Episode 216- World’s Best Relaxer – The Great Reset

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;34;00
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. I love money, Dylan. Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast.
00;00;34;03 – 00;00;55;26
Unknown
A podcast about what our life, our life as best friends who are more like sisters. yay! I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;55;28 – 00;01;10;14
Unknown
Look, what I got here is a bizarre panty liner that smacks of live action in doing me a pad. I’m about to tell you a story about this maxi pad. Okay. It’s got. You’re going to need to hang on for this one. Okay, so I’m going to warn you in advance. This is going to get a little awkward for you, and I doubt it.
00;01;10;16 – 00;01;32;15
Unknown
It’s fine. Is this a reference to what I showed you the other day on the camera? Oh. What? My office chair. I’m always know what it should be. Okay, just actually, I’ll give this to you at the end, and then just tape it the tape into my chair. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, I want to tell people about your office chair.
00;01;32;16 – 00;01;53;13
Unknown
It’s really good. It’s really good. It was really bad. A little leakage, a little incident, and she lifted the chair up. We’re on the zoom, and she lifts. Lifts the chair up and says, you see? I’m like, what the heck is that? I’m like, did you shit your pants? No. She is like, no, I said, you got your period.
00;01;53;13 – 00;02;16;00
Unknown
Just like, yeah. And like when you’re like yesterday, I’m like, oh, why is it still on the chair? You know, like, I just put a blank. And I kept going. I got busy, I got busy, I can’t. I’m so busy I can’t clean my chair or schedule the podcast. So I just need to prove you busy right? Yeah.
00;02;16;03 – 00;02;37;00
Unknown
Yeah. As if I wasn’t clear enough, like, three episodes ago where I was basically like, Jesus, take the wheel on this podcast. She’s still got period blood on her. I did clean it off. Oh, good. It’s cleaned up. Excellent. I did, I did. Well, this this is a story for you about this panty liner and how I went to Buffalo this weekend with Renee.
00;02;37;05 – 00;02;55;00
Unknown
And I realized something that I’ve never realized before. Actually, two things happened that I want to tell you about. So first is we went out to, dinner with her friend Nikki, who I had never met before, and I was a little nervous because I, like, was like, you guys just have a great time at dinner. It’s fine.
00;02;55;01 – 00;03;10;08
Unknown
I’ll be in the hotel. I’m going to watch some murder shows. It’s completely fine. She’s like, no, no, no, I swear, Nikki’s the best person she’s going to love. We’re going to talk about mom stuff. It’s totally fine. So somehow she convinced me that I should go to this. And Nikki ended up being wonderful. She was so fun.
00;03;10;08 – 00;03;30;15
Unknown
You would absolutely love. Why would Rene be with someone? Be friends with someone who’s not a great trail? I mean, that’s a good point, right? Hang out with my loser. I. You know what? It’s true. That’s true. And you would have loved her like she was an absolute blast. So we went to this Mexican restaurant. She’s so, so sweet and, we has.
00;03;30;15 – 00;03;50;23
Unknown
We’re talking. She has three children, and the oldest is on the spectrum, and we’re talking and I can’t remember exactly what came up, but I said, yeah, Renee, that’s not the correct way to do that. You should do it like this. And this is why and and, I said to Nikki, that’s why, I have to tell Renee all the time the things that she needs to do different.
00;03;50;23 – 00;04;09;14
Unknown
And Nikki so kindly says, well, I’ve always just accepted Renee for who she is. And I said, not me. Oh, and then we all start cracking up and she goes, what? That’s because you’re on the spectrum to me. Well, I’ve told you that for me. I’ve told you that for a while now. In fact, I send you all these things.
00;04;09;14 – 00;04;36;24
Unknown
I’m like, do you see? This is you guys know and I wish you saw my face. And I’m like, really? And I said, I thanks for coming, Renee. This is now Nikki and I are in a whole conversation right now. I’m like, what do you mean? And I just her brain the entire time. Yeah. And she was talking about just I had known this woman for like 15, 20 minutes, which is she’s she’s like, like, has a lot of experience in this realm.
00;04;36;24 – 00;04;58;04
Unknown
And like I said, her son is on the spectrum and she’s does a lot of work in nonprofits and all this stuff. And she’s like, you definitely have some of the neurodivergent qualities. And I’m like, like what? Like, this is so fascinating to me. I absolutely sensory. Everything needs to be in order. Routine driven. Yes. Like for me to keep going.
00;04;58;05 – 00;05;17;07
Unknown
Yeah. Walk around the store a certain way. And then like I did one of those awkward disclosures where I was like, have you ever had one of those times where you’re standing in the shower and like, you turn a certain way to grab your, shampoo bottle and then you turn back around and you realize I turned the wrong way.
00;05;17;07 – 00;05;35;28
Unknown
I need to turn the other way. I like to think things like that. How are you just now, coming to the realization that you’re on the spectrum? You can’t help because you are too. What? What do you mean? You turn it the wrong way. I turn the wrong way. It feels incorrect. I was like, I’ve turned the wrong way.
00;05;36;00 – 00;05;55;26
Unknown
And so she’d. Oh, yeah, things going on, you guys? Oh, yeah. What we just normal. It’s not so. No, it’s not normal. It’s normal to her. Yeah, but yeah. But to me it’s not. Let’s see. Here’s your thing. Here’s the thing. Just because it’s not normal to us doesn’t mean it’s not normal. Well, right. True, I mean there.
00;05;55;26 – 00;06;14;27
Unknown
Yeah, true. But I always just thought this was me. I just thought this was people weren’t. If I 100% with what you’re talking about because I. How I’m, I have those same like sort of instincts but I, I’m able to overcome them and not have them rule me. But my son can’t. My son has to do things a certain way.
00;06;14;27 – 00;06;37;02
Unknown
He’s on the spectrum. Oh he’s unable to to overrule those, impulses. He has some tinge of OCD as well. Oh, he has to do. Oh, okay. Interesting. So. So I was talking for this turn around. Right. And Nikki and Rene are like, well, no, that’s not I’ve never heard of that before, you know? And I’m like, it was one of those moments where I’m like, oh, okay.
00;06;37;02 – 00;06;55;12
Unknown
That was a self-disclosure that maybe. And then Nikki had been talking about inside voice versus it’s outside voice. And now with her son, they have to really practice. Like that’s an inside voice. We’re not going to say those types of things out loud. Right? And I was like, oh, you mean in your head voice. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant yelling versus being quiet.
00;06;55;14 – 00;07;28;04
Unknown
like it, like we we think like we don’t say it out loud. Right? And I’m like, it’s an internal. Turning around in the shower is an internal voice. Okay. Oh, that’s funny like that. So that’s the first thing that I happen is I got even further confirmation about the fact that I might be neurodivergent, which, I’m telling you, I’m 42 years old and this is the first time this is ever coming up because, as Scott said, I’ve been highly successful in my life and in my career with my neurodivergent tendencies, because I’m the person who will tell you this is how you handle this situation.
00;07;28;04 – 00;07;46;19
Unknown
Do you want to write a text message? This is how you write the text message. It doesn’t occur to me that there are potentially other ways. I’m just very clear that that’s how you do it and it’s successful. And I’ve met with a lot of success with those things. But there’s nothing wrong with being neurodivergent. No, I know it’s just a final confirmation.
00;07;46;21 – 00;08;05;17
Unknown
It’s just the way your brain processes things like, yes, it’s funny to me, but yeah, you think I’m nuts. So when has not been until recently that you will bring up okay, black and white, you know, or. Okay. Yeah, I guess we couldn’t do it. And that is what brings me to the maxi pad. Okay, here we go.
00;08;05;17 – 00;08;26;25
Unknown
These are connected. So. Okay, folks at home, I’m holding up a maxi pad right now is a very colorful one. That’s a very, very nice. And this is what happened. So that had happened, the day before. Okay. That was on Friday. I find out, you know, this. This woman rocks my socks off with us. Then we get to the end of the day on Saturday, and we decide to go to Duff’s for some chicken wings before I head home.
00;08;26;25 – 00;08;47;05
Unknown
And I have to pee. Right. So I grab my make sure and get my maxi pad with me and make sure I got, you know, whatever, because I’m on like that close to my last day of my my period. So I go in to the bathroom and I brought this. Renee recommended I bring this to show everyone like as a a demo.
00;08;47;05 – 00;09;02;28
Unknown
As a demo. Renee recommended I do the demo. Okay. Oh boy. Here we go. Running up the me. Here we go, here we go. She’s going to have this moment of something everybody. Now I go ahead and I said you’re the worst person to talk to about this because you didn’t know how to put a tape on it last year.
00;09;02;28 – 00;09;20;27
Unknown
That’s true. So it’s actually okay to talk to you about this because you can’t fire back at me because I had to teach you how to put a stamp on it. So again, this is this is blending of the neurodivergent with, having a period. So I. Why are you still here? Because I am dying. I am dying now.
00;09;21;02 – 00;09;41;13
Unknown
Are you going to, like, demonstrate it with your coffee? Like I’m no, I’m not here. No, no. Okay, so I go in, I go to the bathroom, I take off my maxi pad, and as I take out my pad, I notice myself frustrated yet again, yet again, because the blood is at the top. Sorry of the the very top part of the maxi pad.
00;09;41;20 – 00;09;59;03
Unknown
And I always have thought to myself, what the hell you mean because you’re you’re you put it too far in your panties? No, I always think it’s up high enough. I always it’s goes up like, no, wait, wait, wait, I need to. The reason I’m asking clarifying questions now because your pad was overflowing. No, it’s because of the position.
00;09;59;09 – 00;10;20;12
Unknown
The rest of the pads completely. Okay. It’s like nothing. It’s the positioning of the positioning. Yes. Okay. Thank you, thank you. It’s the positioning. And why that’s. That’s upsetting to me is that I have convinced myself. Because this happens all the time, that my anatomy is just different than everyone else’s conclusion. I go to God. Your placement of the no.
00;10;20;15 – 00;10;46;05
Unknown
Okay. But that’s why I couldn’t use the tampon, right? Because I was like, it must be me. I’m aware. That’s why I’m talking to you about this, right? I’m like, it is me. My anatomy is off my holes in a different place than everyone else’s. And I’m so confused, right? Yeah. Because me like this, this just doesn’t. This just doesn’t work for me the way that it works for everyone else.
00;10;46;10 – 00;11;06;18
Unknown
Right? And now you’re real mad because you need the extra, extra long. Well, now. Now look how long these are. I know how much. It’s like six inches. They make longer ones. I mean, the one that goes from the back of your buttcrack up to your belly button. I think you do. I think you do. If you’re not willing to reposition what is fine.
00;11;06;19 – 00;11;27;12
Unknown
I think those depends that you’re talking about. Oh, no, they have Dykstra long. I don’t understand what the problem is. So I’m sitting on the toilet. There’s just the stuff at the top. I’m again frustrated, thinking, you know, how does this work for everyone else, I don’t understand. So again, making an assumption that it works for everyone else.
00;11;27;12 – 00;11;53;13
Unknown
Yeah. So this this is the angle that I have it at. Okay. Is this is this correct. What do you mean. Is this the way you’re supposed to have the pad. I can’t see that far away. Yes. I’ll let you hold it. This the little part here is at the top and then the little. So my assumption would be yes I would.
00;11;53;14 – 00;12;10;16
Unknown
This is how I put it on. Because this is the way the writing is. Oh then the it’s a zero. So I would be like well I’m going to put it in so I can read it. Okay. Now actually makes me feel a little bit better because that’s the way I’ve been wearing it, but I push it because I experience the same thing you do.
00;12;10;16 – 00;12;32;05
Unknown
I put it up. So it’s up. You got it. She got on my she’s got a weird, like a clear shield. You got a weird match placement too. Yes. It’s like a click shield. Let’s put it right here. You click. Okay. Was that there? too sensitive, too sensitive, even more. Okay. We’re going to have a little, show and tell.
00;12;32;07 – 00;13;02;08
Unknown
Oh, so you’re telling me you put it on like this? Still, this is the top. I do this the bottom. That’s how I put it on. But I can see how you’re going to say flip it around because it’s bigger to. Don’t ruin my story. But I can see. So I’m sitting down on the toilet and I’m noticing because like the, the red part only ends up here and ends up in this top part and I don’t I don’t need this to be like shoved way up so that this part is now literally like popping out the top of the underwear.
00;13;02;08 – 00;13;25;21
Unknown
Right? I’m not okay with that. Some sitting there like this, I take this thing off and I’m like, oh my God, wait a minute, it’s bigger on the bottom. This bottom part flares out quite a bit, so I turn that mother effort around. And then I’m now in a position where this part is at the top, and this part which is going down the taint toward the butthole.
00;13;25;21 – 00;13;55;22
Unknown
Yeah, it’s small and I don’t need that as much. It’s not like I’m worried shit myself for like, whatever. Right? Yeah. So this part goes at the top. So I put it in and I come out and I’m like, Rene, I think I’ve been wearing my pants wrong me entire time. So now I’m even more confused in this moment right now, because you’re wearing yours the same way I was wearing it, which is what I assumed we were supposed to be doing.
00;13;55;22 – 00;14;19;11
Unknown
So now I feel like a genius. I think I might have just turned on its head for every maxi pad wearing woman in this world. I mean, you do have a piece they needed to do was turn it upside down so that this part here collects a majority. Because down here again, teeny asshole. And don’t need it. Need it.
00;14;19;13 – 00;14;41;25
Unknown
It’s a waste. How many, YouTube videos do you think are out there that explain all this? That’s spot on. Like, I mean, everything you’ve ever wanted to know. How did that come up to me? Yeah, because I thought to myself, Rebecca didn’t know how to put a tampon in properly. Also, I never read directions. Right. Well, it’s not it’s not like your mom.
00;14;41;27 – 00;14;58;16
Unknown
Most moms come in the bathroom with you and they’re like, spread arms here. Here’s how we do it. Right? But then how are you supposed to know? Well, because there are there are directions, but it doesn’t say this is the type you use for a tipped cervix. Yeah, but I didn’t know I had a tip. Cervix until you had a baby.
00;14;58;17 – 00;15;16;24
Unknown
Right. Which was 15 years ago. So. And it still didn’t occur that. Well, I have a tip. Cervix. Maybe I need to. Right. Yeah. Now, just for anyone who wants to know, since we’re on period a talk period talk right now with Erin and Rebecca. It’s what I shared with Rebecca is it because she has a tip? Cervix?
00;15;16;24 – 00;15;42;16
Unknown
She has to lean forward. She has to bend at the waist to put the tampon in. Because when she’s standing straight up, like the Eiffel Tower and shoving that thing in, not go. It’s not gym jam filling. It’s not filling the void. I’m like, why does your tampon always stick out your lips?
00;15;42;18 – 00;16;03;29
Unknown
Oh my God, this is this is this horrible? You know, don’t say we never gave you anything on the line that you’re right. We are full. Jeanette. I also said to Rene, I said, you know that the next time any one of the people listen to the podcast have their period and they’re either putting their tampon in or taking their maxi, they’re like, oh, wow, Aaron said, turn it around.
00;16;03;29 – 00;16;22;17
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Now I’m with you. I’m with you there. I’m with you in the bathroom. I’m with you in all these different places. Yeah. In your life. Yeah. So I actually thought that it was my neurodivergent ways that was keeping me from successfully knowing it was supposed to be turned. And now I’m realizing it’s my neurodivergent ways that made me come up with a new way to wear them.
00;16;22;18 – 00;16;42;00
Unknown
Maxi-cash. That might be revolutionary for a lot of women, I think, because I think it’s sheer terror. I think I think it’s both. Yeah, I think it’s great. So that happened. I wanted to make sure that I told you about that. And thank you, Rene, for recommending that. I bring in this demo, because it is actually a lot easier to explain it with the demo than it would have been.
00;16;42;00 – 00;16;59;24
Unknown
Right? Mostly because I didn’t really pay attention to the shape of the maxi pad either. You’re going to flip it around next time? Yeah, I mean, I will definitely think about it. Try it. Definitely. I feel like you should try it. I mean, I do wear mine like the clip protector, so. You never know when you’re going to be punched.
00;16;59;29 – 00;17;15;13
Unknown
It’s like. It’s like the other day when we were talking about the I was trying to say, remember the jock strap? You never know. I know you never know when someone’s coming in hot. We did learn that. We did learn that the other day on the zoom meeting. What? That they now do have straps. Yeah. Don’t have the hard cup in them all the time.
00;17;15;20 – 00;17;35;16
Unknown
Correct. We didn’t know that. Yes. Did you know that, Scott? Yes. Oh, well, the gay community has really sexualized the jock strap and they are right on. You get a little butt lift. Yeah. With, with the jock in the front, you know, without the hard part. But I really thought that the hard part was always in it, so it’s not.
00;17;35;18 – 00;17;53;23
Unknown
It’s not. And I only thought baseball players wear them. Me too. Coming, too, until all of a sudden we go to a hotel and Darnell’s getting changed, and I’m like, what the hell is on your body? And his ass is sticking out and he has got his damn jock strap on and like, you’re wearing a jock strap was like, oh, yeah, that’s like underpants.
00;17;53;26 – 00;18;15;07
Unknown
Really? Oh, yeah. Without the hard part. Well, yeah. Without the cup. Oh, yeah. Oh, that’s very sexy, Scott. You should try it. You should, you should. Let’s take it back to get back to that shirt. That’s your next. More love bras. Oh, my God, we’re getting a more love. I not I’m let you do a show for your wife and hey, where’s the where’s the music now?
00;18;15;10 – 00;18;25;17
Unknown
No, it’s not the throw, damn it I know it’s I do Pony and Santana.
00;18;25;19 – 00;18;30;20
Unknown
Bro. let them.
00;18;30;23 – 00;19;01;23
Unknown
Look, you look like you got a lot concerns around. Well, you do if you work for love. More like my love. She’s. That’s funny. Scott, what’s the next to. What’s the next holiday coming up? Let’s get that for Scott. 4th of July. Oh, Kelly, he’s coming for you. When you give me a jock strap in, they have to have the American flag, right?
00;19;01;26 – 00;19;28;11
Unknown
Oh, okay. And then we’re going to have Kelly up the street. Right. More of. Hi, Kelly. imperfect by Kelly, could you please just tag this jockstrap with more like, we know, offer a whole new line? Oh, me. Like, oh, my God, so funny. Good timing. Yeah, like, you guys, you’re lucky we like you enough to get you a jock, right?
00;19;28;11 – 00;19;50;00
Unknown
Oh, right. Because that’s real love, lace. But we also decided that we’re going to give our, women. Women jockstrap. So what was it called? Dirty squirrel, dirt squirrel, dirt squirrel or dirt squirrel? Make some world. They’re out there. Out though. They’re out. We tried to order some because some looked really good. We decided that for you, I would not wear it.
00;19;50;02 – 00;20;12;20
Unknown
Not that you won’t wear it, but it won’t hold your ass up. Right? Like they don’t make the industrial size to be able. Don’t your ass. And I said, I’m going to feel if I wore that, I would feel like I’m about to go climb up the rock wall. And I don’t like how that feels, but gives me a lot of anxiety that is not bring sexual, you know, like excitement that’s like he steering us.
00;20;12;20 – 00;20;29;08
Unknown
I do not like no car, just went into zip line mode. I don’t like it. You a whole new merch line coming into right now. All right. Hit us with a card and that’s with some hippie ville. Okay. Hold on, I got to stretch. What do we got for us today? I’m still convinced I got the singles. Lincoln’s drive me nuts now.
00;20;29;11 – 00;20;52;15
Unknown
We talked about it. Not sure. Autoimmune. I know, it’s like salons. I think we’ve had this one before with the Air Jordans and the gardens. Okay, so it says, you’ve just scored the coolest ever world’s best mug. And it’s here to honor you and your many splendored victories. Feel weird about it? Knock it off. You deserve to be proud of whatever is in that mug, whatever is in that mug.
00;20;52;15 – 00;21;16;25
Unknown
And it’s applauding. So enjoy the recognition from yourself and others and use it to keep on moonwalking like a champ. More to more triumph that this is a slow clap and it’s just getting started. So the affirmation is I am unabashedly shout it out with the window all the way down, proud of myself. And I’m going to keep being the fabulous me that got me here.
00;21;16;28 – 00;21;39;08
Unknown
Let me say that I got some. So here’s what I think part of my problem is what is it? 60160 now let me read it. I know I can’t because I think part of my problem because I’m neurodivergent is that I need it to go in a certain cadence. Yes, I know, and then I’m reading it going, wait, that doesn’t make sense.
00;21;39;08 – 00;22;04;15
Unknown
Oh, the cup with that crossing for the cup. Right. Because I can’t get going. Why is that there? Yeah. You’ve just scored the coolest ever world’s best mug, and it’s here to honor you and your many splendored victories. Feel weird about it? Knock it off. You deserve to be proud of whatever it is that that mug is applauding.
00;22;04;18 – 00;22;22;15
Unknown
See? Did that sound better? That made a little more sense. Okay, guys, in my mind, I’m like, that might be. Why is the mug clapping right? All of these things are happening as I’m reading it because it’s like the best stuff, right? It’s like the world’s best. My mom got it. Now I’m aware. Sorry. I’m just trying to help.
00;22;22;18 – 00;22;52;24
Unknown
Okay? So enjoy the recognition from yourself and others and use it to keep on moonwalking like a champ to more triumph ahead. This slow clap is just getting started very. I am openly, unabashedly showered it with the windows all the way down. Proud of myself. And I’m going to keep on being the fabulous me that got me here.
00;22;52;26 – 00;23;15;27
Unknown
Okay, I wonder what that one’s about. What do you think that one’s about? What are you celebrating? What? Are you trying something? What are you super happy about? Well, what are you doing? Well, what does your mommy nailing it. Nailing it a life just all. All day long. Oh, who’s our guest today? Oh, wait, there isn’t one because we forgot about.
00;23;15;28 – 00;23;41;28
Unknown
Okay. Yeah, yeah, I don’t know, I don’t know. I mean, I feel like, I’m trying to hit my stride. I got some cool, cool, cool things coming up that I’m really excited about in work. And so I’m really pumped about that and just, you know, getting the cadence down. And, you know, when you’re learning something new, it’s like exciting and stressful and you don’t want to fail and you all these things.
00;23;41;28 – 00;24;11;14
Unknown
So there’s just a lot of, what’s what’s that word like? Not questioning, but you know, you want to do the best you can possibly do type of thing. So, what’s exciting is to see the results of the effort and the work that you’ve done. So, like, you know, when you’re, like, pre-planning and, like, getting ready to do something or ready to launch something or whatever, and then it happens and you it’s like, even better than you thought.
00;24;11;14 – 00;24;25;29
Unknown
Yeah, we’re we’re at the point now. It’s almost about to happen. And then I’m really excited to see how it’s going to play out. Yeah. So there you always there’s a really great feedback too from other people, which is super beneficial because then you’re like, you might get a little nervous. Is this going to go, is this okay?
00;24;25;29 – 00;24;42;05
Unknown
Because sometimes your ideas are like here, right? Which I love and I think adds that extra flair. Right. But then it hits the mark every single time. And then people are like, that was so amazing, right? And I can’t believe that you pulled that off. And that was so great. And so you get that real positive reinforcement there too.
00;24;42;06 – 00;25;04;09
Unknown
But but because of that, in the planning process, it can be extra stressful because it’s like you’re playing out. It’s it’s when I’m reading the thing, I’m like, okay, I’m pulling out all these things in the moment. How could good how could this happen? Could that happen? Can will this be on time? Will this manage? You know, like it’s, we’re planning, the dad’s retreats coming up in a couple weeks in, the Florida Keys.
00;25;04;12 – 00;25;22;22
Unknown
And what? We’re really excited about is you you went to the beach resort. Yeah. And so we rented the beach, the whole beach, to do some cool things on the night before, and, All right. I’m sorry. The opening night, but what we were, what we realized in the planning process is the sun actually sets on the other side of the street.
00;25;22;25 – 00;25;39;06
Unknown
So it’s like, you know, it’s like the causeway or whatever. And then there’s resorts on the on the golf side and the resort resorts on the, Atlantic side. We’re in the Atlantic side. Got it. Well, apparently, you know, sun sets, the sun sets in the west, not in the east. So the sun rise. Yoga is going to be great.
00;25;39;06 – 00;25;53;14
Unknown
Minor detail. Right? Right, right. So we’ve realized this after the fact. And so we rented out this whole beach. And we now granted it’s still going to be great. But then at the last minute, as we’re having these conversations, my my boss is like, do you think maybe we could figure out a way to get the guys to watch the sunset?
00;25;53;14 – 00;26;11;12
Unknown
Well, I was able to pull off some pretty cool things in the last minute. Yeah. And now the fear is can I plan it all in place? Absolutely. Do the things that lead up to that to get us to be where we need to be? Are we going to be in the goddamn sunset? Oh, yeah. Izzy. Yeah. No, no.
00;26;11;17 – 00;26;29;24
Unknown
And you have no control. No control. I have no control. And all I can do is hope and pray and everybody’s on the same page. There’s 50 people like to migrate them. It’s just this is the. This is the part that’s like, okay, I can put all the planning into place. Right? But if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out in reality is I’m not broadcasting.
00;26;29;24 – 00;26;45;23
Unknown
We’re going to be doing this at the sunset. Right? If it works out great. And then that’s where the. Haha. Right. Like you put all the right person. You’re the only one including your boss, right? Because he should know what’s going. No clue right? No. What if it doesn’t happen? No, no it’s not. No. Because no one. No.
00;26;45;25 – 00;27;04;17
Unknown
Just me. Yeah. Just because of all the time you put into it. Yeah. Right. Right. so that’s that’s that’s what I mean about you. You try and and you try to do all the things, but, so I’ll say plan life. That’s right, that’s right, that’s right. But if you had a mug right now and it said World’s Best, what would it say after it?
00;27;04;19 – 00;27;26;18
Unknown
Think about fire starter. Oh, excuse me. You’re better. Okay. Yeah. Bass heavy inhibitor. Oh I like that. Oh 100 all day long I read that. In fact that’s how I lead you know an interview. Whatever they say. What are your strengths. Oh all day long. Yeah I am the world’s best I’m calm cool collective. That’s that neurodivergent ADHD brain working for you.
00;27;26;21 – 00;27;48;08
Unknown
That’s you know that was honestly. Oh, I can pivot. You know, anything new you throw me. I’m on that. Yeah, that’s the adventure. Let’s get to the West side now for the sunset. I wouldn’t understand, right, right. Yeah, but you’re right. You do. You pivot like a mother. Effer. Oh, yeah. You can do. Yeah. Easily. What about you, Scott?
00;27;48;08 – 00;27;55;16
Unknown
What’s your mug say? World’s best. What?
00;27;55;19 – 00;28;16;24
Unknown
Must I have no answers? I love that you just slurp that right into the mic. You know what? I bought this coffee and I’m on Thursday. Oh, yeah. It’s been in your refrigerator since then. Yeah. Yes. I just keep drinking it every couple of days. Oh, gross. Scott, you don’t get anything. World’s sorry. I’m too busy, trying to figure out where that hammering noise is coming from and why.
00;28;16;24 – 00;28;40;24
Unknown
It’s what? Hammering noise? I don’t hear a hammering, I know not. How do I know what’s the best spy? World’s best multitasker? Oh, there, there, I don’t know, I don’t know. It’s actually okay. I don’t know if that said actually that that mug Fallon broke on the floor. Oh, I’m so sorry. What is your say? I don’t know, I was just trying to think.
00;28;40;24 – 00;29;06;23
Unknown
What is my world’s best? Lately, it’s been relaxer. I’ve been feeling great. Everything really great? Oh, that’s the only thing that I can say for sure that I. I knock out of the park. You nail the husband. Yes. You do? Yes. Wow. Would Kelly say that too? She absolutely would. Wow. Why? What do you do? What? What do you do that makes you knock it out of the park?
00;29;06;29 – 00;29;30;13
Unknown
I take care of her. That’s your one job. That’s you make that your number one priority. Yeah. I take care of her. That’s what I say needs to happen till I got the rest of this shit. And, I mean, she does care. She does just about everything. I mean, I do like stuff around the house, like, you know, the the grocery shopping and the cooking and putting the garbage out and crap like that.
00;29;30;16 – 00;29;48;28
Unknown
But she does everything else with the kids and with my son. She’s like trying to get SSI insurance for my son right now, which is a huge freaking battle. And she’s always doing all that kind of stuff. So, you know, I try to make sure that I take care of her. I don’t always succeed. But what do you do to take care of her?
00;29;48;28 – 00;30;11;04
Unknown
Give us some examples. make sure. Well, so, like, every morning we get up after the dog jumps on my face. okay. We I take her out, and then, you know, I bring her her coffee, okay? I always bring her her coffee. She like her coffee. Black. That took me a couple of years to make that happen.
00;30;11;04 – 00;30;25;25
Unknown
Because she used to have all these creamers and stuff, and. Okay. Got her. Okay. Off those creamer? Yep. Yeah. To make life easier for you. Did you hear that? Oh, now I heard it. Yeah, but it doesn’t bother me. Yeah, that’s actually my therapeutic. You know why? Because nobody told me that they were going to be doing anything, and that angers me.
00;30;25;25 – 00;30;46;25
Unknown
But now it’s okay. Rebecca has world’s best powder, so she’s going to just embrace it, right? It’s totally pivot up there and smack him in that. Okay, I can do that too. okay, so we got coffee, like, make sure that she has her lunch. Make sure that, like, if she’s texting me that she’s having a bad day, I go out of my way to make sure that I make a really yummy dinner for her that night.
00;30;46;26 – 00;31;14;04
Unknown
Oh, you know, you know, like, I’m like anybody else. I’m not perfect, but she knows that I put her needs paramount, you know? that’s what I. That’s what I say all the time, you know? What do I say? I say to you when we have left everyone else in the dust, and it’s just the two of us living in a house, I said, I will make the money, I will bring home the proverbial bacon.
00;31;14;06 – 00;31;33;04
Unknown
And I just need to take care of me. I need my coffee in the morning and I like my sheets changed occasionally. And if you could just make some dinner. Yeah, the rest is fine. Done. The rest is completely fine. Yeah. That’s it. It doesn’t really take much now, I know I also have to, you know, deal with her crazy.
00;31;33;11 – 00;31;56;27
Unknown
Well, that’s part of the package. Exactly. And now I can’t live without it. Yeah, and I got to tell you, as a woman, ain’t none of it crazy. Y’all pushed us there. It’s not crazy. It’s actually quite sane. It makes a lot of sense, know in the context of whatever we’re dealing with, it’s always right on. Kelly uses words that aren’t right for what she’s saying.
00;31;57;00 – 00;32;19;09
Unknown
Like, where where where is where? Where’d you where’s your lunch? Where’d you put your lunch? Oh, it’s it’s in the garbage can, but she means the truck or she means to the refrigerator. She uses the wrong words all the time. So sometimes it’s just confusing. Confused? Yeah. Okay. We’re. I’m like. It’s what it is. You have to.
00;32;19;11 – 00;32;35;15
Unknown
You have to figure out the puzzle. Yeah, yeah, I have to figure out. Wait a second. What do you do? You know what I run into, I can’t I can’t find the word in my vocabulary. So I’ll be like, you take the milk in, please. Put it in the thing. Right thing. The thing that. Oh, that’s. And it’s cold and it’s on the left hand side.
00;32;35;17 – 00;32;54;19
Unknown
Right. The thing. It’s in the freaking kitchen. It’s silver right in there. Like the refrigerator. I’m like, yeah, yes I know, already know. Right. Or if I’m taking a minute to like, figure out what it is that I need to say. And my family just sits there and waits. Hello. Yeah. All right, so we’re glitching what is happening?
00;32;54;19 – 00;33;09;20
Unknown
And I’m like, I’m God. Sometimes it takes me a minute. It doesn’t help when you’re all staring at me. Right? I need a minute after 21.5 years of marriage, I’ve gotten to the point where I can almost. When she says, can you get the thing and take it the thing and put it in the thing? I know what you’re talking know.
00;33;09;23 – 00;33;27;28
Unknown
Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love how the hell did I know what you were talking about? Yep. Yeah. We we oftentimes we’ll be on the same wavelength with stuff like, oh, yeah, I’ll be thinking I should make tacos and then I’ll get a text that says, what about tacos? Wow. Yeah, I love that. We love that.
00;33;28;04 – 00;33;46;20
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Mark, can I do that often? But with other people. So like he’ll notice something come up on TV that I also have noticed the same thing and it’ll be something weird, like, did you see how his fourth finger was longer? The whole rest of them, like those little things? Yeah. And and I will always say I’ve always noticed it.
00;33;46;23 – 00;34;04;23
Unknown
I have noticed exactly what you have noticed. You don’t always need to talk about it. Right. Or it’s like something weird. That’s what we’re about. Oh, look at that. And you know what is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. Or that was weird. Did you just see. Yeah. I don’t like that. I just saw I know, so mine, mine would.
00;34;04;23 – 00;34;25;08
Unknown
But lately it would just say world’s best relaxer because I have really after the crazy ridiculousness that happened in 2023, I said I’m all done for a little while. I’m going to take time off. I’m going to regroup. I’m going to not do anything for a few months. I’m going to ease into what it is that I want to do for the rest of that time.
00;34;25;10 – 00;34;43;10
Unknown
And I have to tell you, I have reached a point of work life balance that I have never had in my entire life, and I feel really great. I feel good about what I accept on my plate. I feel good about how much I’m working during the day. I feel good about the mini pivots that I can do during the day.
00;34;43;10 – 00;34;59;11
Unknown
If I decide I want to do something or not do something, I’m really good about identifying. Is that a lot in this week? Yeah, well, let’s not schedule a meeting for that week. Let’s push it off a whole nother week. Right? but I needed a full on reset. I needed, like, we are all done. We’re not doing anything.
00;34;59;11 – 00;35;19;01
Unknown
You don’t need to get out of your bed for the next however many months if you don’t want to. That’s what we’re going to do. So mine right now might say world’s best relaxer, because I am really great. And my friend Julie is always like to get your nap today. And I’m like, dad, I really did. So big fan of the naps lately.
00;35;19;01 – 00;35;54;26
Unknown
Just easing in ease and back in, you know, real life part of the journey plan. It’s part of the part of me. And I realize the privilege associated with that. And I think about that often because I know so many women particularly, and then break that down further into women in higher education and break that down even further into women higher education, student affairs, and then break that down further into women higher education, student affairs, who are moms that need that reset and the fact that they could take off six eight months or whatever and just really focus on that is just not something that many people are able to do.
00;35;54;29 – 00;36;13;13
Unknown
So I do not take for granted that I have the ability to do that, and I want to eke out all of the learning and the experiences that I’ve had to share with other people. So this track that you just made me think of something because I was that I was that student affairs mom in higher education, whatever.
00;36;13;15 – 00;36;36;28
Unknown
And I was forced to take unpaid maternity leave. Yep. And when I was doing that and it was I chose to do six months because, if I had gone back earlier, I would have been losing money by putting two children in daycare. So it was better for me to take the six months off unpaid, get a part time job and keep my kids home, which then that is the great reset for me.
00;36;36;28 – 00;36;54;27
Unknown
That’s when I figured out this higher education crap. Yeah, I knew in this no more. Yeah, I, I leaned into something that was not something I had done before as a part time job to make a little bit of extra money because I still need to eat. Yep. And I fell in love with it. And I’m like, how do I pursue this?
00;36;55;00 – 00;37;11;16
Unknown
So then it it shifted everything for me. Everything. I’m like, I’m never I’m never going back to that. And you didn’t know? I think you went back to higher ed for legit two weeks to give here two week notice I did. And then you have never turned back since. Yep, yep. But that’s interesting. But it was it was the reset.
00;37;11;16 – 00;37;31;05
Unknown
But it was the first. It was the first. Yeah. I never would have been like yeah let me take a mental health break. And then the one family me leave or you know, whatever those options are, that didn’t seem like an option. In fact, probably 15 years ago, that wasn’t much. Yeah, right. But but even that, it’s still, it’s a it’s a defined amount of time.
00;37;31;07 – 00;37;47;12
Unknown
And so looming in the back of your mind when you do take one of those FMLA breaks or whatever is, I get 32 weeks, right. I get, you know, whatever. Right. Well, you have to get the most of that time. You have to. You’re so burnt out. So it’s hard. It’s like, how do you you don’t know how long it’s going to take to do the reset, right?
00;37;47;12 – 00;38;09;24
Unknown
You don’t know how long it’s going to take to do the work. And reality is, we as student affairs workers love our job. I know, and I loved my day to day tasks. I loved working with the students. I loved all of those things. But at the end of the day, the system, it was just not working. And I’m like, I had two little kids at that time, and I looked at you.
00;38;09;24 – 00;38;27;27
Unknown
I remember looking at you saying, I am not going to miss out on these kids lives because those students are not my children. I’m not doing it now. Granted, I worked in an environment that was, it was a community college, so it was a very 9 to 5 Monday through Friday type of thing, which again, yeah, I couldn’t have asked for.
00;38;27;27 – 00;38;49;08
Unknown
And that’s normal, right. And the better career I was doing student activities right. 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. Right. Like I couldn’t have set myself up there. Yeah. But then I couldn’t do it. Yeah. I couldn’t do it. Even those those minor weekends I had to work for an event or whatever. I was resentful. I’m like, I’m not doing it, you know?
00;38;49;11 – 00;39;18;12
Unknown
I know, and a lot of people are in that position right now. And the reason I know this to be true is that I was asked to give a keynote speech in May, actually, on this exact topic, Student affairs. Higher ed folks are feeling burnout like they have never felt it before post-Covid. There are institutions that are closing, so there’s been combinations of, you know, what do you call that when they combine merger merges that have been happening, which not only are they merges and people leaving, they’re not rehiring.
00;39;18;16 – 00;39;44;05
Unknown
They’re putting double work onto one person with no benefits. Correct. No money? No nothing. Correct. So how this was pitched to me is, Aaron, we know you’d be a great keynote speaker on this topic. Can you come and talk to people about how to avoid burnout when it comes to these types of topics? And I said, I am happy to be your keynote speaker, but what I will focus and 80% of my conversation on is system in inequities.
00;39;44;08 – 00;40;17;06
Unknown
System problems, issues that are have been built over time. One example would be anyone who was anyone in higher education, especially in those high level positions, could have seen, should have seen. And if they didn’t see it, they should have been reading about it. The fact that the number of college age students was going to plummet very, very drastically between the years of this year and whatever year.
00;40;17;06 – 00;40;39;17
Unknown
Right. Like bookend it. and the reason for that is that people who were having children 18 years before of that time were not having the same number of children. There genuinely just is not enough college age human beings. They don’t exist. Look at look at the trends in graduating classes. Yeah, they’re just way smaller, right? Yeah, right.
00;40;39;17 – 00;41;04;11
Unknown
I the the the example that always comes to my mind is when the Olympics comes to town and they build all of these grandiose hotels and they build all this infrastructure to be able to accommodate all of these extra people who are coming in for the Olympics. And then all of a sudden the Olympics comes and goes, and then you have all of these abandoned hotels and you have all this because you cannot keep up with the same number of people that are actually going to be coming up.
00;41;04;11 – 00;41;31;04
Unknown
Because doesn’t it? They’re not it doesn’t happen. Right. So that’s a system related problem. If we have not managed that, if we have not accounted for that, if we have not seen that train coming down the track, then you’re going to have a situation where people have been expected to do something. We’ve increased the amount of programing, we have increased funding in certain areas and now there’s not the student, the dollars to be able to pay for it.
00;41;31;04 – 00;41;59;28
Unknown
And then what happens? Right now we’re experiencing all of that. That is not Rebecca doesn’t have her burnout under control. Right. I can talk to you all day about little strategies you can do, but let’s not crazy make here. Let’s not pretend that you can just go home at 5:00 at night and not check your phone until the following day, and all of a sudden, when you come back in at 9:00 the next morning, that everything’s going to be a little bit more hunky dory because you slept better last night.
00;42;00;03 – 00;42;19;02
Unknown
But that’s what people want to push to other people. Well, sure, it feels good. Oh, it also displaces the real problem, right? Right. And that real problem is something that if we don’t come to terms with and don’t acknowledge, and you’re not a part of an institution that’s addressing it, you’re going to be experiencing this for decades, decades until the big bubble bursts.
00;42;19;02 – 00;42;49;25
Unknown
Right? And then XYZ happens. We’re experiencing that. I think Covid, exacerbated that, made it go quicker, you know, but I, I really some of the things that I have learned from this great relaxation of 2023 to 2024 has been really monumental in understanding both my desire to rest and what rest really means. Rest is not. I spent all day in my bed, never get out.
00;42;49;25 – 00;43;20;15
Unknown
Sometimes some days I might. Some days I might be like, I feel like watching true crime all day, right? but what rest has really meant for me in this capacity is the freedom for me to create my days around what makes me feel fulfilled, enlightened, and brings joy to my life instead of what I need to do to fulfill the agenda of X, Y, Z, other people.
00;43;20;17 – 00;43;43;12
Unknown
That’s been huge in my own personal rest and reset. What’s what’s interesting is because, you know, Covid, I think often Covid allowed for a lot of shake up, right? Yeah. And I had experienced that way before because I, you know, I work from home for ten years and we’ve been using zoom. We have prioritized we have cut things out all these things.
00;43;43;12 – 00;44;07;16
Unknown
Right. and what’s funny is I watch I tend to find myself getting stuck in these, Instagram like parodies where they’re like the boomer who calls in sick to work. And then they’ll say that the millennial who calls in sick to work, and then the Gen Z or, the boomer who prepares for a vacation, you know, and they’re like, they’re like putting all these things together for people to do in their absence.
00;44;07;18 – 00;44;29;28
Unknown
And then they have the away message, and then they’re still checking their email on vacation. Then you have the millennial who probably forgot to put the away message and will not check the email when they’re away, and then comes back and is like, oh yeah, nothing, nothing. Diet. Nothing, nothing, nothing went to hell when I was gone. And then you have the new gen, the Gen Z, who, totally blows off everything, right?
00;44;29;28 – 00;44;53;26
Unknown
Like just up and leaves and then comes back and is like, what? I, I’m like, you know, and what’s interesting is as you start to see that generation who was right now at the top, get out, retire, move on, and our generation come in, that’s when you’re finally going to see the change. The problem is where people are just like and who’s generational, who is in the leadership position right now.
00;44;53;27 – 00;45;21;13
Unknown
Right. These are people who are 58 plus. Right? Right. Who have a certain defined work ethic, have a and everything will go to hell if they’re not constantly engaged. And it’s like, that’s not true. Remember when it was at our 80 and my boss was like, I don’t believe in comp time, right? And I’m like, well, when you say you don’t believe in comp time, but aside from the belief part, what does the institution in H.R. say about comp time?
00;45;21;13 – 00;45;51;08
Unknown
Oh, I’m sorry, it says in H.R. that comp time is something that is at the manager’s discretion and should be used in circumstances when people are going well above and beyond. What would you consider a new student orientation? Where you are there from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m.. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, right Monday as excessive and in need of comp time, millennial would say that a boomer would be like, nope, that’s your job description.
00;45;51;08 – 00;46;10;27
Unknown
I mean, that’s your job description. And that time of year, you should be correct for that. And you should take that into consideration. We work till the job’s done. That’s right. The job’s not done. Jobs. They’re done some weeks at 30, some weeks at 75. Right. And then you have people that that person is managing who are like what the what.
00;46;10;29 – 00;46;29;01
Unknown
Now that’s really not how that works. Right. We’re working toward work life balance. We’re working toward right. I’m okay working those hours. That’s actually not the problem. And I don’t need an hour for our conversion of when I was doing that. But I do need you to tell me that I get two days off next week or I get time.
00;46;29;03 – 00;46;44;17
Unknown
You don’t have to charge your time between Christmas and New Year’s. That’s a free vacation for you because you put in the time here. It’s about checks and balances, people. But that would a client to take this off of your plate. Because you know what? No one cares anyway. It may be part of your job description, but it’s not successful.
00;46;44;17 – 00;46;57;16
Unknown
It’s not working. Get rid of it. Yep. Well, that’s the other thing that we do. We’re like the we’re like the sweepers, right? We’re like, we’ve always done that. And we really love that one program that like four students go to. And we have to keep that because that won’t be good. But we’ll just add on to it.
00;46;57;16 – 00;47;26;23
Unknown
And before you know it, you have this wide sweeping job description that someone’s been doing for however many years, even though it doesn’t meet with, anything. The. Yeah, the desires of all of these people. Right? Yeah, yeah. So that’s been a really big part of one of my resets has been I am now so filling my life with things that actually bring me joy, and I am limiting the amount of things that I have to do because someone else has thought that it would be a good idea, right?
00;47;26;26 – 00;47;49;10
Unknown
To the minimum. And certainly those things still have to exist in some way, shape or form. But that has been a pretty big take away from me, which is also interesting because again, our brains don’t work the same. And I’m like, why, why, why do you have to have a staff meeting? Because, because you’ve always had a staff meeting and it’s like, well, how else are we going to communicate?
00;47;49;10 – 00;48;10;11
Unknown
Well, I can give you 37,000 ways we can communicate without having a staff meeting. Right. But difference between you and I, though, is that you’ve been in such a nontraditional. And when I say non traditional, I just don’t mean not work from home. You have literally been in meetings where your boss will say, if you are not walking on a nature trail during this meeting, we ain’t having the meeting, right?
00;48;10;11 – 00;48;33;09
Unknown
So get yourself to a park, right? You are so far left that it is like whoa! Whereas I still have to operate within a. My main clients are institutions of higher ed. It’s the government, it’s K-12 school district. But it’s also it’s also what’s comfortable for you. I’m the type of person I have to take meeting notes. I can’t be on a walk walking and try to retain God damn thing.
00;48;33;12 – 00;48;50;23
Unknown
I can’t do it like that’s just not a it’s not a thing for me. So I have to write things down. I have to make them make sense or it’s just going to be a conversation. Yeah, right. So you have to do things that align with you also. Right. You know, and that makes sense for you that work for you.
00;48;50;23 – 00;49;09;24
Unknown
Right? Right. And I think that’s why I can bridge both of those areas because I loved the surprise surprise based on how we started this. Right. The 9 to 5 I loved the we’re going to do strategic planning in this meeting, and then we’re going to move to this, and then we’re going to move to this. I don’t like the pure chaos, right?
00;49;09;24 – 00;49;28;18
Unknown
Right. So I like the ability to be able to have one foot over here and one foot over here, where I get to have some fun, creativity, flexibility in what I do. But there’s enough structure to what I’m doing, an expectation of what I’m doing, that it actually grounds me a little bit. Right. So that also is this, this personal preference.
00;49;28;20 – 00;49;51;26
Unknown
But but know a lot of people don’t take the time to develop their personal preference because they’ve been institutionalized since they were in pre-K. Right. And it’s like we always sit at a desk, we always do this. We have math from this time to this time. Right? And so if that works for you that’s beautiful. If it doesn’t work for you and you’re struggling that doesn’t mean you suck at school.
00;49;51;29 – 00;50;06;29
Unknown
It doesn’t mean you suck at thinking. It just means this environment doesn’t work for me. I’ll never forget when, when I took on my new job and we did a in person retreat and we would do like, self-reflection time, and then the journal music would come out and super loud. I’d be like a lot. I can’t too much.
00;50;07;04 – 00;50;25;01
Unknown
Too much. Yeah. I like silence. Right. But again, you know, you have to work with that. But again, because he created such a beautiful environment, I could leave the room and do my silent stuff and then come back. I didn’t have to ask permission. It wasn’t assumed that I was blowing it off like, yeah, God forbid. Right? Yeah.
00;50;25;01 – 00;50;43;10
Unknown
And so, what I find interesting is Sawyer’s fourth grade classroom is a constant rotation of different groupings. Like one week, she’s going to be on the floor sitting on pillows, and we’re doing work the next week. And so she’s what she’s doing is she’s figuring out what’s working best for the students. And it’s a constant rotation rate.
00;50;43;10 – 00;51;04;03
Unknown
It’s a constant different type of experience. The days are not necessarily structured the same. But again that’s because that teacher teacher can do that. Correct. There is not a chance on how you could do that because that would feel chaotic. Correct. That would feel I can’t manage the classroom because of this. Yeah, it’s it takes a very certain and I think about my dad who again we’re talking he’s 73 years old.
00;51;04;04 – 00;51;19;27
Unknown
Yeah we’re talking he’s he’s Boomer right. He’s a but that’s what I’m saying is that when you have these people at the top who are, who can’t cater to anybody else’s needs because they need it to be a certain way. Right? It’s it’s a constant that, I mean, so my dad was a teacher, a fifth grade teacher for 32 years.
00;51;19;29 – 00;51;45;02
Unknown
He was the teacher who had the school store in his class. Yeah, he was the teacher who had a refrigerator in his class and a microwave, so that if you wanted to bring in something, you had to heat up, or you wanted to bring in something like popcorn or whatever, you can do that. He would have alternative seating places all over his room, where it would be tons of pillows so that you could find your spot right.
00;51;45;05 – 00;52;16;26
Unknown
The fact that he was doing that back in the 80s, yeah, is crazy to me. Yeah, but that’s why he was the beloved teacher. He was. There’s no doubt he was not strict. There is no doubt he had expectation. I was going to say, right. It’s not strict. Maybe it’s expectations. He had very high expectations. Yes, I remember this one story where I just in case was one of the students at his class, and my dad walked over and looked at his desk and was like, what’s happening here?
00;52;17;03 – 00;52;43;22
Unknown
Right? And Justin was like, oh, because it was a really messy right? And he was like, oh, I just haven’t had time for, you know, whatever started to give all these excuses. And there’s one thing you don’t give to John Halligan. It’s excuses in my dad flipped that desk upside down, turned it, dumped it all the shit all over the floor, dumped it, put it on the floor, and donkey kicked that desk to the front of the room by the blackboard, looked at Justin and gave him a little smile and said, there, I helped you out.
00;52;43;24 – 00;53;02;10
Unknown
He never do that now, right? But it’s not the case that everything was just so fun and hunky dory all the time. He had expectations of how you’re going to use that microwave. That’s right. He had expectations. He had a huge sign on his. These are all privileges and privilege equals responsibility, right. You want to have the privilege of having these things.
00;53;02;10 – 00;53;20;22
Unknown
You better have the responsibility of being able to do it. That’s right, that’s right. Well, it’s the same concept. That’s kind of how I raise my kids. You you get to do certain things, but if you’re not responsible or make good choices, then you don’t get to do that anymore, right? Absolutely. It’s it’s not a freak show means you have.
00;53;20;24 – 00;53;38;23
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. What else is on that list? This is kind of a fun game. When are you when you think about the, reset the great reset for you? It was the great reset of what year? How old is Taylor? Taylor’s 15. It was when Sawyer was more. So it’s 20 2014, 20 1424 you.
00;53;38;24 – 00;54;01;21
Unknown
It’s a great reset of 2014 for me. It’s the great reset of 2023. Par for the course. Ten years apart, ten years apart. Par for the course is actually very true. I actually really love that. But I think about the great reset. Let’s come up with 1 or 2 other things that we’ve learned during our time off of reset that might be able to help some of our listeners who undoubtedly are in a very similar place.
00;54;01;21 – 00;54;23;23
Unknown
Right. There’s not one person that I know that is not struggling with something, really similar. Well, for me, it again, it came down to values. I always knew I wanted to be a mom then. I always knew that my quote unquote title was not important. So for me, it was very easy to make a career change because I didn’t need I didn’t have.
00;54;23;24 – 00;54;47;05
Unknown
I worked in higher education, but my degree was not in higher ed. I was not pigeonholed. My degree, my masters, is in recreation and leisure. I am a fun engineer. I create fun experiences that can be done in numerous, things. The reason I was in higher ed was because I was well known on campus. I got the highest leadership award and I was constantly being asked to do things, and I never said no.
00;54;47;07 – 00;55;05;27
Unknown
Yeah. So what I realized in that moment was, put your feet in dibble, double right and see what you really like, and then kind of go from there. So that’s part of where the Great Reset worked for me also, because I’ve always been the type of person that’s got 2 or 3 things going on the side. Yeah, I always even even if it’s through my kids or whatever.
00;55;06;03 – 00;55;25;29
Unknown
So, what I realized very quickly was money was not a driver for me. And because of that, I was able to make some of the choices. Because when you leave, when you leave a state job and go to a nonprofit job, you ain’t making more money. Yeah, we’re making less money, making more and we less money. So if you you have to and there’s no benefits, right.
00;55;25;29 – 00;55;33;12
Unknown
So like you are now relying on your spouse, there’s a lot of,
00;55;33;15 – 00;55;47;21
Unknown
Sacrifice is not the right word because it’s to me it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was it was interesting ability and trust there. Well, yeah. But I also had to define what was important to me, because if it was important to me to be a president of an institution, I’m not going to make these kinds of choices, right. You know?
00;55;47;21 – 00;56;05;27
Unknown
Right. but you can’t have it all. That’s the other thing. You can’t have it all. I can’t live any, you know, the choices that I’m making aren’t going to put me in a $500 million or $500,000 home, right? I’m cool living in my home for 15 years, 20 years, 30 years. It’s not a starter home to me.
00;56;05;27 – 00;56;28;26
Unknown
It’s my home, you know? So, it just certain things had to become a priority, and they had to work for me mentally and be satisfying. So once I figured that out, then I can work in those parameters. You’ve spent some of that time in values clarification. Yes. About wow, I know how this feels. I like how this goes.
00;56;28;26 – 00;56;44;08
Unknown
I don’t like how this feels. And then you are pretty definitive. Yes, when it comes to values clarification and have been from a very, very, very early time. Right. I really like this, but I really don’t like this. What do I need to do about that? You’re not someone who wallows. No you don’t. You’re not a follower.
00;56;44;08 – 00;57;05;19
Unknown
And I also don’t take for face value other people’s opinions so people can be like, wow, that was a really bad move. And you don’t know. You don’t care. It doesn’t impact me. So if you’re the type of person where title is really important. You need to make a certain amount of money. you, you know, I probably make less money now than I did 15 years ago.
00;57;05;21 – 00;57;27;04
Unknown
But again I don’t care, right. I don’t care, I’m not chasing that I could make trouble if I chose to do this. it’s all about choices. I knew getting the degree that I was going to get, that I was going to work when people play. I knew that. I knew that nights and weekends and all that kind of stuff was part of the territory.
00;57;27;04 – 00;57;43;10
Unknown
So I can’t be angry when I’m following my passion and it doesn’t align with my values, which is why I figured that out. I’m like, I can do that. I can’t wedding plan. People don’t get married at 10 a.m. on a Friday. Yeah, right. But and I would love to do that, but I’m not working nights and weekends, you know.
00;57;43;10 – 00;58;12;05
Unknown
So yeah, it’s figuring all of that out and really being happy with your choices and not resentful of them. Well, not surprisingly, my my experience with that is the exact opposite. So titles did do matter to me. Salary does slash did does do still does matter to me. and that’s part of me. When I went to go get my PhD and why I went and got my PhD before I had children.
00;58;12;07 – 00;58;37;04
Unknown
Well, but that’s kind of was supposed to be the case. And then I got knocked up and defended my dissertation in March and had Carter February. So literally I have a picture of him one month old next to the me defending my dissertation. But, those things are important to me, and I do. I would imagine that there’s some listeners and some leaders on this call on that during this session.
00;58;37;11 – 00;58;55;18
Unknown
During during our session, the site today, I know for a fact there’s people listening for sure are like, no, that shit does matter 100% right? And I don’t I don’t look at you and think, oh, you’re missing the Mo. Not at all. I’m actually I mean, I got the great reset part of my great reset was still maintained those things.
00;58;55;21 – 00;59;16;24
Unknown
Right. So it was okay. and now I’ve had the title of CEO and president. Now I have the, have had the title of professor. Now I’ve had the title of executive director of For whatever. Right now, I’ve had the privilege of running five departments, you know, on a, on a college campus. So I, I’ve done the, the title thing.
00;59;16;27 – 00;59;42;08
Unknown
Salary has never been an issue since, I don’t know since I left view of are really because that’s this whole nother story. But that that has never been an issue. And also the, the part of I’m going to be a self-made woman is also a really poor important part of my experience. I want Mark salary to be.
00;59;42;08 – 01;00;04;10
Unknown
In addition, I want anything that happens to us to be that’s that’s extra because Aaron has this. Right. So when I was doing this great reset, it was still very clear to me that that’s a really important value. That’s really something that really does mean something to me. But when I dove a little deeper into it, I’m like, it’s actually not as much about the titles.
01;00;04;13 – 01;00;36;20
Unknown
It’s not exactly. There is still a desire for income that surrounds that, but it’s actually a desire to be seen for the areas in which I’m bringing value. so it’s the keynote speaking opportunities. It’s the podcast. it’s the, fact that I can go and post something on LinkedIn related to my business and have over 1500 followers and have people respond to that right and interact.
01;00;36;26 – 01;00;55;01
Unknown
It’s me meeting with our marketing genius cult and saying, I want to start producing videos like I see this person, this person in this person, you know, like those little reels. Yeah, yeah, I want to do that. And I’m not comfortable doing that. But I want to do that because I think I have something important to share. Right.
01;00;55;03 – 01;01;21;02
Unknown
So in that case, people don’t care and I really don’t care if my title is CEO and president or coordinator or whatever. It doesn’t matter. I want to be seen and valued and heard for what I bring. That I feel can benefit other people. And I have received a lot of positive affirmations from people saying what you have to say is really valuable to us.
01;01;21;04 – 01;02;00;21
Unknown
That’s that for me in the great Reset was the reframe. And that the money peace accord associated with that is that you have the ability to make money for who you are based in what you’re providing as value to other people. So if I go give those webinars and make money based on that, and we do the podcast and we have a subscription based service that can pay for the podcast, for me it was about, wow, there there is an ability to be able to blend the desire I have to share with the world, with income making opportunities.
01;02;00;21 – 01;02;21;01
Unknown
Then I get a keynote opportunity right. That keynote opportunity will put me in front of hundreds of people. There’s ten institutions that are going to be here, right? I can say at that keynote, here’s my LinkedIn page. Please feel free to follow me. Right. I have a I have a podcast that I do with my best friend have have a listen.
01;02;21;01 – 01;02;42;15
Unknown
That’s right. Then there’s that impact growing right, which is what I’ve always said to you. Aligned. I have said that to you again ten years ago, probably even before that. Right? I was like, more people need to hear from you versus your five departments at all, right? They’re nice and they’re impacted and they’re changed forever. But why are you limiting yourself?
01;02;42;20 – 01;03;04;29
Unknown
You need to expand. I never wanted you to not be authentic. I never wanted you to not talk about the things that you are passionate about, knowledgeable about, can teach about. It’s not about that. It’s about exposure. And how do we get you in front of more people? Only if you want that. If you don’t want that, that’s totally fine.
01;03;05;01 – 01;03;26;06
Unknown
You can do your staff development, you can do all that things and have just a beautiful of impact. Yeah, but I know you and I know you at the end of the day, and I know what’s important, what fuels me. I just don’t know how. I’m not the person. I’m not the business coach. I’m not the one that’s like, here’s what you need to do in the language that you speak to in order to achieve those goals.
01;03;26;06 – 01;03;38;02
Unknown
Yeah, I just keep bringing you along to different things. I expose and I’m like, you need to come with me to this. And then I bring you when I’m like, and you’re like, I could do this in my sleep. And I say, I know. Yeah, but let me show you what they’re doing. Yeah. Let me show you this.
01;03;38;02 – 01;03;59;04
Unknown
Let me show you that you can absolutely do this. Yeah, but if I hadn’t, I truly feel like we talk about the whole time the Oprah in the gallery. If I hadn’t been the person that I am and you hadn’t trusted that, and if I hadn’t made that leap ten years ago to, like, do this crazy pants things that never in a million years what I think was probably a good idea right then.
01;03;59;04 – 01;04;18;02
Unknown
I wouldn’t have been able to move along in my journey ten years later, right? To have the great reset of 2023 and to come to some of these conclusions. So I think some of the advice we as a collective can give to people who are back, stuck back where we were, is don’t be afraid to go do something.
01;04;18;07 – 01;04;39;01
Unknown
Sign up for that women’s leadership event in Rochester. It might cost a 5000 bucks, but you need exposure. You start to dabble, start to join Facebook groups, start to join, start to don’t say no to things and do it. Never. That’s always been my motto. Never say no because you just don’t know and you’re not signing your life away.
01;04;39;06 – 01;04;59;18
Unknown
You’re not committing. You’re not right making a change. You’re not doing anything. You’re just getting exposure. And then all of a sudden it’s like, oh my God, people do that. I had one of my, dissertation committee professors say to me, I want you to think about your professional career as a buffet. And if adjunct teaching is potatoes.
01;04;59;21 – 01;05;18;14
Unknown
And if you know you’re doing this other thing is carrots and this other thing is dessert. Right. And you’re going to the buffet and all you keep getting is potatoes after potatoes after potatoes because you’re comfortable with adjunct and you like adjunct thing right. Then you’re not experiencing the other things that are at the buffet. That’s right.
01;05;18;14 – 01;05;38;14
Unknown
And you won’t know what you like on that buffet. I think the goal of the buffet is to have some degree of well-rounded ness. In the end, if I go back now and look at my CV, which I have been building up and I just keep adding and adding and adding, and if I ever, you know, wanted to apply for another job, which I never will take out the things that are not relevant.
01;05;38;14 – 01;06;01;05
Unknown
Right. But when I look back on all of that, you’re going to see research experience, you’re going to see adjunct experience, you’re going to see keynote opportunities, presentations, webinars. You’re going to see, the podcast, you know, you’re going to see this entire variety of things that you’re like a volunteer. I was the adopt a grandparent coordinator right when I was, at Suny Oswego.
01;06;01;12 – 01;06;21;17
Unknown
You’re going to see this whole plethora of stuff that I was just trying out now makes a lot more sense to me in my 40s, but I didn’t say no to hardly anything to a fault. I know, to a place where after I started to have children and after I started to, like, move forward in that journey, I had to be like, oh wow, this is enough.
01;06;21;17 – 01;06;39;16
Unknown
But that’s allowing me to go into more of a refinement stage. That’s right. So to your point, those who already are in the stage of I have children or I’m later on in my life, right. Pick a couple of things that you’re intrigued by you think is interesting. The voice acting class as an example. I thought that would just be fun.
01;06;39;16 – 01;06;58;22
Unknown
It was a continuing education department, right to, credit, right, that we had to take. Right. But then the minute that we did that, it started to be like, well, there could be maybe some sub income or some some additional income over here with doing voiceover acting. Right. I never knew that was the thing. Right. So here we are doing a podcast a stance gentle right.
01;06;58;24 – 01;07;20;19
Unknown
But right. Like you just don’t know unless you’re putting yourself. I hear some of my friends, I would love to start a podcast. I say all the time, you contact Scott Iraq Fox, you take his introduction course and then you decide if it’s still for you, right? Right, right. Ain’t no harm in that. No, it’s not like the intro class cost a thousand bucks, you know, like it’s.
01;07;20;19 – 01;07;46;29
Unknown
No it’s okay. Yes. To explore that to confirm what you said about the buffet, I went to a speech once, for students leadership. And I remember specifically he gave this analogy of a stool, and he said that most people, have their personal life and their professional life. That’s only two components. You never see a stool with two legs.
01;07;47;00 – 01;08;10;27
Unknown
Yeah. Oh, there’s always a third leg. What’s your third leg? He. Idiot. I’ll never forget it. Right. But what’s your third leg? Is that. Is that your passion? Is that your, side gig? Curiosity. What is right? And you will never be balanced unless you. You have the trifecta. Because it’s got to be at least three. Some people left.
01;08;10;27 – 01;08;24;00
Unknown
Four. I was going to say, are we clear that my stool had four left? Course, because I wasn’t going to have three? What? Are we all odd? I know that my career is 100 year and and yours is like one half of the third leg is a little bit off and it’s put on with duct tape. Yeah. And it’s a little bit.
01;08;24;00 – 01;08;49;21
Unknown
It’s a little bit wobbly. Yeah. Yeah. You got a that’s napkin uncomfortable. You know here’s a solid sturdy chair. Oh yeah. But I think that that’s also really important. And to make sure you’re fostering that. And then again it doesn’t need to be substantial. It doesn’t need to be huge. It just needs to be balanced. so my end question here, before I read you this, affirmation card is what would you add to this discussion?
01;08;49;26 – 01;09;05;16
Unknown
I would love to know if you are someone who’s done a great reset, even if you’ve done a mini reset, right? Sometimes, even if like you’re a K-12 teacher and over the summer you’re like, that’s a little bit of a reset time for me where I get to, like, actually breathe and think about things a little bit differently.
01;09;05;19 – 01;09;20;07
Unknown
maybe there’s been a time that you’ve had to have surgery and you needed to be off for six weeks, and that was a great reset time. Maybe something profound happened to you over a weekend and you were like, that wasn’t a great reset, but it sure was a great push button start to something different in my life.
01;09;20;07 – 01;09;42;28
Unknown
What else would you add to this discussion? Let us know on the Facebook group. I’d also like to know what’s keeping you the fears? What’s keeping you from doing the Great Reset? I now look at you. I know sometimes I have good posture. Now look at you. What is keeping you from exploring it? what is keeping you from actually moving forward and doing it?
01;09;43;02 – 01;10;04;02
Unknown
I’ll give you all the reasons right now. What is it makes you from all of it? So this is interesting. Here’s my affirmation card. I know that I have everything it takes to build the life of my dreams. I am capable, that’s it. Well, is it that. That’s the my dropper. It is light. I 6969. Red is perfect.
01;10;04;05 – 01;10;29;10
Unknown
I have a good day I loved that me too is an empathy. Amazing. Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
01;10;29;17 – 01;10;40;28
Unknown
See you next time.