goddaughter for just two or three hours? That’s out life.
Speaker D [00:26:30]: Who are your people?
Alexandria White [00:26:31]: We are so keen on. I don’t want people in my business. I don’t want to seem weak and. Oh, I got it.
Speaker D [00:26:40]: Find your authentic people.
Alexandria White [00:26:43]: My authentic people.
Speaker D [00:26:45]: Some of them I have never met. They’re literally in the Facebook group. I literally read their answers and, like.
Alexandria White [00:26:53]: She always gives good answers. That’s right.
Erin [00:26:56]: Your.
Speaker D [00:26:56]: Your, Your people do not have to be your neighbors or in your office. I have some virtual friends I have never met. And they are.
Erin [00:27:06]: Yeah.
Speaker D [00:27:07]: When you think of this work life integration or harmony outsource.
Alexandria White [00:27:12]: If you can find the people that you can. And of course, give some grace, because I, I, I’m.
Speaker D [00:27:21]: I’m studying.
Alexandria White [00:27:25]: Perimenopause. I don’t know if anybody watched.
Erin [00:27:28]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:27:28]: Yes.
Alexandria White [00:27:29]: Stop it.
Erin [00:27:29]: Me too.
Alexandria White [00:27:31]: I’m.
Speaker D [00:27:32]: I’m looking at all the mothers.
Alexandria White [00:27:33]: Oh, really quick.
Speaker D [00:27:35]: You all should read this.
Alexandria White [00:27:37]: It’s called.
Erin [00:27:39]: Okay, done.
Speaker D [00:27:40]: My Women’s New Midlife Crisis by A. Calhoun.
Erin [00:27:45]: Okay, Write it down. Let me take a picture of that. I take a picture. Just smile that. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:27:50]: Love it.
Erin [00:27:51]: There it is. That’s got it. That’s our new Morning Recap 100 Morning Recap.
Rebecca [00:27:55]: What you read last night. Yeah.
Alexandria White [00:27:58]: I know we’re talking about moms, but.
Speaker D [00:28:00]: I got to talk about all women.
Alexandria White [00:28:01]: Oh. What we’re going through.
Rebecca [00:28:03]: Oh, we are going through it. We are. We got the. We got the menopause fan over here.
Erin [00:28:07]: It’s turned on.
Rebecca [00:28:08]: Scott had to bring the menopause fan in here. We can’t handle it.
Erin [00:28:11]: I know. It gets too much too hot. I know. I told my partner, I said, you listen to me. If I wake up and that fan is not on again, you’re dead. You will not. You will.
Rebecca [00:28:21]: You will die. Yeah.
Erin [00:28:23]: Don’t. I am a sweat bucket over here. Do you. Do you see what’s happening to me? Take my temperature right now. It’s gotta be 110.
Rebecca [00:28:31]: And if you judge me, you will also die.
Erin [00:28:33]: That’s right. That’s right.
Rebecca [00:28:36]: Keep your mouth shut.
Erin [00:28:37]: I will smother you with this pillow if that fan is not on. Girl. I know it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Is that what that book is about?
Alexandria White [00:28:47]: It is.
Speaker D [00:28:48]: It’s about the new midlife crisis.
Alexandria White [00:28:51]: Everything from us overworking ourselves, the grind. Hello. Balancing everything, trying to integrate.
Speaker D [00:29:00]: Oh, it’s so good.
Alexandria White [00:29:01]: It’s so good.
Rebecca [00:29:01]: Okay, okay.
Erin [00:29:02]: Done, done, done.
Alexandria White [00:29:04]: Those that are listening, Joe, Add it to the.
Rebecca [00:29:07]: Add it to the list of what we’re going to talk about.
Alexandria White [00:29:08]: Yeah, we had our episode on menopause yet?
Rebecca [00:29:12]: Not yet. It’s on the line.
Erin [00:29:14]: What Will. Yeah, now it is. Now it is. Because no one’s talking about it. No one’s talking about it. I just read a book called the M Word the other day, and it was basically about everything. Menopause, perimenopause, hrt, all of this stuff and how it’s a. This is a crisis of women’s health that we’re not talking about these kind of things.
Rebecca [00:29:34]: I even called my mom and asked her and she’s like, I know.
Erin [00:29:37]: I asked her.
Alexandria White [00:29:37]: I don’t know.
Erin [00:29:38]: When did you start going through menopause?
Rebecca [00:29:40]: She literally had no idea. She had no idea. I go, how do you not know?
Erin [00:29:45]: Again, that’s a totally other episode. Put it on the shelf. Put it on the shelf. That’s a whole nother episode. But yeah.
Rebecca [00:29:50]: Yes.
Alexandria White [00:29:51]: See how we just pivoted off?
Erin [00:29:53]: I know.
Rebecca [00:29:53]: This is our problem. This is our problem.
Erin [00:29:55]: It’s fine.
Rebecca [00:29:56]: Back to. Back to. Back to.
Erin [00:29:57]: Back to midlife crisis.
Rebecca [00:29:58]: Okay.
Erin [00:29:59]: Moms who do too much.
Rebecca [00:30:00]: Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:30:03]: Moms who are bleeding themselves dry. That’s like mamapreneurs.
Rebecca [00:30:06]: Yeah.
Erin [00:30:06]: Moms with value. Moms who are trying to figure it all out. Women in general.
Rebecca [00:30:10]: Oh, speaking of, can we. Can we touch on mamapreneurs? Because Aaron and I, I want to talk about this because typically women don’t get paid enough.
Erin [00:30:19]: Right?
Rebecca [00:30:19]: So Erin and I have always had side gigs. So we’ve always had a little, you know, little. Little entrepreneur on the side. So not only are we moms have our full time day job, but then we also have this side gig, right? So now we’re. We’re the three. The three stool. What do they call the stool with the three legs? We always got the three legs going. So not only are we trying to balance mom life and our day job because we all gotta work. Cause we gotta support ourselves. Cause our man ain’t making enough.
Erin [00:30:44]: No, let’s be.
Rebecca [00:30:47]: Let’s be real clear, my man. Okay.
Alexandria White [00:30:49]: All right.
Rebecca [00:30:49]: I see where you guys are all of a sudden.
Erin [00:30:52]: Another.
Rebecca [00:30:53]: Another country hurts. All right, I’m clarifying. My man. Inserting myself into this conversation. My. My man. My man ain’t making enough. Okay, I ain’t making enough either. My wife is a sugar mama all the way. All the way.
Alexandria White [00:31:08]: So.
Rebecca [00:31:09]: So I got my 27 jobs going here. Okay. So I’m trying to balance all of that. Right. And then trying to do, you know, so you’ve got all that stuff going on. And then my, my hope is someday. I mean, I just did it. You know, I finally started, I left my. Well, that’s a whole other thing. But now I own my own business. So that, that whole entrepreneur kind of thing. So you want to touch on that a little bit because you, you talked about that you’re now an entrepreneur. You, you started your own business. Yeah, you know, talk about that a little bit because I know where.
Erin [00:31:38]: Yeah, love it.
Rebecca [00:31:38]: Well, all of a sudden we’re 30 minutes here so I could talk to you for three days.
Alexandria White [00:31:47]: I think for me, I always knew that I had to save myself. I would love to have a man in my life, but I knew nobody was going to come save me. And I have an Airbnb business, I have a boutique, I do consulting. I am a book, I’m an author, I’m a professor. I just started an AI photography business.
Speaker D [00:32:18]: That has just blossomed.
Alexandria White [00:32:20]: But I always knew that I had to have multiple streams of income because I felt no one was ever going to save me. I never wanted to date a guy because he had money. Because if I don’t like you, I don’t want, I don’t want to be with you.
Rebecca [00:32:36]: Yeah, you don’t want to be. You don’t want to feel forced or, you know, like you have to stay with them just because.
Alexandria White [00:32:43]: Yeah, out of my four. Out of my four engagements that one of them were, was. And I was like. Because he was like, oh, you’re going to be you. I’m going to take care of you. You’re going to be a stay at home mom. And that freaked me out. I was like, I don’t want, I would nothing.
Speaker D [00:33:02]: I’m going to stay at home moms.
Alexandria White [00:33:03]: But that is not my, that’s not my jam. But being entrepreneur. Oh my goodness. My daughter has to orders. I have. I did a whole another podcast about being a mompreneur, but I knew I.
Speaker D [00:33:19]: Always had to have something else coming.
Alexandria White [00:33:21]: In for me and my daughters.
Speaker D [00:33:23]: Oh.
Alexandria White [00:33:24]: And I also got custody of my brother. So I have to. Had. I had. Yes. So that’s another intersectionality. I went from a single mom to having custody of two teenage boys. And so all of that I had to have multiple streams of income. And I was always doing something, selling something. Everything from Mary Kay to I don’t know what else I sold. But it, it it was as a. I never wanted to rely on anyone. Trauma response. But in a different way or that I ever had to be with someone because I couldn’t maintain my own lifestyle. There it is. That. That was the. And I help other mothers. Any questions that you need about being a momipreneur, I’m. I’m open to it, but that. That. That was the foundation of it in.
Speaker D [00:34:19]: Everything that I do, I love.
Rebecca [00:34:21]: Yeah.
Erin [00:34:22]: Yeah, I was just gonna say that. That was exactly what I was gonna say. So. So what I love now about the life I’ve created, which is multiple different identities coming together. I’m able to be a mom. I’m able to be an entrepreneur. I’m able to teach college classes. I’m able to help friends when they need it. I love every single thing I am doing. Not one thing that I am doing during the day feels like work to me.
Rebecca [00:34:54]: Right.
Erin [00:34:55]: And so what that brings up for me is there’s a sense of identity that we are women who are multifaceted. And I think, you know, this midlife crisis might be about coming to terms with the fact that we have multiple different goals, hopes, dreams, desires of who we are as passionate, creative, loving women. And we’re finally, for one of the first times in history, at a financial place, at a freedom place. We still got. Got some ways to go. Don’t get me wrong here. Right. Where we’re able to embrace some of what makes us uniquely us.
Alexandria White [00:35:35]: Yeah.
Erin [00:35:36]: And if we look at that sort of on this continuum of I’m overcompensating because I. You know, you’re the kid who was never allowed to have soda when you were growing up. So now you drink four bottles a day. Right. Versus the scarcity of I’m too scared to branch out and to ch. Change what it means. I feel so blessed to have found the sweet spot in my own life of where I’m able to sort of manage what I love, what I want to be doing. Yeah. Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilt.
Speaker D [00:36:07]: Right?
Erin [00:36:07]: Yeah. It doesn’t mean I still don’t feel sometimes like I’m not winning in certain categories. Typically, mom is. Is what triggers for me is my. My kiddo needs a little bit more support. And sometimes that’s really hard for me. And so there are some times where I don’t feel like I’m nailing it in that particular area. Right. But for the most part, most days out of the year, I feel like I found this sweet spot of where I want to be and I had to rein it in from doing the kid who never received any soda.
Speaker D [00:36:43]: Right.
Erin [00:36:43]: Like that level. I had to rein it in to be where I am at today. And that process was difficult for me. I had to undo some trauma associated with why I was overdoing all of those things.
Rebecca [00:36:54]: Yeah.
Erin [00:36:54]: So I’m curious how many of the listeners can relate with that and where they are. If we think of it of a continuum of skier, skiered.
Rebecca [00:37:02]: Scared.
Erin [00:37:03]: Scared and fearful.
Rebecca [00:37:04]: Yeah.
Erin [00:37:04]: Scared and fearful about not knowing what to do all the way to overabundance, of doing it all. Where are you on that continuum?
Alexandria White [00:37:12]: You know, I also tell people when they talk about mommy guilt or I’m not doing this in this department is it’s a little bit of our ego in there.
Erin [00:37:24]: Sure.
Speaker D [00:37:26]: In there.
Alexandria White [00:37:27]: That, oh my goodness, I’ve got to be doing this. I should be doing this. My kids should be looking like this, eating like this, being in this many extracurricular activities.
Speaker D [00:37:38]: There’s some ego associated with that guilt.
Alexandria White [00:37:42]: And where is that placed?
Speaker D [00:37:44]: Were you told that from the neighborhood.
Alexandria White [00:37:47]: Or the other mothers or family members?
Speaker D [00:37:50]: Some of that has to do with.
Alexandria White [00:37:52]: Ego and understanding that we have to let it go. And I love Mel Robbins to let them theory, let them let them. And understanding that sometimes our own insecurities and egos showing up. And we put it on our children, we put it on our spouses, we put it on our husbands, our partners, and all of that. That we’re supp. Look this way, eat this way, drive this. All because of that, what we have been socialized. And so when I talk to people, oh, I, oh, my child only had McDonald’s. I said, I said, where is that coming from? How was that child able to eat? One of my favorite quotes, Theodore Roosevelt. Yes. Comparison is the thief of joy. And we do that a lot. We do that a lot.
Speaker D [00:38:51]: Which adds to our mommy guilt, which.
Alexandria White [00:38:53]: Adds, I’m not doing enough. And if we. I start talking about it enough, oh.
Speaker D [00:39:01]: We can start healing ourselves in our communities and moms.
Erin [00:39:05]: That’s right. And that, that for me, is what the Sam’s community is all about. Because I see myself in those posts, even if I am the lurker who’s reading something that someone just wrote that I think, oh, my gosh, I want to know the answers to this, but I’m not going to comment on it. Right. I see myself in so many of these posts. So my last question for you is, what’s next for Sam’s, for this community, for you, what’s next? What do you got on the horizon?
Speaker D [00:39:37]: Yeah, well, one, do a book tour.
Alexandria White [00:39:42]: I’m going to universities. I’m going to. To mom groups. It’s the summer, so I’m able to travel a lot. I usually teach in the fall. Definitely want to do that.
Speaker D [00:39:52]: And then there’s the money part of.
Alexandria White [00:39:54]: It I would love after I pay myself back, because this was not cheap. Yeah. So after all the bills are paid, I would love to. I’m going to start the first SAM scholarship. Yes. I’m gonna start the first SAM scholarship. There’s going to be new swag coming out. There’s going to be a book curriculum so that if you have a book club with this, you’ll be able to get all the. The questions and the prompts and then podcast that I would love to have.
Rebecca [00:40:29]: Oh, I love that.
Alexandria White [00:40:31]: Yes.
Speaker D [00:40:32]: So those are some of the things that are coming up.
Alexandria White [00:40:34]: I’m so excited.
Rebecca [00:40:36]: Oh, that’s really cool. Oh, that’s so great. Oh, I. I have a question. Yeah. I’m not in the Sam’s group because I assumed I’m no longer a student affairs professional. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be allowed to be in it. Am I allowed to be in it?
Erin [00:40:50]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:40:51]: All right. So I can join.
Erin [00:40:52]: You paid your dues, girl. You paid your dues. You just write that in the questions when Alex is the one who’s approving it. You put in the notes. I was in student affairs for at least 16 years. I promise you I did. I paid my time.
Rebecca [00:41:07]: I ran away on purpose.
Alexandria White [00:41:08]: Yeah. Right.
Erin [00:41:09]: Yeah.
Alexandria White [00:41:09]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:41:09]: I’m gonna join right after this.
Erin [00:41:11]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:41:11]: Okay. So anybody can join. Yeah. Okay.
Erin [00:41:14]: Well, okay. For. For the most part.
Rebecca [00:41:16]: Okay.
Erin [00:41:17]: Right. Not just anybody’s allowed. She’s built this.
Alexandria White [00:41:20]: We had some men who. People who identify as men who were upset they were not in there. And I said yes. Sorry.
Erin [00:41:27]: What you did. What you did. No, what you did was beautiful. You took it to the community.
Rebecca [00:41:32]: Okay.
Erin [00:41:32]: She said, you guys, there are some individuals who would like to be a part of this community. I’d like to pull you all to get your opinions. I read every one of those comments. Every single one of those comments.
Speaker D [00:41:42]: Right.
Erin [00:41:42]: And the answer was, I’m sorry. Please start your own community. For want that for you. We love that for you.
Rebecca [00:41:49]: Soon affair.
Erin [00:41:50]: This is our community.
Speaker D [00:41:51]: Yeah.
Erin [00:41:51]: You’re very protective. Yeah. I just want to read you some quick facts before we. Before we close out this episode. Quick facts about Sam’s community size. Over 8,000 members on Facebook. More than 6,400 active members. And an average of 80 daily posts. The average range is between 35 and 44. You better get in there quick. You’re about to get aged out that demographic.
Rebecca [00:42:16]: Wow.
Erin [00:42:16]: Yelled Bitty.
Rebecca [00:42:17]: Wow.
Erin [00:42:17]: Well, the top city, New York City, followed by Chicago, has the largest concentration of SAM’s members. There is representation from all 50 states in the SAM’s Facebook community, and SAM’s includes members from around the world, including Canada, the United Kingdom, Quaar, Qatar.
Alexandria White [00:42:35]: Qatar.
Erin [00:42:36]: Thank you. Qatar, Panama, Australia, Jamaica, Singapore, the Bahamas and South Africa. Wow. Let me read you one final thing before we close out this episode. This is the foreword of this book. Again. I’ll show you the book again. Hop onto Amazon. Grab it. I’m telling you, it is worth every single penny. You will pay for this. You will laugh, you will cry. You will see your this is a such a beautiful way to be a part so Forward by Dr. Susan R. Kolmives Student Affairs Moms Sams affirms for all of us that we each have a unique, messy story. These stories affirm that we are not alone. We are in sisterhood with others who truly understand what it’s like to be mothering and to be in meaningful student affairs work. In the context of our challenging institutions, our individual stories have built a collective that is strong, bold, honest and loving. And that is what it means to be a Student affairs mom.
Rebecca [00:43:42]: I love that.
Erin [00:43:43]: Dr. White, we are so thankful that you spent time with us today talking about all things mom moms and student affairs moms from Kodak, moms from a bunch of different places who are doing it all, trying to be at all, trying to have it all re establishing their values and figuring out how we are just doing the best that we possibly can every day through authenticity, vulnerability and by being the truest version of ourself.
Alexandria White [00:44:07]: So good.
Erin [00:44:08]: Thank you for being with us. Thank you for choosing the More Love podcast.
Rebecca [00:44:11]: Yes.
Erin [00:44:12]: We so look forward to staying in touch.
Rebecca [00:44:15]: Yes, it was so nice.
Erin [00:44:16]: We so look forward to staying in touch with you.
Rebecca [00:44:19]: Yes.
Erin [00:44:19]: And we’ll have you back for that Menopause up episode. Coming. We’re coming at you real quick.
Rebecca [00:44:23]: I can’t wait to meet you this summer.
Erin [00:44:25]: Yes, we’ll see you at University of Buffalo for your book tour.
Rebecca [00:44:28]: We sure will.
Erin [00:44:30]: We sure will. Thank you so much.
Rebecca [00:44:32]: Thank you.
Alexandria White [00:44:32]: Bye.
Alexandria White [00:00:45]: Another thing that I live by is, are you living or existing?
Erin [00:01:06]: I’m going to throw a name out there for you. And some of you may not know this person, Dr. Alexandria White, but I guarantee you that over 8,000 people on the Internet as a part of the student affairs moms community have their hands in the air and say, yes, girl, I know her, I love her. She is one of the women who has founded this beautiful community on the Internet known as Student Affairs Moms. It is all things moms, relationship, higher ed life, love, everything you can possibly imagine with the most wonderful group of human beings you will ever find on the Internet. And so I am so happy to introduce you today to Dr. Alexandria White, who’s going to be with us to talk about all things mom, entrepreneur, badass woman, how do we do it all, keep it all, maintain it all, and how do we still be really tired, but still keep doing it? Because we are.
Rebecca [00:02:11]: Survive, thrive. Yeah, that’s right.
Erin [00:02:13]: Survive, thrive. What are all those words of all those little theories there?
Rebecca [00:02:17]: Oh, I love it.
Erin [00:02:18]: Yes. So we are so happy, Dr. Alexandria White, that you are with us today. Thank you for being here. Welcome.
Speaker D [00:02:28]: Been a long time coming.
Alexandria White [00:02:30]: I’m so excited. I’m so excited. I just love the energy from your listening to your podcast. Amazing energy.
Erin [00:02:40]: Thank you. Thank you so much. You know something about amazing energy, so we take that as a massive compliment. Girl, listen, I’ve been following your journey something fierce. Oh, yeah, you started when you came on before we even started the podcast, you said something. So where are you located today? And I, I take note of the word today because she’s like, right now I’m in Mississippi, which does not mean that’s where she’s going to be for the rest of the week. Like, she is all going to be all over the place. She’s even going to be in Buffalo this summer at the University of Buffalo.
Rebecca [00:03:12]: Working or speaking or what her book debut. Yes.
Alexandria White [00:03:17]: Stop.
Erin [00:03:18]: Are we going 100%.
Alexandria White [00:03:20]: Oh, great, great.
Erin [00:03:21]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:03:21]: Are we going to dinner with her?
Alexandria White [00:03:22]: Absolutely.
Erin [00:03:23]: Yeah, we’re going to take you to dinner. You got plans? Perfect.
Rebecca [00:03:27]: Let’s take her to our favorite consignment shop with the bird.
Erin [00:03:29]: Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:03:29]: She’ll love it.
Erin [00:03:30]: She’ll love that, too.
Rebecca [00:03:31]: I love it.
Erin [00:03:31]: She’ll love it. So we’re so happy to dive in with you today. Can I call you Alexandria? Do you like Alex, Dr. White? What? Do you like Alex?
Alexandria White [00:03:41]: My mother only said Alexandria I was in trouble, so. Okay.
Rebecca [00:03:45]: Okay.
Erin [00:03:45]: Okay. Got it. Yep. Alex. We’re going with Alex.
Rebecca [00:03:48]: Okay. I love that.
Erin [00:03:49]: Great. So when, when I sort of dove into your story a little bit, what was clear to me is that you are woman of strength, resilience, consistently pushing yourself to the limit and trying to define the boundaries of what you are, redefine the boundaries of what you are going to be. So I would love if you told us a little bit about yourself as a mom, as an entrepreneur, as a someone who holds a pretty high position in your organization. Like, tell us who you are. How do you identify as a person?
Alexandria White [00:04:24]: To me, at the core of me, I am just a little black girl from the south side of Chicago. I grew up in humble beginning. I have five brothers, one sister. My parents were blue collar workers. Neither one of them had a college education. Neither of my grandmothers had a college education or a high school education. So I always knew that I was a little different. And so I do a lot of things being scared and being brave at the same time. So that is my mantra for my life. I have done a lot of, I’ve been a lot of first, but a lot what comes with that is being scared. But I, I, I have to do it anyway. I want to break generational curses.
Speaker D [00:05:23]: I want to help mothers.
Alexandria White [00:05:24]: I want to see more mompreneurs and mothers. If you want to be married, if.
Speaker D [00:05:30]: You want to be single, if you want to have a kid without a.
Alexandria White [00:05:34]: Spouse or a husband or a partner, you can do that too. And show that moms really do have a superpower of being limitless, that that’s about me.
Rebecca [00:05:47]: That’s true, yes.
Erin [00:05:48]: God, I love that so much. It is so true in everything that I have read about you. Right. And, and I keep coming back. This Sam’s Community. We have to talk about this Sam’s Community. So tell us how you started the idea or the concept of building this Sam’s mom community.
Alexandria White [00:06:10]: It was so grassroots.
Speaker D [00:06:13]: I was working at an institution. I Was the only mom in the whole department.
Rebecca [00:06:19]: Really?
Alexandria White [00:06:20]: Yes. Wow. It was amazing.
Speaker D [00:06:26]: And I lived on campus, so I.
Alexandria White [00:06:28]: Worked in housing and I was the only mother in my whole division of. With other housing people. I lived on campus and I said, I, I, you know, this is higher education.
Speaker D [00:06:45]: They have to have something for mothers.
Alexandria White [00:06:47]: You know, we have something, we have something for students that are mothers I know have something for.
Speaker D [00:06:54]: So I went to all the major higher education, you know, websites, naspa, acpa, everything. And I could not find a space for mothers to talk about being in higher ed.
Alexandria White [00:07:13]: Wow. I lived on campus. I was the mother who was dragging.
Speaker D [00:07:19]: Her child to all the after hours programs.
Alexandria White [00:07:22]: That’s right.
Speaker D [00:07:23]: We’re eating the food court.
Alexandria White [00:07:25]: That’s right. Next thing. That’s how it was that how I started it Is I out of. I needed a community to talk about balancing motherhood, working in higher education.
Rebecca [00:07:41]: Wow.
Erin [00:07:42]: I love that.
Rebecca [00:07:43]: Wow. Well, you know, I share a similar story. I was living in the res hall and pregnant when I was a resident director. So I mean, I didn’t, I ended up moving out, but I didn’t full blown have the kid living there. I couldn’t, I didn’t do that. But I relate very, very strongly.
Erin [00:08:02]: Yeah. So do 8,000 other people who are a part of this community.
Rebecca [00:08:06]: Very, very much.
Erin [00:08:07]: Incredible. But here’s what’s fascinating to me about that. So you had to really strongly identify with your role as a mother and with your role as a student affairs professional to then even notice that there was a gap in those two areas. Because I was not a mother when I was in the residence halls. I was a mother later on in my student affairs journey. But I know that when I found this community, there’s something so special about the bridging together of the mom role with the really unique qualities of women who belong and are the heart of student affairs. So it’s so interesting to me that you, you, you noticed those two identities for yourself and then said, there isn’t a space for us. Let me create one. Right.
Rebecca [00:09:02]: Yeah. It’s very cool.
Alexandria White [00:09:04]: And so I.
Speaker D [00:09:06]: Well, go ahead, go ahead.
Alexandria White [00:09:07]: I just, it gives me chill. Bump chills when you say it like that. So. Yes. And it makes me emotional because it was tough days being a higher ed.
Speaker D [00:09:21]: Person, student affairs and being a mom.
Alexandria White [00:09:23]: It was some tough days.
Rebecca [00:09:26]: I mean, I remember my daughter. So quick story. Sorry to bring it back to me, but it gives me chills to think about it because when I did leave, I went to a different institution and raised my daughter, bringing her Because I went into student activities. So guess what? After hours, I was planning the activities and guess who had to come with me because I was working and I didn’t have childcare. So she had to come with me while I was in instilling the activities for the students. So she was right along with me when the concerts were going on, when the kids, when the students were, you know, at the carnivals. And I mean, she grew up right alongside doing all it. She grew up at the college.
Erin [00:10:07]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:08]: You know. Yeah, that’s what happened.
Erin [00:10:10]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:11]: And she loved it and I loved it. But it was hard. It was hard. And you know, balancing that and balancing figuring out how to still be a mom and still maintain her, not exposing her to college life as a three year old, you know, but still being a mom to her and putting her bed, being able to put her to bed as a mom, you know, things like that, that was tough. And how, how would I balance that, but still being really good at my job, you know, that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:10:48]: You say the word. Oh, no, go ahead, Alex.
Speaker D [00:10:51]: Talk about the great things sometimes of.
Alexandria White [00:10:54]: Being having our kids on campus and the RAs know them and they’re eating.
Rebecca [00:11:01]: They’Re in all the.
Alexandria White [00:11:02]: Right. I tell this story because it was so impactful. So we have some housing people.
Speaker D [00:11:09]: Your housing.
Alexandria White [00:11:10]: I lived on campus.
Speaker D [00:11:12]: That means I also was responsible for conduct.
Alexandria White [00:11:15]: Right?
Speaker D [00:11:16]: Responsible for conduct. And I was also responsible for family housing. And so I often had to sanction parents.
Alexandria White [00:11:25]: Right.
Speaker D [00:11:26]: I had to sanction parents that were.
Alexandria White [00:11:28]: Students and those parents had children and.
Speaker D [00:11:32]: Those children went to school with my daughter. My daughter was sometime the subject of.
Alexandria White [00:11:39]: Bullying because your mom got my mom in trouble. And that is when I saw the intersection of being a mom, being a professional living on campus. And that is when I said I.
Speaker D [00:11:58]: Have to have community because those children.
Alexandria White [00:12:01]: Were mad at my daughter because they knew who I was. That’s next level. Oh, yeah.
Speaker D [00:12:09]: So that was a downside.
Alexandria White [00:12:11]: That was a difficult day for. Difficult time for a child to have to bring their mother’s work to school.
Erin [00:12:22]: Yeah, that’s hard for me. It’s touching upon this topic of balance.
Rebecca [00:12:28]: Right.
Erin [00:12:29]: In this episode we want to talk about basically, how do you have it all? Should you have it all when you feel like you are doing it all? The high that you feel when you have accomplished and continue to accomplish things at such a great level and being a part of the SAMS community. For me, in the variety of topics and things that people talk about, one of my favorite parts is that it Shows the vulnerability of women who are doing and managing so much and yet still have the vulnerability, the ability to be able to say, I’m not doing okay right now. This isn’t. This isn’t really going well. Right. And so there’s a question in there somewhere, and maybe it’s, what are your opinions on how we have it all? Can we have it all? Is the goal to have it all? What are we trying to prove? Right. Like, yeah, I’ll. I’ll leave it at that. What are some of thoughts come up?
Alexandria White [00:13:54]: Can we.
Speaker D [00:13:55]: I’m sorry, I’m answering a question with a question, but can we define what is having it all?
Alexandria White [00:14:01]: Because I think it is the perspective. I think it’s socialization. Because one of the reasons why I opted to do this podcast is because of your authenticity. And so I am very authentic, approachable, vulnerable. I have no problem.
Speaker D [00:14:21]: I’m telling personal things.
Alexandria White [00:14:23]: And so according to some people, I don’t have it all. Right? I am not married.
Speaker D [00:14:29]: I have been engaged four times.
Alexandria White [00:14:31]: My friends call me the runaway fiance. I have been more successful single.
Speaker D [00:14:39]: Right.
Alexandria White [00:14:41]: And so there are people who look.
Speaker D [00:14:43]: At me, some people in my life.
Alexandria White [00:14:45]: And my family who feel that I don’t have it all because I have never been married or partnered or things like that. And so I’m always, when people ask that, Alex, you have it all, but.
Speaker D [00:14:58]: Who defines what is having it all?
Alexandria White [00:15:01]: And what does that look like? And for me, it looks like freedom. It looks like the luxury of. I’ve raised my daughter on a college campus. She is okay, you know, she, you know, we all got. Most of us have therapists.
Speaker D [00:15:22]: I haven’t been too bad.
Alexandria White [00:15:25]: And.
Speaker D [00:15:28]: That is having it all to me. But I know we are socialized to.
Alexandria White [00:15:32]: Have the house, the husband, the partner, the 2.5 kids, and the white picket fence. And so there are people that might.
Speaker D [00:15:40]: Be listening right now to say she.
Alexandria White [00:15:42]: Doesn’T have it all.
Speaker D [00:15:43]: And so it’s important for the listeners.
Alexandria White [00:15:45]: It’S important for people that are in.
Speaker D [00:15:47]: The range of my voice for you.
Alexandria White [00:15:48]: To define what is having it all. But we do. We want the. To be wonderful professionals. We want to be wonderful moms, PTO members, sorority members, the all. All the things. But it’s time for us to define what’s happening at all.
Erin [00:16:08]: So that’s where I leave the podcast. And you two just take over from here because that’s hilarious. Our singing Rebecca, full on.
Rebecca [00:16:17]: She basically just did the entire next episode.
Erin [00:16:19]: Yeah, absolutely.
Rebecca [00:16:21]: And she. And she does speak my language.
Erin [00:16:23]: Yes, she does.
Rebecca [00:16:23]: She speaks. We are soulmates.
Erin [00:16:26]: Yeah. All right. Have a great year. See you later.
Rebecca [00:16:29]: Oh, Alex.
Erin [00:16:31]: But what I hear you saying is so beautiful. It is. And Rebecca terms this in terms of values. We have to get right with what our values are and where we want to be spending our time. And then once we’ve determined what our values are, if we say that family is our first value and work is our second value and our third value is being a really good friend, then open up your calendar or open it up on your phone and ask yourself, is this where my time commitments are better aligning? And so I’m hearing you both say something very similar, which is the external opinion on what it means to have it all is nowhere near as important as necessary or as validating as your own internal desire to define that based in what is most important to you. And then are you living those values day in and day out?
Alexandria White [00:17:31]: Yeah, all of. Another thing that I live by is, are you living or existing? And my values.
Speaker D [00:17:44]: What.
Alexandria White [00:17:44]: What’s my. My value?
Rebecca [00:17:49]: This is the year of Aaron just having it slap. Are you available after the podcast? It’s like, it’s like a salmon on either side of her face.
Erin [00:17:59]: Are you living or existing? Oh, yeah.
Rebecca [00:18:03]: Yep.
Erin [00:18:04]: I don’t love that question.
Rebecca [00:18:05]: Right.
Erin [00:18:06]: And it’s not because I don’t like the question. It’s because I don’t love how.
Alexandria White [00:18:11]: Right.
Erin [00:18:12]: When you ask the question.
Rebecca [00:18:14]: Keep going, Alex. Keep going, keep going. Ask her some more.
Erin [00:18:17]: You’re an idiot.
Rebecca [00:18:23]: I’m really enjoying this. I bet you are.
Erin [00:18:25]: I bet you are.
Speaker D [00:18:28]: I, I.
Alexandria White [00:18:30]: When I think of people, the data.
Speaker D [00:18:34]: The stress that we are under.
Alexandria White [00:18:36]: Do you like in the book, you can.
Speaker D [00:18:39]: The stress.
Alexandria White [00:18:40]: I mean, how people worked and worked.
Speaker D [00:18:44]: And worked until someone told them they needed to leave and they were finally leaving and their water broke, and then they had to deliver their own child because they were trying to give so much to the university or the college. We had someone who had a miscarriage at a higher ed conference, and she was more concerned about the students.
Rebecca [00:19:09]: Absolutely not. I cannot.
Speaker D [00:19:12]: Where does that come from, People where.
Alexandria White [00:19:16]: That work, life, and having it all.
Speaker D [00:19:19]: Is putting us second or third or fourth down the list.
Alexandria White [00:19:24]: And it’s that values center that you have got to talk about. And this book is just the epitome of everybody telling their story and how their values were seen or are now more visible. And that’s that. That what makes me smile about this book. We told the people, this is not going to be academic. Maybe our next book is going to be academic.
Speaker D [00:19:49]: We Want you to use profanity.
Alexandria White [00:19:51]: We want.
Speaker D [00:19:52]: You can be graphic, you can use your ghost name.
Alexandria White [00:19:54]: We don’t care. We know people jobs. And that’s why this book is such a. A gem and a passion project because people were authentic. Just you all are authentic friends and professionals. So yeah, that’s what it, it means to me.
Erin [00:20:12]: Yeah, I love that. I love that. I. I couldn’t agree more. So I’m going to hold up the book so you guys can see it. The Magic of Sam’s Student Affairs Moms. I got mine on Amazon. I read it, I cried, I laughed. I related. I over identified this. This book here, every single page of it is just this beautiful compilation of what it means to be beautifully human in the identities of moms and professionals at the same time. And I, I would, I would venture to say that there’s something uniquely profound about a student affairs mom compared to a mom who works at Xerox or a mom who works at, you know, some other. Maybe Xerox is the only idea that came to my mind. But I don’t know why is Xerox even in business? Wegmans. Yeah, it doesn’t really matter.
Rebecca [00:21:12]: Walmart, Corporate.
Erin [00:21:14]: It doesn’t really matter. Versus yeah, it could be anything. It could be Starbucks. It doesn’t. Doesn’t even matter. I know.
Rebecca [00:21:21]: Xerox, Xerox, Kodak.
Erin [00:21:24]: What do they even do with Xerox? Paper? I can’t does it. Kodak, anyone?
Alexandria White [00:21:29]: Kodak.
Erin [00:21:29]: I can’t. So. But there’s something so uniquely beautiful about a student affairs moms. And it got to me with the story that you just told about the woman who had the miscarriage at the conference. There is this innate sense of giving and empathy and people pleasing and you are not enough unless you have drained yourself entirely for the lives of others. That comes from professions associated with affairs. I fell into student affairs completely randomly.
Rebecca [00:22:11]: So did I.
Erin [00:22:12]: Someone was in my counseling master’s program. She was a resident director. She lived for free. I thought I wanted to live for free. A job became open. I lived for free.
Rebecca [00:22:23]: The job became open because I got a promotion. She took my job. That’s how we became friends. Anyway, that’s exactly how it happened.
Erin [00:22:31]: So this random experience happens where I’m now in student affairs. But then the more I lived student affairs, the more I felt at odds with. I don’t want to identify as someone who lives, eats, breathes and does everything for everyone all of the time because I found that that was exhausting and I had no sense of self Left, right. And so when I go back into these spaces, I have a keynote presentation I give on burnout, where I talk about the system associated with burnout, not the person associated with burnout. And it’s in higher education environments and how higher ed, in a lot of ways, the system itself does not have safeguards in place to keep people, specifically student affairs moms, from bleeding out and from just giving and giving and giving. And my question then becomes, as a mom who’s trying to have it all, a mom in student affairs, a mom who works at Xerox, whatever, how do you find that balance? How do you find that boundary that says, I love what I’m doing and what I’m giving to others, but at the same time, I don’t want to over give to the point where I have nothing left anymore? That tiredness, how do you find that one?
Alexandria White [00:24:06]: I, yes, I work in student affairs, but I also do some consulting. And I am all about semantics. And so I, when I’m coaching or when I’m presenting, I no longer use work life balance. I actually use integration or harmony because I am promoting the calls that in.
Speaker D [00:24:30]: Student affairs you can get another job.
Alexandria White [00:24:32]: I promise you, institutions, they’re not going anywhere, but you never get a chance to have a three year old or four year old at that specific time in their life. And work life integration for me is understanding once again, those values. Work life integration for me is understanding.
Speaker D [00:24:56]: That it is okay to outsource your life.
Alexandria White [00:24:58]: And we’ll talk a little bit about that.
Speaker D [00:25:01]: Work life integration for me is understanding.
Alexandria White [00:25:04]: Who is your people. Who are my people for the outsourcing. I, I used to be the. I got it, I got it, I got it. It comes from trauma. It comes from growing up when not having things.
Speaker D [00:25:24]: And so my trauma response, of course.
Alexandria White [00:25:26]: This is from therapy, is that I have it together. Right. And so now here’s my response.
Erin [00:25:35]: Yeah, now you’re triggering. Rebecca, that’s fine. You’re just, you’re just hitting us both with the 1, 2. Does that salmon feel over there? You clown? Now she gave you the salmon.
Rebecca [00:25:46]: Okay, okay, I’m back in.
Erin [00:25:48]: Back in.
Rebecca [00:25:48]: Okay.
Alexandria White [00:25:52]: Therapy.
Speaker D [00:25:52]: So work life integration. I’m outsourced in my life. If I’m able to have someone bring food doesn’t mean that I’m any less of a mom if I have someone.
Alexandria White [00:26:03]: That I take my clothes to.
Speaker D [00:26:05]: Because I don’t want to spend all day Saturday and Sunday washing my clothes.
Erin [00:26:09]: Yeah.
Speaker D [00:26:10]: To a fluff and full service. I can, if this not in the budget I totally understand. I’m outsourcing my life. If I have to call my best friend and say, can you come and.
Alexandria White [00:26:21]: Pick up your godson goddaughter for just two or three hours? That’s out life.
Speaker D [00:26:30]: Who are your people?
Alexandria White [00:26:31]: We are so keen on. I don’t want people in my business. I don’t want to seem weak and. Oh, I got it.
Speaker D [00:26:40]: Find your authentic people.
Alexandria White [00:26:43]: My authentic people.
Speaker D [00:26:45]: Some of them I have never met. They’re literally in the Facebook group. I literally read their answers and, like.
Alexandria White [00:26:53]: She always gives good answers. That’s right.
Erin [00:26:56]: Your.
Speaker D [00:26:56]: Your, Your people do not have to be your neighbors or in your office. I have some virtual friends I have never met. And they are.
Erin [00:27:06]: Yeah.
Speaker D [00:27:07]: When you think of this work life integration or harmony outsource.
Alexandria White [00:27:12]: If you can find the people that you can. And of course, give some grace, because I, I, I’m.
Speaker D [00:27:21]: I’m studying.
Alexandria White [00:27:25]: Perimenopause. I don’t know if anybody watched.
Erin [00:27:28]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:27:28]: Yes.
Alexandria White [00:27:29]: Stop it.
Erin [00:27:29]: Me too.
Alexandria White [00:27:31]: I’m.
Speaker D [00:27:32]: I’m looking at all the mothers.
Alexandria White [00:27:33]: Oh, really quick.
Speaker D [00:27:35]: You all should read this.
Alexandria White [00:27:37]: It’s called.
Erin [00:27:39]: Okay, done.
Speaker D [00:27:40]: My Women’s New Midlife Crisis by A. Calhoun.
Erin [00:27:45]: Okay, Write it down. Let me take a picture of that. I take a picture. Just smile that. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:27:50]: Love it.
Erin [00:27:51]: There it is. That’s got it. That’s our new Morning Recap 100 Morning Recap.
Rebecca [00:27:55]: What you read last night. Yeah.
Alexandria White [00:27:58]: I know we’re talking about moms, but.
Speaker D [00:28:00]: I got to talk about all women.
Alexandria White [00:28:01]: Oh. What we’re going through.
Rebecca [00:28:03]: Oh, we are going through it. We are. We got the. We got the menopause fan over here.
Erin [00:28:07]: It’s turned on.
Rebecca [00:28:08]: Scott had to bring the menopause fan in here. We can’t handle it.
Erin [00:28:11]: I know. It gets too much too hot. I know. I told my partner, I said, you listen to me. If I wake up and that fan is not on again, you’re dead. You will not. You will.
Rebecca [00:28:21]: You will die. Yeah.
Erin [00:28:23]: Don’t. I am a sweat bucket over here. Do you. Do you see what’s happening to me? Take my temperature right now. It’s gotta be 110.
Rebecca [00:28:31]: And if you judge me, you will also die.
Erin [00:28:33]: That’s right. That’s right.
Rebecca [00:28:36]: Keep your mouth shut.
Erin [00:28:37]: I will smother you with this pillow if that fan is not on. Girl. I know it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Is that what that book is about?
Alexandria White [00:28:47]: It is.
Speaker D [00:28:48]: It’s about the new midlife crisis.
Alexandria White [00:28:51]: Everything from us overworking ourselves, the grind. Hello. Balancing everything, trying to integrate.
Speaker D [00:29:00]: Oh, it’s so good.
Alexandria White [00:29:01]: It’s so good.
Rebecca [00:29:01]: Okay, okay.
Erin [00:29:02]: Done, done, done.
Alexandria White [00:29:04]: Those that are listening, Joe, Add it to the.
Rebecca [00:29:07]: Add it to the list of what we’re going to talk about.
Alexandria White [00:29:08]: Yeah, we had our episode on menopause yet?
Rebecca [00:29:12]: Not yet. It’s on the line.
Erin [00:29:14]: What Will. Yeah, now it is. Now it is. Because no one’s talking about it. No one’s talking about it. I just read a book called the M Word the other day, and it was basically about everything. Menopause, perimenopause, hrt, all of this stuff and how it’s a. This is a crisis of women’s health that we’re not talking about these kind of things.
Rebecca [00:29:34]: I even called my mom and asked her and she’s like, I know.
Erin [00:29:37]: I asked her.
Alexandria White [00:29:37]: I don’t know.
Erin [00:29:38]: When did you start going through menopause?
Rebecca [00:29:40]: She literally had no idea. She had no idea. I go, how do you not know?
Erin [00:29:45]: Again, that’s a totally other episode. Put it on the shelf. Put it on the shelf. That’s a whole nother episode. But yeah.
Rebecca [00:29:50]: Yes.
Alexandria White [00:29:51]: See how we just pivoted off?
Erin [00:29:53]: I know.
Rebecca [00:29:53]: This is our problem. This is our problem.
Erin [00:29:55]: It’s fine.
Rebecca [00:29:56]: Back to. Back to. Back to.
Erin [00:29:57]: Back to midlife crisis.
Rebecca [00:29:58]: Okay.
Erin [00:29:59]: Moms who do too much.
Rebecca [00:30:00]: Yeah, yeah.
Erin [00:30:03]: Moms who are bleeding themselves dry. That’s like mamapreneurs.
Rebecca [00:30:06]: Yeah.
Erin [00:30:06]: Moms with value. Moms who are trying to figure it all out. Women in general.
Rebecca [00:30:10]: Oh, speaking of, can we. Can we touch on mamapreneurs? Because Aaron and I, I want to talk about this because typically women don’t get paid enough.
Erin [00:30:19]: Right?
Rebecca [00:30:19]: So Erin and I have always had side gigs. So we’ve always had a little, you know, little. Little entrepreneur on the side. So not only are we moms have our full time day job, but then we also have this side gig, right? So now we’re. We’re the three. The three stool. What do they call the stool with the three legs? We always got the three legs going. So not only are we trying to balance mom life and our day job because we all gotta work. Cause we gotta support ourselves. Cause our man ain’t making enough.
Erin [00:30:44]: No, let’s be.
Rebecca [00:30:47]: Let’s be real clear, my man. Okay.
Alexandria White [00:30:49]: All right.
Rebecca [00:30:49]: I see where you guys are all of a sudden.
Erin [00:30:52]: Another.
Rebecca [00:30:53]: Another country hurts. All right, I’m clarifying. My man. Inserting myself into this conversation. My. My man. My man ain’t making enough. Okay, I ain’t making enough either. My wife is a sugar mama all the way. All the way.
Alexandria White [00:31:08]: So.
Rebecca [00:31:09]: So I got my 27 jobs going here. Okay. So I’m trying to balance all of that. Right. And then trying to do, you know, so you’ve got all that stuff going on. And then my, my hope is someday. I mean, I just did it. You know, I finally started, I left my. Well, that’s a whole other thing. But now I own my own business. So that, that whole entrepreneur kind of thing. So you want to touch on that a little bit because you, you talked about that you’re now an entrepreneur. You, you started your own business. Yeah, you know, talk about that a little bit because I know where.
Erin [00:31:38]: Yeah, love it.
Rebecca [00:31:38]: Well, all of a sudden we’re 30 minutes here so I could talk to you for three days.
Alexandria White [00:31:47]: I think for me, I always knew that I had to save myself. I would love to have a man in my life, but I knew nobody was going to come save me. And I have an Airbnb business, I have a boutique, I do consulting. I am a book, I’m an author, I’m a professor. I just started an AI photography business.
Speaker D [00:32:18]: That has just blossomed.
Alexandria White [00:32:20]: But I always knew that I had to have multiple streams of income because I felt no one was ever going to save me. I never wanted to date a guy because he had money. Because if I don’t like you, I don’t want, I don’t want to be with you.
Rebecca [00:32:36]: Yeah, you don’t want to be. You don’t want to feel forced or, you know, like you have to stay with them just because.
Alexandria White [00:32:43]: Yeah, out of my four. Out of my four engagements that one of them were, was. And I was like. Because he was like, oh, you’re going to be you. I’m going to take care of you. You’re going to be a stay at home mom. And that freaked me out. I was like, I don’t want, I would nothing.
Speaker D [00:33:02]: I’m going to stay at home moms.
Alexandria White [00:33:03]: But that is not my, that’s not my jam. But being entrepreneur. Oh my goodness. My daughter has to orders. I have. I did a whole another podcast about being a mompreneur, but I knew I.
Speaker D [00:33:19]: Always had to have something else coming.
Alexandria White [00:33:21]: In for me and my daughters.
Speaker D [00:33:23]: Oh.
Alexandria White [00:33:24]: And I also got custody of my brother. So I have to. Had. I had. Yes. So that’s another intersectionality. I went from a single mom to having custody of two teenage boys. And so all of that I had to have multiple streams of income. And I was always doing something, selling something. Everything from Mary Kay to I don’t know what else I sold. But it, it it was as a. I never wanted to rely on anyone. Trauma response. But in a different way or that I ever had to be with someone because I couldn’t maintain my own lifestyle. There it is. That. That was the. And I help other mothers. Any questions that you need about being a momipreneur, I’m. I’m open to it, but that. That. That was the foundation of it in.
Speaker D [00:34:19]: Everything that I do, I love.
Rebecca [00:34:21]: Yeah.
Erin [00:34:22]: Yeah, I was just gonna say that. That was exactly what I was gonna say. So. So what I love now about the life I’ve created, which is multiple different identities coming together. I’m able to be a mom. I’m able to be an entrepreneur. I’m able to teach college classes. I’m able to help friends when they need it. I love every single thing I am doing. Not one thing that I am doing during the day feels like work to me.
Rebecca [00:34:54]: Right.
Erin [00:34:55]: And so what that brings up for me is there’s a sense of identity that we are women who are multifaceted. And I think, you know, this midlife crisis might be about coming to terms with the fact that we have multiple different goals, hopes, dreams, desires of who we are as passionate, creative, loving women. And we’re finally, for one of the first times in history, at a financial place, at a freedom place. We still got. Got some ways to go. Don’t get me wrong here. Right. Where we’re able to embrace some of what makes us uniquely us.
Alexandria White [00:35:35]: Yeah.
Erin [00:35:36]: And if we look at that sort of on this continuum of I’m overcompensating because I. You know, you’re the kid who was never allowed to have soda when you were growing up. So now you drink four bottles a day. Right. Versus the scarcity of I’m too scared to branch out and to ch. Change what it means. I feel so blessed to have found the sweet spot in my own life of where I’m able to sort of manage what I love, what I want to be doing. Yeah. Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilt.
Speaker D [00:36:07]: Right?
Erin [00:36:07]: Yeah. It doesn’t mean I still don’t feel sometimes like I’m not winning in certain categories. Typically, mom is. Is what triggers for me is my. My kiddo needs a little bit more support. And sometimes that’s really hard for me. And so there are some times where I don’t feel like I’m nailing it in that particular area. Right. But for the most part, most days out of the year, I feel like I found this sweet spot of where I want to be and I had to rein it in from doing the kid who never received any soda.
Speaker D [00:36:43]: Right.
Erin [00:36:43]: Like that level. I had to rein it in to be where I am at today. And that process was difficult for me. I had to undo some trauma associated with why I was overdoing all of those things.
Rebecca [00:36:54]: Yeah.
Erin [00:36:54]: So I’m curious how many of the listeners can relate with that and where they are. If we think of it of a continuum of skier, skiered.
Rebecca [00:37:02]: Scared.
Erin [00:37:03]: Scared and fearful.
Rebecca [00:37:04]: Yeah.
Erin [00:37:04]: Scared and fearful about not knowing what to do all the way to overabundance, of doing it all. Where are you on that continuum?
Alexandria White [00:37:12]: You know, I also tell people when they talk about mommy guilt or I’m not doing this in this department is it’s a little bit of our ego in there.
Erin [00:37:24]: Sure.
Speaker D [00:37:26]: In there.
Alexandria White [00:37:27]: That, oh my goodness, I’ve got to be doing this. I should be doing this. My kids should be looking like this, eating like this, being in this many extracurricular activities.
Speaker D [00:37:38]: There’s some ego associated with that guilt.
Alexandria White [00:37:42]: And where is that placed?
Speaker D [00:37:44]: Were you told that from the neighborhood.
Alexandria White [00:37:47]: Or the other mothers or family members?
Speaker D [00:37:50]: Some of that has to do with.
Alexandria White [00:37:52]: Ego and understanding that we have to let it go. And I love Mel Robbins to let them theory, let them let them. And understanding that sometimes our own insecurities and egos showing up. And we put it on our children, we put it on our spouses, we put it on our husbands, our partners, and all of that. That we’re supp. Look this way, eat this way, drive this. All because of that, what we have been socialized. And so when I talk to people, oh, I, oh, my child only had McDonald’s. I said, I said, where is that coming from? How was that child able to eat? One of my favorite quotes, Theodore Roosevelt. Yes. Comparison is the thief of joy. And we do that a lot. We do that a lot.
Speaker D [00:38:51]: Which adds to our mommy guilt, which.
Alexandria White [00:38:53]: Adds, I’m not doing enough. And if we. I start talking about it enough, oh.
Speaker D [00:39:01]: We can start healing ourselves in our communities and moms.
Erin [00:39:05]: That’s right. And that, that for me, is what the Sam’s community is all about. Because I see myself in those posts, even if I am the lurker who’s reading something that someone just wrote that I think, oh, my gosh, I want to know the answers to this, but I’m not going to comment on it. Right. I see myself in so many of these posts. So my last question for you is, what’s next for Sam’s, for this community, for you, what’s next? What do you got on the horizon?
Speaker D [00:39:37]: Yeah, well, one, do a book tour.
Alexandria White [00:39:42]: I’m going to universities. I’m going to. To mom groups. It’s the summer, so I’m able to travel a lot. I usually teach in the fall. Definitely want to do that.
Speaker D [00:39:52]: And then there’s the money part of.
Alexandria White [00:39:54]: It I would love after I pay myself back, because this was not cheap. Yeah. So after all the bills are paid, I would love to. I’m going to start the first SAM scholarship. Yes. I’m gonna start the first SAM scholarship. There’s going to be new swag coming out. There’s going to be a book curriculum so that if you have a book club with this, you’ll be able to get all the. The questions and the prompts and then podcast that I would love to have.
Rebecca [00:40:29]: Oh, I love that.
Alexandria White [00:40:31]: Yes.
Speaker D [00:40:32]: So those are some of the things that are coming up.
Alexandria White [00:40:34]: I’m so excited.
Rebecca [00:40:36]: Oh, that’s really cool. Oh, that’s so great. Oh, I. I have a question. Yeah. I’m not in the Sam’s group because I assumed I’m no longer a student affairs professional. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be allowed to be in it. Am I allowed to be in it?
Erin [00:40:50]: Absolutely.
Rebecca [00:40:51]: All right. So I can join.
Erin [00:40:52]: You paid your dues, girl. You paid your dues. You just write that in the questions when Alex is the one who’s approving it. You put in the notes. I was in student affairs for at least 16 years. I promise you I did. I paid my time.
Rebecca [00:41:07]: I ran away on purpose.
Alexandria White [00:41:08]: Yeah. Right.
Erin [00:41:09]: Yeah.
Alexandria White [00:41:09]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:41:09]: I’m gonna join right after this.
Erin [00:41:11]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:41:11]: Okay. So anybody can join. Yeah. Okay.
Erin [00:41:14]: Well, okay. For. For the most part.
Rebecca [00:41:16]: Okay.
Erin [00:41:17]: Right. Not just anybody’s allowed. She’s built this.
Alexandria White [00:41:20]: We had some men who. People who identify as men who were upset they were not in there. And I said yes. Sorry.
Erin [00:41:27]: What you did. What you did. No, what you did was beautiful. You took it to the community.
Rebecca [00:41:32]: Okay.
Erin [00:41:32]: She said, you guys, there are some individuals who would like to be a part of this community. I’d like to pull you all to get your opinions. I read every one of those comments. Every single one of those comments.
Speaker D [00:41:42]: Right.
Erin [00:41:42]: And the answer was, I’m sorry. Please start your own community. For want that for you. We love that for you.
Rebecca [00:41:49]: Soon affair.
Erin [00:41:50]: This is our community.
Speaker D [00:41:51]: Yeah.
Erin [00:41:51]: You’re very protective. Yeah. I just want to read you some quick facts before we. Before we close out this episode. Quick facts about Sam’s community size. Over 8,000 members on Facebook. More than 6,400 active members. And an average of 80 daily posts. The average range is between 35 and 44. You better get in there quick. You’re about to get aged out that demographic.
Rebecca [00:42:16]: Wow.
Erin [00:42:16]: Yelled Bitty.
Rebecca [00:42:17]: Wow.
Erin [00:42:17]: Well, the top city, New York City, followed by Chicago, has the largest concentration of SAM’s members. There is representation from all 50 states in the SAM’s Facebook community, and SAM’s includes members from around the world, including Canada, the United Kingdom, Quaar, Qatar.
Alexandria White [00:42:35]: Qatar.
Erin [00:42:36]: Thank you. Qatar, Panama, Australia, Jamaica, Singapore, the Bahamas and South Africa. Wow. Let me read you one final thing before we close out this episode. This is the foreword of this book. Again. I’ll show you the book again. Hop onto Amazon. Grab it. I’m telling you, it is worth every single penny. You will pay for this. You will laugh, you will cry. You will see your this is a such a beautiful way to be a part so Forward by Dr. Susan R. Kolmives Student Affairs Moms Sams affirms for all of us that we each have a unique, messy story. These stories affirm that we are not alone. We are in sisterhood with others who truly understand what it’s like to be mothering and to be in meaningful student affairs work. In the context of our challenging institutions, our individual stories have built a collective that is strong, bold, honest and loving. And that is what it means to be a Student affairs mom.
Rebecca [00:43:42]: I love that.
Erin [00:43:43]: Dr. White, we are so thankful that you spent time with us today talking about all things mom moms and student affairs moms from Kodak, moms from a bunch of different places who are doing it all, trying to be at all, trying to have it all re establishing their values and figuring out how we are just doing the best that we possibly can every day through authenticity, vulnerability and by being the truest version of ourself.
Alexandria White [00:44:07]: So good.
Erin [00:44:08]: Thank you for being with us. Thank you for choosing the More Love podcast.
Rebecca [00:44:11]: Yes.
Erin [00:44:12]: We so look forward to staying in touch.
Rebecca [00:44:15]: Yes, it was so nice.
Erin [00:44:16]: We so look forward to staying in touch with you.
Rebecca [00:44:19]: Yes.
Erin [00:44:19]: And we’ll have you back for that Menopause up episode. Coming. We’re coming at you real quick.
Rebecca [00:44:23]: I can’t wait to meet you this summer.
Erin [00:44:25]: Yes, we’ll see you at University of Buffalo for your book tour.
Rebecca [00:44:28]: We sure will.
Erin [00:44:30]: We sure will. Thank you so much.
Rebecca [00:44:32]: Thank you.
Alexandria White [00:44:32]: Bye.
