Episode 113 – Grief, Games, and Gilbert

0:00:12 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my super power. Here she comes.
0:00:31 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:33 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:53 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay.
0:01:01 – Speaker 1
Well, thank you for coming to today’s show. It’s been nice to have you. It’s now over because it’s over before it started, because it is now 21 after when we were supposed to start because Rebecca had to get her coffee today.
0:01:17 – Speaker 2
It wasn’t just that you also thank God. You called me in the morning. I also called her five times in a row, I know, and when.
0:01:23 – Speaker 1
I did, she said oh, thank God, you called me, we were still sleeping.
0:01:27 – Speaker 3
I can’t have a hell do you sleep that late?
0:01:29 – Speaker 2
I didn’t mean to, but Sawyer had to be at school 10 minutes. I got to know I just like get up, we got to go. She’s like how old are your kids? My oldest is, my oldest was already at school. She would go at 620.
0:01:42 – Speaker 3
Well, who got her going?
0:01:44 – Speaker 2
She does that by herself.
0:01:45 – Speaker 3
She’s the adult in the house 14.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
She’s in ninth grade she manages herself.
0:01:49 – Speaker 3
That’s impressive. Oh no, that’s impressive. We’re about to condition them.
0:01:53 – Speaker 1
Conditions them like that from the time they come out of the womb.
0:01:56 – Speaker 2
Yes, oh yeah, she’s on top of it. Give yourself a bath.
0:01:59 – Speaker 1
They’re like six months old she even left me.
0:02:01 – Speaker 2
This is the best.
0:02:02 – Speaker 3
She’s a car.
0:02:02 – Speaker 2
Go buy your wardrobe, that’s right Well she left me a note on the counter that said Mom, I have a, I have a game today. Please make sure I already put my, my jersey in the washing machine and if you could, please have it dried by the time I get home at 320. That’s, that’s the note from my 14 year old. Yeah, and she’s still not sure it’s going to happen. I’m pretty sure she’s going to text me at lunch and say Mom, did you get this?
0:02:22 – Speaker 1
Yeah, she’s going to have to call and remind you.
0:02:24 – Speaker 2
It’s true, it’s not okay, it’s true. Yeah, oh, she’s, she nails it. In fact she is. She’s going to be on the podcast coming up and she is so excited, she is so excited. But my other, my younger one, she’s nine, she’s in fourth grade.
0:02:38 – Speaker 1
I’m on the phone with Rebecca this morning and Sawyer comes running in and all I hear Rebecca say is oh honey, what’s wrong, what’s wrong. She’s balling her eyes out.
0:02:48 – Speaker 2
Why is?
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
she balling her eyes out. Well, check the Facebook page group that we have Cause, if you’ll remember from last week’s episode, we have a tooth fairy story and let’s just say that we doubled down on that story for this week. So guys, it’s not okay, you are just a walking mess bomb.
0:03:11 – Speaker 2
I know, I know, I know, and then incredible, so I’m running late, obviously because you. The podcast is 80 million million hours away from me. So I to prove where I was on the highway and that I was speeding. I sent you a picture.
0:03:26 – Speaker 1
Yes, you sent me a picture, apparently that you were speeding. We’ll show the picture, yep.
0:03:30 – Speaker 2
So it was a picture of my dashboard, yep, and I was proving that I was speeding and it said 69. Yeah.
0:03:36 – Speaker 1
And when I saw it, I immediately showed it to Scott and I said, of course, and he said what? And I said she’s almost done Empty, she’s almost done. Empty I thought you were trying to point out that your gas tank had hardly it was. You’re running on fumes, it’s true, it’s true, but it was really immediately got that you were going 69. Yeah, but because he’s classy, he wasn’t going to say to me. Oh, I think she was just pointing out that she was going 69.
0:04:09 – Speaker 3
And I was like she’s got plenty of gas. Spirit animals, spirit animals, so he gets me, he gets me. He does. You don’t find my future funny no. I’m like.
0:04:19 – Speaker 2
I’m 69. And that’s I even sped up to get at 69. You’re 41. And we’re still sending pictures of that I can’t, I can’t, I can’t and I don’t even catch it, I’m the adult in the relationship.
0:04:34 – Speaker 1
So I’m like, well, I better get some gas on the way home. You’re running low.
0:04:38 – Speaker 2
I don’t have any money. I gotta wait till payday and Friday. Oh my God, how’s that?
0:04:43 – Speaker 1
How’s that skylight frame going that? We spent so much time. We had to pick it out. We had to talk about it. We talked about that no joke for hours. How you were going to get your life together. You were going to start to schedule yourself better.
You wanted to see it all at a glance. You got one in the mail, then it wasn’t the right size, then you returned it. Then you got a new one, then you sent me a picture of it and I think your text said oh she pretty Okay. All these things have happened.
0:05:10 – Speaker 2
And then you come in today and it has a chart, chart and every morning Sawyer, except today, because she was a return it, and B she didn’t get up. But every morning she all she wants to do is click those things. She had her bed made, she had everything done, yeah.
0:05:25 – Speaker 1
So your life starts to function a little more efficiently. And what do you say as soon as you get here? I returned it. Yeah, gotta send it back. That’s a little too much function, I know.
0:05:35 – Speaker 2
I was coming close to my window closing oh your return window.
0:05:39 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re like you know what my life feels a little too on point right now. Listen, I need to send this back?
0:05:48 – Speaker 2
Well, because I did some more research and I found something that I can like jank together.
0:05:53 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, I’m sure. I’m sure, I’m sure, a 90 dollar iPod touch or something I can’t, it’s probably refurbished. Oh it definitely is Well.
0:06:01 – Speaker 3
They stopped making them what like six years ago.
0:06:04 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I still found one on Shine or whatever that place is. Shine, she you go to, she gets you stupid stuff. I can’t. What are you janking together this time? It’s like an old computer screen, it’s attached to an iPod touch and, like Sawyer in the morning, you’re like honey. Go check off her chart, like she has to go through and like she’s got to take out there and push the restart button.
But you know what? That saved us? At least 20 bucks. So you’re an idiot, You’re an absolute idiot. And just so we can juxtapose this here, I have put my down payment on my heart frame oh, the 699. $600 frame and I’m like how do I pay for this? How do I pay for this right now, Like, how do I pay it all? And they’re like you can’t pay it all right now. You have to put your $50 down and wait for it to like come.
And I’m like so then today I signed up for text reminders of like when it’s launching, so that I can go in and just pay the bills. Oh my God, you cracked me up.
0:07:14 – Speaker 2
I can’t.
0:07:14 – Speaker 1
There’s no, I got a hundred bucks off because I signed up in advance. I can’t. I’m not sending that thing back and mine is. It is the size of this picture over here. It is huge. It’s like a piece of art.
0:07:26 – Speaker 2
I’ve watched the commercials, yeah.
0:07:28 – Speaker 1
And I think only only rich bitches have these. It’s not only that, but it’s also like that’s how I live my life.
0:07:41 – Speaker 2
So I’m like hi, why don’t you just come on?
0:07:43 – Speaker 1
over. Take a look at the artwork on the wall. This is our schedule. It is a piece of art. Yeah, and everyone’s schedule is on there. The grandparent schedule is on there, even when the dog takes a shit. That’s right, it’s all scheduled during the day. Yep, I like this instant we got going today.
0:08:01 – Speaker 2
What is that called? This is called the ocean salt.
0:08:05 – Speaker 1
I got wafter.
0:08:07 – Speaker 2
I like it All right. Well, I know I want to take my glasses off. I had to leave them on because I didn’t bring.
0:08:11 – Speaker 1
That’s why you’re wearing your sunglasses.
0:08:12 – Speaker 2
Yeah, because of prescription and I can actually read the small print Okay.
0:08:16 – Speaker 1
But I just want to be clear. You did not allow me to pick the incense, you didn’t allow me to pick the oil. Today, scott’s the one who picked the cards, so this is all up to chance right here.
0:08:25 – Speaker 2
That’s right. That’s right. So how do you want to do this?
0:08:28 – Speaker 1
I want to know why we got that oil today. What is it? Oh, what’s red? And why do you need it so?
0:08:34 – Speaker 2
bad. I picked it. So remember I told you about my hypnotherapy. So not only did we discover I have a broken heart, but we also discovered that my really imbalanced one I mean the heart one was really, really bad, but this one was the worst. This is the grounding chakra. And then, in order to get it back into alignment, I’m supposed to wear red shoes, red nail polish on my feet, red pants grounding this is your root chakra.
0:09:01 – Speaker 1
This is where you are, this is the one you said last time that mine was just large and enchanted. Totally fine, yeah. So wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. So you’re just supposed to wear more red and embrace the color red and, all of a sudden, your chakra is no, no, no.
0:09:20 – Speaker 2
That’s how you get grounded, and I’m supposed to go outside and walk in the dirt. You need to get grounded. And the reason why my chakra is so off balance is because my dad left when I was a little child. So I’ve never had any consistency. That’s not true. I shouldn’t say that because my mom created this beautiful home, this, I mean, I had a great childhood, don’t misconstrue that. But just based on the fact that I had that experience where my dad, my parents, got divorced and I would go back and forth between homes, there was never really a sense of security and grounding and you know that whole concept of abandonment, trauma, like that whole thing. So your grounding chakra is your bottom, your root, your root. So if you’re not aligned to there, then how could all the other chakras be functioning really well? So, anyway, that’s why I picked this one. So pick out your Red Rock.
0:10:14 – Speaker 1
Do you think when the listeners are listening?
0:10:17 – Speaker 2
to what you’re talking about.
0:10:18 – Speaker 3
Oh, no I was not going there.
0:10:20 – Speaker 1
I was not going there. Okay, what Do you think when they’re listening to you and they hear me say things like yeah, okay, interesting, interesting. Do they think that I’m like on board? No, Like they don’t.
0:10:34 – Speaker 2
If they do, they don’t know you, because that’s your, you’re fronting. Okay, okay, this is my way, I’m gonna play cater, it’s fine.
0:10:43 – Speaker 1
I hear you. That’s fascinating, I’m with you, right. I just didn’t know if people were like well, these two hippie shop chicks, they are in it together, okay.
0:10:54 – Speaker 3
Okay.
0:10:55 – Speaker 2
Okay, this is your version.
0:10:57 – Speaker 1
My friend Izzo said the other day that when you had said to put the stones in the moonlight, that she immediately in her head was like no, and what did I say on the podcast? No, I know, I know she gets me oh yeah, okay, she saw me.
0:11:16 – Speaker 2
She saw me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, my favorite part is that you’re playing around here. Rub in the red rock over here. I didn’t tell you you had to rub it, but you always say that I just pick it up. You don’t have to. You like to rub?
0:11:27 – Speaker 1
it. Oh well, no, sister, just hold it like that’s the whole time.
0:11:29 – Speaker 2
You can’t Like the palm of my hand or put it near your microphone, I don’t know. Okay, okay, ready, yeah, so the first chakra is located on the pelvic floor, towards the base of the spine. Yep, maybe we can talk about the story that you told me yesterday.
0:11:46 – Speaker 1
No, let’s not talk about that, but let’s talk about how you do with the pelvic line. Let’s talk about how you can’t go to a trampoline park because your pelvic line ain’t what it used to be after having those babies, I gotta wear the deep ends. I know the deep ends, so tell me more about the. What is it? The pelvic, yeah, Remember when you tipped to pelvis. Remember when I went to the you’re in leakage, You’re a mess.
0:12:08 – Speaker 2
Remember when I went to the Starwood, Taylor, and she goes Mom, why don’t you just buy the period underwear? I go, Taylor. Those are depends. Those are for people who pee their pants.
0:12:17 – Speaker 1
That’s not period underwear and then the next day you’re back at the store.
0:12:21 – Speaker 2
Put them in the cart, Maybe that’s what I need Put them in the cart. Whoops, oh my God, I did. I did take one of your pads when we were at Darnell’s birthday party, when we had to do the Darnell Olympics, because I was concerned we might have to jump. So I took one of your pads out of your, out of your toiletry bag, and put it on because I was wearing shorts and I thought that’s not gonna be good If they see leakage. He just helped yourself, helped yourself.
Sure did, and it sure did Okay.
0:12:53 – Speaker 1
Scott loves this show the most. Scott loves this show.
0:12:57 – Speaker 2
It’s his favorite show. It sure is All right. So back to the pelvic floor, towards the base of the spine. It’s a root chakra and it supports the other chakras and is responsible for a sense of security and stability. Alignment of the chakra will enable us to feel safe and reduce our anxieties by balancing various aspects of our lives. Look at me. What’s up? Goose, what, what? I am Maverick, I am just.
0:13:31 – Speaker 1
I’m over here watching you read that thing. I think I’m gonna get it. I’m like what was that thing I think I did? Don’t put on time for what’s not in the so big for my.
0:13:44 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, what’s that top gun song? We gotta find that top gun song.
0:13:50 – Speaker 3
Danger Zone.
0:13:51 – Speaker 2
What.
0:13:52 – Speaker 1
Thunder Zone.
0:13:53 – Speaker 3
Danger Zone I can’t do it.
0:13:56 – Speaker 2
We’re the way to the danger zone.
0:13:59 – Speaker 3
Kenny Loggins.
0:14:00 – Speaker 2
Thunder Dome.
0:14:02 – Speaker 3
The on Thunder Dome. That’s Max. Yes, that’s Max.
0:14:05 – Speaker 2
No, it’s Danger Zone. Oh, my Kenny Loggins. Okay, I can’t. I know what this smells like. No, bueno.
0:14:12 – Speaker 1
I need it. That’s cause you need it.
0:14:13 – Speaker 2
That’s cause you need it. Okay, so I need to get grounded, cause my anxiety is oh, this is amazing. There’s cherry in here. It’s Japan. I’m not kidding, I don’t want to be in this. Of course you know what. You fucking secure ass bitch. You stable secure ass bitch Wow.
0:14:32 – Speaker 3
It makes me want to put some what’s going on this morning, did you guys do a bag of meth before you came?
0:14:41 – Speaker 1
in here. I did. I just want to put a red bikini and just put my feet in some dirt. Is that? This smells like shit? Oh, I love it. I’m not kidding. I got to put some on here.
0:14:54 – Speaker 3
This is I’m going to smell this like all day. Hold up here you need some. You’re slathering yourself with this stuff that Rebecca claims smells like shit. Yeah, and it does not. I remember he serves. Last time I know Rebecca was all like oh, this is great, and you’re like eh eh, eh, right, the Pinesall, one Right.
0:15:13 – Speaker 1
And what was that one that was? That was the one you put in your navel or something. That was the belly button chakra. Whatever that one was, this smells like shit. I can’t. This is awesome. I have this one over here. I need Scott to come in here and tell me. If he Are you allowed to come in here, we’ll put this one on you. Who’s smelling you?
0:15:30 – Speaker 2
tell us If you yeah, he.
0:15:32 – Speaker 1
Are you grounded? We’ll see if he needs it. Oh, here he comes. Oh, it smells like shit. I love it. What is it? You smell that little cherry in there? That’s what I hate about it, it’s the blood stock.
0:15:44 – Speaker 3
Okay, here comes, scott Come here, Bring your little.
0:15:46 – Speaker 1
No, no, bring your. What are you doing? You gotta put it on your arm, okay. Other one Okay, give me your inner pit. Give me your inner pit, oh good, next one. Now you gotta smell that. Do you like the smell? Okay, tell us what you think.
0:16:00 – Speaker 3
Smells like a hotel room, like a motel.
0:16:03 – Speaker 2
What Like a motel, motel, motel, holiday, whatever, okay, ugh, what are we talking about? Where are we at? Okay, this smells good. Okay, no, it smells like shit. Smells like a holiday inn from 1978.
0:16:15 – Speaker 1
Without the cigarette, smoking whiskey you don’t like it or you do.
0:16:16 – Speaker 2
Ugh, I love it. I can’t.
0:16:28 – Speaker 3
It does smell like a cleaner of some kind to me it’s like cherry.
0:16:32 – Speaker 2
You know what it smells like? It smells like when you’re going through the car wash. That’s what it is. Pound town it’s. That’s what it is. Oh, that’s it. Go on our TikTok.
0:16:41 – Speaker 1
You can see. You can see us when we go through the car wash.
0:16:44 – Speaker 2
And I’m starting to talk about the cherry.
0:16:46 – Speaker 1
And you can’t feel like we’re going through Pound Town. I’m like I don’t think that’s what it’s called, but Does yours Coffee say shut up?
0:16:54 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it probably does.
0:16:55 – Speaker 1
It didn’t go well at the coffee place. What does it say?
0:16:58 – Speaker 2
Oh, iced coffee chocolate latte, no, the big red letters, chocolate, it says charged.
0:17:04 – Speaker 3
It’s a charged up All I see is up, it does not lie.
0:17:08 – Speaker 2
I thought that was her secret subliminal message to me, because it’s facing me. Yeah, it says shut up what up, goose. I cannot. All right, let me take these off. So let’s read our intentions, go ahead, no you want me to start?
0:17:21 – Speaker 1
Yes, okay, scott picked this. Yep, I am letting go. I know that focusing my attention on things I cannot control distracts me from my journey. I needed that today. I know that focusing my attention on things I cannot control distracts me from my journey. I am letting go.
0:17:50 – Speaker 2
I should probably Bye-bye Put that. I should put Turn it off Like a light switch. I should tape that to my computer screen today. Why?
0:18:03 – Speaker 1
Because you spend a lot of time focusing on a whole bunch of stuff you’re not supposed to be. The answer is yes. I was going to say the answer is yes.
0:18:13 – Speaker 2
I mean, I just like things. I like yeah, yeah, you just focus your attention in all the wrong places.
0:18:19 – Speaker 1
That’s what happens. All right, Scott picked this one.
0:18:24 – Speaker 2
The three of swords. Look at it, it’s like an eye that’s crying.
0:18:29 – Speaker 1
It’s a hand, there’s two hands holding a hurricane. Oh, I see that it’s fine.
0:18:38 – Speaker 2
Good thing I got my glasses on.
0:18:39 – Speaker 1
Yeah, good thing, you should wear yours, good thing.
0:18:42 – Speaker 2
So it looks like. It looks like a bunch of crosses, but they’re swords sticking into the hurricane. In the middle of the palms with tears crying yeah.
0:18:52 – Speaker 1
Okay, scott, picked this one. This is for you, this one’s for you. This is for you. You ready for this?
0:18:57 – Speaker 2
Three of swords. Human hands hold a personal universe now suddenly wounded and irreparable. What once felt like a source of light is now gone and the heart breaks at the thought of it. The three of swords indicates a loss, heartbreak or disappointment in life. When something we loved or desired is suddenly gone, it can be challenging to move past it. In many ways this card speaks to the mind-heart connection. When we experience loss, our mind often influences the heaviness we carry in our hearts. It’s important in times of sadness to let yourself mourn. It is just important to make sure your mind doesn’t perpetuate or inflame the agony of loss. Negative thinking can feed heartbreak beyond what’s necessary. Be careful with your thought patterns and lean into healthy coping mechanisms at this time. You can and will heal if you allow yourself to. Experience may be painful, but there is hope ahead. The clouds will lift and there will be new opportunities in the horizon. You know he picked this for me. Fuck. No, you picked this for me, scott. Everything okay, man, as far as I know, I’ll let you know later.
Nope, he picked it for me. Here’s why, oh my God, I’m so clear. I can take these off, please.
0:20:05 – Speaker 1
Thank you.
0:20:05 – Speaker 2
Please, please.
0:20:06 – Speaker 1
Because I’m really nervous for Scott. No, no, no, it’s not gonna do us that, scott, you did this for me, this is exactly what I needed.
0:20:13 – Speaker 2
So we’ve been alluding on the podcast for a couple weeks now of things going on in our lives, and I shared in the beginning of our podcast journey that my full-time job is a wish-granter for a charity that I hold near dear to my heart. In fact, I have a charm bracelet tattooed on my arm that I have.
0:20:31 – Speaker 1
Thank you for saying arm.
0:20:33 – Speaker 2
On my arm and I have the charity’s symbol as a charm. I have a symbol that represents my family, and I have Erin’s Concern Center logo of the business that she loves, tattooed on my arm. And I’ve been working for this charity for nine years and it is very, very near and dear to my heart. All things, and I could go on and on about that. However, we recently had a meeting and the charity has decided to close, and it has been a very hard journey for me, because not only am I losing my job, but I love this charity, I love the work, I love all the things. Front row foundation is what it’s called. And so, erin, thank God I have a therapist. She’s a best friend because she’s had to Everything’s free, perfect.
That’s fine. She’s had to process with me a lot of these emotions because I said to her I said I never would have left, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever I would have done this. I would still do this for free because I just love it so much. And sometimes things have to happen for you. And it’s been a grieving process and today I have a list of things that I have to do that sometimes I just can’t wrap my emotions around because it’s really, really hard. And today was my deadline of I have to do it and I have to shift to my framework. And so this card for me basically is saying yes, it’s sad and hard, but don’t make it worse than it needs to be. And I remember writing an email it might have been two weeks ago and I said I want to close this charity because I’m kind of running the closure of this chapter and I want to do it in a really respectful, beautiful way that honors all the things that we’ve done, and that, again, I am not emotional.
This is very Talk about empathy, talk about vulnerability, talk about all the things. This is going to be incredibly difficult for me on many, many levels. So I need to put my big girl panties on. I need to ground myself to feel secure, because right now I’m feeling floundering all over the place. I got no job coming up. You do you work for Concern Center?
That’s true, that’s true. But like there’s just a lot of change coming up and I am feeling not grounded, I am feeling very insecure, I am feeling all sorts of loss, but at the same time I’m feeling very excited because this podcast has changed my week. I mean, we’ve always had fun together, but watching the numbers of our listeners and I was just telling you and that I went to dance class for the first time since last year and my dance moms, who I’m close with in the that we sit together they were like we listened to your podcast, we’ve missed you laugh. And I’m like, oh my god, they clapped. They clapped Too funny, right. And I’m like you guys listen, you care.
And then one of my very best friends came over to my house the other day and she goes you’re helping me, you’re helping me solve problems, you’re giving me new perspective, you’re allowing me to think I’m like what? I can’t just show up or want to make you people laugh. Scott basically called me the talent. He’s useless. And it’s just so, it’s so rewarding and it, it, it allows me to feel the same sense of service that I was feeling in my job at Front Row and I. That’s what drives me and that’s what gets me excited every morning to get up and do all the things and when I need to feel that, and so I need to make sure I’m always involved in that sort of scenario, because I’m not good. I’m not good unless it’s creative or anything. So anyway, scott, that card was for me, not for you. I mean, maybe maybe there’s something going on for you, but for me I need to process my heartbreak and my my sadness and all the things going on.
0:24:33 – Speaker 1
It’s been so interesting to both be on this journey with you going through this and to watch it and to also be paralleling it in a lot of ways, right because I was a part of the charity, I was supporting you in the charity, so it’s been really interesting for me. And what I love about this podcast is people get to see the true you, the crazy zany, return your starlight frame person right, the starlight and the thong all the same guy right, not in a clear bag, that will not be accepted.
But what’s interesting for me is this thread that you’re talking about right now is the bond that we share. Yes, right, you are up here over the top, I am down here. Keep it together, right. But the meaning, making that happens, the connection, the desire for making some type of change or impact in the world, is that thread that allows us to always find this common ground. So it has been fascinating for me to watch you go through the stages of grief, and I talk about stages of grief with you, with a lot of people, a lot, because I don’t think we give enough attention to grief in the way that grief plays out in our life, constantly, constantly. So the stages of grief the initial stage of grief is depression. It’s okay, I am really not okay right now. I’m not in a good place.
0:26:11 – Speaker 2
Incapacitate.
0:26:12 – Speaker 1
I am, this is, I’m not okay right now. Then there’s anger and there’s frustration, and there’s why did this happen? Right? There’s bargaining, which is well. If we could just do this, then maybe this would happen instead. Which?
0:26:29 – Speaker 2
in hindsight, are you noticing?
0:26:31 – Speaker 1
we went through all of this in the past three months and the thing, the thing about stages of grief is they’re not stages right. It’s not like you go through depression and then, once you get, to depression.
0:26:38 – Speaker 2
You mean, they’re not linear, you don’t you get step by step? Oh yes, they’re not.
0:26:44 – Speaker 1
Yeah, they’re not linear stages did you notice?
0:26:46 – Speaker 2
I said like that, that was an intelligent word.
0:26:49 – Speaker 1
Yes, I’m really proud of myself did notice that. That was excellent. What did you say? I said they’re not linear. Oh yeah, correct, right, and I absolutely love that Scott gave you like just the tiny yeah like the two clap yeah, right, that’s fine, that’s fine, okay.
So depression, anger, bargaining. If we could just do this, then maybe this would happen. Or if we just flipped this right, then you have. I’m sorry, I said depression was the first one, denial is the first one. Yes, depression is the fourth one. So denial is I just, this is not happening. Right, that’s the first one, depression is the fourth one. Fourth one, and then acceptance is the last. So denial, anger bargaining, depression, acceptance, I am.
0:27:34 – Speaker 2
I am definitely I have to move into the acceptance.
0:27:38 – Speaker 1
I mean, I’m in the acceptance but it’s still hard because I am doing, I’m implementing the things and that that’s the hard part, yeah yeah, but these grief stages, I think, are so incredibly important because we only think about grief stages when we think about death. That’s good point. That’s it. That’s not the only time that grief happens. It happens when your relationship that you’ve been in for x number of years starts to change considerably not just a romantic relationship, no, even friendships.
0:28:13 – Speaker 2
Neighbors, your child goes off to college all the right.
0:28:19 – Speaker 1
It can be things like a change in a job. It can be moving from a house or a place that you really loved into something else. And let’s be clear, they’re not all negative changes. No, I just built a house of my dreams two years ago and experienced grief associated with leaving the first home we bought together, my neighbors and the friendships that we established there. Yeah, that’s when you live downstream. 15 minutes from you, right you make fun of that, but that there is a grief process associated with that.
0:28:54 – Speaker 2
You’re still hanging on to it, you’re still in the anger and well barb didn’t have a chance to move two houses down for me, but yeah, that was the scary scenario.
0:29:02 – Speaker 1
Yeah, the chicken coop is what really threw me off in that scenario.
0:29:05 – Speaker 2
Was it the?
0:29:06 – Speaker 1
um 10 foot picture of said I was saying that didn’t, that didn’t, that wasn’t great either. So what I think is super important is to acknowledge you have been going through, as have I, these grief stages and it’s important to remember during these times how natural they are and how normal they are and how much a part of the journey it is. And now that we can look back over the last, you know, month or two, as this has all been unfolding, there was a ton of bargaining. I know there was anger, I know there was denial in the beginning and that denial started with the. Okay, we’re seeing that this going in a certain pattern and I don’t like the.
How can we change it right? Right, we’re not going to look at this for what it is. We’re going to change the course of it, right? But I think hopefully it provides some degree of comfort and once we get to acceptance I know it is not the final stage again, it’s not linear as you continue to move through, right. So at the end of this year is officially, when the charity is officially closed there will be a time, six months from now, that you will experience anger. Oh sure. There’ll be a time, one year from now where you’ll bargain it and you’ll be like, well, maybe I wonder if we could just start up like this little version of what we were doing. Right, and it’s beautiful and it’s okay and that’s life right. But the part that I’ve loved the most about your journey is seeing how optimistic and how safe you feel about what’s going to happen in the future, which is weird, I agree, it’s just.
0:30:39 – Speaker 2
It’s so weird I and I don’t know why I feel that way. I mean, maybe it’s the medication I take, but yeah whatever works, but.
I do. I feel this sense of excitement. I feel this sense of and maybe it’s because you’re you’re officially on this journey. I remember I remember we talk about this on the podcast all the time when I stepped out of higher ed. That’s how Aaron and I met. We never talk about our get to know us page. Again, if you haven’t read it, read the timeline, read the time on the marloughpodcastcom.
Yeah, so, um, when Aaron and I met, we were both in higher education, in our master’s program, and we were working together and she was on a different trajectory than I was and I we both remained in higher ed, just in different segments, I guess, is the way to put it. And the entire time I knew it wasn’t for me and the entire time I knew more people needed her. Was she amazing? You’re amazing at your job, all the things you, just more people need it. Your it was too small, and so once I got exposed to other opportunities and other ways of doing things that were really parallel to what you were doing, but just in very different capacities, I’m like you need to come with me and I would literally take you on my journey. I’d be like I’m going to this conference book a ticket. You’re like okay, see, that’s the other thing. You don’t question me. No, I mean, but now deep down, you’re like oh okay, that’s part of empathy.
0:32:07 – Speaker 1
All right, sure, that’s cool, sounds good, let’s go to.
0:32:10 – Speaker 2
Texas, right, okay, and I’m like, no, just do it, and then you’d cut. You came with me to a um. One of our top donors did a master’s level class and I’m like you’re coming with me and you’re like my kid is three weeks old and I’m starting a new job next week. I go, I don’t care, get in the car. And you did. Yeah, you got in the car. We went there and we both looked at each other and I’m like, are we clear?
0:32:33 – Speaker 1
you can do this do you we?
0:32:35 – Speaker 2
we stated his house. I’m like do you see this? Do you see his business model? Do you see these things? I kept trying to put you in exposure opportunities outside of higher ed because that was always your trajectory right absolutely, and I’m like you need to see this.
0:32:50 – Speaker 1
And then I’m watching it right and I’m like, oh right, that’s, I’ve been doing something very similar, or just a small scale yeah, and so then I would constantly, and then it, so it started out at a house.
0:33:03 – Speaker 2
Then I took you to a bigger group, then I took you to a mat, like a Tony Robbins type mass thing. I go, do you see this? Are we clear? I remember walking up and down target. I mean that time I was in target. Sometimes that’s Tommy lobby, sometime, you know, it’s all the things now.
I’m always at the store because I’m avoiding being home with my children. They were little at the time, but I was just like you need to see this. You are so much more capable, and so I feel like part of my journey was allowing the veil to come down.
0:33:30 – Speaker 1
For you and you would just come for the right two of us. Who was going to be the one to pave that path? You think it was going to be me, there’s no way.
0:33:39 – Speaker 2
That’s why I’m the gale, I’m like I’m willing to go do whatever. I agree.
0:33:43 – Speaker 1
I will, you know, work for ten dollars an hour because I like to adventure and you’re coming with me you’re really doing and, as we just talked about in the car today, you say to me I have an idea, this is what should happen. And what’s my first reaction?
0:33:55 – Speaker 2
absolutely not no, no, I’m like okay, no, and then the next day I present it a little bit differently, and then the next day I presented differently. I’m a master manipulator in that right, right, yeah, because that’s deep down.
0:34:06 – Speaker 1
I know that you’re just infusing just castley infusing and I immediately I’m like nope, absolutely not, that’s ridiculous, we’re not doing that. And then you’ll notice like oh, I just read an article about it, right, right, and you won’t say anything. No, you won’t be like sad article, right I? Mean sometimes you’re an absolute jerk right and you’re like what’s that article?
0:34:25 – Speaker 2
you’re right, no, right there oh, but this is 20, 20 years of life together yeah, this is. This is nothing new I’m very aware of.
0:34:34 – Speaker 1
I mean, I started the journey down right now you’re like okay, people have heard it on the podcast. You’re like how about you hate my pants? Now, what size you want me to order for you right soon as we get home?
0:34:47 – Speaker 2
right, because you know how it goes, I’ll say it. But I’ll say that when it comes to like fashion or things like that, but not when it comes to business. That’s true.
0:34:54 – Speaker 1
I will never. First of all, I am not an expert.
0:34:57 – Speaker 2
I just know what I like and what feels good. I always tell my daughter I’m gonna teach you how to drive because you just drive what feels good yeah this, we don’t care about the speed limit.
0:35:05 – Speaker 1
No one cares. What does it feel like you should go?
0:35:07 – Speaker 2
oh my god so, but that’s my point is like that’s the whole you. You have to create this circle around you that embodies all parts of you and allows you to push you. And when you are feeling very up in the air, insecure, all the things, you have that person who is like helping you through it, giving you different advice, not panicking, all the things. You just got an ebb and flow and you got to really know each other’s energy.
0:35:38 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I agree, and the strength that I feel with both of us moving forward into this next chapter is far superior than what I would feel if it was just me or just me, right? Yeah, like you’re the wind, I’m the earth. Right, you can’t have just one of them. No, you know right. And so we’ve honed that, though over time and I think it’s funny.
0:36:03 – Speaker 2
You just you made me when earlier, when you were talking, you made me think of something back back in our days of when we were resident directors okay, we would do presentations together, mm-hmm, this was the rule. You did all the research and put together the powerpoint and all I was allowed to do is pick the font yep still our relationship today and sometimes you could pick whatever like song, chach keys or like props, right we?
0:36:30 – Speaker 1
were gonna have right, right, but I was only allowed to pick the font mm-hmm, some things never change, that’s right, you know, that’s almost 20, that’s almost 20 years ago, and I’m laughing but, you know what. You know what you’re fine doing. I’m picking the final to this day, and that’s why it works to this day you’re like.
0:36:47 – Speaker 2
Now I’m like.
0:36:48 – Speaker 1
I like to be in control, right, and you’re like.
0:36:50 – Speaker 2
I like to let her think she’s in control, right, right, and we’re both happy there, right but what happened in the beginning was you let me pick the font and you just dealt with it and now it’s like mm, that’s not a good font. Yeah, right, so you still control it. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, right.
0:37:06 – Speaker 1
I’m like here’s your three choices of fonts, and by three I mean it’s this one, right? Which one do you want to write within you?
0:37:11 – Speaker 2
don’t care. No, okay, and you’re like, just show up and read this and emphasize it. Okay, and I’m still nervous. I think we should. Maybe we take a quick break.
0:37:26 – Speaker 1
I mean, you think, wait, I, before we even start this, I have to say this is what colt said yesterday.
Colt, our marketing guy oh yeah most uncomfortable part that we’re now gonna infuse. Yeah, a sponsorship, I mean, why not? So he said. I said to say he’s super uncomfortable like I, like I just want to be, like I am. This feels like really forced and uncomfortable and he’s like say that, aaron, just say that I’m like, oh, you mean just be authentic. Cool, okay, I will do that. Yeah, so, coming at you, maybe we better take a quick break, you think. Let me take a moment to thank our sponsor concern center.
0:38:06 – Speaker 2
Oh, we like them. They’re rethinking how to connect people with the resources and support to live happy, fulfilling lives. Sounds a lot like our podcast.
0:38:14 – Speaker 1
Don’t push it. You know, rebecca, every organization has people that need help finding support students, employees, patients. I do not need help with patients patients concern centers helped 3.5 million people find support nationwide, with more becoming a part of it every day. Sounds like a lot like a podcast. I just said that the More Love God podcast is all about connecting people with each other.
0:38:44 – Speaker 2
So if you or someone you know is involved in a university, a company or health system that needs a better way to connect people with resources, please reach out to connection at concerncentercom.
0:38:55 – Speaker 1
Help us get everyone connected with the help they need. Well said, what were we talking about?
0:39:02 – Speaker 2
We just read that for the first time we did do a good job.
0:39:06 – Speaker 1
We did do a good job. Is there ever going to come a time? Thank you, Scott. That was a longer clap. That was a longer clap. Do you think there’s ever going to come a time that we’re just going to say it to each other instead of having to look at our piece of paper? Not a chance in hell. No.
0:39:20 – Speaker 2
Not a chance in hell. Sure, you will. I mean, we can add lib. Patience, rebecca. We can add lib like we did with our. Remember when you called me and you’re like we need to do a promo for our podcast and I’m like, okay. And you’re like let’s pick up the Zoom emojis and you’re like we’re just going to add lib.
0:39:39 – Speaker 1
That’s one of my favorite, because we’re good at that. I’m not good at that. It’s not going to be a snowser and, like disease, show up over your head. That is one of my favorite. Where did we post that? I think we posted it on Instagram.
0:39:52 – Speaker 2
We’re on TechTac with it. That’s one of my favorites. We’re a hot mess. Yeah, we’re a hot mess, scott, you didn’t start my timer.
0:39:59 – Speaker 3
I did actually, but it must not have worked that time. 40 minutes, yeah, 40 minutes.
0:40:04 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you’re at 40 minutes.
0:40:06 – Speaker 2
Oh man, we don’t shut up. I can’t.
0:40:10 – Speaker 1
Anything want to talk about empathy? No, all right, great.
0:40:12 – Speaker 2
Have a great day.
0:40:13 – Speaker 3
I cannot. I’m pretty excited about that commercial we just did.
0:40:16 – Speaker 1
You are. Yeah, yeah, it’s a five seconds, super helpful, thank you. You just have to be under 20 minutes. Okay, oh all right.
0:40:23 – Speaker 2
We get a trip coming up, which one we?
0:40:26 – Speaker 1
have a lot of trips coming up. I’m so excited.
0:40:28 – Speaker 2
I’m so excited we’re going back to the place where I shit the couch. I’m sure we’ll have another adventure.
0:40:37 – Speaker 1
We’re going back to this Press.
0:40:40 – Speaker 2
Open Press open Couch Couch Scenario yeah.
0:40:43 – Speaker 1
What’s that one? That’s a November. That’s a November, yeah.
0:40:46 – Speaker 2
Yeah, guess where else we’re going.
0:40:48 – Speaker 1
Disney World. Going to Disney, aren’t you just there? We’re not going to talk about it, she can’t stop. She has to return her Starlight frame though, her Skylight frame though, because it’s too expensive. I’ve already picked her outfit, but then she’s like I already paid for her tickets. Go to Disney.
0:41:05 – Speaker 2
That’s why I had to return it. I had to come up with the extra money. Oh my God, we’re going to have such a good time. Last time we went, you cried on the test track. Yes, I did so. I already. That’s on the tic-tac. Yep, I already have the plan, oh Good.
0:41:20 – Speaker 1
Remember we had a fry flight and it was terrible. It was terrible, in fact, when I was just there. Smell is beer. Yes, when I was just there, I went past it and I went nope, don’t do it, guys, walk away. I’m not going to do that Fry flight, but it tastes like Dog Pitchies.
It’s not good, not good. I have so many things on this list over here and none of them we can talk about in 20 minutes. 20 minutes, okay, how about that? So what? What is that? What is that? That’s a book. It says empathy is your superpower, a book about understanding the feelings of others.
0:42:03 – Speaker 2
Oh, you’re going to read that to me. Well, you might, you might have to read it. I haven’t even opened it. So remember when I was, when we first started this podcast? Well, when you decided what it was going to be and I went home and I got all the journal and all that. I was like going to be prepared and do all the things, yeah, so that lasted 20 minutes. I found this book, I found the whale On line, and I have one more thing that was in oh.
And we were talking about empathy as your superpower. So I just happened to Google that and this children’s book came up and I thought stop it, and do you notice this as E? Oh, it does say, e, it does, so it could be empathy, I think that’s for one’s for empathy, one’s for Aaron, right, right, you’re this man, of course I am.
0:42:48 – Speaker 1
You’re the redheaded girl. So how many? How many words are in that book?
0:42:53 – Speaker 2
a lot, Look at this this book is dedicated to my parents, two of the most caring and loving models of empathy a person could have.
0:43:01 – Speaker 1
Are you going to?
0:43:01 – Speaker 2
cry, maybe we shouldn’t read this. I know. So we are all born with superpowers.
0:43:08 – Speaker 1
I can’t. Should we read that first before we read it on air? We probably should. Oh my God, that’s. That’s like a chapter book. Look at it, that’s so sweet, yep. Okay, I’m going to read that, but now I’m remembering I have something we can do.
0:43:23 – Speaker 2
I just want to let you know that. How about we do this next episode? But I thought this was sweet because I literally said to you empathy is your superpower. And then I found this.
0:43:32 – Speaker 1
This was at a time where I said to you I do not understand why is this happening and this happening and this happening, and these things are so confusing to me and why don’t people do this and why don’t people do that? And I was at like such a breaking point and you said I got it. I said what? And you said it’s your superpower. Empathy is your superpower. You don’t understand other people in the world because no one processes this stuff like you do.
0:43:55 – Speaker 2
That’s right, that’s right, and so I’m guessing, when you read this book, it’s going to be the aha moment you needed as a child, right as a kid’s book.
0:44:04 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so I have this. Okay, it’s called we’re not really strangers. Okay, I found this online. I don’t know anything about it, great, but it came with this cute little thing. It says note from the creator. Oh, love it, and it looks like it’s in real handwriting. I absolutely love. It says I have found there are two ways to play this game. One play safe. Two play to grow. Oh, I’m playing all out. The second is how you win, oh that’s all about you.
0:44:40 – Speaker 3
First of all, you are the most competitive person.
0:44:43 – Speaker 2
You just want to win.
0:44:44 – Speaker 1
I do.
0:44:45 – Speaker 2
I know that’s why you never picked me to be on your team for anything.
0:44:48 – Speaker 1
The second is how you win.
0:44:50 – Speaker 2
Yeah, come on I would have thrown that thing. I would have never even want to open that. I love that.
0:44:56 – Speaker 1
So I don’t really know, but there are just a whole bunch of questions. I think that there are like questions similar to some of those ice breaker games no I don’t think so. It’s not like truth or dare in here. We should do that Truth or dare. Yes, I swear to God, this podcast is not what I thought it was. I’m sorry, guys, I’m sorry. Did we talk about empathy at all today?
0:45:22 – Speaker 2
We did. We talked about grief.
0:45:24 – Speaker 1
We talked about grief. Great. Well, there’s your 15 minutes. Folks, this is going to be empathy. All right, read it. Wait, do I get something to ask you? Well, I don’t know how this works. I’m sure there’s some, just pick a question. Some rules. Oh this that one says two at the bottom. So what does that mean? Like they go in order One, two, three. Oh boy, no, here this one says one.
0:45:50 – Speaker 2
Maybe those are the easier questions. Level one perception.
0:45:53 – Speaker 1
And me one Don’t look at it either, thank you. Okay, level one perception we’re not really strangers. Okay, a wild card.
0:46:10 – Speaker 2
I haven’t asked you mine you wait. I can’t. What Level one perception. How likely am I to go camping? How high maintenance is my setup?
0:46:25 – Speaker 1
You mean glamping? Yeah, you’re definitely not going camping. Not a chance in health. No, there’s absolutely not a chance. And how high maintenance, I don’t know.
0:46:36 – Speaker 2
It looks a lot like the Hyatt.
0:46:39 – Speaker 1
Are we in nature? No, goodbye, go ahead, think of your favorite brand of cereal. On the count of three, say your answer out loud, and then it says both players. So we both have to do it. Yes.
0:46:53 – Speaker 2
Okay, so I need a second.
0:46:54 – Speaker 1
Oh, Scott, you play too.
0:46:56 – Speaker 3
Well, I’ll count for you, and then you guys set it out.
0:46:58 – Speaker 1
I want you to say it too.
0:47:00 – Speaker 3
I don’t have a favorite cereal.
0:47:01 – Speaker 1
Whatever, scott, everyone has a favorite cereal. You’re just not thinking hard enough.
0:47:07 – Speaker 2
Wait, are we saying your own, or I’m saying what I think you’re going to say?
0:47:10 – Speaker 1
No, you say your own, and you say your own. Yeah, hang on, I need a minute. I need to talk for a minute so that I can think Okay, okay, I got it. Do you have one, scott? Yeah, all right, is everyone ready Ready? One, two, three.
0:47:32 – Speaker 2
Special play with Fred.
0:47:33 – Speaker 1
Berries oh my God. What did you say, scott? What did you say Life? Oh my God, I was going to say life. I was going to say life Cheerios Hyatt does not get any better.
0:47:40 – Speaker 2
I’m going to say life Cheerios. I’m going to say life. I’m going to say life Cheerios. I’m going to say life Cheerios, cheerios.
0:47:45 – Speaker 1
Hyatt does not get any more bland and disgusting than that, me and Swear.
0:47:49 – Speaker 2
Cheerios are great. We only like Cheerios, plain Cheerios. They cannot have sugar. I hate sugar. Cereal Blah Next. Whatever, how many speeding tickets?
0:47:59 – Speaker 1
do you think I’ve got in my life? No one cleared that. I said special game with Red Berries. No one’s going to comment about that.
0:48:07 – Speaker 2
I’m surprised you didn’t pick five or one Mousa Wicks.
0:48:09 – Speaker 1
Mousa Next what is it? Mousa Next, what is?
0:48:12 – Speaker 2
it. You know, the one that looks like gerbil food, that’s five or one. Oh, a great nuts, great nuts.
0:48:22 – Speaker 3
Have a nice bowl of pebbles for.
0:48:26 – Speaker 1
It looks like guinea pig food. What is it Mousa Next? No, mousa Wicks.
0:48:29 – Speaker 2
Grape Nuts, I think it starts with an M.
0:48:33 – Speaker 1
No, it doesn’t. Oh, here’s a good one, do you think? I’m usually early on time or late to events Explain? No one knows the answer.
0:48:41 – Speaker 2
Early? Yeah, I was thinking for you. She doesn’t offend anybody. God, how many speeding tickets do you think I’ve gotten in my life?
0:48:50 – Speaker 3
That’s a good question.
0:48:51 – Speaker 2
Scott, what do you think? How many for me?
0:48:54 – Speaker 3
Three.
0:48:55 – Speaker 2
Erin.
0:49:00 – Speaker 1
How many tickets? Not how many times have you been pulled over Either one? No, they’re different, the numbers are different. Zero, zero, wow.
0:49:12 – Speaker 2
Does the answer zero? No, I’ve been pulled over once in high school on the way home from my boyfriend’s house, because they didn’t think I was old enough to drive, because they couldn’t see my head over the sea. Right, yeah, yeah, that was number one. Yeah, the second time I got a speeding ticket in front of the Sweden Senior Center because I was wearing rain boots. It was New Year’s Eve, I was wearing rain boots and you know how you can’t move your foot. I was on the accelerator too fast and I couldn’t get over to the thing.
0:49:43 – Speaker 1
Did you tell the police officer that I?
0:49:46 – Speaker 2
did. And then you. This is when you forced me to take that stupid ass class to get points off your license. Okay.
0:49:54 – Speaker 1
And I was so pissed at you.
0:49:56 – Speaker 2
I was pissed, that was the worst experience I’ve ever had.
0:49:59 – Speaker 1
You rolled your eyes the whole time, the whole time, and I’m like can we go home? Then what happened? What I don’t remember. I’m getting pulled over and you got those points off your license.
0:50:11 – Speaker 2
No, that was after I got pulled over. You made me do it.
0:50:14 – Speaker 3
Oh yeah, Because I got, they didn’t reduce my ticket. So how many tickets?
0:50:17 – Speaker 2
So just one speeding ticket. I just one ticket and I got pulled over once because they couldn’t see my head over the seat. They thought I was too young to drive. That’s it.
0:50:25 – Speaker 1
What subject do you think I thrived in at school? Oh, everything Did I fail any.
0:50:30 – Speaker 2
Definitely not, definitely not. What do you think, scott? What do you think?
0:50:34 – Speaker 3
What do you think? I didn’t do anything you don’t. No.
0:50:39 – Speaker 1
What do you think? I thrived in Everything. Yeah, yeah, english, really nice Math.
0:50:45 – Speaker 2
You were the one tutoring everyone. I definitely did fail.
0:50:49 – Speaker 3
Bullshit Something. Well, okay.
0:50:51 – Speaker 1
Yeah.
0:50:51 – Speaker 2
I got it. I got a 65.
0:50:52 – Speaker 1
I got a 67. In what?
0:50:55 – Speaker 2
High school Yep. Did you take a?
0:50:58 – Speaker 3
little advantage. What was it?
0:51:01 – Speaker 1
No, I did the best I possibly could in Latin. You took Latin.
0:51:04 – Speaker 2
You sure did. I did Simpler Ubi, sub-ubi I can’t I mean it’s always where you’re under where 67? Yeah.
0:51:11 – Speaker 1
I got a 67. You bet I was in a 69.
0:51:14 – Speaker 2
Idiot.
0:51:15 – Speaker 1
I got a 67 in what History? Nope.
0:51:19 – Speaker 2
Chemistry Nope.
0:51:20 – Speaker 1
Bio Homeback, horsesack Homeback, you know what? That’s not a bad guess. Actually, cooking is not a bad guess.
0:51:27 – Speaker 2
Definitely cooking. Yeah, yeah, err science.
0:51:32 – Speaker 1
No Photography. Ah Ah, ah Photography.
0:51:38 – Speaker 2
Of course it was an elective.
0:51:40 – Speaker 1
Yeah, we had to go back in the dark room and we had to, like, put the film on the reel in the back of the dark room and not cool. I processed it and I thought I processed the coolest picture of this leaf and I sure did print that thing out. I was so proud of it and I remember just like Chris at the splatters place, who always has something to say about my artwork my teacher came over and was like that’s not it, that’s just a bad processing job.
0:52:08 – Speaker 3
Wow.
0:52:09 – Speaker 1
Oh, okay, well, I framed it. That bitch is in my office. You said it. Whatever, all right, move up to level two. These level ones, wait here’s a good one.
0:52:19 – Speaker 2
What’s the first thing you noticed about me?
0:52:24 – Speaker 1
Let’s see, it was in the parking garage. That’s how we met. Yeah, the first thing I noticed about you?
0:52:30 – Speaker 2
Was it the tampon string hanging on my?
0:52:32 – Speaker 1
vagina.
0:52:33 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, I can not yes You’re kidding me?
0:52:38 – Speaker 1
I don’t force that. If you didn’t read the timeline, there it is. There it is All right. Move on to number two. Give me the ones so they don’t get messed up. And then here’s number two. This is next level. Ready, Scott. Okay, I’m supposed to move up here.
0:52:56 – Speaker 2
Oh connection.
0:52:59 – Speaker 1
Okay, think of something you strongly dislike that most people love. On the count of three, say it out loud All players.
0:53:12 – Speaker 2
Whoa, I strongly dislike that other people love.
0:53:16 – Speaker 1
Yes, you think it’s done.
0:53:21 – Speaker 3
That’s really hard.
0:53:24 – Speaker 1
Something that I dislike. Oh, I absolutely know. I gotta think of the name of it, though.
0:53:35 – Speaker 2
I’m going. I do not like level two, just so we’re clear.
0:53:38 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, right, we take it to level three. Do you have something, scott?
0:53:42 – Speaker 2
I guess Okay.
0:53:44 – Speaker 1
So, on the count of three, say something that you strongly dislike, that most people love. Okay, one, two, three.
0:53:52 – Speaker 2
Hot shack. What do you say? Tick tock, tick tock.
0:53:57 – Speaker 1
okay, Yep, I said love shack. I can’t Love shack move. Love shack move, crossed they would love shack. Hate that one, you know the other one I hate On the pontoon I hate those songs. I know that for everyone’s like oh yeah, play what I play that one.
0:54:16 – Speaker 3
What’s that one? What which?
0:54:18 – Speaker 2
one did you just say On the pontoon, on the pontoon.
0:54:22 – Speaker 3
Motorboat in.
0:54:25 – Speaker 1
Oh, motorboat in Stupid, what’d you say? Hugging, hugging, hugging, hugging.
0:54:38 – Speaker 3
Classic.
0:54:38 – Speaker 2
I hate hugging Classic. I hate it. Yeah, I got one. Okay, do you think the image of you, do you think the image you have of yourself matches the image people see you as?
0:54:53 – Speaker 3
Oh hell no.
0:54:55 – Speaker 1
Really, scott, say more about that.
0:54:57 – Speaker 3
Why? Because you’re podcast.
0:54:59 – Speaker 1
That’s right. You wanna be part of this podcast?
0:55:02 – Speaker 2
Scott. You asked me you asked me to get into bubbles.
0:55:05 – Speaker 3
You asked me to get into bubbles.
0:55:07 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that’s right. If you’re a captive audience, you can’t go anywhere either.
0:55:11 – Speaker 3
I’m working on my self image, but I know it’s far, far lesser than what people perceive me as.
0:55:17 – Speaker 1
Really Mm-hmm. You know what? At least it’s not the other way around, Scott.
0:55:21 – Speaker 2
At least you’re not over here God no Like.
0:55:24 – Speaker 1
I’m freaking nailing it and everyone’s like ooh, scott’s a mess.
0:55:27 – Speaker 2
I’m crushing it baby, that’s right, you freaking love me.
0:55:32 – Speaker 3
Yeah, far from that.
0:55:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, okay, and you? There’s a hard stop for you.
0:55:38 – Speaker 2
What do you?
0:55:38 – Speaker 1
mean no way. The image that you have, oh, that you have for yourself, is that how other people see you? Well, yeah, I mean you. I don’t know this is hard because you are real clear about how other people see you, right, but I think you see yourself in a different way I do Than other people see you, I see myself as very generic, bland Wow, fit in, fit in what I remember when I first met you.
0:56:09 – Speaker 3
Is this real?
0:56:10 – Speaker 2
Yes, when I first met you, when we first started having deeper conversations, you were like you don’t see what other people see. I’m like new. Oh, I see yes.
0:56:20 – Speaker 1
Oh, absolutely New? Not at all, because we would go out to eat somewhere and you’d be like why is that woman being a bitch to me? And I said because you’re prettier than she is and you’re like what yeah? No, that, that does not.
0:56:31 – Speaker 3
It does not cross your mind at all. Is there something that women do? Just kidding, what do you say?
0:56:38 – Speaker 1
Is that what women do? Is that?
0:56:39 – Speaker 3
something that women do. They be bitches to each other if there’s one of them is prettier than the other. Oh, scott, it was a joke question Because I know the answer to that?
0:56:47 – Speaker 1
Because you do, do you know? Yes, I do, because it ain’t pretty out there in female land.
0:56:53 – Speaker 3
I’ve been married for over 20 years, I know I know many of those answers.
0:56:57 – Speaker 2
Yeah.
0:56:59 – Speaker 1
OK, hang on, I’m looking. Oh, that one’s too deep for you, can’t do that one. What about this one? I like this one. Show the first photo in your camera roll, oh God, and explain it, not mine. Here we go.
0:57:13 – Speaker 2
Could be anything. Could be anything.
0:57:15 – Speaker 3
OK, here we go, Actually mine’s the 69. The first one. Oh God, wait till I see, wait till you see this. I don’t know if you can see it. This is the most disgusting thing ever. I can’t wait. Can you see that?
0:57:28 – Speaker 2
Ew.
0:57:30 – Speaker 1
Is that a?
0:57:30 – Speaker 3
buffet. It’s a baby cake. It’s a cake that’s in the shape of a baby. Oh my, God.
0:57:36 – Speaker 2
That’s why he got the answer. What is that?
0:57:41 – Speaker 3
I thought it was a turkey. Yeah, well, I think that was the idea, but why does it look like that? My daughter at school, she’s bringing home this real baby that they have to take care of?
0:57:50 – Speaker 1
Oh my God, I love that thing. Scott, can you please bring that in? Can you please have her bring that in? I love that thing so much. I’ll find out if I can, please, I’ll tell her. I’ll take good care of it.
0:57:56 – Speaker 3
When I was in school, we had to bring around a bag of flour.
0:57:59 – Speaker 2
Oh, no, which sucks. Now they have real babies with. Oh yeah, it’s like a cry baby. Yeah, cry baby.
0:58:05 – Speaker 3
And you have to scan your wrist thing, otherwise it cries and dies, I don’t know. So yeah, scan you whatever.
0:58:13 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, sorry, so she has to remember I’m not sure how much more clear I can make it to you folks that that is never going to go well.
0:58:26 – Speaker 3
So, anyway, she’s talking about how she has to bring home this baby and I happen to be scrolling through Facebook and saw that post on one of my friend’s pages and I downloaded and sent it to my daughter.
0:58:38 – Speaker 1
Listen, I have a story that I have completely forgotten about until you said that. Ok, so I had the baby think it over. Yes, that’s what it’s called, absolutely.
0:58:48 – Speaker 2
I forgot.
0:58:49 – Speaker 1
Baby, think it over. We were the trial in high school. Yeah, exactly.
0:58:53 – Speaker 2
It was like one of our last years.
0:58:55 – Speaker 1
OK, and I was dating a white boy at the time. Why did we?
0:59:02 – Speaker 2
have to preface that Because you had a black baby thinking over.
0:59:04 – Speaker 3
Let me finish the story.
0:59:07 – Speaker 2
I can’t God. I have a lot of questions already.
0:59:11 – Speaker 1
So it was time for me to get my baby think it over and I was so excited to bring it home, so excited, and the baby that they had left was the African-American baby. So I took that baby, I loved that baby, I wrapped that baby up, I’m pretty sure I took it home on the bus. I was like a 16 or 17 year old loved this thing. Well, you had to take it over the weekend. So Sunday comes along and I got to go church, right, right. So there is Ellen and John and me and my high school boyfriend and my African-American baby think it over. And the looks, oh, I bet this was in 1999. The looks that I got going into that church, the double looks, the right here I am holding hands with Justin holding my baby think it over, was a lesson in and of itself, I bet. And boy, I held that baby proud.
Even at the right age of 17,. I’m holding that baby. Things starts crying in the middle of church. You got to shove the key in its back, Right, and I loved it. I’m like I think this thing is supposed to keep you from wanting to have a baby and I wonder if I can take it next weekend too, because I love it Right. And then nighttime came and it was I don’t know two in the morning or whatever, and of course they set it to make sure that it goes off in the middle of the night, because you’re supposed to hate your life on this thing, right.
What did I do? I just took that key. I propped it right in the back of that baby. Think it over. I propped that baby up right on the side of the bed, fell right back asleep. That’s right. The minute it starts crying again which means you can take the key out I just took the key out, went right back to bed. Yeah, pretty sure. I did the same thing with my own child. I mean, that’s right. When he was crying in the middle, shred it. That’s funny, my God.
1:01:07 – Speaker 3
I completely forgot about that the baby think it over. I know.
1:01:11 – Speaker 1
The looks I know From these churchgoers. I’ll tell you what I love it. All right, we are one minute and 15 seconds over, so I’m going to end with an empathy problem.
1:01:22 – Speaker 2
OK.
1:01:22 – Speaker 1
OK, oh, drop my pen, ok. So could you please pick a number between one and 10? Two, ok, this is called Gilbert and June Fighting. Ok, so I have a dog named Juniper and I have a cat named Gilbert, also another cat named Sullivan, who is the sweetest cat on the planet, and Gilbert hates June More than anything. Yeah, yeah, that actually is live that was going to say that was live.
Gilbert hates June to the point where June is a 60-pound dog and Gilbert will put June in the corner, back her into a corner and not let her move, and she will just put her head down, as if to be like OK, gilbert, you win, you win, right. So I’m upstairs in my bedroom getting ready for the day and I hear Gilbert go after June and Gilbert or June will not growl, will not get upset, you know whatever. And I come to the top of the stair rail and I’m yelling Gilbert, knock it off. And then, of course, you know me, I got to do a full-on therapy session, right. So I go down the stairs and I’m like what is your problem? I don’t understand why you’re acting like this, right. And I’m like June, go lay in your bed, you’re OK. Right, I handle the whole situation.
I go back upstairs. First thing that happens to me empathy problem. I got to go apologize to Gilbert. He’s got trauma. He’s been traumatized from a very young age. He’s just in protection mode. So what do I do? I go back downstairs, give him some freaking treats and I go over to Gilbert, I put him on the head and I pick him up. He likes to be held like a baby and I say I’m really sorry, buddy.
He didn’t mean to yell at you. I understand that you have some past trauma. Is that a dog? What was that I was like. I’m really sorry, gilbert Scott, I need you to put on some like to do music, make some really like calming like therapy music.
1:03:39 – Speaker 3
Unfortunate, this is all I have. Oh, I don’t even have that, never mind.
1:03:44 – Speaker 1
Oh sorry, Maybe you do it, Rebecca. Oh, there you go. Gilbert, I am so sorry that I yelled at you. Your trauma runs deep and I just don’t want you to hurt June. Country Do it. I don’t want you to hurt June. I don’t want you to hurt her.
1:04:09 – Speaker 2
I understand that you’re mad.
1:04:11 – Speaker 1
I understand that you’re mad, but you cannot act like this. I brought the dog Because a dog has feelings too.
1:04:26 – Speaker 2
There it is.
1:04:28 – Speaker 1
It is like we’re like in like, we know where we’re Back at Chapafella.
1:04:34 – Speaker 2
It’s not our space. Mountain, oh my.
1:04:37 – Speaker 3
God, the only way I could find in a pinch.
1:04:43 – Speaker 2
I just derailed your entire empathy problem. Hashtag have a deep breath. I loved that Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing? Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
1:05:00 – Speaker 1
That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.