If you’re going to be spending time with us each week, you probably want to know a little more about who we are, what we have to say, and if you can relate. Join us on this episode of More Love as we take an initial dive into the hearts and minds of Erin and Rebecca.
0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:28 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:30 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay.
0:00:57 – Speaker 1
I still love it. I still love that intro. It couldn’t be more accurate. Let me tell you my favorite part about what we were planning on doing today. So I came to you and I said I have a glossary full of terms that I believe it’s important that we describe to our listeners so that they are aware of who these people are in our lives and what we do. And what did you say? No one wants to hear that.
0:01:33 – Speaker 2
I just wrote that on the set.
0:01:34 – Speaker 1
Why do we need to talk about that you?
0:01:37 – Speaker 2
can just put that on the website and I’m like I think we need to ground our listeners in some information about who we are, what’s important to us.
0:01:46 – Speaker 1
You know where we’ve been. Who are these people that we’re talking about? And you said absolutely not.
0:01:55 – Speaker 2
I know I said I go, you can write it up, and you’ll write it up so eloquently and then you’ll post it and then I’ll say if you want more information, just read the glossary. It’s true, I know I was realizing that, I was just realizing.
0:02:11 – Speaker 1
if that is not our personalities right there, I’m not really sure what is I know?
0:02:16 – Speaker 2
I know it’s true and you know I did question you and if you were insistent, which?
0:02:23 – Speaker 1
I do see the glossary in front of you. I have zero notes.
0:02:28 – Speaker 2
I see that and you have your piece of paper, and I’m fully aware that we may still be doing that, right?
0:02:34 – Speaker 1
And it’s okay, it’s my go to, it’s okay, maybe kind of like when I walk around the store in the same direction every single time, except the Christmas tree shop.
0:02:43 – Speaker 2
That’s right, that is the only. Always to the left, always, yep. Every other one Never to the left.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
Yep which, why I don’t know Some things in life just don’t have answers.
0:02:52 – Speaker 2
I know why, why? I know why Because when you walk in, the cash registers are on your right, and it would be. You can’t go past the cash registers to start that way. It’s a forced left. Yes, it’s a forced left. Yeah, because it’s technically straight. Yeah, yeah, that’s what it is.
0:03:08 – Speaker 1
I get it you know what I just thought of?
0:03:10 – Speaker 2
another one. What Hobby Lobby?
0:03:12 – Speaker 1
Always to the left it is always to the left. Always Yep.
0:03:15 – Speaker 2
I know, because I always have to see it’s seasonal.
0:03:17 – Speaker 1
It’s always seasonal, it’s always at least 50% off.
0:03:20 – Speaker 2
And we usually don’t get fake flowers because they’ve been there, done that and that’s always to the right.
0:03:27 – Speaker 1
We’ve evolved, we’ve evolved. So, essentially, I think I’m saying we had a plan today and now we don’t, and so now we’re just going to wing it and it’s probably going to be a much better show than whatever I had prepared. Great, great, Starting with this, oh God, I got you a present. Oh, I got you a present. I got you a present. We’re going to embark on this journey together, and so, if we are, you need to be fully equipped. So I got you a little something here.
0:03:59 – Speaker 2
I’d like to share this with you.
0:04:00 – Speaker 1
Oh God, it’s good at leopard paper. Do you love that? It’s hot pink leopard paper.
0:04:04 – Speaker 2
I do. You know what I do. Do I open this now? Absolutely. This is dangerous on many levels.
0:04:19 – Speaker 1
Oh, my God, oh excuse me, they’re rose gold. They’re rose gold, they’re rose gold. Oh, I’m sorry. Are these legit? I’m sorry, did I have some Shut up? Are they matching? Oh, I got the purple one.
0:04:37 – Speaker 2
Look at this. It has a corner.
0:04:38 – Speaker 1
I know my favorite part is you, and I have no idea how to plug these things in. No, I did.
0:04:45 – Speaker 2
Did you?
0:04:45 – Speaker 1
test them. I talked to Scott, our producer. Oh, he told you what to buy and I sent him some links.
0:04:53 – Speaker 2
And he sent five below. No, oh, no, no, that’s where I would go.
0:04:57 – Speaker 1
No, no, oh, you bought the high end. Well, you always give me the high end Okay, so this is the point in the show where we’re going to attempt to switch earphones. Okay, and this could go completely wrong. Just know they’re adorable, I love them. I think they’re going to look so cute when we get them on. Okay, and we’ll be back with them as soon as we can plug these babies in. Okay, oh, maybe take this part off here. Oh, scott the producer is here.
0:05:26 – Speaker 2
Hello, scott the producer. Yeah, I just thought, maybe we just unplug this and plug it in. Yeah, so unplug that one and you unplug it right in. Well, wait which one. Use this one. Okay, I might be back.
0:05:40 – Speaker 1
Oh, I’m back. This is so nice. Oh, that’s so nice. Hold on, this one has a oh, I’m all caught up here, all right, so this is the one for phones.
0:05:52 – Speaker 2
For phones. Yeah, so we can take our show on the road. Yeah, take it out of the road. I love how you wrapped it. I am all sorts of You’re all.
0:06:02 – Speaker 1
That’s interesting. I don’t know what’s going on. Oh, these are pretty wild Guys. Did you know we had a producer? We have a producer, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one and then you can plug that in and unplug the one that’s there and yeah, wow, look at these, these are fancy. Oh, I gotta hurry up. They’re nice. Oh, wait till you get those babies on Wait wait Thank you, scott Right, look at.
0:06:30 – Speaker 2
Oh she cute. Look, I even wrote my Rose White Rolls gold shirt.
0:06:34 – Speaker 1
Yep, they even match her shirt. Look how pretty, oh. Can you hear so well? Oh yeah, oh, isn’t that nice. This is so good. Do you like this? Yeah, I think if we’re gonna have a podcast we have to have some cute earmuff things. I’m gonna put our logo on. I was gonna bling it, I was gonna. Absolutely I’m gonna put our logo on it, yeah.
0:06:58 – Speaker 2
That’ll be my surprise to you Actually glitter, oh yes.
0:07:05 – Speaker 1
Love it. Thank you, you’re welcome. You’re welcome, so now we’re official. Now even if we only have five listeners, we at least have cute speaker drinks on our heads.
0:07:16 – Speaker 2
What are these?
0:07:17 – Speaker 1
called Headphones. Headphones, earmuffs is what I want to keep calling them. So you’re welcome. Thank you, I love this. I’m wearing them all the time. So I thought what we could do today, outside of the glossary, was to introduce listeners to who we are. Okay, but that wouldn’t be fun if we were just sort of sitting here explaining who we were to everyone. Yeah.
0:07:45 – Speaker 2
Right, no one cares about that either.
0:07:47 – Speaker 1
When’s the last time you updated your resume?
0:07:49 – Speaker 2
Just so we’re clear.
0:07:50 – Speaker 1
Oh, you did ask me for that. Yours is like pictures and stuff cut out of egg.
0:07:57 – Speaker 2
I think you asked me for it the beginning of the year and I’m like why you wanted to have a work at third center, yeah, and I’m like yeah, and you’re like a resume.
0:08:08 – Speaker 1
What do you mean?
0:08:09 – Speaker 2
I haven’t done that since I was in college.
0:08:13 – Speaker 1
Oh, was it senior year. Yeah, sorry.
0:08:17 – Speaker 2
Sorry, now it was in 2015, but still there were a little things that need to be added 2000,.
0:08:24 – Speaker 1
Which I went and I had my son right, so eight years ago is the last time you updated your resume.
0:08:30 – Speaker 2
It’s true, it’s true I don’t get my jobs from my qualifications. What?
0:08:34 – Speaker 1
How do you get your jobs? That’s a different episode.
0:08:41 – Speaker 2
Okay yeah, yep Solid, who you know, aka, I work for you.
0:08:51 – Speaker 1
Guess no one else will take it. It’s true, it’s true, so great. So, yeah, I thought maybe we could, instead of introducing ourselves, introduce each other Okay To our massive number of listeners that we have. So I would like to start. Are you okay with that? What’s the face?
0:09:15 – Speaker 2
What’s the face I?
0:09:16 – Speaker 1
get nervous.
0:09:17 – Speaker 2
I get nervous about all the things.
0:09:22 – Speaker 1
All right. So if I had to introduce you to Rebecca, this is what I would say you are in for a wild ride. She is one of the most extra fun, spontaneous, live life on the edge people I have ever met. You were the person that made me the most uncomfortable when we first met. I don’t think there is anyone that I think could have been more opposite of who I have always felt I am as a person, and yet there is something so incredibly intriguing and drawing about that.
I don’t know what that says about my inner soul, but you would do things that would fascinate me and I think has a very curious interested. Love people just for like who they are, no matter what. You were one of the first people that I met that I thought she is so much different than the normal people that I hang with or talk with and I absolutely loved that. I need to again reiterate that it was probably the scariest time in my life, because there are still times to this day that I am not sure what you’re about to say or how it’s about to come out, or what people’s reactions are going to be, what messes I’m going to have to clean up.
0:11:07 – Speaker 2
It took you a long time to introduce me to some people in your life. Oh yes, long time In fact. I’m pretty sure I got introduced to some of your closest friends because you asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I met. We had a very siloed relationship. I’ll let you think about it.
0:11:26 – Speaker 1
Yep, yep, I was by design, wow.
0:11:29 – Speaker 2
Yeah, sam’s a little bit of a somewhat go-kart.
0:11:31 – Speaker 1
That’s fine, just I would agree. Does Aaron have other friends? I don’t know.
0:11:35 – Speaker 2
No, I knew you did, but I never really thought about why you never introduced us.
0:11:42 – Speaker 1
I don’t think the world was ready yet. I think that’s probably. I don’t think the world was ready for you, number one, and then they certainly probably weren’t ready for understanding you and I together, because I do think to this day still, people are like how are you two as close?
0:12:01 – Speaker 2
as you are Until they get to know me. I agree with that. Once they get to know me, then it makes all the sense in the world. But you’re right when I think back. Our professional colleagues were in our lives for the most part, but nobody in your personal circle. However, you were very involved in my personal circle of one.
Right that one friend and my family and all of that, I mean my mom would drive us on wine tours all the time. So I mean, which is that that’s also part of the course, right? Because?
0:12:38 – Speaker 1
that’s right. It’s easy to integrate me because I’m just going to get along with anyone who’s sitting in that van on the wine tour or participating.
0:12:49 – Speaker 2
So in fact, I think at one point I schemed to try to get you to date my brother.
0:12:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, I did.
0:12:57 – Speaker 2
That was before he got married.
0:12:58 – Speaker 1
Was that a missed opportunity? Maybe? I mean maybe Love you, mark. Okay, so how else would I describe you? I think one of the more surprising things was, I want to say it had to have been eight years ago. It really was not a long time ago that I remember saying to you oh my gosh, you are a blue.
0:13:27 – Speaker 2
It’s blue.
0:13:28 – Speaker 1
Blue to us is true colors right.
0:13:31 – Speaker 2
It’s when I went and got certified to be the true colors facilitator and I would practice on you. Yeah, and I’m like I got to do this? Can you work with me and then you would bring me in to facilitate it to your grad students, which was borderline scary for you.
Oh yes, absolutely. You had to make me practice in front of you and I couldn’t TV eight, which I did often, but I kept it, you know, because we were professionals. Well, that’s not true. We didn’t even tell the story how we met, but ultimately we were professionals first together. So yeah, you see, I can reign it in.
0:14:11 – Speaker 1
Yes, most of the time.
0:14:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I walk a fine line. I would agree with that. Yeah, always in stilettos. Yeah, pink.
0:14:23 – Speaker 1
Always yes so but yeah you became a true colors, which is a personality type indicator where different personality traits are associated with different colors, and it’s a spectrum.
0:14:35 – Speaker 2
Right, so we are all four colors, but you identify strongly with certain ones and not so much with other ones.
0:14:41 – Speaker 1
Yes, and so I think you did your personality type indicator the very first time, and orange was the absolute top, which makes complete sense.
0:14:50 – Speaker 2
And orange is your least.
0:14:52 – Speaker 1
Oh yes, I’m not sure if orange was like it might have been like a one. Yeah, it was really really low. Which orange, essentially, is spontaneous, likes the thrill, doesn’t like to follow the rules, likes to just stand out, live life to the fullest. Yeah Right, Competitive, all the things? Yeah, and at that time, blue was my number one and so blue is empathic, compassionate harmonious.
Very like wanting to keep the peace, wanting to make sure that people are taken care of and supported. Yes, and I remember at that time that blue for you was my orange. That’s right. So it was non-existent right. And then I remember it had to have been a couple of years after you first started doing this. I remember being on the phone with you and I remember saying, oh my god, you’re a blue and I was offended to the core Yep.
In fact, I think you said I don’t want to talk about it, yeah, cuz I was offended. I’m like, and I said, oh my gosh, this all makes so much you. Could I be so drawn to someone so different in outside personality traits and it’s only because, at the end of the day, you care so Ridiculously deeply, you feel things very deeply, you are incredibly sensitive. How are you feeling right now?
0:16:30 – Speaker 2
I’m comfortable very.
0:16:31 – Speaker 1
I know I can see over your face. I love every second of it. It’s oh, it’s so sweet, so sweet. You are as mushy, gushy as they come. And you said I don’t want to talk about it. And I said, okay, we don’t have to talk about it, but can we be really clear that you are a blue? And you said I don’t want to talk about it for a second time, which essentially means, yes, you are. That’s the code, that’s right, mm-hmm, and I think that that, for me, helped put a lot of things in perspective about all of our Conversations or situations that we would be in, or different, just things that would happen, as I was able to see through the lens of how you present your empathy, mm-hmm is so incredibly different than how I present my empathy.
Mm-hmm and because of me being the empathic person that I am, I think I was just always drawn to that curious, interested part of how could someone be this way and do they have that core sense of connection to other people? And then when, arriving at that and recognizing that, I think that’s really what, for me, started to deepen.
0:17:40 – Speaker 2
Our friendship. That makes a lot of sense too, because I think it was when I became a parent, hmm is when you started putting those pieces together, because that’s when I would be my most quote-unquote vulnerable self which really, you know, I have a very specific way of parenting and that kind of thing but at the core, you recognized where it was coming from and it truly is an empathy response, but not in the way that you, mm-hmm, deliver or express empathy, and I think I Think that was the aha for me to start to allow you to process with me Things that I don’t want to talk about.
0:18:24 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and you’re a closed circuit empathy person, right? So you’re like here’s my small circle. You all get this certain amount of empathy. Everyone else gets this other version, and you almost have to Keep yourself from feeling those other really big feelings with other people because they’re so big for you right, which is also ironic because of my my job, right.
0:18:49 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you know I I’m a wish-granter. I serve people who are fighting for their lives, and all I want to do is gift them the world.
0:18:59 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, Front row foundation Glass return. It’s fine. You’ve been doing that for how long? Oh my god.
I mean Almost nine years, almost nine years yeah and, in true Rebecca fashion, you got into that work, thinking, okay, I love the recreation aspect, I love the party planning aspect, I love the event organizer aspect Look at me over here, I’m really good at throwing parties right. And then you’re like, oh my gosh, this has a blue core to it. I love these people, right. I love this mission, I love this charity, I love what we do right. And you started going on experiences and you started meeting people and their families, and then it almost took that experience of creating so that’s love.
0:19:50 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, it’s life-changing. These are the things that I’m able to do for these people are literally life-changing, to the point of they will come back to me year after year or send me emails or whatever and say I will never forget my experience, and for me that is so fulfilling.
0:20:10 – Speaker 1
Did you always know that that was what was fulfilling to you? Or was it through the process of Not lying to yourself but convincing yourself that I just like to do these sort of planning type activities and just stumbled into that that it felt?
0:20:27 – Speaker 2
like a good fit. No, I mean that’s, that’s something. As a child, I just remember everything, everything in an element of I’m gonna use the word beauty, because I don’t know how else to describe it I mean I’d be beautiful, but it had to have this element of design or attraction and I felt at the core of my soul that’s just when I’m in the flow. Right, I’m in the flow when I’m using a specific kind of piece of paper with a certain colored pen that feels a certain way in my hands and then I’m able to focus on the content. But if I don’t have all those elements playing together, then I’m over it, I’m bored, I’m not interested. So I remember being a little kid and having to figure out ways to stay engaged in school and things that did not excite me, because you know I was like all about art and course and music, but I certainly I mean I couldn’t tell you I don’t know what a continent is.
I still don’t know, but you could ask me where some geography? I have no freaking clue. In fact, my kid comes home and she’s like, oh, I got a test in history coming up and she asked me about some sort of war. I’m like that’s a war. And then she asked me if our family was on the wrong side of the war. I’m like I don’t even know what that means. Yeah, so let’s just say no, that retained, but, but, but that art flow was yes, but I know what kind of pen I used and what was my favorite.
So I really resonated with that immediately. And we were talking not so long ago about how when you’re in school you’re not really exposed in elementary and high school at that, you’re not really exposed to a whole lot of career options, unless your parents kind of had, maybe, obscure careers. Your I mean your mom kind of had an obscure career to me because I didn’t know what that was. But you know, my mom was a paralegal. In my mind she was the secretary that sat and answered phones and that sounds super freaking boring, not interested in doing that, and the other people in my lives were teachers, like it just wasn’t a whole lot of exposure to different opportunities. But I remember thinking, well, if I have to pick something in that realm, I’m definitely picking health, because I want to talk to kids about sex 100%, so fascinating. I want to show videos and be really creative. I want. I like scare tactics. Okay, love that.
0:22:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I know they’re all your favorites. I know I can’t. Let’s watch them with the scare. Let’s watch a birth.
0:22:59 – Speaker 2
Let’s watch a birth kids. Yeah, you know things like that. I was like this is going to be great, I go, I’m going to be health teacher, this is great. So and then I got my first job as a bus girl at like a high end Tavern and I remember thinking this is amazing. I remember thinking these people are coming in here, I’m 16. These families are coming in here and there’s a lot of regulars this was like a thing and they’re spending their money to come out to eat and have an experience. I play a role in that as the bus girl. So me showing up when they’re done, anticipating filling their water, anticipating coming and coming at the exact time to take their dessert order and then making the dessert look really nice, cause I got to do that and I got to make the salad beginning and the end Excellent.
And cleaning up.
0:23:51 – Speaker 1
That’s excellent. I’m very excited for you.
0:23:53 – Speaker 2
I felt very responsible for their experience and then how much they would return pay. All those things and that right there was really important to me. And then I would equate that to my favorite people, who you know teachers, the teachers that have impact your life, create experiences and give you feelings, and all these types of things. That that’s why it’s so successful.
So I just remember thinking this is great. And so I go to school, go to college to become a health teacher, and I take the first. I take a whole year of health classes, love, love, love. Then I realize, wait a minute, you have to become a teacher. You can’t just learn the health stuff, you have to learn how to teach. And I took my first quote education class. I was there one day Nope, gotta go. Not happening, what can I do? That doesn’t involve teaching, but I can still talk about sex.
That’s how I transitioned into that. Yeah, that was that. So that was prior to, you know, going down the line of eventually ending up where I am now. But at the end of the day I realized I wanted to create experiences for people in their leisure time that had impact. It didn’t need to be lifelong, it didn’t need to be because they were battling for their lives. That just kind of came out of left field Like I never. I never had this dream of being a wish grant, or it truly was serendipitous. But I knew that my purpose was to create experiences for people, whether it be a birthday party, a dinner, a dinner that people come over and have at my house I mean, remember the blood candles at Christmas. Yeah, that was the experience.
0:25:39 – Speaker 1
So you know I always try to anticipate and not shock, but like, oh, wow, that was an extra touch and that right there is exactly the core that is shared between two empathic people that have two incredibly disparate ways of showing that they care, because everything you just talked about there was experience connection. You have to know the people. You have to know what they would enjoy. You know, you have to sort of understand who they are, not what you want as a birthday party, but what does that person need you know in order to feel fulfilled?
You talked about an experience associated with making salads right which sounds rather mundane, but in your mind you’re like this has an impact on what the overall experience is for that person.
0:26:32 – Speaker 2
It also, we don’t have to talk about it. We don’t have to talk about feelings. That’s why you weren’t a therapist. Yes, that’s fascinating. We don’t have to talk about feelings and we don’t have to talk. I only want to give good things, I don’t want. If you had a bad experience, you need to tell me why it was bad so we can fix it immediately. It’s not about you, know it’s not about me.
0:26:55 – Speaker 1
You’re going to make sure that that doesn’t happen Absolutely, and I will take full responsibility. So much time, yes.
0:27:00 – Speaker 2
And I would never. I’m always that type of person Like it’s always what can we do better? Never defensive, but it doesn’t involve words and talking about feelings.
0:27:13 – Speaker 1
So you are having this very deeply embedded personalized empathic experience to connecting with the people that you’re engaging with, but you don’t need to speak with them. You don’t need to get a whole bunch of nitty and gritty details associated with their life. You essentially just know their core from basic interactions.
0:27:36 – Speaker 2
No, I can feel it and then are able. I just can feel you.
0:27:40 – Speaker 1
That’s the flow piece, that’s the flow, that’s the connection, that’s the energy piece.
0:27:44 – Speaker 2
Yeah, a lot of it.
0:27:47 – Speaker 1
Which is that’s just fascinating. That makes so much sense, right that essentially here. I am over here Like we’re going to talk about it, we’re going to get into it, Go deeper. Tell me more about that feeling.
0:27:59 – Speaker 2
Why were?
0:28:00 – Speaker 1
you feeling that way?
How did it feel. Let’s sit with that feeling, right, and so we’re both sort of approaching this empathy connection standpoint, but yours is from one step off and in a way that creates a positive experience for people, hopefully, hopefully, I mean to be fair. This would be something else I would say to introduce you. You have a very good track record of being able to just make magic happen. It is quite impressive, right? Your ability to be able to take a situation that is less than ideal and turn it into a full-fledged experience where people are like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe that you made this happen. And you have to be a connected person in order to do that. Right, because anyone can blow up balloons and bring them to a party, but, as we’re very clear, that’s not what you do. You’re like I happen to find out that this child likes pandas, and I made those balloons into some panda animal that we now brought outside this person’s house and had whatever mobile zoo come into it.
0:29:04 – Speaker 2
Yeah, but it’s that idea, it’s the empathy connection, it’s the going above and beyond, it’s feeling purposeful and it’s not about recognition, it’s not about fame, it’s not about any of that. It’s about creating and seeing somebody for what they need in that moment. And you’re the exact same way. You do the, you create magic. You do the exact same thing. And that’s when we realized and you validate everybody. But that’s when we realized we were the true partnership, because you brought everything to the table that I don’t and I compliment everything you bring to the table, and I mean that sincerely. I don’t think I bring anything extra to the table besides maybe, flair I would disagree with that.
0:29:56 – Speaker 1
So what you bring to the table is different points of view. You push back on my sometimes overly gushy empathic reactions of how we need to accept and embrace and do things. In a certain way, you were the prime reason why I was able to see who I am as a person, and that empathy being my superpower is what had the interesting effect of keeping me separate from people for so long. And so I think we just connect on so many levels that you think of things differently, you approach things differently, that we wouldn’t be able to process at that level if you were the same level of emotional gushiness that I was.
0:30:48 – Speaker 2
We would just be crying all the time.
0:30:49 – Speaker 1
I know we wouldn’t get much accomplished.
0:30:53 – Speaker 2
I know it’s true, it’s true, oh my god, can you imagine?
0:30:56 – Speaker 1
No, no, that would be terrible. No, I’m so glad you’re you.
0:30:59 – Speaker 2
I know I’m glad you’re you, except for when you make me process things I don’t want to.
0:31:03 – Speaker 1
I know, I know. So in summary for you, I would say you are unexpected in many, many ways. You are the person who pushes me out of my shell, gets me excited about things that, deep down, I’m excited about but don’t have the guts to do or to push myself out of the comfort zone to do. I think that people, as they get to know you which is difficult because I don’t think people take the time to get to know you often, that’s true I think you get stereotyped a lot. I think you get sort of put into a category a lot and of course, it would take someone like me who’s just like oh, I’m in there, I’m going down deeper here, I keep going, oh, what else is under there? Just sort of see those I know Surprise, surprise, right, yeah, because I don’t ever give up. Keep coming back to really realize the reality of how wonderful of a human being you are. Stop it, stop it.
0:32:17 – Speaker 2
I mean that this is bringing me right back to my 40th birthday, when you created a collage video and sent it to me, and all I did was ugly cry and record myself ugly crying and then send it to you.
0:32:28 – Speaker 1
I would also like to remind you on your birthday that I provided you with a cake that had the number 40 in candles, and I gave myself a cake with the number 39. I remember.
0:32:37 – Speaker 2
I, just in case you forgot, that I’m pretty sure you also came with balloons. That reinforced that.
0:32:44 – Speaker 1
Your age. It’s fine. It’s unfortunate for you that you’re older than I am. But it’s OK, someone has to be older, older and wiser. Well, well. Let’s be very clear we are two weeks apart. Yeah Well, you were born the year before I ended.
0:33:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, in December. Yeah, end of December early. January.
0:33:11 – Speaker 1
That’s going to make its way into this podcast. Quite a lot, I have a feeling, but that is what I would say to introduce you to our listeners. I want them to know that you are the yin to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the ham to your cheese. The ham to my ham, the ham to my cheese, the ham to my cheese Like ham and cheese Like a sandwich. So, what about this bread? Who’s the bread? Well, how’s?
0:33:45 – Speaker 2
that different than peanut butter and jelly. You just put that on your.
0:33:48 – Speaker 1
Everyone knows peanut butter and jelly.
0:33:51 – Speaker 2
Bacon and eggs, yeah you were the bacon.
0:33:53 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I know, of course I am.
0:33:58 – Speaker 2
The more desired one. That’s funny. So now it’s my turn to talk about you. Yes, oh, I cannot wait.
0:34:04 – Speaker 1
I’m so excited about this.
0:34:07 – Speaker 2
You’re very comfortable, you’re very put together, you’re very polished, you’re very put together Just like authoritative, but not in a dictatorship, not like that, but just very like I got to go. She knows the answers.
0:34:26 – Speaker 1
My favorite is Command presence.
0:34:28 – Speaker 2
Yes, but not in a scary kind of way. So my favorite was, when I say I ask you questions that you literally don’t know the answer to, yeah, you respond immediately and with authority.
0:34:38 – Speaker 1
My favorite example of that is when we were driving past an empty building and you said, oh my gosh, I wonder what’s going in there and I’m like it’s a Taco Bell. And you’re like it is and I’m like I don’t know Probably.
0:34:50 – Speaker 2
But no, I’m pretty sure you took it one step further and said well, here’s all the reasons why it is that and you should know that and you made all that up.
0:34:57 – Speaker 1
It should be. If it’s not, it should be.
0:34:59 – Speaker 2
Right, so you’re just very trustworthy. That kind of thing, which we ultimately recently have discovered, could be scary.
0:35:13 – Speaker 1
Yeah yeah. By using powers for good or evil, yeah yeah.
0:35:18 – Speaker 2
So that’s a next level. We’ll talk about that later.
0:35:20 – Speaker 1
That’s a whole other TV show, that’s 178.
0:35:23 – Speaker 2
She listens and she, you’re just always one step ahead. Again, the fricking earphones today, you know like what do you mean? That’s where you solidify and you it’s the wow factor and you’re just always like that, even with your words, and it’s just so. It’s allowed me to soften and embrace and communicate more effectively. I love that and it’s been. I mean, there’s such a blessing in my life in so many ways. You know you did hold my child first, yep.
0:36:00 – Speaker 1
I sure did.
0:36:01 – Speaker 2
Four days of labor, three hours of pushing. I haven’t even seen her yet.
0:36:06 – Speaker 1
You walk in the door, the nurse hands her to me. Yeah, and did I hold her?
0:36:10 – Speaker 2
Sure did Sure did.
0:36:11 – Speaker 1
I wasn’t going to say no.
0:36:12 – Speaker 2
You were just coming in to bring me coffee because you didn’t even know.
0:36:14 – Speaker 1
I had the baby. I probably was the one to show you your child for the first time. Yeah, thanks for being here. I think you were. Yeah, how was that process? This is your child. No, I named her. You probably did.
I wrote her name down on the birth certificate, but I think what’s so interesting about that, though? No-transcript, Because I genuinely have this desire at all times to understand who people are at their core. I was able to meet you and have an extreme curiosity about who you were, what you stood for, what you loved to do, what made you tick. You were incredibly intriguing to me in the beginning, because I had just never met someone as bold and kind of out there and genuinely uncaring of people’s responses.
Right, it’s not that you’re not aware that people are responding, you just are gonna do you regardless right.
0:37:16 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I’m not gonna change to make somebody else feel more comfortable, unless I’m being inappropriate. But if I wear high heels three inch high heels to a job interview and that makes my potential boss uncomfortable, I’m not changing because of that, right and, I think, sometimes incredibly empathic people.
0:37:39 – Speaker 1
We have a tendency to blend into the energy that’s around us, right? So I would recognize. Okay, let me be aware. What is it that my boss might be wearing? She’s probably not wearing the three inch high heels. I’m gonna go with the flats today because I wanna make myself as relatable as possible to this particular person, yes, and I can appreciate.
0:38:02 – Speaker 2
I mean you and I would have conversations about that and I can 100% appreciate that and that never would have entered my mind, but you wouldn’t tell me to change. You would just say well, let’s talk about why that person gave you a dirty look.
0:38:14 – Speaker 1
I’d say congratulations on your high heels, and if that’s the thing that’s gonna disqualify you from the position, then they didn’t deserve you anyway.
0:38:20 – Speaker 2
But you would help me understand. I could have made a different choice.
0:38:25 – Speaker 1
Sure, yeah, you never do, though I gave up on that real early.
0:38:29 – Speaker 2
But we talked about it.
0:38:30 – Speaker 1
Oh, I’m sure we did, I’m sure I guarantee you. In the beginning I was like, well, if you just did this, this would be the outcome and your response would be like that’s really great. But that’s not me, and I think that that probably increased my intrigue associated with you know, you’re very clear and aware that people are going to have responses about who you are and what you are doing and at the end of the day, it’s like you don’t have an embarrassment switch, it’s like you genuinely just are who you are, regardless.
0:39:00 – Speaker 2
But at the same time, you are too. I don’t want you to paint this picture that you’re this doormat. Well, we all know that’s not that case.
That’s what I mean yeah, who constantly wants to blend in or make other people always feel at ease? Yes, that’s your intention. However, your very people will treat you a certain way and you will not allow them to treat you anyway differently. You will say it to them kindly and you will help them learn how to treat you appropriately and respect you this, that and the other. So you just again, it’s your delivery, it’s the way that you present yourself because of your relatability. So it’s just really, and that’s why people look up to you so much. It’s very role model-ish, aspiring behavior, personality that is intriguing and why people wanna be around you all the time.
0:39:55 – Speaker 1
So it is possible to care very deeply and to want to connect with others so that they feel seen, but to also be very clear about your own boundaries and expectations, about what you’re gonna expect from other people. Absolutely, and you I don’t realize that that was rare. I’ve genuinely spent a lot of my life just assuming that that’s how everybody is, until we got to the point just very recently where you had said, empathy is your superpower.
You have to embrace that or you’re gonna constantly be walking around disappointed and, at the end of the day, I think these introductions us explaining sort of some of our story who we are, who we’ve been right, because we’re not the same people that we were at our core 18 plus years ago, right, I mean there’s glimmers. Sure, we still look the same. Oh, absolutely, that’s for sure.
0:41:00 – Speaker 2
I’m an age, didn’t think.
0:41:01 – Speaker 1
Well, I do at least, but I think that’s cool right.
And I think that this is an important part. Maybe this was better than a glossary. I’m still not 100% positive, but I do think it’s important to say. This is who we are. This is what we bring to the table. Our basis of empathy is one that comes about in incredibly different ways, but, at its core, comes from a genuine sense of caring about others and wanting people to be seen, to have good experiences, to be a part of our journey and for us to pay witness to their journey.
And I’m hoping that’s what we get into in this podcast 100%. On ways in which we or other people get at that, without having to assume that empathy. Is this one size fits all for how people engage with the world?
0:42:02 – Speaker 2
Agreed. I love that. I loved that.
0:42:09 – Speaker 1
Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing?
0:42:12 – Speaker 2
Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff that’s fine, I accept you wherever you are.
0:42:20 – Speaker 1
Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:28 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:30 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay.
0:00:57 – Speaker 1
I still love it. I still love that intro. It couldn’t be more accurate. Let me tell you my favorite part about what we were planning on doing today. So I came to you and I said I have a glossary full of terms that I believe it’s important that we describe to our listeners so that they are aware of who these people are in our lives and what we do. And what did you say? No one wants to hear that.
0:01:33 – Speaker 2
I just wrote that on the set.
0:01:34 – Speaker 1
Why do we need to talk about that you?
0:01:37 – Speaker 2
can just put that on the website and I’m like I think we need to ground our listeners in some information about who we are, what’s important to us.
0:01:46 – Speaker 1
You know where we’ve been. Who are these people that we’re talking about? And you said absolutely not.
0:01:55 – Speaker 2
I know I said I go, you can write it up, and you’ll write it up so eloquently and then you’ll post it and then I’ll say if you want more information, just read the glossary. It’s true, I know I was realizing that, I was just realizing.
0:02:11 – Speaker 1
if that is not our personalities right there, I’m not really sure what is I know?
0:02:16 – Speaker 2
I know it’s true and you know I did question you and if you were insistent, which?
0:02:23 – Speaker 1
I do see the glossary in front of you. I have zero notes.
0:02:28 – Speaker 2
I see that and you have your piece of paper, and I’m fully aware that we may still be doing that, right?
0:02:34 – Speaker 1
And it’s okay, it’s my go to, it’s okay, maybe kind of like when I walk around the store in the same direction every single time, except the Christmas tree shop.
0:02:43 – Speaker 2
That’s right, that is the only. Always to the left, always, yep. Every other one Never to the left.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
Yep which, why I don’t know Some things in life just don’t have answers.
0:02:52 – Speaker 2
I know why, why? I know why Because when you walk in, the cash registers are on your right, and it would be. You can’t go past the cash registers to start that way. It’s a forced left. Yes, it’s a forced left. Yeah, because it’s technically straight. Yeah, yeah, that’s what it is.
0:03:08 – Speaker 1
I get it you know what I just thought of?
0:03:10 – Speaker 2
another one. What Hobby Lobby?
0:03:12 – Speaker 1
Always to the left it is always to the left. Always Yep.
0:03:15 – Speaker 2
I know, because I always have to see it’s seasonal.
0:03:17 – Speaker 1
It’s always seasonal, it’s always at least 50% off.
0:03:20 – Speaker 2
And we usually don’t get fake flowers because they’ve been there, done that and that’s always to the right.
0:03:27 – Speaker 1
We’ve evolved, we’ve evolved. So, essentially, I think I’m saying we had a plan today and now we don’t, and so now we’re just going to wing it and it’s probably going to be a much better show than whatever I had prepared. Great, great, Starting with this, oh God, I got you a present. Oh, I got you a present. I got you a present. We’re going to embark on this journey together, and so, if we are, you need to be fully equipped. So I got you a little something here.
0:03:59 – Speaker 2
I’d like to share this with you.
0:04:00 – Speaker 1
Oh God, it’s good at leopard paper. Do you love that? It’s hot pink leopard paper.
0:04:04 – Speaker 2
I do. You know what I do. Do I open this now? Absolutely. This is dangerous on many levels.
0:04:19 – Speaker 1
Oh, my God, oh excuse me, they’re rose gold. They’re rose gold, they’re rose gold. Oh, I’m sorry. Are these legit? I’m sorry, did I have some Shut up? Are they matching? Oh, I got the purple one.
0:04:37 – Speaker 2
Look at this. It has a corner.
0:04:38 – Speaker 1
I know my favorite part is you, and I have no idea how to plug these things in. No, I did.
0:04:45 – Speaker 2
Did you?
0:04:45 – Speaker 1
test them. I talked to Scott, our producer. Oh, he told you what to buy and I sent him some links.
0:04:53 – Speaker 2
And he sent five below. No, oh, no, no, that’s where I would go.
0:04:57 – Speaker 1
No, no, oh, you bought the high end. Well, you always give me the high end Okay, so this is the point in the show where we’re going to attempt to switch earphones. Okay, and this could go completely wrong. Just know they’re adorable, I love them. I think they’re going to look so cute when we get them on. Okay, and we’ll be back with them as soon as we can plug these babies in. Okay, oh, maybe take this part off here. Oh, scott the producer is here.
0:05:26 – Speaker 2
Hello, scott the producer. Yeah, I just thought, maybe we just unplug this and plug it in. Yeah, so unplug that one and you unplug it right in. Well, wait which one. Use this one. Okay, I might be back.
0:05:40 – Speaker 1
Oh, I’m back. This is so nice. Oh, that’s so nice. Hold on, this one has a oh, I’m all caught up here, all right, so this is the one for phones.
0:05:52 – Speaker 2
For phones. Yeah, so we can take our show on the road. Yeah, take it out of the road. I love how you wrapped it. I am all sorts of You’re all.
0:06:02 – Speaker 1
That’s interesting. I don’t know what’s going on. Oh, these are pretty wild Guys. Did you know we had a producer? We have a producer, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one and then you can plug that in and unplug the one that’s there and yeah, wow, look at these, these are fancy. Oh, I gotta hurry up. They’re nice. Oh, wait till you get those babies on Wait wait Thank you, scott Right, look at.
0:06:30 – Speaker 2
Oh she cute. Look, I even wrote my Rose White Rolls gold shirt.
0:06:34 – Speaker 1
Yep, they even match her shirt. Look how pretty, oh. Can you hear so well? Oh yeah, oh, isn’t that nice. This is so good. Do you like this? Yeah, I think if we’re gonna have a podcast we have to have some cute earmuff things. I’m gonna put our logo on. I was gonna bling it, I was gonna. Absolutely I’m gonna put our logo on it, yeah.
0:06:58 – Speaker 2
That’ll be my surprise to you Actually glitter, oh yes.
0:07:05 – Speaker 1
Love it. Thank you, you’re welcome. You’re welcome, so now we’re official. Now even if we only have five listeners, we at least have cute speaker drinks on our heads.
0:07:16 – Speaker 2
What are these?
0:07:17 – Speaker 1
called Headphones. Headphones, earmuffs is what I want to keep calling them. So you’re welcome. Thank you, I love this. I’m wearing them all the time. So I thought what we could do today, outside of the glossary, was to introduce listeners to who we are. Okay, but that wouldn’t be fun if we were just sort of sitting here explaining who we were to everyone. Yeah.
0:07:45 – Speaker 2
Right, no one cares about that either.
0:07:47 – Speaker 1
When’s the last time you updated your resume?
0:07:49 – Speaker 2
Just so we’re clear.
0:07:50 – Speaker 1
Oh, you did ask me for that. Yours is like pictures and stuff cut out of egg.
0:07:57 – Speaker 2
I think you asked me for it the beginning of the year and I’m like why you wanted to have a work at third center, yeah, and I’m like yeah, and you’re like a resume.
0:08:08 – Speaker 1
What do you mean?
0:08:09 – Speaker 2
I haven’t done that since I was in college.
0:08:13 – Speaker 1
Oh, was it senior year. Yeah, sorry.
0:08:17 – Speaker 2
Sorry, now it was in 2015, but still there were a little things that need to be added 2000,.
0:08:24 – Speaker 1
Which I went and I had my son right, so eight years ago is the last time you updated your resume.
0:08:30 – Speaker 2
It’s true, it’s true I don’t get my jobs from my qualifications. What?
0:08:34 – Speaker 1
How do you get your jobs? That’s a different episode.
0:08:41 – Speaker 2
Okay yeah, yep Solid, who you know, aka, I work for you.
0:08:51 – Speaker 1
Guess no one else will take it. It’s true, it’s true, so great. So, yeah, I thought maybe we could, instead of introducing ourselves, introduce each other Okay To our massive number of listeners that we have. So I would like to start. Are you okay with that? What’s the face?
0:09:15 – Speaker 2
What’s the face I?
0:09:16 – Speaker 1
get nervous.
0:09:17 – Speaker 2
I get nervous about all the things.
0:09:22 – Speaker 1
All right. So if I had to introduce you to Rebecca, this is what I would say you are in for a wild ride. She is one of the most extra fun, spontaneous, live life on the edge people I have ever met. You were the person that made me the most uncomfortable when we first met. I don’t think there is anyone that I think could have been more opposite of who I have always felt I am as a person, and yet there is something so incredibly intriguing and drawing about that.
I don’t know what that says about my inner soul, but you would do things that would fascinate me and I think has a very curious interested. Love people just for like who they are, no matter what. You were one of the first people that I met that I thought she is so much different than the normal people that I hang with or talk with and I absolutely loved that. I need to again reiterate that it was probably the scariest time in my life, because there are still times to this day that I am not sure what you’re about to say or how it’s about to come out, or what people’s reactions are going to be, what messes I’m going to have to clean up.
0:11:07 – Speaker 2
It took you a long time to introduce me to some people in your life. Oh yes, long time In fact. I’m pretty sure I got introduced to some of your closest friends because you asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I met. We had a very siloed relationship. I’ll let you think about it.
0:11:26 – Speaker 1
Yep, yep, I was by design, wow.
0:11:29 – Speaker 2
Yeah, sam’s a little bit of a somewhat go-kart.
0:11:31 – Speaker 1
That’s fine, just I would agree. Does Aaron have other friends? I don’t know.
0:11:35 – Speaker 2
No, I knew you did, but I never really thought about why you never introduced us.
0:11:42 – Speaker 1
I don’t think the world was ready yet. I think that’s probably. I don’t think the world was ready for you, number one, and then they certainly probably weren’t ready for understanding you and I together, because I do think to this day still, people are like how are you two as close?
0:12:01 – Speaker 2
as you are Until they get to know me. I agree with that. Once they get to know me, then it makes all the sense in the world. But you’re right when I think back. Our professional colleagues were in our lives for the most part, but nobody in your personal circle. However, you were very involved in my personal circle of one.
Right that one friend and my family and all of that, I mean my mom would drive us on wine tours all the time. So I mean, which is that that’s also part of the course, right? Because?
0:12:38 – Speaker 1
that’s right. It’s easy to integrate me because I’m just going to get along with anyone who’s sitting in that van on the wine tour or participating.
0:12:49 – Speaker 2
So in fact, I think at one point I schemed to try to get you to date my brother.
0:12:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, I did.
0:12:57 – Speaker 2
That was before he got married.
0:12:58 – Speaker 1
Was that a missed opportunity? Maybe? I mean maybe Love you, mark. Okay, so how else would I describe you? I think one of the more surprising things was, I want to say it had to have been eight years ago. It really was not a long time ago that I remember saying to you oh my gosh, you are a blue.
0:13:27 – Speaker 2
It’s blue.
0:13:28 – Speaker 1
Blue to us is true colors right.
0:13:31 – Speaker 2
It’s when I went and got certified to be the true colors facilitator and I would practice on you. Yeah, and I’m like I got to do this? Can you work with me and then you would bring me in to facilitate it to your grad students, which was borderline scary for you.
Oh yes, absolutely. You had to make me practice in front of you and I couldn’t TV eight, which I did often, but I kept it, you know, because we were professionals. Well, that’s not true. We didn’t even tell the story how we met, but ultimately we were professionals first together. So yeah, you see, I can reign it in.
0:14:11 – Speaker 1
Yes, most of the time.
0:14:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I walk a fine line. I would agree with that. Yeah, always in stilettos. Yeah, pink.
0:14:23 – Speaker 1
Always yes so but yeah you became a true colors, which is a personality type indicator where different personality traits are associated with different colors, and it’s a spectrum.
0:14:35 – Speaker 2
Right, so we are all four colors, but you identify strongly with certain ones and not so much with other ones.
0:14:41 – Speaker 1
Yes, and so I think you did your personality type indicator the very first time, and orange was the absolute top, which makes complete sense.
0:14:50 – Speaker 2
And orange is your least.
0:14:52 – Speaker 1
Oh yes, I’m not sure if orange was like it might have been like a one. Yeah, it was really really low. Which orange, essentially, is spontaneous, likes the thrill, doesn’t like to follow the rules, likes to just stand out, live life to the fullest. Yeah Right, Competitive, all the things? Yeah, and at that time, blue was my number one and so blue is empathic, compassionate harmonious.
Very like wanting to keep the peace, wanting to make sure that people are taken care of and supported. Yes, and I remember at that time that blue for you was my orange. That’s right. So it was non-existent right. And then I remember it had to have been a couple of years after you first started doing this. I remember being on the phone with you and I remember saying, oh my god, you’re a blue and I was offended to the core Yep.
In fact, I think you said I don’t want to talk about it, yeah, cuz I was offended. I’m like, and I said, oh my gosh, this all makes so much you. Could I be so drawn to someone so different in outside personality traits and it’s only because, at the end of the day, you care so Ridiculously deeply, you feel things very deeply, you are incredibly sensitive. How are you feeling right now?
0:16:30 – Speaker 2
I’m comfortable very.
0:16:31 – Speaker 1
I know I can see over your face. I love every second of it. It’s oh, it’s so sweet, so sweet. You are as mushy, gushy as they come. And you said I don’t want to talk about it. And I said, okay, we don’t have to talk about it, but can we be really clear that you are a blue? And you said I don’t want to talk about it for a second time, which essentially means, yes, you are. That’s the code, that’s right, mm-hmm, and I think that that, for me, helped put a lot of things in perspective about all of our Conversations or situations that we would be in, or different, just things that would happen, as I was able to see through the lens of how you present your empathy, mm-hmm is so incredibly different than how I present my empathy.
Mm-hmm and because of me being the empathic person that I am, I think I was just always drawn to that curious, interested part of how could someone be this way and do they have that core sense of connection to other people? And then when, arriving at that and recognizing that, I think that’s really what, for me, started to deepen.
0:17:40 – Speaker 2
Our friendship. That makes a lot of sense too, because I think it was when I became a parent, hmm is when you started putting those pieces together, because that’s when I would be my most quote-unquote vulnerable self which really, you know, I have a very specific way of parenting and that kind of thing but at the core, you recognized where it was coming from and it truly is an empathy response, but not in the way that you, mm-hmm, deliver or express empathy, and I think I Think that was the aha for me to start to allow you to process with me Things that I don’t want to talk about.
0:18:24 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and you’re a closed circuit empathy person, right? So you’re like here’s my small circle. You all get this certain amount of empathy. Everyone else gets this other version, and you almost have to Keep yourself from feeling those other really big feelings with other people because they’re so big for you right, which is also ironic because of my my job, right.
0:18:49 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you know I I’m a wish-granter. I serve people who are fighting for their lives, and all I want to do is gift them the world.
0:18:59 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, Front row foundation Glass return. It’s fine. You’ve been doing that for how long? Oh my god.
I mean Almost nine years, almost nine years yeah and, in true Rebecca fashion, you got into that work, thinking, okay, I love the recreation aspect, I love the party planning aspect, I love the event organizer aspect Look at me over here, I’m really good at throwing parties right. And then you’re like, oh my gosh, this has a blue core to it. I love these people, right. I love this mission, I love this charity, I love what we do right. And you started going on experiences and you started meeting people and their families, and then it almost took that experience of creating so that’s love.
0:19:50 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, it’s life-changing. These are the things that I’m able to do for these people are literally life-changing, to the point of they will come back to me year after year or send me emails or whatever and say I will never forget my experience, and for me that is so fulfilling.
0:20:10 – Speaker 1
Did you always know that that was what was fulfilling to you? Or was it through the process of Not lying to yourself but convincing yourself that I just like to do these sort of planning type activities and just stumbled into that that it felt?
0:20:27 – Speaker 2
like a good fit. No, I mean that’s, that’s something. As a child, I just remember everything, everything in an element of I’m gonna use the word beauty, because I don’t know how else to describe it I mean I’d be beautiful, but it had to have this element of design or attraction and I felt at the core of my soul that’s just when I’m in the flow. Right, I’m in the flow when I’m using a specific kind of piece of paper with a certain colored pen that feels a certain way in my hands and then I’m able to focus on the content. But if I don’t have all those elements playing together, then I’m over it, I’m bored, I’m not interested. So I remember being a little kid and having to figure out ways to stay engaged in school and things that did not excite me, because you know I was like all about art and course and music, but I certainly I mean I couldn’t tell you I don’t know what a continent is.
I still don’t know, but you could ask me where some geography? I have no freaking clue. In fact, my kid comes home and she’s like, oh, I got a test in history coming up and she asked me about some sort of war. I’m like that’s a war. And then she asked me if our family was on the wrong side of the war. I’m like I don’t even know what that means. Yeah, so let’s just say no, that retained, but, but, but that art flow was yes, but I know what kind of pen I used and what was my favorite.
So I really resonated with that immediately. And we were talking not so long ago about how when you’re in school you’re not really exposed in elementary and high school at that, you’re not really exposed to a whole lot of career options, unless your parents kind of had, maybe, obscure careers. Your I mean your mom kind of had an obscure career to me because I didn’t know what that was. But you know, my mom was a paralegal. In my mind she was the secretary that sat and answered phones and that sounds super freaking boring, not interested in doing that, and the other people in my lives were teachers, like it just wasn’t a whole lot of exposure to different opportunities. But I remember thinking, well, if I have to pick something in that realm, I’m definitely picking health, because I want to talk to kids about sex 100%, so fascinating. I want to show videos and be really creative. I want. I like scare tactics. Okay, love that.
0:22:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I know they’re all your favorites. I know I can’t. Let’s watch them with the scare. Let’s watch a birth.
0:22:59 – Speaker 2
Let’s watch a birth kids. Yeah, you know things like that. I was like this is going to be great, I go, I’m going to be health teacher, this is great. So and then I got my first job as a bus girl at like a high end Tavern and I remember thinking this is amazing. I remember thinking these people are coming in here, I’m 16. These families are coming in here and there’s a lot of regulars this was like a thing and they’re spending their money to come out to eat and have an experience. I play a role in that as the bus girl. So me showing up when they’re done, anticipating filling their water, anticipating coming and coming at the exact time to take their dessert order and then making the dessert look really nice, cause I got to do that and I got to make the salad beginning and the end Excellent.
And cleaning up.
0:23:51 – Speaker 1
That’s excellent. I’m very excited for you.
0:23:53 – Speaker 2
I felt very responsible for their experience and then how much they would return pay. All those things and that right there was really important to me. And then I would equate that to my favorite people, who you know teachers, the teachers that have impact your life, create experiences and give you feelings, and all these types of things. That that’s why it’s so successful.
So I just remember thinking this is great. And so I go to school, go to college to become a health teacher, and I take the first. I take a whole year of health classes, love, love, love. Then I realize, wait a minute, you have to become a teacher. You can’t just learn the health stuff, you have to learn how to teach. And I took my first quote education class. I was there one day Nope, gotta go. Not happening, what can I do? That doesn’t involve teaching, but I can still talk about sex.
That’s how I transitioned into that. Yeah, that was that. So that was prior to, you know, going down the line of eventually ending up where I am now. But at the end of the day I realized I wanted to create experiences for people in their leisure time that had impact. It didn’t need to be lifelong, it didn’t need to be because they were battling for their lives. That just kind of came out of left field Like I never. I never had this dream of being a wish grant, or it truly was serendipitous. But I knew that my purpose was to create experiences for people, whether it be a birthday party, a dinner, a dinner that people come over and have at my house I mean, remember the blood candles at Christmas. Yeah, that was the experience.
0:25:39 – Speaker 1
So you know I always try to anticipate and not shock, but like, oh, wow, that was an extra touch and that right there is exactly the core that is shared between two empathic people that have two incredibly disparate ways of showing that they care, because everything you just talked about there was experience connection. You have to know the people. You have to know what they would enjoy. You know, you have to sort of understand who they are, not what you want as a birthday party, but what does that person need you know in order to feel fulfilled?
You talked about an experience associated with making salads right which sounds rather mundane, but in your mind you’re like this has an impact on what the overall experience is for that person.
0:26:32 – Speaker 2
It also, we don’t have to talk about it. We don’t have to talk about feelings. That’s why you weren’t a therapist. Yes, that’s fascinating. We don’t have to talk about feelings and we don’t have to talk. I only want to give good things, I don’t want. If you had a bad experience, you need to tell me why it was bad so we can fix it immediately. It’s not about you, know it’s not about me.
0:26:55 – Speaker 1
You’re going to make sure that that doesn’t happen Absolutely, and I will take full responsibility. So much time, yes.
0:27:00 – Speaker 2
And I would never. I’m always that type of person Like it’s always what can we do better? Never defensive, but it doesn’t involve words and talking about feelings.
0:27:13 – Speaker 1
So you are having this very deeply embedded personalized empathic experience to connecting with the people that you’re engaging with, but you don’t need to speak with them. You don’t need to get a whole bunch of nitty and gritty details associated with their life. You essentially just know their core from basic interactions.
0:27:36 – Speaker 2
No, I can feel it and then are able. I just can feel you.
0:27:40 – Speaker 1
That’s the flow piece, that’s the flow, that’s the connection, that’s the energy piece.
0:27:44 – Speaker 2
Yeah, a lot of it.
0:27:47 – Speaker 1
Which is that’s just fascinating. That makes so much sense, right that essentially here. I am over here Like we’re going to talk about it, we’re going to get into it, Go deeper. Tell me more about that feeling.
0:27:59 – Speaker 2
Why were?
0:28:00 – Speaker 1
you feeling that way?
How did it feel. Let’s sit with that feeling, right, and so we’re both sort of approaching this empathy connection standpoint, but yours is from one step off and in a way that creates a positive experience for people, hopefully, hopefully, I mean to be fair. This would be something else I would say to introduce you. You have a very good track record of being able to just make magic happen. It is quite impressive, right? Your ability to be able to take a situation that is less than ideal and turn it into a full-fledged experience where people are like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe that you made this happen. And you have to be a connected person in order to do that. Right, because anyone can blow up balloons and bring them to a party, but, as we’re very clear, that’s not what you do. You’re like I happen to find out that this child likes pandas, and I made those balloons into some panda animal that we now brought outside this person’s house and had whatever mobile zoo come into it.
0:29:04 – Speaker 2
Yeah, but it’s that idea, it’s the empathy connection, it’s the going above and beyond, it’s feeling purposeful and it’s not about recognition, it’s not about fame, it’s not about any of that. It’s about creating and seeing somebody for what they need in that moment. And you’re the exact same way. You do the, you create magic. You do the exact same thing. And that’s when we realized and you validate everybody. But that’s when we realized we were the true partnership, because you brought everything to the table that I don’t and I compliment everything you bring to the table, and I mean that sincerely. I don’t think I bring anything extra to the table besides maybe, flair I would disagree with that.
0:29:56 – Speaker 1
So what you bring to the table is different points of view. You push back on my sometimes overly gushy empathic reactions of how we need to accept and embrace and do things. In a certain way, you were the prime reason why I was able to see who I am as a person, and that empathy being my superpower is what had the interesting effect of keeping me separate from people for so long. And so I think we just connect on so many levels that you think of things differently, you approach things differently, that we wouldn’t be able to process at that level if you were the same level of emotional gushiness that I was.
0:30:48 – Speaker 2
We would just be crying all the time.
0:30:49 – Speaker 1
I know we wouldn’t get much accomplished.
0:30:53 – Speaker 2
I know it’s true, it’s true, oh my god, can you imagine?
0:30:56 – Speaker 1
No, no, that would be terrible. No, I’m so glad you’re you.
0:30:59 – Speaker 2
I know I’m glad you’re you, except for when you make me process things I don’t want to.
0:31:03 – Speaker 1
I know, I know. So in summary for you, I would say you are unexpected in many, many ways. You are the person who pushes me out of my shell, gets me excited about things that, deep down, I’m excited about but don’t have the guts to do or to push myself out of the comfort zone to do. I think that people, as they get to know you which is difficult because I don’t think people take the time to get to know you often, that’s true I think you get stereotyped a lot. I think you get sort of put into a category a lot and of course, it would take someone like me who’s just like oh, I’m in there, I’m going down deeper here, I keep going, oh, what else is under there? Just sort of see those I know Surprise, surprise, right, yeah, because I don’t ever give up. Keep coming back to really realize the reality of how wonderful of a human being you are. Stop it, stop it.
0:32:17 – Speaker 2
I mean that this is bringing me right back to my 40th birthday, when you created a collage video and sent it to me, and all I did was ugly cry and record myself ugly crying and then send it to you.
0:32:28 – Speaker 1
I would also like to remind you on your birthday that I provided you with a cake that had the number 40 in candles, and I gave myself a cake with the number 39. I remember.
0:32:37 – Speaker 2
I, just in case you forgot, that I’m pretty sure you also came with balloons. That reinforced that.
0:32:44 – Speaker 1
Your age. It’s fine. It’s unfortunate for you that you’re older than I am. But it’s OK, someone has to be older, older and wiser. Well, well. Let’s be very clear we are two weeks apart. Yeah Well, you were born the year before I ended.
0:33:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, in December. Yeah, end of December early. January.
0:33:11 – Speaker 1
That’s going to make its way into this podcast. Quite a lot, I have a feeling, but that is what I would say to introduce you to our listeners. I want them to know that you are the yin to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the ham to your cheese. The ham to my ham, the ham to my cheese, the ham to my cheese Like ham and cheese Like a sandwich. So, what about this bread? Who’s the bread? Well, how’s?
0:33:45 – Speaker 2
that different than peanut butter and jelly. You just put that on your.
0:33:48 – Speaker 1
Everyone knows peanut butter and jelly.
0:33:51 – Speaker 2
Bacon and eggs, yeah you were the bacon.
0:33:53 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I know, of course I am.
0:33:58 – Speaker 2
The more desired one. That’s funny. So now it’s my turn to talk about you. Yes, oh, I cannot wait.
0:34:04 – Speaker 1
I’m so excited about this.
0:34:07 – Speaker 2
You’re very comfortable, you’re very put together, you’re very polished, you’re very put together Just like authoritative, but not in a dictatorship, not like that, but just very like I got to go. She knows the answers.
0:34:26 – Speaker 1
My favorite is Command presence.
0:34:28 – Speaker 2
Yes, but not in a scary kind of way. So my favorite was, when I say I ask you questions that you literally don’t know the answer to, yeah, you respond immediately and with authority.
0:34:38 – Speaker 1
My favorite example of that is when we were driving past an empty building and you said, oh my gosh, I wonder what’s going in there and I’m like it’s a Taco Bell. And you’re like it is and I’m like I don’t know Probably.
0:34:50 – Speaker 2
But no, I’m pretty sure you took it one step further and said well, here’s all the reasons why it is that and you should know that and you made all that up.
0:34:57 – Speaker 1
It should be. If it’s not, it should be.
0:34:59 – Speaker 2
Right, so you’re just very trustworthy. That kind of thing, which we ultimately recently have discovered, could be scary.
0:35:13 – Speaker 1
Yeah yeah. By using powers for good or evil, yeah yeah.
0:35:18 – Speaker 2
So that’s a next level. We’ll talk about that later.
0:35:20 – Speaker 1
That’s a whole other TV show, that’s 178.
0:35:23 – Speaker 2
She listens and she, you’re just always one step ahead. Again, the fricking earphones today, you know like what do you mean? That’s where you solidify and you it’s the wow factor and you’re just always like that, even with your words, and it’s just so. It’s allowed me to soften and embrace and communicate more effectively. I love that and it’s been. I mean, there’s such a blessing in my life in so many ways. You know you did hold my child first, yep.
0:36:00 – Speaker 1
I sure did.
0:36:01 – Speaker 2
Four days of labor, three hours of pushing. I haven’t even seen her yet.
0:36:06 – Speaker 1
You walk in the door, the nurse hands her to me. Yeah, and did I hold her?
0:36:10 – Speaker 2
Sure did Sure did.
0:36:11 – Speaker 1
I wasn’t going to say no.
0:36:12 – Speaker 2
You were just coming in to bring me coffee because you didn’t even know.
0:36:14 – Speaker 1
I had the baby. I probably was the one to show you your child for the first time. Yeah, thanks for being here. I think you were. Yeah, how was that process? This is your child. No, I named her. You probably did.
I wrote her name down on the birth certificate, but I think what’s so interesting about that, though? No-transcript, Because I genuinely have this desire at all times to understand who people are at their core. I was able to meet you and have an extreme curiosity about who you were, what you stood for, what you loved to do, what made you tick. You were incredibly intriguing to me in the beginning, because I had just never met someone as bold and kind of out there and genuinely uncaring of people’s responses.
Right, it’s not that you’re not aware that people are responding, you just are gonna do you regardless right.
0:37:16 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I’m not gonna change to make somebody else feel more comfortable, unless I’m being inappropriate. But if I wear high heels three inch high heels to a job interview and that makes my potential boss uncomfortable, I’m not changing because of that, right and, I think, sometimes incredibly empathic people.
0:37:39 – Speaker 1
We have a tendency to blend into the energy that’s around us, right? So I would recognize. Okay, let me be aware. What is it that my boss might be wearing? She’s probably not wearing the three inch high heels. I’m gonna go with the flats today because I wanna make myself as relatable as possible to this particular person, yes, and I can appreciate.
0:38:02 – Speaker 2
I mean you and I would have conversations about that and I can 100% appreciate that and that never would have entered my mind, but you wouldn’t tell me to change. You would just say well, let’s talk about why that person gave you a dirty look.
0:38:14 – Speaker 1
I’d say congratulations on your high heels, and if that’s the thing that’s gonna disqualify you from the position, then they didn’t deserve you anyway.
0:38:20 – Speaker 2
But you would help me understand. I could have made a different choice.
0:38:25 – Speaker 1
Sure, yeah, you never do, though I gave up on that real early.
0:38:29 – Speaker 2
But we talked about it.
0:38:30 – Speaker 1
Oh, I’m sure we did, I’m sure I guarantee you. In the beginning I was like, well, if you just did this, this would be the outcome and your response would be like that’s really great. But that’s not me, and I think that that probably increased my intrigue associated with you know, you’re very clear and aware that people are going to have responses about who you are and what you are doing and at the end of the day, it’s like you don’t have an embarrassment switch, it’s like you genuinely just are who you are, regardless.
0:39:00 – Speaker 2
But at the same time, you are too. I don’t want you to paint this picture that you’re this doormat. Well, we all know that’s not that case.
That’s what I mean yeah, who constantly wants to blend in or make other people always feel at ease? Yes, that’s your intention. However, your very people will treat you a certain way and you will not allow them to treat you anyway differently. You will say it to them kindly and you will help them learn how to treat you appropriately and respect you this, that and the other. So you just again, it’s your delivery, it’s the way that you present yourself because of your relatability. So it’s just really, and that’s why people look up to you so much. It’s very role model-ish, aspiring behavior, personality that is intriguing and why people wanna be around you all the time.
0:39:55 – Speaker 1
So it is possible to care very deeply and to want to connect with others so that they feel seen, but to also be very clear about your own boundaries and expectations, about what you’re gonna expect from other people. Absolutely, and you I don’t realize that that was rare. I’ve genuinely spent a lot of my life just assuming that that’s how everybody is, until we got to the point just very recently where you had said, empathy is your superpower.
You have to embrace that or you’re gonna constantly be walking around disappointed and, at the end of the day, I think these introductions us explaining sort of some of our story who we are, who we’ve been right, because we’re not the same people that we were at our core 18 plus years ago, right, I mean there’s glimmers. Sure, we still look the same. Oh, absolutely, that’s for sure.
0:41:00 – Speaker 2
I’m an age, didn’t think.
0:41:01 – Speaker 1
Well, I do at least, but I think that’s cool right.
And I think that this is an important part. Maybe this was better than a glossary. I’m still not 100% positive, but I do think it’s important to say. This is who we are. This is what we bring to the table. Our basis of empathy is one that comes about in incredibly different ways, but, at its core, comes from a genuine sense of caring about others and wanting people to be seen, to have good experiences, to be a part of our journey and for us to pay witness to their journey.
And I’m hoping that’s what we get into in this podcast 100%. On ways in which we or other people get at that, without having to assume that empathy. Is this one size fits all for how people engage with the world?
0:42:02 – Speaker 2
Agreed. I love that. I loved that.
0:42:09 – Speaker 1
Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing?
0:42:12 – Speaker 2
Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff that’s fine, I accept you wherever you are.
0:42:20 – Speaker 1
Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
