Erin [00:01:46]: Well, I’ll tell you this much. If you have a perfect mirror marriage, you can bow out right now because that’s not what this episode is about. You and your little perfect marriage could go ahead and just go off into the sunset, but that is not what we’re talking about today.
Scott [00:02:00]: You know, perfect marriages only exist for the first three or four days.
Erin [00:02:03]: Days? Oh, it’s. Yeah. Well, okay, maybe years. So we should get. You should get a bunch of listeners then, if.
Scott [00:02:12]: You know what though, actually, the perfect marriage goes through like changes and metamorphoses.
Rebecca [00:02:21]: Oh yeah.
Erin [00:02:21]: Oh yeah, for sure.
Scott [00:02:24]: There’s changes. It may start off perfect and then it gets really shitty and then you figure out why it’s shitty. And then if you really love each other, then you fix it and then it becomes perfect.
Rebecca [00:02:33]: Well, no, no. Then you add in kids and then it becomes shitty and then you. Yeah, then you add in pets, then it gets shitty.
Scott [00:02:40]: Or you do it like me and you add everything in at once and then figure it out later.
Rebecca [00:02:45]: Yeah, Ye.
Erin [00:02:46]: Yeah.
Scott [00:02:46]: Here, let’s have three kids inside of three years and then we’ll be like, right, yeah. Move back and forth to different states.
Erin [00:02:53]: Right?
Rebecca [00:02:53]: Yeah. Then you move, then you get new jobs, then you get lose jobs, then.
Erin [00:02:57]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Because what we’re talking about today is partnership as parents. And we’re going to hit you with a. A fun little twist.
Scott [00:03:10]: Good lord.
Erin [00:03:10]: Split you more love.
Rebecca [00:03:14]: That’s right.
Erin [00:03:14]: And so we will share with you here in a moment. Exactly. Going to do today. But as always, we need to start with some voo, which is the hippiest of voo, the hippiest of V. The hippy.
Scott [00:03:31]: Wow, you both like did that on cue and that was totally.
Rebecca [00:03:35]: Listen.
Erin [00:03:36]: Yeah. When.
Rebecca [00:03:37]: Whenever you bring that up.
Erin [00:03:38]: You can’t sing around us. Cuz we’re in it. We’re in it. And if we’re not in the car, we’re fully on full on dancing. Even if someone’s butt is out hippo style. That’s right.
Rebecca [00:03:49]: That’s. That’s right. Yeah. So ironically again, because we’re all witches in this room. Okay, I got the partnership card.
Erin [00:03:56]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:03:57]: I know. With the dolphin and the two wine cups. The two chalices. The wine cups.
Scott [00:04:01]: Wow.
Rebecca [00:04:01]: Isn’t that funny? Okay, the meaning of the two cups.
Erin [00:04:03]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:03]: The two cups.
Erin [00:04:04]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:04]: The twin flames. Clearly this isn’t about our husband.
Scott [00:04:08]: Wear two cups.
Rebecca [00:04:09]: Two cups.
Scott [00:04:10]: Yeah. When I put football.
Erin [00:04:11]: Excuse you.
Rebecca [00:04:11]: Oh, oh. It’s not. It’s not the one cup. Whatever. That porn is not that.
Erin [00:04:18]: It’s Two Girls one.
Rebecca [00:04:20]: It’s not that.
Scott [00:04:21]: Two Girls One cup.
Rebecca [00:04:22]: Yeah, it’s not that. Okay, so it’s meaning of partnership. This is clearly about us.
Erin [00:04:27]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:27]: Okay. Okay. So this card predicts love, equality and the meaning of hearts and minds, which benefits all of your relationships, from friendships to romance. It also reveals a commitment or promise, such as engagement or marriage, or an emotional investment in a shared project. This is a healing card. So if your relationship has tested you recently, it reveals that all will be well. You can expect someone close to you to show their love, know that they are trustworthy and dependable. So the advice is to appreciate love and trust in your relationships.
Erin [00:04:57]: That’s beautiful to frame today before we just light it on fire. Really beautiful.
Rebecca [00:05:05]: So here we go.
Erin [00:05:06]: All right, you guys, here’s what we’re doing today. So we have five questions, and these five questions we’re going to ask each other. And behind the scenes, we printed out these questions and gave them to our significant others. And we asked them to answer these questions as well, privately. We have not read anything that they have written.
Rebecca [00:05:25]: In fact, they came in sealed.
Erin [00:05:27]: We gave them an envelope to seal up their answers, and we handed them promptly over to Scott and Joe.
Rebecca [00:05:34]: In fact, I’m absolutely terrified.
Erin [00:05:36]: We have no idea what is on. What is on.
Rebecca [00:05:41]: I feel like I’m going to have to interpret.
Erin [00:05:43]: Oh, I’m sure.
Rebecca [00:05:44]: In fact, no, I think you’re gonna have to interpret for you. What my husband. For you.
Erin [00:05:48]: What he really meant, what he said. That. Yeah. Yeah. So we’re going to do partnership as parents through the lens of Aaron, Mark, Rebecca, Philip. Hopefully, Scott’s gonna chime in here a little bit, and then we have a fun little bonus for you at the end if you stick in long enough.
Rebecca [00:06:06]: So. So reality is, it’s. And, you know, it’s really our opinion or expectation on partnership as parents versus what our experiences are, because oftentimes I don’t know if it’s men versus women or whatnot, but I think when you and I have some of these conversations, oftentimes we come to each other and we’re like, what’s your version? Do you feel this way? Because here’s what I’m getting. And am I. Do I have too many high expectations? Like, am I off? You know, sometimes we’re constantly coming to each other and asking each other these things. So, you know, and you know what.
Erin [00:06:44]: Happens for me whenever someone’s gonna get married? I now don’t think, oh, my God, that’s so wonderful. I’m like, hang on tight, kids. Hang on frickin tight.
Rebecca [00:06:52]: Be prepared.
Erin [00:06:53]: You know, I think, you know, I’ve talked about this a lot as well, and I think this will come up in our answers, which is that you have this expectation in this hope. When you get married and you’re walking down the aisle and you’re so like early on in your story and as you get to know someone and grow with someone and experience life with someone, you really don’ understand that intertwining moment of who you are as people. That’s right. Until you go through life and life is messy sometimes. And so I think when we talk about this partnership as parents and when we talk about what we thought versus what it was, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. But I think that unless you’re able to really be brutally honest about the hope that I personally held as I walked down that aisle to the reality of what I live, and to me trying to turn some corners, to really realize the ways in which Mark and I are stronger than many, many, many couples for reasons I’ve never wanted to go through. Sure, right, Absolutely. But just the expectations versus where we are, I think is what this episode is about.
Rebecca [00:08:05]: But it’s not just romantic partners. I mean, you and I talk about this all the time. The things that you and I have gone through and the partner, the partnership we have created and the support system we have created and the sacrifices we have each personally done for each other is so integral in the intimacy in our own relationship.
Erin [00:08:25]: Absolutely is. And sometimes, let’s be honest, the partnership that we have impacts the partnership that we have with our significant 100% and our children. So easy.
Rebecca [00:08:35]: Sometimes our children get put aside because sometimes it’s more important to be there for your quote unquote partner.
Erin [00:08:40]: Right.
Rebecca [00:08:41]: Because in the moment you have to make a choice, which we talked about in the last episode. That’s right. Everything comes down to a choice. And sometimes other our partners need us more.
Erin [00:08:49]: Right. And because you set the bar so high and it can be so easy to connect and just, you know, make something beautiful together, that you then have this wonderful experience and then you go back to your partner and he leaves the freaking toilet paper roll off and you’re like, come on, why is this so difficult? Right? And so that sometimes impacts.
Rebecca [00:09:08]: That’s right.
Erin [00:09:08]: The relationships that we have with others.
Rebecca [00:09:10]: And what you may view as stupid is really, really important to the other person. And these are the things we’re going to talk about.
Erin [00:09:15]: Right? All right. Are you seat belted in?
Rebecca [00:09:18]: I don’t know you, Scott, you got.
Erin [00:09:19]: Two seat belts on.
Scott [00:09:20]: Clippity clip.
Rebecca [00:09:21]: Okay, here we go.
Erin [00:09:26]: All right. So when it comes to dividing parenting responsibilities, how would you quantify your share on a scale of 10? For example, would you say that it’s a 5 out of 5 split with your partner? Is it more like 8 out of 2? Please share your ratio and a brief explanation of how you arrived at that.
Rebecca [00:09:44]: Number when it comes to parenting.
Erin [00:09:47]: Parenting responsibilities.
Rebecca [00:09:50]: Okay.
Erin [00:09:51]: I. You know, I’m. Okay. I was. I’m thinking parenting responsibilities are also household. Household responsibilities are also life responsibilities.
Rebecca [00:10:00]: Life responsibilities.
Erin [00:10:01]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:01]: So we’re encompassing the whole thing together.
Erin [00:10:03]: You and I are. We have to keep in mind that that wasn’t the prompt we gave to the boys. So if they have a slightly different answer, we got to give them, like, half credit there. Okay.
Rebecca [00:10:10]: Okay. Okay.
Erin [00:10:12]: So out of 10, do you know your answer?
Rebecca [00:10:15]: Yeah.
Erin [00:10:16]: Okay, go ahead.
Rebecca [00:10:18]: 60. 40. Really?
Erin [00:10:20]: Parenting responsibilities. 60. 40. Okay, explain your ratio.
Rebecca [00:10:24]: I’m the 60.
Erin [00:10:26]: Thank you.
Scott [00:10:28]: That was one out of 10. That’s not like.
Erin [00:10:30]: Sorry. Wait, was I percentage out of 100? Sorry. Six.
Rebecca [00:10:33]: Four.
Erin [00:10:33]: Was I supposed. Was I supposed to be surprised when you said you were the 60? I’m sorry. Oh, you are really.
Rebecca [00:10:41]: Six, four. Scott made me change my answer to follow the direction.
Erin [00:10:45]: Okay. Thank you, Scott. Thank you, Scott.
Rebecca [00:10:46]: Okay. My rationale. Philip and I. I think I’ve shared this before. We’ve had many, many. We’re very communicative in terms of that kind of thing. We’re the type of people that we very clearly lay out our quote unquote rules. Like, I know that I cook every day. I know I’m in charge of groceries. He knows he’s in charge of taking out the garbage. In fact, you make fun of me all the time.
Erin [00:11:09]: I can’t with your guys. Garbage. I can’t.
Rebecca [00:11:13]: He does the laundry. Like, we are very clear on our roles, which is why the invisible motherhood. I just know there are certain things that I. There are certain things that he does. But we’re also very clear that when I can’t fulfill those roles because I’m traveling or because I’m sick or because I have a work commitment or because I’m out with you, he will 100% step up, no questions asked, all the time. Okay, So I feel. But at the same time, as far as the parent stuff, I’m more of a primary parent. He’s more of a primary household.
Erin [00:11:49]: Doer, manager.
Rebecca [00:11:51]: Does that make sense? Yeah.
Erin [00:11:52]: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:11:52]: So that’s why I say 40.
Erin [00:11:53]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:11:54]: But when it comes to the parenting, I’m more of the parent.
Erin [00:11:56]: 60. 40. Yes.
Rebecca [00:11:57]: Okay.
Erin [00:11:58]: Scott, what did Philip say?
Rebecca [00:12:00]: Oh, God.
Scott [00:12:02]: Now, I’ve never heard Philip talk, so I can’t do a Philip impression.
Erin [00:12:06]: Okay, that’s probably the best.
Scott [00:12:10]: It says, I don’t divide, I just do it.
Erin [00:12:14]: Okay.
Scott [00:12:14]: So basically saying, okay, how do you divide the responsibilities? And he says he doesn’t divide, he just does it.
Erin [00:12:20]: So he just sees what needs to be done and he just does it.
Rebecca [00:12:23]: That’s. That’s 100% what he would say.
Erin [00:12:25]: 100% his response.
Scott [00:12:26]: Well, it is, because.
Erin [00:12:27]: Did it follow the directions?
Rebecca [00:12:29]: No, not at all.
Erin [00:12:29]: No. But.
Rebecca [00:12:31]: But that is very true to who he is.
Erin [00:12:32]: Yes. He would say.
Rebecca [00:12:33]: He would.
Erin [00:12:34]: He would say whatever has to be done. And that’s what I’m gonna do.
Rebecca [00:12:37]: Absolutely right. He’s a hunt. That’s exactly who he is.
Erin [00:12:39]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:12:40]: Follows directions.
Erin [00:12:41]: F. Right.
Scott [00:12:43]: We’re the same.
Rebecca [00:12:44]: Here’s the deal. Wait, I need to clarify. Remember when we were producing this episode on our meeting, I said, he’s not gonna understand that question.
Erin [00:12:51]: Yeah, right, right.
Rebecca [00:12:53]: Anyway, go ahead. Okay.
Erin [00:12:55]: Follow us directions.
Rebecca [00:12:57]: Okay. Aaron, what did you say?
Erin [00:12:59]: Scott, you said what?
Scott [00:13:00]: I said, we’re the same.
Rebecca [00:13:02]: Oh, you’re the same.
Erin [00:13:03]: You wouldn’t divide it up either?
Scott [00:13:05]: No, no. Like, you guys, like, Kelly does a lot of the parenting stuff, the kids stuff.
Erin [00:13:13]: Oh, your kids are older now, so.
Scott [00:13:15]: It’S a little bit different. But you know. And I’ll do the household stuff more. The household stuff. But we still have our own particular. Like, I do the garbage.
Rebecca [00:13:24]: Oh, yeah.
Scott [00:13:25]: She does the laundry. I do the grocery shopping and most of the cooking.
Rebecca [00:13:30]: She does the bills or whatever. She does it. Yeah. You have your set rules.
Scott [00:13:34]: She does the bills. She knows what all the kids doctor’s appointments are and what every kid. Medication, all that stuff. I don’t know shit.
Rebecca [00:13:42]: Yeah, right, right.
Scott [00:13:43]: I mean, I have an idea, but.
Rebecca [00:13:44]: Yeah, but she’s primarily. Yeah, that’s her role.
Scott [00:13:46]: She’s the one that does it.
Erin [00:13:48]: Okay. We’re a solid 8020.
Rebecca [00:13:52]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:52]: Over here.
Rebecca [00:13:53]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:53]: I’m the 80s.
Rebecca [00:13:57]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:57]: Now I want to qualify that.
Rebecca [00:13:59]: Okay.
Erin [00:14:00]: Because the 8020 is also partially my fault.
Rebecca [00:14:03]: Because you’re control freak.
Erin [00:14:04]: Because I’m a control freak.
Rebecca [00:14:05]: Yes, I’m aware.
Erin [00:14:06]: Because I’ve crafted our relationship that way.
Rebecca [00:14:09]: Okay.
Erin [00:14:09]: So I don’t believe we started out as 80. 20. I think probably started out more as 60. 40. I was 60. Mark was 40. But specifically when we had Carter is when I noticed my little neuroses associated with how things were done. It, like, went my. The invisible load of motherhood went into overdrive. And because I’m a relatively anxious person, I think I overdid and overcompensated. And I’m reading this really great book right now called Loving Someone with adhd. And one of the things I’m recognizing is that when you have less time and when you’re trying to manage more things and you have a partner in your life who has adhd, the partner who does not have ADHD has a tendency to massively overcompensate for the person who does, which inadvertently sends a signal that you can’t do it. You’re not good at it. Why bother?
Rebecca [00:15:05]: Yep.
Erin [00:15:06]: And so I. I didn’t realize this until, you know, very recently. I would say within the last year, that Mark’s confidence level in terms of doing things on his own is very likely a response of me verbally slapping his hand and saying, don’t bother. I’ll just do it. Then I go to the opposite extreme and get really annoyed that I have to do it all, and then the poor man can’t win. Right. So I. And we’ve had many conversations about this recently. Yeah, it’s fair. It’s fair. I don’t think a lot of people. Women, are able to really acknowledge the role that they’ve played in the aspect, and I wasn’t able to for a very long time.
Rebecca [00:15:50]: Yeah.
Erin [00:15:50]: So we’re more 80, 20. And I’m trying to get us back to more of a 60. 40. Sorry. 6. 4.
Scott [00:15:57]: All right. You know, the math is really screwing me up here. I can’t do the conversions.
Erin [00:16:01]: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Right, right. The extra zero at the end.
Scott [00:16:04]: Use whichever scale you’re more comfortable with.
Erin [00:16:07]: Okay, thank you. Okay. Thank you. I’m just a creature of habit, and I followed what Rebecca did, but I’m trying to get us back there. But what that really requires of me is to let go of some of the ways in which I expect things to be done and just allow them to be done in a certain way.
Rebecca [00:16:20]: Totally. I get that.
Erin [00:16:21]: All right. What did Mark say?
Scott [00:16:23]: All right. How much time do we have? Just kidding.
Erin [00:16:26]: All right, so he gave a thoughtful response.
Scott [00:16:29]: Mark wrote nine to one. Oh, Aaron, of course.
Rebecca [00:16:33]: Wow.
Scott [00:16:35]: I am reminded each day that it is one, because when she points that one finger out, I do what I’m told. Smiley face. We both know our strengths and weaknesses. And if anyone knows Erin, she is flooded with Strength. Flooded with strengths. You’re flooded with strengths.
Erin [00:16:53]: Flooded with strength.
Scott [00:16:55]: She has taught me a lot about parenting. And hope. And hope we can get closer to 50. 50 to make her life easier.
Rebecca [00:17:06]: Okay.
Erin [00:17:07]: I would say that’s pretty similar to.
Rebecca [00:17:09]: What I said I’d say.
Erin [00:17:10]: Right.
Rebecca [00:17:11]: Okay.
Erin [00:17:11]: I actually give them high five for that.
Scott [00:17:15]: And it was a. It was a nine to one. Aaron to Mark. But that’s also the ratio of words between Mark and Philip. Nine to one.
Erin [00:17:23]: Well, that is very underrated for the course, too.
Rebecca [00:17:27]: When in Rome.
Erin [00:17:28]: When in Rome. When in Rome.
Rebecca [00:17:29]: That’s for you.
Erin [00:17:29]: When in Rome. That’s for you.
Rebecca [00:17:30]: Marc.
Erin [00:17:32]: All right, question number two. If your partner died, how would your parenting change?
Rebecca [00:17:38]: It would not.
Erin [00:17:39]: Okay. Exactly the same. Everything you’re doing now, you would height, maybe hire out some help for the, like, no odds and ends around the house. You do it yourself.
Rebecca [00:17:51]: You mean like, mowing?
Erin [00:17:53]: Yeah. Oh, you’re not gonna mow the damn lawn?
Rebecca [00:17:56]: No.
Erin [00:17:57]: The freaking washing machine goes. You’re in there with your freaking hard hat on.
Rebecca [00:18:00]: Like, what? He doesn’t clean that or fix that?
Erin [00:18:03]: He doesn’t.
Rebecca [00:18:03]: No. I guess just the mowing.
Erin [00:18:06]: So the land. Basically. Get a pool boy is what you’re saying. You replace your husband with a pool boy.
Rebecca [00:18:12]: I mean, okay, then. Yeah. I mean, but as soon. But as far as, like, discipline, you’re.
Erin [00:18:16]: Still not doing the damn garbage. If he dies, she sucks.
Rebecca [00:18:21]: Taylor can do that.
Erin [00:18:21]: Oh, my God. Taylor Overflowing Mount Rushmore.
Rebecca [00:18:25]: I’ll teach my kids how to mow. I know. I’ve actually never mowed the lawn in my life. I wouldn’t know how to do that, but.
Erin [00:18:29]: Right? I mean, I can’t imagine you trying to start that damn mower.
Rebecca [00:18:34]: It’s a ride on. I like roll. I can’t even drive a car.
Erin [00:18:38]: You’re telling me the only thing you’re going to change if your husband dies is you’re going to get a guy to mow the lawn?
Rebecca [00:18:42]: Well, I mean, what did Philip say? What did Philip say?
Scott [00:18:47]: Oh, this is. This is great.
Rebecca [00:18:49]: Oh, God. Oh, God.
Scott [00:18:51]: If your. If your partner died, how would your parenting change? I would have to do everything. I mean, he’s right.
Erin [00:18:58]: He’s right. So do you think he would, though?
Rebecca [00:19:01]: Yeah, he would.
Erin [00:19:02]: He would make the meals. Yeah, he would. He would hurry up and try and find some.
Scott [00:19:07]: Rebecca’s already established that if he does. When. When he’s needed to do something, he steps up.
Rebecca [00:19:13]: He absolutely does. He makes all the meals when I’m gone. He doesn’t order Out.
Erin [00:19:16]: So he’d just do it all. He’d be so pissed, though. He’d be so pissed.
Rebecca [00:19:20]: No, he’s not. How dare you die on me. He’s not. He makes everything. He does not. He does not order out. He does. No, he. He follows exactly what we do. He does nothing different.
Erin [00:19:30]: It. Okay, he just. Okay. He just have to do it well. Maybe just die a little. Maybe like just half die and see if. Maybe stop them.
Scott [00:19:38]: We’ll fake your death.
Erin [00:19:40]: I mean, you guys are already 60, 40. That’s pretty darn good to begin with.
Rebecca [00:19:44]: Yeah.
Erin [00:19:44]: Okay. If my partner died, how would my parents.
Rebecca [00:19:47]: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean, reality is, he’d probably call you for the emotional children’s support.
Erin [00:19:51]: Yeah, absolutely.
Rebecca [00:19:52]: He should have written that.
Erin [00:19:53]: Yeah, Right.
Rebecca [00:19:54]: If I died.
Erin [00:19:54]: That’s fair. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:19:55]: Yes.
Erin [00:19:56]: Right. So he’s gonna be like, taylor’s in a relationship. I.
Rebecca [00:19:59]: Right.
Erin [00:19:59]: Talk to him.
Rebecca [00:20:00]: He didn’t. He didn’t think about the emotional component. He was just thinking about the keep the kids alive part.
Erin [00:20:05]: Right? Yeah.
Rebecca [00:20:06]: Yeah, but fair. Okay.
Erin [00:20:07]: That’s fair.
Rebecca [00:20:07]: Yes.
Erin [00:20:08]: All right. So if Mark died, how would my parenting change? Not. Not by much, I don’t think. I don’t really think much would change at all. I’d still be hiring out things to be done like I currently do. I probably enlist my parents more to help do some drive around stuff because I tend to have late meetings or I teach late. But other than that, I think my parenting would stay pretty consistent, which makes sense. Right? Because if we’re currently 8 to 2 or 9 to 1, I’m really doing most of the parenting anyway. What did Mark say?
Rebecca [00:20:46]: Okay.
Scott [00:20:47]: Mark said reality would settle in real quick. The amount of things that she takes care of. I would try to take everything myself and we. And we have learned. I would try to take everything myself for we have learned and incorporate that.
Erin [00:21:07]: You try to take everything that he’s learned through our relationship and try to.
Scott [00:21:11]: Take everything that you. Yeah.
Erin [00:21:13]: Okay. Fair.
Rebecca [00:21:15]: Very fair.
Erin [00:21:16]: Do you got any additions to that, Scott, for me? Yeah.
Scott [00:21:20]: I can’t even imagine. I honestly can’t imagine that. That life.
Rebecca [00:21:26]: I know.
Erin [00:21:26]: I think this is why men, after their partners die real quick, go and bring her back up again.
Rebecca [00:21:32]: Absolutely.
Scott [00:21:32]: And it’s not like. So, you know, I’m in a situation. My kids. My youngest is 18, so I have 18. Almost 21 and almost 22.
Rebecca [00:21:39]: So, you know, not the parenting point there.
Scott [00:21:41]: Yeah, it’s. It’s. It’s the adult parenting, which. Which is kind of a lot harder In a lot of ways.
Rebecca [00:21:47]: Yeah. It’s the emotional component. It’s the. I can’t imagine being without my person.
Scott [00:21:52]: Yeah, yeah, we’ve talked about that before. Kind of jokingly. She’s like, no, I’m dying before you. Because I can’t. There’s no way I can deal with that.
Rebecca [00:22:00]: I get it.
Scott [00:22:00]: I’m like, no, I can’t deal with that.
Rebecca [00:22:01]: I know, I know.
Scott [00:22:02]: Don’t talk about it. We’re gonna have to find a, you know, Thelma and Louise this shit.
Erin [00:22:06]: Because that’s hilarious. That’s hilarious.
Rebecca [00:22:10]: I know, I know. That’s what Aaron and I talk about each other.
Erin [00:22:13]: I’m 100% confident Rebecca is going after me.
Rebecca [00:22:16]: No, stop it.
Erin [00:22:17]: It. Yeah, Moving on. For sure. That is a hundred. I am not.
Rebecca [00:22:21]: Stop it.
Erin [00:22:21]: I am going first.
Rebecca [00:22:23]: Next. What do you appreciate most about your partner? How about you go first on this one?
Erin [00:22:29]: No, that wasn’t it. Did you. You skipped one. Oh, was that intentional?
Rebecca [00:22:33]: No, I don’t know.
Erin [00:22:33]: I just was.
Rebecca [00:22:34]: Moving on, Moving on, moving on.
Erin [00:22:36]: What’s something you do as a parent that your partner doesn’t notice?
Rebecca [00:22:41]: What’s something that I do?
Erin [00:22:43]: What is something that you do as a parent your partner doesn’t notice.
Rebecca [00:22:48]: Do you have time? Yeah. What time? Where do I start?
Scott [00:22:52]: We don’t.
Rebecca [00:22:55]: I think for me specifically is the amount of time, effort and energy I put into anything that has to do with creating a memory for my children. When it comes to glitter.
Erin [00:23:12]: Yes, it’s the glitter.
Rebecca [00:23:13]: For example, when we’ve taken multiple Disney trips and 30 days out, I create a calendar and each day has an activity. First of all, the calendar is representative of the movie up. And I blow a balloon with a piece of paper inside the balloon and they have to pop the balloon and it has an activity in it 30 days out. And we do an activity to prep for Disney World.
Scott [00:23:39]: She says, I want you to be my mom.
Rebecca [00:23:40]: And then when we get to Disney World, I bring one suitcase that just has Tinkerbell gifts that arrive every single night that are themed to what we’re doing the following day.
Scott [00:23:50]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:23:50]: Every single time. And when we went on our huge family vacation two years ago with my sister in law and my. I did it for the entire family. That’s what I do every vacation. It doesn’t matter where we’re going. Every.
Scott [00:24:05]: You can hire Rebecca to do this for your family.
Rebecca [00:24:08]: I actually just. I just became. Listen, I just became a travel agent. So anybody who has travel needs, you can contact me.
Erin [00:24:15]: That’s right.
Rebecca [00:24:16]: And I have all of these.
Erin [00:24:17]: You want this magic in your hands?
Rebecca [00:24:18]: I have all these plans. That’s right. Every single. I’m actually a party planner. So every single birthday, Sawyer says to me. And it’s so sweet. Sawyer says to me, mom, I don’t care how old I am, I want you to do these. I don’t care who makes fun of me. Every year on their birthdays, I wrap their lunch up, their sandwich, their cookies, I wrap them in wrapping paper. And on their birthday, they open them at school. These are the things that I do. That’s just a simple thing. I mean, I know you guys make fun of me, but this is. This is my natural thing that I do.
Erin [00:24:49]: This is.
Rebecca [00:24:50]: This is not extra effort. This is just who I am as a person. And you know, that goes unnoticed. I believe it does. Nobody except for you.
Erin [00:24:59]: Yeah. Remember the one time I caught you at Walmart when you told me you were done with a project?
Rebecca [00:25:04]: You did.
Erin [00:25:04]: And I’m like, what’s in your hands?
Rebecca [00:25:06]: I. I told her I was so much. It was nine o’ clock at night and she came around the corner and I was in the craft section and she busted my ass so bad.
Erin [00:25:14]: Y. And she was like, oh, nothing, nothing.
Rebecca [00:25:16]: See here.
Erin [00:25:16]: And that’s why I always say you always get the glitter. Because it doesn’t have the glitter on glitter until the end.
Rebecca [00:25:21]: And, you know, Aaron is the only one who truly appreciates the above and beyond that, I go. And, you know, nobody except for my mom. Right.
Erin [00:25:29]: You know, because that’s where you learned it.
Rebecca [00:25:31]: That’s right. That’s right. Appreciates that. And. And again, I. I don’t need that.
Erin [00:25:35]: But that’s one thing that goes unnoticed.
Rebecca [00:25:37]: I. I think so.
Erin [00:25:38]: Okay.
Scott [00:25:39]: I love the dichotomy of this between you and Philip.
Erin [00:25:43]: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Rebecca [00:25:43]: I wanna guess.
Erin [00:25:44]: I wanna guess. I wanna guess. It’s something about the lawn.
Rebecca [00:25:47]: Stop it.
Erin [00:25:47]: Is it something about the lawn?
Scott [00:25:48]: Two words. Yard work.
Rebecca [00:25:51]: Yes.
Scott [00:25:51]: That’s it. That’s his answer. Two word answer.
Erin [00:25:53]: Fucking love.
Scott [00:25:54]: What’s something you do as a parent that your partner doesn’t notice? Yard work. Now she noticed.
Erin [00:25:59]: I wanna be really clear. You absolutely notice. Now, I don’t know whether or not you say it enough, because I know you’re annoyed as shit.
Rebecca [00:26:08]: I know that there it is.
Erin [00:26:10]: That he’s not recognizing something for you. So it’s really hard for you to then go overboard to recognize for him. But you do notice.
Rebecca [00:26:17]: I absolutely notice.
Erin [00:26:18]: I’m the one who hears what you notice. I know you’re like, he was out there all day. He’s still out there right now. And I have to get him to stop so he can come in for dinner. My rose bushes look so beautiful.
Rebecca [00:26:28]: And then I sent you pictures.
Erin [00:26:29]: He did. Look how nice this looks. It’s so nice. Right? So it is not that you do not know.
Rebecca [00:26:34]: Maybe I don’t tell him enough, but.
Erin [00:26:35]: I don’t believe you. Absolutely not. Right. Right.
Rebecca [00:26:37]: Whatever, Philip.
Erin [00:26:38]: Okay, one thing, one thing, one thing that I do that I don’t think Mark notices. I would say. I know we talk a lot about how I’m a highly sensitive person. And really, honestly, genuinely, what that means is that my 100% is everyone else is 200%. So if I’m operating at 50% capacity, that’s. That’s most people’s hundred percent. Right. And so what I don’t think people in general notice is how hard it is for me as a highly sensitive person on a daily basis to get through the day with all of the things that have to get done, which.
Rebecca [00:27:26]: We already talked about, is millions of.
Erin [00:27:28]: Things, is a gazillion million things that have to happen. And recognizing the toll that that takes on me, I don’t think. I think another part. We’ve already discussed this, and you know this super well, Scott, is I’m gonna look like everything’s completely fine and inside I’m going to be an absolute mess. And you will not see it and you will not experience it. So to be fair, you would have to be you to recognize the under effects of the tiny little things that I might show that I’m coming undone.
Rebecca [00:28:02]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:02]: But I don’t think that people in general notice or appreciate how much I’m managing as a highly sensitive person. That is killing me inside.
Rebecca [00:28:14]: Totally.
Erin [00:28:15]: But you just won’t see it.
Rebecca [00:28:16]: Super dead nuts on.
Erin [00:28:18]: What did Mark say?
Scott [00:28:20]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:22]: Me. Something that he does that I don’t notice.
Scott [00:28:26]: Mark says I’m more sentimental than her. So when she throws. When she throws art holiday cards or art projects from Carter, I stash them away because I. Oh. When she throws out holiday cards or art projects from Carter, I stash them away because I know she will appreciate it down the road. There has also been a few times when Carter and Aaron got into an argument or were upset with each other. When he was younger, Carter would write a mean note to his mom and tape it on his bedroom door for his mother to see. And I would take them down so she didn’t get her feelings hurt.
Rebecca [00:29:05]: Aw. I never knew that that’s funny.
Erin [00:29:09]: What a little shit. I 100% agree with that. Mark is much more sentimental than me. No one would ever guess that in a million years. If you look at the outside of that envelope, Scott, where he wrote Aaron and Mark, the eye of the Aaron is in a heart.
Scott [00:29:28]: Yeah.
Erin [00:29:29]: And he will write me notes and put them in my bag before I go to travel somewhere and just unexpectedly find them. He absolutely is the one who keeps all of Carter’s art projects and whatever. I’ll have him home for 15 minutes and be like, that’s really great. And I’ll put it in the recycling bin.
Scott [00:29:48]: He.
Erin [00:29:49]: He will hear if I say something like, I really enjoy a song. I will notice he reaches over to his phone to add it to a playlist. So he’ll have, like, a playlist just of the songs that I absolutely love to listen to. So he does a ton of those. Really thoughtful, caring. And I don’t. I think it makes me uncomfortable. I think I love it deep down and want it constantly, because if it wasn’t there, I’d be pissed. I’m realizing I’m pretty difficult to be in a relationship with at this moment. If it wasn’t there, I would be really pissed. But it is there, and I don’t want to acknowledge it because it’s. It’s. It’s sappy, it’s sweet, it’s sentimental. He’s much more sentimental than I am. I completely agree with that. Do you think one person in this.
Rebecca [00:30:34]: Studio would have thought that was the case about Mark?
Erin [00:30:36]: Yeah. Oh, no, not at all. So 100 agree with him. What do you appreciate the most about your partner?
Rebecca [00:30:48]: There’s a lot of things I appreciate about him the most. I think it’s just the commitment he has to our family and the. Just the desire to want to constantly engage. You know, we’re the type of family that’s. When we’re. When we’re together, we’re together, you know? Yeah. And it feels to me that’s what I always wanted for my life. I wanted a partner that always wanted to be together and a unit, and that’s what I got. And that feels safe and good, and that’s what I love the most.
Erin [00:31:41]: I love that.
Rebecca [00:31:42]: Yeah.
Erin [00:31:43]: What’d Philip say? Listen to me.
Scott [00:31:47]: Sports activities with daily life.
Erin [00:31:48]: Okay. Oh, I thought he was gonna say, she makes real good hot chicken salad.
Rebecca [00:31:53]: I mean, so.
Erin [00:31:54]: So he appreciates the most that we divide and divide. The.
Rebecca [00:31:58]: We conquer and divide. Okay. Okay.
Erin [00:32:02]: What did Mark say? Oh, I know. A little swoopsy swapsies.
Scott [00:32:08]: You’re going all kinds of crazy. Going rogue today.
Rebecca [00:32:11]: Oh, you’re doing Mark first.
Erin [00:32:12]: Yeah. Yeah. What did Mark say?
Scott [00:32:16]: Every single thing.
Rebecca [00:32:18]: Shocker.
Scott [00:32:19]: She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And Carter and. And Carter and I are truly lucky to have.
Rebecca [00:32:27]: That doesn’t surprise me.
Erin [00:32:28]: At least I don’t. It does. Not at all. Because I was gonna say, what do I appreciate the most about him is that man has loved me in a depth that I don’t think is possible from a very young age. So for anyone who doesn’t know, Mark and I went to high school together. And Mark will tell you, I’ve been in love with her my entire life since I’ve known her.
Rebecca [00:32:52]: And.
Erin [00:32:53]: And I would say what I appreciate the most about him is no matter what we have been through in life, I have never once questioned Mark’s devotion or love or care for me as a person.
Rebecca [00:33:06]: Yeah. Oh, yeah. That’s.
Erin [00:33:08]: I very much.
Rebecca [00:33:09]: All the time. Yeah, for sure.
Erin [00:33:10]: He says that all the time.
Rebecca [00:33:11]: Yep. Yep.
Erin [00:33:13]: All right. How do you resolve differences in parenting styles when conflicts arise?
Rebecca [00:33:18]: For me and Phillips.
Erin [00:33:21]: I’ll tell you first, I just win. That is true. How do we handle the conflicts? Erin just gets what she wants.
Rebecca [00:33:26]: That’s right.
Erin [00:33:27]: At the end of the day, that’s not worth it. I would say there’s been one time, one in our entire 11 years of being together where I have heard out and conceded in the smallest way. And it’s related to the flu vaccine. Oh, right. Like, Mark had some feelings about the COVID vaccine and giving it to children. He doesn’t love the flu vaccine, and it was not necessarily the hill that I was going to die on. I also was reading a lot of research and talking to a lot of people specifically related to the COVID vaccine. And when push came to shove, trying to make a decision about what we were going to do with that, that was a time where I was like, I might allow this one to be one of the things that he can be, really. But he was real strongly adamant about it. Like, he had to go to a pretty far depths to convince me that this is what was going to. On gonna go on. And I’m also very aware that that’s not my best partner trait that I can think of one thing out of 11 years. But the way that we handle conflicts is that we just go with what Aaron thought would be a good idea from the very beginning.
Rebecca [00:34:39]: No, we are very much. We talk everything out, and it’s very much. You never know where it’s gonna go. It could be his way. It could be my way. Yeah, it very much depends.
Erin [00:34:50]: Did Philip agree with that?
Scott [00:34:54]: Yeah, Philip says we talk about it.
Erin [00:34:56]: Okay. Did Mark agree with me?
Scott [00:34:58]: Mark says conflicts rarely arise, but when they do, I will give her my opinion. And we usually go with her idea because she is usually correct.
Erin [00:35:09]: That’s funny.
Rebecca [00:35:10]: Shocker. Shocker.
Erin [00:35:11]: I love it. It. Well, here’s your special bonus. If you stuck with us this long. First, I would love to hear how would your partners have asked or responded to these questions? So give your partners these questions and then let us know what their answers are and how they might be different. But here’s your fun little bonus. So we asked our kids. We gave our kids what we’re calling paddles. Mine were not paddles. They were just papers that just said mom. One said dad on it.
Rebecca [00:35:35]: Mine, too.
Erin [00:35:36]: So we gave them each the one word. Mom. One word dad. And then we asked them a series of questions. And we asked them to answer the questions about mom and dad and partnership. And parents. So, as your fun little bonus, here is Taylor, Sawyer, and Carter individually giving us answers to our questions about parenting. Okay.
Rebecca [00:35:59]: First question. When you need help or are upset, who do you go to first? Next question. Who do you think is better at taking care of things like meals, laundry, or packing for trips?
Erin [00:36:15]: Look at Taylor’s face.
Rebecca [00:36:16]: Question. Oh, I should be saying likely to say yes. She said mom. They both said mom. Who’s the soft? Taylor says dad. Sawyer says mom. 4. If your parents are arguing or don’t agree about something, who usually wins or gets their way? Taylor says mom. Sawyer says mom. Who is more fun to hang out with when you’re doing something special or just chilling? Oh.
Erin [00:36:45]: Taylor said both.
Rebecca [00:36:46]: Sawyer says with a smirk, you gotta pick one. She can’t pick. Okay. Mom. Who is more likely to forget about important things?
Erin [00:37:02]: They very quickly raised it.
Rebecca [00:37:03]: Pause. Oh, you can turn it off.
Scott [00:37:05]: Okay.
Erin [00:37:06]: All right.
Scott [00:37:06]: So here’s Carter’s video.
Erin [00:37:09]: When you need help or are upset, who do you usually go to first? Mom. Who do you think is better at taking care of things like meals, laundry, and packing for tricks? Mom. Who’s more likely to say yes when you ask for something? Mom. If your parents are don’t agree about something, who usually wins and gets their way?
Rebecca [00:37:44]: They all think about it.
Erin [00:37:47]: Mom. Who’s more fun to hang out with when you’re doing something special or just chilling? Dad. And who’s more likely to forget something important? Dad. Okay, great. That’s great. Now, Mark would like Me to qualify that. He said those questions were loaded. And if you were to ask Carter probably maybe true, I don’t know. For Taylor story as well, if you were to ask a question about if you were in a life threatening situation and you needed someone to come and save you, who would you pick?
Rebecca [00:38:25]: Mom.
Erin [00:38:25]: Carter said, dad.
Rebecca [00:38:27]: Oh, yeah. No, my kids would pick me.
Erin [00:38:29]: Really?
Rebecca [00:38:30]: Absolutely.
Erin [00:38:30]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:38:31]: Absolutely. I think what’s interesting too, is my kid, my older kid is 15. So there’s a different mental, you know, cognitive ability there. I think there’s a gender difference also. You can quite. That’s a. That’s an interesting concept too. I think there’s a lot that goes into that. And all three of them sat and thought about it. You know, they really thought about it. And then I had also sent Aaron verbal questions to answer. And I asked the kids and they. They had to think about it. And it was hard for them a little bit, especially on the spot, but especially with us asking them. I think if a stranger asked him, it would have been different.
Erin [00:39:12]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:39:12]: If, you know, me asking them, I think it was hard because, you know, I’m asking.
Erin [00:39:16]: But yeah, Mark was sitting right there while we were asking, so we were both there. So Carter had both of us staring at him, wondering how he was gonna answer. Now, to be fair, none of his responses surprised me.
Rebecca [00:39:26]: Of course not. Yeah, of course not. None of them surprised me either. But, you know, yeah, even Phil, I showed him to Philip Prior and he goes, oh, I can tell you all day, do, do, do, do. And he goes, Taylor might say dad for one, but Sawyer’s gonna answer mom for all. Which was true.
Erin [00:39:41]: Right. I could have told you that, too. Yeah, for sure.
Rebecca [00:39:42]: So anyway, yeah, needless to say, that was just a quick little bonus, but hilarious.
Erin [00:39:46]: Yeah, I love it. So ask your kids and ask your partner these questions and let us know. The end result. Being partnership is hard.
Rebecca [00:39:56]: It sure is.
Erin [00:39:57]: And part of it is being on the journey and refinding yourself and refinding your partner and challenging yourself and challenging your partner and figuring out how do we ultimately build the life that we wanted to have together. And boy, it is messy. Sure it is. Absolutely. Not as pretty as I thought it was going to be. A day walking down the aisle.
Rebecca [00:40:16]: That’s right.
Erin [00:40:17]: There’s something to be said, said. So here’s your affirmation card. I embrace change as a gateway to new beginnings, growth and change. Think of a new habit that you’ve been wanting to incorporate into your routine. Today is the day to begin and start reaping its benefits so good Couldn’t have been better. Until next time, Keep feeling, keep questioning and keep spreading more love. Sa.
Scott [00:02:00]: You know, perfect marriages only exist for the first three or four days.
Erin [00:02:03]: Days? Oh, it’s. Yeah. Well, okay, maybe years. So we should get. You should get a bunch of listeners then, if.
Scott [00:02:12]: You know what though, actually, the perfect marriage goes through like changes and metamorphoses.
Rebecca [00:02:21]: Oh yeah.
Erin [00:02:21]: Oh yeah, for sure.
Scott [00:02:24]: There’s changes. It may start off perfect and then it gets really shitty and then you figure out why it’s shitty. And then if you really love each other, then you fix it and then it becomes perfect.
Rebecca [00:02:33]: Well, no, no. Then you add in kids and then it becomes shitty and then you. Yeah, then you add in pets, then it gets shitty.
Scott [00:02:40]: Or you do it like me and you add everything in at once and then figure it out later.
Rebecca [00:02:45]: Yeah, Ye.
Erin [00:02:46]: Yeah.
Scott [00:02:46]: Here, let’s have three kids inside of three years and then we’ll be like, right, yeah. Move back and forth to different states.
Erin [00:02:53]: Right?
Rebecca [00:02:53]: Yeah. Then you move, then you get new jobs, then you get lose jobs, then.
Erin [00:02:57]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Because what we’re talking about today is partnership as parents. And we’re going to hit you with a. A fun little twist.
Scott [00:03:10]: Good lord.
Erin [00:03:10]: Split you more love.
Rebecca [00:03:14]: That’s right.
Erin [00:03:14]: And so we will share with you here in a moment. Exactly. Going to do today. But as always, we need to start with some voo, which is the hippiest of voo, the hippiest of V. The hippy.
Scott [00:03:31]: Wow, you both like did that on cue and that was totally.
Rebecca [00:03:35]: Listen.
Erin [00:03:36]: Yeah. When.
Rebecca [00:03:37]: Whenever you bring that up.
Erin [00:03:38]: You can’t sing around us. Cuz we’re in it. We’re in it. And if we’re not in the car, we’re fully on full on dancing. Even if someone’s butt is out hippo style. That’s right.
Rebecca [00:03:49]: That’s. That’s right. Yeah. So ironically again, because we’re all witches in this room. Okay, I got the partnership card.
Erin [00:03:56]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:03:57]: I know. With the dolphin and the two wine cups. The two chalices. The wine cups.
Scott [00:04:01]: Wow.
Rebecca [00:04:01]: Isn’t that funny? Okay, the meaning of the two cups.
Erin [00:04:03]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:03]: The two cups.
Erin [00:04:04]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:04]: The twin flames. Clearly this isn’t about our husband.
Scott [00:04:08]: Wear two cups.
Rebecca [00:04:09]: Two cups.
Scott [00:04:10]: Yeah. When I put football.
Erin [00:04:11]: Excuse you.
Rebecca [00:04:11]: Oh, oh. It’s not. It’s not the one cup. Whatever. That porn is not that.
Erin [00:04:18]: It’s Two Girls one.
Rebecca [00:04:20]: It’s not that.
Scott [00:04:21]: Two Girls One cup.
Rebecca [00:04:22]: Yeah, it’s not that. Okay, so it’s meaning of partnership. This is clearly about us.
Erin [00:04:27]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:04:27]: Okay. Okay. So this card predicts love, equality and the meaning of hearts and minds, which benefits all of your relationships, from friendships to romance. It also reveals a commitment or promise, such as engagement or marriage, or an emotional investment in a shared project. This is a healing card. So if your relationship has tested you recently, it reveals that all will be well. You can expect someone close to you to show their love, know that they are trustworthy and dependable. So the advice is to appreciate love and trust in your relationships.
Erin [00:04:57]: That’s beautiful to frame today before we just light it on fire. Really beautiful.
Rebecca [00:05:05]: So here we go.
Erin [00:05:06]: All right, you guys, here’s what we’re doing today. So we have five questions, and these five questions we’re going to ask each other. And behind the scenes, we printed out these questions and gave them to our significant others. And we asked them to answer these questions as well, privately. We have not read anything that they have written.
Rebecca [00:05:25]: In fact, they came in sealed.
Erin [00:05:27]: We gave them an envelope to seal up their answers, and we handed them promptly over to Scott and Joe.
Rebecca [00:05:34]: In fact, I’m absolutely terrified.
Erin [00:05:36]: We have no idea what is on. What is on.
Rebecca [00:05:41]: I feel like I’m going to have to interpret.
Erin [00:05:43]: Oh, I’m sure.
Rebecca [00:05:44]: In fact, no, I think you’re gonna have to interpret for you. What my husband. For you.
Erin [00:05:48]: What he really meant, what he said. That. Yeah. Yeah. So we’re going to do partnership as parents through the lens of Aaron, Mark, Rebecca, Philip. Hopefully, Scott’s gonna chime in here a little bit, and then we have a fun little bonus for you at the end if you stick in long enough.
Rebecca [00:06:06]: So. So reality is, it’s. And, you know, it’s really our opinion or expectation on partnership as parents versus what our experiences are, because oftentimes I don’t know if it’s men versus women or whatnot, but I think when you and I have some of these conversations, oftentimes we come to each other and we’re like, what’s your version? Do you feel this way? Because here’s what I’m getting. And am I. Do I have too many high expectations? Like, am I off? You know, sometimes we’re constantly coming to each other and asking each other these things. So, you know, and you know what.
Erin [00:06:44]: Happens for me whenever someone’s gonna get married? I now don’t think, oh, my God, that’s so wonderful. I’m like, hang on tight, kids. Hang on frickin tight.
Rebecca [00:06:52]: Be prepared.
Erin [00:06:53]: You know, I think, you know, I’ve talked about this a lot as well, and I think this will come up in our answers, which is that you have this expectation in this hope. When you get married and you’re walking down the aisle and you’re so like early on in your story and as you get to know someone and grow with someone and experience life with someone, you really don’ understand that intertwining moment of who you are as people. That’s right. Until you go through life and life is messy sometimes. And so I think when we talk about this partnership as parents and when we talk about what we thought versus what it was, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. But I think that unless you’re able to really be brutally honest about the hope that I personally held as I walked down that aisle to the reality of what I live, and to me trying to turn some corners, to really realize the ways in which Mark and I are stronger than many, many, many couples for reasons I’ve never wanted to go through. Sure, right, Absolutely. But just the expectations versus where we are, I think is what this episode is about.
Rebecca [00:08:05]: But it’s not just romantic partners. I mean, you and I talk about this all the time. The things that you and I have gone through and the partner, the partnership we have created and the support system we have created and the sacrifices we have each personally done for each other is so integral in the intimacy in our own relationship.
Erin [00:08:25]: Absolutely is. And sometimes, let’s be honest, the partnership that we have impacts the partnership that we have with our significant 100% and our children. So easy.
Rebecca [00:08:35]: Sometimes our children get put aside because sometimes it’s more important to be there for your quote unquote partner.
Erin [00:08:40]: Right.
Rebecca [00:08:41]: Because in the moment you have to make a choice, which we talked about in the last episode. That’s right. Everything comes down to a choice. And sometimes other our partners need us more.
Erin [00:08:49]: Right. And because you set the bar so high and it can be so easy to connect and just, you know, make something beautiful together, that you then have this wonderful experience and then you go back to your partner and he leaves the freaking toilet paper roll off and you’re like, come on, why is this so difficult? Right? And so that sometimes impacts.
Rebecca [00:09:08]: That’s right.
Erin [00:09:08]: The relationships that we have with others.
Rebecca [00:09:10]: And what you may view as stupid is really, really important to the other person. And these are the things we’re going to talk about.
Erin [00:09:15]: Right? All right. Are you seat belted in?
Rebecca [00:09:18]: I don’t know you, Scott, you got.
Erin [00:09:19]: Two seat belts on.
Scott [00:09:20]: Clippity clip.
Rebecca [00:09:21]: Okay, here we go.
Erin [00:09:26]: All right. So when it comes to dividing parenting responsibilities, how would you quantify your share on a scale of 10? For example, would you say that it’s a 5 out of 5 split with your partner? Is it more like 8 out of 2? Please share your ratio and a brief explanation of how you arrived at that.
Rebecca [00:09:44]: Number when it comes to parenting.
Erin [00:09:47]: Parenting responsibilities.
Rebecca [00:09:50]: Okay.
Erin [00:09:51]: I. You know, I’m. Okay. I was. I’m thinking parenting responsibilities are also household. Household responsibilities are also life responsibilities.
Rebecca [00:10:00]: Life responsibilities.
Erin [00:10:01]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:10:01]: So we’re encompassing the whole thing together.
Erin [00:10:03]: You and I are. We have to keep in mind that that wasn’t the prompt we gave to the boys. So if they have a slightly different answer, we got to give them, like, half credit there. Okay.
Rebecca [00:10:10]: Okay. Okay.
Erin [00:10:12]: So out of 10, do you know your answer?
Rebecca [00:10:15]: Yeah.
Erin [00:10:16]: Okay, go ahead.
Rebecca [00:10:18]: 60. 40. Really?
Erin [00:10:20]: Parenting responsibilities. 60. 40. Okay, explain your ratio.
Rebecca [00:10:24]: I’m the 60.
Erin [00:10:26]: Thank you.
Scott [00:10:28]: That was one out of 10. That’s not like.
Erin [00:10:30]: Sorry. Wait, was I percentage out of 100? Sorry. Six.
Rebecca [00:10:33]: Four.
Erin [00:10:33]: Was I supposed. Was I supposed to be surprised when you said you were the 60? I’m sorry. Oh, you are really.
Rebecca [00:10:41]: Six, four. Scott made me change my answer to follow the direction.
Erin [00:10:45]: Okay. Thank you, Scott. Thank you, Scott.
Rebecca [00:10:46]: Okay. My rationale. Philip and I. I think I’ve shared this before. We’ve had many, many. We’re very communicative in terms of that kind of thing. We’re the type of people that we very clearly lay out our quote unquote rules. Like, I know that I cook every day. I know I’m in charge of groceries. He knows he’s in charge of taking out the garbage. In fact, you make fun of me all the time.
Erin [00:11:09]: I can’t with your guys. Garbage. I can’t.
Rebecca [00:11:13]: He does the laundry. Like, we are very clear on our roles, which is why the invisible motherhood. I just know there are certain things that I. There are certain things that he does. But we’re also very clear that when I can’t fulfill those roles because I’m traveling or because I’m sick or because I have a work commitment or because I’m out with you, he will 100% step up, no questions asked, all the time. Okay, So I feel. But at the same time, as far as the parent stuff, I’m more of a primary parent. He’s more of a primary household.
Erin [00:11:49]: Doer, manager.
Rebecca [00:11:51]: Does that make sense? Yeah.
Erin [00:11:52]: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:11:52]: So that’s why I say 40.
Erin [00:11:53]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:11:54]: But when it comes to the parenting, I’m more of the parent.
Erin [00:11:56]: 60. 40. Yes.
Rebecca [00:11:57]: Okay.
Erin [00:11:58]: Scott, what did Philip say?
Rebecca [00:12:00]: Oh, God.
Scott [00:12:02]: Now, I’ve never heard Philip talk, so I can’t do a Philip impression.
Erin [00:12:06]: Okay, that’s probably the best.
Scott [00:12:10]: It says, I don’t divide, I just do it.
Erin [00:12:14]: Okay.
Scott [00:12:14]: So basically saying, okay, how do you divide the responsibilities? And he says he doesn’t divide, he just does it.
Erin [00:12:20]: So he just sees what needs to be done and he just does it.
Rebecca [00:12:23]: That’s. That’s 100% what he would say.
Erin [00:12:25]: 100% his response.
Scott [00:12:26]: Well, it is, because.
Erin [00:12:27]: Did it follow the directions?
Rebecca [00:12:29]: No, not at all.
Erin [00:12:29]: No. But.
Rebecca [00:12:31]: But that is very true to who he is.
Erin [00:12:32]: Yes. He would say.
Rebecca [00:12:33]: He would.
Erin [00:12:34]: He would say whatever has to be done. And that’s what I’m gonna do.
Rebecca [00:12:37]: Absolutely right. He’s a hunt. That’s exactly who he is.
Erin [00:12:39]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:12:40]: Follows directions.
Erin [00:12:41]: F. Right.
Scott [00:12:43]: We’re the same.
Rebecca [00:12:44]: Here’s the deal. Wait, I need to clarify. Remember when we were producing this episode on our meeting, I said, he’s not gonna understand that question.
Erin [00:12:51]: Yeah, right, right.
Rebecca [00:12:53]: Anyway, go ahead. Okay.
Erin [00:12:55]: Follow us directions.
Rebecca [00:12:57]: Okay. Aaron, what did you say?
Erin [00:12:59]: Scott, you said what?
Scott [00:13:00]: I said, we’re the same.
Rebecca [00:13:02]: Oh, you’re the same.
Erin [00:13:03]: You wouldn’t divide it up either?
Scott [00:13:05]: No, no. Like, you guys, like, Kelly does a lot of the parenting stuff, the kids stuff.
Erin [00:13:13]: Oh, your kids are older now, so.
Scott [00:13:15]: It’S a little bit different. But you know. And I’ll do the household stuff more. The household stuff. But we still have our own particular. Like, I do the garbage.
Rebecca [00:13:24]: Oh, yeah.
Scott [00:13:25]: She does the laundry. I do the grocery shopping and most of the cooking.
Rebecca [00:13:30]: She does the bills or whatever. She does it. Yeah. You have your set rules.
Scott [00:13:34]: She does the bills. She knows what all the kids doctor’s appointments are and what every kid. Medication, all that stuff. I don’t know shit.
Rebecca [00:13:42]: Yeah, right, right.
Scott [00:13:43]: I mean, I have an idea, but.
Rebecca [00:13:44]: Yeah, but she’s primarily. Yeah, that’s her role.
Scott [00:13:46]: She’s the one that does it.
Erin [00:13:48]: Okay. We’re a solid 8020.
Rebecca [00:13:52]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:52]: Over here.
Rebecca [00:13:53]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:53]: I’m the 80s.
Rebecca [00:13:57]: Okay.
Erin [00:13:57]: Now I want to qualify that.
Rebecca [00:13:59]: Okay.
Erin [00:14:00]: Because the 8020 is also partially my fault.
Rebecca [00:14:03]: Because you’re control freak.
Erin [00:14:04]: Because I’m a control freak.
Rebecca [00:14:05]: Yes, I’m aware.
Erin [00:14:06]: Because I’ve crafted our relationship that way.
Rebecca [00:14:09]: Okay.
Erin [00:14:09]: So I don’t believe we started out as 80. 20. I think probably started out more as 60. 40. I was 60. Mark was 40. But specifically when we had Carter is when I noticed my little neuroses associated with how things were done. It, like, went my. The invisible load of motherhood went into overdrive. And because I’m a relatively anxious person, I think I overdid and overcompensated. And I’m reading this really great book right now called Loving Someone with adhd. And one of the things I’m recognizing is that when you have less time and when you’re trying to manage more things and you have a partner in your life who has adhd, the partner who does not have ADHD has a tendency to massively overcompensate for the person who does, which inadvertently sends a signal that you can’t do it. You’re not good at it. Why bother?
Rebecca [00:15:05]: Yep.
Erin [00:15:06]: And so I. I didn’t realize this until, you know, very recently. I would say within the last year, that Mark’s confidence level in terms of doing things on his own is very likely a response of me verbally slapping his hand and saying, don’t bother. I’ll just do it. Then I go to the opposite extreme and get really annoyed that I have to do it all, and then the poor man can’t win. Right. So I. And we’ve had many conversations about this recently. Yeah, it’s fair. It’s fair. I don’t think a lot of people. Women, are able to really acknowledge the role that they’ve played in the aspect, and I wasn’t able to for a very long time.
Rebecca [00:15:50]: Yeah.
Erin [00:15:50]: So we’re more 80, 20. And I’m trying to get us back to more of a 60. 40. Sorry. 6. 4.
Scott [00:15:57]: All right. You know, the math is really screwing me up here. I can’t do the conversions.
Erin [00:16:01]: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Right, right. The extra zero at the end.
Scott [00:16:04]: Use whichever scale you’re more comfortable with.
Erin [00:16:07]: Okay, thank you. Okay. Thank you. I’m just a creature of habit, and I followed what Rebecca did, but I’m trying to get us back there. But what that really requires of me is to let go of some of the ways in which I expect things to be done and just allow them to be done in a certain way.
Rebecca [00:16:20]: Totally. I get that.
Erin [00:16:21]: All right. What did Mark say?
Scott [00:16:23]: All right. How much time do we have? Just kidding.
Erin [00:16:26]: All right, so he gave a thoughtful response.
Scott [00:16:29]: Mark wrote nine to one. Oh, Aaron, of course.
Rebecca [00:16:33]: Wow.
Scott [00:16:35]: I am reminded each day that it is one, because when she points that one finger out, I do what I’m told. Smiley face. We both know our strengths and weaknesses. And if anyone knows Erin, she is flooded with Strength. Flooded with strengths. You’re flooded with strengths.
Erin [00:16:53]: Flooded with strength.
Scott [00:16:55]: She has taught me a lot about parenting. And hope. And hope we can get closer to 50. 50 to make her life easier.
Rebecca [00:17:06]: Okay.
Erin [00:17:07]: I would say that’s pretty similar to.
Rebecca [00:17:09]: What I said I’d say.
Erin [00:17:10]: Right.
Rebecca [00:17:11]: Okay.
Erin [00:17:11]: I actually give them high five for that.
Scott [00:17:15]: And it was a. It was a nine to one. Aaron to Mark. But that’s also the ratio of words between Mark and Philip. Nine to one.
Erin [00:17:23]: Well, that is very underrated for the course, too.
Rebecca [00:17:27]: When in Rome.
Erin [00:17:28]: When in Rome. When in Rome.
Rebecca [00:17:29]: That’s for you.
Erin [00:17:29]: When in Rome. That’s for you.
Rebecca [00:17:30]: Marc.
Erin [00:17:32]: All right, question number two. If your partner died, how would your parenting change?
Rebecca [00:17:38]: It would not.
Erin [00:17:39]: Okay. Exactly the same. Everything you’re doing now, you would height, maybe hire out some help for the, like, no odds and ends around the house. You do it yourself.
Rebecca [00:17:51]: You mean like, mowing?
Erin [00:17:53]: Yeah. Oh, you’re not gonna mow the damn lawn?
Rebecca [00:17:56]: No.
Erin [00:17:57]: The freaking washing machine goes. You’re in there with your freaking hard hat on.
Rebecca [00:18:00]: Like, what? He doesn’t clean that or fix that?
Erin [00:18:03]: He doesn’t.
Rebecca [00:18:03]: No. I guess just the mowing.
Erin [00:18:06]: So the land. Basically. Get a pool boy is what you’re saying. You replace your husband with a pool boy.
Rebecca [00:18:12]: I mean, okay, then. Yeah. I mean, but as soon. But as far as, like, discipline, you’re.
Erin [00:18:16]: Still not doing the damn garbage. If he dies, she sucks.
Rebecca [00:18:21]: Taylor can do that.
Erin [00:18:21]: Oh, my God. Taylor Overflowing Mount Rushmore.
Rebecca [00:18:25]: I’ll teach my kids how to mow. I know. I’ve actually never mowed the lawn in my life. I wouldn’t know how to do that, but.
Erin [00:18:29]: Right? I mean, I can’t imagine you trying to start that damn mower.
Rebecca [00:18:34]: It’s a ride on. I like roll. I can’t even drive a car.
Erin [00:18:38]: You’re telling me the only thing you’re going to change if your husband dies is you’re going to get a guy to mow the lawn?
Rebecca [00:18:42]: Well, I mean, what did Philip say? What did Philip say?
Scott [00:18:47]: Oh, this is. This is great.
Rebecca [00:18:49]: Oh, God. Oh, God.
Scott [00:18:51]: If your. If your partner died, how would your parenting change? I would have to do everything. I mean, he’s right.
Erin [00:18:58]: He’s right. So do you think he would, though?
Rebecca [00:19:01]: Yeah, he would.
Erin [00:19:02]: He would make the meals. Yeah, he would. He would hurry up and try and find some.
Scott [00:19:07]: Rebecca’s already established that if he does. When. When he’s needed to do something, he steps up.
Rebecca [00:19:13]: He absolutely does. He makes all the meals when I’m gone. He doesn’t order Out.
Erin [00:19:16]: So he’d just do it all. He’d be so pissed, though. He’d be so pissed.
Rebecca [00:19:20]: No, he’s not. How dare you die on me. He’s not. He makes everything. He does not. He does not order out. He does. No, he. He follows exactly what we do. He does nothing different.
Erin [00:19:30]: It. Okay, he just. Okay. He just have to do it well. Maybe just die a little. Maybe like just half die and see if. Maybe stop them.
Scott [00:19:38]: We’ll fake your death.
Erin [00:19:40]: I mean, you guys are already 60, 40. That’s pretty darn good to begin with.
Rebecca [00:19:44]: Yeah.
Erin [00:19:44]: Okay. If my partner died, how would my parents.
Rebecca [00:19:47]: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean, reality is, he’d probably call you for the emotional children’s support.
Erin [00:19:51]: Yeah, absolutely.
Rebecca [00:19:52]: He should have written that.
Erin [00:19:53]: Yeah, Right.
Rebecca [00:19:54]: If I died.
Erin [00:19:54]: That’s fair. Yeah.
Rebecca [00:19:55]: Yes.
Erin [00:19:56]: Right. So he’s gonna be like, taylor’s in a relationship. I.
Rebecca [00:19:59]: Right.
Erin [00:19:59]: Talk to him.
Rebecca [00:20:00]: He didn’t. He didn’t think about the emotional component. He was just thinking about the keep the kids alive part.
Erin [00:20:05]: Right? Yeah.
Rebecca [00:20:06]: Yeah, but fair. Okay.
Erin [00:20:07]: That’s fair.
Rebecca [00:20:07]: Yes.
Erin [00:20:08]: All right. So if Mark died, how would my parenting change? Not. Not by much, I don’t think. I don’t really think much would change at all. I’d still be hiring out things to be done like I currently do. I probably enlist my parents more to help do some drive around stuff because I tend to have late meetings or I teach late. But other than that, I think my parenting would stay pretty consistent, which makes sense. Right? Because if we’re currently 8 to 2 or 9 to 1, I’m really doing most of the parenting anyway. What did Mark say?
Rebecca [00:20:46]: Okay.
Scott [00:20:47]: Mark said reality would settle in real quick. The amount of things that she takes care of. I would try to take everything myself and we. And we have learned. I would try to take everything myself for we have learned and incorporate that.
Erin [00:21:07]: You try to take everything that he’s learned through our relationship and try to.
Scott [00:21:11]: Take everything that you. Yeah.
Erin [00:21:13]: Okay. Fair.
Rebecca [00:21:15]: Very fair.
Erin [00:21:16]: Do you got any additions to that, Scott, for me? Yeah.
Scott [00:21:20]: I can’t even imagine. I honestly can’t imagine that. That life.
Rebecca [00:21:26]: I know.
Erin [00:21:26]: I think this is why men, after their partners die real quick, go and bring her back up again.
Rebecca [00:21:32]: Absolutely.
Scott [00:21:32]: And it’s not like. So, you know, I’m in a situation. My kids. My youngest is 18, so I have 18. Almost 21 and almost 22.
Rebecca [00:21:39]: So, you know, not the parenting point there.
Scott [00:21:41]: Yeah, it’s. It’s. It’s the adult parenting, which. Which is kind of a lot harder In a lot of ways.
Rebecca [00:21:47]: Yeah. It’s the emotional component. It’s the. I can’t imagine being without my person.
Scott [00:21:52]: Yeah, yeah, we’ve talked about that before. Kind of jokingly. She’s like, no, I’m dying before you. Because I can’t. There’s no way I can deal with that.
Rebecca [00:22:00]: I get it.
Scott [00:22:00]: I’m like, no, I can’t deal with that.
Rebecca [00:22:01]: I know, I know.
Scott [00:22:02]: Don’t talk about it. We’re gonna have to find a, you know, Thelma and Louise this shit.
Erin [00:22:06]: Because that’s hilarious. That’s hilarious.
Rebecca [00:22:10]: I know, I know. That’s what Aaron and I talk about each other.
Erin [00:22:13]: I’m 100% confident Rebecca is going after me.
Rebecca [00:22:16]: No, stop it.
Erin [00:22:17]: It. Yeah, Moving on. For sure. That is a hundred. I am not.
Rebecca [00:22:21]: Stop it.
Erin [00:22:21]: I am going first.
Rebecca [00:22:23]: Next. What do you appreciate most about your partner? How about you go first on this one?
Erin [00:22:29]: No, that wasn’t it. Did you. You skipped one. Oh, was that intentional?
Rebecca [00:22:33]: No, I don’t know.
Erin [00:22:33]: I just was.
Rebecca [00:22:34]: Moving on, Moving on, moving on.
Erin [00:22:36]: What’s something you do as a parent that your partner doesn’t notice?
Rebecca [00:22:41]: What’s something that I do?
Erin [00:22:43]: What is something that you do as a parent your partner doesn’t notice.
Rebecca [00:22:48]: Do you have time? Yeah. What time? Where do I start?
Scott [00:22:52]: We don’t.
Rebecca [00:22:55]: I think for me specifically is the amount of time, effort and energy I put into anything that has to do with creating a memory for my children. When it comes to glitter.
Erin [00:23:12]: Yes, it’s the glitter.
Rebecca [00:23:13]: For example, when we’ve taken multiple Disney trips and 30 days out, I create a calendar and each day has an activity. First of all, the calendar is representative of the movie up. And I blow a balloon with a piece of paper inside the balloon and they have to pop the balloon and it has an activity in it 30 days out. And we do an activity to prep for Disney World.
Scott [00:23:39]: She says, I want you to be my mom.
Rebecca [00:23:40]: And then when we get to Disney World, I bring one suitcase that just has Tinkerbell gifts that arrive every single night that are themed to what we’re doing the following day.
Scott [00:23:50]: Stop it.
Rebecca [00:23:50]: Every single time. And when we went on our huge family vacation two years ago with my sister in law and my. I did it for the entire family. That’s what I do every vacation. It doesn’t matter where we’re going. Every.
Scott [00:24:05]: You can hire Rebecca to do this for your family.
Rebecca [00:24:08]: I actually just. I just became. Listen, I just became a travel agent. So anybody who has travel needs, you can contact me.
Erin [00:24:15]: That’s right.
Rebecca [00:24:16]: And I have all of these.
Erin [00:24:17]: You want this magic in your hands?
Rebecca [00:24:18]: I have all these plans. That’s right. Every single. I’m actually a party planner. So every single birthday, Sawyer says to me. And it’s so sweet. Sawyer says to me, mom, I don’t care how old I am, I want you to do these. I don’t care who makes fun of me. Every year on their birthdays, I wrap their lunch up, their sandwich, their cookies, I wrap them in wrapping paper. And on their birthday, they open them at school. These are the things that I do. That’s just a simple thing. I mean, I know you guys make fun of me, but this is. This is my natural thing that I do.
Erin [00:24:49]: This is.
Rebecca [00:24:50]: This is not extra effort. This is just who I am as a person. And you know, that goes unnoticed. I believe it does. Nobody except for you.
Erin [00:24:59]: Yeah. Remember the one time I caught you at Walmart when you told me you were done with a project?
Rebecca [00:25:04]: You did.
Erin [00:25:04]: And I’m like, what’s in your hands?
Rebecca [00:25:06]: I. I told her I was so much. It was nine o’ clock at night and she came around the corner and I was in the craft section and she busted my ass so bad.
Erin [00:25:14]: Y. And she was like, oh, nothing, nothing.
Rebecca [00:25:16]: See here.
Erin [00:25:16]: And that’s why I always say you always get the glitter. Because it doesn’t have the glitter on glitter until the end.
Rebecca [00:25:21]: And, you know, Aaron is the only one who truly appreciates the above and beyond that, I go. And, you know, nobody except for my mom. Right.
Erin [00:25:29]: You know, because that’s where you learned it.
Rebecca [00:25:31]: That’s right. That’s right. Appreciates that. And. And again, I. I don’t need that.
Erin [00:25:35]: But that’s one thing that goes unnoticed.
Rebecca [00:25:37]: I. I think so.
Erin [00:25:38]: Okay.
Scott [00:25:39]: I love the dichotomy of this between you and Philip.
Erin [00:25:43]: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Rebecca [00:25:43]: I wanna guess.
Erin [00:25:44]: I wanna guess. I wanna guess. It’s something about the lawn.
Rebecca [00:25:47]: Stop it.
Erin [00:25:47]: Is it something about the lawn?
Scott [00:25:48]: Two words. Yard work.
Rebecca [00:25:51]: Yes.
Scott [00:25:51]: That’s it. That’s his answer. Two word answer.
Erin [00:25:53]: Fucking love.
Scott [00:25:54]: What’s something you do as a parent that your partner doesn’t notice? Yard work. Now she noticed.
Erin [00:25:59]: I wanna be really clear. You absolutely notice. Now, I don’t know whether or not you say it enough, because I know you’re annoyed as shit.
Rebecca [00:26:08]: I know that there it is.
Erin [00:26:10]: That he’s not recognizing something for you. So it’s really hard for you to then go overboard to recognize for him. But you do notice.
Rebecca [00:26:17]: I absolutely notice.
Erin [00:26:18]: I’m the one who hears what you notice. I know you’re like, he was out there all day. He’s still out there right now. And I have to get him to stop so he can come in for dinner. My rose bushes look so beautiful.
Rebecca [00:26:28]: And then I sent you pictures.
Erin [00:26:29]: He did. Look how nice this looks. It’s so nice. Right? So it is not that you do not know.
Rebecca [00:26:34]: Maybe I don’t tell him enough, but.
Erin [00:26:35]: I don’t believe you. Absolutely not. Right. Right.
Rebecca [00:26:37]: Whatever, Philip.
Erin [00:26:38]: Okay, one thing, one thing, one thing that I do that I don’t think Mark notices. I would say. I know we talk a lot about how I’m a highly sensitive person. And really, honestly, genuinely, what that means is that my 100% is everyone else is 200%. So if I’m operating at 50% capacity, that’s. That’s most people’s hundred percent. Right. And so what I don’t think people in general notice is how hard it is for me as a highly sensitive person on a daily basis to get through the day with all of the things that have to get done, which.
Rebecca [00:27:26]: We already talked about, is millions of.
Erin [00:27:28]: Things, is a gazillion million things that have to happen. And recognizing the toll that that takes on me, I don’t think. I think another part. We’ve already discussed this, and you know this super well, Scott, is I’m gonna look like everything’s completely fine and inside I’m going to be an absolute mess. And you will not see it and you will not experience it. So to be fair, you would have to be you to recognize the under effects of the tiny little things that I might show that I’m coming undone.
Rebecca [00:28:02]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:02]: But I don’t think that people in general notice or appreciate how much I’m managing as a highly sensitive person. That is killing me inside.
Rebecca [00:28:14]: Totally.
Erin [00:28:15]: But you just won’t see it.
Rebecca [00:28:16]: Super dead nuts on.
Erin [00:28:18]: What did Mark say?
Scott [00:28:20]: Yeah.
Erin [00:28:22]: Me. Something that he does that I don’t notice.
Scott [00:28:26]: Mark says I’m more sentimental than her. So when she throws. When she throws art holiday cards or art projects from Carter, I stash them away because I. Oh. When she throws out holiday cards or art projects from Carter, I stash them away because I know she will appreciate it down the road. There has also been a few times when Carter and Aaron got into an argument or were upset with each other. When he was younger, Carter would write a mean note to his mom and tape it on his bedroom door for his mother to see. And I would take them down so she didn’t get her feelings hurt.
Rebecca [00:29:05]: Aw. I never knew that that’s funny.
Erin [00:29:09]: What a little shit. I 100% agree with that. Mark is much more sentimental than me. No one would ever guess that in a million years. If you look at the outside of that envelope, Scott, where he wrote Aaron and Mark, the eye of the Aaron is in a heart.
Scott [00:29:28]: Yeah.
Erin [00:29:29]: And he will write me notes and put them in my bag before I go to travel somewhere and just unexpectedly find them. He absolutely is the one who keeps all of Carter’s art projects and whatever. I’ll have him home for 15 minutes and be like, that’s really great. And I’ll put it in the recycling bin.
Scott [00:29:48]: He.
Erin [00:29:49]: He will hear if I say something like, I really enjoy a song. I will notice he reaches over to his phone to add it to a playlist. So he’ll have, like, a playlist just of the songs that I absolutely love to listen to. So he does a ton of those. Really thoughtful, caring. And I don’t. I think it makes me uncomfortable. I think I love it deep down and want it constantly, because if it wasn’t there, I’d be pissed. I’m realizing I’m pretty difficult to be in a relationship with at this moment. If it wasn’t there, I would be really pissed. But it is there, and I don’t want to acknowledge it because it’s. It’s. It’s sappy, it’s sweet, it’s sentimental. He’s much more sentimental than I am. I completely agree with that. Do you think one person in this.
Rebecca [00:30:34]: Studio would have thought that was the case about Mark?
Erin [00:30:36]: Yeah. Oh, no, not at all. So 100 agree with him. What do you appreciate the most about your partner?
Rebecca [00:30:48]: There’s a lot of things I appreciate about him the most. I think it’s just the commitment he has to our family and the. Just the desire to want to constantly engage. You know, we’re the type of family that’s. When we’re. When we’re together, we’re together, you know? Yeah. And it feels to me that’s what I always wanted for my life. I wanted a partner that always wanted to be together and a unit, and that’s what I got. And that feels safe and good, and that’s what I love the most.
Erin [00:31:41]: I love that.
Rebecca [00:31:42]: Yeah.
Erin [00:31:43]: What’d Philip say? Listen to me.
Scott [00:31:47]: Sports activities with daily life.
Erin [00:31:48]: Okay. Oh, I thought he was gonna say, she makes real good hot chicken salad.
Rebecca [00:31:53]: I mean, so.
Erin [00:31:54]: So he appreciates the most that we divide and divide. The.
Rebecca [00:31:58]: We conquer and divide. Okay. Okay.
Erin [00:32:02]: What did Mark say? Oh, I know. A little swoopsy swapsies.
Scott [00:32:08]: You’re going all kinds of crazy. Going rogue today.
Rebecca [00:32:11]: Oh, you’re doing Mark first.
Erin [00:32:12]: Yeah. Yeah. What did Mark say?
Scott [00:32:16]: Every single thing.
Rebecca [00:32:18]: Shocker.
Scott [00:32:19]: She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And Carter and. And Carter and I are truly lucky to have.
Rebecca [00:32:27]: That doesn’t surprise me.
Erin [00:32:28]: At least I don’t. It does. Not at all. Because I was gonna say, what do I appreciate the most about him is that man has loved me in a depth that I don’t think is possible from a very young age. So for anyone who doesn’t know, Mark and I went to high school together. And Mark will tell you, I’ve been in love with her my entire life since I’ve known her.
Rebecca [00:32:52]: And.
Erin [00:32:53]: And I would say what I appreciate the most about him is no matter what we have been through in life, I have never once questioned Mark’s devotion or love or care for me as a person.
Rebecca [00:33:06]: Yeah. Oh, yeah. That’s.
Erin [00:33:08]: I very much.
Rebecca [00:33:09]: All the time. Yeah, for sure.
Erin [00:33:10]: He says that all the time.
Rebecca [00:33:11]: Yep. Yep.
Erin [00:33:13]: All right. How do you resolve differences in parenting styles when conflicts arise?
Rebecca [00:33:18]: For me and Phillips.
Erin [00:33:21]: I’ll tell you first, I just win. That is true. How do we handle the conflicts? Erin just gets what she wants.
Rebecca [00:33:26]: That’s right.
Erin [00:33:27]: At the end of the day, that’s not worth it. I would say there’s been one time, one in our entire 11 years of being together where I have heard out and conceded in the smallest way. And it’s related to the flu vaccine. Oh, right. Like, Mark had some feelings about the COVID vaccine and giving it to children. He doesn’t love the flu vaccine, and it was not necessarily the hill that I was going to die on. I also was reading a lot of research and talking to a lot of people specifically related to the COVID vaccine. And when push came to shove, trying to make a decision about what we were going to do with that, that was a time where I was like, I might allow this one to be one of the things that he can be, really. But he was real strongly adamant about it. Like, he had to go to a pretty far depths to convince me that this is what was going to. On gonna go on. And I’m also very aware that that’s not my best partner trait that I can think of one thing out of 11 years. But the way that we handle conflicts is that we just go with what Aaron thought would be a good idea from the very beginning.
Rebecca [00:34:39]: No, we are very much. We talk everything out, and it’s very much. You never know where it’s gonna go. It could be his way. It could be my way. Yeah, it very much depends.
Erin [00:34:50]: Did Philip agree with that?
Scott [00:34:54]: Yeah, Philip says we talk about it.
Erin [00:34:56]: Okay. Did Mark agree with me?
Scott [00:34:58]: Mark says conflicts rarely arise, but when they do, I will give her my opinion. And we usually go with her idea because she is usually correct.
Erin [00:35:09]: That’s funny.
Rebecca [00:35:10]: Shocker. Shocker.
Erin [00:35:11]: I love it. It. Well, here’s your special bonus. If you stuck with us this long. First, I would love to hear how would your partners have asked or responded to these questions? So give your partners these questions and then let us know what their answers are and how they might be different. But here’s your fun little bonus. So we asked our kids. We gave our kids what we’re calling paddles. Mine were not paddles. They were just papers that just said mom. One said dad on it.
Rebecca [00:35:35]: Mine, too.
Erin [00:35:36]: So we gave them each the one word. Mom. One word dad. And then we asked them a series of questions. And we asked them to answer the questions about mom and dad and partnership. And parents. So, as your fun little bonus, here is Taylor, Sawyer, and Carter individually giving us answers to our questions about parenting. Okay.
Rebecca [00:35:59]: First question. When you need help or are upset, who do you go to first? Next question. Who do you think is better at taking care of things like meals, laundry, or packing for trips?
Erin [00:36:15]: Look at Taylor’s face.
Rebecca [00:36:16]: Question. Oh, I should be saying likely to say yes. She said mom. They both said mom. Who’s the soft? Taylor says dad. Sawyer says mom. 4. If your parents are arguing or don’t agree about something, who usually wins or gets their way? Taylor says mom. Sawyer says mom. Who is more fun to hang out with when you’re doing something special or just chilling? Oh.
Erin [00:36:45]: Taylor said both.
Rebecca [00:36:46]: Sawyer says with a smirk, you gotta pick one. She can’t pick. Okay. Mom. Who is more likely to forget about important things?
Erin [00:37:02]: They very quickly raised it.
Rebecca [00:37:03]: Pause. Oh, you can turn it off.
Scott [00:37:05]: Okay.
Erin [00:37:06]: All right.
Scott [00:37:06]: So here’s Carter’s video.
Erin [00:37:09]: When you need help or are upset, who do you usually go to first? Mom. Who do you think is better at taking care of things like meals, laundry, and packing for tricks? Mom. Who’s more likely to say yes when you ask for something? Mom. If your parents are don’t agree about something, who usually wins and gets their way?
Rebecca [00:37:44]: They all think about it.
Erin [00:37:47]: Mom. Who’s more fun to hang out with when you’re doing something special or just chilling? Dad. And who’s more likely to forget something important? Dad. Okay, great. That’s great. Now, Mark would like Me to qualify that. He said those questions were loaded. And if you were to ask Carter probably maybe true, I don’t know. For Taylor story as well, if you were to ask a question about if you were in a life threatening situation and you needed someone to come and save you, who would you pick?
Rebecca [00:38:25]: Mom.
Erin [00:38:25]: Carter said, dad.
Rebecca [00:38:27]: Oh, yeah. No, my kids would pick me.
Erin [00:38:29]: Really?
Rebecca [00:38:30]: Absolutely.
Erin [00:38:30]: Okay.
Rebecca [00:38:31]: Absolutely. I think what’s interesting too, is my kid, my older kid is 15. So there’s a different mental, you know, cognitive ability there. I think there’s a gender difference also. You can quite. That’s a. That’s an interesting concept too. I think there’s a lot that goes into that. And all three of them sat and thought about it. You know, they really thought about it. And then I had also sent Aaron verbal questions to answer. And I asked the kids and they. They had to think about it. And it was hard for them a little bit, especially on the spot, but especially with us asking them. I think if a stranger asked him, it would have been different.
Erin [00:39:12]: Yeah.
Rebecca [00:39:12]: If, you know, me asking them, I think it was hard because, you know, I’m asking.
Erin [00:39:16]: But yeah, Mark was sitting right there while we were asking, so we were both there. So Carter had both of us staring at him, wondering how he was gonna answer. Now, to be fair, none of his responses surprised me.
Rebecca [00:39:26]: Of course not. Yeah, of course not. None of them surprised me either. But, you know, yeah, even Phil, I showed him to Philip Prior and he goes, oh, I can tell you all day, do, do, do, do. And he goes, Taylor might say dad for one, but Sawyer’s gonna answer mom for all. Which was true.
Erin [00:39:41]: Right. I could have told you that, too. Yeah, for sure.
Rebecca [00:39:42]: So anyway, yeah, needless to say, that was just a quick little bonus, but hilarious.
Erin [00:39:46]: Yeah, I love it. So ask your kids and ask your partner these questions and let us know. The end result. Being partnership is hard.
Rebecca [00:39:56]: It sure is.
Erin [00:39:57]: And part of it is being on the journey and refinding yourself and refinding your partner and challenging yourself and challenging your partner and figuring out how do we ultimately build the life that we wanted to have together. And boy, it is messy. Sure it is. Absolutely. Not as pretty as I thought it was going to be. A day walking down the aisle.
Rebecca [00:40:16]: That’s right.
Erin [00:40:17]: There’s something to be said, said. So here’s your affirmation card. I embrace change as a gateway to new beginnings, growth and change. Think of a new habit that you’ve been wanting to incorporate into your routine. Today is the day to begin and start reaping its benefits so good Couldn’t have been better. Until next time, Keep feeling, keep questioning and keep spreading more love. Sa.
