Episode 102 – Behind the Scenes of Erin and Rebecca

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They can’t help it, they love a good ice breaker (#studentaffairsmoms). Erin and Rebecca write secret questions that they want each other to answer, then ask those questions on air. A deeper dive into the inner workings of Erin and Rebecca, this episode helps you understand your hosts a bit further and see just how well they know one another.

0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes, hey Bestie.
0:00:28 – Speaker 2
Hi love what are you doing?
0:00:31 – Speaker 1
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay.
0:00:55 – Speaker 1
I just, do you think there’ll ever be a time that I don’t comment on the intro?
0:01:01 – Speaker 2
No, I just told you I’m going to make up a dance. I’m going to choreograph that tonight. Yeah, I like that.
0:01:06 – Speaker 1
And you know, what I really like is how you’re officially all in for the podcast right now. And do you want to know how I know that, how you have a dedicated notebook. You just bought that today. Yeah, yeah, it’s got flowers all over it.
0:01:20 – Speaker 2
This is my planner that I’m going to take notes on things that I see during the week or conversations we have every morning at 8 45 on the dot Today you were two minutes late and I thought you were mad at me. I was ready to pack to you and say am I being punished for something?
0:01:35 – Speaker 1
Because you didn’t answer the phone yesterday. I know, I know, I know, and then I noticed that you have some multi-colored pens over there. Yeah, I know, and that’s how I know that you’re all in for the podcast.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
But I didn’t buy these yesterday. I bought them on the way here, right.
0:01:50 – Speaker 1
Which is why you were late, I know. And what happened when you got to my house? What did you say?
0:01:54 – Speaker 2
I said don’t kill me I bought you something. Yeah, that’s what you exactly I said.
0:01:59 – Speaker 1
I said do you realize that we have 12 minutes to? Get to the podcast. I know, and you said I had to go to Target.
0:02:05 – Speaker 2
I did, I did and then I got distracted because you got the good Target. I know you moved far away from me. I know you moved in a different county 25 minutes. No, it’s 30 minutes. Oh my gosh, I know, it’s very, I know. I have to pack an overnight bag when I come visit you oh my gosh, Even my kids you and my kids are, like we, going to Aaron’s yeah. Stay in the middle of the whole weekend there.
0:02:22 – Speaker 1
I know it’s 30 minutes, I know, I know, but I absolutely love that. You showed up with 12 minutes to spare and you have a whole bag full of stuff from Target and you just said I’m ready to do this.
0:02:33 – Speaker 2
I got three bathing suits and three pairs of sandals too. I can’t. I didn’t bring those in to show you.
0:02:37 – Speaker 1
Of course you did, you left those in the car I did Yep Classic Absolutely.
0:02:40 – Speaker 2
I’ll show you when we get home.
0:02:42 – Speaker 1
Yep, they’re so good. Yep On with the show, but I did buy you something.
0:02:47 – Speaker 2
I’m going to give you manicure after we’re done.
0:02:49 – Speaker 1
You bought me some press-on nails.
0:02:50 – Speaker 2
I did Press-on, we pressed them. They didn’t have a coupon but they were on sale.
0:02:54 – Speaker 1
Okay, I appreciate that, but you’re going to pay me. I’m so proud that you’re not doing my nails during the podcast.
0:02:59 – Speaker 2
I know I was going to, but we’re not set up the way. Well, we will be next time. I know, I know it’s perfect, yep.
0:03:07 – Speaker 1
So today we are not talking about Target, we are not talking about your new notebook, we’re not talking about the fact that the time clock is posted in the wrong area of the studio.
I already ordered you a new one. It’s on its way. Can we talk about that for one second? Then I promise we’ll get into what we’re talking about today. So mental health 101. As a therapist, one of the things that we are trained early on is that when you’re engaging with a client, it’s important to maintain eye contact and to talk with them at all times in a way that you’re engaged and you’re interested in your curious.
0:03:44 – Speaker 2
Is that why, when you make me talk about hard things, it’s always on FaceTime? Oh, absolutely so. Yeah, we have to be making eye contact. When you FaceTime me, I’m like here we go.
0:03:51 – Speaker 1
Because otherwise, if you’re talking to me about something important and I’m over here writing an email, how much does that show that I care Right?
0:03:57 – Speaker 3
It doesn’t. That’s a really good point. So here’s the thing about clocks.
0:04:01 – Speaker 1
I can’t make eye contact with you during this podcast and also see how far we’re into the time. So, in order to see the time, I have to literally avert my eyes, look at the time and look back. What if you’re in the midst of something incredibly important?
0:04:21 – Speaker 2
And what message does that send to you? I will stop talking and be like she don’t care. That’s right.
0:04:25 – Speaker 1
It sends the message to you that I’m more interested in the time. So, as a mental health provider, we have clocks every where, all over the all over you. There are clocks next to the chairs, there are clocks on the wall, there’s a clock on our wrist, there is a clock everywhere you can possibly imagine so that, as you’re in the midst of talking, watch this eye aversion here. Right Did you see, that I did.
0:04:50 – Speaker 3
Right, can I break in on this just for a second, just to.
0:04:52 – Speaker 1
I think it’s appropriate, scott, since it’s your clock.
0:04:55 – Speaker 3
For so. So, first of all, it’s not a clock, it’s a timer which shows a last time for how long you’re recording. Yeah, now, if you had clocks everywhere, obviously you could look at a clock and say, all right, we started at exactly 1118. And now I know that we’re going to be. But when you’re having a conversation, a lot of times you can’t think what exactly did I start?
0:05:17 – Speaker 1
Totally fine, you’re right, totally fine. However, could we have the countdown clock or count up clock in multiple places around the studio?
0:05:26 – Speaker 3
Well, so that’s something that I’ve worked at for the last couple of years. Now we’ve been open for five years and it’s been a challenge I used to have. Now, I have the clocks so where I have the same clock in here in the control room so I know exactly what your clock says. Now, if you want, I can take a, get another clock, yeah, and put it so. That’s so that it’s maybe not eye level, but it’s forward, you know? Yeah, look, were you looking at it over Rebecca’s head?
0:05:53 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yes, that is perfect. So she still thinks I’m making eye contact with her and we’re having a conversation. But quick eye divert. Did you see that? Watch again. You didn’t even say that.
0:06:02 – Speaker 2
You didn’t even. You didn’t even felt it. How long did you practice that in grad school? I mean there’s a lot of tricks of the trade here. I know, you know I paid a lot for that education and that is a really big takeaway.
0:06:12 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I mean I think this is important, Scott, that you are going to be able to help other podcast guests be able to better manage their time with this mental health strategy and still engage in conversation Right.
0:06:25 – Speaker 2
Look at you Free advice, thank you.
0:06:27 – Speaker 1
How much would you charge for?
0:06:28 – Speaker 2
0:06:28 – Speaker 1
Thank you, that’s at least 260 an hour right there.
0:06:31 – Speaker 3
So yeah, it’s like you’re in the wrong business, yeah.
0:06:34 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, right, right yeah. So you guys are welcome, thank you. Essentially is what I’d like to say.
0:06:40 – Speaker 3
I’m going to run out to the store and get a new timer.
0:06:41 – Speaker 1
Okay, thank you.
0:06:43 – Speaker 2
I already ordered it on Amazon. We appreciate that.
0:06:45 – Speaker 1
That is Scott, our producer. That’s right, producer. We’re going to include Scott in a lot of our conversations because we love Scott. I know he’s great. He had our earphones ready for us when we came in here today. I am so impressed.
0:06:56 – Speaker 2
Our water. I know there’s water out here. I know so awesome. And we also share a brain and we asked about these hat covers.
0:07:04 – Speaker 1
Well, we will get back to that because you’d tell me, dude, no, we’re wearing. No, that’s not a point today. We’re putting them on right at the end of this, absolutely, in fact, we should put them on right now. I know he probably should, so we’ll wait till the end. Yes, right, right. So, if you’re still with us, today’s session is getting to know Erin and Rebecca, and here’s why this is important. If you’re going to be hearing from us about empathy over the next, however many years we’re doing this podcast, it’s probably incredibly important to get some sense of who we are, how we think about things, how we know each other, how we want to engage with one another, so people can decide whether or not a we’re really worth listening to. And, two, which one of our personalities they most identify with. Don’t you think? Yeah, yeah, because I think that it would be rare for someone to embody both qualities of who we are. They’d be a pretty screwed up individual.
0:08:03 – Speaker 2
I think they’d be incredibly well balanced, you think so.
0:08:06 – Speaker 1
I can’t imagine our two souls just uniting. We have to be two separate bodies. The universe is not able to handle that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. But because we are Student Affairs moms at heart, because we spent so much time in higher ed at that time in our career, we had to do it in icebreaker form. Yeah, yeah, yes, icebreaker, maybe it’s called. They call them fire starters right, because ice breaker just might not be you know, or positive enough.
I don’t know. Whatever you want to call it, it’s totally fine, but we decided that the best way to get to know us would be that we would each secretly write five questions that we needed the other person to answer about us. Have we shared these questions with each other?
0:08:52 – Speaker 2
Oh no, we both have each last names. What I never. I was just thinking about things we have in common. What does that have to do with anything. I was thinking about things we have in common and I’m like I was thinking about our names. I don’t know why, but then I just realized it never dawned on me we both have each last names, thank you, thank you so much for that. Did you realize that?
0:09:13 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I probably did. I wasn’t sure when it would be relevant, but it’s now it is.
0:09:19 – Speaker 2
I just thought of that.
0:09:23 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so it’s I know apparently yeah, and so in this episode we’re going to take people on a behind the scenes of Rebecca and Aaron Buckle in folks Buckle in who we are as people, who we are as co-hosts, who we are as best friends, just essentially co-workers. Yeah, you’re right, um sister wives and moms what does? I think sister wives might mean something different than what you think.
0:09:52 – Speaker 2
it means what I think it means is like we we have a communal family where we we raise our families together.
0:09:59 – Speaker 1
Yeah, what like we’re not sleeping with each other’s husbands, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think that’s what happens in the in the sister wives, is they do, yeah, like we would share, like a legit thing which absolutely, oh, we’d there’s a whole.
0:10:14 – Speaker 2
there’s a whole show. Is that you know, we’re just one big family unit? Yeah, Communal communal. Oh, that doesn’t imply we’re sleeping together.
0:10:26 – Speaker 1
You and I well, we’ve got a whole family.
0:10:28 – Speaker 2
We just sleep in one bed, one big bed. We’re just gigantic beds.
0:10:32 – Speaker 1
All right, so we have our questions. I would like to start with my first question. So I’m going to ask you a question and you need to answer the question about me, and then we’ll go back and forth. Okay, question number one what is my go to coffee order?
0:10:52 – Speaker 2
Every morning I ate 45. Aaron calls me every single day, Not the weekends we don’t really talk on the weekends but every single morning.
0:11:01 – Speaker 1
I know that.
0:11:02 – Speaker 2
I did, I know, I know, but we’re both fine with that.
0:11:05 – Speaker 1
I know it’s like we need a break.
0:11:07 – Speaker 2
Or it’s like the only time, the only time, or I don’t know what it is. So every morning, 8.45, like clockwork, unless your kid is giving you a hard time and not getting out of the car, you call me and we go to Dunkin Donuts. The people now know us there. Yes, sam, they know both of us, hi.
0:11:21 – Speaker 3
0:11:21 – Speaker 2
Yes, sam knows your order and also knows my comments about your order. Right, and yeah, yeah, so you like. Hi, may I please have a small iced Carmel Swirl latte with extra Carmel and oat milk, and I always yell Extra whipped cream, double Carmel. Make sure you give me the extra Carmel. She needs the extra Carmel. You always say that and then sometimes you say and a side of snack and bacon, snack and bacon. And then I say oh, a fat bastard today.
0:11:57 – Speaker 1
And today I got a free donut hole.
0:11:59 – Speaker 2
I know I went to Dunkin Donuts. They didn’t give me anything.
0:12:02 – Speaker 1
No, of course not. They gave me a little Dunkin Donuts shot glass and it was awesome.
0:12:06 – Speaker 2
Mm-hmm, I’m surprised you like that.
0:12:07 – Speaker 1
Oh, my God you’re absolutely right, that is my order Every day, mm-hmm.
0:12:10 – Speaker 2
Yesterday I changed it up. I got you a new drink to try.
0:12:13 – Speaker 1
I know it’s frozen coffee, something earth, with Carmel. It had Carmel in it, sure did. Oh, I didn’t know that.
0:12:18 – Speaker 2
I know you, I know you.
0:12:19 – Speaker 1
But that was a nice little 2PM snack. But decaf, thank you. I know I appreciate that I watch all three. I appreciate that that’s good.
0:12:27 – Speaker 2
Okay, you nailed that Sometimes you get a sandwich. I know and it’s always cut in half. I know you only drink half the coffee.
0:12:34 – Speaker 1
Always I get it cut in half because I think I’m only going to eat half, and then sometimes during the day I eat the whole thing, mm-hmm.
0:12:41 – Speaker 2
I think it’s just like a logical. I don’t know why, but I know. Always cut in half, always. It cracks me up every time I know I know May.
0:12:47 – Speaker 1
I please have Total. May I please have All right, I love it and you nailed it. You got that one right.
0:12:54 – Speaker 2
We’ve nailed the birds that are next to the Duncan Donuts.
0:12:57 – Speaker 1
Yes, yes, they’re very loud and nesting. All right, okay, you ready.
0:13:01 – Speaker 2
I’m ready. Would Rebecca choose you as her partner on the Amazing Race and why Follow-up? Would Aaron choose Rebecca as her partner on the Amazing Race and why?
0:13:17 – Speaker 1
Would you choose me 100%, you would Hands down and why there’s no question.
You would be thinking this is a fun experience. We’re going to have so much fun together. No one cares if we win. Oh my gosh, we’re going to have the best stories to tell. And outfits, outfits oh absolutely. We’re going to have matching outfits, matching bandanas. You know the whole thing. We’re probably going to be stopping at some random bar, somewhere. We’re going to be talking to the locals. You’re just going to. It’s not going to be about the Amazing Race, it’s going to be about the amazing adventure.
Yeah, that’s right. So you, 100%, I would be the first person that you would call and would you accept it? I would accept it. We would need to talk first Surprise, you would accept it About what the goals were, or the goals to win, or is the goal to have a good time? Because if the girls to have a good time, I would do it. But here’s the thing I’m not jumping in any water. I know and reality, and I’m not doing any height challenges, and we’ve already talked about whether or not either one of us is shaving our heads. Oh, hell, no, we’re not doing it.
0:14:20 – Speaker 2
I do like wigs on Amazon, I know.
0:14:23 – Speaker 1
However, so you could rebound.
0:14:26 – Speaker 2
Here’s the problem. You would initially say that, and then we would get there and the competition anxiety would take over, I know, and you would ask for a new partner. I know, and leave me in some third world country.
0:14:35 – Speaker 1
I wouldn’t leave you there, but we’d have to talk about it you pay for me to get sent home.
0:14:39 – Speaker 2
I know, I know you so well.
0:14:42 – Speaker 1
We’d have to have it written down that you were like this is for fun, not for winning, and then I’d have to keep reading that over and over and over again, you still wouldn’t buy into it.
0:14:52 – Speaker 2
You would take it over.
0:14:54 – Speaker 1
When the going got tough, I would struggle. I know, I know, I know, so what I pick you as my partner.
0:15:01 – Speaker 2
Be honest, because I can take it.
0:15:04 – Speaker 1
It depends. I can take it If I’m looking for a good time and to travel all around the world and do the craziest things. 100% you’re going to be my partner and we’re going to have the best If I want to win. There’s not a chance. I knew it. I knew it.
0:15:19 – Speaker 2
There’s not a chance I know, and here’s what would happen, because this just happened. Recently, you went on a vacation with a different friend, although I was included, and because I’m broke, I can’t afford it. You decided to go with someone who has money, yeah, and then you would have an even better time because normally we’d have to stay in a hostel.
However, you went so far. You’re so empathetic I’m going to cry. Oh, you made a point to come and see me First. You were going to do it secretly, but it turned out not to be that way. You came and came to see me the day before you left and you handed me I should have a picture of it you handed me envelopes, I think it was nine envelopes, one for each day. You were gone with a handwritten card about how much you loved me and I could never be replaced as your friend and you wouldn’t do any of the things that we would do on our trips. And then you felt guilty when you almost ate a snack that we shared on the trip. You disclosed that later and every single day I opened the card and even my daughter was like can we open the card for me today? And I just went like, oh my heart.
0:16:29 – Speaker 1
And then, did you see, I even went so far as to print.
0:16:32 – Speaker 2
I went to Walmart At least six pictures of our lives. Six pictures for each one. I know 18 years worth of pictures. I saved every single one of them. I mean talk about. You know, that’s what husbands and wives do.
0:16:48 – Speaker 1
Well, I know you were going to struggle.
0:16:49 – Speaker 2
I did struggle. And I think I started every single card with I still love you or you’re still my favorite, or because I wanted to make sure front row center that you knew that above all else, but you took the time to do that prior to leaving to go have such a fun time.
0:17:04 – Speaker 3
And I was happy for you. I mean, I wasn’t like don’t go or gel it. I mean, I was jealous.
0:17:09 – Speaker 2
I really wanted to go, but it just next level, next level. I want to make sure you’re unexpected beautiful so he’s so nice. So I’m very aware that you wouldn’t pick me, and if I wanted to win, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t pick you. I just, and then I can also see you in the camera. Rebecca, I think you’re right. You’re right. You know you would wear a T-shirt with my face, Absolutely. I’d have some bracelet you made me and I’d be sport in that. Because you’d be with me. You would never want me to feel.
0:17:41 – Speaker 1
That’s right, I wouldn’t want you to feel left out. Yeah, I wouldn’t want you to feel like I was winning something without you being a part of it. Yeah, yeah, I have a pin or something.
0:17:50 – Speaker 2
I appreciate all of the things, but I can also hear yeah, I’m not your number one for everything, just for if I wanted to win For competitions, yeah, yeah. You also don’t pick me for long game partners ever. That is true. You also don’t pick me for any card game partners. That’s true too.
0:18:07 – Speaker 1
I’m very aware of my role in your life, I know. But to be fair, you are a lot better at yard games than I think anyone would assume You’re right.
0:18:18 – Speaker 2
It’s just like when you are surprised that I read books. Right, I know, I know, I know Yard games Every time.
0:18:23 – Speaker 1
I’ve known you for 18 years and every time you take out a book, I’m like she reads Is that so rude?
0:18:30 – Speaker 2
Yes, you also assume I can’t aim Well.
0:18:33 – Speaker 1
But then you come out with ladder ball and I’m always like, wow, I know she’s pretty good, I know she’s got her heels on. And my cocktail? She’s got some tank top with fringe that you think would get in the way of her throwing it doesn’t Nope, nailing it. And then everyone is sort of surprised Everyone. You’re pulled in some glass of wine in your right hand, always, always.
0:18:53 – Speaker 2
It can only do it with cocktails.
0:18:55 – Speaker 1
0:18:55 – Speaker 2
Right, because you got to be balanced.
0:18:57 – Speaker 1
So All right, okay. Number three Pretend to be me checking out at a store, can’t.
0:19:10 – Speaker 2
What do you say I can’t? Well, everybody knows that when we go to the store we have to go a certain way, no matter what. And if I’m driving with her, great, because then we’re on the same page. If I’m meeting her, we’re in big trouble, because I’m always late.
0:19:28 – Speaker 1
And then, when I’m late, I don’t follow the rules, and then you catch me and I’m in big trouble, but you always know where to find me Always, because you know if I’ve started first that I’m only like a little bit of ways down the regular journey my take.
0:19:38 – Speaker 2
The other part about shopping with us is we’re always yelling at each other, yes, through the aisles, yes, and bickering, yes, and without a doubt, three people ask us if we’re siblings or if we’re business owners. Yeah, decorating our store Right. Because specifically when we went shopping for your Christmas tree, we had six, six carts, six carts falling over the brim fall Right, six carts, right. And that wasn’t even enough stuff.
0:20:07 – Speaker 1
And people are like, oh, my gosh, do you guys own a store that you’re decorating, no, just your house, it’s fine.
0:20:14 – Speaker 2
So it’s always an adventure when we go and in fact I think we tried to hire a film crew to come and film us once because Interesting, so anyway. So that’s our dynamic in the store, right, but then we go to the checking out process. Yeah, and I want to hide. Yeah, I know, because you need to engage not only with the cashier but with the people in front of us and behind us and you’re just so complimentary and engaged and care. I need them to be seen. Yeah, I need them to know Specifically the cashier. Yeah, I can’t stand it. I know Hi, ma’am. Or in fact, you look at their name tag Hi Robin. Oh, my God, I love that name, robin. That’s so beautiful. I bet there’s a special significance of why you were named that. Did you get that shirt here? Because I would like to get that. We’re in. It’s probably hideous, but she’s just engaging constantly and it takes way longer than it needs to be and I’m annoyed. I’d every single time.
0:21:19 – Speaker 1
Every single time, and then I give you the look and you know.
0:21:22 – Speaker 2
Ignore me. I know Every time, I know I just need to make sure.
0:21:26 – Speaker 1
Sometimes you try to include me in the conversation and then I give you the actual look. I stopped doing that because that just gets awkward and uncomfortable, Because you give like a half answer or you’ll give like a you know, eyes up.
0:21:38 – Speaker 2
I think we have an appointment. We gotta go.
0:21:40 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I know. My favorite part, though, is you. I’ll say oh my God, robin, I really like that shirt. Where did you get it Right? And she’ll talk about it and we’ll have the whole conversation. Then you and I walk out the store, we both get out the double doors and you’ll say, just as quietly as possible, do you really like Robin’s shirt? And I’ll say no, and you’ll be like but you had to talk about it, didn’t you? I know you had to talk, and I’d be like yeah, I had to. I had to make sure that Robin felt seen and appreciated, and Robin wore that shirt today because she felt really good about it, and I want to make sure that someone noticed it. Did I like Robin’s shirt? I didn’t, I know, I know, but you know, I know.
0:22:19 – Speaker 2
That’s why I can’t say it. Someone has to say it when you give me compliments.
0:22:22 – Speaker 1
Oh, I know I don’t give you a lot of compliments, that’s true, so when I do, you should probably just take it.
0:22:27 – Speaker 2
Yeah, in fact you give me advice. We’ll call it advice. Yeah, and I don’t take it Right.
0:22:31 – Speaker 1
Right, that’s a good one. I think you did good on that. Ok, ok, ok your turn.
0:22:35 – Speaker 2
Ok, I think it’s your turn. I mean, who was Rebecca’s first celebrity crush and why? Oh Think, channel Mini Me. Ok, sawyer, yeah, yeah, yeah, now quite a bit older than you.
0:22:58 – Speaker 1
That’s right. That is very true. You were born in a whole different year. Yeah.
0:23:03 – Speaker 2
Two weeks older than you, so I’m much more mature and blossomed earlier.
0:23:07 – Speaker 1
Well, yes, that’s yeah, yeah, Mm-hmm. I’m going to say I absolutely love that. I’m about to say this name and I can’t wait for you to be like who? Who is that? Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
0:23:23 – Speaker 2
0:23:24 – Speaker 1
Oh excuse me.
0:23:24 – Speaker 3
I know who he is. Yes, it is a Jonathan.
0:23:28 – Speaker 1
Come on, jonathan, who Brandis.
0:23:32 – Speaker 2
What Do you remember, jonathan Brandis? No, who’s that? Who’s?
0:23:35 – Speaker 3
Jonathan Brandis.
0:23:35 – Speaker 2
He was like the one with the hair flip. I’m going to show you a picture of him?
0:23:38 – Speaker 1
What do you mean? The hair flip? I can’t remember which show he was on. We don’t even remember what show he was on.
0:23:42 – Speaker 3
No, he was in those karate movies.
0:23:44 – Speaker 2
Yes, and he was in some what karate movie, the Karate Kid? No, no, you know who I’m talking about.
0:23:51 – Speaker 3
Yeah, Jonathan Brandis. He came in at suicide. He did, oh no, I know his very second.
0:23:55 – Speaker 2
He was always on the teen bop like 17 magazines.
0:24:01 – Speaker 1
I’m going to go Google. Do we have to say that he committed suicide? I feel like now I need to talk about that.
0:24:05 – Speaker 2
No, we’re not going to talk about that, because I wasn’t at the point of this. I just was in love with him. He was, but Jonathan.
0:24:12 – Speaker 3
0:24:12 – Speaker 2
Thomas actually is younger than me. I believe that’s why I was in love with him. Oh my god, he was the voice of Simba, jonathan Taylor Thomas, he was. Yes, he didn’t have hair.
0:24:23 – Speaker 1
I had posters.
0:24:25 – Speaker 3
0:24:27 – Speaker 1
0:24:27 – Speaker 3
Brandis yes, oh, that’s right, he was in the original it.
0:24:31 – Speaker 2
He was. He was the little kid.
0:24:33 – Speaker 3
0:24:35 – Speaker 1
You liked some horror movie show, guy no.
0:24:39 – Speaker 3
No, he was a big teeny popper. Teeny popper.
0:24:42 – Speaker 2
Heartthrob yes.
0:24:44 – Speaker 3
You know him On 17 magazine and all that stuff.
0:24:47 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, you know him. He actually looks a lot like Jonathan Taylor Thomas. They both had the hair.
0:24:51 – Speaker 3
Was the hair a thing in the 80s? Oh yeah.
0:24:53 – Speaker 1
The hair was a. Thing.
0:24:54 – Speaker 2
No, it wasn’t the 80s, it was the 90s. In the 80s we were under 10. Well, I was. He was in the movie Lady Bugs. Yes, oh, yeah, ok, my girls just watched Lady Bugs because they’re soccer, and then I had them watch that and I realized this is inappropriate. They should not be watching this movie. Right.
0:25:13 – Speaker 1
I watch a lot of those 90s movies.
0:25:15 – Speaker 2
0:25:15 – Speaker 1
I think, we were allowed to watch that we didn’t get it at the time. We didn’t get it Side kicks, side kicks.
0:25:20 – Speaker 2
That was it. That was it here’s Captain.
0:25:23 – Speaker 3
0:25:23 – Speaker 1
Did you write him any letters or anything Did you like?
0:25:27 – Speaker 2
you did, I probably wrote. Well, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to, right.
0:25:32 – Speaker 1
You snuck it. Huh, you snuck it. Oh, you wrote a letter, you snuck it, you snuck it.
0:25:37 – Speaker 2
No, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to look at like teeny popper magazines. I certainly wasn’t allowed to watch MTV or any of that. My mom was like oh new. And so I’m pretty sure I probably had like a secret diary that would write and I would always sing that I swear song, oh yeah, from yeah to him.
0:25:57 – Speaker 1
0:25:57 – Speaker 2
I love that All for one, yeah, I swear.
0:26:01 – Speaker 1
This is where we need one of those little clips here, scott, where, like literally, you just start playing. I swear Like the moon and the stars. That’s my favorite.
0:26:14 – Speaker 3
There’s only a copyright issue with that, oh.
0:26:16 – Speaker 1
Are we allowed to sing it? What if we’re singing it? It’s fine if we’re singing it. A thousand dollars of iPad, oh, that’s all right. That’s all right, that’s all right.
0:26:25 – Speaker 2
My favorite part is whatever we’re in the car and a song comes on, we always have a sorry Either one of us associated with it. The other thing, my favorite thing to do I’m sorry, this is what happens. My other thing, speaking of songs, is Erin will be telling a story and I will immediately yell country. In fact, we’re going to do this next, and then she has to sing the story in a country, in a country play.
0:26:47 – Speaker 1
And then I’ll change it up, and then she’ll be like rap, and then I’ll have to do that, and then it’ll be like classical Right.
0:26:52 – Speaker 2
We also do it with accents and you suck at those.
0:26:55 – Speaker 1
I know which is hilarious. Because you try your best, I do everything. It’s always comes out the same, always I know, every time I know, but still fun.
0:27:03 – Speaker 2
That’s a full separate podcast right there, you know my daughter’s always say to me, how do you and Erin talk about so many things? Where do you come up with things to talk about? I’m like it doesn’t matter.
0:27:16 – Speaker 1
I know.
0:27:17 – Speaker 2
It doesn’t matter at all.
0:27:19 – Speaker 1
I know Sometimes we’re on the phone for like three or four hours and then I’m like I have to work, I know, I know. I know, and then you never say that.
0:27:26 – Speaker 2
All right, that’s true, it’s true. Or we go on trips and we never stop talking. In fact, I remember when we first our first trip to Canada. You are so empathetic. This is our first overnight, first overnight, and we’re in the room and I’m a terrible sleeper, you know, you probably don’t know that back in the day, and so I’m so excited and I’m like, are we? No, you said, should we rent a movie? What did you say?
0:27:55 – Speaker 1
No, I said. You said did you say we need to rent a movie, or did I say we should rent a movie?
0:28:02 – Speaker 2
I think we should run a movie, this was like back in the day when you could rent DVDs and I’m like you better make sure we’re going to watch. Or I said something like we better watch it.
0:28:10 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you said if we’re going to rent a movie, we really need to watch it, Right? And I said what? Instead of making out all night, what did?
0:28:17 – Speaker 2
you think we were going to do? Yeah, you can’t fall asleep Because I would be watching it by myself. So I think we rented the movie and then I was nonstop commenting on the movie and at one point you because you were so empathetic that you could not admit that you wanted to go to sleep so bad that you forced yourself to stay up. I think at one point you even started walking around Because you did not want to fall asleep on me.
0:28:43 – Speaker 1
I didn’t want you to feel alone. I know I don’t do that anymore. Now, in the midst of a conversation, you’re like are you still listening? I’m over here, out, out, out In the seat. Yeah, I know.
0:28:54 – Speaker 2
Yeah, god are those days?
0:28:56 – Speaker 1
So, jonathan Brandus, jonathan Brandus, jonathan Brandus. Yep, it’s like sex, jonathan Brandus.
0:29:01 – Speaker 3
Big deal.
0:29:03 – Speaker 1
OK, I love it. Is it my turn? Yep, ha ha ha ha. What is one thing I do that makes you most uncomfortable?
0:29:16 – Speaker 2
Besides talking to randos at the store. I mean, I think that’s it, I think that’s it.
0:29:25 – Speaker 1
You don’t like when I say we need to talk about this.
0:29:27 – Speaker 2
Oh, I don’t like that either.
0:29:29 – Speaker 1
No, or you don’t like, after you’ve been trying to ignore my phone calls, and I call you and you say hello, and I’m like did you think that by not answering the phone I was just going to go away? And you’re like I just don’t want to talk about it and I’m like you were going to go away.
0:29:45 – Speaker 2
I just thought you’d forget about it, and maybe not. I know, I know, I know.
0:29:51 – Speaker 1
I wish people could see my face right now.
0:29:53 – Speaker 2
With the face. That’s the other thing I say to you. Forget about it.
0:29:57 – Speaker 1
It could be eight years from now and I’ll be like do you remember, on May 31st of 2023, when you were wearing this?
0:30:03 – Speaker 2
and this is what happened, I know. The other thing is, when you forced me to do the FaceTime or the Zoom meeting to talk about something and I have to preface it by saying you cannot do that. I’m going to tell you something and you cannot do the face, yep, and you need to keep your comments to yourself.
0:30:18 – Speaker 1
You never do and I don’t.
0:30:19 – Speaker 2
I don’t ever.
0:30:19 – Speaker 1
I know, and my face is. I look up to the side, shake my head.
0:30:24 – Speaker 3
Sometimes you lean back and then I’ll look back down. Yeah, I know, sometimes I look back down.
0:30:29 – Speaker 1
I know Sometimes I’ll put my hands like this. I know, yeah, I don’t like when you do that either. You don’t like that. That does make you uncomfortable when I make you talk about things that you don’t want to talk about. You know what I do. Are we clear that 100.100.100% of the time you always have to talk about it? We can’t move on. I know we can’t move on past it.
0:30:49 – Speaker 2
We can’t still avoid it. But, see you, help me to effectively communicate and at the end of the day, I do feel better about it. I know, I know, but I don’t like how it feels like. I know, I don’t like it, I know. Especially when I’m shamed or feeling judged, or when I have to admit those kinds of things. Yeah, I mean, granted, you’re a safe place to land.
0:31:12 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I appreciate that I know and you’re always accepting.
0:31:14 – Speaker 2
Thank you, I mean, that’s a win.
0:31:16 – Speaker 1
I appreciate that, but you know I’m really big on. We just got to own it. At all times I don’t care what it is that we’re owning, but we have to own it. I know Because I have to know that we’re clear on what’s happening here, and then everything else after that is cake, I know.
0:31:29 – Speaker 2
But that’s why we’re always on the same page, right. I think that’s why we’re doing this podcast right. It’s because, at the end of the day, we both lead from empathy in different kinds of ways. At the you extraordinary end, it’s safe. We’ve created this safe space where we can be honest and open and communicate. And I can say to you I’m so sad you’re going on this trip. I’m happy for you, but I’m so sad you’re going on this trip because I don’t want. I’m afraid you’re gonna forget about me. I can say that out loud to you and not feel like an idiot. I mean, I do feel like an idiot because I’m 21 years old and should have my life together, but I can say that out loud.
0:32:08 – Speaker 1
How many other women feel that way. I can’t say it, but they can’t say it. And what happens? You say that and I say boo, boo. I would never forget about you.
0:32:17 – Speaker 2
Thank you for telling me that that’s how you felt I can’t believe you would even think that, and I’m like that’s the first thing I think. So once we started realizing each other’s tendencies and patterns and you focus in on how each other thinks and feels, and you’re prepared for it, just like with the amazing race, I’m fully prepared that you wouldn’t pick me and I’m not gonna be offended by it because I know your motivations.
0:32:41 – Speaker 1
We’re gonna still have to talk about it, because when I call someone else and they’re my partner, you’re not gonna like that.
0:32:47 – Speaker 2
But I know you’re not gonna like that, especially if you pick someone that I might feel a certain way about.
0:32:51 – Speaker 1
I know, and it’s fine, and then we talk about it and then we move on.
0:32:55 – Speaker 2
I know, I know Big deal, big deal, I know.
0:32:57 – Speaker 1
It’s a lot of progress. I love it. I know it’s good. You do a good job. Is it my turn?
0:33:03 – Speaker 3
I don’t know.
0:33:04 – Speaker 1
No, it’s your turn. That was mine. One thing I do that makes you feel uncomfortable. Okay.
0:33:14 – Speaker 2
How would Rebecca handle her childhood pet?
0:33:18 – Speaker 1
passing away my only experience with you having a pet that passed away. I would tell you. Then say the pet’s name. It might just trigger you and I’m very aware of that. But Molson, okay, it’s fine, do you?
0:33:38 – Speaker 2
know what you said.
0:33:39 – Speaker 1
That wasn’t my childhood pet, but I mean, it was my only experience that I have, and your response to that was I’m never having another animal again. That was the worst experience of my life. What about your cat, charles?
0:33:50 – Speaker 2
Mike’s my response to your cat diet. I know, and then you made me go with you. Of course I’m not gonna go by myself. I can’t even watch animal movies, I know.
0:34:00 – Speaker 1
Let alone come with you to put my favorite cat on this planet, down I know Right.
0:34:07 – Speaker 2
He pissed in your car and we did not clean it, because we just wanted to be with him. Charles.
0:34:12 – Speaker 1
I know oh sweet.
0:34:13 – Speaker 2
0:34:14 – Speaker 1
Weird. Well you are, yeah, so you’re like for someone who likes to be dead inside. You have this really close connection with animals. You and your children have named the groundhogs in the back of your house and on the side of the soccer field. You have named them all food names.
0:34:42 – Speaker 2
0:34:44 – Speaker 1
Condiments Honey mustard.
0:34:46 – Speaker 2
Yeah, onion Yep Tomato.
0:34:51 – Speaker 1
So I can’t even imagine Before the made a croissant. Oh God, Before the world got to you and made you even harder.
0:35:01 – Speaker 2
I know, then you were back then.
0:35:03 – Speaker 1
I can’t even imagine what it was like for you to lose a childhood pet. I can’t even imagine.
0:35:10 – Speaker 2
When my cat had cancer, she took the way she told me. She took me to church and we sat in a pew. Okay, nobody else was there.
And we sat in a pew and she’s like I’ve got to tell you something. Okay, it was not good. She had to take me to a public place. Yeah, oh yeah, it was not good. I’m pretty sure I went to therapy after that. Yeah, it was not good. Yeah, I love that. She took you to church, 100%. Yeah, when she found out I got a pet when I was older, she’s like it’s not good we got to talk about this, I know, because it’s not going to be good, I know.
I know I had it, and now I have my two cats and I know Remember when you got a sequin in his eye and I could not function. I know I called you, hysterically crying. It was during COVID. I’m like he’s going to lose an eye. What am I going to do? It was, it was it was not good.
0:35:58 – Speaker 1
He literally got a sequin attached to his eye. Like a contact.
0:36:03 – Speaker 2
I know Like a contact. I know what the heck happened.
0:36:06 – Speaker 1
How did this?
0:36:06 – Speaker 2
happen? I have no idea. I know he also is the same as in his eyes Go what I know he’s so how did I he didn’t know, he didn’t even know.
0:36:14 – Speaker 1
He didn’t know. I had a guinea pig named Jellybean I can’t and I would read Jellybean stories every single night before bed.
0:36:25 – Speaker 2
Of course you did.
0:36:27 – Speaker 1
And when Jellybean died, I refused to believe that he was really gone, so we had to leave him downstairs. The dead animal? Yes, Jellybean.
0:36:38 – Speaker 2
Like visible or in a he was in a. He was in a crate with his stuffed animals, you mean just like a dead animal, stiff.
0:36:44 – Speaker 1
Yeah, oh yeah, rigamortis, and all oh, wow, oh okay, for at least three days, to the point where my mom had to come down and say, aaron, it’s time, it’s time, it’s time. And I refused to just bury Jellybean in the ground because Jellybean would go outside and he would run in our front yard. He would go from flower bed to flower bed to flower bed. We could leave him out there for hours and hours at a time.
0:37:14 – Speaker 2
And he would just stay in the yard, he would just yep. He would stay right in the yard, he would go-. I put a leash on him. I’m so sweet, cause I would be so afraid that he would run away.
0:37:18 – Speaker 1
Oh my God, I didn’t realize how wonderful that was until right now, how amazing, right. So I got him a nice little box and I put some carrots in there.
0:37:29 – Speaker 2
Oh, so we could eat, eat and have it and some lettuce in there.
0:37:32 – Speaker 1
Okay, that’s very kind and his two stuffed animals and we put them in the box.
0:37:36 – Speaker 2
You probably made him a handmade pillow too.
0:37:39 – Speaker 1
I put his favorite blanket in there, we put the top on it and then we buried him under the tree in the front yard where he loved to spend all of his time. I did not realize until right now, like how old was I? I had to have been Carter’s age, right my son’s age. I had to have been seven, eight, nine years old, and I had to make sure that that guinea pig, even in its dead state, dead state, had carrots and lettuce.
0:38:15 – Speaker 2
Just in case I know. Just in case. I can’t imagine what was going through your brain when the dirt was going on top of that box. I know I can still bring it back.
0:38:24 – Speaker 1
I can still bring it back, I know. Thank you, I can’t go there.
0:38:30 – Speaker 2
That was not good. I could never bury an animal. I would relive that. That would be that thing in my brain. I would never get rid of it.
0:38:37 – Speaker 1
I can’t. That’s why I can’t watch animal movies. They all die. I still see it today.
0:38:41 – Speaker 2
Every parent in the animal movie dies. Why do we have to have death in everything I know?
0:38:46 – Speaker 1
And here’s my kid. I can’t just pretend it never happens. Here’s my kid.
0:38:49 – Speaker 2
There’s a snake at the lake house this weekend and she’s like when you chop the head off, I want to open it up and see the brain. I’m like I cannot. I said what. Who are you? Yep?
0:38:59 – Speaker 1
Which one was that? Sawyer, yeah, sawyer, sawyer.
0:39:02 – Speaker 2
Knew it and she’s like. It’d be really great to see its guts too, and the heart, if we could find it. I’m like I’m inside crying that they might be killing this mom and baby snake. Yeah right, we almost dropped this. I can’t, it’s too much, I know. And then of course she got to tell me the whole I can’t.
0:39:18 – Speaker 1
I know Torturing. I know it’s too much. It’s too much, I know.
0:39:23 – Speaker 2
I’m not going to go fishing, but I have a really hard time with it Because you, what if they die?
0:39:29 – Speaker 1
Well, you just, oh, yeah, because if you hook it wrong, yes, I know, yes, I feel different about fish you do, yeah, that’s hard for me too.
0:39:38 – Speaker 2
Some day you’ll tell the story of it. You wouldn’t hold that big S when you got.
0:39:40 – Speaker 1
No, we can show that video.
0:39:42 – Speaker 2
Oh, that was good. No, I tried, I know, but that one left.
0:39:46 – Speaker 1
That one left.
0:39:47 – Speaker 2
But still I’m very.
0:39:48 – Speaker 1
I don’t know why I feel different about fish. Now I feel bad that I feel different about fish. This is a whole podcast in and of itself is me going through my day to day. I’ll give you such a prime example of this. I was in the bathroom before today’s episode and there’s this sign on the wall that says something like live your dreams some inspirational thing and I’m like I wonder who put that on the wall. I wonder if they feel that way.
0:40:17 – Speaker 3
How did they feel this?
0:40:18 – Speaker 1
is what happens when I’m in there just to tinkle before coming in here.
Oh, and you go through that whole thing and I’m like who bought that? Why did they put that on there? Scott didn’t buy that. He did not see that sign and think that’s the sign that needs to go on the wall. Isn’t it interesting that the blue in the background of that matches the color blue? Did they do that on purpose? Someone paid close attention to detail. I wonder if anyone’s ever recognized that. This is what happens for me every single moment of every single day.
0:40:47 – Speaker 2
That’s really interesting because, now that you’re talking about this, when I was a little kid, I used specifically alphabet cereal. Do you remember that?
0:40:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, absolutely.
0:40:56 – Speaker 2
For whatever reason, those were alive and they had names. Well, they were in the commercial. Oh, maybe that’s what it was they had eyes and eyes and I had a hard time eating them. Ok, all right, ok, because I was 100% convinced that yeah, yeah.
0:41:14 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that they were real.
0:41:15 – Speaker 2
Yes, Not that I was murdering, not that I was eating something that was alive, just like I’m hurting you. Yeah, and you have a story, yeah. Because, you’re letters I love that for you.
0:41:28 – Speaker 1
I love that for you. That is absolutely going to be one of the things that you wish you didn’t say on air, I know, I know, but I think it’s OK. Can you see that? Does that make sense? It does make sense. I see what you were thinking.
0:41:41 – Speaker 2
Yes, I accept that that’s what was, but I never felt that way about meat like you did, oh.
0:41:46 – Speaker 1
I know I never had. I was a vegetarian for 12 years.
0:41:49 – Speaker 2
I know I never thought this chicken was a lie Sacrifice for me.
0:41:52 – Speaker 1
But that alphabet cereal. Watch out for that letter A with those eyes. Watch out, run on it Right in the mouth, right. Not good, not good, just alphabets. Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. Thank you, that was. That is going to come back at some point.
0:42:09 – Speaker 3
It’s alphabets, by the way.
0:42:11 – Speaker 1
Oh, you’re right, it is when Rebecca’s eating it. Oh my god.
0:42:18 – Speaker 2
I’m not going to be able to look at that cereal.
0:42:21 – Speaker 1
Oh, that was a trick. All right, I just had to avert my entire head to look at the time to come back, because I didn’t want to take away. Especially. That’s a great time. Well, you’re telling me about that experience you had. What if? Right in the middle you’re telling me about the alphabets. I’m like what the heck time is it? Are we close? That would have felt terrible. I know Right, I know You’re right. So for the last five or so minutes, I think it’s important to put these on.
0:42:45 – Speaker 2
OK, but I need to ask you the last question.
0:42:52 – Speaker 1
Scott’s wife made these. She did we definitely. These are camera covers, but we both thought that they were Rastafarian hats. Yeah, whereas I need my lines Maine Deep down, do I wish it was a Rastafarian hat? I do 100%.
0:43:07 – Speaker 3
My needs to be a little bit to the side. I could always be a Rastafarian hat if you actually want to embrace that religion.
0:43:11 – Speaker 1
I look French. You look like a beret Wee-wee. Yeah, yeah, I think we need to wear these for the last few questions. Ok, camera covers by day. Hats by podcast. I think they look really nice. Thank you, scott’s wife, for making these. Yeah, we like them. My mind’s falling off. We absolutely thought these were hats, 100%. We thought they were like props, like here for our yeah man. Well, they are now. Oh my god, props I got to write that down in my notebook.
Let’s put it in your notebook, yeah, next week, all right, I have my very last question, ok, oh, I have to decide. No, I’m good, I know which one it is.
0:43:53 – Speaker 2
Oh my god, it’s June. Today’s June, yep, today’s the first day of June.
0:43:58 – Speaker 1
You know what else happened.
0:43:59 – Speaker 2
We stole somebody’s password for Netflix, who? Our friend Tina well, we didn’t steal it she, she set it up Are you in your family. I thought you thought you meant me. No, no, no, no. She shared her password to Netflix, yeah, and swear was so excited because you know we don’t have that yeah, and she’s been watching it today, big screen. It said this this is not your household, you can no longer access this.
0:44:29 – Speaker 3
And she was like mommy.
0:44:31 – Speaker 2
Netflix is gone.
0:44:32 – Speaker 3
I’m like those are the glory day girls gone.
0:44:35 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you’re gonna have to watch the TV we have.
0:44:38 – Speaker 2
They’re on to us, yeah, so that we realize it was June, I go what is it June 1st? Because I think they mean that they’ve started making announcements, but because I don’t have regular TV with commercials or fascinating how they know. Yeah, I’m gonna try to use yours when I get home because I know your Netflix password.
0:44:53 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I mean, it’s really hard to remember, really complicated.
0:44:56 – Speaker 2
I’ll mark.
0:44:58 – Speaker 1
So, okay, go ahead. Did you just ask the last question? Oh yeah, yes, you did. You did the childhood pet? Oh yeah, yeah, my last question for you. Please give an example of a time when you questioned my empathy.
0:45:15 – Speaker 2
My lips talk about it on the air.
0:45:18 – Speaker 1
Only specific examples. Are you? Are you writing it in your notebook? You got to write it before you answer it.
0:45:24 – Speaker 2
No, I’m writing bring the props. Oh, okay, that might to do list. Okay, did you need me to repeat the question? No, I time that I questioned your empathy, actually, it made me feel better about myself. Oh, and it made me feel better that I Don’t. I don’t have necessarily a specific example, it just made me feel like I, I it’s okay to feel a certain way sometimes. Specifically, when you’re yeah and You’re gonna talk about the airport example. Oh, the one that most recently happened. Well hilarious.
0:46:00 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I did. I thought you were gonna talk about oh, okay.
0:46:04 – Speaker 2
0:46:04 – Speaker 1
Because I’m sure that one made you feel a lot better about yourself.
0:46:07 – Speaker 2
There was. There’s a lot of examples, but this one’s pretty funny. So we are that in the past year, you and I have been traveling quite often. That’s, those are all funny stories. But we have this Supplies suitcase that we bring with us and originally we had this huge one. That, or is this the huge one? It was a huge.
0:46:28 – Speaker 1
Oh, okay, it’s big birthday. Yeah, not many but that.
0:46:31 – Speaker 2
No. So we get this huge suitcase that a. It’s too heavy and too large for me to carry Mm-hmm, so I make you do it. It’s bigger than you are. Yes, it’s taller than me. We have pictures of that too, and we call her big Bertha, and it has all of our supplies for our tabling Conferences. And we get to the airport and this is like our third row.
0:46:49 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it’s not the first time bringing big B to the airport. No, and just to be fair, we had had her sized, we had the empty container.
0:47:01 – Speaker 2
Yeah, like you did hey, yeah, yeah.
0:47:05 – Speaker 1
No, I did that for you Exactly, I’m the detail, yeah right.
0:47:08 – Speaker 2
I’m not gonna let you be embarrassed, right, right right.
0:47:10 – Speaker 1
Which is why, which is what happened, which is why Yep.
0:47:14 – Speaker 2
When, when you have the details and the information, watch out, watch out. So we’re there and we this is not our first radio and we know all the rules and regulations this woman behind the counter I don’t even know, the airline doesn’t even matter behind the counter tried to charge you what?
$450 dollars to put this thing on the plane. And I was like, and so I started pulling up my, my information, all these things, and she is just being Adam and stony, nasty to you. Yeah, not even acknowledging me. Yeah, when I’m the assistant, yeah, you’re the celebrity you speak to me. But because you had to lift big Bertha, yeah, onto the count, onto the scale. Yeah, she assumed you were in charge. Yep, no, yeah, I am very clear. You’re normally in charge.
0:48:03 – Speaker 1
I’ll take over if I have to go to the stuff.
0:48:06 – Speaker 2
Yeah, so I’m trying to manage the situation. Yeah, I can see out of my side I that we are. Yeah, we’re going down and this is not good and so at one point you slammed your hand on the counter and said ma’am, I have a phd, I Am educated, do not speak to me Like I am a toddler. And at that point I think I slowly backed away with my license and my ticket to get out in the airplane and thought she may or may not be coming with me because she will be getting big birthday, so I’ll be sitting at that table by myself with no supply.
0:48:51 – Speaker 1
She was not Listening. She just kept saying I wish is one of my biggest pet peeves. She just kept saying the same thing over and over. It’s $450. I don’t know what information you got, but it was incorrect information. No, we can’t change the price, it’s $450. What would you like to do?
0:49:08 – Speaker 2
I have other people in line, right and I’m like, and eventually after you threw a holy hell fit, another woman came over and 100% was kind, sweet, empathetic, and you softened and you said she was like let’s troubleshoot this, let’s talk this through, blah, blah, blah, all the things right, absolutely. And then we ended up with a beautiful compromise yeah, and that’s all you wanted from the beginning.
0:49:31 – Speaker 1
Oh I never, never, throw out my degree, never, ever. I think it’s tacky. It is tacky, it’s so tacky, but in that moment she was talking to me like I had Lacking brain cells and it’s stuff. Yeah, I know, right, I know I do. I remember slamming the hand, all of it the other, the of my other.
0:49:58 – Speaker 2
You don’t embarrass me. It makes me happy when you defend me. Oh, when you get right up into. Yeah holy, no, you’re not gonna do that either?
0:50:06 – Speaker 1
Yep, absolutely.
0:50:07 – Speaker 2
No I know.
0:50:10 – Speaker 1
So isn’t it interesting I think that’s a future podcast episode right? The difference between empathy and boundaries. Is it possible to be a strongly empathic person who cares so deeply and, at the same time, not be a complete pushover? Yeah, because I don’t think anyone in my life would describe me as a pushover. I think they’d say it was the opposite. Right, we’re real clear where that end of that line is, and it’s not that I don’t become Empathic or I stop being empathic at that point. It’s essentially that I’m real clear that you’re infringing on a territory that’s unfair. Yeah, and as a highly empathic person, it’s important for me to know what that boundary is, or else I’ll just constantly be taken advantage of, right hundred percent. So I think that’s an interesting point to discuss.
0:50:51 – Speaker 2
You learn that over the years, Absolutely so you. I think that that would be a great episode, because you had to go through life and you had to accept your empathy and your compassion for people and then develop the boundaries I had to get taken advantage of.
0:51:05 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’ll tell you a story in the future about Fimo pens right, which is essentially a clay that you put on pens, and that really, for me, was a very defining moment of how I Decided that my empathy wasn’t my superpower, but it was a kryptonite for me it was something that really had me at a complete loss and walked on and manipulated and uncared for, overburdened, and I think that it’s so important for people to understand that empathy doesn’t equate to being a pushover or constantly not having boundaries or always having to be the caring one.
And in that situation with the airport, when that woman came in and said how can we troubleshoot this with you Immediately, when you said I softened, I was like 100%, girl, speak in my language here, right, I’m willing to work with anyone, but if you’re going to act in that particular way to me, there’s no way I’m going to sit there and kill you, with kindness, you know so, as the customer, because you’re so thrown off guard, you shouldn’t be the one that you know.
0:52:16 – Speaker 2
Again, this is my superpower, right? I would have been the one who’s like, oh God, I’m about to charge her $400. So I’m going to say it. And then I could read your body language and I could be like Okay, that didn’t feel good. Hey, you know, what can we do to fix this? Here are some, here are some options, and that’s my superpower. I will come up with some things very, very quickly, because I am all about the customer experience and helping someone get a win-win, but I’m also very rollbound when it comes to policies and procedures right.
0:52:42 – Speaker 1
So I still walk out of there paying 450 bucks, but I got myself a thing of water and some airplane checks mix and all of a sudden you know life is okay because you put the little bow around it right, exactly, exactly, exactly, or you know?
0:52:58 – Speaker 2
I love that, I know.
0:53:00 – Speaker 1
I love that.
0:53:01 – Speaker 2
All right, are you ready for those last ones?
0:53:02 – Speaker 1
Let me divert my eyes and I’m back. You ready for the last one? I’m not sure if I can take you seriously with this hat on, but you’re really sporting it. It’s coming up. Yeah, I am ready for the last question. I think people have gotten a pretty good idea of who we are from this episode. I like it, okay, really rocking that hat. You like it? Yeah, you look really good, okay. Oh no, what’s the last one? I’m not ready. How?
0:53:30 – Speaker 2
would Rebecca handle it if we drifted apart? You could even answer it for yourself. Do you want me to just do a visual?
0:53:46 – Speaker 1
How would Rebecca handle it if we drifted apart? It’s hard for me to imagine that happening, because neither of us would allow it to get there. We’re so hyper-vigilant about each other’s personalities that if, literally, like you said this morning, I call you at 847 and you’re like, is she mad at me? I need to call her, I need to fix this right. So I cannot imagine either one of us. We have such an onus for our relationship that we constantly are like, hey, I noticed this, why, right? Or I haven’t heard from. Oh my gosh, do you remember the time that you this was? This was years ago. This was so far before where we are today and you got mad about something and you didn’t call me for like a week and a half Maybe it was nine days on purpose.
And finally I called you out of the blue and you said did you realize that I haven’t called you for nine days? And I said no, I didn’t. And you were like, oh right. And I said why you mad? And you’re like, well, I was, and I’m like about what? And you told me whatever it was and I said listen, I’m not going to catch that stuff. So if you’re mad about something, you let me know what you’re mad about and we’ll handle it. But I am absolutely not going to notice you didn’t call me for nine days and that that was the trigger for me to notice that you were somehow upset about something.
0:55:18 – Speaker 2
What a turning point right and so. But again, until people establish the vulnerability and the empathy and those kinds of things in relationships, you can never get there. That’s why husbands and wives and partners can’t get there, because they’re too scared to say how they’re feeling, because it won’t be received or they’ll be gaslighted or whatever, and because we both meet each other where we’re at and accept our idiosyncrasies and all the things we can let. We are in the moment in the trenches and then we’ll make fun of each other later, absolutely.
0:55:48 – Speaker 1
You were allowed to have your nine day moment. I was allowed to absolutely ignore the whole thing and not recognize it was happening, and then we could both laugh about the fact that it happened, right, right.
0:55:59 – Speaker 2
So now it’s almost a running joke, but now we’re very clear Now.
0:56:02 – Speaker 1
Now it’s again. It’s hard. You would never go nine days for two different reasons One, you wouldn’t allow yourself to go nine days, and two, I would be like do you understand that it’s Monday at eight 45 and I haven’t talked to you since Friday? Why, right, right, so it is hard to say. Let’s say, though, that we were to start to drift apart Just again really hard for me to understand. Getting nauseous, you would be in the corner, rocking back and forth, breathing heavily, saying I don’t like how I feel. I don’t like how I feel. It wouldn’t be good, it would be really bad.
0:56:39 – Speaker 2
It would be really bad, it wouldn’t be good. Wait, remember when we both recently watched that show. Dead to me, Stop it. Did I watch it? Yes, Dead to me with um.
0:56:51 – Speaker 3
oh yes with the girl who gets cancer at their besties and she gets cancer and the whole thing.
0:56:54 – Speaker 1
No, I couldn’t couldn’t watch the end I watched the end, I’m like I’m not okay. I called you immediately at the end, I know when she passed away and I’m like I’m not okay, uh-huh, uh-huh, this is not okay.
0:57:04 – Speaker 2
Then you immediately went into. Just so we’re clear. You have to go first. Oh, absolutely, I’m not doing that. I know we already planned, we already we planned out. Yeah, planned all those things I know we have to have, we have to have an end game plan. I know, cause it’s going to be bad, I know.
0:57:19 – Speaker 1
And I’m happy if we have the end game plan, and I just am convinced that that’s the end game plan. But I know, I know it’s not good. It’s not going to be good, nope, that’s not going to happen. So what would you do? It would not be pretty. Nope, nope, it would not be pretty.
0:57:34 – Speaker 2
I would probably disengage from all, all things. Yep, I’d stop eating. Yep, stop, I would not do anything. Yep, it would be very bad.
0:57:43 – Speaker 1
Yep, and and I love that about you and I in all reality, I know that about you and you trust me so much to not ever allow you to get to that place Yep, and I think that that is. That is why the cards come out right Before the, before the vacation. That is why the phone calls happen right, Because the level of vulnerability and trust that exists in a relationship where you know that that person has the ability to put you in a corner shaking, crying, upset and disengaging from the entire world, and knowing that there’s no way that they would ever allow that to happen, is the purest form of unconditional love, 100%. Do you think people have a good idea of who we are? I hope. I mean, do you think they’re still listening? I don’t know. I don’t know. This is going to get a little sweaty. I know it is nice. Oh, I clipped it to my clip. I can’t wait to see what comes next for us. Oh my God.
0:58:41 – Speaker 2
I’m so excited I got my notebook Right.
0:58:43 – Speaker 1
I already started planning the props.
0:58:45 – Speaker 2
Yep, oh, I clipped my hair thing into it. Stick with us, bye.
0:58:51 – Speaker 1
I loved that Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing?
0:58:55 – Speaker 2
Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff that’s fine, I accept you wherever you are.
0:59:03 – Speaker 1
Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.

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