Episode 106 – Weaponized Incompetence – Is It An Empathy Issue?

0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:29 – Speaker 2
Hey Bestie.
0:00:30 – Speaker 1
Hi love, what are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay Okay.
0:00:56 – Speaker 1
It’s that it’s cold in here.
0:01:04 – Speaker 2
It’s the fan. Did you just remote control it from while we’re in there? Oh well, that’s not the level. Oh no, you can’t remote control.
0:01:13 – Speaker 1
Oh wait, I just need to be really clear. You’re telling me that this remote right here, right next to me, is what was controlling the fan. In theory. I don’t know if it works. Oh, okay, and instead of pushing the button, we had to have you come in and turn the fan off for us.
0:01:37 – Speaker 4
Yes, cause the studio is so large it took me seven minutes to walk over there.
0:01:46 – Speaker 2
We did all the point checks, except the fan I know, and then all of a sudden, I was like, oh, cool, Door shut. I’m like that is a little chilly, well, and we’re recording in the morning, so I have my iced coffee, which means extra cold, but you know what?
0:02:00 – Speaker 1
In three minutes when you get a hot flash you’re going to say Scott, I know, turn the fan on.
0:02:05 – Speaker 2
I know, push the button, push the button. Yesterday, when we were eating lunch and I got a hot flash, so bad my spray tan was melting, literally calming off, and I had to wipe it and the restaurant I’m like. Your spray tan is going. It’s all over. It was on the chair, it was, it was all over.
0:02:25 – Speaker 1
It was on the chair it was down your ankles.
0:02:27 – Speaker 2
It was like like an ice cream cone dripping down your arm, but I tried to convince you that it was hangover. Yes, yeah, I’m like no, this is just a hangover. You’re like, I don’t think it is.
0:02:40 – Speaker 1
I’m not sure, but could we please go through? What did you eat yesterday? How much water did you consume? At what time did you start drinking? Like the health promotion professional in me is like let’s go through all the things. And then we deducted it.
0:02:57 – Speaker 2
Do you know that I went home and I read all about peri-menopause Positive, All about it, that you read about it, and I was like this this can’t be. I didn’t realize that when you are in menopause, that means you just don’t get your period.
0:03:09 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’m okay, say more about that. I do. I’m curious what did you think happened in menopause?
0:03:16 – Speaker 2
That’s when it begins. What begins? The hot flashes, the dwindling of the period.
0:03:22 – Speaker 1
You think that one day you wake up and it’s like happy menopause day and boom. That’s when all of the hot flashes and things.
0:03:31 – Speaker 2
Yes, no, I did not know. There was a pre thing, which is where the things happen.
0:03:36 – Speaker 1
There’s a lot about this right now. It could be lasting for years and years and years. I know I know. Thanks for bringing us in.
0:03:44 – Speaker 2
Thanks, for it’s because you’re older than I am and you’re going to have to go through this first. It’s not okay. But I will say I thought I was just getting fatter, I’m like, and we have the meat sweats. That’s what I thought it was, as we’re about to eat pizza.
0:04:07 – Speaker 1
You did get the cobs salad too, so that’s probably better. But no, I know that my heat index is a little off because the fan in our bedroom at night is on like full blast Shet speed. It sometimes is so loud it wakes me up in the middle of the night and then I’m like, oh, it’s okay, though, I need that, I need that on. So you know, we’re just, we’re entering that time in life, you are, I think we need to move. You are. I am a year behind you.
0:04:43 – Speaker 2
A year at least 10 days. 10 days, but it’s fine. It’s fine, it’s okay. I mean there is technically a year gap. I guess we were born in different years. Yes, correct, I know 10 days of art.
0:04:56 – Speaker 1
But different years, it’s fine but they were different years.
0:04:58 – Speaker 2
Actually, I think it’s more than 10 days, I think it’s 14.
0:05:00 – Speaker 1
Hey, yeah, right, I’m not sure, I don’t know. We make it up every single time. It’s two weeks, sometimes it’s four, sometimes it’s eight. I know Just how long we know each other. What’s this thing I have in front of me right here and this looks a little something new. You got us something I did.
0:05:15 – Speaker 2
I have upgraded. I’ve upgraded from our mermaid tarot cards, okay, and I have gone all in to the empathy and dreaming tarot cards Wow. Do you?
know there’s a lot of things. If you Google empathy, there’s a lot of paraphernalia. Really, yes, I was trying very hard to find some sort of coffee cup that had something about empathy on it for you. That’s the original intention of going down the rabbit hole and because I wanted to have something that was like really sweet and awesome for you and then for me was like yep inappropriate. And I couldn’t find anything, and then I got down this rabbit hole and had to buy all the things.
0:05:57 – Speaker 5
Yeah. So when you see that, charge on your credit card.
0:05:59 – Speaker 2
Just take it away.
0:06:02 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that’s my favorite part, you’re like so I was trying to find you a really sweet empathy mug and I don’t know how this happened, but all of this tarot stuff just ended up in my own cart, so and then I had to get it yeah. Right. So when you see that bill, just pay it.
0:06:19 – Speaker 2
Yeah, okay, like usual. Yeah, like every other time. Ignore it, it’s not a fraud. Yeah, yeah.
0:06:26 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that’s my favorite is when I’m not sure if it’s a fraudulent card, I call you first. Hey, did you buy this on my card? Yes, I did. Yeah, I did Okay. Great, I was about to call the bank, okay.
0:06:39 – Speaker 2
All right, so we’re going to do yours first what is? What is this card deck here?
0:06:44 – Speaker 1
So we eat mermaids.
0:06:45 – Speaker 2
It’s what we each have. One. That mine is an actual tarot card, so this is called the Starseeker, okay, and this it’s pretty, that’s why I got it.
0:06:55 – Speaker 1
Yeah, oh it’s, yeah, is it pink, all pink and purple, champagne color.
0:07:00 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and it has really cool women angel pictures except these ones that you picked today were are a little little on the goth side. So I’m a little concerned about what we’re going to be talking about, but channeling my energy. You and you had to go to your like. These are calling me, so we’re going to be drawing these and talking about these and setting our intentions for our our podcast today. But then you have the dreamer deck with an affirmation. So you get to pull that and that’s going to be our guiding star.
0:07:32 – Speaker 1
So you can pick any card you want, the dreamer’s deck 40 beautifully designed affirmation cards for those who have a dream or purpose calling to them. Each card offers a compassionate and empowering reminder of who you are and what you know.
0:07:54 – Speaker 2
We need to. We need to reinforce that. By the way, we haven’t told the story of how we made vision boards. Last year we got together and we made vision boards after we staged each other and then we cut out all the things and made these vision boards and they sat. You’re set in front of you the whole year, mine set in front of me I don’t remember really looking at it ever back and forth, whatever and then randomly on your birthday, I said guess what, buttercup, we’re going to get tattoos. And you’re like what? And I said we’re doing it. And you’re like well, I want a word. And you went back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth and I think we went through about 15 words before you finally landed on one which came out of no left field, completely nowhere.
And you were like that’s it, and what is it now? Show everybody your, your tattoo. It says now. So I was like oh my God, that’s absolutely it. Didn’t you get home that night? And what on my vision board and what did it say?
0:08:56 – Speaker 1
left hand side corner says in huge cursive letters it looks just like this now what?
0:09:05 – Speaker 2
We manifested that, didn’t even realize it, right? Says now that was the word all along, and so we, we constantly careful with your. I know, I know, I know, I know, so I’ve always been into this hippie dippy kind of things and I would bring them up casually over the years and you’d be like, okay, and we are now full blown in. But again, careful with, I am full blown in, yet she is in denial.
0:09:35 – Speaker 1
I am in denial but also completely supportive of you.
0:09:37 – Speaker 2
Yes, All of the things. Yes, and so it got to the point where when we have these questions, these like big, large questions, immediately we consult the pendulum Again. We, we? You call me with the questions and I say let me ask the pendulum. So here’s the pendulum.
0:09:55 – Speaker 1
I just want to be really clear here. Do you see how pretty this one is when I call you about things that are really important?
0:10:03 – Speaker 2
No, really important, I go to the pendulum.
0:10:05 – Speaker 1
Right, but I’m not calling you to consult the pendulum. I don’t want you to give the listeners the idea that I’m like I’m trying to think of something really big.
0:10:15 – Speaker 2
Isn’t this why?
0:10:16 – Speaker 1
you called me, but I I’m never like, hey, I’m just curious. I have this massive decision I need to make. Could you please take out the pendulum? What happens is I’m like I have a massive decision I need to make and we need to talk about it, and within four seconds you’re like I got the pendulum out and this is what the pendulum says. I can’t.
0:10:35 – Speaker 2
And then we dissect it. And how often has it been wrong?
0:10:39 – Speaker 1
I don’t know. I’m keeping track of that.
0:10:44 – Speaker 2
I am keeping track of it.
0:10:45 – Speaker 1
This is a psychology term called confirmation bias.
0:10:48 – Speaker 2
I don’t care what it is, it’s my, it’s my decision maker. Should I wear the black shirt or the white shirt? Okay?
0:10:57 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, it’d be fine if those were the questions that we were asking the pendulum Should we have another baby?
0:11:03 – Speaker 2
Yeah, should we quit our job and get a new one? That’s what we ask the pendulum and without a doubt, I follow the pendulum Always, every second, always.
0:11:16 – Speaker 1
Yep, yep, absolutely. When it’s the most risky jump on it.
0:11:21 – Speaker 2
Just grab the pendulum and go and go. So I’ve now brought all the things here so we can utilize. So now we can just basically recreate our morning phone calls on the I was gonna say on the air like we’re on radio. So all right, so you pull your.
0:11:37 – Speaker 1
I have to do mine now. Yeah, do you think now’s the time?
0:11:40 – Speaker 2
We’re setting the intention.
0:11:41 – Speaker 1
Oh wow I just noticed a shift. I felt a shift, Okay this says.
0:11:44 – Speaker 2
But I’m the hokey pokey one I know.
0:11:46 – Speaker 1
Listen, one of us needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not me.
0:11:50 – Speaker 2
Okay, me, okay you have a role.
0:11:53 – Speaker 1
Okay, okay, this says I know collection, you may know who you are. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You may know who you are and you may not. That’s why you need the cards. It does not say that at all. It says. It says may you know who you are? Do you need? Should I shuffle these? You can do whatever you want. I shuffle them like a deck of cards. This is your spirit.
0:12:21 – Speaker 2
You’re about to get a loud up in here. Your spirit is, it’s the spirits around you. Remember, you have a bunch of men. Oh yeah, you know that woman, I know We’ll sometime we’ll tell that story of how we went to get a reading.
0:12:33 – Speaker 1
What I actually thought the story was that you were gonna tell is that, when I started reading this, each card offers a compassionate and empowering reminder, contrary Of who you are. What I thought you were gonna talk about is the time that I signed us up for the voice. Oh, yeah, the voice. What was it? Voice? Recording.
It was voice, voice overacting, voice overacting Cause I thought you know I always like to have something on the back burner and I think this would be really cool. So I signed us up for one of those continuing ed voice actor classes and we went to it and you had no idea we were going there and then we made up names.
0:13:16 – Speaker 2
You signed us up under different names.
0:13:17 – Speaker 1
Because so I think that’s the thing. Maybe people do, I don’t know, like I don’t think. So I mean, what if you’re famous?
0:13:24 – Speaker 2
I mean you gotta have a stage name? Yeah, I don’t want anybody finding where I live.
0:13:29 – Speaker 1
That’s right Cause then they want you to record all the commercials.
0:13:32 – Speaker 2
I mean, I know that’s stalker territory there I know, I know.
0:13:36 – Speaker 1
I mean borderline want to stalker.
0:13:37 – Speaker 2
You do not, I can’t Not like a nice one that’s hot Well.
0:13:44 – Speaker 1
I think it works like that oh.
0:13:46 – Speaker 2
You can’t pick your own stalker.
0:13:48 – Speaker 1
So, anyway, we did this voice recording class and what you did was they gave you this thing to read and then, when you got done reading it, they analyzed it. In front of everybody and then told you what your like prime market was. Do you remember what your prime market was? I don’t. What I don’t, I do.
0:14:08 – Speaker 2
Mine no, oh yeah.
0:14:11 – Speaker 1
Yours? No, I remember mine Like the back of my hand. What was it? There’s two, okay, okay, number one children’s books. Oh yeah, yep, this voice was made for children’s books, okay. But then my favorite, which I think really fits me perfectly, is that he said I would be really great at knowledge and information based like infomercials. For instance, triple A, marigra, triple A, like anything that anyone needed to know. You mean those?
0:14:46 – Speaker 2
commercials that are like side effects include.
0:14:49 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, but also things like you can trust triple A for all of your guidance on all of your future trips. There’s something about my voice that apparently conveys a sense of trust and like guidance, and it’s okay, we can follow her. Wow, so this might be the closest we ever get to any type of you know voice over whatever that was a long time ago. I want people to know I’m available for hire. I know always.
0:15:20 – Speaker 2
Always yeah, yeah, I’m pretty sure you oh, that’s right After that went and made a demo. Oh, I probably did. I know, I know, I’m pretty sure it’s still in your. It’s probably right next to all your glue sticks.
0:15:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, I get a couple glue sticks.
0:15:37 – Speaker 2
I have a lot of glue sticks, hot glue, hot glue, gun sticks. It might be a problem, all right, and shower caps and shower caps.
0:15:44 – Speaker 1
Oh, I know.
0:15:45 – Speaker 2
I know when they used to give showers, we stopped collecting those At the hotels.
0:15:48 – Speaker 1
I know, oh gosh, I’ll never forget the time that you and Becky Boyle came over to my house. You started to go through my closets and we’re like you have a problem and you’re an organized hoarder, yes, but the number of shower caps that you have in here is insane. Number one how many times do you use a shower cap? Number two why do you have so many? And you made me get rid of, I think, all, but maybe two. Do I still have the two? Sure do.
0:16:17 – Speaker 3
Well, they don’t give them to use to a hotel anymore.
0:16:18 – Speaker 2
No cause, no one ever uses a shower cap. I know, I know.
0:16:23 – Speaker 1
Okay, I got our the dreamers deck. You want me to do this right now? Pick just one, yeah.
0:16:30 – Speaker 2
This is what you need to hear for today. Do I need to pick one for you too? No, it’s what we need to hear, will you? Share a bring yeah.
0:16:38 – Speaker 1
Ooh, I’m having a. Really, I gotta spread them out. This is a weird. It’s this one, it’s this one, okay, ready.
0:16:47 – Speaker 2
Stop it what I can’t Stop it. Why do these happen? Well, wait till we get to these.
0:16:55 – Speaker 1
Oh no, it says I am capable.
0:17:01 – Speaker 2
Are you gonna cry?
0:17:02 – Speaker 1
I can’t God. And then at the top it says I know that I have everything it takes to build the life of my dreams. I can’t.
0:17:25 – Speaker 2
Do you have those gloves? All right you wanna do these now Can’t, so you pick. I don’t know if I can handle it. I think we need to talk about it, because you picked these peril cards too. What does that one say? Just so we’re clear you are capable.
0:17:43 – Speaker 1
Thank you and you have everything you need. I really am trying really hard.
0:17:48 – Speaker 2
I know you’re building the team, you’re making it happen.
0:17:50 – Speaker 1
I’m only capable because of you, otherwise it’d be in a corner somewhere, giving up.
0:17:56 – Speaker 2
Doing triple A commercials. We will thank the pendulum for all of our guidance. Okay, so you picked these cards and you needed the energy, told you you had to have two. The first one is the Night of Swords and it is a man looking thing with a sword, and then the second one is the five of swords, with two women. I’m assuming that is going to be important. So we’re gonna do the Knight of Swords first, as you pick that one first. So this is an ambitious Knight prepares to storm the training field, wishing in earnest it was a battlefield. Instead, he thirsts to prove his skills in real fight. Although he’s only been training for a few short years, his competitive nature, natural intelligence, have pushed him forward quickly, although he always seems to be fixated on what comes next. I know the Knight of Swords invites you to channel your inhibition and charge forward into confident action. Do you need a tissue? Okay, I do need a tissue, regardless. First of all, I need some readers.
0:19:01 – Speaker 1
Look how small this is.
0:19:02 – Speaker 2
Okay again age. Regardless of your experience level, this is a time for you to go what you want. Go for what you want. Your natural gifts ambition and intellect will compensate for your limited knowledge. Stop it. The Knight of Swords can also be warning. Thank you.
0:19:26 – Speaker 1
Scott shared his readers. You need to put them. Oh my God, they actually work. Oh my God, I can. Oh my God, oh no they do not. That’s fantastic.
0:19:35 – Speaker 2
Those look great, oh, thank you.
0:19:37 – Speaker 1
Those look great. Can you get them on there? I can’t with my headphones Because of your headphones. Holy, I’ll do it next.
0:19:42 – Speaker 2
Okay, hold on. Okay, okay, all right. The Knight of Swords can also be a warning to think before you speak or act. Sometimes this chapter or sometimes this character jumps into action before properly thinking things through. Don’t be reactive at this time and be careful not to let your ambition result in a cutthroat competition. The Knight of Swords may embody a part of you or another person in your life. It will depend on your reading and what makes sense for you.
0:20:05 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you wanna know what my reading is. You, you’re the one they’re talking to at the end, where they’re like don’t speak up too soon, lucy Lips. I know, don’t do that, but I’m the one that’s like oh I’m sorry, am I running a successful business? Sure, do, I know what the heck I’m doing? Not always. Nope, we just lean into that. Lean into that and it says trust your natural talents. Yep, you’re gonna be totally fine. Did anyone in the world think that I was going to be an entrepreneur? Nope, well, I did. Yeah, you, I know. It says on my LinkedIn profile like I cry at Disney on ice Right, like I moved to tears by that mouse on skates, but you know what? Let’s have her run the company. She’s gonna be really great, she’s gonna be really great Nailing it.
0:20:56 – Speaker 2
It’s natural instinct, it’s who you are meant to be, all right, but you also picked the supplemental. What I’m hearing?
0:21:00 – Speaker 1
that say is don’t just be jumping to be like I can’t do this. Embrace the confidence of we got this and we’re doing it and we are, but I still think that that surprises me on a daily basis.
0:21:14 – Speaker 2
I agree too, because I don’t think you have fully accepted who you actually are. I agree, we are on this journey of self acceptance. I know, and here you are.
0:21:21 – Speaker 1
You’re like the lighthouse, you’re like flashing the light. I’ve been flashing it for years, for a really long time, and then I’m like I don’t know, I don’t think so, I don’t think that’s it. But thank you very much. I’m just going to keep staying the course and then all of a sudden I’ll gear toward the light a little little bit and I’ll be like you know what? I have an idea. I think I’d be any like. Are you? Woo, really, waves are crashing, seagulls flying. The current is like pulling you.
0:21:49 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and you’re just like no, Vir. No, I don’t think so. Well, I wonder what this is going to say. Ok With the two girls.
0:21:55 – Speaker 1
OK, she’s got a sword. Five swords, five swords, that’s even better. Five swords, yeah.
0:22:02 – Speaker 2
Two figures turn to walk away, hearts full of regret and sorrow. A wall of swords has been built between them and a former loved one and nothing can be said to bring down the barrier. After much struggle and pleading, the two women turn to leave. Sadly, there is nothing left to be said or done. The man on the other side of these swords watches them leave with satisfaction, feeling triumphant Are you going to throw up right now? I can’t, I can’t. However, as the days pass, he grows lonely and soon comes to regret, pushing away the ones that he loved or the ones that loved him. The five stop. I can see you out of the corner of my eye. I can see your face.
The five of swords indicates an ego-driven conflict that is driving a wedge between yourself and what is right. This could manifest as a disagreement between yourself or others, or between your own ego and spirit. You may be clinging to a certain opinion, habit or way. I’m going to throw up. You may be clinging to a certain opinion, habit or way of thinking that benefits you in the short term but doesn’t truly align with the needs of your soul. Step back and deeply consider the consequences of your actions at this time. Are the steps you’re taking putting you on the best path? Are your actions in line with what is right, or are they more reflective of what you want right now and that’s the show.
0:23:29 – Speaker 1
There it is, there it is, and that said it’s no longer, the more love Do we ask the pendulum if the cards are correct. No longer the more love. We now just do astrology.
0:23:42 – Speaker 2
Do Erin and I need to listen to these cards. Do you see that? Do you see it? It is clearly indicating yes, we do. Would you like to discuss anything?
0:23:56 – Speaker 1
that just happened. No, I don’t want to talk about any of it.
0:23:59 – Speaker 2
OK, sounds like you’re on my side of the face, I know, I don’t like that you do. That’s exactly what you needed to hear.
0:24:07 – Speaker 1
Exactly what I knew it was going to say Incredible. And then my affirmation card.
0:24:16 – Speaker 2
Do you see how they’re all connected and do you see how this is what’s so cool, when you have a common ground with someone and you’re able to discuss these things, because then you let these other tools come into your life to kind of reinforce some of the energy or some of the inner pole that you have, and then this is able to articulate it so vague but yet so clear. When I’m reading that, I mean I know our brain is thinking the exact same thing and that’s mind blowing. It’s very rare that we pull a card and we’re like I’m not sure what that is speaking about, or three days later, or like member, the card I know and what I also find. I don’t know if you noticed, but when we are intentional and do these kinds of things, specifically when we get together in the morning and then we set these intentions and then we just go about our day, it’s the same concept as the vision board with your tattoo. We get to the end of the day and then we reflect and we’re like, oh my god, can you believe that? Or something crazy happens. We have a random meeting and something came out of it.
I remember pulling a card when I worked for the charity. Well, I still worked for the charity, but when I was at a fundraising event I pulled a card and it said abundance or magical or something. And it said you are going to come into a flood of money and we raised $200,000 that day. We anticipated raising 10 grand.
0:25:38 – Speaker 1
Crazy. Is that nuts? I know it is nuts. I can’t help the scientific practitioner of mind struggles. I like to. This is my call out that in my undergraduate thesis it was why people believe what they believe when it comes to paranormal and pseudoscientific phenomenon. The whole thesis was about all of this stuff. I know, and here I am full circle like get out the pension law, pull the card. Are you sure that just said what it said, right.
0:26:18 – Speaker 2
When we’re clear. 10 minutes ago you didn’t want to be lumped into this. Listen, it’s still not a week. It’s still not a week.
0:26:25 – Speaker 1
It’s still not a week.
0:26:27 – Speaker 2
All right, those are our intentions for the day.
0:26:29 – Speaker 1
Well they’ve been set. Let’s just say that I do think that it gives me another show idea that we should really bring together people who are business owners or who are non-traditional, didn’t expect to be in this type of role of business owners who also lead from the heart. Because I really think there’s something to say about being a business owner who cares so deeply about the success of that business for its clients and also for the people who work for that business, while also just being such a highly sensitive, caring, empathic person and often I think people have better boundaries or guidelines when they are business owners around what that all looks like. But how do you bring that all together in such a way that ultimately I know, when I have seen it benefits the clients, it benefits the 3.5 million people we support nationwide. I love that, and also there’s some parts of business that just are not well-formatted for that type of personality.
0:27:35 – Speaker 2
It’s a good point. I think that’s why coaches exist Because they need to. I don’t think it’s natural. I think when you think business, you think cutthroat, you think have to make massive decisions, have to do this, have to do that, and I think that’s where you do struggle, because it’s not about making money, it’s not. I mean, yeah, money is great and of course we want to be able to live off of this, but at the end of the day, it’s about service and when you accept that and you embrace that and you lead from those guiding principles, it can make decisions very sticky and muddy and when you have people on your team or advisors or boards or whatever, that just don’t feel the same type of way. That’s the beauty of being the entrepreneur you get to pick the people who embrace and embody the same heart of service and the same guiding principles and the same mindset, so that the decisions being made are very thoughtful, versus working for this huge corporation that you no longer control. The smaller and the tight knit you get can be so rewarding.
0:28:46 – Speaker 1
Absolutely, and isn’t that what we have right now?
We have this kick-butt board of people for Concern Center. They are in not only our employees, but our board, and the running joke with the board that I absolutely love is that here I am as this, like beacon of ridiculous amounts of caring and empathy, and we needed to surround me with four other people who are really the exact opposite of me. They’re very caring, but they’re boundary driven. They are really clear, they’re concise. In some places they’ll just be like I don’t care about that.
We’re moving on to this other thing, and the running joke is that we needed to identify four people to combat the level of unconditional, positive love and empathy that I put out into the world just to balance us. That’s got to be tough to be those people, because I know it’s tough to be on my side, but I have to tell you it works beautifully. It’s also why our relationship works beautifully. I know Right, yeah, it’s, and we’ve had so many conversations about this over the last couple of weeks that if we were both like me or both like you, there really would be something missing in terms of that other dynamic. Absolutely.
I think that’ll be a good podcast episode here in the future. Most importantly, right now, though, I have a question about this poof that I have going on here, so I’m pointing to my poof on top of my head. You know, when people, like, take the hair, it’s only like a certain part of hair, and then they bring it back, and then they the snooki oh, I’m sorry, has a name Mm-hmm the snooki, okay. So I did it this morning, and I was really happy with it Mm-hmm, okay. And then I wondered if maybe it’s not a thing anymore.
0:30:46 – Speaker 2
Oh, it’s always You’re going to talk to me about the styles going out of style.
0:30:51 – Speaker 1
Well, you might not be the best person for me to talk to about this.
0:30:55 – Speaker 2
Thank you, no nailing it.
0:30:55 – Speaker 1
Here’s what I was thinking. I’m thinking to myself. You know how sometimes I’m using women specifically. I’m sure men do this, but they’ve done their hair the same way for 65 years and the style’s out, it’s gone, but they’re holding strong. I’m afraid that this poof is my version of. I’m still holding on, but it’s not it for me anymore, and I trust that you would tell me, but you don’t usually know these things.
0:31:31 – Speaker 2
Because I’m still wearing shoes from 1990 that are now back in style. That’s right, you brought them back. My platform flip flaps, the Y2K ones.
0:31:41 – Speaker 1
Do you know what I mean when I say like you, people used to like have the bangs and it used to like flat down over right, or the ones like this yeah, like from a full house, yeah you used your round brush and then you sprayed it.
0:31:54 – Speaker 2
Spray with it.
0:31:55 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, or I used to take mine and push it over to the side and then spray this, spray the heck out of this, so that it was like a little Rambo over here Like a switch.
0:32:05 – Speaker 2
Okay, okay.
0:32:06 – Speaker 1
You know, at some point I thankfully determined that wasn’t it and I needed to go in a different direction. I don’t think I knew you then. No, I was. Yeah, it was like fourth, fifth, sixth grade somewhere, around there. Middle school years. But at least I stopped, oh, okay. You know, so this is still okay. Yeah, it is yeah, and am I? I’m not too old to pull it off.
0:32:27 – Speaker 2
I mean, you are old but right Not to pull it off. No, okay, yeah, all right. No, I thought I think it looks good.
0:32:34 – Speaker 1
Okay, I need. I’m at that weird age in life where I’m starting to do things that feel very authentically me Mm-hmm.
0:32:41 – Speaker 2
We had this conversation last year.
0:32:42 – Speaker 1
Very aware that it may not be age appropriate.
0:32:46 – Speaker 2
Well, look, do you see what I’m wearing today? My ears.
0:32:48 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I didn’t know if that was a hair extension, if those were earrings, if you heard a bird on the way in.
0:32:53 – Speaker 2
I didn’t know their earrings. And I walk out of the house this morning and my teenage daughter goes wow, mom, always extra. And I’m like would you like to come with me? She’s like not a chance, no, I like the color. They’re blue feathers. Yeah, their earrings Mm-hmm, but that’s a point. They’re supposed to look like hair extensions. It’s like a little party, yeah.
They have diamonds at the top, you know can’t even see those Excellent bonus, total bonus yeah, that’s good. All right, good, that was really important, that I covered that yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know. Well, I mean, we could talk about your bras.
0:33:27 – Speaker 1
I can’t. I got some new ones recently.
0:33:30 – Speaker 2
Mm-hmm, they’re the ones that we should probably talk about. I didn’t go with you with those. How’s Mark feel about those?
0:33:39 – Speaker 1
Let’s upgrade from where I was. Okay, it is Sorry, we don’t all have A-boobs. Okay, sorry, some of us have to have a little extra support.
0:33:49 – Speaker 2
Yeah, that looks like you know those cross my heart. That’s on TV with like the old lady women and like cones I’m like what is?
0:33:59 – Speaker 1
that Every single person listening right now is thinking about my boobs. I’m going to show you a picture of her bras.
0:34:06 – Speaker 2
Just Google across my heart. It has the 17 clips in the back because it’s so wide, the straps are so straight. She has to always wear. Over the shoulder, bolder, bolder. Oh my God, Whenever years ago you used to be like, I bet you have nothing sexy because sexy doesn’t come in eight, it’s negative eight.
0:34:37 – Speaker 1
Oh my gosh. You know Scott’s putting up a picture across your heart bras right now. You know that’s happening in the background. Mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm.
0:34:49 – Speaker 2
Hilarious.
0:34:50 – Speaker 1
What were we even going to talk about?
0:34:51 – Speaker 2
tonight. I don’t know, I do. I think we were watching a movie.
0:34:54 – Speaker 1
I do so, allie. We need to talk about Allie oh. Allie, god, we love Allie so much. I can’t talk too much about Allie because people will steal her and I don’t. Oh, okay, I can’t All right, she is my best. Kept see for it, yeah. So we have this girl named Allie, and I don’t know. She does some stuff, she’s busy.
0:35:12 – Speaker 5
We’re going to tell you what it is.
0:35:13 – Speaker 1
Busy. She just does some stuff, but she’s my favorite. We absolutely love Allie. And so Allie, randomly the other day hits me up on the Facebook DMs and sends me a video and says watch this and talk about it on your show. Did I watch it? Not yet, oh, okay. So because we like to premiere this stuff, just first and foremost.
0:35:39 – Speaker 2
See, the first thing I know, I do not know.
0:35:42 – Speaker 1
I’m assuming it’s fine. Oh, we don’t even know if there’s language I don’t know. Uh-huh, all right, scott will be on that. The producer Where’s the button you push? Which one? When there’s a pen? Oh, scott’s on it. Oh, okay, this again. This is why we go to Rock Fox, because Scott just does the things. I love it Right, I love it, we don’t know what the heck we’re doing.
0:36:04 – Speaker 2
I think we should become our full-time job.
0:36:05 – Speaker 1
I just want to do this all quick, quick side note. I did some editing and I talked to Scott yesterday and he was like, oh yeah, I don’t know how that editing worked out or whatever. And then he said but I just trusted that you knew what you were doing. I said problem one, scott, you thought that I was the expert here, let’s not. So now Scott and I just know whatever I do is not final. He’s just going to decide, okay, yeah. And then we’re all done. Okay, yeah, so All right. So we have a video that we’re going to watch. I don’t think it’s a long one, I think it’s just a little bit. But Allie, our Allie, sent this to us and said please watch this and talk about it on your show.
0:36:45 – Speaker 5
So I’m going to show you guys what weaponized incompetence is. It’s something my baby daddy loves to use against me very, very well. Last night I went to bed at like 10. I asked him hey, can you please clean the bottles? Right? And he did. He cleaned the bottles. They’re right there.
He also did not put dinner away. So there’s that. He was in charge of dinner last night and he just ordered us food. I can’t do that because I’m not allowed to do that, but anyway, he left dishes in the sink because I didn’t ask him to do that either. So if I were to ask oh, and he left a pan over there, so if I were to ask him hey, I thought I asked you to pick up the kitchen last night. Oh well, you only told me to clean the bottles and I did clean the bottles. You didn’t tell me to put the food away and you didn’t tell me to clean up the rest of it. That’s weaponized incompetence. He’s playing stupid to basically win argument. Don’t settle for this, and I’m going to start doing videos like this because I can’t get out of my situation anytime soon. There are many different forms of abuse, and this is one of them.
0:37:40 – Speaker 6
Weaponized incompetence is an empathy issue. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes. That takes forethought, that takes understanding. Either you have empathy and you can put yourself in somebody else’s shoes and you choose not to meet their needs, choose to waste their time, or, when someone brings this issue up to you and says I wish you would be more considerate, you are choosing not to develop or use the skill of empathy. That is willful ignorance, to the harm that you’re doing when it’s in the home. Someone else is going to have to do the tasks that you fail to do or that you do poorly. There are a lot of things going on here. What?
0:38:18 – Speaker 1
Gotta go. That’s the end of the show. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for coming today. Weaponized incompetence is an empathy problem. Ailey sending us the easy videos. Huh, okay, okay, let’s unpack that. Okay, let’s unpack that.
0:38:38 – Speaker 2
Okay, I know you’ve got a lot of feelings. I’ve got a lot of feelings, I know, I know, I know, I know a lot of feelings.
0:38:43 – Speaker 1
So my first thought was really interesting when she was talking about how the concept of what she’s calling weaponized incompetence is that it’s intentional, that the only reason that someone is only doing the bare minimum of what they’re being asked to do is because they want to then turn around and say, well, you didn’t ask me to do anything else.
So let me start with that. I have rarely found people to be that knowingly passive, aggressive, right, it’s not to say that it has not happened, right. There certainly are plenty of people that would fall into that category, but I think that that’s really interesting to think about the concept of I’m pretending not to see or to know that these things need to be done because I just don’t want to do them, and that that, in some way I know is going to impact you, and so I’m going to make sure that I’m doing it in all aspects of our life together. But then when that woman popped on at the end and said that it’s an empathy problem, I actually can really relate and connect with that. So my question is if the first part is not necessarily intentional, is the lack of empathy also not intentional?
0:40:29 – Speaker 2
I think people who have a lack of empathy are just very self-centered and selfish. Their main priority is what can I get from this? What will benefit me? What do I want to do? They just haven’t been trained or don’t care enough to go beyond that. That’s what I think. I also think that this was two very different situations. Clearly, that is not a healthy relationship. He’s doing it on purpose. You do think he’s doing it on purpose? Oh, absolutely.
He doesn’t want to be with her. He wants nothing to do with her, he does not care. So he is saying, well, you didn’t tell me to do that, so I’m not going to do it. I do not believe he’s that lazy or needs instructions. Does he have a chore chart? Does he have a chart on the wall that says when you wake up, brush your teeth, can you not function as a human being? No, you’re absolutely doing this on purpose. She is trying to build a case to get custody of her kid. There’s a whole lot going on in there. That’s what’s going on in that video. However, the debrief, I do believe, was interesting.
0:41:54 – Speaker 1
I freaking love you so much. What I freaking, scott, what are?
0:41:59 – Speaker 3
you even did you agree with me the backstory that is the backstory.
0:42:03 – Speaker 1
Scott, you’re on Team Rebecca again. I’m not on any team here.
0:42:07 – Speaker 2
Okay, all right, that’s exactly. I could go into more detail.
0:42:12 – Speaker 1
Okay, that is fascinating.
0:42:15 – Speaker 4
I think the guy’s an idiot, but he’s doing it on purpose, do you?
0:42:18 – Speaker 1
think he lacks empathy.
0:42:20 – Speaker 4
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. There’s not enough information there for me to judge his lack of empathy, but I just think. I think he’s an idiot, I think he was probably inherently lazy.
0:42:31 – Speaker 2
If we rewatch that she mentioned numerous times, there’s things that I can’t do and there’s things that we just we should watch it again after you tell me your opinion. The whole. Thing. Not yet Hold on. What do you think? Wow, and now she’s documenting it to have proof, which is a joke. But whatever, really 100%. I’m going to go Google her, I’m going to go find out.
0:42:58 – Speaker 1
Oh, my God Just fascinating. So let me tell you what was going on for me. I’m like wow, that’s a really difficult relationship situation. We have massive breakdowns of communication. We have tremendous amount of anger and resentment. We have poor communication On both sides.
Exactly, oh yeah, absolutely. We have poor communication in terms of really getting at the heart of why we’re feeling the way that we are. We’re lacking self-awareness to be able to say I am feeling this way. We both are at two different ends of the spectrum and we’re both pushing really hard on each other as a way of protection. And if we could just break down some of those protections, which usually has to do with a lack of trust because trust has been harmed in some way, then maybe we could get to this resolution associated with why these things aren’t happening the way that they can and should be happening, because I’m hearing her say I’m tired and I need help and I don’t want to have to tell you I have to do it.
And I’m hearing him push back and basically say I don’t feel respected, I don’t feel cared about, I don’t feel whatever, and their shadows are crossing, they’re both hitting each other, maybe not physically, but colliding with each other in this scenario. So I hear that and I think there’s so much pain there, there’s so much hurt there, there’s so much resentment there. We really got to get at the base of where this is coming from. And, of course, she’s going to call it weaponized incompetence because from her perspective she very much feels like it is an assault on their relationship, on her as a person, on all of those things.
0:44:43 – Speaker 2
Well, because he has the expectation that this is your job to do, according to her. Yeah, exactly so. My guess is she just assumed that. I’m also thinking there’s a lot of assumptions here. I mean, do you have that conversation? My husband and I do. It is very clear. We know exactly who’s doing what in the household and who’s responsible for what. And then there are some minor gray areas. But we also are very clear that those minor gray areas is where the arguments start and we don’t like to argue. So we define that. It’s very clear. I always go grocery shopping, always. That is my job. If there’s no food in the house, it is my fault, because that is my job. It’s not a oh well, you should have noticed there was no food and you go get some. That’s a huge, clear. No, that’s not how it works. It also is I make the food and serve the food, and he always cleans it up. So if it’s still a mess in the morning, it will remain a mess until he comes home from work, because that’s his job, did you?
0:45:52 – Speaker 1
have a verbal conversation about this. Oh, you did early on in your marriage.
0:45:56 – Speaker 2
Yes, okay, when we moved in together, very clear expectations.
0:46:00 – Speaker 1
But here’s why Because your husband is the one who wants to make sure all the things are done and you’re a willing participant in having the conversation. Yes, it’s usually the opposite.
0:46:08 – Speaker 2
Oh great, oh great. He is very much the manager of the home.
0:46:13 – Speaker 1
Yes, he has standards, he has expectations.
0:46:17 – Speaker 2
So that’s probably why we did it, but it is very, very clear. The gray areas are not so much.
0:46:24 – Speaker 1
But I think what’s interesting in this is this concept of empathy. Right, I have this feeling that over the next however many years, empathy, compassion, you know, vulnerability, all of those words are just going to be used more and more and more, and the concept for me of associating this with a lack of empathy really has me drawing upon the question of if a lack of empathy is intentional, and when I asked you, you said that usually you think that that comes from a place of selfishness. Well, is selfishness intentional? Are people knowing? Are they knowing that they’re selfish? Is it a lack of just not being able to be taught? Can you teach empathy, you know, like? This is what this is bringing up for me.
0:47:18 – Speaker 2
I think so. I think it depends on how you were raised at the end of the day, because if you’re raised in a household, that’s always like putting other people first, always, and you never put yourself first. That’s how you’re going to be when you’re older, and so then you struggle with. Well, I’m always giving, giving, giving and I don’t ever take time for myself. If you are brought up in a household, that is always you’re being catered to as the child and your needs are always met first. Then, as you become an adult, you’re going to be very confused on why you need to care about anybody else before your needs are met. It’s, it’s, it’s just. I believe in your core foundation I think it comes down to.
I’ve been reading a lot of articles about hugging recently because I’m not a hugger, I don’t like doing that, but and it was not an expectation in my family there’s a lot of families that are like you need to hug, hug and kiss everybody. Hello, hug and kiss everybody, hello, and hug and kiss everybody Goodbye. I don’t remember that being part of my life when I was little, just because I don’t remember doing that, but some of my good friends’ families, that’s an expectation, and what I find interesting is my girls are hug and kissers. They hug and kiss everybody. Hello and goodbye.
Not by me saying it, but I was reading an article about some parents feel very strongly that it should be up to the child whether they want to hug or kiss somebody and nobody should be offended if they don’t want to do it, where other parents will say absolutely not. That’s a form of respect, but it’s a physical boundary right. That’s very different than not greeting somebody. Saying hello doesn’t hurt, you know. And so I think that comes across as if you force somebody to do something when they’re younger. That’s just not natural. That just becomes a building block a little bit, and so when you talk about selfishness or empathy, I think they kind of go hand in hand. Based on your foundation, it’s really interesting.
0:49:25 – Speaker 1
I have this thought that empathy is something the ability to get into the experience of another human being is something that, innately, is present in a majority of humans. I do think that there are outlier humans for which empathy is just not at all right Anti-social personality disorder, those types of things, sociopaths. Yeah, I remember my niece Lily being two and me sitting with her reading a book, and we were reading a book about a woodpecker that was pecking this tree, and at two she pointed to the tree and she said tree ouch. No one taught her that she doesn’t have any clue at the age of two what that experience is like of that tree, right? So I remember thinking at that time gosh, there is this innate sense of human beings needing to be able to connect with others and understand the experience of others. I do, then, believe it is either reinforced or beaten out of you based on the experiences that you have
as a child or sort of all the way up or trauma or whatever happened. Yeah, I know, even now I will come home from the grocery store and I’ll have all the groceries in my hand and my son will walk in first and if he is not holding that door and it slams, you know, in my face, I will say, uh-oh, looks like you forgot that I was standing here, right. Or I will say, oh, what do we think that that felt like to me? And he’ll immediately run back and say sorry about that, mom. Right, but he’s also an incredibly empathic kid. So I do think that there’s these moments that that is just innate in him and that we need to fine tune that through the experiences that we have In this scenario. With this video, I’m getting the interpretation that the intentionality associated with the empathy is the part that I’m hung up on, that this person is intentionally withholding empathy. Yeah, because he doesn’t want to be with her anymore For a particular purpose. Yeah, but she is also withholding empathy.
0:51:40 – Speaker 5
And.
0:51:41 – Speaker 1
I think we forget sometimes that empathy is not just this one way situation, right, and some people would hear that and be like, oh my gosh, you know what is she withholding empathy? Well, she’s withholding empathy of being able to understand why he’s acting that way in the first place. Right, there’s always reasons why people protect their empathy. Right, it doesn’t mean those reasons are correct, but it does mean that there’s always reasons why people are protecting. And if neither side right I went through this personally I remember in my situation thinking I was 100% correct, I had every reason in the world to be correct and still, when I was 100% correct, I still was lacking empathy for the person on the other side of the coin.
0:52:25 – Speaker 2
Absolutely. I think for me it was the when she said he, when she questioned him on it, he was like well, you didn’t tell me to do it. He didn’t say oh my God, the baby was up and I just I forgot about it, or there was no other excuse. That would have been an empathetic and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I will do it right now. Right, but he specifically said well, you didn’t tell me to do it, so why should I do it? That, to me, is very intentional.
0:52:52 – Speaker 1
Interesting and I can say with 100% certainty if you came to me and said, hey, weaponized incompetence, you only did the one thing you were supposed to do and not the other things you were supposed to do, you’re not going to get an empathic response out of me either. Right, right, Of course. So the other side of that is again we don’t. We should have them on the show. Bring them on the show, let’s do a session. Come on in, guys.
We’ll just session number 101 here We’ve got this right, but I’m so curious about some of the backstory associated with that. But I really appreciated the part where she said that it is an empathy problem, and what I would say further than that is that it’s an empathy problem on both sides, and I get better than the normal human how hard it is to give empathy when your defenses are up, when you have to be guarded, when you’ve been harmed in some way, when trauma has happened. I completely understand that and in my own personal experience I can tell you that is at those times when I leaned into my empathy that I found my closest connection to feeling like the truest version of myself. It was the exact opposite of what my head was telling me to do, but it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
0:54:12 – Speaker 2
Well, you sent me that picture this morning. That said, unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance and I found that, excuse me, to be super interesting because one of my challenges is boundary setting boundaries and respecting them. For myself, I’m pretty comfortable in accepting of other people’s boundaries, but when it comes to what is okay in my life, or what is okay for me is challenging and combining that with the unconditional love, it’s just a really interesting concept for me, because sometimes, not that my love is conditional, but my level of acceptance is conditional in a lot of ways. There has to be certain standards met, or I’m just not interested and I can’t look past that.
0:55:10 – Speaker 1
You’re not interested in even engaging. Correct, you’re going to boundary that up.
0:55:13 – Speaker 2
Oh yeah, all done. I have zero tolerance. And if there’s no learning, obviously everybody makes mistakes, everybody has their own baggage or issues, blah, blah, blah blah. But if there’s a consistent pattern, that is now just showing me your personality all done, all done. But maybe that’s a lack of empathy too.
0:55:32 – Speaker 1
Or it is because of how much empathy you have that the need to create those boundaries exist. In my own personal experience I was this unconditional, highly tolerated of all things person ended up being taken advantage of and getting hurt, shutting down and sort of like closing off the parts of myself. I was very boundary. I was very rule bound. I almost like kept away that part of myself for a long time and then very recently moved more into oh my gosh, I’m home. I’m back to this part of myself that is very unconditional and loving and empathic. But I’m also seeing that full tolerance coming back as well.
What’s different is I don’t feel the need to suppress that or I don’t feel the need to boundary that again. Instead, I’ve seemed to be in this interesting place of fully accepting of my unconditional love and my unconditional tolerance. I know that I won’t just keep accepting different treatment that happens to me, but it doesn’t change my unconditional love and those two things. That’s a huge shift for me, because my unconditional love, when it had tolerance on it, did change the unconditional love. It was conditional again and when I moved more toward unconditional love and acceptance and tolerance with some appropriate boundaries, it didn’t change the love that I have for these people. It just means that I have some protections in place.
I don’t know if I’m explaining that in a way that anyone can understand, but it really has felt like a shift for me it is why, over the last however many months, when all the stuff has been happening to me, that I don’t go back to a place of resentment and anger, I still am in this really beautiful loving embracing. You know, almost like, oh, I see you for all of your flaws and I totally understand and it’s okay, I still accept you for who you are. I can’t continue to engage in the same way that I have engaged before, but doesn’t mean I love you any less.
Doesn’t mean I’m not still here Doesn’t mean I don’t still care. I’m not going to invest in the same way that I’ve been able to before, but my love didn’t change before my love changed Interesting. I was like nope, you’re off the list, Okay, and I have to create this boundary and I need to not engage with you anymore because it’s unsafe for me and the only way that I can protect myself is through conditional love. Got it? Isn’t that fascinating?
0:58:27 – Speaker 2
Yes, it’s funny. It’s funny you say that because then maybe I’ve been loving unconditionally all along. It’s just my boundary setting, because I don’t necessarily feel different from people that might be perceived that I’ve cut out or cut back on. It’s just the level of engagement. I have no other issues toward you. I just can’t have you a consistent part of my life because it’s making me crazy. But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be there for you. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t participate in your whatever, whatever. It’s just not going to be the level that it was at.
0:59:01 – Speaker 1
I think one of the telltale signs for me is that in those types of relationships, if you look at that person and instead of feeling anger and resentment and nastiness and oh my God, how come you can’t get me your act together, and all of those things the feeling for me is, oh okay, it’s so funny you say that.
0:59:19 – Speaker 2
That’s exactly how I feel about my own father. Okay, really, yes, I’ve never been angry, I’ve never been mad, nothing, it’s just so-.
0:59:27 – Speaker 1
I feel sorry.
0:59:28 – Speaker 2
Yeah. I feel sorry, but I’ve clearly caught him out. I clearly want nothing to do with him, but I always have. What do I always say to you? If he ever came to my door and wanted to have a conversation, absolutely yeah you’d welcome him give him a cup of coffee have him sit on the couch 100%. But there are certain things that would have to come out of that conversation for me to move out of that place, absolutely. But I don’t look at him and have anger, rage, nothing.
Nothing, none of that, it never have it, even as a child, because I get it. I accept you where you at. I accept all those things, yeah, and I don’t like feeling anger. That is unconditional.
1:00:04 – Speaker 1
That is unconditional. We don’t see that as unconditional. No, I didn’t define it.
1:00:09 – Speaker 2
Until you just explained it the way you did, I never defined it as that. I just defined it as I don’t know how it’s to be.
1:00:15 – Speaker 1
It is not a oh like a passive, aggressive no oh, it’s literally a oh. I see you. I see you in all of your whoever you are, your flaws, all of these things that we and you know what. It’s okay and I want you to go ahead and be you. I don’t necessarily agree with it. I’m not on board for it, I don’t can’t be around for it, but it’s okay for you to be who you are and I’m going to just accept that, even if I’m choosing to not participate in it.
1:00:49 – Speaker 2
But it’s a shift, but it’s also participating in it, right? Like I always tell you, I don’t like feeling a certain way. I need my body to feel homeostasis at all times, otherwise I am a complete mess and, for whatever reason, this idea of unconditional has always remained a part of my life. I don’t hold grudges. I remember one of the first times you watched Phillip and I had an argument. Oh yeah, and we legit had an argument. We had an argument. It was probably over something stupid, and then it was probably 30 seconds, but it was like intense. And then we both look at each other. We’re like we’re really sorry. We hugged each other, kissed each other and moved on and you were like I need to talk about that, oh, yeah, I said what just happened there I go.
That was it, we’re all done.
1:01:35 – Speaker 1
We’ve moved on, we’re all set now. Y’all aren’t holding on to that for weeks.
1:01:41 – Speaker 2
Never, but that’s always been us, but that’s always been me. I’ve never experienced anything like that. I don’t hold grudges, I don’t do any of those things, but I need to talk about it in the moment and I need to get past it because I don’t like that feeling and if we, you need to get back to homeostasis Always Interesting, always. I mean, how many times have I left the hair salon with foils in my hair to drive up to somebody’s door to be like you’re not answering your phone? We’re talking about this because I’m not sure what happened and I don’t like how this feels and I don’t I’m sure you don’t either and I am very confused. I mean plenty of times. I do not like that feeling of being if I did something, then we need to figure it out. Yeah, and I also hide it from other people. I will never let them know if they did something. That’s my own problem.
1:02:35 – Speaker 1
You won’t let someone else know if they’ve done something Correct. That’s upset you, right. For the most part, but the opposite. If you think you’ve done something that’s upset someone, then you have to, so do you get yourself back to homeostasis and the times when you’ve been harmed Now without you Remember remember we were in the car the other day and I get a text message out of the blue from someone and I’m like, oh my God, what did I do?
1:02:59 – Speaker 2
You’re like what are you talking about? And I went into like full-fledged, rack my brain up how I offended this person. And you’re like I am very confused, but that’s just how it is.
1:03:10 – Speaker 1
That’s funny. Well, allie, how about send us a few more zeros? How about that? Which leads me into the last thing that I wanted to just mention today. Okay, and that is we are on the social media. Great, we are officially on the social media channels. Do you wanna know what channels we’re on? I sure do. This is what I’m hoping. I need people to engage with us. I want people to write to us. I wanna be like reading people’s. What is the pendulum out for? I can’t wait.
1:03:45 – Speaker 2
If the social media is a good idea, are people gonna join our social media?
1:03:50 – Speaker 1
What is that? What is it? It says no, it says yes, it says yes, it says.
1:03:53 – Speaker 2
Yes, I hope they do Are people going to like our channels. Yeah, oh good. Are they going to engage with us? Are people going to engage with us? Oh, look it, it says yes, oh wow, that’s a hard.
1:04:03 – Speaker 1
yes, right there. Look at it. I want people. This is my dream that people are like hey, aaron and Fax, hey love your show. Can you ask the pendulum, can you? I want you to talk about this, right, I love. And then I want to be like here. We’re hearing from Betty from Texas. Yeah, betty from Texas. What do you have to say?
1:04:24 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, yes, gabby, yes, I know Wow.
1:04:28 – Speaker 1
Ask us all the questions. I love that. I want people to totally Anything from the fashion poofs oh yes, to what colors-? Hey, where do you get your colors or makeup, rebecca Right right To.
1:04:38 – Speaker 2
how should you decorate your room? Send us a picture of room. We’ll rip that right up there.
1:04:41 – Speaker 1
Yes, I love that all of the examples you gave are as superficial as they can. You can also ask us questions as associated with empathy, all the things. So here’s our social media channels. Okay, let me just get this straight, because I’m over 40, so I gotta make sure it’s right.
Number one we have a Facebook group. Here’s what I’m hoping happens on the Facebook group. It’s just like the most beautiful people in the entire world who all come together and support one another and it’s so much empathy and love in one place. And someone asks the question and someone’s like let me give you some more hope. And it’s just this amazing, beautiful community of no trolls. Okay, yeah, you think we’re gonna have trolls 100%. No, we’re not. You have to. You have to Listen.
1:05:30 – Speaker 2
You gotta have someone who’s like I, because you changed those trolls over.
1:05:34 – Speaker 1
I know that’s what I was gonna say. So my amazing niece, 15, I know she runs our social media channels. That’s great, because who do you hire to run your social media channels?
1:05:45 – Speaker 2
The coolest people in the world? Yeah, an absolute teen. Not my daughter, because she thinks I’m a super loser. I know, I know, but if you asked me about, maybe I could have, if you asked my daughter then she would do it you know, she might help us out, I know.
1:05:56 – Speaker 1
So I basically she was like okay, what do you want me to do about the trolls? I said first of all, what is a troll and why would someone be trolling on the page? And so she told me all about it. And what’s my response? Oh, not a problem, honey, we’re gonna love them more. But she’s like do you want me to say this, this and this? And I’m like absolutely not. No, that person needs more love. Right, that needs more love. And she’s like maybe you should let Rebecca respond to them.
1:06:23 – Speaker 2
Oh great, she did not say that.
1:06:24 – Speaker 1
Now we’re not gonna have. We’re not gonna have much of a show at all after that. And I said no, no, I said, but here’s the thing Like we really want the fewest number of trolls possible. If you just need attention and love, that’s okay. You can just send us a comment. We don’t need to like write the nasty things on the messages. So we’ll see how that goes. But anyway, that’s our Facebook group. It’s called. I don’t know.
Scott will put it up on the thing, because I don’t wanna say the wrong thing. Okay, number two we have an Instagram page. What Instagram? I do love the gram we are gonna be Instagram, and so the thing about the Instagram is we’re gonna be posting old pictures of us. We’re going to be picture like backstory pictures.
1:07:11 – Speaker 2
We’re gonna do all of that kind of stuff. Those pictures are from actual cameras, I know, cause there were no smartphones, we had to, like, crank it to the side and bring it to phase drugs Phase.
1:07:22 – Speaker 1
To get it, I heard we had yeah, yeah, and again, ali, who does things that we don’t talk about cause we don’t want anyone else to steal her from us, edits them so that they look like iPhone photos, but they really came from phase. So, anyway, we’re on Instagram, which I’m also really excited about. Next, this is a big one oh, what is it? We’re on the TikTok. On the TikTok. We’re on the TikTok. Okay, can you believe it? Nope.
1:07:55 – Speaker 2
I don’t even have a TikTok, I don’t even mean either, guess we gotta get one.
1:07:58 – Speaker 3
I don’t really know, I don’t even know what it is so, lily.
1:08:01 – Speaker 1
My niece says that we just give her the videos.
1:08:05 – Speaker 5
Oh, we have a ton of videos, oh, okay.
1:08:07 – Speaker 1
We just created this Google share and now all the videos are up there. And then she works the magic and before you know it, our videos are up there. So I said all you’re saying is I just need to keep making videos. She said correct, she just does the rest.
1:08:20 – Speaker 2
Okay, that’s why she’s awesome. I say we invite her to follow us around. Okay, she gives us a document, her and Taylor, her and Taylor, they can do the document. I know Go, all the things Don’t shoot us from behind.
1:08:30 – Speaker 1
No, no or of the side angle, listen, angle.
1:08:32 – Speaker 5
It’s not right for me right now, but I know Chin up, I know Chin up.
1:08:35 – Speaker 1
So on the TikTok we’re gonna be posting.
1:08:37 – Speaker 2
What’s your image, you in?
1:08:37 – Speaker 1
your bra, whatever, whatever. I would really like people to know that my bras are cute, because people are walking away right now. The only picture.
1:08:49 – Speaker 2
I have of you in your bra is when you put the Power Rangers helmet on.
1:08:51 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, standing in the bra.
Thank God, when you posted that on my birthday post, you cut that out and I didn’t know. So I clicked on that picture. I thought if she just posted a picture of me in my bra on Line, it was a full on picture. I cannot, thank God, you’re like. Of course I did Like. I should know that you would just do that. You don’t trust me, I know Well. So we’re on the TikToks and now we have these videos that we just put out there. Now here’s what’s really important what’s on Instagram is not going to be. What’s on TikTok is not gonna be. What’s on the Facebook group? I asked Lilly to please try and keep them as separate as possible, because I don’t wanna see the same content across multiple channels. You’ll be boring. Do I know what I’m doing?
1:09:38 – Speaker 3
No, but I think that’s how it should be, but you need to embrace.
1:09:42 – Speaker 2
I’m embracing yes, your non intelligence. That’s right, you don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re pushing this forward.
1:09:50 – Speaker 1
Like people who wanna be on social media, wanna watch the video of you with the espresso bean on the couch, and then they wanna go to a picture of me with some hair extensions before we went to. Friendly is on the Instagram. We got those at CBS, I know.
1:10:04 – Speaker 2
I know 15 years ago, when they were not cool.
1:10:05 – Speaker 1
I still have it. It’s in the drawer because I keep everything.
Okay, so now we’re on Facebook group where we can all just embrace and love and be a wonderful community. We’re on Instagram where we can show all of the pictures of the nonsense. We will make sure that the picture of Rebecca with her lip oil is from our center on that. We’re also on the TikTok, which is just all the videos that we’re going to be. And then we have a website, yeah, and then we have a little when people go to that website. I’m gonna need people to not come flooding me with requests to fix their website, cause it’s so great, I mean.
1:10:42 – Speaker 2
no, you know what the best is? Our journey. Oh, the timeline. Everybody needs to read our journey. Scott, did you like our journey?
1:10:48 – Speaker 1
You like the journey. It was awesome. Yeah, I believe Scott’s exact quote was pure gold, pure gold.
1:10:55 – Speaker 2
And we’re not even making that up In fact that was watered down.
1:10:58 – Speaker 1
Fortunately we skipped some parts.
1:11:00 – Speaker 2
Yeah, we did not put the pictures of us in the strippers parking lot yet.
1:11:04 – Speaker 1
Oh, yep, that’s coming the moment, probably on Instagram, but that website I mean we nailed it. I know we nailed it, and when I say we, I meant me Cause. I don’t think you even know the login. I know it’s okay, you never give me the login. Well, there’s some good reasons for that.
So on the website are a couple cool things that people are gonna like. Our episodes are going to be posted there. Our episodes are also going to be posted on every single place where anyone can ever get a podcast ever. So check those out. But head over to our website, because you can send us a message on the website. If you want to contact us, you can send a form through that page. You also are going to see that if there’s anything that you want us to like, try or do like as a sponsorship or whatever I don’t know how that works, I’m not even sure what that word really means We’ll figure it out. Because, right, what’s the website? Oh, thank you, todd, that’s a good prompt. That’s the producer. The website is wwwthemorelovepodcastcom, and a new page we just added is called Shit we Love. Yeah, and that is anything that we ever talk about on the show that we just absolutely cannot get enough of.
1:12:26 – Speaker 2
My favorite is you just made that up the other day and out of nowhere, you texted me. You’re like where’d you get the blah, blah, blah I think it was the tarot cards and I’m like, well, which ones? Cause you didn’t even know. I got new ones. And then you asked me to give an explanation of why I like them, and when I sent you my explanation you wrote that’s not good enough, that’s not it that is not it, thank you.
1:12:47 – Speaker 1
And I’m like what Thank you? It was something about mythical pony rides, or something who the heck knows? What you were talking about. It was pretty good. It’s something about spirits. Speaking to Rebecca, I’m like, okay, thank you, that’s really great.
1:12:59 – Speaker 5
I’m going to write something out.
1:13:00 – Speaker 2
That’s what they did.
1:13:01 – Speaker 1
But anyway, we’re on all the social channels. Follow us, like us, share us. The important part is that you join us in this awesome community of people who want more love that’s right and want to learn more about themselves and other people. We’re very excited to be on this journey with you, and thank you for being here. Yeah, see you next time. See you next time. I loved that. Me too Is an empathy amazing.
1:13:27 – Speaker 2
Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
1:13:31 – Speaker 1
That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time. Music.