Episode 205 – Snappy Fire – Can Empathy Be Influenced by Medication?

00;00;09;17 – 00;00;10;29
Hey, it’s me, Aaron.
00;00;10;29 – 00;00;13;19
Thanks for joining us on the Moore
Love podcast.
00;00;13;19 – 00;00;17;09
Do not tell Rebecca,
but this podcast is about empathy.
00;00;17;26 – 00;00;20;02
She likes people
to think she’s dead inside.
00;00;20;02 – 00;00;23;28
But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler
who has truly helped me
00;00;23;28 – 00;00;27;03
uncover that empathy is my superpower.
00;00;27;29 – 00;00;29;03
Here she comes.
00;00;29;03 – 00;00;30;09
Hey, bestie.
00;00;30;09 – 00;00;32;12
I love money, Dylan.
00;00;32;12 – 00;00;34;19
just getting ready to host a podcast.
00;00;34;19 – 00;00;37;22
A podcast about what? life.
00;00;37;27 – 00;00;41;12
Our life as best friends
who are more like sisters are.
00;00;42;06 – 00;00;45;06
I love us, and I can’t wait
to share stories with the world,
00;00;45;13 – 00;00;48;02
especially the ones that involve us
pushing each other right
00;00;48;02 – 00;00;51;02
to be our most authentic selves.
00;00;51;07 – 00;00;54;07
man. Okay.
00;00;56;27 – 00;00;58;13
Are we going to France?
00;00;58;13 – 00;00;59;03
What is happening?
00;00;59;03 – 00;01;01;02
Are you a mime meme?
00;01;01;02 – 00;01;03;20
What is that thing called?
What are you doing?
00;01;03;20 – 00;01;05;29
Oui, oui, oui, oui.
00;01;05;29 – 00;01;06;25
What are you doing?
00;01;08;05 – 00;01;09;27
I know the cramps.
00;01;09;27 – 00;01;10;29
Excuse me one moment.
00;01;10;29 – 00;01;13;29
I can’t turn my hand with my glove.
00;01;14;01 – 00;01;15;19
You. You surprised me with a point.
00;01;15;19 – 00;01;19;24
I cannot recognize my face, which.
00;01;20;19 – 00;01;23;09
Okay, there’s some things happening here.
00;01;23;09 – 00;01;24;25
Okay.
00;01;24;25 – 00;01;26;00
And you’re listening.
00;01;26;00 – 00;01;29;00
Do you mizunami me close?
00;01;29;22 – 00;01;32;22
her mother shitter
00;01;32;27 – 00;01;35;15
aneurysm juice of uterine knee.
00;01;35;15 – 00;01;37;15
Yeah.
Does that mean we’re going to France?
00;01;37;15 – 00;01;38;25
Yes. And unison.
00;01;38;25 – 00;01;39;18
You wish.
00;01;39;18 – 00;01;40;24
What is it?
00;01;40;24 – 00;01;41;28
My. Put this back on.
00;01;41;28 – 00;01;44;01
Quebec City.
00;01;44;01 – 00;01;44;12
yeah.
00;01;44;12 – 00;01;46;28
Is that where we’re going? Quebec.
00;01;46;28 – 00;01;48;00
Road trip.
00;01;48;00 – 00;01;49;21
Montreal? Yes. What?
00;01;49;21 – 00;01;51;11
I wore this shirt specifically.
00;01;51;11 – 00;01;53;12
Stop it.
Did you just do an accent? That wasn’t.
00;01;53;12 – 00;01;54;15
You didn’t.
00;01;54;15 – 00;01;57;15
Hey, you just said
00;01;57;15 – 00;02;01;10
I wore this shirt specifically today
because it goes with my France theme.
00;02;01;11 – 00;02;04;15
Yeah. Okay, We’re international.
00;02;05;00 – 00;02;06;28
What do you mean?
We have French listeners.
00;02;06;28 – 00;02;09;20
We have moved on.
00;02;09;20 – 00;02;14;21
Stop it to having some listeners
in France.
00;02;14;29 – 00;02;15;16
France?
00;02;15;16 – 00;02;15;25
You know,
00;02;15;25 – 00;02;19;16
my daughter is obsessed with France
and wants to speak French and go there.
00;02;19;29 – 00;02;21;01
She’s so excited.
00;02;21;01 – 00;02;25;06
Well, I think we have at least three
listeners in France.
00;02;25;06 – 00;02;29;02
So some croissant
and that’s all I want to do is eat.
00;02;29;16 – 00;02;32;02
So I just put into
00;02;32;02 – 00;02;35;09
my little translation system that really
00;02;36;22 – 00;02;37;19
means we we have
00;02;37;19 – 00;02;41;02
listeners and it means welcome friends.
00;02;41;24 – 00;02;44;04
So, yeah, but I’m glad that
00;02;44;04 – 00;02;47;09
we’re making fun of the French
before we speak in front of it.
00;02;47;29 – 00;02;51;18
Really look at your talking about
00;02;51;29 – 00;02;55;24
you’re you’re a freak and what do you got?
00;02;57;26 – 00;02;59;04
Are you guys serious?
00;02;59;04 – 00;03;00;23
I’m not making fun of anybody.
00;03;00;23 – 00;03;02;16
I thought you were a mime.
00;03;02;16 – 00;03;03;27
That’s actually. That’s what I thought.
00;03;03;27 – 00;03;06;08
I thought this is, you know,
What am I miss?
00;03;06;08 – 00;03;07;00
Yeah.
00;03;07;00 – 00;03;08;28
no, I actually don’t.
00;03;08;28 – 00;03;10;06
What is that?
00;03;10;06 – 00;03;12;13
But as a mime, do
00;03;12;13 – 00;03;14;16
they pretend
they’re in a box or something?
00;03;14;16 – 00;03;15;04
It never.
00;03;15;04 – 00;03;16;14
It never offends people.
00;03;16;14 – 00;03;19;14
When you dress up as a stereotype of them.
00;03;20;00 – 00;03;22;05
Yeah. This is a stereotype.
00;03;22;05 – 00;03;23;21
I think so.
00;03;23;21 – 00;03;26;15
I see.
00;03;26;15 – 00;03;27;28
Maybe you are the downside.
00;03;27;28 – 00;03;29;16
We’re no longer international.
00;03;31;20 – 00;03;33;10
People are all done now.
00;03;33;10 – 00;03;38;15
If you had the person’s name,
then we could personalize it.
00;03;38;24 – 00;03;40;27
What if I was like.
00;03;40;27 – 00;03;43;00
So if you’re listening
or watching right now
00;03;43;00 – 00;03;46;07
and you’re in France, send us an email.
00;03;46;10 – 00;03;49;10
Yes, because that’ll be that’ll be great.
00;03;49;27 – 00;03;55;07
It tells our friend to do our in and send
us a picture of you wearing your normal.
00;03;55;07 – 00;04;00;17
Yeah, send us a picture of you with
your beret and your ascot or whatever.
00;04;00;26 – 00;04;03;22
So the beret might be a little much.
00;04;03;22 – 00;04;06;22
The bride in my car, an Amazon here.
00;04;07;25 – 00;04;08;09
I want to.
00;04;08;09 – 00;04;10;14
I want. Can I have this?
00;04;10;14 – 00;04;13;14
Well, I was going to return it,
but why do you want a beret?
00;04;13;16 – 00;04;15;04
Because I want to.
I want to wear it to Disney World.
00;04;17;04 – 00;04;18;02
What does that mean?
00;04;18;02 – 00;04;20;04
I’m going to wear it in
Disney World. What?
00;04;20;04 – 00;04;22;13
Why would you need that part of my outfit?
00;04;22;13 – 00;04;23;09
What? Why?
00;04;23;09 – 00;04;26;09
Go on to you want to Epcot
and you’re going to France?
00;04;28;21 – 00;04;30;15
Do you want one glove? No.
00;04;30;15 – 00;04;32;29
You could be like Michael Jackson.
Yeah. Yeah.
00;04;32;29 – 00;04;33;13
you got.
00;04;33;13 – 00;04;38;09
You got a nice little red left over
your head.
00;04;38;12 – 00;04;39;25
Person is really nice.
00;04;39;25 – 00;04;40;11
Got it.
00;04;40;11 – 00;04;43;11
So, anyway, international.
00;04;44;01 – 00;04;46;03
That’s great. We’re international.
That’s great.
00;04;46;03 – 00;04;47;06
We’ve a congratulations.
00;04;47;06 – 00;04;50;20
Made it into France. That’s pretty cool.
00;04;50;26 – 00;04;55;13
This shirt was right on with today’s
outfit.
00;04;55;13 – 00;04;57;14
Choice, so I didn’t really.
00;04;57;14 – 00;04;59;09
I actually do like the red.
00;04;59;09 – 00;05;00;07
Yeah, the.
00;05;00;07 – 00;05;02;09
The contrast you got going on there.
00;05;02;09 – 00;05;03;28
You took the time to.
00;05;03;28 – 00;05;06;25
To match everything with the red beret.
00;05;06;25 – 00;05;07;17
The red.
00;05;07;17 – 00;05;08;02
I mean, you put.
00;05;08;02 – 00;05;10;21
Are you borderline lasses stewardess.
00;05;10;21 – 00;05;12;26
So it’s basically the same outfit.
00;05;12;26 – 00;05;13;14
That’s right.
00;05;13;14 – 00;05;16;08
That’s right. Sorry. Flight attendant.
Yes, Flight. It’s.
00;05;16;08 – 00;05;17;06
Yes. Excuse me.
00;05;17;06 – 00;05;20;00
It’s not 1965 anymore, is me.
00;05;20;00 – 00;05;22;01
Can you believe we’re international,
though?
00;05;22;01 – 00;05;24;24
I know. It’s really cool.
What the heck? It’s really cool.
00;05;24;24 – 00;05;26;17
Maybe they want us to
do a guest appearance live.
00;05;27;19 – 00;05;31;13
Live from Please Love podcast guys.
00;05;31;14 – 00;05;38;01
Scott, can you forget
Neil is a nail it now I’ll know it.
00;05;38;17 – 00;05;39;03
Do Mr.
00;05;39;03 – 00;05;42;03
Pink one more time. Mr..
00;05;44;17 – 00;05;45;27
That was a damn favorite.
00;05;45;27 – 00;05;47;08
I listened to that one the other day.
00;05;47;08 – 00;05;49;11
It looks like
I had a rough night out at the bar.
00;05;49;11 – 00;05;51;14
I mean, this is not okay.
00;05;51;14 – 00;05;52;01
Hang on.
00;05;52;01 – 00;05;53;04
Are you talk for a minute.
00;05;53;04 – 00;05;56;04
I’d take my headphones down. Okay.
00;05;56;08 – 00;05;58;14
We have exciting news
00;05;58;14 – 00;06;00;24
to share. Yeah,
00;06;00;24 – 00;06;01;29
and I the other day sat down.
00;06;01;29 – 00;06;04;09
No, don’t, Sherry.
00;06;04;09 – 00;06;06;03
it’s part of the show.
00;06;06;03 – 00;06;08;09
okay. Well, then, should we be to shit?
00;06;08;09 – 00;06;09;11
I’m sorry that you don’t know.
00;06;09;11 – 00;06;14;13
It’s part of the show because you have
no clue what you’re talking about.
00;06;14;16 – 00;06;15;08
Should we do?
00;06;15;08 – 00;06;17;16
But we should just start with the happy
look.
00;06;17;16 – 00;06;18;09
Let’s do it.
00;06;18;09 – 00;06;21;02
Yeah, They’re talking about a tease.
00;06;22;03 – 00;06;23;07
the other day We up?
00;06;23;07 – 00;06;24;03
Just kidding.
00;06;24;03 – 00;06;24;24
Well, that’s actually.
00;06;24;24 – 00;06;26;08
It’s pretty good, because what I’ll do
00;06;26;08 – 00;06;28;19
is I’ll set the intention for what
we’re going to share.
00;06;28;19 – 00;06;29;27
Okay. Does sound.
00;06;29;27 – 00;06;30;24
Let’s see if fact.
00;06;30;24 – 00;06;33;08
That’s really what happens here. Okay.
00;06;33;08 – 00;06;35;03
I’m going to leave this on.
Yeah, it’s really cool thing.
00;06;35;03 – 00;06;37;00
It really matches my outfit
00;06;37;00 – 00;06;40;00
until you start to get the heebie jeebies
because you don’t like.
00;06;40;00 – 00;06;42;12
Stop it. Don’t bring it up.
I know how you are.
00;06;42;12 – 00;06;43;11
Look.
00;06;43;11 – 00;06;46;04
loyalty.
00;06;46;04 – 00;06;47;27
Okay.
00;06;47;27 – 00;06;50;08
Nice face. Okay.
00;06;50;08 – 00;06;50;23
It’s loyalty.
00;06;50;23 – 00;06;53;03
It’s the night of Pentacles,
00;06;53;03 – 00;06;56;03
and he’s on the sea turtle.
00;06;56;06 – 00;06;58;07
So loyalty.
00;06;58;07 – 00;07;02;12
Tentacles are like tentacles,
but now I think it’s like coins.
00;07;02;14 – 00;07;05;14
I think it has to do with money,
00;07;06;02 – 00;07;07;08
which we need to
00;07;08;15 – 00;07;10;26
use. You do
00;07;10;26 – 00;07;12;26
pentacles full of pentacles.
00;07;12;26 – 00;07;14;01
Loyalty.
00;07;14;01 – 00;07;15;10
This knight is not dashing.
00;07;15;10 – 00;07;18;10
He’s slow and steady
planning his moves with care.
00;07;18;23 – 00;07;22;09
He may not be charming,
but he is loyal and trustworthy.
00;07;22;20 – 00;07;25;20
So any offer he makes can be taken
seriously.
00;07;25;23 – 00;07;29;12
He often appears in readings
to show business investments
00;07;29;20 – 00;07;33;09
and projects
to have good future potential.
00;07;33;26 – 00;07;36;26
I can’t am I which high
00;07;37;24 – 00;07;41;07
in property he is associated
with choosing the perfect home?
00;07;41;13 – 00;07;46;00
This is the right time to make a serious
decision about your long term future.
00;07;46;08 – 00;07;48;27
I kind of set this shit up better.
00;07;48;27 – 00;07;52;24
I know advice Hard
graft may not be exciting,
00;07;52;24 – 00;07;55;25
but the results will bring great
fulfillment, hard graft.
00;07;55;29 – 00;07;57;29
What does that mean?
I don’t know. You’re the smart one.
00;07;57;29 – 00;07;59;10
This isn’t.
00;07;59;10 – 00;08;01;15
Isn’t that like a bribe?
00;08;01;15 – 00;08;03;07
Hard graft graft.
00;08;03;07 – 00;08;04;15
It’s how you say it.
00;08;04;15 – 00;08;06;18
Or. Yeah, that’s how you say it.
00;08;06;18 – 00;08;08;13
Listen, here’s the key words.
00;08;08;13 – 00;08;11;00
Order planning,
00;08;11;00 – 00;08;15;06
trust, work,
property investments and progress.
00;08;16;15 – 00;08;17;21
It is
00;08;17;21 – 00;08;21;08
graft
to cause a scion to unite with a stock.
00;08;21;08 – 00;08;23;18
Why are we using the word scion
with the word graft?
00;08;23;18 – 00;08;24;24
I just got more confused.
00;08;24;24 – 00;08;25;16
What is Scion?
00;08;25;16 – 00;08;27;19
Great sense.
00;08;27;19 – 00;08;29;11
What the hell?
00;08;29;11 – 00;08;29;24
Whatever.
00;08;29;24 – 00;08;32;04
All I can think of when I hear the word
graft is skin graft.
00;08;32;04 – 00;08;35;04
I now remember when they took it
out of my in between my boobs.
00;08;35;06 – 00;08;36;25
Yeah, that little.
00;08;36;25 – 00;08;41;22
That little kids,
they’re great little grape size.
00;08;42;10 – 00;08;44;01
I’m like, he’s going way down.
00;08;44;01 – 00;08;45;04
He’s going way down.
00;08;45;04 – 00;08;49;11
And I’m like, pretty soon
I’m going to see her ventricle.
00;08;50;08 – 00;08;51;16
This is not us.
00;08;51;16 – 00;08;55;14
There’s no subject in existence
that you two can’t make disgusting.
00;08;55;27 – 00;08;59;04
There’s no substance in existence
that we can’t relate. We.
00;08;59;10 – 00;09;02;12
It is. We have a crazy ass.
00;09;02;26 – 00;09;05;15
Bring something
up, guarantee, you know, we can
00;09;06;16 – 00;09;09;21
make it as crazy as possible, because
I guarantee you, that’s the best story.
00;09;09;24 – 00;09;13;21
Remember when we were on that subway
in Tanzania and that U.F.O.
00;09;13;21 – 00;09;16;07
came and dropped all those cows? Yeah.
00;09;16;07 – 00;09;18;28
Speaking of UFOs,
00;09;18;28 – 00;09;21;03
you have it.
00;09;21;03 – 00;09;22;09
You’re like the Internet.
00;09;22;09 – 00;09;27;08
Mark’s convinced at some point he has been
abducted or will be abducted by aliens.
00;09;27;28 – 00;09;28;27
That’s why he is the way.
00;09;28;27 – 00;09;30;25
That’s
why his brain is the way that it is.
00;09;30;25 – 00;09;32;04
Yeah.
00;09;32;04 – 00;09;36;17
So I’d like to officially welcome
all of our wonderful
00;09;36;17 – 00;09;41;09
listeners
to a brand new show of more love.
00;09;41;18 – 00;09;44;02
I don’t mean this session.
00;09;44;02 – 00;09;47;19
I mean, Aaron is
00;09;48;28 – 00;09;51;19
I want to say back,
but I don’t know if everyone
00;09;51;19 – 00;09;54;19
has known me as being
00;09;54;26 – 00;09;58;14
with it before the podcast,
so I’m going to elaborate
00;09;58;14 – 00;10;01;14
and tell you a little bit about what
I mean as we go on
00;10;01;22 – 00;10;07;07
this really interesting journey,
which is my way of getting us to the tease
00;10;07;07 – 00;10;10;10
that you brought up in the beginning
about what we’re doing now.
00;10;11;09 – 00;10;14;17
So hold on straight up in everybody,
00;10;14;25 – 00;10;17;23
which also speaks to the fact
that I don’t need to plan anything
00;10;17;23 – 00;10;19;11
because I already know
what you’re going to do.
00;10;19;11 – 00;10;20;19
Of course, I can just read your soul.
00;10;20;19 – 00;10;21;22
I know you already.
00;10;21;22 – 00;10;24;05
You already know
exactly what I’m about to talk about.
00;10;24;05 – 00;10;25;11
And we haven’t talked about it at all.
00;10;25;11 – 00;10;27;15
No, not at all.
00;10;27;15 – 00;10;31;02
So I’m going to start back at 2015.
00;10;31;17 – 00;10;32;28
Great.
00;10;32;28 – 00;10;36;21
Don’t you talk
like you don’t know anything about Aaron.
00;10;36;21 – 00;10;39;21
There is details coming forward.
All right.
00;10;40;06 – 00;10;41;29
But my day, I’m roller jealous.
00;10;41;29 – 00;10;44;26
Well, it’s creativity for today
because that’s really
00;10;44;26 – 00;10;46;04
what we’re going to talk about.
00;10;46;04 – 00;10;49;19
Do you just happen to know that
just the leak, you want to just roll it?
00;10;49;24 – 00;10;52;21
Yeah. Sorry. I’m really sorry.
00;10;53;24 – 00;10;56;12
That’s not great.
00;10;56;12 – 00;10;58;20
What does that.
00;10;58;20 – 00;11;00;09
you’re in love
00;11;00;09 – 00;11;02;12
with all you’re harmony with.
00;11;02;12 – 00;11;03;23
I’m bringing us back.
00;11;03;23 – 00;11;06;23
Control. Go! 2015.
00;11;06;24 – 00;11;09;27
So I’m sure it starts before then,
but I’m going to start you in 2015
00;11;10;07 – 00;11;13;08
with the fact that I tend to be
the type of person
00;11;13;20 – 00;11;17;07
that likes to do every single life
event all at one time.
00;11;17;20 – 00;11;22;07
So between 2014 and 2015, I got engaged.
00;11;22;21 – 00;11;25;07
I was living in a condo
00;11;25;07 – 00;11;29;00
which I sold, moved into a new house,
00;11;29;11 – 00;11;33;07
got pregnant with my son,
was planning a wedding,
00;11;33;11 – 00;11;39;16
which would be in fall 2014,
finishing my Ph.D..
00;11;39;23 – 00;11;44;09
I actually defended my dissertation
one month after the birth of Carter
00;11;45;01 – 00;11;48;01
and decided
I was going to start a new job
00;11;48;07 – 00;11;51;09
all within legit one year
00;11;52;15 – 00;11;54;17
for just so it’s 2014 now,
00;11;54;17 – 00;11;59;09
2014 into 2015 because Carter was born
in the beginning of 2015.
00;11;59;09 – 00;12;02;25
So let’s just preface this by saying
00;12;02;25 – 00;12;04;23
I had just told you that I was pregnant
00;12;04;23 – 00;12;06;23
and you told me
that I was ruining your life, Right?
00;12;06;23 – 00;12;08;20
And you went
and did all these folks right?
00;12;08;20 – 00;12;09;18
Absolutely.
00;12;09;18 – 00;12;11;23
I’m like,
you want to double down on that?
00;12;11;23 – 00;12;12;25
I got that.
00;12;12;25 – 00;12;15;25
I got. You want to ruin my life.
I got this.
00;12;16;00 – 00;12;17;14
So I did all those things.
00;12;17;14 – 00;12;19;26
And that was just in a one year time
frame, right?
00;12;19;26 – 00;12;24;21
In addition to me getting this new job,
I then was overseeing a health
00;12;24;21 – 00;12;26;07
and counseling center,
00;12;26;07 – 00;12;29;25
which was a new role for me,
an important role for me
00;12;29;26 – 00;12;34;03
because I was overseeing medical doctors,
I was overseeing nurse practitioners,
00;12;34;03 – 00;12;35;18
I was overseeing counselors.
00;12;36;19 – 00;12;38;04
And but
00;12;38;04 – 00;12;41;24
they also prefaced it by saying
they specifically hired you.
00;12;41;25 – 00;12;42;05
Yeah.
00;12;42;05 – 00;12;48;18
Because of your expertise, because this
was a their department or a dumpster fire.
00;12;48;18 – 00;12;51;20
And when I say dumpster fire, it’s
next level.
00;12;51;25 – 00;12;54;00
So they chose you.
00;12;54;00 – 00;12;57;18
I believe the words were challenging
00;12;57;18 – 00;13;01;10
personalities
and difficult management styles.
00;13;01;12 – 00;13;02;22
And you’re like, I’m all in.
00;13;02;22 – 00;13;03;27
And so here I am.
00;13;03;27 – 00;13;04;21
All I got.
00;13;04;21 – 00;13;07;21
I got a baby at home,
I got all this stuff, and I’m like,
00;13;07;29 – 00;13;10;02
that’s absolutely what I do.
Yeah, Yeah, right.
00;13;10;02 – 00;13;10;23
You did do.
00;13;10;23 – 00;13;11;20
absolutely. Yeah.
00;13;11;20 – 00;13;15;26
And in there I really created
really wonderful bonds with these people.
00;13;15;26 – 00;13;18;15
We did really wonderful work together.
Yeah.
00;13;18;15 – 00;13;19;05
You still.
00;13;19;05 – 00;13;21;18
Yeah. I’m happy to speak with any
and all of them.
00;13;21;18 – 00;13;23;20
You’ll reach out to me.
00;13;23;20 – 00;13;25;23
One with one of them coming up.
That’s right.
00;13;25;23 – 00;13;26;23
That’s right.
00;13;26;23 – 00;13;27;15
That’s right.
00;13;27;15 – 00;13;30;00
Some of them you went on my 47.
00;13;30;00 – 00;13;32;06
But yeah, I mean
it was a great move there.
00;13;32;06 – 00;13;34;06
That was that was rough.
00;13;34;06 – 00;13;35;01
That was rough.
00;13;35;01 – 00;13;39;18
That was a lot of energy and management
00;13;39;18 – 00;13;44;13
and long nights that were needed to manage
this group of people
00;13;44;13 – 00;13;48;23
because they had just been so
00;13;50;04 – 00;13;51;24
unable to
00;13;51;24 – 00;13;55;29
successfully navigate their working
relationships with each other for so long
00;13;55;29 – 00;13;59;28
that the toxicity had built up to a point
that was almost unmanageable.
00;13;59;28 – 00;14;02;21
Well, you know, we’re talking like 26
or so staff members.
00;14;02;21 – 00;14;04;18
It was a lot.
00;14;04;18 – 00;14;06;09
So during that job,
00;14;06;09 – 00;14;10;26
in addition to managing
very challenging work environment,
00;14;11;08 – 00;14;15;28
we also had a double murder suicide
that happened on campus.
00;14;15;28 – 00;14;17;24
That’s right. That was there. Yeah.
00;14;17;24 – 00;14;21;00
And it was a very prominent
00;14;21;00 – 00;14;24;00
captain of the women’s basketball team
00;14;24;08 – 00;14;27;12
who got murdered, in addition
00;14;27;12 – 00;14;30;12
to the captain of the hockey team.
00;14;30;15 – 00;14;34;01
And they did the murdering note,
the ex-boyfriend,
00;14;34;16 – 00;14;38;21
that woman on the basketball team
who did the murdering, it was a stabbing
00;14;38;21 – 00;14;42;16
and it happened right
near campus soon housing.
00;14;43;01 – 00;14;46;19
And so because I’m in charge of that,
the counseling center at that time,
00;14;46;19 – 00;14;52;02
certainly we are alive and well for us to
act, you know, in a lot of this tragedy.
00;14;52;02 – 00;14;55;06
And it was a massive tragedy
that was really hard.
00;14;55;09 – 00;14;57;15
I remember that really difficult.
00;14;57;15 – 00;15;01;17
It was very I remember
being an emotionally difficult for me
00;15;01;17 – 00;15;03;28
because I had my baby at home.
00;15;03;28 – 00;15;06;04
Well, it was also close
to the end of the semester.
00;15;06;04 – 00;15;08;04
Yes, very. To graduation.
00;15;08;04 – 00;15;11;08
I remember I remember the very close
you had literally
00;15;12;06 – 00;15;15;06
had you just started
or was it a year you’re here?
00;15;15;07 – 00;15;16;00
It was about a year.
00;15;16;00 – 00;15;21;20
So you’re still but it was a very intense
I remember I remember vividly
00;15;22;12 – 00;15;25;01
this was the first time
that there had been a death
00;15;25;01 – 00;15;28;06
of a college student
that had to college students.
00;15;28;06 – 00;15;29;22
That was very brutal.
00;15;29;22 – 00;15;32;04
And I myself now had a child.
00;15;32;04 – 00;15;35;28
And so the over ID for me of, my God,
00;15;35;28 – 00;15;39;10
this is someone’s baby,
this is someone’s child.
00;15;39;20 – 00;15;40;19
And I remember
00;15;40;19 – 00;15;43;28
meeting some sense of control
and all I did was fold his laundry.
00;15;44;01 – 00;15;46;09
I just constantly
needed to be folding his laundry.
00;15;46;09 – 00;15;49;08
And I remember thinking, God,
that’s such an interesting reaction.
00;15;49;08 – 00;15;50;10
But I went with it, right?
00;15;50;10 – 00;15;51;27
I’m like, Well, it’s not hurting anybody.
00;15;51;27 – 00;15;57;12
I just I felt the need to fold my son’s
laundry as a way of trying to calm myself.
00;15;57;12 – 00;15;59;06
I was exhausted.
00;15;59;06 – 00;16;03;24
I was called in at 6:00 in the morning
to go to our emergency center.
00;16;04;09 – 00;16;07;12
That was a really,
really difficult professional journey.
00;16;07;12 – 00;16;11;17
So I’m I’m helping in sort of
some of the crisis
00;16;11;17 – 00;16;16;27
coming and pieces,
but also my staff because I
00;16;18;07 – 00;16;18;25
because of
00;16;18;25 – 00;16;21;27
the way
you are, you articulate and communicate.
00;16;21;27 – 00;16;26;14
I remember you being brought in
to the PR people with the president. yes.
00;16;26;14 – 00;16;29;26
And you were asked to design and create
00;16;30;13 – 00;16;33;27
the communications
that were going to be public.
00;16;34;07 – 00;16;36;23
The amount of pressure, I just got chills.
00;16;36;23 – 00;16;39;26
The amount of pressure that must have felt
00;16;40;23 – 00;16;42;29
to do justice to all.
00;16;42;29 – 00;16;45;21
I can’t even imagine.
And that’s not your job.
00;16;45;21 – 00;16;48;13
no, no. You’re my expertise. You are.
00;16;48;13 – 00;16;51;13
But people looked at you and you were
they’re not even here.
00;16;51;18 – 00;16;52;21
You had made such an impact
00;16;52;21 – 00;16;55;20
on that campus that people are like,
I don’t want to call.
00;16;56;16 – 00;16;57;17
I know that.
00;16;57;17 – 00;16;58;14
I know that.
00;16;58;14 – 00;17;04;28
And the campus did a really wonderful job
of rallying around the community.
00;17;04;28 – 00;17;08;10
But there’s so much
that mentally goes into that.
00;17;08;12 – 00;17;10;16
Yeah, some small example.
00;17;10;16 – 00;17;13;06
If if students set up
00;17;13;06 – 00;17;16;11
a memorial place on campus,
let’s say it’s a bunch of stuffed
00;17;16;11 – 00;17;20;20
animals and flowers around the tree,
when do you remove that?
00;17;20;20 – 00;17;27;24
You know that one small detail matters
because there’s never a right time.
00;17;27;24 – 00;17;28;25
There’s never a wrong.
00;17;28;25 – 00;17;31;25
There is can be some wrong times to do it
right.
00;17;31;29 – 00;17;35;29
The symbol that sort of
came out as a uniting force of, you know,
00;17;35;29 – 00;17;36;22
we are all one.
00;17;36;22 – 00;17;40;12
This is our community started to pop up
all over campus, which was beautiful.
00;17;41;01 – 00;17;43;18
But when or do you take those down
00;17;43;18 – 00;17;46;25
and what what impact does
that have on people.
00;17;47;04 – 00;17;48;03
Right.
00;17;48;03 – 00;17;53;12
That little minor detail
Now take that times 100 because you’re
00;17;53;12 – 00;17;57;23
in the midst of an absolute catastrophe,
just a terrible situation.
00;17;59;01 – 00;18;03;20
So then very shortly after that, a woman
00;18;04;10 – 00;18;08;10
on the same basketball team
as the woman who was murdered
00;18;09;21 – 00;18;12;05
dies by getting hit by a semi-truck
00;18;12;05 – 00;18;15;05
on her way home for Christmas break.
00;18;15;11 – 00;18;18;08
And very shortly after that,
00;18;18;08 – 00;18;21;08
we had an overdose off campus.
00;18;21;19 – 00;18;26;09
Very shortly after that,
we had a prominent LGBTQ student
00;18;26;23 – 00;18;31;07
and his life
by jumping into a ravine close to campus.
00;18;31;19 – 00;18;34;19
And then we got hit with the mumps
00;18;35;12 – 00;18;38;12
and it was a 25 person
00;18;38;15 – 00;18;41;21
ish mumps outbreak, wasn’t it, in Brazil?
00;18;42;21 – 00;18;45;23
I can’t remember where
the outbreak started.
00;18;45;23 – 00;18;48;26
What I do remember
is that we had some resident director
00;18;48;26 – 00;18;54;13
who was pregnant, who was in
one of the residence halls at the time.
00;18;54;14 – 00;18;54;25
Maybe not.
00;18;54;25 – 00;18;58;02
So that was another layer of like,
okay, who’s safe?
00;18;58;02 – 00;19;00;26
Who’s not safe? What does that mean
for immunization, compliance?
00;19;00;26 – 00;19;02;09
How much immunization do we have?
00;19;02;09 – 00;19;08;04
I mean, when we’re talking, holy cow,
this was again, within a year and a half.
00;19;08;04 – 00;19;09;29
Yeah, Yeah. So it’s intense.
00;19;09;29 – 00;19;14;05
They just gone from my own personal
whatever to now
00;19;14;11 – 00;19;18;11
managing this group of people at Geneseo
to the most amount of tragedy
00;19;18;11 – 00;19;21;07
I had ever experienced,
overseeing the health and counseling
00;19;21;07 – 00;19;25;11
center, working with a great group
of professionals, but still.
00;19;25;13 – 00;19;29;13
Wow, that really always you down
and is incredibly
00;19;29;13 – 00;19;32;20
challenging to manage
each one of those incidents.
00;19;32;20 – 00;19;36;10
I was also doing PR related stuff
for the mumps.
00;19;36;17 – 00;19;41;04
I don’t have an M.D.,
I have a degree in psychology.
00;19;41;05 – 00;19;41;16
Right.
00;19;41;16 – 00;19;46;23
So I am having to meet closely
with David Irwin, who is wonderful,
00;19;46;24 – 00;19;50;21
all of that man who’s prepping me
and basically being like,
00;19;50;21 – 00;19;52;00
How would you answer this question?
00;19;52;00 – 00;19;55;00
And then I go to answer the question and
he’s like, Great, that’s really wonderful.
00;19;55;00 – 00;19;57;04
What if we reined in that response
a little bit
00;19;57;04 – 00;19;59;15
and had it sound a little bit
more like this? Right?
00;19;59;15 – 00;20;03;08
So it was like a polishing fine tuning me,
working with a medical director.
00;20;03;08 – 00;20;06;08
It was a lot to take on.
00;20;06;13 – 00;20;11;18
So at the same time, I’m
getting my own business geared up right
00;20;11;18 – 00;20;15;13
and running slowly
but surely, trying to figure out, well,
00;20;15;13 – 00;20;17;17
you know, we kind of started
this concern center thing.
00;20;17;17 – 00;20;20;00
I don’t really know
where it’s going to go from here.
00;20;20;00 – 00;20;24;18
And then I get contact did and asked,
Would you please come and be ah
00;20;24;18 – 00;20;26;09
at the time
the title was director of Health
00;20;26;09 – 00;20;30;00
Promotion later turned into director
of wellness programs and services.
00;20;30;12 – 00;20;33;28
Asked to come and oversee
five departments
00;20;34;06 – 00;20;38;13
at another private campus
that were around the realm of wellness.
00;20;38;28 – 00;20;41;27
So I thought, sure, we’re
all about these life transition, right?
00;20;41;27 – 00;20;43;08
Let’s let’s go and do that.
00;20;43;08 – 00;20;45;23
So I go and do that.
00;20;45;23 – 00;20;48;09
I love the people that I am
working with there.
00;20;48;09 – 00;20;51;19
It is an absolutely amazing group
of human beings.
00;20;51;19 – 00;20;54;03
And these five departments
were all focused on
00;20;54;03 – 00;20;56;15
wellness and prevention,
which feels different to me
00;20;56;15 – 00;20;59;07
than some of the crisis work
that I had been doing.
00;20;59;07 – 00;21;02;10
My business starts to increase,
signify gently,
00;21;02;10 – 00;21;06;08
and we start to really start
to take off in terms of, well,
00;21;06;08 – 00;21;09;02
what are we doing and what does this mean
and what does this all look like
00;21;10;12 – 00;21;14;05
At the same time, COVID then happens.
00;21;14;19 – 00;21;17;19
So some of the areas I’m overseeing in
00;21;17;19 – 00;21;21;06
wellness are those
that are directly impacted by COVID.
00;21;21;06 – 00;21;22;11
For instance,
00;21;22;11 – 00;21;27;10
Dave Stevens was overseeing
the fitness center in the Aquatic Center.
00;21;27;14 – 00;21;30;14
Well, those are two areas during COVID
that had to have
00;21;30;19 – 00;21;33;23
massive changes and adaptations, right?
00;21;34;00 – 00;21;39;09
I also worked with Tom Connolly to
oversee the Outdoor Education Department.
00;21;39;09 – 00;21;41;11
Well, they have rock climbing walls.
00;21;41;11 – 00;21;45;11
Are you allowed to touch each of those
individual hand grips?
00;21;45;11 – 00;21;48;12
And how are you supposed to clean those
and how often do you need to clean those?
00;21;48;24 – 00;21;51;27
Also oversaw wellness education classes
00;21;51;27 – 00;21;55;18
with Michelle, and that was like
00;21;55;18 – 00;21;59;15
hundreds of wellness education classes,
including ballroom dancing.
00;21;59;15 – 00;22;01;16
Well, how do you do
ballroom dancing in the midst of COVID?
00;22;01;16 – 00;22;06;11
So when I say COVID, I also mean I’m
working in student affairs,
00;22;06;11 – 00;22;07;15
which has already tapped
00;22;07;15 – 00;22;10;17
higher than any other group
of people on campus to be in there
00;22;10;23 – 00;22;14;16
assisting during COVID
and also overseeing these four
00;22;14;16 – 00;22;17;22
or five departments of people
that have massive changes.
00;22;18;25 – 00;22;21;04
So I say all of this
00;22;21;04 – 00;22;26;25
before I get into this next part to say
is this this increasing level of stress,
00;22;26;26 – 00;22;31;04
strain, strife
that I had been experiencing
00;22;31;04 – 00;22;35;03
since at least 2015,
I’m sure it was probably before that.
00;22;35;03 – 00;22;36;01
It was way before that.
00;22;36;01 – 00;22;40;17
But the crux of your adulthood,
00;22;40;23 – 00;22;45;02
let’s put it that way,
your trend prior to that was almost like,
00;22;45;06 – 00;22;47;17
you know, pre-marriage like,
00;22;47;17 – 00;22;49;26
I don’t care what anybody says,
but once you get married,
00;22;49;26 – 00;22;53;28
even if you’ve been living with that
person for five years, it’s different.
00;22;54;01 – 00;22;57;04
There is a different level of everything.
00;22;57;16 – 00;23;00;18
And so to me
that that is like the pivotal,
00;23;00;25 – 00;23;04;08
okay, now a real adult, you know,
and then you bring a kid in.
00;23;04;15 – 00;23;05;00
Yeah.
00;23;05;00 – 00;23;07;26
And you bring a kid in five months
after you got married.
00;23;07;26 – 00;23;10;21
Right? So, you know, those are
00;23;12;09 – 00;23;13;16
if felt different,
00;23;13;16 – 00;23;16;17
even though prior to that
you owned a home, you lived with a
00;23;16;17 – 00;23;20;04
you know, you had committed relationships
and these these things weren’t new.
00;23;20;10 – 00;23;23;28
It’s just and you were always
in higher education doing multiple things.
00;23;23;28 – 00;23;25;14
But this was just a different level.
00;23;25;14 – 00;23;27;10
Plus,
you’re now at an administrative level
00;23;27;10 – 00;23;30;20
that’s just much more intensive,
which is what we talked about a lot.
00;23;30;20 – 00;23;33;16
I’m like, the more you go up,
the more intense it gets.
00;23;33;16 – 00;23;36;05
Absolutely. And I go, You now have a kid.
00;23;36;05 – 00;23;39;05
And at that point,
I had a six year old and I’m like,
00;23;39;16 – 00;23;42;16
your kids three months old
and doing nothing but drooling.
00;23;42;23 – 00;23;46;16
What happens when he wants to do X,
Y, and Z and you want to be there for that
00;23;46;16 – 00;23;50;12
And you can’t because you’re handling X,
Y, and Z on campus and you have to
00;23;50;12 – 00;23;51;06
because you’re in charge.
00;23;51;06 – 00;23;54;19
Yeah, And true to our relationship,
you got there
00;23;54;19 – 00;23;57;08
a whole lot quicker than I did
because what was my response to you?
00;23;57;08 – 00;23;59;29
it’s fine. I’ll just figure it out.
Right, right, right.
00;23;59;29 – 00;24;00;28
But you’re absolutely right.
00;24;00;28 – 00;24;03;26
I remember you saying to me,
You have to keep in mind
00;24;03;26 – 00;24;05;27
that your child’s going to change
and you have to.
00;24;05;27 – 00;24;07;21
You were talking about values back then.
00;24;07;21 – 00;24;11;02
We didn’t refer to it as values
or you need to get right with what it is
00;24;11;02 – 00;24;12;11
that you want to do. Right.
00;24;12;11 – 00;24;14;09
But you were having
those conversations back then.
00;24;14;09 – 00;24;17;01
I just was not there for any of it.
00;24;17;01 – 00;24;19;27
I’m just like, Yeah,
my career is where I’m going.
00;24;19;27 – 00;24;21;26
It’s what I’m doing. It’s
what’s important.
00;24;21;26 – 00;24;23;00
I’m going to move up the chain.
00;24;23;00 – 00;24;24;22
I’m going to be a VP of Student Affairs.
00;24;25;25 – 00;24;27;01
Yeah, that was introductory.
00;24;27;01 – 00;24;28;14
Absolutely. It was great.
00;24;28;14 – 00;24;31;04
I just wanted you to know
you’re making a choice.
00;24;31;04 – 00;24;35;11
Absolutely aware of what your choices are
and in the moment.
00;24;35;15 – 00;24;37;26
Or that during that time,
I was like, Wow, it’s great.
00;24;37;26 – 00;24;40;09
Yeah, I like my choices.
That’s absolutely what I’m going to do.
00;24;40;09 – 00;24;41;15
Right? Right.
00;24;41;15 – 00;24;44;18
So personally, during that time,
00;24;44;23 – 00;24;47;20
I’m going through lawsuits, meaning me
00;24;47;20 – 00;24;51;08
suing other people that have never sued
another human being in my life.
00;24;51;08 – 00;24;55;13
In fact, I never in my life
thought that was even a thing
00;24;55;18 – 00;25;00;18
until I started to have it
three, three separate lawsuits.
00;25;01;11 – 00;25;03;18
I wasn’t sure if I was opening up
for two fingers at that moment,
00;25;03;18 – 00;25;06;18
so I had to let down
three separate lawsuits
00;25;07;09 – 00;25;13;06
that I was going through
and was blowing my mind
00;25;13;06 – 00;25;16;10
because again, I’m like, this isn’t
I don’t sue people.
00;25;16;10 – 00;25;17;26
This isn’t a thing that I do,
but that gives you
00;25;17;26 – 00;25;21;14
a general idea of the level of injustice
that had entered my life to the point
00;25;21;14 – 00;25;25;16
where I had to have a lawsuit associated
with these types of things.
00;25;25;19 – 00;25;26;17
Right.
00;25;26;17 – 00;25;29;17
Stuff was going on. Family lives.
00;25;29;18 – 00;25;33;14
My parents are living
in the in-law suite next door,
00;25;33;15 – 00;25;37;11
which has wonderful pluses
and really interesting
00;25;38;01 – 00;25;41;16
challenges associated
with what you just skipped over.
00;25;42;05 – 00;25;42;25
So then
00;25;44;00 – 00;25;45;21
in the midst of COVID and
00;25;45;21 – 00;25;49;09
dealing with all this bullshit at work,
you decide you’re going to build a house.
00;25;49;09 – 00;25;52;01
yeah, yeah.
Let’s let’s build a house, right?
00;25;52;01 – 00;25;55;05
You and I, I don’t know how many houses
we went and looked at.
00;25;55;05 – 00;25;56;22
And every time during COVID,
00;25;56;22 – 00;25;58;29
every time we look at each other,
you’re like the saying it.
00;25;58;29 – 00;26;00;24
And then all of a sudden
you decide to build.
00;26;00;24 – 00;26;05;12
I’m like, not just there we go, not
just build, because this is the Aaron way.
00;26;05;23 – 00;26;08;11
I designed the whole house, right?
00;26;08;11 – 00;26;10;26
Designed all the house plans, right?
00;26;10;26 – 00;26;12;07
Absolutely. I know.
00;26;12;07 – 00;26;15;27
And in my mind I’m like,
girl cannot not take on.
00;26;15;27 – 00;26;16;28
I know.
00;26;16;28 – 00;26;18;17
Do it. All right, Just do it.
00;26;18;17 – 00;26;19;20
All right. Extra.
00;26;19;20 – 00;26;22;24
That’s all going to be frickin
extra, extra during COVID.
00;26;22;28 – 00;26;26;20
Mind you, literally,
we signed on the dotted line two weeks
00;26;26;20 – 00;26;31;01
before prices
started to rack up through the roof for,
00;26;31;20 – 00;26;34;17
you know, cost of would cost of supplies,
that kind of thing.
00;26;34;17 – 00;26;38;04
All these things
that we won’t even get into those details.
00;26;38;04 – 00;26;41;10
But then couple on, not only
are you building a home,
00;26;41;29 – 00;26;42;27
trying to close out
00;26;42;27 – 00;26;46;16
your old home, move into this new home,
but now you’re bringing your parents in
00;26;46;19 – 00;26;50;09
and so your parents are building
the too, who live 2 hours away, 70 years
00;26;50;09 – 00;26;55;01
old, relocating from the place
that my father has lived.
00;26;55;01 – 00;26;58;05
Right. His entire year. right.
00;26;58;05 – 00;27;01;12
So now you’re me
and there’s just significant things.
00;27;01;12 – 00;27;03;08
And then couple that with building a home.
00;27;03;08 – 00;27;06;02
Anybody who’s built
a home. No, it’s not pleasurable.
00;27;07;03 – 00;27;09;20
And then two years after, it’s
still not pleasurable.
00;27;09;20 – 00;27;11;21
So couple all of that together.
00;27;11;21 – 00;27;14;06
So you’re you’re managing that.
00;27;14;06 – 00;27;17;04
Yes. And my business growth is growing.
00;27;17;04 – 00;27;20;12
Your child’s experiencing some things
00;27;20;12 – 00;27;23;26
that are showing up more rapidly
than you used to.
00;27;23;26 – 00;27;26;26
What you’re trying to navigate
that there’s just a lot of
00;27;27;07 – 00;27;30;05
it’s always this circle of chaos.
00;27;30;05 – 00;27;34;27
Yet you exude calmness even here, right?
00;27;34;28 – 00;27;37;07
Bring it on. But it’s not true.
00;27;37;07 – 00;27;38;07
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00;27;38;07 – 00;27;40;11
Or at least I’ve convinced myself,
you know?
00;27;40;11 – 00;27;43;02
Okay, we’ll grin and bear it. Right.
Make it happen. Right, Right.
00;27;43;02 – 00;27;45;06
So I had written that down here diagnoses.
00;27;45;06 – 00;27;47;18
That’s how I was referring
sweet little Carter around
00;27;47;18 – 00;27;49;28
like we were trying to be like,
What the heck is going on here?
00;27;49;28 – 00;27;50;29
This is so crazy.
00;27;50;29 – 00;27;54;03
Yeah,
but between family life, personal life.
00;27;54;10 – 00;27;59;09
Carter learning about different things
that were going on for him, building
00;27;59;09 – 00;28;04;12
this house, selling my other house,
we ran into some major real shit.
00;28;04;20 – 00;28;06;21
Two weeks
before we were supposed to move in.
00;28;06;21 – 00;28;08;10
That was the craziest.
00;28;08;10 – 00;28;11;10
I cannot you move down with me that I.
00;28;11;10 – 00;28;12;09
Yeah, you had to.
00;28;12;09 – 00;28;14;07
You had to move in with me and.
00;28;14;07 – 00;28;17;18
Yeah, at one point
we thought that we were going to
00;28;17;18 – 00;28;21;02
have to walk away from the house,
have no place to live.
00;28;21;02 – 00;28;24;15
My parents had literally sold
my childhood home.
00;28;24;16 – 00;28;24;26
Right.
00;28;24;26 – 00;28;27;28
And talk about, like, Wait, right.
00;28;28;00 – 00;28;29;26
I’m like, okay, let’s see.
00;28;29;26 – 00;28;32;13
We were,
we were looking into long term rentals.
00;28;32;13 – 00;28;32;28
We were look,
00;28;32;28 – 00;28;36;24
I mean, we were doing all the long term
rentals during COVID and couldn’t find.
00;28;36;24 – 00;28;39;23
And if you did find
it was $4,000 for a one bedroom.
00;28;40;08 – 00;28;43;19
And I live in a tiny house home
and I’m like, Come in, come in.
00;28;43;20 – 00;28;45;06
And so we remember this.
00;28;45;06 – 00;28;47;11
Carter and I came to live with you.
00;28;47;11 – 00;28;50;10
We slept together on the couch downstairs.
00;28;50;10 – 00;28;52;07
Mark, I don’t even have a spare bedroom.
00;28;52;07 – 00;28;56;03
No, Mark took the couch, went to Aunt
Sherry’s house,
00;28;56;05 – 00;28;57;16
lived there for in the cats.
00;28;57;16 – 00;29;00;13
Lived there with you and Cheri
for two weeks. They lived it up.
00;29;00;13 – 00;29;02;25
It was like bachelor life
between the two of them.
00;29;02;25 – 00;29;08;06
And I’m single, Mom, living on your couch
with Carter, going back and forth
00;29;08;06 – 00;29;11;22
between, like, daycare and this event
and that event or whatever it was.
00;29;12;06 – 00;29;15;13
It was for the reason you chose to live
with me is because daycare was next door.
00;29;16;05 – 00;29;17;23
Yeah, your daycare was next door to me.
00;29;17;23 – 00;29;20;06
That was number 400 on the where I was.
00;29;20;06 – 00;29;24;29
But, you know, was that was my dream
because I took care of you.
00;29;24;29 – 00;29;27;11
I come to you every day.
Remember when you made me?
00;29;27;11 – 00;29;31;20
My mom could drink in the morning,
I take a sip of I’m sitting on Bertha,
00;29;31;20 – 00;29;32;21
Big Bertha
00;29;32;21 – 00;29;37;10
and I take a sip of it and I’m like, Damn,
you make the best mocha iced coffee.
00;29;37;10 – 00;29;40;03
And you said, That’s
because I put have fun in it.
00;29;40;03 – 00;29;43;02
You you take out this hot
fudge, it’s got like,
00;29;43;02 – 00;29;47;16
no choke for grabbing scoops of hot
fudge in it.
00;29;47;17 – 00;29;49;19
Yeah, I’m like,
of course, that tastes great.
00;29;49;19 – 00;29;52;06
That thing is 4000 calories,
00;29;53;18 – 00;29;56;22
and I still needed
it because you were not at a good place.
00;29;56;22 – 00;29;59;22
I know, I know. Move into the house.
00;29;59;28 – 00;30;00;15
Right.
00;30;00;15 – 00;30;02;26
That still had its own issues
with it. Right.
00;30;02;26 – 00;30;06;19
So are we hearing the build up here
of ridiculousness?
00;30;06;19 – 00;30;09;19
Yeah.
I then decide because why not, Right.
00;30;09;20 – 00;30;11;04
We’re leaving here, right?
00;30;11;04 – 00;30;15;21
Or even have them do my job and do my job,
my concern, center job.
00;30;15;23 – 00;30;18;27
Do that full time. It’s growing.
00;30;18;27 – 00;30;19;25
This is great.
00;30;19;25 – 00;30;21;19
And bring Rebecca into that.
00;30;21;19 – 00;30;23;06
You know, finally.
00;30;23;06 – 00;30;26;11
But I need to say,
just because we have to,
00;30;26;20 – 00;30;29;29
every time you and I have a career change,
we have a tradition.
00;30;30;00 – 00;30;33;00
Yes. Every time you want to tell me.
00;30;33;00 – 00;30;35;28
Yeah. So where do we go?
00;30;35;28 – 00;30;36;14
Back.
00;30;36;14 – 00;30;39;17
Back in the day, if you read our timeline
on our website, it is quite funny.
00;30;39;17 – 00;30;40;28
And someday maybe we’ll talk about it.
00;30;40;28 – 00;30;44;26
But back in the day
when I originally decided
00;30;44;26 – 00;30;46;11
to jump ship from higher education,
00;30;46;11 – 00;30;49;10
we always joked about
how we were going to go to the strip club.
00;30;49;10 – 00;30;52;00
Always just us, just us for lunch.
Yeah. We’re going to go to the
00;30;53;03 – 00;30;55;02
chicken wrap right at the strip club.
00;30;55;02 – 00;30;56;02
And I don’t know why.
00;30;56;02 – 00;30;58;17
I think it’s because it was the halfway
point between both of our jobs.
00;30;58;17 – 00;31;01;09
You worked at the one campus down
the street? I worked at the other campus.
00;31;01;09 – 00;31;02;24
I’m like, Let’s meet at the strip club.
00;31;02;24 – 00;31;04;09
It was a good running joke.
00;31;04;09 – 00;31;09;22
Well, the day I had we,
which was like ten years ago now, right?
00;31;09;24 – 00;31;10;14
Yeah.
00;31;10;14 – 00;31;12;17
You said it’s a meeting of the town hall.
00;31;12;17 – 00;31;13;08
Meet you at the tell.
00;31;13;08 – 00;31;14;09
You can meet you there.
00;31;14;09 – 00;31;16;28
So we drive to the tally
Ho we get out of the car.
00;31;16;28 – 00;31;19;21
We’re and we’re ready. We’re going in.
00;31;19;21 – 00;31;21;13
We look at each other like we can’t do it.
00;31;21;13 – 00;31;22;16
I can’t go in. Can’t.
00;31;22;16 – 00;31;25;16
I can’t bring myself to go in the minute
that some boob
00;31;25;27 – 00;31;28;19
flies at my face, I’m losing it.
00;31;28;19 – 00;31;29;27
Can’t do it. Can’t do it.
00;31;29;27 – 00;31;35;04
So we we took a picture with the telly
about the telly, how in the background.
00;31;35;09 – 00;31;36;08
And we’re like, telly.
00;31;37;21 – 00;31;39;20
And then, and then we, we did Harry.
00;31;39;20 – 00;31;41;28
We left, We went to Hobby Lobby. Right.
00;31;41;28 – 00;31;45;16
So that was my leaving
higher ed So of course.
00;31;45;16 – 00;31;48;06
So yeah. So here it is
I believe higher Ed Right.
00;31;48;06 – 00;31;51;12
Which took me at least another seven years
after you left, right?
00;31;51;12 – 00;31;53;25
Because we all know it takes longer
to exaggerate the thing.
00;31;53;25 – 00;31;56;02
So we meet at the time we got.
00;31;56;02 – 00;31;57;18
Here’s my favorite part about that.
00;31;57;18 – 00;31;58;16
We go to the telly.
00;31;58;16 – 00;31;59;15
I know, I know.
00;31;59;15 – 00;32;02;01
And or like K Ronnie,
are you ready to go in?
00;32;02;01 – 00;32;02;28
It’s lunchtime.
00;32;02;28 – 00;32;05;11
We got this right,
and then we get out of the car and look.
00;32;05;11 – 00;32;07;11
Still calm? No, I still can’t do it right.
00;32;07;11 – 00;32;10;05
So we take a picture
if I just get the selfie.
00;32;10;05 – 00;32;13;05
So we take the picture
and then we both are like this.
00;32;13;25 – 00;32;14;28
We don’t look so good.
00;32;14;28 – 00;32;17;02
It’s hell happened to us.
00;32;17;02 – 00;32;19;15
I think you said
Compare it to the last one.
00;32;19;15 – 00;32;21;17
Compare it to the one
from like seven years ago.
00;32;21;17 – 00;32;23;20
So we we take it out.
We look at both of them.
00;32;23;20 – 00;32;25;24
I’m like, What the hell happened to us?
00;32;25;24 – 00;32;28;12
We look like we like this one.
00;32;28;12 – 00;32;33;03
This coat I’m wearing is burnt
because I look like an old woman.
00;32;33;07 – 00;32;35;22
And I’m like,
Look at all the wrinkles on your face.
00;32;35;22 – 00;32;37;27
You’re like, This is not okay, you know?
00;32;37;27 – 00;32;39;05
So I think that no joke.
00;32;39;05 – 00;32;42;19
We took at least 27 picture,
at least selfies, and we got one.
00;32;42;21 – 00;32;44;22
And I’m like,
You’re like, Lift the camera up higher.
00;32;44;22 – 00;32;47;15
And then I’m like, Yeah,
so sure on that, right?
00;32;47;15 – 00;32;48;28
So like, it’s not good.
00;32;48;28 – 00;32;53;15
So I’ll put a picture up of ten years ago
and then the recent one.
00;32;53;19 – 00;32;58;13
Yeah, yeah, it was not good, but let’s
just say we still can’t go in with this.
00;32;58;21 – 00;33;00;15
Yeah, now we really can’t go.
00;33;00;15 – 00;33;02;18
no, not a chance.
We’re not taking any pictures.
00;33;02;18 – 00;33;04;11
You can’t leave your job.
00;33;04;11 – 00;33;08;02
We’re not going in the telly home
now where the oldest bit is in there.
00;33;08;07 – 00;33;10;28
And this time we had a chance
ten years ago.
00;33;10;28 – 00;33;13;04
Well,
we might be going back to the tally. Ho!
00;33;14;05 – 00;33;15;29
Sue, what do you.
00;33;15;29 – 00;33;18;28
What are you doing after this podcast?
00;33;19;16 – 00;33;20;22
Scott, meet us there.
00;33;20;22 – 00;33;23;27
Got shot for your camera
This time we’re going it
00;33;25;16 – 00;33;28;16
got we got some video footage for you.
00;33;29;12 – 00;33;30;13
I guess he
00;33;30;13 – 00;33;34;18
I think he left it to get his guitar out,
but not to go side to side for.
00;33;34;22 – 00;33;36;06
Yeah. And then Evan’s back there.
00;33;36;06 – 00;33;40;29
It was like, I’m embarrassed to say
I pretend to be Scott.
00;33;42;20 – 00;33;43;21
Okay, fine.
00;33;43;21 – 00;33;45;09
I mean, it’s up to you. Really.
Okay, It’s fine.
00;33;45;09 – 00;33;49;16
So the strip club, you
00;33;53;04 – 00;33;55;22
haven’t You’re going to have to meet us
at the strip club after, Okay?
00;33;55;22 – 00;33;58;12
Are we allowed to bring cameras?
Is that no one here?
00;33;58;12 – 00;34;00;26
You have those to give him a radio voice?
00;34;00;26 – 00;34;03;20
Yeah. Really? Has anyone ever told you
that?
00;34;03;20 – 00;34;04;24
Like one other person?
00;34;04;24 – 00;34;06;22
What’s those? Wow. Yeah.
00;34;08;20 – 00;34;09;18
Scott also says we’re
00;34;09;18 – 00;34;12;18
great, so I don’t believe our eyes visors.
00;34;13;20 – 00;34;17;25
Scott’s investing in us, so you must know
what he’s on top of that.
00;34;17;25 – 00;34;20;17
That’s.
00;34;20;17 – 00;34;22;27
well, thanks for coming
out of the telly to see it.
00;34;22;27 – 00;34;25;27
That. Yeah.
00;34;26;06 – 00;34;26;18
All right.
00;34;26;18 – 00;34;32;26
So we were now 2015
doing all the shit, right?
00;34;33;07 – 00;34;37;22
yeah, I am Angus re I’m not sleeping.
00;34;38;02 – 00;34;42;28
I mean through this whole time frame as,
as we get through all of this stuff
00;34;42;28 – 00;34;47;21
that has built up to this happening,
I’m noticing more and more stress.
00;34;47;21 – 00;34;49;02
I’m noticing that I’m angry.
00;34;49;02 – 00;34;50;23
I’m noticing that I’m on the verge.
00;34;50;23 – 00;34;54;25
I’m noticing
that I’m snapping at people like I am not.
00;34;54;25 – 00;34;55;12
Okay.
00;34;55;12 – 00;34;59;03
I think if you were to have pulled Mark
during that time, he would be like,
00;34;59;07 – 00;35;04;28
something got into my wife
and took over her soul because I was
00;35;04;28 – 00;35;08;05
so at this point had just been through
00;35;08;06 – 00;35;11;23
all of that stuff since minimum 2015.
00;35;12;01 – 00;35;14;28
It was now 2021. Well, wait a minute.
00;35;16;04 – 00;35;17;12
Let’s be real clear.
00;35;17;12 – 00;35;19;12
You’re not like that to the public.
00;35;19;12 – 00;35;21;23
You’re like that to your family. Yes.
00;35;21;23 – 00;35;23;07
Because you’re not like that to me.
00;35;23;07 – 00;35;24;22
You’re not like that to your parents.
00;35;24;22 – 00;35;26;24
You’re not like that
to the people you work with. No.
00;35;26;24 – 00;35;30;12
You’re taking it all out on your yes men.
00;35;30;12 – 00;35;32;09
What is it called? Your nuclear family.
00;35;32;09 – 00;35;34;16
Okay. Your son and your
and your husband. Yes.
00;35;34;16 – 00;35;38;12
Yes. So I wanted to be clear because to
the outside world, you got this.
00;35;38;12 – 00;35;41;02
I still got it
all together. It’s totally fine.
00;35;41;02 – 00;35;43;20
Nothing to see here.
But yeah, you’re absolutely right.
00;35;43;20 – 00;35;45;22
And Mark had made comments
about that many times.
00;35;45;22 – 00;35;50;15
He’s like, how come I’m
the one who is getting the brunt of my.
00;35;50;21 – 00;35;52;00
That’s why are you being married?
00;35;52;00 – 00;35;54;06
Like, welcome, right? Gradually.
00;35;54;06 – 00;35;55;20
That’s why he won the award.
00;35;55;20 – 00;35;56;08
Lucky you.
00;35;56;08 – 00;35;56;14
Yeah.
00;35;56;14 – 00;35;58;06
Yeah, gradually you.
00;35;58;06 – 00;36;00;18
But I just I was genuinely not okay.
00;36;00;18 – 00;36;02;15
And so I got on Prozac
00;36;02;15 – 00;36;05;29
and I started on ten milligrams of Prozac,
also known as fluoxetine.
00;36;05;29 – 00;36;08;03
For those of you who are interested in
and knowing
00;36;08;03 – 00;36;11;16
more about the generic version,
it doesn’t cosmetic right to the it’s
00;36;11;16 – 00;36;14;28
just some cash
and it was an absolute lifesaver for me.
00;36;15;02 – 00;36;18;09
It really I remember
after taking it for at least two weeks,
00;36;18;20 – 00;36;22;24
I remember distinctly thinking to myself,
I’m high school Aaron again.
00;36;23;04 – 00;36;27;05
And what high school Aaron meant to me
was when I was in high school,
00;36;27;16 – 00;36;30;15
I found myself or a new myself
00;36;30;15 – 00;36;34;16
to be very caring,
very loving, very supportive,
00;36;34;26 – 00;36;38;26
very allowing other people
00;36;38;26 – 00;36;42;10
to just completely be themselves
comfortable.
00;36;42;16 – 00;36;44;18
This is how the podcast was developed,
by the way.
00;36;44;18 – 00;36;46;05
Exactly.
00;36;46;05 – 00;36;48;29
So thanks Prozac
for the development of this podcast.
00;36;48;29 – 00;36;51;20
And you and I’m proud
and to be the angry bitch.
00;36;51;20 – 00;36;54;12
That’s what I’m leading up to here.
00;36;54;12 – 00;36;58;22
Okay, This is where the hashtag
Nobody cares came from, right?
00;36;58;22 – 00;36;59;25
I’m on this Prozac.
00;36;59;25 – 00;37;01;07
My life is fantastic.
00;37;01;07 – 00;37;02;28
I’m feeling a little numb.
00;37;02;28 – 00;37;06;12
I’m not noticing that I’m not angry
anymore.
00;37;06;12 – 00;37;10;20
I’m noticing
that I just things that used to drive me
00;37;11;11 – 00;37;14;26
batty are, like, no big deal, right?
00;37;14;26 – 00;37;16;19
It’s just like,
absolutely nothing’s going on.
00;37;16;19 – 00;37;20;06
I’m feeling relaxed, I’m loving,
I’m kind, I’m not biting.
00;37;20;06 – 00;37;25;26
I’m just the person that I knew my soul
to be deep down.
00;37;26;17 – 00;37;30;16
And it’s important
that I recognize that as high school,
00;37;30;16 – 00;37;35;18
Erin, Because as young as I look,
thank you.
00;37;36;03 – 00;37;37;15
Utterly whole picture shows that
00;37;39;25 – 00;37;44;05
I have learned a lot since high school.
00;37;44;05 – 00;37;46;03
Erin Right.
00;37;46;03 – 00;37;48;29
But what this medication
00;37;48;29 – 00;37;52;00
was doing, in addition
to all of the wonderful things
00;37;52;00 – 00;37;55;26
it was doing, was
it was also making me less discerning.
00;37;55;28 – 00;37;58;26
It was making me what I would call it.
00;37;58;26 – 00;38;01;16
I hate this term
because it sounds so negative,
00;38;01;16 – 00;38;04;19
but it would make me more of a pushover.
00;38;05;13 – 00;38;07;27
I’m well, I’m very clear. I saw that.
00;38;07;27 – 00;38;11;06
Yeah, I have a I have a little note here
that says Rebecca’s reaction,
00;38;11;06 – 00;38;15;08
because I knew this has to be the point
where you absolutely would be like, Yeah,
00;38;15;08 – 00;38;16;29
well, let me tell you what the hell
I saw here,
00;38;16;29 – 00;38;18;14
especially when I would call you out on it
00;38;18;14 – 00;38;22;02
and then you gaslight me and convince me
that it wasn’t know nothing to see here.
00;38;22;14 – 00;38;25;05
And I just go, okay, not
that’s not what’s happening.
00;38;25;05 – 00;38;28;06
And here’s all the reasons justified
why that’s not what’s happening.
00;38;28;18 – 00;38;29;22
But true to our relationship.
00;38;29;22 – 00;38;32;12
I’m like, You’re right, you’re right.
00;38;32;12 – 00;38;34;16
Because,
you know, deep down, still figure it out.
00;38;35;16 – 00;38;37;11
And then
I will just continue to plant the seeds.
00;38;37;11 – 00;38;41;02
Plant the seeds for your birthday,
give you specific books, and then,
00;38;41;22 – 00;38;46;21
you know, it’s really I am very aware of
how to word this relationship.
00;38;46;23 – 00;38;48;20
And here I am not anything.
00;38;48;20 – 00;38;50;08
I’m like, my God, I’m so loving.
00;38;50;08 – 00;38;53;12
I’m so kind of
so what a nice human being I am.
00;38;53;12 – 00;38;54;23
I’m so happy.
00;38;54;23 – 00;38;57;00
I’m so nice to my husband. Now.
00;38;57;00 – 00;38;59;14
My kid likes me more
like we’re really great.
00;38;59;14 – 00;39;01;03
I’m very go with the flow.
00;39;01;03 – 00;39;02;11
I’m so understanding.
00;39;02;11 – 00;39;03;27
I’m very much like, it’s fine.
00;39;03;27 – 00;39;05;27
It’s fine. Right?
00;39;05;27 – 00;39;08;09
So it’s safe for a moment,
00;39;08;09 – 00;39;11;09
you’re noticing at this point that I am.
00;39;11;14 – 00;39;14;14
What?
00;39;15;15 – 00;39;17;05
because I’ve known you so long.
00;39;17;05 – 00;39;18;06
I watched you.
00;39;18;06 – 00;39;22;27
I’ve watched you go through
all of your tendencies for 20 years.
00;39;23;12 – 00;39;26;26
And so when you decided
00;39;26;26 – 00;39;30;01
to embark on the Prozac journey,
00;39;30;16 – 00;39;34;04
what I noticed was a
00;39;34;07 – 00;39;38;22
I appreciated the shift that you weren’t
feeling as anxious and angry like that.
00;39;39;02 – 00;39;42;02
That meant more to me
than the other things that were happening.
00;39;42;29 – 00;39;45;04
But then when I started to question
you on things
00;39;45;04 – 00;39;48;04
and you wouldn’t see them,
I would think to myself, okay,
00;39;48;07 – 00;39;51;07
normally she would see these things,
but that’s not happening.
00;39;51;07 – 00;39;52;16
And so the revelation for me
00;39;52;16 – 00;39;56;10
was when we had that discovery
that I just get there way faster than you.
00;39;56;11 – 00;39;56;23
Yeah.
00;39;56;23 – 00;39;58;16
And we actually talked about that.
00;39;58;16 – 00;40;00;28
That helped me to realize that
00;40;01;28 – 00;40;02;21
it’s not
00;40;02;21 – 00;40;05;26
I should still keep saying what I’m saying
and still keep questioning
00;40;05;26 – 00;40;08;10
because at the end of the day,
she doesn’t dismiss it.
00;40;08;10 – 00;40;10;14
She just doesn’t get it immediately.
00;40;10;14 – 00;40;13;01
And so I have to think about it
longer. Right.
00;40;13;01 – 00;40;18;00
But but then when
when we really intertwined our lives,
00;40;18;00 – 00;40;23;04
when I came on to work for Concerned
Center is when was noticing the anger,
00;40;23;15 – 00;40;28;05
that’s when it shifted from
you wouldn’t call me to talk about it
00;40;28;05 – 00;40;31;14
and to to debrief it
and to work through it.
00;40;31;14 – 00;40;34;00
You would just it’s just enmeshed.
00;40;34;00 – 00;40;37;03
I watched, you know, scream at Mark.
00;40;37;03 – 00;40;38;11
I watched. I watched on.
00;40;38;11 – 00;40;40;07
We went to the station.
00;40;40;07 – 00;40;41;01
I remember this.
00;40;41;01 – 00;40;43;01
We went on vacation
and I remember laying in bed.
00;40;43;01 – 00;40;46;01
I got to tell you
that she is starting to feel like I’m
00;40;46;08 – 00;40;49;08
I don’t know what’s going on
and I don’t know why Mark stays with her
00;40;49;16 – 00;40;52;20
like it was was not really
it was to that level.
00;40;52;20 – 00;40;56;19
And I just remember saying, Phillip,
you have to remember all the things
00;40;56;19 – 00;40;57;13
going on in her life.
00;40;57;13 – 00;41;00;15
And he’s like, I know, but she’s nasty.
00;41;00;23 – 00;41;02;12
I’m like, I know. But
00;41;03;15 – 00;41;04;04
at the end of the
00;41;04;04 – 00;41;07;07
day, you both in your marriage realized
it wasn’t you.
00;41;07;07 – 00;41;07;29
There was a he.
00;41;07;29 – 00;41;10;27
Mark always knows that you’re, you know.
00;41;10;27 – 00;41;15;09
But yeah I mean the
the epitome of when you went nuts
00;41;15;10 – 00;41;18;15
was we were at your house and we were
the kids were playing
00;41;18;15 – 00;41;21;13
and you were making tacos
and you never make dinner.
00;41;21;13 – 00;41;22;17
Usually I do.
00;41;22;17 – 00;41;27;12
And you said to the group of us,
now my family, we eat late.
00;41;27;15 – 00;41;29;29
We eat it like nine, 10:00 at night
every single day.
00;41;29;29 – 00;41;32;11
That’s that’s not abnormal.
00;41;32;11 – 00;41;35;11
It’s you guys eat at five
because you’re 100.
00;41;35;16 – 00;41;37;28
And it was probably 6:00.
00;41;37;28 – 00;41;41;06
And in your mind, I know you in your mind
you’re like, I don’t eat too early
00;41;41;06 – 00;41;44;04
because they don’t eat early
and but I’m starving.
00;41;44;04 – 00;41;44;29
I don’t know what to do.
00;41;44;29 – 00;41;46;20
So you ask the group, Is anybody hungry?
00;41;46;20 – 00;41;48;16
And everybody said, No, we’re fine.
00;41;48;16 – 00;41;49;26
We don’t need to eat right now.
00;41;49;26 – 00;41;52;28
And within 2 minutes
we’re all standing here on the island.
00;41;52;28 – 00;41;56;14
Within 2 minutes,
Mark goes to the refrigerator, takes out
00;41;56;14 – 00;42;01;04
a bunch of cheese, starts cutting up
and eating it, and you lost your shit.
00;42;01;04 – 00;42;04;04
Like to the point where Philip looked at
me and he’s like, Should we leave?
00;42;04;11 – 00;42;05;25
Like, it was bad.
00;42;05;25 – 00;42;09;04
I remember saying,
Are you eating cheese right now?
00;42;09;07 – 00;42;12;11
Right when you just ask, He’s over here
cutting the cheese.
00;42;12;11 – 00;42;14;22
Right, right, right on the cheese.
00;42;14;22 – 00;42;16;13
And then he is like going to eat it.
00;42;16;13 – 00;42;18;29
And it’s like this close to his mouth.
00;42;18;29 – 00;42;22;15
And I’m like,
Are you f ing eating cheese right now?
00;42;22;23 – 00;42;24;10
And I lost lost it.
00;42;24;10 – 00;42;28;21
I just asked everybody who was hungry
what they wanted to eat.
00;42;28;21 – 00;42;30;00
I’m over here hungry.
00;42;30;00 – 00;42;33;22
I’m not eating because I’m waiting
for all you guys to decide when it is
00;42;33;22 – 00;42;34;14
you want to eat.
00;42;34;14 – 00;42;36;06
And if you’re going to eat some cheese
right now,
00;42;36;06 – 00;42;38;03
then either obviously you’re hungry.
00;42;38;03 – 00;42;41;14
my. I just hate when he could have just
said, I’m not ready for dinner,
00;42;41;14 – 00;42;42;29
but let’s just have a little snack.
00;42;42;29 – 00;42;45;04
Like it could have been approached
so many anyway.
00;42;45;04 – 00;42;47;27
But that that was the
that was your breaking point? Yes,
00;42;48;27 – 00;42;49;24
literally it was.
00;42;49;24 – 00;42;51;16
I mean, and we’ve seen you freak.
00;42;51;16 – 00;42;53;02
Yeah, I’ve seen you freak numerous times.
00;42;53;02 – 00;42;55;08
But this was so consistent, the Prozac.
00;42;55;08 – 00;43;00;20
So I so I got on the Prozac
after the cheese incident of 2020.
00;43;00;20 – 00;43;02;13
So yes.
00;43;02;13 – 00;43;06;00
But that was just an example of some of
the stuff that was going on for me.
00;43;06;01 – 00;43;06;24
Right.
00;43;06;24 – 00;43;12;03
And so I then get on this Prozac
and the Prozac is, is really helpful.
00;43;12;03 – 00;43;14;20
I really, again
feel much more connected to myself.
00;43;14;20 – 00;43;17;23
I’m I
it was a it’s a wonder drug in my mind,
00;43;17;26 – 00;43;20;26
which is so funny because me
where I needed it, I was on Cymbalta
00;43;21;02 – 00;43;24;05
because I got shingles
and they told me I got shingles.
00;43;24;10 – 00;43;26;17
I’m 40 years old, the shingles.
And that’s not normal.
00;43;26;17 – 00;43;28;22
And he had said to me, it’s
because your anxiety
00;43;28;22 – 00;43;31;06
and your stress is now
physically taking on
00;43;31;06 – 00;43;32;29
and you will constantly get this.
00;43;32;29 – 00;43;35;03
And I’ll tell you what,
that sucked, asshole.
00;43;35;03 – 00;43;35;24
That was the worst.
00;43;35;24 – 00;43;36;27
So he’s like,
00;43;36;27 – 00;43;40;12
We’re going to do the Cymbalta because
it’s got the nerve components in it.
00;43;40;12 – 00;43;44;24
And I remember you and I chatting
and when you had started the Prozac
00;43;44;24 – 00;43;46;29
and I had said to you,
I’m really not liking this.
00;43;46;29 – 00;43;48;20
And you’re like, Well, I’m loving Prozac.
00;43;48;20 – 00;43;51;09
Yeah. So then I switched over. Yeah, yeah.
00;43;51;09 – 00;43;52;00
yeah.
00;43;52;00 – 00;43;54;21
I still to this day
00;43;54;21 – 00;43;58;24
and it was someone close to me
who was like, You’re not on Prozac yet.
00;43;58;24 – 00;43;59;20
Why not? Right?
00;43;59;20 – 00;44;01;04
And then I talked to you about it,
00;44;01;04 – 00;44;03;04
and then I talked to a couple other people
about it. Right.
00;44;03;04 – 00;44;07;27
And it still to this day, I swear by it
as being the thing that allowed me
00;44;08;07 – 00;44;13;11
to really transition from all of that
stress and strain and build up and
00;44;13;28 – 00;44;18;05
cortisol and all of that stuff to really
being able to get to a good place.
00;44;18;13 – 00;44;21;24
And what my doctor likes to tell me
because I was so resistant and he’s like,
00;44;22;18 – 00;44;27;02
it will take the emotion
out of everything.
00;44;27;10 – 00;44;30;21
And at that, that was what
I needed to hear because I’m like, I am.
00;44;31;04 – 00;44;33;15
Every decision
I make comes from an emotional place
00;44;33;15 – 00;44;36;08
and I’m a livewire,
which clearly I was taken on physically.
00;44;36;08 – 00;44;39;00
And he’s like, You will be able
to logically make decisions.
00;44;39;00 – 00;44;40;14
And that’s exactly what it did.
00;44;40;14 – 00;44;43;11
But to an extreme, yeah, yeah.
00;44;43;11 – 00;44;44;28
Well, well, here’s the other thing.
00;44;44;28 – 00;44;48;10
We all know
my body is incredibly sensitive.
00;44;48;13 – 00;44;50;02
I can drink one glass of wine.
00;44;50;02 – 00;44;52;06
I’m three sheets to the wind.
Right, Right.
00;44;52;06 – 00;44;54;28
So I had to take half of Dramamine.
00;44;54;28 – 00;44;55;24
I know.
00;44;55;24 – 00;44;56;09
Kids.
00;44;56;09 – 00;44;59;07
Kids travel the kids
chewable Dramamine, Right.
00;44;59;07 – 00;45;01;27
Because I’m. I just drink all your wine,
right?
00;45;01;27 – 00;45;03;28
Actually works out forever.
It really does.
00;45;03;28 – 00;45;08;10
But the reality was
that this build up in my system over
00;45;08;10 – 00;45;11;28
and I was on ten milligrams
which is not even a therapeutic dose
00;45;11;28 – 00;45;15;29
when I went up to 1220 milligrams,
we were at the
00;45;15;29 – 00;45;17;25
Naspa Strategies conference and member
00;45;17;25 – 00;45;20;25
I thought I had covered
because that was such a disaster mask.
00;45;20;26 – 00;45;23;04
So I’m not even in a therapeutic dose.
00;45;23;04 – 00;45;27;17
But the build up of the system
over the time I started to realize
00;45;27;17 – 00;45;32;00
when I was at rock bottom,
so I’m feeling great.
00;45;32;00 – 00;45;36;01
My kid is favorably,
my husband’s responding favorably,
00;45;36;10 – 00;45;40;05
but I’m noticing that while I’m
on this Prozac
00;45;40;21 – 00;45;44;18
that I am not discerning,
I’m not making decisions for myself.
00;45;44;18 – 00;45;46;19
I’m incredibly lax. The days of call.
00;45;46;19 – 00;45;50;24
I really am allowing other people
to take control over
00;45;50;24 – 00;45;52;22
what’s happening in my life.
00;45;52;22 – 00;45;53;12
And that had
00;45;53;12 – 00;45;57;05
an interesting side effect as well
because I wasn’t able to see it until now.
00;45;57;05 – 00;46;02;12
So my kid was responding
to, Wow, Mom has a significant
00;46;02;16 – 00;46;07;05
lack of care and boundaries,
so he would even say things to me
00;46;07;05 – 00;46;11;18
like, Could I have this pokeball
or could I have this, you know, Bay blade?
00;46;11;18 – 00;46;15;09
And then he would say, It’s not right
if you say no to me sometimes, Mom,
00;46;15;17 – 00;46;19;01
which is not right, an eight year old
or a seven year old at the time
00;46;19;05 – 00;46;20;28
doesn’t say that. Right.
00;46;20;28 – 00;46;24;27
So that gives you some indication
of where this kid’s like, it’s okay, mom,
00;46;24;27 – 00;46;26;09
you know, to have a boundary on it.
00;46;26;09 – 00;46;29;21
I was allowing things in my personal life
00;46;29;21 – 00;46;32;26
to just people get away with whatever
they wanted to get away with.
00;46;32;26 – 00;46;35;05
It didn’t matter.
From my business perspective.
00;46;35;05 – 00;46;39;17
When you heard us talk in Girls All Gone
or some of the other episodes
00;46;39;17 – 00;46;41;23
where it hurt us
from a business perspective,
00;46;41;23 – 00;46;46;22
I was really taking a step back and other
people were driving the decision making.
00;46;46;22 – 00;46;49;15
I was not questioning things
like I should have been.
00;46;49;15 – 00;46;53;01
I was not feeling like I was able
to step into my life.
00;46;53;01 – 00;46;56;02
And again,
I wasn’t attributing that to, well,
00;46;56;02 – 00;46;59;02
I’m on this medication
that is in some way, shape or form
00;46;59;27 – 00;47;02;28
not having me present
as the way I usually was.
00;47;02;28 – 00;47;06;03
Instead, I was like,
This is just who I am.
00;47;06;03 – 00;47;07;20
This feels great, right?
00;47;07;20 – 00;47;11;11
I am someone who is collaborative
and allows people
00;47;11;11 – 00;47;14;12
to step up and all of this stuff,
which is part of the problem.
00;47;14;12 – 00;47;17;12
In a future episode we’ll talk about is
00;47;17;26 – 00;47;22;26
when one of your maladaptive behaviors
or one of those things
00;47;22;26 – 00;47;26;01
that are maladaptive,
like being overly empathic, comes about.
00;47;26;01 – 00;47;29;10
It’s really hard for people to say,
I need you to stop being so empathic
00;47;29;23 – 00;47;31;19
because other people
are benefiting from it.
00;47;31;19 – 00;47;32;29
not for me.
00;47;32;29 – 00;47;33;15
Well, true.
00;47;33;15 – 00;47;34;04
I do too.
00;47;34;04 – 00;47;37;06
I would say to you,
we’re gonna have a conversation
00;47;37;06 – 00;47;40;12
after this phone call because I need to.
00;47;40;16 – 00;47;43;07
I need to show you what just went down.
00;47;43;07 – 00;47;45;02
You didn’t see it? No.
00;47;45;02 – 00;47;47;19
Even though we would talk about it,
you would. You would think about it.
00;47;47;19 – 00;47;49;18
I would be able to excuse it away.
00;47;49;18 – 00;47;52;18
I’d be like, Well, I know so-and-so
has the best interest in hardware.
00;47;52;24 – 00;47;55;22
And I’m like,
We’re working on something right now.
00;47;55;22 – 00;47;58;26
And you couple that with the fact I’m
a first time business owner, Right?
00;47;58;26 – 00;48;01;02
Right. And I don’t know what the hell
I’m talking about. Yes.
00;48;01;02 – 00;48;04;07
I’m just coming to you and being like,
I just see this and it doesn’t feel good,
00;48;04;07 – 00;48;05;07
but maybe I’m off.
00;48;05;07 – 00;48;08;10
And you’re thinking, Well,
I’ve known Aaron to be
00;48;08;10 – 00;48;11;21
an incredibly discerning,
boundary driven person.
00;48;12;00 – 00;48;14;07
She just must be in this place
the whole time.
00;48;14;07 – 00;48;17;19
Me not realizing that this measly cute
little ten
00;48;17;19 – 00;48;21;18
milligrams of Prozac
was having a just a build up.
00;48;21;18 – 00;48;23;23
Right? Because it wasn’t like this
in the very beginning.
00;48;23;23 – 00;48;26;28
But actually I’ve been on it for two years
and my poor liver is like,
00;48;26;28 – 00;48;28;11
We can’t even handle a glass of wine.
00;48;28;11 – 00;48;29;29
Lady, what are you doing to us?
00;48;29;29 – 00;48;34;00
It started to have this massive impact
on so many areas of my life
00;48;34;11 – 00;48;36;24
that it was to the opposite extreme.
00;48;36;24 – 00;48;39;17
I was still motivated. I’m still working,
I’m still doing all these things.
00;48;39;17 – 00;48;43;03
But I hit rock bottom in my personal life.
00;48;43;03 – 00;48;44;09
In my professional life.
00;48;44;09 – 00;48;48;14
A lot of the stuff that you are hearing us
talk about and girls all done is related
00;48;48;14 – 00;48;51;20
to the fact
that I had just so significantly adapted
00;48;51;20 – 00;48;55;16
my personality and thought, Well,
this is just as healthy as it gets.
00;48;55;16 – 00;48;58;09
This is great. This is what it’s supposed
to be like, right?
00;48;58;09 – 00;49;01;03
And then I started to notice
people would step up to take over it.
00;49;01;03 – 00;49;05;09
You got more assertive, my kid saying
things to me, like I mentioned, right?
00;49;05;09 – 00;49;07;14
That’s like you can say no to me
about this.
00;49;07;14 – 00;49;10;29
My parents started to step up more
and take more control over things,
00;49;10;29 – 00;49;13;14
which I would be like,
Why the hell are they stepping in here
00;49;13;14 – 00;49;14;18
to do this kind of thing?
00;49;14;18 – 00;49;16;11
This is annoying, right?
00;49;16;11 – 00;49;18;21
I’m the parent. Why are you doing this?
00;49;18;21 – 00;49;22;00
I like to refer to that time in my life
as aimlessly functioning.
00;49;22;07 – 00;49;23;15
I was functioning.
00;49;23;15 – 00;49;26;15
I looked like everything was okay
on the outside.
00;49;26;15 – 00;49;29;23
I actually looked like I was the coolest,
00;49;30;01 – 00;49;35;01
most calm person in the world
because nothing really fazed me.
00;49;35;01 – 00;49;38;05
And I can’t remember
the defining moment for me.
00;49;38;24 – 00;49;42;20
But I do remember that
there was an incident with my dad
00;49;42;20 – 00;49;46;28
who had asked my son to do homework
after I had told Carter that he had
00;49;47;05 – 00;49;50;27
had a rough day and he didn’t need to do
his 15 minutes of homework that day.
00;49;51;06 – 00;49;54;05
And my dad’s reaction
was incredibly strong.
00;49;54;05 – 00;49;57;14
It was something along the lines of
he will be doing his homework.
00;49;57;14 – 00;49;59;18
Why would you tell him
he doesn’t need to be doing his homework?
00;49;59;18 – 00;50;02;25
And I immediately went back to ten year
old Erin living at home.
00;50;03;12 – 00;50;06;07
And here I am, this 40
whatever year old woman at the time,
00;50;06;07 – 00;50;09;07
I can’t remember
I was 41 or it must have been 41.
00;50;09;09 – 00;50;12;24
Thinking to myself, I’m confused.
00;50;12;25 – 00;50;17;17
I would normally react very strongly
to this.
00;50;17;28 – 00;50;21;22
Normally,
if I was my normal self, I would say, Dad,
00;50;22;14 – 00;50;27;09
he is my son and I have said
he will not be doing his homework tonight.
00;50;27;25 – 00;50;30;19
You can get rid of the 15 minutes
of homework that we’re doing.
00;50;30;19 – 00;50;33;00
You can do 15 minutes tomorrow.
00;50;33;00 – 00;50;34;14
He’s going to be fine.
00;50;34;14 – 00;50;35;19
But I didn’t.
00;50;35;19 – 00;50;37;17
I said, Cardy, I got to do your homework.
00;50;37;17 – 00;50;40;05
And it was one
I remember talking to you about that,
00;50;40;05 – 00;50;42;25
and I remember that being a turning point
for me.
00;50;42;25 – 00;50;46;29
That then led me to a really wonderful
dinner conversation
00;50;46;29 – 00;50;51;16
I had with Darlene and Gram Parsons,
which we’re going to write.
00;50;51;18 – 00;50;53;04
I know you a Gram Parsons now. Sure.
00;50;53;04 – 00;50;55;24
Do you try to try to snub me
with a coffee?
00;50;55;24 – 00;50;58;10
I know. I said I’ll buy you a coffee
if you do this thing for me.
00;50;58;10 – 00;51;00;04
And you’re like, Absolutely not.
00;51;00;04 – 00;51;02;21
Do Grandpa Sam’s dinner for it.
00;51;02;21 – 00;51;05;21
And I’m like, I can’t. You just I can’t.
00;51;06;00 – 00;51;10;07
So I go to dinner with Darlene,
and this was a very pivotal moment for me.
00;51;10;10 – 00;51;15;01
Darlene is a therapist by training,
also a very good friend of mine
00;51;15;01 – 00;51;20;00
and helped me see in this conversation
the ways in which
00;51;20;07 – 00;51;25;01
I was not stepping into my own life, being
surprised about some of my reactions,
00;51;25;05 – 00;51;30;14
talking about past sort of family
healing that needed to happen.
00;51;30;14 – 00;51;34;26
She was like, What happened to you
when your dad said, Why is the response?
00;51;34;29 – 00;51;37;19
You was a really beautiful conversation.
00;51;37;19 – 00;51;39;25
And in the midst of that conversation,
she said,
00;51;39;25 – 00;51;42;00
You need to read the book Codependent
No More.
00;51;42;00 – 00;51;44;24
What you heard us
talk about a couple of podcasts ago,
00;51;44;24 – 00;51;47;19
so I end up reading Codependent
No More ends up
00;51;47;19 – 00;51;50;24
being one of my top three books
I have ever written in my entire life.
00;51;50;24 – 00;51;51;16
Written or read,
00;51;52;19 – 00;51;54;23
read.
00;51;54;23 – 00;51;57;23
You definitely said, Now I I’ve ever read.
00;51;58;27 – 00;51;59;18
That’s awesome.
00;51;59;18 – 00;52;01;26
Yeah, I’ll just take credit for that.
That’s fine.
00;52;01;26 – 00;52;02;17
That’s fine.
00;52;02;17 – 00;52;05;08
You are writing the sequel.
It’s like, Yeah. yeah, yeah.
00;52;05;08 – 00;52;07;13
We need a new edition of that. I’m on it.
00;52;07;13 – 00;52;08;15
Yeah. Okay.
00;52;08;15 – 00;52;14;17
So I read that book and I end up
being swept away by one of my early,
00;52;14;17 – 00;52;18;17
close friends for my birthday
for a four day trip to Fort Lauderdale.
00;52;18;26 – 00;52;21;28
All I have to do on that trip
is sit my ass
00;52;21;28 – 00;52;25;25
on a beach, skate
near the ocean and listen to my book.
00;52;26;12 – 00;52;30;09
The last 15 minutes of the book,
I’m like, I’m walking by the ocean.
00;52;30;09 – 00;52;33;24
I’m literally walking up and down
the ocean for the last 15 minutes.
00;52;34;01 – 00;52;37;15
In that moment
now, a little, little small caveat here.
00;52;37;15 – 00;52;41;18
I had not been taking my Prozac
at that point for about three
00;52;41;18 – 00;52;44;18
to 4 to 5 days now.
00;52;44;24 – 00;52;48;09
Prozac has an incredibly long half life,
so it usually takes a long time
00;52;48;09 – 00;52;51;04
to get out of your system.
But again, we know my system is
00;52;52;05 – 00;52;53;26
different than other people system.
00;52;53;26 – 00;52;59;07
So I start to feel some of the effects
associated with not being on this Prozac
00;52;59;19 – 00;53;02;21
to the point where
I’m the person and I’m on the trip with.
00;53;02;27 – 00;53;05;07
It’s like, everything okay?
00;53;05;07 – 00;53;06;19
Are you annoyed or are you right?
00;53;06;19 – 00;53;10;25
And I’m like, well,
my snappy fire is coming back in person.
00;53;10;25 – 00;53;13;10
I wasn’t pissed
and I wasn’t angry about anything,
00;53;13;10 – 00;53;15;13
but I just noticed,
like this little part of myself
00;53;15;13 – 00;53;18;17
that was still very much
me started to come back.
00;53;18;17 – 00;53;20;06
And I love that part of myself.
00;53;20;06 – 00;53;22;12
She’s a little like nasty.
00;53;22;12 – 00;53;24;00
She’s a little, like, biting.
00;53;24;00 – 00;53;26;28
She’s a little like,
No, we’re not doing that right.
00;53;26;28 – 00;53;28;28
So here I am off my Prozac for a few days.
00;53;28;28 – 00;53;30;24
I’m finishing Codependent No More.
00;53;30;24 – 00;53;32;08
I’m walking down the beach.
00;53;32;08 – 00;53;37;12
I finish the last 15 minutes,
I throw my hands up in a hallelujah pose
00;53;37;20 – 00;53;43;14
and I’m like,
It is all clear to me in this moment
00;53;44;02 – 00;53;47;02
what the last 2015
00;53;47;06 – 00;53;51;01
to this moment,
standing on the beach is for me.
00;53;51;08 – 00;53;56;19
I then sit down at this picnic table
with the girl that I went with,
00;53;56;29 – 00;54;00;22
and I’m like,
Let me play this out for you.
00;54;00;27 – 00;54;03;26
I then go on to tell you every detail
about what happened.
00;54;04;01 – 00;54;07;01
And it is in this moment that I realize
00;54;07;05 – 00;54;10;06
I cannot be on this Prozac,
at least for the time being.
00;54;10;06 – 00;54;13;27
I need to allow my
system to calm itself down.
00;54;14;29 – 00;54;18;07
I had
lost some my edge, some of my boundaries,
00;54;18;07 – 00;54;22;19
some of my specifics associated
with how you have empathy with boundaries.
00;54;23;03 – 00;54;25;02
I had been
00;54;25;02 – 00;54;29;14
had to get to the lowest of low point
when it came to just being again,
00;54;29;14 – 00;54;30;00
high school.
00;54;30;00 – 00;54;33;23
Aaron Caring, loving, wonderful Aaron
that everyone loved to be around
00;54;33;23 – 00;54;35;20
and was like, my God,
tell me more about that.
00;54;35;20 – 00;54;39;08
But was missing this really distinct part
of my personality.
00;54;39;08 – 00;54;39;23
And you know what?
00;54;39;23 – 00;54;44;02
That was the 20 years of experience
that happened between high school
00;54;44;02 – 00;54;47;02
and who I am today.
That’s not a bad thing.
00;54;47;10 – 00;54;52;27
It’s like it’s actually 24 where I was 25
for you after we graduated the same year.
00;54;52;27 – 00;54;55;13
Whatever. It’s
always going to be an extra year for you.
00;54;55;13 – 00;54;56;01
Well, whatever.
00;54;57;00 – 00;55;00;11
So I finally get back
00;55;01;08 – 00;55;04;23
this fear of myself.
00;55;05;01 – 00;55;09;25
That is not he angry lost her shit person
before Prozac.
00;55;09;25 – 00;55;10;06
Right?
00;55;10;06 – 00;55;14;25
But not the rather numb go with the flow.
00;55;14;25 – 00;55;21;05
Nobody cares person during Prozac,
but I am now in this blissful place
00;55;21;05 – 00;55;25;13
of having used Prozac
as a tool to learn the strategies I needed
00;55;25;25 – 00;55;29;08
and to bring myself back to the loving,
caring,
00;55;29;08 – 00;55;33;05
wonderfully supportive version of myself
who has absolute boundaries.
00;55;33;05 – 00;55;35;21
Yeah, how do I know I have boundaries?
00;55;35;21 – 00;55;38;21
Because I go to the YMCA the other day
00;55;39;01 – 00;55;42;15
to drop my kid off for basketball,
and there is a woman
00;55;42;24 – 00;55;46;24
who is walking in
to drop her two young boys off
00;55;47;02 – 00;55;50;02
and she keeps saying things like,
okay, boys, lock up.
00;55;50;03 – 00;55;51;16
Okay, boys, check in.
00;55;51;16 – 00;55;52;16
Okay, boys.
00;55;52;16 – 00;55;58;23
It took every every single fiber
in my body
00;55;59;05 – 00;56;01;05
to not immediately turn to this woman.
00;56;01;05 – 00;56;05;24
I am not making this up, you know,
I swear to God, turn to her and say,
00;56;06;25 – 00;56;08;27
calm it down.
00;56;08;27 – 00;56;10;16
If they’re fine,
00;56;10;16 – 00;56;15;27
can you get your head out of their ass
and let them sign in for basketball?
00;56;16;09 – 00;56;18;08
You know, Aaron on Prozac. What is that?
00;56;18;08 – 00;56;19;21
Well, what a good mom.
00;56;19;21 – 00;56;21;11
Although she just cares so much.
00;56;21;11 – 00;56;23;09
I’ll just wait here while you.
00;56;23;09 – 00;56;25;19
So the snap part comes back, and,
you know,
00;56;25;19 – 00;56;27;17
I got to watch it because I’m thinking,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
00;56;27;17 – 00;56;31;19
Like, the whole time I will say the things
no one else wants to say,
00;56;32;11 – 00;56;36;22
and that is the story of how we
then arrived.
00;56;36;22 – 00;56;37;06
As I have gone
00;56;37;06 – 00;56;40;08
through this whole journey with you,
I’ve told you the whole frickin thing.
00;56;40;14 – 00;56;42;02
And then what happens?
00;56;42;02 – 00;56;44;03
This is the teaser alert.
00;56;44;03 – 00;56;47;03
Think, Well, where is it
you’re telling me all this?
00;56;47;06 – 00;56;51;11
And I don’t remember the pivotal moment of
when it must have been
00;56;51;11 – 00;56;55;01
when we were on the phone
and I said, No, it wasn’t.
00;56;55;02 – 00;56;55;21
No, it wasn’t.
00;56;55;21 – 00;56;58;15
You said to me,
We’re having this beautiful conversation.
00;56;58;15 – 00;56;59;11
I’m like, That’s so awesome.
00;56;59;11 – 00;57;03;02
And you’re like, by the way, we have
a meeting with a marketing strategist.
00;57;03;19 – 00;57;05;23
And I said, For what?
00;57;05;23 – 00;57;06;26
Want?
00;57;06;26 – 00;57;09;23
And you’re like, I can’t shoot.
00;57;09;23 – 00;57;11;06
You’re like, Just show up.
00;57;11;06 – 00;57;13;19
So I say to you, That’s totally fine.
00;57;13;19 – 00;57;14;17
I’ll show up.
00;57;14;17 – 00;57;17;22
And I realized
that we were having this meeting with her.
00;57;17;22 – 00;57;21;00
I unexpectedly took a trip to Texas.
00;57;21;15 – 00;57;24;26
So I say to you, I say to both of you,
I can’t be on the zoom,
00;57;24;26 – 00;57;27;24
otherwise you’re going to see me packing
because I have to throw crap into a bag
00;57;27;24 – 00;57;29;15
and get to the airport
while we’re on our call.
00;57;29;15 – 00;57;32;09
Our car was supposed to be 20 minutes
and it was our intent, correct?
00;57;32;09 – 00;57;34;15
So I’m doing my best
to hold my shit together
00;57;34;15 – 00;57;35;13
because I don’t want to not
00;57;35;13 – 00;57;38;14
listen to this conversation
because it was actually beautiful.
00;57;38;14 – 00;57;39;27
And you and I are not talking.
00;57;39;27 – 00;57;41;14
I’m just on the call listening.
00;57;41;14 – 00;57;44;23
You were having this whole conversation
with her and she’s
00;57;44;23 – 00;57;47;22
asking all the right questions in my mind.
00;57;48;01 – 00;57;50;23
And she’s she’s asking you.
00;57;50;23 – 00;57;53;24
It was a it was a marketing conversation
about the podcast,
00;57;54;04 – 00;57;56;14
but she’s asking me these questions
that I never thought to ask.
00;57;56;14 – 00;57;59;08
And then all of a sudden
I had a light bulb moment.
00;57;59;08 – 00;58;01;20
And I’m not sure
if you did too at the same time,
00;58;01;20 – 00;58;04;07
but we got off the phone with her
and I called you.
00;58;04;07 – 00;58;07;06
As I’m pulling into the airport
and I said, and as I go into the bathroom.
00;58;07;06 – 00;58;09;29
So I’m sure while I’m on the phone
with you, it’s fine right now.
00;58;09;29 – 00;58;11;20
I think you were having a diarrhea
attack.
00;58;11;20 – 00;58;14;08
Could have been. Yeah,
because I had too much coconut milk.
00;58;14;08 – 00;58;15;09
That’s what it was.
00;58;15;09 – 00;58;18;25
Yes. And I call you
and I say, I am very clear
00;58;19;29 – 00;58;22;00
about where we’re going.
00;58;22;00 – 00;58;26;01
And I really like to start a business
because I think that would be great.
00;58;26;01 – 00;58;30;19
And that’s I always see us doing something
together, but this is what I see.
00;58;31;00 – 00;58;33;16
So your first time in my life, right?
00;58;33;16 – 00;58;36;17
I do not say I don’t think so.
00;58;36;25 – 00;58;39;06
I think what I say. Right.
00;58;39;06 – 00;58;40;22
Absolutely right.
00;58;40;22 – 00;58;43;11
I need to come over to your house today.
00;58;43;11 – 00;58;44;14
Right. I’m going to come over.
00;58;44;14 – 00;58;46;15
We’re going to figure this all out.
00;58;46;15 – 00;58;48;26
If I had my finger up
two of markers and big paper.
00;58;48;26 – 00;58;50;03
Yeah. Yes, I do.
00;58;50;03 – 00;58;51;29
I said I have to finish
some of these questionnaires
00;58;51;29 – 00;58;54;22
that I’m doing up to do whatever.
And then I will be over. Right.
00;58;54;22 – 00;58;59;05
Which I then promptly write to you
about 4 hours later, 4 hours away.
00;58;59;27 – 00;59;01;04
I’m really tired.
00;59;01;04 – 00;59;02;17
I got to go take a nap. Right.
00;59;02;17 – 00;59;04;24
We’ll chat about this later.
00;59;04;24 – 00;59;05;28
And what did I say?
00;59;05;28 – 00;59;08;20
And you said, okay, sounds great.
00;59;08;20 – 00;59;11;20
And just be real clear
that before that you had said to me,
00;59;11;24 – 00;59;15;23
okay, well, don’t be like doing the logo
or like coming up
00;59;15;23 – 00;59;17;10
with the name of the business or whatever,
00;59;17;10 – 00;59;19;06
because you get it
for the freaking podcast.
00;59;19;06 – 00;59;22;10
I showed you that not only did this
podcast
00;59;22;10 – 00;59;25;21
become a thing,
you created it entire intro,
00;59;25;26 – 00;59;29;14
you wrote everything and then called me
and said, You want to do this?
00;59;29;14 – 00;59;31;18
And then you called me and you’re like,
I have an idea.
00;59;31;18 – 00;59;34;21
Would you like to be out of know, say,
Don’t be doing this, whatever.
00;59;34;21 – 00;59;35;13
So I go upstairs,
00;59;35;13 – 00;59;39;14
take myself a little nap, I wake up,
there’s seven text messages from you
00;59;39;23 – 00;59;43;17
and you have screenshotted these images
and logos
00;59;43;17 – 00;59;46;06
and shit that you’ve come up
with. You’ve named to the business.
00;59;46;06 – 00;59;47;15
No, I did not name them.
00;59;47;15 – 00;59;47;26
I’m sorry.
00;59;47;26 – 00;59;50;25
You came up with the three that
you liked the most? I asked
00;59;52;07 – 00;59;53;25
some computer programing.
00;59;53;25 – 00;59;56;24
Yeah, I did. Yes, Chappy.
00;59;57;08 – 00;59;59;18
I gave some
00;59;59;18 – 01;00;01;11
things.
01;00;01;11 – 01;00;06;09
Yeah, And this computer program
that then generated 45 names,
01;00;06;09 – 01;00;08;05
and then I went through and bolded
the ones that you decided
01;00;08;05 – 01;00;11;18
you liked four of them, and then proceeded
to create logos with those names
01;00;11;18 – 01;00;15;27
and specific fonts and fonts
and then sent them to me,
01;00;16;02 – 01;00;20;28
which then had me in a complete panic
because now you’re again off to the races.
01;00;20;28 – 01;00;22;01
I don’t like the logo.
01;00;22;01 – 01;00;24;00
I don’t like the name,
I don’t like anything.
01;00;24;00 – 01;00;27;14
So what does my ass still get up,
go down to my computer, hop on, Zoom,
01;00;27;14 – 01;00;31;13
You get on there and in literally one hour
01;00;32;05 – 01;00;36;21
we have a business name, we have a website
theme.
01;00;37;02 – 01;00;38;28
We’ve secured the domain.
01;00;38;28 – 01;00;41;19
We submitted the LLC paper one.
01;00;41;19 – 01;00;44;19
We have created a logo way
to create a Facebook group.
01;00;44;27 – 01;00;47;01
We created a background image. Yep.
01;00;47;01 – 01;00;52;03
And so let me be very clear
with people that the goal,
01;00;52;10 – 01;00;56;26
how we arrived at all of this
was that Erin getting off Prozac
01;00;57;23 – 01;01;02;23
was the reminder that it’s okay
to be empathic and loving and caring,
01;01;03;01 – 01;01;06;19
but have some really clear boundaries
01;01;06;28 – 01;01;11;16
on how far that love
and that empathy goes because ironically,
01;01;11;21 – 01;01;15;01
that’s the most loving and empathic
you can possibly be.
01;01;15;12 – 01;01;19;07
When I was in the place where I lacked
boundaries and I was again aimlessly
01;01;19;07 – 01;01;24;09
functioning, the world around me
started to get really complicated.
01;01;24;13 – 01;01;26;12
I started to enable people.
01;01;26;12 – 01;01;29;20
Things were starting to happen
that were not at all helpful.
01;01;30;01 – 01;01;32;27
The thing that you’ve remained
steady on this entire time.
01;01;32;27 – 01;01;36;11
And one of the reasons
I think people like this podcast is that,
01;01;36;18 – 01;01;40;23
yes, your boundaries
come in a whole lot quicker than mine do.
01;01;40;23 – 01;01;42;21
I’m much quicker and able
01;01;42;21 – 01;01;46;05
to give people the benefit of the doubt
for a longer period of time.
01;01;46;24 – 01;01;50;18
But what happens is you come in
with the cutting remark, I come in
01;01;50;18 – 01;01;56;09
with the lows and we always end
in a similar place when I’m not on Prozac.
01;01;56;17 – 01;01;59;26
When I was on Prozac,
I’m just loving people the entire time
01;01;59;28 – 01;02;03;24
and you’re having to step up
more and be like, No, we hate this number.
01;02;03;24 – 01;02;05;00
This is not okay.
01;02;05;00 – 01;02;07;21
There’s not a
heck is wrong with you. Right? Right.
01;02;07;21 – 01;02;10;12
And so this new business
that we are creating that I’ll tell you,
01;02;10;12 – 01;02;12;15
have you say the name
because I know you love it.
01;02;12;15 – 01;02;13;06
Give me a second.
01;02;13;06 – 01;02;17;04
Here is going to essentially
be the umbrella business
01;02;17;11 – 01;02;20;28
that will house under it
the more loved podcast
01;02;20;28 – 01;02;24;22
and the subscription service that we will
be starting to offer an awesome.
01;02;24;22 – 01;02;29;14
Scott, The video that you did last week
for the listeners,
01;02;29;21 – 01;02;32;26
it will also have research
that is being done
01;02;32;26 – 01;02;35;25
in terms of empathy
with boundaries from us.
01;02;35;27 – 01;02;37;15
Yes, right.
01;02;37;15 – 01;02;39;24
And mostly it’s me guys, mostly it’s me.
01;02;39;24 – 01;02;43;09
But whatever know there will be
01;02;43;09 – 01;02;47;29
books, written articles, written
presentations, trainings, opportunities
01;02;47;29 – 01;02;52;20
with our goal being specifically
that people in the helping professions,
01;02;52;20 – 01;02;55;05
whether that be student affairs,
whether that be nursing,
01;02;55;05 – 01;02;58;11
whether that be nonprofits,
whether they be caring, loving people
01;02;58;18 – 01;03;01;16
are allowed to be exactly who they are.
01;03;01;16 – 01;03;05;13
But we also need to focus on making sure
that we’re giving to ourselves.
01;03;05;13 – 01;03;08;04
We’re having boundaries,
we’re stepping into our own light
01;03;08;04 – 01;03;12;08
and we’re finding ways
to not have to bleed
01;03;12;08 – 01;03;16;09
excessively for everyone else around us
so that we don’t have something left.
01;03;16;20 – 01;03;18;03
When I’m not on Prozac.
01;03;18;03 – 01;03;21;06
That is something you and I do
beautifully well,
01;03;21;13 – 01;03;25;02
and I had to go through this
entire journey to let people know
01;03;25;02 – 01;03;29;25
that at the end, the birth of all of this
is this new business
01;03;29;25 – 01;03;34;00
that we are pushing out
called empathic edge.
01;03;34;02 – 01;03;38;20
Empathic
edge, empathy with boundaries so pumped.
01;03;38;20 – 01;03;42;19
And what I’m mostly pumped about,
what you didn’t say is our our hope
01;03;42;19 – 01;03;45;19
is that we’re going to create live groups,
01;03;45;26 – 01;03;50;02
live groups and even maybe down the road
retreats and things
01;03;50;02 – 01;03;54;24
where people can come together
and do real work and experience life.
01;03;54;24 – 01;03;59;26
And we connect, connect and we can
we can show and teach people
01;03;59;26 – 01;04;03;00
how you can have this beautiful, soulful
relationship
01;04;03;16 – 01;04;05;02
specifically with other women.
01;04;05;02 – 01;04;09;00
Yes. And build a community of love
01;04;09;00 – 01;04;13;11
and grace and deep, deep,
meaningful connection.
01;04;13;11 – 01;04;16;17
Connection
out of the darkness, Rose, the Phenix.
01;04;16;29 – 01;04;21;22
And so the moral of today’s session
is that
01;04;22;10 – 01;04;27;02
it doesn’t matter
how long it takes you to get to the point
01;04;27;02 – 01;04;32;05
that you needed to be at, It doesn’t
matter what you’ve endured along the way.
01;04;32;05 – 01;04;34;02
It doesn’t matter what you’ve tried along
the way.
01;04;34;02 – 01;04;36;16
You have to try
those things. You have to be
01;04;37;15 – 01;04;38;10
on Prozac.
01;04;38;10 – 01;04;42;20
If you’re me, right, you have to have
nasty cheese arguments with your husband.
01;04;42;20 – 01;04;45;00
You have to go through these things
01;04;45;00 – 01;04;48;12
in order to get to a place
where you figure out, who am I?
01;04;48;12 – 01;04;51;17
How do I step into my light,
and then how do I make something
01;04;51;17 – 01;04;55;01
beautiful out of all
that has been learned?
01;04;55;01 – 01;05;00;05
And for the first time
in a very long time, I think both of us
01;05;00;05 – 01;05;03;17
this is why we can create a business
in literally one hour,
01;05;04;01 – 01;05;08;17
finally have pulled together
all of the pieces
01;05;08;23 – 01;05;12;00
that have been scattered around
and have made a lot of sense to us
01;05;12;04 – 01;05;16;03
and to this beautiful puzzle
that we get to embark on together
01;05;16;12 – 01;05;20;07
and that we hope our more love
listeners will be a part of. Yes.
01;05;20;09 – 01;05;23;09
Will join us in will participate,
share with their friends,
01;05;23;13 – 01;05;26;18
share build
a beautiful community, will be with us.
01;05;26;19 – 01;05;29;23
You are with us here on the podcast
and we want you
01;05;29;23 – 01;05;33;02
to join us into this next
really beautiful stage of life.
01;05;33;21 – 01;05;38;14
And I personally appreciate
the opportunity to share just a little bit
01;05;38;14 – 01;05;42;01
more of the specifics associated with
where we’ve been and what we’re going.
01;05;42;08 – 01;05;45;21
And that, too, is beautiful
because in its own time,
01;05;45;21 – 01;05;50;02
when it makes sense, is the time to share
where we’ve been, where
01;05;50;03 – 01;05;53;22
we’re going, and hoping
that our listeners will join us.
01;05;53;23 – 01;05;57;05
Hopefully
the people in France are still coming. We
01;06;02;16 – 01;06;05;15
have over there done, done.
01;06;06;18 – 01;06;09;18
Yes, we’re done here.
01;06;09;29 – 01;06;12;02
Do you know what I want to say?
01;06;12;02 – 01;06;15;02
Julie, Julien, Michelle and I
01;06;15;14 – 01;06;18;04
left the details
for you within Fucking bitch.