00;00;09;09 – 00;00;31;23
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;23 – 00;00;58;12
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;58;15 – 00;01;22;03
Unknown
I think we’re about to lose some listeners. We’re going to lose some listeners here. Stephen. Yeah, I so I we have to break the news to everybody. What? I gotta, I gotta see to my retainer. Rebecca and I are not sleeping together. Oh, yeah, it is. I mean, we do sleep together, but not. We’re not intimate. I know, I’m really sorry.
00;01;22;04 – 00;01;44;04
Unknown
Anybody? Anybody that one of you questioning that was really hoping had some fantasies. I will certainly hoping that that was going to be a part of this experience. Right. I will say, though, when you were a brunet and I was a blond, people did have a lot of. Well, I was feeling. I thought you were going to finish that by saying I did feel differently about it than I do now.
00;01;44;07 – 00;02;02;18
Unknown
I don’t know. I think it’s one thing to have us as two blonds, but I mean, we had a lot of comments. I had I had some pretty strong emotions when I saw that Brunet was dead on the floor. I prefer Brunets, so when I saw I was like, oh, excuse me, and just became the perfect woman. Wow.
00;02;02;24 – 00;02;21;06
Unknown
Excuse me and my titters were hanging out in that picture too. So I was, I was it all right there? I might try hanging out. Look at that. Burn my hair. That was a long time ago. Yeah, that was that was a long time ago. That was a go back and forth between. Between both. I used to do the dark hair or the blond hair.
00;02;21;06 – 00;02;39;02
Unknown
You were brunet right before you got married. Oh, yeah. And we went and that. And I had to be, like, all sorts of bleached for a very long time. You can see I still have some of the dark pieces in here that your natural color is a darker. It’s mousy brown. So that’s my that’s my color. See my roots.
00;02;39;02 – 00;03;02;18
Unknown
Nasty C boring brown. Mousy Brown. Brown. Boring. Yeah. Not as exciting. Yeah. Yeah. But, we might lose some listeners here because I think, you know, at least one person was holding on to the fact that at some point we were going to make out or something. I don’t know. I didn’t have a large, like, lesbian following. Is that.
00;03;02;20 – 00;03;18;21
Unknown
Or is it dudes? Because I don’t think it’d be dudes. You don’t say. Thanks, Scott. No, I mean, you don’t think dudes would want us to make out? Of course they would. But I don’t think they would have grabbed on to the podcast in the hopes that that would happen, because they would have thought more loving men. Like, I’m not.
00;03;18;21 – 00;03;40;27
Unknown
What? Listen to that. I mean, they might have had more love, and that’s why I’m real interested to hear what else? That’s when we bust out the busted. Bye, babes. They’re all. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah. I don’t know if we can do busted. I know now you got no partners. No, no, my tenders are smaller. Hey, now, you should change the name to T twisters and t twisters, and it could be tongue and titty twisters.
00;03;41;03 – 00;03;48;04
Unknown
Yeah. Stop that with cabbage. And the professor.
00;03;48;07 – 00;04;07;10
Unknown
And we could go live from Choppa, fellas. Oh, yes. Chop off allies. I haven’t been there in a while, but. Yeah, we love that place. No, no. Did I tell you what that man said to me the last time I was there? Yes. Did I tell you, Scott, you did that whole. Listen, I don’t know. I did not that this is appropriate.
00;04;07;16 – 00;04;24;21
Unknown
Probably inappropriate places where talking about this topic. So I go to chop a fella’s and it’s a sick, it’s a black, barbershop, you know, and it’s. I love the vibe there. I love the people there. There’s this man there who I believe owns the place, and he always wears the best glasses, like, the coolest glass is a really cool guy.
00;04;24;21 – 00;04;41;14
Unknown
So I struck up a conversation with him like I do with everybody else. Just totally normal conversation. And this time he’s asking me all, well, where do you live? I said, oh, I’m out in Rochester. He’s like, oh, I’m familiar with the Rochester area, you know, what part do you live in? And he said, I said Fairport. And he said, oh, that’s awesome.
00;04;41;14 – 00;05;02;09
Unknown
Do you have any land? And I said, well, we do have some land. We live on about an acre. And then behind us is, forever wild. And he’s like, how about horses? I’m like, this is getting oddly specific. I don’t really understand where this is going. I said, no, we do not have any horses. And he says, oh my God, I got to get this right.
00;05;02;12 – 00;05;25;25
Unknown
Well, if you ever want to ride wild, if you ever want to ride a wild stallion, I got it right here for you. well, he’s drawing you along for that one. This was me. Ha ha ha ha. I, I was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. And it’s just like, walk back to get my massage.
00;05;25;25 – 00;05;48;06
Unknown
And then the whole time I’m back there for a massage, I’m like, are there video cameras back here? Is this. This is next level. How about the time? How about the time you were at the casino? Which time? Oh my God. Ha ha. This is the best story. This is the best story. Mark loves the story. Oh my God.
00;05;48;08 – 00;06;21;01
Unknown
So what is that? What was that? Well, I was trying to find my horse, but what was the first? Was was that it was like a dance. It says. It says a horse laugh. Yeah, that was not it. That was not when Mister Ed or what? Yeah. Had what? That is not good. Take that one off the doc.
00;06;21;04 – 00;06;44;12
Unknown
Yeah, that one’s not yet. Okay, so I love I love myself, the casino. And what do I love to do with the casino? Play poker. I play Texas hold’em like a fiend. I absolutely love it when I say fiend, I go like, once a year. So I absolutely love Texas Hold’em. And again, I’m at the casino and I’m sitting down playing my game of hold’em.
00;06;44;12 – 00;07;05;25
Unknown
I will sit there for eight hours with $200. I just really love that no one talks to me. I love that I don’t have to solve any problems. I love the suspense of not knowing what cards are going to come out. So there’s a man sitting next to me. I can’t with your face. And he strikes up a conversation, getting what I think is a very normal conversation.
00;07;05;25 – 00;07;24;23
Unknown
And I, he’s a very good player. He is there constantly playing poker. at least I think he’s a good poker player. I’m going to leave that to you to decide after we get a little further in the story. So I’m playing, I’m asking him some questions. He’s telling me that he will always raise up to $100 if he has a pocket.
00;07;24;23 – 00;07;44;26
Unknown
Perry doesn’t care what pocket Perry feels like. He’s very certain that I’m like, this is really great. This is wonderful. I’m just engaging in what I believe is normal conversation with this individual. Until I’m up about $400 and I take my 600 bucks and I decide it’s time for me to cash out. So I go and I get up and he also gets up, which I’m like, I just has to go tinkle.
00;07;44;26 – 00;08;16;11
Unknown
It’s fine. He just has to go to the bathroom. And we walk toward the place where you have to cash out. And he’s like, hey, stop it! Stop! Hey, I, don’t know if you’ve ever done this before, but, I would really love to get together outside of here. Yeah, I know that, it looks like you’re married, but this is how we do this.
00;08;16;14 – 00;08;46;09
Unknown
Take out your phone. I, I am beside myself. Right? You’re like, okay, I did not take out my phone pretty good. I did not take out my phone. I look at him and he goes, I’m going to give you my number. You put me in your phone. Is Barb. Barb. You put me in your phone. Is Barb. I will not text message you until I hear from you first.
00;08;46;11 – 00;09;17;15
Unknown
And this is every time, every time you will say to me, it’s in the clear. It’s okay for you to contact me so that your husband doesn’t have to know. And if he ever does, look at your phone and sees it, it’ll say, Barb, say, can I do Myrtle? Can I be in Myrtle instead? I am beside myself right now, so I say, oh, thank you so much for that offer.
00;09;17;15 – 00;09;39;11
Unknown
But no no no no no, if that’s that’s not me. That’s not me, you know, happily married. Is it? Completely fine. And then I walk away all uncomfortably and for I’m going to say three months, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the casino because I was afraid I was going to see him and it was going to be uncomfortable.
00;09;39;11 – 00;10;00;00
Unknown
So I made friends with one of the dealers, and, we’re friends on Facebook, and I tell him their story and he’s like, I’m calling him Barb. I am calling him Barb because he’s a he’s a about freak winner. What do they call it? Regular. Oh, yeah. He regular. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot that part of the story. I forgot that part of the story.
00;10;00;00 – 00;10;20;10
Unknown
He tells me he gets free hotel rooms, right? Because he goes there so often. He can get us. He can get us right. Free hotel rooms set to go at or at the turning Stone casino. Right. And then he says. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I make about 35 grand a year playing poker.
00;10;20;13 – 00;10;43;00
Unknown
This is before the bar is. He spent the bar situation. Now this is this man’s job. This man’s job is to play poker. So I, I am I don’t know what to say right now. So the minute I tell that, I tell the dealer I’m gonna call him Barb. You can’t. He’s going to know that. I told him that.
00;10;43;00 – 00;10;56;20
Unknown
He’s like, you got to break this level of toxicity. This is not okay. He’s not allowed to do this, people. That’s basically harassment. You can’t be just engaging in a conversation with someone and then be like, hey, did you want to sleep together? And your husband doesn’t need to know, just put me on your phone. Is Barb brain?
00;10;56;21 – 00;11;18;15
Unknown
Oh, it’s so weird. So now to this day, the dealer still sends me random snapshots of this guy. He always wears the same. what do you call the shirts with the collar? Polo shirt, a polo, a polo shirt? Yeah. Always in a polo. Like, please. Sorry, sorry. I’m always in a polo. So he’ll send me pictures. You know, Alex, like we were saying, I got the pink polo.
00;11;18;15 – 00;11;38;03
Unknown
Look at whatever. And then the minute that I got home, I’m like, Mark, I need to tell you what just happened here. So then, Mark, the next time we are at the casino, he’s with me. Oh, Jesus. And, Yeah, of course, this man and I are sitting at the same table again, and Mark comes over and just, like, gives the guy the look, right?
00;11;38;03 – 00;11;59;17
Unknown
Like he bends down real close to me, puts his hand on my back. Right. Just like this. Like, are you kidding me here, dude? Like, what the heck? so this is the other side of empathy when you’re just trying to be a nice human, engage in conversation and see people in whatever. Are you flirting with me? Yeah, it’s level you.
00;11;59;20 – 00;12;21;14
Unknown
He’s just an unseen man who got seen at the poker table for 30 minutes, and before you know it. Baa baa baa baa baa. Somebody knows their full time gamblers are just a catch. Well, I’m here now, 35 grand a year. I mean, telling you, this makes me think of something to have you guys watched Baby Reindeer on.
00;12;21;16 – 00;12;41;15
Unknown
I have to. I know you sent it to me the other day, and I’ve been reading things about it. What is this? Is it a kid show? Is it a no no no no no no no talk this this show is based on a true story. And it’s about this woman who stalks this man. every single person who’s listening to this podcast right now needs to find themselves a Netflix account.
00;12;41;15 – 00;13;10;09
Unknown
If they don’t have it. And to watch season one, it is this podcast in in eight episodes. Get out it is. It goes through the fact that this woman comes in and she’s incredibly not okay, and she identifies herself as a lawyer and it goes through her whole she’s uneducated. She knows she’s no, she’s she’s very smart. She identifies herself as a lawyer, but she can’t afford a Diet Coke, which is everything she wants.
00;13;10;09 – 00;13;24;24
Unknown
She comes in all the time and wants a Diet Coke. So it starts by. She comes into who? The. The Da. He works at the bar. Oh, I’m sorry. Sorry. In the in, a psychiatrist. no, no, no, he works at a bar. Okay. So she comes in and she always want something to drink, but she says she can’t afford it.
00;13;24;24 – 00;13;47;19
Unknown
So how does it start? He gives her a free Diet Coke and that’s how I’m like, oh, my God, this is me. This is what would happen. I’d be like, you don’t need to pay for it is totally fine. Then you start to go through the sequence of how he feels so bad for her. So he continues to entertain her, whatever, because he feels so bad and nervous and uncomfortable about her experience.
00;13;47;21 – 00;14;10;02
Unknown
She turns out to be a crazy stalker. Like we’re talking next level on police radar. Stalker. right. And not wait. And then the next part, like from, like episode four on episode four. I need you all to brace yourself for it is. Don’t point very I will not it is. It is very intense, very difficult to watch.
00;14;10;02 – 00;14;41;21
Unknown
I think I have a disclaimer. Yeah. In the very beginning, which is it needs like flashing lights. It’s very hard to watch. I’ve heard this whole thing is, is difficult. Yeah. Because I think people were expecting it to be a certain way. And it’s. More to. No. So starting at episode four you start to understand and he starts to explain why he is the person who gives the free diet Coke, why he is the person who has to see this woman even though he doesn’t want anything to do with her.
00;14;41;21 – 00;15;04;01
Unknown
And you see the way that this plays out through the trajectory of his life and his own family and the, woman that he’s dating. And I am telling you, you’ve never seen been so seen. This is next level. And then I’m on like the very, like last episode at this point. But the one right before this episode,
00;15;04;04 – 00;15;31;19
Unknown
He it’s him on a stage supposed to be doing something like, I’ll leave you to the end or something. Yeah. He has a comedian. He’s supposed to be doing comedy. No one laughs at his jokes. Right? So he finally at this moment is like, you know what sits down on this stage and expresses every single thing in the clearest way possible about why he is the way he is and what has happened to him, and how he why he’s doing the things that he’s doing right.
00;15;31;19 – 00;15;59;10
Unknown
And I telling you, you guys have to watch this show. Netflix baby reindeer is what it is called. It is terrifying. It is heart and gut wrenching. It is every emotion you could possibly imagine. It says limited series. I think there’s maybe 8 or 9 episodes, but it makes me think of Barb sitting at the table and me being like, oh, you know, tell me, how would you play this hand, Barb?
00;15;59;10 – 00;16;17;02
Unknown
Right. Just to be nice and kind in, you know, engaging a nice neighbor. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it gets taken. Taken too far. Anyway, baby reindeer on Netflix watching it. You should probably watching it tonight. Today’s Friday, my kids got soccer for 3000 hours, which means I got the whole night free. Because that’s right. That’s doing it.
00;16;17;02 – 00;16;34;25
Unknown
That’s right. You got. You’re here to man to man to man. Philip got a new job. Yeah, well, not a new job, but at a new promo. You gotta prove you got a promo. Make me, you know where we even. We made up a song for you. Yeah. That’s right. Who’s doing it? Yep. Ready? You’re the man, you’re the man.
00;16;34;25 – 00;16;55;10
Unknown
You’re the man. You can do the work and working for man. Yeah, the work I’m working for me. In back to. We are gonna face time. You later in saying that because we we were like, what was his job before? And then we were like, truck driver. no, he was the raker. Rake is the guy who rakes the asphalt.
00;16;55;12 – 00;17;08;19
Unknown
But not anymore. Not anymore. Now, now we are the working for man. I’m like, what the. What are the other job titles? That sounds stupid.
00;17;08;22 – 00;17;24;15
Unknown
Yeah. Way to go, honey. Wait, wait. Are you bringing that bacon home? Oh, I can quit my job. You to make me the main man. You know my phone, man. You to work. I’m working for man.
00;17;24;17 – 00;17;27;24
Unknown
I love that.
00;17;27;26 – 00;17;43;06
Unknown
I can’t wait to call him and do that. We got to do that on FaceTime before we get on. Yeah, I like that. You better like that. Oh, yeah? You better. We keep calling him 16 times if he doesn’t, because that’s what you do. That’s what you do. All right. What what hippie route card you got for us to at the Six of Swords.
00;17;43;06 – 00;18;09;18
Unknown
Look at who it is. A someone I don’t. It’s not a swan blocker. A it’s a chicken, a pelican. Oh, pelican. It doesn’t really have the the girdle to start that. What a skull. I’ve got a paddleboard every time I laugh like that. Hahaha. Like that water. It sounds like Elvis Duran in the morning and whoever that other woman is that laughs like that.
00;18;09;21 – 00;18;30;12
Unknown
It’s not okay. It’s funny. I need to stop. It’s not brewing that you’re the kind of person that picks up people’s laughs and makes them their own. I don’t know, am I? I mean, that would be an empathy trait right there. It’d be an empathy trait. Oh, this is interesting. Okay, what? This is a sign that you’re moving on to better times.
00;18;30;15 – 00;18;59;03
Unknown
Greener pastures, sweeter, honey. Yummy. Less frequent panic attacks. Awesome. There may be some sadness or feeling of loss as you row your boat to the other side of the lake, but you can take comfort in knowing this new shore is a definite upgrade. So while you paddle away from the struggle beach, daydream about private cabanas, pre-sliced, mangoes, and martial arts level massages that awaits you.
00;18;59;06 – 00;19;19;16
Unknown
Wow! And also hope that word hasn’t gotten out to all the tourists. Yeah. I call next level joy into my life and I’m so grateful for all the things I’m about to be so grateful for. Oh hanging loose. Speaking of hanging listen, speaking of those I love, I told Sawyer all about them and then I went to look in my bag and I never took one home.
00;19;19;16 – 00;19;30;18
Unknown
Get one. Yeah. You it to me now. You didn’t get a little mini hand. I know she wants you to put it on the keeping and loose. She wants to put it on the pool was. That’s a good one. I like that you like that one? Yeah. I actually think you did a great job reading. Thank you as well.
00;19;30;18 – 00;19;50;11
Unknown
Thank you. Did you work on that? No I didn’t okay. Slowed it down. Yeah. What happened? Well these are, these are, you know, my eyesight’s getting a little better. I have an affirmation card. Good. I mean, we got to do that one last time. Yeah, well, almost spilled my drink. Scott Lewis. Sacrilege. I know that worrying only blinds me from the beauty.
00;19;50;11 – 00;20;17;01
Unknown
That is all around me. I am not stressing. I hear it is very good, I love that. Yeah, I love that. Speaking of stressing, you know who’s not stressing you, right? About what we talk about on this podcast. You don’t have any clue what you’re about to talk about. Nope. Okay, so what I think we could talk about today, I have two things we could talk about.
00;20;17;04 – 00;20;37;12
Unknown
This is going to be a choose your own adventure. I get to choose it. Sure. You and Scott, if you pick the wrong one, I’ll pick different ones. I’ll be the final determiner. Okay, we get to pick it, we get to pick it. As long as I like it. Yeah. Okay. So one is you posted something on the More Love Facebook group a little while ago.
00;20;37;12 – 00;20;58;24
Unknown
Now about can you still have empathy for people if they’re basically causing their own problems. Yeah. Preventable problem. What they are doing is preventable. They’re choosing not to prevent it. And do you continue to have empathy for these people? Great topic. Or do you have empathy for something that ultimately happens that could have been preventable. Yeah okay okay.
00;20;58;24 – 00;21;17;07
Unknown
That’s a that’s a little different twist there. I had more empathy for that second one than maybe I did for the first one. Oh yeah or so Scott. That would be number one. And number two is I have a quote that came up on my feed today that I found really fascinating and thought might be a good discussion.
00;21;17;07 – 00;21;53;23
Unknown
So was it underneath a specific kind of picture? This was not in my stories. Oh, okay. Which still happens to be showing right now. We talked about let me see. Last time. Okay. Here’s what it says. People pleasing is a form of emotional unavailability to people pleasing is a form of emotional unavailability too. It’s difficult for anyone to get to know the real you if you downplay your feelings, your needs, and wants in your relationships.
00;21;53;25 – 00;22;10;25
Unknown
That’s taking a lot of assumptions there. So that would be number two, so that here we go. Choose your own adventure. Do you want to go down? Here’s a little hint. Next week’s episode is whatever they don’t pick this week. So just, you know, foreshadowing. I don’t want to talk about any of those. I want to talk about you.
00;22;11;02 – 00;22;35;01
Unknown
I know you so I know you don’t. Do you want to talk about preventable or do you want to talk about this quote? Scott, what’s your vote? why are you making me choose you? Because you annoying going to do it? You one are. We have more to say about the second thing. Okay, interesting. On topic number two, you pick number two to go pick.
00;22;35;04 – 00;22;51;15
Unknown
Well, I have to. Otherwise you’re the tiebreaker and you’re just going to pick. What do you want. No I would you want no. How about you beat the tiebreaker. However I would pick one show. Oh I’m happy to I’m happy to do whatever you want I can’t. What are you, Scott, in the middle. And whatever you whatever you guys, I can care a little bit of Rebecca a little bit.
00;22;51;15 – 00;23;11;26
Unknown
A little bit of rec back, a little bit on Aaron. Like, we’re so polar opposite. Like, sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. I’m like, okay, what do you want to do? let’s leave it to the listeners. Just kidding. You can’t tell us. Call it off. Show Cullen not a live show. I don’t know, I Scott was on number two. You don’t have an opinion either way.
00;23;11;28 – 00;23;27;26
Unknown
If you had to have an opinion, which one would it be? Flip a coin. I don’t I really don’t care. We’re going to talk about both. You’re going to flip the middle finger finger. We’re going to flip the middle finger. Well what are we going to hope. It’s hope it lands on the action. Oh no. You just peck.
00;23;27;28 – 00;23;51;20
Unknown
All right. I want to talk about the, the preventable. Okay. The preventable piece. Okay. Sorry, Scott. That’s fine. We’ll do you next. We do, we do you do we do you give some people some time to think about a man? What’s good about those quotes? Oh, I think the studio audience probably loved God. Good God, they called in with their opinion.
00;23;51;22 – 00;24;10;05
Unknown
All right. So you were the one who posted it on Facebook. Give us some idea of what you were thinking or what was coming up for you when you posted it on the More Love Facebook page. At first I thought you were going to say, give us a recap of what people said. I have no idea because I didn’t know we were talking about this and I didn’t go back and read it.
00;24;10;05 – 00;24;31;25
Unknown
So what I was thinking, I was probably in the moment, you know, I write things in the moment. So at that moment, I was probably come face to face or watch something on TV or something happened where I’m like, it’s really interesting that people were reacting to that in that way. When that entire situation might have on a different way based on life choices, whatever.
00;24;31;27 – 00;25;07;28
Unknown
So then I thought, is there preventable things that people could do? How do I how do I word this? I think one of the examples that I was thinking about was somebody smoked three packs of cigarets a day and continued to engage in that lifestyle a long time. Knowing what we know now, that that that’s not the best choice and that these things could happen and then ended up getting lung cancer and going through the cancer and then probably dying or whatever.
00;25;07;28 – 00;25;39;20
Unknown
And I thought for someone who actively engaged in something like that, do I have empathy and sympathy for the outcome that happened? I don’t know. Okay. Interesting. And then I started to think of other potential examples of that. And so I thought, well, I wonder what other people think. when you just said that, I actually my mind went to people who have really strong opinions on drug abusers who overdose.
00;25;39;20 – 00;26;04;03
Unknown
Yes. And or addicts, like, there’s a lot of people who don’t believe addiction is real. Yeah, there’s a lot of people that don’t believe mental illness is real, right? You’re not depressed. Get over it. Yeah, suck it up. There’s a lot. That’s what I mean. So, like, it’s really interesting, right? Because, you know, I mean, I don’t know.
00;26;04;06 – 00;26;37;06
Unknown
What’s interesting is I had a different reaction to smoking than I did to the significant drug abuse, which makes me wonder why. So in my opinion, when I think about significant drug and drug use integrity, drug abuse, drug abuse, that at the core of all of that is excessive pain and loneliness and worthlessness. I don’t associate those same feelings with smoking multiple packs of cigarets a day, but I don’t know why.
00;26;37;08 – 00;26;59;23
Unknown
Because it’s still a behavior. It’s still a toxic behavior, and it’s still a behavior that is being used to fuel something in some way. Right? So in the case of the person who smokes multiple packs of cigarets and then ends up with cancer, do I feel empathy for that? I don’t I don’t necessarily feel empathy for the situation.
00;26;59;23 – 00;27;28;26
Unknown
I feel more sympathy for the situation. But what I for for the for the for the specifics of like why they’re there. What I feel empathy for is that they are now experiencing the results of their consequences. Yeah. And they are their family is experiencing that and that. I don’t think anyone chooses those consequences. You might not be thinking of it in the moment.
00;27;28;26 – 00;27;59;01
Unknown
Right. But I feel empathy more at that point, whether it be smoking or drug addiction or that a whole host of other, you know, examples for the fallout of that. And as someone who knows pain and knows suffering and knows that I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable, that’s where my empathy comes in.
00;27;59;03 – 00;28;17;14
Unknown
I don’t know, I’m never necessarily been face to face with a situation like that. So I don’t have experience that I’m that I can speak to in this moment of something that I could be like, well, let me share this example. You know, but, you know, I watch all these things on TV and I’m like, oh, wow.
00;28;17;14 – 00;28;49;15
Unknown
You know, maybe, maybe it’s a situation where, but I keep going back to the worst roommate that show, and how these people are like, oh, let me get a roommate because I need to, offset my bills. Right? And then what happens is, maybe that person was manipulative or wasn’t, I don’t know, but maybe it comes down to you don’t know what you don’t know and you don’t know what questions to ask.
00;28;49;17 – 00;29;12;27
Unknown
Right? So then you get into a situation that may or may not have been preventable based on X, Y, and Z. I know that’s super vague, but I just keep reflecting on different things that I’m exposed to. And I and I just sit there and I think about it, and maybe it’s because I’m a mom of a teenager and I think, well, how do I make sure or.
00;29;13;00 – 00;29;39;01
Unknown
Help my kids to problem solve and critically think about things to the best of their ability. Because I also feel it comes back to I don’t think humans maybe are great at that, specifically the younger generation. you don’t really have to think through a whole lot when it’s so easy to access this morning. This morning on my Facebook, it just updated.
00;29;39;01 – 00;29;57;08
Unknown
And now there’s AI incorporated into my Facebook. And half the time I read my emails through ChatGPT. I don’t even have to think of a way to write something that’s heartfelt. I just say respond to this email in a loving, empathetic way and ChatGPT spits spits it out. I reread it, I’m like, damn, that’s good. And I pass it on.
00;29;57;11 – 00;30;21;24
Unknown
That’s not my thoughts, you know? So then I think I probably should have admitted that. Why? I think it’s frickin genius. Okay. And then if other people are doing it, then just shame on you. If you’re not doing it, you’re wasting time. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you got to do it. And maybe that’s the thing, taking advantage of all the quote unquote tools and accessibility.
00;30;21;24 – 00;30;55;16
Unknown
But then is there an empathy problem when somebody who’s a kid writes a paper through ChatGPT and tries to submit it and then gets caught for plagiarism, like, is it you know what I mean? I don’t the, the chat gpt isn’t relating with me as much as the having a bad roommate, filing for bankruptcy, making poor financial choices, those types of choosing not to file taxes.
00;30;55;22 – 00;31;28;15
Unknown
Right. Choosing to walk out of a restaurant without paying a tip. Right. Right. So do I have empathy for the consequences of that person’s actions? And what I think that brings up for me is you have a very hard time when someone continues to do something over and over again, that negatively impacts their life. Eventually you get to a point where you say, I need to distance myself from this, and this is not okay because I can’t sit here while you’re continuing to make these decisions.
00;31;28;17 – 00;31;52;16
Unknown
I you tend to see that as you’re an idiot. I’m out of here, and I tend to see that as an overabundance of empathy on your part. You can’t continue to watch the struggle because at the end of the day, you do want what’s in the best interest of people 100%. And it’s very hard for you to sit back and watch people make destructive decisions when they could be making different choices.
00;31;52;19 – 00;32;11;08
Unknown
Even this, but I want to clarify my way is not the right way. I don’t judge you. Oh, I wouldn’t have done it that way. I just want you to be successful and happy and feel great about whatever you’re doing. And if you’re not in that place, you could be. You know what I mean? So don’t don’t confuse that with.
00;32;11;08 – 00;32;33;18
Unknown
Oh, well, they shouldn’t should have done it this way. They would have had better results. That’s not that’s not what I mean. I don’t know, I sometimes think that I mean, I sometimes think to myself, this is a pretty wrong way of handling this situation, and this is how you should have done it. Or it doesn’t have to be this exact way, but something along this way.
00;32;33;18 – 00;32;56;03
Unknown
Let’s use the example of having, a roommate that becomes a squatter, right? Someone who’s stay in their way past the time that they’re supposed to bring a son. Your son’s a squatter. That’s what we call them. We call them the school. That’s funny. There’s a whole. There’s a whole, like, show on this. I’m telling you, that’s associated with people whose sole job it is to come and squat at other people’s houses and not leave.
00;32;56;03 – 00;33;19;02
Unknown
Right. So I think of a whole host of things that people could do in that squatter situation. One is completely ignored and not talk about it. I happen to think that’s the absolute wrong way to handle that situation. If if you are upset that they are there, you need money to continue paying the bills. They continue to have a negative experience on you because of this.
00;33;19;02 – 00;33;42;27
Unknown
I don’t believe that going off and sticking your head in the sand is the right way to handle that situation, right? I also don’t happen to think that the process of making this person’s life a living hell is necessarily the best process. Is it a strategy and a tactic? Yeah, sure. Will I stick by it a little bit just to see what the impact is going to be?
00;33;42;27 – 00;33;59;21
Unknown
Yeah, I’d be willing to try that angle. Right. Yeah. But your natural tendency is to talk things true through. But in this case we’re not talking. I’m literally banging pots and pans. I’m having ragers in the middle of the living room, but that’s after you’ve exhausted the talking and it didn’t work. I just know for me, yes, 100%.
00;33;59;21 – 00;34;15;01
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I’m saying if someone else. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Well I’m not going to talk in rude. Right. But I want to just take this guy’s door off the hinges. Right. Or I’m removing all the toilet paper from the bathroom. And so now when this guy wants to go to the bathroom, he’s going to have to do something about it, right?
00;34;15;01 – 00;34;34;04
Unknown
Like, I, I there’s a part of me that really enjoys a little bit of that. Oh, right. You’re a little bit. I’m a little fan of. We got to get our passive aggressive dogs out in some way, shape or form. Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. All right. I’m not one for pure aggression. I’m not one for beat this guy up when he comes out to use the toilet.
00;34;34;04 – 00;34;48;19
Unknown
Right. But. Oh, but make his life a little bit more difficult. Yeah, yeah, perhaps a little bit of a laugh involved. Right? You don’t. You don’t need to have a cakewalk here while you’re making my life a living hell, because you got to remember, at the end of the day, I’m big on fairness. And you’re right, I do not like when those scales are not tipped.
00;34;48;21 – 00;35;18;18
Unknown
I know, right, I know, but if you are someone who’s so. So in that way, I do have some strong feelings about the person who chooses to say nothing and do nothing, but continues to complain about the fact that this continues to be a problem. Okay, my problem with that is that it’s hard for me to have empathy for your situation when you’re not doing anything to improve that yourself.
00;35;18;21 – 00;35;43;24
Unknown
I can have empathy for you. As someone who’s non-confrontational, I can have a good point for you as someone who wants something to be different and doesn’t know how to do that, I can have empathy for the fact that you do not have the appropriate tools to manage this situation. In fact, I feel worse about you when you do have the tools to manage the situation.
00;35;43;24 – 00;36;05;17
Unknown
You’re still choosing to not manage the situation. And then you want me to come in and fix up the clean up the mess for you, right? Right. Because it’s hard, right? Things are hard, right? That’s when I struggle with having empathy. And it’s a very quick transition for me from going from having empathy for this person to thinking that this person is ill.
00;36;05;20 – 00;36;21;04
Unknown
Ooh. Oh there’s not a there, there’s not a lot in between there. for me I don’t think I’ve not given it a ton of thought. But in this moment there’s not a lot there. That’s a good point because.
00;36;21;06 – 00;36;37;14
Unknown
There’s got to be some level. Oh here we go. Yes. Yeah. That’s what she’s saying. Yeah. There’s got to be some level of illness because that, you know, it’s just not. It’s just like when we’re watching these shows and it’s like, how can someone be so damn evil? Or how can someone be so gullible, selfish or how can.
00;36;37;17 – 00;36;59;15
Unknown
Yeah, I mean, maybe not all. I mean, people are perfectly fine and gullible. My mother in law is extremely gullible, and she’s not, I don’t know in any way. I don’t know mentally. I don’t know if I agree with that. But then do you have empathy for people who are gullible? To some extent I do. Do I have empathy for people who are gullible to a certain extent, I believe that empathy exists.
00;36;59;22 – 00;37;23;01
Unknown
There are also times where I then believe that it’s an illness, that you are so gullible and so naive and so unable to manage this situation, that we have crossed over into it. They’re incapable of of getting better at that or learning capable of having. yeah, I’ve transferable skills. Yeah. Of learning double, you know, checks and like that’s, that’s that’s a great example.
00;37;23;01 – 00;37;47;00
Unknown
Let’s think about the person who gets catfished online. Right, right. I can have empathy for the fact that you got swindled. Yes. I don’t I don’t like that for you as all. Wait. Clarify that when you say catfish, you mean. You think you’re in a relationship with someone? Just an emotional relationship. Yeah. You’re not being robbed with money.
00;37;47;02 – 00;38;08;25
Unknown
Well, that’s next level. That’s right. So, sure, just. Just like we can do just to me in you. Yeah. Hi, honey. You know, like, I think I’m dating the hot, juicy blond that I just cannot get enough of reality as I buy it, I’m here, I then the questions are. Well, have you ever FaceTimed her? No. Right when she wants to get together with you, does she always have an excuse?
00;38;08;25 – 00;38;29;20
Unknown
Yes. Oh. Do you talk to her on the phone? Yeah. But her her voice sounds a little animated. Right? Right. So what I feel bad for or have empathy for is in this case, that would be me. Yeah. Falling for that. I feel bad for the fact that I needed to need that so much that I was willing to overlook some of the really clear signs that this wasn’t the case.
00;38;29;25 – 00;38;51;27
Unknown
That’s where I have empathy. If I then go back online over and over and over again and say hi and then I meet not Joe, but you know, Bonnie and Donny is also a real hot blond with great, you know, model pictures. Right. And I say, hey Danny, I really learned from this last time. Can we get on FaceTime?
00;38;51;27 – 00;39;14;16
Unknown
And Danny’s like, we sure can. And we get on FaceTime. And Danny’s in a dark, dark, dark room where you can’t see Danny, right? Right. Right, right. My camera’s not working at all, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. It looks like it’s frozen on this picture of me. Yeah, it’s the same picture up I got. I had actually worked before back in that same point.
00;39;14;16 – 00;39;34;02
Unknown
Then there is a part for me that’s like, okay, there’s one part that I really want to have empathy for. There’s another part that says, can you go fix that, please? Come on. I know this is not okay. Over and over and over again. And that’s the part for me that feels like illness. So that’s an example when Scott just said gullible, I do still feel like there’s a line that can get crossed.
00;39;34;02 – 00;40;00;27
Unknown
Where you reach over into this point of an illness doesn’t have to be necessarily diagnosable disease, but you have such a deep, unneeded, unknown unmet need that is coming up that it is causing you to make bunk choices. Yeah. Or or is it the fact that when your brain was forming, when you were in your formative years, you were constantly given the information or just the path was laid out and you never had to actually critically think maybe.
00;40;00;29 – 00;40;22;14
Unknown
And that’s fine. But those are also things our brains are not are not plastic, right? They they change. We can change those things. Can we? I can you teach an old dog new tricks? You can can you? It just takes a lot longer to learn. I hope so, or my hope. I hope so too. My whole profession is a waste of time and money.
00;40;22;14 – 00;40;44;22
Unknown
If you can’t. You know, if I’ve said I’m over here doing therapy with Scott, but in the back of my mind I’m like, well, dog, no new tricks. He’s going to just keep his same neural pathways. Do I think it’s harder? Yeah. The older you get it’s a lot harder. But it’s I have to believe that people have the ability to change and do things different.
00;40;44;22 – 00;41;10;08
Unknown
Different. This time. I believe people have the ability. Do I think it’s always successful? Oh, definitely not always success. I would I would think there’s less of a success rate. So I did a podcast with someone a few years ago and, I should send it to you. This, this podcast took such a left turn that it blew my mind.
00;41;10;10 – 00;41;41;22
Unknown
We were talking. I was going to talk to this person about, success, success in the production industry, being a video producer, stuff like that. And it took a left turn and we were talking about, sex trafficking. Oh, because this man had fallen in love with this woman who was being held as a sex worker, and he was paying money through the nose to buy her out of it.
00;41;41;24 – 00;42;05;09
Unknown
So he thought, and I’m like, dude, you’re getting punked, right? You don’t. And no matter what anyone ever said, he he believed that he was saving was on the podcast at saving her. This was on the podcast. This man, this man is saying that he’s working on saving the sex worker. And in the moment you’re like, you’re getting scammed, dude.
00;42;05;11 – 00;42;32;05
Unknown
Well, I think I took a I think I, I don’t remember my approach. It was I was not prepared for it. Yeah. So I tried to be, sensitive sensitive to the situation and not belittle him. in the podcast. so, that’s a really hard don’t only for Becca. Yeah, but you do. And why you wasting your damn money?
00;42;32;05 – 00;42;56;15
Unknown
I you know, I said I’m like, I honestly, I think you’re being taken for a ride. I don’t think this is legit. And he was emphatic. Yeah. And then just recently I say recently you saw them walking down the street together. No, no. he, he finally he finally admitted to me that he had been scammed. Yeah.
00;42;56;17 – 00;43;25;05
Unknown
And I can’t tell you the thousands, tens of maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars that he lost. And you felt what empathy for him. No. You didn’t. Well, of course I felt empathy for him. But it was also kind of, like, obvious. I felt sorry for him. So of Fitz, I don’t know if it’s empathy in my. Maybe it is, but I just felt like, gosh, you really should have listened to everyone who was telling you that this was not legit.
00;43;25;07 – 00;44;05;00
Unknown
Like there’s a, there’s, there’s gullible and then there’s, you know, tunnel vision and the inability to listen to other people and the inability to, to change your track because you are so focused on where you’re headed that you cannot, you will not listen to other opinions. And it’s really hard to feel sorry for someone. And this goes back to the, the other, thing you were talking about is really hard to feel sorry for someone like that who’s been given multiple opportunities to not be taken for this ride, but they demanded to go for this ride, and now they’re upset that they got where they got.
00;44;05;02 – 00;44;24;18
Unknown
We’re talking about the difference between sympathy and empathy in my mind, because when we say that, it’s really hard to have, you know, it’s really hard to feel sorry for someone who’s experienced. That’s sympathy. That’s not empathy, right? Because empathy is not I feel sorry for you. Empathy is I’m climbing in your skin. And when in experiencing it with you for a while, right?
00;44;24;18 – 00;45;02;05
Unknown
It’s not feelings of, oh boy, I can’t believe this happened to you. I can’t, I can’t crawl into someone’s skin and feel sorry for them to that extent in that situation. And yeah, because, because and I there was, there was one time where I was almost taken for a ride. I was almost swindled. Okay. So you and I got I realized that I was being stupid about it, that I was that I was missing, and I got out of it, and it was good timing, because I was like, what?
00;45;02;05 – 00;45;21;12
Unknown
Really do I really think that, you know, and it all came down to the fact of where I was mentally and emotionally in that phase of my life. This is something I needed. So badly that I was going to believe whatever I was told. That’s what I have empathy for, right? And that’s where I think a lot of people are.
00;45;21;12 – 00;45;42;15
Unknown
Yeah, because I’ve experienced that. I can, I can, I can get there and say, yes. but at the same time kicking myself for going, you should have known better. And you kind of did know better. You kind of thought deep down this is not there’s something weird about that. But you had this weird level of hope that you’re like, maybe right, real.
00;45;42;16 – 00;46;03;15
Unknown
Maybe it’s legit, right? When we when I first, first year, couple of years in college, we were playing, I was playing in a band, and, we met a guy who claimed he was with, RCA, BMG records, and he was out looking for the next act and was going to, like, do our demo and wanted to record a new demo.
00;46;03;15 – 00;46;20;21
Unknown
And he lent us this, like, recording equipment. Totally thought he was legit. He was telling us all about what, you know, everything. And, you know, I was like, going to the record store or to the guitar store saying, I’m going to buy that one. I’m gonna buy that one. You guys are getting a $300,000 bonus. You’re going to be touring all over, you know?
00;46;20;23 – 00;46;39;20
Unknown
And then and finally it was like my my buddies were like, dude, he’s full of shit. There’s no way he’s full of shit. And I’m like, no, it’s real, I know it. It’s real. This is my destiny. I was full of shit. I finally called the record company that he claimed to be one of the executives of, and they never heard of the guy.
00;46;39;22 – 00;47;00;27
Unknown
this is baby reindeer. Yeah. And how he fell, you know that groomed by this man who promised him the world from a comedy perspective. And when he’s alone sitting on that stage and saying yeah, I hated myself so much I was willing to believe anything that was. Yeah. You have that desire, that desire to achieve that that whole year.
00;47;00;27 – 00;47;20;02
Unknown
And you know, that holy grail of goals. Yeah. You know, wanting to to be a successful musician was such a huge thing for me. And it was like, oh my God, this is actually going to happen. Like the look at how these things, you know, you always hear about, like these, the way things happen, like, oh, it was it was destined to be.
00;47;20;04 – 00;47;35;01
Unknown
And I always wanted that to be the case. Like I always wanted to be. Oh, he bumped into this guy and it turns out he’s this. And now we’re here. Yeah. And, because that’s what you hear often. But the other thing was with, with these huge big white names, right? Yeah. Right. This is how it happens, right?
00;47;35;01 – 00;48;00;19
Unknown
So don’t don’t ever give up. You never know if you’re at, you know, the ugly. So it’s not your. Yeah. Right. The other part of it was this guy didn’t ask us for money. He didn’t, it was just a play. He just wanted to make himself out to be more important than he was. Yeah. So that he could have us, like, all starry eyed looking to him to for advice when he wasn’t asking us to.
00;48;00;19 – 00;48;16;13
Unknown
All right, well, to do this, you’re going to need to do a demo, and it’s going to cost you. He wasn’t trying to bilk us out of money. Yeah. Which made it more believable because he wasn’t after something that we had. Right. He just wanted to pretend to be a big shot. And it was it. This is also how cult leaders come to power.
00;48;16;18 – 00;48;33;24
Unknown
Yeah. You know. Right. This is also how I’m not going to ask you anything in first drink. I’m not I’m going to, you know, connect with you. I’m going to provide you a safe space. You know, we’re going to start this real slow and build this relationship. And then all of a sudden it’s, oh, well, you know, we want to keep you as a part of this wonderful relationship.
00;48;33;24 – 00;48;49;05
Unknown
It’s just going to cost you this much money for, you know, you got some pyramid scheme related to a cult, right? That’s one of the most sociopathic tendencies out there is you build relationship, trust and guidance, and then you go back to that and you say, don’t you remember when you were nothing and I wanted nothing from you?
00;48;49;08 – 00;49;19;27
Unknown
Yeah. It’s that’s it’s it’s so this is empathy with boundaries, right. This is why the boundary piece is so incredibly important. Because there are a lot of these swindlers scheming, unhealthy people that will take advantage of people. Yeah. And so the question that I’m hearing us ask under the surface is, I don’t know what the other word is, but the question is, can empathy and blank exist in the same space?
00;49;19;29 – 00;49;42;22
Unknown
I don’t know what the blank is. anger, judgment. Judgment. Can empathy and judgment exist in the same space? Maybe it is judgment, right? Because in the example of the sculptor, the example of of bankruptcy, can I have a really strong opinion of what it is that you’re doing and how you’re doing it, and still have empathy and empathy and judgment?
00;49;42;22 – 00;50;05;03
Unknown
I do that every day. You every day. You just lead more with judgment than you do with empathy, or you present more with judgment than empathy. When you say present, my verbalization is empathy, my internal thought processes. Oh my God, you’re such an idiot. You’re such an idiot. But what I’m, I’m I’m like, you’re in my mind.
00;50;05;03 – 00;50;24;03
Unknown
I’m like, you’re such an idiot. But then I’ll say, oh, I can’t imagine how that feels. That’s terrible. Oh my goodness. What do you think you should do about that? Interesting. But that’s it. That’s how I parent my kids. I do, I don’t see that side of you. I see the other side of you because I’m talking to you, one of the insiders.
00;50;24;08 – 00;50;37;09
Unknown
But I’m talking to you. I’m not going to. But, you know, when I’m talking to somebody else and you know how I really feel. You’re like, okay. Oh, yeah. But then I’m all sorts of confused because I’m like, she don’t feel like that. You’re right. It’s called Thank God, I know. I keep my mouth shut. That’s all right.
00;50;37;09 – 00;50;58;27
Unknown
But I’m to tell you how I feel. Oh, yeah, I’m real clear. Why not go to that person right, right now? So I’m. I’m constantly feeling like, what is what is that about when what the leading with empathy. Even though there’s judgment underneath. I don’t call it leading. You don’t call it leading with judgment. Speaking. Judge speaking.
00;50;58;28 – 00;51;22;26
Unknown
Yes. Speaking. Judgment. No. Speaking empathy. Speaking empathy. Feeling. Feeling judgment. Judgment. Judgment is shit. Yeah, but my Myers-Briggs. I’m a judger. So am I, but I’m not leading with that. But what is what is that? What? What is the is that like your way of being able to get out of the conversation? Because if I, if I communicate with empathy, then I have to stay here with you in this space.
00;51;22;26 – 00;51;48;11
Unknown
Right. But you do communicate with empathy. So what? So that’s fascinating. What is that about? What is why are we judging and not communicating the judgment? Because it’s rude. Yes it’s rude. It implies that my way is the only way I don’t I actually, I may be judging and I may feel a certain way, but I also am very clear that that’s not always the way.
00;51;48;14 – 00;52;09;24
Unknown
I don’t think there is a right way to do something. There’s a way I would do it, but that doesn’t make it right. Does that make sense? Yes. How then can people trust when you’re responding in an empathic way that you’re genuinely feeling empathic? They can’t. Well, there’s the show, folks. Actually, thanks for coming. You would have to get to know me very, very just like you.
00;52;09;27 – 00;52;37;14
Unknown
You you know me very, very well. And you’ve seen me interact in different scenarios. Is this why people like me? Because if I’m feeling judgment in a moment, I will either not say anything and continue to nod my head with this furrowed brow that comes in constantly. Is this this is right here. That’s right. It’s because you’re confused or you’re like thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
00;52;37;21 – 00;52;52;27
Unknown
I’m really trying to get there. That’s right. That’s why I answer my own feelings. That’s why I have to face time. You and we’re going to talk about certain things because I’m like, I need to see your face. Right. Don’t touch the place there. It’s right there. I like do not do the face. I’m like, are you doing the face right now?
00;52;52;28 – 00;53;18;10
Unknown
But it’s but there’s a, there’s a distinct level of comfort that comes from the fact that I if I’m feeling judgment in that moment, I’m either not saying anything or depending on our relationship, I’m outwardly judging it. I’m outwardly saying, tell me more about that. I’m having a really hard time getting around that concept because I’m noticing I would do something very, very different.
00;53;18;12 – 00;53;43;12
Unknown
That would be my response. Where’s your response? To be like, that’s so difficult. That’s really. But inside you’re like, dumb shit. That’s fascinating. But why, why, why? I guess it depends on your my level of. Closeness is the wrong word. I’m going to. I’m going. If somebody is on the street having an issue or whatever, and that would be me.
00;53;43;12 – 00;54;03;02
Unknown
Oh, yeah. I might be very judgy. If it’s someone who I’m very close to, it would be a different. I would have those conversations. But then I might say, well, I would. I’m reacting to this because of this. You know, I guess it just depends. And maybe maybe it comes down to the fact that I don’t want to hang with certain people.
00;54;03;06 – 00;54;23;05
Unknown
That’s right. I don’t want to hang with you. I’m not interested in solving your problems. Right. I got a very clear timeline, right? I if I’m going to judge you and have a conversation with you, I’m going to have to stick around for why we’re going back and forth about that judgment. So what’s interesting is I’m the opposite in that if I’m meeting you on the street, I’m more apt to be like, that sounds so difficult, right?
00;54;23;05 – 00;54;39;03
Unknown
Because I don’t know you. I don’t know your story. I don’t want to get into it. Right. But I’m like, that sounds that sounds interesting. I’m sure there’s information about that. But, you know, I’m not interested in getting into it. If you are at all close to me or I at all care even the smallest bit about you, you’re getting the furrowed brow.
00;54;39;06 – 00;55;00;22
Unknown
Yeah, but that’s because you care, right? But you don’t. You want to solve it. You don’t. I do, but I’m also very clear that humans are humans and they don’t necessarily want it to be solved. They just want to vent. They just want to talk it out. They just want to connect. They don’t want the solving, specifically the people who can’t get out of their own fucking way.
00;55;00;24 – 00;55;22;08
Unknown
They don’t want to solve it. Okay. Wow. That’s a I always say to my kids that’s a choice. Sure you can do that. You totally can do that. And let me know how that goes. Next time you make that choice. Yeah. I wonder if anyone’s ever heard. Wow. That’s a choice that has not heard. That is a judgmental statement.
00;55;22;10 – 00;55;43;06
Unknown
Looks like we’re making choices over there. God, there’s a choice. Some choice for choice. Good for you, Scott. Yeah, good. That’s good. Wow, Scott, that’s a choice. And speaking of choices, you can choose to subscribe to even more love you get. That’s a choice. I think that if you subscribe and then you get others to subscribe underneath you, you you get extra money.
00;55;43;07 – 00;56;02;06
Unknown
Yeah. And then those people, then you’re part of this. You get you’re part of the cult. Yeah. You get then they get someone and so on and so on. And there will be a price for you at the end. That’s like maybe slavery. You have to be with us for ten years. And to find out, that. God bless.
00;56;02;08 – 00;56;26;22
Unknown
I loved that me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you, too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;23 – 00;00;58;12
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;58;15 – 00;01;22;03
Unknown
I think we’re about to lose some listeners. We’re going to lose some listeners here. Stephen. Yeah, I so I we have to break the news to everybody. What? I gotta, I gotta see to my retainer. Rebecca and I are not sleeping together. Oh, yeah, it is. I mean, we do sleep together, but not. We’re not intimate. I know, I’m really sorry.
00;01;22;04 – 00;01;44;04
Unknown
Anybody? Anybody that one of you questioning that was really hoping had some fantasies. I will certainly hoping that that was going to be a part of this experience. Right. I will say, though, when you were a brunet and I was a blond, people did have a lot of. Well, I was feeling. I thought you were going to finish that by saying I did feel differently about it than I do now.
00;01;44;07 – 00;02;02;18
Unknown
I don’t know. I think it’s one thing to have us as two blonds, but I mean, we had a lot of comments. I had I had some pretty strong emotions when I saw that Brunet was dead on the floor. I prefer Brunets, so when I saw I was like, oh, excuse me, and just became the perfect woman. Wow.
00;02;02;24 – 00;02;21;06
Unknown
Excuse me and my titters were hanging out in that picture too. So I was, I was it all right there? I might try hanging out. Look at that. Burn my hair. That was a long time ago. Yeah, that was that was a long time ago. That was a go back and forth between. Between both. I used to do the dark hair or the blond hair.
00;02;21;06 – 00;02;39;02
Unknown
You were brunet right before you got married. Oh, yeah. And we went and that. And I had to be, like, all sorts of bleached for a very long time. You can see I still have some of the dark pieces in here that your natural color is a darker. It’s mousy brown. So that’s my that’s my color. See my roots.
00;02;39;02 – 00;03;02;18
Unknown
Nasty C boring brown. Mousy Brown. Brown. Boring. Yeah. Not as exciting. Yeah. Yeah. But, we might lose some listeners here because I think, you know, at least one person was holding on to the fact that at some point we were going to make out or something. I don’t know. I didn’t have a large, like, lesbian following. Is that.
00;03;02;20 – 00;03;18;21
Unknown
Or is it dudes? Because I don’t think it’d be dudes. You don’t say. Thanks, Scott. No, I mean, you don’t think dudes would want us to make out? Of course they would. But I don’t think they would have grabbed on to the podcast in the hopes that that would happen, because they would have thought more loving men. Like, I’m not.
00;03;18;21 – 00;03;40;27
Unknown
What? Listen to that. I mean, they might have had more love, and that’s why I’m real interested to hear what else? That’s when we bust out the busted. Bye, babes. They’re all. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah. I don’t know if we can do busted. I know now you got no partners. No, no, my tenders are smaller. Hey, now, you should change the name to T twisters and t twisters, and it could be tongue and titty twisters.
00;03;41;03 – 00;03;48;04
Unknown
Yeah. Stop that with cabbage. And the professor.
00;03;48;07 – 00;04;07;10
Unknown
And we could go live from Choppa, fellas. Oh, yes. Chop off allies. I haven’t been there in a while, but. Yeah, we love that place. No, no. Did I tell you what that man said to me the last time I was there? Yes. Did I tell you, Scott, you did that whole. Listen, I don’t know. I did not that this is appropriate.
00;04;07;16 – 00;04;24;21
Unknown
Probably inappropriate places where talking about this topic. So I go to chop a fella’s and it’s a sick, it’s a black, barbershop, you know, and it’s. I love the vibe there. I love the people there. There’s this man there who I believe owns the place, and he always wears the best glasses, like, the coolest glass is a really cool guy.
00;04;24;21 – 00;04;41;14
Unknown
So I struck up a conversation with him like I do with everybody else. Just totally normal conversation. And this time he’s asking me all, well, where do you live? I said, oh, I’m out in Rochester. He’s like, oh, I’m familiar with the Rochester area, you know, what part do you live in? And he said, I said Fairport. And he said, oh, that’s awesome.
00;04;41;14 – 00;05;02;09
Unknown
Do you have any land? And I said, well, we do have some land. We live on about an acre. And then behind us is, forever wild. And he’s like, how about horses? I’m like, this is getting oddly specific. I don’t really understand where this is going. I said, no, we do not have any horses. And he says, oh my God, I got to get this right.
00;05;02;12 – 00;05;25;25
Unknown
Well, if you ever want to ride wild, if you ever want to ride a wild stallion, I got it right here for you. well, he’s drawing you along for that one. This was me. Ha ha ha ha. I, I was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. And it’s just like, walk back to get my massage.
00;05;25;25 – 00;05;48;06
Unknown
And then the whole time I’m back there for a massage, I’m like, are there video cameras back here? Is this. This is next level. How about the time? How about the time you were at the casino? Which time? Oh my God. Ha ha. This is the best story. This is the best story. Mark loves the story. Oh my God.
00;05;48;08 – 00;06;21;01
Unknown
So what is that? What was that? Well, I was trying to find my horse, but what was the first? Was was that it was like a dance. It says. It says a horse laugh. Yeah, that was not it. That was not when Mister Ed or what? Yeah. Had what? That is not good. Take that one off the doc.
00;06;21;04 – 00;06;44;12
Unknown
Yeah, that one’s not yet. Okay, so I love I love myself, the casino. And what do I love to do with the casino? Play poker. I play Texas hold’em like a fiend. I absolutely love it when I say fiend, I go like, once a year. So I absolutely love Texas Hold’em. And again, I’m at the casino and I’m sitting down playing my game of hold’em.
00;06;44;12 – 00;07;05;25
Unknown
I will sit there for eight hours with $200. I just really love that no one talks to me. I love that I don’t have to solve any problems. I love the suspense of not knowing what cards are going to come out. So there’s a man sitting next to me. I can’t with your face. And he strikes up a conversation, getting what I think is a very normal conversation.
00;07;05;25 – 00;07;24;23
Unknown
And I, he’s a very good player. He is there constantly playing poker. at least I think he’s a good poker player. I’m going to leave that to you to decide after we get a little further in the story. So I’m playing, I’m asking him some questions. He’s telling me that he will always raise up to $100 if he has a pocket.
00;07;24;23 – 00;07;44;26
Unknown
Perry doesn’t care what pocket Perry feels like. He’s very certain that I’m like, this is really great. This is wonderful. I’m just engaging in what I believe is normal conversation with this individual. Until I’m up about $400 and I take my 600 bucks and I decide it’s time for me to cash out. So I go and I get up and he also gets up, which I’m like, I just has to go tinkle.
00;07;44;26 – 00;08;16;11
Unknown
It’s fine. He just has to go to the bathroom. And we walk toward the place where you have to cash out. And he’s like, hey, stop it! Stop! Hey, I, don’t know if you’ve ever done this before, but, I would really love to get together outside of here. Yeah, I know that, it looks like you’re married, but this is how we do this.
00;08;16;14 – 00;08;46;09
Unknown
Take out your phone. I, I am beside myself. Right? You’re like, okay, I did not take out my phone pretty good. I did not take out my phone. I look at him and he goes, I’m going to give you my number. You put me in your phone. Is Barb. Barb. You put me in your phone. Is Barb. I will not text message you until I hear from you first.
00;08;46;11 – 00;09;17;15
Unknown
And this is every time, every time you will say to me, it’s in the clear. It’s okay for you to contact me so that your husband doesn’t have to know. And if he ever does, look at your phone and sees it, it’ll say, Barb, say, can I do Myrtle? Can I be in Myrtle instead? I am beside myself right now, so I say, oh, thank you so much for that offer.
00;09;17;15 – 00;09;39;11
Unknown
But no no no no no, if that’s that’s not me. That’s not me, you know, happily married. Is it? Completely fine. And then I walk away all uncomfortably and for I’m going to say three months, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the casino because I was afraid I was going to see him and it was going to be uncomfortable.
00;09;39;11 – 00;10;00;00
Unknown
So I made friends with one of the dealers, and, we’re friends on Facebook, and I tell him their story and he’s like, I’m calling him Barb. I am calling him Barb because he’s a he’s a about freak winner. What do they call it? Regular. Oh, yeah. He regular. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot that part of the story. I forgot that part of the story.
00;10;00;00 – 00;10;20;10
Unknown
He tells me he gets free hotel rooms, right? Because he goes there so often. He can get us. He can get us right. Free hotel rooms set to go at or at the turning Stone casino. Right. And then he says. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I make about 35 grand a year playing poker.
00;10;20;13 – 00;10;43;00
Unknown
This is before the bar is. He spent the bar situation. Now this is this man’s job. This man’s job is to play poker. So I, I am I don’t know what to say right now. So the minute I tell that, I tell the dealer I’m gonna call him Barb. You can’t. He’s going to know that. I told him that.
00;10;43;00 – 00;10;56;20
Unknown
He’s like, you got to break this level of toxicity. This is not okay. He’s not allowed to do this, people. That’s basically harassment. You can’t be just engaging in a conversation with someone and then be like, hey, did you want to sleep together? And your husband doesn’t need to know, just put me on your phone. Is Barb brain?
00;10;56;21 – 00;11;18;15
Unknown
Oh, it’s so weird. So now to this day, the dealer still sends me random snapshots of this guy. He always wears the same. what do you call the shirts with the collar? Polo shirt, a polo, a polo shirt? Yeah. Always in a polo. Like, please. Sorry, sorry. I’m always in a polo. So he’ll send me pictures. You know, Alex, like we were saying, I got the pink polo.
00;11;18;15 – 00;11;38;03
Unknown
Look at whatever. And then the minute that I got home, I’m like, Mark, I need to tell you what just happened here. So then, Mark, the next time we are at the casino, he’s with me. Oh, Jesus. And, Yeah, of course, this man and I are sitting at the same table again, and Mark comes over and just, like, gives the guy the look, right?
00;11;38;03 – 00;11;59;17
Unknown
Like he bends down real close to me, puts his hand on my back. Right. Just like this. Like, are you kidding me here, dude? Like, what the heck? so this is the other side of empathy when you’re just trying to be a nice human, engage in conversation and see people in whatever. Are you flirting with me? Yeah, it’s level you.
00;11;59;20 – 00;12;21;14
Unknown
He’s just an unseen man who got seen at the poker table for 30 minutes, and before you know it. Baa baa baa baa baa. Somebody knows their full time gamblers are just a catch. Well, I’m here now, 35 grand a year. I mean, telling you, this makes me think of something to have you guys watched Baby Reindeer on.
00;12;21;16 – 00;12;41;15
Unknown
I have to. I know you sent it to me the other day, and I’ve been reading things about it. What is this? Is it a kid show? Is it a no no no no no no no talk this this show is based on a true story. And it’s about this woman who stalks this man. every single person who’s listening to this podcast right now needs to find themselves a Netflix account.
00;12;41;15 – 00;13;10;09
Unknown
If they don’t have it. And to watch season one, it is this podcast in in eight episodes. Get out it is. It goes through the fact that this woman comes in and she’s incredibly not okay, and she identifies herself as a lawyer and it goes through her whole she’s uneducated. She knows she’s no, she’s she’s very smart. She identifies herself as a lawyer, but she can’t afford a Diet Coke, which is everything she wants.
00;13;10;09 – 00;13;24;24
Unknown
She comes in all the time and wants a Diet Coke. So it starts by. She comes into who? The. The Da. He works at the bar. Oh, I’m sorry. Sorry. In the in, a psychiatrist. no, no, no, he works at a bar. Okay. So she comes in and she always want something to drink, but she says she can’t afford it.
00;13;24;24 – 00;13;47;19
Unknown
So how does it start? He gives her a free Diet Coke and that’s how I’m like, oh, my God, this is me. This is what would happen. I’d be like, you don’t need to pay for it is totally fine. Then you start to go through the sequence of how he feels so bad for her. So he continues to entertain her, whatever, because he feels so bad and nervous and uncomfortable about her experience.
00;13;47;21 – 00;14;10;02
Unknown
She turns out to be a crazy stalker. Like we’re talking next level on police radar. Stalker. right. And not wait. And then the next part, like from, like episode four on episode four. I need you all to brace yourself for it is. Don’t point very I will not it is. It is very intense, very difficult to watch.
00;14;10;02 – 00;14;41;21
Unknown
I think I have a disclaimer. Yeah. In the very beginning, which is it needs like flashing lights. It’s very hard to watch. I’ve heard this whole thing is, is difficult. Yeah. Because I think people were expecting it to be a certain way. And it’s. More to. No. So starting at episode four you start to understand and he starts to explain why he is the person who gives the free diet Coke, why he is the person who has to see this woman even though he doesn’t want anything to do with her.
00;14;41;21 – 00;15;04;01
Unknown
And you see the way that this plays out through the trajectory of his life and his own family and the, woman that he’s dating. And I am telling you, you’ve never seen been so seen. This is next level. And then I’m on like the very, like last episode at this point. But the one right before this episode,
00;15;04;04 – 00;15;31;19
Unknown
He it’s him on a stage supposed to be doing something like, I’ll leave you to the end or something. Yeah. He has a comedian. He’s supposed to be doing comedy. No one laughs at his jokes. Right? So he finally at this moment is like, you know what sits down on this stage and expresses every single thing in the clearest way possible about why he is the way he is and what has happened to him, and how he why he’s doing the things that he’s doing right.
00;15;31;19 – 00;15;59;10
Unknown
And I telling you, you guys have to watch this show. Netflix baby reindeer is what it is called. It is terrifying. It is heart and gut wrenching. It is every emotion you could possibly imagine. It says limited series. I think there’s maybe 8 or 9 episodes, but it makes me think of Barb sitting at the table and me being like, oh, you know, tell me, how would you play this hand, Barb?
00;15;59;10 – 00;16;17;02
Unknown
Right. Just to be nice and kind in, you know, engaging a nice neighbor. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it gets taken. Taken too far. Anyway, baby reindeer on Netflix watching it. You should probably watching it tonight. Today’s Friday, my kids got soccer for 3000 hours, which means I got the whole night free. Because that’s right. That’s doing it.
00;16;17;02 – 00;16;34;25
Unknown
That’s right. You got. You’re here to man to man to man. Philip got a new job. Yeah, well, not a new job, but at a new promo. You gotta prove you got a promo. Make me, you know where we even. We made up a song for you. Yeah. That’s right. Who’s doing it? Yep. Ready? You’re the man, you’re the man.
00;16;34;25 – 00;16;55;10
Unknown
You’re the man. You can do the work and working for man. Yeah, the work I’m working for me. In back to. We are gonna face time. You later in saying that because we we were like, what was his job before? And then we were like, truck driver. no, he was the raker. Rake is the guy who rakes the asphalt.
00;16;55;12 – 00;17;08;19
Unknown
But not anymore. Not anymore. Now, now we are the working for man. I’m like, what the. What are the other job titles? That sounds stupid.
00;17;08;22 – 00;17;24;15
Unknown
Yeah. Way to go, honey. Wait, wait. Are you bringing that bacon home? Oh, I can quit my job. You to make me the main man. You know my phone, man. You to work. I’m working for man.
00;17;24;17 – 00;17;27;24
Unknown
I love that.
00;17;27;26 – 00;17;43;06
Unknown
I can’t wait to call him and do that. We got to do that on FaceTime before we get on. Yeah, I like that. You better like that. Oh, yeah? You better. We keep calling him 16 times if he doesn’t, because that’s what you do. That’s what you do. All right. What what hippie route card you got for us to at the Six of Swords.
00;17;43;06 – 00;18;09;18
Unknown
Look at who it is. A someone I don’t. It’s not a swan blocker. A it’s a chicken, a pelican. Oh, pelican. It doesn’t really have the the girdle to start that. What a skull. I’ve got a paddleboard every time I laugh like that. Hahaha. Like that water. It sounds like Elvis Duran in the morning and whoever that other woman is that laughs like that.
00;18;09;21 – 00;18;30;12
Unknown
It’s not okay. It’s funny. I need to stop. It’s not brewing that you’re the kind of person that picks up people’s laughs and makes them their own. I don’t know, am I? I mean, that would be an empathy trait right there. It’d be an empathy trait. Oh, this is interesting. Okay, what? This is a sign that you’re moving on to better times.
00;18;30;15 – 00;18;59;03
Unknown
Greener pastures, sweeter, honey. Yummy. Less frequent panic attacks. Awesome. There may be some sadness or feeling of loss as you row your boat to the other side of the lake, but you can take comfort in knowing this new shore is a definite upgrade. So while you paddle away from the struggle beach, daydream about private cabanas, pre-sliced, mangoes, and martial arts level massages that awaits you.
00;18;59;06 – 00;19;19;16
Unknown
Wow! And also hope that word hasn’t gotten out to all the tourists. Yeah. I call next level joy into my life and I’m so grateful for all the things I’m about to be so grateful for. Oh hanging loose. Speaking of hanging listen, speaking of those I love, I told Sawyer all about them and then I went to look in my bag and I never took one home.
00;19;19;16 – 00;19;30;18
Unknown
Get one. Yeah. You it to me now. You didn’t get a little mini hand. I know she wants you to put it on the keeping and loose. She wants to put it on the pool was. That’s a good one. I like that you like that one? Yeah. I actually think you did a great job reading. Thank you as well.
00;19;30;18 – 00;19;50;11
Unknown
Thank you. Did you work on that? No I didn’t okay. Slowed it down. Yeah. What happened? Well these are, these are, you know, my eyesight’s getting a little better. I have an affirmation card. Good. I mean, we got to do that one last time. Yeah, well, almost spilled my drink. Scott Lewis. Sacrilege. I know that worrying only blinds me from the beauty.
00;19;50;11 – 00;20;17;01
Unknown
That is all around me. I am not stressing. I hear it is very good, I love that. Yeah, I love that. Speaking of stressing, you know who’s not stressing you, right? About what we talk about on this podcast. You don’t have any clue what you’re about to talk about. Nope. Okay, so what I think we could talk about today, I have two things we could talk about.
00;20;17;04 – 00;20;37;12
Unknown
This is going to be a choose your own adventure. I get to choose it. Sure. You and Scott, if you pick the wrong one, I’ll pick different ones. I’ll be the final determiner. Okay, we get to pick it, we get to pick it. As long as I like it. Yeah. Okay. So one is you posted something on the More Love Facebook group a little while ago.
00;20;37;12 – 00;20;58;24
Unknown
Now about can you still have empathy for people if they’re basically causing their own problems. Yeah. Preventable problem. What they are doing is preventable. They’re choosing not to prevent it. And do you continue to have empathy for these people? Great topic. Or do you have empathy for something that ultimately happens that could have been preventable. Yeah okay okay.
00;20;58;24 – 00;21;17;07
Unknown
That’s a that’s a little different twist there. I had more empathy for that second one than maybe I did for the first one. Oh yeah or so Scott. That would be number one. And number two is I have a quote that came up on my feed today that I found really fascinating and thought might be a good discussion.
00;21;17;07 – 00;21;53;23
Unknown
So was it underneath a specific kind of picture? This was not in my stories. Oh, okay. Which still happens to be showing right now. We talked about let me see. Last time. Okay. Here’s what it says. People pleasing is a form of emotional unavailability to people pleasing is a form of emotional unavailability too. It’s difficult for anyone to get to know the real you if you downplay your feelings, your needs, and wants in your relationships.
00;21;53;25 – 00;22;10;25
Unknown
That’s taking a lot of assumptions there. So that would be number two, so that here we go. Choose your own adventure. Do you want to go down? Here’s a little hint. Next week’s episode is whatever they don’t pick this week. So just, you know, foreshadowing. I don’t want to talk about any of those. I want to talk about you.
00;22;11;02 – 00;22;35;01
Unknown
I know you so I know you don’t. Do you want to talk about preventable or do you want to talk about this quote? Scott, what’s your vote? why are you making me choose you? Because you annoying going to do it? You one are. We have more to say about the second thing. Okay, interesting. On topic number two, you pick number two to go pick.
00;22;35;04 – 00;22;51;15
Unknown
Well, I have to. Otherwise you’re the tiebreaker and you’re just going to pick. What do you want. No I would you want no. How about you beat the tiebreaker. However I would pick one show. Oh I’m happy to I’m happy to do whatever you want I can’t. What are you, Scott, in the middle. And whatever you whatever you guys, I can care a little bit of Rebecca a little bit.
00;22;51;15 – 00;23;11;26
Unknown
A little bit of rec back, a little bit on Aaron. Like, we’re so polar opposite. Like, sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. I’m like, okay, what do you want to do? let’s leave it to the listeners. Just kidding. You can’t tell us. Call it off. Show Cullen not a live show. I don’t know, I Scott was on number two. You don’t have an opinion either way.
00;23;11;28 – 00;23;27;26
Unknown
If you had to have an opinion, which one would it be? Flip a coin. I don’t I really don’t care. We’re going to talk about both. You’re going to flip the middle finger finger. We’re going to flip the middle finger. Well what are we going to hope. It’s hope it lands on the action. Oh no. You just peck.
00;23;27;28 – 00;23;51;20
Unknown
All right. I want to talk about the, the preventable. Okay. The preventable piece. Okay. Sorry, Scott. That’s fine. We’ll do you next. We do, we do you do we do you give some people some time to think about a man? What’s good about those quotes? Oh, I think the studio audience probably loved God. Good God, they called in with their opinion.
00;23;51;22 – 00;24;10;05
Unknown
All right. So you were the one who posted it on Facebook. Give us some idea of what you were thinking or what was coming up for you when you posted it on the More Love Facebook page. At first I thought you were going to say, give us a recap of what people said. I have no idea because I didn’t know we were talking about this and I didn’t go back and read it.
00;24;10;05 – 00;24;31;25
Unknown
So what I was thinking, I was probably in the moment, you know, I write things in the moment. So at that moment, I was probably come face to face or watch something on TV or something happened where I’m like, it’s really interesting that people were reacting to that in that way. When that entire situation might have on a different way based on life choices, whatever.
00;24;31;27 – 00;25;07;28
Unknown
So then I thought, is there preventable things that people could do? How do I how do I word this? I think one of the examples that I was thinking about was somebody smoked three packs of cigarets a day and continued to engage in that lifestyle a long time. Knowing what we know now, that that that’s not the best choice and that these things could happen and then ended up getting lung cancer and going through the cancer and then probably dying or whatever.
00;25;07;28 – 00;25;39;20
Unknown
And I thought for someone who actively engaged in something like that, do I have empathy and sympathy for the outcome that happened? I don’t know. Okay. Interesting. And then I started to think of other potential examples of that. And so I thought, well, I wonder what other people think. when you just said that, I actually my mind went to people who have really strong opinions on drug abusers who overdose.
00;25;39;20 – 00;26;04;03
Unknown
Yes. And or addicts, like, there’s a lot of people who don’t believe addiction is real. Yeah, there’s a lot of people that don’t believe mental illness is real, right? You’re not depressed. Get over it. Yeah, suck it up. There’s a lot. That’s what I mean. So, like, it’s really interesting, right? Because, you know, I mean, I don’t know.
00;26;04;06 – 00;26;37;06
Unknown
What’s interesting is I had a different reaction to smoking than I did to the significant drug abuse, which makes me wonder why. So in my opinion, when I think about significant drug and drug use integrity, drug abuse, drug abuse, that at the core of all of that is excessive pain and loneliness and worthlessness. I don’t associate those same feelings with smoking multiple packs of cigarets a day, but I don’t know why.
00;26;37;08 – 00;26;59;23
Unknown
Because it’s still a behavior. It’s still a toxic behavior, and it’s still a behavior that is being used to fuel something in some way. Right? So in the case of the person who smokes multiple packs of cigarets and then ends up with cancer, do I feel empathy for that? I don’t I don’t necessarily feel empathy for the situation.
00;26;59;23 – 00;27;28;26
Unknown
I feel more sympathy for the situation. But what I for for the for the for the specifics of like why they’re there. What I feel empathy for is that they are now experiencing the results of their consequences. Yeah. And they are their family is experiencing that and that. I don’t think anyone chooses those consequences. You might not be thinking of it in the moment.
00;27;28;26 – 00;27;59;01
Unknown
Right. But I feel empathy more at that point, whether it be smoking or drug addiction or that a whole host of other, you know, examples for the fallout of that. And as someone who knows pain and knows suffering and knows that I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable, that’s where my empathy comes in.
00;27;59;03 – 00;28;17;14
Unknown
I don’t know, I’m never necessarily been face to face with a situation like that. So I don’t have experience that I’m that I can speak to in this moment of something that I could be like, well, let me share this example. You know, but, you know, I watch all these things on TV and I’m like, oh, wow.
00;28;17;14 – 00;28;49;15
Unknown
You know, maybe, maybe it’s a situation where, but I keep going back to the worst roommate that show, and how these people are like, oh, let me get a roommate because I need to, offset my bills. Right? And then what happens is, maybe that person was manipulative or wasn’t, I don’t know, but maybe it comes down to you don’t know what you don’t know and you don’t know what questions to ask.
00;28;49;17 – 00;29;12;27
Unknown
Right? So then you get into a situation that may or may not have been preventable based on X, Y, and Z. I know that’s super vague, but I just keep reflecting on different things that I’m exposed to. And I and I just sit there and I think about it, and maybe it’s because I’m a mom of a teenager and I think, well, how do I make sure or.
00;29;13;00 – 00;29;39;01
Unknown
Help my kids to problem solve and critically think about things to the best of their ability. Because I also feel it comes back to I don’t think humans maybe are great at that, specifically the younger generation. you don’t really have to think through a whole lot when it’s so easy to access this morning. This morning on my Facebook, it just updated.
00;29;39;01 – 00;29;57;08
Unknown
And now there’s AI incorporated into my Facebook. And half the time I read my emails through ChatGPT. I don’t even have to think of a way to write something that’s heartfelt. I just say respond to this email in a loving, empathetic way and ChatGPT spits spits it out. I reread it, I’m like, damn, that’s good. And I pass it on.
00;29;57;11 – 00;30;21;24
Unknown
That’s not my thoughts, you know? So then I think I probably should have admitted that. Why? I think it’s frickin genius. Okay. And then if other people are doing it, then just shame on you. If you’re not doing it, you’re wasting time. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you got to do it. And maybe that’s the thing, taking advantage of all the quote unquote tools and accessibility.
00;30;21;24 – 00;30;55;16
Unknown
But then is there an empathy problem when somebody who’s a kid writes a paper through ChatGPT and tries to submit it and then gets caught for plagiarism, like, is it you know what I mean? I don’t the, the chat gpt isn’t relating with me as much as the having a bad roommate, filing for bankruptcy, making poor financial choices, those types of choosing not to file taxes.
00;30;55;22 – 00;31;28;15
Unknown
Right. Choosing to walk out of a restaurant without paying a tip. Right. Right. So do I have empathy for the consequences of that person’s actions? And what I think that brings up for me is you have a very hard time when someone continues to do something over and over again, that negatively impacts their life. Eventually you get to a point where you say, I need to distance myself from this, and this is not okay because I can’t sit here while you’re continuing to make these decisions.
00;31;28;17 – 00;31;52;16
Unknown
I you tend to see that as you’re an idiot. I’m out of here, and I tend to see that as an overabundance of empathy on your part. You can’t continue to watch the struggle because at the end of the day, you do want what’s in the best interest of people 100%. And it’s very hard for you to sit back and watch people make destructive decisions when they could be making different choices.
00;31;52;19 – 00;32;11;08
Unknown
Even this, but I want to clarify my way is not the right way. I don’t judge you. Oh, I wouldn’t have done it that way. I just want you to be successful and happy and feel great about whatever you’re doing. And if you’re not in that place, you could be. You know what I mean? So don’t don’t confuse that with.
00;32;11;08 – 00;32;33;18
Unknown
Oh, well, they shouldn’t should have done it this way. They would have had better results. That’s not that’s not what I mean. I don’t know, I sometimes think that I mean, I sometimes think to myself, this is a pretty wrong way of handling this situation, and this is how you should have done it. Or it doesn’t have to be this exact way, but something along this way.
00;32;33;18 – 00;32;56;03
Unknown
Let’s use the example of having, a roommate that becomes a squatter, right? Someone who’s stay in their way past the time that they’re supposed to bring a son. Your son’s a squatter. That’s what we call them. We call them the school. That’s funny. There’s a whole. There’s a whole, like, show on this. I’m telling you, that’s associated with people whose sole job it is to come and squat at other people’s houses and not leave.
00;32;56;03 – 00;33;19;02
Unknown
Right. So I think of a whole host of things that people could do in that squatter situation. One is completely ignored and not talk about it. I happen to think that’s the absolute wrong way to handle that situation. If if you are upset that they are there, you need money to continue paying the bills. They continue to have a negative experience on you because of this.
00;33;19;02 – 00;33;42;27
Unknown
I don’t believe that going off and sticking your head in the sand is the right way to handle that situation, right? I also don’t happen to think that the process of making this person’s life a living hell is necessarily the best process. Is it a strategy and a tactic? Yeah, sure. Will I stick by it a little bit just to see what the impact is going to be?
00;33;42;27 – 00;33;59;21
Unknown
Yeah, I’d be willing to try that angle. Right. Yeah. But your natural tendency is to talk things true through. But in this case we’re not talking. I’m literally banging pots and pans. I’m having ragers in the middle of the living room, but that’s after you’ve exhausted the talking and it didn’t work. I just know for me, yes, 100%.
00;33;59;21 – 00;34;15;01
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I’m saying if someone else. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Well I’m not going to talk in rude. Right. But I want to just take this guy’s door off the hinges. Right. Or I’m removing all the toilet paper from the bathroom. And so now when this guy wants to go to the bathroom, he’s going to have to do something about it, right?
00;34;15;01 – 00;34;34;04
Unknown
Like, I, I there’s a part of me that really enjoys a little bit of that. Oh, right. You’re a little bit. I’m a little fan of. We got to get our passive aggressive dogs out in some way, shape or form. Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. All right. I’m not one for pure aggression. I’m not one for beat this guy up when he comes out to use the toilet.
00;34;34;04 – 00;34;48;19
Unknown
Right. But. Oh, but make his life a little bit more difficult. Yeah, yeah, perhaps a little bit of a laugh involved. Right? You don’t. You don’t need to have a cakewalk here while you’re making my life a living hell, because you got to remember, at the end of the day, I’m big on fairness. And you’re right, I do not like when those scales are not tipped.
00;34;48;21 – 00;35;18;18
Unknown
I know, right, I know, but if you are someone who’s so. So in that way, I do have some strong feelings about the person who chooses to say nothing and do nothing, but continues to complain about the fact that this continues to be a problem. Okay, my problem with that is that it’s hard for me to have empathy for your situation when you’re not doing anything to improve that yourself.
00;35;18;21 – 00;35;43;24
Unknown
I can have empathy for you. As someone who’s non-confrontational, I can have a good point for you as someone who wants something to be different and doesn’t know how to do that, I can have empathy for the fact that you do not have the appropriate tools to manage this situation. In fact, I feel worse about you when you do have the tools to manage the situation.
00;35;43;24 – 00;36;05;17
Unknown
You’re still choosing to not manage the situation. And then you want me to come in and fix up the clean up the mess for you, right? Right. Because it’s hard, right? Things are hard, right? That’s when I struggle with having empathy. And it’s a very quick transition for me from going from having empathy for this person to thinking that this person is ill.
00;36;05;20 – 00;36;21;04
Unknown
Ooh. Oh there’s not a there, there’s not a lot in between there. for me I don’t think I’ve not given it a ton of thought. But in this moment there’s not a lot there. That’s a good point because.
00;36;21;06 – 00;36;37;14
Unknown
There’s got to be some level. Oh here we go. Yes. Yeah. That’s what she’s saying. Yeah. There’s got to be some level of illness because that, you know, it’s just not. It’s just like when we’re watching these shows and it’s like, how can someone be so damn evil? Or how can someone be so gullible, selfish or how can.
00;36;37;17 – 00;36;59;15
Unknown
Yeah, I mean, maybe not all. I mean, people are perfectly fine and gullible. My mother in law is extremely gullible, and she’s not, I don’t know in any way. I don’t know mentally. I don’t know if I agree with that. But then do you have empathy for people who are gullible? To some extent I do. Do I have empathy for people who are gullible to a certain extent, I believe that empathy exists.
00;36;59;22 – 00;37;23;01
Unknown
There are also times where I then believe that it’s an illness, that you are so gullible and so naive and so unable to manage this situation, that we have crossed over into it. They’re incapable of of getting better at that or learning capable of having. yeah, I’ve transferable skills. Yeah. Of learning double, you know, checks and like that’s, that’s that’s a great example.
00;37;23;01 – 00;37;47;00
Unknown
Let’s think about the person who gets catfished online. Right, right. I can have empathy for the fact that you got swindled. Yes. I don’t I don’t like that for you as all. Wait. Clarify that when you say catfish, you mean. You think you’re in a relationship with someone? Just an emotional relationship. Yeah. You’re not being robbed with money.
00;37;47;02 – 00;38;08;25
Unknown
Well, that’s next level. That’s right. So, sure, just. Just like we can do just to me in you. Yeah. Hi, honey. You know, like, I think I’m dating the hot, juicy blond that I just cannot get enough of reality as I buy it, I’m here, I then the questions are. Well, have you ever FaceTimed her? No. Right when she wants to get together with you, does she always have an excuse?
00;38;08;25 – 00;38;29;20
Unknown
Yes. Oh. Do you talk to her on the phone? Yeah. But her her voice sounds a little animated. Right? Right. So what I feel bad for or have empathy for is in this case, that would be me. Yeah. Falling for that. I feel bad for the fact that I needed to need that so much that I was willing to overlook some of the really clear signs that this wasn’t the case.
00;38;29;25 – 00;38;51;27
Unknown
That’s where I have empathy. If I then go back online over and over and over again and say hi and then I meet not Joe, but you know, Bonnie and Donny is also a real hot blond with great, you know, model pictures. Right. And I say, hey Danny, I really learned from this last time. Can we get on FaceTime?
00;38;51;27 – 00;39;14;16
Unknown
And Danny’s like, we sure can. And we get on FaceTime. And Danny’s in a dark, dark, dark room where you can’t see Danny, right? Right. Right, right. My camera’s not working at all, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. It looks like it’s frozen on this picture of me. Yeah, it’s the same picture up I got. I had actually worked before back in that same point.
00;39;14;16 – 00;39;34;02
Unknown
Then there is a part for me that’s like, okay, there’s one part that I really want to have empathy for. There’s another part that says, can you go fix that, please? Come on. I know this is not okay. Over and over and over again. And that’s the part for me that feels like illness. So that’s an example when Scott just said gullible, I do still feel like there’s a line that can get crossed.
00;39;34;02 – 00;40;00;27
Unknown
Where you reach over into this point of an illness doesn’t have to be necessarily diagnosable disease, but you have such a deep, unneeded, unknown unmet need that is coming up that it is causing you to make bunk choices. Yeah. Or or is it the fact that when your brain was forming, when you were in your formative years, you were constantly given the information or just the path was laid out and you never had to actually critically think maybe.
00;40;00;29 – 00;40;22;14
Unknown
And that’s fine. But those are also things our brains are not are not plastic, right? They they change. We can change those things. Can we? I can you teach an old dog new tricks? You can can you? It just takes a lot longer to learn. I hope so, or my hope. I hope so too. My whole profession is a waste of time and money.
00;40;22;14 – 00;40;44;22
Unknown
If you can’t. You know, if I’ve said I’m over here doing therapy with Scott, but in the back of my mind I’m like, well, dog, no new tricks. He’s going to just keep his same neural pathways. Do I think it’s harder? Yeah. The older you get it’s a lot harder. But it’s I have to believe that people have the ability to change and do things different.
00;40;44;22 – 00;41;10;08
Unknown
Different. This time. I believe people have the ability. Do I think it’s always successful? Oh, definitely not always success. I would I would think there’s less of a success rate. So I did a podcast with someone a few years ago and, I should send it to you. This, this podcast took such a left turn that it blew my mind.
00;41;10;10 – 00;41;41;22
Unknown
We were talking. I was going to talk to this person about, success, success in the production industry, being a video producer, stuff like that. And it took a left turn and we were talking about, sex trafficking. Oh, because this man had fallen in love with this woman who was being held as a sex worker, and he was paying money through the nose to buy her out of it.
00;41;41;24 – 00;42;05;09
Unknown
So he thought, and I’m like, dude, you’re getting punked, right? You don’t. And no matter what anyone ever said, he he believed that he was saving was on the podcast at saving her. This was on the podcast. This man, this man is saying that he’s working on saving the sex worker. And in the moment you’re like, you’re getting scammed, dude.
00;42;05;11 – 00;42;32;05
Unknown
Well, I think I took a I think I, I don’t remember my approach. It was I was not prepared for it. Yeah. So I tried to be, sensitive sensitive to the situation and not belittle him. in the podcast. so, that’s a really hard don’t only for Becca. Yeah, but you do. And why you wasting your damn money?
00;42;32;05 – 00;42;56;15
Unknown
I you know, I said I’m like, I honestly, I think you’re being taken for a ride. I don’t think this is legit. And he was emphatic. Yeah. And then just recently I say recently you saw them walking down the street together. No, no. he, he finally he finally admitted to me that he had been scammed. Yeah.
00;42;56;17 – 00;43;25;05
Unknown
And I can’t tell you the thousands, tens of maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars that he lost. And you felt what empathy for him. No. You didn’t. Well, of course I felt empathy for him. But it was also kind of, like, obvious. I felt sorry for him. So of Fitz, I don’t know if it’s empathy in my. Maybe it is, but I just felt like, gosh, you really should have listened to everyone who was telling you that this was not legit.
00;43;25;07 – 00;44;05;00
Unknown
Like there’s a, there’s, there’s gullible and then there’s, you know, tunnel vision and the inability to listen to other people and the inability to, to change your track because you are so focused on where you’re headed that you cannot, you will not listen to other opinions. And it’s really hard to feel sorry for someone. And this goes back to the, the other, thing you were talking about is really hard to feel sorry for someone like that who’s been given multiple opportunities to not be taken for this ride, but they demanded to go for this ride, and now they’re upset that they got where they got.
00;44;05;02 – 00;44;24;18
Unknown
We’re talking about the difference between sympathy and empathy in my mind, because when we say that, it’s really hard to have, you know, it’s really hard to feel sorry for someone who’s experienced. That’s sympathy. That’s not empathy, right? Because empathy is not I feel sorry for you. Empathy is I’m climbing in your skin. And when in experiencing it with you for a while, right?
00;44;24;18 – 00;45;02;05
Unknown
It’s not feelings of, oh boy, I can’t believe this happened to you. I can’t, I can’t crawl into someone’s skin and feel sorry for them to that extent in that situation. And yeah, because, because and I there was, there was one time where I was almost taken for a ride. I was almost swindled. Okay. So you and I got I realized that I was being stupid about it, that I was that I was missing, and I got out of it, and it was good timing, because I was like, what?
00;45;02;05 – 00;45;21;12
Unknown
Really do I really think that, you know, and it all came down to the fact of where I was mentally and emotionally in that phase of my life. This is something I needed. So badly that I was going to believe whatever I was told. That’s what I have empathy for, right? And that’s where I think a lot of people are.
00;45;21;12 – 00;45;42;15
Unknown
Yeah, because I’ve experienced that. I can, I can, I can get there and say, yes. but at the same time kicking myself for going, you should have known better. And you kind of did know better. You kind of thought deep down this is not there’s something weird about that. But you had this weird level of hope that you’re like, maybe right, real.
00;45;42;16 – 00;46;03;15
Unknown
Maybe it’s legit, right? When we when I first, first year, couple of years in college, we were playing, I was playing in a band, and, we met a guy who claimed he was with, RCA, BMG records, and he was out looking for the next act and was going to, like, do our demo and wanted to record a new demo.
00;46;03;15 – 00;46;20;21
Unknown
And he lent us this, like, recording equipment. Totally thought he was legit. He was telling us all about what, you know, everything. And, you know, I was like, going to the record store or to the guitar store saying, I’m going to buy that one. I’m gonna buy that one. You guys are getting a $300,000 bonus. You’re going to be touring all over, you know?
00;46;20;23 – 00;46;39;20
Unknown
And then and finally it was like my my buddies were like, dude, he’s full of shit. There’s no way he’s full of shit. And I’m like, no, it’s real, I know it. It’s real. This is my destiny. I was full of shit. I finally called the record company that he claimed to be one of the executives of, and they never heard of the guy.
00;46;39;22 – 00;47;00;27
Unknown
this is baby reindeer. Yeah. And how he fell, you know that groomed by this man who promised him the world from a comedy perspective. And when he’s alone sitting on that stage and saying yeah, I hated myself so much I was willing to believe anything that was. Yeah. You have that desire, that desire to achieve that that whole year.
00;47;00;27 – 00;47;20;02
Unknown
And you know, that holy grail of goals. Yeah. You know, wanting to to be a successful musician was such a huge thing for me. And it was like, oh my God, this is actually going to happen. Like the look at how these things, you know, you always hear about, like these, the way things happen, like, oh, it was it was destined to be.
00;47;20;04 – 00;47;35;01
Unknown
And I always wanted that to be the case. Like I always wanted to be. Oh, he bumped into this guy and it turns out he’s this. And now we’re here. Yeah. And, because that’s what you hear often. But the other thing was with, with these huge big white names, right? Yeah. Right. This is how it happens, right?
00;47;35;01 – 00;48;00;19
Unknown
So don’t don’t ever give up. You never know if you’re at, you know, the ugly. So it’s not your. Yeah. Right. The other part of it was this guy didn’t ask us for money. He didn’t, it was just a play. He just wanted to make himself out to be more important than he was. Yeah. So that he could have us, like, all starry eyed looking to him to for advice when he wasn’t asking us to.
00;48;00;19 – 00;48;16;13
Unknown
All right, well, to do this, you’re going to need to do a demo, and it’s going to cost you. He wasn’t trying to bilk us out of money. Yeah. Which made it more believable because he wasn’t after something that we had. Right. He just wanted to pretend to be a big shot. And it was it. This is also how cult leaders come to power.
00;48;16;18 – 00;48;33;24
Unknown
Yeah. You know. Right. This is also how I’m not going to ask you anything in first drink. I’m not I’m going to, you know, connect with you. I’m going to provide you a safe space. You know, we’re going to start this real slow and build this relationship. And then all of a sudden it’s, oh, well, you know, we want to keep you as a part of this wonderful relationship.
00;48;33;24 – 00;48;49;05
Unknown
It’s just going to cost you this much money for, you know, you got some pyramid scheme related to a cult, right? That’s one of the most sociopathic tendencies out there is you build relationship, trust and guidance, and then you go back to that and you say, don’t you remember when you were nothing and I wanted nothing from you?
00;48;49;08 – 00;49;19;27
Unknown
Yeah. It’s that’s it’s it’s so this is empathy with boundaries, right. This is why the boundary piece is so incredibly important. Because there are a lot of these swindlers scheming, unhealthy people that will take advantage of people. Yeah. And so the question that I’m hearing us ask under the surface is, I don’t know what the other word is, but the question is, can empathy and blank exist in the same space?
00;49;19;29 – 00;49;42;22
Unknown
I don’t know what the blank is. anger, judgment. Judgment. Can empathy and judgment exist in the same space? Maybe it is judgment, right? Because in the example of the sculptor, the example of of bankruptcy, can I have a really strong opinion of what it is that you’re doing and how you’re doing it, and still have empathy and empathy and judgment?
00;49;42;22 – 00;50;05;03
Unknown
I do that every day. You every day. You just lead more with judgment than you do with empathy, or you present more with judgment than empathy. When you say present, my verbalization is empathy, my internal thought processes. Oh my God, you’re such an idiot. You’re such an idiot. But what I’m, I’m I’m like, you’re in my mind.
00;50;05;03 – 00;50;24;03
Unknown
I’m like, you’re such an idiot. But then I’ll say, oh, I can’t imagine how that feels. That’s terrible. Oh my goodness. What do you think you should do about that? Interesting. But that’s it. That’s how I parent my kids. I do, I don’t see that side of you. I see the other side of you because I’m talking to you, one of the insiders.
00;50;24;08 – 00;50;37;09
Unknown
But I’m talking to you. I’m not going to. But, you know, when I’m talking to somebody else and you know how I really feel. You’re like, okay. Oh, yeah. But then I’m all sorts of confused because I’m like, she don’t feel like that. You’re right. It’s called Thank God, I know. I keep my mouth shut. That’s all right.
00;50;37;09 – 00;50;58;27
Unknown
But I’m to tell you how I feel. Oh, yeah, I’m real clear. Why not go to that person right, right now? So I’m. I’m constantly feeling like, what is what is that about when what the leading with empathy. Even though there’s judgment underneath. I don’t call it leading. You don’t call it leading with judgment. Speaking. Judge speaking.
00;50;58;28 – 00;51;22;26
Unknown
Yes. Speaking. Judgment. No. Speaking empathy. Speaking empathy. Feeling. Feeling judgment. Judgment. Judgment is shit. Yeah, but my Myers-Briggs. I’m a judger. So am I, but I’m not leading with that. But what is what is that? What? What is the is that like your way of being able to get out of the conversation? Because if I, if I communicate with empathy, then I have to stay here with you in this space.
00;51;22;26 – 00;51;48;11
Unknown
Right. But you do communicate with empathy. So what? So that’s fascinating. What is that about? What is why are we judging and not communicating the judgment? Because it’s rude. Yes it’s rude. It implies that my way is the only way I don’t I actually, I may be judging and I may feel a certain way, but I also am very clear that that’s not always the way.
00;51;48;14 – 00;52;09;24
Unknown
I don’t think there is a right way to do something. There’s a way I would do it, but that doesn’t make it right. Does that make sense? Yes. How then can people trust when you’re responding in an empathic way that you’re genuinely feeling empathic? They can’t. Well, there’s the show, folks. Actually, thanks for coming. You would have to get to know me very, very just like you.
00;52;09;27 – 00;52;37;14
Unknown
You you know me very, very well. And you’ve seen me interact in different scenarios. Is this why people like me? Because if I’m feeling judgment in a moment, I will either not say anything and continue to nod my head with this furrowed brow that comes in constantly. Is this this is right here. That’s right. It’s because you’re confused or you’re like thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
00;52;37;21 – 00;52;52;27
Unknown
I’m really trying to get there. That’s right. That’s why I answer my own feelings. That’s why I have to face time. You and we’re going to talk about certain things because I’m like, I need to see your face. Right. Don’t touch the place there. It’s right there. I like do not do the face. I’m like, are you doing the face right now?
00;52;52;28 – 00;53;18;10
Unknown
But it’s but there’s a, there’s a distinct level of comfort that comes from the fact that I if I’m feeling judgment in that moment, I’m either not saying anything or depending on our relationship, I’m outwardly judging it. I’m outwardly saying, tell me more about that. I’m having a really hard time getting around that concept because I’m noticing I would do something very, very different.
00;53;18;12 – 00;53;43;12
Unknown
That would be my response. Where’s your response? To be like, that’s so difficult. That’s really. But inside you’re like, dumb shit. That’s fascinating. But why, why, why? I guess it depends on your my level of. Closeness is the wrong word. I’m going to. I’m going. If somebody is on the street having an issue or whatever, and that would be me.
00;53;43;12 – 00;54;03;02
Unknown
Oh, yeah. I might be very judgy. If it’s someone who I’m very close to, it would be a different. I would have those conversations. But then I might say, well, I would. I’m reacting to this because of this. You know, I guess it just depends. And maybe maybe it comes down to the fact that I don’t want to hang with certain people.
00;54;03;06 – 00;54;23;05
Unknown
That’s right. I don’t want to hang with you. I’m not interested in solving your problems. Right. I got a very clear timeline, right? I if I’m going to judge you and have a conversation with you, I’m going to have to stick around for why we’re going back and forth about that judgment. So what’s interesting is I’m the opposite in that if I’m meeting you on the street, I’m more apt to be like, that sounds so difficult, right?
00;54;23;05 – 00;54;39;03
Unknown
Because I don’t know you. I don’t know your story. I don’t want to get into it. Right. But I’m like, that sounds that sounds interesting. I’m sure there’s information about that. But, you know, I’m not interested in getting into it. If you are at all close to me or I at all care even the smallest bit about you, you’re getting the furrowed brow.
00;54;39;06 – 00;55;00;22
Unknown
Yeah, but that’s because you care, right? But you don’t. You want to solve it. You don’t. I do, but I’m also very clear that humans are humans and they don’t necessarily want it to be solved. They just want to vent. They just want to talk it out. They just want to connect. They don’t want the solving, specifically the people who can’t get out of their own fucking way.
00;55;00;24 – 00;55;22;08
Unknown
They don’t want to solve it. Okay. Wow. That’s a I always say to my kids that’s a choice. Sure you can do that. You totally can do that. And let me know how that goes. Next time you make that choice. Yeah. I wonder if anyone’s ever heard. Wow. That’s a choice that has not heard. That is a judgmental statement.
00;55;22;10 – 00;55;43;06
Unknown
Looks like we’re making choices over there. God, there’s a choice. Some choice for choice. Good for you, Scott. Yeah, good. That’s good. Wow, Scott, that’s a choice. And speaking of choices, you can choose to subscribe to even more love you get. That’s a choice. I think that if you subscribe and then you get others to subscribe underneath you, you you get extra money.
00;55;43;07 – 00;56;02;06
Unknown
Yeah. And then those people, then you’re part of this. You get you’re part of the cult. Yeah. You get then they get someone and so on and so on. And there will be a price for you at the end. That’s like maybe slavery. You have to be with us for ten years. And to find out, that. God bless.
00;56;02;08 – 00;56;26;22
Unknown
I loved that me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all that sympathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh, God, I love you. I love you, too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
