00;00;00;01 – 00;00;09;06
Unknown
Remember the fart?
00;00;09;08 – 00;00;31;22
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;23 – 00;00;55;16
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;55;18 – 00;00;59;15
Unknown
What’s up there? Acid. Blood.
00;00;59;17 – 00;01;23;15
Unknown
Oh my gosh. Toxic. Toxic blood venom. Ew. I’m gonna have all these nicknames for you. My new ringtone should be Britney Spears song. What? The toxic. Yeah. Oh. Tax. Toxic. So, Rebecca, I had to go get some blood work done. Anyone who knows? Oh, yeah. Anyone who knows, Rebecca knows. Going to get her blood done in it. Name it.
00;01;23;16 – 00;01;37;05
Unknown
It ain’t it. You have to coax her in there with a cookie. I’d like some lemonade. One you like me? The promise of lunch after what you said. Come on. We’re going to lunch. And then we pulled into the blood lab. What the heck is this? Yeah, well, this first look, I’m not doing it. I’m just doing it.
00;01;37;07 – 00;01;52;27
Unknown
And then you’re in there, and the woman’s like, what’s the matter? You’re like, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here at all. But she went in by herself, guys, which is a really big deal. And she came out and basically the results said she has toxic blood. So she higher levels of Texas city area city up and one down any other.
00;01;52;27 – 00;02;11;13
Unknown
So she’s fire blood, which doesn’t surprise anyone with fire conditions does it? Yeah, it is fire crotch. It doesn’t surprise anyone who listens to the show that there is just this line. I’m running through your veins. Well, you don’t know that. That’s what I googled. Okay, I’m going today to the doctor to get this. Oh, I just looked.
00;02;11;13 – 00;02;27;20
Unknown
I apparently now I have a mychart. Okay. Yeah, because I never got there before. Why haven’t you had that before? Because I went to a mom and pop. Yeah, and they don’t believe in it. Like, why don’t we talk for a second about that doctor? He’s my favorite. Before we get to our special guest who’s coming in today or who’s here today.
00;02;27;22 – 00;02;48;07
Unknown
So I’m Rebecca. I used to have this doctor, as you heard us say before we go to each other’s doctor’s appointments, because it’s just easier than if we try and explain it to each other. Actor. Right. And so I had to go. When you first got diagnosed with shingles, you said, could you please come in and talk to him about my mental health because he wants a full picture of what’s going on with my full on health?
00;02;48;07 – 00;03;13;19
Unknown
And I said, absolutely. And so she doesn’t, like, tell me anything about this doctor. No. And we walk in and look at the time, I can’t look at you. It’s this tiny little waiting room area and it’s fine. Everything’s going, like completely to plan. And we walk in and it’s a very nice doctor’s office, and you’re sitting in the little thing, and I’m sitting over across the way on the little like, spinny stool.
00;03;13;19 – 00;03;36;24
Unknown
And then. Then Frank walks in. Yeah, doctor, doctor Frank. Doctor Frank walks in. What happened after that is unreal. It’s absolutely. I wouldn’t have believed this if someone told me that this happened. this man walks in with a poster board.
00;03;36;26 – 00;04;01;18
Unknown
He’s got a poster board. Okay. And on the poster, this is the primary care physician. This is. This is not my psychiatrist. Nope. This is my primary care for primary care. Just normal run of the mill. I’ll get my everything. Okay? You know, physical. First school physician walks in with a poster board and a marker, and he’s very excited to meet me.
00;04;01;23 – 00;04;25;06
Unknown
And he is like a doctor. I hear you’re in the mental health field. This is great. You know? So now just he and I are talking. It’s like you’re not even there. Exactly. Right. Exactly. And then before you know it, I’m sitting there with doctor Frank, and I’m this poster board we’re charting out your life. So for my lifetime, every single event that you could possibly imagine is being he is literally like an architect.
00;04;25;09 – 00;04;46;12
Unknown
Just it’s it’s one of those charts with the lines going up and then the circles and then all these things are in there because he wants to basically chart out. When we got to shingles, what got us here. Right. And so then at some point you start to go like interject a little piece of information and he might as well have found like, no, no, no, nothing.
00;04;46;19 – 00;05;08;26
Unknown
And then look over at me and ask for the real story. Yeah, right. I know this guy. Something else. This guy was given advice out of his lane like you would not believe. And then he starts into this whole story about how he lives in this one bedroom apartment to save money. Yeah, I know, like, you can’t make this up.
00;05;09;03 – 00;05;29;22
Unknown
He was in a one bedroom apartment to save money, and he has this screen that he pulls down every single morning when he’s doing his running routine. And he projects like Scenic Trails on this. So it’s like the cheap ass version of peloton, right? Like I bought this shit for, like $10 on marketplace. Oh my God. But he does.
00;05;29;25 – 00;05;52;19
Unknown
He sleeps on a mattress on the floor at 530 in the morning. He’s your primary. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Primary care. Okay. He is up every morning. Gotta run, gotta run, gotta run. He. He’s then telling me the financial situation between him and his ex-wife, why he and his ex-wife were not together anymore. Why their relationship was so incredibly valuable when they were together.
00;05;52;21 – 00;05;59;02
Unknown
Why the. Oh, my God.
00;05;59;04 – 00;06;20;10
Unknown
So why he eats a complete vegetarian diet and really judge is hard. Anyone who’s eaten anything else but he does like yogurt and he will eat yogurt every single day. Beef jerky along with his vegetarian beef jerky. He has his yogurt and his vegetarian beef jerky every single morning. Every single morning when he’s runnin, runnin, runnin, runnin to work.
00;06;20;10 – 00;06;46;16
Unknown
Well, he goes to goes to work. He comes home. Does the same routine every single day. Comes back, comes home. Does whatever he needs to eat his vegetarian dinner and his ass is in bed by 630 every single night. Six I’m not kidding. 630 6:30 p.m. does not watch TV. Not for screen. Yeah, because the screen has to project the nature trails, right?
00;06;46;19 – 00;07;10;10
Unknown
This we leave that doctor’s office and I said, what quack ass provider do you go to? Are you sure it’s even shingles? Like, maybe it’s like a rash at this point. What the hell is going on? So last part of the story, fast forward. This is to the point where I’m now have convinced her we need to go somewhere else.
00;07;10;13 – 00;07;28;02
Unknown
We are not allowed to stay here. But I continue because I continue to bring you with me because I can’t, because I’m invested at this point. I know, I know, full on invested, right. Keeps bringing the poster board in forever. We’re adding to it right? Well, he’s just like, so what’s your relationship like with your husband? Right? How many children do you have?
00;07;28;06 – 00;07;45;26
Unknown
Right. Oh, like the most random. Remember when he asked me to see a family picture and they realized it? Oh, after he analyzed the picture, could you bring up a family picture? You brought up a family picture, and he, like a psychologist. Rorschach tested the shit out of that thing. So then when was it like we were in Boston?
00;07;45;28 – 00;08;05;04
Unknown
Okay, this was the phone call? Yes. Why were we in Boston? We were with Darnell at the at the, It was a conference. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don’t remember why I called him. Okay. No, he called you. Oh, he called me. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So here we are sitting in this do that office and you’re like, oh, yeah, doctor Frank’s calling.
00;08;05;04 – 00;08;26;22
Unknown
I’m like, oh, I can imagine that was personal. That is his personal stuff. Yeah, it was his personal cell. And he calls Rebecca specifically. Yes. Gets her on the line. Yep. And says, hey, Rebecca Frank here right now it’s on speaker so you can hear, oh, I’m in the bathroom. Actually, at this point, everyone knows I’m listening in minus minus.
00;08;26;22 – 00;08;45;28
Unknown
Frank. He doesn’t know I’m listening in. So he says, I just wanted to personally call and let you know that I am leaving the practice. That was my. I’m leaving the practice. And you said, Oh, Frank. Wow. I am really sorry to hear that. Like, are you excited? Are you looking forward to what’s next? Is the.
00;08;46;00 – 00;09;05;14
Unknown
Absolutely. I really got a great opportunity out there in the Catskills, where I’m going to be doing emergency room, emergency room visits. And you said, great, you know, like, what was it that led to some of the changes? But some of the changes are the reasons why you’re leaving. Just wanted a different change, a different change of pace.
00;09;05;20 – 00;09;44;10
Unknown
You’re asking the most beautiful questions. And he goes, Rebecca, do you know that that they charge me for health insurance for you? I know I come, you’re going to kill. I come bolting out of the bathroom, still staring me. I’m like, is he for real right now? He’s like, Rebecca, I don’t know if you know this or not.
00;09;44;10 – 00;10;11;00
Unknown
You should check your pay stub. They charge you for for health insurance. So it’s you Canadian or something? I don’t think so. I’m just real out of touch. I think Wood Catskills is the best place for this man. So she said, oh yeah, it’s I think, you know, and he’s like, do you know that health insurance cost do you remember see out?
00;10;11;00 – 00;10;32;08
Unknown
He said, whatever it was, I was like, that’s a good rate, but you need to take that. Oh, that was really good. He’s like, whatever he said, you know, $300 a month or something like that. And Rebecca’s like, oh, and then she’s holding in this absolute laughter because I am, I can’t look at you. I am beside myself right now.
00;10;32;08 – 00;10;59;04
Unknown
And he said, I’m not paying that. That is something that should be paid for everyone. I’m like a universal health care supporter right there, friends. That’s excellent. Thank you, doctor Frank. Thank you. That’s this really great help with the long wait times that that causes. It doesn’t matter. But you know what? You get your health plate for. So it’s like a diet on people all day long.
00;10;59;04 – 00;11;22;05
Unknown
But I don’t get one. Oh yeah. Right. I don’t get one. I I’m really getting sick and tired of, of ordering colonoscopies for people who get them paid. And I gotta pay to get my colonoscopy. I this is I’m like this. We’re getting punk’d. We are getting punked. There has to be some type of video thing in here.
00;11;22;10 – 00;11;41;00
Unknown
This is unreal. So that’s the story of how we found a different provider. This new provider is going to diagnose her with acid blood to. That’s what I did recently. Get another text. And Doctor Frankie’s back in town. Great. Back in town for good. Yeah. He’s got a different practice. Catskills skills. Wasn’t him okay. Back in his one bedroom.
00;11;41;01 – 00;11;58;07
Unknown
Hey, we have 630. Do you have to reconcile the questions we have about the life insurance? I wonder if he, you know, life insurance or health or, sorry, health insurance if he maybe negotiated that as a part of his return? I mean, maybe or something, but. Yeah. Yeah. So if anybody’s interested, he’s now back in Rochester area. Yeah.
00;11;58;14 – 00;12;16;22
Unknown
Right. I think he’s probably accepting a lot of new patients. I don’t think people are running over there to finish up. He so the kind of doctor that would like prescribe granola for a problem or something. Yeah. Yeah, that wouldn’t have surprised me. Well, he’s a pharmacist. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He’s pharmacy. He’s a pharmacist. Yes. Yes, he was a pharmacy.
00;12;16;22 – 00;12;37;27
Unknown
He’s a pharmacist as well. No, he showed me. Remember I had to go there on the wall. He taped he taped all certificates from all the states he’s been in to his wall. Taped. Taped them? Yes, they were printed. The frames are expensive, right? They weren’t like they weren’t Mexican diplomas or something where they. I don’t know, but I did have to leave the, the the room once and go in there and look.
00;12;37;27 – 00;12;56;03
Unknown
Yeah. I’m not sure why. Yeah, but. Well, he wanted to show you because. Yeah, he wanted to make sure that you knew what a credible physician he was. He doesn’t have his own health insurance. But, you know, Bob. School of pharmacology. Yeah. Now, now, let’s be clear. I did not pick him up. My primary care doctor that I love more than anything died.
00;12;56;07 – 00;13;13;11
Unknown
Oh, yes. Just because he was old, not because he had bad health. He did. He had he had lung cancer. Oh, okay. All right. How’s the old school? Like when they said doctors, when they would smoke and they’d be like, yeah, that’s why I smoke calls. Because this. Yeah. Right. Yeah. The menthols, the menthol schools that long. So that’s how I got.
00;13;13;11 – 00;13;31;11
Unknown
That’s how I got that. I didn’t know that was you know what? I like to really see the positive in people. And what I would like to say about doctor Frank is definitely a relational physician here. Maybe a little too much, but very relational. Yeah. So, I mean, I got a cell phone. Appreciate, like, just just text me if you need anything.
00;13;31;11 – 00;13;46;19
Unknown
Yeah, you need extra prescription. I’m like, call that shit in. I need some stuff, and I’ll see if he can do it for you. So. So anyway, that’s that’s what we’re starting with today, but. So yeah, I’m going to go to I’m not going back to doctor Frank about my acid blood. I’m going to somebody else. Yeah. We’ll see I’ll give you the update.
00;13;46;19 – 00;14;11;01
Unknown
Right. Yeah. We can’t wait to hear what clip of venom you’re spewing. Okay, the next one. You know who’s with us here today, Nina? I mean, mozzarella sticks. So cute. Just want a difference of sauce. So soy sauce. Sauce, Russell sauce. Little me, not little me. You know what? Our song. We did a song for her birthday. Yeah, right after we did.
00;14;11;01 – 00;14;34;04
Unknown
Can’t touch this. Right. She was the one that we performed our. Yes. Really great dance for. If that was really us and Moscow costume, but. Yes, yes. So my Nina mattarella stick is here with us today. Nina, can you give us a general idea of how long ago it was that you submitted the email to be considered to be on the show last fall?
00;14;34;12 – 00;14;52;07
Unknown
Six months ago, six months. Thank you. Thank you. And, Rebecca, were we not able to go, Nina, into this time because of just how many people we have flooded to want to be guests? Or was there some other things on this long waiting list? See very long waiting list, I see, and it’s really hard to get to us.
00;14;52;07 – 00;15;08;00
Unknown
Yeah. You know. Yes. And here’s a great example of boundaries, because how many times, Nina, did you say to me, I sent the form in to be on the show. I mean, I didn’t even know there was a form 3 or 4 times. Right? And what did I say to you every single time? Well, that’s Rebecca, thank you.
00;15;08;01 – 00;15;31;21
Unknown
Why didn’t you just text me during her break? You. I said, well, I’m sure Rebecca will get to that in the near future, but she knew Rebecca would not get to it in the near future, or even in the future. Future because Rebecca doesn’t do her job. So finally, it got to the point, Nina, where I decided I just need to put this in an email and be like, schedule Nina for the podcast.
00;15;31;24 – 00;15;50;26
Unknown
This is amidst no joke about 15 to 20 other people that I’ve now sent to her to get scheduled for the podcast I scheduled. She put you right at the damn top. No, I did it. Oh, she’s. You picked your time. Oh, yeah, she picked her time. Me? Oh, you gave her some choices. Oh, the other people didn’t want to.
00;15;50;28 – 00;16;08;12
Unknown
The rest of us early enough. I said you gave me 2 to 2 days or three days. Yeah. And I was like, I need some time off of work. Oh, okay. Sounds good. Yeah. And so our mozzarella stick us here today. That should be interesting. Now, did I ask Nina what she wanted to talk about? Yeah. Does she know?
00;16;08;12 – 00;16;27;26
Unknown
She said, now let’s talk about a bunch of things. Does that sound exactly like Rebecca? Yeah. It’s fine. So now I have Rebecca. Nina and Scott. Yeah. And our new main man, Joe. Oh, yeah. Hope Joe works out. Yeah. I mean, he could be really scared. I mean, he did just listen to it. Was this Joe’s first experience with a podcast?
00;16;27;29 – 00;16;44;09
Unknown
I don’t think you do your first. No, no. With ours. With. Did you did you prepare honestly with. Oh you did you. Oh he went in cold turkey. Okay. Oh okay. And I didn’t prep him at all. I said no, this is, this is a special podcast. Oh, that’s he probably really liked it when I said, let me see your nipples.
00;16;44;09 – 00;16;57;07
Unknown
Yeah. And I said, you said, how do your boobs feel? And I say, great, you want to touch them? And you said, yeah, sure. No. He was like, this is my favorite podcast ever. So really love. That’s one of those parts. So he came out and he said, are you Nina? And I said, yeah. And he said, okay.
00;16;57;07 – 00;17;14;27
Unknown
And then he said his name and shook hands. And then he goes, they’re just running a little behind. And I said, oh, yeah. Yeah. It’s weird. Never. And I said, you definitely knew if you’re like, I’m an avid listener, I’m real clear that, yeah, now it’s time for anything, guys. Just the one I want you to know. I see you, Scott.
00;17;14;27 – 00;17;30;26
Unknown
You’re really stepping in around the 60 minute mark that if we say something funny in that moment that you’re, like at the end of the podcast, like, right now, you know what else I see? You know, he turns our screens off and puts the legacy thing on there. That’s how I know. It’s like, oh, it’s a reminder. You got it.
00;17;30;26 – 00;17;54;23
Unknown
I’m very clear. That’s for real. Yes, I do. What does that mean? That means wrap it up. That means it’s time to wrap up. We’re done. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, that was real clear to me. Right. So technical experts thoughts I saw you, I saw Scott’s push wrong. But my here’s here’s the other favorite part Scott Scott doesn’t schedule anybody else on Monday.
00;17;54;23 – 00;18;13;16
Unknown
But because I know he can’t have you know better. He made it maybe a time block. But yeah, we all know. We all know Friday is our best mate. May show up on time. We made. We’re definitely going over pretty moved my 1230. That’s good. Yeah that’s good. That’s it. We’re safe. Yeah, yeah we’re in the last show.
00;18;13;16 – 00;18;30;16
Unknown
Weren’t we talking about elitism? Yeah I can privilege and it’s fine. Scott had no clue what he was, what he was going to take on. It doesn’t count for us. No clue that his whole life has changed. So, I mean, he needs to. I mean, even he picked up, meaning he needs to start us off with the card.
00;18;30;16 – 00;18;50;22
Unknown
Oh, you’ve already picked it. Yeah. How many times did the cards on the floor? Oh my God. What? Oh, that doesn’t look great. We’ve never had this before. What’s it called? Destruction. Oh, we know that. Wait. Pause, pause. It might be getting nervous. No, I’m getting nervous. I know the ship going down in flames. Especially in my life.
00;18;50;23 – 00;19;08;06
Unknown
This ship is in some nasty acid blood. That is an acid blood got me in Mexico. You got going on. Why is that? I don’t know, was the first body of water that came. I was doing some improv. That’s the one that felt warm in my hand. Wow. Okay. You know, it’s me. It’s kind of. It’s. Do you want to rub a rock?
00;19;08;10 – 00;19;32;05
Unknown
Yeah. Something here. You do not make love for your own. What is this? What is that? Love for your Roman numeral. Roman numeral? What is that? Because I took Latin, so I should know this. Ten five 116. Oh, geez. Those were easy ones. I don’t know what. What do you start? But that’s when I get all confused. The L’s in the CS and stuff give me a little more Ellis 50 isn’t it?
00;19;32;06 – 00;19;51;21
Unknown
Or is it 20? I’m impressed that you know what? Thank you. 21. This is really interesting, Nina, for what you said. And when I really cut you off and said, don’t talk about it till we’re live, I. Yeah. She’s here. Give me that. Listen, you listen to me. You what? You said I rudely cut her off, but this was you.
00;19;51;23 – 00;20;06;08
Unknown
Don’t talk about it. You can’t talk about it. Yeah, you can’t talk about it. Yeah, I think this might be okay. Okay. Are you ready? You need this back? Yeah. Make me. No. Hold it. Oh, no. No. Yeah. Hold it up for our thousands of viewers. Do you want to read it? Because you’re better. Reader. I am a better reader.
00;20;06;10 – 00;20;45;16
Unknown
Okay. The tower. Oh, okay. Meaning destruction. No. You have read the whole thing. Even the bigger the even the part at the top. During a tempest at night, a ship is struck by lightning and burst into flames. The castle like battlements on top of the deck are no protection against this force of destruction from the heavens. The lighting illuminates the sky, heavy with storm clouds, showing how precarious the vessel appears as it struggles to stay afloat in an ocean that is sure to swallow it whole.
00;20;45;23 – 00;21;13;19
Unknown
Okay, that’s important to know. Now read the meaning. When the tower falls, you feel your world collapsing around you. Lightning strikes and there is little you can do other than accept. Accept the chaos and change it in the change that it brings. This disaster is not your fault. You may be in shock at first, but this event is also a breakthrough.
00;21;13;22 – 00;21;54;24
Unknown
You are given a chance to see the world in a very different way. Additionally, the card may signify issues with property and challenges to your security. You may be feeling vulnerable financially and in relationships to advice. Surrender to the universe, give up control, and begin to construct a new way of working, thinking, relating, or living. You now have the freedom to start over and a strong foundation on which to be to rebuild whatever has fallen.
00;21;54;26 – 00;22;27;11
Unknown
I got tears in my eyes. It means here’s your key words break down and then chaos is surrender. Breakthrough. Beginnings. Enlightenment. Well, that’s Nina’s card all day I know she, you’re not seeing it I don’t know, I think it could be a bunch of different things of course. Like what. stuff that like leaving a relationship three years ago.
00;22;27;14 – 00;23;01;06
Unknown
relationships with I don’t know, not with me. Girl. Sturdy with my parents. Work, brother. Work. Work is a big one right now. So basically that card my read of that card was tear that shed down. It’s okay to start over. The foundation is strong. Yes. That’s that’s your weakness and all the circumstances in your life lead up to who you are as a human being.
00;23;01;08 – 00;23;32;10
Unknown
You know you were just talking about, self-talk reinforcing from the outside world things like that and how that impacts maybe self-esteem, confidence, believability, all those kinds of things. So, yeah. What were you saying before the show? So like, I’ve been working really hard to build up my, my confidence and stuff like that. And I think I’ve gotten pretty far from where I used to be a couple of years ago.
00;23;32;10 – 00;23;52;19
Unknown
And so at work, there’s been a lot of changes, a lot of new staff. And I, I, I’m the person that I’m going to give you 100% in anything that I do, even if it’s for myself. I have to give 100%, because if I don’t, I think I’ve tried to like, cheat out and not give 100% maybe a handful of times in my life.
00;23;52;19 – 00;24;13;17
Unknown
And every single time I’m like, nope, that doesn’t feel right. I have to go back through and I gotta do it the right way so it doesn’t matter. I have to give 100% regardless for who it is, what it is, it doesn’t matter. and so at work, I’m giving 100%, 100% of the time. And there’s a lot of people at work who are not there giving less than 50%.
00;24;13;19 – 00;24;30;10
Unknown
And so a lot of the things kind of fall on me. One, because we are there’s a lot of changes going on. I work in the training department. There’s a lot of changes going on right now. And so a lot of people don’t like change. And it’s been the same way for 43 years. And now everything is changing and there’s all these new people coming in.
00;24;30;10 – 00;24;52;22
Unknown
So I mean, people are coming at us with pitchforks. So I’ve been doing a lot of damage control because I’m the one who’s been there for 18.5 years, and I’ve built relationships with people where people know me and they know who I am and what my work ethic is. So that has been able to help. But now that things are starting to get a little bit better, like I was the one doing everything, well, Nina, you have to show us know you have to do this online.
00;24;52;22 – 00;25;10;08
Unknown
I need you to do this. Oh, we don’t know how to do that. So this has been since February, and I’m still like doing the majority of the things. And so I actually had a breakdown and I just went I just blew my lid at my manager and I was like, I can’t keep doing this. This is ridiculous.
00;25;10;11 – 00;25;26;17
Unknown
And everyone in the department has a you have to have a degree. I don’t have a degree, but you have to have a bachelor’s or higher. I do not have one, but I’m kind of like grandfathered in, I guess. and so I just lost it on her and I’m like, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing everything.
00;25;26;17 – 00;25;39;07
Unknown
I’m doing my job, plus 20 other different things, and not for nothing. I’m sick and tired of people coming at me saying, oh, well, I don’t know how to do this, so you’re going to have to do it all. You have to show me and I show people in three times later I’m showing them, oh, I still don’t know how to do it.
00;25;39;14 – 00;26;00;08
Unknown
And so I lost it and I was like, listen, I’m the only person in this freaking department that does not have a degree, so I’m the dumb one. You guys all have bachelor’s, master’s and and doctorates. So here’s the thing. If me, the uneducated one can figure it out, then you guys can all figure it out too. And she just kind of looked at me and she’s just like, you’re right.
00;26;00;11 – 00;26;16;13
Unknown
It’s not like I can’t keep doing this. So don’t reinforce that DNA is not dumb. We just had to be really serious. That was the first thing that she told me this story was. I was like, no, she’s not dumb. She’s not. She didn’t say that. You’re not dumb. She goes, you are very, very intelligent. And you carry this department, right?
00;26;16;20 – 00;26;35;25
Unknown
But the thing is, is that since we’ve had that conversation, like for the next two days, it was kids gloves. Everybody treated me with kids gloves. And I’m like, this is ridiculous. And she actually wasn’t going to have me go ahead and teach the class that day. I said, no, I will do my job, but you can’t keep adding more stuff on top of it because I shouldn’t be teaching right now, but I will do it.
00;26;35;28 – 00;26;52;15
Unknown
Just don’t add more responsibility on me this week. And, you were saying you were getting a lot of praise, though. You’re getting a lot of praise from people. Yes. So. So then that happened. And then, like, still like the kids have loves lots of praise for the next two days and still, like, praises me all time. Oh my God, thank you so much for doing that.
00;26;52;15 – 00;27;09;24
Unknown
Oh, you’re the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you. But still we continue to be like, oh my gosh, we’re just I need you to do this real quick right now. So it’s still praise that you’re so great and I see you and you’re doing a great job and you’re doing too much. And you know, we’re going to disperse the workout, but yet it’s still I’m getting all this praise.
00;27;09;24 – 00;27;29;10
Unknown
But yeah, at the same time. Oh, you’re doing really good, by the way, I need you to do this. So now am I going to do I believe that you really think that? So it feels and that you just descend genuine. Just just. Yes. You’re just you’re just pacifying me. You’re basically, you know, giving me a pat on the back and on top of it, you’re giving me a stack of stuff at the same time.
00;27;29;16 – 00;27;45;21
Unknown
So. So like a sandwich, a sandwich like a. Yeah. So do you really think that, like, how do I know you’re genuine? How do I know that you really mean what you say? Because you’re constantly still adding more and more stuff on there. And, you know, like, we have one on one meetings and we’re going to have a one on one meeting.
00;27;45;21 – 00;28;02;10
Unknown
We’re supposed to have one once a week. You know how many I’ve had three since February. Everybody else has their meetings. But Nina’s always too busy to do something, or you’re too busy when it’s time for you to meet with me and it always gets pushed away. the question, though, you stated a little bit before the podcast I thought was really interesting.
00;28;02;10 – 00;28;23;01
Unknown
You said, I’ve been working a lot on myself, and I’ve been really trying to focus on how do I make myself a better person. And now I have a bunch of people who are validating that confidence in me and saying good things to me about, wow, you’re really great at this, or you’re really smart or really all of these things and that you’re struggling a bit to accept that is that what you were saying?
00;28;23;01 – 00;28;43;27
Unknown
Like your struggle is struggling to know? Is it is it that you’re wondering if it’s authentic, or is it that you are struggling personally to hear it and believe it to be true? So I think that it’s it’s hard to hear it and believe it to be true. And then like I started to be like, you know what?
00;28;43;27 – 00;29;00;18
Unknown
I am good at this. I am good at my job. I am, you know, maybe that, you know, they are right. And so it’s gotten a little bit easier to accept that and to take that. But now it’s just like all the time I’m like, okay, well, that doesn’t seem real to me. So am I just being duped?
00;29;00;18 – 00;29;18;22
Unknown
Do you really think that I’m good at that now? I’m believing that I’m good at something, but I’m really not because you’re just saying that to get me to do more things like, So now you know what? You know what this feels like to me? It’s inner child. Your inner child. Something happened to you when you were little.
00;29;18;24 – 00;29;41;05
Unknown
There’s a lot that happened to you, and that was what you want to be like. Think about that. Something happened to you when you were little that you were probably praised or scolded or told you’re not good enough, you know what I mean? And then almost like gaslighting. And so that stuck with you because I mean this is I struggle with the same thing.
00;29;41;09 – 00;30;07;12
Unknown
I totally, totally I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did. So then. So that’s why it’s so hard to believe it because I’ve been knocked down so many times. And then now okay. And I’m starting to believe it and see it. And then now it’s just like, wait a minute. Yeah. It doesn’t seem like it’s it can’t possibly be true for you if you really believe that and you see everything that I’m doing, then why are you continuing to keep doing that to me?
00;30;07;14 – 00;30;31;03
Unknown
Does it matter who says it to you if it’s your supervisor versus if it’s a direct colleague versus if it’s me. No it doesn’t matter. Yeah. That’s fascinating. I don’t experience that at all. I’ve never experienced that. I don’t think ever in my life really weird. It’s really fascinating. So for me it comes down to do I value the person who’s giving me the feedback.
00;30;31;03 – 00;30;52;27
Unknown
And it is very rare for me to value you enough to give me that feedback. So it’s such a small group of people, but once you’re in that very small inner circle, you’re both in that inner circle. I will value your feedback because I’ve trusted that your intentions are in the right place, that you. It’s not from her.
00;30;52;28 – 00;31;11;08
Unknown
It’s not after you still try to prove to us that you’re still right. Oh, yeah. First you do that. Yeah. Then we keep going in with. No you’re not. No you don’t. You both placate me and and I accept that. And that’s what I want you to do. Right. Well, because we know you, we need to try a little bit harder than you do.
00;31;11;11 – 00;31;26;20
Unknown
You are real quick to turn the switch off and be like, oh, you’re. You know what? I didn’t think of it that way. You’re absolutely right. That was after three minutes, Nina still like, no, I really do think. And then you’ll just sit there and you’ll drink your wine and you’ll not at Nina, and you’ll be like, it’s going to be a lot better for you, Nina.
00;31;26;20 – 00;31;44;02
Unknown
If you’re just like. I just haven’t thought about it. That interesting? Yeah, I really value that opinion and just bow out. Right. So yeah, there’s certain times, but yeah, but we I do feel comfortable in our relationship to have those conversations be like, well, I don’t understand that or that doesn’t make sense to me or this is how I see it or stuff like that.
00;31;44;08 – 00;32;07;10
Unknown
Yeah, absolutely. But when it comes to the giving of feedback, so this would be a great example. I, we were talking about this on the last show. I don’t care just because you’re my supervisor that you have feedback for me. I couldn’t give a shit. I don’t based on the title. Yeah. Oh, Bob. Yeah, I, I Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, you could be the president of the institution, I don’t care.
00;32;07;16 – 00;32;37;22
Unknown
You could be like, you know what? I really don’t like how you’re. And I’d be like, great. I don’t like how you look. But I tell you, there’s a lot of things I don’t like. I didn’t know we were playing an I don’t like game, you know, so it takes a while to get to that point, right. Well, that’s that’s the part that’s confusing for me is why are we giving everyone equal validity to be able to impact our own sense of self when those people have not yet earned the right to be there?
00;32;37;28 – 00;33;12;20
Unknown
Why? Just because we have a supervisor who says you’re doing a really great job, do we immediately think, oh, I got him? So I so, you know, have we won the approval of my supervisor? And why are we also, when a coworker says, girl, you doing too much like I don’t, you’re really showing me up. Why are we like, maybe I am showing them up because in my scenarios, I don’t care that the supervisor told me I was doing a good job, and I don’t care that the you know, person below me thinks that you know I’m doing too much.
00;33;12;20 – 00;33;33;20
Unknown
I’m focusing on what I’m doing and what my intent is. And you both have such a strong self conviction. I’m trying to figure out why you’re not leaning more into that sense of self, and not safe to lean into your own sense of self, correct? Because.
00;33;33;23 – 00;34;03;22
Unknown
Because authority is authority, regardless of how intelligent smart you are, a title means something. That’s just the way it is. That’s that. In my experience, that’s a very difficult to reprogram in my brain. In my case, I think that I’ve always I had one of my coworkers come to me two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and he’s like, were you a middle child?
00;34;03;25 – 00;34;25;01
Unknown
And I said, no, are you sure you’re not a middle child? I’m like, yeah, I have a brother who’s younger than me. And he said, I said, why are you asking? He said, because you always have to try to make things right. You always have to make sure everything goes okay and everybody’s happy. And that’s a middle child thing.
00;34;25;05 – 00;34;40;12
Unknown
And I said no. And he goes yeah it’s definitely a middle child thing. Are you sure. Now I’m like dude I’m not a middle child. I said it’s called survival of the fittest. And this is what I had to do to make sure that I was that’s what I had to do to survive in the be safe. Yeah.
00;34;40;14 – 00;35;01;11
Unknown
And so that’s I think where I am still today is that it’s just I’m a people pleaser. And as long as everything is okay and everybody’s happy and I’m then I’m okay. Right? But what about when they’re not? Then I need to make it okay. Right. We need to we need we’re the fixer. We need to we need to do something different to make it okay.
00;35;01;15 – 00;35;22;07
Unknown
Because at the end of the day, it’s our fault regardless. And I don’t know how to get time. I did not I don’t know how to not do that anymore. Agreed. I don’t exactly do not do what I did. How did not be such me the fixer. Yeah. Is it ever possibly the case that it wasn’t, you know, so everyone else, everyone has this internal child, right?
00;35;22;07 – 00;35;42;00
Unknown
This internal trauma, these internal things that have happened to them. But that must not be true for other people. Is that what you’re thinking? They don’t have their own internal trauma. And I so I think if you pull it off that is impacting you. It’s not you know, if I, if I come in here one day and I’m all ranting and raving about something and you’re like, wow, Erin’s really out of sorts right now.
00;35;42;00 – 00;36;02;10
Unknown
It’s not because I just got in an argument with some other, you know, driver on the street. I love you 100%. I don’t know if it’s I don’t know. In my mind, I don’t know if it’s I think that it’s always because of me, but I always want to make things right because I always want people to be okay.
00;36;02;11 – 00;36;20;05
Unknown
Right. So but I don’t want to be burdened with everything that’s going on. And plus, if they’re happy, then I’m in a good spot. So I’m I’m okay, I’m safe. So I’m going to make your life as easy as I can, and I’m going to do whatever it takes for me to fix the problem. Exactly. You said I’m safe.
00;36;20;08 – 00;36;41;19
Unknown
You’ve said I’m safe before, so we’re safe when the illusion of comfort is present. Yeah, because I always say. I say illusion on purpose. It’s very possible that Sally, you know, three doors down, hates your guts. Yes, but is smiling to your face and is making you feel like a really valuable person to keep your friends close to your enemies closer and all along is you don’t know that you’re okay.
00;36;41;21 – 00;36;58;10
Unknown
As long as you don’t know. Sally is a raging bitch down the hall who really hates you and isn’t saying anything. As long as it looks like everything’s okay, then at least we’re okay. As long as my supervisor’s telling me. You’re doing a really great job, Nina. But deep down, she’s writing a behind the scenes performance evaluation about the things.
00;36;58;10 – 00;37;21;09
Unknown
Not many times you come in late, as long as you don’t tell me about those things. Where. Okay, I think that if I found out, then it would be pretty devastating, because I think that I believed that that was the story, that everything was okay. So then that would be a whole nother thing. You’d be devastated. Devastated, or in that you’d still think that that was your fault.
00;37;21;09 – 00;37;41;24
Unknown
Yes. Wonder all day long. Yeah. Because why? Why do you. What? What did I do? Simon has to do something in order to freaking hate you. Yep. You can’t just hate me because I walked into the room. You’ve never met me before. Oh, well, that’s story. My life. Every goddamn day. But wait, what? All day long? All day long?
00;37;41;26 – 00;38;02;27
Unknown
Where did I do that? I pissed you off. What did I do to hurt you? What did I do wrong? What do I need to do? Different doesn’t matter what I want or feel at all. Because that doesn’t matter. Do you see my mouth open right now? I start drilling here in a minute. I am so confused. I think that’s why my my superpower is pivoting and flexibility.
00;38;03;04 – 00;38;24;21
Unknown
It does not matter. It doesn’t matter what I want, but it does internally to you, right? But you’re just have to take it all. Take it all in all the time. Absolutely. You’re just gonna. Because any time that I’ve to not extend to to shackles to being in the hospital to being all of these things, we’re just going to continue to take it on the chin.
00;38;24;21 – 00;38;47;23
Unknown
Yes. That because someone else is drawing it, drawing a boundary, or drawing a line in the sand or saying something means I have to follow through with it. I’m speaking up. I might unintentionally hurt your feelings because I have an opinion. Yeah, about intentionally hurt your feelings. And in that case, I’m intentionally hurting your feelings. Oh, no, I don’t think I come intentionally anybody’s feelings.
00;38;47;23 – 00;39;07;29
Unknown
No, I would never, I would never. No, no, no. Where does this come? Even with my acts, I couldn’t intentionally say something or do something intentionally to hurt somebody. No, even to my brother, who I’ve pretty much disowned and I don’t want anything to do with for the rest of my life ever again. Same with me. I’ll never say anything to my dad.
00;39;08;00 – 00;39;26;26
Unknown
I mean, if he was to die tomorrow and they’re like, okay, your brother just died. I would not go to the funeral, but I wouldn’t do anything specifically. Oh, I’d say he’s a monster. He’s he’s a freaking he’s a he’s a horrible person. But I wouldn’t go and do something or say something to his face or behind his back that would get back to him.
00;39;26;26 – 00;39;41;29
Unknown
Right? To like, intentionally hurt somebody. I would feel horrible about that. I, I freaking feel bad when I drive down the street and there’s a dead freaking animal on the side of the road. I’m like, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe when that animal’s dead on the side of the road. Are you like, did I hit that and just not know?
00;39;42;00 – 00;39;58;02
Unknown
Yeah, no. Like seriously, like what I have. I know what I’m doing. That’s what I’m hearing. You say I’m here and I tell you all the time, you and I are the exact same person. That is such a great example, right? Because that that deer that is on the side of the road, I’m like some fucking hit that.
00;39;58;02 – 00;40;14;06
Unknown
That’s too bad. No, I don’t think to myself that’s an extreme example. That was me. That was an extreme example. But that’s but that’s what I hear you say. It is literally someone can be in their office throwing a mug against the wall and they’re like, what did I do? Yes. What? I’m on the go. Oh my gosh, are you okay?
00;40;14;06 – 00;40;26;14
Unknown
What do you need from me? What can I do for you, too? I’m gonna go get you a coffee. You need a hug, you need a pat on the back. Let me pick that glass up for you so you don’t have to worry about. No, I wouldn’t do to me that I would be like, oh, my God, I did something I would that feels a little different to me.
00;40;26;14 – 00;40;42;13
Unknown
But what I do depends on how they responded to me. When I went to that office, I’d walk past the door. I’d be like, yeah, okay, you need anything? I’m here and I do the I thing. And then I would walk past, right? Or depending on who the person was, I might go in and I might be like, I got this.
00;40;42;13 – 00;41;10;24
Unknown
I might bring humor into it. Right, I got that. That’s fine. That’s nice. Close the door. Right. No big deal. I may bring a little humor into it. Never once in that scenario did I ever think it was me. Depending on what they’re upset about or what the situation was. Even if they are upset, even if it is me, even if I press send out an email and it gets right to there and then I hear the gas right to their, you know, Twitter gets right to their, and, you know, it was a, you know, it was free and it was a touchy email and I knew it was for them.
00;41;10;24 – 00;41;29;14
Unknown
And then I hear the I’m thinking to myself, wow, if I had something to address with me, they should probably address it. Oh my god. Oh no problem, I am, I am, I’m sweating what I feel like I don’t even like you, Greg. I to feel like you freaking out. Oh, yes. I’m like service. All right. What are you terrified?
00;41;29;15 – 00;41;53;00
Unknown
Serious? My heart’s beating in my own miles. I I’m a minute. Absolutely. Yeah. I feel like I’m going to shit my pants. I’m holding back tears because I am so. I feel so vulnerable at that point. I am so unclean. I might even out of my skin. I might even in that moment, yell out if you have a problem, come talk to me from 640.
00;41;53;00 – 00;42;09;20
Unknown
Yeah, of course I might. In that moment I might. Or if I wasn’t going to be that loud about it, I might walk past the door and be like, you upset if you got something to talk about it, let’s talk about it. Because in my mind, that the repair, the conversation, that’s where that’s where the meat is for me.
00;42;09;20 – 00;42;28;02
Unknown
That’s where I get closer to you. If you’re going to be a I almost said the p word. If you’re going to be, a cat, if you’re going to be a plus, a little, a little pause, pause in your own and you’re going to throw a fit, and you want to get all the attention on you, and you’re going to be upset because you don’t really behavior management skills, and that’s on you.
00;42;28;08 – 00;42;48;25
Unknown
I do not care. I could not care for one minute. I ain’t tending to that for one second. But you want to actually come over to me and be like, that email pissed me off. I’d be like, Thank God, thank you for saying something, I value that. Come take a seat. And you know what? I would get out from behind my desk and I’d come sit right next to you to have that conversation and I’d be like, lay it on me.
00;42;48;25 – 00;43;09;02
Unknown
What did you hate about it? You’d be like, oh, in the intro, or when you said this or when you saw it like this and I’d be like, I, I saw it that way. Well, how did you see it? What was different? The process of working through that for me is where I get closer to you, because that maybe from my own childhood trauma is where I can trust that you can hang with hard shit.
00;43;09;04 – 00;43;31;01
Unknown
But I’m not trusting you with anything about myself. If you can’t hang with hard shit because I’m hard shit, this is not like, you know, an easy package to deal with, right? Maybe on the surface, right? But like the inner workings you both know of, who I am as a person is not a simplistic thing. I’m incredibly complex, a little bit bitchy, sometimes difficult to deal with.
00;43;31;01 – 00;43;48;09
Unknown
Right? And if you can’t hang in these easier moments, I sure as shit I’m not going to be around you when something hard goes down in both of us. All three of us, both of you with me, have gone through something where at least at one point we have all sat down and been like, when you said this, this is what happened.
00;43;48;10 – 00;44;11;18
Unknown
I didn’t like it right. Did you both feel like you wanted to vomit? Probably, yes. And probably. And what what was the difference when we had that conversation at the Burger Joint New York Beer Project? Oh, yeah. Remember how many times did I say, are we okay? You okay? And I was freaking terrified. I thought you were going to be pissed off at me, not talk to me for days.
00;44;11;19 – 00;44;30;19
Unknown
I know, maybe ever again. I know, and I’m like, did I cross any lines? I just had to get it out. And I had to tell you, I had to get it out. All you did. See, I’m going to get teary eyed now, because now all you did in that moment was, I care so much about you that I have to say this because I want to make sure that you know what I know, and we’re on the same page.
00;44;30;21 – 00;44;51;22
Unknown
I saw that as the biggest level of care and compassion for me, because you cared enough to be able to say something about it. You cared you. I knew as I know, for both of you, it’s so hard to take that risk. So when you do take that risk, I am like, I see it, I see it, I feel it, I appreciate it.
00;44;51;24 – 00;45;08;06
Unknown
And then when we got in the truck and you said, are you mad at me? I do. You remember I was like, mad at you. Why would I be mad at you? And then I texted you a couple times because you don’t trust it. I said some hard stuff to you, right? And I’m like, no, you said some beautiful stuff to me.
00;45;08;12 – 00;45;39;22
Unknown
And I said, what did I say? I said, and you can trust that if I’ve walked away from this conversation feeling anything but loved and cared about, what am I going to do? I’m going to send you a message or I’m going to call you, and I’m going to be like, I got to talk about it. I’m still having feelings left over so that, for all of us, is part of that foundation of where we’ve been able to get to where we are, because you both know, at the end of the day, if I’m having a problem with something, you do not have to question whether or not I’ve come to you to talk about
00;45;39;22 – 00;46;06;06
Unknown
it. But I think that’s the difference because even though you’ve been at work for 18 years, it’s new people, right? It’s it’s a whole new area. It’s. Yeah. And and establishing that level of trust and care and whatever specifically when you’re in and hire a girl, however, we see that, situation when we have been raised to know the hierarchy, it’s very difficult.
00;46;06;09 – 00;46;30;12
Unknown
It’s just always an unsafe territory. Oh, it’s because never has happened in those situations. The hierarchy has yelled at you. The hierarchy has told you you don’t know what you’re talking about. Your hierarchy has not allowed you to. Yeah, absolutely. All of you. Yeah. So you’ve interviewed you down to that. You’ve beaten down, beaten down, mentally, verbally, emotionally everything.
00;46;30;14 – 00;46;53;09
Unknown
And it doesn’t matter. It could be 5000 positive things. One little negative thing. It doesn’t matter No. Because words stick with you. Oh yeah. They say sticks and stones may break my bones. But you never hurt me. Wrong. I’m sorry. Bruises go away. Broken bones healed. But those words are always there. And I’m not saying that bruises and broken bones are okay because they’re not by any means, but they do heal.
00;46;53;10 – 00;47;16;28
Unknown
But my guess is just like with me, my love language is words of affirmation. So that’s why it’s so incredibly important like that. There’s a big deal. So it hurts more because that’s what you’re craving most? Yes, and that’s how I communicate. So when I say something that’s it’s very genuine. If I say something to you, it’s not fake.
00;47;17;01 – 00;47;35;28
Unknown
I would say nothing before I say make up some shit, then be like, wow, you’re so amazing. If I say that to you, that’s that’s real. I think one of the big things to is that I just always wanted to be seen. I wanted people to see me for who I am and what I have to offer and not what I don’t have.
00;47;35;29 – 00;47;58;12
Unknown
Yeah. And I feel that. So many people in my life have only seen what I don’t have to offer. And I have always yes, that has always been used against me and everything has always been conditional. Yeah. My whole life with everybody, with everybody. Except for where I am right now. You are, you are now. You are nine.
00;47;58;20 – 00;48;25;18
Unknown
Yep. And you are not conditional or is not conditional. Yeah. Everybody else. Well, Carter. Of course. Oh, yeah. that little shit. Pretty sure you. I’m conditional. No. Oh, but other than that, every single person in my whole entire life has been conditional. So you bring that to a lot, get a little bit of that unconditional, and then have to worry about everybody else being conditional.
00;48;25;20 – 00;48;46;29
Unknown
Right. That’s also something really tough to have to manage. Yeah. Yes. It is so much energy. It’s so sad to me that unconditional is such a rarity. And, you know, when we first started this podcast, I was like, I just don’t understand X, Y and Z. And you’re like, what you don’t understand is that people aren’t like you.
00;48;47;00 – 00;49;08;25
Unknown
People are not unconditional. People are conditional. And so but then I don’t know if in my own life I’ve weeded out the conditional people or, you know, I don’t know what the word is. I figured out who the conditional people are really early, and I will keep them at a very far distance, but they will think they’re my best friends, right?
00;49;08;25 – 00;49;29;14
Unknown
So I still make you feel like a million bucks. But I’m very clear. Your conditional. You. I’m not going further with you. You know, I’m not whatever. But the people that I have surrounded myself, maybe this is just the luck. Like I’m very lucky to have this. I would feel the people that are my closest friends are massively unconditional.
00;49;29;16 – 00;50;05;24
Unknown
So I could name for you 4 or 5 people that are so unconditional in my life. It would not matter what what had happened, what happened in our relationship. Yep. But if you only feel that you have a limited number of unconditional people in your life, you have to be walking around nervous, you know, watching yourself, watching your words, trying to fit into a certain mold, expanding energy in a place where it’s directed in the right direction so that it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.
00;50;05;24 – 00;50;30;17
Unknown
That has to be a tremendous weight to carry. It’s exhausting. And also, like I said earlier, I give 100% of everything, so it doesn’t matter what type of relationship I have with you, whether you’re my niece or my nephew or a friend or a best friend or a, signifi can’t other or a coworker, even coworkers? I may not like you, but you’re not going to know that.
00;50;30;17 – 00;50;50;10
Unknown
And I’m going to give you everything that I can possibly give you. I’m not going to hold back from anything. You’re also, even if you don’t like this person, which is the part that surprises me, going to go out of your way to make sure that this person is comfortable at all times? Absolutely. Yes. And even if they’re unhappy and there’s something going on, then I feel like, oh my gosh, I know what that feels like.
00;50;50;10 – 00;51;12;03
Unknown
I know what it feels like to be going through something tough, or to be sad, or to be angry or to get in a fight with your significant other or whatever it may be. And I know how that makes me feel. So I want to make you feel better right now because it sucks. in those cases, though, the sad part for me is that it’s not necessarily about that person in you wanting that person to feel okay.
00;51;12;03 – 00;51;31;01
Unknown
It’s about trying to calm your inner child to make sure that you’re at a homeostasis as at all times. And so in a way that’s, you know, I’ll use the word disingenuous. It’s definitely not intentionally disingenuous, but it is. But everything you’re doing is walking around trying to make sure that your own inner child is okay all the time through the people pleasing of others.
00;51;31;01 – 00;51;50;13
Unknown
That’s right. It’s not because you just love that coworker so much, or you see the best in them, or you just wish that he could get there. You know, maybe it is a little bit in the beginning, but I wonder how the narrative changes if you’re walking through these scenarios and you notice yourself, people pleasing, and you take a moment and you say, what part of me is unseen right now?
00;51;50;13 – 00;52;13;20
Unknown
Or what part of me needs to be healed? Or what part of me needs to be okay right now because it’s not okay. That’s an eMDR, DBT type technique from an literally, eMDR is like a tapping kind of thing. You know, it’s a very like present in the moment when you’re experiencing that because you have to notice when you’re people pleasing, you have to know when you’re doing it right in that moment.
00;52;13;20 – 00;52;35;04
Unknown
If you change that narrative to say, what part of me is not okay right now, instead of what part of me needs to help Sally over here, you know, clean up her mug, you. Might I be curious if you tracked that in, like, a, tally system? How often that happened for you during the day? That’s going to give us an idea of how much that inner child needs to be healed.
00;52;35;07 – 00;53;04;28
Unknown
I think that what you just said made a lot of sense, because I think that I react to people, how I wanted people to react to me, or how I want them to be supportive of me when I’m in that role. So that makes total sense. The last part I want to talk about in our remaining eight minutes or so is, one of the cool things I think, that we have between the three of us is that we are three women that have very, very, very close knit relationships.
00;53;04;28 – 00;53;24;07
Unknown
You have a very close relationship with me. You have a very close relationship with me, but we can all exist in the same space and that there is no jealousy, there is no negativity, there’s none. There’s definitely jealousy. When you do go shopping and don’t include me. Well, I can tell you that you guys have never included me in any of your shopping days.
00;53;24;07 – 00;53;33;15
Unknown
So this is gone right down here. Okay, we will mediate this. Not a problem.
00;53;33;17 – 00;53;58;02
Unknown
I remember that time you I went shopping. Yeah, you texted me and I said to you, can you please pick this up from Rebecca’s house? And you’re like, yeah. I said, listen to me. She is going to say to you, where are you going? You’re going to say, oh, we’re going to whatever place. I said, you’re going to resist the urge in that moment to say to her, you can come with us if you really want to.
00;53;58;02 – 00;54;17;04
Unknown
I know you would have, because I do have that. This is Rebecca is going to be standing there like this. And she was this scene. Where are you guys going? What are you doing today? What do you what do you do in. Oh you got oh, this is really fun. Oh, that sounds so awesome. Is that an open spot I see in the car?
00;54;17;06 – 00;54;38;25
Unknown
And I see flags. You had texted me and said, just tell her that she’s going to be okay. I think, I think, I think my exact words were, Aaron said, you’re going to be okay. Okay. And you said, I’m like. And then there’s really an occasional text throughout the day, you know, like, oh, you guys having a great time or having a nice time.
00;54;38;25 – 00;54;55;21
Unknown
And then remember, we had to call her because she had a question about something that and then you come on, because I have you on my speakerphone on my car. So Nina’s in the front seat and I call you, and it doesn’t even ring twice. And you’re like, are you guys call me ten? Have a great time. You’re having.
00;54;55;24 – 00;55;02;07
Unknown
No, you said, tell me about the great time you guys had. And you said, oh, we’re still going.
00;55;02;09 – 00;55;26;07
Unknown
Whatever. It’s fine. We’ll process that later. I do think there’s a really interesting, unique piece of that that sometimes people struggle with, specifically with me, because I have such close, connected, deep relationships with people in my life that it can be very confusing to people that how can I have that close of an amazing relationship with Nina?
00;55;26;15 – 00;55;49;14
Unknown
And then the very next day I go over to Rebecca’s house and have equally is deep and meaningful, but yet such a different relationship. And the thing that you guys do that I think is very rare, especially for women, is that neither one of you spends time comparing your relationship with me or about like where you are at in, in a hierarchy or where you’re at in terms of your level of connectedness.
00;55;49;14 – 00;56;10;09
Unknown
And so I’m curious about that. Is that because you’re just so solid in our friendship, is that because you you both think that you’re higher than the other person and you’re they’re like, what is that? I love that you have close relationships with other people. I love that, and I think that’s why I want to be a part of it, because I love seeing.
00;56;10;11 – 00;56;27;28
Unknown
I love seeing the love and the bond and the inside jokes and all that. I’m like, oh my God that’s so cool. You know like I want to be part of that. You know I just, I think it’s great. I love it, I just know that you’ve been friends with Rebecca forever. Like there’s no competition there obviously.
00;56;28;01 – 00;56;50;22
Unknown
You just know your place. I just say yeah I know my place. But I also know that. No seriously. Like I’m not here to try to take the place of anybody or to outdo anybody. I enjoy the time that we have together and the relationship that we have, which I think over the years, has gotten so much more closer than it has ever, ever been.
00;56;50;22 – 00;57;08;02
Unknown
Yeah. for sure, but I, I appreciate that and I, I don’t feel threatened in any way because I know that you are going to have your time. Oh, well, is that we’re not going to have much of an you’re going to have your time with me. You’re going to have your time with Rebecca. You’re going every time with Renee.
00;57;08;03 – 00;57;27;15
Unknown
You’re going to have your time with Mark. You’re going to have your time with whoever you’re with. But it’s always going to be different. And you get different things from each person that you’re with. And you have different experiences, right? Yeah. And I from the only thing that I was like, what the hell, I can’t wait. What? She went to freakin SeaWorld with me years ago.
00;57;27;17 – 00;57;45;04
Unknown
Stop it. But she’s like, we don’t know what it was we did. There you go. There. Yeah. Remember? I had to show it. Yeah. Hilarious. You had to prove it to her with pictures. Yeah, you did too. I know, that’s funny. That’s why I keep you all separate. Right? Like, wait a minute. She’s like, oh, I’ve never been there.
00;57;45;04 – 00;58;02;28
Unknown
I’m so I’m like, you did because we went and spent the day at, Discovery Cove. I remember you did the tickets. Discovery Cove tickets come with a ticket to Busch Gardens and a ticket to SeaWorld. So we went to all three. Yes, that’s. That’s the time I picked you guys up from the airport. Oh, yeah. See, that’s how serious you guys are.
00;58;02;28 – 00;58;19;26
Unknown
You know, I even one on a trip without me. Me, me busting out the pictures. I’m there like swimming with a dolphin. She’s like, do you remember we were. Oh we did. Oh my. Like yeah. That’s right. I didn’t remember that. So apparently I’m a liar and I didn’t know. All right I’m going to do something uncanny here.
00;58;19;26 – 00;58;35;26
Unknown
And I’m going to let you pick our last oh from our Africa. That’s a lot. That’s a lot of I don’t you do bit. Just go out to lunch without me. After this. I’m going to be pissed. You already have a plan, you guys reckless? I thought you were going. No. Oh, Jesus. Well, you could cancel your plans.
00;58;35;26 – 00;58;55;28
Unknown
Here you go. Pansy plants. I know I got doctor’s appointment. I get my ass in. Look, you guys are stickers. What is pool? Is poison. I know that my dreams are bigger than my fears. I’m going to take risks. Like going to lunch. Yeah, yeah, going to push. And I see it posted on Facebook. Look, with my bestie.
00;58;55;28 – 00;59;16;02
Unknown
I’m just kidding. Oh, it in a Facebook group. Thank you for being with us today. Thanks for having me. It’s really great to have you. Glad you came in. Love this little unprompted conversation. We got some good old juice from that lemon. I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
00;59;16;10 – 00;59;32;28
Unknown
That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. No. God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
Unknown
Remember the fart?
00;00;09;08 – 00;00;31;22
Unknown
Hey, it’s me Erin Thanks for joining us on the Moor Love podcast. Do not tell Rebecca, but this podcast is about empathy. She likes people to think she’s dead inside. But the truth is, she’s a big time feeler who has truly helped me uncover that empathy is my superpower. Here she comes. Hey, bestie. Hi, love. What are you doing?
00;00;31;23 – 00;00;55;16
Unknown
Oh, just getting ready to host a podcast. A podcast about what? Our life. Our life as best friends who are more like sisters. Yay! I love us, and I can’t wait to share our stories of the world. Especially the ones that involve us pushing each other right to be our most authentic selves. Oh, man. Okay.
00;00;55;18 – 00;00;59;15
Unknown
What’s up there? Acid. Blood.
00;00;59;17 – 00;01;23;15
Unknown
Oh my gosh. Toxic. Toxic blood venom. Ew. I’m gonna have all these nicknames for you. My new ringtone should be Britney Spears song. What? The toxic. Yeah. Oh. Tax. Toxic. So, Rebecca, I had to go get some blood work done. Anyone who knows? Oh, yeah. Anyone who knows, Rebecca knows. Going to get her blood done in it. Name it.
00;01;23;16 – 00;01;37;05
Unknown
It ain’t it. You have to coax her in there with a cookie. I’d like some lemonade. One you like me? The promise of lunch after what you said. Come on. We’re going to lunch. And then we pulled into the blood lab. What the heck is this? Yeah, well, this first look, I’m not doing it. I’m just doing it.
00;01;37;07 – 00;01;52;27
Unknown
And then you’re in there, and the woman’s like, what’s the matter? You’re like, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here at all. But she went in by herself, guys, which is a really big deal. And she came out and basically the results said she has toxic blood. So she higher levels of Texas city area city up and one down any other.
00;01;52;27 – 00;02;11;13
Unknown
So she’s fire blood, which doesn’t surprise anyone with fire conditions does it? Yeah, it is fire crotch. It doesn’t surprise anyone who listens to the show that there is just this line. I’m running through your veins. Well, you don’t know that. That’s what I googled. Okay, I’m going today to the doctor to get this. Oh, I just looked.
00;02;11;13 – 00;02;27;20
Unknown
I apparently now I have a mychart. Okay. Yeah, because I never got there before. Why haven’t you had that before? Because I went to a mom and pop. Yeah, and they don’t believe in it. Like, why don’t we talk for a second about that doctor? He’s my favorite. Before we get to our special guest who’s coming in today or who’s here today.
00;02;27;22 – 00;02;48;07
Unknown
So I’m Rebecca. I used to have this doctor, as you heard us say before we go to each other’s doctor’s appointments, because it’s just easier than if we try and explain it to each other. Actor. Right. And so I had to go. When you first got diagnosed with shingles, you said, could you please come in and talk to him about my mental health because he wants a full picture of what’s going on with my full on health?
00;02;48;07 – 00;03;13;19
Unknown
And I said, absolutely. And so she doesn’t, like, tell me anything about this doctor. No. And we walk in and look at the time, I can’t look at you. It’s this tiny little waiting room area and it’s fine. Everything’s going, like completely to plan. And we walk in and it’s a very nice doctor’s office, and you’re sitting in the little thing, and I’m sitting over across the way on the little like, spinny stool.
00;03;13;19 – 00;03;36;24
Unknown
And then. Then Frank walks in. Yeah, doctor, doctor Frank. Doctor Frank walks in. What happened after that is unreal. It’s absolutely. I wouldn’t have believed this if someone told me that this happened. this man walks in with a poster board.
00;03;36;26 – 00;04;01;18
Unknown
He’s got a poster board. Okay. And on the poster, this is the primary care physician. This is. This is not my psychiatrist. Nope. This is my primary care for primary care. Just normal run of the mill. I’ll get my everything. Okay? You know, physical. First school physician walks in with a poster board and a marker, and he’s very excited to meet me.
00;04;01;23 – 00;04;25;06
Unknown
And he is like a doctor. I hear you’re in the mental health field. This is great. You know? So now just he and I are talking. It’s like you’re not even there. Exactly. Right. Exactly. And then before you know it, I’m sitting there with doctor Frank, and I’m this poster board we’re charting out your life. So for my lifetime, every single event that you could possibly imagine is being he is literally like an architect.
00;04;25;09 – 00;04;46;12
Unknown
Just it’s it’s one of those charts with the lines going up and then the circles and then all these things are in there because he wants to basically chart out. When we got to shingles, what got us here. Right. And so then at some point you start to go like interject a little piece of information and he might as well have found like, no, no, no, nothing.
00;04;46;19 – 00;05;08;26
Unknown
And then look over at me and ask for the real story. Yeah, right. I know this guy. Something else. This guy was given advice out of his lane like you would not believe. And then he starts into this whole story about how he lives in this one bedroom apartment to save money. Yeah, I know, like, you can’t make this up.
00;05;09;03 – 00;05;29;22
Unknown
He was in a one bedroom apartment to save money, and he has this screen that he pulls down every single morning when he’s doing his running routine. And he projects like Scenic Trails on this. So it’s like the cheap ass version of peloton, right? Like I bought this shit for, like $10 on marketplace. Oh my God. But he does.
00;05;29;25 – 00;05;52;19
Unknown
He sleeps on a mattress on the floor at 530 in the morning. He’s your primary. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Primary care. Okay. He is up every morning. Gotta run, gotta run, gotta run. He. He’s then telling me the financial situation between him and his ex-wife, why he and his ex-wife were not together anymore. Why their relationship was so incredibly valuable when they were together.
00;05;52;21 – 00;05;59;02
Unknown
Why the. Oh, my God.
00;05;59;04 – 00;06;20;10
Unknown
So why he eats a complete vegetarian diet and really judge is hard. Anyone who’s eaten anything else but he does like yogurt and he will eat yogurt every single day. Beef jerky along with his vegetarian beef jerky. He has his yogurt and his vegetarian beef jerky every single morning. Every single morning when he’s runnin, runnin, runnin, runnin to work.
00;06;20;10 – 00;06;46;16
Unknown
Well, he goes to goes to work. He comes home. Does the same routine every single day. Comes back, comes home. Does whatever he needs to eat his vegetarian dinner and his ass is in bed by 630 every single night. Six I’m not kidding. 630 6:30 p.m. does not watch TV. Not for screen. Yeah, because the screen has to project the nature trails, right?
00;06;46;19 – 00;07;10;10
Unknown
This we leave that doctor’s office and I said, what quack ass provider do you go to? Are you sure it’s even shingles? Like, maybe it’s like a rash at this point. What the hell is going on? So last part of the story, fast forward. This is to the point where I’m now have convinced her we need to go somewhere else.
00;07;10;13 – 00;07;28;02
Unknown
We are not allowed to stay here. But I continue because I continue to bring you with me because I can’t, because I’m invested at this point. I know, I know, full on invested, right. Keeps bringing the poster board in forever. We’re adding to it right? Well, he’s just like, so what’s your relationship like with your husband? Right? How many children do you have?
00;07;28;06 – 00;07;45;26
Unknown
Right. Oh, like the most random. Remember when he asked me to see a family picture and they realized it? Oh, after he analyzed the picture, could you bring up a family picture? You brought up a family picture, and he, like a psychologist. Rorschach tested the shit out of that thing. So then when was it like we were in Boston?
00;07;45;28 – 00;08;05;04
Unknown
Okay, this was the phone call? Yes. Why were we in Boston? We were with Darnell at the at the, It was a conference. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don’t remember why I called him. Okay. No, he called you. Oh, he called me. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So here we are sitting in this do that office and you’re like, oh, yeah, doctor Frank’s calling.
00;08;05;04 – 00;08;26;22
Unknown
I’m like, oh, I can imagine that was personal. That is his personal stuff. Yeah, it was his personal cell. And he calls Rebecca specifically. Yes. Gets her on the line. Yep. And says, hey, Rebecca Frank here right now it’s on speaker so you can hear, oh, I’m in the bathroom. Actually, at this point, everyone knows I’m listening in minus minus.
00;08;26;22 – 00;08;45;28
Unknown
Frank. He doesn’t know I’m listening in. So he says, I just wanted to personally call and let you know that I am leaving the practice. That was my. I’m leaving the practice. And you said, Oh, Frank. Wow. I am really sorry to hear that. Like, are you excited? Are you looking forward to what’s next? Is the.
00;08;46;00 – 00;09;05;14
Unknown
Absolutely. I really got a great opportunity out there in the Catskills, where I’m going to be doing emergency room, emergency room visits. And you said, great, you know, like, what was it that led to some of the changes? But some of the changes are the reasons why you’re leaving. Just wanted a different change, a different change of pace.
00;09;05;20 – 00;09;44;10
Unknown
You’re asking the most beautiful questions. And he goes, Rebecca, do you know that that they charge me for health insurance for you? I know I come, you’re going to kill. I come bolting out of the bathroom, still staring me. I’m like, is he for real right now? He’s like, Rebecca, I don’t know if you know this or not.
00;09;44;10 – 00;10;11;00
Unknown
You should check your pay stub. They charge you for for health insurance. So it’s you Canadian or something? I don’t think so. I’m just real out of touch. I think Wood Catskills is the best place for this man. So she said, oh yeah, it’s I think, you know, and he’s like, do you know that health insurance cost do you remember see out?
00;10;11;00 – 00;10;32;08
Unknown
He said, whatever it was, I was like, that’s a good rate, but you need to take that. Oh, that was really good. He’s like, whatever he said, you know, $300 a month or something like that. And Rebecca’s like, oh, and then she’s holding in this absolute laughter because I am, I can’t look at you. I am beside myself right now.
00;10;32;08 – 00;10;59;04
Unknown
And he said, I’m not paying that. That is something that should be paid for everyone. I’m like a universal health care supporter right there, friends. That’s excellent. Thank you, doctor Frank. Thank you. That’s this really great help with the long wait times that that causes. It doesn’t matter. But you know what? You get your health plate for. So it’s like a diet on people all day long.
00;10;59;04 – 00;11;22;05
Unknown
But I don’t get one. Oh yeah. Right. I don’t get one. I I’m really getting sick and tired of, of ordering colonoscopies for people who get them paid. And I gotta pay to get my colonoscopy. I this is I’m like this. We’re getting punk’d. We are getting punked. There has to be some type of video thing in here.
00;11;22;10 – 00;11;41;00
Unknown
This is unreal. So that’s the story of how we found a different provider. This new provider is going to diagnose her with acid blood to. That’s what I did recently. Get another text. And Doctor Frankie’s back in town. Great. Back in town for good. Yeah. He’s got a different practice. Catskills skills. Wasn’t him okay. Back in his one bedroom.
00;11;41;01 – 00;11;58;07
Unknown
Hey, we have 630. Do you have to reconcile the questions we have about the life insurance? I wonder if he, you know, life insurance or health or, sorry, health insurance if he maybe negotiated that as a part of his return? I mean, maybe or something, but. Yeah. Yeah. So if anybody’s interested, he’s now back in Rochester area. Yeah.
00;11;58;14 – 00;12;16;22
Unknown
Right. I think he’s probably accepting a lot of new patients. I don’t think people are running over there to finish up. He so the kind of doctor that would like prescribe granola for a problem or something. Yeah. Yeah, that wouldn’t have surprised me. Well, he’s a pharmacist. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He’s pharmacy. He’s a pharmacist. Yes. Yes, he was a pharmacy.
00;12;16;22 – 00;12;37;27
Unknown
He’s a pharmacist as well. No, he showed me. Remember I had to go there on the wall. He taped he taped all certificates from all the states he’s been in to his wall. Taped. Taped them? Yes, they were printed. The frames are expensive, right? They weren’t like they weren’t Mexican diplomas or something where they. I don’t know, but I did have to leave the, the the room once and go in there and look.
00;12;37;27 – 00;12;56;03
Unknown
Yeah. I’m not sure why. Yeah, but. Well, he wanted to show you because. Yeah, he wanted to make sure that you knew what a credible physician he was. He doesn’t have his own health insurance. But, you know, Bob. School of pharmacology. Yeah. Now, now, let’s be clear. I did not pick him up. My primary care doctor that I love more than anything died.
00;12;56;07 – 00;13;13;11
Unknown
Oh, yes. Just because he was old, not because he had bad health. He did. He had he had lung cancer. Oh, okay. All right. How’s the old school? Like when they said doctors, when they would smoke and they’d be like, yeah, that’s why I smoke calls. Because this. Yeah. Right. Yeah. The menthols, the menthol schools that long. So that’s how I got.
00;13;13;11 – 00;13;31;11
Unknown
That’s how I got that. I didn’t know that was you know what? I like to really see the positive in people. And what I would like to say about doctor Frank is definitely a relational physician here. Maybe a little too much, but very relational. Yeah. So, I mean, I got a cell phone. Appreciate, like, just just text me if you need anything.
00;13;31;11 – 00;13;46;19
Unknown
Yeah, you need extra prescription. I’m like, call that shit in. I need some stuff, and I’ll see if he can do it for you. So. So anyway, that’s that’s what we’re starting with today, but. So yeah, I’m going to go to I’m not going back to doctor Frank about my acid blood. I’m going to somebody else. Yeah. We’ll see I’ll give you the update.
00;13;46;19 – 00;14;11;01
Unknown
Right. Yeah. We can’t wait to hear what clip of venom you’re spewing. Okay, the next one. You know who’s with us here today, Nina? I mean, mozzarella sticks. So cute. Just want a difference of sauce. So soy sauce. Sauce, Russell sauce. Little me, not little me. You know what? Our song. We did a song for her birthday. Yeah, right after we did.
00;14;11;01 – 00;14;34;04
Unknown
Can’t touch this. Right. She was the one that we performed our. Yes. Really great dance for. If that was really us and Moscow costume, but. Yes, yes. So my Nina mattarella stick is here with us today. Nina, can you give us a general idea of how long ago it was that you submitted the email to be considered to be on the show last fall?
00;14;34;12 – 00;14;52;07
Unknown
Six months ago, six months. Thank you. Thank you. And, Rebecca, were we not able to go, Nina, into this time because of just how many people we have flooded to want to be guests? Or was there some other things on this long waiting list? See very long waiting list, I see, and it’s really hard to get to us.
00;14;52;07 – 00;15;08;00
Unknown
Yeah. You know. Yes. And here’s a great example of boundaries, because how many times, Nina, did you say to me, I sent the form in to be on the show. I mean, I didn’t even know there was a form 3 or 4 times. Right? And what did I say to you every single time? Well, that’s Rebecca, thank you.
00;15;08;01 – 00;15;31;21
Unknown
Why didn’t you just text me during her break? You. I said, well, I’m sure Rebecca will get to that in the near future, but she knew Rebecca would not get to it in the near future, or even in the future. Future because Rebecca doesn’t do her job. So finally, it got to the point, Nina, where I decided I just need to put this in an email and be like, schedule Nina for the podcast.
00;15;31;24 – 00;15;50;26
Unknown
This is amidst no joke about 15 to 20 other people that I’ve now sent to her to get scheduled for the podcast I scheduled. She put you right at the damn top. No, I did it. Oh, she’s. You picked your time. Oh, yeah, she picked her time. Me? Oh, you gave her some choices. Oh, the other people didn’t want to.
00;15;50;28 – 00;16;08;12
Unknown
The rest of us early enough. I said you gave me 2 to 2 days or three days. Yeah. And I was like, I need some time off of work. Oh, okay. Sounds good. Yeah. And so our mozzarella stick us here today. That should be interesting. Now, did I ask Nina what she wanted to talk about? Yeah. Does she know?
00;16;08;12 – 00;16;27;26
Unknown
She said, now let’s talk about a bunch of things. Does that sound exactly like Rebecca? Yeah. It’s fine. So now I have Rebecca. Nina and Scott. Yeah. And our new main man, Joe. Oh, yeah. Hope Joe works out. Yeah. I mean, he could be really scared. I mean, he did just listen to it. Was this Joe’s first experience with a podcast?
00;16;27;29 – 00;16;44;09
Unknown
I don’t think you do your first. No, no. With ours. With. Did you did you prepare honestly with. Oh you did you. Oh he went in cold turkey. Okay. Oh okay. And I didn’t prep him at all. I said no, this is, this is a special podcast. Oh, that’s he probably really liked it when I said, let me see your nipples.
00;16;44;09 – 00;16;57;07
Unknown
Yeah. And I said, you said, how do your boobs feel? And I say, great, you want to touch them? And you said, yeah, sure. No. He was like, this is my favorite podcast ever. So really love. That’s one of those parts. So he came out and he said, are you Nina? And I said, yeah. And he said, okay.
00;16;57;07 – 00;17;14;27
Unknown
And then he said his name and shook hands. And then he goes, they’re just running a little behind. And I said, oh, yeah. Yeah. It’s weird. Never. And I said, you definitely knew if you’re like, I’m an avid listener, I’m real clear that, yeah, now it’s time for anything, guys. Just the one I want you to know. I see you, Scott.
00;17;14;27 – 00;17;30;26
Unknown
You’re really stepping in around the 60 minute mark that if we say something funny in that moment that you’re, like at the end of the podcast, like, right now, you know what else I see? You know, he turns our screens off and puts the legacy thing on there. That’s how I know. It’s like, oh, it’s a reminder. You got it.
00;17;30;26 – 00;17;54;23
Unknown
I’m very clear. That’s for real. Yes, I do. What does that mean? That means wrap it up. That means it’s time to wrap up. We’re done. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, that was real clear to me. Right. So technical experts thoughts I saw you, I saw Scott’s push wrong. But my here’s here’s the other favorite part Scott Scott doesn’t schedule anybody else on Monday.
00;17;54;23 – 00;18;13;16
Unknown
But because I know he can’t have you know better. He made it maybe a time block. But yeah, we all know. We all know Friday is our best mate. May show up on time. We made. We’re definitely going over pretty moved my 1230. That’s good. Yeah that’s good. That’s it. We’re safe. Yeah, yeah we’re in the last show.
00;18;13;16 – 00;18;30;16
Unknown
Weren’t we talking about elitism? Yeah I can privilege and it’s fine. Scott had no clue what he was, what he was going to take on. It doesn’t count for us. No clue that his whole life has changed. So, I mean, he needs to. I mean, even he picked up, meaning he needs to start us off with the card.
00;18;30;16 – 00;18;50;22
Unknown
Oh, you’ve already picked it. Yeah. How many times did the cards on the floor? Oh my God. What? Oh, that doesn’t look great. We’ve never had this before. What’s it called? Destruction. Oh, we know that. Wait. Pause, pause. It might be getting nervous. No, I’m getting nervous. I know the ship going down in flames. Especially in my life.
00;18;50;23 – 00;19;08;06
Unknown
This ship is in some nasty acid blood. That is an acid blood got me in Mexico. You got going on. Why is that? I don’t know, was the first body of water that came. I was doing some improv. That’s the one that felt warm in my hand. Wow. Okay. You know, it’s me. It’s kind of. It’s. Do you want to rub a rock?
00;19;08;10 – 00;19;32;05
Unknown
Yeah. Something here. You do not make love for your own. What is this? What is that? Love for your Roman numeral. Roman numeral? What is that? Because I took Latin, so I should know this. Ten five 116. Oh, geez. Those were easy ones. I don’t know what. What do you start? But that’s when I get all confused. The L’s in the CS and stuff give me a little more Ellis 50 isn’t it?
00;19;32;06 – 00;19;51;21
Unknown
Or is it 20? I’m impressed that you know what? Thank you. 21. This is really interesting, Nina, for what you said. And when I really cut you off and said, don’t talk about it till we’re live, I. Yeah. She’s here. Give me that. Listen, you listen to me. You what? You said I rudely cut her off, but this was you.
00;19;51;23 – 00;20;06;08
Unknown
Don’t talk about it. You can’t talk about it. Yeah, you can’t talk about it. Yeah, I think this might be okay. Okay. Are you ready? You need this back? Yeah. Make me. No. Hold it. Oh, no. No. Yeah. Hold it up for our thousands of viewers. Do you want to read it? Because you’re better. Reader. I am a better reader.
00;20;06;10 – 00;20;45;16
Unknown
Okay. The tower. Oh, okay. Meaning destruction. No. You have read the whole thing. Even the bigger the even the part at the top. During a tempest at night, a ship is struck by lightning and burst into flames. The castle like battlements on top of the deck are no protection against this force of destruction from the heavens. The lighting illuminates the sky, heavy with storm clouds, showing how precarious the vessel appears as it struggles to stay afloat in an ocean that is sure to swallow it whole.
00;20;45;23 – 00;21;13;19
Unknown
Okay, that’s important to know. Now read the meaning. When the tower falls, you feel your world collapsing around you. Lightning strikes and there is little you can do other than accept. Accept the chaos and change it in the change that it brings. This disaster is not your fault. You may be in shock at first, but this event is also a breakthrough.
00;21;13;22 – 00;21;54;24
Unknown
You are given a chance to see the world in a very different way. Additionally, the card may signify issues with property and challenges to your security. You may be feeling vulnerable financially and in relationships to advice. Surrender to the universe, give up control, and begin to construct a new way of working, thinking, relating, or living. You now have the freedom to start over and a strong foundation on which to be to rebuild whatever has fallen.
00;21;54;26 – 00;22;27;11
Unknown
I got tears in my eyes. It means here’s your key words break down and then chaos is surrender. Breakthrough. Beginnings. Enlightenment. Well, that’s Nina’s card all day I know she, you’re not seeing it I don’t know, I think it could be a bunch of different things of course. Like what. stuff that like leaving a relationship three years ago.
00;22;27;14 – 00;23;01;06
Unknown
relationships with I don’t know, not with me. Girl. Sturdy with my parents. Work, brother. Work. Work is a big one right now. So basically that card my read of that card was tear that shed down. It’s okay to start over. The foundation is strong. Yes. That’s that’s your weakness and all the circumstances in your life lead up to who you are as a human being.
00;23;01;08 – 00;23;32;10
Unknown
You know you were just talking about, self-talk reinforcing from the outside world things like that and how that impacts maybe self-esteem, confidence, believability, all those kinds of things. So, yeah. What were you saying before the show? So like, I’ve been working really hard to build up my, my confidence and stuff like that. And I think I’ve gotten pretty far from where I used to be a couple of years ago.
00;23;32;10 – 00;23;52;19
Unknown
And so at work, there’s been a lot of changes, a lot of new staff. And I, I, I’m the person that I’m going to give you 100% in anything that I do, even if it’s for myself. I have to give 100%, because if I don’t, I think I’ve tried to like, cheat out and not give 100% maybe a handful of times in my life.
00;23;52;19 – 00;24;13;17
Unknown
And every single time I’m like, nope, that doesn’t feel right. I have to go back through and I gotta do it the right way so it doesn’t matter. I have to give 100% regardless for who it is, what it is, it doesn’t matter. and so at work, I’m giving 100%, 100% of the time. And there’s a lot of people at work who are not there giving less than 50%.
00;24;13;19 – 00;24;30;10
Unknown
And so a lot of the things kind of fall on me. One, because we are there’s a lot of changes going on. I work in the training department. There’s a lot of changes going on right now. And so a lot of people don’t like change. And it’s been the same way for 43 years. And now everything is changing and there’s all these new people coming in.
00;24;30;10 – 00;24;52;22
Unknown
So I mean, people are coming at us with pitchforks. So I’ve been doing a lot of damage control because I’m the one who’s been there for 18.5 years, and I’ve built relationships with people where people know me and they know who I am and what my work ethic is. So that has been able to help. But now that things are starting to get a little bit better, like I was the one doing everything, well, Nina, you have to show us know you have to do this online.
00;24;52;22 – 00;25;10;08
Unknown
I need you to do this. Oh, we don’t know how to do that. So this has been since February, and I’m still like doing the majority of the things. And so I actually had a breakdown and I just went I just blew my lid at my manager and I was like, I can’t keep doing this. This is ridiculous.
00;25;10;11 – 00;25;26;17
Unknown
And everyone in the department has a you have to have a degree. I don’t have a degree, but you have to have a bachelor’s or higher. I do not have one, but I’m kind of like grandfathered in, I guess. and so I just lost it on her and I’m like, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing everything.
00;25;26;17 – 00;25;39;07
Unknown
I’m doing my job, plus 20 other different things, and not for nothing. I’m sick and tired of people coming at me saying, oh, well, I don’t know how to do this, so you’re going to have to do it all. You have to show me and I show people in three times later I’m showing them, oh, I still don’t know how to do it.
00;25;39;14 – 00;26;00;08
Unknown
And so I lost it and I was like, listen, I’m the only person in this freaking department that does not have a degree, so I’m the dumb one. You guys all have bachelor’s, master’s and and doctorates. So here’s the thing. If me, the uneducated one can figure it out, then you guys can all figure it out too. And she just kind of looked at me and she’s just like, you’re right.
00;26;00;11 – 00;26;16;13
Unknown
It’s not like I can’t keep doing this. So don’t reinforce that DNA is not dumb. We just had to be really serious. That was the first thing that she told me this story was. I was like, no, she’s not dumb. She’s not. She didn’t say that. You’re not dumb. She goes, you are very, very intelligent. And you carry this department, right?
00;26;16;20 – 00;26;35;25
Unknown
But the thing is, is that since we’ve had that conversation, like for the next two days, it was kids gloves. Everybody treated me with kids gloves. And I’m like, this is ridiculous. And she actually wasn’t going to have me go ahead and teach the class that day. I said, no, I will do my job, but you can’t keep adding more stuff on top of it because I shouldn’t be teaching right now, but I will do it.
00;26;35;28 – 00;26;52;15
Unknown
Just don’t add more responsibility on me this week. And, you were saying you were getting a lot of praise, though. You’re getting a lot of praise from people. Yes. So. So then that happened. And then, like, still like the kids have loves lots of praise for the next two days and still, like, praises me all time. Oh my God, thank you so much for doing that.
00;26;52;15 – 00;27;09;24
Unknown
Oh, you’re the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you. But still we continue to be like, oh my gosh, we’re just I need you to do this real quick right now. So it’s still praise that you’re so great and I see you and you’re doing a great job and you’re doing too much. And you know, we’re going to disperse the workout, but yet it’s still I’m getting all this praise.
00;27;09;24 – 00;27;29;10
Unknown
But yeah, at the same time. Oh, you’re doing really good, by the way, I need you to do this. So now am I going to do I believe that you really think that? So it feels and that you just descend genuine. Just just. Yes. You’re just you’re just pacifying me. You’re basically, you know, giving me a pat on the back and on top of it, you’re giving me a stack of stuff at the same time.
00;27;29;16 – 00;27;45;21
Unknown
So. So like a sandwich, a sandwich like a. Yeah. So do you really think that, like, how do I know you’re genuine? How do I know that you really mean what you say? Because you’re constantly still adding more and more stuff on there. And, you know, like, we have one on one meetings and we’re going to have a one on one meeting.
00;27;45;21 – 00;28;02;10
Unknown
We’re supposed to have one once a week. You know how many I’ve had three since February. Everybody else has their meetings. But Nina’s always too busy to do something, or you’re too busy when it’s time for you to meet with me and it always gets pushed away. the question, though, you stated a little bit before the podcast I thought was really interesting.
00;28;02;10 – 00;28;23;01
Unknown
You said, I’ve been working a lot on myself, and I’ve been really trying to focus on how do I make myself a better person. And now I have a bunch of people who are validating that confidence in me and saying good things to me about, wow, you’re really great at this, or you’re really smart or really all of these things and that you’re struggling a bit to accept that is that what you were saying?
00;28;23;01 – 00;28;43;27
Unknown
Like your struggle is struggling to know? Is it is it that you’re wondering if it’s authentic, or is it that you are struggling personally to hear it and believe it to be true? So I think that it’s it’s hard to hear it and believe it to be true. And then like I started to be like, you know what?
00;28;43;27 – 00;29;00;18
Unknown
I am good at this. I am good at my job. I am, you know, maybe that, you know, they are right. And so it’s gotten a little bit easier to accept that and to take that. But now it’s just like all the time I’m like, okay, well, that doesn’t seem real to me. So am I just being duped?
00;29;00;18 – 00;29;18;22
Unknown
Do you really think that I’m good at that now? I’m believing that I’m good at something, but I’m really not because you’re just saying that to get me to do more things like, So now you know what? You know what this feels like to me? It’s inner child. Your inner child. Something happened to you when you were little.
00;29;18;24 – 00;29;41;05
Unknown
There’s a lot that happened to you, and that was what you want to be like. Think about that. Something happened to you when you were little that you were probably praised or scolded or told you’re not good enough, you know what I mean? And then almost like gaslighting. And so that stuck with you because I mean this is I struggle with the same thing.
00;29;41;09 – 00;30;07;12
Unknown
I totally, totally I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did. So then. So that’s why it’s so hard to believe it because I’ve been knocked down so many times. And then now okay. And I’m starting to believe it and see it. And then now it’s just like, wait a minute. Yeah. It doesn’t seem like it’s it can’t possibly be true for you if you really believe that and you see everything that I’m doing, then why are you continuing to keep doing that to me?
00;30;07;14 – 00;30;31;03
Unknown
Does it matter who says it to you if it’s your supervisor versus if it’s a direct colleague versus if it’s me. No it doesn’t matter. Yeah. That’s fascinating. I don’t experience that at all. I’ve never experienced that. I don’t think ever in my life really weird. It’s really fascinating. So for me it comes down to do I value the person who’s giving me the feedback.
00;30;31;03 – 00;30;52;27
Unknown
And it is very rare for me to value you enough to give me that feedback. So it’s such a small group of people, but once you’re in that very small inner circle, you’re both in that inner circle. I will value your feedback because I’ve trusted that your intentions are in the right place, that you. It’s not from her.
00;30;52;28 – 00;31;11;08
Unknown
It’s not after you still try to prove to us that you’re still right. Oh, yeah. First you do that. Yeah. Then we keep going in with. No you’re not. No you don’t. You both placate me and and I accept that. And that’s what I want you to do. Right. Well, because we know you, we need to try a little bit harder than you do.
00;31;11;11 – 00;31;26;20
Unknown
You are real quick to turn the switch off and be like, oh, you’re. You know what? I didn’t think of it that way. You’re absolutely right. That was after three minutes, Nina still like, no, I really do think. And then you’ll just sit there and you’ll drink your wine and you’ll not at Nina, and you’ll be like, it’s going to be a lot better for you, Nina.
00;31;26;20 – 00;31;44;02
Unknown
If you’re just like. I just haven’t thought about it. That interesting? Yeah, I really value that opinion and just bow out. Right. So yeah, there’s certain times, but yeah, but we I do feel comfortable in our relationship to have those conversations be like, well, I don’t understand that or that doesn’t make sense to me or this is how I see it or stuff like that.
00;31;44;08 – 00;32;07;10
Unknown
Yeah, absolutely. But when it comes to the giving of feedback, so this would be a great example. I, we were talking about this on the last show. I don’t care just because you’re my supervisor that you have feedback for me. I couldn’t give a shit. I don’t based on the title. Yeah. Oh, Bob. Yeah, I, I Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, you could be the president of the institution, I don’t care.
00;32;07;16 – 00;32;37;22
Unknown
You could be like, you know what? I really don’t like how you’re. And I’d be like, great. I don’t like how you look. But I tell you, there’s a lot of things I don’t like. I didn’t know we were playing an I don’t like game, you know, so it takes a while to get to that point, right. Well, that’s that’s the part that’s confusing for me is why are we giving everyone equal validity to be able to impact our own sense of self when those people have not yet earned the right to be there?
00;32;37;28 – 00;33;12;20
Unknown
Why? Just because we have a supervisor who says you’re doing a really great job, do we immediately think, oh, I got him? So I so, you know, have we won the approval of my supervisor? And why are we also, when a coworker says, girl, you doing too much like I don’t, you’re really showing me up. Why are we like, maybe I am showing them up because in my scenarios, I don’t care that the supervisor told me I was doing a good job, and I don’t care that the you know, person below me thinks that you know I’m doing too much.
00;33;12;20 – 00;33;33;20
Unknown
I’m focusing on what I’m doing and what my intent is. And you both have such a strong self conviction. I’m trying to figure out why you’re not leaning more into that sense of self, and not safe to lean into your own sense of self, correct? Because.
00;33;33;23 – 00;34;03;22
Unknown
Because authority is authority, regardless of how intelligent smart you are, a title means something. That’s just the way it is. That’s that. In my experience, that’s a very difficult to reprogram in my brain. In my case, I think that I’ve always I had one of my coworkers come to me two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and he’s like, were you a middle child?
00;34;03;25 – 00;34;25;01
Unknown
And I said, no, are you sure you’re not a middle child? I’m like, yeah, I have a brother who’s younger than me. And he said, I said, why are you asking? He said, because you always have to try to make things right. You always have to make sure everything goes okay and everybody’s happy. And that’s a middle child thing.
00;34;25;05 – 00;34;40;12
Unknown
And I said no. And he goes yeah it’s definitely a middle child thing. Are you sure. Now I’m like dude I’m not a middle child. I said it’s called survival of the fittest. And this is what I had to do to make sure that I was that’s what I had to do to survive in the be safe. Yeah.
00;34;40;14 – 00;35;01;11
Unknown
And so that’s I think where I am still today is that it’s just I’m a people pleaser. And as long as everything is okay and everybody’s happy and I’m then I’m okay. Right? But what about when they’re not? Then I need to make it okay. Right. We need to we need we’re the fixer. We need to we need to do something different to make it okay.
00;35;01;15 – 00;35;22;07
Unknown
Because at the end of the day, it’s our fault regardless. And I don’t know how to get time. I did not I don’t know how to not do that anymore. Agreed. I don’t exactly do not do what I did. How did not be such me the fixer. Yeah. Is it ever possibly the case that it wasn’t, you know, so everyone else, everyone has this internal child, right?
00;35;22;07 – 00;35;42;00
Unknown
This internal trauma, these internal things that have happened to them. But that must not be true for other people. Is that what you’re thinking? They don’t have their own internal trauma. And I so I think if you pull it off that is impacting you. It’s not you know, if I, if I come in here one day and I’m all ranting and raving about something and you’re like, wow, Erin’s really out of sorts right now.
00;35;42;00 – 00;36;02;10
Unknown
It’s not because I just got in an argument with some other, you know, driver on the street. I love you 100%. I don’t know if it’s I don’t know. In my mind, I don’t know if it’s I think that it’s always because of me, but I always want to make things right because I always want people to be okay.
00;36;02;11 – 00;36;20;05
Unknown
Right. So but I don’t want to be burdened with everything that’s going on. And plus, if they’re happy, then I’m in a good spot. So I’m I’m okay, I’m safe. So I’m going to make your life as easy as I can, and I’m going to do whatever it takes for me to fix the problem. Exactly. You said I’m safe.
00;36;20;08 – 00;36;41;19
Unknown
You’ve said I’m safe before, so we’re safe when the illusion of comfort is present. Yeah, because I always say. I say illusion on purpose. It’s very possible that Sally, you know, three doors down, hates your guts. Yes, but is smiling to your face and is making you feel like a really valuable person to keep your friends close to your enemies closer and all along is you don’t know that you’re okay.
00;36;41;21 – 00;36;58;10
Unknown
As long as you don’t know. Sally is a raging bitch down the hall who really hates you and isn’t saying anything. As long as it looks like everything’s okay, then at least we’re okay. As long as my supervisor’s telling me. You’re doing a really great job, Nina. But deep down, she’s writing a behind the scenes performance evaluation about the things.
00;36;58;10 – 00;37;21;09
Unknown
Not many times you come in late, as long as you don’t tell me about those things. Where. Okay, I think that if I found out, then it would be pretty devastating, because I think that I believed that that was the story, that everything was okay. So then that would be a whole nother thing. You’d be devastated. Devastated, or in that you’d still think that that was your fault.
00;37;21;09 – 00;37;41;24
Unknown
Yes. Wonder all day long. Yeah. Because why? Why do you. What? What did I do? Simon has to do something in order to freaking hate you. Yep. You can’t just hate me because I walked into the room. You’ve never met me before. Oh, well, that’s story. My life. Every goddamn day. But wait, what? All day long? All day long?
00;37;41;26 – 00;38;02;27
Unknown
Where did I do that? I pissed you off. What did I do to hurt you? What did I do wrong? What do I need to do? Different doesn’t matter what I want or feel at all. Because that doesn’t matter. Do you see my mouth open right now? I start drilling here in a minute. I am so confused. I think that’s why my my superpower is pivoting and flexibility.
00;38;03;04 – 00;38;24;21
Unknown
It does not matter. It doesn’t matter what I want, but it does internally to you, right? But you’re just have to take it all. Take it all in all the time. Absolutely. You’re just gonna. Because any time that I’ve to not extend to to shackles to being in the hospital to being all of these things, we’re just going to continue to take it on the chin.
00;38;24;21 – 00;38;47;23
Unknown
Yes. That because someone else is drawing it, drawing a boundary, or drawing a line in the sand or saying something means I have to follow through with it. I’m speaking up. I might unintentionally hurt your feelings because I have an opinion. Yeah, about intentionally hurt your feelings. And in that case, I’m intentionally hurting your feelings. Oh, no, I don’t think I come intentionally anybody’s feelings.
00;38;47;23 – 00;39;07;29
Unknown
No, I would never, I would never. No, no, no. Where does this come? Even with my acts, I couldn’t intentionally say something or do something intentionally to hurt somebody. No, even to my brother, who I’ve pretty much disowned and I don’t want anything to do with for the rest of my life ever again. Same with me. I’ll never say anything to my dad.
00;39;08;00 – 00;39;26;26
Unknown
I mean, if he was to die tomorrow and they’re like, okay, your brother just died. I would not go to the funeral, but I wouldn’t do anything specifically. Oh, I’d say he’s a monster. He’s he’s a freaking he’s a he’s a horrible person. But I wouldn’t go and do something or say something to his face or behind his back that would get back to him.
00;39;26;26 – 00;39;41;29
Unknown
Right? To like, intentionally hurt somebody. I would feel horrible about that. I, I freaking feel bad when I drive down the street and there’s a dead freaking animal on the side of the road. I’m like, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe when that animal’s dead on the side of the road. Are you like, did I hit that and just not know?
00;39;42;00 – 00;39;58;02
Unknown
Yeah, no. Like seriously, like what I have. I know what I’m doing. That’s what I’m hearing. You say I’m here and I tell you all the time, you and I are the exact same person. That is such a great example, right? Because that that deer that is on the side of the road, I’m like some fucking hit that.
00;39;58;02 – 00;40;14;06
Unknown
That’s too bad. No, I don’t think to myself that’s an extreme example. That was me. That was an extreme example. But that’s but that’s what I hear you say. It is literally someone can be in their office throwing a mug against the wall and they’re like, what did I do? Yes. What? I’m on the go. Oh my gosh, are you okay?
00;40;14;06 – 00;40;26;14
Unknown
What do you need from me? What can I do for you, too? I’m gonna go get you a coffee. You need a hug, you need a pat on the back. Let me pick that glass up for you so you don’t have to worry about. No, I wouldn’t do to me that I would be like, oh, my God, I did something I would that feels a little different to me.
00;40;26;14 – 00;40;42;13
Unknown
But what I do depends on how they responded to me. When I went to that office, I’d walk past the door. I’d be like, yeah, okay, you need anything? I’m here and I do the I thing. And then I would walk past, right? Or depending on who the person was, I might go in and I might be like, I got this.
00;40;42;13 – 00;41;10;24
Unknown
I might bring humor into it. Right, I got that. That’s fine. That’s nice. Close the door. Right. No big deal. I may bring a little humor into it. Never once in that scenario did I ever think it was me. Depending on what they’re upset about or what the situation was. Even if they are upset, even if it is me, even if I press send out an email and it gets right to there and then I hear the gas right to their, you know, Twitter gets right to their, and, you know, it was a, you know, it was free and it was a touchy email and I knew it was for them.
00;41;10;24 – 00;41;29;14
Unknown
And then I hear the I’m thinking to myself, wow, if I had something to address with me, they should probably address it. Oh my god. Oh no problem, I am, I am, I’m sweating what I feel like I don’t even like you, Greg. I to feel like you freaking out. Oh, yes. I’m like service. All right. What are you terrified?
00;41;29;15 – 00;41;53;00
Unknown
Serious? My heart’s beating in my own miles. I I’m a minute. Absolutely. Yeah. I feel like I’m going to shit my pants. I’m holding back tears because I am so. I feel so vulnerable at that point. I am so unclean. I might even out of my skin. I might even in that moment, yell out if you have a problem, come talk to me from 640.
00;41;53;00 – 00;42;09;20
Unknown
Yeah, of course I might. In that moment I might. Or if I wasn’t going to be that loud about it, I might walk past the door and be like, you upset if you got something to talk about it, let’s talk about it. Because in my mind, that the repair, the conversation, that’s where that’s where the meat is for me.
00;42;09;20 – 00;42;28;02
Unknown
That’s where I get closer to you. If you’re going to be a I almost said the p word. If you’re going to be, a cat, if you’re going to be a plus, a little, a little pause, pause in your own and you’re going to throw a fit, and you want to get all the attention on you, and you’re going to be upset because you don’t really behavior management skills, and that’s on you.
00;42;28;08 – 00;42;48;25
Unknown
I do not care. I could not care for one minute. I ain’t tending to that for one second. But you want to actually come over to me and be like, that email pissed me off. I’d be like, Thank God, thank you for saying something, I value that. Come take a seat. And you know what? I would get out from behind my desk and I’d come sit right next to you to have that conversation and I’d be like, lay it on me.
00;42;48;25 – 00;43;09;02
Unknown
What did you hate about it? You’d be like, oh, in the intro, or when you said this or when you saw it like this and I’d be like, I, I saw it that way. Well, how did you see it? What was different? The process of working through that for me is where I get closer to you, because that maybe from my own childhood trauma is where I can trust that you can hang with hard shit.
00;43;09;04 – 00;43;31;01
Unknown
But I’m not trusting you with anything about myself. If you can’t hang with hard shit because I’m hard shit, this is not like, you know, an easy package to deal with, right? Maybe on the surface, right? But like the inner workings you both know of, who I am as a person is not a simplistic thing. I’m incredibly complex, a little bit bitchy, sometimes difficult to deal with.
00;43;31;01 – 00;43;48;09
Unknown
Right? And if you can’t hang in these easier moments, I sure as shit I’m not going to be around you when something hard goes down in both of us. All three of us, both of you with me, have gone through something where at least at one point we have all sat down and been like, when you said this, this is what happened.
00;43;48;10 – 00;44;11;18
Unknown
I didn’t like it right. Did you both feel like you wanted to vomit? Probably, yes. And probably. And what what was the difference when we had that conversation at the Burger Joint New York Beer Project? Oh, yeah. Remember how many times did I say, are we okay? You okay? And I was freaking terrified. I thought you were going to be pissed off at me, not talk to me for days.
00;44;11;19 – 00;44;30;19
Unknown
I know, maybe ever again. I know, and I’m like, did I cross any lines? I just had to get it out. And I had to tell you, I had to get it out. All you did. See, I’m going to get teary eyed now, because now all you did in that moment was, I care so much about you that I have to say this because I want to make sure that you know what I know, and we’re on the same page.
00;44;30;21 – 00;44;51;22
Unknown
I saw that as the biggest level of care and compassion for me, because you cared enough to be able to say something about it. You cared you. I knew as I know, for both of you, it’s so hard to take that risk. So when you do take that risk, I am like, I see it, I see it, I feel it, I appreciate it.
00;44;51;24 – 00;45;08;06
Unknown
And then when we got in the truck and you said, are you mad at me? I do. You remember I was like, mad at you. Why would I be mad at you? And then I texted you a couple times because you don’t trust it. I said some hard stuff to you, right? And I’m like, no, you said some beautiful stuff to me.
00;45;08;12 – 00;45;39;22
Unknown
And I said, what did I say? I said, and you can trust that if I’ve walked away from this conversation feeling anything but loved and cared about, what am I going to do? I’m going to send you a message or I’m going to call you, and I’m going to be like, I got to talk about it. I’m still having feelings left over so that, for all of us, is part of that foundation of where we’ve been able to get to where we are, because you both know, at the end of the day, if I’m having a problem with something, you do not have to question whether or not I’ve come to you to talk about
00;45;39;22 – 00;46;06;06
Unknown
it. But I think that’s the difference because even though you’ve been at work for 18 years, it’s new people, right? It’s it’s a whole new area. It’s. Yeah. And and establishing that level of trust and care and whatever specifically when you’re in and hire a girl, however, we see that, situation when we have been raised to know the hierarchy, it’s very difficult.
00;46;06;09 – 00;46;30;12
Unknown
It’s just always an unsafe territory. Oh, it’s because never has happened in those situations. The hierarchy has yelled at you. The hierarchy has told you you don’t know what you’re talking about. Your hierarchy has not allowed you to. Yeah, absolutely. All of you. Yeah. So you’ve interviewed you down to that. You’ve beaten down, beaten down, mentally, verbally, emotionally everything.
00;46;30;14 – 00;46;53;09
Unknown
And it doesn’t matter. It could be 5000 positive things. One little negative thing. It doesn’t matter No. Because words stick with you. Oh yeah. They say sticks and stones may break my bones. But you never hurt me. Wrong. I’m sorry. Bruises go away. Broken bones healed. But those words are always there. And I’m not saying that bruises and broken bones are okay because they’re not by any means, but they do heal.
00;46;53;10 – 00;47;16;28
Unknown
But my guess is just like with me, my love language is words of affirmation. So that’s why it’s so incredibly important like that. There’s a big deal. So it hurts more because that’s what you’re craving most? Yes, and that’s how I communicate. So when I say something that’s it’s very genuine. If I say something to you, it’s not fake.
00;47;17;01 – 00;47;35;28
Unknown
I would say nothing before I say make up some shit, then be like, wow, you’re so amazing. If I say that to you, that’s that’s real. I think one of the big things to is that I just always wanted to be seen. I wanted people to see me for who I am and what I have to offer and not what I don’t have.
00;47;35;29 – 00;47;58;12
Unknown
Yeah. And I feel that. So many people in my life have only seen what I don’t have to offer. And I have always yes, that has always been used against me and everything has always been conditional. Yeah. My whole life with everybody, with everybody. Except for where I am right now. You are, you are now. You are nine.
00;47;58;20 – 00;48;25;18
Unknown
Yep. And you are not conditional or is not conditional. Yeah. Everybody else. Well, Carter. Of course. Oh, yeah. that little shit. Pretty sure you. I’m conditional. No. Oh, but other than that, every single person in my whole entire life has been conditional. So you bring that to a lot, get a little bit of that unconditional, and then have to worry about everybody else being conditional.
00;48;25;20 – 00;48;46;29
Unknown
Right. That’s also something really tough to have to manage. Yeah. Yes. It is so much energy. It’s so sad to me that unconditional is such a rarity. And, you know, when we first started this podcast, I was like, I just don’t understand X, Y and Z. And you’re like, what you don’t understand is that people aren’t like you.
00;48;47;00 – 00;49;08;25
Unknown
People are not unconditional. People are conditional. And so but then I don’t know if in my own life I’ve weeded out the conditional people or, you know, I don’t know what the word is. I figured out who the conditional people are really early, and I will keep them at a very far distance, but they will think they’re my best friends, right?
00;49;08;25 – 00;49;29;14
Unknown
So I still make you feel like a million bucks. But I’m very clear. Your conditional. You. I’m not going further with you. You know, I’m not whatever. But the people that I have surrounded myself, maybe this is just the luck. Like I’m very lucky to have this. I would feel the people that are my closest friends are massively unconditional.
00;49;29;16 – 00;50;05;24
Unknown
So I could name for you 4 or 5 people that are so unconditional in my life. It would not matter what what had happened, what happened in our relationship. Yep. But if you only feel that you have a limited number of unconditional people in your life, you have to be walking around nervous, you know, watching yourself, watching your words, trying to fit into a certain mold, expanding energy in a place where it’s directed in the right direction so that it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.
00;50;05;24 – 00;50;30;17
Unknown
That has to be a tremendous weight to carry. It’s exhausting. And also, like I said earlier, I give 100% of everything, so it doesn’t matter what type of relationship I have with you, whether you’re my niece or my nephew or a friend or a best friend or a, signifi can’t other or a coworker, even coworkers? I may not like you, but you’re not going to know that.
00;50;30;17 – 00;50;50;10
Unknown
And I’m going to give you everything that I can possibly give you. I’m not going to hold back from anything. You’re also, even if you don’t like this person, which is the part that surprises me, going to go out of your way to make sure that this person is comfortable at all times? Absolutely. Yes. And even if they’re unhappy and there’s something going on, then I feel like, oh my gosh, I know what that feels like.
00;50;50;10 – 00;51;12;03
Unknown
I know what it feels like to be going through something tough, or to be sad, or to be angry or to get in a fight with your significant other or whatever it may be. And I know how that makes me feel. So I want to make you feel better right now because it sucks. in those cases, though, the sad part for me is that it’s not necessarily about that person in you wanting that person to feel okay.
00;51;12;03 – 00;51;31;01
Unknown
It’s about trying to calm your inner child to make sure that you’re at a homeostasis as at all times. And so in a way that’s, you know, I’ll use the word disingenuous. It’s definitely not intentionally disingenuous, but it is. But everything you’re doing is walking around trying to make sure that your own inner child is okay all the time through the people pleasing of others.
00;51;31;01 – 00;51;50;13
Unknown
That’s right. It’s not because you just love that coworker so much, or you see the best in them, or you just wish that he could get there. You know, maybe it is a little bit in the beginning, but I wonder how the narrative changes if you’re walking through these scenarios and you notice yourself, people pleasing, and you take a moment and you say, what part of me is unseen right now?
00;51;50;13 – 00;52;13;20
Unknown
Or what part of me needs to be healed? Or what part of me needs to be okay right now because it’s not okay. That’s an eMDR, DBT type technique from an literally, eMDR is like a tapping kind of thing. You know, it’s a very like present in the moment when you’re experiencing that because you have to notice when you’re people pleasing, you have to know when you’re doing it right in that moment.
00;52;13;20 – 00;52;35;04
Unknown
If you change that narrative to say, what part of me is not okay right now, instead of what part of me needs to help Sally over here, you know, clean up her mug, you. Might I be curious if you tracked that in, like, a, tally system? How often that happened for you during the day? That’s going to give us an idea of how much that inner child needs to be healed.
00;52;35;07 – 00;53;04;28
Unknown
I think that what you just said made a lot of sense, because I think that I react to people, how I wanted people to react to me, or how I want them to be supportive of me when I’m in that role. So that makes total sense. The last part I want to talk about in our remaining eight minutes or so is, one of the cool things I think, that we have between the three of us is that we are three women that have very, very, very close knit relationships.
00;53;04;28 – 00;53;24;07
Unknown
You have a very close relationship with me. You have a very close relationship with me, but we can all exist in the same space and that there is no jealousy, there is no negativity, there’s none. There’s definitely jealousy. When you do go shopping and don’t include me. Well, I can tell you that you guys have never included me in any of your shopping days.
00;53;24;07 – 00;53;33;15
Unknown
So this is gone right down here. Okay, we will mediate this. Not a problem.
00;53;33;17 – 00;53;58;02
Unknown
I remember that time you I went shopping. Yeah, you texted me and I said to you, can you please pick this up from Rebecca’s house? And you’re like, yeah. I said, listen to me. She is going to say to you, where are you going? You’re going to say, oh, we’re going to whatever place. I said, you’re going to resist the urge in that moment to say to her, you can come with us if you really want to.
00;53;58;02 – 00;54;17;04
Unknown
I know you would have, because I do have that. This is Rebecca is going to be standing there like this. And she was this scene. Where are you guys going? What are you doing today? What do you what do you do in. Oh you got oh, this is really fun. Oh, that sounds so awesome. Is that an open spot I see in the car?
00;54;17;06 – 00;54;38;25
Unknown
And I see flags. You had texted me and said, just tell her that she’s going to be okay. I think, I think, I think my exact words were, Aaron said, you’re going to be okay. Okay. And you said, I’m like. And then there’s really an occasional text throughout the day, you know, like, oh, you guys having a great time or having a nice time.
00;54;38;25 – 00;54;55;21
Unknown
And then remember, we had to call her because she had a question about something that and then you come on, because I have you on my speakerphone on my car. So Nina’s in the front seat and I call you, and it doesn’t even ring twice. And you’re like, are you guys call me ten? Have a great time. You’re having.
00;54;55;24 – 00;55;02;07
Unknown
No, you said, tell me about the great time you guys had. And you said, oh, we’re still going.
00;55;02;09 – 00;55;26;07
Unknown
Whatever. It’s fine. We’ll process that later. I do think there’s a really interesting, unique piece of that that sometimes people struggle with, specifically with me, because I have such close, connected, deep relationships with people in my life that it can be very confusing to people that how can I have that close of an amazing relationship with Nina?
00;55;26;15 – 00;55;49;14
Unknown
And then the very next day I go over to Rebecca’s house and have equally is deep and meaningful, but yet such a different relationship. And the thing that you guys do that I think is very rare, especially for women, is that neither one of you spends time comparing your relationship with me or about like where you are at in, in a hierarchy or where you’re at in terms of your level of connectedness.
00;55;49;14 – 00;56;10;09
Unknown
And so I’m curious about that. Is that because you’re just so solid in our friendship, is that because you you both think that you’re higher than the other person and you’re they’re like, what is that? I love that you have close relationships with other people. I love that, and I think that’s why I want to be a part of it, because I love seeing.
00;56;10;11 – 00;56;27;28
Unknown
I love seeing the love and the bond and the inside jokes and all that. I’m like, oh my God that’s so cool. You know like I want to be part of that. You know I just, I think it’s great. I love it, I just know that you’ve been friends with Rebecca forever. Like there’s no competition there obviously.
00;56;28;01 – 00;56;50;22
Unknown
You just know your place. I just say yeah I know my place. But I also know that. No seriously. Like I’m not here to try to take the place of anybody or to outdo anybody. I enjoy the time that we have together and the relationship that we have, which I think over the years, has gotten so much more closer than it has ever, ever been.
00;56;50;22 – 00;57;08;02
Unknown
Yeah. for sure, but I, I appreciate that and I, I don’t feel threatened in any way because I know that you are going to have your time. Oh, well, is that we’re not going to have much of an you’re going to have your time with me. You’re going to have your time with Rebecca. You’re going every time with Renee.
00;57;08;03 – 00;57;27;15
Unknown
You’re going to have your time with Mark. You’re going to have your time with whoever you’re with. But it’s always going to be different. And you get different things from each person that you’re with. And you have different experiences, right? Yeah. And I from the only thing that I was like, what the hell, I can’t wait. What? She went to freakin SeaWorld with me years ago.
00;57;27;17 – 00;57;45;04
Unknown
Stop it. But she’s like, we don’t know what it was we did. There you go. There. Yeah. Remember? I had to show it. Yeah. Hilarious. You had to prove it to her with pictures. Yeah, you did too. I know, that’s funny. That’s why I keep you all separate. Right? Like, wait a minute. She’s like, oh, I’ve never been there.
00;57;45;04 – 00;58;02;28
Unknown
I’m so I’m like, you did because we went and spent the day at, Discovery Cove. I remember you did the tickets. Discovery Cove tickets come with a ticket to Busch Gardens and a ticket to SeaWorld. So we went to all three. Yes, that’s. That’s the time I picked you guys up from the airport. Oh, yeah. See, that’s how serious you guys are.
00;58;02;28 – 00;58;19;26
Unknown
You know, I even one on a trip without me. Me, me busting out the pictures. I’m there like swimming with a dolphin. She’s like, do you remember we were. Oh we did. Oh my. Like yeah. That’s right. I didn’t remember that. So apparently I’m a liar and I didn’t know. All right I’m going to do something uncanny here.
00;58;19;26 – 00;58;35;26
Unknown
And I’m going to let you pick our last oh from our Africa. That’s a lot. That’s a lot of I don’t you do bit. Just go out to lunch without me. After this. I’m going to be pissed. You already have a plan, you guys reckless? I thought you were going. No. Oh, Jesus. Well, you could cancel your plans.
00;58;35;26 – 00;58;55;28
Unknown
Here you go. Pansy plants. I know I got doctor’s appointment. I get my ass in. Look, you guys are stickers. What is pool? Is poison. I know that my dreams are bigger than my fears. I’m going to take risks. Like going to lunch. Yeah, yeah, going to push. And I see it posted on Facebook. Look, with my bestie.
00;58;55;28 – 00;59;16;02
Unknown
I’m just kidding. Oh, it in a Facebook group. Thank you for being with us today. Thanks for having me. It’s really great to have you. Glad you came in. Love this little unprompted conversation. We got some good old juice from that lemon. I loved that. Me too. It is an empathy. Amazing. Well we’re amazing. I don’t know about all this empathy stuff.
00;59;16;10 – 00;59;32;28
Unknown
That’s fine. I accept you wherever you are. No. God, I love you. I love you too. And if you love us, please like and subscribe to More Love the Power of Empathy podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts. See you next time.
