0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:29 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:31 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man, okay, Okay, I swallowed mold this morning. I know I had to save your life with the avocado toast.
0:00:59 – Speaker 1
It’s not okay, my stomach still hurts. I bet it does, because you can’t do that to someone like myself who just obsesses about things. So all I think about is those little pieces of mold that were in my iced tea and that I swallowed it down. And then I looked in the hole and I’m like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
0:01:18 – Speaker 2
I bet you did. You know what I’m thinking right now. You swallowed some things in your past. I’m sure this was nothing, and I’m sure you looked down the hole of that too. Sure, you look great down there.
0:01:30 – Speaker 3
Do you want me to step out for a few minutes while you guys? Rehearse your crazy past, whatever.
0:01:37 – Speaker 1
Whatever, you guys Driving 69. Driving 69. I can’t so funny. Yeah, still funny, still funny. Rectum Hell it’s damn near true.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
Yes, I love that kind of stuff. It’s so stupid.
0:01:52 – Speaker 3
It is so stupid.
0:01:53 – Speaker 2
My brain is always in the gutter, so when you say stuff, it’s right there. I just tried to talk about the mold that I swallowed today and it wasn’t okay.
0:02:01 – Speaker 1
I know I can’t get over it. My hands on I’m paving oh, I know, and it’s nice it feels good.
0:02:06 – Speaker 2
Okay, just felt that breeze.
0:02:08 – Speaker 1
And what’d you do? You told me go get some avocado toast. I googled it.
0:02:11 – Speaker 2
You said how do you say, how do I get? Am I going to die?
0:02:14 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so I googled it immediately.
0:02:15 – Speaker 2
and it said eat foods like avocado to grab onto the toxins so that you can excurt it later. Excurt it, Excrete it yeah that’s fine.
0:02:25 – Speaker 1
Excurt it is what women do. Excrete is what men do. It’s like queefing.
0:02:31 – Speaker 3
Oh my God, y’all are in rare form. You’re not allowed to bring McDonald’s into this place again.
0:02:38 – Speaker 2
Listen listen, I’m trying to get a sponsorship here.
0:02:41 – Speaker 1
Okay, we’re trying to get some.
0:02:43 – Speaker 3
Get you all hopped up on trans fats I put these, I’m so scared.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
Mcdonald’s french fries in my skull. What is this? My gold skull holder.
0:02:53 – Speaker 3
Yeah, hold that up to the camera.
0:02:55 – Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty cool she’s, she’s wrote cute.
0:02:58 – Speaker 1
It’s awesome.
0:02:59 – Speaker 2
We used that picture of that to us and we were both pumped.
0:03:02 – Speaker 1
Isn’t that great. It’s so I’m like I absolutely are going to eat my french fries out of it. Well, I got french fries on Peppy today.
0:03:08 – Speaker 2
Normally we’re doing this in the morning, I know. So it’s two o’clock. That’s your. That’s your french fries at the no one.
0:03:14 – Speaker 1
You got here on time, isn’t that fascinating.
0:03:16 – Speaker 3
I got here early, yeah, did the timer start.
0:03:19 – Speaker 1
Yes, all right, I started it. You did, I did too, and you want to know why I started it, Scott.
0:03:24 – Speaker 3
Why.
0:03:25 – Speaker 1
Because there is not a chance in hell. We’re going over 60 minutes to the meeting.
0:03:32 – Speaker 3
No, no. Why exactly would you be bringing that up now?
0:03:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, really, scott? Really, rebecca, I don’t think you know this. No, why? Okay, what happened On Friday? I am taking a few laps around the biotension pond behind my house to get ready for a very big presentation that I had, and I get a text message from Scott and it says I have an empathy problem. Oh oh okay, Scott, what is it I?
0:03:58 – Speaker 2
love what he texted you, no problem, he’s not. He’s not texting you, I mean, no one texts me.
0:04:03 – Speaker 1
And if they do, I don’t write you back. So Scott says to me I might have lost my shit on someone. Oh, oh, okay.
0:04:11 – Speaker 2
I need to hear this.
0:04:12 – Speaker 1
And so let’s just say there was a recording, Stop it. And let’s just say I heard it and I think three separate times I said to Scott I am both laughing and crying for you at the same time. No, tell me all the things. My favorite part, favorite part, is that in this recording this person is like chat in the baby, having a great time.
0:04:39 – Speaker 3
You mean it was, it was a podcast it was a person like a client of his Like a sort of like do-do-way podcast.
0:04:46 – Speaker 2
Oh, he went off.
0:04:48 – Speaker 1
Okay, okay. So this is why I’m telling you there’s no way we’re going over the time, because the reason that Scott lost bananas is because this man, for the 800th time, went over his session time by like 20, 30 minutes and was still sitting there chatting it up with Peggy Sue on the other line. Oh, I mean, we do, we do go over. I know. However, I already addressed that with Scott. You know I did so. Did you apologize, listen?
0:05:18 – Speaker 2
please stop.
0:05:19 – Speaker 1
I am a I am a logistical storyteller. I have to start at the beginning or I have to. I have to keep going back.
0:05:24 – Speaker 2
You’re right, you’re right, okay, go ahead.
0:05:26 – Speaker 1
Where was? I You’re walking around the bio attention pond no where are you Sue. Oh, sorry, sorry, Peggy Sue, chatting it up with Peggy Sue, all of a sudden you hear that is the door opening and then you hear Scott go, gotta go. All done, right, I love your face, because that was my face. I’m like, oh, and so the guy in like the nicest is like oh yeah, gotta go. Oh yeah, okay, okay, got it. Yeah, gotta go, gotta go.
0:05:55 – Speaker 2
Sorry, Peggy.
0:05:56 – Speaker 1
And now, that would have been it Right. But it was it Because Scott then says okay, you do this to me every time, man, I’ve told you 100 times that I need you to respect my time and you are in here for an hour and if you go over an hour, my next hour screwed Good point. He’s like I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry, sorry about that. I’m sorry about that. Look at his timer, I don’t know. Okay.
0:06:22 – Speaker 3
Okay, I can interject. Yes, just this one time. Yes Is that the timer was not running at this particular time, however. However, the session started at 10am. He walked in at 10.04. We got rolling at 10.15 because he had to boot up his computer and plug it in and shoot the stuff and this and that, and so I was already up to here because this is number I don’t know six or seven times that this has happened.
0:06:53 – Speaker 2
Oh yeah, and you’ve addressed that, and you’ve addressed it, I’ve addressed it, but.
0:06:57 – Speaker 3
I guess, not as a forcefully Now.
0:06:59 – Speaker 1
this is where the timeout comes in, because this is where Scott and Rebecca are the same human being and this is what we’re going to talk about today. So I have to set the stage Okay, this is Scott’s way of addressing it before blow up of 2023. Okay, okay, hey man, if you could just, you know, try and really make sure that you’re sticking in that hour time frame, that’d be really helpful for me. Okay, that was time one, right, then maybe time two, and I don’t even know if this is the case, scott, I’m making this up, but I just feel like I know you so well at this point that I might be onto something. Okay, second time. He’s like hey man, you know what time do you think you’re going to be here today? Got another session coming up after you really got to stick, stick true to the tightness of the time today.
0:07:43 – Speaker 3
Spot on, right Spot on.
0:07:45 – Speaker 1
Okay. And then he’s like, oh okay, all right, all right, he’s thinking All right, let me see if I can put this out there another way. So then he’s like hey, just wanted to check in before we get started with today’s session. Gotta be done by 10am, right? So are we sure, right? So at this point, scott’s now three levels in. In Scott’s mind, he’s been completely clear with this gentleman that you need to have your time beginning, middle and end all wrapped up.
0:08:13 – Speaker 3
I think that anyone that was in within your shot would I would be in their mind as well. Pretty clear.
0:08:17 – Speaker 2
I feel very clear.
0:08:19 – Speaker 1
Yes, because you have social awareness and the ability to read between the lines.
0:08:24 – Speaker 3
Correct, okay, almost what lines are there to read between. I mean it’s. How else can you this?
0:08:31 – Speaker 1
is how else you do it All right, go ahead. Hey there, marty, I don’t know, that’s his name.
0:08:37 – Speaker 3
Hey there, Marty.
0:08:38 – Speaker 1
Hey there, dick. Hey there, marty, ralph. Yeah, I just got to address something with you real quick. So I’ve mentioned this a couple times and I always feel like I’m being super clear, but I might not be as clear as I really want to be. It’s super important to me that we are done within the hour timeframe and I’ve noticed that we’ve gone over a couple times and I find myself sort of bringing it up a lot. But I just want to give you the benefit of it out.
It may be the case that I’m just not being as clear. So what do we need to do together to make sure that our time runs from 10 to 11? Right? So if you see what I did there, it was. I’ve addressed the problem with a specific example. I’ve been very clear about the timeframe associated with it, and then I posed a solution that involved both of us so that he can’t just be let off the hook in the event he decides he just wants to go as long as he wants to go. Right, because he wants to be collaborative in that place. So he’s going to be like it could be really helpful if you rang a bell at five minutes. You know who the hell knows what he’s going to say Right.
And so now we’re both in this together trying to figure it out. But you and Scott, the thing that you both do is that in your mind you’re like I’m being really clear for the people who don’t have trouble reading between the lines that I can just let you know that I would really appreciate it. Don’t make me go postal here, just let me be cool about it, right? And then you get to a point, at time eight, where Scott was over there. Like what is that character in the? It’s not elemental, it’s the other one with joy and anger. And it’s yeah, inside out, yes, inside out. He’s anger in the back of there where all of a sudden he’s clenching his fists and then he’s like what? He just goes off.
0:10:30 – Speaker 3
That’s what happened when Scott came walking in here. It’s safe to say that I was in this office seething.
0:10:35 – Speaker 1
Yes, yes, yeah.
0:10:36 – Speaker 3
Seething.
Well, so here’s another thing at five to seven minutes before time is supposed to be over. You remember how we got glass in the other studio. Yes, like you can’t see me now, except if, unless I’m in the bubble. Yeah, but in the other studio we got glass right, yep. And so in the glass I go, and he sees you and he sees me, and he nods, okay, and he says, well, we’re coming up on time. I just have a couple of more questions to ask. Okay, in my mind we have five minutes left. That’s enough for one question.
0:11:11 – Speaker 1
If that.
0:11:12 – Speaker 3
Yeah, thank you. Wrap it up, yeah, but Time to go home. Jco was cloaks, yeah, but you know what I mean. I respect your evaluation of this, in your opinion, because that is something that I hadn’t considered. And, to put it plainly, do you have to just assume that everybody’s an idiot?
0:11:32 – Speaker 1
Absolutely Okay, Scott. Welcome to my world. Welcome to my world Every day, Scott.
0:11:41 – Speaker 3
Every single day.
0:11:42 – Speaker 1
This is what happens to me. Yes, I give people the benefit of the doubt. I think I’m also being clear that I have now had to rework every single thing I say to assume that the people I am speaking with are between a 90 and a 100 IQ. Every single person I talk to, and I’m not as disappointed as I was before We’ll do it.
So it’s unfortunate, scott, but I feel like in that scenario. So Scott loses his bananas, right, he is just, and he’s like you throw off my next hour. This isn’t okay. I’ve communicated this with you like 100 times. Right, the guy’s apologetic, right? You can tell he’s like he’s on blast. You can tell he’s like ooh, ooh, this isn’t okay. My favorite part of the whole thing is that you think it’s done. You think it’s done in this mode. You think you’re like Scott got it out, that’s okay, I walk away and then I come back.
0:12:45 – Speaker 3
Stop it.
0:12:46 – Speaker 1
And what did you say when you came back?
0:12:49 – Speaker 3
Do you remember? I apologize, I apologize.
0:12:52 – Speaker 1
Nope, nope before that.
0:12:53 – Speaker 3
Oh, I don’t know.
0:12:54 – Speaker 1
It was something like you gotta be kidding me. Like he had walked away. He had come back, then he walked away again, and it was like one of those anger moments under your breath where you’re like you’re killing me, man, you’re killing me and I’m like he just doubled down. He doubled down. He was so ceiling. He doubled down on that right. This guy’s quaking in his boots. It’s not okay.
So then, classic Rebecca and Scott. After the anger starts to wear off, what happens next? You’re freaking guilty as shit. The guilt and shame comes rolling in, right. So I am walking around the bio retention pond just trying to get my mindset right. I get a little text message from Scott saying I have an empathy problem. He’s like I lost my shit on a client today. This is what I said. This is what he said. This is where we’re at. I’m like how bad was it? Scott? Like let’s get clear on this, right. And then he started to tell me little snippets of what he said. I’m like okay, all right, we ain’t playin’ here. That’s a good seven, a seven out of 10.
0:14:00 – Speaker 3
That’s fine, that’s fine.
0:14:02 – Speaker 1
And so he’s like and now all I wanna do what did you say, is eat pizza and go back to my house and just like lay on the couch, which is also what you do. All you wanna do is lay on big Bertha with a blanket and eat some cheez-its that you can’t eat because they hurt your stomach.
0:14:17 – Speaker 2
I know, and then I drink the wine Right Right.
0:14:21 – Speaker 3
That’s not even an option for me anymore.
0:14:24 – Speaker 1
So Scott is not in a good place? Yeah, I get that. So I say to Scott this isn’t a problem, Scott, we got this and what do I do? I write the text message response for him, Cause you know you know, that’s what I do. What I meant to say was exactly Scott. Do you even have it?
0:14:45 – Speaker 3
Do you even have it? It’s framed in here, did you see it Okay?
0:14:49 – Speaker 2
It’s his go-to response for anybody who is my favorite.
0:14:53 – Speaker 1
So here I am, walking around the bio retention pond. I’m like it’s not a problem. This is what we need to say. Feel free to just copy and paste this, if you have it. I won’t take out my phone.
0:15:01 – Speaker 3
And it’s yeah. So quote. I’m really sorry, man. I’m working on trying to be clear and honest with people about my needs instead of holding it all inside, but apparently I haven’t perfected the art of tact yet. I have to have you stay within the time allotted for our session and have tried to communicate that a few times, but today it seems my frustration with not being heard got the best of me. While I stand by the fact that we have to stay on time, I do apologize for my delivery. It was out of character for me and has me feeling badly. You wrote that Of course I did.
0:15:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, it’s freaking genius, it is Wow, scott was like you’re good, I know, I know I really appreciate that.
0:15:45 – Speaker 3
Three rungs on the respect ladder boom, boom, boom.
0:15:47 – Speaker 1
Thank you thank you and I said you’re absolutely welcome. You just copy and paste that. So did you see what I did there? Right, I owned the fact that something had happened. Yep, I then acknowledged that I had a boundary that I still needed to be set. I then sandwiched in another ownership of the fact, not that I’m sorry that I lost my shit, but that I might be sorry that I lacked some tact. Okay, because I’m not sorry that.
I lost my shit. I’m sorry that it came out in a way that wasn’t authentically me.
0:16:23 – Speaker 3
And that’s the part that really I liked, because it was well, you know, I’m not wrong necessarily that’s right. I just you know my communication is a little bit off, but still you’re the bad guy here.
0:16:37 – Speaker 1
Yes, yeah, let’s be real clear. I still need you to stay in the boundaries.
0:16:41 – Speaker 3
You don’t have to hook by any means. I still need you. That’s right.
0:16:44 – Speaker 1
that’s right, and I stand by the fact that you’ve pushed me to a point where I’m angry. What I could have done is own the fact that, as I’m seething in the back end, I could acknowledge that. Maybe I could have been even more clear and pretended that you had a lower IQ than I think you do much earlier on. Right Now you, scott, do what Rebecca does and go immediately to this place of I did this wrong. I’m so sorry. This isn’t yep, this isn’t fair of me. I feel so much guilt and shame.
0:17:20 – Speaker 3
Oh my gosh, this person is gonna be so upset.
0:17:24 – Speaker 1
I didn’t wanna upset this person right. And that is today’s topic of discussion, because we realized today, as I met the vet appointment, how it is one place in which Rebecca and I have swapped roles. I get to be the asshole and I love it. I get to be the one who’s like I’m real clear, this is what we’re doing, this is what is not a problem. There’s big boundaries on this. We’re not doing this any differently. And when Rebecca’s in a place where she’s like oozing empathy, I’m like why are we oozing empathy? Why are we doing this? See, I would never define that as empathy. You would not. No, you would define it as what?
0:18:08 – Speaker 2
I don’t, I never thought of it like that. I don’t know you, just I gotta think about it now. I just threw it on you. Yeah, because that, to me, that just is a natural empathetic response. It’s incredibly apologetic, yes, I know, but I mean, when I get to a point where I thought I was effectively communicating and it wasn’t working, and then I, freaking, lose my crap and then I immediately go back to the guilt and shame, I don’t view that as an empathy problem.
0:18:41 – Speaker 1
Do you? Well, I mean Scott does. Because Scott said I have an empathy problem, Right, Because he was feeling so down and out about the fact that he really confronted this person in a way that wasn’t his best self.
0:18:55 – Speaker 2
Absolutely, but I think that’s why, when it’s reframed like that, I can think about that and I can think about the entire scenario very differently.
0:19:03 – Speaker 3
It’s also just for pure clarification, was not a client.
0:19:07 – Speaker 2
Oh, oh, just a friend.
0:19:09 – Speaker 3
Just a working relationship on a project, oh, so Now known as some guy that we used to know.
0:19:17 – Speaker 1
Yeah, right.
0:19:19 – Speaker 3
So I just want to make that clear, because to speak that way to a client I think would really take me a lot of slapping around Like I’d really have to Someone really have to take advantage.
0:19:35 – Speaker 2
Interesting. I mean exactly the same way.
0:19:37 – Speaker 3
Really I speak that way to someone who’s paying me money.
0:19:39 – Speaker 2
That’s right. I have identified. People in my life are very clearly identified and I’m very hierarchical. You know that Aaron views everybody on the same playing field, absolutely Same playing field.
0:19:50 – Speaker 1
What do you mean?
0:19:52 – Speaker 2
Absolutely, if you are, if if you are a client, you are a client. I don’t care if you’re right or wrong, you’re a client.
0:20:00 – Speaker 1
And we’re going to be nicer.
0:20:02 – Speaker 2
You’re right or wrong, I don’t care. You’re a teacher If you’re a parent, there is a hierarchy of levels here, wow. You don’t get to talk to certain people a certain way.
0:20:13 – Speaker 1
Wow, scott, you feel the same way.
0:20:16 – Speaker 3
I do Whoa you guys.
0:20:18 – Speaker 2
That’s why, when you say some things, I’m like whoa.
0:20:21 – Speaker 3
But it’s not that I don’t understand your point of view and I actually I envy that ability to to be able to see people that you know in the same way. I’m just inherently not able to do that.
0:20:34 – Speaker 2
I’m not either. It’s a way we were raised. It comes back to how you were raised. In my opinion, and you know, when I hear you having conversations, I think to myself wow, there is no way in hell I would ever do that ever.
0:20:49 – Speaker 1
Really, that’s fascinating.
0:20:51 – Speaker 3
Because, it’s.
0:20:52 – Speaker 1
It is not at all hierarchical for me, as you’ve said, at all. I do not care if you’re an eight year old child, right. If you are my neighbor up the street, I know If you are my child’s pediatrician or your supervisor. If you are my supervisor, oh yeah, that’s a whole podcast in and of itself, mm, hmm. Well, you’re a member when I was at my one particular supervisor’s office and he pushed a performance and valuation in front of me that had twos on it, two out of five Mm hmm, and I looked at that and I looked at him and I said I’m not signing that.
And he said what do you mean? And I said that’s a reflection of you, that’s not a reflection of me. Has the balls to say that, absolutely.
0:21:41 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, what you told me this story.
0:21:42 – Speaker 3
I wanted to call.
0:21:43 – Speaker 2
I’m pretty sure I was driving and almost drove off a cliff. I’m like what?
0:21:47 – Speaker 1
are you? Are you kidding me? You better check yourself, buddy. A two, Do you know me? I’m pretty sure in kindergarten I didn’t get a two. I have never been a two. You are sadly mistaken, I know, and your ability to reflect on what you think is happening for me is so wrong. I absolutely will not be signing that. And then I pushed it across the table back to him and looked at it and that guy didn’t know what to do. I think he probably tried at that point to then turn it into a conversation about how I’m difficult to supervise. Yeah well, you’re an idiot. So I’d probably be a lot easier to supervise if you actually knew what you were talking about.
0:22:31 – Speaker 2
But see, that’s the difference. Is it a confidence level, is it a value system, is it a self worth situation?
0:22:43 – Speaker 1
That’s a that’s a great question.
0:22:45 – Speaker 2
I don’t know, what is it I?
0:22:46 – Speaker 1
don’t know I’ve always chalked it up to being a camper corn, but then you say you’re a camper corn and then I get all thrown off. So what is it?
0:22:54 – Speaker 2
I’m a big bitch and I’m not afraid to put people in their place, but reality is I actually don’t do that I know Ever I know.
0:23:01 – Speaker 1
Instead, you just like kowtow to people and you’re like, ok, I’ll be better, I’ll be better, and I’m like knock it off, I know, we’re not doing that, I know. Is it a confidence thing? Let me think about that for a second. So I am incredibly calculated and specific about the things that I do. Everything I do is incredibly intentional and to a fault at times. So I think because of that, I am incredibly confident that what I have assessed a situation to be, or a person to be, or I very quickly and easily indicated in my mind what the correct, the right and the just thing to do is in this situation. That’s it. So it’s such a strong line for me that I can then very quickly articulate if we’re above the line, if we’re the below the line or where it is going to be.
0:23:55 – Speaker 2
That’s it and I’m completely the opposite. I 100 percent operate from my gut and I just think and feel and I’m constantly present and then when it comes out my mouth and I see the ripple effect, I’m like bring it back and I’m like I didn’t mean that that was not OK.
That’s not how I wanted to present myself. That’s not what I wanted to say. Yes, I could have done Like I go. It’s the guilt and the shame that sneak up afterwards because I am not calculated, I am not thinking things through. One of the biggest things my mom always said to me and I would get constant feedback growing up was you need to think before you speak. Never, I don’t think before, it just comes out.
0:24:33 – Speaker 3
Yes.
0:24:34 – Speaker 1
Interesting.
0:24:34 – Speaker 3
I’m not. I’m not that far where you’re at, Rebecca. I’m kind of like somewhere in between the two of you literally and every time we do a podcast.
0:24:47 – Speaker 2
We’re like two polar opposites and he’s like the middle.
0:24:50 – Speaker 1
What do you mean to be in the middle? What would be in the middle?
0:24:53 – Speaker 3
I can see both sides and I’ve I’ve experienced both ways of handling things at different times in my life.
0:25:00 – Speaker 1
You’ve been incredibly certain about what the correct, right and just way is and have not wavered from that.
0:25:08 – Speaker 3
Yes, but I’ve also been, you know, just like this last time, after something happens, especially if it’s in a you know emotional moment, In retrospect I’m like if I could, because when I, when I was rehearsing what I was going to say, I said all those words, but I definitely didn’t say them and it did. None of that happened the way I was rehearsing it in my head. Your emotions took over.
Yeah, when I when I and I think what did it was when the show was actually over and then they started kind of BS and and saying, well, you know, in, maybe one day we can do, and it was just like no, no, no, you don’t also get to have a, you know, a conversation outside of this. Now you’re, now you’re mocking me, that’s how. I took it, and so suddenly it was just like yeah, I was going to say it’s disrespect. Right, you were feeling a great sense of disrespect.
I said I really feel like you’re disrespecting me on a, you know, consistently disrespecting my time.
0:26:06 – Speaker 1
That’s a good point and I will give people the benefit of the doubt a couple of times, but then because I am so clear in my messaging to people, if you don’t get it after that point, I have no use for you anymore.
0:26:23 – Speaker 3
I’m done with you.
0:26:25 – Speaker 1
I have some examples from that in my neighborhood. I have some examples from that in some other places in my life and where this has sometimes been problematic is you’re not going to get me off of that point of view, right, right? So the challenge is when I have come to the conclusion and determination that I have what is that. What is that?
0:26:50 – Speaker 3
It’s my phone, it’s your phone.
0:26:53 – Speaker 1
I can’t.
0:26:53 – Speaker 2
I specifically told her not to call me.
0:26:56 – Speaker 1
I can’t Sorry, I’m sorry.
0:26:58 – Speaker 2
It’s incredible and I turned it off. Sorry, this is my fault. The answer is that was inappropriate and you should have handled that.
0:27:07 – Speaker 1
You should have handled that all out earlier. In reality, I really don’t care, you really don’t care. But get me, get me off of that point that I have already determined, right? So let’s say I really was a two on that performance evaluation. Just so we’re clear. I was not Okay. You’re not moving me to think that I am a two. There’s not a chance. You are not going to at all convince me that anything I did in that scenario was a two, because I’m so confident that I wasn’t a two and you could come back and you could say well, there was this one time that you did this thing, or you have a history of doing whatever.
And then I would be able to rebut, and I would Well, let me talk to you about the scenarios associated with that. First of all, there was a whole bunch of white men in the room and I had to make sure that my voice was heard because no one else was allowing me to speak. Second, right I always because I’m that calculated and so innately in tune with what is happening around me, I can justify every single thing. Now, thankfully, I also am not narcissistic and I also am not the type of person who’s using my powers for evil.
Because, if that was the case and I was stubborn and you couldn’t get me off that point of view, I could wreck some people oh yeah, oh yeah, where I’m the complete opposite, where I’m very much like I don’t remember what I said to you yesterday.
0:28:28 – Speaker 2
I’m really sorry. I mean, how many times are we driving and I get a text from a random person, that’s it just says hey, can we talk later? And I immediately turned you. I go oh my God, what I do. I totally did something to make them angry. And you’re like why do you think that? I’m like I don’t know, because who says who sends a text like that? It just immediately puts me in a place of I must have done something. And that’s like that’s your go to, oh my God, always.
0:28:50 – Speaker 3
I get the same thing Always when I go to a client, when a client will text me and say call me when you, when you can, oh, immediately you’re in trouble, call me when you, when you get a chance, that means uh-oh yeah, but it to this day it’s never been a mistake that I made.
0:29:04 – Speaker 2
But even if it was constantly.
0:29:06 – Speaker 3
That’s my fear. I’m like, oh shit, what did I forget? What did I do wrong?
0:29:11 – Speaker 1
Oh, you mean like when someone sends you a text message that says starts within the future. You mean like something like that? I don’t know Just a random example, Just pulled from somewhere. I don’t know, Just came up with that one.
0:29:25 – Speaker 2
Just curious if that one landed. But I think there’s a good point, there’s a good message behind here, because unless people talk about that and communicate that, you don’t know how to handle it. You know very well you cannot send me a text message that says we really need to talk later Cause I will lose my. I know it will. I will be not okay.
0:29:44 – Speaker 1
You will be cowering in a corner.
0:29:46 – Speaker 2
Yes, but do you know that? Because I’ve communicated that, regardless of how stupid it is or regardless of your like that is, you still understand that’s. That’s the art of connecting and communicating and reaching people where they’re at. I can’t even manage my own life enough to put myself out of the way to make sure that I’m properly handling people in that capacity, which is why I have to label everyone. If you’re a client, that means I always have to do that. That’s my go to. If you’re in my inner circle, I always have to do that. If you’re just some random stranger, I don’t have enough time and energy to do that, To do what To do, to approach from an empathetic kind, caring it just takes so much energy.
And the energy comes from having to monitor yourself and it doesn’t feel natural all the time. Okay, I always feel like I tell people, people think I’m the social outgoing, you know life of the party kind of person. I’m not. That is it. I feel very uncomfortable. I don’t want to do it. I have always pictured being on a stage in certain environments. I’m like, okay, I’m on a stage, this is part of the performance, but it’s not my genuine, authentic self, and so that’s a lot of energy, that’s a lot of effort.
0:31:05 – Speaker 1
Interesting A lot.
0:31:06 – Speaker 2
So that’s why you maintain that just for your inner circle people, that’s right, or people in your job capacity that you have to do a certain thing for that’s right, and I think that when I finally learned the definition between extrovert and innervert, anybody would say that I was an extrovert based on my personality, based on how I communicate, all those kinds of things. But reality is that’s energy, that’s a lot, and I don’t get energy from other people who are like that. That’s an energy suck, because I got to match you, you know. But when I’m alone and with the, you know, my safety net and all of that, I can just be me.
0:31:44 – Speaker 1
I don’t know how else to describe it Otherwise you can be around people, but you’re constantly monitoring and asking yourself is this okay? Is it not okay? Should we talk about this, should we not? Whereas with your, with your people, you know it’s a safe place for you to just be off the cuff, Exactly Like a great example is when we’re tabling.
0:32:02 – Speaker 2
That is the most uncomfortable I could ever be. It’s not that I don’t like talking to people or engaging with them, it’s just. It’s just that that’s a lot. That takes a lot of effort, a lot of time, a lot of energy. But if we’re sitting around a dinner table with your clients, oh hey, I can engage and I can have a conversation, and all of that because I know there’s an end point. I guess I don’t know. It’s really, it’s really interesting.
0:32:23 – Speaker 1
What I think is interesting about the conversation that we had today is that, specifically, yeah in the work environment, what I see you do when you’ll read me your text responses or when you’ll read me your email responses. My overall sense is why is she downing herself so much for the relationship with this other person? Because I don’t the excessive it’s a trust apology.
0:32:58 – Speaker 2
I think it’s a trust thing because I don’t trust that a relationship could be as genuine as it appears to be and I’m always afraid that that’s going to disappear. So if I have watched people, I think there’s an art to an apology, I think there’s a sincerity to apology and I think there’s an authenticness to that, and I never want to come across as like a shallow person who doesn’t take ownership for what I may or may not have done. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And so if I don’t feel like I’m really apologizing, like I hate when people are like I’m sorry, you feel that way, well you’re real, far from that in your text message, but I don’t always feel like that is true.
0:33:41 – Speaker 1
I’m always afraid that you’re really far away from it.
0:33:43 – Speaker 2
Yes, I’m afraid. Like, oh my God, did I always say to you? Did I make it clear that it appears that I’m wrong?
0:33:50 – Speaker 1
Like I’m over here, like you better roll that back in like a fruit by the foot, because that is so much right, Because you are so. In my mind it’s empathetically wanting to make sure that that person knows that you’re sorry and that you’re going to do things differently.
0:34:08 – Speaker 3
Yes, but then I feel like over here and I’m like well, what did they do?
0:34:14 – Speaker 1
This isn’t one-sided. Don’t be coming at me with your hot emails about what you need me to do different. You know I will read that email when it says let me take some ownership over this email before I send it. You need to know that I’m stressed. You need to know that I have an adverse reaction to this, for whatever reason. You need to know that this is what triggers me. And now I need to tell you that every time you send me XYZ email, this is the response that I have to it. And I just want to tell you that that’s how I’m responding, because I care about you, I care about our relationship and I want to make sure that it’s okay and the appropriate response back to that.
0:34:52 – Speaker 2
I read that in between the lines, when the person has the balls to even say anything to me, because I would never say anything. So the fact that somebody actually says something, regardless of how they say it in between the lines, I’m like they’re saying this because they’re stressed because of this, because of this, because of this, and this is how they feel they have to confront it. Isn’t that so?
0:35:12 – Speaker 1
interesting and I need you to own that, because accountability is important to me and I need you to put that out there in the beginning. I’m not reading between the lines there.
0:35:20 – Speaker 2
Oh, you mean they need to own it? Yeah.
0:35:22 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, not you they.
0:35:23 – Speaker 2
Oh, I’m like I need you to own that, I’m not just going to assume that you’re self-aware enough to know that you’re a hot ass mess on the other side. Maybe I just assume a lot of things based on what I know about people, because I’m real clear, I can see it real clear.
0:35:37 – Speaker 1
But to me it’s grounded in a sense of abandonment. But abandonment is not just about those high connection relationships. When you are someone who’s experienced abandonment and abandonment in any form, right when anything can feel like an abandonment your kid going off to college can feel like an abandonment. Switching jobs can feel like an abandonment.
A nasty email that comes in can feel like a trigger for abandonment and you’re like a live wire over there that someone’s constantly just touch and touch and touch and then you’re getting this message that essentially what the message was saying was I’m not super happy with what’s going on here and I need you to change it. What’s different about us is your response is you’re absolutely right, I’m going to change it. I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Please don’t do anything different, please. I promise you I’ll switch it. I’m going to be better.
And I look at that and I’m like let me think about that for a minute and determine if I feel like I was being that way and if I was, I’ll own it. And if I wasn’t, or if there was a reason for me to acknowledge why you were doing what you needed to do, which made me respond in a certain way, then we’ll share the responsibility here. But that is empathy in my mind, because I do not ever, hardly ever, in any scenario, feel like anything is literally that black and white in terms of fault and responsibility.
0:37:07 – Speaker 2
I think that’s why I read between the lines, because I don’t think it’s black and white at all.
0:37:12 – Speaker 1
Nothing in your message back gave that person the what for Nothing. In your response back said I can see where you’re coming from. Let me give you a little context to this. It was very much a kowtow message. Is that appropriate to say? I don’t know, probably not. Maybe that’s a cultural appropriation thing. I don’t know. Strike that from the record, scott, sorry, okay, maybe I just felt like your response was much more of a let me be who you need me to be in this moment, so you can be seen and feel better about yourself and we can stop this conversation. I’m just going to take the responsibility. We don’t need to have this conflict anymore. I’ll just be better, which also in and of itself. Let’s be clear, that’s a tactic. Right, because you don’t like conflict. No, generally, generally not. You don’t want the conversation to keep going. You don’t want people to poke and prod. Maybe some of that is about the fact that you’re not sure what you said yesterday or how you’ve offended someone, and they’re going to be like on.
September 13th at such a time, and you’ll be like you, forgot about that Really sorry.
0:38:18 – Speaker 2
I’m now down the rabbit hole and I don’t want to be Right, Because there is never any intentional. What’s the word intentional? Malice? Yeah, yeah, no never I agree, never. I mean it’s just again flying off the cuff and I generally tend to have darker humor and inappropriate humor and I lead with that generally and that can be very off-putting for people, some people and I can own that and I can do better. I mean I’m not gonna just be like well, it’s who I am, take it, I leave it.
0:38:56 – Speaker 1
Oh my God, is that me though.
0:38:58 – Speaker 2
Yes, but you don’t, you don’t. You haven’t been given the mesh of your entire life that you’re offensive. True, where I have True People just look at me and they’re like you’re offensive. I’m like what did I do?
0:39:11 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s that’s because I’m blonde. Yeah.
0:39:15 – Speaker 2
It’s because I wore a certain style of shoe that that’s offensive to you. You don’t like that. That makes you uncomfortable, so I need to change.
0:39:22 – Speaker 1
Yeah, people already come to you with a whole bunch of assumptions about who you are and how you act and why you are the way that you are, based on what you look like. I completely agree with that. The other person that falls into this category was Liam from Concern Center. Oh, liam was the same way. What do you mean? So Liam is a very attractive man, yes, and as good at two shoes as it possibly comes, but you don’t think that when you see Liam, you think he’s a frat boy. Really, he does keg stands. That’s not what I he is a player. He is someone who will just shmooze you right.
0:40:01 – Speaker 2
I didn’t get that at all.
0:40:02 – Speaker 3
He doesn’t have a lot of confidence.
0:40:03 – Speaker 1
Wow, he doesn’t have a lot of right. So when he and I would have our one on ones and he would tell me about his twin brother and he would tell me about all these things, I’m like, liam, I finally understand you. I said everybody looks at you and expects that you are classic frat boy douchebag. And you’re not. You’re genuinely as sweet and kind and caring as people want you to be, but that we do not expect you to be. And you’re the same way. You are classic hot mess, blonde curly hair, tall shoes, crop tops, life of the party, party on party people ridiculousness. Give me some more wine.
0:40:51 – Speaker 2
Which I can be.
0:40:52 – Speaker 1
No, some of that is still true.
0:40:54 – Speaker 2
I mean absolutely Some of that is still true.
0:40:56 – Speaker 3
Did you actually tell Liam that people think he’s a douchebag?
0:41:00 – Speaker 1
I’m sure she did. I’m pretty positive that those might have been my exact words. Yeah, I’m pretty positive. People expect you to be, but then I followed up with, but you’re not.
0:41:09 – Speaker 2
And that’s great. Well, you’re just painting a picture, you also have to contend with that. Yes.
0:41:14 – Speaker 1
Because people are gonna look at you and people are gonna look at Liam and immediately they have thoughts and feelings about who you are.
0:41:19 – Speaker 2
And we have choices. Me and Liam have choices. You’ve said to me all the time I’m like I’m about to go into an interview and you’re like, what are you gonna wear? And I’m like I’m gonna wear a dress with my six inch heels and you’re like, okay, then you’re fully prepared for what you’re gonna get. She goes, you could go in. You could color your hair brown and wear it in a mousy ponytail, and you could wear a suit with flats and you could still be the exact same person you are and have a completely different outcome.
0:41:43 – Speaker 1
And I said you’re absolutely right, yep, but the one time you dyed your hair brown and then you showed up at the Mexican restaurant and I didn’t recognize you. And I basically you’re like, what do you think about it? Do you like it? And I said I don’t, You’re gonna need to go back to blonde. It’s true, that is not okay. It’s true.
0:41:57 – Speaker 2
It’s true, yeah, but my point is I could make the changes, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to Right, I would rather deal with the consequences of the treatment that I get. Yeah, but honor who I am as a person and, at the end of the day, the people like you who can look past it all and be okay with it, there are the people that I want in my life anyway, because I can’t walk into that job looking like that and then the next day show up like I am.
0:42:28 – Speaker 1
They’d be like in real time.
0:42:30 – Speaker 2
Who are you? I mean I already did interview six months pregnant somewhere and hid that until I signed the paperwork. And then I went in and said by the way, I need six months off. I did do that.
0:42:42 – Speaker 1
That didn’t go over well. I helped you pick your outfit out.
0:42:44 – Speaker 2
You sure did, you sure did. That was the most frumpy you’ve ever looked in your entire life.
0:42:49 – Speaker 1
That’s right. It’s probably still with some belt somewhere.
0:42:51 – Speaker 2
I think that was a week after I went brown and then had to go back blonde.
0:42:56 – Speaker 1
Oh, yeah, it was that timeframe Right, because it was not okay. I know you are not a brown hair girl. One picture of it.
0:43:02 – Speaker 2
One, it’s not good. No, it’s not you. On the other hand, I like to do both.
0:43:06 – Speaker 1
You can definitely pull it off, thank you, I like to be black. I know Just black hair, number one. So the reality here, to circle it back around, is what I think is just fascinating about this is this is one area we have identified, that we are very different, and that I bolster you to have more boundaries, to stand up for yourself, to reword things, to say no, I’m sorry, this isn’t how this is gonna be. To recognize your worth, to not give that away to other people, to constantly throw three sheets to the wind and be like whatever you don’t want what I’m selling, I’ll go sell it somewhere else.
0:43:47 – Speaker 2
But even with you. Do you notice that, like even with you, within the past couple of years I’ve been able to even stand up myself, not that you say inappropriate things or anything.
0:43:55 – Speaker 3
No, I absolutely noticed it.
0:43:56 – Speaker 2
I’ll push back a little bit and then you know, whatever, and it’s, you’re the safe place again, you’re allowing me to do that, and then you don’t leave me. I’m like, okay, she can handle that, she can hear it. Okay, now I’m gonna say something else. Let’s see if she can handle that.
0:44:10 – Speaker 1
I absolutely noticed it and in those moments I’m like what the hell are you doing, haley? And just let her be the one who apologizes all the time. Don’t take that shit from her. Yeah, that is what it is, but I just love that we finally identified an area where I am so clear. I have great boundaries around the fact that you’re not gonna treat me a certain way, you’re not gonna tell me who I am, because I’m so solid in that understanding Again, sometimes to a fault, because you’re not gonna waver that and you’re the one in this situation that is more loving and supportive and kind, and let me see what I could do better, and all of these things and you would think that that would completely be the opposite way around, and I love that. I get to own that part.
0:44:59 – Speaker 2
I know I love that I get to learn from you and try to. It’s a constant work in progress for me that piece and the other way around right.
0:45:08 – Speaker 1
So, when it comes to empathy and it comes to my boundaries, and I will give you every single chance in the world if you’re close to me to a fault and I learned from you, when do we get to say that’s?
0:45:22 – Speaker 2
right, we’re all done. We’re all done. So it’s funny, we haven’t done the hippie voodoo shit.
0:45:26 – Speaker 1
I know, and it’s time because we only have 13 minutes left and we’re only spending 12 minutes.
0:45:30 – Speaker 2
I know because we have to be on time, but this is, it’s really funny. Again, I’ve already picked the card.
0:45:34 – Speaker 3
And.
0:45:34 – Speaker 1
I didn’t know what you were gonna talk about.
0:45:35 – Speaker 2
So we gotta do it in order, because I know how you are. I gotta walk the.
0:45:39 – Speaker 1
I know okay, so we gotta do the oils first. We gotta start with the oils first, here we go.
0:45:42 – Speaker 2
I know you gotta put it on. You pick the green. Do you even remember what the green is? No, we’re at the point now where you should be knowing what the colors are.
0:45:50 – Speaker 1
Oh, by the way, little quick thing for Jareen here. Jareen, I have received the link for the oils I know. And I will be putting them on the shit we love on the podcast. I’m a bad friend and Jareen had to text me because she had tried contacting Rebecca so many times for the oils that she did not respond. And Jareen following through for ya, Sorry.
0:46:10 – Speaker 3
Jareen, so this one’s for you.
0:46:12 – Speaker 1
It’s on themorelovepodcastcom under shitwelove. Let’s take a moment to thank our sponsor, concern Center. Good job, you nailed it. I went off it. You nailed it, you’re going off script again. Wait, let me pre-.
0:46:26 – Speaker 2
Oh man, we really, we really like them. They’re rethinking on how to connect people with resources and support to live happy, fulfilling lives.
0:46:34 – Speaker 1
That sounds a lot like our podcast. Don’t push it. You know, Rebecca, every organization has people that need help finding support Students, employees, patients. I do not need help with patients. Patients Concern Center’s helped 3.5 million people find support nationwide, with more becoming a part of it every day. Sounds a lot like our podcast. I just said that the More Love podcast is all about people connecting with each other.
0:47:02 – Speaker 2
So if you or someone you know is involved in a university, a company or health system that needs a better way to connect with people with resources, please reach out to connectionatconcerncentercom.
0:47:11 – Speaker 1
Help us get everyone connected with the help they need. Well said.
0:47:15 – Speaker 2
So now can we get back to the hippie voodoo shit.
0:47:18 – Speaker 1
Off script, alright, so what is this?
0:47:21 – Speaker 2
one here. So this is the green, the green is the heart chakra. This is the most important for me the heart and the root. Right, the root is the red. Okay, so this is the love chakra, the heart, and so it is the center of our seven chakras, and it’s located in the pure spiritual place, in the center of the chest, the meeting point of spiritual and physical energies. It allows us to deeply understand empathy and compassion. Alignment of the chakra will help us to internalize our responses to hurt with love and compassion. By emotionally allowing negative energies to pass, we are more open to loving ourselves than others. This is constantly out of alignment for me. How does it smell today?
0:48:03 – Speaker 3
It smells amazing you saw me put it on earlier.
0:48:05 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, to me this is my favorite, and I put it on earlier when you were talking, and I was about ready to cry and I had to get my shit together.
0:48:12 – Speaker 1
Really, yes, you mean during the podcast?
0:48:14 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you don’t even pay attention to me. I did, I did notice it.
0:48:17 – Speaker 1
I was going to say anything in that moment.
0:48:19 – Speaker 2
Yeah, Were your eyes getting wet. Stop, don’t talk to me, I don’t want to talk about it. So it’s really important that, of course, you pick that and you don’t even remember half the colors or anything.
0:48:29 – Speaker 1
I think it smells great. It does it smells good last time for me too, because I have no problem with that.
0:48:34 – Speaker 2
That’s right, that’s right. So what’s your intention?
0:48:37 – Speaker 3
Because this will be interesting.
0:48:38 – Speaker 2
My intention, because I picked this card before you even told me what we were going to talk about.
0:48:44 – Speaker 1
I know that incredible things happen when I surround myself with supportive people. I am loved.
0:48:51 – Speaker 2
Stop it. Do you want to know what this is? This is the emperor. Stop, I can’t do it. Can you read this one? Yeah, I can?
0:48:59 – Speaker 1
I can always read them, the emperor, you know this. I didn’t bring my glasses. I didn’t bring my glasses. Good, can you see?
0:49:06 – Speaker 2
Oh, I don’t want to hear it. You’re an asshole, a sure and utter asshole. Oh my God, everybody look at her face. Uh-huh, okay.
0:49:17 – Speaker 1
Wow, just give me a minute to focus on this. How come we haven’t made this bigger? Whatever the emperor, the emperor builds the protective boundary which allows the empress to create freely. Am I the freaking emperor?
0:49:35 – Speaker 2
I can’t talk about it. Why do I always have to be the male energy?
0:49:39 – Speaker 1
Why do I always have to be the male?
0:49:41 – Speaker 2
energy. You have big dick energy. You got to talk.
0:49:46 – Speaker 3
You got to talk Because I don’t care.
0:49:48 – Speaker 1
I’m going to push that performance evaluation right back in your face and tell you that’s about you, honey, okay, okay, listen, speaking of that, this I think this is supposed to cover your entire boobs. Yeah, because mine.
0:50:01 – Speaker 2
No, I think it’s supposed to go down to your belly button. I know it’s probably supposed to be your crop top and your nipples. Oh, let’s cut the nipples.
0:50:07 – Speaker 1
Let’s just cut the nipples there. It’s fine, it’s completely fine. Just across your heart, bro. Okay, give me, listen to me. You know what I have something to say about across your heart, I can’t wait. So we were at Darnell’s birthday party that we told you guys about and all of a sudden Rebecca says to me can you help me with my bra? You are 100% naked.
0:50:28 – Speaker 3
You’re 100% naked. I was in a towel.
0:50:30 – Speaker 1
I had just gotten out of the shower I’m completely naked and you said could you please help me with this bra? No joke people. I walk out of the bathroom and she has a clasp bra that claps in the back. It was a corset top. How many clasps did it have?
0:50:49 – Speaker 3
At least 20.
0:50:50 – Speaker 1
Yeah, at least 20. And I said you are a jerk. I know you made fun of my bras. You said, oh, you got 17 clasps in the back.
0:51:02 – Speaker 2
And I walk out and mine was a strapless and yours is the fat. And this over the shoulder.
0:51:06 – Speaker 1
And this thing was class city. In fact, I have a picture and I’m giving it to Scott. I cannot Whatever. That’s what it felt like when you just handed me this and I couldn’t read it. You and your clasp bra.
0:51:21 – Speaker 3
Whatever, all right, so the emperor. So hang on. I got to focus my eyes again, okay.
0:51:26 – Speaker 1
Where she focuses on caring for the trees, he focuses on protecting the forest, the emperor sits on his throne, arms crossed and back straight.
The sun glares in the distance to represent the force of his masculine energy and vitality. The emperor not only provides for his family before his entire kingdom. Therefore, he must always consider the long term effects and magnitude of his choices. Sometimes he must set hard boundaries in order to protect and preserve the greater good. If you pulled this card, it’s time to call forward your masculine energy. We all have both feminine and masculine energy. Use logic when decision making and always consider how your actions impact the bigger picture. This is a time to set firm rules and boundaries to better your life or situation. Planning, organizing and setting realistic goals should be your focus. Your keywords are boundaries, logic, planning and leadership.
0:52:41 – Speaker 2
You gonna unpack that?
0:52:44 – Speaker 1
Sounds right to me. In fact, this thing is like you know what? Maybe give the emperor a break. She tired. How about you take the emperor self and you pull a little little emperor Right? I think that’s what it’s saying. Energy forward, it’s saying. To be a badass bitch is what it’s saying. Get your badass pants on and move forward. Just so we’re clear. The empress energy is the badass energy Always Okay. It’s just an outdated card deck. They just haven’t caught up with the fact that women are superior.
0:53:25 – Speaker 2
I didn’t think of it as literal men and women, Men and women. I just thought of it as energies. I mean I do have a more masculine energy. You do Not in a bad way, Not in like a man way. No, thank you. I mean you do have chin hairs.
0:53:38 – Speaker 1
What is fine, I take care of them.
0:53:40 – Speaker 2
That’s why I go to my esthetician. No, you pluck them in the car.
0:53:43 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, that’s better light, that’s good light. What was that Is chewing an apple.
0:53:49 – Speaker 2
Bite in an apple, that’s the chin hairs. Oh, my goodness. So yeah, and that’s good, that’s good energy. I didn’t rub my rock today, oh. You went out of order.
0:54:03 – Speaker 1
How are we doing on time? We’re good, we have four minutes left. Oh, what do you want to talk about? I got five more questions.
0:54:13 – Speaker 2
I got five more things I got to say.
0:54:22 – Speaker 1
Funny. Do you want to rub this rock?
0:54:24 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I need it. I don’t Look at the incense is usually out by the time we’re halfway through and it’s still going. That means something to it does. I’m not sure what, but I’m gonna figure it out. When I first picked this Empress card, I said to her does it look like some girl has her crotch in the guys face? Look at it. Legit, looks like that. If you look real fast, that looks like an ass. Yeah, it does.
0:54:48 – Speaker 1
It looks like. So then I thought well, let me get right on up there.
0:54:51 – Speaker 2
Well, I thought, well, maybe that’s what I gotta do tonight.
0:54:55 – Speaker 1
I think that’s what my life is missing. Hello.
0:54:59 – Speaker 2
Hello, that’s what it’s really saying I got you, I got you.
0:55:05 – Speaker 1
Curd, the truth is I’ll be asleep at 8.30. That’s true. I’m on the couch drilling with my murder shows on. That’s fine.
0:55:17 – Speaker 2
I haven’t watched a good murder show in a long time.
0:55:19 – Speaker 1
Oh, we watch them every night, every night.
0:55:21 – Speaker 2
Gotta get on that.
0:55:23 – Speaker 1
All right, all right. Well, congratulations, we’re on time. On time, three minutes. It’s because we’re scared to death that Scott’s gonna come in here. If Scott Frickin came in the door right now and do, do, do, let’s go, done Out of here, we’ll lose it. We’ll lose it. I know Absolutely All right. All right, peeps, we’ll see you next time, see you next week.
0:55:50 – Speaker 2
I loved that Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing? Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff, that’s fine, I accept you wherever you are.
0:56:02 – Speaker 1
Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:29 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:31 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man, okay, Okay, I swallowed mold this morning. I know I had to save your life with the avocado toast.
0:00:59 – Speaker 1
It’s not okay, my stomach still hurts. I bet it does, because you can’t do that to someone like myself who just obsesses about things. So all I think about is those little pieces of mold that were in my iced tea and that I swallowed it down. And then I looked in the hole and I’m like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
0:01:18 – Speaker 2
I bet you did. You know what I’m thinking right now. You swallowed some things in your past. I’m sure this was nothing, and I’m sure you looked down the hole of that too. Sure, you look great down there.
0:01:30 – Speaker 3
Do you want me to step out for a few minutes while you guys? Rehearse your crazy past, whatever.
0:01:37 – Speaker 1
Whatever, you guys Driving 69. Driving 69. I can’t so funny. Yeah, still funny, still funny. Rectum Hell it’s damn near true.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
Yes, I love that kind of stuff. It’s so stupid.
0:01:52 – Speaker 3
It is so stupid.
0:01:53 – Speaker 2
My brain is always in the gutter, so when you say stuff, it’s right there. I just tried to talk about the mold that I swallowed today and it wasn’t okay.
0:02:01 – Speaker 1
I know I can’t get over it. My hands on I’m paving oh, I know, and it’s nice it feels good.
0:02:06 – Speaker 2
Okay, just felt that breeze.
0:02:08 – Speaker 1
And what’d you do? You told me go get some avocado toast. I googled it.
0:02:11 – Speaker 2
You said how do you say, how do I get? Am I going to die?
0:02:14 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so I googled it immediately.
0:02:15 – Speaker 2
and it said eat foods like avocado to grab onto the toxins so that you can excurt it later. Excurt it, Excrete it yeah that’s fine.
0:02:25 – Speaker 1
Excurt it is what women do. Excrete is what men do. It’s like queefing.
0:02:31 – Speaker 3
Oh my God, y’all are in rare form. You’re not allowed to bring McDonald’s into this place again.
0:02:38 – Speaker 2
Listen listen, I’m trying to get a sponsorship here.
0:02:41 – Speaker 1
Okay, we’re trying to get some.
0:02:43 – Speaker 3
Get you all hopped up on trans fats I put these, I’m so scared.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
Mcdonald’s french fries in my skull. What is this? My gold skull holder.
0:02:53 – Speaker 3
Yeah, hold that up to the camera.
0:02:55 – Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty cool she’s, she’s wrote cute.
0:02:58 – Speaker 1
It’s awesome.
0:02:59 – Speaker 2
We used that picture of that to us and we were both pumped.
0:03:02 – Speaker 1
Isn’t that great. It’s so I’m like I absolutely are going to eat my french fries out of it. Well, I got french fries on Peppy today.
0:03:08 – Speaker 2
Normally we’re doing this in the morning, I know. So it’s two o’clock. That’s your. That’s your french fries at the no one.
0:03:14 – Speaker 1
You got here on time, isn’t that fascinating.
0:03:16 – Speaker 3
I got here early, yeah, did the timer start.
0:03:19 – Speaker 1
Yes, all right, I started it. You did, I did too, and you want to know why I started it, Scott.
0:03:24 – Speaker 3
Why.
0:03:25 – Speaker 1
Because there is not a chance in hell. We’re going over 60 minutes to the meeting.
0:03:32 – Speaker 3
No, no. Why exactly would you be bringing that up now?
0:03:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, really, scott? Really, rebecca, I don’t think you know this. No, why? Okay, what happened On Friday? I am taking a few laps around the biotension pond behind my house to get ready for a very big presentation that I had, and I get a text message from Scott and it says I have an empathy problem. Oh oh okay, Scott, what is it I?
0:03:58 – Speaker 2
love what he texted you, no problem, he’s not. He’s not texting you, I mean, no one texts me.
0:04:03 – Speaker 1
And if they do, I don’t write you back. So Scott says to me I might have lost my shit on someone. Oh, oh, okay.
0:04:11 – Speaker 2
I need to hear this.
0:04:12 – Speaker 1
And so let’s just say there was a recording, Stop it. And let’s just say I heard it and I think three separate times I said to Scott I am both laughing and crying for you at the same time. No, tell me all the things. My favorite part, favorite part, is that in this recording this person is like chat in the baby, having a great time.
0:04:39 – Speaker 3
You mean it was, it was a podcast it was a person like a client of his Like a sort of like do-do-way podcast.
0:04:46 – Speaker 2
Oh, he went off.
0:04:48 – Speaker 1
Okay, okay. So this is why I’m telling you there’s no way we’re going over the time, because the reason that Scott lost bananas is because this man, for the 800th time, went over his session time by like 20, 30 minutes and was still sitting there chatting it up with Peggy Sue on the other line. Oh, I mean, we do, we do go over. I know. However, I already addressed that with Scott. You know I did so. Did you apologize, listen?
0:05:18 – Speaker 2
please stop.
0:05:19 – Speaker 1
I am a I am a logistical storyteller. I have to start at the beginning or I have to. I have to keep going back.
0:05:24 – Speaker 2
You’re right, you’re right, okay, go ahead.
0:05:26 – Speaker 1
Where was? I You’re walking around the bio attention pond no where are you Sue. Oh, sorry, sorry, Peggy Sue, chatting it up with Peggy Sue, all of a sudden you hear that is the door opening and then you hear Scott go, gotta go. All done, right, I love your face, because that was my face. I’m like, oh, and so the guy in like the nicest is like oh yeah, gotta go. Oh yeah, okay, okay, got it. Yeah, gotta go, gotta go.
0:05:55 – Speaker 2
Sorry, Peggy.
0:05:56 – Speaker 1
And now, that would have been it Right. But it was it Because Scott then says okay, you do this to me every time, man, I’ve told you 100 times that I need you to respect my time and you are in here for an hour and if you go over an hour, my next hour screwed Good point. He’s like I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry, sorry about that. I’m sorry about that. Look at his timer, I don’t know. Okay.
0:06:22 – Speaker 3
Okay, I can interject. Yes, just this one time. Yes Is that the timer was not running at this particular time, however. However, the session started at 10am. He walked in at 10.04. We got rolling at 10.15 because he had to boot up his computer and plug it in and shoot the stuff and this and that, and so I was already up to here because this is number I don’t know six or seven times that this has happened.
0:06:53 – Speaker 2
Oh yeah, and you’ve addressed that, and you’ve addressed it, I’ve addressed it, but.
0:06:57 – Speaker 3
I guess, not as a forcefully Now.
0:06:59 – Speaker 1
this is where the timeout comes in, because this is where Scott and Rebecca are the same human being and this is what we’re going to talk about today. So I have to set the stage Okay, this is Scott’s way of addressing it before blow up of 2023. Okay, okay, hey man, if you could just, you know, try and really make sure that you’re sticking in that hour time frame, that’d be really helpful for me. Okay, that was time one, right, then maybe time two, and I don’t even know if this is the case, scott, I’m making this up, but I just feel like I know you so well at this point that I might be onto something. Okay, second time. He’s like hey man, you know what time do you think you’re going to be here today? Got another session coming up after you really got to stick, stick true to the tightness of the time today.
0:07:43 – Speaker 3
Spot on, right Spot on.
0:07:45 – Speaker 1
Okay. And then he’s like, oh okay, all right, all right, he’s thinking All right, let me see if I can put this out there another way. So then he’s like hey, just wanted to check in before we get started with today’s session. Gotta be done by 10am, right? So are we sure, right? So at this point, scott’s now three levels in. In Scott’s mind, he’s been completely clear with this gentleman that you need to have your time beginning, middle and end all wrapped up.
0:08:13 – Speaker 3
I think that anyone that was in within your shot would I would be in their mind as well. Pretty clear.
0:08:17 – Speaker 2
I feel very clear.
0:08:19 – Speaker 1
Yes, because you have social awareness and the ability to read between the lines.
0:08:24 – Speaker 3
Correct, okay, almost what lines are there to read between. I mean it’s. How else can you this?
0:08:31 – Speaker 1
is how else you do it All right, go ahead. Hey there, marty, I don’t know, that’s his name.
0:08:37 – Speaker 3
Hey there, Marty.
0:08:38 – Speaker 1
Hey there, dick. Hey there, marty, ralph. Yeah, I just got to address something with you real quick. So I’ve mentioned this a couple times and I always feel like I’m being super clear, but I might not be as clear as I really want to be. It’s super important to me that we are done within the hour timeframe and I’ve noticed that we’ve gone over a couple times and I find myself sort of bringing it up a lot. But I just want to give you the benefit of it out.
It may be the case that I’m just not being as clear. So what do we need to do together to make sure that our time runs from 10 to 11? Right? So if you see what I did there, it was. I’ve addressed the problem with a specific example. I’ve been very clear about the timeframe associated with it, and then I posed a solution that involved both of us so that he can’t just be let off the hook in the event he decides he just wants to go as long as he wants to go. Right, because he wants to be collaborative in that place. So he’s going to be like it could be really helpful if you rang a bell at five minutes. You know who the hell knows what he’s going to say Right.
And so now we’re both in this together trying to figure it out. But you and Scott, the thing that you both do is that in your mind you’re like I’m being really clear for the people who don’t have trouble reading between the lines that I can just let you know that I would really appreciate it. Don’t make me go postal here, just let me be cool about it, right? And then you get to a point, at time eight, where Scott was over there. Like what is that character in the? It’s not elemental, it’s the other one with joy and anger. And it’s yeah, inside out, yes, inside out. He’s anger in the back of there where all of a sudden he’s clenching his fists and then he’s like what? He just goes off.
0:10:30 – Speaker 3
That’s what happened when Scott came walking in here. It’s safe to say that I was in this office seething.
0:10:35 – Speaker 1
Yes, yes, yeah.
0:10:36 – Speaker 3
Seething.
Well, so here’s another thing at five to seven minutes before time is supposed to be over. You remember how we got glass in the other studio. Yes, like you can’t see me now, except if, unless I’m in the bubble. Yeah, but in the other studio we got glass right, yep. And so in the glass I go, and he sees you and he sees me, and he nods, okay, and he says, well, we’re coming up on time. I just have a couple of more questions to ask. Okay, in my mind we have five minutes left. That’s enough for one question.
0:11:11 – Speaker 1
If that.
0:11:12 – Speaker 3
Yeah, thank you. Wrap it up, yeah, but Time to go home. Jco was cloaks, yeah, but you know what I mean. I respect your evaluation of this, in your opinion, because that is something that I hadn’t considered. And, to put it plainly, do you have to just assume that everybody’s an idiot?
0:11:32 – Speaker 1
Absolutely Okay, Scott. Welcome to my world. Welcome to my world Every day, Scott.
0:11:41 – Speaker 3
Every single day.
0:11:42 – Speaker 1
This is what happens to me. Yes, I give people the benefit of the doubt. I think I’m also being clear that I have now had to rework every single thing I say to assume that the people I am speaking with are between a 90 and a 100 IQ. Every single person I talk to, and I’m not as disappointed as I was before We’ll do it.
So it’s unfortunate, scott, but I feel like in that scenario. So Scott loses his bananas, right, he is just, and he’s like you throw off my next hour. This isn’t okay. I’ve communicated this with you like 100 times. Right, the guy’s apologetic, right? You can tell he’s like he’s on blast. You can tell he’s like ooh, ooh, this isn’t okay. My favorite part of the whole thing is that you think it’s done. You think it’s done in this mode. You think you’re like Scott got it out, that’s okay, I walk away and then I come back.
0:12:45 – Speaker 3
Stop it.
0:12:46 – Speaker 1
And what did you say when you came back?
0:12:49 – Speaker 3
Do you remember? I apologize, I apologize.
0:12:52 – Speaker 1
Nope, nope before that.
0:12:53 – Speaker 3
Oh, I don’t know.
0:12:54 – Speaker 1
It was something like you gotta be kidding me. Like he had walked away. He had come back, then he walked away again, and it was like one of those anger moments under your breath where you’re like you’re killing me, man, you’re killing me and I’m like he just doubled down. He doubled down. He was so ceiling. He doubled down on that right. This guy’s quaking in his boots. It’s not okay.
So then, classic Rebecca and Scott. After the anger starts to wear off, what happens next? You’re freaking guilty as shit. The guilt and shame comes rolling in, right. So I am walking around the bio retention pond just trying to get my mindset right. I get a little text message from Scott saying I have an empathy problem. He’s like I lost my shit on a client today. This is what I said. This is what he said. This is where we’re at. I’m like how bad was it? Scott? Like let’s get clear on this, right. And then he started to tell me little snippets of what he said. I’m like okay, all right, we ain’t playin’ here. That’s a good seven, a seven out of 10.
0:14:00 – Speaker 3
That’s fine, that’s fine.
0:14:02 – Speaker 1
And so he’s like and now all I wanna do what did you say, is eat pizza and go back to my house and just like lay on the couch, which is also what you do. All you wanna do is lay on big Bertha with a blanket and eat some cheez-its that you can’t eat because they hurt your stomach.
0:14:17 – Speaker 2
I know, and then I drink the wine Right Right.
0:14:21 – Speaker 3
That’s not even an option for me anymore.
0:14:24 – Speaker 1
So Scott is not in a good place? Yeah, I get that. So I say to Scott this isn’t a problem, Scott, we got this and what do I do? I write the text message response for him, Cause you know you know, that’s what I do. What I meant to say was exactly Scott. Do you even have it?
0:14:45 – Speaker 3
Do you even have it? It’s framed in here, did you see it Okay?
0:14:49 – Speaker 2
It’s his go-to response for anybody who is my favorite.
0:14:53 – Speaker 1
So here I am, walking around the bio retention pond. I’m like it’s not a problem. This is what we need to say. Feel free to just copy and paste this, if you have it. I won’t take out my phone.
0:15:01 – Speaker 3
And it’s yeah. So quote. I’m really sorry, man. I’m working on trying to be clear and honest with people about my needs instead of holding it all inside, but apparently I haven’t perfected the art of tact yet. I have to have you stay within the time allotted for our session and have tried to communicate that a few times, but today it seems my frustration with not being heard got the best of me. While I stand by the fact that we have to stay on time, I do apologize for my delivery. It was out of character for me and has me feeling badly. You wrote that Of course I did.
0:15:34 – Speaker 1
Oh, it’s freaking genius, it is Wow, scott was like you’re good, I know, I know I really appreciate that.
0:15:45 – Speaker 3
Three rungs on the respect ladder boom, boom, boom.
0:15:47 – Speaker 1
Thank you thank you and I said you’re absolutely welcome. You just copy and paste that. So did you see what I did there? Right, I owned the fact that something had happened. Yep, I then acknowledged that I had a boundary that I still needed to be set. I then sandwiched in another ownership of the fact, not that I’m sorry that I lost my shit, but that I might be sorry that I lacked some tact. Okay, because I’m not sorry that.
I lost my shit. I’m sorry that it came out in a way that wasn’t authentically me.
0:16:23 – Speaker 3
And that’s the part that really I liked, because it was well, you know, I’m not wrong necessarily that’s right. I just you know my communication is a little bit off, but still you’re the bad guy here.
0:16:37 – Speaker 1
Yes, yeah, let’s be real clear. I still need you to stay in the boundaries.
0:16:41 – Speaker 3
You don’t have to hook by any means. I still need you. That’s right.
0:16:44 – Speaker 1
that’s right, and I stand by the fact that you’ve pushed me to a point where I’m angry. What I could have done is own the fact that, as I’m seething in the back end, I could acknowledge that. Maybe I could have been even more clear and pretended that you had a lower IQ than I think you do much earlier on. Right Now you, scott, do what Rebecca does and go immediately to this place of I did this wrong. I’m so sorry. This isn’t yep, this isn’t fair of me. I feel so much guilt and shame.
0:17:20 – Speaker 3
Oh my gosh, this person is gonna be so upset.
0:17:24 – Speaker 1
I didn’t wanna upset this person right. And that is today’s topic of discussion, because we realized today, as I met the vet appointment, how it is one place in which Rebecca and I have swapped roles. I get to be the asshole and I love it. I get to be the one who’s like I’m real clear, this is what we’re doing, this is what is not a problem. There’s big boundaries on this. We’re not doing this any differently. And when Rebecca’s in a place where she’s like oozing empathy, I’m like why are we oozing empathy? Why are we doing this? See, I would never define that as empathy. You would not. No, you would define it as what?
0:18:08 – Speaker 2
I don’t, I never thought of it like that. I don’t know you, just I gotta think about it now. I just threw it on you. Yeah, because that, to me, that just is a natural empathetic response. It’s incredibly apologetic, yes, I know, but I mean, when I get to a point where I thought I was effectively communicating and it wasn’t working, and then I, freaking, lose my crap and then I immediately go back to the guilt and shame, I don’t view that as an empathy problem.
0:18:41 – Speaker 1
Do you? Well, I mean Scott does. Because Scott said I have an empathy problem, Right, Because he was feeling so down and out about the fact that he really confronted this person in a way that wasn’t his best self.
0:18:55 – Speaker 2
Absolutely, but I think that’s why, when it’s reframed like that, I can think about that and I can think about the entire scenario very differently.
0:19:03 – Speaker 3
It’s also just for pure clarification, was not a client.
0:19:07 – Speaker 2
Oh, oh, just a friend.
0:19:09 – Speaker 3
Just a working relationship on a project, oh, so Now known as some guy that we used to know.
0:19:17 – Speaker 1
Yeah, right.
0:19:19 – Speaker 3
So I just want to make that clear, because to speak that way to a client I think would really take me a lot of slapping around Like I’d really have to Someone really have to take advantage.
0:19:35 – Speaker 2
Interesting. I mean exactly the same way.
0:19:37 – Speaker 3
Really I speak that way to someone who’s paying me money.
0:19:39 – Speaker 2
That’s right. I have identified. People in my life are very clearly identified and I’m very hierarchical. You know that Aaron views everybody on the same playing field, absolutely Same playing field.
0:19:50 – Speaker 1
What do you mean?
0:19:52 – Speaker 2
Absolutely, if you are, if if you are a client, you are a client. I don’t care if you’re right or wrong, you’re a client.
0:20:00 – Speaker 1
And we’re going to be nicer.
0:20:02 – Speaker 2
You’re right or wrong, I don’t care. You’re a teacher If you’re a parent, there is a hierarchy of levels here, wow. You don’t get to talk to certain people a certain way.
0:20:13 – Speaker 1
Wow, scott, you feel the same way.
0:20:16 – Speaker 3
I do Whoa you guys.
0:20:18 – Speaker 2
That’s why, when you say some things, I’m like whoa.
0:20:21 – Speaker 3
But it’s not that I don’t understand your point of view and I actually I envy that ability to to be able to see people that you know in the same way. I’m just inherently not able to do that.
0:20:34 – Speaker 2
I’m not either. It’s a way we were raised. It comes back to how you were raised. In my opinion, and you know, when I hear you having conversations, I think to myself wow, there is no way in hell I would ever do that ever.
0:20:49 – Speaker 1
Really, that’s fascinating.
0:20:51 – Speaker 3
Because, it’s.
0:20:52 – Speaker 1
It is not at all hierarchical for me, as you’ve said, at all. I do not care if you’re an eight year old child, right. If you are my neighbor up the street, I know If you are my child’s pediatrician or your supervisor. If you are my supervisor, oh yeah, that’s a whole podcast in and of itself, mm, hmm. Well, you’re a member when I was at my one particular supervisor’s office and he pushed a performance and valuation in front of me that had twos on it, two out of five Mm hmm, and I looked at that and I looked at him and I said I’m not signing that.
And he said what do you mean? And I said that’s a reflection of you, that’s not a reflection of me. Has the balls to say that, absolutely.
0:21:41 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, what you told me this story.
0:21:42 – Speaker 3
I wanted to call.
0:21:43 – Speaker 2
I’m pretty sure I was driving and almost drove off a cliff. I’m like what?
0:21:47 – Speaker 1
are you? Are you kidding me? You better check yourself, buddy. A two, Do you know me? I’m pretty sure in kindergarten I didn’t get a two. I have never been a two. You are sadly mistaken, I know, and your ability to reflect on what you think is happening for me is so wrong. I absolutely will not be signing that. And then I pushed it across the table back to him and looked at it and that guy didn’t know what to do. I think he probably tried at that point to then turn it into a conversation about how I’m difficult to supervise. Yeah well, you’re an idiot. So I’d probably be a lot easier to supervise if you actually knew what you were talking about.
0:22:31 – Speaker 2
But see, that’s the difference. Is it a confidence level, is it a value system, is it a self worth situation?
0:22:43 – Speaker 1
That’s a that’s a great question.
0:22:45 – Speaker 2
I don’t know, what is it I?
0:22:46 – Speaker 1
don’t know I’ve always chalked it up to being a camper corn, but then you say you’re a camper corn and then I get all thrown off. So what is it?
0:22:54 – Speaker 2
I’m a big bitch and I’m not afraid to put people in their place, but reality is I actually don’t do that I know Ever I know.
0:23:01 – Speaker 1
Instead, you just like kowtow to people and you’re like, ok, I’ll be better, I’ll be better, and I’m like knock it off, I know, we’re not doing that, I know. Is it a confidence thing? Let me think about that for a second. So I am incredibly calculated and specific about the things that I do. Everything I do is incredibly intentional and to a fault at times. So I think because of that, I am incredibly confident that what I have assessed a situation to be, or a person to be, or I very quickly and easily indicated in my mind what the correct, the right and the just thing to do is in this situation. That’s it. So it’s such a strong line for me that I can then very quickly articulate if we’re above the line, if we’re the below the line or where it is going to be.
0:23:55 – Speaker 2
That’s it and I’m completely the opposite. I 100 percent operate from my gut and I just think and feel and I’m constantly present and then when it comes out my mouth and I see the ripple effect, I’m like bring it back and I’m like I didn’t mean that that was not OK.
That’s not how I wanted to present myself. That’s not what I wanted to say. Yes, I could have done Like I go. It’s the guilt and the shame that sneak up afterwards because I am not calculated, I am not thinking things through. One of the biggest things my mom always said to me and I would get constant feedback growing up was you need to think before you speak. Never, I don’t think before, it just comes out.
0:24:33 – Speaker 3
Yes.
0:24:34 – Speaker 1
Interesting.
0:24:34 – Speaker 3
I’m not. I’m not that far where you’re at, Rebecca. I’m kind of like somewhere in between the two of you literally and every time we do a podcast.
0:24:47 – Speaker 2
We’re like two polar opposites and he’s like the middle.
0:24:50 – Speaker 1
What do you mean to be in the middle? What would be in the middle?
0:24:53 – Speaker 3
I can see both sides and I’ve I’ve experienced both ways of handling things at different times in my life.
0:25:00 – Speaker 1
You’ve been incredibly certain about what the correct, right and just way is and have not wavered from that.
0:25:08 – Speaker 3
Yes, but I’ve also been, you know, just like this last time, after something happens, especially if it’s in a you know emotional moment, In retrospect I’m like if I could, because when I, when I was rehearsing what I was going to say, I said all those words, but I definitely didn’t say them and it did. None of that happened the way I was rehearsing it in my head. Your emotions took over.
Yeah, when I when I and I think what did it was when the show was actually over and then they started kind of BS and and saying, well, you know, in, maybe one day we can do, and it was just like no, no, no, you don’t also get to have a, you know, a conversation outside of this. Now you’re, now you’re mocking me, that’s how. I took it, and so suddenly it was just like yeah, I was going to say it’s disrespect. Right, you were feeling a great sense of disrespect.
I said I really feel like you’re disrespecting me on a, you know, consistently disrespecting my time.
0:26:06 – Speaker 1
That’s a good point and I will give people the benefit of the doubt a couple of times, but then because I am so clear in my messaging to people, if you don’t get it after that point, I have no use for you anymore.
0:26:23 – Speaker 3
I’m done with you.
0:26:25 – Speaker 1
I have some examples from that in my neighborhood. I have some examples from that in some other places in my life and where this has sometimes been problematic is you’re not going to get me off of that point of view, right, right? So the challenge is when I have come to the conclusion and determination that I have what is that. What is that?
0:26:50 – Speaker 3
It’s my phone, it’s your phone.
0:26:53 – Speaker 1
I can’t.
0:26:53 – Speaker 2
I specifically told her not to call me.
0:26:56 – Speaker 1
I can’t Sorry, I’m sorry.
0:26:58 – Speaker 2
It’s incredible and I turned it off. Sorry, this is my fault. The answer is that was inappropriate and you should have handled that.
0:27:07 – Speaker 1
You should have handled that all out earlier. In reality, I really don’t care, you really don’t care. But get me, get me off of that point that I have already determined, right? So let’s say I really was a two on that performance evaluation. Just so we’re clear. I was not Okay. You’re not moving me to think that I am a two. There’s not a chance. You are not going to at all convince me that anything I did in that scenario was a two, because I’m so confident that I wasn’t a two and you could come back and you could say well, there was this one time that you did this thing, or you have a history of doing whatever.
And then I would be able to rebut, and I would Well, let me talk to you about the scenarios associated with that. First of all, there was a whole bunch of white men in the room and I had to make sure that my voice was heard because no one else was allowing me to speak. Second, right I always because I’m that calculated and so innately in tune with what is happening around me, I can justify every single thing. Now, thankfully, I also am not narcissistic and I also am not the type of person who’s using my powers for evil.
Because, if that was the case and I was stubborn and you couldn’t get me off that point of view, I could wreck some people oh yeah, oh yeah, where I’m the complete opposite, where I’m very much like I don’t remember what I said to you yesterday.
0:28:28 – Speaker 2
I’m really sorry. I mean, how many times are we driving and I get a text from a random person, that’s it just says hey, can we talk later? And I immediately turned you. I go oh my God, what I do. I totally did something to make them angry. And you’re like why do you think that? I’m like I don’t know, because who says who sends a text like that? It just immediately puts me in a place of I must have done something. And that’s like that’s your go to, oh my God, always.
0:28:50 – Speaker 3
I get the same thing Always when I go to a client, when a client will text me and say call me when you, when you can, oh, immediately you’re in trouble, call me when you, when you get a chance, that means uh-oh yeah, but it to this day it’s never been a mistake that I made.
0:29:04 – Speaker 2
But even if it was constantly.
0:29:06 – Speaker 3
That’s my fear. I’m like, oh shit, what did I forget? What did I do wrong?
0:29:11 – Speaker 1
Oh, you mean like when someone sends you a text message that says starts within the future. You mean like something like that? I don’t know Just a random example, Just pulled from somewhere. I don’t know, Just came up with that one.
0:29:25 – Speaker 2
Just curious if that one landed. But I think there’s a good point, there’s a good message behind here, because unless people talk about that and communicate that, you don’t know how to handle it. You know very well you cannot send me a text message that says we really need to talk later Cause I will lose my. I know it will. I will be not okay.
0:29:44 – Speaker 1
You will be cowering in a corner.
0:29:46 – Speaker 2
Yes, but do you know that? Because I’ve communicated that, regardless of how stupid it is or regardless of your like that is, you still understand that’s. That’s the art of connecting and communicating and reaching people where they’re at. I can’t even manage my own life enough to put myself out of the way to make sure that I’m properly handling people in that capacity, which is why I have to label everyone. If you’re a client, that means I always have to do that. That’s my go to. If you’re in my inner circle, I always have to do that. If you’re just some random stranger, I don’t have enough time and energy to do that, To do what To do, to approach from an empathetic kind, caring it just takes so much energy.
And the energy comes from having to monitor yourself and it doesn’t feel natural all the time. Okay, I always feel like I tell people, people think I’m the social outgoing, you know life of the party kind of person. I’m not. That is it. I feel very uncomfortable. I don’t want to do it. I have always pictured being on a stage in certain environments. I’m like, okay, I’m on a stage, this is part of the performance, but it’s not my genuine, authentic self, and so that’s a lot of energy, that’s a lot of effort.
0:31:05 – Speaker 1
Interesting A lot.
0:31:06 – Speaker 2
So that’s why you maintain that just for your inner circle people, that’s right, or people in your job capacity that you have to do a certain thing for that’s right, and I think that when I finally learned the definition between extrovert and innervert, anybody would say that I was an extrovert based on my personality, based on how I communicate, all those kinds of things. But reality is that’s energy, that’s a lot, and I don’t get energy from other people who are like that. That’s an energy suck, because I got to match you, you know. But when I’m alone and with the, you know, my safety net and all of that, I can just be me.
0:31:44 – Speaker 1
I don’t know how else to describe it Otherwise you can be around people, but you’re constantly monitoring and asking yourself is this okay? Is it not okay? Should we talk about this, should we not? Whereas with your, with your people, you know it’s a safe place for you to just be off the cuff, Exactly Like a great example is when we’re tabling.
0:32:02 – Speaker 2
That is the most uncomfortable I could ever be. It’s not that I don’t like talking to people or engaging with them, it’s just. It’s just that that’s a lot. That takes a lot of effort, a lot of time, a lot of energy. But if we’re sitting around a dinner table with your clients, oh hey, I can engage and I can have a conversation, and all of that because I know there’s an end point. I guess I don’t know. It’s really, it’s really interesting.
0:32:23 – Speaker 1
What I think is interesting about the conversation that we had today is that, specifically, yeah in the work environment, what I see you do when you’ll read me your text responses or when you’ll read me your email responses. My overall sense is why is she downing herself so much for the relationship with this other person? Because I don’t the excessive it’s a trust apology.
0:32:58 – Speaker 2
I think it’s a trust thing because I don’t trust that a relationship could be as genuine as it appears to be and I’m always afraid that that’s going to disappear. So if I have watched people, I think there’s an art to an apology, I think there’s a sincerity to apology and I think there’s an authenticness to that, and I never want to come across as like a shallow person who doesn’t take ownership for what I may or may not have done. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And so if I don’t feel like I’m really apologizing, like I hate when people are like I’m sorry, you feel that way, well you’re real, far from that in your text message, but I don’t always feel like that is true.
0:33:41 – Speaker 1
I’m always afraid that you’re really far away from it.
0:33:43 – Speaker 2
Yes, I’m afraid. Like, oh my God, did I always say to you? Did I make it clear that it appears that I’m wrong?
0:33:50 – Speaker 1
Like I’m over here, like you better roll that back in like a fruit by the foot, because that is so much right, Because you are so. In my mind it’s empathetically wanting to make sure that that person knows that you’re sorry and that you’re going to do things differently.
0:34:08 – Speaker 3
Yes, but then I feel like over here and I’m like well, what did they do?
0:34:14 – Speaker 1
This isn’t one-sided. Don’t be coming at me with your hot emails about what you need me to do different. You know I will read that email when it says let me take some ownership over this email before I send it. You need to know that I’m stressed. You need to know that I have an adverse reaction to this, for whatever reason. You need to know that this is what triggers me. And now I need to tell you that every time you send me XYZ email, this is the response that I have to it. And I just want to tell you that that’s how I’m responding, because I care about you, I care about our relationship and I want to make sure that it’s okay and the appropriate response back to that.
0:34:52 – Speaker 2
I read that in between the lines, when the person has the balls to even say anything to me, because I would never say anything. So the fact that somebody actually says something, regardless of how they say it in between the lines, I’m like they’re saying this because they’re stressed because of this, because of this, because of this, and this is how they feel they have to confront it. Isn’t that so?
0:35:12 – Speaker 1
interesting and I need you to own that, because accountability is important to me and I need you to put that out there in the beginning. I’m not reading between the lines there.
0:35:20 – Speaker 2
Oh, you mean they need to own it? Yeah.
0:35:22 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, not you they.
0:35:23 – Speaker 2
Oh, I’m like I need you to own that, I’m not just going to assume that you’re self-aware enough to know that you’re a hot ass mess on the other side. Maybe I just assume a lot of things based on what I know about people, because I’m real clear, I can see it real clear.
0:35:37 – Speaker 1
But to me it’s grounded in a sense of abandonment. But abandonment is not just about those high connection relationships. When you are someone who’s experienced abandonment and abandonment in any form, right when anything can feel like an abandonment your kid going off to college can feel like an abandonment. Switching jobs can feel like an abandonment.
A nasty email that comes in can feel like a trigger for abandonment and you’re like a live wire over there that someone’s constantly just touch and touch and touch and then you’re getting this message that essentially what the message was saying was I’m not super happy with what’s going on here and I need you to change it. What’s different about us is your response is you’re absolutely right, I’m going to change it. I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Please don’t do anything different, please. I promise you I’ll switch it. I’m going to be better.
And I look at that and I’m like let me think about that for a minute and determine if I feel like I was being that way and if I was, I’ll own it. And if I wasn’t, or if there was a reason for me to acknowledge why you were doing what you needed to do, which made me respond in a certain way, then we’ll share the responsibility here. But that is empathy in my mind, because I do not ever, hardly ever, in any scenario, feel like anything is literally that black and white in terms of fault and responsibility.
0:37:07 – Speaker 2
I think that’s why I read between the lines, because I don’t think it’s black and white at all.
0:37:12 – Speaker 1
Nothing in your message back gave that person the what for Nothing. In your response back said I can see where you’re coming from. Let me give you a little context to this. It was very much a kowtow message. Is that appropriate to say? I don’t know, probably not. Maybe that’s a cultural appropriation thing. I don’t know. Strike that from the record, scott, sorry, okay, maybe I just felt like your response was much more of a let me be who you need me to be in this moment, so you can be seen and feel better about yourself and we can stop this conversation. I’m just going to take the responsibility. We don’t need to have this conflict anymore. I’ll just be better, which also in and of itself. Let’s be clear, that’s a tactic. Right, because you don’t like conflict. No, generally, generally not. You don’t want the conversation to keep going. You don’t want people to poke and prod. Maybe some of that is about the fact that you’re not sure what you said yesterday or how you’ve offended someone, and they’re going to be like on.
September 13th at such a time, and you’ll be like you, forgot about that Really sorry.
0:38:18 – Speaker 2
I’m now down the rabbit hole and I don’t want to be Right, Because there is never any intentional. What’s the word intentional? Malice? Yeah, yeah, no never I agree, never. I mean it’s just again flying off the cuff and I generally tend to have darker humor and inappropriate humor and I lead with that generally and that can be very off-putting for people, some people and I can own that and I can do better. I mean I’m not gonna just be like well, it’s who I am, take it, I leave it.
0:38:56 – Speaker 1
Oh my God, is that me though.
0:38:58 – Speaker 2
Yes, but you don’t, you don’t. You haven’t been given the mesh of your entire life that you’re offensive. True, where I have True People just look at me and they’re like you’re offensive. I’m like what did I do?
0:39:11 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s that’s because I’m blonde. Yeah.
0:39:15 – Speaker 2
It’s because I wore a certain style of shoe that that’s offensive to you. You don’t like that. That makes you uncomfortable, so I need to change.
0:39:22 – Speaker 1
Yeah, people already come to you with a whole bunch of assumptions about who you are and how you act and why you are the way that you are, based on what you look like. I completely agree with that. The other person that falls into this category was Liam from Concern Center. Oh, liam was the same way. What do you mean? So Liam is a very attractive man, yes, and as good at two shoes as it possibly comes, but you don’t think that when you see Liam, you think he’s a frat boy. Really, he does keg stands. That’s not what I he is a player. He is someone who will just shmooze you right.
0:40:01 – Speaker 2
I didn’t get that at all.
0:40:02 – Speaker 3
He doesn’t have a lot of confidence.
0:40:03 – Speaker 1
Wow, he doesn’t have a lot of right. So when he and I would have our one on ones and he would tell me about his twin brother and he would tell me about all these things, I’m like, liam, I finally understand you. I said everybody looks at you and expects that you are classic frat boy douchebag. And you’re not. You’re genuinely as sweet and kind and caring as people want you to be, but that we do not expect you to be. And you’re the same way. You are classic hot mess, blonde curly hair, tall shoes, crop tops, life of the party, party on party people ridiculousness. Give me some more wine.
0:40:51 – Speaker 2
Which I can be.
0:40:52 – Speaker 1
No, some of that is still true.
0:40:54 – Speaker 2
I mean absolutely Some of that is still true.
0:40:56 – Speaker 3
Did you actually tell Liam that people think he’s a douchebag?
0:41:00 – Speaker 1
I’m sure she did. I’m pretty positive that those might have been my exact words. Yeah, I’m pretty positive. People expect you to be, but then I followed up with, but you’re not.
0:41:09 – Speaker 2
And that’s great. Well, you’re just painting a picture, you also have to contend with that. Yes.
0:41:14 – Speaker 1
Because people are gonna look at you and people are gonna look at Liam and immediately they have thoughts and feelings about who you are.
0:41:19 – Speaker 2
And we have choices. Me and Liam have choices. You’ve said to me all the time I’m like I’m about to go into an interview and you’re like, what are you gonna wear? And I’m like I’m gonna wear a dress with my six inch heels and you’re like, okay, then you’re fully prepared for what you’re gonna get. She goes, you could go in. You could color your hair brown and wear it in a mousy ponytail, and you could wear a suit with flats and you could still be the exact same person you are and have a completely different outcome.
0:41:43 – Speaker 1
And I said you’re absolutely right, yep, but the one time you dyed your hair brown and then you showed up at the Mexican restaurant and I didn’t recognize you. And I basically you’re like, what do you think about it? Do you like it? And I said I don’t, You’re gonna need to go back to blonde. It’s true, that is not okay. It’s true.
0:41:57 – Speaker 2
It’s true, yeah, but my point is I could make the changes, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to Right, I would rather deal with the consequences of the treatment that I get. Yeah, but honor who I am as a person and, at the end of the day, the people like you who can look past it all and be okay with it, there are the people that I want in my life anyway, because I can’t walk into that job looking like that and then the next day show up like I am.
0:42:28 – Speaker 1
They’d be like in real time.
0:42:30 – Speaker 2
Who are you? I mean I already did interview six months pregnant somewhere and hid that until I signed the paperwork. And then I went in and said by the way, I need six months off. I did do that.
0:42:42 – Speaker 1
That didn’t go over well. I helped you pick your outfit out.
0:42:44 – Speaker 2
You sure did, you sure did. That was the most frumpy you’ve ever looked in your entire life.
0:42:49 – Speaker 1
That’s right. It’s probably still with some belt somewhere.
0:42:51 – Speaker 2
I think that was a week after I went brown and then had to go back blonde.
0:42:56 – Speaker 1
Oh, yeah, it was that timeframe Right, because it was not okay. I know you are not a brown hair girl. One picture of it.
0:43:02 – Speaker 2
One, it’s not good. No, it’s not you. On the other hand, I like to do both.
0:43:06 – Speaker 1
You can definitely pull it off, thank you, I like to be black. I know Just black hair, number one. So the reality here, to circle it back around, is what I think is just fascinating about this is this is one area we have identified, that we are very different, and that I bolster you to have more boundaries, to stand up for yourself, to reword things, to say no, I’m sorry, this isn’t how this is gonna be. To recognize your worth, to not give that away to other people, to constantly throw three sheets to the wind and be like whatever you don’t want what I’m selling, I’ll go sell it somewhere else.
0:43:47 – Speaker 2
But even with you. Do you notice that, like even with you, within the past couple of years I’ve been able to even stand up myself, not that you say inappropriate things or anything.
0:43:55 – Speaker 3
No, I absolutely noticed it.
0:43:56 – Speaker 2
I’ll push back a little bit and then you know, whatever, and it’s, you’re the safe place again, you’re allowing me to do that, and then you don’t leave me. I’m like, okay, she can handle that, she can hear it. Okay, now I’m gonna say something else. Let’s see if she can handle that.
0:44:10 – Speaker 1
I absolutely noticed it and in those moments I’m like what the hell are you doing, haley? And just let her be the one who apologizes all the time. Don’t take that shit from her. Yeah, that is what it is, but I just love that we finally identified an area where I am so clear. I have great boundaries around the fact that you’re not gonna treat me a certain way, you’re not gonna tell me who I am, because I’m so solid in that understanding Again, sometimes to a fault, because you’re not gonna waver that and you’re the one in this situation that is more loving and supportive and kind, and let me see what I could do better, and all of these things and you would think that that would completely be the opposite way around, and I love that. I get to own that part.
0:44:59 – Speaker 2
I know I love that I get to learn from you and try to. It’s a constant work in progress for me that piece and the other way around right.
0:45:08 – Speaker 1
So, when it comes to empathy and it comes to my boundaries, and I will give you every single chance in the world if you’re close to me to a fault and I learned from you, when do we get to say that’s?
0:45:22 – Speaker 2
right, we’re all done. We’re all done. So it’s funny, we haven’t done the hippie voodoo shit.
0:45:26 – Speaker 1
I know, and it’s time because we only have 13 minutes left and we’re only spending 12 minutes.
0:45:30 – Speaker 2
I know because we have to be on time, but this is, it’s really funny. Again, I’ve already picked the card.
0:45:34 – Speaker 3
And.
0:45:34 – Speaker 1
I didn’t know what you were gonna talk about.
0:45:35 – Speaker 2
So we gotta do it in order, because I know how you are. I gotta walk the.
0:45:39 – Speaker 1
I know okay, so we gotta do the oils first. We gotta start with the oils first, here we go.
0:45:42 – Speaker 2
I know you gotta put it on. You pick the green. Do you even remember what the green is? No, we’re at the point now where you should be knowing what the colors are.
0:45:50 – Speaker 1
Oh, by the way, little quick thing for Jareen here. Jareen, I have received the link for the oils I know. And I will be putting them on the shit we love on the podcast. I’m a bad friend and Jareen had to text me because she had tried contacting Rebecca so many times for the oils that she did not respond. And Jareen following through for ya, Sorry.
0:46:10 – Speaker 3
Jareen, so this one’s for you.
0:46:12 – Speaker 1
It’s on themorelovepodcastcom under shitwelove. Let’s take a moment to thank our sponsor, concern Center. Good job, you nailed it. I went off it. You nailed it, you’re going off script again. Wait, let me pre-.
0:46:26 – Speaker 2
Oh man, we really, we really like them. They’re rethinking on how to connect people with resources and support to live happy, fulfilling lives.
0:46:34 – Speaker 1
That sounds a lot like our podcast. Don’t push it. You know, Rebecca, every organization has people that need help finding support Students, employees, patients. I do not need help with patients. Patients Concern Center’s helped 3.5 million people find support nationwide, with more becoming a part of it every day. Sounds a lot like our podcast. I just said that the More Love podcast is all about people connecting with each other.
0:47:02 – Speaker 2
So if you or someone you know is involved in a university, a company or health system that needs a better way to connect with people with resources, please reach out to connectionatconcerncentercom.
0:47:11 – Speaker 1
Help us get everyone connected with the help they need. Well said.
0:47:15 – Speaker 2
So now can we get back to the hippie voodoo shit.
0:47:18 – Speaker 1
Off script, alright, so what is this?
0:47:21 – Speaker 2
one here. So this is the green, the green is the heart chakra. This is the most important for me the heart and the root. Right, the root is the red. Okay, so this is the love chakra, the heart, and so it is the center of our seven chakras, and it’s located in the pure spiritual place, in the center of the chest, the meeting point of spiritual and physical energies. It allows us to deeply understand empathy and compassion. Alignment of the chakra will help us to internalize our responses to hurt with love and compassion. By emotionally allowing negative energies to pass, we are more open to loving ourselves than others. This is constantly out of alignment for me. How does it smell today?
0:48:03 – Speaker 3
It smells amazing you saw me put it on earlier.
0:48:05 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, to me this is my favorite, and I put it on earlier when you were talking, and I was about ready to cry and I had to get my shit together.
0:48:12 – Speaker 1
Really, yes, you mean during the podcast?
0:48:14 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you don’t even pay attention to me. I did, I did notice it.
0:48:17 – Speaker 1
I was going to say anything in that moment.
0:48:19 – Speaker 2
Yeah, Were your eyes getting wet. Stop, don’t talk to me, I don’t want to talk about it. So it’s really important that, of course, you pick that and you don’t even remember half the colors or anything.
0:48:29 – Speaker 1
I think it smells great. It does it smells good last time for me too, because I have no problem with that.
0:48:34 – Speaker 2
That’s right, that’s right. So what’s your intention?
0:48:37 – Speaker 3
Because this will be interesting.
0:48:38 – Speaker 2
My intention, because I picked this card before you even told me what we were going to talk about.
0:48:44 – Speaker 1
I know that incredible things happen when I surround myself with supportive people. I am loved.
0:48:51 – Speaker 2
Stop it. Do you want to know what this is? This is the emperor. Stop, I can’t do it. Can you read this one? Yeah, I can?
0:48:59 – Speaker 1
I can always read them, the emperor, you know this. I didn’t bring my glasses. I didn’t bring my glasses. Good, can you see?
0:49:06 – Speaker 2
Oh, I don’t want to hear it. You’re an asshole, a sure and utter asshole. Oh my God, everybody look at her face. Uh-huh, okay.
0:49:17 – Speaker 1
Wow, just give me a minute to focus on this. How come we haven’t made this bigger? Whatever the emperor, the emperor builds the protective boundary which allows the empress to create freely. Am I the freaking emperor?
0:49:35 – Speaker 2
I can’t talk about it. Why do I always have to be the male energy?
0:49:39 – Speaker 1
Why do I always have to be the male?
0:49:41 – Speaker 2
energy. You have big dick energy. You got to talk.
0:49:46 – Speaker 3
You got to talk Because I don’t care.
0:49:48 – Speaker 1
I’m going to push that performance evaluation right back in your face and tell you that’s about you, honey, okay, okay, listen, speaking of that, this I think this is supposed to cover your entire boobs. Yeah, because mine.
0:50:01 – Speaker 2
No, I think it’s supposed to go down to your belly button. I know it’s probably supposed to be your crop top and your nipples. Oh, let’s cut the nipples.
0:50:07 – Speaker 1
Let’s just cut the nipples there. It’s fine, it’s completely fine. Just across your heart, bro. Okay, give me, listen to me. You know what I have something to say about across your heart, I can’t wait. So we were at Darnell’s birthday party that we told you guys about and all of a sudden Rebecca says to me can you help me with my bra? You are 100% naked.
0:50:28 – Speaker 3
You’re 100% naked. I was in a towel.
0:50:30 – Speaker 1
I had just gotten out of the shower I’m completely naked and you said could you please help me with this bra? No joke people. I walk out of the bathroom and she has a clasp bra that claps in the back. It was a corset top. How many clasps did it have?
0:50:49 – Speaker 3
At least 20.
0:50:50 – Speaker 1
Yeah, at least 20. And I said you are a jerk. I know you made fun of my bras. You said, oh, you got 17 clasps in the back.
0:51:02 – Speaker 2
And I walk out and mine was a strapless and yours is the fat. And this over the shoulder.
0:51:06 – Speaker 1
And this thing was class city. In fact, I have a picture and I’m giving it to Scott. I cannot Whatever. That’s what it felt like when you just handed me this and I couldn’t read it. You and your clasp bra.
0:51:21 – Speaker 3
Whatever, all right, so the emperor. So hang on. I got to focus my eyes again, okay.
0:51:26 – Speaker 1
Where she focuses on caring for the trees, he focuses on protecting the forest, the emperor sits on his throne, arms crossed and back straight.
The sun glares in the distance to represent the force of his masculine energy and vitality. The emperor not only provides for his family before his entire kingdom. Therefore, he must always consider the long term effects and magnitude of his choices. Sometimes he must set hard boundaries in order to protect and preserve the greater good. If you pulled this card, it’s time to call forward your masculine energy. We all have both feminine and masculine energy. Use logic when decision making and always consider how your actions impact the bigger picture. This is a time to set firm rules and boundaries to better your life or situation. Planning, organizing and setting realistic goals should be your focus. Your keywords are boundaries, logic, planning and leadership.
0:52:41 – Speaker 2
You gonna unpack that?
0:52:44 – Speaker 1
Sounds right to me. In fact, this thing is like you know what? Maybe give the emperor a break. She tired. How about you take the emperor self and you pull a little little emperor Right? I think that’s what it’s saying. Energy forward, it’s saying. To be a badass bitch is what it’s saying. Get your badass pants on and move forward. Just so we’re clear. The empress energy is the badass energy Always Okay. It’s just an outdated card deck. They just haven’t caught up with the fact that women are superior.
0:53:25 – Speaker 2
I didn’t think of it as literal men and women, Men and women. I just thought of it as energies. I mean I do have a more masculine energy. You do Not in a bad way, Not in like a man way. No, thank you. I mean you do have chin hairs.
0:53:38 – Speaker 1
What is fine, I take care of them.
0:53:40 – Speaker 2
That’s why I go to my esthetician. No, you pluck them in the car.
0:53:43 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, that’s better light, that’s good light. What was that Is chewing an apple.
0:53:49 – Speaker 2
Bite in an apple, that’s the chin hairs. Oh, my goodness. So yeah, and that’s good, that’s good energy. I didn’t rub my rock today, oh. You went out of order.
0:54:03 – Speaker 1
How are we doing on time? We’re good, we have four minutes left. Oh, what do you want to talk about? I got five more questions.
0:54:13 – Speaker 2
I got five more things I got to say.
0:54:22 – Speaker 1
Funny. Do you want to rub this rock?
0:54:24 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I need it. I don’t Look at the incense is usually out by the time we’re halfway through and it’s still going. That means something to it does. I’m not sure what, but I’m gonna figure it out. When I first picked this Empress card, I said to her does it look like some girl has her crotch in the guys face? Look at it. Legit, looks like that. If you look real fast, that looks like an ass. Yeah, it does.
0:54:48 – Speaker 1
It looks like. So then I thought well, let me get right on up there.
0:54:51 – Speaker 2
Well, I thought, well, maybe that’s what I gotta do tonight.
0:54:55 – Speaker 1
I think that’s what my life is missing. Hello.
0:54:59 – Speaker 2
Hello, that’s what it’s really saying I got you, I got you.
0:55:05 – Speaker 1
Curd, the truth is I’ll be asleep at 8.30. That’s true. I’m on the couch drilling with my murder shows on. That’s fine.
0:55:17 – Speaker 2
I haven’t watched a good murder show in a long time.
0:55:19 – Speaker 1
Oh, we watch them every night, every night.
0:55:21 – Speaker 2
Gotta get on that.
0:55:23 – Speaker 1
All right, all right. Well, congratulations, we’re on time. On time, three minutes. It’s because we’re scared to death that Scott’s gonna come in here. If Scott Frickin came in the door right now and do, do, do, let’s go, done Out of here, we’ll lose it. We’ll lose it. I know Absolutely All right. All right, peeps, we’ll see you next time, see you next week.
0:55:50 – Speaker 2
I loved that Me too. Isn’t empathy amazing? Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff, that’s fine, I accept you wherever you are.
0:56:02 – Speaker 1
Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
