Episode 119 – “Co-Dependent and it Feels So Gooooood”

0:00:09 – Speaker 1
Hey, it’s me, Erin. Thanks for joining us on the More Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside, but the truth is she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes.
0:00:29 – Speaker 2
Hey Bestie.
0:00:30 – Speaker 1
Hi love, what are you doing? Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast About what Life? Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay, I love us and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right To be our most authentic selves.
0:00:51 – Speaker 2
Oh man Okay.
0:00:59 – Speaker 1
I want to be really clear about something you are not allowed to leave again, ever without me.
0:01:10 – Speaker 2
You know I shared that text with the other ladies I was working with Guess what my bestie just sent me and they’re like oh it’s not okay, I’m sorry I need to talk nothing. We need to talk about it.
0:01:24 – Speaker 1
Okay, okay, okay. So you went on this work trip yeah whatever, it was something, and you went to the airport, our airport, I know, by yourself. I know, Did you buy the snacks? No Good.
0:01:39 – Speaker 2
Nope, and definitely did not get apple juice you better not have. I didn’t even go to Dunkin Donuts because that was sacred.
0:01:46 – Speaker 1
No, no, no we don’t do that, nope.
0:01:49 – Speaker 2
I did buy a smart water at the shop. We don’t go to Okay Down at the end. Oh yeah, because I was traveling Southwest. You don’t travel Southwest.
0:01:57 – Speaker 1
No, I do not.
0:02:01 – Speaker 2
No, I do not. We traveled. We traveled spirit and frontier ones.
0:02:06 – Speaker 1
No, no, no, I said what Jank ass ridiculousness Did you get me on? I got you on a straight flight. We’re not doing that ever again. Oh, I’m sorry, did I get here too early and I have to walk my luggage everywhere they have?
0:02:23 – Speaker 2
a limit and when you can check in, like check in my what.
0:02:26 – Speaker 1
You don’t have a holding tank. I’m confused.
0:02:29 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know, if you can actually fly a jet, they give you a better price. Just in case I’m kidding.
0:02:39 – Speaker 2
That’s what we need. Private jet. We are both like this. We’re both like contemplative.
0:02:45 – Speaker 1
How do we do that? Who gets the license? Me or Rebecca?
0:02:49 – Speaker 2
Definitely you, you don’t even let me drive the car. This is so weird Watch out motherfuckers, here I come here.
0:02:56 – Speaker 1
I come here, I come. Oh, one time I had to go out on a call for work and I said to Rebecca, you’re going to have to drive us to the next antique shop because I need to be on this call. She’s like, okay, okay, I got it, I got it. So she gets in the car. She’s got to, like, raise her seat up Me really high. She’s got to put her glasses on, like it’s a whole thing. I am in the passenger seat on the computer. Oh yeah, was it on the computer or on my phone?
I’m like, yeah, having to have this meeting and she’s she’s got like 10 and two. She’s up here like this. She’s real close and I see her looking to the right, looking to the left, looking to the right, looking to the left.
0:03:42 – Speaker 2
And now it’s a main road, 55 miles per hour.
0:03:45 – Speaker 1
There’s nothing coming. Not true, there is nothing coming, and if it is, it is the furthest away spec you can possibly imagine like you’re not sure. Is that something on my glasses? Stop it. Or is that a car coming?
0:04:01 – Speaker 2
towards us.
0:04:01 – Speaker 1
It was coming towards us that far in the distance and she, she, she says cover your kids ears here. She says here I go, mother fucker. She puts her foot on the accelerator and it goes. It goes like this. We’re talking this thing barely. It is like it is not even as fast as a bumper car. It’s he breath, it is so this guy.
0:04:42 – Speaker 3
I didn’t want you to be obvious that you were in the car on your phone call.
0:04:46 – Speaker 1
Look at her and she deadpan here. I call her fuckers and she is and I say put it on mute real quick. I put it on mute on my phone and I’m like good thing we had time to turn there because she was real proud of herself.
0:05:06 – Speaker 2
So now I’m a really good driver.
0:05:08 – Speaker 1
Every time I am driving, I make sure that I use that phrase at least once, and I put the pedal to the metal and go literally three months per hour out of the parking lot. Not okay.
0:05:22 – Speaker 2
So back to the codependency, back to the official Listen it’s.
0:05:27 – Speaker 1
It was not okay. I know I had zero feelings about it when you left. It was fine. I was fine about it that first day when you were not in my vicinity. I had a visceral reaction to it. It was I’m not kidding, it is not okay.
0:05:49 – Speaker 2
And my favorite part is I knew you were because it was all lowercase letters. When you said how’s it going? Period, that’s all.
0:05:56 – Speaker 1
You said yeah, it was definitely a question mark, because I would never have asked a question with a period. It was lowercase, it wasn’t like how’s it going?
0:06:04 – Speaker 2
Question mark explanation it was.
0:06:06 – Speaker 1
it was very much like but that was, that was for you, because I was like I’m feeling all the feels and I don’t know if you’re okay right now, because that could have a tendency to be an absolute disaster, mess, right. So I’m like are we okay? How’s it going Right? You didn’t answer, probably because I was traveling.
0:06:24 – Speaker 2
Then what? Then? You sent in all capitals angry Yep. How’s it?
0:06:29 – Speaker 1
going, how’s it going.
0:06:33 – Speaker 2
I swear. I said I didn’t get 30 calls in a row, yeah, because you know I was busy and I had to drive and then Nope, nope, nope.
0:06:40 – Speaker 1
None of that was okay. I did not like it. I did not like how that felt. I did not like knowing. Is she okay, is she not okay? I did not like that. I was not there. I did not like that. I was not experiencing the things. I was not going to help, but I need to be physically present, and was it really?
0:06:58 – Speaker 2
was it a knife in your heart? When I sent you the Bucky’s picture, I didn’t like that.
0:07:03 – Speaker 1
I know, I know Cause. We, like you, went to Bucky’s. And then I convinced myself you went to Bucky’s by yourself, so that made me feel better. I did.
0:07:11 – Speaker 2
Nobody was with me Good.
0:07:12 – Speaker 1
I got brisket on the board Good.
0:07:14 – Speaker 2
Oh, did you Brisket on the board? Do you know that? Did you see that I sent you the help wanted sign and you could make $150,000 being the car wash guy? What? Yeah, you didn’t read it.
0:07:27 – Speaker 1
No, I missed that. What do I have to do?
0:07:29 – Speaker 2
Be the guy who sprays the back of the car. No, I think you have to like operate it. No, I think you have to like manage the people You’re like.
0:07:36 – Speaker 1
You’re like in charge of the car wash $150,000 a year to manage the car wash in Texas.
0:07:42 – Speaker 2
Done. I know, I’m pretty sure, if you cut brisket on the board, it’s $50,000. Wow, I mean, I mean, I pretty much got you an application, thank you, we’re moving to Texas, we’re moving to Texas. Well, speaking of codependency, let’s, let’s, let’s, ask the cards. If we are codependent, yeah right, we want to pick it, it is fine.
0:07:59 – Speaker 1
We don’t need to ask the cars because we’re really clear what the answer is. But I want to know what the card, say, because I wanted you to know that it was not okay and it’s not happening again. No, I will go and I’ll just sit in the hotel room by myself. Okay, but it’s really not okay. Okay, I did not like how that field at all. Okay, I did not like how that field at all and I was worried. You’re going away tomorrow, I know, but I’m only going to Buffalo.
0:08:25 – Speaker 3
Oh, you can drive there if you want to. That’s true. That’s true. I’ll meet you for dinner.
0:08:28 – Speaker 1
You were in frick, it was not okay. I didn’t like it. Yeah, I didn’t like how my heart felt. I didn’t like how my gut felt. It was not okay.
0:08:36 – Speaker 2
You know, I just got that 360 app. Do you know what that is? No, oh, it’s like a stocking app for your family. Oh yeah, we got that. Yeah, what? So you can track where your family is on the phone. It’s literally like if you’re driving the car, it’s going down the street, and my first instinct was Aaron and I need to have this.
0:08:53 – Speaker 1
Right, because you don’t always know where I am, because you manage my calendar. So there’s times that you’ll say to me, hey, are you at such and such a place right now? And I’m like no, why. And you’re like let’s on your calendar at this time and for whatever reason it dings Like I’m supposed to be there and then I get nervous.
0:09:08 – Speaker 2
I’m like, is that minor?
0:09:09 – Speaker 3
I don’t know why that happens, but it does yeah.
0:09:11 – Speaker 2
So I’m on this 360 app and then when I landed, I sent the screenshot to Phillip saying I’m here and it shows me in Texas and him at home, and I just thought Aaron and I should have this. Yeah, so then she knows where I am, screw my family.
0:09:25 – Speaker 1
No, because then you’ll know when I’m at the hobby. I know. No, I’m not doing that. Yeah, what’s going on right now? Are you working on that meeting? Yep, absolutely. It says boom Walmart At the Walmart. Okay, ask the cards. If we’re codependent, the answer is yes.
0:09:44 – Speaker 2
You’re going to pick it though. Okay, we have had a cards weekend, man. It’s not good You’ve had multiple readings from not just me, but from other friends of yours, and it has but it was very, very helpful. Sometimes we need the cards to give us some guidance, because you can interpret the cards to be whatever you want it to be Right For someone who’s not into the hippie voodoo chef. I was all in this weekend because it’s helpful.
0:10:07 – Speaker 1
It was intense Right.
0:10:10 – Speaker 2
It’s a helpful guide and sometimes when you just need clarification or with the affirmation cards. So these are just little tools that we utilize. I mean she’s going to be calling me up the street uses.
0:10:20 – Speaker 1
I know it’s a whole different ball game. Oh, I’m sorry, did you just lay that pattern out? Oh, I’m sorry, out of like 10 cards are eight of them swords. I know you’re going to cut a bitch. She when she, she said and she doesn’t really fully remember these things after, when she gives the reading, she just gives the reading.
0:10:37 – Speaker 3
Right.
0:10:38 – Speaker 1
She doesn’t fully remember. She said, I know she said, as soon as she puts that out there, wow, heavy. I feel a great sense of heaviness and mental anguish is what she said.
0:10:54 – Speaker 2
Confirmation right there. Just right there what I know. So sometimes it’s just really helpful to use these as a guide. I mean come hippie voodoo chef. Oh, you picked that one. Okay, that’s it. That’s the one Imagination. Hmm, look at it, looks like us Interesting.
0:11:11 – Speaker 1
Which one Are you? The dolphin?
0:11:12 – Speaker 3
Yeah you’re right on my neck. I got to carry you through life. Here I go.
0:11:18 – Speaker 2
So, just to be clear, I had to switch to my mermaid cards, because that’s much bigger writing. Yeah, couldn’t see, couldn’t see anymore. So all right, so it’s the page of cups. Now here’s the thing. I don’t really know anything about tarot cards. I don’t understand what a cup is. I’m assuming swords is anger. Yeah, so. I don’t know Like stabbing, all sorts of cups is maybe make sure it’s full or not, or maybe it’s just drink the blood of Christ? I don’t know.
0:11:42 – Speaker 3
Yes, good job, and then I’m not even sure what a pentacle is yeah, is it a coin?
0:11:47 – Speaker 1
No clue.
0:11:48 – Speaker 2
No idea.
0:11:48 – Speaker 1
No clue.
0:11:49 – Speaker 2
I just like what these have to say, but you are basically a first degree witch. You know, I’m a wannabe, you’re on your way. I’m a wannabe and need to be trained, so anybody out there who would like to give me some insight? Yeah, okay, okay, by the way, I downloaded four books today, just wanted to let you know. Well, congratulations, thank you. You read books I do. I was thinking of you when I downloaded them.
0:12:14 – Speaker 3
One of them was the new Britney.
0:12:15 – Speaker 2
Spears book 100%. Oh, I saw that today. Yeah, cannot wait, yeah.
0:12:20 – Speaker 1
I saw that.
0:12:21 – Speaker 2
All right Page of cups. Are we codependent?
0:12:25 – Speaker 1
This is the question we’re trying to answer.
0:12:28 – Speaker 2
This is imagination. A young person or someone who is young at heart has much to offer you and others Good company, fun and friendship. He or she also brings you the message that love is coming your way in the future. When this page arrives in a reading, your creative projects will also flourish, and so will your finances. Oh, advice Enjoy the lighter side of life, allow yourself time to play and let your imagination run free. This is kind of on par with some of the things. This is like the positive message out of what we were asking the cards this weekend.
0:13:05 – Speaker 1
Oh, this one’s saying be more carefree and fun and frolic.
0:13:10 – Speaker 2
No, no, it’s. It’s saying um get creative, Don’t allow, it’s OK to go out of your lane.
0:13:21 – Speaker 3
Oh, it’s OK to take advice from others.
0:13:24 – Speaker 2
OK, maybe that’s where the code depends, as he comes from, because I’m the creative one.
0:13:28 – Speaker 1
You are the dolphin. You are like free going Dolphin and. I’m like this is how you write it, dolphin, exactly like this. There is no other way you write it, dolphin, I step like this Right, yeah, but think about that. It’s Scott. Scott, are you talking?
0:13:44 – Speaker 2
No, I do hear men talking in the background.
0:13:47 – Speaker 3
Who are you talking to? There’s guys out in the hallway. I had to tell them to leave.
0:13:51 – Speaker 1
Oh, there were people trying to invade our podcast.
0:13:56 – Speaker 3
It’s probably my neighbor who’s trying to conduct business outside of a podcast studio. How dare she, oh well well, I swear. Did you lay the drug deal?
0:14:05 – Speaker 1
Did you lay the smackdown, Scott?
0:14:07 – Speaker 3
I know, do you tell them a smackdown kind of guy.
0:14:09 – Speaker 1
Did you say oh well.
0:14:11 – Speaker 3
I know one person who might feel a little different. Did you? Yeah, exactly, and I said in the future.
0:14:16 – Speaker 1
Yeah, oh, I bet you did Yep. In the future, take your conversation elsewhere, because these girls are having a podcast.
0:14:26 – Speaker 3
Oh, I went back and I rewatched that and I compared notes and you misquoted me, but we’ll talk about that.
0:14:31 – Speaker 1
What do you mean About the in the future?
0:14:34 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it says for future podcasts no, it did not, no, it did not, no it did not.
0:14:39 – Speaker 1
That’s what it said twice. It said that twice. I need you to go back. This is what happens. This is such a clear example of what happens. This is why people don’t argue with me. I need you to scroll up in those messages. Scott, there were two times that you talked about the future. The first time is when you said in the future question or in the future comma, whatever you said. And then the second time you brought up for future podcasts.
0:15:05 – Speaker 3
All right, I’m not looking for it now. Hey, I believe you, thank you.
0:15:09 – Speaker 1
Thank you, I’m happy to keep going toe to toe about this because I’m so clear that you said in the future.
0:15:17 – Speaker 3
See this is my strategy, plus I’m derailing what you’re doing now, so let’s not talk about it, right?
0:15:23 – Speaker 1
now I’m putting on this nasty ass roller ball. No, you need to have that.
0:15:26 – Speaker 3
Does this smell like a holiday in from 1987?
0:15:28 – Speaker 1
Nope this is a different one. No, this is not good. This is not Poundtown. This is Poundtown. That was the cherry. What is this one? This is expression. It’s the throat one. It smells like a cleaning solution. It’s not great.
0:15:42 – Speaker 2
It’s because you need it, I know. So this card, again, I’m finding it really interesting because we asked it for we were codependent. And I mean, it’s not saying it’s not confirming whether we’re codependent, but it is confirming that we both need each other in order to survive.
0:15:57 – Speaker 3
Mm-hmm.
0:15:59 – Speaker 1
In terms of Because we’re all clear that that card is not my typical card. Right, right, the free flowing creativity.
0:16:07 – Speaker 2
I mean, you are creative.
0:16:08 – Speaker 1
Let’s think outside the box. Yeah, I’m creative within bounds, right?
0:16:13 – Speaker 2
Not when it comes to painting pottery. No, whatever, Chris. Whatever, but anyway so we were chatting about which chakra oil we should use.
0:16:26 – Speaker 1
And she already told me that I couldn’t use the Smells. Awesome, you already told me that I so bad that I couldn’t use the root chakra. Nope.
0:16:39 – Speaker 3
You said that one You’re too. You’re too rooty, you’re too rooted You’re too rooted, you’re too rooted.
0:16:44 – Speaker 2
But what’s interesting is we were talking about how you had an epiphany this weekend that you are not really great with the boundaries.
0:16:55 – Speaker 3
Mm-hmm.
0:16:55 – Speaker 2
And when you try to set boundaries, people don’t necessarily. Honor and respect is probably the wrong words, maybe not, but they don’t take them seriously. Recognize it as a boundary.
0:17:08 – Speaker 1
Right.
0:17:09 – Speaker 2
When to me they’re crystal clear. So this oil today is our throat chakra, which is about expression.
0:17:18 – Speaker 3
Mm-hmm.
0:17:19 – Speaker 2
And, oh God, the reading. The fifth chakra is situated deep within the throat and controls its vital areas around the neck and mouth. It is the center of expression and includes listening as well as verbalization of our emotions, thoughts and feelings. Alignment of the chakra improves our ability to express in a higher form of communication with the confidence and authentically speak what is truly in our hearts and minds. Now you do not have a problem communicating Correct that I don’t believe has ever been an issue but I do feel you can be derailed, Mm-hmm. Or people can come in and say one thing where immediately you’re derailed because you feel like you’re not honoring other people’s emotions.
And then all of a sudden, yours takes a back seat, and then you’re right back in.
0:18:10 – Speaker 1
Yep, One of the things that we clarified over this weekend, which is I’m really both excited and nervous about putting this forward on the podcast, because it is something that is so new for me that I’m working through it as I’m talking about it and that’s not my usual MO right I usually am like so here’s the lessons that I learned from such and such.
0:18:38 – Speaker 2
You didn’t realize that this podcast was actually therapy for you.
0:18:41 – Speaker 1
Oh yeah, I’m very clear now, right, that every single one, this is all just one big therapy episode.
0:18:47 – Speaker 2
You thought you were going to school. My ass, oh yeah, all right, I thought you’re the one who’s dead inside.
0:18:51 – Speaker 1
How about we just talk about that? And then now the whole podcast is about how my empathy is completely toxic, because maybe we should just like rain that shit in Right, it’s fine, it’s fine. But one of the things that I’ve noticed over this weekend and this is going to sound much more harsh than I mean it to be, but that my Sorry. What.
0:19:13 – Speaker 3
I was just relishing in the idea of something coming out more harsh than you meant it to be.
0:19:19 – Speaker 2
Oh yeah, I’ve felt that before.
0:19:21 – Speaker 1
In the future. Me Like what, scott? Did you give me an example. No, check the text messages. It’s a three-quarters of ways down.
0:19:31 – Speaker 3
It says in the future. I’m sorry, I’m derailing you again.
0:19:36 – Speaker 1
So what I have realized is my empathy, without a doubt, is something that could heal the world. It genuinely comes from such a caring, loving, kind, supportive, impactful place, right. But when you are that person who is that incredibly empathic and raw and vulnerable and unabashed is the word that I want to say. Do you know what that means?
0:20:09 – Speaker 2
No I don’t.
0:20:10 – Speaker 1
It means you don’t bash people Unfiltered. It means so well, there’s a couple people in the world who would disagree with that statement, but it means free flowing, okay. It means it means on Limitless, okay, right, okay, it’s here it is. It’s here for the taking, that the world around me is a context in which is not necessarily ready to accept that and handle that.
0:20:44 – Speaker 2
Accept it, maybe, handle it not really Well because I think a lot of people experience conditional love or conditional respect. Yes, there’s a lot of conditions associated with expectations.
0:20:58 – Speaker 1
Absolutely, and so therein lies a problem that I’m just trying to be me in a world that doesn’t have great acknowledgement or understanding of how to accept that level of empathy and care. And in that way that relationship it’s not just me being that way to other people or the other people being that way to me, but the relationship between the two is what creates some degree of toxic empathy that is really unhelpful for both parties. And when I say unhelpful for both parties, this is part of the new learning. For me, right, for me, it’s unhelpful because I will give until I have absolutely nothing left. There isn’t a filter on that.
The time I will notice it is when I’m literally in a hospital bed, when it’s too late you know, it’s way too late to have rained that in because I won’t stop and it’s not helpful for the other person because they’re not used to being in that type of dynamic and so it’s flooding and it’s new and it feels so seen and wonderful and great. But then, when I’ve not managed that properly on my side, I then have to start to take some steps back and then I’ve almost shown them this version of what can be in the world, and then I’m not able to either continue maintaining that or they’re not able to continue holding that, and that’s not fair to either of us. So that level of what I may be correctly incorrectly referring to in my mind as toxic empathy is something I’m really trying to understand.
0:23:03 – Speaker 2
Well, in the growing pains is going to be. You’re going to feel the difficulty in that and you’re going to have to sit in that. It’s almost. I was when you mentioned this the other day. I’m like when we’re on our next trip, I want you to wear a rubber band on your elbow.
And I’m going to snap that every time and it’s going to not feel good because it’s going to be consistent. It’s going to be constant. It’s going to be so often. Part of the problem is because you’re so. It’s just it’s like smiling or it’s like breathing, yeah Right, because it’s so ingrained and so natural. One of the dumbest examples is you going above and beyond to like randos in the checkout counter. I know Rain. That’s where you have to start practicing.
0:23:44 – Speaker 1
I know, I know, I know Renee had said the same thing. I know she said that the problem is when you go to some place like Dunkin Donuts and you can’t just take the change back. No, and you can’t change, you can’t.
0:24:00 – Speaker 2
Even when you’re on the phone with me, you’ll put me on pause to interject and or not interject. No, no, no, I will include you in the conversation.
0:24:07 – Speaker 1
Right, right, how often does that happen?
0:24:10 – Speaker 3
I’ll be going through the Dunkin.
0:24:11 – Speaker 1
Donuts drive-thru. I’m going to be like hey Sam, hey Morgan, Rebecca’s on the phone Right, and then what do they say? Hey Rebecca.
0:24:19 – Speaker 2
But we also established part of your problem is you are a creature of habit, yes, and you go to the same Dunkin Donuts, same time, same time. So it’s always the same people in the shift, right?
0:24:28 – Speaker 1
It’s not like you’re mixing it up An opportunity for closeness and connection, right, just so we’re real clear. I know these people.
0:24:35 – Speaker 2
You became really good friends with the cashier at Panera who came to your wedding. I was in her wedding and you were in her wedding, I know, yeah, so if that provides, any sort of context.
0:24:45 – Speaker 1
I know that’s it Right, there Is the I established a relationship with the cashier at Panera.
0:24:54 – Speaker 2
You did not know her in any other context, no, but the fact that you went there every single day.
0:24:59 – Speaker 1
Then she came to my wedding and then I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, I know, and then I was with her as her partner was pregnant, uh huh, and yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah it was I know.
0:25:14 – Speaker 2
Do they have support groups for things like this? I think it’s me.
0:25:18 – Speaker 1
It’s me. I’m the only one sitting there in the middle of a lonely circle Just looking around, right Mm, hmm, but this is. I really think that this is so important to unpack it is a problem.
0:25:31 – Speaker 2
You can’t make this shit up. I know you can’t make it up.
0:25:35 – Speaker 1
I know All right.
0:25:39 – Speaker 2
There’s so many examples, I know I’m going to keep those to myself.
0:25:41 – Speaker 3
There’s so many examples.
0:25:44 – Speaker 1
Oh, I know it’s just so important for me, but but, like Renee was saying, renee is like you can’t just take the change Right. You can’t just be like here’s my 10. I get $4.89 back Right. Hand it to me, thanks, thank you, and walk away. Nope, right, you have to. You’re handing me the change and I’m like those nails are so cute. Or, oh my gosh, did you see this quarter? This is the one that has the bear on the back of it. Did you hear about this?
0:26:14 – Speaker 2
But see here’s again. There’s nothing wrong with that, but now you’ve established a relationship and now you have to go back to that person every day Because you feel guilty. If you talk to someone else, it’s, it’s the pattern.
0:26:29 – Speaker 1
For me it’s not it’s not as much that as it is. I have to go back to that same place, because that’s how my routine works, because I’m so black and white.
0:26:38 – Speaker 2
So now you continue to be authentic and genuine and engaging, and that’s what takes it to the next level, right.
0:26:46 – Speaker 1
Because then the next time I’m like good morning Right, and they’re like, hey, how are you? Let’s be real clear.
0:26:50 – Speaker 2
Normally those people aren’t like me who’s like, yeah, okay, whatever, and then don’t engage with you. They always engage back. I know If I was the cashier and you said that to me, I’d be like thanks, bye. I know I know I wouldn’t engage with you, but the difference I feel like it’s weird.
0:27:04 – Speaker 1
The difference in that is that you don’t feel this innate need to have to connect or see with that person.
0:27:17 – Speaker 2
Right, you even being on the receiving end.
0:27:20 – Speaker 1
Correct, right, and I, if if you’re going to say to me, I really like your, your sweater, I’m going to be like thank you so much, I got it at such and such a place. They I got it a few years ago so they probably still don’t have it. I could give you the whole context around it. Right, and, and it really comes from this drastic place of being seen and making sure that people have some type of connection. I think that’s what’s super important to me is that people don’t feel lonely, they don’t feel that might be the only connection that they have during the day where they feel that level of connectedness. But you’re absolutely right. If that happens once at seven 11, if it happens at Coralife eatery and then it happens randomly at Walmart, great, right, right, I dropped my little right Sprinkles of whatever wherever I need to go. That’s healthy, that’s fine, it’s okay. It’s when it’s the pattern, but it’s when it’s repeatable, over and over again and you’ve now established a relationship.
Right. And then where it becomes not fair for that person is either I have too much going on or I can’t continue to give it that level. Or to your point that you said the other day about the boundaries and about the what are your personal values? My inner circle doesn’t get everything that it needs, and so now I’m making sure that so and so at Panera feels really great about whatever, but I’m it’s again at the cost of my myself.
0:28:45 – Speaker 2
Well, reality is you have, but you have only so many hours in a day, you only have so much energy and you have to allocate it appropriately. And that’s really hard for someone like you because in your opinion, everybody deserves everything. I agree and that.
0:29:00 – Speaker 1
But what did we decide? Can’t work. What did we decide? Which part that this is so innately subliminal, yes, that I have to go to hypnotherapy.
0:29:10 – Speaker 2
Yep, I was going to just say I’m like did we decide that you, you need the therapy? Yeah, that’s what we decided. Yep, as soon as we’re done with this, I’m connecting you and. I truly feel. And what’s going to be beautiful is you’re going to be able to share the experience live with their viewers.
0:29:22 – Speaker 1
Great, yeah, yeah, great, nice, come on in.
0:29:25 – Speaker 2
No, but you’ll be able to experience what your how, your transformation is happening versus talk therapy, because you are a therapist. I know You’ve done some serious not just serious like work in terms of your degree and like learning all those things, but you have also been in therapy. Therapist should be in therapy, right? All this?
0:29:40 – Speaker 1
stuff yeah.
0:29:41 – Speaker 2
And you’ve had some great experiences. I just think that this is going to be next level. Yeah, I really do. I’d like to be a therapist.
0:29:48 – Speaker 1
Find an a therapist, I know especially you, I know especially me. Oh, it’s not okay. No, but my one, my one guy, I know Steven, love to Steven, but I feel like this is going to be right on par and reality is.
0:30:00 – Speaker 2
Reality is you can go through the hypnotherapy process and then you can go back to him and debrief the whole thing. Yup Cause we know, they know the need for you.
0:30:08 – Speaker 1
I better do with you. You better tell me some time off.
0:30:11 – Speaker 2
I gotta look at your calendar and when you got that damn appointment, I’m not going to have to clear my afternoon. I know.
0:30:15 – Speaker 1
I’m going to be like I’m going to listen to my audio, the whole thing.
0:30:18 – Speaker 2
Great, then I’m going to be reprogrammed to be like you. Oh, that’s nice.
0:30:23 – Speaker 1
Yes, there’s two people sitting in the support group you and me.
0:30:28 – Speaker 2
You and me. Yup, I think I think you’re going to notice.
0:30:31 – Speaker 1
Yeah, we’ve decided it’s so because what we were talking about yesterday was trying to figure out so where the heck is this coming from? What? What is this? And it doesn’t feel like a me thing. It feels like what I said to Rebecca was.
it feels to me like a past life situation where I was something you called yourself a leper, I think I called myself a leper, I think I was a leper, I was really not okay and that everyone just shunned me, wanted nothing to do with me. It was not. It was, ooh like, divert your eyes. It is not okay. Right, and, and who knows this is. I could just be making this up.
0:31:14 – Speaker 2
How come none of this shit comes up in your readings?
0:31:18 – Speaker 1
Because my remember we talked about yesterday how I even confused the, the root chakra, even my own root chakra. It was like girls got it together, she’s totally fine, and then the root chakra is like she confused us.
0:31:30 – Speaker 2
That’s right, Cause your energy, your energy is so thick. Interesting my energy is I’m finding a past life.
0:31:38 – Speaker 1
Very, you know, I’m all set. It’s completely fine, and, and let’s be clear. I don’t want to paint this picture that I am inauthentic and like a hot, holy hell mess Right. No, for the most part I am just very stable, very whatever. This is like a next level for me of trying to really unpack where I’m at. Where is this empathy coming from? In this desire and need for empathy and the fact that I will do it at all costs, I will impact the most important parts of my life for empathy.
0:32:10 – Speaker 2
Yeah, why? I don’t know, and I think that that’s that it’s so buried deep in your subconscious, whether it’s your inner child, whether it’s a past life, whatever it may be, and the only way to get to it is through, in my opinion, hypnotherapy, because you can access the subconscious. And I know for a fact because you’re just like me you are a visualization, you are articulate. Things will come to you immediately and then you will be like oh, it will be like that and it will be the most weirdest, stupidest thing. It’s probably what was your cabbage patches name Courtney smoke. It’s probably Courtney smoke.
0:32:46 – Speaker 1
I know the fact that I lost her when I was in kindergarten. It’s probably that it probably is.
0:32:50 – Speaker 2
And I found her at the shops on Westridge. You did find her.
0:32:55 – Speaker 1
I said it’s that one, right there I know, I said I was. I walked into that booth and I was like it wasn’t her, though I would know in my heart if it was her, cause she wore corduroy overalls.
0:33:04 – Speaker 2
Somebody changed her clothes. She’s in the witness protection program.
0:33:11 – Speaker 3
They had to cut her hair and dye it.
0:33:12 – Speaker 2
Courtney smoke. So it could be something so stupid like that, that, um excuse me, I’m sorry. It could be something that’s so deeply rooted and meaningful that you lost your baby doll and you felt like a mom.
0:33:23 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I mean it could deal as a baby doll in kindergarten. That’s savage. Oh, that’s savage. And in what? Like your?
0:33:31 – Speaker 3
parents didn’t recognize that Some old, some old lady stole my football from my front yard. When I was like six years old, so you know the feeling.
0:33:38 – Speaker 2
She didn’t want you to play anymore. That’s your trauma. I don’t know.
0:33:42 – Speaker 3
Maybe she had a grandson that wanted a football and she didn’t think I wanted that one Don’t buy one. Yeah, seriously.
0:33:47 – Speaker 2
Nancy, go buy one. But it could be something that that simple I know, I know that completely derailed. Well, it forced you to develop mechanisms that you didn’t realize you developed and then you, unfortunately, respond. That’s the first thing she said to me as a hypnotherapist. She said whatever problems and issues you’re dealing with right now really don’t mean anything and there’s no point in talking about them because they’re just a. It’s like a domino effect. We need to go back, way back and heal whatever that was, because that changes the trajectory of everything and that’s why you don’t have to have conversations with people in your life, because things just change Right, and it’s so true.
0:34:26 – Speaker 1
Cause it shifts.
0:34:28 – Speaker 2
It just shifts based on your subconscious change. It just changes everything. It’s so, it’s so crazy, it’s so crazy.
0:34:37 – Speaker 1
Did I tell you so before? But when I was going to see Steven, we were doing IFS therapy Right, I talk about that, interpersonal family systems and did I tell you that one of the visions that I had cause it’s basically like deep meditation, hypnosis kind of thing Did I tell you?
0:34:58 – Speaker 2
about the gnome. No, you told me about the dining room table.
0:35:02 – Speaker 1
The dining room table.
0:35:04 – Speaker 2
What about it? You don’t remember? No, or maybe that was something I did. I swear to God. You said something about. He said to visualize yourself and you you Whoops Describe the dining room table with people sitting around it in a specific order. That wasn’t you.
0:35:22 – Speaker 1
No, this is someone else’s. Are you sure it’s fascinating? Tell me more.
0:35:27 – Speaker 2
No, it was you. And then you talked about the specific type of table. No, it was you.
0:35:31 – Speaker 1
Well, I sure it wasn’t you.
0:35:33 – Speaker 2
Yeah, we didn’t do any of that. Who was around? The table Nobody would be around mine. Yeah, except for me it was. No, it was you. And then you talked what you sure it was a gnome and not a soldier. It wasn’t a soldier?
0:35:46 – Speaker 1
Oh, I do. There was a show of soldiers, okay. So there was a time where there was a um, one of those Russian soldiers with the Russian hat yeah, he’s my protector. He’s the one who’s out there. This is absolutely. Nobody comes in. So I talked to you about that one.
0:35:59 – Speaker 3
And then there was one time.
0:36:00 – Speaker 1
I don’t remember the table. I remember talking about the table. Stop it. Was it my table? Yes, no, it wasn’t. So I just like some flash just came to me like a psychic sense. It was really weird what just happened there.
0:36:13 – Speaker 2
Because you told me about it. That’s weird, but I didn’t remember you buried it.
0:36:17 – Speaker 3
I buried it in my subconscious.
0:36:20 – Speaker 1
There was another time, though, that, um, it was me in a very dark room that had bars on the windows, it was water dripping down the side, it was, um, you mean, like that first escape room we did yeah, pretty much, pretty much Okay, cause that’s what I’m visualizing we got to do another one of those. I know Either way we’re really we’re having like the Joneses to get to go to another one Next week, next Wednesday. Oh, we’re doing it. Yeah, oh, you didn’t know that.
0:36:47 – Speaker 3
I can make that studio in escape room in my childhood. Yes, scott, we’ll be in here every single day.
0:36:51 – Speaker 2
We’ll give you feedback You’re going to need to constantly be turning those stories because we love both.
0:36:56 – Speaker 1
Um, um, but it was cement wall blocks and I was in the corner. I was wearing black, it was a frayed outfit. I was countering in the corner, my hair was incredibly long, it was very wet and I was in the corner and there was a tiny little spot of light that was coming in. That was not focused on me, it was next to my body. Talk about visual that’s why? I know you’re going to nail this.
0:37:19 – Speaker 2
I know.
0:37:19 – Speaker 1
So that was something that we had processed, we had talked about. In that image continued to change. So he would say things like where are you in the room now, Right. And after certain events he would say let’s go back into that room, when are you standing? And eventually it was to the point where I was literally standing in the middle of the room in a full on outfit it was a dress, I believe Right.
0:37:40 – Speaker 2
So like that level, that’s exactly what hemothorobias yeah, and it was in change. It’s shifting right in there. Yes, yeah, yes. And then what she would do is, once you got to the place where you were dressed up in nice and in the light, then she would start reinforcing the positive affirmation.
0:37:55 – Speaker 3
Yep, I love that.
0:37:57 – Speaker 2
I am worthy of the light, I am strong, I am whatever it is, yep. And then you go home and you re-listen to those autos, with just that you don’t relive all the work, yeah. The work is done you relive the positive piece that you concluded to in the end. Yep, I love that. Yeah, you’re going to be like it’s. So how do I contract with you monthly?
0:38:16 – Speaker 1
Yeah Right, it’s so transformative because you’re just not. I remember times that I was like it was not like an out of body experience, but I really wasn’t fully present in that moment of what I was talking about. It was just really impacted by the imagery of what I was feeling and seeing it’s very clear and how it was moving and how it was changing and how right.
And a good part of IFS is trying to figure out how you take that internal sense of who you are and bring it into alignment with itself. Yeah, so that you are responding from that place instead of from your protectors, yep, so what I think is fascinating about this is I had done IFS way before you had done hypnotherapy, you did hypnotherapy and then now here we are, however, many years after we’ve both done it, coming to this same conclusion that there are these alternative forms of therapy. Talk therapy is great it is A huge phantatalk therapy, specifically as a starter, with a really unconditional, loving person who’s able to hear you and see you and it gives you context to sometimes we’re not aware of what the real issue is.
0:39:30 – Speaker 2
Right, they allow you to get to the root of what you need to work on Yep or theme identify themes yes, because I don’t think we’re all willing to admit that’s the vulnerable part.
right, it was hard for me. I remember walking into there and I knew what I wanted to talk about, but then having to talk about it really put me in a bad place. So I get all of that, and then, with the dad’s group that I’m part of, they do the psychedelics and they go on these journeys, which is the same sort of concept of. It allows you to see things differently, allows you to process things differently. It allows you to potentially witness or experience something that you can’t see in like the normal realm. I don’t know what you would, just life. And so someday I’m not ready for that. No, I’m really afraid of what will come up. I was afraid of hypnotherapy a little bit.
0:40:24 – Speaker 1
That’s what you’re afraid of, of what will come up. You’re afraid of what will come up. Yeah, I’m afraid my ass is in a hospital somewhere because they overdose me, they overdose you.
0:40:32 – Speaker 2
No, I’m afraid of what will come up and what will I have to come face to face with. Really oh yeah, I’m not ready to go there.
0:40:39 – Speaker 1
So are you saying to me that we started a talk therapy, then we’re both going to do like the hypnotherapy IFS and then in like a couple years, where I was yes, we’re in Peru.
0:40:50 – Speaker 2
We’re. Let’s go. Give me what this point is for. You think you’re going to Miami. No, Give me what the dirt frog Right in my butt, Right in my butt. Drink this tea, Erin. Tell me how you like it. You’re like who’s that guy in the corner? It’s no one. It’s a shaman. It’s something you’re making up, you’re like what’s that mattress on the floor where the garbage can’t Nothing? Just drink this tea. Just drink it.
0:41:13 – Speaker 1
That’s the next level. Speaking of poison frog in your butt, I have to talk to you about a story about my butt right now. Okay, so you were wondering, and Scott was wondering, why I was walking like I was a 75 year old person and you have an emergency appointment today. I have emergency care pressure appointment this afternoon. Here’s why it has nothing to do with a poison dart frog, but it does have to do with my left butt cheek, oh, okay, and it wasn’t sexcapades. No, nope Was not sexcapades. It’s too bad yeah.
0:41:38 – Speaker 2
Sexcapades. That’s why I said you on the way here.
0:41:42 – Speaker 3
I’m like life’s too high.
0:41:43 – Speaker 2
Oh Okay, honey, you are in your 40s Stretch, but don’t do it.
0:41:48 – Speaker 1
A lot of people Gotta do the stretch, no. So I was in the chiropractor like last week and I’m laying face down on the table and she’s doing all the things that she has to do. She starts to pierce her way down.
0:42:04 – Speaker 3
Sure, it was the chop-up on this Positive.
0:42:06 – Speaker 1
Okay, I’m going there. I’m going there tomorrow. Stretch massage Angela.
0:42:10 – Speaker 2
I can’t, I can’t, okay. Yeah, I bet you are.
0:42:13 – Speaker 1
Renee got one the other day. She left me a voicemail telling me how great that massage was and that it was a next level experience.
0:42:20 – Speaker 2
Mm-hmm, I bet.
0:42:21 – Speaker 1
Okay, angela chop-a-fellas, buffalo, I’m doing it In the barbershop.
In the back of chop-a-fellas. I’m doing it. I’m doing it again tomorrow. Stretch me out, angela, stretch me out, okay. So I’m laying face down on the chiropractor table and she’s going down my left side and she gets to my left butt cheek. Oh boy, about halfway into the butt cheek she pushes with her thumb and I just about roll off the table. I am like that is so painful to the point where I was like you have to stop pushing on that. I am that is not okay. What is that? She’s like you have a massive knot right there. She’s like that is pretty incredible. That is not okay. So she’s working on it a little bit and I’m like you got to retreat, it’s too much, too much. Because it’s too much she keeps going. Does the rest of my session Fast forward to Friday?
Last Friday, so last Friday, I’m at Nina’s and I start to feel this burning sensation in my inner thigh, my left inner thigh, burn, burn, burn, burn like a burning ring of fire. It’s like that Not your butthole, no, my butthole, nothing, it’s my inner thigh, okay, okay. And I am like this is not okay. What is going on? Why is this burning happening? So here I am, got my underwear on. I got my sweatpants on. I dropped my sweatpants real fast and I said I need you to look at my left thigh.
0:44:01 – Speaker 2
On the inside yes, like where they would rub to get chafed. Where yours rub, yes.
0:44:06 – Speaker 1
Yep, Very well, when yours burn chafe rub Okay.
0:44:09 – Speaker 2
Where the chafing liquor got it. It would happen.
0:44:11 – Speaker 1
I know exactly where it is. Yes, and so I have my pants dropped and she’s like looking, and she’s like I honestly don’t see anything. I’m like, look from up here, look from the upper part, so she comes behind me. I’m like I want you to look down.
0:44:25 – Speaker 2
How did she see past your?
0:44:26 – Speaker 1
tits. I know I had to pull them in, and to pull them in, I bet you did. I said look at this and look, look, look, look. Right, I’m like look down here, she looks. She’s like it’s nothing, it’s absolutely nothing. I’m like this doesn’t make any sense.
0:44:39 – Speaker 2
So you thought it was like a rash.
0:44:41 – Speaker 1
I didn’t know. I thought maybe it was a rash. I thought that it looked swollen. I was like so confused, like did I get bit by a bug? Was my underwear too tight, like all of these?
0:44:52 – Speaker 2
things are what I was thinking. Your crabs went down Down to your right.
0:44:57 – Speaker 1
Oh, oh.
0:45:00 – Speaker 2
Oh, they migrated down. No, that’s not it.
0:45:06 – Speaker 1
So I’m like God, this is, this is not okay. So we continue about the night. We go, do a couple things, we come back and now the outer part of my thigh is on fire, the inner part stop, both are flaming, both of them.
0:45:24 – Speaker 2
Did you take an anti-inflammatory, anything this?
0:45:26 – Speaker 1
is not okay. What the heck is going on? This is not okay. So the next day I end up sleeping on it. Nina gets me some Aspercream. Oh yeah, you’re probably super familiar with Aspercream Because you’re of the age where you use this regularly.
0:45:45 – Speaker 2
I do not you mean like Icy hat.
0:45:46 – Speaker 1
Did not realize at this point that it might have something to do with the butt Situation that the chiropractor pushed. Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought of that. It’s in a different area. So I take the Aspercream and I put it on the spots that are burning Sure. I put it on my thigh, okay, and on, like my lower back area, okay, so it doesn’t do a whole lot. I wake up in the morning still not okay burning. I go to the couch, I lay down on the couch and Nina brings out one of those like oh, like a, like a, like a Massager.
0:46:17 – Speaker 2
One of those, a massager.
0:46:19 – Speaker 1
Massager guns right, mm-hmm, we know what you use that for so.
0:46:25 – Speaker 2
Did you clean it off first? I’ll chip the tooth.
0:46:31 – Speaker 1
Can you even imagine that Like a?
0:46:33 – Speaker 3
Yikes.
0:46:34 – Speaker 1
That’s awesome. Let’s see, look, crotch punch, boom, comin’ atcha. So, um, I’m laying on the couch and I have my hand back like this and Nina’s like just give it to me, give it to me. So Nina now has the the little to do machine and she’s going on my lower back and she ends up hitting that spot on my butt Did you about go through the roof? And I’m like, oh my God, that hurts so bad as she’s on it. We, we said she’s pounding my ass. At this point. As she’s pounding my ass, pounding my ass, the burning starts to go away because she’s on that specific spot.
Right. So I then realized that I have to put the aspergream on my actual butt cheek. And now here I am. What is this Tuesday? Now, it’s still that. Last night I used the Poundtown again on my butt and that did not go well. And then I tried to stretch it that did not go well. I used a heating pad last night that did not go well. So now I have to schedule an emergency chiropractor appointment for this afternoon and in this moment my entire leg, all around the leg outside, inside, almost over to my lip, my left lip burning.
0:48:07 – Speaker 2
Now do you know what I’m going to say?
0:48:09 – Speaker 1
So I got a burn, burn.
0:48:10 – Speaker 2
It has nothing to do with your ass, cheek.
0:48:14 – Speaker 1
Oh, what is it? What is it? Happy boo, what is it? Nothing to do with the bull channel. What am I channeling?
0:48:20 – Speaker 2
You are hanging on to some emotion and you need to release it. And it’s trapped in there. It’s trapped in my butt, cheek, yup, because it’s a trap to there. I don’t know there’s a reason it’s trapped there, but I’m telling you right now. I guarantee you, if you go to the chiropractor for a second time and it still doesn’t feel better, it ain’t physical.
0:48:42 – Speaker 1
It’s an emotion I have to release from my butt cheek. It’s an emotion you have to release Right.
0:48:46 – Speaker 3
so hell, it damn near killed them.
0:48:49 – Speaker 2
No, it’s just a trapped emotion. It could be in your tooth, it could be in your eye, it could be anywhere. It’s a trapped emotion. I’m telling you right now.
0:49:00 – Speaker 1
That’s it everyone. Thank you for coming today.
0:49:02 – Speaker 2
I’m going to give you this book.
0:49:04 – Speaker 1
It’s called the Emotion Code. That’s good. Did they talk about your butt cheek and your burning thighs?
0:49:08 – Speaker 2
No, but it does talk about this woman who had hip pain her entire life and it turned out that her mom used cloth diapers and stuck her with a pin when she was a baby. I can’t, I can’t, okay, okay, I can’t. You can deny it all you want. When you come to me next week and you say I released my emotion from my butt cheek, can we talk a little more about?
0:49:29 – Speaker 3
that it was anger.
0:49:32 – Speaker 1
It was a lot of anger. It did have a pretty difficult week. A lot of anger. Which one of these two affirmation cards do you want? That one, this one? Mm-hmm, I am magnetic. I know that I will attract everyone and everything aligned with my purpose. See you later. Everyone, have a good day.
0:49:52 – Speaker 2
Thank you for coming. Happy voodoo shit is always open.
0:49:56 – Speaker 1
I am magnetic. I know that I will attract everyone and everything aligned with my purpose, and I’ll also find some other people along the way who I want to tell that they have really nice nails because I got to make sure that they feel good.
0:50:07 – Speaker 2
Does Erin have an emotion stuck in her ass?
0:50:12 – Speaker 1
We’re asking the pendulum. It says yes, it sure does.
0:50:14 – Speaker 2
It sure does yeah.
0:50:16 – Speaker 1
Too bad we can’t ask the pendulum what that emotion is, so that I can release it.
0:50:19 – Speaker 2
You can Erin, err, erin, pendulum. Is Erin’s emotion stuck in her ass. Anger, oh no. No, is Erin’s emotion stuck in her ass. Sadness, no.
0:50:39 – Speaker 1
No.
0:50:40 – Speaker 2
Is Erin’s emotion stuck in her ass Fear?
0:50:48 – Speaker 1
Yes, it’s fear.
0:50:51 – Speaker 2
If that doesn’t explain everything, right now I’m not sure what does Keep your face, burn it on like a light switch Twice, are we clear?
0:51:00 – Speaker 3
Burn it on. Are we clear? I’m not sure, I’m not sure.
0:51:03 – Speaker 2
Did you notice, I used my left hand, which I can’t do anything with my left hand. I don’t want to talk about it. Okay, I don’t want to talk about it. Why don’t you just swallow?
0:51:10 – Speaker 1
it some more. Maybe your boobs are run out. I don’t want to talk about it.
0:51:13 – Speaker 2
Look how gigantic I look. Oh wait, that’s my, that’s your coat.
0:51:18 – Speaker 1
That’s your coat.
0:51:19 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I’m telling you the angles are going real well in here, scott. I’m telling you right now Are you, are you? At what point do you?
0:51:27 – Speaker 1
just maybe we should take a quick break. Maybe we should. Maybe we should take a quick break, you think? Let’s take a moment to talk about our sponsor, Concern Center.
0:51:38 – Speaker 2
Oh, we like them. They’re rethinking how to connect people with the resources and support to live happy, fulfilling lives. That sounds a lot like our podcast, don’t?
0:51:47 – Speaker 1
push it. You know, Rebecca, every organization has people that need help finding support Students, employees, patients.
0:51:56 – Speaker 2
I don’t need any help with patients.
0:51:58 – Speaker 1
Patients Concern Center has helped 3.5 million people find support nationwide, with more becoming a part of it every day. It sounds a lot like our podcast. I just said that the More Love Podcast is all about people connecting with each other.
0:52:14 – Speaker 2
So if you or someone you know is involved in a university, a company or health system that needs a better way to connect people with resources, please reach out to connection at Concerncentercom.
0:52:22 – Speaker 1
Help us get everyone connected with the help that they need. Well said, back to your ass, cheek, what? At what point? Never Next, okay, at what point?
0:52:36 – Speaker 2
Anybody else needs some answers to their problems in their lives. Just send me a DM, I’ll tell you right away. I am magnetic, uh-huh.
0:52:47 – Speaker 1
That’s what it is. Whatever Are we going to talk about? What?
0:52:52 – Speaker 2
you made me do on the way to work today. Yeah, we’re going to add a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit.
0:52:56 – Speaker 1
and today, by talking about the fact that, one, you’re never going anywhere without me again. Two, if you do, I will show up. I will show up. Okay, everyone will be surprised, and then you’ll be embarrassed because I’ll make you come pick me up at the airport and people will say, well, where are you going? And you’ll say, oh actually, huh, erin actually had to come in. Well, for what? Oh well, she’s having some codependency problems and I have to go pick her up at the airport.
0:53:23 – Speaker 3
I’m not going to be able to be at that meeting today.
0:53:26 – Speaker 1
Right, busy, right, I’ll call, I’ll phone in from the car and then I’m going to show up all my bags. I got my sunglasses on and, like I ain’t doing anything here.
0:53:34 – Speaker 2
You’ll be doing work on the beach? Yeah, Because my next trip is to the Florida Keys. Oh good, oh, you’re excited about that one Wait wait, the one with me or with someone else.
0:53:43 – Speaker 1
With my work. Oh great, your other job. Who is your other job? I’ll be at that one. I’m going to that one, okay, do you just book my flight, okay, okay. So when we were talking about that, I said I have a quiz I need you to take, and this is what happened. I looked up, I googled how do I know if I’m codependent in a relationship? Do you want to know? The very first thing that came up A quiz, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Stop it, what? Stop, I’m not kidding. If you Google, how do I know if I’m codependent? So then, of course, I had to take a minute and be like what is the relationship between codependency and suicidal ideation? Right? So I went down there rabbit hole for a little bit.
But very shortly after that, came up with a quiz. Oh good, now I thought this was going to be a quiz associated with codependency, like are you codependent?
0:54:36 – Speaker 2
As a human being.
0:54:37 – Speaker 1
If yes, to what degree? Okay Right, Okay yeah, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t. What it ended up being is an attachment style, which is even better.
0:54:44 – Speaker 3
What is your attachment style?
0:54:46 – Speaker 1
Which was a little more crazy.
0:54:48 – Speaker 2
So I took it first and I have to tell you what my attachment style is but tell everybody, we answered the questions based on each other, not on our husbands. No Right, no Duh. So are we codependent with each other, right?
0:55:03 – Speaker 1
And it was. It was. It was the first question Are you in a relationship? If so, is it a short relationship, only a few months? Has it been quite a few years? Or are you married? And I said your choices were either married or it’s been a long-term relationship. So I picked a long-term relationship for both of us. Okay, so this is what I found out about myself. So there’s like we’ll put this in the Facebook group so that people can take this quiz for themselves as well, because I actually found it pretty, pretty fascinating.
0:55:29 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it was.
0:55:30 – Speaker 1
They were pretty interesting questions related to codependency.
So are related to attachment styles. Okay, so at the end of the questions I think there might have been 30 questions True or false? Yes, true or false. Yeah, true or false most of them. Some of them were like yeah, most of them were true or false. Yeah, yeah, it has you put in your name, your email address, identify that you’re not a robot and then press submit Okay. And then it says Erin, are you ready to feel connected and empowered in your love life with you, without the conflict and stress? Learn your relationship patterns and they’re shockingly accurate. I’m like here we go. So you want to know what my type is called? What Fearful avoidant. What does that mean?
0:56:18 – Speaker 3
Yes, Thank you.
0:56:20 – Speaker 2
Fearful avoidant.
0:56:21 – Speaker 1
That’s not you Wait Okay.
0:56:23 – Speaker 2
Okay, do you want me to stop? No, no, no.
0:56:26 – Speaker 1
You have a fearful, avoidant attachment style. I’m going to reveal for you what this means. You often want to connect deeply with others, but you get cold feet when things become more serious. Once a relationship gets more serious, emotional chaos begins and you start going back and forth in your mind between wanting to stay and wanting to leave. You are often the overgiver in relationships, to the point of feeling resentful and burnt out.
Resentment can cause you to become angry at times and express your emotions and unhealthy ways, or to just shut people off completely. You notice any shift in a partner’s behavior at times, causing you to feel suspicious and on high alert. Your freaking eyebrow goes up one half of an inch too much and I’m like well, let me, yeah, what are you doing over there? What’s going on? It can feel scary for you to rely on others and ask for help or favors. You find yourself struggling to trust that relationships can really work in the long term. You can fear abandonment in times and also find yourself feeling incredibly betrayed by others. You may struggle to feel. You may struggle with feelings of guilt and shame. Having a fearful, avoidant attachment style can feel as if relationships are chaotic and challenging. But it doesn’t have to be this way. It is absolutely possible to get a deep connection you need in relationships without fear and without losing your independence, your sense of self or your freedom.
0:58:07 – Speaker 2
If we were to take a survey of all of our listeners or people in your lives, every single person would say that is not you, but it is. It’s me, I know, but every you. That’s not how you present.
0:58:20 – Speaker 1
No, really, you really think people no, I present like that. No wait till you read yours. Oh shit, because yours is fascinating as well. Wow, no, that one. The fact that it’s basically like you are afraid that you’re not going to have your needs met.
0:58:36 – Speaker 2
you Are you talking about me or you Me?
0:58:38 – Speaker 1
Me Very hot and cold in relationships, right, because of your desire to constantly want to protect yourself. If that person’s not giving at the level you’re giving, you have to immediately shut that off. The feelings associated with struggling to trust people. The shift in people’s behaviors because I’m a highly sensitive and alert person. I can see and feel every single thing. You know who else is a highly sensitive person, mark. So please express for me what it’s like in our household when both of us are constantly antenna up, high alert and we notice just the tiniest little minute shift in someone’s personality behavior. You know whatever, and then we are skeptical of it. More like what does that mean?
0:59:24 – Speaker 3
What is going on Is she?
0:59:25 – Speaker 1
okay, is she not okay? Right, it’s just this constant live wire, right? So I read that and I’m like that’s fascinating. Talks a little bit about what your, what your attachment style is, what the attachment style of other people are, and you can even go further in this, associated with figuring out you know how, how do you find that out? So now let’s do yours. I’m great. Okay, I had you take the same set of questions.
You have an anxious, preoccupied attachment style. Your fear of abandonment may be getting in the way of you forming healthy relationships. That last how do you feel right now? You don’t love it. I don’t want to go to the bathroom. Turn it off. You want to go to the bathroom.
You’re an extremely empathic person who has mastered the art of connecting with others on a deep and real level. You may be a social butterfly or deeply value being in long-term relationships. You’re an expert at reading people and are the people your friends turn to when they need help. Yet, ironically, your relationships are often a huge source of pain in your life. You want me to stop or keep going, because you have such an enormous desire for deep connections. Losing the people closest to you is one of your biggest fears. This deep fear causes you to do whatever it takes to stay close to them, even if it means sacrificing your own means and boundaries in the process. Y’all done, yet Want me to keep going.
Your underlying fear of abandonment is amplified in romantic relationships, especially when you find yourself dating someone who likes their space, someone who isn’t very emotionally expressive or someone who doesn’t appear to really need you. When you’ve met with these situations, you constantly feel like you’re giving and giving, but getting nothing back in return. All of this leads you to wonder why aren’t I enough? Still keep going, it’s fine. There’s still two more paragraphs. Because of this internal struggle, it’s common for you to become angry and resentful towards your partner when they’re not meeting your expectations. Not knowing how to express yourself best, you make pick fights with your partner, constantly pushing them away, only to reaffirm your beliefs that you’re going to be abandoned and end up alone. The last part is about the personal development school and how they have a tailored program for your ass. Yeah, well, I’m not going to it. I know you’re not. Why do you make me do this stuff? Yep, I know how do you feel now. I don’t like it. Yeah, of course you don’t.
1:01:53 – Speaker 3
Turn it on like a light switch.
1:01:55 – Speaker 1
Keep talking about my trap butt cheek emotion. Yeah, actually. No, you want to go back to that, don’t you? Yep, I’m not asking the cards, it’s not okay. It’s not okay. Just to clarify here. You are anxious, preoccupied. That makes a lot of sense. I am fearful, avoidant. Okay, I will put the link to this quiz a row on the Facebook page so everyone else can take it and ruin their day as well.
1:02:27 – Speaker 2
What was the other one? You said Don’t look at this, but you said it to me anyway. Those are my results.
1:02:31 – Speaker 1
Oh, those are your results. Yeah, I accidentally sent you my results and I didn’t want you to see it. I didn’t look at it. Yeah, I’m sorry, your picture is on the anxious connector one. This is your pictures right there. So, anyway, if anyone else wants to ruin their day, just check out our Facebook page, make sure you like and share our podcast to do all the things, because you know everyone needs to hear this random ass shit that we talk about on a weekly basis yeah, and if you have pain in your body, it’s probably good as you’ve been.
1:02:57 – Speaker 2
Emotion trapped there, it’s trapped. Get your trap stuff under control. I’ll post the book Emotion Code I think that’s what it’s called Outstanding.
1:03:07 – Speaker 1
Have a good day. I loved that, me too. Isn’t empathy?
1:03:12 – Speaker 2
amazing. Well, we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine.
1:03:18 – Speaker 1
I accept you wherever you are. Oh God, I love you. I love you too, and if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the power of empathy podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.