Episode 108 – “And then she was all over me” – Empathy and the Angry Cat

0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:29 – Speaker 2
Hey, bestie, hi love.
0:00:31 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man.
0:00:52 – Speaker 1
Okay, disaster, that’s the word.
0:00:59 – Speaker 2
I’m going to use Dumpster fire.
0:01:01 – Speaker 1
Absolutely Dumpster fire.
0:01:07 – Speaker 2
You are a disaster, I know, I know, but you’ve got to give me props. I’ve been sitting at my computer since 6.30 this morning.
0:01:17 – Speaker 1
I’m lacking in the giving of props at this moment. I can’t not. I know, I know it’s not in a good place, I see that Not in a good place. I see that. Why would you call me bagel? That’s so nice, yeah. And why? Because I was hella on time.
0:01:38 – Speaker 2
No, you were above and.
0:01:39 – Speaker 1
I not. In fact, I was en route and you called and I said I can’t talk to you right now because we’re about to go on the podcast and I can’t waste our content. I’m having a conversation with you that’s not recorded and you told me all the reasons why you are a hot mess.
0:01:58 – Speaker 3
Well, that’s not all the reasons.
0:01:59 – Speaker 1
Right now there’s a lot more and said in, like you went on and on and on and then you were like, can you give me Dunkin Donuts, just like that? And I said you need me to stop at Dunkin Donuts. And you said I’m going to be late, I’m going to be late. I said, oh, I’m not surprised You’re going to be late. And where the heck is Dunkin Donuts? You knew right where the Dunkin Donuts was.
0:02:24 – Speaker 2
Because I come the other way when I drive myself Right, so you see it, so I see it, and I’ve stopped there once.
0:02:29 – Speaker 1
Oh, have you? Okay, and so in the amount of time that we got off the phone, I was able to go to Dunkin Donuts. I got you your coffee, I got you a bagel. I actually went to the gas station that’s attached to it, got myself some sour patch kids.
0:02:52 – Speaker 2
So you went through, the drive through and then went inside. Yes, hilarious, you could have just gone in and ordered.
0:02:57 – Speaker 1
I came out, got in my car, I came in here, I spoke to the woman who does the misages down the hall oh, did you get some price quotes? No, I opened the door while she was in the bathroom and I freaked out a little bit and she said she was just washing her hands. And then we had a minute and I had to talk about it, and so then I went in, I went tinkle, because I always have to when I get here. I came back in, I had a full on conversation with Scott about world peace.
This is all in the time.
0:03:31 – Speaker 2
You’re still not here at this point, but I’ve already told everyone that you live in a different county, which is where our production place is, in a different county. That’s not very far away.
0:03:47 – Speaker 1
It’s absolutely not, it is. So I come in here I’m chatting it up with Scott. I got all the stuff out, I got my water situated, I got all your food over there. I’m taking notes, I’m writing stuff down right, making sure I know I’m as cool as a cucumber, and then you come bopping in that door with your beehive on. I know.
0:04:13 – Speaker 2
I know that didn’t take a lot of time.
0:04:15 – Speaker 1
Just so we’re clear your lion’s mane is out of control today, that’s a big one today. It was so big that Scott had to adjust the cameras to make sure that he could get you on there.
0:04:27 – Speaker 2
You, see, well, you can’t cut it off.
0:04:30 – Speaker 1
What does your shirt say?
0:04:32 – Speaker 2
Sun, sun sun.
0:04:35 – Speaker 3
Vacation time.
0:04:36 – Speaker 2
Okay, somewhere warm, okay Okay.
0:04:41 – Speaker 1
Okay, so I don’t, I don’t know. You want to tell me what’s going on. All the things Going on vacation next week, yeah Well no, actually I think it starts this Friday, because that’s when you have the time off on the vacation calendar. So I’m pretty sure that, as far as we’re concerned, you’re going on vacation starting on Friday, right?
0:05:01 – Speaker 2
When do you really leave? Sunday, yeah, but I got stuff to do, right? Aren’t you proud of me for indicating it on the time off?
0:05:08 – Speaker 1
planner. Yeah, I only had to tell you three times. So, yes, congratulations, I’m really happy you did do it. I’m really happy that you did that.
0:05:16 – Speaker 2
So I’m going on vacation, which means I have to manage all the things. Right, you know how it is, especially you know moms always have to manage all the things, but I have to manage all the all the things, and my husband is hot mess express worse than me.
So I have to manage him. Yeah, and I’m just at my breaking point. Okay, just just at my breaking point. It doesn’t help that my washing machine broke last night all over the floor, it’s fine. What does that even mean? It was leaking. Philip’s like what’s happening? He’s about to go out and get the shoes he needs to buy for the vacation, and so it’s his only night free and he’s like the washing machine’s leaking. It’s all over the floor. He had to pull it out from the wall, we had to suck it up with the wet back, all the things. Yep, do you keep doing the laundry? Sure, we had to test it after we cleaned it up. I don’t know what happened. It seems to be okay. And then I did another one this morning because, like I returned my Amazon stuff.
0:06:13 – Speaker 1
Yes, I was going to tell you about that. So I was at Staples yesterday making some copies for my presentation it’s coming up in a couple of weeks and when I walked in the door there’s this gigantic sign that says we take Amazon returns. And I was going to tell you you’ve got other options. Now I know, I know. So, after we’ve walked into coals with three boxes full of your Amazon returns, if we can’t go back there because our picture’s on the wall and says do not let these women come back Now we can go to Staples.
0:06:47 – Speaker 2
Well, that was part of why I’m late today. Okay, oh great, let’s get into it.
0:06:51 – Speaker 4
I had to go to the.
0:06:52 – Speaker 2
UPS because I had to return. This is not good.
0:06:56 – Speaker 1
What is it? You do return what. You need to tell me what it was. I can’t. Yes, you have to tell me what it was. What was it? I cannot.
0:07:08 – Speaker 2
What is that? So I ordered some. We’re going to Disney World and I ordered some things to take to Disney World, like Minnie Mouse ears and outfits, because we don’t have 16 of those already.
0:07:21 – Speaker 1
Things like that.
0:07:22 – Speaker 2
Right. Then I realized you can stop.
0:07:25 – Speaker 1
Stop it. You have a box in your house that is full of Disney hats, disney ears, disney shirts.
0:07:36 – Speaker 4
Disney fanny packs.
0:07:37 – Speaker 1
We’re going to want more people, though, so we needed ears for those people. Yes, they couldn’t get their own ears no, I have to provide all the things. I am the fun engineer, yes, I understand.
0:07:48 – Speaker 2
And then you have to have ears for each outfit. I got my girls all the things. Number one you made me wear that stupid, stupid hat. Yeah, there’s a picture and it’s just me wearing the hat, yeah.
0:08:00 – Speaker 1
Because you took it out. I got sick of mine.
0:08:01 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you said this, I’ll take one picture of you and then I’m taking it off. Right, I packed that too, so okay. So I bought the things like things, and then I realized my window of return was going to close before I got back from the trip. Yeah, so I had to reorder everything and then take back everything that I already purchased.
0:08:24 – Speaker 1
What do you mean? What are you saying? You’re telling me that you reordered all of the stuff so that you could then return it and get your money back.
0:08:39 – Speaker 2
Because I’m going to use it all and then come home and return it. I can’t including a suitcase, oh my gosh. Yeah, I know how to work. I know how this works.
0:08:52 – Speaker 1
I cannot. You do it all the time. You better hope some people aren’t listening to this. I know, again, it’s not going to be good, I know.
0:09:00 – Speaker 2
I changed my name Yep, so I had to return all that stuff because I needed it to be within my window when I get back. That’s what you’re returning right now.
0:09:07 – Speaker 1
I already did it.
0:09:08 – Speaker 2
That’s why I was late. Ok, but do you have to pay a bill? I didn’t have to pay a bill, but the holdup was that the thong underwear that I bought apparently had to be packaged by me versus just loose free free float it. I left it in the package that it came in, but it was clear, like you know, the cellophane or whatever and it specifically said, because there is a kiosk there, that you do it by yourself.
0:09:36 – Speaker 3
You don’t even need to go to the man anymore. Yeah, they did that because of you. I know, I know.
0:09:40 – Speaker 2
But you know, the people were pissed because I had 37,000 likes Because there’s a line yes. So I pull out the panties in the cellophane. And then there’s a big thing. When you put the scanner on for the QR code, it goes attention, If this isn’t a clear bag, it will not be accepted.
0:09:57 – Speaker 1
And I’m like, ooh, now. That means what color? Bag was it.
0:10:01 – Speaker 2
It was clear, I had to go buy an envelope like a packaging thing to stick them into, then mail it. Oh, if it’s clear it will not be accepted.
0:10:11 – Speaker 1
Correct, because nobody wants to see your thumb no.
0:10:14 – Speaker 2
No, it’s because all those no return or no package, no label, whatever go in the clear bags. Yeah. So I’m like, oh no, I got to wait in line. So now I got to wait in line. I had to do that. And then I’m like, sir, may I please have an envelope? Did you have to pay for that? Yes, and then I gave them the envelope. Turns out it’s his first day, first shift.
0:10:34 – Speaker 1
Ok, yeah, well, and the very first thing he has to do is return your thong. That’s great, it was two thongs, ok. Can you tell me how you know the thongs didn’t fit? Did you try those babies?
0:10:46 – Speaker 2
on. No, it’s not that they didn’t fit. I didn’t like what they looked like when they came in, so you didn’t try them on.
0:10:51 – Speaker 1
No, I didn’t even take them out of the package. Ok, that’s good. What was wrong with them? It’s the wrong color. Ok, ok, all right, yeah OK.
0:11:02 – Speaker 2
Good, I think my most favorite return experience was when I took unicalls with me with all the boxes. I mean it had to be 70 items. I’m not even joking. No, you’re not exaggerating.
0:11:13 – Speaker 1
At least 70.
0:11:14 – Speaker 2
And so they are giving us the looks and you cannot. Speaking of empathy, you cannot deal and I’m just like this is normal, right? The woman taking the return says absolutely nothing about any of my purchases until it gets. Now I’m returning pots and pans, I’m returning towels, like household things, right, Until it gets to the one item, Yep. And I’m thinking to myself here it goes, it’s going to happen.
0:11:43 – Speaker 1
Because, to set the stage here, you have all of these items in those really large like 31 bags, you know, with the two handles.
0:11:52 – Speaker 3
They’re like huge duffels and.
0:11:53 – Speaker 1
I’m the one who’s taking it out, because you actually have a very efficient system of having to go through. Scan the code. Go through, scan the code, right, I know.
0:12:01 – Speaker 2
So I’m the one taking out of the bag and they’re not pre-packaged because you don’t need to have them in a package. No free flowing. That’s why.
0:12:09 – Speaker 1
And here I am leaning in and I pull it out Yep, what’d you pull out? And I look at it, and I look at you, and I look at the woman and I said is this a wig? And you said that’s my weave. I said what do you mean? It’s your weave.
0:12:32 – Speaker 2
Well, I wanted to get away from the extensions and I wanted to just go full on wig, right. So I watched a bunch of tutorials, right, and then I got the wig in the mail and it was not OK.
0:12:42 – Speaker 1
No, it was not OK and it had bangs. That’s why it wasn’t OK. It had flat bangs like you had in fourth grade. Yeah, I know it was bad. I know, that’s why I had to return it. And then, when I was about the bangs let’s just let the wig part go here for a minute what part of you was thinking that the bangs were a good idea? And you said I was going to do the side sweep?
0:13:06 – Speaker 2
Right, Because in the picture of the wig that’s how they were. They weren’t a legit bang.
0:13:12 – Speaker 1
Now, if that was the only wig, that’d be a great story. Were there two more wigs? Yeah, and a different option, and some wig tape and some wig oil, whatever that is. Do you remember the?
0:13:25 – Speaker 2
heads, the mannequin heads? Oh yes, because you can’t just put your wig on there.
0:13:30 – Speaker 1
You’ve got to put them on the actual mannequin head that you’re going to put on your dresser. Yes, it’s not OK. And this woman, she’s shaking her head, she’s like that’s fine, that’s fine.
0:13:44 – Speaker 2
Love my stuff, love me some wigs. You know it was pissed the woman behind her side, the woman behind her side.
0:13:51 – Speaker 1
It was not Well the wig oil. I’m like I can, I’m out of here.
0:13:55 – Speaker 2
Then there was a wig glue.
0:13:57 – Speaker 1
Oh, it was glue. It was the glue. I said what is this? Who are you Said to make sure it’s still in place? I can, I can not. This is one of those examples where you make these independent decisions to start doing things completely off the cuff, and then I always find out about it.
0:14:16 – Speaker 2
I know you shouldn’t have been with me that day. Always. That was the day I was supposed to go by myself, and I don’t know how you ended up there, but I’m like I’ve got to go.
0:14:23 – Speaker 1
Because you couldn’t carry those by yourself, because there were 70 packages. You going to make three trips. Well, just wait.
0:14:29 – Speaker 2
So I looked at my. You probably don’t even know this, because you probably don’t order that much, but there’s like a count.
0:14:35 – Speaker 4
Don’t order what.
0:14:36 – Speaker 2
Wigs? No, I don’t. There’s like a count at the top of your Amazon account that says how many items you’ve purchased in the past year. Ok, we’re in what August? Yeah, how many do you think I’ve purchased?
0:14:47 – Speaker 1
Oh no, In August so from January. From January to August yeah, ok, maybe I’ll try August. So that’s eight months.
0:15:00 – Speaker 2
Seven technically because August has started, but I’ve had a lot of shipments in the past couple days. 80?.
0:15:08 – Speaker 1
Honey. Oh, that would be 10 a month. That’s 10 orders a month, honey. What is it? I can’t.
0:15:15 – Speaker 2
I’m about to ask. I think it’s close to 500. Are you kidding me? No, I can pull on my phone and look oh oh yeah, the shipping people know me Every single day is at least eight items. Oh yeah, well, that’s also including my work stuff. When I buy stuff, you don’t work, you barely work, ok, ok.
0:15:39 – Speaker 1
So I love that you’re trying to lump that in there. How many purchases do you have to make for work? You don’t, I do, you don’t Done.
0:15:47 – Speaker 2
Five, oh, no, three Close, at least Maybe, yeah. Yeah, at least I could look at previous years.
0:15:55 – Speaker 1
How many of the 500 have you returned? Oh well, yeah, 464. I can’t.
0:16:01 – Speaker 2
That’s not OK. Today, I think I did at least 22.
0:16:05 – Speaker 3
No, uh-huh.
0:16:06 – Speaker 1
At least it is, and that’s incredible. That is absolutely incredible. So you were late today because I had to make you returns this guy’s brand new.
0:16:18 – Speaker 2
Just got a lot going on, been working since 6.30 this morning.
0:16:24 – Speaker 1
So someone wrote us a joint email today.
I was like, hey, rebecca, oh, you know about this, I do. Yeah, hey, rebecca, just checking in, wanted to make sure I didn’t miss an email, right. So I screenshot that baby, I send it to Rebecca and I’m like I cannot with the cry face. I’m like you are. I don’t know if people really know this. So you serve in multiple capacities in my life, but in terms of concern center, you run client relations right now and you also do my personal assistant stuff, and so personal assistant means you schedule the meetings, you coordinate the things, you plan our trips, you do. I mean, there’s just a lot of stuff that you do right.
So my favorite part is that I would just receive these random emails where they copy me in or almost like got to get Rebecca in trouble, right? And every time I screenshot it I’m like you’re going to get back to this person and you’re like busy, I’m busy.
0:17:26 – Speaker 2
So you say I’m on it. This is coordinating between six people. I got to send doodles, it’s all. I can’t just pull a meeting. Sure, we’ll do it on Tuesday at 8 AM. I got to make sure everybody can come, so I said I did approval that I didn’t have to be at the meeting. Right, right, because that just means we’re not meeting until September, right, exactly.
0:17:46 – Speaker 1
I know so once.
0:17:48 – Speaker 2
I got that approval, I send out the doodle, I tell you, then I got to wait for the responses.
0:17:52 – Speaker 1
Then I tell you about this new app we’ve downloaded from my son. It’s called June J-O-O-N and it’s essentially to help kids stay on track. And he now has this fake animal Like it’s like a gigapet new age gigapet and he gets a certain amount of coins every time he completes a task. So brush your teeth in the morning maybe his four coins and put your deodorant on that’s 10 coins because he forgets that and then everybody suffers.
0:18:31 – Speaker 4
So you can set all of that.
0:18:33 – Speaker 1
And so he wins these coins, and then these coins go to help him take care of his fake gigapet so he can buy outfits for them. He can do all this stuff. So I say to you do you need me to set you up with a June account? You want me to put you?
0:18:49 – Speaker 2
My thing would be dead as a fucking doorknob. Dead as a doorknob. I’m the sidewalk saying Just some water. It’s very dead, just some water Busy.
0:19:01 – Speaker 1
Please A little smorseless food. Oh, my god, please, my god. So I’m about to set you up with a June account, along with my kid, just to give you some tasks or some positive motivation. But, in all seriousness, what did I say to you? We got this. I said, we got this.
0:19:18 – Speaker 2
That’s because you’re in a good place. I’m a great place. This week.
0:19:22 – Speaker 1
I’m doing great. I am. I am Knock on wood. I’m ahead of schedule. I sat in the car dealership this morning getting my oil changed, Just sitting there staring off into space. Why? Because I had some free time. Thank you, it was incredible. Why didn’t you answer?
0:19:37 – Speaker 2
that guy’s email Schedule the meeting. No, not in my lane it’s not in my lane. Why didn’t you schedule that meeting? Why didn’t you take that off my plate?
0:19:47 – Speaker 1
So I said you put all your stuff in your little book bag thing and throw it in there, and we’re just gonna get you all set by the end of the day. So, you’re gonna go home, you’re gonna feel better.
0:19:57 – Speaker 4
I called Phillip on the way here.
0:19:59 – Speaker 2
He’s like what are you doing? I go, just not a good place Rocking back and forth. He’s like, ooh, I go, erin told me to bring all my stuff so she can help me. And he’s like, ooh, we’ll see you later. Yeah, see you at 11 pm. And I apologize because I am eating the bagel that you bought for me and it’s because I’m drinking the espresso with the coffee. And if I don’t, it’ll be like this no, no, no, no, no, I gotta eat something.
0:20:19 – Speaker 1
Wait, if you drink the coffee without the espresso.
0:20:21 – Speaker 2
No, with the espresso, but not eat. Yeah right, we’re in a bad place, all right. So I pull the card and it’s called the fool.
0:20:31 – Speaker 1
The fool Okay.
0:20:33 – Speaker 2
This is for you tonight. This is my chaotic.
0:20:35 – Speaker 1
It’s gonna be for you too.
0:20:36 – Speaker 2
Am I doing the right? It’s my chaotic energy. And it is a woman walking on stepping stones in the water Doesn’t surprise me, so I brought my glasses today. I don’t think it’s gonna help because they’re for distance, but we’ll see.
0:20:56 – Speaker 1
Do you want me to hold it over here?
0:20:58 – Speaker 2
They’re not working. That is not, that’s better, all right. The fool innately knows she is a child of the divine, always connected to something greater than the self. She is divinely guided and protected, fully trusting in the path laid out before her. So true, just go with the flow, that’s right, that’s right. We just. That’s so me. Just keep on moving, it’s fine, we’ll figure it out, yeah, or?
0:21:23 – Speaker 1
you call me Right, can you manage this? Not a good place?
0:21:26 – Speaker 2
Yeah, but we still gotta move forward, right, right. The figure in this card is pictured with her eyes closed, stepping from one stone to the next. She may not be able to see with her eyes, but in her heart she knows she’s following the right path. She also has a guide close by helping to.
0:21:48 – Speaker 1
Yeah, tell me more about the guide.
0:21:50 – Speaker 2
Tell me more about her she also has a guide close by helping her to make the best choices for her highest good. She carries no bags and has no long term plan. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. From one stone to the next, her purpose just unfolds as time goes. Yeah, the fool asks you to take a leap of faith. It may be time to set out on a new journey or path. As you take steps towards the unknown future, trust that you are guided and supported by the unseen forces of the universe.
0:22:23 – Speaker 1
And. And me, and me.
0:22:27 – Speaker 2
If this isn’t, I have to just embrace, just bring all the stuff and just go blindly forward.
0:22:33 – Speaker 1
You know, show up late, show up 17 minutes late with the biggest hair that you’ve ever had in the history of our friendship, and you will have a bagel waiting for you and some coffee waiting for you. I got my Amazon returns done. You got your Amazon returns done. You’re fine. Yeah, yeah, nailing it. Yeah, nailing it. Tell me more about the guide. Yeah, and let’s you know, hope the next card is about the guide, because she tired.
0:22:57 – Speaker 2
Okay, I know, but I had to be listen. I was your guide last month. Well, okay, all right.
0:23:04 – Speaker 1
It’s your turn.
0:23:05 – Speaker 2
It’s your turn to take on the weight, okay.
0:23:06 – Speaker 1
We’re going to give you the whole month. We’re going to say it was the whole month, the whole month. All right, okay, got it. I would take one for the team here. What I think is interesting about the affirmation that I picked is that in your card, you spoke the words highest good. I’ve never heard that before. And I picked a card that talks about the highest good. Oh, I love that. Okay, so it says I am trusting the process. I know that everything aligns for my highest good.
0:23:41 – Speaker 2
If we don’t have that string that soulmates talk about Yep, I don’t know who does Yep?
0:23:50 – Speaker 1
Always connected, I agree.
0:23:52 – Speaker 2
Always connected. When I was at my worst this morning, your text ding and I’m like, oh God, what is she? She’s like we got a yell. I don’t know what’s going to happen to something. I’m either in trouble for something or what Cause it was early, it was like seven something.
0:24:11 – Speaker 1
Cause I’m on top of my game today. It’s great. This whole week I’ve been on top of my game.
0:24:17 – Speaker 2
Nailing it, so I’m really happy for you.
0:24:20 – Speaker 1
Thank you, I appreciate that I have to be because, again, as we’ve talked about, when we’re both pouring from an empty cup, it ain’t good, not good, not good. But I got us this week. I appreciate that. Yep, all right, we have some things today. I know we didn’t get to everything last night. First of all, I’m going to start you with this when your feelings get to be too big and you don’t want to deal with them anymore, what song do you sing?
0:24:49 – Speaker 2
Turn it up.
0:24:51 – Speaker 3
Turn it on Like a light switch, that’s the best, you turn it off.
0:25:00 – Speaker 1
You know who did that for us? Scott, scott, I love it. Scott, I gotta play it again. I gotta play it again.
0:25:07 – Speaker 3
Turn it on Like a light switch.
0:25:10 – Speaker 1
Hilarious, I now have this little sound clip that I can play.
0:25:14 – Speaker 3
So we just turn it off Anytime any type of feelings. Turn it on Like a light switch.
0:25:20 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’m pretty sure you should have that button. I know You’re the one who wants to turn it off All the time. Mine is the opposite. So I have a video I want to show you. I have a surprise I want to give you, but I can’t give it to you today because your hair is too big, so that’s going to have to wait till next week.
0:25:38 – Speaker 2
So note to self next week, hair down, wear a big hair, hair down, okay, next week. Lines mean, so I’ll give you a choice.
0:25:45 – Speaker 1
Do you want to watch the video that I have prepared?
0:25:49 – Speaker 2
Okay, I don’t even want to know what the other choice is. We’ll do that one after. Okay, scott.
0:25:55 – Speaker 4
So at first, first she hid completely and I could barely get to her, stop it. And then she decided she would be chasing, literally chasing me around the room. I had to wear knee-high boots.
0:26:12 – Speaker 2
Are those your feet?
0:26:15 – Speaker 4
The shelter had deemed her as not an adoptable cat Stop it.
0:26:21 – Speaker 2
I want to love that cat oh.
0:26:23 – Speaker 4
I didn’t know the extent, but I definitely was ready to commit whatever it took. Little by little she started showing little moments where she would kind of it’s almost like this wall in front of her would just come down momentarily and she would just go right up to me and I managed to touch her just a couple of times. In those moments I can say I probably saw the potential. I knew there was something there, I knew there was somebody that was gonna eventually surface and I decided at that point to stop trying. I just said no more, like just give her her space. She’s telling me all this time. She just needs her own timeline and my own selfish need to smother her needs to subside Good girl.
Good girl, good girl.
0:27:33 – Speaker 3
Good girl, you’re lighting your sweating. Hi, here you go, come here.
0:27:46 – Speaker 4
She’s teeny, I started practicing by putting treats on my chest and she would grab them, walk away. And then one night I just woke up and she was all over me. From that point on it was touch and go. You know, there were a lot of those moments, but then there would be few days in between where she would decide she doesn’t totally trust me. So I would say it took maybe a month before I felt super comfortable with her and vice versa, and then the rest was history Just kind of letting go of that kind of selfish need to connect and really realizing that you’re kind of there for the animal. That’s a very kind of profound experience if you really tap into it. She is so easy and in tune with me. I feel like she’s just an extension of me. Somehow she is just my sidekick.
0:28:55 – Speaker 2
If you say that I’m that damn cat, you’re the cat. I swear to God, I can’t stop it. You’re that cat and you’re that woman. I know it’s a boot. I don’t want to talk about it. That’s your feet.
0:29:09 – Speaker 1
You don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it?
0:29:11 – Speaker 3
Turn it on like a light switch.
0:29:18 – Speaker 2
I can’t stop it. This is not a good day to be doing this. Did you that You’re the cat? I know you are the cat. I knew it the minute it came on the damn screen. You’re dead. Yes.
0:29:29 – Speaker 1
My favorite part is that you didn’t allude to that at all. You were just talking about the actual cat to take the feelings away from it. You were like that cat’s cute. That cat has cute face. I like cats, Like that’s what you were doing. Yes, and I’m like she’s just completely missed the point here. The whole point is that she’s the cat. I knew it immediately. She’s the cat, I don’t want to talk about it. She’s the cat. We have to talk about that. What’d you say you didn’t want to talk about?
0:29:52 – Speaker 3
it, turn it on like a light switch. Yeah, I know I can’t.
0:29:58 – Speaker 1
I cannot. I love that button. Scott’s going to remove it next time, it’s OK. So listen, I watched that and I’m like number one. That cat’s face looked like it ran into a glass door Until it when it started softening up it looked a little bit different. It did. What do you mean? It was a mess, and then, when it finally got some love, it turned into the beauty.
0:30:27 – Speaker 2
Yes, it’s like I always say. I walk around with a tattoo on my forehead that says fuck off Always. That was the cat.
0:30:37 – Speaker 1
Yes, In the beginning.
0:30:37 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and then it just softened, slowly, puts away. Yeah, it’s only reserved for special people.
0:30:44 – Speaker 1
Ha, ha, ha ha, oh my god. Ok, so now that I know that when you watched that, you thought of it as more than just a cute cat, what are your thoughts on that? I don’t want to talk about it, oh my gosh, that’s very emotional.
0:30:59 – Speaker 2
I don’t like what it felt like in my chest.
0:31:01 – Speaker 1
I almost got a little teary eyed watching it. This time it was the cutest. So there’s the cat and she’s saying that that cat was real tough in the beginning, Didn’t even want to come out of the crate right, Didn’t want to have anything to do with that together. But then she says I had to give up my selfish need to smother her and give her her own time one and give her her own time, one, and then I’m just threw my pen in the air.
0:31:32 – Speaker 2
I know.
0:31:34 – Speaker 1
What so that hit me and I’m like, isn’t it interesting? I am an empathy pusher. Pusher, pusher, pusher, pusher. You’re like I don’t want to talk about it. I’m like we’re talking about it.
0:31:49 – Speaker 2
Notice this is how it goes.
0:31:51 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’m like. You’re like I have a lot of feelings about it. I’m not ready to talk about it. We’re talking about it. You say I want to react this way to this person. I said we’re not going to do that, we’re going to do it this way, right? I’m pushing empathy all the time and so then when she’s like I had to give up my selfish need to smother her, I’m like, oh no, I got to look at that.
So I spend some time thinking about what does that mean? What does it mean Selfish need to smother? And then I’m like why is it in? We’re in a different place now, but in the beginning, if I had this extreme desire to have you just get there, why was I so excited and forceful about having you get there? And then I asked myself was it really from a selfish place? So does it just make me feel more comfortable to be around people who are in that place, or is it really genuinely where I thought it was coming from, which is? I know what it feels like to be in this place and I want it for you and for others so badly. Which one is it?
0:33:13 – Speaker 2
Well, my opinion is so badly.
0:33:16 – Speaker 1
You just want people to feel that way.
0:33:18 – Speaker 4
Yeah, no, it’s not selfish at all.
0:33:21 – Speaker 2
But that’s why I see you so easily, because it’s never about getting your own way or being controlling. We had this huge conversation. It’s not about that at all. It’s not about any of that. That might be what people hear, but really, at the end of the day, it’s about homeostasis and everybody getting their needs met and everybody feeling like they’re in a good place. And it’s so clear to me when you communicate, that’s what you mean every time. It doesn’t matter even if you say, sit down in that chair and don’t move To me that’s not controlling at all. Well, that’s because you trust and I just see you. I understand, I get it.
0:34:03 – Speaker 1
And I feel that way about that woman with the cat, because she doesn’t want the cat to hurry up and be that way, because she’s like my life’s gonna be so much easier when this cat isn’t scratching my legs anymore. She’s like I see the potential in this cat and I just want it to embrace and have and experience all of the love. Then I immediately yes, I need to happen now, right, almost like hurry up and get there and then anything that comes up will take care of that, exactly In the midst, I promise right.
0:34:39 – Speaker 4
We can do that.
0:34:40 – Speaker 1
But I don’t always have patience for that process of getting there because I see how great that reward can be.
0:34:48 – Speaker 2
See, I disagree At the end. I disagree. You think I have patience. I think I have tremendous yes, tremendous. I mean, everybody has their breaking point, but I think your breaking point is significantly longer, or your fuse, or whatever. You can hang with the same conversation over and over and over. I think really I could be that woman, but in the opposite, like I’m gonna give you the chance to get there and you have this much time, which is an inch of time, and if you can’t do it within this timeframe that I’ve decided is acceptable, then I can no longer be empathetic toward you. I have now decided you can’t get there.
0:35:29 – Speaker 1
Interesting. Would you feel that same way about this cat?
0:35:33 – Speaker 2
Yes, really, I would give it a time in my mind, I would give it a timeframe that I thought was acceptable and if that animal or person could not get there within that timeframe.
0:35:44 – Speaker 1
What happens for you?
0:35:46 – Speaker 2
I close them out of my heart. I’m still kind of nice. I it’s too much work oh.
0:35:54 – Speaker 1
So you have to see some progress. And if you can’t be seeing the progress, then you’ve just determined it’s too much. This person or this animal is going to take way too much of my time, effort and energy, and I’m not gonna be the bleeding heart who keeps giving Mm-hmm. Yeah, how do you feel when you’ve now shut the door on that person or that animal? Great, really, mm-hmm.
0:36:20 – Speaker 2
What do you mean? Great, I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I don’t have to put any effort.
0:36:26 – Speaker 3
You’re writing that down. I’m not gonna shut the door like a lie.
0:36:30 – Speaker 2
That. I thought you were writing it down.
0:36:32 – Speaker 1
No, yeah, that’s a great example of turn it off. You turned it off and you’re like I’m all done. Sorry for you, cat. Yeah. And then sometimes I you don’t think about it again.
0:36:43 – Speaker 2
Well, if I come in, well, yeah, no, you’d be like you can’t get there, it’s too bad for you, and this is done.
0:36:51 – Speaker 1
Done, it’s all done. Mm-hmm. You don’t ever think about it again. You’re never like huh. I wonder If they changed how the cat’s doing. I wonder if that cat’s a nice cat now. No Done. Wow, it’s incredible, mm-hmm.
0:37:08 – Speaker 2
I mean that’s difficult to channel into an animal scenario. I’m just thinking about people right In my relationships with people it’s easier with people to think about it than with animals. Oh yes, what? Oh yes, it’s very you mean Mm-hmm, mm-hmm?
0:37:30 – Speaker 1
So if there’s a person in your life and that person is not making progress in a way that you feel is meaningful or in a self-serving way, something that’s going to help themselves, correct?
0:37:43 – Speaker 2
Themselves, not me. Yes, nothing to do with me. Nope, self-serving for them.
0:37:47 – Speaker 1
You need to help yourself, because I believe that human beings are always growing.
0:37:51 – Speaker 2
People. They’re always learning, they’re always expanding, they’re always developing, getting deeper. I truly believe people have the capacity to be super, super deep. Mm-hmm. And when? If you can’t get there, even if it’s just a millisecond of an?
0:38:11 – Speaker 1
inch deeper.
0:38:11 – Speaker 2
So the progress doesn’t have to be great. No, no, no, no. It can be, and it’s gotta be consistent. It can’t be.
0:38:16 – Speaker 1
It can’t have been flow.
0:38:17 – Speaker 2
What if there’s a back slide? Nope, it depends.
0:38:21 – Speaker 1
It depends because it’s how many times are we backsliding?
0:38:23 – Speaker 2
To me it’s really clear if it was a true back slide or if it’s, I get it or I don’t. Okay, you can see that too. You can read good people.
0:38:31 – Speaker 1
So you’re saying I need you to get it, I need you to understand that this is where we’re at, and then, if you do backslide, I need to know that you get it enough to be able to continue to move forward. Or if you’re just trying to blow the smoke Exactly and be like, oh yeah, I get it, I’m now this new person, but then they’re just right back to their old ways again. Yes, and you struggle with that because, yes, you believe that people have the ability to feel deeply and to be great and you wanna see that realized in people. Yes, and, as we talked about previously, if you do not see that in the person, does it pain you too much to see them continue to struggle without moving forward? Is that why you have to distance yourself?
0:39:15 – Speaker 2
It pains me, Right? Not that it doesn’t Right, it’s annoying to me, it’s annoying. It’s annoying to me that because I am always at least from my perspective I am always deep and always thinking to the depths of whatever. So if you can’t meet me there in the beginning, that’s okay. So I’ll test it and push it a little bit and see how we can get there. And if we can’t, depending on the circumstance, it’s just too much work on my part, especially if it’s crystal clear To you Either a solution or a journey or a behavior it could be anything I’ll go on the path for a little bit, but if I don’t see any sort of progress, gotta go. It’s too much, Wow, Way too much.
0:40:22 – Speaker 3
Wow.
0:40:24 – Speaker 1
And I’m stuck on the fact that you don’t look back.
0:40:27 – Speaker 2
You For what? See how they’re doing in the same place they were at when I left them there.
0:40:33 – Speaker 1
Because you think they’re not gonna grow If they couldn’t do it with you in that time span, Well, maybe maybe, but what if they do? What if they do? What if they come back later on, mm-hmm let’s say years later, mm-hmm, and they say to you I get it now, mm-hmm.
0:40:50 – Speaker 2
Great, so I’ll test you again.
0:40:52 – Speaker 1
So your door’s open? Oh yeah, your door’s open, yes, but you’re like great. So let me throw a couple scenarios at you that are very similar to the scenarios before, to see whether or not you’re legit, or if you just are living in mythical land, thinking that you’ve improved Mm-hmm. In that scenario, they end up being in mythical land. Mm-hmm, right, mm-hmm. What do you do then? Slowly, we distance ourselves again. Yeah, mm-hmm, how many times do you let them come back?
0:41:24 – Speaker 2
That’s such a difficult question to answer. I think A it depends on where I’m at in my life. Okay, I am very filled to the brim, I do not have a lot of free time, so it just depends Timing is everything right? So you know, if it works out and it’s going well, then great, and if not I mean everybody knows that I’m a terrible communicator when it comes to my phone. I mean, I think I have 75 unread text messages, so it’s very easy for me to just disappear into that void.
Mm-hmm, because I’ve already established that with everyone, including you, numerous times you send me the meme of the cat. That’s like punching her in the face Like hello you there, you there. Because it’s just, I’m just too much going on and way too many ways to communicate with each other. Therefore, if texts are no longer sacred, then what is, you know, like? For me, texts are for close knit people, not for my tanning place with the sale today, like I can’t stand it. So texts have become almost like email, now right, and I can’t organize them, and I can’t compartmentalize them, and I can’t flag them or anything like that. So then it just becomes lost in the void. Well, sorry, sorry, your text got lost, Like I don’t know what to say.
0:42:50 – Speaker 1
Do you have anyone in your life that you’re pretty clear has exhausted all of their opportunities? And even if they came back now, you’d be like, eh, not interested. Yeah, you do.
0:43:03 – Speaker 2
Oh yeah.
0:43:04 – Speaker 1
Wow, I do not. I really genuinely. It doesn’t mean that we’re gonna have the closest of close relationship, but I remember working on this in therapy and talking with my therapist, who I absolutely loved, and I said to him one time how many chances are too many chances Because I won’t stop, and that has led me to be in six and a half year relationships. That has led me with no resolve at the end of that right.
It has led me to just constantly give people chance after chance after chance, because I believe so deeply in the ability to grow and change and learn and do things differently. But that has left me susceptible, in some ways, to just constantly giving people mass amounts of chances and never having that definitive point that you’re talking about, which is all right. I believe people can change, but I don’t have to be involved in their change process. Right? I say that. I’ve said that many times to many friends and many of the clients I was meeting with when I was doing therapy for people. But when I really ask myself if someone was to genuinely come back and say I need to talk to you, they need to own it. If you own it, if you own it, I honestly cannot think. But that’s the difference Of a capacity limit that I would have on that.
0:44:49 – Speaker 2
But they have to own it. What if they didn’t own it and they kept coming back?
0:44:52 – Speaker 1
No, I would not.
0:44:54 – Speaker 2
That’s what I mean. So that’s so. Now they have to own it. You can’t just own it. Owning it is the apology or the reconciliation or whatever, and then we can be at this place. But are we gonna continue to grow? Maybe, maybe not. We still may remain in this place, which is fine.
0:45:12 – Speaker 1
But you, when it comes to this place, are much more calculated in terms of ensuring that you’re in this place and you stay in this place. I am, interestingly enough, much more free flowing in terms of okay, let bygones be bygones, we’re all done with that, let’s start over again, exactly, and then you completely re-engage and all the things.
So I’m not as calculated in terms of my desire to be mindful, if I truly believe that your apology is sincere, if I believe that you’ve owned what you need to own, and if I believe that the apology has come out in such a way that just feels congruent with what I need it to be, we’re good. We’re good, and I think that’s really interesting.
0:46:09 – Speaker 2
Well, we’re good too, but are we good enough to get deeper, or are we just good enough to be here?
0:46:17 – Speaker 1
You’re still reserved.
0:46:19 – Speaker 2
Oh yes, you’re still skeptical. And then I’ll test, and test, and test and we’ll see. And maybe that is your point right here, because at the end of the day I’m the one who always gets disappointed, because I have in my mind these expectations or time frames or whatever that I’ve decided are meaningful, and if you can’t match that, then not quite sure what I’m doing.
0:46:47 – Speaker 1
You know what’s interesting? So am I. I’m also the one who always gets disappointed. Oh yeah, we talk about this a lot. So whether it’s you give people a second chance with reservation or I give people an unabashed opportunity to just start over again, the opportunity for hurt and pain and disappointment continues to exist. So it’s not about those people, because people are fallible, right. People make mistakes all of the time. People are going to disappoint. It’s about. This is what people say when they say I’m not gonna get this right.
But an apology is something that you give to yourself, or forgiveness is something that you give to yourself Right, because in these cases, if we assume that both of those people are equal and that hurt is equally possible for both of us, then the reality is that your approach to holding on still being a bit skeptical right, is something that you’re withholding for yourself, and my freedom in okay, let’s just start this over and do it again is something I give myself. But I don’t want us to think that the end goal of disappointment only exists in cases where someone’s been reserved, and in fact it’s almost a lie that we tell ourselves that you will be less disappointed so long if you’ve continued to be reserved, then I will, if I’ve allowed myself to be free, flowing and open and still get disappointed.
0:48:27 – Speaker 2
I’m just realizing in this moment that you and I always speak the same language in incredibly different ways. We’re always saying the same thing, just incredibly different.
0:48:39 – Speaker 1
Why did you already say that?
0:48:40 – Speaker 2
No, but you’re absolutely right. At the end of the day, we’re both in these spaces that ultimately mean the same thing. We just approach them very differently.
0:48:50 – Speaker 1
Yes, absolutely, because the end goal is to have relationships with people, and how we get to that point of having relationships has to do with how much reservation we each hold for allowing those opportunities. But let’s not convince ourselves that there’s any more or less pain at the end of disappointment in either one of those scenarios. 100%, 100%. That’s really, really interesting. I never, ever, understood the forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. Quote ever, I never understood that I couldn’t relate with that. I do so deeply you do.
0:49:35 – Speaker 2
Oh, my God, yes, in what way? It is very clear to me that and maybe it’s just because that’s my experience I’ve had to forgive people in my life basically on numerous occasions, to let go of all of that hurt and resentfulness and not allow it to take up space in my brain and in my heart because it’s just too much. And when I went through that process of doing that and it’s a very clear process for me, how I do it and it’s physical, it’s all the things I noticed a significant shift. But I’m also very I’m a highly anxious person and I’m very keen to energies and things like that. That it’s very clear to me. Like even just this past weekend, I kept thinking to myself what am I anxious about? What am I anxious about? And I can see certain things in my body and all this stuff and I can’t live like that. I can’t. It’s a physical thing for me and so I have to go through that forgiving process in order to take it out of my body. Does that make sense?
0:50:52 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I noticed that for myself. When there’s something I’m feeling anxious about, but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is, I’ll think through what are the tasks, what are the things that are going on in your life right now that feel unresolved? And let’s say it’s something as simple as you have to do this PowerPoint presentation by Friday and you’re anxious about it. Once I’m able to identify that, notice it almost see it in my mind’s eye and then allow it to be seen or experienced, I can then let it go and then I start to feel an energy shift in my body.
0:51:28 – Speaker 2
But isn’t that the same with forgiving people? And take the word forgiveness out. It’s about allowing that person to identify with that. That’s not about me, that’s about you. So that’s how it’s easy for me to be like, okay, you can only make it here, see you later, that’s on you, and if you want more and you wanna be more, then you need to. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s the same for me with forgiveness. All of that is all wrapped up into the same concept.
0:51:59 – Speaker 1
I wonder if that feeling of forgiving and forgiveness is easier for you because of your ability to shut it down.
0:52:06 – Speaker 2
Probably so, because I also don’t hold grudges. You know me, I’m very easy to resolve things, because I don’t like that feeling. I do not like turning it around in my head. I don’t like what it feels in my body. I don’t want to feel any of that. So I have to go through the process of either talking it out, figuring it out, wrapping it up, whatever it needs to be, so that I can put it where it needs to be.
0:52:29 – Speaker 1
But you can do that with yourself. Yes, and that might be a difference for me. I have to have that other person present to have that experience.
0:52:42 – Speaker 2
But it’s also I don’t have to keep in mind. You and I were raised so so, so differently. I mean, my dad left when I was two. I had to manage all of that. He left and we still had a relationship because I’d have to go there every other weekend. But back in the 80s that wasn’t normal. People didn’t have two houses, people didn’t have two separate families. That was a thing I dealt with every single week from a young, young, young kid. You never experienced that. You have zero concept of what it feels like to go back and forth. You have zero concept of what it is like to pack a bag every single weekend to go home. It’s weird.
0:53:21 – Speaker 1
Or and I have zero experience of having to have closure and give forgiveness and tidy up negativity with someone who’s not physically present in me being able to do- that with, who had a significant impact in her life, and when you learn that from a very young age, you that’s part of your yeah, it’s part of your makeup, it’s part of your DNA, it’s part of your how you process things, because, I don’t know any other way to do it.
Well, one way that I do feel like I get this closure for myself is that I always have to make sure I’ve done what I needed to do on my end to close the situation. Yes, right, I’m going to send the final kind text message. Right, I’m going to leave the door open. Right, I’m going to say the words. That sounds really difficult and I want you to know I’m here in the event that you want to come back and talk about it. So there is personal closure on my side that I’ve tidied up my own stuff so that I can feel eddies at the end of the day. That sounds, you know, there’s a word for it that I can’t think of right now but it’s essentially like I’m all good. You might not be all good, but at least I can sleep at night.
0:54:41 – Speaker 4
Right.
0:54:42 – Speaker 1
So there is an aspect of closure for me that comes from knowing that I’ve done what I could. I was kind, I was reasonable, I was appropriate, I led with love Right. I don’t have many, if any, examples I can think of in my life where something has been left so frayed and nasty and negativity. And this is even if it were to happen at the grocery store, right, like something small, like that. I can’t just leave that person in a place where something has just happened, whether it was a look, whether it was.
0:55:20 – Speaker 4
Right.
0:55:21 – Speaker 1
I have to sort of tidy that up, but then I just go back to basics again. So in some ways, I do think that I do that, but it’s often in the presence of the other person, whereas for you it has had to be in the presence of yourself, because that other person didn’t make themselves accessible to you to be able to process it with Right and that could be in your family.
0:55:43 – Speaker 2
It could be something that happened road rage.
0:55:46 – Speaker 4
It doesn’t matter what it is.
0:55:47 – Speaker 2
It could be a professor, it could be a really, really good friend that did something to you that you didn’t have the courage to say anything back to them, or whatever.
0:56:01 – Speaker 1
I’m remembering in this moment a time where I did not have closure. Oh, and it’s when you said road rage. Oh, so we were driving down the street. You were in the front seat, sawyer was in the back seat and I was going like 48 in a 40.
I was driving down the street and this man pulled out in front of me, going way too slow, and then raised his hands in the air, angry that I dare be going over the speed limit so that he couldn’t pull out. It had to have been 11 minutes later. I’m still yelling at that man. I’m processing out loud. Why are your hands raised? What is it about you not being able to time?
0:56:46 – Speaker 2
my speed You’re processing it out loud to me, not to him. Oh yeah, Right yeah.
0:56:50 – Speaker 1
I have a I understand that there is a part of people listening that wonders if I pulled that man over on the side of the road to talk about what just happened and there’s a 50% chance that that’s right you did.
0:57:00 – Speaker 2
It wasn’t that day, no, not that day. You’re processing it with me.
0:57:03 – Speaker 1
Yes, I’m saying to you. Why couldn’t he control his speed? There’s no one behind me. You have to still pull out. In front of me, you have the audacity to put your hands in the air, like all of a sudden I’m doing something wrong. I’m going on, and what do you do? What you always do.
0:57:17 – Speaker 2
I listen, I listen, and then you take a pause, you look out the window and I say I know you got more Yep. I know you got more you got some more. I know you got some more. All right, go ahead.
0:57:26 – Speaker 1
And I say I do, and then I go into round two. Yep, sometimes it’s round three and four, I know, I know, and I get to a point where I’m just going at it. Right, I’m saying all the things I’m not paying attention to. So you’re in the back seat.
0:57:39 – Speaker 2
I know, and the other thing I don’t do is answer your questions. No, Because, if I did, then you’d have more follow up.
0:57:47 – Speaker 1
I know. No, that is not a good enough reason. You’ve got to. Let me get it out.
0:57:51 – Speaker 2
And I don’t want to play.
0:57:52 – Speaker 1
Get nothing, yeah, no, oh, my god See, I got some great point. I know Because if I was like, why are his hands up in the air? And you were like me because you were going eight over the speed limit. My head would rip around and I’d be like no, let me tell you why I can go eight over the speed limit.
0:58:10 – Speaker 2
I’m very wet, so you just let me.
0:58:11 – Speaker 1
You just let me get it out and you say you got any more. What else, what else, what else, right, yep? And out of the back seat comes this tiny little voice 11 minutes and talk about forgiveness, right, Yep? Do you remember what she said?
0:58:27 – Speaker 3
I do, but I don’t have to use the air.
0:58:30 – Speaker 1
I think it was something like and Erin, it’s done now. Right, it’s done now. And I went my head around and I looked at you and you’re like this she didn’t know. I know, she didn’t know, I know and I just said, I’m a wearer, a soyer, can you tell?
0:58:56 – Speaker 2
Can you tell we don’t process in my family.
0:58:58 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I’m turned. Wait, wait, turn it on like a light switch.
0:59:05 – Speaker 1
Your whole family. You’re a whole family. Right, they just fit. Yeah, we’re all done. It’s done now, and Erin, right. And then I think I spouted off a little bit more and then I said thank you, sawyer, for bringing me back. I appreciate that, and that was the time where I didn’t have full closure with that person, but I was able to get over it with the help of the eight-year-old in the back seat.
I know, so I can do it. So that folks is how you take a cat video and turn it into a lesson in empathy and vulnerability. Nailed it Because you are that cat I know. And when she said the part where is it here, I have it written down. She talks about putting the cat treats on her chest. Stop it, right. And then it’s you, right, you’re like I’m going to take a little bit of that, yep, and then I’m going to leave, I’m going to take a little bit of that. And then she says and one night she was all over me and I was like and that, and that is you. Now you won’t stop calling. I know You’re constantly. What are you doing now? You’re constantly. I’m not in a good place.
1:00:09 – Speaker 2
We’re clear you brought this on yourself.
1:00:10 – Speaker 1
You are officially all over me. So I was the woman with boots who saw the potential in the cat and selfishly wanted to just thrust myself on her and say we can get there. And you were the cat who decided that you would be all over me.
1:00:31 – Speaker 2
And now look at it. You’re living your best life.
1:00:32 – Speaker 1
And now look at me, look at me now we all win.
1:00:36 – Speaker 3
We all win, we all win.
1:00:37 – Speaker 1
The whole world wins. So I’m going to end today again with an empathy problem. Ok, because remember we started this last time. Pick a number two through eight. Five, that’s a good one, oh good. Ok, it’s called stink bug in the toilet, oh, ok. So we live out in a place where there was a whole bunch of stink bugs when we first moved in. They were all over, and there was one one day that landed on my comforter and that was not acceptable. Ok, so I picked it up.
1:01:10 – Speaker 2
Alive.
1:01:12 – Speaker 1
In a tissue Alive?
1:01:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you didn’t squish it, no, they stink.
1:01:16 – Speaker 1
I mean no, no, and that felt like too much for me. Right, like I can’t. I, it’s kind of like I can eat chicken but I can’t see how the chickens are Prepared. Yeah, got it Right, ok, right, ok, so I can kill the stink bug, but I can’t participate in how the stink bug is dying OK, in a traumatic way, because I did throw it in the toilet. That’s not traumatic Drowning.
1:01:41 – Speaker 2
Spiral.
1:01:41 – Speaker 1
I know, I just didn’t think of it. Don’t make this empathy problem worse than it already is OK. So I put the, I put the stink bug in the toilet and I flushed that sucker down Right and I go to bed. Well, you know, every single night I have to wake up at least two times to tinkle, and I get up.
1:02:01 – Speaker 2
Stop it.
1:02:02 – Speaker 1
There he is. He came back out of the toilet. In the toilet. He’s in the toilet bowl.
1:02:07 – Speaker 2
Oh, it didn’t go all the way down Swimming Toot-toot, toot-toot, stop.
1:02:11 – Speaker 1
Toot-toot, he survived, he survived. I I’m clear he flushed, I watched him flush. Ok, this stink bug, somehow he like came around some scuba gear. And he came up to the top of the toilet and it’s in the middle of the night. So I’m, you know, a little in and out, and I see it in there and without thinking I flush the toilet again. Oh my god, empathy problems. I then went to the bathroom, got up, laid down in bed and I started crying. Ok, why?
1:02:56 – Speaker 2
It was the survivor guilt. Yes.
1:03:00 – Speaker 1
All I could think was that stink bug is resilient, not anymore. He made it, he made it back. I thought of this stink bug just doing like the breaststroke, you know, like making up the tunnel. He had to go up, I had to go pee, he did it all, he. He got all the way back into the actual toilet and then, without a thought, I said nobody cares and flushed him back down. So I’m laying in bed, tears, just like a little tear streaming down, and I still can’t stop thinking about it. And so now I refuse to touch the stink bugs in my house it’s almost like this homage to that stink bug.
Is that how you say it, Homage? I don’t know why am I asking you? Whatever, Whatever it’s like letting that stink bug know I’m sorry about that. I didn’t. I didn’t. I didn’t mean to reflush and the reality is I should have scooped him out of the toilet and given him a chance to survive. Empathy problems.
1:04:16 – Speaker 2
Why didn’t he just use his wing and said fly out?
1:04:19 – Speaker 1
This is waterlogged. He’s waterlogged, he’s no got her Empathy problems.
1:04:26 – Speaker 2
Hashtag empathy problems. I loved that. Me too Is an empathy, amazing Well we’re amazing. That is your best bet. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
1:04:38 – Speaker 1
That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.