Episode 224- Follow Through is An Expression of Care… At Least for Erin

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;31;26
Unknown
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;27 – 00;00;55;29
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;56;02 – 00;01;20;17
Unknown
I don’t even know how to start. I don’t even know how to start. Scott. I think that was a good. That was a good stab at it. What? I don’t know how to start. Yeah. I just it was accurate. I, I okay. We’ve had a whole episode before on empathy for Aaron. So we’re not going to do that again this time.
00;01;20;17 – 00;01;42;07
Unknown
But I’d just like to speak for a moment to every one of the listeners who has their shit together in their life and is really detail oriented and manages their calendar well and organizes shit, tons of stuff all at one time. I see you, you guys. I see you and I want you to know I feel for you.
00;01;42;08 – 00;02;06;22
Unknown
I feel for you, that you’re surrounded by a bunch of haphazard idiots. And I get it. I get it, and I get that sometimes it’s lonely to be on that island when it’s just you at a meeting that everyone else was supposed to be at. But they didn’t show up because it wasn’t on their calendar, even though it was on everyone else’s calendar.
00;02;06;22 – 00;02;29;02
Unknown
It wasn’t. But that’s like where it’s not on everyone. It’s not on my calendar because I pressed the delete all button instead of just delete or deny this particular meeting and it’s fine. It’s fine now that you care, at the end of the day about everything that’s going on for everyone else, and everyone else just strolls in 12 minutes after the podcast is supposed to start.
00;02;29;03 – 00;02;57;16
Unknown
Not specific to anyone here. I mean, you control traffic control roles, and that’s because, oh, Scott, take your time, Scott, with whatever you want to be doing. Scott, take your time. I didn’t yeah, yes you did. Yeah. What was he. What did he say. It’s like oh just give me a minute. You’re like you’re fine as you’re scrolling your phone for 15 minutes, then I swear to God that that’s how we start this podcast.
00;02;57;17 – 00;03;16;26
Unknown
There’s a little more empathy for Aaron because today, folks, I had a board meeting this morning that no one showed up to except for one person. And, Robert’s there only because you called me 15 minutes beforehand. Yeah, I was you were there because I called you and you said what to me? I said, I only have a couple minutes.
00;03;16;26 – 00;03;35;18
Unknown
I got things to do. Is your microphone excessively loud or am I just mad at you? I don’t know and hear your voice, I think. No, I think he’s reaching like I think he turned it up, I do, I could turn her down. I think he just because of the thing, turn her the damn down. Maybe it’s her thing over there.
00;03;35;20 – 00;03;58;01
Unknown
Not. I don’t ever change those levels. Those are. Oh, yeah, I don’t know. She’s just louder shit today. Yeah she is. And she’s coming in hot at a time where I’m not able to receive that loud. Back that shit up off the microphone. So listen, you always gonna be that. I’m not close enough. I call her or I say, hey, I wanted to tell you this really good news that I just got, you know, can you hop on a call?
00;03;58;01 – 00;04;19;01
Unknown
And she says, yeah, but I don’t have a lot of time. And I say, well, that’s fascinating because we have a meeting at 830, a board meeting. And she is like, well, I don’t, because it’s not on my calendar. Problem number one, just because it’s not in your calendar doesn’t mean it’s not still your meeting. You still have to be at the meeting just because it’s not on your calendar.
00;04;19;03 – 00;04;40;10
Unknown
I disagree with that, but okay, so then she says if it’s not out there, it’s not on there. She says, let me send you a picture of my calendar so that you can see now that the board meeting is not on, you weren’t supposed to look at the other things that were on there, that you were just supposed to look at the fact that that meeting wasn’t on their list, meaning 830 to 9 today.
00;04;40;10 – 00;05;01;19
Unknown
Okay, the board meetings from 830 to 9 3830 to 9 today. The reason she can’t make it now, that’s just on them. You ready for this? Stop while yoga? No, it’s said a wall. That is true. Yoga. Does a wall do yoga? I don’t care, you do yoga with your wall. You do yoga with your wall. Sorry, I can’t make it.
00;05;01;19 – 00;05;24;02
Unknown
That’s not why. Very busy. That’s really busy on there. Doesn’t mean I do wake up while yoga from 830 to 9. And it’s just on there are doing yoga. You were doing yoga at Tom walls and you. Oh, that was. I mean, I don’t think that would be effective. Counter-intuitive. Yeah, right. You’re like doing a wall set while you’re eating a burger.
00;05;24;04 – 00;05;44;12
Unknown
Oh my gosh. So then I send a nice message to the group that says, in true empathic form, I love you all. And and I capitalize the word and no one showed up to the meeting today that I have rearranged the things that I was going to be doing to stay on that call. Yes. How many people were at oh, the rest of them were not there.
00;05;44;15 – 00;06;10;12
Unknown
How many is the rest of them? Three, two? No, 1233, six. There’s 1234, five six people who are supposed to be on that call. And three did not show up. One showed up as expected. Oh, right. You know well. Oh, it was me. And then one other showed up on time. One wrote me a message two minutes before the meeting saying that they couldn’t come.
00;06;10;14 – 00;06;31;08
Unknown
Rebecca would not have shown up at all. No. And I said, know, had you not talked to her in advance, one would not have shown up again. Also for like, I’m not kidding for the 18th time has been like, I really need to look into my calendar and why this isn’t thinking. All right. I’m not sure why we’re not making that a priority, but I who am I to judge?
00;06;31;10 – 00;06;59;01
Unknown
And one had a doctor’s appointment and arrived about 16 minutes late, which didn’t matter because it was a meeting was over before that because no one frickin showed up. Yeah, and if I had a dollar for every time something like this happened in my life, I would be a gazillionaire. Because zillion there. And it is highly frustrating to people like myself who really try and manage.
00;06;59;01 – 00;07;17;20
Unknown
I was just explaining this to Rebecca the other day, trying to manage a whole bunch of things all at one time, and are really doing the best we possibly can to make sure that all of those obligations are seen. And we people like myself, understand that things come up. People understand that things don’t always happen the way that they are supposed to.
00;07;17;20 – 00;07;37;21
Unknown
But when you have a week like this week where this stuff has happened to me over and over and over again, I am not exaggerating when I say it makes me want to push my hand through a wall, I guess. What do I do while yoga? Lunch? That’s kind of like what I want. I need to go to a smash room.
00;07;37;21 – 00;08;08;15
Unknown
I don’t need to do yoga, I get it, I have, a cup. There’s two people there. Clients once. Rebecca. No, no. Oh, this is very. This is outside of the more love universe. Oh, that that consistently, every every week, every month, every time that there is some sort of a booking, there’s a problem with it, which you and I can’t understand because nothing has changed in my booking system.
00;08;08;17 – 00;08;34;27
Unknown
And I know that it’s not perfect, but it works pretty well. I mean, I’ve been using it for six years, and with most of the of the mistakes have been user error, you know, if not all of them. And I’ll admit that I’ve made my share of mistakes with it and, you know, missing things or whatever. Just trying to figure out the whole iCal and Google Calendar thing that came up when we did our, our drag, trivia.
00;08;34;29 – 00;08;54;07
Unknown
Which you have to if you want to see, you have to be a subscriber. That’s right. Even more love. That’s right. Right. But there’s these two people who consistently have the same problem and I always get I didn’t get the email I, it’s not in my calendar. I’m like, can you figure it out because it’s in everybody else’s calendar.
00;08;54;07 – 00;09;12;00
Unknown
Why isn’t it in your calendar? I don’t know, it’s just the media. It’s not getting there. And I’m like, well, there’s something wrong with your calendar. So we started using a different email address. And this is, this is where you’re being nice, Scott, because I got to be honest with you, I also am nice. But what I want to say is I’m sorry your calendar is not working.
00;09;12;05 – 00;09;27;19
Unknown
I have nothing to do with that. But that’s not true. It’s not true. She’s saying that. But when she goes into the emails, send it to the wrong email so that you’re in there twice. You want me to send it to you? You’re in there twice. It looks like you denied it. And the problem is that when you went in there, denied it, you denied the entire series.
00;09;27;19 – 00;09;42;25
Unknown
You didn’t deny the one that you couldn’t go. Why? None of the series are showing up. That’s not your that’s not true because they’re showing up. Started in June. See how I just like consistently you started that I just disappeared like this. Like. Yeah consistently. I didn’t hang up consistently. I didn’t look past. I would love to look at that.
00;09;42;25 – 00;10;08;19
Unknown
So we can bring that up on a further podcast. Another thing about that, here’s my point. When people like myself try very hard and as an incredibly empathic person, stuff like this is interpreted to me as a level of care. So when people do not follow through on their commitments, when people are not where they’re supposed to be, when they say they’re supposed to be, when people do not follow through on certain things.
00;10;08;19 – 00;10;29;18
Unknown
Yeah, I read that as you don’t give a shit about me because it’s not important enough for you to do it. And I’m aware because everyone in my life has ADHD. Everyone, everyone. I think everyone in the world has ADHD. Now, I’m pretty sure that’s everyone. So I’m aware that I’ve had to adapt. I’ve had to do this with my husband.
00;10;29;18 – 00;10;47;10
Unknown
I have to be like, I’m assuming that the reason you didn’t follow through with X, Y, and Z is because you don’t care about my feelings about that. And he will say that is not the case. I care very deeply about your feelings, but I have a processing issue where or in ADHD issue where when this happened and this happened, I got derailed, right.
00;10;47;13 – 00;11;17;23
Unknown
And in one of the counseling sessions we did quite a few years ago, the therapist price price also had ADHD. And she said, can we spend this session talking about all the ways in which ADHD is really frustrating to someone who doesn’t have it? And it was a beautiful session for me because it was so validating and it allowed me to disconnect because I do, very much as a strongly empathic person, expect that I show up consistently.
00;11;17;23 – 00;11;35;21
Unknown
If I don’t show up, something really wrong has happened. And I’m not saying I don’t make mistakes, but I am saying that it was very rare for me to not have coordinated all of the pieces of the puzzle, to make sure that everyone feels really great and seen and supported. And I’m there at the end of the day because that to me is care.
00;11;35;21 – 00;11;55;10
Unknown
If you expect me to be somewhere and then I just don’t show up, I might as well, in my opinion, be saying, do you screw your soccer game? I don’t care about that. I’ll get there when I get there. Right? That’s how it gets interpreted. It’s so then it’s really hard for me when that is done to me, even if it’s not intentional to not think to myself, how?
00;11;55;11 – 00;12;12;26
Unknown
How did you not not see me in that way or know. Right. So what I something I said to Rebecca today, which was about the group, was I was like, so no one thinks to themselves, wow, it’s been a while since we’ve had a board meeting. I wonder where those are. And she said no, because. And then she brought up a valid point.
00;12;12;26 – 00;12;36;02
Unknown
They’ve been inconsistent because we haven’t needed to meet as consistently. Right. But do you see where I very first go in that conversation is, why aren’t people thinking about this the way that I’m thinking about this and where that’s hard for me to translate, is that level of thoughtfulness associated with those activities in other people’s lives is how strongly I interpret it.
00;12;36;02 – 00;13;07;25
Unknown
If she has an upcoming doctor’s appointment, I’m like, hey, you had your doctor’s appointment today. What did you find out? Because I’ve taken that on as being that important to me, right? Or if I’m like, hey, you were going to have that meeting about such and such for Sawyer, what was the response? Right. And so, at the beginning of the week, someone that I work with, we have a breakfast meeting at 815 every single Monday morning, and I’m literally driving to the place for breakfast.
00;13;07;27 – 00;13;32;17
Unknown
And I stopped myself before from saying, hey, are we still meeting? Because I’m really trying to start to get myself out of a pattern of having to micromanage other people’s schedules and follow through and that type of stuff. So I intentionally didn’t do it because I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt. And I’m driving there, stopped at a red light, and I text, I’m going to be about five minutes late due to traffic.
00;13;32;23 – 00;13;52;22
Unknown
And the response back was, oh no, no no no, don’t go. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I’m not even in town. I’m in New York City. I’m not even around. Sorry. I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you. Now here’s my immediate response to that. We have Monday. We have, a meeting every single Monday at 815.
00;13;52;22 – 00;14;09;01
Unknown
Why was this one any different? Why did you not remove this from the calendar? If you couldn’t be here, you obviously knew you were going to be in a different place. Why didn’t we proactively think about that? You could have even gone so far as to tell me the night before. Just a reminder, I’m in New York City and I’m not available to be here.
00;14;09;01 – 00;14;28;13
Unknown
But that serious shit is asking way too much because you can’t even tell me. Because I’m literally driving on my way there. So I interpret that as, you don’t care enough about this appointment with me. You don’t care that I had to wake up early and do my routine well in advance in order to coordinate those things together.
00;14;28;15 – 00;14;49;01
Unknown
You wouldn’t have cared if I was sitting there waiting to go. Or worse, I could be sitting in the frickin breakfast place waiting for him to show up by myself. I already already ordered. Already have, because we have the same waitress every time. She always brings over my half coffee, half our chocolate. There I am, you know, ready to go, right?
00;14;49;02 – 00;15;17;04
Unknown
Half coffee, half hot chocolate. Yes, that sounds delicious. Right? So basically, it’s like a mocha custard. So. But really. So I really have had to detach myself from a lot of the feelings associated with. It’s not really taking it personally, but it’s really not being able to comprehend. It’s hard not to the level of what’s the what’s the opposite of thoughtfulness, negligence that’s not used to be present.
00;15;17;04 – 00;15;47;05
Unknown
Like, what is it? Flippancy. Is that a word? Carelessness. Carelessness? Yeah, yeah. Negligence. Too strong. No, it doesn’t feel right. Yeah. Incompetence. The paramount point of view. It’s a it’s a it feels like a lack of. Yeah. It be thoughtlessness. I mean, would not really be what it is. You’re, you’re if you’re not thoughtful, you’re thoughtless. Could be.
00;15;47;08 – 00;16;11;29
Unknown
It’s what I would say. It could be. But I think again it’s it. You go for example with your breakfast meeting. And again I’m coming from my own world. Bring whatever. I am not good at looking ahead and thinking like there is not a chance in hell that I’m going to bed and looking at my calendar the next morning.
00;16;12;03 – 00;16;32;29
Unknown
That will never, ever happen. When I get up in the morning, that’s when I look at the calendar. I’m like, oh, today I have this is this. So, you know, and so you, you like, if someone told you and gave you and showed you how doing that would improve your life, you refuse to take that step to improve?
00;16;32;29 – 00;16;58;22
Unknown
No, I don’t refuse. No. She’d be very happy about the suggestion. And maybe you would try it for two days, but then it’s not my natural. Because it’s not. It doesn’t feel normal when you say there’s no way in hell that’s happening to me. That’s not my normal thought process. I don’t I don’t sit at the end of my day at work and then think, okay, let me get my to do list and let me, let me think about maybe starting to try to do that by doing it.
00;16;58;23 – 00;17;21;15
Unknown
No, no, because that’s that’s something. But hold on, I’m making a point about okay, you’re you’re you’re weekly cadence. Right? My guess is because this is just happened to me in, in before, specifically with the board meeting. Yeah, I remember I was traveling, remember? And then you canceled it the day before, and I went, oh, my God, I completely forgot.
00;17;21;18 – 00;17;41;19
Unknown
I wasn’t going to be there anyway, because I didn’t. I was so preoccupied in what I was doing because I was gone. And I knew you knew I was gone. But I would have tried to make the meeting if I had the time open. Right? I never thought, oh my God, I should probably tell them I’m not going to be there because it’s just I didn’t look because I wasn’t in that zone.
00;17;41;19 – 00;17;59;14
Unknown
Yeah. I’m thinking yeah. So my guess is he was probably at a different business work trip and didn’t think, oh, you’re right, it’s Monday. And especially when you’re on a work trip, days aren’t normal days, at least for me. Yeah, it’s not a Monday. Tuesday. It’s a I’m on a work trip. It could be a Saturday, but I’m still doing work things, so it’s not a normal cadence thing.
00;17;59;17 – 00;18;28;18
Unknown
Does that make sense? Yes. So that’s my only thing with that particular example. I don’t and I’m not good at looking ahead. I’m not good at. Now here’s a question related to that. If you’re not good at looking ahead and you find out that the result of that action is that you hurt people, right, at what point do you start to care exactly 100% start to look ahead.
00;18;28;21 – 00;18;58;28
Unknown
The because it might not be a natural habit. This is not you specific enough to you specifically? This is a general question 100%. At what point if people start to be hurt or disappointed or let’s even say impacted? So you don’t have to add a qualifier of being hurt impacted? I was impacted this week, no joke six times by other people, as if we’re calling it thoughtlessness of not being able to follow through accordingly.
00;18;59;01 – 00;19;22;28
Unknown
That those are substantial impacts to me, to my schedule, to my mental health. Right. Because literally I’m driving somewhere and then I’m like, okay, guess that’s not happening. So now how do I rearrange and then add to that that as someone who is rather linear and on the spectrum, the ability to be able to. Whoa, look at that.
00;19;22;28 – 00;19;42;23
Unknown
I got a free hour. Doesn’t happen for me, right? Because now I’m like, oh, okay, I got it. I literally have to pull over the car. Yes. Yeah. Because as far as I got was at least I can go get a coffee. So I go get a coffee and then I sit in that passenger’s seat or my driver’s seat, not get anywhere in the passenger seat and the driver’s seat.
00;19;42;23 – 00;19;55;17
Unknown
And I think to myself, I have to recalibrate. So maybe I do now. So maybe that’s part of it. Because if it were me, I’d be like, yes, I can go do this. This am I’m already I’m already out here. I’m going to go. I was supposed to go grocery shopping later today. I’m going to do it now.
00;19;55;17 – 00;20;21;26
Unknown
Like I’m an immediately pivot. It’s just that’s in my I don’t get like it’s like, great. One last thing I got to do. Thank you. Moving on. So is that a part of it. You don’t get impacted in the same way. So it’s hard to see the impact. It it depends. This is very loud. It depends. It depends on the circumstance and the pattern because I think it also I think that’s another potential trigger trigger.
00;20;21;29 – 00;20;52;03
Unknown
If it’s if it’s a consistent pattern or a consistent, experience you have with the event individual whatever, that’s a little bit of a different reaction. You know, taking into consideration people’s circumstances too. Right. Like there’s a there’s a lot of things. So I think that, recognizing your own, I keep going back to true colors. Right.
00;20;52;03 – 00;21;17;00
Unknown
Like when I, when I say I don’t look ahead and I don’t look behind, it’s because I’m always. I’m in the moment, usually all the time. So it’s just an a natural goldfish tendency. But then what does someone have to say to you to someone. Because that to to adapt that behavior. Because here’s where I struggle in that.
00;21;17;00 – 00;21;40;06
Unknown
Here I am thinking I’ve been very clear multiple times. I’ve been clear on this podcast. I’ve been clear off record. I have been clear I’ve been clear in a funny way because, you know, if the times are, it really doesn’t matter to me. You know, I’ll joke about it a little bit. I think I have I think I’ve approached it from a level of like, this is hurtful to me.
00;21;40;06 – 00;22;02;22
Unknown
I don’t like this, but it always still happens. So. So that’s my question is one, how does someone need to say I don’t like how this impacts me and I like it to be different or in the spirit of you can only handle yourself. Do I say then you’re just not going to get invited to things anymore if that’s going to be the case.
00;22;02;22 – 00;22;18;29
Unknown
So or I was going to say, I’m like to start the meeting whether or not you’re there or not, right? Or I’m going to say, now you’re only going to need to find another time to have this meeting because we didn’t get to have it. And you will all decide amongst yourselves, because I’m not going to be a part of the planning process, but then you get disappointed when nobody will.
00;22;18;29 – 00;22;38;02
Unknown
No one will do it. No. Right. So then that’s this vicious cycle of like, I don’t want to be the babysitter for everyone’s schedule. I don’t want to be the manager of everyone’s tactics. But I don’t. But you can’t let it go. You may say that, but then you’re still angry. Yeah. And then you’ll be like, oh, fine, I guess I’m going to get the meeting back together.
00;22;38;02 – 00;22;53;06
Unknown
Because if you truly meant that I don’t want to be the babysitter, then you would just let it go, correct. And then be like, we didn’t meet a well, right. But I’m put you in a position where I don’t have a choice because literally, as a board of a business, you have to meet a certain amount of times.
00;22;53;06 – 00;23;19;17
Unknown
There’s certain things I have to run by the board. That’s right. Because I don’t have independent decision making power in. That’s right. So if the board decides and this is widespread, like I’m not I’m not saying that this has happened oh so many times. This is just an example. This is an example 100%. What if the board decides at the end of the day, yeah, we just don’t feel like it or we’re flip or whatever, I don’t I genuinely am like, I’m on the hook for I still need you to be here, but I feel like I genuinely feel like I have written emails that I send.
00;23;19;19 – 00;23;36;19
Unknown
I love you all. And what is getting in the way of us having this meeting? I said, is it the cadence? Is it not? Showing up in your calendar is I’ve tried that approach. I’ve tried. Here’s the detailed oriented to do list. Please go in and check your to do list of items that need to get done. And please update it yourself.
00;23;36;22 – 00;23;54;22
Unknown
How many times have you asked people to look at meeting minutes? I know before it’s supposed to happen. I know normally now, to be fair, I’m always the one the day before that sends the reminder of the meeting. Yes. And so? So I can shove that back on you. Why didn’t you call me and say you hadn’t? I noticed you didn’t send the email reminder out, and then I would have been like, for what?
00;23;54;22 – 00;24;07;16
Unknown
It’s not on my calendar. We could have talked about that at the drag show, but I didn’t think about that because it wasn’t on my calendar. So and the reason I honestly didn’t think you would do it is because you weren’t at the last meeting. So I wrote the meeting minutes. Right. But I would have gone in there and.
00;24;07;22 – 00;24;28;23
Unknown
Yeah. And, but I wish you wouldn’t have taken the initiative to do that because you didn’t write them right. But it’s my job to send out. Well, I don’t know if it’s my job, but I consistently the night before I send out whatever’s on the list to talk about with the agenda and say, just a reminder every. And then I jokingly say, sure, you read the meeting minutes because we approve them, right?
00;24;28;23 – 00;24;52;01
Unknown
Right. I didn’t do that yesterday because I didn’t think there was a meeting today. Right? So. Right. It’s not like I purposely blew it off. It’s there’s there’s none of that. I know, you know, that deep down. And I know we’re just messing around. I know, but it is critical to have these conversations and to understand that. And at the end of the day, it does come down to caring for respect.
00;24;52;01 – 00;25;10;13
Unknown
Yeah, maybe. Maybe it’s not even care. It’s respect. But yeah, because, you know, we all have a thousand things and balls in the air. Yeah. And at the end of the day, I think all of us should probably cut out 50% of what we’re doing. Oh, yeah, I know that for me. Yeah, I take on way too much.
00;25;10;13 – 00;25;31;14
Unknown
Yeah. And then not not just take on way too much, but I need to do it to the best of my ability, even if that takes a little extra time. Right. Or if that. Whatever. Right. So, all of that stuff is important, right? And then I have to pick and choose. Right? I completely forgot that I had my kids had the day off today and it’s again, it’s not on the calendar because it wasn’t a normal day off.
00;25;31;21 – 00;25;51;20
Unknown
They had no school days. I had completely forgotten that I promised them to do a snow day, a snow days. I had completely forgotten that I had promised them X, Y, and Z in the morning because I didn’t have the the concerns that are meeting. Then. I was sick on Monday, so we had to reschedule this. I put this in the calendar, but I didn’t put the stuff for my kids.
00;25;51;26 – 00;26;11;02
Unknown
So then I moved things around, you know what I’m saying? So like, right. It was a juggle, a juggle situation. However however, too many things going on, on what I want, at the end of the day, I want someone who comes in and says, wow, shit’s a little crazy right now, right? But it’s not like, oh, all these things.
00;26;11;02 – 00;26;40;08
Unknown
Because as an empath, yeah, I’m like, oh God, what? Could I have done something different? Was there something I could have switched about that? Do we need to end at a certain time? Like I will take on all of that, right. And so when someone is just, you know, I’m actually having this deja vu kind of moment with, Kelly up the street the other day where I had said something to her, and then she was taking it on as if it was hers.
00;26;40;08 – 00;26;56;11
Unknown
Yeah. And then I was like, I don’t need you to take it on as if it’s yours. I just needed to vent. Yeah, well, the opposite is true in this situation where you might come in and be like, I’m just venting about my schedule being crazy, and I’m taking it on as, oh my gosh, the things that could have been done different, right?
00;26;56;11 – 00;27;15;02
Unknown
Because I don’t want to I don’t want there to be any negativity for you. Yeah. And then you might be like, I don’t need to take any of that on. I just wanted to let you I was just venting. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But maybe that comes from, you know, I say this in managing difficult conversation. And sometimes we have to announce where we are and what we need to say.
00;27;15;02 – 00;27;30;23
Unknown
Yeah, I was just going to say sometimes we have to say I’m about to vent for a moment. I how want such a part, such a place, right. Just you listen, I need this, and it’s not about you. I’m just saying it might be about you, but I need to just say what I need, right? Right. Yeah. This is about you.
00;27;30;23 – 00;27;48;22
Unknown
But I’m using another example of this. I sure it, but I want to make sure we’re really clear. But that’s a part of it, right? Is maybe this this a need to announce where we are? I do that sometimes with Mark. I’m about to ask you a question, and it’s going to feel a little bit off. And I’m aware of that.
00;27;48;22 – 00;28;07;09
Unknown
And I know we’ll get through whatever the conversation is. But here’s my, you know, but but then, Mark, I’ll say, don’t start with that. I get so frickin anxious when you say those kind of things. Just ask the question. Just come right out with it. Right. So each of us needs our own individual, like a surprised thing, but that’s so hard.
00;28;07;09 – 00;28;31;04
Unknown
Again, that’s one of your superpowers you’re really good at and, analyzing and interpreting and feeling and watching so that you can individually approach people. Yes. I do not think that is a natural skill that most people have. I think people tend to communicate the way they want to be communicated to, and therefore it’s a constant challenge. That’s one of the reasons why I will never be a boss.
00;28;31;06 – 00;28;50;23
Unknown
I cannot I can’t manage my own damn life. How am I gonna manage other people in their issues and all the things I mean? By the time you’re done with that, you still have your work to do. Yeah, I can’t yeah. It’s so much it’s it’s too much mental overload in, you know, I got my own family life that I’m managing.
00;28;50;23 – 00;29;15;16
Unknown
Like, it’s too much. Yeah. But for you it’s so easy and natural and like. And you remember details about people like that. Yeah. And that I also don’t think that’s normal. No, I don’t either. And therefore it’s going to impact you so much more when examples that we just talked about happen. Yeah. Because it’s so natural to you.
00;29;15;16 – 00;29;33;11
Unknown
Yeah. Like it’s so natural for me to always be on and and happy and bubbly and you know, one of my bosses said to me the other day, the brand of Bax is really great. People love being around you. Even today. My phone call. Am I feeling the top of my game? No. But during and in that moment I’m like, oh my god, this is great.
00;29;33;11 – 00;29;57;23
Unknown
Like just the. And we ended the phone call and she said, I just love talking to you because I feel re-energized. And that’s not a show for me. Yeah, everybody says you’re going to get this. And if I’m not that, you know, an angle blinks. So, there’s also a presence that you provide because in that moment, it’s the most important thing that you’re doing in your brain coming in.
00;29;57;23 – 00;30;28;23
Unknown
You’re. I am always in the moment. Right. That’s my superpower. Right? Right. So for me, I can’t understand how people right can’t be like that because it’s so normal. Yeah, but that causes problems in other areas, right? You know. Right. And maybe my, my issues caused less problems because the life world operates on a pretty detail oriented schedule and especially today, yes, we’re all because we’re all over centered, right?
00;30;28;23 – 00;30;50;26
Unknown
And we’re all multitasking, but no one’s good at it, right? Right. But we still do it, right? Right. And so I wonder if a part of that is that, I get led off the hook a little bit easier because I have the more preferred, you know, method of how this. So, so when I say I have to regroup at the coffee shop.
00;30;51;01 – 00;31;10;27
Unknown
Right. That’s a very individual thing. I’m regrouping for myself. I’m taking that on internally. No one else around me, you know, is experiencing that. And if you and I happen to have been together on the way to a breakfast meeting, I would have been in a place where I was like, okay, well, maybe we could go get a coffee and you’re like, nope.
00;31;10;27 – 00;31;23;00
Unknown
You know, we’re going to do you need to get that thing at target, which is right next to PetSmart, which is right next to the Dollar Tree. And I got to get some of those pool noodles. Right. And there’s a coffee shop right there. That right around that time is when we need to go meet with Scott. Right.
00;31;23;02 – 00;31;36;26
Unknown
But that doesn’t happen naturally to me, not to you, because you have target in your calendar at 330. Right. And you’re going to be like, I don’t know what to do for an hour. So I, I know once I got done with a meeting early, but I can’t go to target early because that’s on your calendar at 330.
00;31;36;28 – 00;32;01;06
Unknown
Exactly. I know you, but the problem is that doesn’t impact anyone. No one. No one’s like, I’m real impacted that you went to target at 330 instead of 230. The only person it impacts is me. But the opposite. Yeah. In the opposite scenario, we were talking about impacts other people. Yeah. So my own neuroses. Yeah. Only impacts me at the end of the day.
00;32;01;06 – 00;32;16;24
Unknown
Yeah. And what do you care? When I went to target. Right. What do you what do you care if I went at 230 or at 330, right. Unless it meant I was late to dinner, you know, because I didn’t plan accordingly. But that would never happen. Because I would have known in advance. I have to be at Rebecca’s house at five.
00;32;16;24 – 00;32;30;12
Unknown
I’m going to take a half an hour to get there. I’m going to put 15 minutes in for extra time, and I might need to have to talk to my kid when he gets home from school. I’m planning on leaving at this time, which means I need this much time at target. Right? Like that’s that is a normal.
00;32;30;14 – 00;32;45;00
Unknown
It’s almost like time is my third language. Yes. So people won’t be like, how much time is it going to take? You know, what time do we need to leave to get there on time? And I don’t even have to think about it now. I’m thinking of myself, Dave and Busters. Half an hour. Up up up up up up.
00;32;45;00 – 00;33;06;03
Unknown
We need to leave fun, right? Right and spot on. Right. I am very rarely correct. It’s not funny to say that today, because I remember I told you that we were picking up Taylor’s boyfriend. Yeah, he lives way out in Greece. And so I said, I promised her we were going to Plato’s Closet and Philip was picking up dinner.
00;33;06;10 – 00;33;21;14
Unknown
Okay, we get off the phone, I’m like, girls, now we have to leave now because I have this, this, this and this. I go, you tell your boyfriend, 1035, he better have his ass on the driveway. So we we leave. And then I look at the I look at the time and I’m like, oh, wow, we’re super early.
00;33;21;14 – 00;33;36;18
Unknown
I go, Plato’s Closet doesn’t even open till ten. So we’re going to go get dinner because we’re going to get the groceries. We ran in, got the groceries. Then I called Philip, I said, you don’t need to do it. Pulled into Plato’s closet. I said, Taylor, you have 14 minutes. Do what you need to do. She did what she needed to do.
00;33;36;18 – 00;33;53;22
Unknown
Did Sawyer find three things she needed to buy? Of course. And I look at her and I go, why does the baby get whatever she wants? And she just goes, I’ll pay for it. I’m like, yeah, okay. So then we get in the car, I type in his address. Guess what time we pulled in a drive, I 1035 1035.
00;33;53;22 – 00;34;11;02
Unknown
And how proud are you in that moment? In that moment, yes. But you. But I it is. There is no leeway there today. Today there’s no way today. Right. I had meeting after meeting after meeting. And then you can’t predict traffic. Right. And I was too close. Right. I don’t like that. Right. I don’t think there’s a difference.
00;34;11;02 – 00;34;35;00
Unknown
You you pull in 1035 and you’re like, yes, sir. Yes. And I pull in at 1035 30, 1034 and I’m like, Boop. Another successful perfect drive. You’re you’re that girl I know you use. I know you so well. This is you when you’re getting the gas, you put that nozzle in. Yeah. And then you’re like, I’m going to stop on the 30 500.
00;34;35;07 – 00;34;54;20
Unknown
And I nail that shit every time. That’s you. You know what other thing you just a 3501. You got to go to 3636. I know, or maybe 35, 25. Yeah, maybe 30, usually in the 50s. Here’s the other thing you do. Yeah. I know whenever you’re about to say it’s when when we go to the grocery store or wherever where you got to sign those damn credit card things.
00;34;54;20 – 00;35;10;19
Unknown
Correct. Perfect signature. Every time I believe it and do it, I want to take a picture. Do I look for the compliment by absolutely do. In fact, the other day I saw you do a scribble and I thought, is that one of those things that she gave away for you to get out of? No, no, it’s free Friday.
00;35;10;26 – 00;35;28;07
Unknown
Is it a Freedom Friday? Am I like, you know what? Screw it. Didn’t know now because then what happens is I do that and then I’ve got the rest of the day. I go, oh no, I, I wasn’t really me. I wasn’t really good at that. I tried to think of another example of what you thought you would do.
00;35;28;09 – 00;35;55;12
Unknown
Oh, it’s not okay. It’s not okay. But, I wanted to do one of the funniest things of the world. My sister in law ever said. So this is where it’s genetic is. My dad had, like, a Honda when we were still living at home. Got it had to have been when I was in college because they came out with all the like, electronic stuff in the car, and my dad had a car that he would drive it, and then when he would pull in underneath it, it would say excellent stuff.
00;35;55;13 – 00;36;16;28
Unknown
It would say it was like monitoring his drive. It average where it would say, you know, whatever. And so my sister in law’s in the car and she sees my dad always ten and two, right. Pulls it in to the driveway and he puts it in park. And then he waits at the ten into like this for the for the acknowledgment saying.
00;36;16;28 – 00;36;40;02
Unknown
And it says excellent. And then he goes like this. He gets out of the car and we get inside and, and Shannon goes, only John Halligan. We have a car that judges you. Oh my God, that’s like, it’s so true. That’s so funny. Lynn and I go, dad, have you ever seen that thing say anything other than excellent?
00;36;40;04 – 00;36;55;24
Unknown
And what’s his response? No, of course not. Of course not. So of course, that’s funny. Use it. So I have my new car now, right? Yeah. And you know what? The most annoying thing that it does to just you. Yes, you know what it does. And I’m not sure if this is because of my driving. Yeah. No, because you don’t.
00;36;56;01 – 00;37;12;22
Unknown
It is 100. You don’t have to do something. Yes, well, you should take a break. Yes. Do you see? Here’s a coffee thing. You should take a break. You should take it every 30s. Oh, I bet it is just. You are all over the place. What? It. Oh, it is that that thing only comes on when the thing has sensed that, like.
00;37;12;22 – 00;37;29;11
Unknown
Oh, we’re doing a little drifting here. It’s every 30s. Yeah. To the point where I called Philip and I said, something’s wrong with this car. No, it’s you, it’s you. He. It’s like a hundred. Fine. Yeah. I had to turn this off. Yeah. He’s like, I got this right. Yeah. He’s right. So he calls me. He’s like, I turned it off today.
00;37;29;14 – 00;37;49;01
Unknown
Ding ding ding. Still there. Ha. That’s right. You should take Brad also says consider taking a break with a coffee cup. And then I’m pissed because I’m like, yeah, I consider that still going hilarious. And here I am. I’m like, there’s this malfunction, so I gotta bring this into the thing. It could not be my driving. You couldn’t be happy.
00;37;49;04 – 00;38;08;06
Unknown
I mean, I’m really good. So we’re clear. You don’t ever get to drive anywhere. It’s just not allow that to happen. I only drive my children around. Yeah, yeah, it’s so good. Why do I have to take a break? My right, I don’t know, I mean, there’s something about your driving. Maybe you’re not going fast enough. And it’s like, maybe take a break on it is.
00;38;08;06 – 00;38;31;19
Unknown
We’re really on the overzealous, like, overconfident side of just like, overcautious side. We know what we’re doing. It’s hilarious. So I drive a jogger car, too. Anyway. Yeah. All of that. Wow. We actually got the empathy out of the way early to. It’s it’s only because I forgot all my stuff. It’s because you didn’t bring your hippie ville showed up 14 minutes late because that was compiled into a million other ways.
00;38;31;19 – 00;38;59;05
Unknown
So much. Scott, are you still in the bubble here? Yeah, I’m. I’m hanging around. Okay, well, so about 45 minutes ago, you had a question about that was rifting off of the question I had. And the question I had was, at what point do you adapt to your behaviors? Right. Because as you genuinely care about the person on the receiving end.
00;38;59;09 – 00;39;20;27
Unknown
So what were you going to say about that? Do you remember that? I mean, that’s that’s what I was getting at. It was do you want an answer? Because I have one. If you know, if you know that your behavior is is impacting someone, at what point do you say, well, maybe I should change that, maybe I should, you know, make that different.
00;39;21;00 – 00;39;40;13
Unknown
So that those people aren’t impacted anymore. Did you have a smart ass answer at first. And then because Scott talked a little longer we’re like all have a sincere answer now. Oh no I think I think that people should always strive to do better. I don’t think it’s natural. And I think that’s what that’s what’s so hard.
00;39;40;13 – 00;40;00;17
Unknown
And because we’re overextended and we have too many things going on, you just revert back to your what you’ve already created that that that line in the sand. What’s that? What’s that road when you’re when you’re dug in and you it’s hard. Like the gutter of the of the, bowling alley ball and it’s like, yeah, I’d love to be able to get back on there and nail that nail those pins.
00;40;00;17 – 00;40;19;16
Unknown
But this is my pathway. Yeah, I’m really trying hard. But to get up over that hump is, everything in my life is like a logic table. If this, then that. And then here’s the two different options and then let’s assess it. And then we’ll look at those two options and we’ll weigh the two of them out. And then we’ll get to a point where finally we have an answer.
00;40;19;16 – 00;40;39;24
Unknown
Once I’ve arrived at the deductive reasoning of that answer, there’s no going back for me. When I hear you say that, I go right back to math class. When we did do logic, I loved them. And there’s not a I could not grasp that concept to save my life there. Nothing about that made sense. I go, I don’t understand why you can call that logic.
00;40;39;24 – 00;40;58;02
Unknown
That is not logical. That is stupid. How did we get to the A at the bottom? Stop. I tell you know why? Because no no no no no no no, that’s not. But that’s a really great example of what your version of logic is. My version of stupidity. I’m like, that is so dumb, why would you do that?
00;40;58;05 – 00;41;18;00
Unknown
But that in fact we can cut all that shit out and just make a guess. Yeah, right. Oh, God, I’m getting hot now to think about it. But think about this I know, I know, yeah, it’s a really, really interesting. Yeah, it’s really interesting. So. Well I mean so that’s that okay. That’s that. Let me look at my list here.
00;41;18;02 – 00;41;34;20
Unknown
So so what’s the answer. Just do for you. Just do things the way I need to do. So the answer just got is just just change immediately. Yeah. Let’s say I has a problem. I’ll tell you what the answer is and then do a different I’ll if you have a problem. If you are not arriving places on time, listen to me.
00;41;34;20 – 00;41;50;01
Unknown
I’ll tell you when you’re supposed to get there in time. Then start doing that. Okay? If you do not enact that in the way that you’re supposed to, I’m going to tell you that’s a you problem. It’s not a me problem. I gave you the answer. That’s good though. That’s very clear. Giving someone the answer is, is appreciated.
00;41;50;01 – 00;42;13;10
Unknown
Well, it should be appreciated. If you if you ask for it, if you don’t care, if you ask for it. I don’t give a shit. I’m going to you. You know why? Because you’re going to make my life a living hell. But you know what? What is this? I can’t read that to say. To save time, let’s just assume I know everything.
00;42;13;13 – 00;42;32;19
Unknown
I mean, that is, if that isn’t the perfect slogan for you to be made for me. Yes, right. This is very fitting. I just so happen to have this. That’s hilarious that I. Yeah, that you nailed that. You nailed that. And I’m happy I should be. If you want more fun in your life, call my phone number right there.
00;42;32;20 – 00;42;47;14
Unknown
Scott, you need an answer for something, let me know. I’ll take care of it. But then I’m expecting you to go ahead and do it. Or at least try to the best of your ability. Don’t waste my time if you don’t want to know the answer, that is very valid. Thank you for asking as well. Or for me.
00;42;47;17 – 00;43;03;23
Unknown
No, I know, I know when to ask you or come to you or whatever, because if I don’t want to hear it now, I’m not bringing it up, right? In fact, the other day I prefaced you and I said, I’m going to tell you something right now, and I need you to act like this, whether you believe it or not.
00;43;03;26 – 00;43;24;04
Unknown
Because if you don’t, I hang it up. And then how did I do nailed it and hit it out of the pile. That, however, is why I like people who give directives. Yeah, but you also genuinely felt that way. Yeah, true. And I also know if you didn’t, you would have brought it back up later on and been like, I got it, got a process now, you know, I, I think you’re ready to talk about it now because I am.
00;43;24;07 – 00;43;47;18
Unknown
Yeah. It’s 100% true. Yeah. But again I know that about you. And I hate these headphones. These are not mine. Oh, wow. 100% feel different because they’re not yours. They don’t stick to my ears the same way. Right? That’s probably why the sound levels are off, too. Because you’re used to the way. Okay. Are you serious? Yeah. If we switch these my first right now and it goes back to normal, I would die.
00;43;47;25 – 00;44;08;09
Unknown
You can’t now because you stop. Is that is that is not logical. She said nothing logical about that. You just feel weird on your hair and ends up having its own. You get used to, you know, those those might not be exactly the same. I don’t like translate the white. Can we switch them? I have to do it.
00;44;08;11 – 00;44;27;09
Unknown
Okay, let’s do it. Let’s test this thing. Everybody in the logic. Pause, pause, pause. The theory in the logic table. Will you die? I will stand corrected. I’m not expecting that to have to happen. I have to cross out your shirt. I’m going to get them to change bras I didn’t know. Cross out your shirt. Oh, that’s it, you hear me?
00;44;27;10 – 00;44;51;24
Unknown
I’m going to get you to change my heart anymore. And then she’s going to hear this one. She’s reviewing the episode. This thing to appreciate that. What thing are you talking about? This is. This is painful. Where do you put it? It don’t break my shit. Whatever. I gotta fix my hair now. Should I turn it all the way up before you are too late?
00;44;51;27 – 00;45;12;29
Unknown
Oh, these feel so much, right? Us allowed. Let me hear. It’s still locked up. It’s the same exact. But these do feel better. It’s the same exact level of loudness. Cause you want to know why? Because it didn’t make sense. I can’t understand how much your ears are imprinted in these because you wear them so much. Fine, I’ll go with that all day.
00;45;13;03 – 00;45;31;00
Unknown
But the fact no sound. So it’s not my ears. First of all, I know. I know everything I say. My share of you have two different sets of headphones, each with their own cable, each with their own ends. And those ends I think they I don’t know, I don’t remember if both of you use the same ones. I think now you are.
00;45;31;01 – 00;45;50;14
Unknown
That is correct, Scott. I use the little end. She uses the fat end. What does that mean? You are in the fat hole. I am in the mini hole. I didn’t even know that was a thing. So even though in this particular case there was no difference, the potential for difference was there. It feels different to me. Not necessarily the level of comfort.
00;45;50;14 – 00;46;05;22
Unknown
The comfort is definitely a thing. That’s all the things that I feel much. I feel much better. I feel like I’m in her body a little bit now. I need to have my routine. I can’t take it. Can’t whatever. Right. I’ll let you guys have that one. While we have a real close or real close to that one.
00;46;05;22 – 00;46;28;27
Unknown
Oh, how are you going to get some water? I might have some water right now. I know, but listen, speaking of this shirt, I got to tell you this story about what happened, speaking about how I know everything. So Renee doesn’t have a voice right now. She lost her voice. Jim. Virus, I don’t know. I don’t really know what happened, but she had to go in for a sleep study, and so she goes in for a sleep study, and she doesn’t have a voice.
00;46;28;27 – 00;46;46;05
Unknown
And I’m out watering the flowers, and she calls and I’m thinking, why is she calling me if she doesn’t have a voice? When I got back in, I like looked and I’m like, well, she called me, right? So she sent me this picture that says, I’m at the sleep clinic. They want me to sign this waiver. I don’t know if it’s a good idea.
00;46;46;06 – 00;47;07;07
Unknown
Can you please look at it and tell me if I should sign it? So I start reading this waiver and it’s basically I’m going to sum it up for you. We use really shitty CPAp machines here, but you should probably be fine. You might die, but you’ll probably be okay. But we need you to sign this waiver to make sure you’re going to be all right.
00;47;07;09 – 00;47;25;18
Unknown
So I say, what’s the other alternative for these CPAp machines that they’re using? And Chase, like, I don’t know, they don’t seem to have other alternatives. I said, well, they allow me to talk for you. So next thing I know, the phone rings and this man gets on the phone and says, hi, my name is whatever. I said, hi, whatever.
00;47;25;21 – 00;47;49;11
Unknown
I’m speaking on behalf of Rene, who I know is with you right now. I have a few questions for you. I’ve read through this waiver, and I’m curious, why we’re still using these machines. And he says, oh, well, they they, were recalled in 2001. What? But now it’s okay, though, because we use a filter. We use a filter on them.
00;47;49;11 – 00;48;12;28
Unknown
And I said, okay, thank you. And so the filter is that has that been identified? You have any paperwork on the fact that that’s been identified as an alternative to not having to turn in your recalled system? And he said, I don’t know. I said, okay, is there anyone there that does know? We’re real clear this you’re the first person to question the waiver since 2001.
00;48;13;00 – 00;48;38;29
Unknown
Oh, I’m sure she does. No one else reads Rene’s credit. She questioned it and called me and she needed me. She couldn’t speak to the guy. Right. So this guy says, you know, oh, you know, he used these these filter things that we put on. Okay, that’s really great. Is that a known alternative? You know, and all I’m thinking is when you go in, bring your car in and there’s a recall, you don’t always have to turn your car in for for good.
00;48;38;29 – 00;49;00;02
Unknown
Sometimes they’re like, here’s the solution to the recall. We’re going to put it in your car and we’re going to you actually. But there’s listen to those recalls. I read every word of those. No, but you bring your car in to get oh, I’ve never done that ever in my life. Because, like, you don’t bring it in. Fucking airbag explodes in her face and burns alive, and then you don’t get any insurance money for it because it was hand recall.
00;49;00;02 – 00;49;21;14
Unknown
And you’re like, sorry, I didn’t read that. You remember junk mail? Yeah, I just throw that away. Wow. So so then he says, I’m just the tech. I said, great, is there anyone else? Wait a minute. The ten person should know. Well, apparently he’s telling me he’s just the person that delivers the sleep study. He’s the person who does the sleep stuff.
00;49;21;14 – 00;49;35;25
Unknown
Gotta, gotta, gotta go. And I said, well, we’re a little bit in a predicament here, whatever your name is. Because she’s driven an hour to come and see you for the sleep study. And when you have to get a sleep study, you know that you have to do certain things right. You have to shower a certain way.
00;49;35;25 – 00;49;53;25
Unknown
You’re not allowed to wear lotions. You’re not allowed because get the thing that you have to do. She did the sleep study there in the she was supposed to in the facility. Yeah, I did a home sleep study, so did I. And that did not go well. Yes. So so I’m on the phone with this person and and I say, so we’re in this predicament where she’s driven all the way in here.
00;49;53;25 – 00;50;10;22
Unknown
And now we’re in a situation where either I need to encourage her to sign a waiver that I’m not comfortable with what it says, or she needs to turn around and go home. And neither of those feel like fair options. And he’s like, yep, I understand this isn’t the first time this has happened. So I said, tell me more about that.
00;50;10;22 – 00;50;30;08
Unknown
What does that mean? He said, well, I try and communicate to the secretary that she needs to let people know that we’re using this waiver, but she just hasn’t been telling people we’re using this waiver. So we have people who drive in a considerable amount. I hold on, I need to also say that the sleep study in Rochester is a year waiting list.
00;50;30;10 – 00;50;49;02
Unknown
So if she didn’t do her sleep study and it’s the same situation, she would have to go on. The end of the letter. Another waiting list right. Yes. Now that may not be the case for her experience, but with my experience is a year we did. So I said, well, that’s incredibly unfortunate. And so how do we speak with the secretary about this?
00;50;49;02 – 00;51;09;17
Unknown
And he’s like, oh, well, I can make sure that I leave a note or whatever. And then I and then, I said, so do you have any additional information about this equipment? Do you have whatever? And he basically says no. And then tells me that the best opportunity would be for Renee to contact her doctor and for her doctor to advise on what she should do next.
00;51;09;17 – 00;51;37;12
Unknown
And he basically says so then it’s on the doctor, as opposed to being on someone else. Like I’m like, wow, we’re already tossing around liabilities. It’s fascinating. Right? And the reason this thing had been recalled is because chunks of foam from the whatever could go into the airways and then could be digested. And then one part of it said that, like, it could give off this crazy type of gas and that the gas could happen when you first initiate, or it could be throughout the life of the, the thing.
00;51;37;12 – 00;51;58;03
Unknown
And I’m like, these think this sounds insane about why we are doing this. So Renee, of course messages her doctor, but it’s 930, 10:00 at night because she’s going in for a sleep study, right? There’s no chance that this guy is going to. Or so I thought. I’m going to get back to us. So I say, well, I’m going to let you know she won’t be signing the waiver and she will be going home.
00;51;58;06 – 00;52;18;26
Unknown
And this is incredibly unfortunate, and I really think that we need to have the name of the secretary and the people who work there, because it is really unfortunate that you’re making people drive this whole way without telling them they’re going to use a record machine from 2011 with some type of filtration system. Was 2001. It was either 2011.
00;52;18;26 – 00;52;35;13
Unknown
Either way, it’s older shit. It’s a long oldish history, a long time. It’s over ten years. That’s too much. Yeah, it was a real long time that we’re going to use a filter that no one can tell us whether or not that filter is successful. So Renee can’t talk, right? So I’m like, is there anything else that you need from me?
00;52;35;13 – 00;52;55;05
Unknown
And, you know, the guys left at this point, I don’t know where he is. So I just hear Renee and they go, yeah, thank you. She said she lost her voice. So then we’re texting back and forth and I’m like, it’s hilarious that when anyone needs an answer to what you should do in a situation, you just call me and I’m like, do do do do do do.
00;52;55;05 – 00;53;17;08
Unknown
Put it all in the thing. And then I spit out the result and I say, this is what we’re doing. And she’s like, greatly appreciate that. Sometimes they just need that guidance because I freeze in that moment and don’t know what to do. And for me, it’s just so clear that here’s the input, right? I gathered the data, I gather the information, I then you’re just a researcher with my feelings because I didn’t feel good.
00;53;17;08 – 00;53;33;00
Unknown
Yeah, right. Right, right. And I said, this is a recipe for disaster. This is for absolutely not doing this. Now, two minutes after she leaves, she’s sitting in their car, still text messaging me, gets a message from the doctor, and it says, if you are not comfortable with the equipment or the environment, I strongly encourage you not to stay there.
00;53;33;03 – 00;53;50;23
Unknown
And I said, excuse me, I’m doing it right. Scuse me, but why is that doctor sending her to that sleep place? I don’t know if they picked it for her or I’ll see my doctor. I don’t know how my doctors associated and that’s part of the problem. He only associates with a specific place. Therefore, you have to go to that place.
00;53;50;23 – 00;54;14;02
Unknown
There’s a lot of sleep study places, but you can’t just walk in. Oh, to one of them need a referral? Depends on your insurance. Interesting. So my particular doctor is rigid in that way. And that that may be I assumed that was standard because my primary care doctor, which we’ve already talked about. Oh boy, sent me to this guy so that we really trust him.
00;54;14;03 – 00;54;32;22
Unknown
There could be a lot of situations of that, but all he does is gets out of his poster board and he’s like, here’s the options that we have. Oh, and I did draw this picture. Your family here over on the side. Right. So so you know, but that’s really interesting because I would assume that as a doctor, when you’re referring somebody to a specialty center.
00;54;32;23 – 00;54;52;00
Unknown
Yeah. That your name’s on that gig. Correct. And so it’s not like a blood lab, right. Like no. Yeah. My gut sense was that it was not. It was just that was a list. And then she got to. But I, you know, I would be if it was a list provided by the doctor, then I’d follow up with that to take this place right off.
00;54;52;03 – 00;55;07;02
Unknown
I don’t know what the hell these people are doing. That’s right, that’s right. Oh, so. Oh, I’m so sorry she had that experience. I know, because sometimes you just need that. I mean, she could be like me. Did I take a CPAp machine from somebody that passed away and just kind of figure it out on my own 300%?
00;55;07;04 – 00;55;24;10
Unknown
True. Serious? Yeah. Because I’m not passing the sleep studies at home. How are you able to. You can’t. Yes you can. I asked my doctor. Hey, recalibrate me when we were meeting because he’s like, it’s a year wait to get an in in person sleep study. And I said, well, what are the options? He goes, you can change the pressure and all that kind of.
00;55;24;11 – 00;55;41;20
Unknown
He said he would do it. He said, read you calibrate. Yes. He said you can go and buy a CPAp machine. He goes, anybody can buy him, but they’re thousands of dollars. He goes, you can do it. I said, what if I have access to one? He’s like, great, I’ll just calibrate it for you. He goes, you’re gonna probably have to go buy the hoses, and you have to pay full price because your insurance won’t cover it because you’re technically not diagnosed.
00;55;41;21 – 00;55;56;11
Unknown
Right. But he said, at the end of the day, you’re not going to die from sleep apnea. This is not a that’s not a thing. But okay, well, that’s what he said. I mean, no, you’re not going to die from sleep apnea, but you’re going to end up having a heart attack in your sleep because of the sleep apnea.
00;55;56;11 – 00;56;14;12
Unknown
So he didn’t say that, but connect the dots or not, he said. But he said, like, you can go to an oral dentist and get the the mouth guard thing. And he goes, a lot of people choose to do that. But you’re recalibrating your mouth and your dental work and all that. So you’re taking out like there’s just like deep bring up the chip.
00;56;14;14 – 00;56;34;22
Unknown
He didn’t even because my favorite I know that was that she could get this chip put into her arm. And we were joking that whenever we want to come back together, I’d have the remote and I’d be like, boop, boop, turn right. Come back here. Turn her on. Turn her sleep apnea no more. But yeah. So funny. But I mean, no, he did.
00;56;34;22 – 00;56;55;11
Unknown
He really did that. He’s like, anybody can have access to this. The problem is insurance companies are so rigid and they’re so rigid that they they even monitor you using the machine. And if you’re not using it to their satisfaction, percentage wise, they will pull the money like it’s it’s like, oh, it’s a whole thing. I thought, I live I think my lucky stars for my CPAp.
00;56;55;11 – 00;57;15;07
Unknown
Oh I’m cranky people who have one swear by it. Oh yeah. Rebecca needs one bad. Yeah. But they keep saying that I’m perfectly fine. And you keep saying I’m perfectly fine. And I can’t wait a whole year and I can’t afford a sleep state. Sleep state is very expensive. So I would prefer not to have to do it.
00;57;15;07 – 00;57;37;20
Unknown
And if he can just calibrate then great. When I had my sleep study I also was sick. Kind of like what Rene’s going through. I had some kind of horrible throat problem. It was wasn’t strep, but man, it felt like it, it was like, I bet you double blowing glass, but I still they still, they gave me that monitor to to, you know, where.
00;57;37;22 – 00;57;51;12
Unknown
And I’m like, I don’t think I should be doing this now. I’m really sick. No, that’s. What do you want to do it? There’s no way that this is going to be good. But yeah, he said to me, he literally said to me, here’s what you need to do to guarantee you fail this test. And I said, okay.
00;57;51;15 – 00;58;11;19
Unknown
And okay. No, but that’s but that’s just it. And he said, the problem with the at home test is it’s just a breathing monitor. So it doesn’t actually tell if you’re sleeping. So he goes, if you’re so stressed out and you’re actually you’re wearing it and you’re laying there and you’re breathing normal because you’re technically not sleeping, it’s going to think you’re totally fine.
00;58;11;21 – 00;58;32;00
Unknown
So he said, when you’re at a sleep place, they’re there. I mean, you’re covered in the things. And he goes, we monitor your sleep patterns, we monitor your breathing, we monitor how much you’re moving, how like all these things. He goes, it’s a much more comprehensive test. But, I mean, I even had to wait two months to get my at home test.
00;58;32;02 – 00;58;51;10
Unknown
Yeah I, I think I waited a year before I got the dope test. We have one last really important thing to talk about today. It’s going to take three minutes. Scott I’m about to send you a picture here. That is what we’re going to be talking about. Oh Jesus. Okay. It’s like never nothing takes three minutes I hope it’s what it is.
00;58;51;14 – 00;59;18;17
Unknown
Is it Scott? Did you I’d like you to put on the music that is that do like, we just have, like, a, like a lullaby moment of talking for Scott. Oh, Jesus. Scott, I wasn’t prepared for this. I did not listen to me. Okay? I will just have Rebecca sing it. Listen to me. What am I doing?
00;59;18;17 – 00;59;28;28
Unknown
Like like.
00;59;29;01 – 00;59;55;13
Unknown
He I like how it somehow. What’s the picture. What was lost right now. I have found what I loved. But now I see what are we. That has nothing to do with this image. It was just a really good song. Listen to me. We saw this poster on your Facebook page and we needed to talk about dying.
00;59;55;16 – 01;00;14;21
Unknown
Stop dying. Oh, what’s going on? Dying. That was the picture I got. I’m trying to get win. Trying to help, you know? So I know that this is a picture of your beer pool in your backyard, and the picture is fine. You know, I’m like, we’re all just going to go. I actually have that, but we’re just going to go, there it is.
01;00;14;21 – 01;00;39;20
Unknown
There it is. We’re just going to go take the bottom. Thank you. Thank you. That’s a lot. That looks level. Bottom picture there I, I have some questions and some comments and some let’s just start with what the hell is going on there. And so how long did that take to cherry rig some cherry wreath. What that looks drive.
01;00;39;23 – 01;01;06;16
Unknown
Why did you buy that? That from the supplier. Where’s your floppy disk? All right, so first of all, you guys are laughing about something. You have no idea what you’re crap. That’s why that is correct. That’s why it’s hilarious. Scott, what the hell? What is that? Please explain it. We’re waiting. Weren’t barely there. What’s the end? Well, how do you get under the AOL?
01;01;06;19 – 01;01;09;17
Unknown
You.
01;01;09;19 – 01;01;35;13
Unknown
Can go. I got hit on. I gotta hit him. I pull, but you only get 15 minutes of free under. So so if you’re making if you’re making fun of me because I can’t afford a nice, swanky in-ground pool, I have the same pool from the box. No, it’s not about the pool. In fact, I’ll be over it probably tomorrow to diminish my.
01;01;35;16 – 01;01;52;12
Unknown
What is going I. What is that? I feel like you need, like a pedal bike on the one side. This is. That’s like moving the thing. If I could get a word in edgewise. I know you can’t. We got some more. We got some more. Hold up. We still got it. Go ahead. But we still got a lot more to talk about.
01;01;52;14 – 01;02;15;26
Unknown
So first of all, the filter pump that comes with the Intex pool is sucks wildly in, in, inadequate. Inadequate. Thank you. Malcolm. Agreed. So if you look at the this is actually more organized than last year. So it’s funny why you didn’t see it last year. So on this table on the right there are there are three devices.
01;02;15;26 – 01;02;32;03
Unknown
The one that’s actually behind the post, you can’t see that is the this is the arms. Yes. It’s the what I that is that is a pool pump that you can that does not come with the pool. It’s, it’s a stronger one that I actually like that. That’s really the purpose of a pool pump. Is to move the water.
01;02;32;03 – 01;02;52;22
Unknown
Thank you. Okay. And then the next one is the salt water machine. So you add you add salt to the pool and it generates its own. How much? Sorry. In like the same. It’s a salt water that goes into you don’t need chlorine salt potatoes to find that you don’t need chlorine. It’s a you either have a saltwater pool or you have a pool with chlorine.
01;02;52;24 – 01;03;10;12
Unknown
Does water naturally have salt in it? It’s the ocean. You go to the ocean and you get a bunch of water and bring it back into your pool. No, you know, you put the salt in it in your pool. You go to the pool store and the 4,040 pound bag of salt. Thank you Scott. That was the question I asked.
01;03;10;14 – 01;03;30;17
Unknown
Everyone took us on a damn frickin row over here. 40 pound bag, four of them for 40 pound. But then you don’t have to do anything for anything to it for the rest of the season, right? It makes its own chlorine. It keeps it nice and clear. You know what else it does? Your skin feels amazing. Are you walking on the salt in the water?
01;03;30;17 – 01;03;50;13
Unknown
No, it’s it’s yourselves. It’s it’s not even like ocean is salt water. It’s just it dissolves in the water. It’s a much more pleasant experience for your body. Okay. And it’s actually a cleaner pool. That’s nice. Now keep going. When you when you fill this, this pool up, you fill it up with the hose. And the hose is fucking cold and the water is cold all summer.
01;03;50;13 – 01;04;06;11
Unknown
It doesn’t matter how hot it is outside, it’s still like 60 degrees. Not true. It’s only because yours is under trees. Mine’s in the sun and you don’t get too warm, right? Exactly. There’s nothing like I’m not going to cut down the trees for that. I like the trees. I’m not calling this beastly thing with the fan on the left hand side.
01;04;06;12 – 01;04;27;12
Unknown
That’s my favorite. The fibro pool 120, which is 800m old school. You do. You need to put the glasses on. You need to put the, one. Just stick them right on and see there’s a fiber pool 1000. But that is a, that is a, that that is worth three times what the pool is worth, right? The fiber pool tool.
01;04;27;18 – 01;04;50;17
Unknown
Right? Yeah. It’s all apparently and and so you bought the, the CD-Rom and, and so the, the hoses that come with the Intex pool are also shit. So I plumbed it with PVC. You sure did. You sure did you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you’re the man. You’re the man in the mighty pool, man. Books suck. Wait a minute.
01;04;50;17 – 01;05;09;12
Unknown
I know how much PVC you have to buy for that. That’s a lot. It’s not like, much, just. It’s not. It’s like one of those things that hamsters run through and, like, you just have all these different channels, you know, going on. There’s two fucking PVC pipes. There’s on that. There’s one that goes from the pump into the, into the heater and one that goes from the heater into.
01;05;09;12 – 01;05;30;16
Unknown
Okay, so we took a heater into the pool. And then what happens next. Got it warms the fucking water to this. What the fuck. She’s what she’s doing your glasses that are down on your neck. And because I didn’t get the third to.
01;05;30;19 – 01;05;54;14
Unknown
You feel good about yourself, Aaron. Do you know how you feel? Good. I died laughing about this yesterday, and we still can’t stop laughing. I know, I am so. I love you so much. So much. And you. This. When she sends me this picture, I’m like, what is going on back here? It was the most is going on right there.
01;05;54;15 – 01;06;15;00
Unknown
I know and I know she goes, you should have seen it two years ago when I first got to see her. It was a disaster. She goes weak. I read the comics and then one of the guys comments, oh yeah, those are people I don’t know either. That’s it. When that man said, where’s your floppy disk?
01;06;15;02 – 01;06;36;05
Unknown
I lost the day. Oh, who did that? Who? I don’t know, but it was, I think, funny. That was one of my friends. I hope I’m gonna throw up. I’m laughing so hard to see my face. I cannot get him delivering all this fucking. And it’s great, isn’t it? Was great. It was great. Usually she’s the one making fun of my shit.
01;06;36;08 – 01;07;01;27
Unknown
Usually it’s not making fun. It’s not making fun. How much Ram you got in that system? The floppy disk drive? Yeah. Oh, my God, it’s so funny. So this is what I said her about. So I bought this steamer and then the York Steve, the Cleveland steamer. I bought a steamer and it’s a mini steamer there. You can’t not talk.
01;07;01;27 – 01;07;28;05
Unknown
Hello. This is too much, I can’t much. I bought a steamer at the New York State Fair, and it’s a mini travel steamer. And the goal of the steamer is that it heats up really quick and so the way you get the steamer worked is you take the, the purple the purple steamer, and then you put the water in it, and then you have this little tiny cup that you fill with salt.
01;07;28;07 – 01;07;38;27
Unknown
You put the salt in the steamer and then you plug it in. And then literally within 15 seconds this thing is.
01;07;39;00 – 01;07;47;15
Unknown
Steaming everywhere. So I said to Rebecca, oh, no, this.
01;07;47;17 – 01;08;15;00
Unknown
Scott doesn’t know Scott. Scott. He created a moment. My son Scott created a book. It’s not okay. Does we need to tell him we did. Tom on the podcast is not okay. The minute he plugs, that thing is going to heat up and just the salt with the water with the heat. I bought this at the New York State Fair book and zactly the same technology.
01;08;15;01 – 01;08;38;29
Unknown
It is. So you guys are going to go in there. It is not going to be one big boy. It’s so freaking hot. We’re going to be poached. Oh my god. Oh or what was it. What was the word Russell co yeah cuddling cuddling hot cuddling I don’t know what it was like. What. I never heard of that before.
01;08;39;01 – 01;08;56;22
Unknown
So yes. Once again if you’d like to learn about that reference you can join the even more love subscription service. You sure can. I have so much snot. Oh my gosh, it’s so funny. Well, I’m glad, the, tissues on the desk. Oh, my God, this is that was ours. And Laughter. We really appreciate it. We did it.
01;08;56;23 – 01;09;15;21
Unknown
We did we we used to use your pool. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You will. Yeah. So hundred percent because guess what? Mine is still close. Watch. It’s funny. This is this is so warm. And by the way, I’m getting a steam bath, so I’m glad it was sick. I feel like shit that choppa follows. Hey, I loved that.
01;09;15;23 – 01;09;50;10
Unknown
Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. No. God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more Love the Power of Empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.