00;00;08;29 – 00;00;31;13
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;14 – 00;00;55;28
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life, our life is. Best friends who are more like sisters. yay! I love this, and I can’t wait to share our stories with the world, especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;56;00 – 00;01;17;07
Unknown
It’s increasingly clear to me that I don’t get paid enough to do the show with the two of you. It’s, in fact, the fact that I have to pay to do this show with the two of you. Is that the joke’s on me. Listen, it’s been it’s been I can’t I. It’s it’s you know, credible to me, the two of you.
00;01;17;07 – 00;01;37;15
Unknown
And your energy is something that is really unmatched. And we’re going to start today’s show with having empathy for Aaron. That’s what we’re going to do here. We’re going to have some empathy for Aaron. Thank you Scott. So look I come in today right. Come in. I’m prepared to be here on time. Right. Which I then tell you get a message back to both of you.
00;01;37;15 – 00;02;01;07
Unknown
Yeah. You got to start back at the very beginning. I’m the. Okay, so so Scott says in a last minute hurry. Aaron, is there anything I had to prep for today’s episode? Now did I? Almost. Right. Yeah. Does this just shit? Tons of stuff I love. I look back at texts from from all the different areas. I get texted from you.
00;02;01;07 – 00;02;15;13
Unknown
Yeah. And I look back and I didn’t see anything the last. Yeah. The last things I saw were from the previous episode. Yeah. So I was pretty confident that the answer was going to be no. Yeah. Oh all right. But he’s a double checker. But I wasn’t going to use that as an opportunity to really off with him.
00;02;15;14 – 00;02;34;07
Unknown
Yeah but I did. Especially because I’m sure you not especially because this morning he posted on his Facebook I don’t want to talk about that too. Well, that’s actually going to be therapy session this afternoon. Okay. Oh, and I also appreciated that he wrote do I have to have anything prepared for this session? Yeah, for this session. Oh well that’s because he said that’s a double.
00;02;34;07 – 00;02;54;21
Unknown
That’s a double meaning because you guys call it a session. But I call them sessions too, because they’re recording sessions. Oh you do called. Oh well now that that was one. But for you that’s not as fun anymore for you. You you call them sessions. That’s a different thing. Yeah. Because it’s therapy. Yeah. So I mean so disclaimer it’s not therapy, right.
00;02;54;23 – 00;03;11;15
Unknown
Like Aaron and I don’t have phone calls. It’s not really therapy. Let’s just be really clear. There is no therapeutic advice offered on this show. No. Be held accountable for anything. I disagree, I get a lot of good things. As I said, that’s actually what a lot of people say. Me? Yes, I appreciate that. People are like, I feel like it’s my weekly therapy.
00;03;11;16 – 00;03;28;04
Unknown
I’m like, number one, you guys haven’t ever been to therapy because it’s just not what we do. Nor is this what the therapist does. I mean, everybody would say no, but this is the best form of therapy. If you’re getting something out of it. So that’s good is great. Okay, so Scott’s like, do I need to do anything for the session?
00;03;28;12 – 00;03;42;00
Unknown
And I say, just so we’re clear at first I say no because I’m trying to be nice. My favorite is he talks both of us like I have a clue. And you’re the one who’s in charge of that stuff, too. Just so we’re clear. I don’t know how many times, Scott. How many times have I said to you?
00;03;42;05 – 00;04;00;02
Unknown
I don’t he’s contacted me directly, and I’ve said, I don’t know. Rebecca’s in charge of scheduling. That’s right. I don’t know, Rebecca is the one who schedules that. I always use that. That thread between three of us. I know that group tech smart. Smart. Because unless it’s something specifically for Aaron, then I think you need to know, right?
00;04;00;05 – 00;04;18;06
Unknown
Or we’ve got something in the works behind this. Yeah. So yes, I something embarrassing or most likely embarrassing. Half is scheming. Scheming. Yeah. Scheming, So then I kindly tell Scott that we don’t have anything that has to be prepped for today. So you just say we’re winging it, right? And I said, by the way, just want to be really clear.
00;04;18;06 – 00;04;39;03
Unknown
We’re doing double session today. Well, what is that? What what ensues right there? Shitstorm. I was like, oh, it was 815. It was 815 when that happened. And you’re like, yeah, we start at nine and we’re doing a double session. And I am all sorts of not okay. Not okay. Haven’t showered since Sunday. It’s fine. We’re in the same pair of underwear.
00;04;39;05 – 00;05;05;19
Unknown
It’s fine. I got I said that. Not a chance now because I have to drive six hours. Yeah. Can not. Folks, it’s not six hours. 29 minutes in rush hour. And did I get here before you? Yes, I did it again. It’s kind of. It was trying to prove a point. Let’s try to prove a point. Okay, I even so, I told you, I even jumped in the shower and I used my peppermint soap on my badge and hurt real bad, right?
00;05;05;20 – 00;05;26;03
Unknown
Wasn’t that good? And it was. I was burning ring a fire at a to burn tea. Oh. Well, not. I mean, not on the more left. Like, just. I was just going as fast as I could, and then I put some powder in my hair and put on my weave, because this is good. Oh, no. We got no time to wash and dry.
00;05;26;04 – 00;05;53;25
Unknown
That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. Nobody I know got here. And you said, oh, I didn’t know that we were doing a double session today. Now, folks, I want to be real clear. We had a meeting. It was like, I don’t know, last week, two weeks ago. And not only a couple things happened during that meeting. So first, I took out a piece of paper and a pen that Scott had right next to him, and I wrote down physically on the piece of paper.
00;05;53;26 – 00;06;20;07
Unknown
Oh, thank you, Scott. And there’s no March dates on this. Just I want to be clear yet it’s all April because we already had March scheduled and already had March scheduled. And I would concur because I also only wrote down April’s because March was already scheduled. I must have not put in my phone that we extended it. I updated my bookings in the calendar, and I think it reverts because it’s from the booking system and I think it checks it and says, oh, that’s not what we have.
00;06;20;12 – 00;06;39;24
Unknown
And it changed it. That might have been what happened because he just made that up. I don’t need to. That’s an actual fact that you guys are not remembering if that happened. I can tell you exactly what happened. But I didn’t go in and you did not do the first ones. Scott did the first one. Scott got through about 1 or 2, and then he said it would be easier for me to do that.
00;06;39;25 – 00;07;01;01
Unknown
Yeah. If you just went in and added these and I said, great, what happened here? And I haven’t done it right there. And what happened here is Scott took over the initial the first couple. Right. And he went into his system and he changed it. Right. Which would then mean that you needed to go into your calendar and actually change it in your calendar now.
00;07;01;06 – 00;07;17;06
Unknown
And I didn’t I didn’t do it right. Who did though? I did right. So I’m the only one out of the three of us that knows that we’re having a double session. I know, Ted, how does it blow your mind that I plan events for a living? All I can say is, I thank God that nobody booked in there.
00;07;17;06 – 00;07;41;03
Unknown
I would have felt like a complete piece of crap. I would have thrown my hands up. You would have felt it in Fairport. I would have been like, I cannot. Let me, let me just tell you. Hurting cats I have. I have been under water for the last two months, barely keeping my head above water. And I know this is not your problem because you’re like my client, but I have so much work, which I’m thankful for.
00;07;41;08 – 00;08;03;08
Unknown
But at the same time, I’ve had problems with boundaries and now my lack of boundaries has caused me so many problems because I’m over delivering on some Pod podcasts. Not this one because we have a partnership with this one, but I have been over delivering on some podcasts to the point where I can’t physically do the work.
00;08;03;10 – 00;08;16;13
Unknown
and so I’m having someone else help me with the work and that person who’s doing the work because I’m so busy, it’s hard for me to double check. And I’m also not a micromanager. So if I say you got it, they say I got it and then they do it, and then I finally do check it and it’s wrong.
00;08;16;20 – 00;08;49;20
Unknown
And I got to go back and fix it. And so I am like drowning. And I have one client who the whole, the whole thing has just been topsy turvy from day one. It all started off wrong. The system was not followed for various reasons. I’m not entirely to blame, but it is my business. Of course, I am ultimately to blame, and there was just a lot of stuff that wasn’t done properly, and now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass because I physically don’t have time to do what I was just doing.
00;08;49;23 – 00;09;05;28
Unknown
I was just doing so I didn’t have to worry about the quote unquote argument of, well, you know, actually, that’s not included in what we do. So I just did it, and now I don’t have time to do it. And now I’m like, fighting deadlines and I’m dying. I’m fucking dying. It’s interesting because that’s what kind of what we were going to talk about today.
00;09;05;28 – 00;09;23;05
Unknown
Sure is what we were going to talk about today. This is what a perfect leader. Shall I lay down on my couch? Yeah. Your third mike on the show or sometime I mean, time. And the best part is when we we sort of planned it, but we didn’t. We always we planned new third. We talked the other day.
00;09;23;05 – 00;09;38;08
Unknown
Oh. You had. Oh you said something in the Facebook group. Okay, okay. Because I had to remind you to put something in Facebook, even though that is your job, to actually put something in the Facebook, and you were going to post 2 or 3 posts a day or a week in the Facebook and then three weeks past where there hasn’t been anything posted.
00;09;38;08 – 00;09;51;25
Unknown
And then I had to remind you to post something on the Facebook. It’s fine. I don’t even have the time to take a shower. Sympathy for Aaron, Rebecca and we to be here and tell her you want me to tell her? Are you going to tell her what? Of our podcast. Me and you? Yeah, we’ve got a podcast.
00;09;51;29 – 00;10;13;03
Unknown
We do so good. Please don’t invite me. Not enough love. It’s called Complete Chaos with Rebecca and Scott. It’s called. What the fuck did I forget today? Dumpster fire. It’s called My Life is Drowning with Rebecca and Scott. This is actually fun. Let me see how many more I can. Yeah, it’s called Whole Room Burning. Episode one God gets.
00;10;13;04 – 00;10;30;26
Unknown
So we forgot that it’s called I. We have no scheduled podcast times because we can’t get our shit together enough to figure out when that’s going to happen. I hate to I actually want to cut all this out, because now I’ve just realized that I’m making myself and Rock box look really terrible. Now, this is it’s actually really great.
00;10;31;04 – 00;10;54;26
Unknown
It’s really great for the brand. It’s, you know, because at the end of the day, the we are who we are back pedal. We are who we are. Terrible. It’s terrible. The truth and the realness is what people connect to. And I will say that today there hasn’t been any times where I haven’t delivered what I’ve promised to deliver.
00;10;55;03 – 00;11;16;11
Unknown
Oh, it’s just been really, really difficult to my own detriment. and it’s not the way it should be. This business should be, you know, running more efficiently. And that’s what I want to, you know, get across. But let’s let’s dive into this goals. Let’s dive into this. My empathy Crusaders, you are who you are. Let’s dive in.
00;11;16;11 – 00;11;36;08
Unknown
Hold on. Please tell me you’re about to play some theme music. No, I don’t have theme music for that. Oh, and I wanted to get my empathy crusader. oh. Good. You’re back. Scratch your out. That’s my. Okay. This is what I call the club of empathy. Yes. Perfect. I’m gonna get my. I’m gonna get my cause. I’m gonna get my that.
00;11;36;11 – 00;11;54;22
Unknown
Because I have a feeling you got your portion. I got. Because you’re both going to need to pause a couple times here. Speaking of pause, Phillip got my break. Told you about the girl? he returned it already. I don’t want the smoker, Taylor. You like the thigh? Taylor didn’t like the thighs, so he he can’t join the club.
00;11;54;24 – 00;12;15;26
Unknown
And it’s like our thighs. He couldn’t handle it, so he returned the girl and he wants to buy a regular propane gas grill with the fire. Whatever. Like the one you put out by the road that someone picked up already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we’re. Me and Taylor are in the cat paws in her bed the other day, and Phillip runs in and he’s like, Taylor, I found a new girl.
00;12;15;26 – 00;12;39;04
Unknown
And she’s like, okay. And he’s like, it’s got a pit boss. And she goes, mom, that’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard. I go, what do you mean? She goes, why is he buying a girl called Pit Paws? I said, pit paws. So that’s what he just said. He said pit boss. She points to us. Yeah, well, because I wouldn’t.
00;12;39;04 – 00;12;58;14
Unknown
You hear paws hide. Yeah. So that everything turns into that. And my, my new favorite thing is I will not get so your breakfast unless she says what? Oh, that’s good, that’s good. Let’s get this. All right, all right. We’re diving in here, folks. This is exactly what we’re going to talk about today. You ready for this, Scott?
00;12;58;17 – 00;13;17;07
Unknown
No. You got your big boy pants on. I’m not ready for coming for you. No, I’m sure you guys. Can you give me lucky I’m wearing pants. Can you look at me some more? So what Scott’s talking about is boundaries. Lack of boundaries. Sounds like we haven’t left any room for cream. I would recommend anyone who didn’t hear the room for cream episode to go back and listen to that one.
00;13;17;09 – 00;13;48;02
Unknown
Overcommitting. and then putting more and taking more on yourself and then that leading to the impact of the current people that you have around you that were like your faithfuls, right? Your, your full timers and, how that can potentially impact your self, your mental health, the people that you’re supporting. Right. All of those things. Am I hearing what we’re talking about correctly?
00;13;48;04 – 00;14;06;06
Unknown
Yes, 100%. Did you even listen to any of that? Yes. Okay. What do you get your piece of paper out? I was going to write something down, but now I’m not. I don’t know if you can see right now, Aaron, but, my Hawaiian empathy cat is over your, left shoulder. Oh. Got it. Your left. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I didn’t see that.
00;14;06;06 – 00;14;27;14
Unknown
Oh, God. That’s fast. Yeah, it’s. Who is this? Oh. Squats. Pull this boys up I just real quick. Is everyone really clear what has happened in the first ten minutes of this podcast right now where I’m like, hey guys, we’re going to talk about this empathy problem that we have in both you and Scott have inadvertently or whatever the opposite of that is intentionally changed the topic at least three times.
00;14;27;14 – 00;15;04;11
Unknown
So if we were in a therapy session right now, I’d be like, what’s uncomfortable about this guy? What’s uncomfortable about this conversation? We’re about to have? Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. Let me take a frickin sip of my drink. So this this is fascinating because what I’m hearing you say, Scott, is that you are basically this huge ball of anxiety because you every single day are coming in and are playing catch up constantly, specifically due to the fact that you’ve overcommitted.
00;15;04;14 – 00;15;23;22
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. I want to talk about overcommitting. Okay. Why why do we overcommit? Do we overcommit as human beings or me and Scott specifically and Scott specifically? Because whatever you’re about to answer is going to be true for the other 3500 listeners of this case in the moment. I’m super excited about it and want to do it. Okay.
00;15;23;24 – 00;15;42;20
Unknown
I can’t turn away. I’m not in any position to turn away business. And, unfortunate had had I kept oh, there’s so many things. There’s so many things, but I can’t turn on. I have a real trouble turning away business. because I have a lot of debt to pay off. And I’m trying to make this business work.
00;15;42;23 – 00;16;03;04
Unknown
April 1st is, six years, by the way. Oh. So does that mean that every dollar is the same that comes into this business? Yeah. I don’t understand the question. Dollars a dollar a dollar is a dollar. Doesn’t matter if that dollar comes with a whole lot of contingencies. It no no no man comes with a whole lot of headaches.
00;16;03;04 – 00;16;24;18
Unknown
No, that’s not true. If it’s an easy dollar, the dollars that have headaches did not appear that they were going to have headaches until after the dollar was given, and then the headaches appeared. and are are you were you previously good about being able to identify dollars that had headaches associated with them? Yes. And what changed that?
00;16;24;19 – 00;16;59;05
Unknown
We missed the potential headaches this time. I you know what? I can’t really go into that in here, on this because it’s more of a personal thing, but I’ll say there was already a relationship established for other things. And so because of that relationship and because of how I, how I treat that person or whatever it is, I was more willing to give away more of the farm.
00;16;59;07 – 00;17;18;27
Unknown
Because of whatever I felt. Was it, was it empathy or something that I was like, yeah, yeah, I want to do that for you. I want to help you do that. and is there a degree of excitement associated with that too, and excitement about the work and excitement about the relationship and excitement about what you’re going to be able to do together.
00;17;18;29 – 00;17;43;21
Unknown
Yeah, to some extent. Sure. Thank you. Rebecca said the same thing. So a lot of what leads to your overcommitting is excitement. It was more about excitement about, another steady stream of revenue, is really what it is. You know, I’m more excited about someone says, hey, I want to come and do a podcast, and I want to do, you know, 500 episodes or I want to do it for the next couple of years.
00;17;43;21 – 00;18;11;08
Unknown
Yeah, let’s let’s get on that. And then someone says, you know, hey, I want to come in and do you know, 12 episodes? Yeah. That’s great, but that’s going to end. and then you have to replace it. And so I’m and right now I’m really focusing on trying to get that monthly recurring cash flow. And so when that you know presents itself I’m all over it.
00;18;11;10 – 00;18;40;04
Unknown
And unfortunately my, my my eagerness. Is that a word. My desire to get this signed. This deal signed kind of made me go outside of my process. And so I allowed things to happen instead of being, you know, strict on. Look, this is how I do it. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. That’s fine.
00;18;40;06 – 00;19;09;12
Unknown
Okay. That’s fine. Where where is the need to say yes to these things coming from? my desire to be pleaser to to please people and to not and to not cause any friction at all. Because if we create friction, what happens when things get uncomfortable? We are afraid people aren’t going to like us. I don’t know, but what I really want to get at and this I want to hear your thoughts on this, Rebecca, because I think that you fall into this, but in a different way than than Scott does.
00;19;09;15 – 00;19;36;09
Unknown
So I don’t think the process of overcommitting and, both through getting excited about an opportunity as well as wanting to have some flexibility in what it is that you’re offering, is unique in any way, shape or form to anyone, whether that be you work for someone or you work for yourself. I think that that’s a very normal reaction.
00;19;36;11 – 00;20;10;29
Unknown
What I, what I’m curious about is what is driving those decisions either in the moment or. Well, I guess it would be in the moment to say yes to those things and then later on feel resentful, regretful, disappointed, frustrated about the fact that you took on too much. Well, for me is I’m just always live in the moment.
00;20;10;29 – 00;20;36;16
Unknown
I’m always present. It is very rare that I’m thinking about things that happened before, and I’m hardly ever thinking about the future. So when I’m because I’m so present and I get wrapped up in possibility and creativity and excitement, collaboration, all the things, it’s a hell yes. Unless it’s a hell no. If there’s a there’s the definitely hell knows.
00;20;36;18 – 00;20;55;10
Unknown
but again, it it’s it all depends if it aligns and then when the nitty gritty or the rubber hits the road is when it’s like, okay, how am I going to fill this? And I look at my calendar and I have zero time and I have to prioritize. And when I prioritize, certain things just don’t make it.
00;20;55;10 – 00;21;19;13
Unknown
There’s only so many hours in the day, you know, so I mean, that is my personality and it’s very difficult to I mean, I can learn all the techniques, I can do all the things, all that stuff. But at the end of the day, that that’s just my human design, my human nature, all of that. And,
00;21;19;15 – 00;21;43;06
Unknown
It’s a practice. It’s I think Scott’s super similar. Oh, yeah. I think Scott also is very present, is very in the moment. It’s very, you know, I’m going to make this decision based on what the short term goal is that I see in front of me right now. Right. but I what I’m having a hard time understanding or I want to, like, dig it into a little bit more.
00;21;43;06 – 00;22;10;11
Unknown
Is let’s let’s go to the the impact that it has. Right. So your failure to be able to follow through on things that you committed to feels terrible to you, Scott. Not producing high quality or something that he feels good about feels bad to him. Scott feeling like he’s, grounding because he has so many things on his plate leads to constant stress.
00;22;10;14 – 00;22;36;24
Unknown
you’re similar in that you’ll say often, I just don’t have any time to do any of this. Oh my gosh, when am I going to fit this all in? Right? Why is it that those that those feelings that you’re both having are not contributing to future decisions about overcommitting because of the fact that I’m always in the moment, I’m not thinking about, oh, that didn’t feel good when I said yes last time.
00;22;36;27 – 00;23;05;08
Unknown
For me, they have they have actually does it. So I’m unfortunately, experiencing the mistake that I made, you know, seven months ago that it’s catching up to me now. and I’ve learned from that and quite recently there’s some stuff that I have not specifically not gone after or said that I can’t do that I’ve turned away work because I just can’t do it.
00;23;05;10 – 00;23;24;26
Unknown
a couple of projects, you know, lots of people are trying to do partnerships with me to where we trade services. And I’m like, I just can’t, I just can’t. Anything that I’m doing has to be revenue based, you know, unless it’s for a nonprofit that I believe in and there are few that I can do that with, you know what I mean?
00;23;24;28 – 00;23;48;10
Unknown
So, but I’ve, I’ve started to make those decisions based on my present situation. Unfortunately, you know, seven months ago is when I should have made that decision. What’s interesting is that in the way that both of you process things in, in being so present in the moment is that this cycle is just so repetitious and, and will continue ad infinitum.
00;23;48;12 – 00;24;08;29
Unknown
and then unless and I want to talk about the on last part. Right. Because I really want to know if we push the fringes of what that looks like, what could potentially make that change. I also I also had, brought someone on to help me. And so that was helping things. But that person didn’t work out.
00;24;09;01 – 00;24;34;11
Unknown
so that’s another part, like I took steps to try to, to try to fix this. Like I brought the extra help and it was going well for a little while. but then when that didn’t work out, that kind of brought me back to the realization that, you know, I was in trouble. this cycle that gets created is I’m excited in the moment.
00;24;34;11 – 00;25;02;10
Unknown
I want to participate and be included. I know I can make this work because I’m a competent, capable human being. Oh, shit. There’s too much on my plate. I’m a failure. People are disappointed in me. I don’t go that far or I’ve let someone down. Yeah, absolutely. Go there. Scott. The letting down, I don’t I don’t in any way feel like a failure.
00;25;02;12 – 00;25;27;25
Unknown
I do get upset more with my, you know, previous, decision making. I don’t I don’t get I’m not. Let’s put it this way. I’m not as hard on myself as I used to be. I would that’s incredible. One. Yeah, yeah. Actually go a couple of years ago and you’d be like, Jesus, I can’t wrap my mind around that, honestly.
00;25;27;28 – 00;25;52;00
Unknown
Right. So you we have this cycle, and then we get to the point of letting people down and then it’s almost like, oh, fun shiny thing. I can do that. Right? And then we do the cycle over and over and over again. From an from an empathy perspective, it is so difficult for someone like myself who doesn’t who doesn’t have that cycle.
00;25;52;03 – 00;26;23;15
Unknown
I’m present, but not constantly right to watch that play out over and over and over and over again. so I want to ask a question about the unless what what if you were to go to the absolute outer fringes, what would it take for that cycle to stop for you guys to identify in the very beginning? This is I don’t have time to overcome it to any of this.
00;26;23;15 – 00;26;46;03
Unknown
Even if I have the time right now, I won’t in the future. Like, what would stop that? What could I stop that? What I’m experiencing right now is stopping that because I’m already. I’m already talking myself. The other day I was sitting with my wife, Kelly, and I was talking about the possibility of renting the the, office down the hall.
00;26;46;04 – 00;27;07;21
Unknown
There’s it’s coming, available. And like, next month. And I was like, it’s the woman who gives the, the food. What? The woman who gives the food? No no no no no no, don’t empty down the whole skeleton on the whole. No. Oh, do you know what I’m talking about? Yeah. She has a skeleton in her. In her?
00;27;07;21 – 00;27;29;27
Unknown
Yeah. She. Erin is so literal that she’s literally going down the hall. Oh, I think there’s a bathroom here. And there’s a whole room here. There’s a skeleton lady. Okay, the first two photographers. Yeah. they’re they’re leaving that space and and and for a brief moment, I considered, you know, maybe I should expand because I have x amount of more podcasters who are talking to me about about doing it.
00;27;29;27 – 00;27;52;07
Unknown
And I’m like, I could use a third studio. and then, you know, that cost a lot of problems at home. and she was right. I was like, I am completely a fool to think about doing that, because that kind of expansion would, would require a significant investment in staff. And just it’s it’s a next level thing that I just can’t do.
00;27;52;09 – 00;28;07;20
Unknown
It’s not possible. And so I was like, yeah, you’re right. You’re 100% right. I’m not going to do that. I’m not even going to entertain the thought. So and it was gone. So it’s funny that you just said that, because my instant reaction when Erin just posed her question was, I need a handler, I need some why not the same?
00;28;07;20 – 00;28;30;27
Unknown
Yeah, but but you basically said the same. You basically just said that you ran something by someone else that you love, trust, respect, and who could have that conversation? The other thing is, I’m not going to have that conversation with someone I can’t hear it from, not interested. I don’t want you don’t know, like I need to be able to do it with someone who sees me and understands and can help me filter through the decision making process.
00;28;31;00 – 00;28;48;16
Unknown
Yeah. not someone who’s like, well, your system’s terrible, you blah blah blah, whatever, because I’m just not going to hear that. or if you don’t respect the person, you’re like, oh my God, you’re over here living your life in dumpster town, right? Like, don’t talk to me about what’s going on over here. But but everybody’s dumpster is different.
00;28;48;19 – 00;29;21;13
Unknown
Not everything in my life is a dumpster, from my point of view, but from somebody who can’t understand the choices, the decisions, the whatever. That feels very chaotic. it feels very. Oh, my God, it’s too much, right? But it’s not. Yeah, yeah. You want someone to stand outside of your dumpster and be like, let’s look at your dumpster on fire for how normally blazing your dumpster fire to correct.
00;29;21;13 – 00;29;41;02
Unknown
And we we are going to pursue this, but we’re not going to pursue this. And here’s why. Because I’m going to help you see why that’s going to impact the future. And I’m going to help you reframe and think about what happened in the past. That’s where the handler comes in. Right? they’re not going to try to change me or change my goals, desires or anything like that.
00;29;41;04 – 00;29;56;11
Unknown
Yeah, they’re not going to try to change my systems. They may offer advice and support. And like I said, all day long, people can do that all day long. You develop your own damn systems when you don’t follow them, right? I don’t know how many times you’ve bought those for a spreadsheet. I know planters for five bucks off at all.
00;29;56;11 – 00;30;13;22
Unknown
These cleaner is adorable. Is can be plans and then I just can’t I you know, I have this conversation with one of my coworkers the other day. I’m like, I things live in my head and I just do things. It’s just I it’s very difficult for me because in my mind it’s like extra steps, like, why, why am I going to do these extra things?
00;30;13;27 – 00;30;32;09
Unknown
But I understand why they need to happen. There’s a communication thing. There’s the thing I think I think what it comes back to is the fact that I have shifted in my career, ten years ago, and I’ve really been a solo entrepreneur in a lot of ways and just ran my own show and ran my quote unquote, own department.
00;30;32;09 – 00;30;56;06
Unknown
And at the end of the day, it all falls on me anyway. So when when I shift and become part of a team where there’s other components and it’s not so siloed, that’s where it can become overwhelming for me, because I have my own processes and the way that I do things. but I’m not an effective communicator, so people don’t necessarily know what’s going on and where it’s at or, you know, whatever.
00;30;56;06 – 00;31;33;10
Unknown
So that’s where my that’s the dumpster fire for me, it’s the fact that I need to shift that mindset and be like, you just need to do you just need to do these things. from an empathy perspective, it is very difficult for me to see and feel the chaos that comes from both you and Scott in different ways, and to sit back and watch that unfold without feeling a great sense of wanting to help and fix it.
00;31;33;12 – 00;31;54;13
Unknown
what I think I fail to recognize sometimes is that the chaos, in some ways, is just what fuels the two of you. It is a very normal part of your processing. It’s just that I’m uncomfortable with that processing because I don’t want to hear from you. Oh my God, I have 8 million things to deal and I can’t get to this.
00;31;54;13 – 00;32;14;26
Unknown
And I can’t get to that because in my mind, you’re drowning. You can’t come up for air, you’re super stressed out. Your immune system is going to be compromised. Right? And I immediately am like, what is it that I need to do to help that situation? I think the other piece is our mindsets and the way that we work.
00;32;14;26 – 00;32;36;29
Unknown
You and I are just different. So for me it’s always an ebb and flow. And yeah, we might have committed to this last week, but this came up. So now that stuff’s off the table like we’re not doing it. Where in your mind it’s always a to do list and we’re always going to do it. Yeah. And because I’m an ineffective communicator I don’t I need to be able to say to you, hey, here’s what’s going on.
00;32;36;29 – 00;32;59;24
Unknown
That can’t happen anymore or we need to redo it or whatever, because this just happened. And I have to do this because of this, this and this. So that’s that’s a major difference between us, just like I am. I just like I process way faster than you. Yes. Once we can remember that about each other. Yes. That is a significant difference too, because keep in mind I’ve been trained for the past ten years.
00;32;59;26 – 00;33;26;19
Unknown
Just because we did it like that yesterday doesn’t mean we’re doing like that tomorrow. And everything can ebb and flow and shift. And your priority is one thing. Nothing else matters except if something needs to change. Which I think I’ve gotten a little bit better about allowing some of that flexibility to take place. often this is true in my relationship with the three of us.
00;33;26;19 – 00;33;46;22
Unknown
This is true of my relationship with you. I’m sure if, Scott and I had, a bustling friendship outside of here, I’d feel exactly the same way. You and Scott are not the kind of people who circle back around to pick up that which you needed to push off. Exactly. That’s what I mean. That pushes off the responsibility.
00;33;46;22 – 00;34;08;02
Unknown
Okay. I’ll be flexible with you. Yeah, to cancel this meeting. But then I’m also on the hook two weeks from now for saying we never had that meeting we were supposed to have when we have to come back around to it. So that’s where again, that’s where I think my core is a communication issue or a yeah, a follow up or some something.
00;34;08;04 – 00;34;23;20
Unknown
Because in my mind, okay, it’s done. Moving on. Right. And just like what you said, Scott, when you’re like, I’m not a micromanager. So when it’s off, it’s off. And I’m not checking back up on it. All right. Really not got it. But it’s off because you pushed it off right? Then you didn’t follow up with making sure it got back on right?
00;34;23;21 – 00;34;53;07
Unknown
Right. And for a rule bound person like myself, yes, I then get angry. Yeah, that’s a really strong word for this, right? Yeah. About the fact that now that comes back on me. Right, right. Same thing for you, Scott, that I the the empathy that I feel, the discomfort that I feel regularly with the level of angst that you have is an unreal amount of empathy.
00;34;53;07 – 00;35;27;02
Unknown
And it’s one because I care about you, but too, it’s because I constantly feel like you’re in this state of, again, chaos. discomfort. oh my gosh, this isn’t working. Why isn’t this working? This thing isn’t working the way it’s supposed to. And the level of, like, discomfort that brings for me as an empath, because I don’t want you to feel like that, or I don’t want you to have to take that all on is, a lot.
00;35;27;04 – 00;35;50;22
Unknown
It’s it’s uncomfortable at times. And I also forget that I think that’s a part of your normal everyday process. Like, maybe that’s just who Scott is. If people are like, Who’s Scott? When Scott’s in a stressful situation, people are like, oh, his hands are up. He’s talking to himself, he’s throwing shit around his office. He’s exasperated, he’s dropping some F-bombs.
00;35;50;22 – 00;36;14;00
Unknown
He’s like, come on, you know, like that kind of response. That might just be the standard M.O. of who Scott is. But when you’re around empaths like myself who soak all of that in work on that. And then I’m with both of you at the same time. And and you might be like, I’m sorry I’m late because of this, and this is going on.
00;36;14;00 – 00;36;48;04
Unknown
I still got to do this right. And Scott’s like, that fucking camera’s not working. The the level of, I don’t know, like the, the overwhelm feeling that I get is I don’t think reasonable normal appropriate because I want to not solve it. You know, I want to help resolve some of that. I mean, you talk about, you talk about a friendship outside of this podcast, and that’s in my mind what we have.
00;36;48;07 – 00;37;14;11
Unknown
Yeah. So that’s why you see that part of me. Because other people never see that part of me. People that I’m not comfortable with, people that I’m not that I haven’t gone past that level of professionalism to level of friendship. they don’t see that. You see that? Because I feel the three of us are friends. Even though you’re technically my clients and we’re working together on this podcast, and it’s a very interesting and unique situation.
00;37;14;13 – 00;37;32;27
Unknown
but there’s only been one other time in the six years that I’ve worked here that that we’ve had this, that I’ve had this, podcast studio where I lost my lost my shit in front of a client, and, and I was literally at wit’s end because it happened twice to me. And that was when it was my old computer.
00;37;32;27 – 00;37;51;11
Unknown
It was really at the end of his life, and I was waiting for the new computer to come back in. And this woman had come in to do a zoom, recording, and everything failed. And so we had to reschedule and I got everything working. Everything was fine. She came back in and it failed again just for her podcast.
00;37;51;11 – 00;38;09;10
Unknown
And I was like, I was done. I literally was done. I was like, I can’t deal with this anymore. And that’s what happened. and, and she, I apologize to her. And she was like, you know, she told me that it wasn’t cool, that I lost my shit. And she was right, and I felt terrible about it.
00;38;09;10 – 00;38;28;14
Unknown
And so I apologized that, you see that part of me because I’ve, you know, loosened up that boundary. And I should work on that because you shouldn’t you shouldn’t hear from your side, from the client side. You should not hear. Everything should be smooth sailing. And any chaos that’s going on in this room should be my own chaos and should not be yours.
00;38;28;16 – 00;38;50;09
Unknown
But I think it’s fascinating about this is the start of this podcast was how do we change you to dipshits so that I can feel more comfortable, right? Yeah, I know what it’s coming around to for me is I need I need you to to have your shit together so I don’t have to keep feeling what I’m feeling.
00;38;50;12 – 00;39;12;15
Unknown
And and that’s not that’s not a new problem. Oh, that’s a me problem. Oh, I know, I know. Wow. You heard it first. Guys. I’m back. Cats. You’re right, you’re right. Listen, you do you all have some problems? I want to be real clear here. You’re not off the. You’re not. Some things that you people do are in f insane.
00;39;12;17 – 00;39;33;02
Unknown
Absolutely insane. I’ve never been around that level of energy. Right. But what I’m coming around to here is this thought that I need you to be different. Because I don’t like to feel the way that I feel. I don’t like to feel like I took the onus of taking care of whatever. And then you guys just get to whimsy.
00;39;33;02 – 00;39;55;17
Unknown
Whimsy. Screw it up and you know, and I just have to deal with it, right? I don’t like the, the feeling of, you guys have to change the schedule and then I just have to go along with it. If it works for me. Right. The way you you the way you say that implies that, I’m just kind of not caring and just like, fuck it, I don’t care.
00;39;55;17 – 00;40;26;02
Unknown
And if it comes back, blah, blah, blah. Now that’s how it comes across to someone like myself who’s a organized, detail oriented, lacks force through the trees, thinking, right, I’m a very rule bound Kirkland’s Hobby Lobby person, right? And so it comes across and I’m not saying that this is reality, but it comes across as lack of care in the about the relationship.
00;40;26;04 – 00;40;53;29
Unknown
It comes across as lack of, what is the word like, respect. Like, yeah, maybe respect maybe, maybe you should just go along with it. It’s not that big of a deal. Sorry, I didn’t get it in my calendar. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I’ve never in my life felt that way about any kind of mistake that I’ve made.
00;40;54;02 – 00;41;16;00
Unknown
What? Well, you’re kind of the opposite, Scott. Because you will go so over the moon about being so apologetic about something that happened that the reverse happens for me, where now I feel like I feel bad that I brought something up because I don’t want to. I don’t want you to have to feel as bad as you feel about it.
00;41;16;03 – 00;41;55;01
Unknown
Right. So. So I want to care for you because you’re you’re so hard on yourself that I don’t want that for you. And if I start to see that something I’ve said has impacted you in such a way, I’m going to reel that back in because I want to still care for you in that way. What we’re really talking about is the essence of how you have relationships and care about people when you’re trying to protect them and want them to be different, so that you don’t have to feel the feelings that your house having versus you controlling your own feelings and being aware that maybe we don’t need to have people change to make
00;41;55;01 – 00;42;15;04
Unknown
ourselves feel better. Maybe I just need to say I’m going to be there at 9:00 and I only have until 11:00. We’ll get through what we can. And if this means that we can’t get through two sessions today, then, one of you will have to figure out when we’re going to have another time. That. That feels weird to me, right?
00;42;15;07 – 00;42;42;01
Unknown
But that’s what it means. Maybe to own my own interaction instead of constantly wanting to, just to to make sure that you guys are okay. Are you guys are taken care of? Does any of that make sense? Yeah. To me it does. Yes. But I really I’m coming around to this fact that the reason that I the reason that I initially was like how can we stop this from happening.
00;42;42;01 – 00;43;02;03
Unknown
How can we stop the cycle. Genuinely it was coming from a place of, I don’t want you to have to be in this place. But what I didn’t start with was do you guys like to be in this place. Do you like the chaos. Does the chaos motivate you. Does the chaos do something for you? That is no, I, I really I, I live in a state of chaos.
00;43;02;05 – 00;43;23;16
Unknown
My house is so messy. This is what happens to me. I’m clear that I want to go to Scott’s house and clean his house. I’m not going to be there on a weekly basis. I know I am clear that I’m about to be Scott’s handler, and I will be in control of his schedule. Everything only because you’ve tried to do it to me and it’s just wild.
00;43;23;16 – 00;43;43;17
Unknown
Okay, you’re my third year, my third, my third. Right? So I’m going to try and be Scott’s handler, and I’m going to be like, you know what I said? It’s all coming through me. It’s all coming through me. Send those people my way. You want a video package? Absolutely. Do my team grant, do you remember when I was looking for, virtual assistant?
00;43;43;17 – 00;44;04;14
Unknown
You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. And then we all thought Rebecca would be a great person to do that job. Holy hot damn. Which I didn’t understand at all. No offense, but I was like, because she’s. She’s weird. Because sometimes she can. She’s a personal assistant for other people. She helps other people think shit together. But then again, you’re number three on my list.
00;44;04;14 – 00;44;20;23
Unknown
So this is what’s can happen, right? Because you just want to fight me tooth and nail and I’m going to be like, give me access to your calendar. And I’m telling you what you’re going to do. What? And then you’re still not going to do it. And then I’m going to hit you with the hard truth, and I’m going to be like, you would have had time on Monday at 10:00 to do this, but you chose not to do it.
00;44;20;23 – 00;44;36;15
Unknown
No, because I had to do something else. Right. Because you chose to go to Hobby Lobby. Now you now need to read. It’s like it’s going to be so Legoland. It’s going to be like, take this Lego and be like, sure, I see you’re not doing this at 10:00. Where are we moving that in your schedule? And you could be like, I don’t like this.
00;44;36;17 – 00;45;00;11
Unknown
I wouldn’t be like, I know you don’t like this, but that’s the problem. But that’s my point is I can’t I can’t just conform and mold to that concept. I know because it’s just not going to work. I know, so it’s got to be something else. I mean, I’m not denying I know that there’s an issue. I am not in denial.
00;45;00;13 – 00;45;23;15
Unknown
I am clear. I am very clear. But this is where the shame and guilt comes in for both of you. You both are. Now, after the course of this conversation, in a place of like, I should do it different. Oh my God, Aaron Aaron’s disappointing. Aaron’s upset. Aaron didn’t didn’t. Yeah that’s perfect music for this. Is there music?
00;45;23;16 – 00;45;40;27
Unknown
No that was a car. Oh I was I was like I was writing this by my window in here is open because I was really, really it actually was really perfect. You’re having a hormonal reaction. Yeah. No. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But you’re you’re both now in shame and guilt mode because you’re like, what a frickin I’m an asshole.
00;45;41;01 – 00;46;04;12
Unknown
Oh, shit. I’m wondering if there are any other Aaron’s who just haven’t been able to word that to me. Haven’t been able to express that to me, am I? What am I working with for other Aaron’s who feel the same way? I mean, who know? I mean, I don’t know, maybe and that number. But you know, there no you can’t because it’s their responsibility to say something.
00;46;04;17 – 00;46;23;27
Unknown
Right. It’s their it’s on again to say something. This is why we need handlers. This is why people have personal life coaches. This is why I need a frickin the shame, Adam. I need someone who can take off this post from me. This dude sounds like this also sounds like we are sending out a job. This is also like announcement, right?
00;46;23;27 – 00;46;45;14
Unknown
This is also what happens. He doesn’t need a part time job. I need to come in. I need to review all of the different aspects of Scott’s business, and then I need to determine what what systems are going to work and how they need to be fixed. This is who I am. I am a fixer at the end of the day, but I’m a fixer of chaos because I don’t want to be a part of the chaos.
00;46;45;14 – 00;47;17;23
Unknown
Yeah, right. And that’s that’s the missing piece for me, is that my world runs so much more smoothly. And my emotions, which are a live wire to begin with, are so much more intact when I can control all of the things that are around me to essentially know what I’m going to get at any time. So a lot of what I’m doing is just essentially trying to manage my own internal state through the control of things around me.
00;47;17;25 – 00;47;43;14
Unknown
And thank God it comes from a place of I genuinely care about people. I’m not, you know, negatively manipulating people just so that they can do what I want them to do, right? Like I really do want to help. I do really do want to be supportive. Right? But the the part for me that I think is interesting about this conversation is that I have never described it as something that’s benefiting me.
00;47;43;16 – 00;48;13;05
Unknown
At the end of the day, my desire for you to do things differently is also about me. maybe primarily about me and my discomfort with the feelings associated with the chaos. But it’s also about you because I think I want to help control the chaos for you. But you might not have as much of a problem with the chaos as I do.
00;48;13;09 – 00;48;38;10
Unknown
That chaos could be really beneficial in motivating creativity and accepting new opportunities. I don’t like all of those things. would you use a different word for it, Scott? What chaos. Use a different word. Yeah. For me it’s variety. Now I need variety. I cannot if my calendar looks the same every day, I can not I won’t do it.
00;48;38;12 – 00;48;55;02
Unknown
I won’t do it. Oh, my calendar doesn’t look the same every day. and actually, I kind of wish it. They did. Okay, so you’re much more structured than you really? When you came to me and said, you know, can we just do Tuesdays or whatever, I was like, yes, that’s great. Now I know you’re always in that spot.
00;48;55;03 – 00;49;17;07
Unknown
Now I know, like, I have somebody else who I really want them to be in one spot because no fault of theirs, they always seem to book right when I don’t want them to book. Haha. Always. Yeah, always. And it’s not their fault. It’s my fault for not, you know, blocking, blocking off the time. And usually it’s like, all right, I got to block that time off.
00;49;17;07 – 00;49;43;09
Unknown
I get busy and then I lock and they’ve blocked it right. Like come on. Right. Like you said, I’m on my way. My wife hates when I do that. Hates it, hates it. So I got a fucking list I got, I got, I got a tick off here. But I think, I think that’s important because for me, the idea of having I like the concept of having 10 a.m. on Mondays is when I do this, but reality is, that’s great.
00;49;43;11 – 00;49;59;05
Unknown
But 90% of the time I’m going to move that podcast because something else came up and I got to do that. That’s right. Well, look at your schedule that you sent today. Correct. You’re I’m but you already had something booked at this time. Correct. And you were like, sorry, but but I’m going to do the podcast during this time.
00;49;59;05 – 00;50;21;02
Unknown
So then I’ll move that right to you. Don’t later in the true to your own organizational method. Correct. Right. The other component is I’m working because I have such a variety of things in my life, I’m kowtowing to other people’s schedules. Whom are much more busier than mine. Right. So for me to say no to a time block that they only have and then we can’t meet for three weeks.
00;50;21;02 – 00;50;46;10
Unknown
Yeah that’s a problem. Right. So when I have to constantly rearrange and reprioritize and that’s fine for me because it doesn’t drive me crazy. But yeah you see other people it does. Correct. And so the the push back of that does end up driving you crazy at some point because you’re quadruple booked on such and such a time because everything got backed up and deadlines are still looming.
00;50;46;10 – 00;51;07;12
Unknown
Correct. Right. Correct. Yeah. Or a training came up that is mandatory. Right. And I have to I can’t not do it right. I can’t say that I’m I’m unavailable. Those are those are jobs, you know like I can’t not do that. So yeah. You know it’s it’s challenging. And then I travel I travel a lot. I travel for my job I travel, I travel a lot.
00;51;07;12 – 00;51;25;02
Unknown
So that’s why we talked about, you know, maybe we should do a little bit on the road. Yeah. Right. so it’s just as as much as I want to. I’m not I’m not saying like. Yeah, I’m not saying I’m not a, I’m, I’m opposed to it. I’m very open to me being your handler. Oh, yeah. You coming back?
00;51;25;02 – 00;51;49;02
Unknown
You can be my handler all day long. You’re not going to like it. You’re last. 30s. So you’re not. You’re not. You’re not going to like Scott’s rehab. Rehab? Yeah, yeah. By the way, we spent the entire Sunday and hold out the attic. No. You didn’t. Oh. Reorganized me over. That’s my jam. Oh, redone. We have a whole pile in the garage that’s going to be donated for sale.
00;51;49;07 – 00;52;04;21
Unknown
Neighbor. No. Pronounce that one. Well, let me put it on the marketplace. Now. I can handle it in the garage. You need to put it in my do that just so marketplace. All right, bring it over. Bring your truck. Over 20% I get I take 20%. That’s the whole thing. Wow. Don’t threaten me with a good time if I sign.
00;52;04;21 – 00;52;23;11
Unknown
Yeah, but I have to see your risers and shit on mine one more time. No one wants that shit. What they do. I’ve already had three people inquire about it. Yeah, okay. All right. I’m going to end with this one when I get on with my cart. I love you both. You. You both bring so much color, I really do.
00;52;23;13 – 00;52;51;19
Unknown
Yeah, I’m losing my head. But you really push me to be a better person. I, really. Like it when I call healing exercises. Oh, yeah. You help me do some emotional rollercoasters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I would love to say truthfully that I accept you both for who you are. I don’t think I’m there yet, so I’m not sure I would be really honest about that.
00;52;51;21 – 00;53;18;23
Unknown
I want to be really clear. Is that, that sometimes my way can come across as is incredibly righteous and correct and, definitive. And the way that it needs to be. I happen to like that for myself. But I have a very aware that you guys, may not love that. and so that is what I want you to know.
00;53;18;23 – 00;53;43;06
Unknown
There should be if there are feelings of shame and guilt. I don’t want that for either of you. I feel great. We’re in it together, Scott. Scott’s not okay, but, we’re in this together. and I probably should go back on your Prozac, I think. I mean, yeah, I bring this up, and I made up my search.
00;53;43;06 – 00;54;08;18
Unknown
Really? Yeah. It’s true. And that’s it, folks. That’s it, you know? And do your card now. We’ll do it another time. Okay, I get I get abandoned ship. It’s fine. I, I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing I don’t know about all this empathy stuff. That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are.
00;54;08;20 – 00;54;21;03
Unknown
Oh, God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to more. Love the power of empathy podcast wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
