Episode 118 – Stuckness, Shingles, and Standard Cars – What “Responsible” Vulnerability Looks Like

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Scott yells at Erin. Surprise, surprise, that didn’t go well. So, they processed it. Then quickly transitioned into an opinion-based discussion about local radio show hosts and what makes a listen-worthy show. The day’s affirmation about “stuckness” tossed the girls into a conversation about sensitivity, empathy, the parasympathetic nervous system, and what “responsible” vulnerability looks like. 

0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:28 – Speaker 2
Hey, Bestie, Hi love.
0:00:30 – Speaker 1
What are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters? Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:50 – Speaker 2
Oh man, okay, that looks like rabbit poop. It does Kibbles and bits. Fiber brand.
0:01:01 – Speaker 3
And bits and bits and bits and bits.
0:01:02 – Speaker 2
I just knocked to the mermaids. What is that thing called Incent burn? What’s the end of the cigarette ashes. Yeah, yeah, I just knocked it on the table.
0:01:15 – Speaker 1
Congratulations. By the way, poop, that’s the first time you’ve ever started the podcast.
0:01:21 – Speaker 2
Oh, really great, really great.
0:01:25 – Speaker 1
Right on top of it, I was wondering at one point if I just didn’t start the podcast, if I just didn’t start talking.
0:01:30 – Speaker 2
I was going to talk about that Rooster, yeah, but you know what I was going to say?
0:01:36 – Speaker 3
Is it Ryan with rock? I?
0:01:37 – Speaker 2
can’t. And it has black in front of it. I can’t. Oh it’s the black rock on the wall. I can’t.
0:01:44 – Speaker 3
Right next to my head. That’s exactly what. Why from the BBC?
0:01:48 – Speaker 1
Because I thought to myself what would she do if I just didn’t open the podcast, because I’m constantly the one that’s starting with something, and if I just sat here and stared at you? What would you do?
0:01:59 – Speaker 2
Oh, I know, I know, I derailed the train completely. Rogue derailed the train all day long completely rogue, I know. So, which is why you have to manage it, otherwise I’ll take over.
0:02:09 – Speaker 1
I know, I didn’t really know how to start today, but then Scott just yelled at me, and so then you technically didn’t start. He told you to start. Listen, this is what was happening for me in this moment.
0:02:18 – Speaker 3
Do I have to explain myself?
0:02:20 – Speaker 1
again, yeah, yeah, you know why I yelled?
0:02:23 – Speaker 3
Because you couldn’t see me going like this I could.
0:02:26 – Speaker 1
Oh, I’m sorry because I was having a moment.
0:02:28 – Speaker 3
I whispered you wouldn’t. Oh, you’re having a moment, I was having a moment. Just look at you were sitting there.
0:02:32 – Speaker 1
Did I look like I was deep in thought?
0:02:34 – Speaker 3
Because I was I couldn’t tell because your head was facing the other way.
0:02:37 – Speaker 1
What’s your face? What’s your face for? Oh, you’re on to something else. Okay, no, I’m just. I’m preparing. So I was having a moment where I was watching our intro on the screen and I immediately was overcome with this feeling of oh, my God, I just love this podcast so much.
0:02:56 – Speaker 3
And I had to go and screw it all up.
0:02:59 – Speaker 1
I’m like having a moment where I’m like this is my favorite part of the week. I love it so much. We don’t know what the hell we’re talking about and we just get on here and own it Right. And I’m in this moment where I’m having this beautiful reflective time watching this video and Scott goes, air it and I I immediately stab my head and he points to the clock, like get that mother with a knee jerk reaction.
0:03:29 – Speaker 2
You started I did.
0:03:30 – Speaker 1
I started it real quick and then I had to like get my heart rate back down. Yeah, so you want to explain that, scott, or around there.
0:03:37 – Speaker 2
Yeah, that’s a big size. That’s the pendulum is Scott?
0:03:41 – Speaker 3
Sometimes I think you’re a little too sensitive.
0:03:43 – Speaker 1
Oh, surprise, surprise, Scott. It took you 141518 episodes to arrive here. God don’t yell at me, I don’t like that. All right, I’ll, I’ll I do not like in the future. I do not like thanks. I do not like the thumbs up. Yeah, I do not like that you always take Rebecca’s side. I do not like when you yell at me. I just want cool. I don’t think he takes my side. There is, I am the one who listens to all of the podcasts. I do too, so this is what happens.
So, it’s boring, it’s constantly like oh, I actually. Yeah, Rebecca, I relate a lot with that. Yeah, I can absolutely see that, Can we?
0:04:25 – Speaker 2
understand why empathy is your superpower now.
0:04:28 – Speaker 1
Maybe, I don’t know, it’s very lonely, very lonely place to be because I’m like well, scott, though, can you, hey, remember me, can you see what I’m saying? And Scott, without a doubt, always says Well, here I am in the middle, here I am in the middle. Again, he ain’t in the middle, he’s standing right next to you, it’s okay, it’s okay. He’s trying, at least because he’s empathic, trying to make me feel like he understands where I’m coming from.
0:04:54 – Speaker 3
That’s not true.
0:04:55 – Speaker 1
It’s not, no, it’s not true.
0:04:56 – Speaker 3
I would never lie to you by saying I see both your sides when I secretly see Rebecca’s only. I would never do that. I would honestly tell you what I feel and for the majority of the things that you discuss on this podcast, I’m sort of right in the middle. I see both sides and because I’m a man, I can’t make a decision.
0:05:22 – Speaker 1
Or because you’re a man, you’re smart and have decided not to make a decision.
0:05:26 – Speaker 3
My name is Switzerland.
0:05:28 – Speaker 2
Yeah that’s right Right.
0:05:30 – Speaker 3
All right so really I apologize for yelling at you. Thank you, I will make sure that I don’t do that again and when. I wave my hands frantically and you don’t see me.
0:05:39 – Speaker 1
I’ll wait until your head turns, and then wave my hands or just stand up, or yeah, I can’t If I stand up.
0:05:44 – Speaker 3
I think everything’s going to collapse.
0:05:46 – Speaker 1
I’m really wedged in here. And I’ll work on being as sensitive as I am about the sudden change in voice tone. I mean you won’t be. I’ll work on that. I’ll work on that. I’ll work on being a little tougher and being, like you know, yelling at you. He just wants you to turn on the thing.
0:06:06 – Speaker 3
So just a little background. You know when you’re rolling, when you’re recording, when you’re doing something live and it’s a it’s timed, you have a time thing going on and someone doesn’t get your attention. You can’t get somebody’s attention because they have headphones on. Yeah you have to raise your voice. If they can’t see you, you have to go, because I don’t have a talk back here, that only goes to your headphone. Yeah, and I didn’t want to have my voice on the recording, and then I decided that well, I can cut that out.
0:06:34 – Speaker 1
So now it’s, now it stands, so everyone can hear, and everyone can hear and weigh in on what happened.
0:06:41 – Speaker 3
0:06:42 – Speaker 1
Now here’s the question. Did you all hear me pass gas with your? Phone sign in the beginning. Here I was gonna say could you, could you hear the fur you did? Okay, I’m sorry.
0:06:50 – Speaker 3
So you know what it was until until Rebecca called it out.
0:06:55 – Speaker 1
But you did hear it Correct With your earphones on, much like.
0:06:58 – Speaker 3
Oh no, my headphones weren’t on at that point.
0:07:00 – Speaker 1
Oh, they weren’t Rebecca’s for her. Which made it even funnier, because I was gonna say, maybe instead of a 10, it could have been a four, you know, on the on the YELL scale it’s fine, but thank you for seeing me and knowing that I am a highly sensitive person and I tend to react not so favorably when there are sudden changes in tone in voice. I go immediately to fight or flight, and this girl’s fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting all the time.
0:07:32 – Speaker 3
I’m malleable, I had no problem with that.
0:07:34 – Speaker 1
Thank you, scott, and thank you for talking about this with me and for hearing how I felt.
0:07:39 – Speaker 3
And for once again railroading your podcast here you go.
0:07:45 – Speaker 1
No, I’ve received a lot of feedback on that, Scott, and people really love that you’re a part of the podcast. Oh good they really do yeah, yeah, maybe even a longer clap. Maybe, yeah, it is. They really just love to hear what you have to add to the conversation. And yeah, you’re just. You’re just one of us. I’m part of the show. Are you like this with your other guests?
0:08:14 – Speaker 3
I don’t have the same chemistry with other.
0:08:17 – Speaker 1
0:08:18 – Speaker 3
I’m actually not on very many podcasts that people do here. I’m on one other one, but it’s it’s a financial thing, so oh, so this is just way more fun. So, oh yeah. So this is as close to the radio show that I always wanted to have when.
0:08:35 – Speaker 2
I did the morning. That’s our next thing. We’re going to be in the morning show. Wake up with your effects.
0:08:42 – Speaker 3
Save yourself a whole lot of hassle and disappointment and don’t try to get into radio.
0:08:46 – Speaker 1
No, no, but I do need to tell you I can’t listen to the radio anymore Because you’re bored. I hate the talking. So many of the people on the radio there is one I’m not going to say their names, but I’ve talked to Kelly about it.
0:09:01 – Speaker 2
Is it a new new regime? Is it?
0:09:03 – Speaker 1
a new regime? I don’t know. Oh.
0:09:06 – Speaker 2
I do know who you’re talking about.
0:09:07 – Speaker 1
I do miss, I do miss them, I do miss them. Okay, no, this is a different one.
0:09:11 – Speaker 3
I have to know because I’m in the radio landscape here. So is it a local show? Yeah, yeah, we can cut it out if you want to just tell me anyway.
0:09:20 – Speaker 2
Oh, do you want to say no, because they might be listening?
0:09:24 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’m sure they are, I’m sure they are.
0:09:25 – Speaker 3
All right, I’m going to put the camera on Rebecca and then you can.
0:09:28 – Speaker 2
Well, I can tell you who I feel, who the new WBE people? Oh, I can’t stand the new guy.
0:09:35 – Speaker 3
You’re so annoying. I don’t know him. He came whoops, he came from out of town.
0:09:39 – Speaker 2
Yeah, he came from Vegas, I think.
0:09:41 – Speaker 1
I don’t like him. I don’t, why don’t you like him?
0:09:44 – Speaker 2
He’s old, okay, wow, he says things that I just don’t relate with and they’re not funny and he’s too old. Oh, you use sales card, the B.
0:09:52 – Speaker 3
Morning Coffee Club hasn’t been the same since the first breakup, when Terry left and Steve left. Then it was just when they brought in the new Terry.
0:10:06 – Speaker 1
Well, tj? No, tj has held her own.
0:10:08 – Speaker 3
She has held her own.
0:10:09 – Speaker 1
But I’m just saying like, but then, so TJ was on, and then they brought back. What’d you say? What did you say Terry, terry, yeah, they brought back Terry, the one who just retired, yeah, again, and I love her, I did, yeah, I love her so much. But Terry and TJ and the guy the younger guy, Jeremy or my favorite. I follow Jeremy’s story all the way on social media.
0:10:37 – Speaker 3
He was an interesting fellow because I worked there for a time you did?
0:10:40 – Speaker 1
I worked at that station. Did you get to meet Steve?
0:10:43 – Speaker 3
Yeah, Steve is one of my voiceover guys here you stop it.
0:10:46 – Speaker 1
I know that I knew that. I really like.
0:10:48 – Speaker 2
0:10:49 – Speaker 1
Yeah, he’s a good guy.
0:10:50 – Speaker 2
Is this who you were talking about? No, oh, who are you talking about? Bobby Barnes, moose and Breezy.
0:10:56 – Speaker 1
Oh no, no, no, no. Do you know who I’m talking about? Oh, on PXY, yeah no, I really don’t know. I can’t stand what they talk about in the morning. Well Moose came back.
0:11:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, Moose is crazy he was back a long time ago, and then he went out to California.
0:11:10 – Speaker 3
Nobody’s ever liked Breezy. No, no offense Breezy.
0:11:14 – Speaker 2
But why she’s annoying and he doesn’t really offer anything.
0:11:17 – Speaker 3
She doesn’t offer anything.
0:11:19 – Speaker 2
She says dumb things and I do not like how her voice sounds, so I don’t listen to that.
0:11:23 – Speaker 1
My empathy is off the charts. Right now. I’m feeling very bad. I’m imagining them sitting there in a chair listening. That’s just what I heard.
0:11:30 – Speaker 3
I have not listened to their show. I know a lot of people that Moose knows and I know that he’s highly regarded in the local media landscape and I just know the opposite is true about Breezy from the people that I’ve spoken to. But I don’t know. I don’t listen to PXY. I’ve aged out of that demo quite a few years ago.
0:11:47 – Speaker 2
That’s part, I think. That’s why I don’t relate to it, because I’m like I just don’t relate to what you have to say. I listen to Elvis Dran. Oh, I remember him. Oh, he’s still around. Oh my god, yes, jesus, I listen to him every morning.
0:11:58 – Speaker 1
So let me tell you what it is about Moose and Breezy. When people talk about our podcast, one of the things that they constantly talk about is the authenticity. There is no forced, there is no. We have to come up with things to talk about. There is no. Let’s pick a topic and then go on that just because, yeah, it sounds really great.
And when I listen to Moose and Breezy, what I struggle with is that, because I’m a highly sensitive and empathic person, I feel certain degrees of forced in their conversation and that makes me uncomfortable. Then the next level up from that is that it’s forced, funny, right. And so I then pick up on that and I’m like, ok, now we’re saying some things that we’re trying to get a rise out of people, right, and that’s different for me than you being ridiculous and me just acknowledging that or making fun of it, and mostly making fun of it, or Scott coming in and just being genuinely who. Scott is Right. And again, I think that’s what surprises us constantly about this podcast. When we got as many listeners as we did in such a short amount of time, we were genuinely confused.
0:13:14 – Speaker 2
Agreed. I’m still confused. We were like. I’m still confused when people say you help me solve problems, I know.
0:13:20 – Speaker 1
What I know? What do you mean? I know you gave me some things to really think about. Wow, I think about that. I hear some examples of topics I think you guys should talk about. Great, I know we are like. This is incredible, I know right.
0:13:34 – Speaker 3
What it is and it’s kind of the formula for a good show is that you need to be relatable, and that’s kind of the big thing Is that the more people that you relate to or that can relate to you, the better off your show is going to be. And the forced thing is that’s an unfortunate sort of truth in radio Because if you think about the format, they’ve got to play music, they’ve got to log, they have to do commercial breaks, they have to. They’ve got X amount of time. Like their break is like three minutes, three and a half minutes, so they got to get in, say what they want to say and get out. They don’t have time to Be enter Any kind. Yeah, I mean, it’s got to be real and it takes a lot to be able to get in and get out Short breaks and end on a high note because you’re supposed to end on a high note, you’re supposed to come in, we’re going to talk about this, and then the other person says this and that’s supposed to be funny.
And sometimes it doesn’t work and sometimes it’s amazing, but it takes some. Really Like I learned a lot from Tony and Fantino at Warm. He’s a great guy and he’s been doing it for like 50 years or something ridiculous, wow, and he’s.
0:14:36 – Speaker 2
How old is he?
0:14:37 – Speaker 3
He’s in his, he’s in his, he’s in his like, he’s in his 70s.
0:14:41 – Speaker 2
It’s got to be if he’s been doing it that long.
0:14:43 – Speaker 3
Wow, maybe it’s 40 years, I don’t know. Still, he’s been on warm for 25 years or so.
0:14:48 – Speaker 2
Wow, I do.
0:14:49 – Speaker 3
I might have my numbers all wrong, but when he and Christy in the morning, I’ve always just been amazed at how they go in, they do their little break and they always end up nine times out of 10. End up on a really good high note, a laugh Boom right into the spots.
0:15:05 – Speaker 1
And that’s the beauty. So you and I don’t know anything about that. So we just come in here and be ourselves, do whatever we think should happen. We’re just ourselves.
0:15:16 – Speaker 2
If you were to record us in a conversation on the phone or at the airport or at dinner. Absolutely Same thing. I’m identical to this and all the people in our lives can vouch to that we’re just missing the incense and not the pendulum, not the pendulum. That’s with us at all times.
0:15:32 – Speaker 1
So that’s all the time. But yeah, you know who else does this masterfully Josh from K-Rock. I don’t know that. Do you know, josh? Josh and I went to college together.
Sure is, we went to college together and he’s who I go to for a lot of mentorship and advice. He’s the first person I ever shared our podcast intro with. Was your butthole really tight? Oh, I was wanting to throw it. I’m like, oh my god, I have so much respect for him and he is just so masterful at this trade. And I’m like here’s our very first intro for the podcast. And when he came back and basically said you guys knocked that out of the park, I was like OK.
0:16:17 – Speaker 3
Hell yeah.
0:16:17 – Speaker 1
We got something here. And he will come back and he will say you’re doing a lot of the things that I teach other people to do, and you’re doing it without any training, and there’s just this real sense of authenticity, connectedness, being ourselves, that just speaks to other people and is relatable, right, you? You match that with Scott’s masterful production, right, and I mean that in all seriousness and that’s what makes it rock star.
0:16:48 – Speaker 2
What I find funny is because you’re you’re, you’re doing the editing. But what I find funny is, are you editing anything out? No, I’m like very rarely. I’m like I don’t feel like anything is pieced together, I don’t feel like anything is chopped up, it is just it’s. We might as well just do this.
0:17:06 – Speaker 3
I know Raw dog life and I know, yeah, we do If there is if there is something cut out, I do it the way it’s supposed to be done and not the way it’s done on YouTube. Right which in YouTube you see the jump cuts and you’re like, oh, they clearly cut something out there. Ok, I make sure that’s why all these cameras are rolling, so I can cut away to a different shot, so I can. And it will chop the way you’re supposed to edit, not like all the people you pay for production. Thank you.
0:17:31 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that is why you pay for production.
0:17:33 – Speaker 3
A little bit longer.
0:17:33 – Speaker 1
Because I’ll tell you what if you go and do this in my living room On the on the I video yeah, right, right.
0:17:42 – Speaker 2
Is that what it’s called?
0:17:43 – Speaker 1
Right, yeah, whatever the I video, whatever I photo booth, I don’t know. Photo booth.
0:17:48 – Speaker 3
I have no clue.
0:17:50 – Speaker 1
That is why you go with production. That’s why you pay for production. Now, if I’m going to be completely honest with you, the reason that I started paying for production is one I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. I don’t have the time to figure out what I’m doing, and I wasn’t going to train myself in what needed to be done to then go and do something that someone else has spent their entire life doing. Right, I do that when it comes to plowing my driveway. I do that when it comes to cutting my grass. I do that in all other areas of my life. Right, I don’t go and learn how to do these things or exert my time is money Right, as I’ve gotten to this point in my professional career and not only is it wonderful to incredibly work with Scott every single week, but in addition to that, he’s so good at what he does, and we were getting that from the very beginning.
Oh my gosh, you guys sound so professional. Oh my gosh, Like who do you? You go into a studio. Where’s the studio? Right, and I’m like we don’t just go into a studio. We got a whole room named after us now, so I’m going to start crying.
Oh, I’m serious, I’m serious, I really mean it.
0:18:55 – Speaker 3
This is why you did this that I could never have.
0:18:58 – Speaker 1
0:18:58 – Speaker 2
I love that. It really is our favorite part of the week.
0:19:00 – Speaker 1
Oh my god, we absolutely love it, me too. Oh, we absolutely love it.
0:19:05 – Speaker 3
And we’re like, oh yay, they’re coming in today, see kumbaya.
0:19:10 – Speaker 2
It’s well, it’s either yay, they’re coming in, or oh, yay, Wait are they coming in?
0:19:14 – Speaker 1
Are they coming in? Rearrange everything. It’s 20 minutes after when they’re supposed to be here.
0:19:18 – Speaker 3
I wonder which incense going to give me hives today.
0:19:23 – Speaker 2
Speaking of this oil, is the smelly cherry one that I hate. Oh, I love this one.
0:19:28 – Speaker 1
This is the one I hate.
0:19:29 – Speaker 2
I walked in here and I said listen, I’m picking the oil today because I need some grounding. We have now gone through all the chakras, so everybody should be aware. Ok, and I need some grounding, some serious grounding, because I am feeling all flighty all over the place. And then when I opened it, I went right back to the cherry cough syrup.
0:19:44 – Speaker 1
I love it.
0:19:45 – Speaker 2
It is so gross. This is the one you made him come in here to put on. I know I’m going to give it to him today too. This guy. You need some grounding. Here you go. So I hate every smell of this, which means I need it very, very badly. So just a reminder this is the root chakra, the red Get your red rock, love it Got my red rock. It’s the first chakra located on the pelvic floor.
0:20:05 – Speaker 3
Remember, this is the hotel room one.
0:20:07 – Speaker 2
The hotel room. No, this is the cherry from the carwash Poundtown.
0:20:12 – Speaker 1
Oh right, the cherry Poundtown Go to Poundtown, carwash. I have one more thing I need to say. I’m sorry I have to say this because I can’t move past it. If Moose and Breezy would like to have a conversation with us, we’re more than happy to have the conversation. I really don’t want to give the sense that I’m doubting them or anything. Would be happy to have a conversation with them. Maybe we could talk about how their show is versus our podcast and maybe we could all learn some things from each other.
0:20:40 – Speaker 3
No, you’re right, because I feel like I didn’t give them a fair shake either. I, you know what I mean. I don’t know them. No, just going by what people have told me and relaying that.
0:20:50 – Speaker 2
And your experience listening to them People have, that’s fine, that’s fine.
0:20:54 – Speaker 1
I’m sure there’s at least one person who listens to the More Love podcast and doesn’t like it. Oh, I’m positive.
0:21:00 – Speaker 3
Maybe I mean, but they keep listening Loser.
0:21:04 – Speaker 1
Let’s see how much they’re going to suck today. Loser. You know who it is? It’s Breezy. She hates it. She hates it. She freaking hates it. She’s like these, these bitches. Ok, sorry, Just now I’m OK. I just had to level set that because you know I wouldn’t have been able to let that go.
0:21:20 – Speaker 2
I know, ok, and you’re not saying they’re bad people, they’re probably great people. I’m sure they’re great people. Yeah, they’re just getting their groove. They’re just getting in their groove.
0:21:27 – Speaker 1
I don’t know, maybe they’ve been doing it for 20 years and we just started. It’s fine. I don’t think they started like a few months ago like we did, but it’s OK, they’re good, it’s fine. Anyway, level set that and now let it go. Let it go Well.
0:21:40 – Speaker 2
It says here that this root chakra, this grounding, will enable us to feel safe and reduce our anxiety. So the minute you put that on, you had to.
0:21:48 – Speaker 3
Oh yeah, you had to reduce your anxiety and you had to get level headed and you had to realize all the things I had to level set the universe.
0:21:57 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you feel good now I do Feel great, great, I feel great. Ok, get in touch with us, moos and Breezy, we’re happy to talk to you. Oh, my god, really sorry that we said those things.
0:22:04 – Speaker 2
Ok, so so such your intention.
0:22:06 – Speaker 1
I have my affirmation here. I really like this one. Oh, ok, yeah, and wait, I have something else to say. Ok, the one we did last time about every dream that I focus on is one step closer to the momentum of my next dream. Whatever that I mean, I’m really botching that. It’s OK. That was the second time we said that one. No, it wasn’t yes, it was yes it was.
0:22:32 – Speaker 2
That’s really interesting because you legit, you know the last time we said it. When.
0:22:35 – Speaker 1
Number two, the one that went live today, the cult podcast Stop. So I was listening to it and I read it and I’m like oh my gosh. Then, two or three episodes later, I say the same one. What does that mean?
0:22:51 – Speaker 2
I was just going to say because you don’t just like you know, nonchalant, you shuffle them like a deck of cards.
0:22:56 – Speaker 1
I’m at the casino, yep I absolutely do.
0:23:00 – Speaker 2
I thought this was a pager out of the corner of my eye. Sorry that went. Yeah, I’m like what is that blinking?
0:23:05 – Speaker 1
Yeah, ok, it’s not a pager, no, it’s the headphones. No, or a beeper, a beeper, yeah A beeper 143.
0:23:12 – Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah 8008.
0:23:17 – Speaker 1
Upside down Boo-boo. I can’t, I can’t, wow. So anyway, I don’t know what that means, but that happened twice.
0:23:28 – Speaker 2
It’s reinforcing that you need to keep hearing this, ok, or?
0:23:32 – Speaker 1
somebody does OK, it’s not me, because I don’t really love that card. Say it again I don’t. This isn’t the last one.
0:23:39 – Speaker 2
Oh, it’s not that card, no, this card I really love. Oh, ok, it was something about the dreams, yeah the dream.
0:23:43 – Speaker 1
One dream leads you to the momentum of the next dream, or something I am moving forward is what it was.
0:23:49 – Speaker 3
Maybe that’s for me.
0:23:50 – Speaker 1
That’s the one that has come up twice. Maybe it’s for me. Maybe Do you like it when I say it. I like all of them. You do Really.
0:23:57 – Speaker 2
I don’t love that one. I get reactions to the oils. Really, I don’t get reactions to the words Interesting Negative, not negative, what is the word? Like, I have an adverse reaction to the smell. I do not like it. It makes me very uncomfortable, but you never feel that way about the card. I never feel that way about the card. I never feel that way about the reaction to any of the words no Interesting. Maybe I will today, I don’t know. We’ll see.
0:24:20 – Speaker 1
No, you’ll like this one. Ok, I am never stuck. I know that nothing bad lasts forever, even when my emotions tell me otherwise what’s interesting?
0:24:35 – Speaker 2
that brought me right back to hypnotherapy, because that’s what we would start with a where you are stuck in terms of a hamster wheel, Like I am not worthy right? And then she’ll say today we’re going to focus on reframing that, and she would read one of those reframed cards and then that would be the one that we would reframe, so that that is an example of that. Yep.
0:24:58 – Speaker 1
And for me, the I am never stuck is we have been going through some stuff just to, whether it be personally or professionally, over the last gosh, since May, june, somewhere around there and, yes, we have made it through. We’ve made it through stronger than we’ve ever been. It has just been a lot, it has really been a lot, and I have felt this sense of stuckness, and it has not been a sense of despair, a sense of hopelessness, a sense of I just want to give up, you know, just throw in the towel right. It’s a sense of stuckness and I don’t do stuckness well, and literally on Tuesday of this week, two huge things happened within my professional life that released the stuckness for me. And so on a future podcast, we’re going to talk about the relationship between empathy and business ownership and how you can lead a business from a place of empathy and caring.
0:25:58 – Speaker 3
I can’t wait to listen to that one.
0:26:00 – Speaker 1
Thank you, scott, because that is not always often the way that people lead right. There’s usually a lot of other motivations. I have a potential guest that we will bring on for that show as well, ok. But for me the part that says I know that nothing bad lasts forever is a reminder, and I kept saying that to myself it’s OK, erin, we got this, it’s fine, this is a rut, it’s OK, we’re moving forward. But that it says, even when my emotions tell me otherwise.
And as a highly sensitive person who is stuck in her emotions constantly, I have to always be aware of the reality of a situation, the depth of a situation and what my emotions are telling me. You saw that even in my conversation with Scott today, right, when he raised his voice this is me being serious, right, it was not a serious situation at all. When he raised his voice, it escalated my parasympathetic nervous system, because I am a live wire. Constantly that puts me immediately into fight or flight, especially because I was in a moment where I was so focused on being present in the moment of this beautiful video and us getting to do this together and our friendship, right, and how much we’ve just grown together. Because I’m in that place and now my parasympathetic nervous system gets activated, I now have to get myself back to a place where the reality is he’s not mad, he’s not upset, you’re not in danger. He literally just wants you to turn the timer on. And it takes me longer than the average person to get back to that place, which is why I have to talk about everything, because I have to put into the universe and say out loud Scott, don’t raise your voice to me, right, and I’m joking right, I’m really. At the end of the day, I managed myself.
We call that emotional regulation skills, Thank God, right, but the reality is that for people who are highly sensitive and some of our listeners have communicated with me that they also relate as this we often walk around as people who are just escalated constantly throughout the course of the day and we have to work incredibly hard to get ourselves back to an equilibrium. Something as small as Scott raising his voice, something as small as being in New York City and hearing a horn go off right those things for highly sensitive people, can throw us into a tailspin. That is why, at the end of the day, we need to retreat to our bedroom. That is why we are not usually extroverted people. That is why we usually need to find a place where we can go and like really get calm for ourselves, because we are spending all the time during the day just constantly up up and maneuvering all of those things.
0:28:43 – Speaker 2
So I would also consider myself a highly sensitive person. However, I honed that skill in very early on in my childhood because I did not like those feelings and it was much easier to turn them off. And I realized and when it really came full-fledged for me was when I was 40 years old and got shingles and my doctor said to me we got to talk about this because there is a trifecta in how you get shingles and this is not normal for people your age. And I remember calling Erin and she’s like what.
0:29:19 – Speaker 1
I said what are you?
0:29:20 – Speaker 2
70? Right. And he basically said you are at a point where you have shoved all the sensitivities, all those things down so deep that your live-wiredness, you can no longer regulate it and you’re taking on physical symptoms. And he said there’s, of course, other factors that contributed to that. But he said you really got to get it under control, and I thought I had, by going to hypnotherapy and doing all those things, and I think a lot of that did help. Sure, but then it gets to a point where your homeostasis is no longer working and those coping skills are no longer working, and so that was a major wake-up call.
0:30:00 – Speaker 1
That’s the process of healing. People don’t talk about this, so the way that it comes visually to me is when you’re driving a standard car and you have to push the clutch and let off on the gas and whatever at just the right time, or the car stalls.
So you’ve spent a considerable amount of your life in this closed-off place of turn it off and then you go to hypnotherapy and a little bit gets open, and then you just so happen to be best friends with me. Sorry about that, because now we’re going to really amp up what we’re going to talk about, and if you don’t do that in such a way that allows for a balance between what we’re opening ourselves up to without also keeping those security mechanisms that you learned early on in place, we can do a considerable amount of damage. This is what we learn as mental health therapists. It is not my job to have you if I didn’t know you come in and sit down in this chair and for me to have you just devolve your deepest, darkest secrets to me and completely be raw and wild out in this situation where I’m looking at you and talking to you and I’m like God, I feel so good about myself as a therapist because I really got her to open up, and then I’m like all right, rebecca, see you next week. That is unethical and dangerous. That is very dangerous, in fact.
In group therapy sessions. The goal is to keep people from oversharing. So if you’re someone in a group therapy session and I start to notice that you are really just unwinding and you’re really right, it is my job as the facilitator of that group to say Rebecca, I am so thankful for everything that you’re sharing today and I really want to be cognizant of how everyone else in the room is feeling about where we’re at right now. Can some of you please reflect on what you’re hearing Rebecca say? That is a meaningful way for me to get you to stop going down, down, down, down, down, down down, but also allowing other people to then reflect on the process and it shifts the conversation. If that doesn’t happen, you will walk out of that group 100%. You will get in your car and you will be like, oh my God, I’m never returning to that group again. I am so vulnerable. I do not feel oh my God, are these people thinking about me? Why did I share all of that? You know, because you’re so present in the moment.
0:32:26 – Speaker 2
Especially if you’re like me and Scott. Where then the shame comes in?
0:32:29 – Speaker 1
Yes, which is a very normal reaction, and so that has always occurred to me in this field how great my sense of responsibility is to people who are sharing their stories, specifically not allowing someone to become completely undone to save them from that for their own selves. Now you know how hard that is for me, because I want to be in a place where you feel completely comfortable at all times. So I’m actually setting a boundary for you that you may not be setting, because I want to make sure that you’re still going to be okay. Can you imagine, like in the process of sitting with someone in that place where you’re just constantly? That is why I don’t think people give mental health therapists who are really good mental health therapists enough credit for what’s happening in that 50 minute session.
0:33:22 – Speaker 2
There is no way in hell I could manage that. Yeah, I mean, it’s a lot.
0:33:27 – Speaker 1
Yeah, especially with the heavy stuff. Oh are you? You’re crying Right. Oh, you’re okay. Do you want some tissues?
0:33:32 – Speaker 3
or something.
0:33:33 – Speaker 1
Can I tell you a funny story, right? Oh, it’s so awkward, right, I’m comfortable. Yeah, but I just think it’s important to acknowledge that, when it comes to our ability to share emotion, when it comes to our ability to come undone, that it is not the case that we’ve reached this level of awakeness or next level If we are just sharing constantly with everyone, at all times. And in your case of having the shingles, yes, there was a repression of emotion, but it was really the repression of emotion plus your unending desire to want to also be more authentic and open and honest and try some things out and finding that balance between the two is what is healthy. No, am I saying that’s what causes shingles. No, it’s the kind of things that we’re contributing to that.
0:34:26 – Speaker 2
No, but the lesson learned was this could be a reoccurring situation and if you don’t manage, and if you don’t get the help, support, learn how to effectively communicate, etc.
you will continuously develop this and that, for me, was the wake up call, because that sucked. I don’t know if anybody has to have shingles, but it sucks, and I never want to go back there, and so that, for me, has allowed me, even to this day, be much more communicative with where I’m at, where I’m feeling, and allowing myself to be vulnerable so that I can be heard and supported, versus being, you know, pretend. Put the shield on, get through it. Everybody has shitty days, right.
0:35:09 – Speaker 1
Yep, and you know what occurs to me when you say that. Do you remember when we were having the conversation this was a couple sessions ago where I was like why is the over apologetic nature of you coming out when this situation is happening? My reaction to that is that that is an imbalance, that is a shoving down, that is a I will nope, it’s not a problem. Nothing to see here, I’ll take care of it. Sorry, I was doing all of these things right and in my sense of that is absolutely take some ownership for that. That’s completely fine. But, girl, it ain’t all yours to carry, and so I also serve as that temperature barometer for you of wanting me to wanting to have you be at a place where you are still going to be your authentic self, not to the other extreme of like oh, it says nothing to do with me which is where I find myself a lot of the time, right, but in that balanced place.
I remember remembering that that’s at that moment I’m like God. Why am I so triggered by this? And it’s because I just want you to constantly be okay and true to yourself and to know that your voice is completely valid, regardless of what other people’s reactions are going to be to it. It’s a really good point. The first time I noticed for myself that there was a difference in how people reacted to really difficult situations, the first time I noticed it very clearly was after my grandfather’s funeral. My grandfather and I were incredibly close. I love that man more than almost anything else in this world and when he died, my brother and I drove up together to the funeral. They lived in Watertown and we spent a great time with the family and it was. It was really, really wonderful. And on the way home and I intentionally did that because I wanted my brother with me, I wanted it to just be the two of us Us. We were the only two grandkids, there’s no other grandkids. Right On the way home, we stopped at a gas station to fill up and I can’t get out of the car to pump the gas because I am just so emotional in this moment and I said I’m really sorry, I just need you to give me a minute.
I said I’m having a really hard time knowing that I’m just not going to talk to him again. And I lost it and he’s sitting over here almost stone faced, and I took that as a sign of him not caring as much as I did. And some of that made sense to me, because here I am a highly sensitive person who loved this man more than anything in the world, and you know, how could anyone have that level of relationship? And so in that moment I turned to him and I’m like Do you feel sad? And he said oh, I’m devastated. And I said how come I don’t see it on your face? And he said because whenever things get really difficult or hard for me to think about, I just think about something else. And I’m looking at him like what do you mean? It was the first time I realized that people had the ability to Turn it on like a light switch, because that is foreign to me.
That makes no sense to me. I said what do you mean? So you start thinking about grandpa and then what he’s like. I think about what I’m gonna have for dinner tonight. What do you mean? I’m like I think about you can’t shift it. I don’t know how to do that. I’m thinking about grandpa and then I’m thinking about All the memories, the stories, oh my God, yeah the time that we went to how Caverns.
And then the time and because, again, I’m super highly sensitive when I’m thinking about how Caverns, I’m thinking about the red sweater I was wearing and how I fell asleep in the front seat of the car and how my denteen gum that he gave me fell out and landed on my sweater. How my grandma had to get it out with some random ice cube she found somewhere right.
That is the level of memory detail that comes to me, and so I can spiral into this place.
But the honest answer is I feel a great sense of comfort there Because, just like I have to process with Scott, just because I have to call you all the time, I’d be like I gotta talk about it, right I feel comfort in the emotion and feeling it into its entirety.
And once I get to the bottom of that emotion and I have gone through all of those memories and I have felt all the feels, I then slowly but surely bring myself up to this place where I’m like God, that was really beautiful and, yes, I’m really gonna miss him. And now I’m gonna get out and I’m gonna pump the gas and you can do that very quickly. I can. It takes me longer than turning it off, but I can do that. That’s the skill that I have honed is that I don’t need to be in that place for hours. I don’t need to be in that place for even 30 minutes. I can be in that place for but you have to go through it Three or four minutes, but I have to go through it because it doesn’t feel complete to me.
It feels like a disservice to me if I don’t, and there are times where I have to turn it off right, I have to rein it in.
0:40:09 – Speaker 2
Yeah, but then you go back to it. I gotta go back to it.
0:40:11 – Speaker 1
You gotta go back to it. You know I gotta go back to it. How many times do you want to receive any of those phone calls?
0:40:16 – Speaker 2
I’ll text you. I’ll be like I know I block some time later.
0:40:19 – Speaker 1
You know I’ll be a call I know we get done with a meeting and you’re like, hey, I’m available after this meeting if you wanna talk. I’m like I sure do, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So I use this tactic where I take my thumbnail and I jam my thumbnail into my forefinger skin. See what I’m doing here? Oh, okay, okay, To inflict pain, okay. And that is how I tell myself mentally was that weird? Is this weird? It’s fine, it’s fine, we’re all vulnerable here, Okay, okay okay, that is how I tell myself.
you need to get it together right now and you need to not be crying, not getting to an emotional place, right, so I feel I can do it. Do it right now, Try it.
0:40:54 – Speaker 2
Oh, I’m doing it.
0:40:55 – Speaker 1
You feel it Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It will feel good, it hurts.
0:40:57 – Speaker 2
Well, I have fingernails on, so it feels kind of good.
0:40:59 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, right, don’t push too hard, I’ll maybe fly right off. So I put my finger in here and I push and then that is what tells me okay, you’re gonna focus on that pain right now, we will come back to it, right, but we’re just not doing it right now. I had to do that when I walked down the aisle. Ironically, today is my ninth wedding anniversary.
It’s your anniversary Happy anniversary, love birds, thank you. And I had to shove my finger into my other finger as I’m walking down the aisle because I was walking with my dad, because it was this very intense moment for me that I’ve waited my entire life for this. There’s my dad. I’m so happy that he’s here. I’m so happy I can share that moment with him. He’s so proud to be walking with me. We’re arm in arm, right. The way he’s holding my arm again highly sensitive. I gotta feel all the feels, and I am jamming my finger because I would have lost it to a point where someone would be like I don’t think she wants to get married. Oh, they would have been like oh, she’s not well. Okay, she’s not well. So that’s my tactic. But these are the little things that we have to learn. Throughout the course you learned shove it down, turn it off quickly, don’t come back to it, and that served you in many ways.
0:42:20 – Speaker 2
I mean it still does. It also doesn’t serve at all. Yeah.
0:42:31 – Speaker 1
We all done. We’re all done with that conversation.
0:42:33 – Speaker 2
Yes because I can’t. I’m not going to talk about any of my personal experiences with turning it off. Oh, so you can’t force me.
0:42:48 – Speaker 1
Mine were pretty mundane. I had some mundane experiences.
0:42:53 – Speaker 2
That doesn’t feel mundane to me. But okay, really, the walking down the aisle? No, oh, that’s nice, why I told you I’m not going to talk about it.
0:43:04 – Speaker 1
Why? Oh, you’re saying it felt mundane to me because my father walked me down the aisle and your father did not walk you down the aisle, or you’re saying my experience?
0:43:16 – Speaker 2
felt. No, my father did not walk me down the aisle. That is true, I didn’t allow that to happen, but I don’t think any of those experiences are mundane at all.
0:43:30 – Speaker 3
That’s why I turned it off.
0:43:32 – Speaker 2
I appreciate that. I watched you walk down the aisle with your father and I had my own experience with that. You know, like just I’ve lost people in my life, I have my own. It’s always relatable, it’s always mundane. Things are like.
0:43:47 – Speaker 1
But your approach is just to turn it off. Yes, I told you, I don’t like feeling I do, but I don’t.
0:43:55 – Speaker 2
But if I talk about it or acknowledge it, then it’s putting it out into the universe, and then I have to go through those emotions, the exact same way you do, and I don’t want to do that. So it’s easy just to avoid it all together. I don’t stop talking about it.
0:44:11 – Speaker 1
What if I said you do go through it, but you’re like a slow gas leak. I love your face right now. What if I say that right? What if we own the fact that you like to convince yourself that you’re not feeling any of it and you’re moving past it?
0:44:27 – Speaker 2
Not that this is your oh, it’s because you’re the only person who has to be like Lens, pull it out. Lends, pull it out. It’s like that goddamn magician with the thing that comes out of their mouth nonstop. It’s like that. That’s why it’s a slow gas leak. Any other person in my life is like no, not true. Who else gives a shit about my feelings and emotions?
0:44:46 – Speaker 1
That part is true, okay, but that is where you feel most unseen. Of course it is Because you’re like looking at these people, like do you care that such and such just happened to me? You don’t ever say that, never. You will never say that.
0:45:00 – Speaker 2
No, because I can’t connect with anybody on TV. This is you over here. I cannot handle another you in my life. Well, thank you.
0:45:07 – Speaker 1
I appreciate it. I can’t. Is that a compliment? No, I didn’t know. Yes, I can’t.
0:45:11 – Speaker 2
Well, yeah, I hear that If I start to be seen by all these people, we are not okay, I know, not okay, I know.
0:45:21 – Speaker 1
But that creates the trap. Yes, Because you so desperately want to be seen and you so desperately want someone to give a shit enough to say to you I bet that was really hard. What was that experience like? You wouldn’t know what to do with that.
0:45:37 – Speaker 3
In fact.
0:45:37 – Speaker 1
I do know exactly what you would do with that. You’d be like, yeah, it was difficult, it was difficult, but you know, it’s fine. It’s fine, we all just move on. We all just need to move on and we all just need to do something different. It’s fine, by the way, how are your kids Right, that’s what you do. And then the real person who says, oh my God, I just love what you’re doing there and, yes, it is fine, but some part of it’s not fine. So what’s the part that’s not fine? You’d be like I gotta go Look at that phone call, right? But that’s your testing behavior, right? You let me in after who the hell knows how many years, right? And then I’m like we’re talking about it, here’s what we’re doing, right, but that is the catch 22. And I don’t think that that’s specific to you. I think that’s a majority of people in the world.
0:46:21 – Speaker 2
That’s why people don’t have deep relationships.
0:46:23 – Speaker 1
They want so desperately for someone to continue asking the questions, but then, when people ask the questions, they don’t trust that the questions are coming from a place of someone being able to stay for the whole conversation, and so then being vulnerable with someone who just wants to ask questions for information instead of asking questions because they genuinely care about you, apparently, is the odd part.
0:46:49 – Speaker 2
Right. But it’s very clear to me, like you, you can read somebody’s energy immediately. Again, call me, judge me, call me whatever you want. I’m just very clear about who people are and what people are immediately, and I don’t. You can try to disguise it all you want, it doesn’t matter. And therefore I’m also very protective again because I’m a highly sensitive person at the end of the day, very empathic, all of those kinds of things. Yet I developed this skill very early on to turn it off.
0:47:21 – Speaker 1
Yep, and here’s what I will say. You turn it off and are very clear about setting that boundary, real or imagined. Very quickly, I have to when I am also very clear we, when I have both figured it out immediately, but I will not set the boundary. I will instead make sure that you still feel seen and heard and cared about to a point where you will now divulge your yeah, you’ll divulge your entire life story.
Yeah, you’ll be hitting me up right All the time, and then that contributes to the part of me that continues to feel unseen, right? So, at the end of the day, we’re experiencing the same thing, except yours is. I’m going to put this barrier down quickly, because I already know you’re not going to see me and it’s not going to be worth my time.
0:48:20 – Speaker 2
But hold on. I think this goes back to the cult conversation that went out today. I think that you appear, you appear to be this open book, you appear to be this vulnerable type person where people think they see you and validate all of these things, but reality is they don’t, and I’m saying that blanketly.
0:48:46 – Speaker 1
No, I agree with that.
0:48:48 – Speaker 2
I don’t want the very close people in your life to. Yes, I don’t want the close people in your life to think they’re not close to you. They absolutely are.
0:48:54 – Speaker 1
Well, the people who are really close to me in life, which is just a handful of people, they know for sure, because they see the side of me, that they’re like. Oh my god. You said what, you reacted what. Oh my god, that’s hilarious right.
0:49:09 – Speaker 2
Or they’re really clear that they should know immediately, by a look on your face or the way you react, that OK, we got to talk about this. And. But I also think that because you’re so strong and because you’re so educated, articulate and have that fight or flight, people do not go against you.
0:49:28 – Speaker 1
Oh, yes, I do, yeah, yes, you, yes, I will push again, even when I’m wrong, my closest of close.
0:49:35 – Speaker 2
Well, it’s fine, it’s true. It’s not about. It’s about helping you, because I know at the end of the day it’s not about you being right. It’s just you’re just very steadfast in your opinions and your feelings and things like that, and sometimes I’m like, no, no, we got it. I got to push that a little bit because I think it’s bigger or whatever, and at the end of the day you still could win.
0:49:58 – Speaker 1
That never happens. What happens is I come out, guns a blazing. This is what we’re doing and how we’re doing it. You said that’s a really great point. Here’s another point of view. I always say absolutely not. Here’s the 10 reasons why I’m still right. Then I come back to you about a week later and I’m like so I was reading into this and this is my thought about this, and deep down you’re like that’s exactly what I said, but I’m not going to throw that back in her face. And then I’m going to say just want to let you know. I thought maybe you had a good point there.
0:50:25 – Speaker 2
But the reason you do that is because you take the information, you digest it and you allow yourself to be a little bit more open minded, because, at the end of the day, you trust me and that’s the end. You do value what I have to say, but you also know that I’m a fly off the handle type of clown. And so it’s like now, if somebody else had the exact same idea but you didn’t have that relationship with them, you would dismiss it, not even entertain it, not even care. Exactly.
0:50:52 – Speaker 1
This just happened the other day when I was at dinner with Nina and she was like I just have something I want to tell you about, and she pushed back on some things that I was saying, right, and something about that conversation led her to feel uncomfortable at the end. So we get in the truck and she’s like, are we okay? I’m really sorry if I pushed your buttons, I’m really sorry. And I said, oh my God, I just love you so much. I said listen, if I was really feeling uncomfortable or if I was really in a place where whatever was being said was too much for me, I absolutely would have said it. I said I actually feel so loved right now that you care enough to say this is really hard for me to say, and I’m going to say it, and I’m saying it because I care about you so much, right?
0:51:41 – Speaker 2
But again, what’s fascinating to me because Nina and I had the same not the same conversation, but we talked about our relationship with you, and what’s so interesting to me is she took that time to build that relationship. She’s known you’ll basically as long as I have Hello, and she’s just starting to feel confident in her own self. This is what I meant when I said to her we’re the same person Because she’s just starting to feel confident in herself that she is as intelligent as you are. You just give this aura that people are like oh, I just look up to you and you’re like a mentor, right? And so when people finally feel like they’re on the same level even though you always put people on the same level you don’t look at people and be like you’re a janitor and I’m a PhD and therefore I know more than that’s not it. It’s just that people have that response and when they feel comfortable enough in their own self that they can come back, it’s like mind blowing. That’s my test. I know?
0:52:41 – Speaker 1
right, it’s subliminal. I know Intentional, but my test is do you believe enough in yourself and what you’re saying to be able to hang with me in this conversation? Right, and to be able to know me enough to know how I receive information best? Right? You don’t have to do it perfectly, right, but you have to at least know me enough to know who I am to receive that information. That’s right. And as people start to grow in their confidence and authenticity and their ability to share those types of things, that’s when I feel closest to people.
0:53:12 – Speaker 2
And the other part is I can just speak for me and Nita I’m assuming this is about her we don’t have to win. It’s not a battle. It’s not about convincing you that my point of view is right, because, at the end of the day, whatever you want to do is what we’re going to do. I’m just giving you a different point of view, absolutely, and I’m giving you something else to think about, because that’s how my brain works. But at the same time, nine times out of 10, you’re probably right. So I’m willing to take that all.
So when we were earlier, when we were talking about like there’s my side and your side, there isn’t two sides, there’s two point of views that we come at and then we ultimately mix them all together, and then that’s the beautiful piece of it, absolutely. And I think that that’s another big component, because someone like my husband has to win. He doesn’t provide a different point. He does provide a different point of view, but then he can’t mix it with somebody else’s point of view and come up with a beautiful end result. He then goes, finds other people who agree with him. It’s a gang up. It’s always a win situation and I’m like I’m so confused by that because our partnership could be better together if we were just pulling it all together.
And I don’t even feel like there is no winner. It’s about figuring out the best possible solution. We’ll call it a solution, but whatever it is. And so if somebody else and again, I tend to surround myself with people who think very different than me, on purpose, because I like to be challenged, I like to be pushed out the box, but I think that if more people were willing to do that, Well, doesn’t that go right back to what I was saying about if you trust yourself enough to engage in those conversations.
0:54:52 – Speaker 1
So the test for me is my friend Sarah has said this. She used to say this when we were in these meetings together. She’s like no one is coming up against you in one of these arguments because you have all the data, you have the facts. You will let them know why they are an idiot. You will go up one side and down the other and I said well, I appreciate that and I do believe that that’s true. But it’s because I just feel like people make these feelings based arguments all the time that are just based on what you think sounds great or feels good, and I don’t respect that.
0:55:34 – Speaker 2
That’s the difference between me and you. I may not come with the actual data, but then in the back of your mind you’re like this bitch does read, this bitch does that. Well, yeah, that does that always surprise me.
0:55:43 – Speaker 1
You take out a book on the plan and I’m like you’re reading. You know how to read. Every time I don’t know why that’s frightening. Every time I’m like that book has more than just pictures.
0:55:54 – Speaker 2
Holy cow Right, wow. But I’m very like research oriented in a lot of ways. But again, you’ve established that with me, so that’s why you don’t dismiss my emotion based responses.
0:56:04 – Speaker 1
Even if you aren’t book research focused like I am, you know what. You are researched and connected with the me, true, the internal me. And so if you’re going to come at me with a whole bunch of nonsense that you feel and, in addition to that, you haven’t taken the time to get to know me, I don’t care. That’s right. I don’t care about the conversation. I’m going to put it out there in such a way that you’re going to feel like an idiot at the end of the conversation, right, but I’m not going to do that to a Nina, to Renee, to Kelly up the street. No, you’re not going to do that to people who I’m like wow, you’ve really taken the time to both be vulnerable with me as well as to get to know me. And when you come to me, you don’t have to say do you want to know what the rate of whatever is? You know, I don’t need that, but I need you to say you know what?
What I would think your response would be to this is this but your response is that how come?
Because you’ve studied me and I have, I’m constantly aware I will give more than enough chances for you to get to know who I am.
If you’re deep enough of a person to want to be able to get there and if you’re not, that’s okay to you, that’s right Right, but I’ve, I’ve assessed that and determined that and that’s when you’re going to get the version of me that is not as deeply authentic and that, to the point that we talked about with Cole, is what, unfortunately or fortunately I don’t know which qualifier to put on it puts me in a situation where it’s hard for me to constantly feel seen because I interpret that for right or for wrong as people not wanting to get to know the real me, when the reality is people just don’t have that skill set to go deeper, and if they can’t do it with me, then they’re really not doing it in other areas of their life, and for me that means not being able to tap into the true connectedness and authenticity of all that those relationships have to offer, because those relationships I just I just mentioned are the deepest of deepest relationships you could have with another human being, and it’s beautiful.
Oh yeah, you and I have felt that even, especially this last year, and it being one of the more challenging roller coaster years we’ve been through, our relationship got stronger.
0:58:26 – Speaker 2
Well, that’s the funniest part. I actually texted texted that to you the other day because so many people have said I do not understand how you and Erin can intertwine your lives so much for so long and not anticipated falling out. And I said, for me it’s so clear because there would never be a falling out, because we have the conversations all the time, all the time we would work through it.
There’s not anything and we can, I can give you a thousand examples of times we’ve been down in it and open it, and down in it and up in it, and that’s again. That’s the beauty of the relationship. It’s the desire to constantly project forward. Yeah, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. Yeah, it’s not about winning, it’s not about being right, it’s not about me climbing on top of you so I can be successful. Are you doing the other way around? It’s it’s this, built together in whatever capacity it’s going to be, whether it’s parenting relationships, working together, businesses, you know whatever. And at the end of the day, knowing when you’re low is when I got to take the high road, and when I’m low, you got to take the high road. And when we’re both low, we freaking laugh and we figure out whose turn is it this time? Who’s lower? That’s right. Who’s the lower of the low? Who’s the lower of the low? And then, in reality, it’s that’s. That’s the ultimate epitome of a relationship.
0:59:50 – Speaker 1
A committed, committed, deep, emotionally connected relationship, and has that screwed up a lot of other relationships in my life? Yes, of course it really has. Yeah, because you’re the lit miss it, which I compare and that’s not great, right. That’s where I’ve had to have what’s my inner, what’s my outer, what’s my next level, outer, right?
1:00:09 – Speaker 2
Right, Because unfortunately I’ve screwed up my child too, because on the way home yesterday she’s like I just, I just want a deep emotional relationship with people and I said, honey, I didn’t meet Aaron till I was in my twenties. Yeah, you’re not gonna, you’ll, someday you’ll meet some, on Aaron too.
1:00:26 – Speaker 1
And we didn’t. We didn’t have this level of deep emotional relationship. We grew it together, has to grow.
1:00:32 – Speaker 2
Yes, there’s a, there’s a, but that’s the point, right, you don’t go all in. Yeah, and unfortunately, she’s just seen this. I mean, I remember the day she looked at me and she’s like I’m very confused mom, why do I call her Aunt Aaron? She’s not your sister. She didn’t realize it, she had no idea. I think after a while she’s like how come the errands never had? Well, you are always at my family things, but I think she was like Aaron’s a.
1:00:57 – Speaker 1
Aaron has a mom door. Good, what do you mean? She doesn’t come to any of our family functions or what you do, yeah, you know, my brother’s wedding. You know you came to watch the kids, that’s right.
1:01:07 – Speaker 2
I watched the kids for your brother’s wedding, yeah, so it’s just, it’s just funny that, um, though, that’s the type of relationship I’m showcasing to my children, and so their litmus is also going to be, very off. I know I know Good, I like that. No losers here.
1:01:25 – Speaker 1
Right. Keep out the. Keep out the duds. Whatever, I don’t know, are they in Aaron quality?
1:01:30 – Speaker 2
No, gotta go. You did, you did pick the card today. We didn’t do this card and it might be, might be, apropos.
1:01:34 – Speaker 1
Let’s end on the card. I just have about 10 more questions. Yeah, right, what? Oh, we got to do the commercial. Oh, do you want to do that? I just no, there’s so much I can’t.
One thing I did want to say is I want people to know a few things. One we really love when you engage with us Whether you’re engaging with us on our Facebook group, which we now have an increase in number of people in our Facebook group Whether you engage with us in the comment section of YouTube we love reading that so you can watch us on the YouTube. We do have the more love podcastcom that people can go to. They can read the timeline. They can go to the shit we love page. They can watch the actual video, read a transcript or listen on there. One thing Renee told me is that she will listen on the actual website, but then she will go into Spotify and she will just fast forward all the way through so that it looks like she cause she had already listened to it on the website, but she wants to get us credit for having listened on Spotify, I always listen on the website.
Is that a? Thing?
1:02:30 – Speaker 2
That’s awesome.
1:02:31 – Speaker 1
That’s next level podcasting.
1:02:33 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, I had no idea. I always listen on the website. You shouldn’t do that.
1:02:37 – Speaker 1
I guess you can, but you should also go into your podcasting app and show that you listened to it, so that it shows that you’ve listened all the way through to the episode.
1:02:45 – Speaker 2
Oh my God, Again these geniuses in my life, right, right.
1:02:48 – Speaker 1
We are trying to figure out how we can expand our reach. So if there’s anyone who’s listening, who is in marketing, who understands advertising, who would like to sort of help us get our reach out there or listens to other podcasts that we could guess be guests on their podcasts. Yes, yes, that was one thing Scott recommended to us is you should be a guest on other people’s podcasts that also have listeners.
1:03:10 – Speaker 2
Unfortunately, we will take it over, I know, I mean you can invite us on your podcast, but we will take it over, I’m just being transparent. I know, let them know that in advance.
1:03:20 – Speaker 1
I’m letting them know that right now, yeah, no, let we’re saying let the podcast host know that in advance, because it’s not going to be great for them. I mean yeah.
1:03:28 – Speaker 2
Take your risk. People, I know, take your risk. I know we’re a lot of fun, but maybe we should take a quick break.
1:03:32 – Speaker 1
Maybe we should take a quick break. We go. Maybe, we should take a quick break.
1:03:38 – Speaker 2
Oh, okay, okay, you think let’s take a moment to thank our sponsor, concern Center.
1:03:42 – Speaker 1
Oh, we like them, we’re. They’re rethinking how to connect people with the resources and support to live happy, fulfilling lives. It sounds a lot like our podcast.
1:03:51 – Speaker 2
Don’t push it. You know, Erin, every organization has people that need help finding support Students, employees, patients.
1:04:00 – Speaker 1
I don’t need any help with patients.
1:04:02 – Speaker 2
Patients Concern Center’s helped 3.5 million people find support nationwide, with more becoming a part of it every day. That sounds a lot like our podcast. I just said that the More Love podcast is all about people connecting with each other.
1:04:16 – Speaker 1
So if you or someone you know is involved in a university, a company, a health system that needs a better way to connect people with resources, please reach out to connection at ConcernCentercom.
1:04:26 – Speaker 2
Help us get everyone connected with the help that they need. Well said, so, what were we talking about before? I was talking about this tarot card that I wanted that you picked, that I need to read to you because we had to end the note. And it’s actually beautiful. Look at this.
1:04:40 – Speaker 1
It’s the sun, it’s beautiful.
1:04:42 – Speaker 2
With pastels and the mountains. That’s a beautiful card.
1:04:45 – Speaker 1
What does it represent? The sun. Oh, that says the sun.
1:04:51 – Speaker 2
And it’s number 19, which is my house number.
1:04:54 – Speaker 1
Okay, it’s the number of bra clips you have on the back of your bra, whatever I sent Scott the other day a picture of that random ass bra that you were wearing and he like got it and you could tell he was probably like uh-huh, this is awkward. And I said that’s for the most recent episode of the podcast. He said thank you for the additional explanation. It’s just a picture of your back with the massive bra clips.
1:05:18 – Speaker 3
Thanks, for reminding me. I have to go figure. Which episode is that in?
1:05:22 – Speaker 1
I know it was like at least one or two ago, but yeah, I don’t have to go back and put that in there.
1:05:27 – Speaker 2
Yeah, all right. So the sun? The sun shines big and bright, illuminating even the darkest corners of your world. The sun shines with great strength, bringing life to that which needs to grow. The sun shines. It brings warmth, radiance and light to everything it touches. Embrace the positive energy of the sun, letting its light fill you up and permeate everything in your life. This is a time to be optimistic and open to positive changes. If you have felt uncertain or lost in any aspect of your life, the sun will help you find clarity. The path will illuminate and you will soon understand the way forward. To help in this process, remain positive and enjoy the present moment. Be grateful for the good things and you will attract even more. Life is meant to be joyful. Do what makes you feel good and let your pleasure fuel you. You are free and your purpose is to love and be loved. Put your focus there and everything else will fall into place.
1:06:25 – Speaker 1
Can I tell you the only image that’s in my mind right now?
1:06:28 – Speaker 2
I can’t.
1:06:30 – Speaker 1
It’s the people laying on their backs completely naked, with their legs up in the air the buttholes. Who are sunning their buttholes?
1:06:35 – Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah. I mean, everybody needs to have some pleasure. That’s like a real thing, I know. Yeah, I probably just got back from doing that. I know what the hell. Have you heard of that, scott?
1:06:46 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I’ve heard of people, bleaching them.
1:06:49 – Speaker 2
No, this is like a coffee enema.
1:06:51 – Speaker 1
And this is you sun, your butthole. Yeah, you get all that sun Right up in there, right in there.
1:06:59 – Speaker 3
That’s supposed to be where the sun doesn’t shine.
1:07:02 – Speaker 1
Well, that’s a problem. Don’t forget your sunscreen. Oh God, have a nice chapped bottle. Oh, that note. No, ew, that one’s so gross. I loved that Me too.
1:07:20 – Speaker 2
Isn’t empathy amazing? Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine.
1:07:27 – Speaker 1
I accept you wherever you are. Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.

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